The Art of Charm

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Amy Chan | The Secret Ingredients to a Healthy Relationship & Surviving a Breakup Feb 15, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover overcoming breakups with Amy Chan. Amy has been writing about relationships, dating, and love for over a decade, is the Editor-in-Chief of Heart Hackers Club, and is the author of Breakup Bootcamp – The Science of Rewiring Your Heart.

The end of a relationship can be a traumatic experience for many but it doesn’t have to break you - so what can you do to bounce back as an even better version of yourself, how can you learn from the relationship, and what resources can you rely on to help you move on?

What to Listen For

How Amy Chan Became a Relationship Expert - 0:21

Breakup Bounce Back and Attachment Theory - 2:19

What can you do to focus on yourself and heal after a breakup rather than blame the ex and other external factors?
What is Attachment Theory and how does it teach us to view love as we grow up?
What are the 3 main types of attachment that we learn during our childhood and how do they influence our view of love in adulthood?
Once you know what your style of attachment is, what can you do to prevent yourself from sabotaging future relationships?
How do you set healthy boundaries with friends and family after a breakup if they’re constantly trying to give you advice and project their own issues on you?

Learning From the Past for Future Relationships - 21:00
What exercises can you use to recognize red flags with new potential partners if you have a tendency to jump from one relationship to another?
How do you identify the baggage that YOU bring into relationships so you don’t let it destroy your relationships?
What journaling prompts can you use to heal after a breakup?
Why is breaking up from a relationship similar to breaking an addiction and what can you do to make it as brief and painless as possible?
Why are rituals important to recovering normalcy after a breakup and what rituals can you start using today?
How can we make the right choice when we are overwhelmed by dating options in front of us so we don’t waste our time?
What are the 3 secret ingredients in a healthy relationship foundation?

What is the Breakup Bootcamp - 44:06
What goes on during Amy Chan’s Breakup Bootcamp?
What is limerence and how does it keep us in a vicious cycle of hurt?
What is the biggest myth about how men and women handle breakups?

The end of a relationship can feel like losing a loved one because your significant other feels like a part of your identity and your future. Losing that part of you, and feeling like a part of your future is ripped out from under you can be a difficult event to recover from, but there are steps you can take to minimize the suffering and move forward as a better stronger version of yourself.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Amy Chan on Twitter

Breakup Bootcamp

Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart by Amy Chan

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well

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Therese Huston | How to Manage Criticism Effectively & Make Feedback Your Superpower Feb 08, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover effective feedback with Therese Huston. Therese founded the Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning at Seattle University, has given more than 225 keynotes, talks, and workshops, and is the author of Let’s Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower.

Giving great feedback is not easy and poorly worded feedback can put anyone on the defensive, so what does effective feedback look like, what can you do to practice giving great feedback, and why is it important to get better at giving feedback?

What to Listen For

Therese Huston’s Beginning - 0:00

What sparked Therese’s interest in researching the topic of effective feedback?

The 3 Different Types of Feedback - 1:49

What are the 3 different types of feedback and how do you put all 3 together to give the best feedback?
How do you give genuine appreciation and use it to transition into coaching feedback?
What is coaching and how is it different from pointing out what someone is doing wrong?
What does it mean to separate the person from the problem when giving feedback and why is it important if you don’t want the person to get defensive?
Why does the feedback sandwich receive so much criticism and what is the correct way to use the technique?

Cultivating a Growth Mindset Receptive to Feedback - 17:48

What can you do to cultivate a growth mindset in your managers so they can work with their employees rather than against them?
Why do you need to state your intentions as a manager when giving feedback?
What is the difference between a “me strength” and a “we strength” and why can a deficiency in one lead to a team’s failure?

How to be a Better Leader and Team Member - 31:55
What are the different types of listening and why is it crucial to use one instead of the other?
What is critical listening and why can critical listening in the wrong situation lead to a breakdown in communication?
What can you do as a manager to ask better questions and thus get better results?
What can you do to bring out the potential in younger employees?
How do you move past unconscious bias in the workplace?
What challenges does working remotely introduce into the process of giving effective feedback and what can you do to overcome them?

Giving feedback can feel like a delicate balance between being too harsh and being too nice. On one hand, if we’re afraid to hurt their feelings, we might sugarcoat the issues and fail to impress upon them just how important it is that they improve. On the other hand, we want to be clear with people about what we want them to work on and why it’s important they improve, but it can be easy to overwhelm them with what they’re doing wrong and turn them against us.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Therese Huston’s website

Let’s Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower by Therese Huston

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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Steven Kotler | The Secret to Flow State & 6 Steps to Recovering from Burnout Feb 01, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover flow state with Steven Kotler. Steven is the founder and executive director of the Flow Research Collective, and is the author of nine international bestsellers including The Rise of Superman and Stealing Fire, and has a new book, The Art of Impossible - A Peak Performance Primer, coming out this month.

Flow state is an amazing aspect of the human experience that can boost your productivity to untold levels, but why is it also important to our happiness and strength as a community, how do you tap into it in your daily life, and what is the biggest myth surrounding flow state?

What to Listen For

Steven Kotler’s Introduction - 0:00

What is Flow State and How Do You Get Into It - 10:40

What is flow state and how do you get into it?
What is flow state and why is it important for our satisfaction and community strength?
What are the 6 core characteristics of flow state?
Why does time seem to slow down when in flow state?
Are we doing damage to our children by not pushing them to play outside and experience the flow state early on?
What happens biologically when we find ourselves in flow state?
What are flow triggers and how can we use them to get into flow when we most need it?
What is the first rule of improv and why is it integral to getting into flow state in a conversation?

The Myth About Flow State - 31:45

What is the biggest myth around flow state?

Taking Care of Your Mind When You’re Pushing Yourself - 33:46

What can you do if you are worried about burn out?
How are anxiety and flow state connected, and what can you do to manage your anxiety so it doesn’t kill your flow state?
Why do affirmations not work while gratitude does work?
What is the difference between active recovery and passive recovery and why does one pale in comparison to the other?

Entering into flow state used to be something associated with artists and athletes, but science has shown it is accessible to anyone with the ability to focus. Being in a flow state is a result of focusing on a task to the point where you’re not trying to think - all of your thoughts and actions simply flow. But tapping into your flow state, as with anything, requires consistent practice with whatever it is you are doing, and a willingness to focus without distraction.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Steven Kotler’s website

The Art of Impossible: A Peak Performance Primer by Steven Kotler

Stealing Fire by Steven Kotler

Passion Recipe

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

From Felony to Fitness to Free: Everybody deserves a second chance

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Doug Bopst | The Obvious Secret to Conquering Addiction & 3 Steps to Building a Better Life Jan 25, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover how to conquer addiction with Doug Bopst. Doug is an award-winning personal trainer, author, speaker, and business owner, who turned his life around from felon and drug addict to help countless individuals build the confidence and strength to succeed in life.

Substance abuse and addiction goes beyond simply using drugs to experience a temporary high, so what can you do to identify the cause of an addiction, how can you rebuild your life after addiction, and why is physical exercise so important in the recovery process?

What to Listen For

Doug Bopst’s Story - 0:00

What made Doug turn his life around after being convicted of a felony?
How did Doug Bopst’s childhood lead to addiction and crime?

Improving Your Life After Addiction - 8:25 (Starts with Johnny saying, “If that energy isn’t channeled…”)

What can you do to remove toxic relationships from your life?
How do you leave one social circle to build a new one?
What do you look for if you want to make new friends that won’t lead you down a path dangerous to your future?

Conquering Addiction - 21:50 (Starts with AJ saying, “What I want to talk about is…”)

How do you break an addiction without simply ending it and replacing it with another as many do?
Why is physical exercise so important when it comes to maintaining a healthy body and mind in addiction recovery?
What can you do to build will power so you can build a healthier lifestyle to replace your addiction?

Building Relationships After Addiction - 31:55 (Starts with AJ saying, “Absolutely, that deep why is such an important part…”)
What can you do to repair the bridges you burned while you were battling addiction?
What happened to the cellmate who inspired Doug Bopst to turn his life around and become the best version of himself?

The source of addiction is not simply wanting a high, but filling a void that can exist in all of us due to pain, trauma, loss, a lack of love, etc. What this means for those suffering from addiction is that the pain is still there even if you stop abusing the substance in question. Addicts use in order to fill that void, so to properly recover, you must find a healthy way of slowly filling the emptiness with a love for yourself. You must become the source of your own fulfillment and happiness.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Doug Bopst website

The Adversity Advantage Podcast - hosted by Doug Bopst

AoC Podcast - BJ Fogg | The Biggest Myth About Habit Formation

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship (Episode 719)

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Toolbox | Why Love Isn't Enough & 4 Skills You Need for a Healthy Relationship Jan 18, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover how to keep the romance in your life fresh.

Unfortunately, many of us believe relationship myths as truth which can set us up for failure, so what are the biggest relationship myths, what else do you need besides love to make a relationship work, and what skills can you start working on today to improve your relationships?

What to Listen For

The Biggest Relationship Myths - 5:50

What are the biggest myths surrounding relationships and why do we believe them?
Why do some people fall in love with falling in love more than they fall in love with actual people?
How are dating apps making it more difficult for you to find a healthy relationship and what should you do to avoid falling into the swipe life trap?
What are the 2 human traits that work against us when it comes to dating apps and how do we overcome them?

The Tools for Strengthening Relationships - 15:45

What are emotional bids and how can you use them to deepen your relationships?
What is the DEEP framework and how can you use it to understand the differences between you and your partner?
What question can you and your partner ask each other to develop actionable goals to be more supportive of one another?
What 4 skills can you start working on today to keep your relationship fresh?
What simple exercise can you implement every day or week to improve communication in your relationships?
What are the 3 levels of listening and how can your knowledge of them help you strengthen relationships?

A long-lasting happy relationship requires more than just love. If you don’t have the skills to navigate all of the issues and challenges that inevitably arise from two people spending time together, love won’t simply solve all of your problems. Fortunately, the skills necessary to forge healthy relationships can be taught and learned, but you must be willing to grow.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Turning Toward Emotion (Episode 720)

THIS IS WATER! A speech by David Foster Wallace

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world

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BJ Fogg | Biggest Myth About Habits & 2 Strategies to Decreasing Screentime Jan 10, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover the breaking and creation of habits with BJ Fogg. BJ founded the Behavior Design Lab at Stanford University and teaches industry innovators how human behavior works.

There are plenty of misconceptions floating around the internet surrounding making and breaking habits, so what is the biggest one, what does the science actually say about habit formation, and what can you start doing today to break those bad habits you’re feeling stuck with?

What to Listen For

What is Behavior Design and how can you use it to become the best version of yourself?
What is the Tiny Habits method and how can we implement it now to start creating long lasting habits?
Why is it important to start implementing a new habit by making it as easy as possible?
What is the biggest myth about habit formation?
Why can habit trackers be detrimental to healthy habit development?
What is the secret to promoting positive behavioral changes in your kids?
What is the difference between habit and compliance and why is one detrimental in the long run?
Why are positive emotions so significant in the creation of new habits and how can we use that knowledge to build better habits faster?
What are the 3 phases to getting rid of unwanted habits?
What 2 strategies can you use to reduce your weekly screentime and be more present in social situations?

Habit formation is not as simple as just doing something for a specific number of days. Many of us know there are things we only had to try once or twice before we started doing them everyday because it only took one or two times to recognize how good doing those things made us feel. Because we as humans don’t fully incorporate behavioral changes unless we want to, we must recognize and feel the positive impacts a new behavioral change will have in order to solidify it.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

BJ Fogg’s website

Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg

Stanford’s Screentime Genie

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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Joe De Sena | Two Essential Habits to Crush 2021 Like a Spartan Jan 04, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover mindset and determination with Joe De Sena. Joe is the CEO and founder of Spartan and the Death Race, and the NY Times best selling author of Spartan Up, Spartan Fit, and The Spartan Way.

Success is never a straight path nor is it attained with ease, so if you want to increase your chances of success and improve your luck on the way up, what mindset should you adopt, how should you treat your body daily, and what can you learn from others who have come before you?

What to Listen For

What lessons did Joe De Sena learn from a crime boss as a kid that helped him achieve his success as CEO and founder of Spartan and the Death Race?
What can you do to attract and keep amazing mentors who can steer you toward success and away from unnecessary failure?
What 7 simple steps can you take everyday to live a long, healthy life?
How did Joe De Sena’s career on Wall Street lead into his founding of Spartan races?
What can you do to stay focused on the success of your business during the early stages when you’re not turning a profit?
How did Joe De Sena’s 10 Spartan principles come together?
What can you do to stay optimistic when it feels like the world is falling apart around you?

Challenge and adversity are not just great for building well rounded humans, but for proving to ourselves how badly we want something. Whether it’s achieving peak physical condition, a world class level professional skill set, building a thriving international business, and anything in between, you must apply yourself consistently over a long period of time to get anywhere close to the goal, and even then there are countless factors out of your control that could knock you down and prevent you from reaching the finish line. You must be willing to push through the days when you’re just not feeling it, everyone is doubting you, and life isn’t giving you a break. But even that mindset is not created overnight, so let’s get to work on building it today.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Joe De Sena’s website

Joe De Sena on Twitter

Spartan Races

The Spartan Way by Joe De Sena

Spartan Up! by Joe De Sena

Spartan Fit! by Joe De Sena

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

The Art of Overcoming Procrastination with Adam Grant

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Best of 2020 Dec 28, 2020

Show notes

In today’s episode, we highlight the best moments of our podcast from 2020.

It’s the end of 2020, so we’re celebrating it with a selection of our greatest moments ranging from speaking up for yourself to forging deeper connections to cultivating your charisma.

What to Listen For

What subtle mindset shift can you use to start speaking up for yourself without coming across like a jerk?
How can you advance your career even if you are a humble person?
Why do we self-sabotage in our professional and personal lives and what can we do to stop?
What does everyone get wrong about the concept of self-sabotage?
What can you do to cultivate motivation and discipline within yourself?
What principles can you start implementing today to forge deeper connections with everyone in your life and everyone you will meet?
What simple yet powerful question can you ask people to learn more about them and give you more stepping stones to deeper conversation?
Why are humans so bad at dealing with uncertainty and what can we do to better handle uncertainty in our everyday lives?
What are some easy ways to practice mindfulness and gratitude?
What techniques can you use to instantly boost your charisma no matter what situation you find yourself in?
Why is enthusiasm important to your charisma and what can you do to create it?
What can you do to be more optimistic and positive even in situations where you don’t feel it?

This year has been a wild ride, but in every crisis lies an opportunity to become a stronger and wiser person. We can let times of stress break us, or we can use them to help us get closer to who we want to be in this life. Troubling times are inevitable in the existence we live in, and while it’s not always easy, we should always strive to be thankful for the adversity life throws at us, as they are the key to showing us who we really are and what we are capable of.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

How to Give without Getting Taken Advantage of with Adam Grant

How to Stop Self-Sabotage with Judy Ho

Toolbox: The Myth About Friendship and 3 Ways to Make a Deeper Connection

Dan Harris | The Art of Mindfulness for Skeptics

The Art of Charisma Toolbox Episode

Meditation For Fidgety Skeptics: A 10% Happier How-To Book by Dan Harris

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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Robert Rosenberg | The Secret to Growing a Successful Business and 3 Tips for Building an All-Star Team Dec 21, 2020

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover business leadership with Robert Rosenberg. Robert was the chief executive officer of Dunkin' Donuts for thirty-five years from 1963 to 1998 and is the author of Around the Corner to Around the World: A Dozen Lessons I Learned Running Dunkin Donuts.

Running a business can teach anyone a lot about themselves and life, so what can we learn about leadership skills, social skills, and business management skills from the CEO of one of the most successful American businesses?

What to Listen For

What can you do to develop leadership skills coming out of school and entering the business world for the first time?
How should you view failure when starting and running a business, and why can a fear of failure lead you away from success?
What can you do when stepping into a leadership role to earn the respect you need to be a great leader?
How did Robert M Rosenberg develop his excellent leadership skills during his successful career as the CEO of Dunkin’ Donuts?
What 3 hiring lessons can you take away from the CEO of one of America’s most successful businesses so you don’t waste time and money hiring the wrong people?
How important is culture when making hiring decisions and what can you do to make sure someone is a fit for your company culture?
Why is it important to be willing to take responsibility for the mistakes in your company regardless of who might be directly at fault?

Running a business can teach us a great deal about ourselves and life. A business owner must prioritize his business as well as the people he surrounds himself with. Just like in life, running a business requires consistent application of focus and cooperation with others who share your values. In addition, just like life, you must be willing to take risks and fail in order to become successful.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Around the Corner to Around the World by Robert M Rosenberg

Check in with AJ and Johnny!