The Story Must Be Told

Latest Episodes:

79. How Do You Torture It? - Guest Preacher Ashley Brooke Roberts Jul 16, 2019

Show notes

Witness a laboratory of pain! Enjoy the wracking breaths of mechanical life! Grin at the abasements, or perhaps, shed a salty tear. Nothing unites us like pain, especially when it’s for another. Guest Preacher: Ashley Brooke Roberts (@AshleyBRoberts, the Reality Blows podcast) Invocation A Surprise for a Lost Woman Liturgical Reading: “How Do You Torture It?” Concluding Prayer The Story is hiding inside you. Take a spoon and find it!

78. There When You Need Me Jul 09, 2019

Show notes

When the sick have fallen, do you bend your sweet lil knee? Oooh, do you squat those hams, look your sweaty neighbor in the eye and say, "You alright, my good friend?" Yeah yeah, don't tell me your secrets, no no, keep that to yourself. Listen righteously, because this one "happened." Invocation Demonstration of A Novel Life Saving Technique/GreaCR Liturgical Reading: “There When You Need Me” Concluding Prayer No! I said, "don't tell me your secrets!" Well, that does it. Yeah, I didn't want to know your secrets, but now I do. Yep, heh heh, every gosh darn one. Now you have to come back. Otherwise I'll tell Uncle Garnns what you did to his cherry tomatoes one after another after ANOTHER.

77. After The Attack Jul 02, 2019

Show notes

We collected signatures to change the name of New York City to “Storytown USA.” The governor saw our thousands of signatures, frowned, bent over, and licked the paper until he consumed every one. “Your names are mine!” He grinned, tongue black as ink. This Story is what happens to your city when you deny it the STORY. Featuring: Ashley Brooke Roberts (@AshleyBRoberts, the Reality Blows podcast) Invocation MORE Petitions for Chalms Liturgical Reading: “After the Attack” Concluding Prayer In exactly seven days, if you hear the Story again, the Story will bless you and fondle your ancestors with the smooth touch of Story.

76. Burying Jun 25, 2019

Show notes

Unsolicited acts of violence are the yeast that makes the doughy truth of Story rise, overfill Its pan, and crisp on the oven floor. Bash! Ungh! Guuugh. Yeah, sometimes these Stories get grisly, and when they do, we just gotta shake our heads and whisper, “ohhhh.” Enjoy this tender tale of friendship to which we can allllll relate. Invocation Psalm: “A Sack Full of Batteries” Liturgical Reading: “Burying” Concluding Prayer Next week we return with a brand new Story for you to swallow, dissolve, and absorb.

74. Goats and Sheep Jun 18, 2019

Show notes

Yeah this one’s for Chalms. That sweet tot, so sickly, so goo goo gooey. We found him in a tree! Reflect, as Chalms must, on the end of all days, when the good are divided from the evil. Witness as the false Story some call “Lord” does their regular spring cleaning of humanity. Invocation Petitions for Chalms Liturgical Reading: “Goats and Sheep” Concluding Prayer Yes yes, this week’s Story comes from our season one archives. Next week will be the same, then we return fresh, rested, and eager to instruct our congregants.

73. Grunster and the Gruntmunks Jun 11, 2019

Show notes

Children are produced by squishes and sweat. A Gruntmunk is not so different, except unlike a child, it SINGS. May we all become Gruntmunks, those cherubs of pop music and the forebears of the Story. Invocation Psalm: “Eighteen Dog Bird Hogs ” Liturgical Reading: “Grunster and the Gruntmunks” Concluding Prayer Next week we will witness the Story together, and if you blink we’ll get MAD at you.

72. The Smallest Beetle, OR: Brutal Beetle Beatdown Part 2 - Guest Preacher Jackie Zebrowksi Jun 04, 2019

Show notes

Larvae grow up, sniff sniff, and they change! Mutation and abomination is built into the lifespan of the insect, phases of unconscionable puberty inflicted on the lil bug, boo hoo. Shed a tear for the beetles, for they know tragedy. This is a Part 2. The Story forbids listen unless you did your Story duty with Part 1. Yeah, we PUNISH in this church. Guest Preacher: Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7 podcast, IG: @jackthatworm) Invocation Psalm: “Big Sassy Kitty” Liturgical Reading: “The Smallest Beetle OR: Brutal Beetle Beatdown Part 2” Concluding Prayer Our bugtruth complete, may we now go out to our communities and bring our insectoid neighbors IN. Next week we’ll have something fresh and stupid for you.

71. The Smallest Beetle, OR: Brutal Beetle Beatdown Part 1 - Guest Preacher Jackie Zebrowksi May 28, 2019

Show notes

When humanity is gone, the world will have a good laugh, comb its balding scalp, and ‘get back to it.’ What will the remaining species think of us, and what might they build in our shadow? The following Story is no Story at all, but a documentary that simply hasn’t happened yet! Yeah, this one is all true, yeah, this is a goddamn prophecy, a prophecy about BUGS. Guest Preacher: Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7 podcast, IG: @jackthatworm) Invocation Psalm: “I Have Decided to Live in Filth” Liturgical Reading: “The Smallest Beetle OR: Brutal Beetle Beatdown Part 1” Concluding Prayer Part 2 of this hissing, clicking Story will arrive next week and incapacitate you with its wholesome truth.

70. Iron Churnsly - Guest Preacher Jake Young May 21, 2019

Show notes

Copper! Aluminum! Iron! These are METALS. We are made out of some of them, but only in pathetic, insulting quantities. We hardly register to magnets, and our capacity to conduct is negligible! May we scorn flesh, and praise metal! METAL—the most cost-effective conduit of Story proper. Guest Preacher: Jake Young (Wizard and the Bruiser podcast, Cartoon Hell on dropout.tv, @bestjakeyoung) Invocation Psalm: “Greasy” Liturgical Reading: “Iron Churnsly” Concluding Prayer Next Tuesday will be the day the Story finds you and finally robs you of your will to resist the Story.

69. Fun Boy Limited Party Travel Number One May 14, 2019

Show notes

The whole world blooms with seeds, but some seeds are unknown, some pollens unnatural—what is sown surprises. We welcome all unknowns, because when they spell out our demise, they use novel letters and innovative techniques. We can learn from a grisly undoing done cleverly, but what we cannot learn is to not be undone. Darn! Invocation Psalm: “Hungry Man Dinner” Liturgical Reading: “Fun Boy Limited Party Travel Number One” Concluding Prayer Return to us Tuesday and the Story will be waiting for you.

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