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Successful Parenting That Works ~ Episode 522
As parents, we want to be appreciated, but what does successful parenting look like? Are your goals met? Do you have goals, and where do you see your child in five, ten, or even fifteen years down the road? In this episode, we will look at some misconceptions about parenting and ways you can have a peaceful home.
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Have you ever felt that success or failure is typically in the eyes of the beholder? I certainly have, and the articles I’ve read often discuss the fact that we set our own standards. In other words, what you consider a success or a failure might not fit my definition. I’ve come to realize that without a plan, I will struggle and fail. Unfortunately, parenting does not come with a manual, although some would argue that the Bible is all the manual you need! But even Christians like me face challenges when it comes to parenting.
Parenting Little Ones:
Your kids aren’t little forever, and when I was expecting my first I read every parenting book I could get my hand on. There is a ton of advice now on blogs, video and everyone is an expert, just ask them. While I’m not saying I’m an expert, I’ve spent most of my adult life as a wife and mother. More than 43 years at this point with five children and nine grandchildren. When my grandkids come to Sunday family meals, they know what is expected. Sometimes it takes a gentle reminder, or I appeal to my daughter, their mother for help. When kids know what is expected it is so helpful!
One misconception about parenting is that there is one right way, and your neighbor is doing a better job than you or anyone else. Another misconception is that parenting is one size fits all—or, in some cases, most! We equate our success in parenting with how well our children listen or like the family rules (if you have them).
Parenting is not the same as friendship. Sure, you should have a relationship with your child, but parents who attempt to be “friends” with their children end up struggling with discipline.
I have felt successful with some of my children and a failure with others. I can list all the excuses, but that doesn’t help with a solution. This is regarding children who are now grown up. Parenting looks different when the children are younger.
No matter what your level of success or failure, one thing that is certain is there is always room for improvement and apologies when needed. It is okay to admit you were wrong; it isn’t easy, but it is necessary and can go a long way toward repairing damage in relationships.
Successful Parenting That Works for Elementary Age:
- You have family rules. These are fluid and may change, but your children know what is expected.
- You say what you mean and you do what you say. (Threatening and repeating parents rarely are happy with the outcome.)
- Your child knows there will be follow-through.
- You are encouraging and look for opportunities to praise and encourage.
- Punishments work.
Successful Parenting That Works Looks Like This: (Older Children/Teens and Young Adults)
- You and your child have mutual self-respect.
- You listen (and they listen). Discussion is allowed. There is open communication, you may not like what they have to say, but you will hear them out.
- Advice is considered and taken.
- Rules are mutually set, with the parents having more weight on the final outcome. (Especially for children who live at home or dependent children.)
There is, God willing always tomorrow for a “do-over” if you’ve had a very bad day. Children will test the limits of our patience and our rules and structure. However, if they know we will follow through the odds are in our favor that the outcome will be acceptable for all. I remember telling my teens that our home was a monarchy and I was the Queen. Yes, it may not have been my proudest moment, but I was struggling with the boundaries that they were pushing in full force! We did regroup, discuss and come to a compromise that was accepted by all.
My husband was never the disciplinarian, and I had to be okay with that, but I decided early in our marriage that I’d rather have well-behaved children than stress over who was the stricter parent. In the end, we did work together, and as long as we had discussions in private—not in front of the kids—when we disagreed with parenting, all was good.
I want to end with words for Christian parents. Many Bible verses are helpful, but first, it depends on your mindset.
Proverbs is a wonderful book filled with useful information, I especially like Proverbs 3:1-4 (Read on air).
As a Christian parent, I believe that God put our family together, giving me the spouse I needed and the children I needed, not necessarily for perfect happiness, although happiness can be found in family life, for the salvation of all. We, as a family, work to encourage each other toward the goal of eternal life, and it isn’t an accident. We are family. (Yes, salvation is through faith and Christ. However, those who are saved can go off the righteous path without nurturing whether adults or children.)
Keeping the commandments is more than just at home – 1 Kings 2:3 and keep the charge of the Lord your God, walking in his ways and keeping his statutes, his commandments, his ordinances, and his testimonies, as it is written in the law of Moses, that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn.
There are many other verses that deal with discipline, but I think that going to prayer and praying for our children is one of the best things you can do! As a mom of adult children, I will tell you I pray for them every day, and I prayed for them when they were younger. Friends, don’t be disheartened! If you have pressing concerns or advice you’d like to share, leave it on the post, or join our Facebook Family page and share there as well!
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