What Do You Mean By That?

Latest Episodes:

268: How We Can Fight Book Bans in 2025 Mar 25, 2025

Show notes

Between the time when we recorded this episode and this introduction, so many of our learning institutions, including the Department of Education and the Institute of Museum and Library Services, are being systematically or haphazardly dismantled at the whim of our current President(s). This may send us into a spiral of despair - or, may even freeze us in place and render us unable to act.

But … what if these challenges brought us into the fight, instead?

Our two guests on this episode co-founded organizations designed to do just that - fight back. They are just like you and me, except they saw what was wrong in their communities and decided to do something about it. We hope that you listen to Gaby and Lissette's stories in this episode and share them far and wide.

We are not powerless. We, the people, can do so much. And now is the time: find what you love, and fight for it in your communities. All of us, or none of us. And we need books, and the truth, now more than ever.

What to listen for:

Which (now banned) books shaped early life in important ways for Gaby and Lisette
How each of them started their respective organizations and the "why" behind doing so
What to do to support their work, as well as get involved/start your own fight

About Lissette:

Lissette Fernandez, of Miami, Florida, is the co-founder of Moms for Libros, a nonprofit, nonpartisan public education advocacy (because a good quality education should be a nonpartisan issue). As a mother of two, she is dedicated to ensuring that all children have access to a high-quality, equitable education.

About Gaby:

Gaby Diaz-Vendrell is a senior at Barnard College, double majoring in psychology and human rights with a minor in education. She began organizing at 14 in response to the 2018 Parkland shooting and has since worked with Women's March, Florida Action Network, Florida N.O.W., and other public interest organizations. In 2024, Diaz-Vendrell founded Our Florida, a coalition of parents, students, and educators working on The Protect Florida Classrooms Act, a bill designed to challenge Florida's arbitrary book bans through civil rights law. At her core, she is dedicated to building a world where the dignity of every human is respected, justice prevails, and systems uplift rather than oppress.

267: Don't Let Yourself Be Gaslit By Our Two Presidents Mar 11, 2025

Show notes

Gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that involves manipulating someone into questioning their sanity, memories, or perception of reality. Sounds horrible right? An example of this: a person or institution may say that an activist campaigning for change is irrational or "crazy," or they may deny biases if someone confronts them about microaggressions.

Nobody wants to be gaslit – it makes you feel confused, anxious, and isolated, and we know from research that feeling like that can have a real impact on your mental AND physical health.

But here we are, being gaslit by the leaders of our very own United States government. And when we say things like this, I keep coming back to George Orwell's quote from 1984 - or was it 2025? - which says: "The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command." This is exactly what's happening now.

So - how do we keep ourselves from being fooled? How do we make sure that our collective mental and physical health as a nation doesn't go down the toilet? We need to gather evidence to counteract the denial, the trivializing, the stereotyping that's happening.

So, in this episode, that's what we're going to do. Gather evidence to make sure you have all the info you need to stand up and push back against people who say what's happening is normal. Educate yourselves and then each other because mainstream media is covering the chaos. We (the collective we, I mean) have to cover the truth.

To be clear: nothing that's happening now is normal. And we cannot be gaslit into thinking it is.

What to listen for:

Why the government is not actually bloated, and the mass firings are illegal
How tariffs are taxes, which will be increasing prices for YOU at the register - for eggs, houses, appliances, and more
Safety and security are at risk - both domestically with air traffic concerns, all the way to the shift in our international world order - and with the reduction in healthcare and schooling, among other things sure to come
What you can do, both locally and through calling your representatives. Use 5calls.org.
Follow the Project 2025 Tracker: https://www.project2025.observer/

Further resources, from the Grassroots Connector substack: Investigative Journalism with Traditional Roots

AP News: Globally trusted source of fast, accurate, and unbiased news. Operates as a nonprofit cooperative owned by major U.S. daily newspapers, radio, and TV stations, which share its news stories. Articles are written by staff in 100 countries and all 50 states, most of whom are members of the Newspaper Guild Union, part of the AFL-CIO—committed to nonpartisan, fact-based reporting, upholding the highest transparency, accuracy, and integrity standards while championing press freedom and journalist safety worldwide.
The Courier: A pro-democracy news network aiming to counter misinformation, hold leaders accountable, and build a more informed and engaged electorate, covering policies affecting communities, focusing on democracy, economic justice, healthcare, climate, and inequality. Owned by Good Information Inc., COURIER, a public benefit corporation, is funded by reader contributions, sponsors, and philanthropic support while maintaining editorial independence.
The Guardian: Global news organization delivering independent, progressive investigative journalism that holds power to account and amplifies unheard voices. The primary shareholder is the Scott Trust, which reinvests all profits to support public-interest journalism free from political or corporate influence (more on Scott Trust here). Over half of its funding is from readers worldwide.
Mother Jones: A nonprofit, reader-supported investigative newsroom founded in 1976. America's oldest investigative news outlet focusing on democracy, voting rights, racial justice, and reproductive rights. Based in San Francisco (with bureaus in Washington, DC, and NYC) MJ is a progressive, independent news source.
NPR: An independent, nonprofit media organization known for in-depth, fact-based journalism. Supported by a diverse pool of revenue, including corporate sponsorships, member station fees, and philanthropic contributions. NPR is committed to transparency and journalistic integrity.
MeidasTouch Network (MTN): founded by brothers Ben, Brett, and Jordy Meiselas, is a pro-democracy, independently owned news network. The network's news division, MeidasNews.com, is led by former prosecutor Ron Filipkowski. The network features contributions from prominent legal analysts, journalists, and political experts, including Karen Friedman Agnifilo, Michael Popok, Harry Litman, and Brian Karem.
ProPublica: An independent, nonprofit newsroom dedicated to exposing abuses of power and betrayals of public trust through investigative journalism. With a team of over 150 journalists, ProPublica tackles critical issues like government, business, health care, and the environment, aiming to spur real-world reform and accountability. Founded in 2007, ProPublica is funded primarily by donations. See financials here.
Reuters: 170-year-old global news agency, guided by its Trust Principles to ensure integrity, independence, and unbiased reporting. Its fact-checking unit focuses on verifying claims and visual material from social media, with findings published on Reuters.com. Adheres to its Code of Principles as a signatory of the International Fact-Checking Network (IFCN).
Rolling Stone: Over the last several years, RP has earned a reputation as a trusted progressive voice by holding the powerful accountable and shining a light on injustice. Progressive and disruptive (in the best sense of the word).
The 19th: A nonprofit newsroom founded in 2020 to empower women and LGBTQ+ people, emphasizing
underrepresented communities, with free, independent journalism focused on gender, politics, and policy. Named for the 19th Amendment, its mission highlights the ongoing struggle for equity and inclusion in democracy. Funded by memberships, philanthropy, and corporate support. (Donors are listed by name for the sake of transparency).
Teen Vogue: A strong voice in politics, takes a progressive stance, and amplifies perspectives of young people on issues like democracy, identity, and social justice. Editor-in-Chief Versha Sharma describes it as "a guide and resource for young people who want to change the world for the better, all the while, reminding them to have fun and find joy doing it."

266: In Support of Transgender Lives with Schuyler Bailar Feb 25, 2025

Show notes

In the United States, there are an estimated 1.6 million people who identify as transgender, which is about 0.6% of the population ages 13 and older. It's about the equivalent of the population of Phoenix, Arizona; it's just about how many people said on the US Census in 2021 that they are Japanese. Of course this population matters – AND, it's not a large percentage of our American population.

Yet the inordinate number of laws that have already been passed or changed since #47 was re-inaugurated, ones that harm the transgender community and the individuals and families in it, is astounding. In other words, although this group doesn't comprise a large percentage of our American population, it is being disproportionately targeted by this administration.

The cruelty is the point, sure. But what can we do about it? How can we be an ally?

Let's start with organizations to support. If you have the ability to donate or volunteer, here are a few that we like: the Transgender Law Center, Advocates for Trans Equality, The Trevor Project, The Trans Lifeline, and GLAAD. Also, you'll want to make sure to check what organizations are available locally as well, as it will be your local communities where you can have the most impact.

Next, listen to this episode - or re-listen, if you heard it come out before. Buy Schuyler's book. Tell all your friends. We have to talk about what it means to be transgender, and how the transgender lived experience differs from ours, if we want to truly be allies and not just performatively say we are. This is where we say, and mean it: all of us, or none of us. We hope you listen, and take action.

What to listen for: Intersectionality, and Schuyler's own experience growing up biracial The importance of exploring why you are who you are, for ALL of us, when it comes to gender The quick take-down of the arguments from people working to push trans women out of women's sports

A bullet pointed list of what NOT to say to transgender folks [TIMESTAMP PLEASE] How to remind yourself of joy and a sense of thriving in the world, when it gets rough What Schuyler wants cisgender, heterosexual women to do differently, once you listen to the episode

About Schuyler: Schuyler Bailar (he/him) is an educator, advocate, and bestselling author who made history as the first transgender athlete to compete in any sport on an NCAA Division 1 men's team. Originally recruited to swim for the Harvard women's team, Schuyler made the difficult choice to transition while potentially giving up the prospect of being a women's NCAA Champion. His story has appeared everywhere from 60 Minutes to The Washington Post and the Ellen Show. Schuyler's tireless advocacy has earned him numerous honors, including Forbes 30 Under 30 and the Out 100. In 2023, Schuyler's critically acclaimed nonfiction bestseller became the preeminent resource on trans inclusion, He/She/They: How We Talk About Gender and Why It Matters. Schuyler's works include his middle-grade novel Obie Is Man Enough, his online gender literacy training LaneChanger.com, and his hit podcast Dear Schuyler, including exclusive interviews with trans icons and allies like Lia Thomos, Dylan Mulvaney, Rafael de la Fuente, and many more.

Resources

Follow Schuyler on Instagram @pinkmantaray

Consider donating to Schuyler's non-profit, which is underwriting a retreat for transgender athletes in May 2025 (and if you want more information, send us an email): https://www.paypal.com/donate?campaign_id=SKPQ7DUZXATAL

How else can you support transgender lives? https://www.them.us/story/orgs-fighting-back-anti-trans-legislation

265: The United States Should Focus On Equality, with Steve Phillips Feb 11, 2025

Show notes

We need to be honest about our nation's history - that we've always been a divided nation - if we're going to be able to strengthen and maximize the full power and potential of our nation. What's that nation we want to move towards? One dedicated to the proposition of equality.

That's the clear, fresh vision that our guest today, Steve Phillips, writes about in his recent article in The Nation - an article that put in writing what we'd been thinking about - which is to say this:

We're pretty tired of the barrage of viewpoints standing AGAINST what the Trump administration is doing to our country - the authoritarianism, the oppression, the broligarchy. We believe it is much more powerful to round out those views to include not just what we don't want, but importantly, what we are fighting for, and what we are aspiring to be.

The proposition of equality. Of well-being for all.

What to listen for:

Recognizing the different nations within our country (i.e. facing our history) so we can articulate what we stand for and fight for what we want to see
The fully thought-out case for why the Civil War never really ended - with excellent examples from history
That we need to focus on the long game - by investing in level 5 leaders, building strong civic engagement organizations, developing detailed data-driven plans, and playing the long game

About Steve: Steve Phillips is a national political leader, bestselling author, and columnist. He is the author of The New York Times bestseller Brown Is the New White: How the Demographic Revolution Has Created a New American Majority and the national bestselling book How We Win the Civil War: Securing a Multiracial Democracy and Ending White Supremacy for Good.

He is a columnist for The Guardian and The Nation. He is also the host of "Democracy in Color with Steve Phillips," a color-conscious podcast on politics. He is the founder of Democracy in Color, a political media organization dedicated to race, politics and the multicultural progressive New American Majority.

264: Trump 2.0: What This Might Mean For Women, Parents, And All of Us Jan 28, 2025

Show notes

Since every day since Trump's second inauguration has likely brought a fresh onslaught of possibilities that range from the incomprehensibly absurd to those that actively promote authoritarianism and slash away at our fundamental rights, it's also important to cut through the noise and figure out: what does this mean for us?

Today, we're touching on some areas that we think WILL be affected, especially impacting women, parents, and all of us. You may not leave this episode more uplifted, but you will leave it with a sense of agency and focus as you think about how we can each stand and fight, in our own communities, and for each other.

What to listen for:

The SCOTUS challenges that are coming up - ones that may impact your access to Medicaid, contraception, cancer screenings, preventive medications for chronic conditions such as cardiovascular disease, counseling on health behaviors related to nutrition and weight management, alcohol and drug use, tobacco cessation services, screening for depression, and prenatal services.
How we're heading headlong into a new set of mommy wars - pitting moms who see motherhood as a martyr-like sacrifice against those who think we should have a choice about how we wish to live our lives.
The hollowing out of education in our country, with more taxpayer money going to private schools and away from public schools, and teaching this next generation a skewed version of reality when it comes to our nation's history.
What you can do - getting involved in local efforts, holding the line as we talk to real people in our communities, being intentional with our information sources and applying critical thinking before we react, and voting withour wallet.

Listen for more!

263: How Are You Trump-Proofing Your Life? Jan 14, 2025

Show notes

We've arrived in 2025, and assuming President-Elect Trump is inaugurated, this means he will be the first president to take office convicted of felony crimes. And since we know that an organization's tone is often set by its leadership, we can't help wondering: how will we see Trump's leadership impact the culture of the United States, and how will this play out in our collective futures?

Let's be real about where we are in this moment in history, courtesy of the Atlantic: "According to a report last year by the Varieties of Democracy Institute at the University of Gothenburg, in Sweden, when it comes to global freedom, we have returned to a level last seen in 1986. About 5.7 billion people—72 percent of the world's population—now live under authoritarian rule. Even the United States, vaunted beacon of democracy, is about to inaugurate a president who openly boasts of wanting to be a "dictator on day one," who regularly threatens to jail his opponents and sic the military on the "enemy within," and who jokes about his election being the country's last…..Many Americans understand today what political exhaustion and complacency look and feel like. But the dissident is the one who hopes against hope."

We can't imagine it'll be particularly easy, but we do believe we have reason to hope. Hope is the consequence of action, and is often self-fulfilling (we act, we hope, we act some more). This is why today, we're asking you this: How are YOU Trump-proofing your life?

What to listen for:

Putting self care first - like, REAL self care - and the story about Sara's thunderclap headaches
How to stay informed while keeping your sanity
Necessary mindsets, including trusting yourself, grieving, choosing your lane / letting go of the rest, getting real about power - and asking ourselves what we're willing to sacrifice (comfort, convenience, or more) to stand up for what's right
Simple example: Do you believe fact-checking and real people are important parts of social media platforms? If so, will you get yourself off Meta's platforms?
A reminder not to reinvent the wheel, but find and support organizations doing the work with your time, money, and energy. Here's a list to start with - let us know what organizations you support and we'll add them to our list!

Connect with Us!

A reminder not to reinvent the wheel, but to find and support organizations doing the work with your time, money, and energy. Here's a list to start with - let us know what organizations you support and we'll add them to our list!

To give us input on what you want from our newsletter, and/or share your Asian immigration stories, reach us via email at hello@dearwhitewomen.com.

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262: Farewell 2024, Hello 2025 Dec 31, 2024

Show notes

Tomorrow, we'll be wishing our loved ones "akemashite omedetou gozaimasu" - or, Happy New Year, in Japanese. If you're a long-time listener, you know that DEI work (or whatever we'll be calling it going forward) is personal to us. We're both the daughters of a Japanese immigrant parent and a white American parent each; the ideas of multiculturalism and difference are embedded in our DNA, and we were raised to have respect not only for our own diverse histories, but those of all others in the world - after all, we're each only one of 8 billion people in the world, and you bet that everyone has their own story, their own way of living, thinking, and being in our society.

On top of that, let's be clear about our chosen families. Misasha is married to a Black man and has two very multiethnic sons who are Black Japanese, and white. We've spent years laying the groundwork to help you understand anti-Black racism, deconstruct the model minority myth, and more. Let us be clear - we do this work because if even one person reading, has an a-ha moment and changes their actions, or talks to someone about something they learned here which changes *their* actions - so Misasha's boys can come home safe at night, or so you make decisions that might potentially improve or even save the lives of children who look like them - then we will have been successful. Sara is married to a white Canadian man and has two teenage girls the world presumes to be white. Doing the work to challenge our own assumptions about other people matters to us because not everybody is what they seem. Standing against anti-immigration sentiment matters to us; understanding the link between systems of oppression that hurt not only Black people, but neurodivergent people, females, and so many others is critically important to us as well.

So far, we have hosted 262 episodes of the Dear White Women podcast because helping people listen, learn, and act differently to help uproot systemic racism is what we need to make the world truly equitable for ALL of us - this is the foundation, the work starts here. And we cannot do it without your help.

In 2025, we'll be speaking to organizations - schools, companies, ERGs, and more - about two topics we think are critically important at this point in history:

Why equity and inclusion matters now more than ever - the psychology of belonging
How to have difficult conversations.

If you have groups you think would benefit, or know people who could hire us in their organizations, please connect us. You can reach us at hello@dearwhitewomen.com anytime.

What else to listen for:

Reflecting on the most surprising and memorable parts of 2024
Our thoughts on the kakistocracy - the Economist's word of the year meaning, the rule of the worst.
And where we go from here in 2025…

261: How I Stopped Being a Model Minority, with Anne Anlin Cheng Dec 17, 2024

Show notes

Today's episode seems to be addressing this question: does politics show up in our everyday lives? Maybe even in our most intimate relationships?

And while a lot of folks may be saying politics doesn't impact me, I don't do politics… we think the actual answer for most of us in this country is a resounding YES (in fact, we've recorded whole episodes and written whole book chapters on this very topic!). Yes, politics impacts our daily lives, including being in our marriages, our parent-child relationships, and more.

We're privileged to have this conversation with someone who took the chance to use her voice in a new way - moving from academia and diving bravely into personal essays - in order to help us all hear one person's journey confronting the Model Minority Myth that so many Asian folks in America are impacted by, and inspiring us along the way.

What to listen for:

The challenge in determining where the forces that shape us end, and the "real us" begins - especially when it comes to deconstructing the Model Minority Myth, or even untangling ourselves from notions like the American Dream
How politics shows up in our most intimate relationships - including marriage
Examples of how white folks can show up, or not, for issues around multiculturalism
Where our education system is having to go to meet the population where they are when it comes to talking about politics - we're now back to discussing civility, empathy, what it means to be a citizen, and the common good

About our guest:

Anne Anlin Cheng was born in Taiwan, grew up in the American South, and is the author of three books on American racial politics and aesthetics. Her writing has appeared in The Atlantic, the Los Angeles Review of Books, The New York Times, and The Washington Post. Cheng is the 2023–2024 Ford Scholar in Residence at the Museum of Modern Art in New York. She is a professor of English and a former director of American Studies at Princeton University and lives in Princeton, New Jersey.

260: The Anti-Ableist Manifesto, with Tiffany Yu Dec 03, 2024

Show notes

There are SO many insightful conversations and incredible stories we've shared on this show, and this one was yet another example of one where we went in thinking one thing, and came out thinking another.

Because we'll be talking with an incredible advocate about ableism and disabilities - a label that, if we aren't already impacted by it, is a label that - statistically speaking - we may all one day live long enough to be impacted by. We all want to be paying attention.

And maybe, just maybe, if you learn through this episode that the way you thought about ability and disability is different than what you previously assumed, maybe, just maybe, you'll also be open to learning more about race and racism, age and ageism, sex and sexism, anti LGBTQIA+ sentiment, and more. All of these systems of oppression are linked. And we're so glad that we were able to be in community with someone that we personally know is such a powerful woman in this space for this discussion.

What to listen for:

Tiffany's personal journey, and the importance of disability inclusion
Some significant stats and perspective - including that 61 million Americans, or one in four adults, have disabilities, making it the largest minority group
The "me, we, us" framework to address personal unlearning and systemic change
Practical shifts from ableist language – such as "suffering from" to "living with" disabilities
The importance of supporting disabled individuals' livelihoods, including the need for inclusive hiring practices, the impact of accessibility on product design, and advocating for a culture that values vulnerability and support

About our guest:

Tiffany Yu is the CEO & Founder of Diversability, an award-winning social enterprise to elevate disability pride, the Founder of the Awesome Foundation Disability Chapter, and the author of The Anti-Ableist Manifesto: Smashing Stereotypes, Forging Change, and Building a Disability-Inclusive World. Her TED Talk, How to Help Employees with Disabilities Thrive, has over one million views.

She serves on the NIH National Advisory Board on Medical Rehabilitation Research and was a Co-Chair of the World Economic Forum Sustainable Development Impact Summit. At the age of 9, Tiffany became disabled as a result of a car accident that also took the life of her father.

259: Making and Maintaining Friendships, with Dr. Marisa G. Franco Nov 19, 2024

Show notes

We've had a lot of focus on this show leading into Election 2024 about the state of the country and the deep divides that we're seeing in society. We're grateful to and for everyone who worked to ensure that democracy worked in early November. AND, given the election results, we know that these divides still exist and have the ability to grow even deeper.

What can we do about that? One step that we can take right now is to examine how we talk to each other, to better connect. So today, we focus on the good stuff - building community, nurturing friendships, and coming together with a lot of meaning and joy.

And given who we are, of course, we don't just do it alone - we do it in partnership with a leading psychologist who specializes in developing friendships, showcased in her NYT bestselling book Platonic, and who - alongside us in our multi-racial identities, also has personal experience driving her desire to help more of us understand how to belong, and find those connections in the world.

Listen for so many scientific frameworks about:

The importance of friendships - because so many of us make them less of a priority!
Three types of loneliness: intimate, relational, and collective
How adults make friends
Nurturing our existing friendships
What we need to consider when building relationships with those different than us

Action items:

Reflect on what is truly meaningful and important in your life, and be intentional about making time for those things.
Consider evaluating your existing friendships and community based on factors like authenticity, energy exchange, and shared values.
Be brave and put in the effort to make new friends, even if it feels uncomfortable at first - i.e. get over our overt and covert avoidance!
Explore internal work to develop a stronger sense of self, which can help in tolerating and nurturing healthy relationships.

About our guest:

An enlightening psychologist, TED speaker, and New York Times bestselling author, Dr. Marisa G Franco is known for digesting and communicating science in ways that resonate deeply enough with people to change their lives. She works as a professor at The University of Maryland and authored the New York Times bestseller Platonic: How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends. She writes about friendship for Psychology Today and has been a featured connection expert for major publications like The New York Times, The Telegraph, and Vice. She speaks on belonging at corporations, government agencies, non-profits, and universities.

For tips on friendship, you can follow her on Instagram (DrMarisaGFranco), or go to her website,www.DrMarisaGFranco.com, where you can take a quiz to assess your strengths and weaknesses as a friend & reach out for speaking engagements.

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