The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Latest Episodes:

[Encore Episode] Your Divorce Roadmap: The Stages and Phases of Divorce Aug 21, 2025

Show notes

This week's encore episode is a solo one, focused on The Divorce Roadmap—a framework I created after more than a decade of working with thousands of women and mapping out every stage of the divorce process. Over the years, I've gotten really good at helping people identify exactly where they are on that path, which makes it much easier to know what comes next.

Throughout this episode, I walk you through the three stages of the Roadmap: Awareness, Action, and Moving On, and break down the different phases within each stage.

Divorce is almost never a straight line. It's messy, it loops, it pauses, and sometimes things fall into place when you least expect it. Knowing where you are on the journey can help you feel more grounded and prepared for what's ahead.

Resources & Links: Divorce Roadmap Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram @kateanthony_divorcecoach Kate on Facebook The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage

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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/encore-episode-your-divorce-roadmap-the-stages-and-phases-of-divorce/

[Encore Episode] Covert Emotional Abuse with Annette Oltmans Aug 14, 2025

Show notes

This encore episode features passionate human rights advocate Annette Oltmans, and we're talking about covert emotional abuse, one of the most insidious and overlooked forms of domestic violence. If you're in it, have been through it, or suspect something's not right in your relationship, this is one you don't want to miss (or re-listen to).

Annette shares her personal experience of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage, along with what she's learned through years of recovery and deep field research. Her work around Original Abuse and Double Abuse® led her to found The M3ND Project in 2016, an organization dedicated to helping survivors name what's happening and start to heal.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

What motivated Annette to found the M3ND Project
Some of the definitions of covert emotional abuse like blame-shifting or minimization of the victim's perspective
Annette shares the four pillars of abuse and what drives abusive thinking
Realizing you are a victim and changing the worldview of your relationship with your abuser brings on a new layer of stress
Abuse recovery and insights and advice for those thinking about repairing their relationship after their partner has begun therapy

Learn more about Annette Oltmans: Annette Oltmans is a philanthropist and passionate human rights advocate. Annette's personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion to founding The M3ND Project in 2016. While seeking the help of professionals and responders, she experienced Double Abuse® in the form of spiritual and institutional abuse. These harmful encounters compelled Annette in her relentless pursuit for solutions that involved interviews with hundreds of victims and survivors. She uncovered common threads that cause victims prolonged states of confusion as well as what ultimately led them towards healing. Her journey also involved interviews with hundreds of faith-based leaders and therapists which led her to discover that most are untrained and ill-equipped to identify and help victims of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. In working to prevent and remediate such harm, Annette developed protocoled models that are now being taught and implemented with therapists, churches and professional organizations across the United States. She consulted with esteemed experts in abuse, trauma, and healing to ensure the materials align with the highest professional standards. Annette also serves on the Board of Pepperdine University's Boone Center for the Family and is a Board of Trustee member of Northrise University in Zambia. Her writing on these topics of abuse, domestic violence, and bullying has been published in the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), Teen Vogue, and numerous other publications. Annette is also a contributing author in the newly released book, "Created to Thrive: Cultivating Abuse-Free Safe Communities".

Resources & Links:

Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram @kateanthony_divorcecoach Kate on Facebook The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage

The M3nd Project Website Tools and Resources from The M3ND Project The M3ND Project on Facebook The M3ND Project on Instagram The M3nd Project on YouTube The M3nd Project on Twitter

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/encore-episode-covert-emotional-abuse-with-annette-oltmans/

[Encore Episode] The Science of Stuck with Britt Frank Aug 07, 2025

Show notes

This encore episode features Britt Frank, therapist and author of The Science of Stuck, and we're unpacking what it actually means to feel stuck and how to finally move through it. Britt has a gift for cutting through the shame we carry about our behaviors.

Whether it's procrastination, burnout, people-pleasing, or codependency, she breaks down the brain-body connection behind it all and reminds us that you can't logic your way out of an emotional process.

If you've ever felt frozen, overwhelmed, or trapped in your own patterns, this conversation is a lifeline.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

How to define the 'first step' to help you figure out your plan for getting unstuck
Britt explains why we can't think ourselves forward
We explore the steps to help you get unstuck including: Validating what's happening and determining the resources available to help right now
Why Britt says to stay away from positive and negative thinking and instead focus on accurate thinking
Self-mothering is one the most powerful ways of breaking trauma bonds

Learn more about Britt Frank:

Britt Frank, MSW, LSCSW, SEP is a clinician, educator, and trauma specialist. She speaks and writes widely about the mental health myths that keep us stuck and stressed. Britt received her BA from Duke University and her MSW from the University of Kansas, where she later became an award-winning adjunct professor. She is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Level 3 trained in the Internal Family Systems therapeutic model. Britt was a primary therapist at a drug and alcohol treatment center, an inpatient therapist at a children's psychiatric hospital, and now owns a private practice. You can find Britt on Instagram @brittfrank or on her website www.scienceofstuck.com. Her debut book The Science of Stuck was released 3-22-22 by Penguin Random House.

Resources & Links:

Britt's website Britt on Instagram Britt's book Mother Hunger, Kelly McDaniel

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/encore-episode-the-science-of-stuck-with-britt-frank/

[Encore Episode] Healing from Gaslighting with Dr. Amelia Kelley Jul 31, 2025

Show notes

Over the next month, I'll be sharing encore episodes of the podcast - conversations that remain just as relevant and impactful today. New episodes will be back in September!

This week's encore episode features fan-favorite Dr. Amelia Kelley, and we're digging into what gaslighting really is, how it shows up in our lives, and how we start to heal from it. This conversation originally aired in 2023, but it's just as relevant today — especially if you're navigating the aftermath of emotional abuse or trying to reclaim your sense of self.

Dr. Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist, researcher, and author whose work centers on women's issues, relationship trauma, adult ADHD, and empowering survivors of abuse. Together, we unpack how gaslighting is used as a tool for power and control, how it erodes confidence and self-trust, and why self-care isn't optional when you're healing, it's essential.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

The misconception of gaslighting: what it is and what it isn't
The effects of gaslighting on a victim's mental health
Dr. Kelley addresses the question, "Is lying gaslighting?"
You cannot heal from trauma that you are still experiencing
The steps to overcome and heal from gaslighting include becoming aware, getting outside feedback, and boundary setting
What self-care looks like during the healing process
Self-regulation for chronic stress when being emotionally abused

Learn more about Dr. Amelia Kelley:

Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist who has conducted research on the effects of exercise on adult ADHD symptoms as well as the effects of resiliency on PTSD. She is a trained Hypno-therapist, Art therapist, HSP Therapist, EMDR-informed therapist, meditation teacher, as well as a Certified Yoga instructor integrating therapeutic yoga and psychotherapy. She is a trainer, podcaster and writer in the "science-help" field focusing on; women's issues, empowering survivors of abuse and relationship trauma, Highly Sensitive Persons, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD.

Dr. Kelley is an adjunct counseling professor at Yorkville University as well as a nationally recognized relationship expert featured on XM Radio's Doctor Channel on The Psychiatry Show. She is a coach and trainer for SAS's Work/Life Program in Cary, NC and a resident trainer for the NC Art Therapy Institute. Her private practice is currently part of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute. She is a co-author of What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship and a contributing author for the Highly Sensitive Refuge. You can find out more about her work at her website www.ameliakelley.com or by following her on Instagram @drameliakelley.

Resources & Links:

Dr. Kelley's website Dr. Kelley on Instagram NYTimes Article about Women and Menopause Heart Disease in Women

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/encore-episode-healing-from-gaslighting-with-dr-amelia-kelley/

Episode 333: If there's a playbook for them, there's a playbook for YOU Jul 24, 2025

Show notes

If you've been in a narcissistic, emotionally abusive, or coercively controlling relationship, you may think you're alone in your confusion and trauma. After working with thousands of women, however, I can assure you that abusers are all operating out of the same playbook. The gaslighting, the love bombing, the silent treatment? The patterns are actually completely predictable. It's called the Abuser's Playbook. And if there's a playbook for them, there's a playbook for you, too.

In this solo episode, I walk you through ten of the most common tactics abusers use and more importantly, how to counter each one. This isn't about changing them. This is about keeping yourself safe, reclaiming your sanity, and taking your power back.

The 10 common tactics narcissistic abusers use (and what you'll hear about in this episode):

Love bombing and future faking that keeps you hooked and how to track the cycle
Gaslighting that erodes your sense of reality and how to ground yourself in the truth
Projection that flips the blame onto you and how to recognize what's actually theirs
Triangulation that isolates you and how to stay rooted in your own perspective
Hoovering that pulls you back in and how to hold your boundary when it feels impossible
Smear campaigns that twist your story and how to stay steady when your reputation is under attack
Threats and intimidation that instill fear and how to protect yourself and plan ahead
Stonewalling and silent treatment that punish you and how to stop chasing their approval
Baiting and rage that push you to the edge and how to respond without losing yourself
Financial abuse that traps you and how to begin reclaiming control

➡ Download The Survivor's Playbook at KateAnthony.com/playbook

Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective How He'll Likely React Bingo card Kate on Instagram @kateanthony_divorcecoach Kate on Facebook The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-333-if-theres-a-playbook-for-them-theres-a-playbook-for-you/

Episode 332: Divorce, Menopause, and Medical Gaslighting with Kathy Gould Jul 17, 2025

Show notes

Why are women's health concerns still being dismissed and what can we do about it?

The healthcare system was not built for women. For many of us, especially in midlife, our health concerns are dismissed, misunderstood, or flat-out ignored. And when you're navigating the storm of divorce at the same time as perimenopause or menopause? It can feel like you're unraveling.

I'm joined by Phoenix Rising member Kathy Gould, a holistic health coach, personal trainer, life coach, lactation consultant, and current grad student finishing her second Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy. (I'm telling you, the women in Phoenix Rising are BADASS!)

This episode started as a guest expert session inside Phoenix Rising (my divorce empowerment collective for women). The conversation was so powerful, I knew I had to bring it to the podcast.

Kathy and I get into why the medical system has failed women, how we've been gaslit about our own bodies, and what it looks like to take our power back especially during times of massive upheaval like divorce. We are not meant to go through this quietly, and we are certainly not meant to go through it alone.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

Why women's health is dismissed, especially in midlife (6:11)
The deep need for more open, supportive conversations around our wellness (12:14)
The long-standing misconceptions about hormone replacement therapy (HRT) (16:41)
What Kathy recommends for women going through both divorce and menopause at the same time (35:15)
How to advocate for yourself when doctors aren't listening (especially if they're covered by insurance) (41:59)

Learn more about Kathy Gould: Kathy is an integrative holistic health coach, life coach and personal trainer. She is also a certified lactation consultant. She holds a Masters Degree in Health Psychology and is currently finishing a second Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. Kathy is passionate about women's health and wellness and has dedicated her career to women's physical and emotional wellness.

Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective

Kathy's website Kathy on Instagram NY Times Article: Women Have Been Misled About Menopause

Menopause Barbie on YouTube: Dr. Barbara Taylor

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-332-divorce-menopause-and-medical-gaslighting-with-kathy-gould/

Episode 331: The Overfunctioning Woman with Dr. Ashley Southard Jul 10, 2025

Show notes

Have you ever felt like if you don't do it, it just won't get done? Like the relationship, the parenting, the emotional glue that holds everything together is your job? You might be an overfunctioning woman and this episode is your loving (but no-nonsense) invitation to finally let it go.

I'm joined by Dr. Ashley Southard, a licensed marriage and family therapist with over two decades of experience, who has lived the overfunctioning pattern in her own life and now helps women heal from it. We talk about what it really means to carry more than your fair share in a relationship, and how that relentless push to keep things going (when your partner won't meet you halfway) can cost you your sanity, your health, and your sense of self.

If you're tired, burnt out, and wondering why your relationships feel like so much work, it might be time to stop proving your worth and start receiving real love. And if your partner doesn't rise when you stop overfunctioning? That's information. The question becomes: what are you willing to do about it?

Here's what else we discuss in this episode:

What overfunctioning really is and how it's even rooted in emotional labor and patriarchy (4:10)
How underfunctioning shows up in a partner (think: not pulling their weight emotionally) (12:42)
Why an overfunctioning woman needs an underfunctioning partner (17:56)
How to begin healing from overfunctioning by stepping back, tolerating discomfort, and rebuilding a relationship with yourself (20:07)
What it means to become a Self-Restored Woman: As Dr. Ashley says, "A woman who no longer works for breadcrumbs and knows she's worthy of a feast." (32:42)
The Great Rest: what your nervous system does when you finally stop overfunctioning (36:52)
A few small but powerful first steps if you're starting to identify with this pattern and want to make a change (40:07)

Learn more about Dr. Ashley Southard: Dr. Ashley Southard is a psychotherapist in Scottsdale, AZ, specializing in The Overfunctioning Woman in Love who is struggling with the confusing, exhausting, and lonely dynamics of a one-sided, unfulfilling love relationship. With over 20 years of clinical experience treating complex trauma, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and relationship issues, coupled with her own personal journey out of Overfunctioning, Dr. Ashley loves nothing more than creating an emotionally safe space for women to discover that they are not 'crazy' or 'broken'…and that they have the power to become the Self-Restored Woman they were always meant to be!

Dr. Ashley is also very active on Instagram, offering life-changing information to "make sense out of the nonsense." She has amassed a strong following of women who are remembering their power, learning how to come back home to themselves, and healing in community with other Self-Restoring women.

Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Dr. Ashley's website

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-331-the-overfunctioning-woman-with-dr-ashley-southard/

Episode 330: Attachment Styles & Somatic Healing with Laurie James Jul 03, 2025

Show notes

I'm joined once again by Laurie James for a conversation that bridges nervous system healing, somatic experiencing, and attachment work. If you've ever felt overwhelmed or disconnected in relationships, this episode will help you understand why and what to do about it.

Laurie isn't just a coach and author, she's someone who's done the deep work to regulate her nervous system after divorce and heartbreak. In this episode, she shares how her body responded completely differently to a recent breakup, not with panic, but with presence. That's what nervous system healing looks like in real time.

We also dig into attachment styles: how to identify your own, how they show up in anxious or avoidant behaviors, and how somatic work can support real change. Most importantly, we talk about how to stop trying to fix or override your system and start building safety within it. This is about meeting yourself where you are and knowing that real healing is possible.

Here's what else we discuss in this episode:

What somatic experiencing actually is and how it supports healing (7:31)
How your autonomic nervous system operates and what shifts when you engage it intentionally (9:42)
The connection between nervous system regulation, somatic work, and attachment styles (16:52)
How Laurie's recent breakup differed from her divorce (and why it matters) (40:44)
Practical strategies for working with an avoidant or anxious attachment style (46:45)

Learn more about Laurie James: Laurie James is a mother, divorcée, recovering caregiver turned author, somatic relationship coach, and podcaster. Laurie's podcast, Confessions of a Freebird, was inspired by her youngest of four children leaving the nest and is the sequel to her book, Sandwiched: A Memoir of Holding On and Letting Go.

Laurie's book is about her journey from loneliness to finding belonging during a time when she was raising four teenage daughters, her mother had a heart attack and needed care, all while her marriage began to crumble.

Now Laurie helps women divorce, heal, and date differently in midlife. She blends her coaching and somatic training to help her clients develop a better relationship with their bodies and nervous system. Doing so allows them to find the inner freedom to experience more happiness, joy and create the life they desire.

Resources & Links: The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Laurie's website Laurie on Instagram Laurie's podcast Laurie's Beginner's Guide to Somatic Healing

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-330-attachment-styles-amp-somatic-healing-with-laurie-james/

Episode 329: Divorcing with ADHD: Tracy Otsuka on Trauma, Misdiagnosis, and Mental Overload Jun 26, 2025

Show notes

The brilliant Tracy Otsuka is back on the show for another rich conversation about why ADHD so often gets misdiagnosed (or completely missed) in women, how trauma can mimic or amplify ADHD symptoms, and what you can actually do to function and advocate for yourself if you're dealing with either (or both) during divorce.

We also dig into the very real challenges of trying to function while your brain is in a constant state of overwhelm: whether that's from trauma, ADHD, or the mental chaos that comes when the lines between them blur. Tracy breaks down the importance of understanding how your brain is wired, why traditional systems so often fail neurodivergent women, and how to build supports that actually work for you.

Whether you're navigating ADHD or the aftermath of trauma, reclaiming your own narrative isn't just important, it's necessary, especially if someone else is trying to write it for you.

Here's what else we discuss in this episode:

How ADHD presents differently in women than men and why so many of us go undiagnosed (3:23)
The difference between a trauma state and ADHD and why knowing the distinction matters (10:15)
What to do when your ADHD diagnosis is used against you by your partner or ex in a weaponized or manipulative way (22:10)
How gender roles and stereotypes create additional shame and pressure for neurodivergent women (26:16)
Tracy's brilliant tip for using ChatGPT as a digital support tool in divorce (30:58)

Learn more about Tracy Otsuka: Tracy Otsuka, JD, LLM, AACC, ACC, is a certified ADHD coach and the host of the ADHD for Smart Ass Women podcast. Her book of the same name with Harper Collins - William Morrow is an Amazon Editors' Top 20 Best Nonfiction Book of 2024 recipient.

Over the past decade, she has empowered thousands of clients (from doctors and therapists to C-suite executives and entrepreneurs) to see their neurodivergence as a strength–not a weakness. Leveraging her analytical skills from her time as lead counsel at the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission she helps clients boost productivity, improve finances, save relationships and live happier lives.

Tracy's expertise and experience as an adult living with ADHD are regularly sought out by top tier media including Bloomberg, CBS Mornings, ABC News Live, Forbes, Inc, Prevention, ADDitude magazine, and The Goal Digger Podcast. When she's not sharing her thought leadership around ADHD on other platforms, she hosts her own podcast which ranks #1 in its category and has over 7 million downloads across 160 countries. She also moderates a Facebook group with over 100,000 members. A married mother of two, Tracy lives in Sonoma County outside of San Francisco.

Resources & Links:The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate

Episode 287: ADHD for Smart Ass Women with Tracy Otsuka (Neurodivergence in Relationships) Tracy's book, ADHD for Smart Ass WomenTracy's podcast ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction--from Childhood through Adulthood, Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. ChatGPT Aimee Says AI

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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT TO PROVIDE LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-329-divorcing-with-adhd-tracy-otsuka-on-trauma-misdiagnosis-and-mental-overload/

Episode 328: Crypto and Divorce: How to Uncover Digital Assets with Chris Groshong Jun 19, 2025

Show notes

On today's episode we're talking about the complex issue of cryptocurrency and divorce, and to help unpack it, I brought in Chris Groshong. Chris made the leap from biotech to fintech when he founded CoinStructive back in 2015. Since then he's worked for crypto financial institutions and has helped hundreds of people track down crypto lost to scams, hacks, and yes, hidden in divorce.

If crypto feels confusing, secretive, or even a little bit shady to you, you're not alone. But as Chris explains, the blockchain is actually built on transparency. So once you know what to look for, it becomes a powerful tool for uncovering hidden assets.

In this conversation, we break down what crypto really is, how it shows up in divorce, and what steps you can take if you suspect it's being used to conceal money.

Here's what else we discuss in this episode:

What cryptocurrency is and why understanding how it works is so important in the context of divorce (3:29)
What the hell is the blockchain?? (4:56)
Why crypto can be risky in divorce: people often forget that it's not just about gains, but losses too (21:26)
Red flags that might signal your spouse is hiding crypto (think unexplainable withdrawals, hardware wallets, or sketchy apps) (24:56)
How crypto investigations actually work and why they're often more successful than you'd think (44:49)

Learn more about Chris Groshong: Chris Groshong is a Certified Fraud Investigator who focuses on helping victims of cryptocurrency scams. He is also the Chief Compliance Officer for several crypto financial institutions including Bitcoin ATM operators, OTC exchanges, Wallet operators, DeFi platforms and more. He helps oversee money transmitter licensing and regulatory affairs for his clients at a fraction of the cost of attorneys.

He is a member of the CFCIA (California Financial Crimes Investigators Association), Government Blockchain Association, The Chamber of Digital Commerce, ABA (American Bar Association), ACFCS, ACFE, ACAMS, and has served as an Expert Witness in a Federal fraud case involving Bitcoin and Monero as well as several Divorce cases. He maintains a public-private partnership with the FBI through Infragard.

Chris is the Executive Director of the Crypto Recovery Alliance, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping victims of crypto thefts and scams by providing Blockchain Forensics to victims who can't afford services, as well as access to low or no-cost Mental Health services and preventative education and training.

Resources & Links:The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Chris's website Crypto Recovery Alliance Chris on LinkedIn

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