What Do You Mean By That?

Latest Episodes:

198: Everything Adoption - And We Mean EVERYTHING - with Patrick Armstrong Dec 20, 2022

Show notes

This was a conversation that made us lose track of time. Because even if the core conversation about transracial adoption doesn't capture your attention - which it should because nearly 30% of kids who are adopted are adopted across borders or across cultures or race - the trajectory this conversation takes into why adoption should NOT be positioned as a solution to abortion absolutely is a perspective you don't want to miss - along with all the other nuggets of wisdom around identity and belonging as well.

Thrilled to be bringing you insights from Patrick Armstrong, someone we don't just know from the virtual airwaves but now, thanks to some great opportunities to speak together, in real life too. And if you want to hear more about his journey as not only an adoptee, but as an outspoken advocate for adoptees and, due to his lived experience, transracial adoptees in particular, you're going to want to listen all the way to the end, and then follow him on every platform out there.

What to listen for:

The moment that Patrick - a transracial adoptee from Korea, raised in a White family - realized that he wanted to explore his Asian identity. Hat tip, Always Be My Maybe.
How transracial adoption shaped Patrick's identity and influenced his sense of belonging
That adoption currently centers the child - and the importance of considering the adults, and how broken the systems are that lead to families being torn apart
Thoughts on positioning adoption as the alternative to abortion. Hint: It's not.

About Patrick:

Patrick Armstrong (he/him) is a transracial Korean American adoptee, podcaster, speaker, and

advocate. He is one of the co-hosts of the Janchi Show, a podcast that explores and celebrates

the experiences and stories of Korean adoptees everywhere. He helped start the Asian

Adoptees of Indiana, a group dedicated to creating a safe, engaging community for all Asian

adoptees who need it. He is currently based in Indianapolis.

Contact:

Website

Instagram: @patrickintheworld

TikTok: @patrickintheworld

197: Being Both Very Asian and American, with Michelle Li Dec 13, 2022

Show notes

It's December, the time of year when it seems like regardless of whether you celebrate Christmas or Hannukkah or Kwanzaa or anything else or nothing at all, our schedules get busy. And lots of times, this busyness centers around food, be it potluck gatherings at work, holiday parties, big family dinners, or even coffee and treats with friends - because food brings us together as human beings better than almost anything else.

But what happens when the foods you have are scoffed at by the folks around you? How does it feel to be made to feel "different" from the other Americans around you based on your cultural heritage? How do you get kids to try new flavors and learn real history, let's be honest, at this stage in the melting pot game, what makes something American, anyway? We're here to talk about all that and more with an award-winning veteran journalist Michelle Li - who also created the Very Asian Foundation after a super shocking (now viral) viewer comment in response to her comment about dumplings on television.

What to listen for:

The viral video after a voicemail from a White woman that inspired the launch of the Very Asian Foundation
"I won't let you yuck someone else's yum" - and the importance of food in identity
The role that books play - there's a huge book recommendation list! - in helping folks connect with their identity and the shared history we experience

About Michelle: Michelle Li is an award-winning, veteran journalist who co-launched The Very Asian Foundation in January 2022 alongside friend and fellow journalist Gia Vang. Her response to a racist voicemail became a global movement of unity and caught the attention of The Ellen Show. Ellen's monetary gift of $15,000 helped start the seed money to create a nonprofit focused on shining a light on Asian experiences through advocacy and celebration. Michelle spent many years supporting adoptees through heritage camps and volunteer tours to Korea. She also launched a program to support Missouri children in foster care. All of this led to a congressional award in 2010. Michelle's journalistic work has been honored with a national Peabody Award, several national Murrows, and multiple regional Emmys– often dealing with race or gender inequities. Michelle has appeared on CNN, NBC, CBS, ABC, and The Washington Post. Michelle currently resides in St. Louis with her family. She is @michellelitv on most platforms. A Very Asian Guide to Korean Food is her first children's book.

196: Here's HOW to Have Those Uncomfortable Holiday Conversations Dec 06, 2022

Show notes

We've been asked a lot about how to have uncomfortable conversations lately - namely, the reality that, yikes, my people are coming over for the holidays and how on earth do I handle it when those uncomfortable, racist, inappropriate comments and jokes come up? (Because let's be real - they're coming up.)

While there is no official checklist for success, we DO have quite a number of tips to help guide you and your group into more meaningful, engaging conversations around your holiday table.

If you know our podcast, you know we're all about action, so we're re-airing this episode that's quickly becoming a favorite one for many of our listeners in order to share some of the tips that have worked for us - in order not to avoid these conversations, but to have them in a way that's authentic, honest, and safe for all of us.

We'd love to hear what's worked for you too, as you navigate whatever uncomfortable conversations might be coming your way - please drop us a line at hello at dearwhitewomen.com and we might share what's worked for you on our social!

What to listen for: Tips for before, during, and after your holiday gatherings A selection of these tips include: knowing yourself and your why, setting healthy boundaries, using our favorite question "what do you mean by that?" using "I statements," questions you can use to reflect on what worked / didn't work after the event. You'll want to listen to the short episode to get the whole range of how to use these tips and more!

195: Why Survivors Need Financial Support, with FinAbility's Stacy Sawin Nov 29, 2022

Show notes

For those of you who have been listening to Dear White Women from the beginning, or for those listeners who just joined us (welcome!), you probably understand that this whole platform comes from our own deeply personal connections not only to this work but to the world that we'd like to see in the future, as we find that it's often that personal connection that leads to intentional, lasting change.

That's why we loved speaking with today's guest, Stacy Sawin, who comes to us with her own deeply personal story as to why she created FinAbility, an organization that is changing and enhancing security for so many survivors of domestic abuse – especially from a financial perspective. A huge percentage of survivors are experiencing financial abuse along with other forms of harm, so even if her story has nothing to do with your own lived experiences, it's likely that someone you know can relate - so please listen, share, and, if you're listening to this on the day it comes out, financially support on this Giving Tuesday, if you're able.

What to listen for:

The way that Stacy's personal experience as a survivor of stalking shaped the founding of Finability
How race plays a factor in survivors' financial access
95% of survivors won't use formalized support systems such as crisis hotlines, direct service providers, or professional advocates; instead, they're turning to Google…
New languaging → harm-doers (as opposed to abusers)
What each one of us can do to better support survivors after they share their stories with us - believe and validate

About Stacy:

Stacy Sawin is the co-founder and CEO of FinAbility, a 501c3 nonprofit that financially empowers survivors of domestic abuse. As a stalking survivor, she has experienced firsthand what it feels like to be scared for your life and is dedicated to ensuring everyone has the financial security needed to live free from abuse and thrive.

Prior to launching FinAbility, Stacy earned an MBA from London Business School and worked as a technology consultant at Deloitte. Stacy is also an avid long-distance hiker and fosters dogs with Oregon Dog Rescue.

194: The Prosp(a)rity Project, with Briana Franklin Nov 22, 2022

Show notes

For a lot of the second half of this year, student debt relief and the student loan crisis have been in national news - and there have been a LOT of feelings about it, ranging from joy and happiness that some of this extreme burden to repay what often can amount to predatory lending practices has now been lifted to the other extreme, which amounts to a lot of "well, I repaid my debt. Why should others be getting a handout?" (If you know us, you know where we fall on that scale.)

But there's so much more to this story than the question of handouts versus the student debt crisis, because, much like so many other things in the United States, student debt and student loans have also been affected by systemic racism. This is why we're so thrilled to have Briana Franklin as our guest today, to talk about how and why student loan debt disproportionately affects Black women, her own experience with this as a Dartmouth graduate, and why she decided to do something about this - in a big way.

What to listen for:

How handling student debt is like "draining the ocean with a teaspoon" - and the inspiration behind Bri's founding of the Priosp(a)rity Project
The ways in which student loan debt disproportionately affects Black women, not just financially, but in a holistic life way too
Huge successes and surprises that the organization has been celebrating
What's next for 2023 - and how you can get involved

About Briana: Founder, President, & CEO of Finability.

Briana "Bri" Franklin is a businesswoman, philanthropist, and student debt expert/thought leader with a passion for the socioeconomic and holistic empowerment of Black girls and women.

Having taken on a financial burden that eventually ballooned to nearly $120K in student debt through her undergraduate studies at Dartmouth College, Bri developed an acute appreciation for the challenges many student debt holders experience, including diminished ability to establish financial independence, take advantage of personal freedoms, such as starting a family/home buying, launch business ventures as well as creditworthiness.

In recognizing the extent to which other Black women in particular experience adversity at the hands of the $1.7T student debt crisis as well as lack of financial literacy, she formed The Prosp(a)rity Project as a solution for eradicating these systemic barriers.

Her work has been profiled in outlets such as Forbes, Buzzfeed, Authority Magazine, and Thrive Global, attracted support from audiences worldwide, and achieved numerous milestones.

193: 100 Diverse Voices on Parenthood, with Jelani Memory Nov 15, 2022

Show notes

Hey, so remember how last week we were talking about how we have hope? This is another conversation and way of thinking that gives me hope - in particular for anybody who knows children, knows new parents, or thinks they might eventually know folks who might want to stop reading the outdated encyclopedia that we call What to Expect when you're Expecting and flip over to a more contemporary, inclusive, humane book to learn about parenting.

Misasha got the opportunity to speak with Jelani Memory recently on their Better Grownups podcast and we're thrilled to bring him back to discuss the company's newest venture - 100 Diverse Voices on Parenthood.

What to listen for:

The many powerful ways this new parenting book - 100 Diverse Voices on Parenthood - stands out from the books currently on the market
What it took to produce A Kids Co book written by so many people, for adults, compared to the single-author kid books they've published so far
How Jelani hopes that all parents - White parents included - know that this book is for them, to give the proverbial microphone to a wide range of people who are experts in their own experiences and have the knowledge to share with all of us.
The exciting next steps for A Kids Co!

About Jelani:

Jelani Memory (he/him) is a constantly curious writer, entrepreneur, and storyteller. He's the Founder of A Kids Co. a bold new kind of media company that strives to empower a generation of kids through diverse storytelling. He's the author of A Kids Book About Racism and A Little Book About Fear. He was previously co-founder of Circle Media Inc. He currently lives in his hometown of Portland, Oregon, with his wife and 6 kids.

192: How We Win the Civil War, with Steve Phillips Nov 08, 2022

Show notes

If you're reading this on the day this episode comes out, this is a big, big day in America. It's Election Day 2022, and we don't think it's an understatement to say that this is the most important election that those of us who have the privilege to vote in will be voting in - because this election may determine if you or I even get to be able to vote in the next election. So, if you're reading this and have not yet voted today - stop reading, and please, please go vote. We need everyone's voice in these elections, as the alternative may be that our voices no longer matter. And now onto some hope…

This is the first time that we've had hope in a long, long time, thanks to the book How We Win The Civil War. In today's conversation with author Steve Phillips, we're going to discuss the idea that the Civil War never really ended (yup, get ready…) - and also how we can finally win it, with some very concrete ideas and action items for us all at the end of this episode. This may be the episode you need to hear today, on election day, or tomorrow (and every day past that point), when we need to keep fighting, for all of us.

What to listen for:

The fully thought-out case for why the Civil War never really ended - with excellent examples from history
How we win the civil war - by investing in level 5 leaders, building strong civic engagement organizations, developing detailed data-driven plans, and playing the long game
That we need to lead by winning the political battles, to eventually influence individual hearts & minds toward equity
So much about the long game… oh we need to reframe our work, folks!
What Steve thinks would be most impactful for White people to focus on speaking up about and doing
Which organizations and people we should be supporting to make positive change

About Steve: Steve Phillips is a New York Times bestselling author, columnist, and leading national political thought leader. He is the author of the New York Times and Washington Post bestselling Brown Is the New White: How the Demographic Revolution Has Created a New American Majority. He is also the founder of Democracy in Color, a political media organization dedicated to race, politics, and the multicultural progressive New American Majority. Phillips is the host of "Democracy in Color with Steve Phillips," a color-conscious podcast on politics. He is a regular columnist for The Nation and The Guardian. His new book, How We Win the Civil War, is due out on October 18, 2022. For more information, please visit: stevephillips.com

191: About That Voter Fraud Nov 01, 2022

Show notes

DEAR WHITE WOMEN - About that Voter Fraud…

If you saw the title and thought "oh, I don't believe voter fraud impacts me" or "oh, I live in an area where we don't hear much about that" - you may be very, very wrong. According to a recent analysis by FiveThirtyEight, 60% of Americans will have an election denier on the ballot.

And for those of you who have only heard about election deniers since 2020 - it didn't start with Donald Trump. Hint: it started with our friend who rhymes with Schmeagan. HA!

THIS episode is one you'll want to share with your friends & colleagues asap, because you want to make sure you apply the information we're about to share when you're filling out your ballot or heading to the polls next week - we'll tell you just how dangerous and pervasive this trend of alleging voter fraud is, which means *our entire system of democracy is at risk* And THAT will affect all of us.

What to listen for:

Proof that Trump and his allies deliberately lied - in writing, under oath, to a court, and to the public - about so-called voter fraud numbers, via the Eastman emails.
Current examples of how voter fraud is being used to manipulate people and elections. Example: Echoing the claims of Trump in 2020, Arizona Republican nominee for governor Kari Lake refused to say that she would accept the results of the upcoming election-- unless she wins.
This widespread, thoroughly debunked claim of voter fraud is a rejection of the whole premise on which this nation was founded: voters have the right to choose their leaders. In fact, the Declaration of Independence states that governments derive "their just power from the consent of the governed."
How none of this is new: the Democrats caught onto the Republican "ballot integrity" initiative in the 1986 presidential election -- estimating that their plans could "eliminate at least 60–80,000 folks from the rolls" in Louisiana, and "could keep the Black vote down considerably" (blatant racism and that's real voter fraud there) – and counterattacked by expanding voting access.
That the Supreme Court's 2013 Shelby County v. Holder decision gutted the provision of the 1965 Voting Rights Act.
How domestic terrorism is being used in places like Arizona, Nevada, and others to intimidate voters and election officials - leading to a large number of resignations, with the hopes that election deniers can take their place.
What we can do about it: VOTE - have a ballot party to discuss issues with friends, meet candidates, and ask questions. Volunteer to be a poll worker.
If you're an attorney and familiar with election law - please reach out. There are ways that you can get involved with FOIA requests to help the election officials be able to do their job.

Share this episode with EVERYBODY so they get out and vote while being informed!

190: Why Abortion Became Political Oct 25, 2022

Show notes

Abortion, by all pollster accounts, seems to be one of – if not THE most – hot-button issues for the upcoming midterm elections in 2022. That's why we thought it was so important for us to dive into why and when abortion became so political - because yes, we can point to a specific political strategy that linked the pro-life movement with the Republican party, and how that is playing out today in extreme ways. Get ready to connect the dots.

What to listen for:

How recently - in the 1970s - evangelical organizations and Republicans did NOT oppose abortion
The long-game strategy tying opposition to desegregation with abortion as the unifying issue for conservative Republicans
Why certain political figures (especially Reagan) changed their stance on abortion due to not only a desire for power but also due to underlying racism

That looking away means no change - which means, a very large number of American women will have a much harder time getting access to abortion. Abortion is definitely on the ballot this year, along with racism - they are intricately linked and have been so for centuries in this country. So vote. Tell everyone you know.

189: The Book, ONE YEAR LATER! Oct 18, 2022

Show notes

If you asked me (Misasha) at the end of 2021 how long it had been since we published our book, I would have told you 5 years, give or take 3 - because it felt like we had been thrown into this whirlwind of activity and PR and interviews and ALL OF THE THINGS about this book. So it seems impossible that just now marks the one-year anniversary of the publication of Dear White Women: Let's Get (Un)comfortable Talking About Racism!

In honor of this one-year mark, we thought we'd sit down with each other to talk all things book, based on the questions we've gotten from so many of you over the last year: the good, the bad, the really tough, the things we'd like to forget - basically your behind-the-scenes look into our year with this book out in the world.

Plus, as a thank you for your support, keep listening for the chance to have us do a special virtual drop-in with your book club or your small group of people!!

What to listen for:

The most memorable, joyful, cringeworthy conversations we've had on TV, radio, and conversations IRL since publishing this book in October 2021
Why we wrote this book in the first place
Where we'd like to see this book go next
How to get us to come to YOUR book club or community - follow us on IG and get on our email list to learn more!

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected