The Overwhelmed Brain

Latest Episodes:

Racism does not make good rapport - Can Separation save your relationship_ - The standards of a good relationship Jan 22, 2017

Show notes

Racial sensitivity is prevalent in the first segment of the show as I read a letter from a woman who was slightly offended at my use of stereotypical language in the last episode. Lots to discuss here. I go over that and more on ways to communicate with people that help develop and keep rapport. In segment two, I talk about how separating in your relationship can be highly beneficial and can lead to strengthening the bond between the two of you, but it can also lead to a hard truth that maybe the relationship wasn't destined to be in the first place. Do you take the 50/50 chance knowing that love will blossom better than ever, or come to terms that maybe it never had a chance to begin with. Either way leads to happiness, but you may or may not be together in the end. In an extra segment, I read a message from someone who wants to know about birth order and how it plays a role in your life. I tackle it from the perspective of who your primary role models were. Finally, what are the standards of a good relationship? Also, can sociopathic people can make good friends? They often seem to make terrible lovers, at least if you want an honest, monogamous relationship. All this in more in this packed episode. Enjoy! Get your free audiobook and 30 day trial membership today by visiting audible.com/brain

Why do we dream - The baggage of new love - You either give or take Jan 15, 2017

Show notes

What's in a dream? Are there literal interpretations or is there deeper meaning that isn't often explored? As always on this show, I go where others rarely do and look at dreams as a representation of emotions. What emotions are present in your dream? Are they revealing ones that might not yet be resolved? Dreams can be a great way to not only discover what they are, but even resolve them if you're persistent enough. This segment is a journey into dreams, including lucid dreaming. In segment 2, I read a letter from someone who is thinking about dating a guy with four different children from four different partners and has a history of bad behavior that landed him in jail, but she wants to know 'if he's turned his life around, should she pursue a relationship with him?' Some say "run", others say, "well, if he's turned his life around, then maybe...". I give my thoughts on the subject which involves taking the blinders of possible love off and considering both the emotional and physical baggage he might still be carrying. One's history does not necessarily reveal who they are today, but it can be a good indicator sometimes. In the closing segment, I talk about what you're contributing or taking away to and from people, the world and even yourself. It's a philosophy that you may or may not agree with, but I use it to determine my path in life and it may work for you too. Today's episode is brought to you by Audible. Get your free book and 30 day trial by visiting audible.com/brain

The Formula for Friendship - Tuning Into the Yellow Flags of Betrayal - Trusting Relationships Jan 08, 2017

Show notes

Friendships are created and can last a lifetime, but they can also disintegrate, never to be rekindled. What makes a friendship? How do you know if your friends are truly the ones that will be there with you and for you through all the good and bad times? In segment 2, I talk about the warning signs and paying attention to patterns of your suspicions about your partner's behavior, especially if they've betrayed you or lied to you in the past. During the conclusion of the show, I talk a little about trust and how the innocent and naive of us can get scammed or "duped" over and over again in relationships.

Forget New Years Resolutions, Let's Talk About Commitment and Compatibility Jan 01, 2017

Show notes

Tune in to every other New Year's podcast if you want to hear about resolutions. I'd rather talk about something you can think about the entire year when it comes to improving your life. Today's episode is all about compatibility and how you can look at any problem in life and narrow it down to a compatibility issue. Sometimes taking out the emotional part of the equation can be helpful if you want to follow the life you want to create for yourself. I realize emotions are what drive us and motivate us and make us whole, but what if your emotions are also what keep you exactly where you are? Are you fighting against the current to try and make things better? Are you stuck? Is your partner compatible with you? Does he or she complimentary or quite the opposite? What about your job? What about that car you drive around, is that compatible? Today's episode is all about the philosophy for living life this whole next year. Follow it and maybe you'll find yourself taking steps that support you instead of ones that hold you back. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com - Real attorneys ready to help you for only $20 a month!

A Journey into Jealousy - The Dysfunctional Family Holiday Season - Their Emotions are not Your Responsibility Dec 25, 2016

Show notes

Jealousy is a multi-faceted beast that can motivate you to say or do things that you may not normally say or do. It involves many emotions and can run (and ruin) your life if you don't address the real reasons you get jealous. Sometimes a fantasy is created in your head and you become jealous based on what may not even exist. Other times, there is hard data to prove that what you're jealous about is real and should be investigated further (or acted upon). Is there a good reason to get jealous? Is there a way to heal from this feeling? I drill into jealousy quite a bit in this episode. In segment two, I read a letter from someone who asks why the holidays bring out the worst in people. So many families get together and so many of those gettogethers can be quite dysfunctional. Is there that one person in your family that just seems to ruin the moment? It can be hard to honor yourself in front of people who've known a version of you all their life, especially when you've done a lot of inner work. Can you be in integrity with yourself even in front of your toughest crowd: Family? During the conclusion of the show, I talk about a letter that I received from someone who takes responsibility for his father's debt because he believes that if he hadn't been born, his father wouldn't be in debt. So he now holds the guild of being a burden to his father. That sounds like something we need to heal right away! Today's episode of TOB is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Real attorneys at established law firms for around $20 a month. You can't beat that!

The Emotional Healing Journey - To Express or Not To Express - Focus on Yourself Dec 18, 2016

Show notes

The emotional healing journey consists of many ups and downs. A listener asks me how I managed to get through my journey and what I can share with others on what to expect. Whether you're starting your healing journey from scratch or still on a hot path of learning, healing and growing, there's always more to learn. I talk about what it takes to honor your boundaries in a healthy way (instead of waiting until you blow up), and recognizing patterns in yourself that may point back to emotional wounds from the past. What are your results over and over again? Are you succeeding in life or failing miserably? I think it's important to look at where you were, where you're going and what you keep ending up with to determine your level of emotional health. When you start succeeding, however you define it, it is most likely because you've processed and released some old negativity that's been around a long time. I also talk about depression and how it is devoid of emotions. When I was depressed, it was like having no feelings at all. Though, I did feel something because I didn't like how I felt! It was like I was a sponge of negative emotions but I couldn't squeeze them out. Healing can begin the day you start observing your own behavior asking yourself why you do the things you do. It soon feels like you are two different people: The one experiencing the emotion and the other observing your behavior. This is when true healing can begin. Awareness is a major step forward because you are no long on autopilot. You will still have challenges, but you'll also have your observation of how you handle those challenges. And it's not always comfortable. In segment two, I talk about the need to express something to someone but being afraid it will ruin the relationship or ruin their life somehow. Sometimes you walk around holding on to unfinished business and feel like it's important to share how someone else made you feel by something they did a long time ago (or even yesterday). Forgiving and moving on is a step you can take, or perhaps healing within you (self-forgiveness) which doesn't even involve the other person. Either way, you can carry it with you or you choose to process and hopefully release whatever it is. If you are carrying the burden of upset from something someone did to you, it's time to address it in some way. You may have to express to them what you're feeling. Or, maybe it's better to keep to yourself. I kept a family secret for many years and chose to bear the burden of it instead of spill the beans and tell the people I really wanted to tell. I was sworn to secrecy so I had to come to a place of acceptance of that burden in myself. It wasn't easy, but it is possible - and sometimes the best choice considering what might happen if you chose to share what you were told not to. During the conclusion of the show, I read a paragraph from The Overwhelmed Brain book and talk about focusing on yourself for healing and not others, unless they want you too. When I was married, I used to focus on what my wife needed to do to change so that I would be happier. Turns out after seven years of focusing on her, I did little healing in myself. Not only that, I used to be terribly judgmental. She didn't ask for me to "fix" her, but I tried. And the marriage ended. Focusing on others without their consent or desire, even if your intentions are good, can sometimes be what causes them to want to be away from you. Good intentions aren't always motivated by noble thoughts. Sometimes good intentions derive from selfish needs. Healing begins within you, even when it appears that others need to change. Trying to help someone change who didn't ask for it is not honoring their happiness or supporting their path. Keep your focus on yourself and as you grow through your challenges and you might just be able to grow with those you love instead of away from them. Today's episode of TOB is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Real attorneys at established law firms for only $20 a month.

The partner who'd rather be anywhere but home - Honoring myself everywhere but home - The present moment Dec 11, 2016

Show notes

What do you do when your partner wants to spend more time away from home than with you? Is that a sign that there's something wrong in the relationship? Is there a more serious issue, perhaps they don't feel safe with you? In the first segment, I read a letter from a man who missed his fiance'. She would go out drinking with friends and family and he would be home alone trying not to be offended or hurt. As she spent less time at home, he got more concerned but also gave her the space she asked for. Soon, the wedding was called off and she was moving out. What went wrong? What could he have done differently? Healing needs to take place for sure, but is he focusing on the wrong person during his healing process? In segment 2, Mary honors her boundaries around her boss and friends, but is a people pleaser who to her husband. She's afraid to say no to him but doesn't know why. I ask a lot of questions in this segment, so if you're in a similar situation, you may get the guidance you need. During the closing, I talk about the present moment and some things you can do to be present and even bring meditation into the external world. Today's episode is brought to you by storyworth.com/brain. Get $20 off by following this link!

The Toxic Episode - The toxic relationship - Validating toxic friends - Enabling Toxic Behavior Dec 04, 2016

Show notes

Toxic relationships - friends, family, coworkers, and more. What can you do if you can't get away from them? Do you even know how to get away from them? How can you continue the relationship when you have no choice but to be with a toxic person? This episode gets into toxic people, including what one reviewer said about my show: Stay Away! I read that review on the air, and also read a couple letters from people that deal with toxic people in their life. Today's episode is brought to you by Casper. Get $50 off a mattress when you use the promo code "brain" during checkout at casper.com/brain.

The Spiritual Lessons Connecting the Past to Present - Letting Family Hit Rock Bottom - Alone on the Holidays Nov 27, 2016

Show notes

There's a spiritual or philosophical correlation between an event that happened to you in your past and what is happening to you today. You may not recognize the significance of your behavior today, but when you are able to make the connection between present behavior and prior emotional events, it's like plugging a lamp into a socket and watching the light fill the room. The circuit between the past and the present is completed and negative emotions can diminish or disappear. It sounds a bit "out there" but there is a process to go through if you want to try it out yourself. In segment two, I read a letter from a woman who doesn't know when to let go of family members that seem to be struggling but really aren't doing anything to get out of their struggles. At what point do you let them hit rock bottom? Is it okay to stop trying to help and just let them be until they are ready to make changes on their own? My answer may be a little controversial but it will help you move forward and become a better, healthier you. In the final segment at the end of the show, I talk about what you might be able to do if you're not looking forward to being alone on the holidays. You may or may not want to be alone, but what can you do to feel connection? If you're not a fan of alone time, maybe this will help. Today's episode is brought to you by http://getoutofthemess.com. Contact Asha to learn how you may be able to get out of the legal mess you're in.

Getting better at receiving - Recovering from abusive love - Living with the affair Nov 20, 2016

Show notes

Giving can feel so good, but receiving can too so why do so many people have trouble receiving? Do you reject gifts or other offers? If so, why would you take the honor to give away from the giver? If you've not thought about it like that before, this segment is for you. In segment two, I read a letter from a woman who feels like she's wasted three years of her life with her emotionally abusive boyfriend. She is no longer in that abusive relationship, but still feels the pain of the loss and the regret of the decisions she made. I highlight just what there is to be grateful for in this situation and talk about the process of self love and compassion. In segment three, a woman holds a secret from her boyfriend. She kissed another man and doesn't want to tell him because he is "blissfully unaware" a woman kissed someone outside of her relationship and now holds on to the fact that she cheated on him because she doesn't want to make him feel bad. Who she'll be in the relationship will be who she is until she gets over it or expresses it. If you decide to not tell, can you live with the guilt. And do you want him to live with a continuous liar. Whatever your values tell you to do is what you should end up doing otherwise you won't be happy. Thanks to Away for sponsoring today's episode. Go to awaytravel.com/brain and use the promo code "brain" for a cool smart case today!

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