The Brain Language Podcast

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EP #50 Forgive the Unforgivable Jul 15, 2021

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Forgiveness is an often misunderstood concept. You can use NLP to help yourself truly let go of things that you cannot change.

In the first segment, we talk about what is misunderstood about forgiveness. People oftentimes think that forgiving someone for what they did is condoning it. It is not.

Learn what the difference is between condoning and letting go of our expectations.
NLP has several forgiveness processes that can help a person free themselves from the binds of resentment and anger that come from not forgiving someone. This frees up energy to be spent on experiences that you can change.

Learn how one of these processes works and be free from someone or something renting space in your mind.

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EP #49 Relationships 101 Jun 08, 2021

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Significant Patterns in NLP for harmonious relationships:

Unless you happen to find your soul mate (what is that mean anyway?) you are probably going to have ups and downs in your relationships. And even soul mates aren’t perfect.

NLP offers effective processes for keeping you and your partner or family member, boss, employee, etc. on the right track.

What are some of the processes in NLP that help people navigate the ups and downs of relationships?

Outcomes
Rapport – especially breathing
Sensory acuity
Calibration
Anchoring
Conflict resolution
Align Perceptual Positions – boundaries and 2nd position
Aligning neurological levels
Understanding LAB profile patterns – especially convincers, internal/external, away/toward/criteria
Forgiveness process
Counterexample process
Role of language: using verbs instead of nouns: relationships to relating; work to working; communication to communicating

What are the most significant skills and processes in NLP to help with good relationships?

Rapport, 2nd position, Releasing Emotional Enmeshment, active listening, anchoring, forgiveness, outcomes, meta-model, understanding maps of perception

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EP #48 How Come I'm Not Doing the Things I Want to Do - Part 2 May 03, 2021

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In EP 42 we talk about – How come I am not doing the things I really want to do?

In that episode we talked about some things that stop us:

1. Modal operators: must, have to, want, need, should
2. Submodality maps
3. Don't know how or missing information
4. Lateral or mismatched criteria
5. Values
6. Confusion with goals and tasks

In today’s episode, we are going to continue adding to the list and then talk about how to use a basic swish to change triggers.

What are triggers (anchors)?

We see, hear or feel something that triggers us into behavior or feeling. We see a dog or cat and we have warm feelings, or a loved one’s face, or cop sitting on the side of the road. Our reaction to these things and many others is automatic. Or we hear something – a song, or jingle, and we remember someone, a certain time in our life or a product. We hear train whistles or boat horns, ocean waves and we are transported to another time and place. Or a siren, etc. Or we feel velvet or a pet’s fur, or the silky feel of a child’s hair, or sandpaper, or a pat on the back. Crisp sheets in the summer or gentle breeze on our face. We also taste and smell things that we have an immediate response to.

What are some more things that stop us from doing what we want to do?

We are afraid
We are not committed.
We are lazy, irresponsible, or want someone else to do it. –
Beliefs – we’ve talked about these before. In order to do something, especially something you haven’t done before or something that challenges your skills level, you have to believe it is possible, it is possible for you, you are capable or capable of learning it. That you deserve it and that it is worthwhile. If any of these beliefs are not present, then you may find yourself avoiding the behavior.
We are not clear, no focused, or have no purpose for doing it. no clear goal.
Do you know what level of belief stops you? if you know how to do something but don’t do it: you know how to make calls but you don’t do it, then you are capable but you may not think it is possible.
What do you mean by becoming “not me”.

So how would I use new triggers to change my behaviors – if I am capable and deserve it, it is worthwhile but I seem to be running on automatic?

The Basic Swish works on removing triggers that steer us in other directions..

You can learn how to adjust your pictures in your head to encourage behaviors and discourage others. If I want to look at my phone when I need to be doing something else, I push the mental picture of my phone away from me, make it dark and small so I can’t see it. then make a picture of me doing what I want to do.

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EP #47 - If You Want Confidence, You May Be Asking For the Wrong Thing! Apr 19, 2021

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When many people start out doing something new, they ask for confidence to do it. They are wanting to motivate themselves to do something new. What makes people think they can be confident doing something they have never done or done enough to get good at it. The episode discusses the Bandura Curve (the study of performance versus expectation) and how we often compare our performance to our expectations rather than where we started.
We learn how to do something and get good at it through practice and learning. Competence comes from practice. Then confidence builds from that. NLP has numerous processes that can help us with self-assurance when learning how to do something. Self-assurance is what we need to ask for!

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EP #46 Transforming Negative Parts into Super Allies Mar 18, 2021

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A part is a metaphor that can be thought of as a collection of beliefs, ideas, abilities, and states that have less connection with other states. You could think of them as subsystems that operate in people more or less independently of the whole or other subsystems. For example, a person may think of themselves as confident but in one area have a part of them that is doubtful of their abilities. A part usually represents a behavior, idea, or belief that can be separated out from the whole, as in …” a part of me wants…” Satir used ‘parts to describe various aspects of self. Parts often make themselves present when we have a conflict. This concept is used in reframing and gestalt therapy.
We become aware of parts when they behave or think in a way that is adversarial or in opposition to what we want. I’ve heard people refer to these parts as ‘negative’. By giving parts new choices and allowing them to continue their jobs, parts can be transforming from being “against you” to helping you accomplish exactly what you want. By showing parts respect for the job they are doing, they can easily turn from doing something you don’t want to do to doing something you want to do. It is always important to respect parts. The cool thing is we never get rid of a part. We give it choices that are more conducive to a happy healthy system. A six-step reframe is a process that negotiates with parts. After an outcome is established, the part can be given additional choices that are at least as effective as the present choice that will continually enable the part to do its job – accomplish its intention. Parts become your ally and friend. It is happy because it is getting what it wants and you are happy because you are getting what you want.

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EP #44 Could I Ask A Better Question Feb 23, 2021

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Why do people ask questions? To get information. Have you ever left a situation thinking, I wished I had asked more questions? Questions are a valuable part of conversations and communication in general. Yet, most training will focus on using the right words and listening rather than asking good questions. The conversation, meeting, or presentation direction depends on the questions asked and the information gleaned from those questions. Ask questions to get high-quality information or useless information. It depends on the asker and the structure of the questions.
What do questions do for us? To Set a direction.

Questions are tools that chunk information into smaller or bigger pieces.

Can get a person to reinforce a problem because people set up filters to sample only the things that confirm what they already know or decided
Or can open up new frontiers of knowledge and possibilities
It can help people to process and reorganize information in a new way.
Are defined by purpose
Divide the world into categories, small or large.

For example, “Think of a time when you feel fascinated” creates a direction that chunks out that set of experiences – fascinated and says, “This is what we’re going to do – select this.”

"Think of an extremely intense example” decreases the number of examples the person can select from.

“Think of the time when you felt the most fascinated” represents the smallest set from which to select an example.

Learn to ask “when” questions – will trigger information about where in time an event occurred and when it was perceived by the person to have started.
Learn to challenge quantification in language because this pattern shows you where someone has placed boundaries of limits in their world model. If someone says, “it just happens,” respond by saying, “Well, as you notice what happens, just before that, tell me what it is.” This question is framed so that for a person to understand the sentence, they have to accept the presupposition that they are going to notice what it is. And it drives things from the unconscious to the conscious… in the process of elicitation.
The brain continues to search the memory system on an unconscious level even after an answer has been found on the conscious level. The mind scan 30 items per second even when the person is unaware that a search is taking place.

Is there a formula for asking a good question? The structure of a good question.

The art of asking a question in NLP enables a person to ask a question that you know the answer to and lead the listener in a certain direction.

There is a very thin line between elicitation and installation.

What is the meta-model in NLP? Designed to help a person understand the linguistic deletions, generalizations, and distortions. The Meta-Model is designed to obtain high-quality information in a short amount of time.

The Meta Model:

Not about finding out what’s wrong
It is about finding out the limits of a person’s model.
Every question sets a direction and directs the listener on how to think.

To improve communication ability, a key factor is listening and then clarifying what the other person means and avoiding assigning your subjective meaning based on your own experience. It allows you to clarify assumptions quickly and precisely.

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EP #44 The Power of Flow Dec 30, 2020

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Flow is a powerful concept for aligning yourself, life, and values to create serendipity. Serendipity is the process by which things happen - synchronistic events where things come together as if by magic. This concept was originally put forth by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in his book, Flow: the psychology of optimal experience. NLP helps a person to enter a state of flow more easily by aligning their thoughts, beliefs, outcomes, and values with what they want.
Flow means to create harmony. It comes from having your outcomes aligned with your values and integrity. When life gets too hard and things don't seem to happen, often it is because we are trying to make something work that is misaligned or not clearly thought through. Sometimes a person is fighting against events in their environment that they cannot control. Sometimes stress gets the better of a person and they look at things negatively.
Flow is a valuable concept for any NLP student.

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EP #43 What do you when you cannot decide Nov 09, 2020

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Indecisiveness is something that seems to plague a lot of people. It can be appreciated because it has a positive intent. I say this because being indecisive is a strategy unto itself. How do you decide to be indecisive? Well, you have to decide not to decide. It’s the same as no response is a response. You are making a decision not to make a decision.
This episode explores strategies for deciding when indecision takes over. What causes indecisiveness? What are some of the problems it causes? What stops us from making decisions. What are some steps to getting to a good decision? What are four things you need to make good decisions, and what is the formula for making good decisions? What is the role of intuition?
All of it involves clarity at each level.

VISION

Your highest level is Vision – What is your overall vision for your life? How do you see yourself spending your days? In other words, what do you value; teaching, working with people, working with machines, travel, exploration, discovery, adventure, etc.?

OUTCOMES

Next, how can that Vision be met? These are your possible Outcomes. Do you want to have a career, a hobby, a family, be a homemaker? Your outcomes could be met through a certain type of career (teaching, financial planning, artist, trainer, business coach, travel agent, etc.)

CRITERIA

When you have your vision and possible outcomes, decide what the criteria are in the outcomes. What is important to you about something?

For example, if a person's criteria are working with people, being independent, making over $100,000 a year, having balance, and maintaining their health, they want an outcome that will fit those criteria. You might not be suited to running your own business because you need structure. Where can you get your other criteria met to get what you want and still get the structure? Also, if something does not meet a criterion, you say NO! Other opportunities will come along.

INFORMATION

Once you have your criteria, outcome, and vision, now make certain you have enough information to decide. Even your intuition will work better with more information.

Speaking of intuition….if something nags you about it. PAY ATTENTION. A negative pervasive feeling is also information and needs to be checked out by gathering more information. If you can’t get more information, move on.

The other factor worth mentioning here is timing. Sometimes it’s not that you need to decide between either/or but when. Sometimes choices can be ordered on a timeline to contribute to a progression of accomplishments, each step of the development for the next step. Do I go for the dream job, or do I take this consulting job for 4 months? Do the consulting job while looking for a dream job. They aren’t mutually exclusive. They can both be a part of a larger vision.

The formula for decisiveness.

· Be very clear on your overall vision

· Be clear about the outcomes that would give you the vision

· Be concise about your criteria that will meet those outcomes.

· Then gather enough information to make the decision intelligent.

The person who successfully flies by the seat of their pants has taken flying lessons.

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EP-#42 How come I am not doing the things I really want to do? Oct 16, 2020

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What are some of the things we put off doing, don’t do, think about doing but don’t do even though we know how to do them?

It can be as simple as reading a book, fixing something in your house, taking a class, returning that shirt. or changing the oil in your car. This isn’t even taking into consideration big things: moving, changing jobs, changing careers, starting a business.
It is frustrating when we have ideas and tasks we want to do but don’t seem to make yourself do them. It seems so simple. What stops us?

1. Modal operators: must, have to, want, need, should
2. Submodality maps
3. Don't know how or missing information
4. Lateral or mismatched criteria
5. Values
6. Confusion with goals and tasks
7. Viewed as not fun or significant
This episode discusses strategies to get yourself going and where to start.

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EP #41 Words, Words, Words. Which One Do I Use? Sep 09, 2020

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We live in a world with words surrounding us like we are fish in the water. We are aware of words but not necessarily conscious of their meaning or how they affect others. This episode is about the power of language. Words inform, and they also influence. The study of NLP is about how language affects our emotions and, therefore, our nervous system. Words subtly influence how to think about something without us ever knowing that it does. When we listen to a description of an experience or person and find ourselves having an emotional response, it is usually due to the words to make that description. This episode explores the nature of language and how we are manipulated into thinking a certain way about something by the adjectives and adverbs used to describe it. If you like to do your own thinking, you will enjoy exploring the topic in this episode.

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