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What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

When you’re a parent, every day brings a “fresh hell” to deal with. In other words, there’s always something. Think of us as your funny mom friends who are here to remind you: you’re not alone, and it won’t always be this hard.
We’re Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables, both busy moms of three kids, but with completely different parenting styles. Margaret is a laid-back to the max; Amy never met a spreadsheet or an organizational system she didn’t like.
In each episode of “What Fresh Hell” we offer lots of laughs, but also practical advice, parenting strategies, and tips to empower you in your role as a mom. We explore self-help techniques, as well as ways to prioritize your own needs, combat stress, and despite the invisible workload we all deal with, find joy amidst the chaos of motherhood.
If you’ve ever wondered “why is my kid…” then one of us has probably been there, and we’re here to tell you what we’ve learned along the way.
We unpack the behaviors and developmental stages of toddlers, tweens, and teenagers, providing insights into their actions and equipping you with effective parenting strategies.
We offer our best parenting tips and skills we’ve learned. We debate the techniques and studies that are everywhere for parents these days, and get to the bottom of what works best to raise happy, healthy, fairly well-behaved kids, while fostering a positive parent-child relationship.
If you’re the default parent in your household, whether you’re a busy mom juggling multiple pickups and dropoffs, or a first-time parent seeking guidance, this podcast is your trusted resource. Join our community of supportive mom friends laughing in the face of motherhood!
whatfreshhellpodcast.com

Copyright: Copyright © 2016-2023 What Fresh Hell, LLC

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Fresh Take: Whitnee Hawthorne On Strategies For Working Moms Oct 01, 2021

Show notes

Whitnee Hawthorne is a speaker, an author, and a Fortune 500 executive. She's also a mom of two young children. As the host of the Savvy Working Moms podcast, Whitnee supports and encouraging working moms to become the women they want to be.

In this episode, we discuss

why "working dad" isn't a term
why working moms are still "the mom," even with supportive spouses
the strengths that working women bring to their workplaces
why men also need to advocate for systemic change in the workplace
how all moms can choose to find joy
Whitnee's four-step plan for effective delegation

Get the transcript for this episode on our website: whatfreshhellpodcast.com/whitnee-hawthorne

Find Whitnee on social media @SavvyWorkingMom and on her website: savvyworkingmom.com.

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.

The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!

DERMAFACS provides your skin with the ability to smooth your skin's texture and fade the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Get 15% off by going to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell.

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EXPRESSABLE is an online speech therapy company that has helped thousands of children of all ages reach their communication goals. Speak with a speech-language pathologist for free today and learn more about your child's communication development at www.expressable.io/fresh

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Jane.comis a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

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Getting Kids To Cooperate Sep 29, 2021

Show notes

Getting kids to cooperate is a challenge at all ages and stages. Here’s how to know when little kids are old enough to kick in, how "connecting before directing" works for older kids, and whether "whistling while they work" might be too much to ask.

How do we get kids to cooperate? Our listener Alison asked:

I would love some insight into engaging the cooperation of my two boys, 5 and almost 3 years old. At what age Is it reasonable to expect them to put away their toys, stay seated for meals, get in the bath without mind games, and get ready for bed in less than 60 minutes? They are capable, but rarely willing, and 8 out of 10 times it's an ordeal. We have routines, we announce transitions in advance, we give them choices and even try to make it fun, but I feel like I am either haranguing them constantly or seething with resentment or both. Do I just accept this is the season of my life? Is cooperation 2 out of 10 times a victory?

Getting kids who are younger than three to "do their share" without a lot of coaxing and singing and clapping is pretty tough. Then when they're about six, kids' "fairness radar" kicks in, and they're much less focused on loading the dishwasher than on complaining about who is not currently helping.

So there are roadblocks to kids' cooperation, to be sure, and in this episode we discuss:

whether "whistling while they work" might be too much to ask
how "connecting before directing" works for older kids
how we can model cooperation and hope our kids get the hint. (It's worth a shot.)

We mention our interview with Michaeleen Doucleff in this episode– you can hear that episode here: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/fresh-take-michaeleen-doucleff-on-raising-happy-helpful-little-humans/

Here are links to some other writing and books that we discuss in this episode:

Cameron Kleimo for Motherly: How to get your kids to listen—without yelling

Shelley Phillips for Lifehack: 6 Secrets to Getting Kids to Cooperate

scholastic.com: Ages & Stages: Learning to Cooperate

Terry Orlick: Cooperative Games and Sports

Frank McCourt: Angela's Ashes

Lemony Snicket: A Series of Unfortunate Events

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.

Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.

KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get your first month FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/motherhood.

Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!

Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.

Helixcustomized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.

The Cozi Family Organizeris for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!

Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the codeFRESH at checkout to get $5 off!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

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Ask Amy- My Kid Dumps Out The Toys Right After I Pick Them Up Sep 27, 2021

Show notes

Got a toy dumper? The way to engage little kids in household cooperativeness is to make it an outgrowth of spending time with you.

Hear more in our "Getting Kids To Cooperate" episode, launching on Wednesday 9/28/21.

This week's question comes from Lindsay via Instagram:

I have a two-year-old who used to love helping me pick up his toys. The mess never got out of control. But ever since he became a big brother a month ago he is really struggling in general. Lately he won't help me pick up his toys, and after I clean them up, he will run over and dump them out and pull books off the bookshelves. I started leaving the mess till the end of the day so I'm not spending all day cleaning, but yesterday he tripped over all his toys and busted his lip open. Any advice on the toy mess and the transition from one to two kids would be great!

You're right to have compassion about the struggle. It's only been a month since your little guy's world got turned upside down. Your life will get a little easier as the baby becomes more interesting to your toddler.

In the meantime, you do want to clamp down on the toy-dumping. But a two-year-old is too young to clean up out of a magnanimous sense of the greater good. And if you give it too much attention– even negative attention– the unwanted behavior may escalate.

In this episode, Amy gives suggestions for making the cleanup and organization of the play room as special time with Mommy– a time in which the infant sibling is far, far too immature to participate. She also gives ideas on restructuring a playroom to be more like a preschool classroom. Rotating out many of the toys will give your toddler less to dump out– and you may find that at playtime, he's even more absorbed with what he does have to play with.

Dealing with a newborn *and* a toddler at home? Listen to "Surviving a Toddler And A Newborn" for tons of great listener-sourced advice!

Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

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Fresh Take: Dr. Pooja Lakshmin on Burnout and Mom Guilt Sep 24, 2021

Show notes

Want to read the transcript for this episode? Find it here on our website.

Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, MD is a psychiatrist and author specializing in women's mental health. She is a frequent contributor to The New York Times and the founder of Gemma, the first digital education platform dedicated exclusively to women’s mental health. Dr. Lakshmin is most passionate about empowering women and sees her clinical work as a perinatal psychiatrist as an extension of this mission.

In this episode we discuss mom guilt, stress, self-care, the anxiety of this ongoing pandemic moment, and how we can reclaim ourselves amidst it all.

Get Gemma's latest course- Dealing with Mom Guilt, Marytr-Mode, and Perfectionism-here: https://gemmawomen.com/unloadmomguilt

You can find Pooja on Instagram @womensmentalhealthdoc and at her website: poojalakshmin.com.

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.

Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more- and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.

Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.

KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get your first month FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/motherhood.

Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!

Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.

Helixcustomized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.

The Cozi Family Organizeris for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!

Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the codeFRESH at checkout to get $5 off!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A Room Of Our Own: Claiming the Space We Need Sep 22, 2021

Show notes

Almost one hundred years ago, the writer Virginia Woolf famously declared that a woman needed "a room of her own" in order to do important work– and that the lack (at that time) of a long history of important work by women could be attributed to the historical lack of that space, both physical and mental.

18 months into a pandemic, with classrooms still switching back to remote learning, and with spouses musing that they kind of like working from home, a lot of us are feeling the effects of Not Enough Space.

In this episode, we discuss why women's work and spaces are often considered the most flexible; why we sometimes don't set boundaries for the time and space we'd really like; and how to go about reclaiming it. We will probably have to keep asking, but the work is worth it. We love this quote by sociologist Scarlett Brown, written before the pandemic ever existed:

"It will require a much bigger cultural shift to change society in a way that doesn’t encourage men to occupy, while women accommodate. But allowing women a physical space simply to exist in without it being encroached upon can make a real difference."

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.

Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more- and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.

Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.

KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get your first month FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/motherhood.

Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!

Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.

Helixcustomized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.

The Cozi Family Organizeris for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!

Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the codeFRESH at checkout to get $5 off!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ask Margaret - My Spouse and I Disagree About House Rules Sep 20, 2021

Show notes

Couples disagree on a lot of things, but disagreements about parenting can cause problems in our marriages, and can make raising kids even more challenging than it already is.

Amy says that when she and her spouse disagree about how to handle a parenting moment, they try to return to the motto "Same Team." Being fellow team members is a good way to think about it. Team members don't have to do things the same way -- but what they do is work together towards a common goal.

Another way to address such disagreements is to use Nick North's ranking system for communicating with your partner about the importance of your personal needs and preferences. When we increasing our communication about which of the rules of the household we can be flexible about– and which are non-negotiable to us– we get closer to achieving our overall goal: to lessen the conflicts in our households.

Margaret cites this article in this episode.

Here are some other WFH episodes that deal with this topic:

https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/parenting-as-a-team/

https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/making-it-work-for-the-long-haul-with-guest-belinda-luscombe/

https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/is-this-battle-worth-fighting/

Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Fresh Take: Dr. Danielle Dick on "The Child Code" Sep 17, 2021

Show notes

Dr. Danielle Dick is an internationally recognized expert on genetic and environmental influences on human behavior. Her new book is THE CHILD CODE: Understanding Your Child's Unique Nature for Happier, More Effective Parenting, which offers a science-based approach to parenting centered on a child’s unique genetic “code."

In this Fresh Take interview, Danielle explains how understanding our child's unique genetic tendencies helps us parent that child more effectively. Our children’s genes lay the foundation for their dispositions, and they influence the way our children move through the world. By working with our children's genetic dispositions, we can support our children's strengths and help them navigate their challenges.

Turns out the key to raising successful adults isn’t to try harder to mold our children, but rather to adapt our parenting strategies to the way our children are wired, and raise them o be who they were literally born to be.

Find THE CHILD CODE in our Bookshop store or on Amazon.

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.

Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more- and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.

Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.

KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get your first month FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/motherhood.

Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!

Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.

Helixcustomized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.

Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.

The Cozi Family Organizeris for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!

Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the codeFRESH at checkout to get $5 off!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yep, That Was So Me Sep 15, 2021

Show notes

What's your "wow, that was so me” story? What is something you did as a kid that exemplifies exactly who you are now?

Amy was taking charge at grownup parties as a six-year-old.

Margaret was getting her comedy censored in grade school.

Neither of these things, in retrospect, seem 1% surprising.

In this episode, we discuss some of our listeners' hilarious recollections of their younger selves, plus a few stories of our own– and a few more about our kids, who have also displayed their personalities early and often.

Whether you were a Halloween-candy-counter or a neighborhood Encyclopedia Brown, you'll probably recognize your younger self in this episode!

Are you listening to Toddler Purgatory? Our friends Molly and Blaire bring the hilarity and truth to discussions of life with kids six and under. Check it out: toddlerpurgatory.com.

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.

Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more- and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.

Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.

KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get your first month FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/motherhood.

Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!

Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.

Helixcustomized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.

Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.

The Cozi Family Organizeris for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!

Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the codeFRESH at checkout to get $5 off!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ask Amy - How Can I Tell When My Kid Is Overtired? Sep 13, 2021

Show notes

There's a fine line between tired and overtired, and sometimes the right bedtime exit becomes clear only once you've blown right past it. A member of our Facebook group asked:

How do I tell the difference between overtired and just plain not tired? In other words, is my toddler not settling to sleep because I’m putting him down too early or too late?

Some of the main symptoms of overtiredness are hyperactivity, irritability, and clinginess– caused by a sudden rush of adrenalin. Here's how The Sleepy Company explains overtiredness:

Your toddler's body goes from from the state of being ready for sleep to an "alert and active" state. The body can no longer cope with its fatigue and activates a stress response, pumping adrenalin and cortisol (the hormone that keeps us awake and alert) into the body. This interferes with the normal release of melatonin (the hormone that makes us drowsy), causing irritability and hyperactive behavior.

You can be a detective about how your own kid manifests overtiredness so you get better at catching the right window– but in this episode, Amy suggests what may be an easier and more effective long-term approach. Consistency around bedtime– both the routines, and the time at which it occurs– takes the guesswork out of "is my kid ready for bed?", both for yourself and for your little one.

Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Fresh Take: Kate Anthony on Doing Divorce Right Sep 10, 2021

Show notes

Kate Anthony is the host of the critically acclaimed and New York Times recommended podcast The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast and the creator of the online coaching program Should I Stay or Should I Go? which helps women make the most difficult decision of their lives using coaching tools, relationship education, geeky neuroscience, community support, and deep self-work.

In this episode, we discuss

what should go into decision-making about whether to stay or to go
how divorce can be amicable, even if the breakup (or the marriage) was not
whether "conscious uncoupling" is actually achievable
how to put kids at the center of our co-parenting (but not in the middle)
when to start dating post-divorce (and when to let them meet the kids)

You can find Kate at www.kateanthony.com and on Facebook and Instagram.

You can Subscribe to The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast on iTunes here, and join her private Facebook group here.

Have you checked out our merch yet? T-shirts, hoodies, notebooks and more: bit.ly/whatfreshmerch.

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.

Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more- and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.

Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.

KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get your first month FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/motherhood.

Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!

Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.

Helixcustomized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.

Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.

The Cozi Family Organizeris for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!

Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the codeFRESH at checkout to get $5 off!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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