The SelfWork Podcast

Latest Episodes:

389 SelfWork: Are You or Someone You Love An HSP (Highly Sensitive Person)? Apr 12, 2024

Show notes

This week we're focusing on all of you who might see yourself or someone you love as being a HSP - or highly sensitive person. Given that 15 to 20% of the population is thought to “have” it – and I say that in quotes because it’s not something you have, it's something you are - it’s not an illness or a problem. It’s a personality trait. It characterizes you. It’s what people might say about you when they’re trying to describe you. Like he’s stubborn or she’s persistent. They might say, “She gets things before many people do.”

I’ll read the messages and questions that several people had in contacting me, and will do my best to answer. We'll cover the gifts of being highly sensitive, but also some of the struggles inherent within it. But also this episode will have lots of great information for you – one link is a self-test for HSP researched and designed by the psychologist who coined the term HSP, Dr. Elaine Aron.

Vital Links:

Dr. Elaine Aron's website where you can find the free self-tests!

Dr. Judith Orloff's website and her books on empathy

Dr. Caroline Leaf's interview with Dr. Aron and tips and techniques to cope with it

Recent study comparing those who are HSP and those signaling they "have" HSP

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You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

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388 SelfWork: When Your Child Is An Addict: A Conversation with Ken Guidroz, Author of Letters To My Son In Prison Apr 05, 2024

Show notes

What do you do when your child is an addict? My guest on SelfWork this week is Ken Guidroz, author of Letters To My Son In Prison. He's a husband, father of three sons, a grandfather, and an ex-pastor. All three sons had struggles with drugs. But his middle son? For years, Lucas was a heroin addict. And he accidentally killed a man while driving high. And he ran from the scene.

Ken takes the reader through the years his son served in prison and what they both learned; not all the letters they wrote are published. But you can see and hear the complexity of the emotions both experienced.

I sat down to read and four hours later got up. It was riveting.

Vital Links:

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387 SelfWork: Six Misconceptions That Keep Couples Away from Therapy Mar 29, 2024

Show notes

This week we’re going to be talking about couples therapy – and what misconceptions keep couples away from trying it. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is when a couple comes in WAY before there’s a crisis. But most don't. And these misconceptions are often the culprit; these six misconceptions keep couples out of therapy which also acts to help them avoid vulnerability.

What are some of these misconceptions? You're no longer in control. It takes too long and it's too expensive. Individual therapy is better than couples. And I'll also add some direct suggestions for those who might be talking about divorce.

Hope you'll listen in!

The listener email is one I won’t read. But it made me want to share a couple of my thoughts about why I do this podcast, and what I hope you take from it. And what I hope you don’t.

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386 SelfWork: How Not To Say The Wrong Thing at The Wrong Time Mar 22, 2024

Show notes

From getting through divorce to illness to death, your life can be turned on a dime in a seeming second. And you need your friends and loved ones to understand that you’re grieving, and need comfort. But that's not always what you get. Sometimes, they say the wrong thing and at the wrong time.

Maybe it’s laughable. Maybe it’s not. But often, either the most self-centered or ignorant or awkward responses will come your way.

That’s what we’re going to talk about today on SelfWork. How NOT to say the wrong at the wrong time. I’ll use an article that one of my own clients told me about – an opinion piece from the LA Times written by Dr. Susan Silk and Barry Goldman a few years back. Their slogan? Comfort in, dump out.

The listener email is from a SelfWork listener about her identification as a HSP – a highly sensitive person - and both the relief and confusion that brings her.

Vital Links:

Dr. Silk's article in the LA Times

A description of ring theory in Wikipedia

A wonderful article about HSP or highly sensitive people.

The article where I was quoted about grandparenting

Get your SelfWork merch here on Zazzle!

Advertiser’s Links:

Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

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385 SelfWork: Answering Your Questions About Therapy Mar 15, 2024

Show notes

Today’s SelfWork was inspired by feedback from members of my FB group when I asked for potential topics - and they suggested Answering Your Questions About Therapy.

So.. what were the questions?

1) How to be real with your therapist about what’s not working...

2) Why do I want to feel that my therapist likes me?

3) How do I handle the fear that I’m “too much” for my therapist?

4) How to leave therapy...

Everyone in every profession has an innate or learned comfort level and interest in certain kinds of work. Therapists are no different. And clients also have “kinds” of therapists they prefer and want to work with. Today I'll answer these questions about therapy and more!

The Speakpipe voicemail for this week left me with several thoughts about the impact of chronic trauma and the lives of people who are living it, and at times, may be creating it.

I want to thank Choosing Therapy for including SelfWork in their top 15 podcasts on depression for 2024! And to thank all of you for tuning in, sharing, and helping to make SelfWork… work! You are the reason that we keep growing so my gratitude of course extends to you as well!

Vital Links:

Wonderful article on therapy in MindCenter

Get your SelfWork merch here on Zazzle!

Advertiser’s Links:

Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

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384 SelfWork: Trying Out Hypnosis: A Conversation with Dr. David Spiegel, Creator of Reveri Mar 08, 2024

Show notes

Today, SelfWork is featuring Stanford psychiatrist Dr. David Spiegel, one of the world’s most respected and published experts in the field of hypnosis. And if you think hypnosis is some magic trick, you don't know what true hypnosis is. What’s often relegated as a sideshow is actually the oldest form of Western psychotherapy and a powerful evidence-based treatment for numerous disorders.

Dr. Spiegel is aiming to break the stigma around hypnosis and introduce its clinically backed power to the masses. He’s treated 7K+ patients suffering from chronic pain, insomnia, mental illness, eating disorders, addiction, and more with hypnosis, and cofounded self-hypnosis app, Reveri. The app offers personalized, guided sessions that mirror the experience of in-person sessions with Dr. Spiegel––and it works. Over 90% of users feel the immediate, impactful relief.

And you, the listeners of SelfWork, can get TWO free weeks to try out this new app! Just use this link: https://reverihealth.app.link/selfwork. I'm using it and I can see and feel changes already. And by the way, there's no financial gain for me if you try it out. I've featured this app and Dr. Spiegel because I believe it can help some of you - and it's what you can do about it.

SelfWork Merchandise!!!

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Vital Links:

Link for your two week free trial of REVERI!

Advertiser's Link:

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

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383 SelfWork: How to Listen To, Learn From, and Work With Panic Mar 01, 2024

Show notes

Last week SelfWork focused on what fear has to teach you – what it may lead you to think, feel, or experience. And this week, I want to talk about panic, panic disorder, and how you can listen to, learn from, and work with panic.

If you’ve listened to SelfWork for a while now, you probably know that I experienced my first panic attack when I was in my late 20’s. Having them changed my life – I thought at the time, for the worse. But I’ve learned that, like many things, there are gifts that come into our lives that are initially experienced as unwelcome, unexpected, or hurtful.

We're also going to talk about treatment for panic. As my friend and anxiety expert Kimberley Quinlan says, to approach anxiety and challenge its hold on you, her mantra of “It’s a beautiful day to do a hard thing” applies.

The Speakpipe voicemail for today is from a young woman who describes her father as having narcissistic traits and at the least, has been emotionally and verbally abusive. He seems to have demanded that both of his daughters care for him rather than developing lives of their own – her mom died several years ago, and now, she’s asking me what to do. The tape is a little fuzzy at times but I’ll do my best to answer her question. My answer may not be as simple as you think...

SelfWork Merchandise!!!

Get your SelfWork merch here on Zazzle!

Vital Links:

Kimberley Quinlan's guest post episode on working with your anxiety

Great article in Psych Central on stopping contact with narcissistic relative

Advertiser's Link:

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

382 SelfWork: The Many Gifts of Fear Feb 23, 2024

Show notes

I remember my dad telling me that the main thing he feared in life was to have a heart attack when he was still young. His dad had had that happen and it killed him when my father was only a teenager. My dad, when I was 16, had a heart attack. It didn’t kill him but I so remember the look in his eyes, one of acceptance but also one of demoralization. He lived until his early 80’s but his life changed – and thus our family’s life changed due to that event.

Today we’re going to be talking about coping with fear, its difference from anxiety, and the unexpected gifts it has to offer. I’ll offer several stories of people I’ve seen and what helped them begin to cope with their fear, whether it’s fear of failure, fear of being away from family, fear like in a phobia, fears of public speaking (one of the most common), fear of death. The range of fear we can feel is immense – but in this episode, we’ll focus on some of the positive aspects of fear.

The listener voicemail is from a listener who watched my YouTube video with Lewis Howes as well as seeing my and being a part of some FB Lives that I was doing at the time. What he noticed was that I seemed “different” during the interview than I did in the FB Live session… and he’d learned something positive from that. So we’ll feature his comments a bit later!

Vital Links:

Excellent article by Carey Rossi on the gifts of fear

Article on 'healthy fear' in the Washington Post

My interview with Lewis Howes

Get your SelfWork merch here on Zazzle!

Advertiser’s Links:

Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

**381 SelfWork: How to Talk About Your Depression** Feb 16, 2024
Show notes

I was honored to offer a TEDx talk this past year in Boca Raton, Florida. It's entitled "How to recognize perfectly hidden depression," and in it, I describe clients I've seen who'd never have seemed depressed to anyone around them. Two in particular are featured: one tried to take her life; the other came in well before that happened, but admitted he'd also had thoughts about doing the same. Having thoughts about wishing for the end of your life is much more common than many people realize—and we, as a culture, need to talk about those thoughts with one another much more transparently. Without judgment.

It's also imperative that those with an intent to die by suicide should get the help they desperately need. Yet the distinction between having thoughts about it and having a suicidal plan to carry it out is vital to understand. The first is a conversation; the second requires immediate action by whatever mental health provider or family member is told.

But if you don't feel safe to reveal such thoughts, how are those conversations ever going to happen? And that's what this episode is all about - how to talk about your depression.

The listener email is from a woman in Poland who's choosing to estrange herself from her abusive father; trust is earned not given, and there are certainly times when deciding that having no relationship - or estrangement - is the best way to protect yourself.

*If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7, dial 988 for the* *988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or reach out to the* *Crisis Text Line* *by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the* *Psychology Today Therapy Directory.*

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Dr. Margaret and The SelfWork Podcast

**Vital Links!**

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, **SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe** to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled *Perfectly Hidden Depression* is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

380 SelfWork: How to Get to Forgiveness - Through Anger and Empathy Feb 09, 2024

Show notes

I’ve stayed away from the topic of forgiveness here on SelfWork. Why? Because the word itself means very different things to different people – especially due to your culture or religious belief. But this week, I received an email from a listener that was so poignant AND was about forgiveness, that I’ve decided to talk about it, I've learned that there are emotions that are are important to acknowledge and work through in order to “get” to forgiveness. What are those emotions? Anger. And empathy.

Let me say first… forgiveness isn’t an emotion. It’s a decision. A decision based on your beliefs, yes. But also based on information and emotional processing. And forgiveness doesn’t mean returning to or trying to be okay with abuse or manipulation.

So today once again, thank you to this listener for allowing us into her life in such a meaningful way. And I invite all of you to do the same – email me at askdrmargaret@drmargaretrutherford.com.