The Joyful Mourning - A Podcast for Women Who Have Experienced Pregnancy or Infant Loss

Latest Episodes:

114. Navigating Marriage & Faith After A Life-Limiting Diagnosis with Sarah Westfall Mar 25, 2021

Show notes

This week I am talking with Sarah Westfall about her son Carter and her experience with grief over the past 10 years. Carter was diagnosed with a prenatal life-limiting condition and during our time together she talks about what it was like to make the decision to continue carrying a baby that would not live long outside the womb, what she would tell a mom who has recently received a life-limiting diagnosis for her baby and what she wishes she had known about carrying and delivering a baby with a life-limiting diagnosis.

Sarah also talks about navigating marriage over the past 10 years of life after loss and the two specific things that her and husband did to navigate the challenges that exist in a marriage after the loss of a baby.

Sarah also shares candidly about her faith amidst her journey of loss and she talks about what it was like to be at a different place spiritually than her husband in the years following their son's death. Sarah is really open in this interview about her faith journey and if you have ever asked questions like "Could God have healed my baby? If so, why didn't he? Did he plan this? Could He have stopped it? Why didn't He?" Sarah's words are going to bring you a lot of comfort and hope. And if you are curious or interested about God, Sarah gives her thoughts on a good place to start on learning more.

We cover so much in this episode about loss and grief and marriage and spirituality, I love that Sarah shares from a perspective of having walked this journey for many years now. She brings encouragement and reminders of hope as someone who has been there and knows. I think her words and insights are going to really be a blessing to you.

EPISODE 114 SHOW NOTESwww.themorning.com/blog/episode114

MARRIAGE RESOURCESwww.themorning.com/marriage

FAITH RESOURCESwww.themorning.com/hope

SUBMIT YOUR MOTHERHOOD STORYwww.themorning.com/mymotherhoodstory

113. Marriage After Infant Loss (Prenatal Life-Limiting Diagnosis) with Lindsey Dennis Mar 18, 2021

Show notes

I'm chatting with Lindsey Dennis about how the loss of her two daughters shaped her very young marriage. We talk about the patterns that developed as a result of experiencing such devastating loss so early in a marriage and what advice she would give to a couple new in their marriage and navigating grief.

We talk about how to navigate the reality of grieving differently than your spouse and she gives tangible advice about that that I think will really encourage you. She shares very transparently and honestly about what she would do differently in regards to her relationship with her husband.

Lindsey talks about what it looked like for her and her husband to pursue one another amidst grief; she shares honestly about how difficult that was for her and if you are feeling similarly the practical advice about this will be tangibly helpful and encouraging to you.

We talk about how important communication is but not just how important it is, which feels really obvious - but Lindsey gives some really helpful advice when I ask her what it looked like practically to communicate amidst grief -- especially when you are grieving differently than your spouse.

Lindsey shares the one question her counselor encouraged her and her husband to ask one another on a consistent basis. And please please make sure to listen all the way to the end because Lindsey's final words offer such incredible hope.

LINDSEY'S FULL STORY: EPISODE 41www.themorning.com/blog/episode041

EPISODE 113 SHOW NOTES www.themorning.com/blog/episode113

LIVE Q&A / HOPE HANGOUT Once a month we host a live Q&A and Lindsey will be joining us for this month's q&a as we discuss marriage after loss. For details about how to join our March Hope Hangout, or to rsvp head to: themorning.com/hopehangout

MARRIAGE RESOURCES29 Date Night Ideas: themorning.com/datenight Build your marriage and reconnect with your spouse, even when you are in the depths of grief, with these date night Ideas.

Check out all the resources we have on marriage by heading to themorning.com/marriage.

112. Finding Answers & Hope After Recurring Miscarriage with Allison Schaaf Mar 11, 2021

Show notes

Today I am talking with Allison Schaaf, founder of Miscarriage Hopedesk -- a resource for women who are experiencing recurring pregnancy loss. Allison walked through many miscarriages with no real clear answers as to why this was happening and today we are talking about that journey. We talk about adoption and IVF and pregnancy after so much loss -- I ask her "how did you not give up hope?" Her answers to that question were really helpful and I think her daily mantra will be helpful to you if you are considering pregnancy after loss or are currently pregnant after loss.

We talk about marriage amidst loss and after loss and I agreed wholeheartedly when she said "It isn't talked about enough how difficult the fertility journey is on a marriage." That's why we're here and we are talking about; because your marriage matters and we know how difficult it can be to navigate such an important relationship amidst pregnancy or infant loss. That's why we created a free Date Night Idea Guide just for you. A resource to help you reconnect and give your hearts a break from the heavy and hard and intense moments of grief. Head to themorning.com/marriage, to download 29 date night ideas that will help you connect with your spouse or partner even in the midst of grief.

During our time together Allison shares about what it looked like for her to advocate for herself and to find answers about why she was experiencing recurrent pregnancy loss. She gives a really practical tip for how to do that, to advocate for yourself, and even if you have not experienced recurrent pregnancy loss I think this tip will be really helpful for you and the way you interact with your doctors moving forward. And lastly as a registered dietician and chef Allison talks about the role food plays in our maternal health; her thoughts on this might surprise you and I think will offer you freedom in this area.

I loved getting to talk with Allison about her journey and I am so grateful for the practical wisdom she offers in this interview -- to check out all the resources we chat about in this episode make sure to check out the show notes at themorning.com/episode112. I think it's going to be really helpful to you.

QUESTIONS WE DISCUSS IN THIS EPISODE

With each of your losses, there were different things that helped you in the grief that followed -- tell me about some of those things.
What would you say to a woman who has experienced or is experiencing recurrent loss?
Tell me about your decision to try to conceive again and again; how did you not give up hope?
What did it look like for you to advocate for yourself? What steps did you take, medically speaking before you began trying to conceive again? What about throughout your pregnancies?
1. What about our mental health amidst grief?
2. What advice would you give to someone who might be interested in learning more about how nutrition affects this journey?
You are a registered dietician -- what role does food play in our maternal health? Did you make any changes to your diet amidst your motherhood journey?
Tell me about Miscarriage Hope Desk -- What is it? Why did you start it? What was your inspiration?
What encouragement would you give to another mom who has experienced recurrent miscarriage?

SHOW NOTESwww.themorning.com/blog/episode112

JOIN THE COMMUNITYwww.themorning.com/community

29 DATE NIGHT IDEASwww.themorning.com/marriage

111. Marriage After Miscarriage with Josefina Sanders Mar 04, 2021

Show notes

This week I am chatting with Josefina Sanders. She has joined us on the podcast in the past and was a speaker for our virtual conference this past fall. I am excited to have her back on the podcast as she has an incredible amount of wisdom to share. You can look forward to hearing her more as we plan to have her back a few more times in the coming year. This week I am asking Josefina all the questions about what it was like to navigate marriage amidst loss. Over the past 4 years she and her husband have experienced two miscarriages and have walked through much in regard to their journey to becoming parents. It has been difficult and yet Josefina said everything they have gone through has deeply impacted their relationship for the better.

One of the things Josefina and I talk about is how to pursue your spouse or partner even amidst loss and grief; she talked about making time for and being intentional about having fun… even when you're hurting. We know how difficult that can be but also how important it is, so we put together a free download for you to use to help re-ignite that fun and give your hearts a break from heavy and hard conversations and moments of grief. Head to themorning.com/marriage, to download 29 date night ideas that will help you connect with your spouse or partner even in the midst of grief.

This episode is full of incredible wisdom, practical advice and tender honesty about navigating marriage after miscarriage; I am sure this episode is going to bless you.

SHOW NOTES www.themorning.com/blog/episode111

JOIN THE COMMUNITY www.themorning.com/community

110. Navigating a Life-limiting Diagnosis, Help for Mental Health, & Hope for Pregnancy After Loss with Adeyling Fiallos Feb 25, 2021

Show notes

My guest this week is Adeyling Fiallos. Adeyling experienced a miscarriage that was later followed by the death of her newborn son, Sage, due to a life-limiting condition. Adeyling became an advocate for pregnancy and infant loss in her community and founded Sage and Sara Candle Co (named after her babies) where she makes beautifully scented candles and gives back to hospitals and nonprofits with each purchase. Her mission is to help bring light and comfort to parents amidst the dark days following the loss of their child(ren).

Adelying and I talked about many aspects of loss as it related to her story specifically. We talked about what it was like to receive a prenatal life-limiting diagnosis, what it was like to carry a baby you knew would likely not live very long outside the womb, what it was like to prepare for birth and very profoundly what it was like to go home without her baby. Where everything looked as though nothing had changed but everything had changed. She would never be the same. And she gives helpful and practical advice to any mom listening who has been given a prenatal life-limiting diagnosis about how to prepare for birth and what to expect in the days after.

We also talk about those first few weeks and months after her son died, specifically as it relates to her mental and emotional health. We talked about how grief and depression and postpartum depression have very similar symptoms and I encourage listeners then and I'll encourage you now, if you have any thoughts of harming yourself or are experiencing intense emotions in a way that is inhibiting normal life functions, please seek professional medical help right away.

As always you can Call 911 for emergency services or go to the nearest emergency room. Or call the toll-free 24-hour hotline of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK.

No matter where you are in your grief journey Adeyling shares some very practical advice about what has helped her mental and emotional health since experiencing her losses that I think will be really helpful to you. She talks about the role acupuncture played as well as sleep medication. She talks about how valuable writing and journaling was to her as well as finding the right grief support group and how helpful online communities were to her.

This would be a great time to remind you that if you are not a part of our joyful mourning community -- we would really love to have you. Life after baby loss is incredibly lonely and we want to come alongside and remind you that you are not alone. We are with you. We understand what you are walking through. Come join us by heading to themorning.com/community.

Adeyling also shares her thoughts about trying to conceive again and we talk about what pregnancy after loss has been like for her. At the time of this recording Adeyling was 18 weeks pregnant and if you are pregnant after loss or thinking about trying to conceive or currently trying, I think you will be able to relate to what she has to say about this in a profound way. And as we mentioned last week in our episode with Maggie Koch about pregnancy after loss we know how hard the pregnancy after baby loss journey is, so we have created several free resources for you that will be tangibly helpful. To check out those resources, head to our Pregnancy After Loss Resource library at themorning.com/pregnancyafterloss.

Lastly, Adeyling talked about the value of having a strong support system in a pregnancy after loss -- a community you can count on and rely on. We agree with Adeyling and that is why we created a free online community just for the pregnancy after loss conversations. Pregnancy after loss is a unique journey deserving of its own safe space and community where you can talk openly about what you are experiencing -- this community comes alongside our existing main community I mentioned previously to provide support for a season of pregnancy after loss. Come join us by heading to themorning.com/pal, that's themorning.com/pal. We are so hopeful for what this new community will offer to a woman in a pregnancy after loss journey. One more time, to join us head to themorning.com/pal.

This episode is tender and honest and full of relatable moments and helpful wisdom. I think it's going to really bless you today.

THE JOYFUL MOURNING COMMUNITY www.themorning.com/community

PREGNANCY AFTER LOSS COMMUNITY www.themorning.com/pal

SHOW NOTES www.themorning.com/blog/episode110

109. Pregnancy & Postpartum After Baby Loss (Stillbirth) with Maggie Koch Feb 18, 2021

Show notes

My guest this week is Maggie Koch and we are talking about pregnancy and postpartum after baby loss. Maggie experienced a late term stillbirth with her daughter Olivia and in this episode she is sharing with us what it was like to be pregnant again and what it was like to prepare for labor and what it was like to bring home a living baby and navigate postpartum. Maggie shares candidly about what it was like to make the decision to try and get pregnant again and I could relate when she said, "I wasn't sure I would ever be 100% ready to try again with no reservations or fear."

Maggie shared the tangible ways she managed the fear and anxiety as well as the ways she manages it now 6 months after bringing home her son Oliver. We talk about how helpful her care team, questions you might ask them to help you navigate this journey as well as what to do if you are not receiving the care you need. She talks about how she prepared for labor and delivery and what she brought to the hospital to make her feel safe and remind her that her daughter Olivia was not and would not be forgotten. We talked about guilt and the fear of moving on or forgetting our babies, maybe you can relate to Maggie when she said this:

"I also struggled with feeling like his birth was going to erase the importance of her life; I wondered, now that he would physically be with us, what did that mean for her memory?"

Listen in to hear how Maggie intentionally incorporated her daughter's memory into Oliver's birth and how she continues to honor her and remember her in their everyday.

And I think Maggie's final words of encouragement will be incredibly helpful if you have experienced miscarriage or stillbirth, so make sure to listen all the way to the end for that.

QUESTIONS WE DISCUSS IN NO.109

How did you make the decision to try to conceive again after the loss of your daughter Olivia? Did you feel ready to try again? What would you say to a woman who is trying to make that decision?
Did you experience fear and anxiety during your pregnancy after loss? If so, how did you cope with anxiety and not living in a constant state of fear throughout your pregnancy?
Any practical tips for making the 9 months more manageable? For example: How did you handle doctors appointments? Did you do extra testing? Did you use a home doppler?
How did you handle the trauma from Olivia's birth (stillbirth)?
How did you mentally prepare for labor? What would you say to the mom who experienced a stillbirth and is having a difficult time mentally preparing for labor and anticipating all the memories of her previous labor and baby?
Do you have any advice about speaking to medical staff and doctors about concerns and fears or even just telling your story?
What would you say to a mom who is feeling guilt over having another baby?
What are some ways that you honor and remember Olivia now with your new son?
What is one final word of encouragement you would give to another mom who is pregnant after the loss of a baby?

PREGNANCY AFTER LOSS RESOURCE LIBRARY www.themorning.com/pregnancyafterloss

PREGNANCY AFTER LOSS ONLINE COMMUNITY Join us: www.themorning.com/pal

EPISODE 109 SHOW NOTESwww.themorning.com/blog/episode109

108. Infertility, Miscarriage, Life-LImiting Diagnosis & Pregnancy After Loss with Amy Lagomarsino Feb 11, 2021

Show notes

In today's episode I am talking with one of our Joyful Mourning Community members, Amy Lagomarsino about her motherhood journey. A journey that has been filled with incredible loss and yet even amidst tears Amy speaks with joy and hope. Amy shares her story of infertility and seasons of waiting, she shares about pregnancy loss and miscarriage, she shares about her daughter Ella who received a life-limiting diagnosis and lived for 27 hours and she also shares honestly and tenderly about being pregnant again after such loss.

Like I said, her journey has been full of the hardest of things and yet she shares in a way that reminds me that even in the middle of such loss there is hope to be found.

During our time together, Amy not only shares her story but really helpful wisdom she has learned along the way from the different experiences that make up her motherhood journey. She has words of wisdom for the woman in a season of waiting and wondering if she will ever get pregnant. She has wisdom and encouragement for the woman who has just experienced a miscarriage.

She talks about how she prepared for the birth of her daughter Ella and what advice she would give to a woman who has been given a life-limiting diagnosis. She shares what it was like to walk her son Lorenzo through the loss of his baby sister. We talk honestly about guilt and what to do with all the could-haves or should-haves.

We talk about how she said her heart could not handle another loss and that meant no more trying to conceive again, you'll have to tune in to hear what changed her mind. We talked about the tangible ways she mentally prepared to try and conceive again and how she dealt with others' excitement over a pregnancy after loss when she just wasn't quite there yet.

In fact, if you love a grieving mom, her explanation of why it was hard for her to tell others she was pregnant again might be really helpful and insightful to you. I specifically loved and was so encouraged by how her parents and extended family responded when she told them she was pregnant again. I wish every friend and family of a grieving mom could here at least that portion of the episode because it would just communicate an incredible amount of love in such a tender moment.

We even squeeze in how she chose to celebrate Ella's birthday and honor her at Christmas and why it felt so important to do so. If you are a grieving mom, what she shares might give you some tangible ideas for your own celebrations, anniversaries and holidays. And if you love a grieving mom I think Amy's thoughts on this might help you better understand a grieving mom.

This episode is full to the brim of real life wisdom about a journey no one asks for but many of us are on. I pray that this honest conversation is a blessing to you as you navigate your own journey.

FREE ONLINE COMMUNITY FOR PREGNANCY OR INFANT LOSS If you are feeling alone in your grief I want to invite you to come join our free online community, The Joyful Mourning Community, where I met Amy and was first introduced to her story. Life after baby loss can be incredibly lonely and isolating, but it doesn't have to be. Come join our community and find hundreds of women who like you, are looking for hope in this grief journey. For all the details: www.themorning.com/community.

PREGNANCY AFTER LOSS And because we mentioned pregnancy after loss in this episode I thought it would be helpful to remind you about the free download we created, 40 Verses for 40 Weeks. A verse to meditate, think on and study for every week of your pregnancy. Because we know that pregnancy after loss is incredibly hard and we wanted to give you something tangible that would remind you of hope and peace in moments of fear.

To access that free download head to www.themorning.com/4040.

HOW TO LOVE A GRIEVING FRIEND We have a super simple free checklist of how to love a grieving friend. It includes a list of "don't do this, instead do this" ideas, things to avoid saying and helpful things to say. To download a free simple checklist about how to love a grieving friend head to www.themorning.com/friendsandfamily.

SHOW NOTESwww.themorning.com/blog/episode108

107. Pregnancy After Loss Q&A with Ashlee Proffitt Feb 05, 2021

Show notes

Today I will be spending our time together answering your questions. But not just any questions, I will be answering your questions about the tender and difficult topic of pregnancy after loss. I have said it many times before and I will say it again. Apart from losing my son Aaden, being pregnant again after losing him was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. And I know I am not alone in feeling that way.

So today, I will be sharing honestly and candidly about what I have learned from my experience of having been pregnant after pregnancy loss and infant loss. I do not have all the answers nor am I able to say that I perfectly navigated pregnancy after loss, that I did so without fear or wavering, that I was able to enjoy every moment of those pregnancies; no I could never say those things to you.

In fact if you listen back to episode 53 you will hear one of the most tender and raw and honest episodes by me. I wrote and recorded that episode as I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with my daughter. Right in the middle of the fear that seemed like it would completely overwhelm me. Right in the middle of feeling completely alone because no one else seemed to understand why I wasn't celebrating. I wrote these words for that episode:

"The fear settled in as soon as I suspected I was pregnant. With my heart beating out of my chest I stared at two faint pink lines. And immediately, without warning or intention, my thoughts turned to the worst case scenarios. Fear gripped my heart.

There were no naive celebrations of joy and expectancy and anticipation.

That has been taken from me.

Joy and expectancy and anticipation are all things I now have to intentionally and willfully fight for."

So I answer your questions about pregnancy after loss, not as an expert or someone who perfectly navigated those months, but as a real mom, with real fears, and strong propensities toward anxiety and panic, a real person who has experienced pregnancy after loss 4 times and can say quite honestly I see you. I understand. You are not alone.

If you are currently pregnant after loss this episode is for you.

If you are considering trying to conceive again or are currently trying to conceive after having experienced loss, this episode is for you.

And if you love a mom who has experienced loss, this episode is absolutely for you as well. Because she feels very, very alone and this will help you love her better should she decide to pursue pregnancy again in the future.

And one more thing, I didn't want to leave you with just words today because while hearing my thoughts about these questions and sharing what I've learned from my experiences is helpful, something in your hand that you can reference when the fear is mounting and the uncertainty begins to overwhelm is better.

So I wanted to give you something tangible to help you navigate a season of pregnancy after loss. And because I believe there is nothing better than God's Word to bring hope and peace to an anxious heart we created a free download for you, 40 Verses for 40 Weeks. A verse to meditate, think on and study for every week of your pregnancy. To access that free download head to themorning.com/4040.

Friend, I know how difficult this season is and while I cannot promise a healthy pregnancy or a living baby, a fearless next 9 months or a restoration of the innocence lost; I do hope that this episode and that free download will serve to restore your hope and give you a reason for joy even amidst uncertainty.

106. How to Love a Grieving Friend After Pregnancy or Infant Loss with Anna & Anna Jan 28, 2021

Show notes

This week we are talking all about what it looks like to love a friend that is grieving the loss of a baby. For this interview I get to chat with two friends, Anna and Anna. I thought it would be helpful to not only get the perspective of a mom who has experienced loss but also of her friend -- to have the conversation with them both at the same time about what it looked like to love a grieving friend amidst grief as well as what it looks like to be the grieving friend receiving the support.

Both women have experienced loss, between them they have experienced two pregnancy losses and one infant loss -- so their perspective is unique and full of empathy and tenderness. We talked about the biggest challenges facing relationships when one person is grieving, we talked about what it looks like practically to step into the mess that is friendship and grief, we talk about the value of checking in again and again and again, we talk about helpful things to say and do as well as things that are not so helpful and words that might be hurtful.

And if you are listening as someone who says "but I feel forgotten by my friends and family." or "that's great for them but i don't have a friend like that who cares like that", keep listening because we address that too.

This episode is so encouraging as it reminds us that it is the simplest efforts like a call or a text or a mug full of hershey kisses matter so much. That loving someone who is hurting does not have to look like grand gestures but rather an imperfect showing up that is consistent and prayerful and thoughtful has the potential to bring so much comfort to a grieving mom.

I pray this episode encourages you to step into the messiness of friendship after loss as it reminds you that it is absolutely worth it.

FREE RESOURCE FOR HOW TO LOVE A GRIEVING FRIEND

If you love a grieving mom, check out episode #94 (www.themorning.com/blog/episode106) about how to love a grieving friend, it's a simple list of 10 don't do this instead do this.

To download a free simple checklist about how to love a grieving friend head to www.themorning.com/friendsandfamily.

FREE ONLINE COMMUNITY

If you are a grieving mom, I want to invite you to join our free online community, The Joyful Mourning Community -- it's a place where you can find women who have experienced the loss of a baby and are navigating this grief journey. It's a safe place where you can ask hard questions, lament, ask for prayer, a place where you can find women who understand what you are going through and can remind you you aren't alone. To join our community head to themorning.com/community. I can't wait to see you there.

SHOW NOTES

www.themorning.com/blog/episode106

105. Pregnancy & Parenting After Baby Loss with Sarah Garvey Jan 21, 2021

Show notes

Back in Episode 55 I had the privilege of interviewing Sarah Garvey -- she shared her story of motherhood that included years of infertility, multiple miscarriages, losing triplets at 22 weeks and today she is back on the podcast to talk about what it has been like to be a parent to her living daughter after having walked through so much loss. Listen in to this very real and honest conversation where we talk specifically about pregnancy after loss and parenting living children after loss.

We talk about the decision to try again for more children, how to know if your family is complete. We talk about the fear that feels inescapable in the journey of parenting after loss. Sarah shares what she wishes she had known about this parenting after loss journey and how her parenting looks different today than it did early on. She talks very candidly about her daughter's first year of life and what it looked like to seek help. And we talk about the value of inviting our living children into this grief journey, how it is not just our story but also theirs because they have a sibling in heaven.

This is a beautifully honest podcast episode about the challenges that we face as we parent living children after having experienced loss and I am sure that if you are currently parenting living children or desire to in the future this episode will be a blessing to you.

FREE GRIEF GUIDE: WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN GRIEVINGIf you are navigating the complexities of grief and could use a bit of help understanding what you are experiencing right now in your head and in your heart, head to www.themorning.com/griefguide to download a free Grief Guide. This is a simple resource that will help you understand the grief you are experiencing, learn what is normal in grief, learn healthy ways to process and begin healing. The guide includes an explanation of bereavement trauma, the different aspects of trauma, what normal feelings of grief are, our bodies physical response to grief, when to seek professional help and journal prompts to help you process all of this in a healthy, helpful way that will lead to healing.

To download this free guide head to themorning.com/griefguide.

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

The Joyful Mourning – A Podcast for Women Who Have Experienced Pregnancy or Infant Loss

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected