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The Emerging Women Podcast

Real Women. Real Power.

Latest Episodes:

Sacred Success: A Woman’s Guide to Authentic Power & Affluence with Barbara Stanny Feb 24, 2015

Show notes

Barbara Stanny is a former journalist who became a financial expert and a leading authority on Women & Wealth. With her background in business and a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology, along with her extensive research and poignant experience with money, she has a unique perspective on women’s financial issues.

The brains behind Overcoming Underearning and Sacred Success, Barbara is about pursuing your soul’s purpose, for your own bliss and the benefit of others, while being richly rewarded. Barbara Stanny’s new book: Sacred Success: A Course in Financial Miracles is a tutorial for taking charge of your life by taking charge of your finances, and not only growing your money but creating a deeper, richer, and more meaningful life.

In today’s episode, Barbara and I spoke about:

What she means by success and why many women fear their power
Moving through the 3 levels of Financial Development: Survival, Stability, and Affluence
The dangers of giving up our power
Common patterns in women’s personal finances and how to create affluence
Law of Attraction vs. Law of Congruency
Modeling Greatness and pursuing your purpose
The most important practice in her new book: Sacred Success.

Here is my conversation “Sacred Success: A Women’s Guide to Authentic Power & Affluence” with the great and powerful: Barbara Stanny.

Subscribe to the Emerging Women podcast on iTunes.

And please be sure to rate us while you’re there!

Think Like a SheEO with Vicki Saunders Jan 29, 2015

Show notes

Today my guest is Vicki Saunders.

Vicki Saunders is a serial entrepreneur, passionate mentor and advisor to the next generation of change makers, and leading advocate for entrepreneurship as a way of creating positive transformation in the world.

Vicki is founder of SheEO. SheEO supports women who leverage their talents, strengths and passion to create businesses that build new models, new mindsets and new solutions for a better world. She is also the author of the new book: Think Like a SheEO: Succeeding in the Age of Creators, Makers and Entrepreneurs where she shows readers how to leverage their talents, strengths, and genuine interests to create businesses that make them happy and successful.

In today’s episode, Vicki and I speak about:

The current landscape for women entrepreneurs
Her notion that ‘It doesn’t have to be hard’ and focusing on your strengths
Meaning is the New Money: the rise of making a difference as more important than making money
Actually having what you want and creating your own reality
Crossing what she calls the Fear Threshold
Her ‘big vision’ for women entrepreneurs

Here is my conversation “Think Like A SheEO” with the original SheEO: Vicki Saunders.

Subscribe to the Emerging Women podcast on iTunes.

And please be sure to rate us while you’re there!

Leaning Into Fear and Falling Into Beauty with Susan Piver Dec 02, 2014

Show notes

Today my guest is Susan Piver. Susan is a Buddhist teacher and the New York Times bestselling author of seven books, including The Hard Questions and the award-winning How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life. Her latest book is entitled The Wisdom of a Broken Heart. She teaches workshops and speaks all over the world on meditation, spirituality, communication, relationships, and creativity. In 2011, Susan launched the Open Heart Project, an online meditation community with nearly 12,000 members who practice together and explore ways to bring spiritual values such as kindness, genuineness, and fearlessness into everyday life. In today’s episode, Susan and I speak about: How fear has unfolded in her life and how you can be confident and fearful at the same time How synchronizing the mind and the body is the key to confidence Tapping into the power and the beauty of fear The careful balance of avoiding the “conceptual game plan” while still having action A story of Susan’s own emergence and how to see yourself through the relationships you keep Here’s my conversation, “Leaning Into Fear and Falling Into Beauty,” with the wise and open-hearted Susan Piver. Subscribe to the Emerging Women podcast on iTunes. Transcript Chantal Pierrat: Hello, and welcome, Susan. Susan Piver: Thank you, I’m glad to be here. CP: Yes, I am too. I have lots of juicy questions for you that are relevant to my life, so I’m glad we’ve carved out the time. Let’s start with—well, we had such a great conversation the first time we met last month, and I just wanted to go in a million different directions. But today I want to talk about fear. You have a couple of books on fear, [including] Freedom from Fear, which I think is your most recent book, and then a book with a very interesting title, How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life: Opening Your Heart to Confidence, Intimacy, and Joy. And I know that one is more practical; Freedom from Fear is a seven-day meditation program. But I’m curious to see, just in your own life, how this topic unfolded for you, and how it came into this—and you also have some audio that you’ve done with Jen Louden. So how did this come through you, and what do you have to say about fear? SP: OK, well, I always feel like my biggest qualification is my own fear, because I just experience a lot of fear. I always have throughout my life and I still do. It’s something that each of us has to figure out a way to meet. And I was thinking of writing a book about meditation practice, and I wrote a proposal for that book. And in the proposal, there was a line that said something like, “Meditation is so awesome because it teaches you how to not be afraid of your own life.” And when the publisher saw that line, they said, “That’s the title.” So I said, “OK.” [Laughs] It was very easy to gear the content around the topic of fear because meditation—in particular, I suppose, in the style that I practice, the Shambhala Buddhist tradition—is seen as a gesture of warriorship. And one of the fruits of meditation practice is courage and wakefulness and curiosity and joy. So those were the things that I wanted to focus on, and in doing so, also had to focus on why these wonderful, wonderful qualities are so difficult for us to find and hold. CP: So right now, in The Atlantic—and I just picked this up so I haven’t read it—there’s an article, it’s on the cover, and they’re calling it “Closing the Confidence Gap,” just talking about even highly successful women are lacking in confidence in their jobs and in the work that they do, even though they’re seen and rewarded for their work and they’re outwardly recognized as being successful. I know for myself, building a business and feeling confident that I can create this platform that is Emerging Women, and yet the fear and the lack of confidence—it’s like you can be confident and fearful or confident and not confident at the same time. How is that? SP: Isn’t that interesting? Yes. And there’s something in particular about starting your own business, like you just said, that makes every day a sort of confidence gauntlet that you have to run. I also work for myself, and I don’t know about you, but I feel often that I’m as good as my last email. If it was positive, I feel like, “This is working!” And if it was disappointing in any way, then I feel like, “Oh, this is never going to work out.” Going on that ride, more days that not, is exhausting. I don’t really know a lot of women who don’t struggle with that. But fortunately for us, to reverse that does not require changing the way you think about yourself. Which may sound odd, because you think, “Well, if I only thought better of myself, I would be more confident.” Or, “If I only trusted my capacity to write or teach or build or champion,” or whatever your task might be, “then I could be confident.” But you actually don’t, according to the Buddhist view, have to change anything about your self-view. Rather, what’s required or what is suggested is this synchronization of mind and body, and the notion that fear arises when mind and body are unsynchronized. And I’m sure, as a spiritual practitioner, you know what I mean. We go through our days and our lives, often, where our mind is on one thing and our body is doing something else. And that is considered the root of fear. And if we can bring those things into union, through meditation practice or yoga or swimming or kissing or cooking or whatever you do that synchronizes mind and body, then confidence is present, not as a kind of self-belief, but as a kind of ease within your own body and mind, which is capable of opening to everything. So I was very relieved when I realized I didn’t have to start thinking certain things about myself and ban other thoughts. But instead, if I could practice bringing my breath into my body and my mind into the present, that fear would be manageable. And I would posit today that I found that to be true. CP: Well, I don’t want to say, “Easier said than done!” But I kind of want to say that because it’s so interesting how we rely on the content and the context of our lives to sort of move through and get things done. We can’t just spend our lives breathing and experiencing that synchronicity all the time, because we need—there’s friction, we need to navigate the complexities. We’re launching businesses, we’re writing books, so we’re moving forward, but I’m curious, if we’re not changing our thoughts—because I love what you’re saying. It’s so refreshing not to have to manipulate our thoughts. Not that I’m against affirmations, but [to] trick our minds into thinking something else is exhausting. But how do you prevent—if I have some thoughts that are thoughts of fear or self-doubt that are coming in, and instead of trying to work with those thoughts, do I want to bring my body into alignment with those thoughts? SP: That’s really a good question. First of all, “Easier said than done,” absolutely. Anyone who has ever sat on a meditation cushion for more than five minutes knows that it’s just difficult every single time. So yes, definitely easier said than done. And also, I’m not suggesting that when we feel fear, we drop into meditation, which would be pressing our mind on the breath, because that would be, actually, silly or dangerous, even. But instead, when we’re trained in meditation, for example, in the placement of attention continuously, as much as possible, on breath, then we’re not training ourselves to follow our breath particularly. We’re training ourselves to follow our lives so that when fearful thoughts arise or when a task needs to be accomplished, you can place your mind on that fear or on that task or on that thought with full attention. At that point, you have a lot of options. But when we’re trying to avoid the things that actually are arising within us—like, “I don’t want to be afraid,” or, “I’m afraid of this so I’m going to try and start doing something else”—that’s when we add to the confusion. So by “fearlessness” here, again, I don’t mean feeling good or confident or even strong. I mean feeling real, feeling truth, feeling genuine, and being willing and able to stay with your experience. Because when we depart from the experience, that’s when fear amplifies. And when we want to write and are too afraid, or I’m picking a fight with you and you don’t want to get into a fight so you want to get away, it really helps to be able to pay attention to those things without hesitation. That’s one definition of strength. So, yes, we’ve got to get things done, and when you bring your body into alignment with your fear, which was the last part of what you were saying, it actually helps to dissipate fear. Because it’s there now, it’s there in that moment, and instead of tightening up to squeeze it away from yourself, if you open further to make more space, it assumes its rightful shape as just one thing that is going on with you right now. But, like I say, if we try to tear away from it, we’ve “ensmallened” the space in our minds, but when we can turn toward it, we can “enbiggen”—which is not a real word—the space and a bigger view is possible. CP: And is there—and once again, I’m sort of coming at this from my own personal experience, so if we’re digging in too deep, forgive me. [Laughs] I’m doing it, I’m doing the practice as you’re talking, and I’m thinking it’s almost like a leaning in. I know that you are a student of Sakyong, so leaning into the sharp points is one of the big teachings in that lineage. When you say “making space,” I like that better because it feels—I always had a reaction to “leaning in” to when something was difficult. But I don’t have that reaction to making space because it feels like something else might come in and share that space. SP: That’s a really interesting thought. Maybe they happen in sequence, like first you have to lean in, which just means, in this case, see or feel or allow. Leaning in is synonymous with allowing. It’s not synonymous with impaling. [Laughs] CP: Right! [Laughs] Though it feels that way sometimes! SP: I know, I know! But it’s not, it’s not meant that way as far as I understand it. CP: Of course, yes. SP: But then when you allow, then the space naturally expands. But if you don’t lean in, then first you have to arrive in the space, and then you can enbiggen it. CP: And what’s the role of the body in this practice, with regards to fear? SP: That’s a great question, and as you ask it, something occurs to me that hadn’t really occurred to me before. I’d say the body is like your navigational device. It’s like your compass, because if you want to feel what you feel, if you want to lean in, that’s not the same as telling yourself a story about what you feel. Leaning in is feeling what you feel without the storyline that you’ve attached to it. So to do that, the only way to do that that I know of is to find where this sensation resides in your body. So if you feel afraid, are your shoulders hunching? Does your blood feel cold? If you’re angry, does it feel hot? Does your breath get shallower? The body is like the homing device for leaning in. And that’s what I would say the role is. Does that sound right to you? What do you think? CP: Yes. I mean, I really need to defer to you on this, but it feels right. I feel it in different places in my body, but I also want to say my tendency is to contextualize it again. “Oh, it’s in my heart, therefore that’s the heart chakra and it’s telling me this.” But what I’m understanding from you is that you’re just feeling it. SP: Yes. And I would never say, “Don’t do those other things.” I do those things too. It’s valuable to contextualize and learn and analyze and think deeply and probe. If those things were devisable, I would not have a job. Luckily that’s what I do most days. What I’m saying is, “Don’t do that first.” Do it second. Keep them separate, and don’t confuse them. CP: Let’s say we’ve gone through the practice, and I’m synching up my body—which definitely makes sense, though I have resistance to it, I’ve noticed, as we’re talking. I definitely do not want to merge with the fear. That’s kind of the language I’m using, but as I do it, and I’m looking around [laughs] I feel like I’m looking for something else to come into that space. We’ve biggened the space—I love that word—and I’m just wondering, since we’ve made it bigger, is it an antithesis of fear? And again, I don’t want to be too solutions-oriented, but I feel like fear is not the highest vibration, and when we’re doing spiritual work, I may be eager for something—like maybe the opposite or the answer to come in. I’ve heard it said that love is the antithesis of fear, and maybe people have different versions of that. I’m curious to see if you have any thoughts on that. SP: Yes. A multitude, actually. The first thing that occurs to me is, how do we know that fear is not the highest vibration in a particular moment? How do we know that? There cannot possibly be rules. There are no rules, in which case there is no statement that says, “Fear is always not the highest vibration.” That’s just too conceptual. And if we walk into our lives with any theory, even the theory of the dharma, which to me is the highest, most awesome thing the world, then we’re going to be trapped by it. But if we walk in with a kind of willingness to feel, then our path becomes the highest vibration, I would say. And we’re able to modify, along the path, in relationship to reality, as opposed to ideas about reality because we’re experiencing our life. And again, I think what you’re pointing to is really accurate is that it doesn’t feel good to feel afraid. It’s limiting and it is dark and awful. Definitely. Nobody should want—you don’t want to force yourself to hang out there. It sucks. But if it’s something that’s happening, it’s happening. So you lean into it in some way, and then watch it. It will start to transform. Fear is unavoidable. We live in a world where there are things to be afraid of, and we’re vulnerable creatures. So because we’re vulnerable, we’re going to experience fear, because we’re not invulnerable. So that’s just part of life, so we have to find a way to work with it. But fear of fear is optional. That doesn’t have to be a part of life. That is actually the worst fear, I would say. Fear tends to stiffen us up and shrink the space and make us feel tiny and just very claustrophobic and uncomfortable. But if you look at what’s underneath fear, just what is right underneath fear, you may find something interesting, because it’s usually some expression of vulnerability. Our vulnerability is our most beautiful and powerful and creative quality. So right underneath the fear is an expression of our vulnerability, and often it feels like sadness. And sadness is very soft and workable. Fear, however, is not. So what happened just before the fear? Because that could be an interesting thing to feel and notice. CP: When you say “vulnerability,” of course I feel an opening, and when you said that the sadness and the softness—I mean, there’s a lot of power in those. When we look at it from that way, meaning not power out there, going to impale. It’s not impaling power. But just a wisdom and almost a longing. And it just sort of dissolves the fear as I’m kind of sitting with it. SP: That’s great. That was beautifully said. I’m so happy you used the word “longing,” because I really relate to that word. It’s so human. And we are often directed away from our longings as a form of dissatisfaction or indication of a problem, but they actually are really powerful and important at softening. CP: You know, it’s interesting, if we look at what you were saying, that we modify our path in response to our reality, which, with this approach, I love, because it just speaks of a certain resiliency. Kind of like the aikido approach—something’s coming at you, and [you] just kind of work with it and move it. SP: I think, honesty, that is a…

Full show notes at the publisher

Second Firsts: A Path to Deep and Lasting Joy with Christina Rasmussen Sep 29, 2014

Show notes

Today my guest is Christina Rasmussen.

Christina Rasmussen is a bestselling author, speaker and philanthropist on a crusade to change the way we live after loss. As the founder of Second Firsts and Life Starters both organizations to help people create a pathway back to life after loss, Christina has helped thousands of people rebuild, reclaim, and re-launch their lives using the power of the human mind. Her book of the same name — Second Firsts: Live, Laugh, and Love Again— is helpful not just for loss, but for all periods of transition in our lives.

In today’s episode, Christina and I spoke about:

The loss that she has experienced in her life and the new duality she learned about the grieving process
The dangers of becoming comfortable in “The Waiting Room” after loss/transition and how to come out of it
The difference between Transformational Lessons Learned Vs. Unwanted Mapping of brain patterns, and how to avoid the latter
Can you experience transformation without grief or loss?
Advice she has for those who are emerging out of challenging transitions

Tune in and listen to “Second Firsts: A Path to Deep and Lasting Joy” with the joyful and strong: Christina Rasmussen.

Subscribe to the Emerging Women podcast on iTunes.

And please be sure to rate us while you’re there!

The Power of Friendship: Cultivating a Healthy, Happy and Meaningful Life with Shasta Nelson Sep 20, 2014

Show notes

Today my guest is Shasta Nelson. Shasta Nelson is a life coach and CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com (the only online community that matches new friends offline by connecting women to other local women seeking friendship in 35 cities across the US). Shasta is the author of the book, Friendships Don’t Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends. As a former preacher, she still brings her spirited and soulful voice to every presentation and anyplace else where people are seeking healthier and more meaningful relationships. In today’s episode, Shasta and I spoke about: How friendship can change the world Friendships as another outlet for intimacy The indicators of a strong friendship The advantages and challenges with distance friendships Friendships in business Subscribe to the Emerging Women podcast on iTunes. Transcript Chantal Pierrat: Hello, and welcome, Shasta! Shasta Nelson: Thank you so much! Happy to be here. CP: I’m happy to have you. I’m just remembering the last time we were on a call. I think it was a couple of weeks ago. I felt like within five minutes that I was talking to somebody who was very soon going to become my best friend. I don’t know how you do it, but we just kept going. And even now, before the podcast, with our few minutes, I felt like I wanted to continue that conversation. SN: Oh, I would love it! CP: Yes, you just have a natural knack for friendship that I appreciate. SN: Well, thank you. I think highly of you, too, because it takes two to connect and be present and show up. CP: Right. Well, this is a subject that’s so important to me and near and dear to my heart. And when I was preparing for this, one of the things [I saw] on your website that really struck me was your tagline. It says, “I have a theory that friendship can save the world.” Maybe you can start and just tell us what you mean by that. SN: Yes. I look around at—well, I come from a very religious background. I used to be a pastor. And in that world, we seek a lot of spiritual practices and going to church and reading the Bible. And then, of course, being here in San Francisco, it’s a lot more ashrams and yoga and so many different spiritual traditions that are just so rich and beautiful. And one of the things I think about when I am every guiding anyone through anything or watching them do that is, “To what purpose are we doing that for?” In the Christian tradition, we always say that it is because we want to become more loving or more like God. In other traditions, we might use different words, but it’s really to become more enlightened and to become more at peace and to be more in love and to recognize our connections to each other. And so when you are doing all these practices, it’s really for the purpose of engaging with each other and seeing each other and the value of each other, and recognizing the spark of God and the image of God in each other. So in my opinion, the friendships are where—that’s the gymnasium, that’s where we actually practice, that’s where we actually get to practice doing what we’re trying to become. So for me, I challenge people. I don’t care if you’re praying all day; if it’s not making you a more loving person, I question what the point of that prayer is. And I question whether it’s working in your life. It’s really our friendships that we actually are—yes, I would call it the gymnasium. It’s the gymnasium for our soul. It’s the place where we get to practice forgiveness. It’s one thing to talk about it, [but] that’s where we get to practice doing it with people we’re in relationship with. That’s where I get to practice cheering for women. Even if I’m jealous of them and they have things I want, that’s where I get to practice compassion with the people who might make choices different than what I think is the right choice for them. So it’s really in our friendships that we have the opportunity to practice being the people that this world needs. And when I look at politics and I look at the wars that we’re fighting around this world, we’re all very judgmental and we’re all very quick to say, “So-and-so’s doing it wrong,” and, “This politician, blah, blah, blah.” And I think this is why we have to practice it with the people in our circles, so that if I can’t practice doing it with my friend down the street who parents differently than I do, or where we can get triggered—if I can’t do it with these women, then how in the world can I do it for people who live on the other side of the world, who think differently, who believe differently, who act differently? And how do I expect other people to be doing that if I can’t show up and be practicing that? To me, this is what it all comes down to. It’s how we’re treating each other and who we’re becoming in the process. So yes, I think friendships are the training ground for becoming the people that we claim we want to be. CP: Right. Well, here’s a question for you: don’t you think we chose our friends—and maybe this is what you’re trying to get out of, but I’m thinking, “I don’t want to be friends with someone if they’re not on the same page,” or, “I don’t want to be friends with someone if they don’t see things the way I see [them] or if they don’t live their life in the way that I’m living my life.” Is that a pattern that you’re trying to break through these circles and connecting people? Do you advise against that, in a way? SN: That’s a great question, and actually, I teach that there’s five different levels of friendship, five different circles of friendship. So for me, it’s recognizing that each of those levels requires a different level of vulnerability and showing up and being present. In my opinion, we can be friendly to everybody, and the more casual the relationship, the more we get to practice loving people who are very different from us, who are in a very different place than we are. And as we start building a mutual relationship, certainly the people that you’re revealing your heart at—who are what I would call far right on the continuum, from far left to far right, far right is the most intimate and consistent relationship. Certainly, on the far right, we need people that we have proven mutual love and maturity with. But even there, I would say I’m finding a pattern of a lot of women walking away from relationships when they’re annoyed or when somebody does things differently or when we get our feelings hurt. We know from relationship patterns and behaviors and growth stages of relationships, actually going through some conflict is really more intimate and more bonding for a relationship. We know that from our marriages. If we walked away from our marriages as quickly—or even a dating relationship, we won’t even say marriage. But we are much more willing to fight it out, much more willing to show up and be honest there. We’re much more willing to say, “Hey, you know, this is not working for me.” In our relationships, when we’re dating, we will put up with quite a bit, but I’ve never heard, really, a situation where they just drift apart or break up and neither person really heard from the other person or anything like that. But we do that with our girlfriends all the time. We just let it get awkward and we just start pulling away, and I think there’s a missed moment there for some growth and for an opportunity to ask for what we need and to speak our power [more clearly] and our offering and our contribution. So it’s a mix. I’m not advocating that people should have unhealthy people around them at all, but I am advocating that I think part of mature relationships—and most women are not building the level of deep relationships they say they want. And one of the reasons that’s happening is because we’re not saying with people long enough and being intimate long enough to actually get to that place where we crave having. We want those close, meaningful relationships, but we don’t want them to be awkward at all at any time, and they will be. CP: I just think of what’s happened, this whole nuclear family concept—which has always been a myth outside of our culture—but what that’s done to isolate us. I know this is happening with men, too, but especially with women, you’re in your marriage and you feel like, “OK, that’s where I’m putting all my work.” And yet, there’s so much juice to be had through friendships, but there’s sort of this rewiring we have to do. Because the friendships are the ones that are, “Oh, well, no, I’m not going to take anything. I’m walking away.” I think you’re right in that there’s a trend of just really giving up so easily because we don’t give it the same credence as we do the marriage. Where are you going to go in the marriage? The only place is divorce. So that’s a higher hurdle than just simply not returning a phone call with a friend. And I think what you’re introducing is a shift around looking at friendships as another outlet for intimacy and not just keeping intimacy in the marriage. And I’m wondering—I know you have a term for this. I’m going to let you introduce it, I can’t pronounce it, “friendimacy.” Tell me about that. SN: Yes, “friendimacy” is a combination of “friendship” and “intimacy,” and I use that word because every time I talk about intimacy, people’s brains immediately went to sexual intimacy. And we really don’t use the word very often, so I was like, “OK, we’ve got to find a new way of saying this.” Because intimacy is not just physical intimacy. There’s a showing up. I describe intimacy as a vulnerability, or a revealing, or a willingness to show up with less and less [of a] filter with somebody. So it’s a level a trust that we’re building, and really, as humans, I believe that’s what we’re craving. I believe that’s what we ultimately want. We want to feel like somebody’s looking at us, knows us, and says, “You’re enough.” That’s what all of us are—if you go back, almost all of our core, fundamental fears [are about] the feeling of we’re not being enough and we do various things to try to prove that we are. But in my opinion, that level of intimacy takes a lot of time. A statistic that’s of interest is that half of our close friends—we’re losing half of our close friends every seven years. And when I say that upfront when I’m speaking, at first you can see the look of dubiousness in everyone’s eyes, like, “I don’t think that’s true.” And I say, “Think about if you were getting married today”—because that’s one of the events where we pull a close group of friends around us, we call them bridesmaids—“think about who you would pick, if you were picking five or six women to be your bridesmaids today, who would be those women? And would they be different if you had done that seven years ago?” And when I say that, you suddenly see this look in everyone’s eyes, like, “Oh my goodness, I didn’t even know two or three of the people that I would invite right now in my life seven years ago.” And chances are just as high that seven years from now, if you were to invite five or six women to stand up with you, you may not yet know one or two of them even now, or they may not be your close friends. So we have a shifting going on, and I think that’s normal, and I think that’s healthy. I’m a big fan of recognizing that not every friendship needs to last forever. In fact, only one in twelve of our friends really do go through life with us. So I’m a big fan of not feeling guilty if your friendship’s not lasting forever. And with that said, being intentional about hanging on to the friends that we want to hang on to and going through some of that conflict [is important] to make sure we build that intimacy. Because that takes time, and if we’re moving every couple of years, if we’re changing jobs every couple of years, if our relationships revolve around our kids’ lives and they’re switching schools and switching activities every couple of years, you can start seeing where you would have a big network now and a lot of people but still feel incredibly lonely and not have the intimacy and the support system in place that you crave. So it’s a big issue to really look at and say, “I need to know that I have some friends who get me where I’m at right now, but I also need some friends whose lives don’t have to mirror mine. We’re going to keep journeying through life and be close and vulnerable and show up with each other.” CP: Yes. I love that concept, because the owner and the founder of—no longer the owner of—Zappos is this guy Tony Shay, and in his book he talks about, really, for your business, you want to go for advice on your business or you want to learn more about your business, it’s really smart to go outside your industry. Because the diversity and the creativity that you can apply from a different industry into your own often yields better results. It’s just a way of thinking outside the box. So having friends that are not exactly a mirror image of who we are, I can see how that can 1) put us out of our comfort zone, but 2) be beneficial in that it would challenge us in different ways. I mean, I have so many friends that are so loyal to me that would never call me on anything because they just love me so much. And I don’t know if that’s always such a good think. Of course, it’s great. [Laughs] SN: [Laughs] There’s always that tricky line. I love what you’re saying, because research actually shows that we are not very good predictors of who we’re going to bond with, and I think this is fascinating. There are many studies of us thinking that, “OK, if I’m Republican, if I’m Democrat, I probably need somebody who’s got the same world view. That is so important, we have to have similar values. If I’m a mom, just convenience-wise, I need someone else who gets it.” And we kind of think that we know who we will bond with. And the research shows that we actually really don’t bond any more with somebody who has the same religion or political background that we do. It is no more of a predictor of whether we will bond than if we both found out we grew up in Illinois, or we both found out we like Madonna, or—the research actually says—if we just both found out we like broccoli. That is as powerful a predictor of our bond as both of us being moms or both of us being single or both of us being moms with special needs kids. So we think about what we walk around thinking we need, and we’re pretty quick to dismiss other women because we will sit there and be like, “Oh, she dresses like that, she’s probably that income bracket, or cares about fashion differently than I do, or she’s a mom.” We quickly are like, “Oh, we have nothing in common.” And the truth of the matter is those are three or four very superficial things that we’re looking at, and those are no more of a predictor—they say that actually, and this is funny for you and I with more unusual names, they say it would be the same if you’re walking around saying, “I really can only be friends with other moms or other single girls” or whatever you feel like you are, they say that would be the same as walking around saying, “I really can only be friends with people who have my name.” And I think about that. I think some of us would be some very lonely people in the world if that was one of our beliefs. [Laughs] It would be me with like a thousand dogs! [Laughs] So we create this story of who we think we need to create a bond with, but every single one of us has evidence in our brain—it’s one of the exercises I have women do in workshops, [to] name somebody in your life who you actually bonded with who’s actually very different from you. And it’s usually somebody that you worked with, because if you just met them, you probably would have not given them the chance to know them, but you worked with them, so you saw them every day and you became very close friends. She could be 20 years older than you, she could have five more kids than you, she could be completely different from you and yet you became good friends. Or it’s somebody w…

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Move the Crowd with Rha Goddess Sep 11, 2014

Show notes

Today my guest is Rha Goddess, founder of Move the Crowd. Rha is a cultural innovator and social entrepreneur who brings over two decades of transformational “crowd rockin’” in the name of social change. As a world renowned performing artist and activist, her work has been internationally featured in several compilations, anthologies, forums and festivals. In her 30+ year tenure as a creative organizer Rha has shaped the face of racial justice and equality, electoral politics, offender aid and restoration, mental health and youth and young women’s empowerment. Rha Goddess was a featured presenter at the fantastic Emerging Women May 2014 Power Party in New York, NY. In today’s episode, Rha and I spoke about: Her work with Move The Crowd and how she is creating a league of extraordinary creative entrepreneurs What she means by culture, and how our culture is shifting to a more collective, creative and diverse expression Working with the ‘Global Diaspora’ Limiting beliefs common among entrepreneurs and her 6 steps for working with them And finally, her sage advice for the Emerging Women everywhere Subscribe to the Emerging Women podcast on iTunes. Transcript Chantal Pierrat: You’re listening to Grace and Fire, brought to you by Emerging Women. Today my guest is Rha Goddess. Rha is a cultural innovator and social entrepreneur who brings over two decades of transformational “crowd rockin’” in the name of social change. As a world-renowned performing artist and activist, her work has been internationally featured in several compilations, anthologies, forums, and festivals. In her 30+ year tenure as a creative organizer, Rha has shaped the face of racial justice and equality, electoral politics, offender aid and restoration, mental health, and youth and young women’s empowerment. With Emerging Women, Rha Goddess was a featured presenter at the fantastic May 2014 Power Party in New York, NY. In today’s episode, Rha and I spoke about: her work with Move The Crowd and how she’s creating a league of extraordinary creative entrepreneurs; culture, what she means by culture, and how our culture is shifting to a more collective, creative, and diverse expression; working with the global diaspora; limiting beliefs common among entrepreneurs and her six steps for working with them; and finally, her sage advice for Emerging Women everywhere. Here’s my conversation, “Move the Crowd,” with the strong and powerful Rha Goddess. Hello, and welcome, Rha Goddess! How are you? Rha Goddess: I’m well, so well. Thank you so much for having me. CP: Every time I talk to you, I smile and laugh before we even say anything. Why is that? [Laughs] RG: I feel the same way! [Laughs] I feel the same way. I just think it’s the kindredness, you know? [Laughs] CP: Yes! I’m just always so inspired by your spirit, which is interesting because you are an amazing business woman. You have this business called Move The Crowd—which we’re going to talk a little bit more about, and your philosophy—but you’re also a poet, a writer, a performer—a slam poet, nonetheless. In fact I was talking to one of our speakers, Dominique Christina, who’s the Women [of the] World Slam Poetry Champion two years in a row, and she said you started this whole thing! That you actually created this women’s slam poetry genre. And I’ve heard a couple people say that. RG: I don’t know if I created it, Chantal, but I will say that I’ve had the privilege of being one of the early players in the field, and I’m so blown away to see the way that the movement has blossomed, certainly over the last 15+ years. And Dominique is world-class in every sense of the world. I’m so happy that you all are continuing to engage her through Emerging Women, and again, I adore her. Amazing, amazing. CP: Yes, you know, it’s curious that you are, as an artist, as an activist, a humanitarian—usually when people are humanitarian, they’re sort of creative types. They don’t actually start companies that help people build businesses. It’s not a natural paring, or maybe it is. Maybe it is and this is the future of business. So maybe you could talk a little bit about your history and how you came to be starting Move The Crowd and to be a leader in this genre. RG: Absolutely. And before we sort of move off to the creative thing, I think there’s a little bit of a mythology out there in the assumption that all creators are not entrepreneurial or all artists are not entrepreneurial. Artists are incredibly disciplined individuals. And you have to be, right? If you just think about, listening to Dominique, read her work, and what it [takes] to bring that level of lyrical brilliance, right? It’s three minutes, right, or five minutes or less. It takes incredible discipline and incredible fortitude to be able to do that. So as much as I know we joke and often we talk about it in the context of our work that’s created as well. We have this perception of not being entrepreneurial or not being so disciplined in ways that would lend themselves to our entrepreneurship. It’s actually quite the reverse. For me, Move The Crowd is really an integration of everything I’ve done over the last three decade, three-plus decades. The company combines my passion for leadership development, for economic empowerment and personal growth with my commitment to cultural innovation and vital transformations. This was everything I loved in one place. And the mission of the work is really to leverage this movement aimed at fostering a new way of handing our business, and that’s what’s most exciting to me. I agree with you that it’s not necessarily a normal thing you would see on an artistic resume, but what I will say is that as an artist, I have always been dedicated, committed to, and at work around culture. And capitalism is a culture. [Laughs] We talk a lot about it as an economic system, but it also is a culture. So culture shifting has always been a part of my work. So in that sense, I’m actually right at home fostering this new way of doing business. CP: I’m interested—what do you mean by “culture”? It’s such an interesting word. Is it community? Is it arts? What is it? RG: That’s a great question. So part of what we know about culture in the sort of traditional sense are rituals, customs, ceremony, food—these different dimensions of how we move in our lives. But it also is attitude, beliefs, perceptions, lexicon, behavior. And when we talk about shifting culture, those are the places that we really go to work. And within the landscape of rituals and customs and traditions, there are certain things that foster and liven and empower communities, and there are certain things that challenge and disempower and disenfranchise communities. And there are rituals and customs and traditions that operate in that way as well. And so when I think about culture, it really is about the celebration of our humanity and it is about strengthening the kinds of traditions that enable more of us to thrive from a global perspective. CP: And then, when you say “culture shifting,” what do you think we’re shifting out of and into right now, as a culture of business leaders and entrepreneurs? RG: It’s interesting because I think we can speak about it in the entrepreneurial context, but I actually think there’s a larger global shift happening for us as a global community. And I describe it as one of moving out of the age of celebrity and into the age of citizen. CP: Ha, yes! And not a moment too soon! RG: Right, right! And what we know about the age of celebrity is it’s been a lot about iconizing and idolizing people and certain types of behavior and certain ways of operating in the world. It’s been a culture that has bred an incredible level of disparity, the haves and the have-nots, the beautiful people and the not-beautiful people, the worthy folks and the not-worthy folks. We can go on and on and on, and it’s really bred, underneath it, these cultural wounds of scarcity and separation. And I believe that the shift is into the age of citizen. I believe that more everyday people are far less interested in watching celebrities unravel and are much more interested in figuring out how they make their own unique brand of contribution to the planet. I think this new age is less about personal upward mobility and more about quality of contribution, and how do we not just have the right to “succeed,” but how we have the right to make a difference. And that is what I believe we are now organizing ourselves around in this new cultural paradigm. CP: And when you say “the age of the citizen,” and talking about being able to express our uniqueness, are you talking about that also in terms of—because what I’m seeing is a lot more [of a] collective, relationship-based movement, as well. Is there room for that in this expression of the citizen? Or is it more— RG: Absolutely. I think the fundamental opportunity of this new age is about unifying. But I do think that within that, understanding, what is it that we each have to offer? What is it that we each have to bring that makes a collaboration so exciting and so important and so necessary and possible? So it’s this combination of, how do we work together, how do we understand—you know, if you think about any of our indigenous traditions, there were women who brought the tomatoes, there were women who brought the corn, there were women who brought the beans. Do you know what I mean? That was what made the stew possible, the beauty and the brilliance of our uniqueness coming together in this collaborative way. CP: Yes, I feel like it’s something that is held in the feminine, that our expression, our personal, individual expression, is also rooted in impact and giving and connection to others. Whereas in the masculine, the individual expression has more of an individual purpose to it, which is wonderful as well, it’s just a very different feel. And I think that collective community—it feels like it’s definitely coming from this rise in the feminine and more of a different approach than we’ve had in the past. RG: It’s our gatherer energy. We are communal by nature. That has been—our role throughout the centuries has been to care for the tribe. So we’re always looking to the left and to the right [laughs] and it is ingrained in our being. CP: Tell us more about who you work with in Move The Crowd. I always thought that it was interesting that you seem to work with—and I’ll use this word—underrepresented clientele, people that are new to business, or a lot of people of color, younger people, Millennials. Tell us more about your clients and why you chose to work with them in particular. RG: It’s so interesting because I would say, Chantal, that we were the global diaspora, particularly of creative and cultural entrepreneurs who are looking to stay true, get paid, and do good. They’re looking to marry values with economic sustainability and social impact, societal impact. And I’m conscious about the reframe because I think that we as a nation are carried, still, from the very outdated perceptions about what the population of this nation looks like. It is rapidly changing, whether we are looking at the demographic shift that’s happening with Millennials right now, whether we are looking at what has been called Census 2050 and quickly changed to Census 2040, this idea of “majority minority,” and all of these conversations. But they’re all pointing to the fact that we are undergoing a rapid shift in terms of the makeup of our country. And I think that what we feel most proud about is that we get to help lead the way for more culturally relevant and creatively engaging professional development experiences. So we want to speak to the diaspora. It is our commitment to speak to the diaspora. And we also want to engage the multiple intelligences. So we’re not just interested in people from the neck up. [Laughs] We want the whole being involved in terms of how we engage. And our choice to work the creative and cultural entrepreneurs is because when we think about, again, this opportunity to really change the game and foster a new way of doing business in the world, we recognize that culture has been one of the landscapes that has been least activated and least touched. There’s been a lot around policy, there’s been a lot around regulation, there’s been a lot around some of the traditional organizing within the context of economic development. We think that that’s phenomenal work that’s been happening, but there hasn’t really been the cultural will to really look at, what does it take to foster an economy that can work for all people? And I think that’s our commitment. We want to serve people who carry that commitment and who want to build ventures enrich the planet, as opposed to take from it. CP: Right. It’s funny, I think the diaspora is going to shift. Sometimes when I look at some of these TV anchors and I’m just like, “Oh my God,” and they’re super conservative and they just seem so outdated. It’s funny to think that the people that you’re working with would be the diaspora, you know? It feels like the future. RG: Yes. It’s the future and the present, right? The face of the new America is wildly diverse. It is multifaceted. It is multicultural. It is multi-perspective. It is multidisciplinary. We are becoming so much more out-of-the-box, and I think it’s exciting. And our commitment to serve people who are playing on all of these edges is exciting to us. CP: And tell me a little bit more about what you mean when you say “move the crowd.” Movements—you know, just the concept of movement and how this plays into it. RG: You know, we say “move the crowd,” we mean just that. [Laughs] And it’s really about transforming the mythology that success only belongs to a chosen few. I believe personally that there’s far too much beauty, brilliance, intelligence, and magnificence in the world that we all can’t thrive. For me, in the age of the citizen, it is about providing opportunities where more people can achieve their own unique flavor of success. And again, like I said, I think it’s rooted in contribution and less in just personal acquisition. And so for me, this idea of demystifying success and this idea specifically supporting the creation of more passion-driven, value-centric, and economically sustainable businesses is really the name of the game for us. CP: You know, it’s just such a compelling name, and it make sense when you’re talking about cultural shifts. When I think of movements back in the ’60s and the ’70s, they all had a political agenda: “We need to change policy.” And I feel like movements now are more cultural, and that they are just as powerful as changing policy, if not more so because the perspective changes. And when the perspective changes, demand changes, the economy changes, as opposed to just—which, believe me, I’m so grateful for a lot of the policies and the laws that we have, so I don’t mean to say anything negative about what’s happened. But this concept of movement is shifting in a more of a cultural direction right now. That’s what I see. You’re in a really sweet spot here. RG: Thank you for saying that. And I do want to say humbly that we do feel that. I think, and this is [something] my beloved Alan Jenkins, who is the executive director of the opportunity agenda would say, we need to move hearts, minds, and policy. I think that we particularly see the hearts and minds piece coming from a context of culture. I agree with you that we also don’t want to take away from anything that’s come before us because I do think our movement builds on the legacy of work of people who are committed to triple-bottom-line businesses and people who are committed to a more just, harmonious, and sustainable planet. And I don’t think that that movement is new at all. There’s a long legacy of work that we’re building on there. But the other thing I will say I think is distinct about our movement in addition to the culture p…

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Leading with Purpose and Presence with Gabrielle Bernstein Sep 03, 2014

Show notes

Today my guest is Gabrielle Bernstein, the New York Times best-selling author of May Cause Miracles. Gabrielle Bernstein appears regularly as an expert on NBC’s Today Show, has been featured on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday as a next-generation thought leader, and was named “a new role model” by the New York Times. She is also the author of the books Add More ~ing to Your Life, Spirit Junkie and the new book Miracles Now (published in April 2014). Gabby is also the founder HerFuture.com, a social networking site for women to inspire, empower and connect – AND, she is a featured presenter at the 2014 Emerging Women Live Conference in New York City. In today’s episode, Gabrielle and I spoke about: What she means by: “Everything happens for a reason” Shining light on the darkness of fear with our sense of responsibility and purpose Working with affirmations and always showing up with presence Making forgiveness a practice Surrendering and letting the universe take over Tune in and listen to “Leading with Purpose and Presence” with the powerful and fierce: Gabrielle Bernstein. Subscribe to the Emerging Women podcast on iTunes. Transcript: Hi, and welcome, Gabby! Gabrielle Bernstein: Well, I’m happy to be here! It’s so wonderful. CP: I’m so excited that we’re talking and that you’re part of the Emerging Women lineup this year. GB: I cannot wait for that. CP: It’s going to be great. You know, it’s funny, when I was looking at your stuff, I came across a video of yours. And I was like, “Who is this person?” I was just sort of getting to know you, virtually—stalking you—and I pulled up a video, and I don’t know if I shared this with you or not, but you were speaking into the video and you were kind of leaning in and you were talking about, “Everything happens for a reason.” And you were almost like—you were fierce. And I’m like, “Wow, this woman’s fierce,” and you were like, “A book falls off your library shelf, and it means something!” And I was like, “This girl has got to be part of Emerging Women.” GB: [Laughs] CP: But can you really explain that? Does that really mean something, if a book falls off your library shelf? What do you mean by that? GB: We’re always being guided. We’re always receiving a tremendous amount of guidance. And the moment that we can say words like, “There has to be a better way,” or, “I’m not happy, I need help,” we sign an invisible contract with the universe, with God, with Spirit, whatever you believe in, and we say, “Show me what you’ve got. Show me a better way.” And those moments when we sign that sacred contract and accept that invitation, we open an invisible door to receive all of this guidance. And a tremendous amount of guidance comes through in very unique ways. One of the ways is [that] the book falls off the shelf! Or we see numbers in sequence, or we hear exactly what we needed to hear from a friend who is just divinely placed to tell us that story we needed to receive. And so all of that guidance is coming to us and is always available to us. We just have to open up our awareness to receive it. CP: And every single thing is meant to be in this way. Everything that happens is communication from the universe? GB: Yes, we’re always in communication with the universe, at all times. I genuinely believe that if we’re in a low vibration with negative thoughts, negative actions, and poor eating behaviors and addictive patterns, then we’re just having the low-level conversation with the universe, and we’re attracted towards us what’s funky out there. Whereas, it’s quite the same the opposite [way]: when we’re in a higher-level state, in a higher-level conversation and intention, we are in a conversation that’s very empowering with the universe. And that’s when we start to receive that guidance that we so need, and that’s when we start to receive the resources that we need, and that’s when we start to receive the support that we need and the doors that open for us, and a real flow of energy starts to come into our [lives]. CP: Is that the purpose of the book Miracles Now, to get to the point where we are—because we’re not always in that heightened state, right? GB: Yes. Definitely one of the purposes of the book. So one of the main purposes of the book is to de-stress and create more flow. So the high purpose of this book is to give people very simple “do them now,” tangible tools that they can access at any time to reorganize their energy, shift their perceptions, move their beliefs around a bit, and bring them back to that higher-level presence. And as they start to elevate their presence on a moment-to-moment basis, they start to experience a completely different reaction and response from them world. So that is our responsibility: our happiness, our experiences, our livelihood [are] our [responsibilities]. And we must take [them] very seriously, and we must take the necessary action steps to really support ourselves energetically so that we can have that flow in our [lives]. CP: Now, I want to get into the book. I have some favorites that I want to talk about—you have 108 techniques to increase the flow, to remove blocks, to release fear, and I want to go through some of those because I think it just really speaks to the work. And you have certain themes that are running through. But before we do that, it is rare to find someone so early in their career so—I keep using the word “fierce” because that’s what I get from you. It’s so funny because when I look at your picture, it’s not what I see, but when I hear your material, your content comes through very passionately and like a laser. And I’m curious to see if you could just give us a little background. How did you come to this level of depth and focus and commitment so early in your life? GB: I’ve been teaching these practices since 2005. So for almost a decade now, I have been a spiritual teacher. I’ve been a spiritual student my whole life. I was brought up in a home—I was brought up by a yogi metaphysician mother, who brought me in and out of ashrams and taught me to meditate as a child. So this dialogue and this conversation, this type of content, was always very present in my awareness and in my life. And then I turned my back on it for a while, and then when I was 25 years old, I hit a big bottom. I had a quarter-life crisis, and I really had that turning point of looking at my life. I was stuck in drug addiction and love addiction and work addiction, and pretty screwed up at that time. But I had spiritual seeds that had been planted, so I knew that there was a better way. So at that point, I chose to shift gears. I got sober at that time, and then picked up my spiritual roots and my meditation practice, and have been cultivating a great inner awareness ever since. So the fierceness that you are speaking of, I believe, is really just my commitment to God and my commitment to Spirit and my commitment to a world beyond our physical site. I am at a place in my own spiritual awareness that I genuinely believe—and this isn’t for everybody, so if a listener that’s hearing this is taken out by this, I apologize, but it’s my truth—that we chose our bodies and our experiences so that we can come back and learn great lessons so that we can teach them. And so I’m going to do whatever I can with this physical presence that I’ve been given so that I can be an extension of the truth that I have learned. And that fierceness comes because I have such a strong conviction with what it is that I teach, and I know this is the time when we deeply need these tools and principles to balance out the energy of these time. So I feel a tremendous amount of responsibility to be a messenger and to choose love. CP: I love the loudness of your message. Please don’t hold back—not that you would, doesn’t sound like you’re going to—during this interview, because we really want to feel you. It’s interesting that you talk a lot about choosing love, and again, you just said we choose what our lessons are for this world and this lifetime. And that is kind of a hot topic, when people have very intense tragedies that happen to them and they’re trying to make sense of, “God, did I bring this on myself?” Can you talk a little bit about that since it is so hot, and see if you can help us really understand what you’re saying when you say that we choose that which shows up in our lives? GB: I believe that some of us have been dealt more difficult decks of cards, right? Some of us may have been given very difficult circumstances. But we have our specific examples, such as Gandhi or Nelson Mandela or people who have overcome great, great, great trauma to only step out and become great leaders. So I think that in those instances where you may individually feel like a victim or feel like you have really just been dealt this really crappy deck of cards, why don’t you turn to your predecessors who have been the voices and the leaders who have come before us and ignited that in you, and recognized that Mandela within you, and recognized that the other person is you, that you have the capacity to really step out in that greatness and, through your own healing and your own practice of perceiving love and your own practice of forgiveness and your own spiritual experience, you can be a guide, too. So that, I think, is one of those clear ways to look at some of the difficult ways that we show up for life. But ultimately, so much of what happens—whether it be a traumatic experience that’s very, very, very scary or a traumatic experience that may be somewhat simple—we have an option in both situations. We can lean on the spiritual principles of forgiveness and we can lean on our desire to change our perceptions, and we can use prayer and meditation as a mechanism for healing. Or we can be angry. We can be resentful. We can carry that anger and victim mentality around with us for decades. And those are the choices that we make. By no means am I saying that we should spiritually bypass our discomfort. I believe that a lot of the healing that we must go through comes through feeling our feelings and going to the depths of those feelings. I’m being trained to teach Emotional Freedom Technique, which is otherwise known as tapping, and [you learn to] just feel it, to just go there and feel it. And then as you feel it, you will heal, and in that healing you can come out the other side. CP: Let’s talk a little bit about fear, because it just seems like that is such a paralyzing force. And in order to get the flow going and to actually feel like I’m open to the messages of the universe, sometimes I myself feel like I can get completely stuck in this fear zone. Why is it that you focus on fear? It seems to be that I’m not the only one. But what is it about that fear and love, opposites, that feels juicy for you in this book? GB: You know, I think that fear is one of the main, main stories and main reasons that we block that presence of power, we block our greatness. And a huge message throughout the book that I think really combats fear in a big way is that the book is also set up like a teacher’s manual. It’s designed in such a way that, as the author, I’m empowering the reader to master the lessons in their own life so they can be an expression of those truths. And so when we take on the responsibility of becoming a teacher, in whatever form that means for us—not necessarily meaning that we have to go get a [mega loan] or just go write a book, but being a teacher to our children, or being a teacher to our co-workers, or being a teacher to our loved ones. When we accept that call, what happens is that we have this really interesting relationship to fear where we have to look at our fear and say, “Well, I’ve got work to do, fear, and that’s my responsibility, that’s my purpose, that’s my intention, and I’m choosing not to let this energy stand in the way.” When we start to have a greater sense of responsibility and purpose, that can shine so much light on that darkness. And I also believe that we have to be in the process of unlearning and remembering. So [what] I’m learning this year is that we chose to believe in our children and we chose to pick up and we chose to carry on, and remember the love and the light that we are. And that unlearning and remembering comes to us also in many different forms. For some people, they needed to become a student and a follower of Emerging Women and they learned from the teachings that you provide. Or some people might start reading my book. Or some people might find a Buddhist path. Whatever spiritual path you are lead to, that is your opportunity to go through the process of unlearning and remembering. So when you find that guidance to that path, show up for it and use the tools that you are given. CP: I think at some point in the book, or I’ve heard you say this in your material, that fear and love are opposites, and it’s not necessarily so obvious when one thinks about that. What’s the interplay between fear and love? GB: I’m a student and a teacher of a metaphysical text called A Course in Miracles. And A Course in Miracles teaches that fear and love cannot coexist, that one is the opposite of the other. And where there is love, it will cast out all fear. And so the fear that we choose is the separation from love, the disconnect from love. When we start to bring that loving perspective back in, we remember that fear is no longer real. So that’s a practice. It’s a practice, and it’s a commitment. It’s a reprogramming and it’s a mind training, which is really what A Course in Miracles is. It’s a mind training. And so these lessons comes to us as we open our minds to receive guidance. CP: And when you say “love,” what kind of love? Are you thinking self-love or love for others? Love in general, for the universe? GB: Love, in this case, being the presence of inspiration, the presence of intuition, the presence of an empowering voice within, the presence of God, if you understand what that means to you. And so we need to get to a place where we start to raise our relationship to that voice. I wrote Miracles Now for the people—because, through my own 10 years now of [going] through this unlearning and remembering, I have been in a process of moving from one point [of] living in darkness and then having fleeting moments of light to now living in the light with fleeting moments of darkness. So my hope and my intention for my readers is to, through these tools and practices, live one moment at a time in more and more light, so that their experiences—that they too live in the light with those fleeting moments of darkness. And so that, once again, comes with our commitment and our conviction. And A Course in Miracles says that these miracles arise out of conviction. So it’s our conviction that brings forth that truth and those miracles and that commitment to love. And that voice of love starts to be raised, the volume of that voice starts to be raised and amplified, and the volume of that fear-based voice starts to become weaker and smaller and softer. CP: Do you feel that, as you continue to practice this, that—and it sounds like this has happened in your own life—fear actually takes on a different texture and a feeling? That it becomes more, I don’t know, subtle or harder to identify? GB: Yes, I think that’s exactly right. People will say, “Well, do you still get fearful?” The answer is, “Of course I do,” but I don’t believe in that fear anymore. Is the fear there? Yes. But do I believe in it? No. And that’s a big, big, big deal. That’s a big deal. CP: So it’s just there, and you experience it, but it’s not running your life or you’re not paralyzed and you’re moving through it? GB: Yes, that’s exactly right. Yes. CP: It just seems like a lot of things are fear. I guess this is what I’m trying to get at. It seems, when you think about it, anxiety is fear, stress is fear, self-doubt—it seems like that fear is such a big part of— GB: Yes, so whenev…

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Crazy, Sexy Woman with Kris Carr Aug 13, 2014

Show notes

Today my guest is Kris Carr, the New York Times and #1 Amazon best-selling author, speaker and wellness activist. Kris Carr is the subject and director of the documentary Crazy Sexy Cancer which aired on TLC and The Oprah Winfrey Network. Kris is also the author of the award-winning Crazy Sexy book series. Her latest books, Crazy Sexy Diet and Crazy Sexy Kitchen, will change the way you live, love and eat! Kris was a Keynote Speaker at the 2014 Emerging Women Live Conference in New York City. In today’s episode, Kris and I spoke about: What exactly is well-being, and how this can be different for different people How the flow of grace and fire has affected her life and using happiness as her guide Her shift from Health Guru to Women’s Emergence and Empowerment The feminine component of resiliency Using sexy as a strength that women can draw from Tune in and listen to “Crazy, Sexy Woman” with the Crazy Sexy: Kris Carr. Subscribe to the Emerging Women podcast on iTunes. Transcript: Hello, and welcome, Kris Carr! Kris Carr: Thanks for having me! Hi! CP: Hi! And I’m reaching you here now in Woodstock, right? KC: That’s right. I’m at home in Woodstock, New York. CP: Gosh. That sounds so amazing to live in. I mean, I live in Boulder, I think it might be a little similar, but I think it’s more rural out there, correct? KC: Yes. We’re very similar. We just have much smaller mountains. When I came out to visit Boulder, I was like, “This has the same Woodstock vibe. It really does.” CP: Yes. Except isn’t Woodstock really small? KC: It’s very tiny, yes. Very tiny. CP: Yes, I just picture you—on your website you have an image of yourself in an old, old truck holding a green drink. KC: [Laughs] CP: I’m just like, that’s the life! You know? KC: That’s what we try to do out here in the woods. CP: Right? So your first book—I remember when it came out several years ago—is called Crazy Sexy Cancer. And I know what’s crazy about cancer, and I’m hoping that you can tell us all what’s sexy about cancer. KC: [Laughs] We’ll get to the short answer first. There’s nothing sexy about cancer. For me, Crazy Sexy Cancer came from two things: 1) there were mass emails that I would send friends and family, they were “Crazy Sexy Cancer” updates. And this [was] my way of showing my very frightened crew—because I was diagnosed with an incurable stage 4 cancer that had started in my liver and had spread to both my lungs. This was my way to update them and let them know that I still had my sense of humor, I still was the same irreverent girl, and that I wasn’t going to let cancer define me. It was an important step for me to kind of poke fun at cancer, not take it all so seriously. It was also really helpful for the people going through the experience with me. Not everybody has that same experience, but that was my lifeline. And then later, as my journey continued to unfold and the years continued to go by with cancer, and certainly when I kind of came on the scene in a much bigger way, I used “Crazy Sexy Cancer” almost like as a definition. And it’s a bit insane, so here we go: “crazy,” for me, that’s out of the box, forward thinking. It’s that kind of speak when somebody says, “Oh, that will never happen, that’s crazy,” and then you and I and everybody listening says, “Really? Watch us.” “Sexy” is empowering, and “cancer” is “teacher.” For me, cancer is my teacher. And so that really has been my way of going through this process, but also teaching others that are interested in my philosophy how to create a map for themselves. CP: Now, there’s a lot of people, I’m sure, listening to this that haven’t read your book and they don’t know your background, but you actually were diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, am I correct? KC: Correct. That’s right. CP: And it seems that when we look at you and your career has exploded, of course, that one could deduce that you’re doing really well and that you’ve recovered. And yet—we’ve had a conversation—you’re actually not recovered from the cancer. KC: Correct! CP: Correct. I want to jump into that, because offline we were having that discussion, [and] we want to be really clear to people that you haven’t recovered and yet, we started talking about what is recovery? What is wellness? What is feeling well and well-being in the world, and what standard is this being measured against? Especially when we’re talking about cancer. And I’m curious to see if we can open up with that, if you could enlighten us having not recovered from cancer and yet doing fairly—one would look at you, and I don’t know if I’m projecting, and say, “That’s a healthy woman.” KC: [Laughs] Well, thank you. CP: And a sexy woman! KC: I’ll take that projection, thank you very much. You know, it’s a great question, so let’s see if we can unpack it in layers. For people who don’t really know a lot about my story, I was diagnosed with this very rare cancer. And we’ve been tracking me for about 11 years now, almost 12, and I’ll be tracked for the rest of my life. When I was first diagnosed it was every two months. Now it’s every year and a half I go get a CAT scan. And the thing about the sarcoma that I have is that it can be slow-moving, but it can also be aggressive, and it can start slow-moving and become aggressive. So all these different things can happen with this teacher that I have. And for me, it’s been about learning to live while still having an end-stage disease. There was a time when I really wanted to be cured. Even when I was first starting out, I’d gone over and my career was exploding and I was feeling better because I was doing all of these different lifestyle practices. I was a fast-food junky, standard American diet queen, stress junky—very similar to other people’s stories. I just didn’t know my story would be—the cherry on top of it would be this diagnosis. And so when I started to make big shifts—like moving to Woodstock, leaving my last career, learning how to take care of myself, taking cooking classes—my life got a lot better. And my health got better. Certainly my immune system got stronger. There had been times when I’d seen a reduction in tumor size. But there was a part of me that was still going for this goal. I love goals. I’m a type A driven, ambitious, thriver in all aspects of my life. So in the beginning when I took cancer head on that way, I think it was good for me. Because as the time went on, I realized that it actually was not good for me. I was doing all of these things for the wrong reason. And I was putting impossible goals on my shoulders. I’d go to these scans, and everybody would be happy but me. Everybody would be happy but me! So about a couple years ago, I decided to really shift that. And that’s when I began deeply exploring for myself, “What is it to truly accept yourself? To love all parts of you, even the parts of you that, on paper, are diseased and really scary.” And it wasn’t an overnight success with that. There [were] a lot of tiers, a lot of [feelings] of failure. I think I felt more like I was dying then than I ever did when I heard I was diagnosed. Because a part of me was dying. This really ambitious, driven, goal-oriented, get-my-old-life-back-no-matter-how-uncomfortable-that-was, that part of me was dying. That part of me was a big part of my identity. So as I move toward answering your question—“What is it to be well?”—I think every single person has a different definition for that. But it isn’t always the absence of disease. In my mind, it’s the presence of vitality. It’s the presence of vitality, and that vitality is physical vitality, which may come and go, and when it’s on the down side, that’s when we have to put our attention. But it’s also mental, emotional, and spiritual vitality. That’s what wellness really is. And I didn’t get that until I was much more mature and into my 11th year of living with cancer. I read it. I wrote it. I didn’t get it. CP: Are you talking about—when I hear “vitality,” I think energy and [how] I feel about the physical body. But you alluded to a spiritual vitality and an emotional vitality. Are those all connected? KC: Well, for me, they’re different, but they are connected. We can’t separate them. That’s what Western medicine does. It cuts us all up, it looks under a microscope, it separates everything and never gets to the root. So in my life experience, that sort of mental/emotional vitality is, “What’s holding me back? What’s keeping me stuck? What are the parts of my life?” Or maybe even going into some of my darkness, my limiting beliefs, the pain that I may have from, let’s say, not forgiving somebody, and really putting some energy there. Because as these energetic beings—and certainly for me, I’m very mindful of my energy, because my energy can dip when I’m not feeling well. “But what’s not feeling well? Well, where is it coming from, Kris? Where is the source?” And if it happens to be some sort of emotional or mental blockage that I’m feeling, then that’s where I’m going to put that energy. For me, the spiritual side of that is really—spirit, to me, is a community. It’s communion. It’s a singular connection to a much bigger whole. And so, “Where in my life am I not connected to the whole? Where in my life am I feeling isolated?” And wellness is about tending my garden. There are so many different plants in my garden. I’m gardening for the second year in a row, and gosh, I’m learning so much. I don’t even have than many varieties, I think I have 20 plants this year. But wellness is tending those plants and all their different needs and all their different soil types and pH and watering needs and all of that. And I have the same sort of palate, the same garden within me, so to speak. And sometimes it isn’t about the green juice. It’s not about the green juice, and it takes me a long time to really believe that. CP: There’s a lot in the green juice. KC: Yes, there is a lot! CP: But it’s not everything. [Laughs] KC: [Laughs] It’s not everything! It’s easy— CP: I know, it’s hard to get to that point when you first start on the green drink, though, right? [Laughs] KC: It really is. It’s so easy for me to give people recipes and eating plans, and I’ve written so many books, including a New York Times bestselling cookbook, and I didn’t even know how to cook when I started this whole journey. But the bigger work comes from when we look at what’s behind—for example, when people say to me, “This is all so hard, this is all so overwhelming, can you just give me the exact thing I have to do?” I can, but what we ought to do is look at what’s behind why it’s so hard, what’s behind why it’s so overwhelming, what’s behind why you, perhaps, don’t feel like you’re equipped enough to make a juice. Because we are. It’s pretty simple. But what’s going on in your life that makes you feel like you’re incapable? Coming back to the whole healing journey and wellness: again, it’s the presence of vitality in all aspects of your life. And the neat and exciting part is that if you’re not feeling it, you can. You really can. And it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be perfect on paper. None of us are perfect on paper. The fact that we all have cancer cells running through our bodies right now. For most of the folks out there, yourself included, your immune system is picking them up and saying, “Hey, no, not in my backyard, thank you very much.” CP: Yes. I think it’s really interesting that you brought up—just to tag onto that question, “What does it mean to be well, and what is well-being?” and that concept of being cured. I mean, that’s not just a disease situation. We do that with our personalities and these patterns that we have for doing X when Y happens. You just want it to go away. “I just want it to go away! I want to cut it out and be done with it.” And yet, learning to live with it, as you’ve learned to live with the cancer, is such a good metaphor for finding a way to make that which plagues us, as a disease might plague us, into a teacher. KC: Well, I love the way you said that. It’s really beautiful and it’s such an important point that you bring up. There [are] two things that come to me: 1) for me, it’s learning to live with this disease. And I can imagine that some people out there are going, “I don’t want to live with the thing that I have! That’s awful.” So let’s go deeper into that, because really, what that means to me is that regardless of what’s going on in your life—whether you’re going through a divorce or you’re going through a diagnosis, whether you’ve [gone through] some trauma and you’ve got some residual grief and anger around it, and no matter how you’ve tried, it’s not shifting. Learning to live with something is about saying, “No matter what’s going on in my life, I will not abandon myself. I’ve got my own back. I’m not going anywhere. We’re going to get through this.” That’s that learning to live with something is. So it’s not settling. It’s not saying, “Oh well, luck of the draw, white flag, this sucks.” It’s saying, “I got you. Yes, we’re going through a tough time, but [you’ve] got me on your side. I won’t go anywhere. I accept you even though this is not great. There’s shame here, there’s disease here, there’s anger here, there’s violence here, whatever it is, I still accept you.” And [in] that place, I feel like a lot of our emotional agony starts to dissolve and then we can continue to make that game plan. So that’s part 1 that came up for me based on your awesome question and musing. And part 2 is this: Again, from my experience, curing—great, great conversation—is the physical body. There are a lot of things that we can do to address that, and sometimes that’s possible and other times it’s not. Or other times it might take longer than we’d like it to take. And in my life, it’s going to be one of those things. Either it’s never going to happen—brutally honest—or it’s just going to take longer. Either a cure’s going to come up, there’s more research being done, my vitamin C IVs are going to make a breakthrough. Who knows? I hold space for both. So curing happens when something shifts in the physical body. But healing is very different. Healing takes places in the spiritual and emotional bodies. Healing is what we just talked about, saying that, “I will not abandon you. I’m going on this journey with you, and we can continue to unpack what might be getting in our way, holding us back, great teachers for us to look at so that we can become more fully actualized and joyful, ultimately, human beings.” CP: Yes. It would be nice not to have that sickness or the trauma to remind us that this is something we can start working on now, and should be working on now. That’s the thing, sometimes we need to get really sick or [fight] against something that’s really traumatic before we realize that, “Oh, we need to tend the garden,” and it’s like a weedfest. KC: Totally. Of course it would be nice, but guess what? There [are] so many spices on the rack. Do you want to live your life through the lens of three colors that you feel comfortable with? I can tell you I’m a much more interesting person [laughs] as a result of all the things that I’ve gone through with this experience. I’m more interesting to myself, let alone other people. CP: Interesting, interesting. KC: There [are] pieces of this journey I would never want to relinquish or take back. CP: Yes. What’s been the biggest personal perspective change that you’ve had since you’ve been diagnosed? KC: I think that every year is a little different, quite honestly. I don’t have one big ah-ha. I’d say the big ah-ha was, “I can cook! Wow! I’m not dumb!” [Laughs] “I can figure this out. Green juice isn’t so awful.” All along the way, “Oh, wait, I said ‘poop.’ Oh, wait, I never have pooped.” So all along the way in my journey there have been these awakenings that help me feel better, live better. But I’d say where I live right now is—like I said, I’m that driven person. I’m very a…

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The Rock and Roll of Feminine Power with Alanis Morissette and Tami Simon Jun 21, 2014

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Today’s podcast features Tami Simon’s interview with Alanis Morissette, recorded live at the 2013 Emerging Women Live conference in Boulder, Colorado. Alanis Morissette is a Grammy Award winning singer-songwriter, guitarist, record producer and actress who has sold more than 60 million albums worldwide. Alanis was honored with the EMA Missions in Music Award for her efforts in speaking out against drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. Alanis Morissette has been acting on her strong beliefs for years—and encourages her fans and listeners to do the same. Tami Simon is the founder of Sounds True, a multimedia publishing company dedicated to disseminating spiritual wisdom. Based in Boulder, Colorado, Sounds True has published more than 800 audio, video, music, and book titles along with online courses and events. A two-time winner of the Inc 500 award as one of the fastest growing privately held companies in America, Sounds True is widely recognized as a pioneer in providing life-changing, practical tools that accelerate spiritual awakening and personal transformation. In today’s episode Tami spoke with Alanis about: The balance between Yin and Yang and how this shows up in relationship What that would look like to put the Sacred Feminine in the center of the music industry Listening as an art, and not letting fear stop us from doing what we want to do How Alanis uses the ‘nuggets of terror’ in her journal as seeds for her creative process Alanis’s work with Relationship First and her love of talking with people who are ceiling-less And finally, how she sees the Feminine Movement moving towards Sacred Union Tune in and listen to “The Rock and Roll of Feminine Power” with the Radical Women: Alanis Morisette and Tami Simon. Subscribe to Grace & Fire on iTunes. Transcript: Alanis Morissette: Hi! I want to thank Tami for being up here with me and having a conversation with me. It’s my favorite thing to do, as my friends can attest to, is dialogue and go and back and forth and see what’s actually happening in real time with you, with us. Tami Simon: We want to make our love public. AM: Exactly! [Laughs] There’s nothing better than that. TS: Exactly. Making our love public. OK, the primacy of connection. I want to start right there. AM: Let’s go for the jugular. TS: Well, the jugular’s going to come later. AM: There are so many jugulars and so little time. TS: That’s right, exactly. AM: That’s part of why I’m happier here. TS: Your journey to connection, being, at least in my understanding, the most important thing for you in your life. How did you get there? AM: I didn’t get there; I think I started there. I’m a highly sensitive temperament. I’ve become more and more obsessed with self-knowledge because I’ve seen how empowering it and how it enables me to actually have functional intimacy with people. So I’m the girl that uses every tool of divination and wants to know what number I am on the Enneagram and wants to know—I throw my I Ching coins. I basically have wanted to connect with God, intrapersonally with my own self and with people my whole life. [It’s] to the point where, because of my hypersensitivity, when it doesn’t happen, in glimpses at grocery stores or wherever I am, it’s actually quite devastating for me. And I take responsibility for it and I don’t get upset at the woman who looks away when she’s trying to buy her watermelons. [Audience laughs] AM: But I hurt. So I don’t know if that answers your question. TS: Are there things that you do to invite or to magnetize to you the kind of connection that, as a sensitive person, really nourishes you? Is there stuff that you do, and what is it? AM: I think it happens by default. I find that whatever energy I walk into a room with, the kismet like-mindeds find each other eventually. It doesn’t always happen, and sometimes I just people watch as a Canadian. Culturally—I’m going to do the broad stroke, which is a terribly violent thing to do but I’ll do it anyway—Canadians are very conversational, dialogical, and really great at people watching. We also snap when we’re pushed too far. [Laughs] Which has served my art, but not necessarily my personal life. [Audience laughs] AM: So I don’t even know if that answers your question! Sorry, Tami. But you just asked what I do to foster the connection? OK, fostering the connection. TS: And then what you’ve learned over the last decade as you’ve been able to—it’s a strong statement to say, “Connection is the primary feel that I’m looking for in life.” That’s a strong statement. So I wonder how you orient around that in order to receive that type of nourishment and to make that type of bond with people. AM: Thanks, yes. It’s a spiritual idea for me, because I’ve always felt profoundly connected with God, and I know that word is— TS: I like that word. It’s fine with me. AM: You like the word? OK, good. TS: I mean, we can substitute a bunch of other words— AM: There are so many beautiful words! Let’s just use “God.” TS: Yes. [Audience laughs] AM: [Laughs] I’ve always loved God so much. [I was] raised Catholic, and even within a lot of that intensity, I still found God. I found God in Jesus, I found God in a lot of the parables. I found God everywhere. In the music—that was the first time I actually knew that I could sing. Someone turned around—I think I was 10 years old and I was singing at the top of my lungs the St. Francis of Assisi song. And my brothers had told me I couldn’t sing to save my life, which I believed, because they’re my brothers. And then this woman turned around and she said, [whispers] “You have a lovely voice.” “Really? Thanks!” So that was a turning point. But I think because I know on a very cellular, existential level how connected I am with everything and everyone, when there is this illusion of separation, it kills me. TS: Now, I’ve heard you talk about connection in terms of connection to yourself, connection to other people, and also connection to spirit. But that, in your experience, that’s actually one thing, kind of. Can you explain what you mean by that? How is it “kind of one thing”? AM: Well, I think the idea of relationship that is so enticing to me is that it speaks to what I believe is the fundamental truth of what’s actually going on here, which is—I know I’m not telling you anything that you don’t know. TS: No, I do want you to tell me what’s actually going on here. Please tell me. AM: Oh, really? OK! [Laughs] [Audience laughs] AM: OK, good. TS: Tell all of us! Exactly. AM: I just really feel this profound interconnectivity, for lack of a better term. So I was going to answer— TS: How it’s all one thing. AM: How it’s all one thing. TS: All of these three kinds of connection. AM: It’s that we’re all one fabric. In my mind, we’re all these unique filters. This transmission, or source, or God, or inspiration, or intuition is coursing through us in what I believe is in various speeds. I think some of us have energy coursing through us in a way that’s overwhelming. I think of Jimi Hendrix and I think he had so much energy coursing through him, and I’m not sure he had a way to calibrate it. I don’t know, I didn’t talk with him. TS: You have quite a bit of energy coursing through you. AM: [Laughs] Yes! And I have to be responsible with it and for it, to be honest, because it can be overwhelming in relationships. I can be quite a bother to people because this is the energy that I walk into a room with, and it can be overwhelming for people. It can be exciting for people. It’s exciting for my husband; it was horrifying for all my ex-boyfriends. [Audience laughs] AM: Which is true. And for a long time I shamed myself saying that there was something wrong with me, that I was too much, or I was too intense, or I was too emotional, or I was too sensitive, or fill in the blank. And that’s all true, but it really just meant that there was a lens that I was looking through at this funny and harrowing and sweet little life, that I was looking for compatibility. I write about it in “All I Really Want,” which Chantal referenced—the idea of wanting to have that cosmic giggle with people, to look at people I love and just say, “Isn’t it crazy being here? Isn’t it intense? Isn’t it so sad that our traumas have us completely check out of our bodies and check out of our relationships and do drugs and we’re dying to crawl back into the womb and we can’t?” I just love having those kinds of conversations with people. [Laughs] And I actually have them now, with you as well. Thank you, Tami. TS: Yes. Now, you’re talking about your current man and your ex-boyfriends. You’ve made this statement: “I declare I am an alpha woman.” AM: Yes, I have. TS: And that this was an important claiming, “alpha woman.” It’s a strong, strong two words to put together like that. What do you mean by it? AM: I mean that I have masculine qualities, and that I err on the side—maybe not always aesthetically, although sometimes—of really enjoying androgyny. I love the idea of having access to the whole range of what it is to be human while taking into account the physiologically, biochemically, I am a woman. So I get to have all the amazing aspects of being a woman—and there are so many. I mean, my shoes alone are reason enough to want to be a woman. [Audience laughs and cheers] TS: Maybe just lift your foot a little bit so we can get a good look at that. [Audience cheers] TS: I like mine, also. AM: [Laughs] TS: They have their own sort of androgyny, as well. [Audience applauds] AM: Those are Landons. TS: Yes. Exactly. [Audience laughs] AM: So androgyny’s been great. I’ve actually updated the alpha woman comment, because I think a lot of people, mostly men, where a little freaked out when I would say that. Because I think they may have interpreted [it] as my saying I want to be the man and [have] this men/woman/gender conversation. So first I attempted to take this conversation out of gender and take it into the feminine and the masculine. And that continued to piss people off. So now I basically say “yin” and “yang.” That pisses a lot less people off. [Audience laughs] TS: So how do you translate, then, the “alpha woman” phrase into “yin/yang” language? AM: I can be quite yang. And that would mean, in theory, that if there is to be some sort of compliment in my marriage, in this case, that there’s a lot of negotiation. There are moments where I’ll jump in the car and I’ll go, “You got this.” Or we’ll be driving and I’ll stop the car and I’ll say, “You’re driving.” And he’ll go, “Got it.” We’re constantly negotiating who’s going to be the yin or the yang person of the moment, depending upon our stress levels, PMS—there [are] all kinds of considerations. [Audience laughs] AM: They’re in the Shakti woman book—forgive me for not knowing the author’s name. There’s this one paragraph where they talked about how in this particular village, in the days of old, the village people would seek out the women who were PMSing in order to have them make decisions about the village because they were in the perfect place to have an opinion without worrying about mincing words. I was like, “I love this book!” [Audience laughs] AM: And I think ultimately—and I talked about this briefly last night at the get-together that we had with somebody—the idea of, for a long time, that this whole emergence of the divine feminine being a huge conversation, and at long last, obviously, my whole thought about the yin/yang androgyny whole continuum—I think in terms of continuums all the time. The whole idea in my mind at this point—and I might update this next month, but who cares? TS: Even tomorrow would be OK. AM: Whatever. In an hour, yes. The masculine and the feminine energies within both men and women alike are serving the feminine. So it’s not that men have to debase or emasculate themselves or be emasculated. Of course there’s rage and anger, as there should be. There’s been so much oppression, and not only do we feel it in our own lives in the context of patriarchy, we also feel it in the context of our grandmothers and great-grandmothers. So when women are angry and they’re scared of emasculating, I get it. Just make some arrangement with your man where he can hold the bucket for 20 minutes and just listen to your rage and hopefully not personalize it singularly about him. Because we’re all subject to the context that we find ourselves in, and patriarchy is still alive and well in the rock ‘n’ roll business, I’m assuming in the book world—I’m about to find out, I’m writing a book. In a lot of context that I go in, it’s still there, totally shifting, which is the great news. And I think what I’m excited about so much these days is supporting the divine masculine to continue to provide and to continue to protect, but the currency of the provision has changed. So instead of just bringing home the vegan bacon, they’re also providing empathy and listening and all of these things that they’re actually not physiologically predisposed to being able to do well, and that we’re teaching each other how to do it. If someone doesn’t have the capacity to empathize, there’s probably a trauma somewhere in the background that happened that made it so that—not unlike when someone steps on your toe, the first thing you say isn’t usually like, “Is your shoe OK?” It’s usually, “Get the fuck off my foot, you’re killing me!” [Laughs] So when we’re traumatized, we don’t always have that generosity of spirit, which I believe is what men are known for. Men, in my mind, are known for providing and protecting, and that currency is broadening and becoming larger and larger. And the masculine within us as women—because you and I are pretty protective of the people we love in general. These qualities of masculinity and femininity can show up not only in both genders, but in different context, case by case, depending upon what you need to call upon. TS: Now, you talked about the music business and the publishing business. I’m curious—let’s just go right into the music business, because as an artist, you are also, in a sense, a businesswoman. AM: Yes. TS: You are, just by being part of the music industry. Putting at the center of the music business the sacred feminine, what would that look like? The little bit I know of the music business, it seems that it’s a difficult business that doesn’t usually support artists fully in the way that they want. So what would it mean to put the sacred feminine, your divine feminine, at the center of the music industry, as an example of the transformation of society? Let’s take that industry. AM: Nice, thanks. Well, first of all, I think that what’s happened even in today’s day is that the values of the West—which, ultimately, is basically the planet almost at this point, if not entirely—fame, wealth, and staying 16 forever visually. So when I look at what’s on stage right now, I also see young women who are not in a position of wanting to be responsible for being a model to the millions of people and to leading the charge and to leading the cavalry home to divine union. So they’re experimenting with their sexuality in a context, certainly, of North America, probably more so even the rest of the planet as well, of sexual trauma. We’re a sexually traumatized culture in my mind. And when I’m 17 or 19, and I have the kind of body that society approves of—and I don’t have to name names, we just have to look at pop culture right now, and everybody’s doing it. So I feel like it’s a response to this pornographic, sexually traumatized culture that we live in, and that has now become the definition of what the divine feminine is, that there’s a conversation around the empowered feminine being singular in our sexuality acting out or just being sexual. So I think, to answer your question about what the divine feminine might look like in the epicenter of what is a bit of a shit storm sometimes, which is the music industry, it’s to play with…

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The Power of Receiving with Christine Arylo and Kristine Carlson Jun 11, 2014

Show notes

Today my guests are Christine Arylo and Kris Carlson. Christine Arylo is a transformational teacher, internationally recognized speaker and best-selling author of the official self-love guidebook, Madly in Love with ME: the Daring Adventure to Becoming Your Own Best Friend. After earning her MBA from Kellogg and climbing the corporate ladder for fifteen years, she chose to devote her life to creating a new reality for women and girls, one based on self-love, freedom and feminine power instead of the relentless pursuit of having to do, be and have it all. Kris Carlson is an international bestselling author and a leading expert on love, success, grief, happiness, and parenting. She’s the NY Times bestselling author and co-author of Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff, Heartbroken Open and An Hour to Live, An Hour to Love. Kris has sold over 25 million copies of her books, and has been featured on national radio and television broadcasts, including The Today Show, Empowered Living Radio, The View, and The Oprah Winfrey Show. In today’s episode, Christine, Kris and I spoke about: Cultivating the feminine superpower of receiving How to come from a place of openness, rather than a place of knowing and drive Flexing your trust muscles and how to build trust over time The importance of strengthening the nervous system and finally, both Christine and Kris offer key practices for becoming more embodied Tune in and listen to “The Power of Receiving” with the Superwomen of Receiving: Christine Arylo and Kris Carlson. Subscribe to the Emerging Women podcast on iTunes. Transcript: Hello, welcome Kris and Christine! Christine Arylo: Hello! Kris Carlson: How’s it going? CP: It’s going well! I want to clarify to the audience here, because we do technically have two Christines, so we’re talking here with Kris Carlson and Christine Arylo. So welcome, ladies! KC: Well, thanks, Chantal! CA: Yes, glad to be here. CP: So we are talking today—we’ll probably hit a couple of different subjects here, but primarily, [we’re] talking about what, Christine, you call the “feminine superpower of receiving.” So maybe we could start with you and you could give us a little background on that terminology and why you think it’s actually a superpower. CA: Yes, indeed. Well, I am imaging that many of [the people] out there listening, like me—and Chantal, I know like you, and also like Kris—we’ve been taught over the last several centuries to really value our ability to do over our capacity for being, to do more, to make stuff happen, really just a kind of like [growls], a kind of power. When we think about power, we think about things that are very forceful or you have to make it happen. It’s this very, “Go out and kill the meat” kind of mentality. “Go out there and get what you want!” And that is one kind of power. But there’s this other kind of power, which I never really knew about until right about when I met with Kris Carlson, after I finished MBA school, after I finished that whole superpowered woman, Wonder Woman kind of thing. Because Kris, as it turns out, had been living from the feminine superpowers her whole entire life. She literally is the embodiment of feminine superpower. And I remember when I met Kris, we had gone to this event together that she had invited me to. And we were in a big tent with all these people, and these people would come up to her and make invitations to her, and she was just very open and not having to make anything happen or figure out who she would have to go speak to or looking at the agenda. She was just very present and things would just come to here. And I’d be like, “How do you do that, Kris?” And she’d be like, “How do I do what?” I’m like, “That! That thing that you do when people just come to you and opportunities just come to you. You’re just invited in.” She’s like, “That’s just how I’ve always been.” And at the time I was studying the divine feminine pretty intensely, and I was like, “That’s all receiving, and it’s a feminine superpower!” And she’s like, “I didn’t know what that was.” KC: [Laughs] CA: Because you were born that way! I was born from living out of the masculine power. So we’re like the yin and the yang. I call it a feminine superpower because it’s a different power that’s just as powerful as achieving or making it happen. Receiving is allowing things to come to you, really allowing things to happen instead of feeling like you have to achieve and make it happen. And that’s why the feminine superpower piece—because it’s fun. I mean, who doesn’t want a superpower, right? It’s way more fun to talk about it that way. CP: Yes. I definitely am just learning about the power of receiving. And I’m excited to hear from Kris as well, since it seems to be more innate in her, according to your description. So maybe we will all learn from the pro over here. But I do agree with you that when I experience it, it does feel like magic. “How is this happening? I didn’t even do anything!” But it’s a little hard to trust that as well. That’s the key. CA: It’s super hard to trust it. And to underline what you just said, I didn’t have to do anything. It feels foreign to us. Receiving is a huge idea, and there’s some sort of call today to break it down for us. Because I think we all agree receiving, allowing things to come, and having to do less work, having to do less to do more impact would be the way we’d all want to live. But how do you actually “do” that? And how do we break it down so you can actually see where you’re at on the spectrum of your capacity to receive. So when I think about feminine superpowers, I really think about it like a level of mastery. Kris is a master of receiving because, like you said, it’s innate in her. I’ve had to learn or relearn—I think it’s actually innate in all of us, but we have to activate it inside of us. So over the last seven, ten years since I’ve been studying this, I’ve increased my level of mastery to where I had to start at a very simple level of being able to just receive a hug in a way that I allowed my body—my stomach, my tummy, my heart—to touch another human, or receive a compliment, which is the beginning stages of receiving. [And] the place where I live now—I’m living nomadically, and so I don’t often know where I’m going to live. I’ve been living without a home for a year and a half, and I have to trust that I’m going to be able to receive my home. I don’t always know where that’s going to be three or four weeks down the line. That’s a full-level spectrum—there’s all kinds of things in between of what the power of receiving can give us. But it really is about knowing where you’re at and that mastery. CP: Right. Well, Kris, tell us about how you connect to this concept of receiving and how it’s played out. Give us a little background on how that’s played out and transformed in your life to get to the point where you’re actually creating some work around it. KC: Yes, well, as Christine said, when we spent that time together, one of the beautiful things about Christine is that she’s so reflective with the people that she’s around. That’s what makes her such a wonderful coach and such a high priestess. She really sees things about other people, and she reflects that back to you about what she sees. So quite honestly, as she was telling me this, I was sort of, “Yes, but it’s taken me a lot longer than it’s taken her how to practice.” [Laughs] She actually knows how to figure out how to practice how to receive, whereas for me it’s an innate ability. What I’ve identified is that there’s an openness that you have to have in order to receive. You literally have to think of yourself as the feminine receiver. So you’re the conduit of the divine, really. I have always begun every single day with the same prayer, or every single podcast, or every speech I do, and that is the prayer “Divine love, play me as an instrument in your finely tuned orchestra of life.” I think when you see yourself as a conduit and an instrument of love and light—really, the biggest part of receiving is getting out of your own way, and doing that is really what I like to call a mindset practice, really opening up your mind, opening up your heart, living presently, being more of a cup to be filled as opposed to a cup that is too much. There’s this way in which openness and being available and open, and then being able to look at, when something comes along—how it plays out in my work life is I really feel into things. So when I get an invitation or an opportunity, like when Christine asked me to be a part of her 40-day receive program this summer, the biggest gauge that I have is, “How does my heart feel?” Because so much of becoming a receiver is about allowance, and it’s about feeling. And that is the feminine way. It’s more feeling-oriented. It’s more flow-oriented. It’s more allowing to be in the current of life and in the flow of life, as opposed to being like a salmon swimming upstream. I would say, “Save the swimming upstream for salmon to do. They do it really well. They have to do it to procreate. We don’t.” [Laughs] Believe me, there’s times, with all this internet stuff and everything, I get muddled up into the whole “push” thing, as opposed to sitting back and allowing. I always have to remind myself, the way that that happens for me is—I know when I’m out of alignment, I feel like I’m getting too busy. There’s a certain amount of “receive” that requires you to slow down from the inside. And that just means that I need to pull back a little bit, become more present, [do] less multitasking and [be] more [present], do one thing at a time, more focus. And then in that focus, there’s a sort of empty presence that happens, too. It’s a way in which you come to everything very present, but not filled with expectation. Does that make sense? CP: Yes, I think your metaphor of the empty cup is spot-on, so I’m getting a feel for what you’re talking about. There’s a curiosity— KC: Yes, so if your cup is full of expectation, for example—to me, expectation is nothing but disappointment and resentment waiting to happen. So if you have your cup filled already with expectation—and I’m not saying you shouldn’t have goals. Everyone needs goals. But for me, like when I put 100 percent of myself into something, I know that my 100 percent is like 110 percent. And that is all that I can expect of myself. So if I put all of my energy into something, I let go of the rest. And then it’s time to let God to the rest. Let go, let God. Just let it be. Let things happen as they are, as they’re going to unfold, not how I want them to be. And when you think of success—we saw it at your Emerging Women event in San Francisco, right, Chantal? You said you had higher expectations, but what a lovely evening it turned out to be with what it was. It’s perfect as it is. I think that letting go of perfection is probably the biggest overworking, overachieving thing that we as women are all sort of driven in our society to be that. And that’s probably underlying all of it. It’s that thread of really still trying to do it all, be it all, and be it all perfectly. Do you think so too, Christine? CA: I do, I do. And I think if I could share a comparison to give to all the ladies and any awesome men that are out there listening that might help everyone even just bring this in a little bit more. Would that be good, Chantal, just to give you a comparative piece between what is receiving and what is not receiving? So what happened, back when Kris and I met, we went to this event of 500 women down in Los Angeles. It was actually the Marianne Williamson Sister Giant event several years ago. And I remember there was a whole group of us, and we were like, “Well, what are we going to be doing for dinner?” We wanted to connect with all of our friends, all of the other teachers that were there. And I was watching Kris, and I was watching another one of our friends who is just as accomplished as Kris—big New York Times bestselling author, fabulous teacher, wonderful woman. And I’m watching the two of them and how they’re operating around what’s going to happen. It’s a very simple example that plays out in every place in our lives. I was watched how the two of them are actually approaching what’s going to happen for dinner, knowing that we would all love to be able to have dinner together. And so Kris is just going about being present at the event and we’re just there, not thinking about dinner, not thinking about the future, not thinking about anything. And the other woman is basically running around talking to everybody about what they’re doing for dinner, while we’re still in the event. She’s already in the future and not actually totally in the present. She’s in both places at the same time. And Kris is just absolutely like, “I’m just looking to lunch. I’m not thinking about dinner, I’m just thinking about lunch.” She’s in the present moment or just what the next step is. So the event ends, it’s like five or six o’clock, and Kris and I wanted to know where everyone was meeting, if they’re meeting, if we’re even invited. And all of a sudden, the other woman, she comes running out of the conference room and she’s like, “OK, here’s the plan, da-da-da-da. We’re all eating dinner here’s where we’re having dinner.” And she’s just amped up, you can tell her energy is just so—she’s just in crazy overwhelmed doing mode. So we’re like, “OK, great.” So we go back and we get dressed, and we’re just very calm. And then we just happen to walk into the dinner and there’s two seats that are available. Kris is at one end and I sit at one end in this other chair, and I end up meeting someone who becomes a tremendous teacher and partner for me, [who] I never would have met before. It never would have happened, but I just ended up sitting, at dinner, next to her. And she’s like, “Christine?” And I’m like, “Hey, I know you! And she’s like, “I know you!” And then we ended up working together. So that’s the power of receiving, where Kris and I—I was following Kris and not this other woman, even though my nature, my second nature was to be more like, “Got to make it happen, got to connect, got to do all that.” And it’s not even that it’s about the connection that makes the over-piece, but it was just about how she was going about it all. There’s a lack of trust that happens. We get freaked out about just trusting. “Will I be invited? Will I know where to go? Will I be invited to where everybody else is going to be?” So we have to, in order to really receive, learn how to surrender and trust. I think that’s that scares us the most, Chantal. It scares us to actually just really be that open, to allow it, because, what if? What if I don’t get invited? What if it doesn’t happen? What if the money doesn’t come in? And that’s the real test of faith. That’s the real difference between a person who talks about the feminine and a person who actually lives the feminine through her, as her, as a living embodiment of how it operates. CP: Right. How do you build the trust? Because I feel like, in my own life, I’m doing this dance where—especially since I’m leading something. I’m the person who organizes the dinner. That’s what I do. I don’t know why I end up being in that position a lot. And right now, I know in my business, I’m trying to bring in more of the receptivity and ask for more guidance and allow that space to happen so I’m not driving 24/7. But that issue of trust that you bring in is so critical, and I’m wondering if that can be built up, or do you just jump off the cliff and just trust? Because that’s hard for me. CA: Do not just jump off the cliff. [All laugh] CA: That’s the other kind of power, that, “I should just be strong enough to jump off the cliff because I’m powerful!” No, no, no. It’s just like if you were to learn how to hang glide. You wouldn’t just get on a hang glide in your first time out. “I’m just going to fly right off a cliff!” You’ve…

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