Show notes
The Overwhelm of Making Holiday Magic Holiday MagicRosie: [00:00:00] have a more festive, sweater on, but it was too hot, so I'm wearing, I was gonna be festive on top and then I'm literally wearing shorts on the bottom 'cause it's 72 degrees. Welcome to the Moms for Social Justice podcast, where we talk about how you can make your community a more awesome place. This episode is about holiday overwhelm, and how it often falls to women to create the magic of the season, on top of everything else we already have to do. This imbalance in the distribution of household labor and care tasks can prevent women and mothers from engaging in projects that fuel them, like crafting something really cool, or volunteering for a cause that they're passionate about.Mari, Taylor, and I talk about how our own parents did or did not split up these tasks and our own struggles in finding a balance in this holiday season with our partners. We also chat about how to establish standards with partners and family so that everyone, including us, has more time for holiday magic.We hope [00:01:00] you enjoy this episode!Rosie: . Welcome to the Moms for Social Justice podcast. Um, we are some of the moms for social justice. There's three of us, all three of us today. Moms for Social Justice is a progressive grassroots organization located in Chattanooga, Tennessee.And we work to empower parents to fight for social justice and change in their own backyard. Um, so yeah, we, today we have Mari and Taylor. And, and me. I'm Rosie. Um,and today we're gonna be talking about holiday overwhelm and the, mental load, the distribution of household labor around the holidays, all that stuff.But before we get into that, um, we're just, we're just gonna talk about what's on our, on our heart. So, um, Mari, do you wanna go first? What's on your heart?mari_1_11-17-2023_123740: Let's see.Rosie: What's in your lungs?Mari: Phlegm. [00:02:00] Phlegm is in my lungs. Yes. Just uh, getting over, Taylor: such a gross word.Mari: isn't it? I kind of love it. It's like on a mono poetic, right? It's like,Rosie: Oh yeah.It sounds gross. . 'cause it is gross.Mari: Anyway, um, I have that, I have phlegm from Covid. Uh, the whole fam has it. We're we're on the men though. Um, Rosie: We had that last Christmas. Speaking of like holidays Mari: yes, this is the fourth time Covid has hit our house. Uh,Taylor: Ugh.Mari: first time it was just one of us. Then the second time it was three of us. Then the third time it was two of us. This time it was three of us. It's a lot. Um, anyway, but I think the biggest thing on my heart is just being super thankful for the vaccine. And I had just gotten the, the newest booster in early October, and I really think that is why I'm feeling so much better. And, Rosie: Mm-Hmm.Mari: uh, you know, I'm just, I'm just very [00:03:00] thankful for science and I feel like, Taylor: But Mari,if you got the vaccine, you shouldn't have gotten Covid.Mari: Well,Taylor: Isn't that how that works?Mari: I think that's how that works.Rosie: Same with the flu Mari: But I, I did get Covid and I got a chip in my arm, so now I'm being tracked because my phone wasn't enough. They didn't know that I was into art supplies and liked fantasy romance books. Taylor: from Mars?Mari: the company or the, or theTaylor: You want M andmss? Mari: I do,Rosie: also. Yes.Mari: dark chocolate Peanut M and mss Plug there. Yes. Anyway, I'm just super thankful. It's, it's a, a quick, easy thing, but I just feel like, you know, just a reminder that Covid is still around and that if you haven't gotten the booster and you're able to, please do because it, it helped me out a whole bunch.Rosie: Yes. And it'll protect the more vulnerable members of your family, especially as we're like going around andMari: Mm-Hmm. Rosie: and sneezing on [00:04:00] food and stuff.Taylor: Yeah.Rosie: I mean, not Mari: Hug food. Taylor: Double dipping in themac and cheese.Rosie: I'm glad you're feeling better, Mari: Thank you. And I will be glad, uh, like we've all been home for the entirety of this week and so that wholeRosie: time to go somewhere.Mari: they, they went out the window on day one. Soall of our brains are mush.Rosie: Time.It's nice outside. So, you know, shove 'em out there. Taylor: Yeah. I am glad that you guys are coming on off the other side of that friendand you.look real cute, so we can tell you're feeling better.Mari: Thank you. Rosie: haircut.Mari: I do have a good haircut. That's the only thing that made this whole week bearable, was the cute haircut.Rosie: That's right.Mari: studiosRosie: Not sponsored, but also sponsored.Um, all right, so Taylor, what's on your heart?Taylor: You know, I have found that, you know, the, and I know I'm not alone here, the state of the world is just so incredibly overwhelming and heartbreaking that [00:05:00] I have found that I needed to take, you know, sort of mental Breaks,Rosie: Yes.Taylor: and I thought that's what I was doing when I tuned into, I mean, it's the number one show on Netflix right now. I think, uh, it's a docuseries about the internet cult twin Flameuniverse. Rosie: Whoa.Taylor: Have you guysRosie: No, I never watch,Taylor: about this? Rosie: never watch documentaries on Netflix, so maybe I should I just listen to podcasts?it. It sounds in very intriguing. I mean, all the cult stuff is like, yeah. Very intriguing.Taylor: it's fascinating. Uh, I This is a whole other conversation how I feel like a lot of our, you know, mainstream religious culture in America is cult-like think and cult-like behavior that we have justnormalized. So we don't recognize it as that anymore. So it's interesting when they, um, highlight fringe cults because we have this collective, like that's so crazy that they believe that when youstop to think about it, there are a lot of really [00:06:00] extreme beliefs that are just normalized. Um, but this one was a really Wild ride because it's a, a relatively, um, new cult that started in the pandemic. And so I thoughtRosie: Whoa.Taylor: interesting that spoke to, and, and almost, um, exclusively online. So it spoke to number one, like the isolation that we all felt,Rosie: mm-Hmm.Taylor: in that, and particularly people who were alone going through, um, lockdown on their own, you know, sought these places online for, um, community and belonging and a sense of connection. And that can put you in a really vulnerable place where you can be sucked into something and then before you know it, you are thinking, um, really radical and extreme ideology and paying lots and lots and lots of money to peoplewho have zero credentials and unwarranted bravado and calling [00:07:00] themselves the master Christ. So anyway, it, uh, it was a really interesting watch, but also a really scary watch. And, um, it was what my brain needed to, you know, freak out about something else unrelated. So a highly recommended watch if you just wanna get real mad at average white boys, uh, taking lotsof Rosie: that every day.I do that every day.Mari: morning average white boy, anger meditation,Rosie: what shall I watch today? I've been watching the blue-Eyed Samurai on Netflix, so if you need something, it's like kill bill meets Mari: Ooh. Rosie: Um, it's really, really good. Also a very, not for children, I'd say animated very not for children, but anyway,Taylor: notedRosie: recommended if you need more of an escape. Um, although it's very violent. Like we can, oh, I can watch the cartoon violence and it's fine, but, dealing with the, like social media violence is like too much for [00:08:00] me.Mari: Ooh.Rosie: Agreed. It's good to take a break from that stuff.Mari: Yeah. It's hard to walk that line of like preserving our mental health, but staying informed. Rosie: SureMari: And I think that's just been like a very, difficult thing to do really since, I don't know, even before 2016, really, just with the internet and with social media, it's just very hard. It's like you're either all in it and immersed in Feeling helpless and paralyzed, or every time something comes up, you just scroll because you can't, you can't deal with it In that moment. It's, yeah,Rosie: well, the, the Washington Post released images of, uh, very graphic images of basically what an AR 15 could, can do, um, images, the aftermath of these mass shootings, Inc. Including, you know, some of these school shootings that we've, that we've seen after the bodies I think had been removed other than the Las Vegas.Uh, seen and it's like [00:09:00] we're not necessarily the people that need to be seeing this , you know, like it's the, the people that are in power and the people that are advocating for keeping these guns, in, in our state and our nation, keeping them active that really need to see them. But, it's hard to balance of like, when do I need to like witness and understand versus when do I need to protectmy own mental health?What, is it gonna be beneficial to me or not? Yeah. That's Mari: what is on your heart, Rosie?Rosie: Oh, um, I, this week I have finished listening to all 500 albums on the Rolling Stones, 500 greatest albums of all time. It Mari: Oh my gosh. Rosie: all year,Mari: is a Rosie: was really fun.Mari: It's been fun going on this journey with you sometimes in your car to various placesRosie: Yeah. Mari: hearing some of these Rosie: Stevie Wonder album. Yeah.Taylor: That's Rosie: Um,Mari: itRosie: yeah, I, I think it was, it was, it was fun and like I definitely have the privilege of a job [00:10:00] where I am moving squares and lines on a computer screen so that part of my brain can do that while my other part of the brain can like listen to song lyrics or podcasts or whatever.Um, 'cause you know, the other, that's a lot of time to, so I'm, I'm curious what my Spotify rap is gonna look like at the end of the year. And then also just thinking about like, well, what challenge am I gonna do next? And my husband was like, well, you don't have to do a challenge. I'm like, yeah, I do.What is my purpose? What is my, what do I, why do I exist in life if I don't have a challenge? Um, so yeah, I'm like, I'm weighing my, my options there. I can't do like two things, like watch a movie and design stuff that require, requires my eyeballs.So, One, one of my favorite albums that I thought was, so, I just loved the concept of, and I just wanna share it with everybody. It's a Ray Charles album from 1962, and it is called Modern Sounds in Country Western Music. And he put this album together because at the time there [00:11:00] were black records and there were white records and never the two shall cross.Um, so what he did is he took classic white country songs, dressed them up, took them to the orchestra, and played the shit out of them. And, um, they're amazing. Their arrangements are amazing. The instrumentation is amazing. His singing is amazing. I love that album and I love the concept behind it too. I thought it was so cool.Um, so anyway, check that album out. That's one that you can pull from the list that I thought was great. I mean, there's so many that great.Taylor: cool. I'm totally gonna dothat. Mari: too.Rosie: Okay, so we're gonna be getting into our topic, which is about the overwhelm of the holiday season and just how so much of this domestic labor and emotional labor falls on women, in, in households. And just, I'm just curious, like, what was it like when you guys were kids? What were the holidays like?What did you see your parents doing or [00:12:00] not doing? Mari: Most of the holiday magic did fall to my mom. In fact, a lot of times my dad would, uh, would not be home on Christmas Eve. That's when wedo like opening all of our gifts and stuff, because that's just our tradition. And every other year he would have to work and be on call. He had a cabin rental business and they went aboveand beyond. So if someone couldn't get to their cabin because of snow, my dad literally drove them. So Rosie: I imagine a lot of people are like renting cabins for, you know, Christmas, get together or Mari: yes, lots of people in Gatlinburg. Uh, so yeah, a lot of it fell to my mom. But it was being just me, you know, as an only child, like my mom and I, as I got older, we, she and I would really get into decorating together. We'd have so much fun. We would be making things for the theme that year. You know, we had, we really enjoyed that. Uh, but you know, as far as like. You know, all the piano [00:13:00] recitals and, and the, singing in church. Yes, I did that. mY, you know, she would be taking me to all the things, you know, if my, my dad was in the mood, he would go to church and listen, which, you know, now being how I feel about things, I would've never been in the mood to go to church, butRosie: He's like, I believe in Jesus today, but I don't know about Mari: Every other day. No, not so much. Um, yeah, so it was mostly my mom. I don't really remember the holidays being too crazy hectic because I didn't have a very big family. It was just my great aunt that would come stay with us from New York City. She would come for like a month. I have amazing memories of it, but I, I do know that, like thinking back and doing it for my own family, I'm like, oh yeah, that was all my mom. , now my dad definitely took over all of the food.Rosie: Hmm.Mari: that was nice. You know, as far as like what we were gonna have for Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas morning breakfast and, and all that stuff. [00:14:00] He would, you know, buy all the stuff, play on the menu, make it, it would be delicious. And we just kind of showed up.So I know that's a little bit different. Um, 'cause usually that falls Yeah. Kinda wish that was still the case. Rosie: And you guys don't have a theme every Christmas.Mari: sometimesTaylor: love that. Mari: we would yes,Taylor: Give us a couple of themes, Mari.Mari: One was the secret garden.Rosie: What? Taylor: Stop it. Rosie: cool,Mari: We like collected, um, like chi, like China teacups and stuff from like different thrift stores. And we would incorporate the, I don't know, we were a little extra. Um, one year we did like all Taylor: can't tell that at all about you as an adult. I, I'm, it's Rosie: I know. I love that. I'm leading this podcast with two Christmas queens, soMari: Yeah,Rosie: I feel like I should Mari: atheist Christmas queens,Rosie: leading it. Yeah,Mari: Yes. I know. It's, it is funny. But yeah. Um, we, we went all in one year. We did like a crystal, but like [00:15:00] from old chandeliers, likeRosie: Wow.So you would decorate your trees like this, or like all throughout?Mari: all throughout theRosie: Wow.Mari: We really only had one treeRosie: But that sounds so Mari: I have graduated to having like five.But Rosie: Yeah. Exact Christmas queen,. No, but I think that sounds fun. Especially knowing like your dad, he sounded like super busy during that time, so it was a lot of one-on-one time with you and your mom, and so that's cool that you guys were able to like build those memories together.Um, Taylor, what about you?Taylor: Well, uh, I do come from a very big family. So our holidays, uh, what I remember, were just incredibly chaotic. Lots of children running around. Um, lots of grown men screaming at the television, watching football,, throwing furniture. I'm kidding. I mean, sometimes,Rosie: ExtremeTaylor: But it, there was a definite gender divisi…
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