The Shmuz

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#137 - Being Sensitive Mar 09, 2019

Show notes

Almost all of the people that we deal with are reasonable, well intentioned individuals. And so too, am I. Yet, in the course of life, there is conflict, hurtful words, vengeful acts And, in that rare moment of self honesty, I realize that everything that happens isn't the "other guys fault". I too, am to blame. There have been situations where I acted in a manner that was cold and callous. There have been times when I acted with cruelty and malice. The question is why? It's not that I am not a nice guy, I know I am. Yet there are times when that's not the way I act. The question is why would a nice, caring individual act in a manner very inconsistent with that image? And more significantly what can I do about it?This Shmuz focuses us on one of the keys to growing in all human relationships: learning to focus on the Inner Condition how people actually feel, and learning to ignore the Outer Condition the show that people put on to hide what is actually going on in their heart. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#139 - The Power of Speech Mar 09, 2019

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We know that the Torah is very exacting in regards to Loshon Horah: there are 17 negative and 14 positive commandments concerning disparaging speech. In fact, the Rambam paskens like the Gemara, that the sin of Loshon Horah is worse than the sins of Idol worship; illicit relations, and bloodshed. The question is why? Of all of our activities why does the Torah see fit that this one should be dealt with so severely? What is so egregious, so horrific? After all its only words.. ..This Shmuz deals with the Torah's view of the power of the spoken word, and its effect on human relationships. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#141 - Parenting Part IV - Sibling Rivalry Mar 09, 2019

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Since the time of Kain and Hevel, it seems a given that brothers fight. Even in the most refined home, where individuals are polite and respectful, siblings take liberties with each other that they wouldn't dare take with outsiders- it is almost as if an unwritten law permits the torture of siblings. What is even more surprising is that individuals we know, good people, who outside the home are so courteous and caring, act very differently when they are amongst their closest family -- What is even more shocking is when those "People", turn out to be you and I. The question is why? Why does the very closeness and attachment we share with family bring out contention, and what can we do about it? This Shmuz explores some of the forces that drive sibling rivalry, and offers strategies to deal with it, whether in the role of parents or sibling. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#140 - The Arabs and The Jews Mar 09, 2019

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The Palestinians have aspirations of political freedom as do every people. Their requests are merely of sovereignty and political rights-- and of course, once they have been granted these, they will live in harmony with their neighbors, recognizing Israel's right to peaceful coexistence. Or will they? An opened minded view of the current situation brings grave doubts to the true desires of the Arabs in general and the Palestinians in particular. This Shmuz focuses on some of the underlying causes of the Arab's attitude towards the Jews, and why Western Culture has such difficulty relating to the core issue. WARNING: If your worldview is shaped by CNN you will find this Shmuz disconcerting. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#144 - Stages of Change Part II Support Groups Mar 09, 2019

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Recent studies show that in 2004, there were an estimated 44.5 million adult smokers in the United States, and 70% of them want to quit. Each year, 35% do attempt to stop, yet only 5% succeed -- clearly change isn't easy. Willpower alone isn't enough. A good program for change alone isn't enough. To make change permanent, we need outside help. Support groups are successful for this very reason. Weight Watchers reports that people who attend meetings lose three times as much weight as those who don't. Same program, same motivation. The only difference is the social component of support. Our goal as the Chosen Nation is not only to change destructive personal habits, but to change our very natures, our character traits, and our approaches to life -- the type of spouses we are, the type of parents we are, the type of human beings we. Clearly it is a formidable challenge- one that we were given a lifetime to tackle. And provided we have the motivation, systems and knowledge of how to change, we can accomplish it. In this second of a three part series on the mechanisms of change, we focus on how support systems function and how important they are in making change permanent. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#142 - The Power of Laughter Mar 09, 2019

Show notes

There are certain life lessons that they don't teach you in school. One of them is the importance of maintaining a sense of humor. Not only is this one of the key elements for maintaining a sense of balance and joy as we travel through the trials of life, in terms of our relationships with others, a light touch often spells the difference between harmony and strife-love and hate. Focusing on the adage that "He who laughs, lasts.. .." this Shmuz underscores the power of laughter -- a force that improperly used, can cause much harm, but properly utilized is one of the keys to leading a successful life. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#143- Stages of Change Part I Denial Mar 09, 2019

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The Vilna Gaon tells us that the main reason for life is to change our middos -"If not" he says, "Why should a person have life?" The difficulty with this mandate is that it means: I have to change. While in theory I may be open to grow -- I may even recognize the many advantage to my life, in practice we humans find it very difficult to change. Ask a person who has smoked for 20 years, "How easy it is to change?" Ask a person who is 40 lbs overweight, "Don't you want to lose weight?" The reality is that even when we recognize the need to change, actually carrying out the process seems to be a daunting task-and it's not just about willpower. This is part one of a series of Shmuzin, focusing on the dynamics of change. Whether my aim is to stop: gambling, over eating, drinking, or improving my character traits; by understanding the different stages, techniques and mental states, that are a necessary part of change, we can be more successful at attaining our goals. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#145 - Stages of Change Part III Taking Action Mar 09, 2019

Show notes

When a person recognizes that he needs to lose weight, it isn't enough for him to read all the latest diet books and find a great plan - the person has to actually "do it." He has to go on that diet and stick to it. But "doing it" requires motivation, not just the initial motivation to begin, but long-lasting motivation that will withstand the tests of life, allowing changes in behavior to become permanent. Why is it that some people are able to maintain that positive focus and other aren't? Are there techniques for "getting motivated", and maintaining that sense of empowerment? This issue is especially relevant to us, the Chosen Nation. Our mandate is not only to change damaging personal habits, but to change our very nature, our character traits, and our approaches to life -- the types of spouses we are, the types of parents we are, the type of human beings we are. To do this, we must have a constant source of motivation and drive. Changing our very nature is difficult work. Where does this drive come from? How can we stay that motivated throughout life? In this third part of a three-part series on the mechanisms of change, we focus on using moments of inspiration and learn how to lock them in, so that we give ourselves the constant source of inspiration needed for change. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#146 - The Impact of One Mitzvah Mar 09, 2019

Show notes

I do daven with a minyan. I don't. I do a chesed -- I don't. Does it really matter? Does it really make a difference? Very often we find ourselves thinking what is the big deal? Will my actions really change my life? Will they change my world? Yet every once in a while, we come across a single action that does change the world-- a shot heard around the world. Our natural assumption is that these types of acts are relegated to singular people, living in highly unusual times and circumstance. Yet, Chazal have a different appreciation of the value of a single act. From their vantage point a single mitzvah, accomplished by an ordinary person, is so important, that it exceeds anything we could ever imagine. The question is why? What is the big deal? After all said and done, it was only one Mitzvah, it's not like the entire universe: heaven and earth, are dependent upon that one act.Using HASHEM's answer to, why Nevuchadneser merited becoming one of the most powerful kings in history, as a backdrop, this Shmuz helps us enter Chazal's world view of the impact of even one Mitzvah. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#148 - Rich, Richer, Richest - How to be Wealthy Mar 09, 2019

Show notes

Hot, hotter, hottest. Fast, faster, fastest. In the English language we distinguish between the adjective, a descriptive word, and the superlative, an adjective taken to its extreme. Yet when we think about wealth, that distinction somehow gets lost. If I am not as rich as Bill Gates, then I am not rich. While the Torah does not guarantee that any individual will be wealthy, it does offer a tried and true formula for a person to enjoy riches in this world. This Shmuz focuses on the concept of wealth, appreciation and the concept of being rich. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

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