The Toxic People Detox

Latest Episodes:

Dealing With Toxic Co-Workers Using Email [Episode 10] Nov 15, 2017

Show notes

For this episode I talk about email scripts that you can use to deal with toxic situations at work. I will not go through all of them, but I will highlight a few. There are 11 scripts that are available on my site as a free download. There is a link in the description. After you download your scripts, there is a special offer for a 2018 calendar with 365 prompts for dealing with toxic people. Each month has a theme. There are also action plans to help you stay on track. [2:52] Where to get the scripts http://bit.ly/2jp0H9q [5:51] List of toxic situations [7:22] Do’s and Don’ts of using these email scripts [13:52] Sample email for dealing with someone who is harshly critical in public [14:14] Sample email for dealing with someone who overlooks your contribution to a project [16:01] Sample email for dealing with someone who overloads you with work [18:15] Sample email for dealing with someone who keeps you out of the loop on projects Download the scripts at the following link http://bit.ly/2jp0H9q

Toxic People Profile: The Passive Aggressive [Episode 9] Nov 08, 2017

Show notes

This is the first in a series of toxic people profiles that I will visit from time to time. Today’s profile is the passive aggressive. “Funny thing about passive aggressive people, they can smile and throw you under the bus, then get you to apologize for getting upset about it.” They’re like snipers. They take shots at you and you won’t even know where the bullets are coming from. [1:18] How passive aggressive folk operate Signs you're dealing with a passive aggressive [2:06] 1. A classic sign that you are dealing with a passive aggressive is that pit in your stomach that you can’t seem to shake off.If you have to wonder where you stand, then there’s your answer… on a slippery slope. They keep you in a state of uncertainty. [3:24] 2. You keep going back and forth. Things are good, now they’re not. Rinse and repeat. Every relationship has its ebb and flow. Such is life. Life has its ups and downs. This is different. [4:35] 3. You may be feeling angry and upset, but not sure why or if it is justified. [5:23] 4. They withhold vital information until the last minute. Sometimes they never reveal anything. Their desire is to undermine you. They will conveniently forget to tell you crucial information and revel in the resulting chaos. [5:54] 5. The feeling of uncertainty leads to feelings of powerlessness. Solutions [6:54] 1. Your first line of defense is awareness. That’s true of just about anything, but due to the sneaky nature of passive aggressive, awareness may not come initially. They do an excellent job of keeping their agenda’s hidden. Look at the signs. Listen to your body! [7:33] 2. Acknowledge Unless they have some epiphany, they won’t change. We tend to idealize a situation and say that things could get better and that there is so much potential in the other person. While that could be the case, don’t go by what could be. Go by what is. If the situation improves then, awesome. Until it does, be honest about where things are, and protect yourself emotionally. My line of defense is detachment. [8:54] 3. Accept Awareness is recognizing that the spade. Acknowledging it is calling it a spade. Accepting it is letting it be what it is. Accepting doesn’t mean lying down and letting the other person walk all over you. If the person changes, it must be a decision that they make. We can inspire. We can influence. Ultimately, the decision to change must be theirs. [10:44] 4. Leave a paper trail. Keep a file. Anyone can put up a front, but it takes effort to maintain it. Passive-aggressive are in it for the long haul. They’re not used to people who can wait them out. [11:08] Therefore, your secret weapon against passive aggressive is patience. Anytime you confront them , they’re just deny it anyway. Fantastic GuidanceFebruary 25, 2020 by CLP14 from United StatesI have worked with a therapist for close to five years and Dr. Williams reinforces my therapist’s insights and guidance. Dr. Williams is spot on and I love her no nonsense approach. Her university students are lucky to have someone like her in their young lives. wish I’d had a professor like her early in my life, before I continued some codependent behaviors that caused a lot of pain.AmazingDecember 26, 2019 by Bentbutnotbroken74 from United StatesI love this podcast and I needed this info and positive but yet straight shooting delivery! Thank you!EmpoweringSeptember 29, 2019 by CamSays from United StatesI really appreciate Dr. Shayla’s ‘practical advice’ on dealing with toxic people. She encourages her listeners to take responsibility where they can, to learn that their own self love and respect is the most powerful force to use in relationships. She reminds you of your power so you can stop feeling like a victim. I agree with another commenter- PLEASE get new intro music!!! The current dissonance makes my ears bleed and is, well.....toxic to my enjoyment of the podcast.Love this!September 17,

Dealing With Toxic Family Members [Episode 8] Nov 03, 2017

Show notes

This is a touchy subject. There aren’t any easy answers, but there are answers. There are hard truths that may be difficult to accept. Always seek the advice of a professional before making any major decisions. On today's episode: [1:59] 1. People who are controlling, meddling [8:01] 2. People who won’t let you grow and change [10:55] 3. People who like to pick fights [13:10] 4. People who play the victim [13:58] 5. People who withhold affections [15:40] Solutions [16:21] – Taking the direct approach [16:47] – When the direct approach doesn’t work [17:43] – Why putting distance between you and toxic family can be a healing thing [18:55] – The downside of putting distance between you and toxic family [20:13] – A case study on drawing the line [21:10] - Showing compassion to toxic family Subscribe/rate/review I would be most grateful Until next time, I wish you peace in the midst of toxic people. Take care Fantastic GuidanceFebruary 25, 2020 by CLP14 from United StatesI have worked with a therapist for close to five years and Dr. Williams reinforces my therapist’s insights and guidance. Dr. Williams is spot on and I love her no nonsense approach. Her university students are lucky to have someone like her in their young lives. wish I’d had a professor like her early in my life, before I continued some codependent behaviors that caused a lot of pain.AmazingDecember 26, 2019 by Bentbutnotbroken74 from United StatesI love this podcast and I needed this info and positive but yet straight shooting delivery! Thank you!EmpoweringSeptember 29, 2019 by CamSays from United StatesI really appreciate Dr. Shayla’s ‘practical advice’ on dealing with toxic people. She encourages her listeners to take responsibility where they can, to learn that their own self love and respect is the most powerful force to use in relationships. She reminds you of your power so you can stop feeling like a victim. I agree with another commenter- PLEASE get new intro music!!! The current dissonance makes my ears bleed and is, well.....toxic to my enjoyment of the podcast.Love this!September 17, 2019 by Loopylooloo9999 from United StatesI listen to these over and over especially when I’m unsatisfied at work or dealing with difficult situations. Shayla always gives me a different perspective!7 Reasons why toxic people...September 3, 2019 by HMSDesign from United StatesI’m in Love with Shayla D Williams, so insightful. I learned a lot about myself and some of the toxic people I’ve aloud in my life. This show is something I can take with me in all my budding relationshipsDirect!August 22, 2019 by JennieBeanParachutePants from United StatesI appreciate how direct Dr. Shayla is. The information is great for a lay person.Love Dr. ShaylaAugust 19, 2019 by ashcat310 from United StatesMy new favorite pod!!! Love the tough love ❤️Thank you!!July 12, 2019 by x3_selegna from United States?Count Paris VeronaJune 16, 2019 by P Verona from United StatesAwesome ‼️get rid of that awful music!!June 15, 2019 by Nuu22 from United StatesThe podcast is great and helpful and quippy. But PLEASE get rid of that intro and outro music. So not serious and annoying sounding.You are the G.O.A.T!June 5, 2019 by MKW03 from United StatesBeing new to the podcast world I didn’t know where to begin. Your podcast was the first thing that popped up, so I gave it a try and I thank god I did. Your podcast came in my life right on time, just when I thought my life was the worse, I had no way of viewing situations or handling them. I had issues with saying no, I worried about what people thought, I had no self esteem. But your podcast has shown me I am better, and who cares what people think. You’ve shown me I can take up for myself and I deserve and I demand respect. Thank you!An answer to my prayers!June 1, 2019 by C-Sharpness from United StatesDoes podcast help me defend myself in a much more affective way and avoid a lot of possible hurt and frustrati...

Arrogance vs. Confidence [Episode 7] Oct 30, 2017

Show notes

I’ve said previously that we fear our own success for a variety of reasons. One thing I didn’t mention was the fear of appearing arrogant. Which brings us to the title. What is the difference between arrogance and confidence? [2:04] The defining trait between the two [3:41] The truth behind why arrogant people are the way they are [6:30] How we can misinterpret arrogance [8:20] How to see arrogant people for who they are [9:13] The dark truth about false humility [10:18] Why introverts can be seen as arrogant [11:31] When you're afraid of coming off as arrogant [12:44] Episode Recap

How to Keep Calm in an Argument – 5 Tips [Episode 6] Oct 25, 2017

Show notes

“A battle of ego has no winner.” [1:10] Why do arguments escalate? [1:43] Lay the ground rules – Do this before you get into any argument. When you can be objective because if you wait until an altercation, it’s too late. You can easily get riled up if you don’t lay the foundation. That’s why people have trouble staying centered in an argument. That is what keeps you grounded. [4:24] Technique 1. Give them a way out. [6:30] Technique 2. Discover the real issue. [9:41] Technique 3. Acknowledge them and call them out. [11:35] Technique 4 – Involve them in the process.

Getting Motivated & Dealing With Rejection [Episode 5] Oct 18, 2017

Show notes

Welcome to The Toxic People Detox, a practical guide for finding peace in the midst of toxic people. It’s not about changing toxic people but changing how you respond to them and doing so in a productive, healthy way. Today, I interview a former student Ms. Maci Brinson. She is currently a graduate student working on her Masters in physiology at the University of Louisville. Read Full Transcript Dr. Shayla: Hello and welcome to another episode of Toxic People Detox. A practical guide to finding peace in the midst of toxic people. Because it's not about changing them, it's about changing how you respond to them and doing so in a healthy, productive way. I have an interviewee today. She's one of our former students and she did a seminar just yesterday at the time of this podcast and it's called Transitions, Moving to Graduate and Professional school. Ms. Macy Brinson, spring 2017 ASU biology program graduate. As she was doing her seminar, I'm listening and I've sitting up here nodding head saying you know, I'm really digging this, because this is not something I normally hear a student say and not just students in general, but people. There's something about our society, we've become anemic and as a result many of us has become toxic, feeding off of ourselves and feeding off of each other rather than going out and doing something productive. So Ms. Brinson is going to talk to us about motivation and about dealing with rejection. So welcome to the show Ms Brinson. Ms. Brinson : Thank you for having me, I'm so so so excited for being here today. I'm now a grad student, getting my masters in Physiology at the University of Louisville and it's so nice to be back in Albany today. Dr. Shayla : Okay. Alright, so let's start with this question. Where did that motivation come from because you said a lot of things. You talked about sitting in a dentist office for 2 hours if you had to, just because you wanted to talk to the dentist to shadow them. That's not something I hear people doing. where did that come from? Ms. Brinson: I would have to say the thing that drives me the most will be my parents. Coming from not the best households growing up, or just not the most productive when it comes to going out and reaching your goals and doing your own thing to be successful, my parents instilled in me that if there's anything that you want, you're capable to go out and get. They also showed me by starting their own business like when I was...even not even in elementary school yet. So I was there to see them work. I've seen their determination, I've seen their drive. It did nothing but motivated me. I just was always taught if it's something worth having, you'll work for it and once you receive it, it'll only be better. Dr. Shayla: I agree, I agree. So your motivation came from your parent and growing up in a household where people had the entrepreneurial mindset? Ms Brinson: Yes. Dr. Shayla: Okay. Well because when you're an entrepreneur, you have to have that mindset. Ms. Brinson: Because if you don't do it, no one else is. When you're working for others, you should still have that mindset. Yes, you work for someone and they're also ultimately your boss, but .....it's okay to stand out, it's okay to go the extra mile in moderation. Like whatever you set out to do, be the best even if it is for your own satisfaction. Because not only will you be able to grow in ways imaginable, it's just... it feels good to be prospering at something that you're doing. Dr. Shayla: Yeah, I agree. It gives that sense of fulfillment, that sense of satisfaction, that people are trying to get that but they do so through addiction like drug, alcohol, the typical ones. So, now you grew up in a household where you had entrepreneurial parents. But what about someone who didn't? How would you develop that motivation? What kind of advice would you give to someone? Ms. Brinson: I feel like step one is knowing who you are.

The Fear of Success [Episode 4] Oct 16, 2017

Show notes

Welcome to The Toxic People Detox, a practical guide for finding peace in the midst of toxic people. It’s not about changing toxic people but changing how you respond to them and doing so in a productive, healthy way. This is Episode 004 – The Fear of Success & How to Overcome It. If there’s one thing you can count on with toxic people, is that they fear your success. What happens when you fear your own success? Why would you fear your own success and how can you overcome it? In today’s episode I’ll cover: A lesson from one of my favorites movie of all time 4 Reasons why we fear success 4 solutions to those fears Read Full Transcript The Fear of Success Welcome to The Toxic People Detox, a practical guide to finding peace in the midst of toxic people. It’s not about changing toxic people but changing how you respond to them and doing so in a productive, healthy way. This is Episode 004 – The Fear of Success & How to Overcome It. If there’s one thing you can count on with toxic people, is that they fear your success. What happens when you fear your own success? Why would you fear your own success and how can you overcome it? In today’s episode I’ll cover: 1. A lesson from my one of favorites movie of all time 2. 4 Reasons why we fear success 3. 4 solutions to those fears One of my favorite movies is “The Wizard of Oz,” the one that came out in 1939. When you compare that movie with a lot of movies that have come out in the past, say, 25 years, “The Wizard of Oz” has held up exceptionally well. I remember a movie that came out in 1996. It’s called “Dragonheart.” It’s a dragon that’s voiced by Sean Connery, Mr. James Bond himself. You go back and look at that movie now and you realize, “Wow, this thing is not aging very well, especially compared to ‘The Wizard of Oz,’” which still looks great especially now that it’s come out in HDTV. My favorite character of “The Wizard of Oz” is Glinda the Good Witch. When I was a kid, there was something about Glinda. She’s only on screen twice, but she stood out to me. Why? Because she flat-out lies to Dorothy. And yet, she’s the good witch? Say whatever you want about the wicked witch, you doesn’t hide the fact that she wants you dead! Glinda tells Dorothy to go see the Wizard of Oz and that he might be able to help her get back to Kansas. Doesn’t Glinda know that the Wizard of Oz is a fraud? How could she not know that? Of course, she knows, she knows the Wizard is a fraud, and then toward the end of the movie, Glinda even says, “Dorothy, you had the power to get yourself home all along,” to which the Scarecrow asks, “Why didn’t you tell her that in the beginning?” I love her answer. Glinda says, “If I had told Dorothy the truth, she wouldn’t have believed me.” Glinda deliberately mislead the Dorothy because she knew that Dorothy wasn’t ready to hear the truth. To really bring this point home, if you had told me, say, back in 2005 that I would be a college professor, I would have said, “No way. There’s no way in this life or the next that I would ever want to be a college professor,” especially at the university where I graduated from, where I got my bachelor’s from. I said, “I would never want to set foot on that campus again, let alone teach there,” but yet, at the time of this recording, here I am, teaching and actually enjoying it. One of the highest-paid speakers in the world is Tony Robbins. If he’s not the highest paid speaker, he’s definitely probably in the top ten. If you look at Tony Robbins, listen to how he describes himself at a time where it was a very low point in his life, when he was living in a 400-square-foot apartment and he washed his dishes in the bathtub. If you had told him, “Hey, you’re going to be one of the highest-paid speakers in the world,” he probably wouldn’t have believed you. When you tell people that they have the potential for greatness, they probably won’t believe you because it’s hard to see beyond our ci...

Toxic People vs Difficult People- What’s the Difference? [Episode 3] Oct 11, 2017

Show notes

Toxic People are difficult, but not all difficult people are toxic. In this episode, we explore the difference between a toxic person and a difficult person. Although they are sometimes used interchangeably, I do make a distinction. 1:16 - Why being difficult is not always a bad thing. 5:08 - Gas-lighting and why it's so insidious 7:26 - What to do when someone is gas-lighting you in a conversation 7:37 - Being polite vs being assertive 8:34 - How I got over the fear of being impolite 9:30 - Where is the threshold between being difficult and being toxic 10:58 - The key to dealing with difficult people and toxic people 12:09 - Recap of the first 4 episodes 13:11 - Who is to blame for my troubles 14:02 Episode recap Subscribe, rate and review. I would be most grateful! www.TheToxicPeopleDetox.com

8 Characteristics of An Awesome Life [Episode 2] Oct 08, 2017

Show notes

In today's episode, I talk about this little gem called the 8 dimensions of wellness. These aspects of life will wax and wane in different stages of our lives. If one is out of tune then focus on bringing that aspect back into the picture. The key is not balance but rather harmony.

My Story & 4 Lessons Learned [Episode 1] Oct 07, 2017

Show notes

Welcome to The Toxic People Detox, a practical guide for finding peace in the midst of toxic people. In today's episode I discuss my dealings with toxic people and 4 lessons I learned from them. If's there's one thing you can take away from this episode is that a battle of ego has no winner!

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