The Art of Charm

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Steve Herz | Why Critical Feedback is Important and How to Ask for It Jul 20, 2020

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover critical feedback and how to ask for it with Steve Herz. Steve is President of The Montag Group, a sports and entertainment talent and marketing consultancy, and a career advisor to CEOs, lawyers, entrepreneurs, and young professionals.

Critical feedback is important for our growth, but asking for it and receiving it can be challenging because people who care about us are generally hesitant to tell us anything negative about ourselves, so what can we do to get the feedback we need to improve?

What to Listen For

Why is critical feedback important to our growth and success, and how can we get better at receiving it?
What can you do to get the feedback you need to grow in a culture where people seem to coddle each other out of fear of how you might respond to critical feedback?
How do you ask for feedback in such a way that allows people to feel comfortable offering critical feedback rather than just saying something to make you feel good?
How much of your success is determined by your proficiency versus your ability to connect with others?
What steps can you take today to improve your ability to effectively communicate and connect with others so you don’t get passed up on job opportunities and promotions?
What is the 360 review and how can it save you from ending up in terrible situations?
Why is warmth important in building relationships and why can your aversion to it lead to failure in life?
What can you do to work on your humility?
How do energy and warmth work together when you are interacting with others, and what can you do to improve both while staying true to who you are?

Critical feedback is important because you only have your perspective on what you are doing. So if you are always doing something incorrect while you believe it to be correct, how are you going to correct what you’re doing wrong if no one tells you. Unfortunately, the people who know us best will likely be hesitant to tell us when we’re doing something wrong out of fear of confrontation, or hurting our feelings, or just wanting to avoid a potentially awkward situation. This means we must make it easy and comfortable for the people who care about us to give us the feedback we need to be our best selves.

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Resources from this Episode

Don’t Take Yes for an Answer by Steve Herz

Steve Herz’s website

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Dr. Gervais | The Art of Self-Mastery and Becoming Who You’re Meant to Be Jul 13, 2020

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover what it means to achieve mastery of a subject or skill with Dr. Michael Gervais, a high performance psychologist working in the trenches of high-stakes environments with some of the best in the world, training the mindset skills and practices essential to pursuing and revealing one’s potential

Mastering anything takes some talent, but it also takes consistent practice and a persistent mindset, so what can you do to cultivate the mindset required for mastery, what do you need to push through the pain along the way, and how can comparing your journey to others stop you from achieving your potential?

What to Listen For

What does it mean to achieve mastery of a skill or subject, and why can comparing our progress to others hinder our ability to achieve mastery?
Why is it important for your mental and physical well being to live in the present moment?
What steps can you take today to make sure you are focused on the present so you don’t get depressed about the past or anxious about the future?
How important is your mindset if you already have talent and skill?
How can you use self-talk to build your confidence so you feel comfortable taking on new challenges?
What can you do to eliminate the self doubt that comes from comparing yourself to others?
What question can you ask yourself to make sure you’re trying to get better rather than comparing your progress to others?
How do you sort through conflicting advice on your way to mastering something?
What can we do to let go of who we are now in order to become who we’re meant to be?

Everyone is born with varying levels of aptitude in different areas, but just because you don’t have the genetics to be the best in the world at something, it doesn’t mean you can’t strive to master it. Mastery of a skill takes time, and if you didn’t win the genetic lottery, it’s going to take years of hard work. In order to push through the pain and suffering along the way, your mindset is as critical as your purpose, because if you don’t have a purpose guiding your mindset through the pain, the pain will win.

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Resources from this Episode

Compete to Create

Finding Mastery - a podcast hosted by Dr. Gervais

Dr. Gervais on Twitter

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Keith Ferrazzi | The Art of Strength and Vulnerability in Leadership Jul 06, 2020

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover with Keith Ferrazzi what it means to lead without authority. Keith is an American entrepreneur, recognized global thought leader in the relational and collaborative sciences, and NYT best selling author of Leading Without Authority and Never Eat Alone.

There is more to leadership than telling other people what to do, so what does it mean to lead without authority, what can you do today to become a better leader, and how can you inspire vulnerability and empathy in the people around you?

What to Listen For

What can you do as a leader to create a great space for people to be vulnerable, therefore allowing stronger bonds to form?
Why are intimacy and empathy crucial to forming strong bonds with the people around you and what can you do to foster such an environment?
How much vulnerability is too much when you’re in a position of leadership?
What does co-elevation mean and why is it important to have co-elevating relationships with the people around us?
How do you set boundaries for your generosity so you don’t get taken advantage of?
What is the Blue Flame in all of us and why is it important to see it in others and nurture it so it can bloom?

Being a leader doesn’t mean you tell other people what to do. It means you inspire those around you who then choose to follow you. When you are a leader, people should trust you to provide guidance for them and make the best decisions given the circumstances. You do not need to have authority over other humans in order to do any of that - but you do need trust and respect. Work on building strong relationships with the people around you and you will become a better leader.

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Resources from this Episode

Leading Without Authority by Keith Ferrazzi

Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi

Keith Ferrazzi’s website

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Pivot & Go: The 29-Day Blueprint to Redefine and Achieve YOUR Success

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David Nurse | 7 Steps to Unshakable Confidence Jun 29, 2020

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover the 7 steps to unshakable confidence with David Nurse. David is an NBA life and optimization coach, future bestselling author, and worldwide motivational speaker.

Confidence can be developed with consistent practice like any other skill, but what concrete steps can you take everyday to achieve the confidence you’ve always wanted?

What to Listen For

What is the common denominator of professional athletes that lead to success?
Can you compare yourself to others in a healthy and positive way?
How do you get people to be good teammates if they’re more concerned about themselves or their ego?
What are the 7 steps you can take to achieve unshakable confidence?
What does it mean to vote for yourself and why should you start voting for yourself now?
What can you do to remind yourself of your potential to keep you from wasting time and falling into stagnation?
What tips can you use to make your mornings and evenings effective parts of your day?
How do you rewire your brain for the behavior you want, so your behavior doesn’t sabotage your relationships, your work, and your life?

Confidence is not something we are born with, but a skill we develop over time. That means no matter your circumstances, you have a certain level of confidence and you can apply consistent practice over time to increase it. In fact, you can take small steps every day, and after enough small steps, you’ll have made leaps in progress. But you must be consistent and keep reminding yourself that no matter how confident you are, there is always room for improvement, so arrogance is never acceptable, as arrogance implies you already know everything you need to know.

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Resources from this Episode

David Nurse’s website

David Nurse on Twitter

David Nurse on Instagram

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Patrick McGinnis’s website

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Patrick McGinnis | The Art of Overcoming FOMO Jun 22, 2020

Show notes

In today’s episode, we answer your questions and cover FOMO with the person who coined the term, Patrick McGinnis. Patrick is a venture capitalist, writer, and speaker who coined the term FOMO, which was added to the Oxford English Dictionary in 2013.

FOMO is nothing new but it seems worse now that we have endless options at our fingertips via the internet and social media, so how can we minimize the negative impacts of it and even turn it around and use it to help us make better decisions?

What to Listen For

What is FOMO and how does it challenge you when it comes to making small and big decisions?
Does FOMO subside as we age?
How has the COVID pandemic impacted our FOMO and will it be better or worse after pandemic passes?
What does FOBO mean and how is it different from FOMO?
Why is FOMO good for us and how do you prevent it from ruining your ability to enjoy life?
When faced with a big decision and heavy FOMO, what can you do to make the best decision for your future without regretting the other options?
What can you do to make time for self-development if you feel your days are consumed by other responsibilities and obligations?
What is FOGO and why is it so relevant right now?

The fear of missing out is nothing new, but with the evolution of the internet and social media, it can be crippling to many people who don’t live an intentional life inline with their values. If you’re always on the lookout for “THE BEST THING” then your life will be a constant cycle of dipping your toes in the water without committing to jumping in, and while dipping your toes in water can be refreshing, you are missing out on actually being in the water, getting better at swimming, making long lasting friendships, so on and so forth. The key is to figure out what you stand for and what you want out of life, so you can make simple and complex decisions without stressing too much over whether or not it’s “THE BEST” decision.

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Resources from this Episode

Fomosapiens - podcast hosted by Patrick McGinnis

The 10% Entrepreneur - by Patrick McGinnis

Fear of Missing Out - by Patrick McGinnis

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Dan Harris | The Art of Mindfulness for Skeptics Jun 15, 2020

Show notes

Do you want to have control over your mentality and reactions?

On today’s episode of the Art of Charm podcast, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak are joined by Dan Harris, the co-anchor of ABC News' Nightline and author of the bestselling book 10% Happier. Dan discusses his work with 10% Happier, the importance of meditation, and it's functionality.

Tune in to get in tune with your mental wellbeing.

Episode Resources:

What you’ll learn:

[00:01:17] What is the benefit of living in a big city during the pandemic
It’s a gamble to be in cities during the pandemic with high population density as it’s easier to pass illness where more people are gathered.
[00:06:55] How do you get out of the loop of uncertainty in goal orientation and accountability towards future planning and events
Focusing on mental health and doing activities like meditation to assist those efforts.
[00:13:39] How did Dan’s mind become open to working with meditation
There was a lot of evidence that strongly suggests that there's a lot of health benefits to meditation.
[00:18:55] What are the benefits of meditation
Mindfulness, calming the mind, concentration, being able to act and feel consciously, slowing your blood pressure, boosting your immune system, rewiring key parts of your brain associated with stress, self-awareness, and focus in this era of distraction.
[00:28:15] Why are we in this fight or flight system currently, and why is it running so high?
It’s a human design flaw where we are inappropriately triggered by smaller confrontations.
[00:31:42] What are guaranteed method for stress reduction when you're feeling lonely, uncertain, despondent about the state of the world
It’s useful to be informed but not drowning in constant updates and drama. Also giving and helping others can help make you feel validated.
[00:47:18] Why does it feel so contradictory to practice mindfulness and compassion in giving you an edge in this neverending competition of life
We misinterpret happiness and make assumptions. There’s a correlation to zen and passiveness. Having structure and focus in mind helps you win.
[00:55:21] How can we balance being nice for selfish reasons
Use wise selfishness and orient your life around service to be more successful. Boosting self-compassion can lead to compassion towards others.
[01:07:56] Where do you progress once you get basic meditation down?
There is no next level but to consistently work out the brain, and is effective in letting meditation keep your behavior and mindset healthy.

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5 Values, Actions, and Charities to Help Support Black Lives Matter Jun 08, 2020

Show notes

On this special episode of the Art of Charm podcast, we're digging into 5 values and how they relate to the current issues that we're facing, 5 things that we think everyone should be doing to become more informed to start taking action, and finally 5 of our favorite charities to help start pushing the social needle in the right direction.

Episode Resources:

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Jonah Berger | The Art of Persuasion Jun 01, 2020

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover what it means to change someone’s mind with Jonah Berger. Jonah is a marketing professor at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania and internationally bestselling author of Contagious, Invisible Influence, and The Catalyst: How to Change Anyone’s Mind.

The art of persuading others goes back as far as humans have had ideas we wanted to convey to others, but what does it mean to change someone’s mind, how do we persuade people to change, and how can your understanding of persuasion save you from getting sold on bad ideas?

What to Listen For

Why are we as humans so resistant to changing our minds?
What are the 5 roadblocks to change and how can we remove them so we and those around us can grow?
What strategies can we use to get people to buy into an idea rather than trying to push the idea onto them?
How can you ask the right questions to allow people to make better decisions?
What can we do to create a catalyst for other people to change?
Why is DropBox a great example of removing roadblocks that enable more people to try your product?
Why is it important for people to feel they have a sense of agency when you’re trying to persuade them to make a change or purchase?
Has it become harder to persuade people of good ideas in the age of information?
How should you deal with awkward pauses in conversation?
How important is body language when persuading someone and how do you take that into consideration when you’re on a phone call or Zoom meeting?

Persuading others is not so much about changing people’s minds as it is conveying information and allowing people to process it to arrive at the same conclusion you have. We as humans do not like feeling as if our behavior or choices are dictated to us by someone else, so if you want to convince someone that something is a good idea, you can’t just tell them it’s a good idea and they should believe it - you have to be able to show them the same information you have and let them make up their mind about it.

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Resources from this Episode

Catalyst: How to Change Anyone’s Mind by Jonah Berger

Jonah Berger’s website

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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Andrew Horn | The Art of Emotional Mastery May 25, 2020

Show notes

Technology has had an undeniable impact on our society, in good and bad ways, so what are the bad ways, how can we mitigate the damage they cause, and what can we do to use these tools for good in our lives and those around us?

What to Listen For

What is the ICAN acronym and how can it help you achieve a social flow state and help you be your most authentic self?
What questions can you ask yourself to stay mindful as we continue integrating technology into our daily lives?
What is passive browsing versus active browsing and why does one have a negative impact on your well being?
What can you do if you feel your team is missing the energy and motivation you were hoping for?
How can you make Zoom meetings fun and engaging when everyone seems preoccupied with what’s going on around them?
What simple, free technique can you implement as a leader to improve your team’s effectiveness as well as your well being and effectiveness?
What is social flow, why do you need to understand it, and how can you tap into it to be your best self?
What follow up questions can you ask the men in your life when they answer with “Good” or “I’m fine”?
How can we build our curiosity muscle if we find ourselves not being that curious?
What things typically hold men back from emotional mastery and what can you do to work toward emotional mastery?
What can you do to improve the toxic relationships in your life that always lead to arguments?

We live in a state of constant experimentation to understand ourselves, each other, and the world around us. As a result, we create things with the intention of doing good, only to find out later that the results are a mixed bag. Social media and communication are great examples as they have connected the world, but led to mental health issues springing up all over the place. As we move forward, it becomes increasingly important to be mindful of what we are putting out into the world for millions or billions of people to use, and how it can impact our society as a whole. No one will be able to take everything into consideration, but it’s better than not trying and seeing what happens.

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Resources from this Episode

Andrew Horn’s website

What’s the Big Idea - Andrew Horn’s podcast

Tribute.co

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