The Art of Charm

Become Unstoppable with the Art of Charm

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Toolbox | Defeat Your Deepest Fears and Become Unstoppable Jun 28, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover becoming unstoppable with AJ, Johnny, and Michael.

Anyone can develop confidence that makes you unstoppable, but what does it even mean to be unstoppable, what is stopping you from being more confident today, and why does avoiding the process lead to feeling miserable?

What to Listen For

Why do most people never become confident? – 3:22

What is the biggest misconception people have about developing confidence?

What are the 3 reasons people can’t start being more confident? – 5:30

What assumptions do you make about other people that get in the way of developing your confidence?
What does a real-world definition of confidence look like?

What does it mean to have unstoppable confidence? – 11:00
How should you start thinking about your thoughts and emotions if you want unstoppable confidence?
Why is it dangerous to wait for you to have confidence before taking action?

Stop reading books and take action – 18:00
Why does avoiding your fears make taking action more difficult?
Why does reading too much actually cripple your ability to grow and reach your potential?

Why does avoiding discomfort cause life to suck? – 25:50
Why is it detrimental to your growth to surround yourself with people who avoid fear and who should you surround yourself with?

What can you do to start attracting a high-value social circle? – 32:20
Why is growth impossible as long as you are in your comfort zone?

How do confident people think about fear and anxiety? – 50:45

The path to unstoppable confidence is a simple one. Stop reading books and take action, stop avoiding discomfort in life because avoiding it will cause your life to suck, and attract high-value social circles by thinking about fear and anxiety differently than most people do.

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Resources from this Episode

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

The Digital Body Language Expert Course

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Erica Dhawan | Communicate Powerfully by Mastering Digital Body Language Jun 21, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover digital body language with Erica Dhawan. Erica studied human innovation and collaboration for over 15 years, shared her insights with over 200 audiences around the world, and wrote the new best-selling book, Digital Body Language: How to Build Trust and Connection, No Matter the Distance.

Now that we are working remotely more than ever before, our digital body language is crucial to our success in the workplace, but what is digital body language, how is it different from physical body language, and what can you start doing today to stand out as a leader?

What to Listen For

What is digital body language? – 8:09

Should you be concerned about your background on a Zoom call?
What should you be concerned about most when you’re on a video call?
How is digital body language different from the body language we use when face to face?

How do you figure out what norms are acceptable in digital communication? – 13:44

What assumptions do we need to stop making when communicating digitally and how are those assumptions eroding at our ability to communicate effectively?
What can we do to make sure we’re not misreading messages and emails?

What can we do to set clear expectations for digital communication? – 19:55
How do we collaborate competently in the digital age when so much time is wasted in unclear communication?

What are the four anxiety provoking events in digital communication? – 22:52
What two questions should you ask yourself when you realize you’re getting stressed out or anxious about a message or email someone sent you?
What should you do if you feel like a team member or friend seems disinterested in a group conversation or Zoom call?

How do Zoom calls limit the generation of new ideas? – 34:44
What can you do to foster team chemistry and help team members work together more effectively without team building activities?

What three things can you do to maintain engagement over Zoom calls? – 40:00
What can you do to be more engaged in meetings if you are the only person on Zoom and everyone else is in a meeting room together?
What are the best practices for onboarding digital new hires?
How is our digital body language changing our physical body language? – 54:15
What ground rules can you incorporate today to set expectations for digital communication?

The digital age has caused an interesting shift in the way we communicate. Our tone and facial expressions are no longer conveyed through words alone, but also in our digital body language. Our digital body language is conveyed through many things including what’s behind you when you’re on a Zoom call, whether you use Slack or email to send a message, and the “tone” of your text messages. Therefore, it’s critical that we set clear expectations for digital communication to keep our teams on track and engaged as studies show up to 4 hours of productivity are lost per week due to unclear communication.

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Resources from this Episode

Erica Dhawan’s website

Digital Body Language: How to Build Trust and Connection, No Matter the Distance by Erica Dhawan

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Psychologists Off the Clock Podcast

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Diana Hill | Effortlessly Adapt to Any Situation and Excel Under Pressure Jun 14, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover psychological flexibility with Dr. Diana Hill. Diana helps her clients build a values-rich life and unpacks the science of acceptance commitment therapy (ACT) through the cutting-edge podcast Psychologists Off the Clock, online teachings, and her book ACT Daily Journal: Get Unstuck and Live Fully with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

Life throws curveballs at us all the time, but if you have psychological flexibility you can be prepared for them—so what is psychological flexibility, why is it detrimental to our health and fulfillment to be psychologically rigid, and how do you start developing psychological flexibility?

What to Listen For

Why did Dr. Diana Hill pursue a career in ACT? – 0:00

What is psychological flexibility and why is it important for all of us to work on it if we don’t want to be crushed by the events and challenges in our lives?
What are the 6 processes involved in psychological flexibility and why is it more important to focus on the processes than the resulting outcomes?
Why does focusing on goals lead to disappointment in the long run?

What makes some of us psychologically rigid? – 4:42

What areas in your life does psychological rigidity prevent you from being the best version of yourself?
What can you do to identify the intrinsic values in your life so you can stop relying on future outcomes to bring you fulfillment instead of present processes?
What is integrative psychology?

What are the downsides of striving? – 15:25
What is experiential avoidance and how is it linked to unhealthy striving?
What is values-based striving?

How do you develop self-compassion? – 21:05
What practices can you start using today to develop self-compassion?
Why is self-compassion important if you want to be a top-performer?

Why does avoiding pain make life harder? – 36:20
How should we look at and deal with pain if trying to avoid it makes life more painful?

What are self-stories and how do they limit our ability to perceive the world around us and achieve our potential?

What can you do to help kids build psychological flexibility? – 43:58
Where should parents start if they want to help and encourage their children to build psychological flexibility so they are better able to deal with the challenges they will face in life?
What value can you expect to get out of the ACT Daily Journal?

What makes you resilient to the ups and downs of life? We all face challenges, but some are more flexible than others. Building psychological flexibility is a lifelong journey that requires self-awareness in your thoughts, emotions, behavior patterns, and relationships with others.

The difference between being psychologically rigid vs. having resilience may seem like an abstract concept—but it can have drastic implications for our health and well-being over time if we're not careful!

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Dr Diana Hill’s website

ACT DAILY JOURNAL: Get Unstuck and Live Fully with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Connect with Rich Diviney on LinkedIn

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Rich Diviney | 5 Navy Seal Attributes To Overcome Any Obstacle And Achieve Optimal Performance Jun 07, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover how to develop the confidence and fearlessness of Navy SEALS with Rich Diviney. Rich draws upon 20+ years of experience as a Navy SEAL Officer where he completed more than 13 overseas deployments. Since retirement in early 2017, Rich has worked as a speaker, facilitator, and consultant with the Chapman & Co. Leadership Institute and Simon Sinek Inc.

Anyone can learn a skill, but the same cannot be said for attributes—so what is the difference between skills and attributes, how do you develop the attributes you do have, and how can you identify what your strongest attributes are so you can lean into them and be successful?

What to Listen For

Why did Rich Diviney want to be a Navy SEAL - 0:00

How did Rich’s SEAL training prepare him for the chaos and uncertainty of the pandemic?
Why is it important to train both the mind and body when it comes to developing resilience?

How did military life prepare service persons for the pandemic - 11:10

What is elemental human behavior and how does it drive you to act the way you do?
What can you do to better understand what advice will actually help you and what advice will waste your time?

How do you figure out the life best suited for you - 18:04
What is the difference between skills and attributes and why is one more important in times of stress or uncertainty?
What does it take to develop an attribute and can anyone develop any attribute?

How can we create opportunities to develop attributes? - 25:24
How do you know what attributes are worth developing and which ones are a waste of your time?
What is the difference between narcissism and arrogance, and which one is actually good to have in healthy amounts?
If you’re a narcissist, what can you do to mitigate it and keep it in control?

What attribute is critical to problem solving? - 36:02
How do Navy SEALS face their fears and what can you learn from how they do it?

What can you do to develop your courage?
Why is it important for everyone to develop their ability to take responsibility?

What can you do to develop your confidence? - 48:26
How do you define true confidence?

What actually is fear and how do we develop the ability to work through it?
How do Navy SEALS handle uncertainty and how can we apply it to everyday situations?

The world is in need of more individuals who can identify their strengths. If you know your strong points, then it will be much easier for you to find work that matches those talents and skills so that you are able to excel at what makes the most sense for YOU!

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

The Attributes by Rich Diviney

The Attributes Self Assessment Tool

Art of Charm Bootcamp!

Core Confidence Coaching Program

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

The Art of Charm Small Talk Cheat Sheet

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Toolbox | 3 Steps to Break Out of Small Talk and Instantly Build Rapport May 31, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover small talk and smart talk with AJ, Johnny, and Michael.

If you want to make meaningful connections with people, you have to transition from small talk to smart talk, but what is smart talk, why is vulnerability key, and how do you know what questions to ask?

What to Listen For

Small Talk and Smart Talk - 0:00

How do you transition from small talk to more meaningful conversations that actually create connections?
Why is vulnerability important when selling someone on an idea or solution, and how do you use vulnerability to do it?

How to be vulnerable using the cave analogy - 4:30

What is the cave analogy and how can you use it to lead a conversation to a strong connection?
What does it mean to move laterally and vertically in a conversation and why is it detrimental to only move in one direction?
How do you know what questions to ask when making small talk?

The FORD acronym for making small talk - 10:30
What four basic ideas can you use to come up with easy questions to start a conversation?
What should you do if you find yourself in conversational dead ends, or if the person you’re talking to is giving you short responses?

How do talk about yourself in a meaningful way - 19:05
How do you talk about yourself without coming across as boastful or arrogant?
Once you connect with someone, how do you deepen that connection?

If you want to make meaningful connections with people, you have to transition from small talk to smart talk. What is the difference between small and smart talk? When we think of small talk, most often it's just a way for us to pass time or fill an awkward silence. Smart talk is about asking the right questions and listening closely to what they have to say. This will help you understand their needs on a deeper level, build stronger relationships with them, and form better connections than if all you did was small talk. But without vulnerability in your interactions, there’s little chance of connecting with someone new or deepening an existing relationship.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Eavesdropping on Happiness: Well-being is Related to Having Less Small Talk and More Substantive Conversations

The Art of Charm Immersive Bootcamp

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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Tim Grover | Achieve Superhuman Focus by Annihilating Distractions May 24, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover winning with Tim Grover. Tim is the CEO of ATTACK Athletics, a keynote speaker and consultant to business leaders, athletes (including Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Dwyane Wade), and elite achievers, and is the preeminent authority on the science and art of physical and mental dominance and achieving excellence.

Winning is something we all experience in a lifetime, but what does it take to win at winning, how do winners manage their time with everything else they do, and what do you need to do if you want to be the best at what you do?

What to Listen For

How did Tim Grover get his start working with Michael Jordan - 0:00

How do you build trust with clients when starting out as a trainer or coach?
What do elite performers do to manage self-doubt and insecurity, and what can you learn from how they do it?

The three categories of winners and their mindsets - 10:54

What 3 categories can individuals be broken down into and why will being in 2 of the 3 categories prevent you from being the best at what you do?
How do you need to approach failure if you want to be a winner?
What mindset do you need to stay ahead of everyone around you who is also trying to win?
Why is it not enough to only know the fundamentals if you want to win?

What do you need to look for to make winners keep winning - 24:00

What allows people to win when everyone around them can’t?
How do you coach people through their insecurities so they can come out the other side as winners?
How do professional winners push through their distractions to stay focused?
Where did the Mamba Mentality originate and what did it represent off the court?

Develop the focus and time management of champions - 39:42

What is the difference between managing your time and managing your focus, and why should you avoid one if you want to be the best at anything?
What do you need to do to create balance and time in your life?
What role does selfishness play in winning?
How do you set boundaries when you’re surrounded by people who want your attention all the time?

Elite performers don’t just have talent and skill. They also use their minds to manage self-doubt, insecurity, and distractions in order to stay focused on the task at hand. And there is no one way that works for everyone. What we can say with certainty about how you need to approach failure if you want to be a winner comes down to this simple but powerful truth: You must see your failures as opportunities for growth—as learning experiences which will help make you better than ever before!

A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 13,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Resources from this Episode

Tim Grover’s website

Winning: The Unforgiving Race to Greatness by Tim Grover

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Dr. Ethan Kross’s website

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Ethan Kross | Dominate Your Inner-Dialogue and Become The Ultimate Leader May 17, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover our inner voices and chatter with Dr. Ethan Kross. Ethan is an American experimental psychologist, neuroscientist and writer, who specializes in emotion regulation. He is a professor of psychology and management at the University of Michigan and director of the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory there.

We all have that voice in our heads that can feel out of our control sometimes, but why is it there, how can you use it to build confidence, and how does the world around you influence it in good and bad ways?

What to Listen For

Introduction - 0:00

Why is it a bad idea to turn inward when you encounter challenges in life, and what should you do instead?
Why do we have a voice inside our heads that never stops talking?
How can you use the voice in your head as a tool to strengthen your mental capability?
What is the dark side of our inner voice and what can we do to manage it?

How do you manage your inner voice - 10:30

What can we do to harness the power of our inner voice to help us rather than hold us back and limit our potential for success and happiness?
How can the people around you be helpful or harmful when it comes to managing your inner voice?
What is co-rumination and how can it hinder your ability to see situations clearly and move forward after painful experiences?

Tips for nurturing healthy chatter - 40:30

Is it possible to silence the chatter in our heads?
How does digital interaction with one another harm us compared to real face to face interaction?
What two things should you consider when it comes to social media and your inner voice?
What is good sleep hygiene and why is it important to get uninterrupted quality rest?
What can you do to help people who might be struggling but refuse to ask for help?

Developing a healthy relationship with your inner voice can help you build unbreakable confidence and lead effortlessly. You can start by acknowledging it and making room for it in your life, instead of trying to silence or ignore it. Observe it and pay attention to when you’re giving it too much control over what you’re thinking about or feeling. As you do that, be open-minded about the world around you—engaging new people, experiences, and ideas will help broaden your horizons, push your confidence higher, and keep your inner voice in check.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Chatter The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

The Holistic Psychologist Instagram account

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Dr. Nicole LePera | Heal Your Trauma and Forge the Life You Want May 10, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover what it means to work on yourself with Dr. Nicole LePera. She is the creator of the popular Instagram account @the.holistic.psychologist, was educated in clinical psychology at Cornell University and The New School of Social Research, and is the author of the best-selling How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self.

Introduction

It takes a lot of work to go from insight to effecting real long-lasting change, so how do you bridge the gap, why does focusing on the flaws of others hurt your own development, and how does your lack of emotional expressiveness take away from your life satisfaction?

Introduction - 4:00

What does it mean to “do the work” when embarking on a path of self-development or healing after trauma?
Why is it important to bridge the gap between insight and action and why do so many people fail to, leaving them unable to make progress?
How do you overcome your own resistance to change?

Detangling trauma from an idealized past - 13:32

What can you do to identify trauma in your life that is causing you to self-sabotage without even realizing it?
What are the most common self-sabotaging behaviors people do without realizing it?
What are trauma bonds and how does it show up in your relationships in destructive ways you might not even realize?

Your unknown expectations can destroy your relationships - 28:28

What role do expectations play in trauma bonds influencing our current relationships?
What do you do when you are ready to make a change but your friends or family aren’t supportive or ready to make changes themselves?

How should we think about emotions - 37:46

What steps can you take to start valuing your emotions instead of dismissing them or allowing other people to dismiss them?
Why is self-compassion important when it comes to “doing the work” and growing into the person you want to be?
What can you do if you’re an overachiever and feel like you need achievement to feel complete?
How do you overcome the fear of being who you want to be so you can get out of your own way?

Have you ever felt a fear so strong that it nearly paralyzed you or left you trembling? Maybe the event was a real-life trauma, like being mugged. Or maybe it was something more subtle but equally as debilitating - like walking into an interview for your dream job and feeling all those eyes on you, sizing up who they can't wait to reject. All of these events can have long lasting effects on who you are and who you want to become. But you have to be willing to identify them, work through the effects they’ve had, and get out of your own way to be comfortable expressing who you really are.

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Resources from this Episode

How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self by Dr. Nicole LaPera

Dr. Nicole LaPera’s website

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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Dr. Carole Robin | How to Build World Class Connections and Lead With Vulnerability May 03, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover building stronger connections with Dr. Carole Robin. Carole Robin, Ph.D. was the Dorothy J. King Lecturer in Leadership at Stanford's Graduate School of Business where she helped to further develop the Interpersonal Dynamics Course, and is now the author of the best selling book, Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues.

Technology and the pandemic have changed the landscape of human connection, but how bad is it, what simple tips can you use to improve your ability to connect, and what is the correct way to show vulnerability in the workplace?

What to Listen For

The damage technology is having on our ability to connect - 0:00

What experience do we all need as humans and what can you do to give people that experience?
Why are we losing close connections in our lives and what can we do about it?
How does social media trap you into a state where you can’t connect with the people around you and what can you do about it?
What simple tip can you use to deepen any connection?

Why you need to get comfortable talking about feelings - 9:56

Why is it detrimental to your relationships to avoid talking about your emotions and feelings?
What are the benefits of expressing your feelings and how does it help strengthen your relationships?
Why are “why” questions so challenging when it comes to connecting with someone, and what questions should you ask instead?
What type of questions can lead to the other person feeling judged?
What is the signature trait of a successful relationship?

What does a successful relationship look like? - 31:38

What are the characteristics of a successful relationship and what can you do to cultivate them in your relationships?
How has the pandemic affected the way we interact with coworkers and build relationships?
What 90 second exercise can you implement to strengthen your personal and professional relationships over Zoom?
How can you be vulnerable without letting your disclosure be used against you?
What can women do to become better leaders while staying true to themselves?

Technology is changing the landscape of human connection and it's hard to know what will happen next. What you can do now, however, is learn to be vulnerable so that those around you also feel comfortable being open with one another. Without this openness we'll always have a lack of trust which does not bode well for our society at large where social connections are essential.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues by Dr. Carole Robin

Check in with AJ and Johnny!