Show notes
“Yes” is typically easy to say and easy to hear in business. “No”... isn’t. Many of us struggle with hearing or saying “No” to other people, whether out of ego or a need to please others. But when we understand the times that “no” is most essential, we are better prepared to improve our business as well as our relationships with others.
There are three ways to utilize “No”:
1. Saying “No”
I used to be a person who always said yes. People took advantage of that. Now that I've realized the strain it puts on me; I take a different approach. Before I decide to say no, I try to ask, “How?"
By asking this question, we make people accountable for their part in receiving assistance from us, and we can still help meet their ego's needs for love, belonging, reputation, popularity, and self-esteem.
Oftentimes, we get in our own way when it comes to connecting with others. We forget about gratitude, empathy, and accountability and instead limit our own potential. The biggest catalyst causing people to get in their own way is when they automatically respond to a question by saying no without thinking. Next time you are about to say no, consider asking “how?” instead and see what type of response you get. There may be solutions to a problem that you might not have thought of, or you could be able to settle on a middle ground that still provides some sort of help to the person who came to you.
When someone is not willing to take part in the "how," that is when you get to say no. I believe that you are truly made by the people you say no to. Turning down an individual who rarely hears "no" can elevate your personal brand in their mind, and not in a negative way. You set yourself apart from the people who are scared to turn that person away, which can lead to even more business in the future.
2. Hearing “No”
For many of us, hearing no can be tough to handle. What I try and do is re-engineer the way that people think about getting a “No”.
Think about it this way: What if I told you that you are 25 “No’s” away from getting what you want most? How excited would you be to get the first “No”? How about the 24th? Take the perspective that you are a finite amount of “No’s” away from getting to that “Yes”. We might not always know what that number is, we only know that we are one step closer.
3. No, Negotiation, and “The Press”
Most of us are familiar with grape stomping, the traditional way of making wine by crushing grapes barefoot in a wooden tub. Nowadays, winemakers use presses to extract the juice from newly harvested grapes. There are a few different types of presses, but essentially they all work the same way. Grapes are placed inside the press and some pressure is then added to get the juice out. When the flow of juice from the press slows or stops, more pressure is added. And yet more pressure is added again until, finally, no juice remains and all that you have left are spent skins, seeds, and maybe some stems.
In a business sense, this is just a negotiation tool. If people you are negotiating with are willing to give, it is the natural flow and you shouldn’t be afraid to receive, and you shouldn’t be afraid to keep asking. Keep “pressing the grapes”; keep asking until they say “no” three times. Make sure that you have done everything you can to create the abundance that you’re looking for by asking as many open- and closed-ended questions as you can. The open-ended questions allow you to understand the other party’s perspective and their reasons and impacts, while the close-ended questions narrow down the other party’s initial responses. This helps to become more aligned with the capabilities you possess (if successful, this is the point where I habitually present the summary as a strategy to overly and effectively communicate).
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