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**Weirdly Helpful (formerly The Best Advice Show)**

Weirdly Helpful (formerly The Best Advice Show) is a short, weekly infusion of delightful, unexpected and strange ways to make life slightly and sometimes profoundly better. In each episode a different contributor offers an odd experiment, a silly ritual, a curious practice that you’ll find weirdly helpful. Stuff like howling when you’re despondent, eating oranges in the shower and metaphorically flushing your adversary down the toilet!

Latest Episodes:

Recalibrating with Lulu Miller Aug 24, 2020

Show notes

Lulu Miller is the author of the book, Why Fish Don't Exist, a co-creator of Invisibilia.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Lulu got deep into this epic novel called A Little Life...

LULU: ...by Hanya Yanagihara and it's this kind of very long, very sad. Some people almost call it tragedy porn, heavy, gorgeous novel.

ZAK: Once Lulu finished the book, she found that there was this one word from it that stuck with her

LULU: Recalibrate. This is from a tangential character in this book. It's a, it's a piece of wisdom from a fictional character. And he was he's this kind of professor character. He's sort of a father figure to one of the guys in the book. And in his own life, he had a son who had all kinds of problems and he and his wife kind of dealt with it differently. Like he basically says, the father says, you know, the whole secret to parenting is the ability to recalibrate and what that, the way he talks about it, it's sort of like to let go of whatever visions you had for a kid. Um, and to quickly just meet where they are and work with that. And that this sort of like haunting of what could be this, this holding on close to a vision for what your kid could be or what you wanted Parenthood to feel like that not only dooms you, but like it dooms the kid, it cuts you off from surprises and connection and other pathways that really might lead to, you know, beauty and fullness.

And it is so strange how that word has endured like a little piece of steel on a compass, you know, or whatever compasses are made of. Recalibrate. It pops into my head and it is useful for parenting, but I've found it like a very all-purpose little piece of wisdom that just man recalibrate, like if you can, maybe it hurts in the moment, a disappointment, a roadblock, you know, but like, and let yourself feel that hurt. But that reminder of like, luckily, Lou, if you can, if you can recalibrate, you're going to be okay. And actually like, you know, like ruined plans and chaos are the grand creative constraint of life. And you can either look at them and, and sulk and be wounded, or you can say like, okay, this is the new reality. So how can I be creative? And it's sort of simple, like, and dangerously simple. Like someone I love dies or someone I love just being cruel, just recalibrate. And everything's cool. Like, no, it's not meant to be some kind of ridiculous all purpose don't don't honor and explore pain and disappointment. But I think it is like this little arrow saying, feel what you need to feel. And when you're feeling ready, when you have the energy, the way out is recalibrating.

ZAK: Yeah. So how are you training yourself to really embody it?

LULU: I mean, I think there is power in the go to sleep and maybe I can't get there this afternoon because I'm swimming in a certain disappointment or frustration or whatever it is, but it's kind of like the pill I swallow. I'm like, all right, Lulu recalibrate might not be able to do it today, but that's your path go to sleep. And then I wake up like maybe a little more able, just knowing that's my mission. And so there's this just kind of little faith in it. Um, and a patience with myself, like might not be able to do it immediately, depending on the size of the disappointment or the frustration or the tangle or the shame, you know, like, but like keep kind of believing in it when you go to bed and seeing in the morning, if you're feeling up for it. And then there are some mornings that strike and I'm like, cool, I've got the energy. Let me crack my knuckles and get creative and brainstorm a path out of this. Or talk to someone who might fill me up in a way that, that gives me a third way, a new path. And maybe it's not even talking to someone about the problem, but just like getting near the people who remind you, there are infinite ways to approach relationships, to approach life, approach stories, you know?

ZAK: I love it.

LULU: Recalibrate.

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Decaffeinating with Allie Zeff Aug 21, 2020

Show notes

Allie Zeff drinks coffee from her home in Detroit.

Hastening Slowly with Merrill Garbus - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/202069_hastening-slowly-with-merrill-garbus--from-tune-yards-/

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: In the meantime, you want to do some coffee talk?

ALLIE: Yes. With Linda Richman. I am Allie Zeff and I am an organizer for an organization called Detroit Jews for justice. And I have a cute dog.

ZAK: So tell me about your, your history of, of coffee

ALLIE: High school. I would say my mom, I think quickly figured out that like having a cup of coffee ready on the counter was like the way to get me out of bed. Um, and to go to school. Yeah. I've been hooked ever since. Very heavy coffee drinker all through college. Haven't really taken very many breaks, maybe one or two.

ZAK: And now here you are having arrived at a kind of coffee turning point. It sounds like. Yes. Tell me about your new strategy.

ALLIE: No caffeine after noon. Decaf afternoon. It's like hard for me to allow those words to come out of my mouth. No caffeine after noon.

ZAK: And so up to this point before you, you decided, no caffeine afternoon. What was your like typical coffee intake? Like over the course of a day?

ALLIE: Some days I have a top five cups of coffee in a day and I'd be drinking it until I go home and then I would sleep like a baby. It, it just felt like it was normal. It was delicious.

ZAK: Yeah. And so what happened, why it sounded like it was working for you?

ALLIE: Yes, uh, the pandemic, uh, and the global uprisings. And when all of these global issues that affect my work were coming to a head and I was confined to my house. And I'm an extrovert. So I think like I didn't, I wasn't getting that like social energy out in the way that I needed to. The coffee just like pushed me over the edge of urgency. I was just like a panicked mess pacing, physically shaking and I'm confined to my home. Um, and the walls are closing in. Um, so yeah,

ZAK: All these things still very much exist. Police brutality, rising death toll, et cetera, et cetera. Are the walls closing in less now that you're having less coffee?

ALLIE: Yeah. You know, we're still grappling with this stuff. You're right. Like all this stuff is still happening. And when it first, when everything started to happen, I was like, Oh, this is like a, this is a crisis that I need to respond to immediately. And what I've realized in the past, and I know how long it's been four or five months is like, Oh, this is a marathon, not a sprint. And I have to be ready to deal with things as they arise, as long as they arise, maybe forever. Right. So, um, yeah, I think like lowering the amount of like stimulant and my body has really helped me to, to deal.

ZAK: This has been another episode of Food Friday on The Best Advice Show. This one is more like Drink Friday, but still this episode pairs particularly well with the one called Hastening Slowly with Merrill Garbus

MERRILL: The idea behind it is that there is urgent work to be done. And that in order to do that work slowing down is necessary.

ZAK: I'm going to link to that in our show notes. If you have some advice on how you've made your walls stop caving in less, I would love to hear it. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST

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Capturing the Mundane with Tad Davis Aug 20, 2020

Show notes

Tad Davis is an audio producer.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Pair today's episode with Memorializing Your Day with Sara Brooke Curtis - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/2020514_memorializing-the-day-with-sara-brooke-curtis/

TRANSCRIPT:

TAD: My name is Tad Davis. I'm an audio producer in Detroit, Michigan. My advice is to record your memories. A few years ago. My dad took all the VHS tapes that he had taken of him and his friends and us as kids. And he digitized all of them. And we had like hundreds and hundreds of hours of us just doing all these random things. Um, you know, like going to amusement parks and going to the beach and doing all these awesome things. But then like all these moments of us just doing nothing like playing rock band or eating lunch, or like our parents just asking us questions. And like, for some reason, like my family became obsessed with those moments. Like these moments of nothing actually happening. And I, I don't know why but like these mundane with no purpose at all, were what we loved watching the most.

After this. Like, I just became obsessed with recording all the little stuff that happens in my life. So like when I moved out of a dorm room or I was hanging out with my friends around a bonfire. I just started recording those moments. And like I could tell immediately they meant a lot to me, it was almost like a peek behind the curtain of like, what happens every day in our lives that like we miss out on, because we we've kind of started recording for like big moments of like concerts or birthday parties. Like we've saved all these moments to record for like big, big moments that are obviously really important to record, but like there's so much that happens in our daily life that like, we should also be recording.

ZAK: I mean, how does recording the mundane stuff impact your ability to just be present in those moments?

TAD: Yeah. You just want to be present, right. Um, you want to just be talking with your grandma, but I think in a way it's like, it's saying you choosing to record something just so normal and mundane and everyday life is like saying, I want to be in this moment. And I want to remember this moment. I'm making an effort to record and say, I want to remember this moment, and maybe you never watched the video again, but it's kind of ingrained in your head that this moment happened because you made the conscious decision to say, I want to remember it.

ZAK: Thanks for listening to The Best Advice Show. I think this episode pairs particularly well with one called Memorializing Your Day with Sara Brooke Curtis.

SARA: One thing that I love to do that really grounds me is to at the end of every day, write the top five most memorable moments on an index card. Before I do it, I'll lay down and close my eyes and just scan from the time I woke up in the morning to the moment I'm in right then in bed. And just think like, if something pops like a pop rock in my head, I'm like, okay, that's, that's one...

ZAK: I've linked to that full episode in our show notes. If you're enjoying the show, please consider rating and or reviewing on Apple podcasts. If that's where you listen doing that helps other people discover the show. I really appreciate it. Talk to you soon.

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Talking to your Best Friend with Lauren Aug 19, 2020

Show notes

Lauren talks to herself like she talks to her bf in Eastern Washington.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

LAUREN: Hi Zak, my name is Lauren and I'm a young-adult living in Eastern Washington. And my advice is that you should talk to yourself like you talk to your best friend. So, for example. If you are feeling really upset about a mistake that you made or maybe a relationship that ended...instead of saying things like, 'ugh, I'm such an idiot.' Or, 'I'm so stupid for doing that.' Imagine talking to your best friend like they were going through the same thing. I wouldn't feel comfortable telling my best friend you're an idiot for leaving your lunch at home. So why do we feel comfortable saying those things for ourselves. I think it's really important to remember that we need to be our own best friends first and to treat ourselves with kindness and to give ourselves a break once in a while. So, remember, talk to yourself like you'd talk to your own best friend.

ZAK: I love this advice so much because if we can actually follow this advice, I think we'd be on our way to a lot more self-love and self-regard for ourselves.

This episode pairs especially with Jo Feldmans' earlier episode called Being Your Own Best Friend - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/2020521_being-your-own-best-friend-with-jo-feldman/

and with Steven Handels' called, Self Talking - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/2020610_self-talking-with-steven-handel/

If you want to call the hotline like lauren, call me at 844-935-BEST

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Bribing with Rachel Lee Aug 18, 2020

Show notes

Rachel Lee is a mother and family medicine doctor from Detroit.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

RACHEL: So my name is Rachel. I am a mom of two kids and my best advice is to bribe your child, your young child, to go on hikes with you by giving them a sucker for the duration of the hike.

ZAK: He's like walking along with you or he's in a back-pack?

RACHEL: No, no, he's walking along with us. When we bribed him the first time, he walked, like, almost two miles, with this massive sucker.

ZAK: So how does the bribe work?

RACHEL: Just, that, as long as you're walking you get to have your sucker.

ZAK: Ok, so if he stops walking then you theoretically take the sucker away?

RACHEL: Yeah, if he demands to be picked up or go on your shoulders or whatever, then the sucker goes away. Yeah.

ZAK: This is ingenious, cause we can't walk around the block in less than an hour with our kid. Becuase they just, they meander, they stop, they don't want to walk. It makes walking not fun.

RACHEL: No, I know! And a hike should be something that's enjoyed, right? Like, you don't want to be dragging your kid around with you on a hike. And this is a way to make it enjoyable for everybody.

ZAK: That is some keen problem solving. If you have some parenting advice, or any advice, I would love to hear it. Give me a call at 844-935-BEST.

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Liberating with Brenda Strausz Aug 17, 2020

Show notes

Brenda Strausz is a therapist from Detroit, Michigan.

The Marianne Williamson poem from this episode is from 'A Return to Love.'

Have you even been liberated in a moment? I want to hear that story. Write to me at Zak@BestAdvice.Show. Talk to you tomorrow.

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: I'm always amazed by stories of people changing in an instant. I think most of us change over time, gradually. But not Brenda Strausz. She was working as an elemnaty school teacher. She loved her students. But, she felt hamstrung.

BRENDA: I couldn't give them the love and caring as much as I wanted to because, you know, we were under all these guidelines that we had to do.

ZAK: And then one day, she was at a teacher's conferance, and a fellow teacher read a passage from the author and future presidenteial cnadiatde, Mariiane Williamson. And this passage, Brenda says, completely liberated her, upon hearing.

BRENDA:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness

That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small

Does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking

So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,

As children do.

We were born to make manifest

The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;

It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we're liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others."

BRENDA: That changed my life. I sat in that room and I, I had this feeling inside of me, that I can do whatever I want. You know? And that's when I back to school to be a therapist. I didn't have to be, you know, in a profession that I wasn't able to help as much as I could.

ZAK: What did you feel in that moment?

BRENDA: I felt so full. ha! I can't explain it. It was like this, uh, you believe in Jesus? hahaha. I just rose, you know? I can't explain it. It was the weirdest thing. When she actually said, No, you are powerful beyond measure. You can do anything. So just realizing that it was in me, you know? That I could be powerful and do anything I wanted.

ZAK: Brenda Strausz is a therapist from Detroit, Michigan. That Marianne Williamson quote is from 'A Return to Love: Reflections on the principles of a course in miracles."Have you even been liberated in a moment? I want to hear that story. Write to me at Zak@BestAdvice.Show. Talk to you tomorrow.

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Salting with Shira Aug 14, 2020

Show notes

Shira Heisler seasons her food in Detroit, Michigan.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: It's Food Friday, and I'm proud to welcome back The Best Advice Show's most prolific advice giver, Shira.

SHIRA: So, something that really bothers, as somebody who's pretty into salt and I come from a family, in particular my mother, who's very into salt. She has her own salt shaker at the table. I get very bothered when I'm at somebody's house for dinner, and I want to add salt but there's no salt on the table. So then it just is like, I have to ask specifically the host and they can maybe offended, like, hey, my food isn't salty enough. And that just bothers me cause we all have a different salt threshold. So my advice is, everybody put salt and pepper shakers on the table so nobody's put in this situation to be embarrassed or uncomfortable and the host doesn't get offended...everyone's happy.

ZAK: How's your blood pressure?

SHIRA: Oh, my blood pressure is so low. My blood pressure is like 90 over 60. One time they actually couldn't even find my blood pressure and I'm like, 'I'm alive!!!'

ZAK: Cause it was so low?

SHIRA: They're like, 'We can't find it' and I'm like, 'but I am breathing."

ZAK: Thank you for listening to another week of The Best Advice Show. I hope you're doing ok, wherever you are. And that this show is helping you. If it is, maybe you'll consider leaving a review on Apple Podcasts if that's where you listen to podcasts, or just simply telling your friends and family about the show. Thank you so much. We live at BestAdvice.Show, we're on Instagram @bestadviceshow, talk to you soon.

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Vibrating with Lil Rose-Wilen Aug 13, 2020

Show notes

Lil Rose-Wilen (lilmx.abq) is a pleasure seeker living in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

WARNING, TODAY'S EPISODE CONTAINS SOME EXPLICIT AND STEAMY MATERIAL. IF THERE ARE KIDS AROUND, YOU MIGHT WANT TO SKIP THIS EPISODE OR PUT YOUR HEADPHONES. OK, I WARNED YOU.

Hi, my name is Lil Rose-Wilen and I am currently in Albuquerque, New Mexico and my advice is to buy a really quality vibrator. I bought my Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator a couple years ago and it has just completely changed my life. I went from rarely every orgasming during sex or on my own to now it's just a part of my daily life to have multiple orgasms. And so I think it's really important that people know that there are tools, very powerful tools, to help them have that part of their life and that can be people with any genitalia, any gender. So, yeah, that's my piece of advice. Buy a fancy vibrator because I have done the math and I think that per orgasm, the cost has paid off to where it's like a penny per orgasm. And I think that that's pretty good. Alight. Thank you. I love listening to your show. Good bye.

Today's episode was brought to you by the Hitachi Magic Wand. No, but wouldn't that be awesome if that were true. This was not surprisingly some of the most delightful advice I've gotten on the hotline. If you have anything similar or completely different, I'd love to hear it. Give me a call at 844-935-BEST.

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Circling with Halima Afi Cassells Aug 12, 2020

Show notes

Halimi Afi Cassells is an artist, mother and gardener from Detroit.

Learn more about the Free Market of Detroit here - https://www.facebook.com/freemarketofdetroit

TRANSCRIPT:

HALIMA: Hi, my name is Halimi Afi Cassells and I am an artist, a mother, a gardener and I'm super happy to be here.

ZAK: Halima's great aunt recently turned 100. On her birthday, the family paid a visit to her house.

HALIMA: And sat on her porch and talked and gave gifts and you know, just kind of hung out for about an hour outside of her house and she was like, 'You know, in a hundred years, in a lifetime, the best thing ever is to be in a circle of love. Walking away from that we all had little, teary eyes. hahaha. But, yeah, I really do think that, you know, humans are best in circles. And best meaning filling fully supported, loved but also giving insights and the ability to do more.

ZAK: Inside this pandemic, when we're feeling isolated and possibly alone, this concept of being in a circle strikes me as especially poignant. Halima has figured out all sorts of ways to live and work with the circle ethos in mind. She started a literal free market in her neighborhood for the free exchange of ideas, items and info.

HALIMA: You know, just kind of like an open invitation for people to give and take and participate, co-create.

ZAK: She's also part of a builders and gardeners circle where members help each other out with projects that would be much harder to do solo.

HALIMA: Things can just be born out of a few people's imaginations in a backyard at a barbecue. Like, 'Hey, it would be so cool if...' 'Oh yeah, what if we did this.'

ZAK: Being in a circle takes some intention and organization but Halima makes it sound intoxicating. Think about the people in your life who are in your circle, or who's circle you want to be in. Maybe you'll send this episode to them and get something started. You can find us at BestAdvice.Show and we're on Instagram @bestadviceshow.

Thanks for listening.

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Emailing with Charlie Harding Aug 11, 2020

Show notes

Charlie Harding (@charlieharding) co-hosts the podcast, Switched on Pop.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

---

TRANSCRIPT:

CHARLIE: It's a terrible thing but I feel like we're all in contest for each other's attention and there is an art to capturing someone's attention and respecting it.

ZAK: Charlie Harding is a musician and co-host of the wonderful podcast, Switched on Pop. He's got some advice today about e-mailing and doing your best to get the attention of whomever you're writing.

CHARLIE: I get way too many emails asking for things because I'm a music journalist and that means I get nearly 100 press requests a day where people are saying, like, 'hey, I would love to have x artist on your show' or I have really wonderful listeners who are like, 'hey, I have this brilliant musical idea. I'd like to share it with you. Can we discuss it?'

ZAK: And what does it do to you, getting all these messages?

CHARLIE: I live in a constant stat of panic. I feel a great sense of responsibility to get back to people. And it would take more than my full day to provide a meaningful response to every note that I get.

ZAK: What would make your life easier in dealing with this barrage of emails?

CHARLIE: Because I sometimes have to ask for things. I try to put myself in the other person's shoes and think, well, they don't have any time so how can I say something meaningful. And it basically distills down to this. If you're gonna write an email, it should be three very short paragraphs. We're talking like, six sentences total, maybe eight. And it should have a pretty clear structure.

First paragraph, who are you? Why are you writing?

Second paragraph is, show me that you've done extensive research about whatever your question is...that you know the work that I've done...I think especially because I make work for public consumption, I expect that you've gone and looked to see if I've actually reported on the thing already.

And then third paragraph, make a very ask with a very specific question that clearly, I'm the only person that can provide the answer to that question and I feel so thoroughly ingratiated by all the research that you've done, of course I'm gonna get back to you.

ZAK: And it's also reminded me that as I've been pitching a lot of people to come on this show, what I've grown to love maybe the most, is a quick no, When people can't do it, when they respond fast and say, 'thank you so much for asking but it's not gonna happen,' like that's great. I'm so grateful for a quick response.

CHARLIE: Totally. No, that's for real. Being dragged along forever and ever like I did for you is probably the worst thing anyone can do. hahah.

ZAK: It wasn't forever and ever.

CHARLIE: But here's the thing is like, like, the reason why this is actually an important matter is that we all just need to be freed from the constraints of our barrage of communication and had everybody else been writing me nice, effective, brief emails like yours then I would actually get to them all much more timely. hahaha.

ZAK: Yeah, and now maybe they will.

CHARLIE: I hope so. hahah.

Charlie Harding podcasts and responds to emails from Los Angeles, California.

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