The Horror Virgin

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457 - Resident Evil (2026) Nov 09, 2026

Show notes

“Why is it called Raccoon City? It’s not nearly adorable enough.”

This week’s scariest movie is... Resident Evil. This film has everything: apocalypse-proof Life cereal, a rolling pileup of bodies, And a pedicure no squid foot could survive. If you love Jetta-based survival plans, emergency ladder management, and padlock boss fights, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Hokum (2026)

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456 - Five Nights at Freddy's 2 Nov 02, 2026

Show notes

“Our cooks are kind of busy murdering a child from your local community.”

This week’s scariest movie is... Five Nights at Freddy’s 2. This film has everything: paranormal robot cold cases, one-size-fits-all music boxes, And unsuspecting guest singalongs. If you love Jason Pargin’s screenplay autopsies, elementary school robot arms races, and haunted theme-park yetis, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Resident Evil (2026)

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455 - Halloween H20 Oct 31, 2026

Show notes

“I don't know what's scarier. Josh Hartnett's hair or Michelle Williams' '90s eyebrows.”

This week’s scariest movie is... Halloween H20: 20 Years Later. This film has everything: masked library research, guard-shack smut, and a school counselor with spectacularly bad timing. If you love suspicious birthday cards, folding-table physics, and imagining Michael Myers as your therapist, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Five Nights at Freddy’s 2

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454 - Ready or Not 2: Here I Come Oct 26, 2026

Show notes

“I'm sorry you have to see me naked. Stop trying to kill me and I'll clothe myself. But this is on you.”

This week’s scariest movie is... Ready or Not 2: Here I Come. This film has everything: grassy-knoll hide-and-seek, vascular syringe seduction, And a backwards bridal bazooka. If you love golf-cart ring quests, privatized 911 customer service, and Air Bud's satanic loopholes, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Five Nights at Freddy's 2

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453 - Psycho 2 Oct 19, 2026

Show notes

"You're honor, in Yahweh versus Rome."

This week’s scariest movie is... Psycho 2. This film has everything: municipal nuclear arsenals, O.J. Simpson crowd-work hazards, And upper-pectoral boob mechanics. If you love bleeding-wall en suites, murder-knife sandwich service, and mom-signed coworker hate mail, this episode’s for you!

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452 - Critters 2 Oct 12, 2026

Show notes

“Shut the fuck up and dress like an Easter bunny.”

This week’s scariest movie is... Critters 2. This film has everything: reptile piercings at Claire's, Soviet critter espionage, And Mickey Mouse kink protocols. If you love Grandma's intergalactic TV remote, Civil War burger demolition, and CritCon 27's guest list, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Psycho 2

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451 - Phantasm IV: Oblivion Oct 05, 2026

Show notes

“Every place I have sex automatically becomes historical.”

This week’s scariest movie is... Phantasm IV: Oblivion (With Mikey Randolph). This film has everything: hybrid Beast dick taxonomy, brown-note embalming science, And bar-certified sex bots. If you love Jawa protection rackets, hydraulic boob engineering, and combat ice-cream uniforms, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Critters 2

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450 - Scooby Doo on Zombie Island Sep 28, 2026

Show notes

“I can't wait for you to read the Google AI summary about the Beast's dick.”

This week’s scariest movie is... Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island. This film has everything: TSA charcuterie seizures, Latin-speaking exorcist Scooby, And cat-clock moon dials. If you love Ken-doll devil frogs, second-location kidney retention, and Free Willy fish arcs, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Phantasm Four

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449 - IT Part 2 (1990) Sep 21, 2026

Show notes

“If you don't snap out of this, I will kill us both.”

This week’s scariest movie is... IT Part Two. This film has everything: infomercial-grade bicycle cards, dead-light spider abs, And face-massage intimacy audits. If you love Cocoon-to-Cancun tourism, David-and-Goliath weapons upgrades, and production-mat pratfalls, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Scooby Doo on Zombie Island

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448 - IT Part 1 (1990) Sep 14, 2026

Show notes

“We're living at the end of an empire, and we're just going to have to get through it. And thank God A24 is here to help.”

This week’s scariest movie is... It Part One. This film has everything: trademarked clown faces, forehead-stabbing greaser bangs, And French hair bikinis. If you love pre-sewer inhaler bumps, ass-first spider snacks, and HPV friendship pacts, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: It Part Two (1990)

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