Show notes
Hey everyone. It's Kirk here again from Option Alpha and I wanted to jump on… And this is going to be a long Facebook Live today because what I think I'm going to be sharing right now is actually… It's a little bit scary to actually share some of this stuff and kind of tell you my thought process. And I do have a bunch of notes on here, so I'm going to show you I have so many notes that I'm going to go through, so if I don't look directly at you, it's because I'm reading from this stuff and I'm trying to figure out my thought processes and what I want to get across. But there's a lot that I want to share on this and this is going to be the show for the daily podcast which is really where the seeds of this whole journey started. When I started the daily podcast almost 700 episodes ago now, one of the things that I wanted to do is I wanted to offer a little bit more than just options trading. I wanted to kind of let you guys behind-the-scenes a little bit, talk a little bit about psychology and mentality and emotional stability. And so, that was one of the things on the daily podcast that we wanted to do and actually, in Show 12 when we talked about confidence versus arrogance, is when this whole thing started to come up. And so, to me, it's only fitting that this conversation kind of dovetails and now starts to pivot from that podcast and stays basically on the daily call podcast. Even though I'm doing this live in Facebook Live, it's going to be part of the daily call podcast. It will definitely be the longest daily call podcast I've ever done because most of them are usually anywhere between three or four minutes and so, who knows how long this one's going to be. The point of doing today's kind of discussion here is really, it's a turning point for me because one, my daughter started kindergarten today and it was a tough morning and still is pretty tough. I mean, her birth back in 2013 was very much a catalyst for where I am now and who the person I am now is. And when my wife and I got pregnant for Molly, our first daughter, we knew we wanted kids, but she was a total surprise. We did not expect to have kids. We were on a five-year plan and then three years into the five-year plan, we had found out that we were pregnant. But she was very much a catalyst that propelled me to this point. I mean, when I knew she was coming, I had to make a lot of decisions about who I wanted to be and what kind of man I wanted to be, what kind of father I wanted to be and ultimately, that led me down the path of deciding if I wanted to really do something with Option Alpha. And so, if you go back even five or six years now, Option Alpha really wasn't much before then. It was very the blog state that it was and I had to make this decision, this quantum leap of faith to do something much bigger with Option Alpha and to really push kind of the envelope on what we were doing. And so, now that she's off to school, I feel like it's the perfect catalyst for me and I feel very much the same emotional state like I was then that I feel like there's something just really kind of pulling at me to do something a little bit different, kind of get outside of my comfort zone and to grow not only as a person, but also as a trader, as an investor, as a father. And so, now that she's off to school, this is the new crossroads. Perfect time to be a catalyst for me because she's doing her own thing. I feel like I can shift and do more of my own thing. I'll start off by saying this and again, none of this stuff is in perfect working order, so you have to bear with me on it. But one thing I've learned over the past couple of weeks is that we're not our thoughts. We all have so many thoughts that go through our head and to me, sometimes I feel like there's so much going through my mind at any one time. I know my wife will probably agree to this that I'm an emotional rollercoaster at some points. But we're not our thoughts and so, what we ultimately are is what we actually do. And so, I don't feel like doing this conversation right now today. This is not how I feel. I actually was going to do it yesterday and then I kind of pushed it off and I know I can't push it off anymore. But I don't think any more, you have to feel like it's your day to do something especially in trading or investing, as being a parent, as a father, a brother, a sister, a mother, whoever you are. You just have to almost act like you want to do it. And I very much want to do this, but I've been nervous about actually getting on and having this conversation, kind of detailing my story a little bit more and talking about where things are going to go with me. And so, for me, I feel like I have to work independent of my thoughts. I feel like I can't wait around for this magical mood to strike because today is definitely not the day where I feel super energized, nor is it the day where I feel like everything is working perfectly because Molly went off to school today, like a big piece of me was ripped out. I've often heard that it's been said and I think this is Brene Brown who said this, but I love this quote. He said, "Vulnerability is just the courage to show up regardless of the outcome." And to me, that's what I feel like this is. I feel like I have enough courage, enough conviction of where I'm going to be taking things and where things are going to be moving and shifting at Option Alpha. I have enough courage and conviction that I can feel vulnerable enough to show up and kind of share this story. I want to go back and kind of take you guys through the back story if you will on a lot of this. For a couple of years now, I feel like there's been something kind of deep inside of me that's been trying to break free, this idea that I just know something is there, it's pulling on me, it's tugging at me, I can't quite put my finger on it, I don't really understand what it is, but it's this feeling of trying to grow and do more as a person and I'm just naturally this way. I love to learn, I love to do all the self-help stuff, but everything I was doing just kind of didn't really fit of jive and so, as a result, it's just been kind of a muddled period honestly really where things have been going well and I don't understand why they're not going totally well, why I'm not totally super, super happy with it and I'd hit one milestone or have one success a little bit and then all of a sudden, I feel like, "Man, I'm right back in the same place. I don't feel like I'm really making progress." And so, what I ultimately ended up figuring out and this is over the course of the last couple of months, so literally the last three to four months, the pieces have really been kind of falling together and I've been doing a lot of digging, soul searching, trying to understand, asking questions like, "Where does my story come from?" And I don't know who actually asked it, but I was on a podcast or something or talking to somebody and they said, "Why do you trade options?" And I could've said the very easy answer which is, "Well, I trade options because of X, Y and Z and I love it." But I thought to myself like there's got to be a deeper understanding. There's got to be a deeper story here for why to me, options are so amazing, like why was it options trading that I ultimately ended up gravitating towards or why did options trading pick me versus anything else? And so, I want to kind of share a little bit of the back story. My deep stories is really rooted in lots of volatility. To take nothing away from my parents because they were amazing people, I couldn't be the person I am now if it wasn't for my parents getting me here, pushing me and doing all of the things that they did. They're amazing people. The problem was, is that through our entire childhood and even through now, we went through volatility financially and it was not their fault. I mean, it was their fault to a certain degree that they were stuck in the place that they were stuck in, but they were both in the same industry, they had two incomes coming from the same place, no outside sources of income basically coming in and so, as a result, our childhood and my childhood was very much a volatility rollercoaster on finances. I remember times where it was really good and we would travel and we would have vacations and then I remember times as a kid where we didn't have any of that stuff and it was like the total opposite where Christmases were not what Christmases I thought they would be. And so, for whatever reason, that struck me. And so, fast-forward, I go through this whole childhood of understanding just now, I realize it now that my entire childhood was basically just a lot of volatility on that side. It would only make sense now that most of what I do now is focused on avoiding volatility and trying to figure out how do you harness volatility to some degree, how do you profit from volatility and somehow it just makes total sense when I do this. But then even fast-forward into my years in school and in college and then ultimately working for investment banks and for retail banks. I was REITs and M&A and I felt the same thing. I went and worked in New York for an investment bank and a lot of what was there was out of my control. It's just totally out of my control. You either made money in investment banking because the year was really, really good or you lost money because the bank didn't close any deals and it wasn't anything that you did necessarily. It's just the function of the market. And so, I was up there right before the market crashed. The deal were falling apart left and right, 2006, 2007, this is when deals were falling apart before things really fell apart, right? And I realized once again, holy crap, here I am, doing everything I can do possibly to get myself out of this viscious cycle of volatility and yet, I find myself in investment banking which is probably the most volatile job in the world. You basically go there and you could make a ton of money and have amazing bonuses and then the next year, you can't, right? And so, I found myself there. And same thing happened generally with REITs and I won't go down that story, but the same thing generally happened. It's just you get into a series of decisions and I just found myself continuously going back to the same idea that like, "How do I remove the volatility from my life? How do I get onto an even state that I can feel comfortable with?" And so, as a result, when I married Emily which was obviously the best decision that I made, I realized that she was such a strong person at her core, that she wasn't overly-emotional and she wasn't highly volatile which was good for me. I needed a person like that which is probably why I'm so attracted to her. But she was so great because she allowed me to kind of grow and start doing other things, like start actually trading at home and supporting what I was doing and start investing in real estate and start investing in other things and start building this business and all the long, trying to basically create a life that has as little volatility financially and stability wise as possible, right? Now, fast forward to now, there's still something that was kind of missing from this whole picture for me. And so, what I finally figured out and this just literally happened in the last two to three weeks even at that. What I finally figured out about why even still to this point, fast forwarding 10 years from all that stuff and building Option Alpha and doing what we've done as a family and as a couple and as a community hopefully and as a leader in this community, there was still something kind of like… I mean, why can't I get over this hurdle internally of really putting myself out there and really kind of leading this charge or moving in the direction I ultimately want to move? And I found out there was three saboteurs as Gary John Bishop would call them and I love the book because it totally changed my life and he basically said, "Look. There's three things that you say to yourself that self-sabotage your belief about everything. And there are these core fundamental principles that you've always believed. You just didn't really know how to put your finger on them." And now, I've had a really good realization and understanding of what these belief, these thought processes are. And so, my three beliefs about people or the three saboteur beliefs that you have is first, about yourself. You have this self-sabotaging belief about yourself. It's the thing that you subconsciously say to yourself over and over again and you don't actually directly say it, it's just in your actions. But what it ends up doing is it ends up dragging you back to that comfort zone, that home base, that good feeling of like – If I ever get a little bit too far out in left field and ever do something a little bit crazy, then ultimately, it brings you back in, okay? The first sabotaging belief is about yourself. And so, for me, my self-sabotaging belief is that I'm not good enough. And so, this has been prevalent in my entire life. I've always had this self-sabotaging belief that I'm not good enough for anything that I do and this is why I overcompensate. It's why I'm a self-proclaimed perfectionist, right? I want to do things perfect. I want to get something out and have it so perfect that there's no gray area on if it's good or not. And if I don't put myself in situations where I can excel to be good enough, I don't feel like I'm actually being challenged. But what's weird about this is that as a result of this, I find myself and I subconsciously put myself in situations that allow me to express enough of a movement to prove to myself that I'm good enough. I grow just enough to prove that I'm good enough and then I somehow seem to either stay still or not grow. And so, this is actually one of my attempts of actually doing that and then kind of overcoming that. That was my self-sabotaging belief and I still have that. That's something I'm always going to grapple with, is I'm not good enough. And to me, it stems from a lot of things. I was a good student in school, but I wasn't good enough. I didn't have enough grades coming out of high school to get into the universities that I wanted to and I ultimately ended up playing football, thought I would actually do a better job in playing football, never grew, but just wasn't good enough and I didn't actually ended up playing, so to me, it was like, "Okay. Well, there we go." I got here and made it to college football which is successful enough, but I didn't actually make it to the next step. And then I wanted to do banking and I wanted to do all these other things. And so, I got just enough to say yes, I was successful doing it, but just not good enough for myself and so, I continuously have this thought process of bumps up top of my head of like – I'm not good enough to do it, but I recognize that now which is so freeing and so cool because I feel like I can overcome that now because I've pinpointed it. I called it out. I basically put a name and a label on it. And so, the next self-sabotaging belief is this idea about people. You have this idea and this is so cool. You have this idea about how you interact with people and because of your idea of people, it then starts to create this idea of how you…
Full show notes at the publisher