What Do You Mean By That?

Latest Episodes:

238: Of Greed and Glory: The Master-Slave Dynamic Pervades America Jan 30, 2024

Show notes

You know when you have a conversation that provides you with a framework of a problem – one you may not have even known existed – and it opens your eyes in a whole new way?

Yeah, today is one of those conversations.

Because it helps look at questions like this: Do we really know what freedom is? How about liberty? And if we don't know what those concepts mean, how do we know if we've lost them? And what role does the carceral system have in all of this?

This might seem like a lot, but in a year in which we're questioning everything - democracy and America, to name a few - if we don't know what those concepts mean, how can we imagine a world full of them?

That's one of the questions that today's guest asks - and answers - through her new book, Of Greed and Glory, which takes a look at her brother's incarceration in Angola and uses that as a jumping-off point to ask some larger questions that, in all honesty, we need to be asking ourselves if we really want to be engaged in this fight.

After you listen to this episode, please tell several friends about it, and look to support people doing this work in your community. As always, we'd love to hear what resonates with you - please do reach out and let us know.

What to listen for:

How incarcerating an individual is actually incarcerating a family
Does America even want to be a democracy anymore?
The master-slave dynamic – including how that shows up in patriarchy, and yes, why we believe women understand the significance of this conversation. Hello, Dear White Women podcast…
How American enterprises are built on the same model as the slave plantation slate. Corporate America, we're looking at you.
What we can do to start changing the system

About the author:

DEBORAH G. PLANT is an African American and Africana Studies Independent Scholar, Writer, and Literary Critic specializing in the life and works of Zora Neale Hurston. She is the editor of the New York Times bestseller Barracoon: The Story of the Last "Black Cargo" by Zora Neale Hurston and the author of Alice Walker: A Woman for Our Times, a philosophical biography. She is also the editor of The Inside Light: New Critical Essays on Zora Neale Hurston, and the author of Zora Neale Hurston: A Biography of the Spirit and Every Tub Must Sit On Its Own Bottom: The Philosophy and Politics of Zora Neale Hurston. She holds MA and Ph. D. degrees in English from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and traveled to Benin as a Fulbright-Hays fellow. Plant played an instrumental role in founding the University of South Florida's Department of Africana Studies, where she chaired the department for five years. She presently resides in Florida.

To give us input on what you want from our newsletter, and/or share your Asian immigration stories, reach us via email at hello@dearwhitewomen.com.

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237: Helping to Dismantle or Uproot Systemic Racism Does Not Always Have to Be Heavy Jan 16, 2024

Show notes

It can be as simple - and meaningful - as picking up a fiction novel, reading it, and discussing it with your book club. Because once you see, hear, and learn, we don't think you'll ever be able to "go back to how it used to be." You'll change. You'll do things differently. You'll make ripple effects happen. Change is not a one-size-fits-all phenomenon, nor is change-making. More often than not, it starts small, local, and with just one intentional action.

Today we bring you just that book that we recommend you read with your book club in 2024. The fabulous co-authors of Rebecca Not Becky, Christine Platt, and Catherine Wigginton Green, drew on both their lived experiences and their work as DEI advocates to bring you all a relatable story that will impact the way you see the world, no matter who you are!

What to listen for:

Why this book is different - written by DEI practitioners from a Black and white perspective
What the authors found most challenging and surprising about writing the book
The unexpected feedback the authors are receiving so far
How helpful it is to write and post real, positive reviews on works like this

About the authors: Both live in Washington, DC.

CHRISTINE PLATT writes literature for children and adults that centers on African diasporic experiences—past, present, and future. She holds Bachelor and Master of Arts degrees in African and African American studies as well as a Juris doctorate in general law. She currently serves as Executive Director for Baldwin For The Arts.

CATHERINE WIGGINTON GREENE is a writer and filmmaker whose storytelling focuses on strengthening human connection and understanding. Her feature documentary "I'm Not Racist . . . Am I?" continues to be used throughout the US as a teaching tool for starting racial dialogue. A graduate of Coe College and Columbia University's Graduate School of Journalism, Catherine is currently pursuing her doctorate from The George Washington University's Graduate School of Education and Human Development.

To give us input on what you want from our newsletter, and/or share your Asian immigration stories, reach us via email at hello@dearwhitewomen.com.

Follow Dear White Women so you don't miss these conversations!

Like what you hear? Don't miss another episode and subscribe!

Catch up on more commentary between episodes by following us on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter – and even more opinions and resources if you join our email list.

236: DEAR WHITE WOMEN – Happy New Year 2024 Jan 02, 2024

Show notes

Akemashite Omedetou Gozaimasu! Happy New Year!

We like to split this episode, one we have done every year at this time of year for the last four years, into two parts – reflections and projections. You'll want to listen so you don't miss how to stay involved in what's next for us, the podcast, and 2024 as a whole.

What to listen for:

Our history, identities, and what we've learned in 2023, including huge successes through the year
How to submit ideas for episode topics in 2024 & book us for speaking gigs: contact us at hello@dearwhitewomen.com
Stats around how Trump is looking increasingly like a dictator and how we must be vigilant in our own communities and have conversations to further our shared democratic goals

About us:

A graduate of Harvard College and Columbia Law School, Misasha Suzuki Graham (she/her) has been a practicing litigator for over 15 years, and is passionate about diversity, equity, and inclusion in the legal profession as well as in her communities. She is a facilitator, writer, and speaker regarding issues of racial justice, especially regarding children, the co-author of Dear White Women: Let's Get (Un)comfortable Talking About Racism, and the co-host of Dear White Women, a social justice podcast. Misasha, who is biracial (Japanese and White), is married to a Black man and is the proud mom of two very active multiracial young boys. They live in the Bay Area of California with their largely indifferent cat.

Sara Blanchard (she/her) helps build community and connection through conscious conversations, which she does as a facilitator, TEDx speaker, writer, and consultant. After graduating from Harvard and working at Goldman Sachs, Sara pursued the science and techniques of well-being and is a certified life coach, author of two books (Flex Mom and Dear White Women: Let's Get (Un)comfortable Talking About Racism), and co-host of Dear White Women, an award-winning weekly social justice podcast. Sara is biracial (Japanese and White), married to a White Canadian man, and is raising their two White-presenting girls to be compassionate, thoughtful advocates. They live in Denver, Colorado with their incredibly lovable dog.

235: It's Not Race, It's Racism: Raising Multi-Ethnic Families, with Naomi Raquel Enright Dec 19, 2023

Show notes

One of the things that we find most rewarding about our own journeys in anti-racism, racial justice, and social justice is when we come across practitioners who come from a similar framework that we do (heart-centered, humanity first, believe people when they tell you their stories, and all of those things) but also challenge us to think more broadly, or more deeply, about these topics in powerful ways. Our guest today does all of that and more.

Naomi Raquel Enright is a DEI practitioner, Ecuadorian and Jewish, a mother, sister, daughter, and so many more things - and all of these identities influence how she views the world, especially when she thinks about raising her son. It was an honor to be able to talk about raising multiethnic children with her today, especially with her clear focus on the systems that keep us trapped in a narrative about race that helps zero people in the end. We hope that you sit with what she says, and think about how you frame your understanding of families, systems, and individuals as a result.

What to listen for:

How being raised as the daughter of an Ecuadorian mother and white father shaped Naomi's perspectives in raising her son
What to think about when assuming things about other families – in particular, whether someone is or isn't a certain child's mother – and what that felt like to be on the receiving end of
The reasoning behind some new-to-us phrasing – "presumed to be white" instead of "white-presenting" or "passing for white" and "multi-ethnic" instead of "multiracial/biracial"
Some thoughts on raising children the world presumes to be white, and what white families can do better

About Naomi:

Naomi Raquel Enright is a writer, educator, and consultant based in Brooklyn, NY. She is also a National SEED (Seeking Educational Equity and Diversity) Facilitator and a New York Appleseed board member. Raised in New York City, she was born in La Paz, Bolivia to an Ecuadorian mother and a Jewish-American father, and is a native speaker of English and Spanish. She holds a BA in Anthropology from Kenyon College and studied at the Universidad de Sevilla, Spain. She writes about racism and identity, loss, and parenting. Her essays have appeared in several publications including Hold The Line Magazine, Family Story, Role Reboot, Streetlight Magazine, among others, and in the anthologies, The Beiging of America (2017), Sharing Gratitude (2019) and Streetlight Magazine 2021 (2022). She has been interviewed on a number of podcasts, including Global Citizenship & Equity, Inclusion School, War Stories from the Womb, The Mixed Creator, and Project 25. Her essay The Hidden Curriculum, received an Honorable Mention in Streetlight Magazine's 2021 Essay/Memoir Contest. Her book, Strength of Soul (2Leaf Press; University of Chicago Press), was published in April 2019.

Read Naomi's written work:

234: HOW to Have Uncomfortable Conversations, 2023 Version Dec 05, 2023

Show notes

When you think about the holidays, what image comes to mind? Sitting around a holiday table with friends and family? Spending time with loved ones? Watching some holiday movies, sipping hot cocoa, and all the warm holiday fuzzies?

Or is your reality more like that of a lot of Americans, especially this 2023 holiday season: uncomfortable or downright hostile conversations with members of your family who feel VERY differently about you on polarizing topics, which could include politics, social justice, the economy, democracy, genocide, and so much more?

Most importantly, what are we supposed to do about this? Are we supposed to, as the New York Times suggest in their "How to Avoid Awkward Conversations" piece in mid-November, first try and "stifle those conversations"? That doesn't seem very realistic, because let's face it, your racist uncle is going to say what he wants to say, regardless of how many times you try to steer him towards "safe" topics.

Here at the podcast, we don't think people want to avoid having uncomfortable conversations - they just don't know HOW to have them. More than anything, people want practical tips.

Because let's face it - we are in an extremely dark period both as a country and on a global level, we have what may be the most contentious election in our lifetime next year (I know, we said this in 2020 - we stand corrected), and we're still going to be gathering with people over the next year. We think these conversations will only ramp up in frequency, tone, and seriousness going forward.

So in this episode, we're going to be sharing tons of tools that you need to have those uncomfortable conversations with family, with friends, and even yourself now through 2024. Please share your best tips with us, as well!

What to listen for:

Tips for before, during, and after your holiday gatherings
A selection of these tips include:

knowing yourself and your why,
setting healthy boundaries,
using our favorite question "what do you mean by that?"
using "I statements," with lots of specific examples
questions you can use to reflect on what worked / didn't work after the event.

You'll want to listen to the short episode to get the whole range of how to use these tips and more!

To give us input on what you want from our newsletter, and/or share your Asian immigration stories, reach us via email at hello@dearwhitewomen.com. Follow Dear White Women so you don't miss these conversations! Like what you hear? Don't miss another episode and subscribe! Catch up on more commentary between episodes by following us on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter – and even more opinions and resources if you join our email list.

233: Hearts Recognize Hearts, with Ryan Alexander Holmes Nov 21, 2023

Show notes

If you heard our last episode on the myths surrounding Black-on-Asian crime, you heard that narratives pitting one historically marginalized community against another is a tactic sometimes used to distract us from the real enemy that we all should be focused on (hint: it's white supremacy). It helps when we deconstruct the facts and look at real studies to dispel those myths – and helps, even more, when we get the opportunity to listen to stories of people who live the Black and Asian experience as a multiracial American, when we hear their heart-centered experiences from start to end.

That's why we are so excited to share our conversation with Ryan Alexander Holmes, who's not only an amazing actor (and king of hilarious reels on Instagram), but also someone who has thought deeply about race, identity, trauma, healing, and so much more. We believe that there's something in this conversation for EVERYONE, regardless of how you identify, as it focuses on humanity first above all else.

What to listen for:

Our "secret superhero" names - and what our names mean to us
The impact of growing up in a conservative wealthy area, as one of the only African American families, and how Ryan claimed community and belonging anyway
How to find humor in (your own) culture, reorient your sense of validation, and speak your truth
What Ryan wants people to know about the misperceptions around Black on Asian crime (hint: it's not real)
The importance of radical empathy and how to heal from racial trauma

About Ryan:

Ryan Alexander Holmes is an actor and content creator based in Los Angeles, known for his strong presence on social media where he uses comedy and writing to explore and embrace his mixed Chinese/African American heritage. He aims to inspire others of mixed backgrounds to embrace their identity and showcase the strength in multiculturalism. You can find more information at ryanalexanderholmes.com/ and follow him on Instagram @ryanalexh.

232: DEAR WHITE WOMEN: The Common Enemy Is White Supremacy Nov 07, 2023

Show notes

You know the viral videos - the ones showing Black people, usually men, attacking unsuspecting Asian folks, usually elderly Asians. These are atrocious, awful incidents of course. We don't want anybody to be harmed. AND, since we can hold two thoughts in our heads at the same time, we also need to state that these viral videos are giving us an inaccurate impression of anti-Asian hate.

For example, it turns out, according to a University of Maryland, College Park study, that most anti-Asian hate crimes are committed by white people, NOT Black people. Significantly so – more than three-quarters of offenders of anti-Asian hate crimes and incidents, from both before and during the pandemic, have been white.

We want to have this conversation as part of our mixed race Asian arc, focusing on what we believe should be a point of solidarity but has instead been misunderstood to be a divisive issue with regard to Black and Asian Americans, with actual data as a reminder for all of us – that we need to train ourselves to pause when we see narratives that pit one historically marginalized group against another historically marginalized group, and ask ourselves if they're true, because they're often serving simply as a distraction to change the conversation, to move it away from the "real" enemy - white supremacy. Dismantling white supremacy is where all of us - Asians, Black folks, white folks, and more – need to keep our energy focused.

What to listen for:

Hate crime statistics - which show that even through the rise of anti-Asian hate through to the Covid years, there were still more anti-Black hate crimes than anti-Asian hate crimes.
Perpetrators of hate crimes are predominantly white, as confirmed by multiple studies – NOT people of color, contrary to misperception due to viral videos
Why is there this erroneous narrative of Black on Asian crime?
Taking apart the idea of white adjacency, and challenging more people of Asian descent to stand in solidarity against the common enemy -- white supremacy.
Examples of Black and Asian solidarity throughout history.

231: Schuyler Bailar, the Man Behind He/She/They Oct 24, 2023

Show notes

When we're asked to do anti-bias talks at corporations, we're sometimes asked by the different ERGs if we're comfortable talking about LGTBQIA+ issues - and we answer with our truth, which is that we are both cisgender, heterosexual women who use she/her pronouns. Nobody in our families is LGBTQIA+. So while the skill sets to tackle bias are related, we prefer to give the floor to folks who can speak from firsthand experience and knowledge.

Enter our incredible conversation partner today - Schuyler Bailar, who many of you may know as @pinkmantaray. We've been following him on Instagram, and his new book He/She/They is now on our short list of Best Books to Recommend Ever due to its practical structure and the fact that it's full of questions he's received about being transgender. Just like the videos and workshops and all the work that he does, it's accessible, not shaming; it's factual, personal and so very meaningful. And bonus - he fits right into our multiracial Asian arc, as a mixed-race Korean and white American!

Remember, your LGBTQIA+ friends are not here to educate you; this isn't their job. Schuyler has chosen to take on this role, so listen to this episode, read the book, watch his informative factual social media videos and make sure you're doing the work yourself to be a better, more understanding human being!

What to listen for:

Intersectionality, and Schuyler's own experience growing up biracial
The importance of exploring why you are who you are, for ALL of us, when it comes to gender
The quick take-down of the arguments from people working to push trans women out of women's sports
A bullet-pointed list of what NOT to say to transgender folks (timestamp 24.07 - 28.30)
How to remind yourself of joy and a sense of thriving in the world, when it gets rough
What Schuyler wants cisgender, heterosexual women to do differently, once you listen to the episode

Make sure you sign up for our email list and follow us on Instagram @dearwhitewomenpodcast so you get the two bonus questions we asked Schuyler!

About Schuyler:

Schuyler Bailar (he/him) is the first transgender athlete to compete in any sport on an NCAA Division 1 men's team. By 15, he was one of the nation's top - 20 15-year-old breast-strokers. By 17, he set a national age-group record. In college, he swam for Harvard University, on Harvard's winningest team in 50 years. Schuyler's difficult choice – to transition while potentially giving up the prospect of being an NCAA Champion – was historic. His story has appeared everywhere from 60 Minutes to The Washington Post. Schuyler's tireless advocacy has earned him numerous honors including LGBTQ Nation's Instagram Advocate for 2020. In 2021, Schuyler also released his first middle-grade novel, Obie Is Man Enough. And in 2022, Schuyler created LaneChanger.com making gender literacy education accessible to every team, school, and company.

Follow Schuyler on Instagram @pinkmantaray

230: Mixed Asians and Immigration: It's Not A Simple Story Oct 10, 2023

Show notes

You heard us talking with Alex Chester-Iwata the other week on the show, who is third-generationJapanese American, and was the first family member in decades to visit Japan. So, maybe like some of you listening, she has no direct experience with immigration – your family feels like it's "always been here" in America.

That experience that Alex has of being mixed Asian is really different than what Misasha and Sara grew up with, as daughters of Japanese immigrant parents - we grew up visiting our parents' extended families in Japan and feeling kind of at home in a different country.

It got us wondering… what IS the impact of immigration on the Asian American experience? Can we explore how the psychological impact of immigration may be a missing part of the discussion when it comes to deconstructing common stereotypes that folks have here of Asians? And how might that impact the mixed Asians in America today?

What to listen for:

Immigration stats – Asians now represent 6% of the total U.S. population and are the fastest-growing population segment, with 103% growth between 2000-2023.
Immigration history – and how the Hart-Cellar Act of 1965 (so recent!) finally opened the doors to immigration from Asian countries.
Undocumented immigrant misperceptions – there are 1,734,600 undocumented immigrants from Asia and the Pacific Islands,17 percent of the total undocumented population living in the United States. Yet we focus on those from our southern borders.
The psychological pressures to know that may impact the perception of Asians in America. Assimilation, language, food, and more.
New vocabulary to know – "ethno-racialization"

To give us input on what you want from our newsletter, and/or share your Asian immigration stories, reach us via email at hello@dearwhitewomen.com.

229: Mixed Asian (Media) with Alex Chester-Iwata Sep 26, 2023

Show notes

When you turn on the TV or open a book, or look for memes on the Internet… how easy is it to find someone who looks like you? Your family? Because it's never been that easy for us. So when today's guest, who started her own media company called Mixed Asian Media out of her OWN frustration over not being represented out there, came across our radar, we immediately wanted to know all about her, her company, and her vision of what being mixed Asian is in today's society, media, and our own journeys.

We couldn't wait to have this chat with Alex Chester-Iwata, as today we get VERY real about growing up mixed Asian in the United States, belonging in Asian spaces, the questions that White, Asian, and other monoracial (listen in to find out more about THAT word) people ask biracial and multiracial individuals that we REALLY wish you wouldn't, and so much more. This episode continues our look into what it means to be biracial and multiracial in this country, and even if that's not you, we guarantee that someone you know is living this experience. This is about all of us.

What to listen for:

Our latest thoughts on representation in the media, and what led to the formation of Mixed Asian Media
How to make spaces more explicitly welcoming of multiracial people.
Why we love the term "monoracial" - and what we want more monoracial folks to know about what NOT to ask multiracial folks.

About Alex Chester-Iwata:

Alex the Founder/CEO of Mixed Asian Media - A website and community for mixed APIs, recognized by the Nielsen Consumer Report on AAPIs. Alex received the 2023 Women of Distinction of Assembly 69th of California award and last year was one of the Asian Hustle Network's top 50 Unsung Heros. Alex received her BA in 2021 from St. Mary's College she graduated with honors and received the Dean's Award for community engagement and academic excellence. Alex is a board member of ACE Next Gen's NYC Chapter and is on the Board of Directors for the American Advertising Federation LA. She is a community leader for the Lunar Collective and she is also part of the 2023 Jews of Color cohort The Workshop, she also serves on the advisory board of her alma mater St. Mary's LEAP Program, and is a member of Gold House and is part of their inaugural Journalism Accelerator Program

Alex is also an Actor. Some acting credits include Broadway's How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Gillian in This Space Between Us Off Broadway's Keen Company. TV credits include New Amsterdam, The Good Fight, and The Closer, to name a few. @AlexFChester @MixedAsianMedia

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