The Art of Charm

The Holistic Psychologist Instagram account

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Nicole LePera | Heal Your Trauma and Forge the Life You Want May 10, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover what it means to work on yourself with Dr. Nicole LePera. She is the creator of the popular Instagram account @the.holistic.psychologist, was educated in clinical psychology at Cornell University and The New School of Social Research, and is the author of the best-selling How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self.

Introduction

It takes a lot of work to go from insight to effecting real long-lasting change, so how do you bridge the gap, why does focusing on the flaws of others hurt your own development, and how does your lack of emotional expressiveness take away from your life satisfaction?

Introduction - 4:00

What does it mean to “do the work” when embarking on a path of self-development or healing after trauma?
Why is it important to bridge the gap between insight and action and why do so many people fail to, leaving them unable to make progress?
How do you overcome your own resistance to change?

Detangling trauma from an idealized past - 13:32

What can you do to identify trauma in your life that is causing you to self-sabotage without even realizing it?
What are the most common self-sabotaging behaviors people do without realizing it?
What are trauma bonds and how does it show up in your relationships in destructive ways you might not even realize?

Your unknown expectations can destroy your relationships - 28:28

What role do expectations play in trauma bonds influencing our current relationships?
What do you do when you are ready to make a change but your friends or family aren’t supportive or ready to make changes themselves?

How should we think about emotions - 37:46

What steps can you take to start valuing your emotions instead of dismissing them or allowing other people to dismiss them?
Why is self-compassion important when it comes to “doing the work” and growing into the person you want to be?
What can you do if you’re an overachiever and feel like you need achievement to feel complete?
How do you overcome the fear of being who you want to be so you can get out of your own way?

Have you ever felt a fear so strong that it nearly paralyzed you or left you trembling? Maybe the event was a real-life trauma, like being mugged. Or maybe it was something more subtle but equally as debilitating - like walking into an interview for your dream job and feeling all those eyes on you, sizing up who they can't wait to reject. All of these events can have long lasting effects on who you are and who you want to become. But you have to be willing to identify them, work through the effects they’ve had, and get out of your own way to be comfortable expressing who you really are.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self by Dr. Nicole LaPera

Dr. Nicole LaPera’s website

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Carole Robin | How to Build World Class Connections and Lead With Vulnerability May 03, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover building stronger connections with Dr. Carole Robin. Carole Robin, Ph.D. was the Dorothy J. King Lecturer in Leadership at Stanford's Graduate School of Business where she helped to further develop the Interpersonal Dynamics Course, and is now the author of the best selling book, Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues.

Technology and the pandemic have changed the landscape of human connection, but how bad is it, what simple tips can you use to improve your ability to connect, and what is the correct way to show vulnerability in the workplace?

What to Listen For

The damage technology is having on our ability to connect - 0:00

What experience do we all need as humans and what can you do to give people that experience?
Why are we losing close connections in our lives and what can we do about it?
How does social media trap you into a state where you can’t connect with the people around you and what can you do about it?
What simple tip can you use to deepen any connection?

Why you need to get comfortable talking about feelings - 9:56

Why is it detrimental to your relationships to avoid talking about your emotions and feelings?
What are the benefits of expressing your feelings and how does it help strengthen your relationships?
Why are “why” questions so challenging when it comes to connecting with someone, and what questions should you ask instead?
What type of questions can lead to the other person feeling judged?
What is the signature trait of a successful relationship?

What does a successful relationship look like? - 31:38

What are the characteristics of a successful relationship and what can you do to cultivate them in your relationships?
How has the pandemic affected the way we interact with coworkers and build relationships?
What 90 second exercise can you implement to strengthen your personal and professional relationships over Zoom?
How can you be vulnerable without letting your disclosure be used against you?
What can women do to become better leaders while staying true to themselves?

Technology is changing the landscape of human connection and it's hard to know what will happen next. What you can do now, however, is learn to be vulnerable so that those around you also feel comfortable being open with one another. Without this openness we'll always have a lack of trust which does not bode well for our society at large where social connections are essential.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Resources from this Episode

Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues by Dr. Carole Robin

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Toolbox: Biggest Myth With Small Talk & 3 Mistakes to Avoid

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Toolbox | Small Talk Hacks to Boost Your Sales, Grow Your Network and Never Feel Awkward Again Apr 26, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover small talk with AJ, Johnny, and Michael.

Getting on the question train is one of the most common mistakes people make in conversations without realizing it, but what is it, why does it kill conversations, and how do you avoid getting on it?

What to Listen For

The pitfalls that lead to one-sided conversations - 0:00

What is the conversation formula you can use to create engaging conversations in any situation?
What is the conversation train and why do you want to avoid it when you’re talking to someone?
Why are people more likely to disclose personal information to strangers than to close friends?

The conversation formula - 13:20

What is the best way to start a conversation with someone you don’t know?
What kind of questions should you avoid when making small talk?
What is the most important part of a conversation after asking the initial question and why do we often trip up over it?

What is the question train and how do you avoid it? - 27:20

Why does an endless series of questions deter people from wanting to talk to you?
What easy-to-remember visual can you keep in mind when making engaging small talk?
What are the 3 A’s of value we should be giving to people when we’re speaking to them?
What is emotional contagion and why is it important to understand when leading a conversation?

Asking questions is a critical part of engaging conversations. But asking too many questions can kill a conversation. A conversation should be a balance between asking questions, listening, and relating. That means after you ask a question, you should be listening to what the other person says, and then responding with a statement that shows you were listening and that you understand what the other person was trying to say. You ask a question, they share, you share, then you can ask another question or preferably, they ask the next question.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Self-Disclosure: An Experimental Analysis of the Transparent Self

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Dr. Caroline Leaf’s website

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Caroline Leaf | The Secret to Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess & 5 Steps to Healing Grief Apr 19, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover the idea of mental mess with Dr. Caroline Leaf. Caroline has spent the last 30 years researching the nature of mental health and has helped hundreds of thousands of people learn how to use their mind to detox and grow their brain to succeed in every area of their lives including school, university, and the workplace.

We are all dealing with mental messes in varying degrees, but what is a mental mess, how does your mental mess impact your ability to find happiness and success, and what process can you start using today to clean up your mental mess?

What to Listen For

What is a mental mess and why is it important to manage? - 0:00

What is neuroplasticity and how can you take advantage of it on a daily basis to improve the quality of your life?
What is the difference between the brain and the mind and why do we put so much attention on one at the detriment to the other?
What can you do to replace your negative thoughts & beliefs with positive, empowering thoughts & beliefs?

What’s wrong with the way we treat mental health? - 16:27

How is our current perception of mental health treatment preventing us from making significant progress in our overall mental health and happiness?
How has the media negatively impacted our mental health and the way we process our mental messes?
How does your mental health influence the length of your lifespan and what can you do to live a longer, healthier life?

What is the neurocycle and how can it improve our lives? - 37:15

What are the 5 steps of the neurocycle and how can you use it to heal grief?
Why is it important to develop a self-awareness of your mental state?
How do you prepare yourself for those moments when you know you will feel anxiety or fear so they don’t stop you from achieving success?

Mental health is an important part of everyone’s existence. In the same way we should take regular steps to maintain and improve our physical health, we must do the same for our mental health. If we don’t, then a mental mess builds up over time. This mental mess clouds our thinking, influences our beliefs in a negative manner, and slowly eats away at relationships. Using the neurocycle described by Dr. Caroline Leaf, you can start cleaning up your mental mess and improve your quality of life today.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess by Dr. Caroline Leaf

CLEANING UP THE MENTAL MESS hosted by Dr. Caroline Leaf

Neurocycle App

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Is Efficiency Overrated?: Minimal Social Interactions Lead to Belonging and Positive Affect

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Toolbox: Biggest Myth With Small Talk & 3 Mistakes to Avoid Apr 12, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover the science of small talk with AJ and Johnny.

Small talk can feel like a chore these days, but why is it important that we make small talk with people throughout the day, how do we make it fun and engaging, and why is it detrimental to our relationships and community to avoid or ignore small talk?

What to Listen For

The science of small talk and acknowledging others - 0:00

What are the benefits to making small talk and why does avoiding small talk erode the strength of relationships and community?
Why do people go to extreme lengths to have their existence acknowledged?
Why is it detrimental to think of small talk as useless or a waste of time?

Why is small talk stopping you from being successful - 8:22

Why do people think small talk is boring and how is that mindset hindering them?
In what way does small talk satisfy one of our most basic needs as humans?
How can we use small talk as a jumping off point for engaging conversations?
What pitfall do we need to avoid when making small talk?

Why is it so important for us to make small talk - 16:00

Does small talk require you to be positive and bubbly?
What is small talk really about?
What can you do to be more likeable?
What negative signals are you conveying when you ignore the attempts others make at small talk?
What one word can you add to make your small talk more fun and conversational?

Small talk is one of our more important tools in initiating engaging conversations. You can make it fun, but at times it can be awkward. That discomfort at the thought of awkward small talk leads people to opt out altogether in the age of smartphone proliferation. It feels much safer to stare at your phone than strike up a conversation with someone you don’t know. Unfortunately, this is leading to a lack of any small talk, even with friends and family. Over time, this leads to a total disconnect within communities as neighbors don’t talk to each other, friends sit on their phones when they’re out to dinner, and families resort to texting rather than calling each other.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Brad Lomenick | 3 Steps to Effective Leadership & Getting the Feedback You Need to Succeed Apr 05, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover leadership with Brad Lomenick. Brad is a leadership consultant, speaker, founder of BLINC, and author of The Catalyst Leader and H3 Leadership. He writes about leadership, the next generation, creativity, innovation, social media, teamwork, and personal growth.

Effective leadership is built on a few powerful traits anyone can learn, but what are they, what is the difference between an effective leader and an ineffective one, and what can you do to be an effective leader without being in a leadership position?

What to Listen For

Brad’s Journey & Strategies for Conquering Burnout - 3:34

What are the different levels of burnout and what can you do if you’re feeling burnt out?
What can you do as a leader to encourage your team to hold you accountable for your faults and blindspots?

The Biggest Leadership Myths & How to Assume Leadership - 9:59

What are the biggest myths about leadership?
What are the two types of people who want to be leaders and why is one not cut out for the role?
What can you do to be a leader if you are regularly jumping from one company to another?
What can you do to be proactive about being a leader rather than waiting to be recognized as one?

Ineffective vs Effective Leadership - 21:08

How does social media identify and highlight the ineffective leaders, placing poor examples of leadership in front of people around the world?
How can a leader exemplify the hustle mentality and powerful humility?
How do you build trust with your team when you are brand new and your team doesn’t know you?

It seems as if the loudest “leaders” get the most attention, but getting someone’s attention or drawing an audience do not make someone a leader. The most effective leaders can lead from a place of trust and humility. They get buy-in from those around them by getting to know them and building a genuine relationship. If you want to be an effective leader, you must be willing to listen to the people around you and open up to them so they can connect with you.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Brad Lomenick’s website

H3 Leadership by Brad Lomenick

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Matthew Pollard’s website

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Matthew Pollard | The Networking Mindset for Success and Why Introverts Have the Edge Apr 01, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover networking as an introvert with Matthew Pollard. Matthew is an internationally-recognized consultant, speaker, author, serial entrepreneur with five multi-million dollar business success stories under his belt, and the author of his newest book The Introvert’s Edge to Networking.

Networking when you’re an introvert can feel like a daunting task, so how do successful introverts do it, what advantages do introverts have when it comes to networking, and what can you do to be unforgettable?

What to Listen For

Why do introverts make the best networkers? - 0:00

What is the failing networking strategy many introverts adopt?
Who are some of the more famous introverts and what can you learn from them?
What’s the difference between extroverts and introverts when it comes to networking?

How do you come up with a plan for networking? - 9:20

What is the best way to get other people interested in what you have to say or sell?
What is a unified message and why do you need one to grow your network effectively?
How important is it to be passionate when networking and what can you do to find the passion in what you do?
What should you lead with when meeting new people to make sure they don’t forget you as quickly as they met you?
What mindset will set you up for failure in a networking environment and what mindset should you adopt instead?

How do you excel at networking online? - 36:18
Why is it more important to have a clear message when networking online than it is offline?
What are the challenges you face when networking online and what strategies can you use to overcome them?
What mistaken strategy do introverts tend to use when networking online and how does it lead to burnout and failure?

Networking is typically associated with extroverts but that doesn’t mean introverts can’t be fantastic at it. Networking is all about building connections with people, and since introverts tend to seek deeper connections than extroverts, introverts have an inherent advantage they can leverage. The key for introverts when it comes to networking is to prepare - find out who will be at a networking event and decide who you want to meet. Do some research into what they do and what you might have in common so you can show genuine interest when you meet them instead of struggling through the initial introduction and conversation.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

The Introvert’s Edge to Networking by Matthew Pollard

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Two Beats Ahead: What Musical Minds Teach Us About Innovation

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Spark Your Creativity and Innovate Today with Michael Hendrix & Panos Panay Mar 29, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover the power of music and listening with Panos A. Panay and R. Michael Hendrix. Panay is a Cypress-born entrepreneur and educator, Hendrix is an American graphic designer and entrepreneur, and both are the authors of Two Beats Ahead: What Musical Minds Teach Us About Innovation, featuring interviews with some of the top creative geniuses of our time.

Some of the best music humans create comes from collaborative work between artists, but why is collaboration so important, what should you avoid when collaborating with others on any project, and why is it important to focus on the process of creating something just as much as the end product?

What to Listen For

The Power of Listening - 0:00

What is the difference between hearing music and listening to it?
Why is the silence between notes more important than the notes themselves?
What creative acts do design and music have in common?
What are you NOT doing if you feel like you run out of things to talk about in a conversation?

The Power of Collaboration - 16:45

What great approaches to collaboration can you use in your life and business to come up with new ideas?
Why are trust and respect so important when pursuing collaborative opportunities with individuals and groups?
What is missing from project based learning that can lead to a total failure for the teams working on the projects?
What can you do if you find yourself on a team with people you don’t like or get along with?
What conversation are professional organizations and businesses not having and why is it killing the effectiveness of project teams?

Process Focused vs Outcome Focused - 29:38

Why is it more important to focus on the process of creating something rather than just the end result?
How do you work with individuals who refuse to compromise when working on collaborative projects?
What mistake do many companies make when trying to find collaboration opportunities?
How do you bring out the individuality in your team members to get the best of the collaboration?

Humans have likely been creating music for as long as we have been around. And the process of making music can teach us about the values that define humanity. The value of not just the notes, but the silence between them - both contribute to the sound of the music we love and hate. Similarly, it’s important for humans to have periods of rest in between periods of effort because in those periods of rest and boredom are when we come up with some of our best ideas. Those periods of rest between intense workouts are when our bodies get stronger. We cannot live fulfilling lives by simply resting all the time nor can we by working all the time. Balance is important in all things.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Michael Hendrix’s website

Panos A. Panay on Twitter

Sonic Bids

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Dr. Janina Scarlet’s Website

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Janina Scarlet | Unlock Superhero Confidence & Slay Your Inner Dragons Mar 22, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover superhero therapy with Dr. Janina Scarlet. Dr. Janina Scarlet is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, author, TEDx speaker, and a full-time geek who immigrated to the United States at the age of 12 with her family and later, inspired by the X-Men, developed Superhero Therapy to help patients with anxiety, depression, and PTSD.

Effective therapy can come in many forms but superhero therapy is certainly one of the more interesting approaches we’ve come across - but what is superhero therapy, what can we learn from the heroes and adventures which inspire us, and how can you build an environment conducive to the life you want to lead?

What to Listen For

Dr. Janina Scarlet’s Origin Story and Using Stories to Heal - 0:00

How did Dr. Janina Scarlet get started using superhero stories to help patients with the mental health difficulties they’re facing?
How can we reframe challenges we face using stories and characters in order to overcome them?
How can you use fiction to gain insight into the challenges you face?
What is a stress hormone and how does one in particular make it difficult for us to get out of bed in the morning?

Building a Life that Supports Your Heroic Journey - 17:30

Why is it important to surround yourself with people who support you on your recovery journey?
How can we use superhero stories to get our friends and family excited about helping us while also opening up about the challenges they’re facing?
How do you construct an environment conducive to the life you want to lead and the person you want to become?
How can you use fictional characters like superheroes to identify your core values in order to guide your decisions to build the life you want?

What can we learn from our Heroes? - 31:28

What are the benefits to reading fictional stories and what can we all learn from the heroes of said stories?
Is it more important to fake confidence until your confident or to be comfortable with your flaws and insecurities?
What is Dark Agents about and what can it teach us about PTSD?
What are the biggest misconceptions surrounding PTSD?
How can you recognize when you or someone you know is struggling with PTSD and what can you do to seek help or get help?
Can we experience trauma in life without realizing it until years later?

The idea of finding a therapist and going to therapy can feel intimidating even though mental health is becoming less of a taboo subject. But therapy can come in many different forms and some of those forms can feel much more approachable and relatable. Superhero therapy is one because many of us grew up reading comic books and many more got hooked on the superhero movie craze that erupted two decades ago. It’s easy to be inspired by individuals who perform heroic acts yet still experience many of the same insecurities and flaws we normal people go through daily. As a result, the heroes and their stories have an incredible amount they can teach us if we’re willing to pay attention.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Superhero Therapy Podcast

Harry Potter Therapy Podcast

Check in with AJ and Johnny!