The Overwhelmed Brain

Latest Episodes:

The Yeah But Mentality - Life After Abuse - Rejecting Former Friends Aug 28, 2016

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Ever have a friend that said "Yeah But..." to every good suggestion you made? How about when they actually ask for your advice, you give it, but they don't do it because their excuse machine activates? There are two types of people I talk about in the first segment: Yeah But people, and Okay I'll Try It people. Sure, there are millions of other types of people out there, but it's a good start. Also, I receive a letter from a woman who decided to remove toxic family members from her life and get away from abuse. She took massive first steps, but what's next? How can you recover from a life of abuse? How can you get to a place beyond where you can relax and feel good again? Finally, I read another letting about what it might take to reject people in your life. How about those sensitive people that might be hurt by rejection? Is there a way to get away from those who keep showing up when you don't want them to? Sounds like a great thing to talk about. Today's sponsor wants you to get your free will. Go to getoutofthemess.com and sign up today!

Building emotional deficit - Can't find or keep friends - In Love But Still Cheated Aug 21, 2016

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Should you receive for everything you give? You bet, but maybe not in the way you're thinking. You can build an emotional deficit by giving and giving and not receiving in the way you'd like. Resentment can build and you can get very tired of being a people pleaser. Also I receive a letter from someone who feels socially inept. He can't make or keep friends, and he feels awkward on dates. Sometimes being yourself is the best solution, but who are you really being during those awkward silences? Finally I talk about woman who is deeply in love with her husband yet and has a great sex life, yet still cheated anyway. She can't figure out why so I explore why even a good marriage or relationship experiences infidelity. Episode 150 today... let's celebrate! I talk about TOB's progression throughout the years at the beginning of this episode.

My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late - Guilt About Leaving the Marriage - More Manipulative People Aug 14, 2016

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I talk a little more on manipulative people and share with you what might make them that way in the first place. Association and dissociation may play a role in their behavior. If you're not familiar with those terms, you will be after this episode. And, what if you do all this healing and growth but you realize that your partner doesn't want to change? In fact, they are happy just where they are, dysfunction and all. But instead of leaving, you decide to create accountability and tell them if they don't shape up, you're shipping out! Then finally, after two years of hard work, they finally grow into the person you can appreciate and respect. But... are you still in love with them? Is it too late now? I get a letter that addresses that very question. How about guilt for thinking about leaving your abusive spouse? Yes, people can actually develop guilty feelings for thinking about leaving someone that disrespects and even abuses them. That's an important topic to discuss, so let's dive into that too. Today's episode is brought to you by casper.com/brain. Get $50 off using the promo code "brain" during checkout and get an awesome mattress to boot (free shipping in the US and Canada).

The Dysfunction of The New Normal - Offending Defensive People Aug 07, 2016

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Has dysfunction become the new normal for you? Are you in a relationship where your toleration for bad behavior is so high that you don't even recognize what's bad for you anymore? That sounds like a topic for discussion if you ask me! Also, I read a letter from someone who wants to know how to deal with defensive people. There is a path to working with those types and becoming aggressive or offensive back is not typically the best way to handle their behavior. You may have to become a bit of a sleuth. Find out more in today's episode!

Strength in vulnerability - What if divorce is a mistake? - Never happy without someone else in my life Jul 31, 2016

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Vulnerability is the final step into your strength. Your emotional core contains all of your emotions, your shame, fear, guilt embarrassments, sadness and also your joy, happiness, peace and lot of other good feelings. But in childhood, we learn to close off that core and only let in and out so much because we've been emotionally wounded. Letting those defensive walls come down lets both the bad and the good out, but only the good sticks around when you do it right. Also, I read a letter from a woman who doesn't want anything to change except maybe her marriage, but that means a lot of other things have to change as well. So she's not sure if getting a divorce is the right decision. Finally, I read a second email from a 24 year old who has chosen a career path that he is unhappy with. On top of that, his girlfriend left him and he is not happy unless someone else is in his life. Lots to talk about today. Thanks for listening!

The choice to confront - Release the pressure of negativity - can long distance love work Jul 17, 2016

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Confronting friends, family, the boss, the spouse, or any other dangerous people ;) can cause anxiety, fear and panic... but why? Why do we fear expressing what we want to anyone in our lives? If you're brought up to shut your mouth and keep your ears open, and any sign of expressing yourself got squashed (or you feared expressing yourself for other reasons), then you probably have a challenge confronting people. Speaking of squashing things, how about the negative energy that forms while doing the confronting? Wouldn't it be nice for that to dissipate? There are ways, and I share my thoughts on that. Finally I read a letter from a woman who left her ex-husband behind because she was learning, growing and evolving, and he was staying where he was. She was energetic, he was not. The rift kept widening, so she left. Now she's happy! However, she's in another relationships where her loved one is 1000 miles away and neither of them can move. Can long distance relationships work? Visit patron.theoverwhelmedbrain.com for private episodes and More!

When people don't like you - Is it time to get a divorce - Some family isn't healthy to keep Jul 10, 2016

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Not everyone is going to like what you bring to the table. Sometimes people have high expectations of you and you don't deliver causing them to have a critical view of you. Is this your fault or the fault of the person who set up expectations that you couldn't meet? I read a critical review of The Overwhelmed Brain and talk about that very thing today. They're not always "haters" but they can ruin our day. I also talk about gurus, preachers and god-like teachers and hope I don't fit into any of those categories above. Every time I'm open, honest and vulnerable, it helps me heal which is why I'm so open on the show. If anything is repressed in you, it needs to come out. When you lock the doors to your emotional core, you don't feel the pain but you're also blocking the good stuff too. And how do you know if it's time for a divorce? You need to assess the past to determine the future. Has there been any progress? Have you been any happier? Has your partner made any improvement? Have things gotten better? If the answer is no, the answer will likely be no. No progress up to this point shows no progress in the future. As you go forward in your relationship, if nothing has changed, nothing will change. Nothing will ever get better if nothing has gotten better and nothing will ever change as long as you stay together. Finally, I talk about the decision to stay or leave. When you're in a relationship and you're thinking about splitting up, breaking up, or divorce, take out the fear out of the question and then ask yourself what the decision is. Regret only plays a part if you base your decision on fear. For more TOB, join the Patron Program today patron.theoverwhelmedbrain.com

The secrets that we keep - Feeling overexposed and hollow inside - Lonely when you are not alone Jul 10, 2016

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Where do you go when you have a secret that you believe someone else needs to know? Are you loyal to the secret teller? Do you tell the person who should know the secret? It's a question to ponder, where do your loyalties lies and what should you do with a secret you are committed to keeping? Also, I receive a letter from someone who shares and expresses to as many people as she can but still doesn't feel like she's released or vented her emotions, so she ends up feeling empty and still having pain. Unresolved emotions fester inside of us until we address them in some way, but sometimes we don't know that we're still not deep enough inside the emotional well and all we're doing is pulling up empty buckets. Speaking of emptiness, feeling lonely even when around friends and family is a big challenge too. Lots to talk about today.

Getting control back - The small door out of depression - The unforever soulmate - Emotionally disconnected partners Jul 03, 2016

Show notes

Are you at a job that feels like you are being dominated or controlled? Is there a way out of this without quitting? There may be. I get a response from a listener who wrote before who took my advice for her about her work situation and everything turned out for the better. Controlling bosses no longer drove her mad. What keeps you at work you don't like anyway? What's motivating you to stay miserable? Also, what is it with depression? Why does depression kick in so hard and why is it so hard to get back out once you're in it? No joy, no pain, no feeling at all - suicidal thoughts can come into play and sometimes you're so apathetic you don't even care about that. There is a small door, or portal, out of depression and I talk about that door. In Ask Paul, I read a letter from someone who can't stop obsessing over her boyfriend's friendship with his ex-girlfriends, and hates it when he talks about other girls in general. And finally I end the show with a few words on emotionally disconnect people. Many of my coaching clients are married to them! For more TOB, join the Patron Program today patron.theoverwhelmedbrain.com

You still have to do the work - Protecting your kids from dysfunction - The chain of thoughts Jun 18, 2016

Show notes

All this personal growth work is great and all, but you have to actually do the work in order for your life to get better. The main reason is because you need feedback from your environment. You test, observe, test again, take action. You learn through your results. And in order to change your results, your desire has to overcome the results you're getting now. If that happens, your life will change a lot easier. Also, I read a letter from a mom who feels paralyzed by dysfunctional family members and is scared her child is going to pick up or become dysfunctional because of their bad behavior. Family can sometimes be toxic, especially around children. Children know right from wrong, even when they're exposed to toxic stuff, but as long as they have a healthy role model, sometimes the toxicity from others doesn't rub off on them. Be the best role model you can be and your child will do much better because of it. Finally, I talk about how a subtle change in your thoughts can lead to a good outcome or a bad one.

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