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Your earbuds will get high and talk about how dope a podcast about them would be when Instagram Jesus arrives at the PYFC in the second coming with Big Lucks, Ol’ Blue Eyes, Schwartz and Chumahan, Instagram Jesus will wash away all your social media sins, walk on digital water and heel thicc chicks, he presides over the resurrection of the lost early episodes, he rolls back the rock and we hear the Unholy Trinity of Talk’s earliest episodes, the ones that died in the womb, the one’s not fit for daylight, examine what went right and what went terribly wrong, you’ll choke, you’ll puke you’ll laugh so hard bubbles will form in your blood, DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS SHOW IF YOU HAVE A WEAK SPINE. www.hardluckshow.com/podcastSend your crazy shit to: hluckshow@gmail.com#podcast #IGJesus #thicc #Westside #LosAngelesTRANSCRIPTCould not load audio fileShareCBHLS: Ep.292: Instagram Jesus & Proto-EpisodesSpeakerSpeakerSpeakerSpeakerSpeakerSpeakerSpeakerSpeakerSpeakerOkay, let's do it.good morning and welcome to the hard luck show. And you're certified qualified west side host lucky. That's right. Ladies and gentlemen, you two did to the greatest show on earth. It's the hard luck show coming to you from Santa Monica youth center in Santa Monica, California sitting across from me, my cold stem partner.Oh shit.Oh, I'm in Southern California. I must have superpowers five pounds.ah, sound engineer or blue eyes. John Lewis certified audio innobody move. Nobody move. Nobody get it.he said he want me to join the armyand our show runner Xtrordinair. Mr. Brian Schwartz. Slow gurus.This is a whistle along song.uh, shortslive from Kiev Baba fly from Cuban with Andrew Chimu live from,you got a trip there with Danny from it's all bad. I know, I know we're both fuckingman. Me and Danny got to go to Kevin, visit the mother and visual.okay. Tomorrow,if you're lucky energy rose on the roof, the roof, I will tell you something. There was a weird moment there when I was yelling Ali Baba, and he was looking at me through his dreads with like one gleaming eyes. And it was like, there was a point of madness between us. He was like, looking at me like, is this guy really fucking, this pumped up right now?Yeah. Oh, what's up,right? Yeah. What's up Ali taking care of visuals. Ali's on it. Ali, the calm, his camera, man. This side of the Mississippi, all he's going to have to give a little bit of a training session for he leaves. Oh no, we got other cameras are going to take on the handle that I don't know. But have you ever done meditation Ali?Yeah, like I feel like you're a guy that could really get into like some Zen. It wouldn't be as hard. Right, right. Like, uh, like if you went to a silent retreat, he'd be like, cool. Yeah. Most definitely. I try to meditate every day. What, what, what kind of meditation do you do? What kind of meditation? I do. Uh, you were in a court room, they would already found you guilty.Can you repeat the question? Like that's the, that's the winner? Well, I just like try just to focus on my breathing and try not to think. I try to just like, hear my surroundings, but it's kind of hard. Cause like my mind is like racing. Yeah. That's why I don't talk. I just think right. Really well. Yeah. You see all this stuff, he's doing all the creative stuff he does.I would imagine that his, his, he is probably moving at a lot higher pace. Are you? Yup. I have a older brother, but I don't live with him. Like I grew up with my mom only. Ah, that's why I thought you were only child. Cause you said you grew up with your mom only. Well. My brother's a lot older than me. So it's almost like you're an only child.Yeah. But you're really not only there's. Yeah. Like I never like lived with him. Right. Who did he take you out to throw the ball around and stuff? My imaginary friend. What was his dog? Kitty? I kidding. Sean had an imaginary friend. I did. Pre-launch he still does chores. Listen, chips is my imagine, dude, Shawn, Shawn told me, right.He's like, come dressed up as far till next time he might start crying. You see that? Sean told me he sent a thing out and he's like, I was telling him, what was it? You were telling you son, Kuwait, about your imaginary. Uh, go ahead. Well, I don't, I don't remember this conversation. He said, he's telling his son coined about his imaginary friend and then in quiet, you know, quits five, so quits, like whatever, you know, blah, blah, blah.You know, but then later Shawn's like, I reflected on that and I just thought, man, that just sounds so sad. Do you remember saying that? No, but it does sound sad to be telling your son about a friend that's not actually there. It's got us all sad, sad. I mean, I've watched a lot of like sitcoms and in the sitcoms, the psychiatrists were always trying to tell the little kid, it gets normal to have like an imaginary.Oh, don't even worry about it. I think you only have an imaginary friend out of necessity cause there's nothing really. Yeah. What's your take on that shorts? I don't know. I mean, I think an imaginary friend could just be, you know, somebody's creative, uh, Abilities like showing at a young age and just kinda having that.I dunno. I guess he can be sad. My mom said that I would just blame shit on the imaginary friend. Right. That's like going to have a scapegoat, you know, built in, but to see that kind of makes sense, though, that shows your devious creative nature, but you would do fucked up shit and then you will blame some imaginary.That's not that sad, bro. Right. In fact, I invent this motherfucker to take the heat, right. Like on family circus when they had that little ghost kid named not me. And they just blame that shit on that. Right. So you blamed it on a California highway patrol officer. That's kind of weird shit. Yeah. The cool one we had, I guess.So that's crazy now that I think about it, I don't actually remember it. My mom tells me that, oh, well then maybe. You don't remember having the imaginary friend? No, I don't think I ever had an imaginary friend. I think when I was a kid though, I fucking lied my ass off, bro. I was lying from sun up to sun fucking down, bro.I mean, I remember being in the backyard at our house and all the kids be around. And I remember somehow we started talking about the devil. I don't know. And I was telling stories like, oh yeah, I saw the devil last night, came in my room. I said, devil, what are you doing? I said, get the fuck on out. And the devil left, he wanted to take my soul though.He was asking, I was like, Hmm, I almost signed on the dotted line. And all this shit was made up and other kids were like, really? I'm like, man, would I be lying to you? Yeah, that was what happened. I have a fucking lion bro. That's crazy Schwartz. Did you have an imagination? No. No imaginary friends though.Yeah. I think that's crazy, but I did see paunch all the time as a kid growing up, you did just to see the guy in fucking seafood, broiler and bed bath and beyond. I swear to God, man. I used to run into that motherfucker. Like he was following me, Eric Estrada, Erik Estrada. What was he buying at? Bed bath and beyond like Cole sided pillow.I don't even know, man. Those were back in the, uh, the early bed bath and beyond days, huge chips. Oh, yeah, no, no, no. Yeah. Paunch and baker. Right? Wait a minute. How old are you bro? He's 42. Oh, okay. I thought you were younger than that. Everybody. I know. Everybody thinks he's like fucking 34 or something. Yeah.Okay. Yeah. You're in there. Yeah. No, I, I remember Chip's come on, man. You have an imaginary friend. The only time I have like an imaginary friend is when I've been up too many days on that. Got a lot of friends. I remember long after the, the, the, I was deep in the addiction. The kids were no longer staying with me.The girls were gone. I'd been in my house by myself for a while already tweaking. Yeah. And I would after maybe like, you know, somewhere in that, like four to six day of no sleep, I'd be having conversations in my house with my kids. Wow. And with like maybe jewelry, shall I got to be I'm in conversations.And we would constantly, when they were there in real life, I would have these conversations from room to room. Yo, you need to do that. All right. Get the kids ready. I left the front door open, right of right. I would be doing this hi thinking they were all in the house with me still until I would come to realize snap out and be like, dude, I've been talking for the last two hours and none of them are here.What's alone. What's the realization when you snap out of it. So bomber is like how he said, it's kind of sad. Like I asked him, describe his son. It's that same type of feeling like, damn, I'm 40 something. High math in a home. I'm about to lose tweaking out. I can't stop using this shit. Fuck. And I'm trying to relive this shit.That's the longest. But it's like it's embedded my fucking default goes there. Crazy man, crazy drug. You know, when I was at your head up, man, when I was a kid growing up, I think I might've. I was telling Schwartz about this the other day. I never, I loved the bad dudes. I loved the villains. And when it came to like star wars, I wanted to be Darth Vader and I wanted to beat our Vader over Luke Skywalker.Cause I was like, Luke, Skywalker's a punk. He's got raggedy ass clothes. He's crying all the time. He's like asking for help from everybody, but fucking Darth Vader could fucking just pinch the air and choke your shit from across the room. And I wanted to do that. And then, then like, I'm like thinking about this show and I'm like, maybe this is like part of that weird, like, you know, dark side of me that wants to fucking fuck with people and fucking de LA it's like that Vader shit coming out, like living out that fantasy here on the show, the sadistic one.And dude, I used to want to be a vampire ghost growing up and I didn't want to be no nice vampire. And it wasn't about drinking blood. I mean, I knew that came with it, but I wanted it to be fucking Dracula. That dude was cool, man. He had fucking he's oh, he's wearing a tuxedo. Yeah, fucking medallion and a Cape.And he fucking bitches. Oh. Be like looking at me like, oh my child coming to me and they would just be like, they couldn't stop. He's immortal, immortal. He's strong as fuck. Strong fly, fly. It's a superhero, right? I'm not feel like there's a relationship between Darth Vader and the vampire, like Jakiela and Darth Vader are maybe cut from the same clot.Yeah. They both have capes, you know, he got, uh, we got, we got an imaginary friend. Yeah. We do have an imaginary friend. We got a guy who might have imaginary friends running through his brain right about now. Right, right. Before the, uh, world war three eroded, uh, exploded. We were trying to do a show on Antonio brown.Yeah, we were. Can we, can we introduce our imaginary friend? Oh man. Right. All right. All right. I forgot about that. My bad. All right. So what's the right intro song for, Hey, Zeus. Jesus walks. He's got a Tupac poster in the background. I know. No, I like where a Schwartz was going here. Where are you going? He's going here.Jesus walks. Okay.Hold on. Let me fix it. We'll edit this. No, definitely getting a copyright fucking thing for this Harleyladies and gentlemen known internationally as Instagram. Jesus saving all digital soul one at a time. A man who needs no introduction. A man who is the second coming of the metaverse. Oh boy. Hey Zeus. Jesus Instagram. Welcome to the show. Yeah, you got nice teeth, bro. How come your ketones man? He's got fucking nice fucking teeth partner.I wish I had them. I can't see from here because Shawn's blocking. I wish I grew up looks at what's going on there. How much man? What's up. Hurry up and get, get home from work. What was the w w you were hurrying up to get on the show? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because I didn't want to do it in the car. Why not?Because I didn't, I probably would have a best signal. Like I did last time when I was, was on it. So what kind of remind everybody? What kind of work do you do on a day job? Uh, merchandise. And in what way? I, I worked for Coca-Cola, so I merchandise all this stuff and throw it on the shelf. So I give the gloats like today I had 600 cases at Walmart and then two other stores, when nothing, the other stores, I just had a much nice, like, like just work, the stuff that was in the back.Right. So you show up at Walmart now, what time would you show up? All right. I gotta be there at five in the morning, so I leave my house. I'll work in the valley. So it takes about 30 minutes to get. 30 40 minutes actually. And, uh, so I gotta be there at five so I can get it by like 3, 3 45 in the morning.Yeah. And then when you're there and so what you're arranging the Coca-Cola and everything on the shelves. Yeah. So I put all this stuff on the shelves. Did you have to go pick it up and drive it over? No. So, so we have three different periods. So we have salesmen that go into the store and, uh, bring in, uh, see what we need.And then we got truck drivers. So the truck driver brings me, this brings me this stuff and he drops it off and I work in kind of creatures. Do you see walking around Walmart inside of like 4 35 in the morning, all ties it all types of creatures. Right? Go ahead. Obviously people stealing shit all the time in front of me.I to watch it. Yeah. Like, what do they do? They just take the stuff and put it down their pants. Yeah. Well they down their pants down in their, in their, in their, uh, in their, uh, persons, whoever, you know, if it's a woman uppers guys down their pants or self scan, you know what I mean? The self scan sheet.Right? Yeah. And they'll, they'll get expensive shit. And then I'm at Walmart. Yeah. Walmart. Yeah. So then they track that they, the people think they're not watching them. You know how they're watching it to that little phone scene if you're scanning everything. Yeah. So they catch them and they're like, oh no, I didn't.I didn't, you know, I scanned it. I know I scanned it. And then they be like, uh, they'll buy the food. Right. They'll try to buy the food and then sneak in like DVDs or whatever. And they, and then they, I saw one guy the other day was telling, saying all I. I switched my wallet and I put a different card. I know this card had money, but I forgot my other wallet.I did it last night and he just kept, you know, just making the blazers as the, as he went. What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen. Anyone steal, like, yeah. Like, was there a big thing? Like someone tried to steal like a toilet seat? No, but I seen, I seen fools, uh, jump on a bicycle. You know how they have there's so bicycles there, right?The shit. Yeah. Right out the front door.I seen that as new, full, still TVs and they can't do nothing. They can't, they can't do nothing to them. What is. Yeah, cause they don't want to get sued. I used to steal shit from Walmart. Did you want to ask you? When I, when I lived in Odessa, Texas, man, I used to walk in, they had one of those super Walmarts, like it was fucking gigantic and I would walk in one side and I would grab, they had Marlboro 20 fives.They had 25 cigarettes in a pack and I would grab to walk out the other door. It was crazy, man. I also stole a lot of gas out there. Right. Because they just…
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