Trauma-Informed Parenting

Latest Episodes:

Episode 150- Mistaken Belief and Goals 2 - Total Control Apr 29, 2020

Show notes

Does your kiddo try to control everything? Does he/she seem to manipulate every event? Even celebratory ones? Like birthday parties? Picnics? Then this is for you! When a child has had no control over his life and no guarantee that he will be cared for, he will try to exercise control in any war he can. Even as an adult, I often fall into the trap of trying to control my circumstances, so it’s not surprising that kiddos from hard places do the same. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips on how to realign the mistaken goal of total control!

Episode 149 - Mistaken Goal One- Unless You Pay Attention to Me I am Not Valuable Apr 22, 2020

Show notes

Do you feel as if your kiddo needs your attention constantly? You can address their goal of constant attention by setting aside a specific time to do whatever your child desires: playing LEGOs, painting, going outside, etc. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips about feeling your kiddo’s emotional tank and leave this mistaken goal behind for a few minutes!

Episode 148 -Mistaken Beliefs and Goals in Kids from Hard Places Intro Apr 16, 2020

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Does your kiddo seem to have behaviors that don't make sense? Does he/she leave you scratching your head when it comes to beliefs or goals? Maybe your kiddo has mistaken goals. When parenting a hurt child, we must consider the child’s mistaken goals and direct the child to new goals. (The four beliefs/goals below are adapted from Dreikurs’ Mistaken Goals, as covered in Children: The Challenge.) Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for this intro to mistaken beliefs and goals!

Episode 147 - "Instead Of" Tip 8 Apr 08, 2020

Show notes

Kathleen finishes up her series on "Instead Of" Tips with -Instead of Taking It Personally, Remember There Is a Need Behind the Behavior When we look at behaviors as needs, we are less likely to take them personally. For instance, when we remind ourselves that the child can’t regulate — not won’t regulate — we can set our personal feelings aside. When we set our personal feelings aside, we can take the reins and parent. It’s not us against them; we’re all on the same team. So before taking a behavior personally, ask yourself what the child needs. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for this last tip!

Episode 145 - "Instead Of" Tips Apr 01, 2020

Show notes

When parenting a child from a hard place — i.e. one who has had trauma — it’s easy to get into a pattern of only noticing “bad” behaviors. Because the child already believes he is worthless or of little value, harping on the negative only solidifies his belief. Do you struggle with only noticing bad behaviors? Are you stuck in the "fix it" cycle? Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips and stories!

Episode 143 - “Instead of” Tip 6 Mar 25, 2020

Show notes

Instead of isolating when a child is dysregulated, keep the child near you. Kathleen continues her series on “Instead of” Tips! One of the popular parenting tools frequently used is time out. As the authors of The Connected Child explain, “These isolating strategies may be useful for biological children who are already connected and emotionally bonded to their families. But isolating and banishing strategies are extremely problematic for at-risk children because these kids are already disconnected from relationships, attachment-challenged, and mildly dissociative because of their early histories of neglect and abuse. Isolation is not therapeutic for them.” Instead of isolating, keep the child near you so that you can co-regulate for them. Your presence as a calm center can help them become calm down more quickly. Grab a cup of coffee and your free printable resource - http://bit.ly/2LMcA52! Also, find the full article on “Instead of” Tips - http://bit.ly/2kSLOxi .

Episode 140 - "Instead Of" Tip 5 Mar 11, 2020

Show notes

Instead of Expecting a Child to Know, Clarify Expectations Traditional parenting often relies on assumptions. We assume that the child should know how to behave in an environment or know what to expect. We say things like, “You should know better” or “Be quiet! This is a library,” as if that explains everything. Instead of assuming a child is intentionally “acting out” or “playing dumb” when they misbehave, take a moment to calmly clarify your expectations. Just like my kiddos didn’t recognize the implied rule that you should only get one book out at a time, your kids may not pick up on social cues or expectations that seem obvious to you.  Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for some tips, personal stories, and practical suggestions.

Episode 139 - Back to Basics Brain Development Foster/Adoption Edition Mar 09, 2020

Show notes

Kathleen and guest Kristin Peters (adoptive parent) talk about the effects of trauma on brain development. High doses of early adverse childhood experiences affect brain development - social and emotional cognitive impairment, risks of addictions, chronic inflammation, impacted immune systems, autoimmune diseases, The greater the number of traumatic events, the greater the damage. There is hope. It will take dedication, education and understanding. Kids that come home to us through adoption/foster care have altered brain chemistry caused by stress. The attachment cycle has been broken. Breaks in attachment cause a fear response. We need to work on felt safety. Your past affects your present parenting. Those are just a few of the topics in this information rich episode. Grab a cup of coffee and join these lovely ladies!

Episode 138 - "Instead Of" Tip 4 Mar 04, 2020

Show notes

Instead of Just Correcting, Give Immediate Retraining and a “Re-Do” A re-do is simple. Remember when you missed five on your spelling test and your teacher had to write the ones you missed each five times? Or when you were in gym class and missed the basketball hoop on the first shot but kept trying until you made it? Or when you got married and were trying out your cooking skills for the first time and something didn’t taste just right, so you called Mom and with her help tried again? Those are all re-do’s.  Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for some more info on this tip and some stories.

Episode 38 - The Superpowers of Motherhood Mar 02, 2020

Show notes

Moms, did you know you have superpowers? Maybe you don’t feel like it today. We understand! Here’s some good news - you have the superpower of influence. it is the woman— the wife and mother— who wields the power of influence. She is that quiet warrior behind closed doors who scrubs bacteria from toilets, tucks wiggly bodies into beds, makes peanut butter sandwiches and judges Lego building contests. Grab a cup of coffee and join us for one of our favorite reboots!

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