The Covert Narcissism Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Interview by Ross Rosenberg, Part One Sep 28, 2023

Show notes

I was privileged to be interviewed by Ross Rosenberg, an internationally known expert in the field of narcissism. It was quite an honor to meet with him and share my story with him and his audience. This two-part series is that interview shared here with you.
Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is Self-Love Recovery Institute’s CEO and primary contributor. His internationally recognized expertise includes pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and attachment trauma. His advanced education, advanced clinical certifications, and more than 35 years of professional work experience enable him to create, produce and provide compelling and life-changing seminars. Ross's seminars simultaneously resonate with the layperson and professional. He is as much a psychotherapist and professional educator, as he is a fellow traveler on the path of personal, relational, and emotional recovery.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. IT DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

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Gaslighting Our Kids is Damaging Sep 24, 2023

Show notes

“If I validate my kid's feelings about their dad, then I'm bad mouthing him. If I tell my kids he's not that bad, and he really does love them, then I'm gaslighting them. My kids have picked up on the fact that he is a difficult person to deal with, and often show up at my house and tell me the latest thing he did. When I encourage them to talk to their dad about how they feel, they say they can't because he'll yell at them. Which is totally true. If I tell him how the kids feel, I'm betraying their trust, and he doesn't believe me. I feel like I'm in an impossible situation and there is no right answer.”

This is an impossible situation. It is a complete nightmare and there is no clear cut answer to any of these questions. There is no solution or manual to follow. To top that off, you are working in a constantly changing dynamic. What seems to work one day will not work the next. What is helpful with one kid will not be with the other kid. You are constantly juggling, constantly maneuvering, constantly exploring. There is no precedence set for this, no notebooks to follow, no straightforward and clear answer. No true right or wrong. Anyone who tells you differently than this is sadly mistaken.

Parenting with a Toxic Partner | Facebook

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Guilt Manipulation: How a Covert Narcissist Uses Your Own Guilt Against You (Special Throwback Episode) Sep 21, 2023

Show notes

Guilt is such a unique thing. It can be wonderful and horrible all at the same time.
Many of us are raised to feel guilty when we do something that we should not or when we hurt someone’s feelings. We are taught that we should feel bad and make it right. This is not a bad thing.

Guilt motivates us to apologize. It motivates us to do right and to fix things. Without guilt, we might not make amends. We might not make it right.

Guilt leaves this uncomfortable feeling inside of us and pushes us to resolve the issue at hand. We are motivated to get rid of this feeling. We don’t like it. We want to feel good in the relationship again. We want them to feel better about us again. We work hard to clear this all up.
When dealing with a covert narcissist, it’s a problem. They are manipulators of this guilt. They will use this good trait against you in extreme ways. They will spin everything in just the right way to fully activate the guilt inside of you. They will do it with just enough truth in what they say to cause you to take full responsibility and work so hard to make everything right. Your own good conscience is used against you!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Q&A Parenting with a Covert Narcissist Sep 17, 2023

Show notes

How do you feel in this relationship with a covert narcissist? Describe it. What are your feelings?

Confused. Hurt. Angry. Overwhelmed. Like everything is my fault. Perplexed. Afraid. Ungrateful. Confused. Like I can’t do anything right. Guilty. Exhausted. Spent. Depressed. Stressed. Anxious. Sad. Did I say - Confused.

How are your kids doing? They are going through the same feelings that you are. Confused. Hurt. Angry. Overwhelmed. Like everything is their fault. Perplexed. Afraid. Ungrateful. Confused. Like they can’t do anything right. Guilty. Exhausted. Spent. Depressed. Stressed. Anxious. Sad. Did I say - Confused.

Except there is one huge difference. They are completely unable to place the blame where it belongs. They do not have the maturity to see things for what they really are. They do not have the life skills to see things from outside of themselves. To analyze things separate from their emotional reactions.

They are unable to work through that confusion and see clearly. Unable to calm the anxiety within themselves. They are unable to not blame themselves and to not internalize the trauma and self-blame which becomes an internal wound of shame.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What Really is a Covert Narcissist? (Special Throwback Episode) Sep 14, 2023

Show notes

Many people are struggling to understand what a covert narcissist actually is. I recently heard a podcast that was trying to figure out what a covert narcissist really is. They clearly, like so many, did not understand. I was surprised when they said, "Aren’t all narcissists covert because they all do things in secret?" They were talking about secret affairs, abuse behind closed doors, secret communication, private financial endeavors, and so on. They were questioning if all narcissists were covert. I was happy to hear them recognize that they did not understand and were going to have to do further research.

Being a covert narcissist isn't about having secret affairs or a double life or anything like that. It isn't defined that way. A covert narcissist is a narcissist that hides the arrogance and the feelings of superiority behind a facade of humbleness. They hide their lack of empathy behind a false show of compassion. Some are so good at it that they truly convince themselves that they are a kind and compassionate person. Nothing you say will ever convince them to even consider that they are not.

Covert narcissists often hide behind a facade of shyness, insecurity, introvertedness, and social awkwardness. They hide behind a show of compassion and sacrifice. Covert narcissists really believe in this image that they are portraying. Victims often feel sorry for them and want to help them. This plays a huge role in how we get trapped in these relationships. Covert narcissists are experts at playing the victim role, and I mean experts.

I hope this episode helps you to gain a better understanding of what covert narcissism is. Regardless of what type of narcissism you are dealing with, abuse is abuse and abuse is wrong!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Self-Regulation Skills for Our Kids Sep 10, 2023

Show notes

When a person feels threatened, physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, there will be a response inside them. This will happen. No matter what age. Even a young baby recognizes danger and their system responds.
As a baby that response is very reactive. Crying, screaming, and even being inconsolable. They need outside sources of calm to help them regulate. We hold them, soothe them, feed them and such.
As a child grows, they build ways of dealing with perceived threats. These ways can be very self-regulated responses, giving room for a healthy handling of the situation or they can be dysregulated reactions, filled with survival skills and coping mechanisms. Coping mechanisms that do not address the problem, but rather just distract and shield one from the threat.
In other words, do children build healthy self-soothing skills or not? How do we teach these or encourage these? Is it ever too late for these to be learned and developed?

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Brinkmanship: The Crazy-Making Skills of a Covert Narcissist (Special Throwback Episode) Sep 08, 2023

Show notes

My covert narcissistic husband loved the word "brinkmanship." He bragged about how no one knows what that word means and how great he is at it. This should have set alarm bells off in my head!! But it didn’t. Sure, I thought it was strange. This seemed like an odd word and an odd concept.

Brinkmanship is the art or practice of pushing a dangerous situation or confrontation to the limit of safety, especially to force a desired outcome, the technique or practice of maneuvering a dangerous situation to the limits of tolerance or safety in order to secure the greatest advantage, especially by creating diplomatic crises.

Little did I know, he had been practicing brinkmanship since his childhood.
He would push situations to their breaking point. He would push me and our kids to the brink, edge of a cliff to get the outcome he wanted. Make us as uncomfortable as he possibly could until we gave in. We gave in to make peace and to keep our sanity. And once again he got what he wanted, to feel in charge, to feel superior, to get out of all responsibility.

Take charge of your life back! The narcissist shows their true colors over and over. Let them. That is theirs to own. Don't let this decide who you are. Don't give them that power over you!
You get to choose who you are! You are in control of your life! Not them!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What About the Kids? Sep 03, 2023

Show notes

You find yourself married to a covert narcissist. Researching like crazy. You are stunned at the treatment you have allowed and the behavior you have accepted. It’s not okay, and it is absolutely time to put up some boundaries to protect you, so you can heal and find you again. But what about your kids?

You have kids with this person! This can be a horrifying and alarming realization. Of course, you knew that you had kids with them, but now you realize that you had kids with a covert narcissist. Now what?? This is a mini-series about what our kids are going through in the households. I am opening an ongoing Q&A with this series. Please send in your questions to renee@cnglifecoaching.com

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Taking the Scariness out of the Idea of Divorce: Interview with Eleanor Marks Aug 31, 2023

Show notes

Today's episode is an interview with divorce coach Eleanor Marks. After living her own life with a covert narcissist and going through a divorce with two children, she now shares her own expertise with others to help on that journey. Whether you divorce or not, taking the scariness out of this option helps us to relax and make healthier decisions for ourselves and our children. If the thought of divorce has even entered your mind, her words of comfort and suggestions will prove to be incredibly helpful to you.

https://eleanormarks.net/

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Devalue Your Abuser Aug 27, 2023

Show notes

He was my knight in shining armor. The perfect match. My soul mate.

I even said that I feel like he is the male version of me and that I am the female version of him. How in the world did I end up so swept off of my feet like this? So wrapped up in him? What happened?

What exactly is love bombing? What effect does it have? How do I break the spell?

I recently had a group member say that she wasn’t love bombed and that she doesn’t really understand what that is. She said that she wasn’t smothered with lavish gifts, constant phone calls, poetic love notes, and so on. He just lined up with all the little things I was looking for. Love bombing is whatever language speaks directly to you, and its spell is powerful. To break it, you must knock that abuser off the pedestal.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.