Stay ConnectedKimberley Quinlan, an anxiety specialist for over 15 years, delivers Science-Based Solutions for Anxiety, Panic, Depression, OCD, Social Anxiety, Health Anxiety, & other difficult emotions.
The New York Times listed Your Anxiety Toolkit as one of the “6 Podcasts to Soothe An Anxious Mind” (April 27, 2024). We are on a mission to help people who want to thrive in the face of anxiety and other mental health struggles.
A beautiful life is possible!
I have a new best friend just for you.
I know that might sound a little strange, so hang with me here because this was mind-blowing to me, and I hope it is for you as well.
Let's talk about best friends. What does a good best friend look like?
It will be different for everybody, but generally, the way I see a best friend is that they're fun to be with. They're interested in fun things or things that you're interested in. They are there for you. They show up for you. They celebrate your birthday. They want to know how you're doing. They have a genuine interest in you. They're willing to pour into you. But in addition to that, they are also there for you when things get crappy.
It's so important because sometimes we feel vulnerable when sharing with people. But when we do share and are vulnerable, we can be held, and some space is created. There's this beautiful relationship where you share how you're doing, and they hold space for that. They encourage you. They ask how they can support you. Maybe they can give you some helpful advice. They're there for you when things are really hard. When you start to be hard on yourself, they pull you up.
THE BENEFITS OF BEST FRIENDSBest friends can also be brutally honest but in the most beautiful way.
I have two best friends. One is my husband, and one is a friend who lives quite a distance away. It's all via technology—voice chat, FaceTime, phone calls, and so forth. My best friends, not only do they support me, not only are they kind and lovely, but they also do call me out on my crap. They often say, "I don't think you've thought about this one well enough," or "Kimberley, I think you're going a little too urgent here. I think that your anxiety might be getting in the way." Or "Kimberley, have you taken care of yourself today? I'm noticing you mentioned you haven't been getting a lot of sleep. Could that be why this is hard for you?"
Best friends aren't just all flowers and roses. They are honest and real. They're there for you when things aren't going well, but they champion you too. They believe in you like nobody else. When you're at your lowest, best friends will be like, "You could do totally that." Or if you're beating yourself up for not being good enough, they're like, "Oh my god, are you kidding me? Look at all the things that you've done." They're so ready to celebrate you, and they see you for way more than you can see yourself.
That is what I want for you so I will introduce you to your new best friend, and it's you. Your new best friend is you. I want you to think about this because you haven't developed a relationship with YOU enough to be your own best friend. It's something you're going to have to invest in. Your new best friend is YOU, whom I'd like you to meet. Hello friend. This new bestie that you're creating is going to be the person who is there for you no matter what.
AN INNER BESTIE VS. THE KIND COACHLet me tell you why I've been thinking about it this way. I wrote a book called The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD, and I talked about the Kind Coach concept. The kind coach is this warm voice inside you that coaches you through hard things. If you were to think about the mean coach you probably had in high school, he's like, "Get down and give me 20," or "Get going, you loser. Run faster." He or she motivates you through criticism and harsh comments and uses a very aggressive voice.
We don't want that because we know,, based on the research,, that it decreases motivation, increases procrastination, increases punishment, and wreaks havoc on the nervous system and the immune system. We don't want that. Instead, we use this Kind Coach. The Kind Coach encourages us. They know our strengths, and they encourage us based on our strengths. They know our weaknesses, and they don't use our weaknesses to get you moving forward. The kind coach is constantly there, encouraging you to keep going. I love this concept.
But as I recently went through a difficult time, I was using this tool,, and I kept thinking, 'Something isn't landing here. This feels a little too professional.' I didn't want it at that time. While the kind coach has helped me through so many things, I didn't want a coach around when things fell apart for me. What I needed was a bestie, a best friend. I needed somebody who was more like a pal, someone who could be in my pocket. Someone who I felt a little sassier with, someone who I could use my humor with because I needed humor to get through this hard thing.
THE INNER BESTIE: THE UNCONDITIONAL FRIENDI was thinking, 'What is it that I need?' This is the golden self-compassion question that you should be asking yourself all the time. What do I need? When I checked in, I was like, "I do. I really need my best friends around." But sometimes my best friends weren't around. My husband would be at work, and my best friend lives far away in a different time zone. They weren't even awake at the time that I needed them. Who do I go to when my best friends aren't there? Some people would say, "It's fine; just go to the next best person." But I needed to be there for myself.
I giggle as I say this to you because practicing leaning on my inner bestie or my inner mate has been so powerful because there's a playfulness to this where you get to goof off with them a little. You get to make fun of it. I really do. I make fun of myself quite regularly, but not in a critical way—in a way where I'm like, "It's really cute and goofy that I do that." Often,, when I think of things that I'm not super proud of, I go, "I love that I am a little goofy." My family always makes fun of me because I love taking bites out of things, like everything. There's often something like a banana that's got a little piece cut off, or if we get a box of chocolates, I take a bite out of every single one and put it back in there because I just want to taste all of them. I'm okay to giggle at that. I want to be able to giggle with my best friends about how that's my little quirky thing.
A best friend is someone who is always there for you. They're okay to giggle. They're okay to warm, be warm, and connect. They're okay to be firm and redirect you when you're totally off track. Over the last few months, I've befriended this friend so much. I call this friend 'babe,' and babe and I have conversations together. As I'm getting ready, I'll be like, "Okay, babe, it's cool. We're doing this together. It's going to be a hard day. You've got this, this, and this to go through. What do you need, babe?" We have a conversation, and it's me. It's not anybody else. It's not the voice of a coach; it's me—my inner bestie, the one who's always going to be there for myself.
THE VOICE OF THE INNER BESTIEAs I've gone through these challenging times, I think this voice feels so grounding. I trust her more than I've ever trusted the kind coach. I'm not saying there's no place for the kind coach, but this is the next level for me.
Here's what I want you to do: I want you to find a piece of paper, and I want you to either draw and/or write what this inner bestie is for you and what they look like. They're you, but how they sound, how they look. What do they say to you? How do they say it? What's their body language? How do you talk to it? For me, it's a different way of relating to myself. Now I'm talking to myself like, "Hey, babe, I got you." It's a little more conversational, a little bit more interactive. But that's what best friends are.
Let's also think about how we treat our best friends. One thing I have learned mostly through therapy is how to be a good wife. When I say good wife, I mean, just for me, how to stand next to my husband and encourage him. Even if I'm slightly annoyed, how can I pour into him? How can I show him how much I appreciate him? Even if that doesn't come naturally in the season that I'm in, how can I encourage him? How can I check in with him? I have to think about that consciously.
What I want you to do is think about how you can relate to your new best friend—you, your inner bestie—and also how you can pour into your best friend this inner bestie. Can you check in with it more often? Can you send it love more often? Can you ask how we can be in a relationship? What does it need? I want you to practice having a daily check-in. You can't just have a best friend and take the benefits but ignore them and their needs as well. This is what I want you to journal down.
I am also fine if you want to give it a name. I call mine 'babe,' as I said before. "Hey babe, how are you doing? What do you need?" It calls me babe, and we talk to each other that way. In fact, that's how I talk to most of my friends. I call them babe. Then, I want you to check in with them as much as you can. I want you to start having conversations.
When I was struggling, I started recording myself talking to Babe on my phone and saving it. As I'm getting ready, I'm saying, "Hey babe, you've got a hard day." This is babe talking to me; I'm talking to it. "You've got a hard day. I'm so sorry you're going through this. That sucks. This is just so much. I'm proud of how you got up today. Even though you didn't sleep very well, I'm proud that you didn't lose it on that one person who ran into you at the supermarket because you're so overwhelmed and you have so much going on. That was pretty impressive." Or, "Hey babe, it is so cool how you regulated your emotions at that moment. That was impressive." "Hey babe, I know you didn't do so well at that moment, but I love how you're coming to me and aligning again. you've come back to me. that's cool." Some days I might go, "Hey babe, anxiety's here today. Alright, we know what to do. We should have expected it, but it's all good. we're going to go with anxiety. it's going to come along with it. what do you need?"
This conversation that we're having back and forth doesn't make you crazy. It doesn't mean anything's wrong. What it means is that you are starting to talk to yourself in a way that you deserve, that you need to be respected, and that you deserve to have that person. This is what we want to do.
The cool thing is, if you follow me on Instagram or YouTube, I'm starting to do way more videos where I talk to myself through the lens of my inner bestie. I'm having those conversations. I'm brushing my hair as I talk to myself. I am brushing my teeth. I'm doing the dishes. I'm writing checks if I have to be writing checks. I'm practicing it in all the little places, and I'm trying to show you how to do it so you can go follow me there and see for yourself. But I want you to think about this. The new best friend is here, and you get out what you pour into it. Give it a try. I really, really believe in this.
If this is a bit awkward for you, that's okay. There's no problem with the awkwardness. Let it be awkward. If it feels a little wrong or weird, that's okay too. Let it be weird and awkward and strange and uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with getting used to these feelings. You might even say, "Hey, babe, it's weird to talk to you. This feels odd. I'm not so sure about this." Then you might even listen and be like, "Yeah, it's okay that it's uncomfortable."
You might even have your babe in my accent, and that's fine as well. What we are really trying to do is get an inner dialogue that is kind, that's got a little sass to it, and that's got a little punk to it, whatever you like. That is exactly what you need, because what I need in a best friend might be different from what you need. Sometimes your best friend needs to be total sassy, like doesn't take crap from anybody and stands up for you no matter what. If that's what you need your babe to be, go ahead. Let your babe be that.
Take what you need. Leave the rest. Play around with this. But I would say give it a full 30 days. Practice having an inner bestie, connecting with and pouring into that inner bestie for 30 days, and you'll be shocked at how your inner narrative changes.
Have fun with your best friends. I cannot wait to hear how this aligns with you and how it's helping with any struggles that you're having. Please let me know on social media if you have any questions. You can catch me on Your Anxiety Toolkit on Instagram or YouTube.
Have a great day, everybody, and it's a beautiful day to do hard things.
Imagine being able to walk into a crowded room without feeling your heart pound out of your chest. Envision yourself confidently striking up conversations with strangers or going about your day without being overwhelmed with the fear of being judged by others.
If social anxiety has been holding you back from enjoying life, it's time to take on an exposure challenge and learn how to feel more confident in your skin when you are in public.
In this episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, we will explore one of the most well-known, science-based, and effective strategies for overcoming social anxiety. From gradual exposure to uncomfortable social situations to building a support network, you'll discover practical steps to overcome the grip of social anxiety.
Recently, I overheard a therapist (of all people) say that letting our clients experience distress is harmful. When I heard this, I gasped. This idea and this narrative concerned me so much. We have become so fixated on never feeling distressed that we fuel our anxiety and emotions.
Now, I get it. I am not in the business of being a therapist to make people feel terrible. Quite the opposite. However, one of the most powerful messages I give my clients is that we can learn to compassionately and effectively navigate distress because distress is a natural part of being a human.
If we have anxiety and we are committed to not feeling it, it will control every aspect of our lives. If you have social anxiety and you are committed to never being uncomfortable, social anxiety will take everything you love from you, including your future.
Today, we are focusing on pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone and facing your fears. What you will learn is that you'll gradually build your confidence and become more at ease in social settings.
With each small success, you'll grow more robust and more resilient, expanding your social circle and embracing new opportunities.
My hope is that you don't let social anxiety hold you back any longer. Today, I am going to give you a 30-day Social Anxiety Challenge. I have seen this work for my clients repeatedly, and I am confident it will change your life, too.
Before we get started, let's first make sure you have a good understanding of social anxiety.
UNDERSTANDING SOCIAL ANXIETYSocial anxiety, also known as social phobia, is a common mental health condition characterized by an intense fear and anxiety in social situations. It goes beyond mere shyness and can significantly impact an individual's daily life. People with social anxiety often experience excessive worry about being judged, embarrassed, or humiliated in social settings. This fear can be so overwhelming that it leads to avoidance of social situations altogether.
One thing I always share with my students and clients is that while Social anxiety is considered an anxiety disorder, I agree with Christopher Germer, a well-known psychologist who has been on the show (episode 199), that social anxiety is as much a shame disorder as it is an anxiety disorder.
From my experience, people with Social anxiety struggle immensely with shame, and this powerfully painful emotion can disrupt so much of someone's life. It can increase the incidence of depression and even suicidal ideation.
Having social anxiety can leave you feeling like a fool, awkward, and alone. Commonly, people with social anxiety withdraw and isolate, only making themselves feel more alone, defective, and often more depressed.
Social anxiety can have a profound impact on various aspects of a person's life. It can hinder their ability to form and maintain relationships, limit their career prospects, and diminish their overall quality of life. Simple tasks such as making a phone call, attending social gatherings, or speaking in public can elicit intense anxiety, leading to avoidance behaviors and missed opportunities. The constant fear of being evaluated negatively by others can create a cycle of self-doubt and isolation.
But today, we will put our entire attention to turning this around for you. Today, I am going to give you a 30-day Social Anxiety Exposure challenge where you face your fears and take your life back from social anxiety.
The 30-day Social Anxiety Exposure Challenge: What is it and how does it work
The exposure challenge is a science-based therapeutic technique widely used in the treatment of social anxiety. It involves deliberately facing feared social situations in a gradual and controlled manner. The goal is to help you habituate to your anxiety-provoking situations and develop a sense of mastery and confidence.
Exposure can be done in real-life situations or through imaginal exposure, where you vividly imagine yourself in anxiety-inducing scenarios. Today, we are going to focus on real-life situations because I wholeheartedly believe that is where the money is. I have seen it work with hundreds of my clients.
Exposure works by activating the fear response and allowing you to experience the anxiety you feel. Over time, repeated exposure to the feared situations helps retrain your brain, reducing the anxiety response and building resilience and confidence. It is important to note that exposure should always be done at a pace that feels manageable for you, and seeking professional guidance can be beneficial in designing an exposure plan tailored to your specific needs.
What are the Benefits of doing a 30-day social anxiety exposure challenge?Facing your social anxiety through exposure can have numerous benefits. Firstly, it allows you to confront and challenge your irrational beliefs about social situations. By repeatedly exposing yourself to feared situations, you'll begin to gather evidence that contradicts your negative thoughts (such as "everyone hates me," "They will think I am an idiot," or "I will make a fool out of myself"), gradually reshaping your perception of social interactions. This process can lead to increased self-confidence and a more positive self-image.
Exposure also provides an opportunity for skill-building and learning. As you face your fears and navigate social situations, you'll develop new coping strategies and important social skills. These skills will help you manage anxiety and enhance your ability to connect with others and build meaningful relationships in ways that feel authentic to you. The more you expose yourself to different social scenarios, the more adaptable and resilient you become in handling various social challenges.
THE 30-DAY SOCIAL ANXIETY EXPOSURE CHALLENGE RULESOkay, before we get started, please know that you can either do these in the exact order or you can put them in the order of easiest to hardest. My only tip is to make sure you do at least one of these exposures per day. You get extra points if you do them many many times, as this is how you will really learn the most.
Tracking your progress and celebrating small victories is essential for maintaining motivation and building confidence. Keep a record of your exposure activities, noting the level of anxiety experienced and any positive outcomes or insights gained. Reflecting on your progress can help you see how far you've come and provide a sense of accomplishment. Celebrate each small victory, no matter how insignificant it may seem. Recognize that every step forward is a step closer to overcoming social anxiety and living a fulfilling life.
Other tips:
THE 30 DAY SOCIAL ANXIETY CHALLENGE PLAN
Day 1: Take a walk in public and give eye contact to 5 people.
Day 2: Take a walk in public and give eye contact and a smile to 5 people.
Day 3: Take a walk in public, make eye contact, smile, and greet five people.
Day 4: Go to the mall or a store and make small talk with a cashier.
Day 5: Ask a stranger for directions.
Day 6: Order food at a restaurant without rehearsing.
Day 7: Compliment 5 strangers.
One Week Check-in: What thoughts are you having?
Day 8: Attend a social event without a close friend.
Day 9: Speak up in a meeting at work or school.
Day 10: Join a club or group related to a hobby.
Day 11: Make a phone call instead of sending a text or email.
Day 12: Practice introducing yourself to 2 new people.
Day 13: Start a conversation with someone in a waiting room.
Day 14: Sit in the front row during a presentation or class or at the movies.
Day 15: HALF WAY: Join a public speaking group, like Toastmasters.
Day 16: Share a personal opinion in a group setting.
Day 17: Attend a social gathering and stay for a set amount of time.
Day 18: Initiate a conversation with someone you find intimidating.
Day 19: Go to a party and introduce yourself to at least three new people.
Day 20: Take a class in improv or acting.
Day 21: Sing karaoke in front of others or sing as you walk down the street.
Day 22: Ask someone for help in a store.
Day 23: Participate in a team sport or group exercise class.
Day 24: Initiate a conversation with someone sitting alone.
Day 25: Practice saying "no" in various social situations.
Day 26: Give a compliment to a coworker or classmate.
Day 27: Ask someone to coffee or a casual outing.
Day 28: Go to a new place and ask a stranger about the best things to do there.
Day 29: Introduce yourself to your neighbors.
Day 30: Share a positive personal achievement with others.
There you go! There is your 30-day Social Anxiety Life after the Exposure Challenge.
As you continue to face your fears and engage in exposure activities, you'll gradually notice a shift in your confidence and ability to navigate social situations. Embrace this newfound confidence and allow it to propel you forward in life.
Your social world will expand with each successful exposure, and opportunities for personal and professional growth will arise.
Remember that overcoming social anxiety is a journey, and setbacks may occur along the way. Be kind to yourself, celebrate your progress, and continue to challenge yourself to reach new heights of confidence and self-assurance.
Don't let social anxiety hold you back any longer. Step out of your comfort zone, face your fears, and embrace the incredible potential that lies within you. I always say, "Today is a beautiful day to do hard thing." You deserve to live a life free from the shackles of social anxiety. Get going with this challenge as soon as you can. I promise that you will not regret it.
Behind every smile, there can be hidden struggles and pain. You might even be one of those people struggling so much but puts on a smiling face even though you feel like you are sinking.
Smiling depression, a somewhat new term to describe people who are struggling with high-functioning depression, is a lonely battle that many individuals face. In today's episode, we dive into the topic of smiling depression, exploring what it is and how it affects those who suffer from it.
IS SMILING DEPRESSION A DIAGNOSIS?First of all, let me be clear. Smiling Depression is not a specific mental health diagnosis. Instead, it is a presentation of depression. Unlike well-known symptoms of depression, those with smiling depression put on a facade of happiness. They may appear perfectly fine on the surface, leaving their inner turmoil hidden from the outside world. Unfortunately, this masks the severity of their emotional struggles, making it difficult for others to offer support or understanding.
It is important to acknowledge the hidden struggles of smiling depression and offer compassion and support to those who are silently battling this condition. They are not lying or faking it to deceive you. Instead, they feel completely trapped. They often see no way but to keep going and keep pretending. They just keep smiling, even though they see an end in sight. They put a smile on their face, and they push through. Even just saying that makes me want to cry, as I have been in this situation too many times. I completely understand the pressure (often self-induced pressure) just to keep going and "not complain," "look at the bright side," or "be grateful for what I have," even though I was being crushed with hopelessness, helpfulness and worthlessness.
My hope is by addressing this topic, we can create an environment where you feel safe to express your true emotions and seek help. You are not broken. You are not wrong for feeling this way. And asking for help does not make you weak or bad. You deserve to have support, love, compassion, and time to recover.
SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF SMILING DEPRESSIONSmiling depression can be difficult to identify, as those who experience it often mask their true emotions behind a smile. However, there are certain signs and symptoms that can help us recognize this hidden condition.
One common characteristic of smiling depression is the apparent contradiction between a person's outward demeanor and their inner emotional state. While they may appear cheerful, happy, and successful, they may be struggling with feelings of hopelessness, helpfulness, worthlessness, emptiness, sadness, or even thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
Another smiling depression symptom is the tendency to keep their struggles hidden from others. Individuals with smiling depression often feel the need to maintain a facade of happiness, fearing that opening up about their inner turmoil will burden or disappoint those around them. This can lead to a sense of isolation and loneliness, further exacerbating their emotional struggles.
Furthermore, individuals with smiling depression often experience a lack of motivation and interest in activities they once enjoyed. They may withdraw socially, have difficulty concentrating, and experience changes in appetite and sleep patterns. These symptoms, when combined with the constant pressure to maintain a happy facade, can take a toll on their overall well-being.
What I think is very interested is the overlap of Smiling depression and perfectly hidden depression. We previously did an episode with Margaret Rutherford about perfectly hidden depression which is a form of depression where people become hyper fixated on being perfect to mask their experience of depression. You can listen that episode on the show notes to learn more.
THE HIDDEN STRUGGLES OF SMILING DEPRESSIONSmiling depression is not simply a case of "putting on a brave face." It is a complex mental health condition that can have severe consequences if left untreated. While individuals with smiling depression may appear perfectly fine on the surface, they often battle with intense emotional pain behind closed doors.
One of the hidden struggles of smiling depression is the constant pressure to maintain a happy facade. Society often expects individuals to be cheerful and optimistic, making it difficult for those with smiling depression to express their true feelings. This can lead to shame, guilt, and a sense of being misunderstood.
Additionally, the internal conflict between the outward appearance of happiness and the inner turmoil can be mentally and emotionally exhausting. Individuals with smiling depression often feel like they are living a double life, constantly hiding their pain while wearing a smile. This internal struggle can affect their self-esteem and overall mental well-being.
Furthermore, the lack of understanding and awareness surrounding smiling depression can make it difficult for individuals to seek help. Since they appear to function well in their daily lives, others often dismiss or overlook their struggles. This can further isolate them and prevent them from receiving their desperately needed support.
THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN SOCIAL MEDIA AND SMILING DEPRESSIONSocial media has become an integral part of our lives in today's digital age. While it has its benefits, it can also contribute to the development and exacerbation of mental health conditions such as smiling depression.
Social media platforms often present a distorted reality where everyone appears to be living their best lives. This constant exposure to curated and idealized versions of other people's lives can create a sense of inadequacy and comparison for individuals with smiling depression. They may feel like they are not living up to the standards set by others, further fueling their feelings of emptiness and sadness.
Furthermore, the pressure to maintain a positive online presence can be overwhelming for those with smiling depression. They may feel compelled to post happy and upbeat content, even when struggling internally. This can perpetuate the cycle of hiding their emotions and feeling isolated from their online communities.
If this is true for you, remember that social media is almost always fake. It is not the real life of the people you follow. I love seeing posts where people show pictures of themselves looking all glamorous and then show them crying just a few minutes later. Even though I hate that they are struggling, some people are showing what real life is like behind the scenes and I think we all need to remember that.
COPING STRATEGIES FOR INDIVIDUALS WITH SMILING DEPRESSIONWhile overcoming smiling depression can be a challenging journey, there are coping strategies that can help individuals navigate their inner struggles and find some relief.
The first coping strategy is to practice self-care. This involves prioritizing your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time in nature, can help alleviate symptoms of smiling depression. Building a routine with healthy habits, such as getting enough sleep and maintaining a balanced diet, can also contribute to overall well-being. If you want to learn more about health routines for depression, we covered that in a recent podcast episode called Living with Depression: Daily Routines for Mental Wellness. The link to that episode will be in the show notes.
Seeking social support is another crucial coping strategy for individuals with smiling depression. Opening up to trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals can provide a safe space to express emotions and receive support.
Joining support groups or engaging in therapy sessions can also help individuals develop healthy coping mechanisms and learn from others who have faced similar challenges.
In addition, practicing mindfulness and self-reflection can be beneficial for individuals with smiling depression. This involves being present in the moment, accepting one's emotions without judgment, and exploring the underlying causes of their struggles. Techniques such as meditation, journaling, or engaging in creative outlets can aid in self-discovery and promote emotional healing.
It is important to note that coping strategies may vary from person to person, and what works for one individual may not work for another. The key is to explore different techniques and find a personalized approach that best suits one's needs and preferences.
TREATMENT FOR SMILING DEPRESSIONWhile coping strategies can be helpful, it is important to acknowledge that smiling depression is still simply a term to describe a serious mental health condition that often requires professional intervention. Seeking help from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or psychiatrist, can provide individuals with the necessary support and guidance to navigate their journey toward recovery.
A mental health professional can help individuals with smiling depression by providing evidence-based treatments, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or medication. To start, the main treatment goal might be to offer a safe and non-judgmental space for individuals to express their emotions and come to terms with the fact that smiling through their pain is not working anymore. This can be painful and very scary.
It is crucial to remember that seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a courageous step towards healing. With the guidance and support of a mental health professional, individuals with smiling depression can find the strength to overcome their inner struggles and live a fulfilling life.
CBT treatment will involve addressing any errors in their thinking and also addressing the behaviors that are contributing to their depression. The real goal of CBT is to compassionately help the person with smiling depression to find new and effective coping techniques, and kind, and move them towards long-term recovery and healing.
If you are looking for help with depression and do not have access to professional mental health care, or if you are interested in learning new ways to manage your depression, you may want to consider our online course called OVERCOMING DEPRESSION. Overcoming depression is an on-demand online course that will walk you through the exact steps I take my clients through when they have depression. I will first help you fully understand the science behind why you have depression, and then I will teach you all about how to create a plan of attack to overcome your depression. Treatment for depression involves learning a lot about self-compassion and mindfulness. These skills will help you manage strong emotions and the depressive thoughts that you have. I will teach you how to correct the errors in your thinking, create a schedule that will help you reduce overwhelm and hopelessness, and increase your motivation to get the things that you need to get done I will give you printouts and video training to show you just how to do it all. If you are interested, go to www.cbtschool.com/depression.
Just remember, it is not therapy. This is a home study course to show you the steps others have taken to overcome their depression.
SUPPORT SYSTEMS FOR THOSE WITH SMILING DEPRESSIONBuilding a strong support system is vital for individuals with smiling depression. Having a network of understanding and empathetic individuals can provide a sense of validation and belonging, helping to counteract the feelings of isolation that often accompany this condition.
Support can come from various sources, including friends, family members, support groups, and online communities. It is important for individuals with smiling depression to reach out and connect with others who have similar experiences. This can provide a safe space for sharing emotions, exchanging coping strategies, and offering mutual support.
Additionally, it is crucial for loved ones to educate themselves about smiling depression and understand the unique challenges faced by those who suffer from it. By learning about the condition, they can provide the necessary support and validation, helping individuals feel heard and understood.
CONCLUSION AND ENCOURAGEMENT FOR THOSE WITH SMILING DEPRESSIONSmiling depression is a hidden battle that many individuals face. Behind their smiles, they may be struggling with intense emotional pain and a sense of isolation.
If you or someone you know is experiencing smiling depression, remember that you are not alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals. Seek help and support, and remember that there is hope for recovery.
In today's fast-paced and demanding world, it's easy to forget to show ourselves the same compassion and empathy we extend to others. But what if I told you that embracing self-compassion could lead to a happier, more fulfilling life? It's true, and in this article, we will explore the power of self-compassion and how it can positively impact your overall well-being.
Self-compassion is about treating ourselves with the same kindness, care, and understanding that we would show to a loved one. It involves acknowledging our imperfections and mistakes without judgment, and embracing our humanity.
When we practice self-compassion, we cultivate a positive relationship with ourselves. We learn to be more understanding and forgiving, and that inner critic inside us gradually softens. We become more resilient in the face of challenges, and our self-esteem and self-worth improve.
So how can we embrace self-compassion in our daily lives? We will delve into practical strategies and techniques that can help us cultivate self-compassion and create a more loving and compassionate relationship with ourselves.
Join us on this journey of self-discovery and learn how to harness the power of self-compassion for a happier and more fulfilling life.
Understanding Self-CompassionSelf-compassion is about treating ourselves with the same kindness, care, and understanding that we would show to a loved one. It involves acknowledging our imperfections and mistakes without judgment, and embracing our humanity.
When we practice self-compassion, we cultivate a positive relationship with ourselves. We learn to be more understanding and forgiving, and that inner critic inside us gradually softens. We become more resilient in the face of challenges, and our self-esteem and self-worth improve.
Self-compassion is not about self-pity or self-indulgence. It is about recognizing our common humanity and understanding that we all make mistakes and face challenges. It is about being kind and supportive to ourselves, especially during difficult times. By embracing self-compassion, we can free ourselves from the constant pressure to be perfect and allow ourselves to be authentic and vulnerable.
The Benefits of Practicing Self-CompassionThe benefits of practicing self-compassion are numerous and far-reaching. Research has shown that individuals who regularly practice self-compassion experience higher levels of well-being and life satisfaction. They are more likely to engage in healthy behaviors, have better mental health, and experience lower levels of stress and anxiety.
One of the key benefits of self-compassion is its role in fostering resilience. When we are kind and understanding towards ourselves, we are better able to bounce back from setbacks and failures. Instead of beating ourselves up over mistakes, we can learn from them and grow stronger.
Self-compassion also plays a crucial role in our relationships with others. When we are compassionate towards ourselves, we are more likely to show compassion towards others. We become better listeners, more empathetic, and more understanding. This, in turn, leads to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
Self-Compassion vs. Self-EsteemWhile self-compassion and self-esteem are related, they are not the same thing. Self-esteem is about evaluating ourselves positively and feeling good about our worth and abilities. It is often based on external factors such as achievements, appearance, or social status.
On the other hand, self-compassion is about being kind and understanding towards ourselves, regardless of our achievements or external circumstances. It is about accepting ourselves as flawed human beings and embracing our imperfections. Self-compassion is not contingent on success or meeting certain standards; it is a constant source of support and care.
Research suggests that self-compassion may be a more stable and nurturing source of self-worth compared to self-esteem. While self-esteem can fluctuate depending on external factors, self-compassion provides a consistent and unconditional sense of acceptance and love.
The Science Behind Self-CompassionThe benefits of self-compassion have been extensively studied and documented in the field of psychology. Researchers have found that practicing self-compassion activates areas of the brain associated with positive emotions and well-being. It also reduces activity in the areas of the brain associated with self-criticism and negative emotions.
Furthermore, studies have shown that self-compassion is linked to lower levels of stress hormones, such as cortisol. It has also been found to enhance the functioning of the immune system, improve cardiovascular health, and promote overall physical well-being.
The scientific evidence supports the idea that self-compassion is not just a fluffy concept; it has real, tangible benefits for our physical and mental health.
How to Cultivate Self-CompassionCultivating self-compassion is a journey that requires practice and patience. Here are some practical strategies and techniques that can help you cultivate self-compassion in your daily life:
Remember, cultivating self-compassion is an ongoing process. Be patient with yourself and embrace the journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance.
Integrating Self-Compassion into Daily LifeIntegrating self-compassion into our daily lives requires conscious effort and intention. Here are some practical ways to incorporate self-compassion into your daily routine:
Remember, self-compassion is a skill that can be developed and strengthened over time. With practice, it becomes a natural and integral part of your daily life.
The Role of Self-Compassion in RelationshipsSelf-compassion not only benefits our relationship with ourselves but also has a profound impact on our relationships with others. When we are kind and compassionate towards ourselves, we are better able to extend that kindness and compassion to others.
Self-compassion allows us to be more empathetic and understanding towards others. It helps us recognize that everyone has their own struggles and imperfections, just like we do. Instead of judging or criticizing others, we can approach them with empathy and kindness.
Furthermore, self-compassion helps us set healthy boundaries in our relationships. We learn to prioritize our own well-being and recognize when we need to say no or take a step back. This allows us to maintain healthier and more balanced relationships.
In romantic relationships, self-compassion plays a crucial role in fostering intimacy and connection. When we are kind and accepting towards ourselves, we are more likely to be vulnerable and open with our partners. This, in turn, creates a safe space for emotional intimacy and strengthens the bond between partners.
Self-Compassion Exercises and TechniquesThere are numerous exercises and techniques that can help us cultivate self-compassion. Here are a few to get you started:
Remember, these exercises are tools to help you develop and strengthen your self-compassion practice. Explore and experiment with different techniques to find what resonates with you.
Self-Compassion Resources and BooksIf you're interested in delving deeper into the topic of self-compassion, here are some recommended resources and books:
Remember, self-compassion is a personal and individual experience. Explore different resources and find what resonates with you and supports your own self-compassion practice.
Conclusion: Embracing Self-Compassion for a Happier and More Fulfilling LifeIn a world that often values achievement and perfection, it's easy to forget the importance of self-compassion. However, by embracing self-compassion, we can unlock the power to live a happier and more fulfilling life.
Self-compassion allows us to be kind and understanding towards ourselves, even in the face of challenges and setbacks. It helps us develop resilience, improve our relationships, and enhance our overall well-being.
Remember, self-compassion is not a destination; it is an ongoing journey. It requires practice, patience, and self-acceptance. Embrace the power of self-compassion and experience the transformative impact it can have on your life. Start today, and be kind and gentle with yourself every step of the way.
If you need an anxiety routine to help you get through the day, you're in the right place. My name is Kimberley Quinlan. I am an anxiety specialist. I'm an OCD therapist. I specialize in cognitive behavioral therapy, and I'm here to help you create an anxiety routine that keeps you functioning, keeps your day effective, and improves the quality of your life. Because if you're someone who has anxiety, you know it can take those things away. Now, it's so important to understand that generalized anxiety disorder impacts 6.8 million American adults every single day. That's about 3.1% of the population. And if that is you, you're probably going to agree that anxiety can hijack your day. It can take away the things that you love to do, it can impact your ability to get things done. And so, one of the tools we use—I mean myself as a clinician—is what we call activity scheduling. This is where we create a routine or a schedule or a set of sequences that can help you get the most out of your day and make it so that anxiety doesn't take over. So if you're interested, let's go do that. Again, if you have anxiety, you know that anxiety has a way of messing up your day. You had a plan. You had goals. You had things you wanted to achieve. And then along comes anxiety, and it can sometimes decimate that plan. AN ANXIETY SCHEDULE And so the first thing I want you to be thinking about as we go through putting together this schedule is to plan for anxiety to show up. Those of you who show up in the morning and think, "How can I not have anxiety impact my day?" Those are the folks who usually have it impact them the most. So we want to start by reframing how we look at our lives instead of planning, like, "Oh gosh, I hope it's not here. I hope it doesn't come." Instead, we want to focus on planning for anxiety to show up because it will. And our goal is to have a great plan of attack when it does. MORNING ROUTINE FOR ANXIETY First of all, what we want to look at is our morning routine for anxiety. We want to have an anxiety routine specifically for the morning. There will be folks who have more anxiety in the morning. There will be folks who have more anxiety in the evening. You can apply these skills to whatever is the most difficult for you. But for the morning routine, the first thing we need to do is the minute we wake up, we want to be prepared for negative thoughts. Thoughts like, "I can't handle this. I don't want to do this. The day will go bad." We want to be prepared for those and have a strategic plan of attack. COGNITIVE RESTRUCTURING Now, what we want to do instead of going down the rabbit hole of negative thinking is use what we call cognitive restructuring or reframing. During the day, at a time where you've scheduled, I would encourage my patients to sit down and create a planned response for how we're going to respond to these thoughts. So if your brain says, "You can't handle the day," your response will be, "I'll take one step at a time." If your brain says, "Bad things are going to happen," you have already planned to say, "Maybe, maybe not, but I'm not tending to that right now." Let's say your brain is going to tell you that this is going to be so painful and, "What's the point? Don't do it," absolutely not. I'm going to show up however I can in my lifetime. I'm not going to let those thoughts dictate how I show up. I'm going to dictate how I show up. So we want to be prepared and have a plan of attack for that negative thinking. MINDFULNESS PRACTICE The second thing we want to do is have a solid mindfulness for anxiety practice. Again, you're going to start today, and you'll start to see the benefits of this over the weeks and months, but a mindfulness practice will be where you are able to have a healthier relationship with the thoughts, the feelings, the sensations, the urges, the images that come along with anxiety. A big piece of mindfulness is learning how to stay present. As you are brushing your teeth in the morning, you're noticing the taste of the toothpaste, the feeling of it on your gums, the smell of the fluoride, and the toothpaste that you have. A solid mindfulness practice will help you move through each part of the day's routine that we're creating in a way that reduces the judgment, reduces the suffering, reduces the self-punishment, reduces the reactions that you would typically have. Now, one of the most helpful mindfulness skills I use and I tell my patients to use—we actually have a whole episode on this. It's Episode 3. It's really early on, but it's talking about being aware of the five senses. Again, as you're brushing your teeth, what do you smell? What do you see? What do you taste? What do you hear? What does it feel like? And you're going through systematically these different senses so that you can be as present as you can. And this will help you with panic attacks, anxiety attacks, or just general anxiety that you're feeling. If you're wanting to deep dive into mindfulness and have a mindful meditation practice, we have an entire vault of meditations that are guided by me that you can look into by going to CBTSchool.com, or I'll leave the link in the show notes. There is an entire vault specifically for people with anxiety of guided meditations to help you with different emotions, different sensations, different experiences, different struggles that you may be having. That's there for you. 4. GET SOME EXERCISE Now the next thing I want you to do in the morning is get some kind of movement activity going. Again, this doesn't have to be going for a run, but it could be a light walk, some stretching, some yoga. It could be going to the gym and lifting weights, but try to get your body moving. There is a lot of research to show that exercise can be as effective as medication. That's mind-blowing, and it's free. It's something you can do from home, and it's something that doesn't have huge side effects except for the fact that it's not as fun as we would like it to be. But create a routine. It doesn't have to be every day, either. You might put in your schedule that you just do it a couple of days a week, and that's a great start. But try to at least stretch, move your body, maybe move around the house, light dancing, whatever floats your boat, but get your body moving. 5. NOURISH YOUR BODY WITH FOOD The next morning routine activity that I really want to stress is to nourish your body with food. And I picked the word "nourish" very intentionally. I'm not just saying put breakfast in your mouth because I want you to be thinking of food as something that's fueling your body so that you can be at your best. Again, I believe strongly there is no right or wrong food or good or bad food, but I want you to think about, "How can I nourish my body? Do I need some water? Would it be nourishing to have too much coffee?" Again, coffee is not super helpful if you're someone with anxiety, and it's something you should limit as well. So, really be intentional about the food that you nourish in your body. 6. SET AN INTENTION FOR THE DAY And then the last piece of the morning routine for anxiety is to set an intention for a day of kindness. You are committing to kindness all day. If that doesn't feel good to you, flip it to "I am committing to no self-punishment, no self-judgment, no self-criticism." That can be a really effective goal. "Okay, if I'm going to do one thing today, I'm committing to no judging," because literally, there is no benefit to any of those things. Criticism, punishment, judgment, self-loathing, none of it. There's no benefit. It doesn't motivate you if you think that is true. It's actually been proven incorrect by science. These things are not the motivators. We want to work at reducing those. And there are tons of other episodes on the podcast talking about that. So, that's what we're going to focus on for the morning routine. STRUCTURING YOUR DAY FOR ANXIETY ROUTINE Now we're going to move on to structuring your day and creating an anxiety routine that is effective for you throughout the day. Now I want to first acknowledge that I don't know how much you have going on in the day. Some of you are working two jobs, some of you are a stay-at-home mom, some of you don't have a job at all, some of you are at school. Everybody's schedule is going to be different, but I want you all to be thinking about these ideas. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU DID NOT HAVE ANXIETY? The first one is plan and organize your day around what you would do if you didn't have anxiety. Sit down and really think about it. "If I didn't have anxiety today, what would I get done? How would I show up? What activities would I do?" And make sure you schedule those into your schedule because the main thing that you have to know about someone with anxiety is anxiety will interrupt your day and take you away from the things that you value. So please, please, please, think about this question: What would I do if I didn't have anxiety? And your job is to schedule and try and get as many of those things done as you could. We don't want anxiety to run the show here. PLAN YOUR DAY The next thing I want you to do is use a planner to activity schedule these things. There are apps to help track tasks and appointments. Do your best to plan and to have structure. People with anxiety and depression need structure. It helps us to be so overwhelmed and chaotic in our brain to have some structure. And believe me, some people will say, "No, it feels too controlled, and it takes away my creativity." No. In fact, people who have structure tend to report feeling more creative because their day isn't so overwhelming and they have a little bit of control over where they're doing, what they're doing, and where they're going. Now, if you struggle with this, we have an entire course for this as well. It's called The Optimum Time Management for Mental Health. I walk you through specifically how to manage time, specifically for those who have anxiety, depression, and OCD. I had to create this for myself. I had to read a whole ton of books and take courses. I found none of them really approached it from the perspective of those who had a mental health or a medical issue. And so I created that course specifically for those who struggle in that area. You again can go to CBTSchool.com to get information about that. SET REALISTIC GOALS Now, as you are structuring your day and planning your day, you have to be really intentional about setting realistic goals and prioritizing what's important. Sometimes when I look at the things I want to get done, there could be like 15, 20, 30 things to do. I know I'm not going to get all of those done, so I have to sit down and go, "Okay, which are the most urgent? Which are the things that must take priority?" and work at prioritizing those. Again, as you do those things, you're going to be using those mindfulness skills that we've already talked about. staying present. You're going to be using your willingness skills that we often talk about here on Your Anxiety Toolkit. Bringing compassion, radical acceptance, willingness to be uncomfortable—you're going to bring those with you throughout the day. Again, we are planning for anxiety to come with us every part of the day. SCHEDULE BREAKS IN YOUR DAY Now another important thing to do here is to schedule breaks. If you have anxiety, you know as much as anybody that anxiety is exhausting. Schedule breaks, but no breaks where you're scrolling on Instagram. That's not a true break. That doesn't actually give your brain a break. Go outside, sit in nature, listen to some music, read a book, do something that doesn't drain your battery, do something that increases your battery. It might be taking a walk or doing something active, but make sure you plan those breaks. SCHEDULE THERAPY HOMEWORK The next thing to do, and you have to do this every day, specifically if you have an anxiety disorder, is schedule your therapy homework. If you're not in therapy, still schedule time to be doing something that helps you to work on your mental health, even if it's correcting those thoughts that we talked about at the beginning of this episode. We want to make sure that with planning times to do exposure and response prevention, with planning time to do our mindfulness practice, with planning time to do our, again, cognitive restructuring, making sure that you've scheduled that helps you with your long-term recovery. Not just the recovery of today, not just getting through today, but when we schedule time to do our homework, it means that we push the needle forward in our recovery. EVENING ANXIETY ROUTINE Now we're going to move on to the evening anxiety routine. This is where we prioritize unwinding for the day. You've used all your energy, you've taken anxiety with you, you're exhausted. CELEBRATE YOUR WINS Number one, you have to celebrate. Celebrate what you did get done. Write down what you got done. Because so often, when we have anxiety, we go, "Oh, it's not a big deal. Everyone can do that. I shouldn't be celebrating." No, you've got to celebrate this stuff. You're working your butt off. And so we have to make sure that we're celebrating every win, even if it's just one teeny win for the day. WIND DOWN FOR SLEEP (SLEEP HYGIENE) The evening is where we must prioritize winding down for sleep. Sleep hygiene is maybe the most important part of your recovery in that it will set you up to do well tomorrow. If you're like me, not having a good night's sleep means your mental health hits the trash tomorrow. So we want to start the evening on how can we reduce the impact of being on technology. Do a digital detox if you can, at least an hour before bed. Do something relaxing. Do something pleasurable. Read, take a warm bath, take a walk, garden, talk to a friend, connect with them—anything you can do. Make a lovely meal, watch a funny TV show, whatever you can do to bring yourself down and rest and repair for the day so that you can be ready for bed and moving into the nighttime routine. CREATE A NIGHTTIME ROUTINE WITH A CONSISTENT WAKETIME You will need a nighttime routine. Have a time or an alarm. You could get an Apple Watch or set an alarm on your phone to prompt you to moving towards the bedroom routine where you brush your teeth or you wash your face or you light a candle or you brush your hair or you start reading, turn the sheets down. Whatever that is, set a timer so that you are prompted to go to bed on time. What we want to do with anxiety is have a very solid routine of waking up at the same time and falling asleep at the same time, as much as possible that you can achieve. That internal body clock of yours really benefits by having it be as balanced and as routine as we can. LIFESTYLE CONSIDERATIONS FOR YOUR ANXIETY ROUTINE Now, there are some lifestyle considerations you have to consider here if you have anxiety. Number one, you have to also make sure that you've had some time for connection. And some of you are like, "No problem. I've had connection during the day or my colleagues at work or my family or my partners or my friends." That's great. But if you're somebody who has anxiety and it's kept you home alone and it's kept you in avoidance, now that's going to be re…
Full show notes at the publisherHelping children navigate the complexities of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) requires a delicate balance of understanding, patience, and empowerment. Natasha Daniels, a renowned expert in this field, shares invaluable insights into how parents can support their children in overcoming OCD with positivity and resilience. Normalizing OCD: One of the first steps in supporting children with OCD is normalizing the condition. Both parents and children need to understand that they are not alone in this journey. Natasha emphasizes the importance of taking things one step at a time and not allowing the overwhelming nature of OCD to overshadow the progress being made. Education is Key: Understanding OCD is crucial for effective support. Natasha urges parents to educate themselves about the condition, its symptoms, and the most effective treatment approaches. By arming themselves with knowledge, parents can better support their children through the challenges of OCD. The Concept of "Crushing" OCD: Natasha introduces the empowering concept of "crushing" OCD." Instead of viewing OCD as an insurmountable obstacle, children are encouraged to see it as something conquerable. This shift in perspective can be transformative, instilling a sense of empowerment and resilience. Making Treatment Fun: To engage children in treatment, Natasha suggests incorporating fun activities. By turning exposures into games or playful challenges, children are more likely to participate actively in their own recovery journey. This approach not only makes treatment more enjoyable but also fosters a positive attitude towards facing fears. Bravery Points: Natasha introduces the idea of "bravery points" as a motivational tool for children. By rewarding bravery in facing OCD-related fears, children are incentivized to confront their anxieties and engage in exposure exercises. This gamified approach can be highly effective in encouraging progress. Adapting for Teens and Adults: While bravery points may resonate well with children, Natasha also offers insights into adapting these strategies for teenagers and adults. Creative incentives tailored to different age groups can help individuals of all ages stay motivated and committed to their treatment goals. Creative Exposures: Incorporating creative exposures into treatment can make confronting fears more engaging and less daunting for children. By turning exposures into interactive experiences, such as games or role-playing exercises, children can develop essential coping skills in a supportive environment. Collaborative Approach: Natasha emphasizes the importance of collaboration between parents and children in the treatment process. By working together to develop coping strategies and respond to OCD-related behaviors, families can create a supportive and empowering environment for children with OCD. Addressing Parenting Challenges: Managing the emotional challenges of parenting a child with OCD can be overwhelming. Natasha offers insights into coping with feelings of anger, frustration, and helplessness, providing strategies for maintaining patience and support during difficult moments. Long-Term Perspective: Supporting children with OCD requires a long-term perspective. Building resilience and fostering a family culture that promotes bravery and resilience are essential for long-term success. By focusing on progress rather than perfection, families can navigate the challenges of OCD with hope and determination. Conclusion: Natasha Daniels' insights offer a beacon of hope for families navigating the complexities of OCD. By normalizing the condition, educating themselves, and adopting creative and empowering approaches to treatment, parents can support their children in overcoming OCD with positivity and resilience. TRANSCRIPTION: Kimberley: Welcome everybody. Today we have Natasha Daniels. She's the go to person for the kiddos who are struggling with anxiety and OCD. And I'm so grateful to have her here. We are going to talk about helping your kid crush OCD and how we can make it fun and how we can get them across the finish line. So welcome Natasha. Natasha: Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. Kimberley okay. We've had you on before and I think so much so highly of you. I'm so honored to have you on here again talking. We were talking about kids as well last time but first of all let's just talk about the kiddo, right? The kiddo who has OCD. They're starting this process. Let's sort of even say like they're ready for help, like they want to get better, but at the same [00:01:00] time getting better feels like a huge mountain that they have to climb. What might you say to the kiddo and the parents at that beginning stage of treatment? Natasha: A lot of times I think kids don't even realize that they're not alone. They think they have like these really bizarre thoughts and that they'll never be able to stop those bizarre thoughts. So I the first step is really normalizing it for both the parent and the child and letting them know that lots of people have this struggle and that they are able to get through it and have a healthy, productive life. And for parents in particular. about tunnel vision, you know, because it can feel so big. And it's like, let's just, what's your next move? What's your next step that tunnel vision so that the overwhelm doesn't skew your perspective Kimberley: Yeah, what might be those steps? Like what, what, [00:02:00] what, how would you, how would you have that conversation? I mean, I know for parents, I think there's some relief in getting a diagnosis and being like, Oh, okay, so we know now what this is. And we're here to get treatment and we're assuming this is the right treatment. But they're still just, you know, it's such a mountain to climb. So what might you say to them? Natasha: The first step is really educating yourself. I think parents learn a little bit and they just like want to jump into the deep end. They learn a little bit, like, Oh, you shouldn't be accommodating the OCD. So they're like, well, now I don't know what to do because I was doing something that at least help my child in the, in the moment. But now I'm hearing that that actually makes it worse. And so they start to feel really overwhelmed by the little bit of information they get. So I would say. You know, get some education, whether you read a parent book, or you take a course, or you just watch a bunch of videos, but [00:03:00] like, get some basic foundation of what OCD is because it's going to shift and morph and change and look different. And so understanding, like, lay of the land of like, oh, okay, this is what OCD is. You know, it, it's demanding and it wants me, my child to do or avoid something to get that brief relief. And sometimes that hooks me in and the more they do or avoid that, the bigger it grows, like understanding it would be the first step. Kimberley: So you wrote an amazing workbook called Crushing OCD Workbook for Kids. Let's talk about this term crushing like crushing OCD and that's sort of the title of our episode as well Like do we want that mindset if we're gonna crush it? Like what does that look like? How does that change our mindset? Do we need to really think of it like crushing it? Can you kind of share a little bit more about that mindset shift? Natasha Yeah. I do use the word crushing a lot. [00:04:00] My courses are all about crushing. My, my book is crushing um, we're not getting rid of. Um, and so. There is a reason why I use crushing versus like overcoming or getting rid of, it is a powerful, kind of aggressive word. And, and I do feel like seeing OCD as kind of like this adversarial thing that you are crushing. Um, 1 can be very therapeutic and empowering for the child, especially when it's externalized and it's personified. So it's this Mr. OCD or this O cloud is us and we're going to crush it. Um, and then physiologically, do see it differently than anxiety. And I think sometimes with anxiety. we talk about, I kind of equate anxiety as like the overreactive lifeguard, and he's trying to, he's trying to look out for you, but just kind of, [00:05:00] he's sending the emergency alarm bells all the time. So maybe he needs some retraining. Maybe we crush him too, but that I think has more flexibility physiologically. Where I feel like OCD is like this foreign thought that's coming into my brain that is so incongruent with who I am, depending on the theme. And there's no part of it that feels like protective or aligned, um, in the way that OCD can show up. And it's very glitchy, you know, and physiologically, a different part of the brain. And it is. It's a, you know, it's more of a glitch versus an overreactive. So I do feel like about crushing it is a good analogy. Kimberley Well, I think too it's OCD can be so powerful and make us feel like we have to kind of like gulp down and, and wither it. Right. And so it does kind of require our kiddos to stand up to it. And I think crushing it [00:06:00] really gives that metaphor of like, we're going to stand up to it. We're going to win. This is like, we're going, you know, it's point systems or something like that. Like who's going to win this baseball match, but we're going to beat it against OCD. So I think that that is really helpful. And I think kids get behind it too, like Kids want to crush things. Natasha: Yeah. And, and they really need to feel empowered because it is so overpowering more than really any other disorder. It is just, it's they're being bombarded with these thoughts and feelings and to, to sit in a storm. And not do what OCD wants you to do a, is a really brave thing to do. And I do feel like kids can really get behind the idea of overcoming and crushing, not overcoming, but crushing it and feeling empowered that they have more strength than OCD does. Kimberley: Okay. So in the workbook, you talk about these fun activities and I have found having my own [00:07:00] children, but also being a clinician, if it's not fun, they're not that interested. What's the payoff really? So, so can you share with us some of the fun activities or ways in which we can start to approach this topic with our kids? Natasha: Yeah, I think anything can be fun and we want our kids to, to have fun and we want to gamify it. So a lot of the workbook talks about One, how to view OCD in a really fun way. So I use a lot of cartoons and a lot of metaphors so they can see it. Um, also talking about incentivizing them and, you know, adding points or bravery points to do, do scary things. And so it becomes kind of this, Gamified version of, of, of crushing their OCD. Kimberley: So bravery points. What does that mean? Natasha: So bravery points can be different for different families. Um, and we use them in my, my house as well for [00:08:00] my own kids with OCD, where we set up kind of like a virtual store. And there are certain things you can have this pretty structured or not structured where you points and, um, you know, kids can do things that OCD will not. Want them to do or do things or not do things that OCD wants them to do, whichever way OCD is working or do exposures they're purposely triggering OCD and then they earn points and they can cash those points in and so Even at my house, you know, my child does not get Roebucks unless he cashes his points in There's like a direct line there. My daughter doesn't get slime from very expensive place, unless she wants to cash her points in. And those are done through steps that are, that's crushing their anxiety and OCD. Kimberley: And so I was actually going to ask this in terms of bravery points. This is not just for kids. This is for teens too. So you might be doing this for like, how might this apply to [00:09:00] teens or do we use bravery reward points for teens as well? Natasha: Yeah. I think it can be used for anyone. I mean, I think even adults can, can gamify their battles with anxiety and OCD. Um, I mean, I've set that up for myself where I've done something that would be really hard. And then I've offered myself incentives, you know, ironically, or not really ironically, but interestingly. Intrinsic incentive does start to happen. You start to get traction. Um, I know for, for the kids that I've worked with in my practice and even my own kids, I've seen the, the pride when they've done something really scary and the relief of like, Oh my gosh, that was not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. And then the empowerment. So I kind of want to preface this with. can have these external reinforcers, but they're there to celebrate those brave moves. They're there to make the association of this is really fun, but the internal motivation does start to get some traction down the [00:10:00] road. And so even with teens offer them incentives, and that might look different. I know, um, I've used this example a lot, like for my older daughter, she would net, she would not be driving today. Absolutely not be driving. If it wasn't for me. ordering her Starbucks. And I would just order her Starbucks and I'd be like, okay, it's ordered, you know, you just need to go pick it up. And she, she has social anxiety as well. So she'd like, and she feels bad about spending money. So there was all sorts of things that were actually working in my favor. Cause she felt so bad. She's like, mom, you just ordered it. But I said, I wasn't ready to drive. And I was like, you don't have to pick it up. It'll just be sitting there. It'll just be wastey wastey. And she would go there. I mean, she had three. cycles of driving school before I did this. Natasha: She was well skilled, but I mean, that's a very basic incentive. It was like, I'm going to reward you. Here's an extent, you know, an incentive to go do it. And, you can be creative with teens, [00:11:00] whether it is. I mean, in my practice, I would get like Xbox controls or like one girl wanted a green screen for her YouTube channel. Like, and it was just that weren't like far, far down the road, but little incentives to celebrate and say, you know, you're doing really hard stuff and it doesn't have to be all boring and, and miserable. It can be fun too. Kimberley: Yeah. In our house, it's Taylor Swift records. We're working our way to get every single one of them. Um, right. And, and, and you get them after you, you know, achieve a certain amount of things. So I think I love this. Um, and I think it, it can, again, it can be age dependent. My son is working towards Pokemon cards as well for different things as well. So I love that. Natasha: Yeah. Kimbelrey: So, okay. So bravery rewards. What about, um, The, the other work of treatment and crushing OCD, are there other [00:12:00] fun activities that you have found to be really powerful, whether it's more in how we educate and conceptualize OCD or get them to do the scary thing? Natasha: Yeah. I think you can get creative and really anything that you're doing, uh, exposures can be fun as far as creating things that are triggering the OCD on purpose. They don't always have to be serious and boring. Um, you can create. Fun things, um, you can do interesting exposures, whether you create a game and you're playing games around it, like go fish, but you change the go fish to different names related to what they're struggling with. Or used, like, um, jelly beans, you know, that tastes gross for my child that has, like, metaphobia and issues. And so thinking out of the box, um, in my prac…
Full show notes at the publisherNavigating the intricate landscape of mental health can often feel like deciphering a complex puzzle, especially when differentiating between conditions ADHD vs.anxiety. This challenge is further compounded by the similarities in symptoms and the potential for misdiagnosis. However, understanding the nuances and interconnections between these conditions can empower individuals to seek appropriate treatment and improve their quality of life. ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, is a neurodevelopmental condition characterized by symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. While commonly diagnosed in childhood, ADHD persists into adulthood for many individuals, affecting various aspects of their daily lives, from academic performance to personal relationships. On the other hand, anxiety disorders encompass a range of conditions marked by excessive fear, worry, and physical symptoms such as heart palpitations and dizziness. The intersection of ADHD and anxiety is a topic of significant interest within the mental health community. Individuals with ADHD often experience anxiety, partly due to the challenges and frustrations stemming from ADHD symptoms. Similarly, the constant struggle with focus and organization can exacerbate feelings of anxiety, creating a cyclical relationship between the two conditions. A critical aspect of differentiating ADHD from anxiety involves examining the onset and progression of symptoms. ADHD is present from an early age, with symptoms often becoming noticeable during childhood. In contrast, anxiety can develop at any point in life, triggered by stressors or traumatic events. Therefore, a thorough evaluation of an individual's history is vital in distinguishing between the two. Moreover, the manifestation of symptoms can offer clues. For example, while both ADHD and anxiety can lead to concentration difficulties, the underlying reasons differ. In ADHD, the inability to focus is often due to intrinsic attention regulation issues. In anxiety, however, the concentration problems may arise from excessive worry or fear that consumes cognitive resources. Understanding the unique and overlapping aspects of ADHD and anxiety is crucial for effective treatment. For ADHD, interventions typically include medication, such as stimulants, alongside behavioral strategies to enhance executive functioning skills. Anxiety disorders, meanwhile, may be treated with a combination of psychotherapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), and, in some cases, medication to manage symptoms. The integration of treatment modalities is paramount, particularly for individuals experiencing both ADHD and anxiety. Addressing the ADHD symptoms can often alleviate anxiety by improving self-esteem and coping mechanisms. Similarly, managing anxiety can reduce the overall stress load, making ADHD symptoms more manageable. In conclusion, ADHD and anxiety represent two distinct yet interrelated conditions within the spectrum of mental health. The complexity of their relationship underscores the importance of personalized, comprehensive treatment plans. By fostering a deeper understanding of these conditions, individuals can navigate the path to wellness with greater clarity and confidence. This journey, though challenging, is a testament to the resilience and strength inherent in the human spirit, as we seek to understand and overcome the obstacles that lie within our minds. TRANSCRIPT Kimberley: Welcome, everybody. We are talking about ADHD vs anxiety, how to tell the difference, kind of get you in the know of what is what. Today, we have Dr. Ryan Sultan. He is an Assistant Professor of Clinical Psychiatry at Columbia University. He knows all the things about ADHD and cannabis use, does a lot of research in this area, and I want to get the tea on all things ADHD and anxiety so that we can work it out. So many of you listening have either been misdiagnosed or totally feel like they don't really understand the difference. And so, let's talk about it. Welcome, Dr. Sultan. ADHD vs. ANXIETY Ryan: Thank you. I really like doing these things. I think it's fun. I think psychiatrists, which is what I am, I think one of the ways that we really fail, and medical doctors in general don't do well at this, which is like, let's spend some time educating the public. And before my current position, I did epidemiology and public health. And so, I learned a lot about that, and I was like, "You know how you can help people? We have a crisis here. Let's just teach people things about how to find resources and what they can do on their own." And so, I really enjoy these opportunities. WHAT IS ADHD vs. WHAT IS ANXIETY? I was thinking about your question, and I was thinking how we might want to talk about this idea of ADHD versus anxiety, which is a common thing. People come in, and they see me very commonly wanting an evaluation, and they think they have ADHD. And I understand why they think they have ADHD, but their main thing is basically reporting a concentration or focus issue, which is a not specific symptom. Just like if I'm moody today, that doesn't mean I have a mood disorder. If I'm anxious today, it doesn't mean I have an anxiety disorder. I might even feel depressed today; it doesn't mean I have a depression disorder. I could even have a psychotic symptom in your voice, and it does not mean that I have a psychotic disorder. It's more complicated than that. I think one of the things that the DSM that we love here in the United States—but it's the best thing we have; it's like capitalism and democracy; it's like the best things that we have; we don't have better solutions yet—is that it describes these things in a way that uses plain language to try to standardize it. But it's confusing to the general public and I think it's also confusing to clinicians when you're trying to learn some of these conditions. WHEN IS ADHD vs. ANXIETY DIAGNOSED? And certainly, one of the things that have happened in my field that people used to talk a lot about is the idea that, is pediatric, meaning kid diagnosis of ADHD, which often in my area here in the United States will be done by pediatrician, are they adequately able to do that? Because poor pediatricians have to know a lot. And ADHD, psychiatric disorders are complicated. Mental health conditions are super complicated. They're so complicated that there are seven different types of degree programs that end up helping you with them. PsyD, PhD, MD, clinical social worker, mental health counselor, and then there's nurse practitioner. So, like super complicated counseling. So, how do we think about this? The first thing I try to remind everyone is, if you're not sure what's going on with you, please filter your self-diagnosis. You can think about it, that's great. Write your notes down, da-da-da, but I would avoid acting purely on that. You really want to do your best to get some help from the outside. And I know that mental health treatment is not accessible to everyone. This is an enormous problem that existed before the pandemic and still exists now. I say that because I say that all the time, and I wish I had a solution for you. But if you have access to someone that you think can help you tease this throughout, you want to do that. SYMPTOMS OF ADHD vs. ANXIETY But what I would like us to do, instead of listing criteria, which you can all Google on WebMD, let's think about them in a larger context. So, mental health symptoms fall into these very broad categories. And so, some of them are anxiety, which OCD used to be under, but it's now in its own area. Another one, would be mood. You can have moods that are really high, moods that are really low. Another one you could take ADHD, you could lump it in neurodevelopmental, which would mix it with autism and learning disorders. You could lump it with attention, but the problem with that is it would also get lumped with dementia, which are processes that overlap, but they're occurring at different ends of the spectrum. So, let's think about ADHD and why someone might have ADHD or why you might think someone has ADHD, because this should be easier for people to tease out, I think. ADHD is not a condition that appears in adulthood. That's like hands down. Adult ADHD is people that had ADHD and still have ADHD as adults. And most people with ADHD will go on to still have at least an attenuated version, meaning their symptoms are a little less severe, maybe, but over 60% will still meet criteria. It's not a disorder of children. Up until the '90s, we thought it was a disorder of kids only. So, you turned 18, and magically, you couldn't have ADHD anymore, which didn't make any sense anyway. So, to really get a good ADHD diagnosis, you got to go backwards. If you're not currently an eight-year-old, you have to think a little bit about or talk to your family, or look at your school records. And ideally, that's what you want to do, is you want to see, is there evidence that you have, things that look like ADHD then? So, you were having trouble maintaining your attention for periods of time. Your attention was scattered in different ways. Things that are mentally challenging that require you to force yourself to do it, that particularly if you don't like them, this was really hard for you. You were disorganized. People thought that things went in one year and out the other. Now this exists on a spectrum. And depending on the difficulty of your scholastic experience and how far you pushed yourself in school, these symptoms could show up at different times. For example, it's not uncommon for people to show up in college or in graduate school. Less so now, but historically, people were getting diagnosed as late as that, because now they have to write a dissertation. For those of you guys who don't know, a dissertation is being asked to write a book, okay? You're being asked to write a book. And what did you do? You went to college. Okay, you went to college, and then you had some master's classes, and then you get assigned an advisor, and you just get told to figure out what your project is. It is completely unstructured. It is completely self-sufficient. It is absurd. I'm talking about a real academic classic PhD. That is going to bring it. If somebody has ADHD, that's going to bring it out because of the executive functioning involved in that, the organization, the planning. I got to make an outline, I got to meet with my mentor regularly, I got to check in with them, I got to revise it, I got to plan a study or a literature review. There's so many steps involved. So, that would be something that some people doesn't come up with then. Other kids, as an eight-year-old boy that I'm treating right now, who has a wonderful family that is super supportive, and they have created this beautiful environment for him that accommodates him so much that he has not needed any medication despite the fact that there's lots of evidence that he is struggling and now starting to feel bad about himself, and he has self-esteem issues because he just doesn't understand why he has to try so hard and why he can't maintain his attention in this scenario, which is challenging for him. So, ADHD kids and adults, you want to think of them as their brains as being three to five years behind everyone else in their development, okay? And they are catching up, but they're more immature, and they're immature in certain ways. And so, this kid's ability to maintain his attention, manage his own behaviors, stay organized, it's like mom is sitting with this kid doing his homework with him continuously, and if she stops at all, he can't hold it together on his own. So, when we think about that with him, like, okay, well, that's maybe when it's showing up with him. That's when it's starting to have a struggle with him. But let's relate it to anxiety. One problem would be, do you have ADHD or do you have anxiety? Well, there's another problem. Another problem is having ADHD is a major risk factor for developing an anxiety disorder, okay? So now I'm the eight-year-old boy, and this eight-year-old boy does not have the financial resources to get this evaluation, or the parents that are knowledgeable enough to know that, it might even have been years ago where there was less knowledge about this. And he's just struggling all the time, and he feels bad about himself, and he's constantly getting into trouble because he is losing things because he can't keep track of things because he's overwhelmed. And now he feels bad about himself. Okay. He has anxiety associated with that. So now we're building this anxiety. So he might even get mood symptoms, and now we have a risk for depression. So, this is just one of the reasons why these things are like these tangled messes. You ever like have a bunch of cords that you have one of the dealies, you keep throwing them in a box, and now you're like, "What do I do? Do I just throw the cords out or entangle them?" It's a very tangled mess. Of course, it takes time to sort through it. The reason I started with ADHD is that it has a clear trajectory of it when it happens. And in general, it's a general rule, symptomatology, meaning like how severe it is and the number of symptoms you have and how impairing it is. They're going to be decreasing as you get older. At least until main adulthood, there's new evidence that shows there might be a higher risk for dementia in that population. But let's put geriatric aside. There's a different developmental trajectory. Whereas anxiety, oh God, I wish I could simplify anxiety that much. Anxiety can happen in different ways. So, let's start with the easy thing. Why would you confuse them in this current moment? If I am always worried about things, if I'm always ruminating about things, I'm thinking about it over and over again, I'm trying to figure out where I should live or what I should do about this, and I just keep thinking about it over and over again, and I'm in like a cycle. Like, pop-pa-pa pop-pa pop-pa-pa-pa. And then you're asking me to do other things. I promise you, I will have difficulty concentrating. I promise you, I can't concentrate because it's like you're using your computer and how many windows do you have open? How many things are you running? I mean, it doesn't happen as much anymore, but I think most of us, I meant to remember times where you're like, "Oh, my computer is not able to handle this anymore." You're using up some of your mind, and you can call that being present. So, when people talk about mindfulness and improving attention, one of the things that they're probably improving is this: they're trying to get the person to stop running that 15, 20% program all the time. And it's like your brain got upgraded because you can now devote yourself to the task in front of you. And the anxiety is not slowing you down or intruding upon you, either as an intrusive thought in an OCD way or just a sort of intrusive worry that's probably hampering your ability to do something concentration-intensive. And then if you have anxiety problems and you're not sleeping right, well, now your memory is impaired because of that. So, there's this cycle that ends up happening over and over again. IS HYPERACTIVITY ANXIETY OR ADHD? Kimberley: Yeah, I think a lot of people as well that I've talked to clients and listeners, also with anxiety, there's this general physiological irritability. Like a l…
Full show notes at the publisherExploring the relationship between faith and recovery, especially when it comes to managing Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), reveals a complex but fascinating landscape. It's like looking at two sides of the same coin, where faith can either be a source of immense support or a challenging factor in one's healing journey. On one hand, faith can act like a sturdy anchor or a comforting presence, offering hope and a sense of purpose that's invaluable for many people working through OCD. This aspect of faith is not just about religious practices; it's deeply personal, providing a framework that can help individuals make sense of their struggles and find a pathway towards recovery. The sense of community and belonging that often comes with faith can also play a crucial role in supporting someone through their healing process. However, it's not always straightforward. Faith can get tangled up with the symptoms of OCD, leading to situations where religious beliefs and practices become intertwined with the compulsions and obsessions that characterize the disorder. This is where faith can start to feel like a double-edged sword, especially in cases of scrupulosity, where religious or moral obligations become sources of intense anxiety and compulsion. The conversation around integrating faith into recovery is a delicate one. It emphasizes the need for a personalized approach, recognizing the unique ways in which faith intersects with an individual's experience of OCD. This might involve collaborating with religious leaders, incorporating spiritual practices into therapy, or navigating the complex ways in which faith influences both the symptoms of OCD and the recovery process. Moreover, this discussion sheds light on a broader conversation about the intersection of psychology and spirituality. It acknowledges the historical tensions between these areas, while also pointing towards a growing interest in understanding how they can complement each other in the context of mental health treatment. In essence, the relationship between faith and recovery from OCD highlights the importance of a compassionate and holistic approach. It's about finding ways to respect and integrate an individual's spiritual beliefs into their treatment, ensuring that the journey towards healing is as supportive and effective as possible. This balance is key to harnessing the positive aspects of faith, while also navigating its challenges with care and understanding. Justin K. Hughes, MA, LPC, owner of Dallas Counseling, PLLC, is a clinician and writer, passionate about helping those impacted by OCD and Anxiety Disorders. He serves on the IOCDF's OCD & Faith Task Force and is the Dallas Ambassador for OCD Texas. Working with a diversity of clients, he also is dual-trained in psychology and theology, regularly helping anyone to understand the interaction between faith and mental health. A sought-after writer and speaker, he is currently mid-way through writing his first workbook on evidence-based care of OCD for Christians. He is seeking a collaborative agent who will help secure the best publishing house to help those most in need. Check out www.justinkhughes.com to stay in the loop and get free guides & handouts! Kimberley: Welcome, everybody. Today, we're talking about faith and its place in recovery. Does faith help your recovery? Does it hinder your recovery? And all the things in between. Today, we have Justin Hughes. Justin is the owner of Dallas Counseling and is a clinician and writer. He's passionate about helping those who are impacted by OCD. He is the Dallas ambassador for OCD Texas and serves on the IOCDF's OCD and Faith Task Force, working with a diversity of clients. He's also dual-trained in psychology and theology, regularly helping anyone to understand the interaction between faith and OCD, most commonly Christians. But today, we're here to talk about faith in general. Welcome, Justin. Justin: Kimberley Jayne Quinlan, howdy. Kimberley: You said howdy just perfectly from your Texas state. Justin: Absolutely. Kimberley: Okay. This is a huge topic. And just for those who are listening, we tried to record this once before, we were just saying, but we had tech issues. And I'm so glad we did because I have thought about this so much since, and I feel like evolved a little since then too. So, we're here to talk about how to use faith in recovery and/or is it helpful for some people, and talk about the way that it is helpful and for some not. Can you share a little bit about your background on why this is an important topic for you? Justin: Absolutely. So, first of all, as a man of faith, I'm a Christian. I went to a Christian college, got my degree in Psychology, and very much desired to interweave studies between psychology and theology. So, I went to a seminary. A lot of people hear that, and they're like, "Did you become a priest?" No, it was a counseling program at a seminary, Dallas Theological Seminary. I came here and then found my wife, and I stayed in Dallas. And it's been important to me from a personal faith standpoint. And I love the faith integration in treatment and exploring that with clients. And of course -- or maybe I shouldn't say of course, but it's going to be a lot of Christians, but I work with a lot of different faith backgrounds. And there are some really important conversations happening in the broader world of treatment about faith integration and its place. And we're going to get into all those things and hopefully some of the history and psychology's relationship to faith, which has not been the greatest at different points. For me personally, faith isn't just an exercise. It's not something that I just add on to make my day better. In fact, a lot of times, faith requires me to do way more difficult things than I want to do, but it's a belief in the ultimate object of my faith in God and Christ as a Christian. I naturally come across a lot of people who not only identify that as important but find it as very essential to their treatment. And let's get into that, the folks that find it essential, the people who find it very much not, and the people who don't. But that's just a little bit about me and why I find this so important. Kimberley: Yeah. It's interesting because I was raised Episcopalian. I don't really practice a lot of that anymore for no reason except, I don't know, if I'm going to be really honest. Justin: So honest. I love that. Kimberley: Yeah, I've been thinking about it a lot because I had a positive experience. Sometimes I long for it, but for reasons I don't know. Again, I'm just still on that journey, figuring that piece out and exploring that. Where I see clients is usually on the end of their coming to me as a client, saying, "I'm a believer, but it's all gotten messed up and mushed up and intertwined." And I'm my job. I think of my job as helping them untangle it. Justin: Yeah. Kimberley: Not by me giving my own personal opinion either, but just letting them untangle it. How might you see that? Are you seeing that also? And what is the process of that untangling, if we were to use that word? Justin: It's so broad and varied. So, I would imagine that just like with clients that I work with and folks that come to conferences and that I talk with, the listeners in your audience, hi listeners, are going to have a broad experience of views, and it's so functional. So, I want people to hear right away that I don't think that there's just a cookie-cutter approach. There can't be with this. And whether we're treating OCD, anxiety disorders, or depression, or eating disorders, or BFRVs, fill in the blank, there are obviously evidence-based treatments which are effective for most, but even those can't be a cookie cutter when it comes down to exactly what a person needs to do or what is required of them in recovery. So, yes, let me just state this upfront for the folks that might be unduly nervous at this point. First of all, the faith piece, religious piece, does not have to enter into treatments for a lot of people to get the job done. In fact, actually, for a lot of people, it was much more healing for them, including many of my clients. I have friends and family members that sometimes look at me as scant. So like, "Wait, you went to seminary, and sometimes you don't talk about God at all." And it's like, "Yeah, sometimes we're just doing evidence-based treatment, and that is that." And as an evidence-based practitioner, that's important to me. So, when people come in, I want to work with what their goals are, their values. And a lot of people have found themselves, for any number of reasons, stuck, maybe compulsions or obsessive thoughts or whatever, are stuck in all things belief, religion, or faith or whatever else. And sometimes actually, the most healing thing for them to do is sometimes get in, get out, do the job clinically, walk away, experience freedom, and then grow and develop personally. But then I've also discovered that there's this other side that some people do not find a breakthrough. Some people stay stuck. And maybe these are the people that hit the stats that we see in research of 20% or so just turn down things like ERP, (exposure and response prevention) with OCD when they're offered. And then another 20 to 30% drop out. And we have great studies that tell us that most people who stick with it get a lot of benefits, but there's all the other folks that didn't. And sometimes it's because people -- no offense, you all, but sometimes people just don't want to put in the work and discipline. However, we can't minimize it to that. Sometimes it's truly people that are willing to show up, and there's a complex layer of things. And the cookie-cutter approach is not going to work for them. Maybe they have the intersection of complex health issues, intersection of trauma, intersection of even just family of origin things where life is really difficult, or even just right now, a loneliness epidemic that's happening in the world. And by the way, I'm a huge believer in the evidence base. There's a lot in the evidence base that guides us. And as I'm talking today, I want to be really clear that when I work with folks, even when we get into the spiritual, I'm working with the evidence base. Yeah, there's things that there's no specific protocol for, but a lot of folks, I think, can hopefully be encouraged that there's a strong research base to the benefits and the use and the application and also the care of practicing various spiritual practices through treatments. So, to come back to the original question, it depends so much. It's like if somebody asked me a question like, "Hey, Justin. Okay, so as a therapist, do you think that --" and I get these questions all the time, "Is it okay for me to...? Like, I am afraid of this." I got this question at one point. Somebody was curious if I thought it was okay for them to travel to another city. And it's like, it depends. It's almost always an "it depends." So, that's where I'm going to leave it, that nice, squeaky place that we all just want a dang answer, but the reality is, it is going to massively depend on the person and where they are, and what their needs are. Kimberley: Yeah, I mean, and I'll speak to it too, sometimes I've seen a client. Let's give a few examples of a client with OCD. The OCD has attacked their faith and made it very superstitious or very fear-based instead of faith-based. And I think they come in with that, "Everything's so messy and it used to make so much sense, and now it doesn't." For eating disorders, I've had a lot of clients who will have a faith component where there are certain religions that have ways in which you prepare foods and things, and then that has become very sticky and hard for them. The eating disorder gets involved with that as well. And let me think more just from a general standpoint, and I'll use me as an example, as just like a generally anxious person. I remember this really wonderful time, I'll tell you a funny story, when my daughter was like five, out of nowhere, she insisted that we go to every church. Like she wanted to go to a Christian and a Catholic and Jewish temple and Muslim and Buddhist. She wanted to try all of them, and we were like, "Great, let's go and do it." And I could see how my anxious brain would go black and white on everything they said. So, if they said something really beautiful, my brain would get very perfectionistic about that and have a little tantrum. I think it would be like, "But I can't do it that perfect," and I would get freaked out, but also be able to catch myself. So, I think that it's important to recognize how the disorder can get mixed up in that. Justin: Yeah, absolutely. Kimberley: Right? Let's now flip, unless you have something you want to add, to how has faith helped people in their recovery, and what does that look like for you as a clinician, for the client, for their journey? Justin: Yeah, absolutely. Well, on the clinical side of things, the starting place is always going to be the assessments and diagnosis and treatment plan. And then the ethics of it too is going to be working with the person where they are and their beliefs and not forcing anything, of course. And so folks are naturally -- I get it, I respect it. I would be nervous of somebody of a different belief background that's overt about things. Some people come in, they look at the wall, they see Dallas Theological Seminary, they've studied a few things in advance. So, yeah, the starting places, sitting down, honest, building rapport, trust, assessing, diagnosing. So, for the folks where the faith piece is significant, I'll put it into two categories. So, one is sometimes we have to talk about aspects of faith just from a pure assessment sample. So, a common example of that is scrupulosity in OCD. So, I have worked with even a person on the, believe it or not, Faith and OCD Task Force who is atheist. And so, why in the world do we need to talk about faith? Why is that person even on the Faith and OCD Task Force? Well, they're representing a diversity of views and opinions on the role of faith and OCD. Kimberley: Love it. Justin: And it's so interesting to look at it at a base level with something like OCD. But frankly, a lot of mental disorders or even just challenges in life, if clinicians, one, aren't asking questions about, hey, do you have any religious views, background, even just in your background? Do you have spiritual practices that are important to you? We're missing a massive component. And here's the research piece. We know from the research that, actually, a majority of people find things of faith or spirituality important, and secondarily, that a majority of people would like to be able to talk about those things in therapy. Straight-up research. So, a couple of articles that I wrote for the IOCDF on this reference this research. So, it is evidence-based to talk about this. And then when we get into these sticky areas of obsessions and anxiety disorders, of course, it's going to poke on philosophy, worldview, spirituality. And so, it could be even outside of scrupulosity, beliefs that at first it just looks like we need some good shame reduction exercises, self-compassion, and so forth, but we discover that, oh, the person struggling with contamination OCD has a lot of deeper…
Full show notes at the publisherExploring the relationship between faith and recovery, especially when it comes to managing Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), reveals a complex but fascinating landscape. It's like looking at two sides of the same coin, where faith can either be a source of immense support or a challenging factor in one's healing journey. On one hand, faith can act like a sturdy anchor or a comforting presence, offering hope and a sense of purpose that's invaluable for many people working through OCD. This aspect of faith is not just about religious practices; it's deeply personal, providing a framework that can help individuals make sense of their struggles and find a pathway towards recovery. The sense of community and belonging that often comes with faith can also play a crucial role in supporting someone through their healing process. However, it's not always straightforward. Faith can get tangled up with the symptoms of OCD, leading to situations where religious beliefs and practices become intertwined with the compulsions and obsessions that characterize the disorder. This is where faith can start to feel like a double-edged sword, especially in cases of scrupulosity, where religious or moral obligations become sources of intense anxiety and compulsion. The conversation around integrating faith into recovery is a delicate one. It emphasizes the need for a personalized approach, recognizing the unique ways in which faith intersects with an individual's experience of OCD. This might involve collaborating with religious leaders, incorporating spiritual practices into therapy, or navigating the complex ways in which faith influences both the symptoms of OCD and the recovery process. Moreover, this discussion sheds light on a broader conversation about the intersection of psychology and spirituality. It acknowledges the historical tensions between these areas, while also pointing towards a growing interest in understanding how they can complement each other in the context of mental health treatment. In essence, the relationship between faith and recovery from OCD highlights the importance of a compassionate and holistic approach. It's about finding ways to respect and integrate an individual's spiritual beliefs into their treatment, ensuring that the journey towards healing is as supportive and effective as possible. This balance is key to harnessing the positive aspects of faith, while also navigating its challenges with care and understanding. Justin K. Hughes, MA, LPC, owner of Dallas Counseling, PLLC, is a clinician and writer, passionate about helping those impacted by OCD and Anxiety Disorders. He serves on the IOCDF's OCD & Faith Task Force and is the Dallas Ambassador for OCD Texas. Working with a diversity of clients, he also is dual-trained in psychology and theology, regularly helping anyone to understand the interaction between faith and mental health. A sought-after writer and speaker, he is currently mid-way through writing his first workbook on evidence-based care of OCD for Christians. He is seeking a collaborative agent who will help secure the best publishing house to help those most in need. Check out www.justinkhughes.com to stay in the loop and get free guides & handouts! Kimberley: Welcome, everybody. Today, we're talking about faith and its place in recovery. Does faith help your recovery? Does it hinder your recovery? And all the things in between. Today, we have Justin Hughes. Justin is the owner of Dallas Counseling and is a clinician and writer. He's passionate about helping those who are impacted by OCD. He is the Dallas ambassador for OCD Texas and serves on the IOCDF's OCD and Faith Task Force, working with a diversity of clients. He's also dual-trained in psychology and theology, regularly helping anyone to understand the interaction between faith and OCD, most commonly Christians. But today, we're here to talk about faith in general. Welcome, Justin. Justin: Kimberley Jayne Quinlan, howdy. Kimberley: You said howdy just perfectly from your Texas state. Justin: Absolutely. Kimberley: Okay. This is a huge topic. And just for those who are listening, we tried to record this once before, we were just saying, but we had tech issues. And I'm so glad we did because I have thought about this so much since, and I feel like evolved a little since then too. So, we're here to talk about how to use faith in recovery and/or is it helpful for some people, and talk about the way that it is helpful and for some not. Can you share a little bit about your background on why this is an important topic for you? Justin: Absolutely. So, first of all, as a man of faith, I'm a Christian. I went to a Christian college, got my degree in Psychology, and very much desired to interweave studies between psychology and theology. So, I went to a seminary. A lot of people hear that, and they're like, "Did you become a priest?" No, it was a counseling program at a seminary, Dallas Theological Seminary. I came here and then found my wife, and I stayed in Dallas. And it's been important to me from a personal faith standpoint. And I love the faith integration in treatment and exploring that with clients. And of course -- or maybe I shouldn't say of course, but it's going to be a lot of Christians, but I work with a lot of different faith backgrounds. And there are some really important conversations happening in the broader world of treatment about faith integration and its place. And we're going to get into all those things and hopefully some of the history and psychology's relationship to faith, which has not been the greatest at different points. For me personally, faith isn't just an exercise. It's not something that I just add on to make my day better. In fact, a lot of times, faith requires me to do way more difficult things than I want to do, but it's a belief in the ultimate object of my faith in God and Christ as a Christian. I naturally come across a lot of people who not only identify that as important but find it as very essential to their treatment. And let's get into that, the folks that find it essential, the people who find it very much not, and the people who don't. But that's just a little bit about me and why I find this so important. Kimberley: Yeah. It's interesting because I was raised Episcopalian. I don't really practice a lot of that anymore for no reason except, I don't know, if I'm going to be really honest. Justin: So honest. I love that. Kimberley: Yeah, I've been thinking about it a lot because I had a positive experience. Sometimes I long for it, but for reasons I don't know. Again, I'm just still on that journey, figuring that piece out and exploring that. Where I see clients is usually on the end of their coming to me as a client, saying, "I'm a believer, but it's all gotten messed up and mushed up and intertwined." And I'm my job. I think of my job as helping them untangle it. Justin: Yeah. Kimberley: Not by me giving my own personal opinion either, but just letting them untangle it. How might you see that? Are you seeing that also? And what is the process of that untangling, if we were to use that word? Justin: It's so broad and varied. So, I would imagine that just like with clients that I work with and folks that come to conferences and that I talk with, the listeners in your audience, hi listeners, are going to have a broad experience of views, and it's so functional. So, I want people to hear right away that I don't think that there's just a cookie-cutter approach. There can't be with this. And whether we're treating OCD, anxiety disorders, or depression, or eating disorders, or BFRVs, fill in the blank, there are obviously evidence-based treatments which are effective for most, but even those can't be a cookie cutter when it comes down to exactly what a person needs to do or what is required of them in recovery. So, yes, let me just state this upfront for the folks that might be unduly nervous at this point. First of all, the faith piece, religious piece, does not have to enter into treatments for a lot of people to get the job done. In fact, actually, for a lot of people, it was much more healing for them, including many of my clients. I have friends and family members that sometimes look at me as scant. So like, "Wait, you went to seminary, and sometimes you don't talk about God at all." And it's like, "Yeah, sometimes we're just doing evidence-based treatment, and that is that." And as an evidence-based practitioner, that's important to me. So, when people come in, I want to work with what their goals are, their values. And a lot of people have found themselves, for any number of reasons, stuck, maybe compulsions or obsessive thoughts or whatever, are stuck in all things belief, religion, or faith or whatever else. And sometimes actually, the most healing thing for them to do is sometimes get in, get out, do the job clinically, walk away, experience freedom, and then grow and develop personally. But then I've also discovered that there's this other side that some people do not find a breakthrough. Some people stay stuck. And maybe these are the people that hit the stats that we see in research of 20% or so just turn down things like ERP, (exposure and response prevention) with OCD when they're offered. And then another 20 to 30% drop out. And we have great studies that tell us that most people who stick with it get a lot of benefits, but there's all the other folks that didn't. And sometimes it's because people -- no offense, you all, but sometimes people just don't want to put in the work and discipline. However, we can't minimize it to that. Sometimes it's truly people that are willing to show up, and there's a complex layer of things. And the cookie-cutter approach is not going to work for them. Maybe they have the intersection of complex health issues, intersection of trauma, intersection of even just family of origin things where life is really difficult, or even just right now, a loneliness epidemic that's happening in the world. And by the way, I'm a huge believer in the evidence base. There's a lot in the evidence base that guides us. And as I'm talking today, I want to be really clear that when I work with folks, even when we get into the spiritual, I'm working with the evidence base. Yeah, there's things that there's no specific protocol for, but a lot of folks, I think, can hopefully be encouraged that there's a strong research base to the benefits and the use and the application and also the care of practicing various spiritual practices through treatments. So, to come back to the original question, it depends so much. It's like if somebody asked me a question like, "Hey, Justin. Okay, so as a therapist, do you think that --" and I get these questions all the time, "Is it okay for me to...? Like, I am afraid of this." I got this question at one point. Somebody was curious if I thought it was okay for them to travel to another city. And it's like, it depends. It's almost always an "it depends." So, that's where I'm going to leave it, that nice, squeaky place that we all just want a dang answer, but the reality is, it is going to massively depend on the person and where they are, and what their needs are. Kimberley: Yeah, I mean, and I'll speak to it too, sometimes I've seen a client. Let's give a few examples of a client with OCD. The OCD has attacked their faith and made it very superstitious or very fear-based instead of faith-based. And I think they come in with that, "Everything's so messy and it used to make so much sense, and now it doesn't." For eating disorders, I've had a lot of clients who will have a faith component where there are certain religions that have ways in which you prepare foods and things, and then that has become very sticky and hard for them. The eating disorder gets involved with that as well. And let me think more just from a general standpoint, and I'll use me as an example, as just like a generally anxious person. I remember this really wonderful time, I'll tell you a funny story, when my daughter was like five, out of nowhere, she insisted that we go to every church. Like she wanted to go to a Christian and a Catholic and Jewish temple and Muslim and Buddhist. She wanted to try all of them, and we were like, "Great, let's go and do it." And I could see how my anxious brain would go black and white on everything they said. So, if they said something really beautiful, my brain would get very perfectionistic about that and have a little tantrum. I think it would be like, "But I can't do it that perfect," and I would get freaked out, but also be able to catch myself. So, I think that it's important to recognize how the disorder can get mixed up in that. Justin: Yeah, absolutely. Kimberley: Right? Let's now flip, unless you have something you want to add, to how has faith helped people in their recovery, and what does that look like for you as a clinician, for the client, for their journey? Justin: Yeah, absolutely. Well, on the clinical side of things, the starting place is always going to be the assessments and diagnosis and treatment plan. And then the ethics of it too is going to be working with the person where they are and their beliefs and not forcing anything, of course. And so folks are naturally -- I get it, I respect it. I would be nervous of somebody of a different belief background that's overt about things. Some people come in, they look at the wall, they see Dallas Theological Seminary, they've studied a few things in advance. So, yeah, the starting places, sitting down, honest, building rapport, trust, assessing, diagnosing. So, for the folks where the faith piece is significant, I'll put it into two categories. So, one is sometimes we have to talk about aspects of faith just from a pure assessment sample. So, a common example of that is scrupulosity in OCD. So, I have worked with even a person on the, believe it or not, Faith and OCD Task Force who is atheist. And so, why in the world do we need to talk about faith? Why is that person even on the Faith and OCD Task Force? Well, they're representing a diversity of views and opinions on the role of faith and OCD. Kimberley: Love it. Justin: And it's so interesting to look at it at a base level with something like OCD. But frankly, a lot of mental disorders or even just challenges in life, if clinicians, one, aren't asking questions about, hey, do you have any religious views, background, even just in your background? Do you have spiritual practices that are important to you? We're missing a massive component. And here's the research piece. We know from the research that, actually, a majority of people find things of faith or spirituality important, and secondarily, that a majority of people would like to be able to talk about those things in therapy. Straight-up research. So, a couple of articles that I wrote for the IOCDF on this reference this research. So, it is evidence-based to talk about this. And then when we get into these sticky areas of obsessions and anxiety disorders, of course, it's going to poke on philosophy, worldview, spirituality. And so, it could be even outside of scrupulosity, beliefs that at first it just looks like we need some good shame reduction exercises, self-compassion, and so forth, but we discover that, oh, the person struggling with contamination OCD has a lot of deeper…
Full show notes at the publisherNow fix this one error in thinking if you want to be less anxious or depressed, either one. Today, we are going to talk about why it is so important to be able to identify and challenge this one error in your thinking. It might be the difference between you suffering hard or actually being able to navigate some sticky thoughts with a little more ease. Let's do it together.
Welcome back, everybody. My name is Kimberley Quinlan. I'm an anxiety and OCD specialist, and I am so excited to talk with you about this very important cognitive error or error in thinking that you might be engaging in and that might be making your life a lot harder. This is something I catch in myself quite regularly, so I don't want you to feel like you're wrong or bad for doing this behavior, but I also catch it a lot in my patients and my students. So, let's talk about it.
The one error you make is black-and-white thinking. This is a specific error in thinking, or we call it a cognitive distortion, where you think in absolutes. And I know, before you think, "Okay, I got the meat of the episode," stay with me because it is so important that you identify the areas in your life in which you do this. You mightn't even know you're doing it.
Again, often we've been thinking this way for so long, we start to believe our thoughts. Now, one thing to know, and let's do a quick 101: we have thoughts all day. Everybody has them. We might have all types of thoughts, some helpful, some unhelpful. But if you have a thought that's unhelpful or untrue and you think it over and over and over and over again, you will start to believe it. It will become a belief. Just like if you have a lovely, helpful thought and you think that thought over and over and over again, you will start to believe that too.
And what I want you to know is often, for those with mental health struggles, whether that be generalized anxiety, panic disorder, depression, eating disorders, OCD, PTSD, social anxiety, the list goes on and on, one thing a lot of these disorders have in common is they all have a pretty significant level of errors in thinking that fuel the disorder, make the disorder worse, prevent them from recovering. My hope today is to help you identify where you are thinking in black and white so we can get to it and apply some tools, and hopefully get you out of that behavior as soon as possible.
Here are some examples of black-and-white thinking that you're probably engaging in in some area of your life.
The first one is, things are all good or they're all bad. An example might be, "My body is bad." That there are good bodies and bad bodies. There are good people and bad people. There are good thoughts and bad thoughts. That's very true for those folks with OCD. There are good body sizes and bad body sizes, very common in BDD and eating disorders. There are people who are good at social interaction and bad at social interaction. That often shows up with people with social anxiety. That certain sensations might be good, and certain sensations might be bad. So if you have panic disorder and you have a tight chest or a racing heart rate, you might label them as all bad. And this labeling, while it might seem harmless, is training your brain to be on high alert, is training your brain to think of things as absolutes, which does again create either anxiety or a sense of hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness specifically related to depression. So we've got to keep an eye out for the all good and the all bad.
The next one we want to keep an eye out for is always and never. "I always make this mistake. I never do things right. I will always suffer. I will never get better." These absolutes keep us stuck in this hole of dread. "It'll always be this way. You're always this way." And the thing to know here is very, very rarely is something always or never true. We can go on to talk about this here in a little bit, but I want you just to sit with that for a second. It's almost never true that almost never is the truth. How does that sound for a little bit of a tongue twister?
Next thing is perfect versus failure. If you're someone who is aiming for that is either perfect or "I'm a failure," we are probably going to have a lot of anxiety and negative feelings about yourself. This idea that something is a failure. I have done episodes on failure before, and I'll talk about that here in a second. But the truth is, there is no such thing as failure; it's just a thought. And all of these are just thoughts. They're just thoughts that we have. And if we think that our thoughts are facts, we can often again get into a situation where we have really high anxiety or things feel really icky.
Another absolute black-and-white thinking that we do is that this is either easy or it's impossible. There's only those two choices. It should be either really easy or it's not possible at all. Again, it's going to get us into some trouble when we go to face our fears because facing fears is hard. We've talked about, it's a beautiful day to do hard things. And the reason I say that is to really challenge this idea that things should be easy. And just because they're hard doesn't mean they're impossible. Often people will say, "I can't." Again, just because they're hard doesn't mean that you can't do it. It just might take some practice.
So, these are common ways that black-and-white thinking shows up. And by now, if you're listening, you're probably thinking, "Oh yeah, I've been called out." And that's okay. We all do this type of thinking. But let's talk about now tools and what you can do to target this.
Let me tell you a story. Recently, I found myself managing what I would consider a crisis, a family crisis. It took several months for us to navigate this very, very difficult time. And I often leave voice recordings to my best friend. We communicate that way quite regularly. And every now and then, I listen back to what I've said to her just to hear myself and what I'm saying and where my head is. And I was shocked to hear me saying, "It's always going to be this way. It'll never get better. This is so bad. I failed. This is impossible. I can't do this anymore." I was doing all of the things. And for me, that awareness is what clicked me into like, "Oh, no wonder I'm panicking. No wonder I feel dread the minute I wake up in the morning because my story about this is exacerbating and making this harder on me. It's creating more suffering."
So the first thing I did is what I would tell my patients as well—to start with just a simple awareness training. Just being aware of when you do it. We don't have to change anything. We're not going to judge ourselves, but we're just going to write down on a sticky note or an app on your phone every time you get caught in a black-and-white thinking, and we're going to jot it down. "I always will feel this way. I will never get better. This will forever be a failure." We want to just jot it down. And that is, in and of itself, a huge part of the work—just being aware when you catch it. We're not here to come down hard on you for doing it. Sometimes it's just a matter of going, "Oh, okay, Kimberley, I see that I'm doing black-and-white thinking." And that might be all that we do.
Often, with my patients, I will have them log this for homework because, in CBT, we do a lot of homework. And so I will say, "I want you to write it down and come back to me next week because next week, we're going to work on the next tool."
Now this may be a little different depending on the condition, and I want to make sure I'm really thorough here. If you have GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) or panic, we do a lot of cognitive restructuring. We do a lot of cognitive restructuring about how you cope with your discomfort. And in some cases, we might even restructure the content of your thought.
However, if you have OCD, it's a little tiny bit different. We would still correct your thoughts about your ability to tolerate discomfort or your thoughts about yourself. But we want to be careful because sometimes when we start looking too close at the thought and trying to make sense of it and trying to correct it too much, we can actually start to be doing a little nuanced, subtle compulsion where we're getting reassurance, we're confessing, we are reinforcing the whole importance of this by going over it and correcting it, correcting it and correcting it. So just keep an eye out for that. If you're in therapy, bring it up with your therapist just to make sure that you're not using this skill today in a way that could become compulsive. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't, depends on the person.
For eating disorders, I know as my recovery from eating disorder, I did a lot of this, really examining, is my body all good or all bad? Is there such a thing as a perfect body or a failed body? This food or this body size, how do we determine its goodness or its badness? And looking at how extreme it can be.
Now, another really important piece here is with depression. In depression, we use a lot of black-and-white thinking. "I'm all that. They're all good. I'm a failure. I'll never get better. It'll never get better. Things will never look up. It'll always be this way." Depression loves to use black-and-white thinking.
And so when we talk about cognitive restructuring, what we're not talking about is just making it all positive. So here are a couple of examples. If you have depression, and for those of you, if you have depression and you don't have access to a therapist, we have a whole online course called Overcoming Depression, where we go through this in depth of the common errors, not just black and white thinking, but the common errors in depression. And we work at coming up with helpful ways to respond. But one of the tools and skills that we use is, we don't want to just come up with positive thoughts. It's going to feel crappy to you. It's going to feel fake. It's not going to land. But what we want to do is find corrections or rebuttals to that thought that are more evidence-based, more rational, more logical, more helpful—things that might feel truer to you, even if it's still somewhat distorted. It's better than thinking in these absolutes because, like I said before, if you're thinking in absolutes, you can guarantee you're going to feel crummy.
Another example is with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) or with panic disorder. A lot of it is catching our appraisal of sensations and feelings in our body. Now, again, we actually have a whole course on this as well called Overcoming Anxiety and Panic. Again, we go through a whole module of cognitive restructuring where we identify the specific thoughts that people with generalized anxiety and panic have. And it will be looking for where you make these black-and-white, all-or-nothing statements that "It would be bad if that happened. I will always again feel this way. I'll never amount to anything. This panic attack will never end. I'm not handling it well. I'm handling it all bad," or that "This sensation is impossible, and I can't tolerate it." So we go through it and really look at what are the things that you're worrying about, and how are you really bringing in black and white thinking?
There are other distortions. In fact, there are 10 other distortions which we're not covering today. Those are all in those courses as well. But again, for today, I wanted to really double down on this one. This one is particularly pesky and problematic.
The other thing to remember as we're looking at black-and-white thinking is to remember that usually, 99.999 % of the time, things happen in the middle, in the gray. I often will hear me say to clients, "Can you be a little more gray about that?" Not to say a little more dark and depressive. I'm saying gray in that, "Is there somewhere in the middle that is more true and factual? Is it all good or all bad or is it a little of both? Or is it none of either? Where in the middle does it land? Oh, you're having the thought that you're either successful or a failure? Where is everybody else in this continuum?" Most likely, they're in the gray. Can you learn to be more comfortable accepting the gray of the world and not going to these absolute black-and-whites?
The beauty is in the gray. We know this. The beauty is being kind to yourself in the gray, which brings me to the last point here, which is to practice self-compassion. We are in the gray. This podcast episode in and of itself is neither all bad nor all good. It's going to be a variation, and a lot of that's going to be dependent on people's opinion, where they are, what they're thinking, their mood, that things are really black and white. And can we be gentle with ourselves and humble enough to allow ourselves to see that this is neither good, bad, success, failure, always, never? These skills and the awareness of when we're thinking this way can reduce a significant amount of our suffering, especially when you catch them, label them, and redirect in a kind, compassionate way.
One thing I don't want you to do is identify how you're thinking in this black-and-white way and respond to that with black-and-white thinking by saying, "You'll always think this way. You'll never ever stop doing this." Ironic, but we do it all the time. Almost always, when people criticize themselves, they're using one of the two areas in thinking black and white thinking and labeling, which is like name calling. And again, we want to identify these areas in thinking.
Again, if you want to go back and take a look at those courses, we go through this immensely in depth because there's such an important part of Overcoming Anxiety and Panic and Overcoming Depression. And again, that's the names of the courses. You can head over and look into that in the show notes, or go to CBTSchool.com. We have all of our courses listed there.
All right, folks, that's it. Please fix this error in thinking if you want to be less anxious. Black-and-white thinking will create so much suffering in your life. And my hope is that these episodes and the work we do here at Your Anxiety Toolkit make you suffer a little bit less each week.
Have a great day, everyone, and I'll see you next week.
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