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This skill is not only the most important skill in dealing with toxic people, but in dealing with life in general. It’s something that’s missing in our society particularly from the millennial generation.
The best way to deal with toxic people is to focusing on creating an amazing life for yourself. It’ vague, but that’s because an amazing life means different things to different people.
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Episode 13 – The Most Important Skill For Dealing with Toxic People
Practicing Detachment
As the title states, in this episode I focus on what I consider to be not only the most important skill in dealing with toxic people, but in dealing with life in general. It’s something that’s missing in our society particularly from the millennial generation.
Here is part a review someone left me referring to toxic people that states, “I think it's an issue I didn't give a space to in my life. I'm focusing all my life in so many good people that serounds me.”
That’s exactly my point! The best way to deal with toxic people is to focusing on creating an amazing life for yourself. It’ vague, but that’s because an amazing life means different things to different people.
One of the ground rules for creating your amazing life is developing this skill. And that is detachment.
Detachment is not apathy, which is an absence of feeling or purpose and can be associated with depression. No, detachment is actually healthy.
It’s not sticking your head in sand.
It’s being aware of toxicity, drama, chaos, etc. but not being emotionally caught up in it.
At the time of recording this podcast, there are 3 more days left in the semester. This is the time, I get bombarded with emails from students about their grades despite me telling them that in the final week, there’s not much you can do to change your grade at this point.
I had one student in my office freaking out about her grade. I listened more than I spoke. Finally, she said, “Don’t you care?”
I said, Sure I do, or we would be having this conversation. I’m just detached.”
She gave me a puzzled look and asked what was the difference. I said, “I care enough to listen to what you have to say, but I am not getting caught up in the drama of it.”
I know that’s not what she wanted to hear, but I was trying to get across that she has to take responsibility for her actions.
By being detached, I was releasing myself from the burden of taking responsibility for someone else’s actions and happiness.
We continued our discussion and I gave her some guidance on how to proceed from there.
It’s one thing to say that you will learn to be detached from your emotions about a toxic person, and another thing entirely to achieve true detachment. It is not easy to get over a toxic encounter. You may be left feeling unsatisfied, angry, and manipulated. Your natural instinct may be to get back at the person who hurt you. Ask me how I know! You might feel a need to prove a point or get revenge, or even just to get in the last word. You might persist in the belief that you can work things out if you just give it one more try.
All of those feelings are understandable, but none of them are particularly productive. If you want to truly recover from a toxic relationship, then you have to accept that no amount of revenge or talking is going to make things better. Those things won’t help because it takes two people to make a healthy relationship. If one person in the relationship is prone to toxic behavior, the relationship may never be healthy. It can be hard to accept that, but it’s true.
Emotional detachment is a skill. It is something you can learn. If you find yourself replaying encounters with toxic people in your head, or if your emotions tend to get in the way of accomplishing the things that are important to you, then learning emotional detachment might be very helpful to you. Here are some of the things that emotional detachment can help you do:
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