The SelfWork Podcast

Latest Episodes:

YGTG: From The Happiness Lab: The Secret to Making Friends as an Adult Sep 27, 2022

Show notes

Here’s a special preview of the new season of The Happiness Lab for the YGTG for this month! You might think you know what it takes to lead a happier life… more money, a better job, or Instagram-worthy vacations. You’re dead wrong. Yale professor Dr. Laurie Santos has studied the science of happiness and found that many of us do the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better.

She’ll take you through the latest scientific research and share some surprising and inspiring stories that will change the way you think about happiness. In the preview you’re about to hear, Laurie is joined by the US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy to talk about a massive public health crisis that has touched nearly all of us at some time or another: loneliness. Loneliness is a far more common and far more serious problem than we think. If we're feeling lonely, what can we do? As you'll hear in this preview, we need to build out our social connections.

Hear more fromThe Happiness Lab at https://podcasts.pushkin.fm/thls5?sid=selfwork.

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

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302 SelfWork: Q&A! What's Trauma, Boundaries with BPD, and Being Your Own Cheerleader Sep 23, 2022

Show notes

One of my favorite things to do on SelfWork is to respond to your questions! The first is a reaction to a recent podcast from 19 year-old podcaster Sadie Sutton who was explaining her journey with depression and her parents’ role in it. This listener wanted to know if I was following up with an interview with her parents – a great question actually. But no, that’s not the plan. But I wanted to respond to some of her thoughts as that episode touched a sensitive and vulnerable place in her heart – and maybe it did yours as well.

The second email is from someone whose partner has been diagnosed as BPD/bipolar and is looking for some support for herself. And the third from a listener who’s turned to his family for affirmation – and keeps getting ignored or even criticized for it. His question – how do I become my own cheerleader?

Vital Links:

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Sadie Sutton Interview on SelfWork

Episode 86 on support for someone who loves someone with borderline personality disorder

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

301 SelfWork: What Is Emotional Incest? Sep 16, 2022

Show notes

What’s emotional incest? (Please be aware that you could be triggered by this episode if abuse is in your past and I’ll share links to help lines.) It’s not the same as sexual incest – but can certainly cause its own type of damage. It falls within the dynamic of enmeshment but has its own definition and characteristics. Emotional incest is defined as a parent turning to a child to meet their emotional needs instead of having that relationship with an adult. We’ll talk about how it happens and how it’s so often missed since it can appear as if all is normal, when it's not at all. And as always, we'll focus on what you can do about it.

The listener voicemail is from someone who used what she called discipline to parent but her kids have some resentment toward her. We’ll talk about what she could do.

Vital Links!!!

Click this link to try out some of the best CBD out there! Ozark Mountain Medicine's CBD products and get 10% off!

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!

International Sexual Abuse Hotlines

Sean Grover's article in Psychology Today on Emotional Incest

Check out SelfWork Episode 62 on being overly close to your parent and Episode 224 on steps out of enmeshment

Dr. Pat Love's book The Emotional Incest Syndrome

Don Miguel Ruiz' book The Four Agreements

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300 SelfWork: Do You Take the Time to Acknowledge Your Depression? Sep 09, 2022

Show notes

We can’t believe it! 300 episodes!!! And that’s due to your loyalty and your emails and your messages and your support and your reviews and…. well, you! Thank you!!!

I had a topic in mind for this three hundredth episode of SelfWork. But I realized that what was on my heart and mind was how so many of you don’t think you have the time to deal with whatever depression or anxiety you might be feeling. Well I’m delighted you’re taking this next 25 minutes to listen – as today we talk about what may surprise you – that it doesn’t take as much time as you may think to do your own selfwork – or even to practice how to change your own relationship with time and yourself in the process.

It's about acknowledgement. And that takes a minute.

Then we have a little something to hopefully add a smile to your day! It's time for another blooper reel!

Vital Links!

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

And... Click this link to order Magnesium Breakthrough and enjoy a whopping 42% savings!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

299 SelfWork: Can I Tell You A Secret? And Can You Keep It? Sep 02, 2022

Show notes

I’ve had many people tell me over the years that they feel free to tell me things because they know I cannot tell anyone else. That’s true of course- unless I believe that there's imminent danger of some kind to them or someone else. But I don’t think of my role as that of secret-keeper. Instead I think of a therapist as offering safety rather than secrecy. Part of the safety is the secrecy – but of course, in abusive or manipulative relationships, secrecy is often used with malintent. So today, we’re going to talk about secrets.

Here are the questions we'll answer!

What are the most common secrets?
Why can some people not keep a secret or why are they a tattletale or a gossip?
What’s the difference between secrecy and privacy? Or secrecy and confidentiality?
Is it true that when something is kept secret from you, it has no impact on you?
What’s the difference between Secrecy and manipulation? And secrecy and abuse?

The SpeakPipe voicemail for today is from a woman who revealed childhood sexual abuse to her sister; her abuser was a brother, 8 years older than she. Sadly, the sister has withdrawn from her – and now she’s asking me what she should do. What would you say?

Vital Links:

Click this link to try out some of the best CBD out there! Ozark Mountain Medicine's CBD products and get 10% off!

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!

Episode 217 on sibling sexual abuse

Interview with Michael Slepian about his new book on secrets

Psychology Today article by Michael Slepian

Why some people can't keep a secret...

How you can tell someone is lying.

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298 SelfWork: Trauma, Grief, and Post-Traumatic Growth: A Conversation with Widow Krista St-Germain Aug 26, 2022

Show notes

On SelfWork, I love to feature people who have used their own experience – and sometimes that experiences involves loss or grief – to live through something that has taught them important lessons. And they want to share that you.

Krista St-Germain is that kind of person. I’ll let her tell her story but I think you’ll be surprised at some of how she handled her response. She studied to become a life coach in order to try to learn what she needed to do to work through her grief and began a podcast so that, she, like me, could reach more people who were also widows and moms. She focuses on post-traumatic growth – and she stresses that PTG doesn’t involved romanticizing trauma – somehow trying to convince yourself or others that your trauma is something that you’re supposed to be glad happened. Not at all. But what you do with it is important.

Some of her major points:

The myth about the grief stages
How to avoid the social expectations surrounding grief
Her truth about trauma, moving forward, and post-traumatic growth

Vital Links!

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

And... Click this link to order Magnesium Breakthrough and enjoy a whopping 42% savings!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

297 SelfWork: What If I Never Can Trust? Aug 19, 2022

Show notes

A listener left a voicemail for me within the past couple of weeks… in fact, two. Basically she asked, “I have trouble bonding with people and find myself not expecting too much. I’m in a good relationship now with my partner, but how do I get over this issue? Can you give tips on how to start trusting myself, others and especially my parents?” I want to stress that being able to trust is about connection – about intimacy – and if you struggle with it, then you’ll not experience true connection, but isolation and fear. The good news is, as Bessel Van Der Kolk says in The Body Keeps The Score, “As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself…The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage.” Trigger warning: We’ll be talking about specific examples of abuse.

The voicemail for today is from a listener who had severe withdrawal symptoms from being on an antidepressant for year, and asks about how to avoid withdrawal problems. Again I’m not a medical doctor but I can convey what I’ve observed clinically.

Our sponsors today are Ozark Mountain Medicine whose CBD products are the best of the best, and the number one online therapy service, BetterHelp!

So sit back and relax – get in touch with your breathing and your body (that's another hint...) and let’s learn about how you can begin to trust after abuse.

Vital Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

And... Click this link to try out some of the best CBD out there! Ozark Mountain Medicine's CBD products and get 10% off!

An article by Darius Cikanavicius that offered us a great way to organize our discussion and I'd highly recommend it!

I"d also recommend reading Bessel Van Der Kolk's The Body Keeps The Score for wonderful practical and conceptual advice on healing from abuse!

A SelfWork YGTG on pharmacogenomics testing

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SelfWork YGTG (You Get the Gist): Need Better Sleep? A Conversation with BiOptimizers' Wade Lightheart Aug 17, 2022

Show notes

Today on You Get the Gist, you’re going to get to hear from Wade LIghtheart Who’s Wade Lightheart? Well, he’s the cofounder of BiOptimizers, who became a new sponsor of SelfWork just last week! But he’s a three-time Canadian national all-natural body building champion, and a former Mr. Universe contestant who trained as a vegan – so he’s a guy that’s doing things differently. I think you’ll find him personable and his message truly vital to hear.

Click HERE for BiOptimizers special offer on Magnesium Breakthrough and watch your sleep - and your mental health - improve!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

296 SelfWork: Teenage Depression. It's Real. How Can You Help? A Conversation with Sadie Sutton. Aug 12, 2022

Show notes

Today we’re going to focus on how to help your teen with depression through an interview with a great guest, 19 year-old Sadie Sutton, host of the podcast She Persisted. She was first diagnosed with depression when she was 13 and by the age of 14, had been hospitalized four times for severe depression, anxiety, and suicidality. Realizing things were going nowhere fast, her parents took her to McLean Hospital, a residential inpatient program. And it was there - life changed.

Why should you listen and share her story? Suicide is the second-leading cause of death among people aged 15 to 24 in the US. 20% of high school students report serious thoughts of suicide and 9% have made attempts. Ohio State football player Harry Miller’s revelations that he attempted suicide, shared his struggles with his coach and got help. He says, “This is not an issue reserved for the far and away,” wrote Miller. “It is in our homes. It is in our conversations. It is in the people we love.”

Here are some of the salient points from Sadie:

Her parents, especially her dad, didn’t realize or even perhaps believe, that a teenager could be clinically depressed – and his efforts to “snap her out of it” or “tough love” made things worse.
Prior to McLean, none of her therapists or the programs she entered asked for her commitment to the process of healing they proposed. In fact, they flat said that her stay would do her no good if she wasn’t going to choose to do the work. And that requirement is what caused her to actually do the work of healing.
Her parents took part of family therapy and learned a new way of talking about conflict, of expressing emotions, or negotiating, and of being aware of your impact on others.
She's a huge fan of DBT 9 Dialectical Behavior Therapy and she talks about some of its basic tenets.

But before we begin the interview, I’m so excited to introduce you to a new sponsor here at SelfWork! Magnesium Breakthrough. As always, I’ve tried it myself and will tell you what kind of results I’ve had! They have a wonderful offer for SelfWork listeners – so please listen in to what could be the start of more restful sleep for you – and thus, a more stable mood and good daily energy.

Vital Links:

Click HERE for BiOptimizers special offer on Magnesium Breakthrough and watch your sleep - and your mental health - improve!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

295 SelfWork: Lying, Suicide Notes, and Medication Fears: Opening My Emailbag Aug 05, 2022

Show notes

I’m thrilled today to introduce you to a new sponsor of SelfWork! Not only have I used this product for over three years, but it suddenly dawned on me that I should talk to them about a collaboration! And voilá… here it is. Let me introduce you to Ozark Mountain Medicine’s fantastic CBD products!

We’re delving into my SelfWork emailbag again this week – and the questions you’ve brought me will resonate with many of you. I love hearing from all of you – because it gives me a chance to give back to those of you who are listeners in a very specific way. What are those topics? The relationship between self-esteem and lying, what to do with things that are left behind by someone who died (and this listener’s father had died by suicide – so trigger warning here), and last, is there a danger if you take medication for depression that it will numb you to your feelings?

Our second sponsor today is Athletic Greens – another product I use daily - and we’ll hear from them later in the broadcast!.