The Jayson Gaddis Podcast

Latest Episodes:

SC 108 - How To Feel Safe In Your Relationship - Bonnie Badenoch Mar 22, 2017

Show notes

What is co-regulation and how do I feel safe in my relationship? In this episode my guest Bonnie Badenoch goes deep into the co-regulatory nervous system. We discuss the importance of interpersonal neurobiology and how we can regulate each other. She covers the myth and limitations of self-regulation and what we must learn instead. Bonnie is a psychotherapist and healer devoted to helping people feel safe in their own skin. We cover a lot of ground in this one, and I recommend going slow and maybe even listening twice.

The myth of 'self-regulation' [13:00]
What happens when we're co-disregulated [15:00]
How we can feel safe by using a third person [20:00]
Why co-regulation is so vital to our sense of safety and security [25:00]
If you think your partner is in their 'left-brain' too often, they might be experiencing this type of acute pain [36:00]
The little-known third branch of the autonomic nervous system [41:00]
How feeling helpless can mimic death in the body [46:00]

jaysongaddis.com/attachment

SC 107 - What's The Point Of Marriage Anyway? Mar 20, 2017

Show notes

What does marriage really mean? [3:00]
Are 50 year relationships realistic? [7:00]
Using marriage as a vehicle for your own personal growth [11:00]

jaysongaddis.com/10a

SC 106 - One Simple Tip to Working Out Your Differences Mar 15, 2017

Show notes

SHOWNOTES

How to work out your differences quickly [2:00]
Understanding how our childhood coping mechanisms effect our relationships [5:00]
An effective tool to rate your ability to handle conflict [6:00]
The most essential decision to make to handle relationship issues [8:00]

SC 105 - Partner Not Meeting Your Sexual Needs Mar 13, 2017

Show notes

Is it okay to go outside the marriage to get your sexual needs met? While this may seem like a straightforward answer, it's amazing to me how many folks ask this question who are having affairs. When is this okay and when is it not okay? Listen in for my opinions on the matter.
Question: I’m finally reading Mating in Captivity and it appears that I have a successful life partnership with my husband who I love deeply and care about, but enjoy a better sexual match with another man. The other man is not gender specific in our intimacy, which I am happy with, and is very emotionally available, whereas my husband is not. I’m feeling unhappy about the infidelity (sounds better than ‘cheating’) that the affair causes, but at the same time, don’t want it to end or my marriage to finish.
As selfish as this is, I’m ok with it. What does it mean when we go outside the cultural confines to get our non-negotiable needs met?

Are you justifying an affair with bullshit? [4:00]
The definition of a successful life partnership [6:00]
Learning to be our neurotic, weird, true selves in relationship [9:00]
If you’re not getting your sexual needs met, here’s what to do [11:00]

SC 104 - How To Deal With An Avoidant Partner & Interpersonal Stress Mar 08, 2017

Show notes

Stan Tatkin returns and serves up another awesome dose of relationship advice through the lens of adult attachment. From how relationships impact your health, to helping your triggered or upset partner, to dealing with an avoidant partner, we cover a lot of ground as Stan answers 8 or so questions from you, the listener. This one is full of helpful tips to improve and enhance your connection over time.

Why is the country feeling so much anxiety? [1:00]
The effect that your ‘allostatic load’ has on your life [3:00]
What chronic relationship stress can do to your health [5:00]
How to not take things personally [8:00]
Learning to ‘lead with relief’ to create a safer space for each other [12:00]
A great way to handle your partner getting triggered [14:00]
Why Carl Jung didn’t like taking patients under 35 [18:00]
A rough guide to dealing with avoidant-types/islands [21:00]
Should you force your teenager to make eye contact with you? [35:00]
The power of ‘jointly attending’ with a resistant partner [37:00]
‘Parallel play’ and its hidden dangers [39:00]
How to free up resources for higher development[42:00]

SC 103 - How To Get Over A Cheating Spouse Mar 06, 2017

Show notes

Question: Once someone cheats on you should you walk away completely and let go, or do you think going through something like this could strengthen a relationship and create a deeper bond? Not sure where to draw the boundaries. When I found out about the cheating, I spent 3 hours trying to understand why. Am I being too understanding? I’d like to know what your thoughts are when it comes to getting back together with someone that cheated on you. Any advice?

Spending $20 Billion on 'love' [3:00]
What happens when it's high stakes and you're married with kids? [8:00]
The surprising benefits to being cheated-on [9:00]
How to re-establish trust after a boundary breach [12:00]
Finding the opportunity in the crisis [14:00]

SC 102 - The Surprising Difference Between Divorced People and Married People- Mark Manson Mar 01, 2017

Show notes

UPDATE: CONTEST WINNERS ANNOUNCED!

What can you learn from divorced people and people who are married for a decade or two? What are the main differences? There are two and we cover them in this episode with author Mark Manson. We also explore how Mark navigated a big challenge with his now wife and why self-improvement and self-awareness are so essential to long-term partnership.

SHOWNOTES

Contest winners announced [1:00]
The fundamental issues people have in relationships [9:00]
Why we need to communicate without blame [13:00]
How to avoid ‘enmeshment’ and maintain a strong, independent identity [14:00]
Three questions to ask to dig deeper into your emotional states [21:00]
The HUGE difference between divorced people and happily married people [23:25]
What do all long-term (20+ years) happily married people have in common? [24:00]
One keystone value for a rock-solid, long-term marriage [27:00]
What needs to be added to our schooling to prepare us for the real world [29:00]
The ‘Self Awareness Onion’ [33:00]
Three layers of self-awareness [34:00]

SC 101 - Getting Your Partner TO Meet Your Needs Feb 27, 2017

Show notes

SHOWNOTES

Question: I’d love to hear more about the possible distinction between standing in one’s own needs and then the problematic zone of asking or expecting a partner to change. Asking for change in certain areas seems reasonable and I use my own potential reaction to being asked to change as a measure: “Would I respond well to my partner asking me to change in this area?”
But some areas seem tricky, such as Love Languages: “XYZ behaviour that is hard for you is actually what most supports me feeling loved and seen” etc. Could you speak to this?

Asking for what you need [6:00]
Meeting your partner’s needs is win-win [9:00]
If our primary partnership is unsafe [11:00]
Knowing your partner’s needs before they ask [13:00]

SC 100 - How To Repair in 3 Steps Before You Make It Worse Feb 22, 2017

Show notes

SHOWNOTES

Contest announcement [5:00]
How to repair a rupture [8:00]
When you trigger your partner: the art of micro repairs [12:00]
When ‘macro repairs’ are called for [14:00]
3 steps to the micro-repair [15:00]
An example in Jayson and Ellen’s relationship [18:00]
Your Action Step [26:00]

CONTEST

If you're not already, become a member of the Smart Couple community https://www.facebook.com/groups/749008838533400/
Record a 1 minute video on your phone. Do not go over 1 minute. For the video, include your name, where you’re from, and one practical tool or tip you learned from this podcast that helped you in your relationship life
Post it in the smart couple group.

PRIZES

1st Prize. Indestructible partnerships course (30 days long)
2nd Prize. 30 minute laser coaching session with Jayson
3rd Prize. 2 free months in the Relationship School Roots Community

DEADLINE: You’ll have until Saturday February 25th at Midnight Mountain Time

Winners will be announced March 1st

SC 99 - Husband Doesn't Want To Work On Marriage Feb 20, 2017

Show notes

Question: We’ve been together 3 months and I’ve been on a path of self development for many years. My new partner is very new to inner work and has not prioritized that. He’s open and he’s curious but he’s new to it all. There’s a lot of fear there for me because I’m worries as we get to know each other his lack of self awareness and self understanding might create blocks. I’ve let him know this but I’m not sure whether I should just walk away now and try find somebody who I feel can meet me as an equal, or just accept him as he is. What is the healthiest thing to do in this situation?

Finding reasons why our partner ‘isn’t enough’. [2:00]
Why it’s hard if one partner doesn’t want to grow in the relationship [4:00]
If your partner is interested but slower [8:00]

Question: Is it a good idea to tell a prospective partner your non-negotiable about personal development right off the bat?

Laying your values on the table [12:00]
We all are directing our ‘growth and development’ energy somewhere [14:00]
It’s about priorities, not time. [16:00]

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