What happens when you refuse to make a decision and try to keep riding in two directions at once?
Kent Hance opens this episode of Kent Hance: The Best Storyteller in Texas with a saying that is blunt, hilarious, and surprisingly profound: "You can't ride two horses with one ass." His point is simple. Eventually, you have to choose. And if you wait too long, "time will make a decision for you, and it won't be to your advantage."
That lesson about choices runs through an episode packed with unforgettable stories, outrageous excuses, Texas memories, and the kind of hard-earned wisdom that only Kent can deliver.
Kent begins on a personal note, remembering his longtime friend and political partner Larry Myers, a Muleshoe native, former staffer for Senator Lloyd Bentsen, and devoted church deacon. That remembrance leads to a classic West Texas story involving high school football, the tiny town of Happy, Texas, and a student whose attempt at a "more creative" rivalry sign earned him three days away from school.
Then Kent reaches back into his own political past with the story of a voter who confronted him during a congressional campaign about putting a horse inside his high school. Kent's response? The story was inaccurate. "It was a pony. It wasn't a horse." Somehow, that clarification helped win over the voter.
From there, the stories only get stranger.
There's the truck driver who blamed a wreck on an attempt to apply deodorant behind the wheel, prompting the inevitable question of whether he at least "passed the smell test." Kent and Sandy also discuss the far more serious story of a massive fentanyl seizure and a police dog that required Narcan after exposure during the investigation.
Kent recalls one of his own cases as a young lawyer, involving an 18-year-old who got caught helping unload marijuana from an airplane. When the young man initially refused to cooperate because the pilot was his friend, Kent explained what a long prison sentence could look like. Suddenly, as Kent remembers it, the pilot was "not real close."
It is a hilarious example of how quickly priorities can change when consequences become real.
The episode travels from narcotics investigations to a frightening bear attack in Montana, a fencing dispute that spiraled wildly out of control, and the story of an extremely wealthy West Texan who would argue over practically every bill he received. That tale eventually leads to a church donation, a horrified young pastor, and an unforgettable lesson about knowing when to stop arguing and simply cash the check.
And just when you think the stories cannot get any more unusual, meet the three-year-old who earned a Guinness World Record after visiting all 12 Disney theme parks around the world.
The conversation also turns toward the everyday issues that hit families closest to home, including interest rates, housing affordability, car payments, and why homeowners with extremely low mortgage rates may have little incentive to move. Kent also talks about his famously short sleep schedule and why he has made the major lifestyle adjustment of increasing his nightly sleep from roughly four hours to five.
Funny, candid, unpredictable, and occasionally poignant, this episode is vintage Kent Hance. Beneath the wild stories is a surprisingly powerful message about decisions and consequences. Whether it's politics, friendship, money, crime, business, or simply deciding what direction your life should take, sooner or later you have to choose.
As Kent puts it: "You gotta pick a horse."
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