The Just A Mom Podcast

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Episode 52: Coach Jareem Dowling, Assistant Men’s Basketball Coach, Kansas State University, Part 2 Nov 14, 2023

Show notes

Season 4, Episode 9 Show Notes: "Coach Jareem Dowling"

Introduction: In the first part of this episode, we've delved deeply into Coach Jareem Dowling's life, uncovering a powerful journey filled with moments of reflection, tragedy, and resilience. Coach Dowling's story underscores the significance of mental health awareness and the unwavering support of a community, both in times of triumph and struggle.

Admission to a Mental Hospital

At the suggestion of his brother and medical professionals, Jareem is admitted to a mental hospital. He shares his initial fears and experiences within the hospital.
He discusses scheduled activities and classes designed to help residents cope with their mental health challenges.

Discovering Common Ground

Jareem shares his surprise at discovering fellow residents, including NFL players, doctors, and judges, seeking help for their mental health.
This revelation fosters camaraderie and reduces feelings of isolation.

The Turning Point

Despite initially wanting to leave the mental hospital, Jareem's condition deteriorates after discharge. He discusses his decision to accept help offered by mental health professionals.

Coping Mechanisms and Openness About Mental Health

Jareem Dowling discusses using exercises and coping mechanisms to manage his mental health.
He emphasizes his openness about mental health and how it allows him to make choices that promote well-being.

The Ongoing Journey of Mental Health

Jareem highlights the importance of continuous efforts in mental health recovery.
He reflects on accumulating hospital bills during his struggle with mental health.

The Power of a Support System

Jareem acknowledges the role of friends and family in supporting him during difficult times.

Progress in Addressing Mental Health

The conversation explores progress in addressing mental health in the medical community and society.

Using Personal Experiences to Help Others

Jareem shares how he uses his personal experiences to connect with his players and educate them about mental health.

Pressure on Student-Athletes and Mental Health Support

The pressure on student-athletes and the importance of mental health support are discussed, especially in the context of collegiate sports and the introduction of NIL.

Navigating the Challenges of a Basketball Career

Coach Reem discusses the often-overlooked side of pursuing a career in basketball.
He highlights the importance of recognizing the mental toll that comes with pursuing a basketball career and the need for long-term well-being.

Preparing Athletes for Life Beyond Basketball

The focus shifts to preparing young athletes for life after their sports careers.
Coach Reem's approach of nurturing players to become good, productive citizens is emphasized.
The role of Coach Tang and the staff in supporting players is discussed.

The Importance of Kindness and Empathy

The significance of kindness and empathy is highlighted.
They discuss the three-times rule and the impact of small acts of kindness.

Not Judging Happiness Based on Smiles

Coach Reem dispels the misconception of equating smiles with happiness.
He shares a personal story about his brother, emphasizing the importance of genuinely asking how someone is doing.

Seeking Therapy and Overcoming Stigma

The conversation touches on the stigma associated with seeking therapy.
Coach Reem admits his initial reluctance to attend therapy sessions but reveals how it has become a safe space for him.

Focusing on Relationships and Kindness

The focus shifts to the importance of nurturing relationships with good-hearted individuals.
Coach Reem expresses his gratitude for the many people who have supported him.

Final Thoughts and Gratitude

The episode concludes with Coach Reem expressing gratitude to Susie for creating a platform to share his story and raise awareness about mental health.
Susie reciprocates the gratitude and looks forward to meeting Coach Reem in person.

Episode 51: Coach Jareem Dowling, Assistant Men’s Basketball Coach, Kansas State University part 1 Nov 07, 2023

Show notes

*WARNING–This episode contains explicit talk about suicide and methodology.*

Introduction:
In this episode of the "Just A Mom" podcast, Coach Jareem Dowling's life journey is explored, focusing on his coaching career at Kansas State University and the loss of his brother, Leo. The conversation underscores the importance of mental health awareness and community support blending personal and professional experiences.

Reflecting on the Past

Coach Dowling shares memories of his late brother Leo, emphasizing Leo's positive impact on the community, including his involvement in youth sports and his love for Adidas.
He recalls the sudden and shocking loss of his brother.

Tragic News

Coach Dowling remembers the day he received the heartbreaking call at the hospital, informing him of his brother's passing.
He describes his initial shock and the overwhelming grief that followed.
RJ, a player on Coach Dowling's team, offered invaluable support during this difficult time.

Grief and Loss

Susie and Jareem discuss the painful experience of losing a loved one, focusing on Jareem's brother. They highlight the emotional toll and shock of such news.
Jareem's sense of responsibility and the emotional impact on his family are discussed.

Mental Health Struggles

Jareem opens up about his mental health struggles, including his initial reluctance to seek therapy. He describes feeling overwhelmed, experiencing sleep issues, and thoughts of self-harm.
He reaches out to friends and loved ones for support and eventually confides in his guardian and a doctor.

Triggers

Jareem reveals that his mental health struggles started a year before the most challenging period, triggered by colors and experiences.
He shares his experiences during hospital visits and the importance of medical professionals taking his mental state seriously.

Supportive Friends

Friends and colleagues, including Coach Tang and Dr. Hunter Taylor, provide vital support by checking on Jareem, ensuring he eats, and being there during challenging times.
Jareem emphasizes the profound impact of having caring individuals by his side, supporting him through his mental health journey.

Return to the Same Hospital

After an initial hospital visit, Jareem returns to the same hospital due to ongoing mental health struggles, feeling unsupported during the discharge.
He reflects on a heartwarming moment when his brother George Tolson flies from Baltimore to support him.

Returning to Professional Responsibilities

The segment touches upon Jareem's professional responsibilities as a college coach and the pressure to maintain normalcy while dealing with mental health issues.
Jareem reaches out to his trainer, for support during times when he's unable to drive due to insomnia and anxiety.
Coach Tang notices the signs of Jareem's anxiety and expresses concern about his mental state.

In the next part of this episode, we will follow Jareem's journey through admission to a mental hospital, where he faced fears and uncertainties while undergoing transformative experiences. This pivotal moment in his story marked the turning point toward recovery, emphasizing the importance of seeking professional help and understanding one's mental health.

We'll also explore coping mechanisms and the ongoing path of mental health recovery. Coach Dowling's story is a testament to the power of a strong support system, the progress made in addressing mental health, and the impact of personal experiences on helping others.

Join us in the next episode as we continue to uncover Coach Jareem Dowling's remarkable journey and insights into mental health, resilience, and the power of community.

Episode 50: Brenda and Faith Ferber Oct 31, 2023

Show notes

Introduction:
In this episode, Susie Gurley welcomes Brenda and Faith Ferber to the podcast. Together, they embark on a deeply personal journey, exploring mental health, resilience, and the power of open communication. Brenda, the author of the impactful article 'My Daughter Told Me She Wanted to Die to Save Her Life I Gave Her Permission to End It,' shares her experiences and the challenges she faced to get her story published. Alongside her is Faith, who bravely shares her early struggles with mental health, self-discovery, and a path toward recovery.

The Article That Made a Difference:

Brenda discusses the title of her article, "My Daughter Told Me She Wanted to Die I Gave Her Permission to End It," and how it drew attention.
Brenda explains her struggle to get the article published and the importance of sharing stories about mental health.
The article resonated with numerous readers who were also dealing with similar challenges but not openly discussing them.

Faith's Early Mental Health Journey:

Faith shares her early experiences with mental health challenges, beginning as early as kindergarten.
Her separation from her twin brother in kindergarten triggered feelings of abandonment and a belief that she was simultaneously "too much and not enough."
Faith describes her first expression of suicidal thoughts at the age of nine.

Middle School Challenges:

Faith's mental health struggles intensified during middle school, leading to self-harm and a need for validation.
She discusses how sexting and self-harm were intertwined and her mother, Brenda's, response to her behavior.
Brenda recalls her perspective as a parent during these challenging times, experiencing shame and confusion.

Friendship and Betrayal:

Faith opens up about her friendship with a group of girls who also engaged in self-harm.
After Faith's mother alerted their parents about their self-harming, the girls turned against Faith, and her friends stopped speaking to her.
Faith recounts the social isolation and betrayal she felt in the aftermath of her mother's actions.

Seeking Help:

Brenda and Faith discuss the critical importance of communication between parents and children regarding mental health.
Brenda shares the moment she discovered Faith's self-harming and the supportive approach she took.
Faith emphasizes the significance of open communication and her mother's positive response.

The Path to Recovery:

Faith and Brenda reflect on Faith's journey toward recovery.
Brenda acknowledges that understanding the role of mental illness was challenging at times.
They emphasize the importance of not dealing with these challenges alone and building a support network.

Context Setting:

The conversation continues between Faith Ferber, Brenda, and Susie Gurley as they delve into their experiences with Faith's struggles and Brenda's emotional journey.

Faith's Eighth Grade Experience:

Faith discusses how her life in eighth grade took a significant toll on her mental health. Her distress reached a point where she contemplated suicide.
She opens up about her hospitalization for suicidal ideation during this time, though it didn't eliminate her suicidal thoughts.

Turning Point in Hawaii:

Faith's parents sent her to an outdoor behavioral health program in Hawaii, where she lived on an organic farm. This experience was transformative for her as she learned to care for the land, plants, and, in turn, herself. It marked the first time she felt she had some worth and could imagine loving and valuing herself.

Enrolling in a Boarding School:

Faith shares how she decided to attend an all-girls boarding school in Connecticut, seeking a fresh start. The school offered a required class on social justice, which ignited Faith's passion for activism.

Coming Out as Gay:

At 16, Faith came out as gay while attending the boarding school. She noticed that the school had different rules for gay and straight students, leading her to confront the issue and fight for equal treatment.

Challenges and Rule Breaking:

Faith's frustration with the school's rules led her to break a major school rule related to sexual activity. This incident made her feel like she was making her life worse.
A further misstep, involving an older girl, who was in college, and Faith's attempt to stay at her house after texting her advisor about feeling suicidal, led to drastic consequences.

Psychiatric Hospitalization:

Faith's text about feeling suicidal triggered a response that resulted in her being sent to a psychiatric hospital. Her mother, Brenda, had to fly to Connecticut to pick her up, and Faith was dismissed from the school due to liability concerns.

Return to an Unchanged Environment:

Faith returned to the same community she had left in eighth grade, where people had not changed, and she felt like she was still the same person from eighth grade. This intensified her depression and suicidal thoughts.

Conversations about Suicide:

Brenda shares the pivotal moment when Faith told her that she wanted to die by suicide. Brenda recounts their emotional conversation and how it ultimately led to an agreement that, if all else failed, Faith could choose that path. She discusses how this revelation was like a wake-up call for her.

Safety Measures:

Brenda mentions that if a gun were present in their house, it would have been an unsafe conversation to have. She emphasizes the importance of keeping a gun out of a household with a mentally ill person.

Faith's Perspective:

Faith admits that, at the time, the validation she received from her mother didn't make her feel hopeful that things would get better. Instead, it felt like a ticket out that allowed her to contemplate different treatments.

Exploring Crisis Management:

Susie Gurley and Brenda delve into a critical topic: how to approach conversations with a loved one who might be contemplating suicide. Brenda shares insights on how her perspective has evolved and what she wishes she knew back then.

The Conversation You Wish You Had:

Brenda reveals that if she could go back in time to when Faith was struggling, she would have asked her point-blank questions about her suicidal thoughts, plans, and means of carrying them out. The goal would be to engage in open, non-judgmental dialogue to assess the level of risk and create a safety plan.

Addressing the Stigma:

The conversation highlights the stigma surrounding suicide and mental illness, which can make it difficult for people to discuss the topic openly. Faith emphasizes that asking someone if they're thinking about suicide does not increase the risk; it's essential to engage in these conversations.

Changing the Narrative:

Brenda emphasizes the need to change the stigma surrounding mental illness. She notes how people often question why something like this happens to families like hers, as if mental illness has selective criteria.

Different Approaches to Treatment:

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Episode 49: Beth Part 2 Oct 24, 2023

Show notes

This is a continuation of episode 4 with Beth. Beth’s son, Zach, suffered from anxiety, depression, and substance abuse ultimately cost him his life on March 25, 2019.

Beth tells listeners that parents need to have open communication, and if you feel that something is wrong with your child you need to reach out for help. While Beth grieves the loss of her son every day, she is grateful for the last year and a half of his life and sees Zach every day in his daughter, Kinley.

Episode 48: Beth part 1 Oct 17, 2023

Show notes

In this heartbreaking episode, Beth chronicles her son, Zach’s, early years and how his battle with anxiety, depression, and substance abuse started and ultimately cost him his life on March 25, 2019. Beth believes mental illness and substance abuse went hand-in-hand for Zach, and that Zach’s substance abuse started when he self-medicated with illegally purchased Xanax and then moved to prescription pain medicine after his wisdom teeth removal. Beth talks about the difficulties she experienced parenting him, the fine line between enabling and helping, police involvement that led to jail time, and dealing with the grief of losing her son.

Episode 47: Jason Bohn, Chief Operating Officer and Director of Adolescent Services, Renew Counseling (anxietycenterkc.com) Oct 10, 2023

Show notes

Don’t miss this information-filled episode with Jason Bohn, who holds a master’s degree in clinical psychology and has almost 30 years of working with children, youth, and families. Jason’s career started in the child welfare system, and he developed the Renew Counseling Center Adolescent Intensive Outpatient Program for adolescents struggling with anxiety and depression. Jason attributes the youth mental health crisis to a variety of factors, including the rapid advancement and lack of training in regards to technology, that our institutions are no longer reliable, and that young people’s brains are not fully developed. The adolescent IOP program blends a few different treatment theories into what Jason calls the BOLD living skills to help kids find more effective ways to regulate their emotions and then their behaviors. Listen as Jason enumerates the BOLD process of the IOP program and gives listeners tips on how to help themselves or their loved ones.

Episode 46: Kyle Roberts, What Rhymes With Reason movie (https://www.wrwrfilm.com/) Oct 05, 2023

Show notes

Episode 45: Kristina Miller Part 2 Oct 03, 2023

Show notes

This episode is a continuation of my conversation with Kristina Miller, mom of former Ohio State University football player Harry Miller. In this episode, Kristina recounts some of the fears and challenges of parenting an adult son with mental health issues. Kristina also gives us an update on the amazing things that Harry is doing now, including pursuing a Rhodes Scholarship (Harry has a 4.0 GPA as a mechanical engineering major) and founding the Don’t Make It Weird Foundation (https://dmiw.org/), whose mission is to normalize the conversation around mental illness. Kristina has also started a support group for parents in her local area and is a fan of several other mental health organizations like NAMI (https://nami.org/), Hillinski’s Hope (https://www.hilinskishope.org/) and Sack the Stigma (https://sackthestigma.com/).

Episode 44: Kristina Miller, mom of former Ohio State Football player Harry Miller Sep 26, 2023

Show notes

Harry medically retired from football in March of 2022, citing mental health issues. You may have seen him on the Today show (https://www.today.com/video/ohio-state-football-star-shares-emotional-message-about-mental-health-135841349622) discussing his battle and decision to retire from football. I knew when I saw Harry on the Today Show I wanted to talk to his mom.

I am so grateful that Kristina was open to having a conversation for The Just A Mom podcast. In this episode, Kristina talks about the beginnings of Harry’s mental illness at a young age and all the things she did to help him. We discuss the tremendous pressure on student athletes, particularly high-profile ones. Kristina also shares about the day she received the call that Harry was contemplating suicide and rushing from Georgia to Ohio to be with him, and how difficult it was to leave him there after six weeks.

Episode 43—Phyllis Fagell, author, Middle School Super Powers Sep 06, 2023

Show notes

Middle school is a tough time for everyone—kids, parents and teachers. Author, licensed clinical professional counselor and school counselor Phyllis Fagell joins me on this special episode of The Just A Mom podcast to talk about her recent book, Middle School Super Powers. This book is a practical and easy to read guide on helping middle schoolers (and kids of any age) learn resiliency. Phyllis will be in Overland Park, Kansas on Wednesday, September 13 for an event sponsored by Madame President (https://www.madampresidentcamp.org/) and BV Well ( Blue Valley Educational Foundation). Don’t miss this episode to gain valuable insight on raising and educating tweens. You can learn more about Phyllis, her appearances nationwide and her other works at https://phyllisfagell.com/.

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