The Problem Was Me

Latest Episodes:

Communication; The key to healthy relationships Nov 15, 2018

Show notes

Relationships will work if you both work them. If the conversations your having isn't bringing you the results you desire, then change the conversation. Do you want to seat in the victim seat, which can be comfortable, yet unhealthy ,while doing the blame game. Instead, jump into the responsibility seat, which can be risky, challenging, but healthy. One of the secrets to enhancing your relationship may be having uncomfortable conversations. If we wait until we feel like having these conversations, then we may never have them. Listen to this podcast to learn how codependency, trying to control the conversation, and trying to only be right all the time will only sabotage the emotional intimacy you crave. Learn why we avoid uncomfortable conversations. As well as developing techniques that can allow your feelings to be validated as well as acknowledging your partners feelings as well.

Bullying Begins in the Home Nov 08, 2018

Show notes

As school begins so does bullying. 60% of middle school students say that they are bullied in school; with the majority of victims being female. 160,000 students stay home from school every day due to bulling. Having been tied to elevated instances of depression, trouble with the law, substance abuse, and even suicide; bullying is a tremendous problem amongst today's youth.

Parenting and relationship expert Thomas Gagliano has played the role of both victim and bully, so he can authentically offer a unique perspective on what makes a bully, who constitutes a victim, and what role the bystanders play in a bullying scenario.

Dealing with the Holiday Blues Nov 01, 2018

Show notes

Who did you want to throw the turkey at this Thanksgiving. I'm going to talk about the holidays and the unneeded stress we put upon ourselves when we go back to our family of origin. We play roles in our adult life that were created by the messages we received in childhood. What inner voice is commanding us to play these roles and why do we listen? For instance: How many of your listener's play the role of:

PEOPLE PLEASER – Do you say yes to family and friends because saying no is too painful? Learn why it's so difficult for so many people to say no. In my book I discuss the ways to silence the inner voice that is responsible for this.
CARETAKER - Do you carry the burden of the family's problems on your shoulders because it's your role to take care of everything and everyone? What inner voice makes you feel so guilty when asking for help?
PERFECTIONIST – Are you allowed to make mistakes in front of your family? God forbid the family sees you stumble at times. When you made a mistake did you identify yourself as a mistake? In my book I explain the ways to silence your oppressive bully and give yourself the compassion you deserve.
DEFIANT ROLE –Do you always have to be right with family members even if it pushes them away? Learn how to choose your battles, relinquish the need to be right and choose closeness instead.
INVISIBLE ROLE- When you return home do you to lose your voice and disappear with family members. Learn how to find your voice with others, win back your rights to share your feelings, and allow yourself to be heard by others.

Talking to Your Kids About the Tough Stuff Oct 25, 2018

Show notes

In this day and age it is seemingly impossible to shelter our children from the constant influx of information from the media. Influences from the television, magazines, newspapers, social media and the internet are so ubiquitous, even the most vigilant parent may not be able to completely shield their child from disturbing, adult-appropriate news. So how do parents talk to their kids about frightening or troublesome issues they've been exposed to?

How to talk to your kids about drugs
How to talk to your kids about sex
How to talk to your kids about terrorism
How to talk to your kids about politics
How to talk to your kids about transgender issues
How to talk to your kids about prejudice
How to talk to your kids about divorce.

How to Build Closeness with Your Significant Other Oct 19, 2018

Show notes

In this podcast we will discuss seven ways to enhance emotional intimacy and closeness with our significant other. Poll questions will be used to rate the areas of strength and what areas need improvement. We will discuss what childhood messages are we carrying into our adult relationships, what version of intimacy did we witness that may be sabotaging our adult happiness.

This approach begins with strengthening the most important relationship we have, the one we have with ourselves. We are the common denominator in all our relationships. The key ingredient to a happy life starts with the relationship you have with yourself. The keys to healing and growth are building self- awareness so we can choose healthier actions and maintaining those actions on a consistent basis. Without awareness we don't know what actions to take and without healthy actions there is nothing to maintain.

Remember if you work on your relationship it will work as long as there is commitment by both parties. This podcast will provide the tools needed for this to happen but the willingness needs to come from the listener.

Addiction; The Intimacy Substitute Oct 11, 2018

Show notes

This podcast will explain why addiction becomes an intimacy substitute to some people. We will discuss what egocentricity and fragmentation is and why they are the true causes of addiction. The podcast will also explain why addicts push away love and help when family and friends offer it. The podcast will help educate the co-addict in learning the difference between loving the addict to health and enabling them to stay in their addiction.

This podcast will demonstrate the need for fellowship and structure, through group dynamics, as the key to not only stopping the addiction but to stay sober throughout the addicts life.

The impact childhood messages have, verbal and non- verbal, in determining the reason why addicts chose addiction will be explained and discussed in detail.

Becoming a Healthy Parent Oct 04, 2018

Show notes

In this podcast we will discuss seven key parenting skills designed to enhance self- awareness. Strengthening self- awareness will help bring the best of ourselves to parenting to help raise healthy, strong, confident children and grand children. Understanding which area of our parenting skills is strong and which areas need attention. The listener will be given poll questions to rate himself or herself in each area.

Childhood messages will be discussed in great detail.

Is the child viewing the world the way we think they are?
How do we know for sure?
What are the handed down messages we are giving our children that we may not be fully aware of?

This podcast will also discuss the messages the child gets from society, peers, and the media as well. How do all these messages impact the child's thinking and emotional state?

How Childhood Messages Impact every part of our lives Sep 22, 2018

Show notes

Thomas Gagliano, The Relationship Expert, introduces himself and shares his own vulnerable experiences on how childhood messages impact every part of our lives, to the intimacy we have or don't have, our parenting skills, even the careers we choose.

I believe that experience and expertise go hand in hand. My experience in overcoming my own issues, revealed the process for self- improvement.

As a child I turned to bullying as an outlet; and as an adult, towards addiction. I sabotaged the intimate relationships in my life. I then realized I had to fix the damage within me in order to fix the damage I caused in my relationships.

About ten years ago, I left the world of business and had two goals. One was to give my children the positive messages that were denied to me in my own childhood and the other was to help others who suffered as I had from negative childhood messages. My experience is teaching a methodology which has helped many individuals, couples and parents build healthier relationships with themselves and each other.

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