The Virtual Couch

Latest Episodes:

Why We Care What Others Think - The Need for External Validation Nov 10, 2021

Show notes

Tony explores why where the need for external validation comes from. Why do we care what others think? And why the need for external validation is the opposite thing to do for self-confidence and to feel connected to others. With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch, you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts. Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=v95myQ

Now It Makes More Sense! How Context Creates Connected Conversations Nov 01, 2021

Show notes

Each of us is a unique mixture of life experiences, and we bring all of those experiences into our conversations with others. In today's episode, Tony explores the role of context in conversations. Tony shares an example of how one word can dramatically change the meaning of an entire paragraph from the book "On Being Certain: Believing You Are Right Even When You Are Not," by Dr. Robert Burton https://www.amazon.com/Being-Certain-Believing-Right-Youre/dp/031254152X/ and he shares cultural differences from the article "15 Fascinating Cultural Difference Around the World," from https://www.cheftariq.com/lifestyle/cultural-differences-around-the-world/ Tony also uses his 4 Pillars of a Connected Conversation to show the importance of curiosity and context in conversations. - Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/magnetic right now to sign up for Tony's free marriage workshop held Wednesday, November 3rd at 6 PM PT!

Am I the Narcissist? Exploring Narcissistic Traits and Tendencies (from the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast) Oct 28, 2021

Show notes

Tony introduces his latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism." In this crossover episode, Tony shares that narcissistic tendencies or traits can come in many different forms and levels of severity. At the same time, as a mental health condition, there is currently only one diagnosis. Tony tackles the question of whether or not we use the label of narcissism too broadly, and if we spoke more about what narcissistic traits and tendencies looked like in our everyday lives, would more people be able to take ownership of their narcissistic tendencies, or behaviors? Tony refers to the article "5 Types of Narcissism and How to Recognize Each," by Courtney Telloian (medically reviewed by Jeffrey Ditzell, DO) from PsychCentral https://psychcentral.com/health/types-of-narcissism. If you have questions or comments, or suggestions for a topic of a future episode or if you want to share your story or examples of gaslighting in your relationships, please send through the contact form at http://tonyoverbay.com - Visit http://tonyoverbay.com/magnetic to learn more about Tony's Magnetic Marriage program, or visit http://tonyoverbay.com to take Tony's free parenting course, or to learn more about his best-selling book; or only recovery program "The Path Back." And please subscribe to "Waking Up to Narcissism," Tony's brand new podcast, which is part of The Virtual Couch podcast network.

Hey, I Love The Way You're Reading The Title of This Episode - Why We Need More Compliments in Our Lives Oct 26, 2021

Show notes

Are compliments ever a bad thing? And how important is the delivery of a compliment? Are people genuinely going over your compliments with a spell checker and thesaurus taking offense to the improper use of has, have, or had? Today Tony tackles the topic of compliments and why it would do us all good to embrace both the giving and the receiving of compliments. Tony references the article "You Probably Don't Compliment Other People Often Enough" by Art Markman Ph.D. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ulterior-motives/202110/you-probably-don-t-compliment-other-people-often-enough as well as "Scientific explanation to why people perform better after receiving a compliment," from https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/11/121109111517.htm Please find out more about Tony's Magnetic Marriage program by contacting him through http://tonyoverbay.com or by visiting http://tonyoverbay.com/magnetic. . With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch, you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts. Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=v95myQ

Did You Hear the Latest? Psychologists Say Gossip is a Social Skill! Oct 20, 2021

Show notes

Tony talks about gossip as a social skill. According to the article, "Psychologists say that gossiping is a social skill. Here's how to know if you're doing it right," https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/psychologists-say-gossiping-social-skill-here-s-how-know-if-ncna1056941 there is a healthy, productive way to gossip. Gossip, according to research, may actually be one of the societal forces that bring us together and help maintain social order. Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/magnetic to learn more about the next round of Tony's transformative marriage course "Magnetic Marriage." And please subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism," wherever you listen to podcasts.

How Certain Are You? Exploring Memory Through Popular Myths Oct 12, 2021

Show notes

How certain are you about the facts of your experiences? Better yet, does it truly matter to be certain? Would you rather be right, or would you rather connect? Today Tony takes a look at certainty through the lens of 50 popular myths that many of us have grown up believing. Tony references the article "50 Well-Known 'Facts' That Are Actually Just Common Myths" https://bestlifeonline.com/common-myths/ and he references Dr. Robert Burton's book: On Being Certain - Believing You Are Right Even When You're Not https://www.amazon.com/Being-Certain-Believing-Right-Youre/dp/031254152X/ And if you're interested in hearing Tony speak in Utah Saturday, October 16th from 1 to 5 PM head to https://leadingsaints.org/tonyinutah for more information. Seating is limited. - Visit http://tonyoverbay.com/magnetic to learn more about Tony’s Magnetic Marriage program, or visit http://tonyoverbay.com to take Tony’s free parenting course, or to learn more about his best-selling book; or only recovery program “The Path Back.” And please subscribe to “Waking Up to Narcissism,” Tony’s brand new podcast, which is part of The Virtual Couch podcast network.

Tony Speaking at Leading Saints LIVE October 16, 2021 - Narrowing the Gap w/God, Mental Health, Faith Journeys, Communication and More! Oct 07, 2021

Show notes

Tony will be speaking at the Leading Saints LIVE event on October 16th, 2021, from 1:00 PM to 5:00 PM at the Wallsburg Town Hall, 70 W Main Canyon Road, Wallsburg, UT 84082. You can get tickets for the event at http://leadingsaints.org/tonyinutah. There will be a limited number of seats for the event. The recording of the event will be available publicly in early 2022. Tony will be tackling topics like communication, from communicating between spouses, parent-to-child communication, and how to communicate more effectively as a leader. Tony will take a deep dive into his Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation, and he will show how to implement the "4 Pillar" framework into a variety of situations. He will also talk about navigating a faith journey, both individually as well as a couple. And Tony will tackle everything from parenting to personality disorders (from his Waking Up to Narcissism podcast), recovering from turning to pornography, or any other addictive behavior, as a coping mechanism, and so much more. Plus, he will be answering questions throughout the presentation. Go to http://leadingsaints.org/tonyinutah to get your tickets today.

To Be Heard Is To Be Healed - Connecting the 4 Pillars of Communication Oct 05, 2021

Show notes

Tony describes in detail how his "4 Pillars of a Connected Conversation" works, including how to apply the 4 Pillars in any conversation where you feel stuck, unheard, unseen, or unloved. The 4 Pillars are: 1) Assuming good intentions, 2) Don't send the message of "you're wrong" or "I don't believe you," EVEN IF you think the other person is wrong, or you don't believe them, 3) Ask questions BEFORE making comments, and 4) Stay present, lean in, do all that you can to stay out of "victim mode." These 4 Pillars, along with the paradigm shift that the goal of a conversation is to be heard, not to resolve, will lead to more connected conversations. - Visit http://tonyoverbay.com/magnetic to learn more about Tony's Magnetic Marriage program, or visit http://tonyoverbay.com to take Tony's free parenting course, or to learn more about his best-selling book; or only recovery program "The Path Back." And please subscribe to "Waking Up to Narcissism," Tony's brand new podcast, which is part of The Virtual Couch podcast network.

Give Yourself A Little Grace, Change Takes Time! Sep 28, 2021

Show notes

Despite what you hear from the self-help world change takes time, so it is important to give yourself a little more grace. If beating yourself up was the key to success, then we'd all already be perfect! Tony shares his secrets on how to become unstuck, and why we continually try to think our way out of thinking problems, and why our brain, bless its pink squishy heart, thinks it's doing us a solid by keeping us heading down the same deeply rutted neuropathways. Plus, learn the mysteries of "piloting the human meat suit." - Visit http://tonyoverbay.com/magnetic to learn more about Tony’s Magnetic Marriage program, or visit http://tonyoverbay.com to take Tony’s free parenting course, or to learn more about his best-selling book; or only recovery program “The Path Back.” And please subscribe to “Waking Up to Narcissism,” Tony’s brand new podcast, which is part of The Virtual Couch podcast network.

The Need to Finish Things Meets Procrastination - How the Ziegarnik Effect Impacts Mental Health Sep 22, 2021

Show notes

Tony talks about why unfinished tasks take up so much emotional energy and why, even with this knowledge, it can be so challenging to begin even the most simple project. The Ziegarnik Effect is the tendency to remember unfinished tasks better than finished tasks. Tony "reacts to" Cynthia Vinney's article "The Ziegarnik Effect? Definitions and Examples" https://www.thoughtco.com/zeigarnik-effect-4771725 Understanding how The Ziegarnik Effect works can help you address procrastination, poor study habits, and more. - Sign up now to learn more about Tony's next round of his Magnetic Marriage course http://tonyoverbay.com/magnetic

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