The Art of Charm

Is Efficiency Overrated?: Minimal Social Interactions Lead to Belonging and Positive Affect

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Breaking The Ice (Small Talk Toolbox) Jan 24, 2022

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover breaking the ice with AJ, Johnny, and Michael Herold.

Why is breaking the ice an important skill, what impact does it have on your health, and what strategies can you use to make breaking the ice easy and effective?

What to Listen For

Breaking the ice and your health – 0:00

Why should we be engaging in more small talk and why is it dangerous to our mental and physical health to spend too much time alone?
What is the first obvious signal that loneliness is your new normal and what can you do to break out of that cycle?

Make small talk more effective – 20:18
Why are witty one-liners ineffective at breaking the ice and what should you say instead?

What questions should you avoid when meeting someone for the first time, and what questions should you ask instead?
What is the easiest way to revive a conversation if you feel like it’s dying or getting awkward?

Break the ice MORE OFTEN! – 30:58
How should we be looking at breaking the ice and small talk if we want more opportunities, more friends, and a more fulfilling life?

How do you break the ice with someone wearing headphones?
Why is making small talk important if you have goals and dreams you want to accomplish in life?

It’s easy for us introverts to dismiss small talk and interactions with strangers as a waste of time. What’s the point, right? The problem with this mentality is that it ignores our human nature. We are social creatures, and as social creatures our mental and physical health will suffer if we are isolated from our tribe. That is one reason being exiled from the tribe used to be the ultimate punishment as life without the support of your fellow tribesmen surely meant death in the wild.

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Resources from this Episode

Art of Charm Ice Breaker Cheat Sheet

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art by James Nestor

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James Nestor | The Lost Art of Breathing Jan 17, 2022

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover breathing with James Nestor. James has written for Scientific American, BBC, The New York Times, The Atlantic, National Public Radio and more, and is the author of the best-selling book, Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art.

Breathing incorrectly can have detrimental effects on your sleep, metabolism, inflammation, and even your lifespan, but what is the correct way to breathe, why is evolution working against us so we breathe worse over time, and what exercise can you use to train your body to subconsciously breathe correctly?

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

How did James Nestor become so focused on breathing?
How is evolution working against our breathing?
What do people often get wrong about survival of the fittest and evolution?

The Lost Art of Breathing – 11:10
Why is breathing not talked about by the medical community when it’s so crucial to our health and wellbeing?

How does breathing impact your sleep and what can you do to improve your sleep with your breathing?
How does breathing impact your metabolism and how can you use your breathing to help you burn more calories?
How are lung capacity and lifespan connected and how can you increase your lifespan?

Breathe CORRECTLY to eliminate inflammation – 34:00
How is your breathing on a daily basis making your chronic inflammation worse and how should you be breathing instead?

Why do you need to stop breathing with your mouth?

Why do we feel better as humans when we breathe through our noses and not our mouths?
How long should you inhale, hold your breath, and exhale to train your body to breathe correctly?
How can correct breathing make you a better public speaker?

Many people go through their entire lives without thinking about the way they breathe. It’s one of those things that our bodies do automatically so it’s easy to shrug off, but breathing is arguably one of the most important activities we do on a daily basis, so time should be spent trying to understand the best way to breathe.

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Resources from this Episode

James Nestor’s website

Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Unwinding Anxiety: New Science Shows How to Break the Cycles of Worry and Fear to Heal Your Mind by Dr. Judson Brewer

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Dr. Judson Brewer | Unwinding Anxiety Jan 10, 2022

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover anxiety with Dr. Judson Brewer. Jud is the Director of Research and Innovation at the Mindfulness Center and associate professor in Behavioral and Social Sciences at the School of Public Health and Psychiatry at the School of Medicine at Brown University, as well as head of behavioral health at Sharecare.

Anxiety can make anyone’s life more difficult, but you can take steps to minimize or eliminate it altogether—so how are your habits and thought processes making your anxiety worse, and what can you do to take back control of your life?

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

What common misconceptions do people have about anxiety?
How do habits and anxiety play off each other and what can we do to prevent our habits from creating crippling anxiety?

Taking back control from our environment and biology – 12:51
What can you do to overcome the influence our environments and biology have on amping up our anxiety?

What simple exercise can you do to stop bad habits and when should you do it?
What question can you ask yourself if you want to stop binging or over indulging?

Is anxiety stopping you from pursuing positive activities? – 34:56
What can you do if your anxiety is getting in the way of doing things that are good for you?

How can bringing awareness to your anxiety help you to get your life back from anxiety dictating your actions?

The danger and harm caused by worrying – 49:20
What is going on when you worry and how does it impact your behaviors?

What can you do if you’re constantly worrying?

In ancient times, anxiety was useful for teaching us what we should be concerned about. But in the modern world, we are bombarded with a million things everyday that we “should” worry about. Between notifications on our smartphones, the news, that overflowing email inbox, and everything we see on social media, the anxiety can be overwhelming. As a result, we tend to develop habits as a way of coping with the anxiety, and those habits can lead to even worse anxiety.

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Resources from this Episode

Dr. Brewer’s website

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Dr. Yael Schonbrun’s website

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Dr. Yael Schonbrun | Dos and Don’ts of Modern Dating Jan 03, 2022

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover healthy relationships and finding the right partner with Dr Yael. Dr Yael is a licensed clinical psychologist, assistant professor at Brown University, and writer about parenting, work, and relationships.

A healthy relationship takes work, but how do you know what relationships are worth the work, is moving in together a good test for the relationship, and how do you reignite passion in a relationship?

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

Why did Dr Yael Schonbrun take the Art of Charm Unstoppable program?
What is the trap many of us fall into in the modern dating world and why are we making it harder to find healthy relationships?

Value based dating and moving in together – 13:00
What questions can you ask to figure out what you want to get out of dating?

What mindset do you need to avoid if you’re thinking about moving in with someone you’re dating?
What signs should you look out for when thinking about moving in with someone?

Looking beyond lust for red flags – 30:40
How should you think about lust when you’re actively dating?

Reigniting passion in a relationship – 44:40
What is the foundation for passion in romantic relationships and what can you do to reintroduce it?

What is the evolutionary need for novelty in romantic relationships?
How do you know when a relationship is worth ending?

Your relationships require the same work we put into everything else in life. If we go about life acting as if those relationships will always be there, we are bound to lose them. Why should they invest time in us if we’re not willing to invest in them? The first step in developing healthy relationships is making that commitment to invest and following through.

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Resources from this Episode

Unstoppable Coaching Program

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Victoria Medvec | Master Negotiation By Avoiding These 3 Traps

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2021 Year in Review and Behind the Scenes Dec 27, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover what we learned in 2021.

2021 was a wild ride for everyone, so let’s take a moment to reflect on what we’ve learned, overcome, and how far we’ve come.

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

What was the most powerful takeaway for negotiating we heard from our guests?
What simple and effective strategy can you use to make healthy habits much easier to adopt?

Asking for help doesn’t need to be hard – 20:00
What simple mental switch can you flip to make asking for help a positive experience for both people?

What proven strategies can you use to better manage your anxiety on a daily basis?
Why is the pursuit of balance the wrong goal to chase if you want to be successful?

How do AJ and Johnny decide how to interview each guest – 37:01
What can you do to prepare a solid interview experience for anyone you have on a podcast?

What have AJ, Johnny, and coach Michael done and learned over the last year and what can you take away from their lessons?

The podcast has had some amazing guests over the last year. Let’s take a minute to highlight all the game changing tips, tricks, and strategies we’ve learned in 2021.

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Resources from this Episode

Katy Milkman | Eliminate Unhealthy Habits Today with 3 Scientifically Proven Strategies

Dr. Caroline Leaf | The Secret to Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess & 5 Steps to Healing Grief

Joe Navarro | Become an Exceptional Communicator by Mastering These 5 Traits

Tim Grover | Achieve Superhuman Focus by Annihilating Distractions

Erica Dhawan | Communicate Powerfully by Mastering Digital Body Language

Carey Nieuwhof | Incredible Productivity and Never Burn Out

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

The Top 10 Gifts You Should NEVER Give

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John Ruhlin | How to Maximize Your Gift Giving Dec 20, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover the art of gift giving with John Ruhlin. John Ruhlin is the founder and CEO of Ruhlin Group, the master of building businesses by giving gifts, and the author of Giftology: The Art and Science of Using Gifts to Cut Through the Noise, Increase Referrals, and Strengthen Retention.

Giving the right gift can radically strengthen any personal or business relationship, but what questions should you ask when thinking about the right gift for someone, what gifts should you avoid at all cost, and when is the right time to give a gift?

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

Who do people often overlook when it comes to building and maintaining relationships?
What can you do to make gift giving feel less like a transaction and more like a natural part of relationship building?
How can you make gift giving a game changer for all of your personal and professional relationships?

The secret to giving gifts that change your life – 13:17

How much money should you set aside for giving gifts every year and why do you need to plan for it?

What is the ultimate recipe for gift giving and what should you think about when giving gifts?

Examples of business changing gifts – 26:23

What crucial questions should you think about when personalizing a gift for someone?

How should you start giving gifts if it’s not something you’re used to doing?
What types of gifts should you never send?

Tips for personal gift giving – 45:36
What gifts can you give to deepen your personal relationships?

The right gift can change someone’s life and create a memory that will last forever. But how can you figure out what that gift might be? For one, it must be meaningful to the receiver, and what things in a person’s life are likely to be the most meaningful? In many cases, it’s our values and our families, so think about how you might personalize an item that person uses or sees everyday and incorporate something related to their values or family. An example? How about a knife set in which each knife is engraved with a different favorite quote of theirs.

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Resources from this Episode

John Ruhlin’s website

Giftology website

Giftology: The Art and Science of Using Gifts to Cut Through the Noise, Increase Referrals, and Strengthen Retention by Josh Ruhlin

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

The Great Good Place: Cafes, Coffee Shops, Bookstores, Bars, Hair Salons, and Other Hangouts at the Heart of a Community by Ray Oldenburg

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Toolbox | Moving to a new city (social breakthrough strategy) Dec 13, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover moving to a new city with AJ, Johnny, and Michael.

Moving to a new city can often feel like a scary or intimidating life event, but it doesn’t have to—so why does moving feel like a bad thing, what can you do to look at moving as an exciting opportunity, and what can you do to make sure you live a fulfilling life no matter where you go?

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

What should you NOT do if you want to create a new life when moving to a new city?
What can you do to meet new people in a city before you move there?

Third Place: what is it and why do we need it? – 11:41
What is the “third place” and why is it important for the health and strength of every community and its residents?

What is the most important factor in a communal meeting place within your community?

How to find (or create) your third place – 21:56
What easy exercise can you do today to find a great place to meet new people who share your interests and are open to meeting new people?

Where can you look to experience your city from a different perspective that makes it easy to meet new people?

Meeting people made easy – 36:40
Why is it important to have missions in life and what missions can you give yourself with to make it easy to build a social circle anywhere in the world?

Moving to a new city can be scary when you don’t know anyone there, but it doesn’t have to be. There are several things you can do to make the process of building a social circle or professional network from scratch easy. Start by making a list of hobbies or interests you enjoy and look for opportunities to engage in those activities in the city you’re moving to.

Be sure to grab a copy of our Move To A New City Checklist: https://theartofcharm.com/newcity

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Resources from this Episode

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Dr Kristin Neff’s website

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Dr. Kristin Neff | Defeat Your Inner Critic With Self-Compassion Dec 06, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover self-compassion with Dr Kristin Neff. Kristin received her doctorate from the University of California at Berkeley, is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, and is releasing her new book Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive.

Self-compassion is the key to stop your inner critic in its tracks, but what is self-compassion, why is it important to be happy, and what can you do to develop a strong sense of self-compassion?

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

What are the three elements of self-compassion and how can you use self-compassion to improve your daily life?
What are the warning signs you need self-compassion and what ways can you apply self-compassion?
Why is it easier to show compassion toward others and not ourselves?

Exercises to Strengthen Self-Compassion – 18:22
What simple exercises can you use right now to show yourself more compassion and stop being so hard on yourself?

What can you do to work on mindfulness?

Setting and Maintaining Boundaries – 27:10
Why are boundaries important in developing your self-compassion?

How can you set boundaries and learn how to say no while showing compassion and self-compassion?

Perfectionism and Self-Compassion – 39:00
What can you do to manage your perfectionism with self-compassion so you can stop beating yourself up over mistakes and failures?

If you struggle with accepting your mistakes and failures, self-compassion is your key to developing a healthy relationship with your imperfect self. We all make mistakes, but for some reason we are much better at showing compassion to the people we care about than ourselves. Cultivating a practice of self-compassion can change that and allow you to be kind to yourself while still pushing yourself to keep improving.

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Resources from this Episode

Fierce Self-Compassion by Dr Kristin Neff

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

The Sweet Spot: The Pleasures of Suffering and the Search for Meaning

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Paul Bloom | To Live a Fulfilling Life Nov 29, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover the pursuit of meaning with Paul Bloom. Paul is Professor of Psychology at the University of Toronto, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at Yale University, is the author of six books including his newest book, The Sweet Spot: The Pleasures of Suffering and the Search for Meaning.

The pursuit of meaning is often overshadowed by the pursuit of happiness, but which one is more important to living a fulfilling life, how are suffering, meaning, and happiness related, and what steps can you take to pursue meaning in your life?

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

How does science define suffering and why is some good while some is bad?
Why do we seek out sorrow, suffering, and pain in experiences like spicy food, roller coasters, scary movies, etc?

Pursuit of Happiness vs Pursuit of Meaning – 11:40
How does pain lead to an increased sense of meaning in life?
How does money influence our suffering and happiness?
Why are people in rich countries generally happy while people in poor countries have more meaning in life?
What can you do to help your children understand the difference between happiness and meaning in life?

A fulfilling existence is not just about positive feelings – 31:56
Why is it important to embrace painful experiences on a regular basis?

How can you find meaning in life without thinking about it or intentionally seeking it out?
Is there a link between chasing prestige, status, and meaning?
What is the difference between pursuing pleasure and pursuing meaning?
How can anxiety prevent you from finding meaning in life and what can you do to overcome it?

It is unfortunate that we put so much effort into avoiding pain, discomfort, and suffering. It is understandable from a short term perspective because it is natural for anything that feels pain to avoid things that cause pain. But it is the pain, discomfort, and suffering in our lives that leads to us learning and becoming stronger, wiser, more competent humans. This is not to say you should go outside and break your arm, but that pain is inevitable, and if we can learn to embrace it and work through it, those efforts will pay off much more in the long run than simply trying to be comfortable and safe as much as possible.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Paul Bloom’s website

Paul Bloom on Twitter

Master Your Mindset with David Goggings | AoC Podcast

Check in with AJ and Johnny!