The Art of Charm

Latest Episodes:

5 Most Common Myths About the Brain | Lisa Barrett Apr 11, 2022

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover the brain with Lisa Barrett, PhD. Lisa is among the top one percent most cited scientists in the world for her revolutionary research in psychology and neuroscience, and is the author of the best-selling Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain.

As we learn more about the brain we realize how mistaken we once were, so what have we been getting wrong about the brain, what have we learned, and how can you use that information to eliminate the unhelpful patterns and bad habits holding you back from living a fulfilling life?

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00
Where did the myth about the lizard brain come from and why is it such a popular belief?
Moving beyond the Lizard Brain – 10:47
What is the correct way to think about the conflict between rationality and what we mistakenly believe is the lizard brain so we can work toward becoming the people we want to be?
How is our brain functionality connected to our metabolism and how can you use that information to increase your brain’s performance and longevity?
Busting the Memory Myth – 26:10
How do our memories influence the way we operate in life and what can you do to overwrite old patterns that aren’t helping you anymore?
How does your metabolism
Do we have control over our actions? – 35:10
How does your body react to things before you are consciously aware of them and how can you use that to recognize unhelpful patterns?
What can you do to deconstruct unhelpful patterns and habits, and make it easier to build healthier habits?
Why does anxiety make things harder? – 43:30
What can you do to make it easier to do things that would normally cause you a lot of stress and anxiety?
How do our brains wire to connect and influence the brains of the people we interact with?

Science has shown us that our words and behavior have a measurable impact on the health of people around us. This means if we want to have a positive impact on those we care about, it’s crucial that we are thoughtful and intentional when interacting with others. Be mindful of the words you use, the eye contact you make, the body language you use, and how you treat people. Every person you influence will in turn influence you, so if you want to live in a positive, supporting environment, make sure you are treating others with love, respect, and encouragement.

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Resources from this Episode

Lisa Barrett’s website
Seven And A Half Lessons About The Brain by Lisa Barrett
How Emotions are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain by Lisa Barrett

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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Avoid These 3 Low Value Behaviors (Toolbox) Apr 04, 2022

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover low value behavior with AJ and Johnny.

We all exhibit low value behavior that can push people away from us, so what are low value behaviors, what makes us exhibit low value behavior, and what can you do to stop these low value behaviors from destroying friendships and relationships?

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00
What are low value behaviors, how do they push people away from us, and how can you notice them so you stop exhibiting them?
Why do low value behaviors make it difficult to create lasting friendships and relationships?
Why do we need attention, approval, and acceptance? – 14:20
What do we need from other humans to feel safe and why does every human need it?
How does your childhood shape the way you seek out value in the world and what can you do if your childhood influenced you to exhibit a lot of low value behaviors?
How to Identify Low Value Behaviors – 24:27
What is the difference between a high value person and a low value person?
What is supplicative behavior and what are some examples so you can make sure you don’t exhibit supplicative behavior?
When is being agreeable considered low value behavior?
Combative Behavior – 43:02
Why is it low value behavior to be argumentative and confrontational?
What are the verbal and nonverbal signals of combative behavior?
The Third Low Value Behavior – 50:05
When is it low value behavior to be competitive?
What is it about these low value behaviors that repel high value people from your life and what can you shift to high value behavior instead?

One of the worst blindspots people have in social situations is the way we go about satisfying our need for attention, approval, and acceptance. And we refer to attention, approval, and acceptance as value. We all have a need for value whether you like it or not. The difference between low value people and high value people is the way they go about getting that value. Low value people beg for it, fight you for it, and compete with you for it. High value people simply recognize their own value and seek to highlight the value in the people around them.

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Resources from this Episode

Mira Kirshenbaum | The Biggest Myth About Arguments

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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Overcoming Nice Guy Syndrome | Dr. Robert Glover Mar 28, 2022

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover passive communication with Dr Robert Glover. Robert is an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome, has helped thousands of nice guys transform from being passive, resentful victims to empowered, integrated males, and is the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life.

Trying to be the nice guy is a fatal step many men take to get what they want out of life, but what makes being a nice guy so bad, how can you identify your nice guy tendencies, and what can you do to get what you want without being a jerk?

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00
What is Nice Guy Syndrome and why is being a nice guy (or nice girl) counterproductive to getting what you want out of life?
Does Nice Guy Syndrome also apply to women?
Being a Nice Guy makes people like you less – 13:30
Why does being a nice guy lead people to trust you less and like you less, and what should you do instead?
Why do Nice Guys seem inauthentic and untrustworthy?
The Covert Contracts of Nice Guys – 19:38
What are the three secret contracts Nice Guys have with other people and why are these contracts harmful to them and their relationships?
Identify Relationships that are not serving you – 32:34
What are Cooperative Reciprocal Relationships and what exercise can you do now to understand what relationships are not helping you and what relationships you should add to your life?
Setting Boundaries and Expressing Your Desires – 44:25
What can you do if you know you should set boundaries but aren’t sure how to set them or defend them when people around you push back?
If you feel shame related to your sexual desires, what can you do to work through it and develop a healthy relationship with your needs and wants, as well as expressing them confidently instead of hiding them?

Being a nice guy sounds like a good idea, doesn’t it? Why would it be a bad thing? Turns out, when a man is trying to be a nice guy, it almost always means he’s not being authentic. Many times, a nice guy is nice because he thinks that’s what other people want him to be. He thinks being nice will result in people liking him and treating him better and sleeping with him. Instead, people see the niceness as a facade masking his true intentions and feelings. This makes him untrustworthy and unlikable. People respect and are drawn to others who are comfortable being themselves and being honest with the people around them.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Dr. Robert Glover’s website
No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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How To Be A Persuasive Rebel | Todd Kashdan Mar 21, 2022

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover the art of insubordination with Todd Kashdan. Todd is among the world’s top experts on the psychology of well-being, psychological strengths, mental agility, and social relationships.

Being a dissenter in today’s society is hard, but it is more important now than ever, so what can you do to raise questions about problems you see without being silenced, and how can you get your message across so people rally behind you instead of condemn you?

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00
What is the art of insubordination and why should you care?
Why is it important to have a public square where people can meet and exchange ideas?
The crucial importance of a clear consistent message – 12:07
If political polarization isn’t our biggest issue in society, what is and how do we overcome it?
How does technology speed up how quickly we self-segregate and isolate ourselves from different ideas and why is this dangerous to society?
Why does the use of labels get us into trouble and how do we overcome the stigma of labels?
Why We Must Understand the Art of Insubordination – 25:17
Why is the act of dissent important?
What can you do to persuade friends and family when you are a dissenter?
How can you introduce dissent into the mainstream without getting canceled?
How to be a Principled Rebel in Modern Society – 35:12
What does it mean to be a principled rebel and why does every society need principled rebels?
What is the best way to get your message across if you are part of a struggling minority influence?
Why do we need to expose ourselves to ideas that run counter to our own beliefs and worldview?

Dissenting is about more than just holding ideas and beliefs counter to mainstream thought. You must be willing to get involved in mainstream conversations, listen to what people have to say, and provide a legitimate path forward so people can see where your ideas lead. This allows them to be more comfortable following your ideas and handling any discomfort that might come from trying to change their worldview and the world around them.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalog w,hen you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month!

Resources from this Episode

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A Guide to Leadership Decision Making | David Siegel Mar 14, 2022

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover leadership and decision-making with David Siegel. David is the CEO of Meetup, the largest platform for finding and building local communities, and the author of Decide & Conquer: 44 Decisions that will Make or Break All Leaders.

Success is determined by the decisions you make and the people you surround yourself with, so how can you know when you’re making the right decision for your future, what can you do to surround yourself with people who will help you create success, and how do you maintain firm boundaries along the way?

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00
What does it take to be the CEO of a great company like Meetup and how can you apply that knowledge to your own goals?
Build a powerful network like a CEO – 19:28
What can you do to build a network that will get you to the next level of your career?
How do you create luck in your life so more and more opportunities present themselves to you?
What can you do to set firm boundaries as you become more successful?
Navigate difficult conversations with ease – 38:14
When is the right time to have a difficult conversation and what can you do to make difficult conversations easier?
How do you move your ego out of the way so it doesn’t sabotage your success as a leader?
Build a thriving company culture – 49:03
What can you do to foster a company culture that is open to change and willing to cooperate on effecting change?
What’s next for Meetup?

CEOs know the importance of having a powerful network and tough decision-making. It’s what gets them through difficult conversations and allows them to build a thriving company culture. But, it doesn’t happen overnight. You have to be intentional about who you connect with and how you engage with them if you want to reap the benefits. What are some things you can do this week to start building your own powerful CEO-style network and decision-making framework?

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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Build and Maintain Boundaries | Nedra Tawwab Mar 07, 2022

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover setting boundaries with Nedra Tawwab. Nedra is a licensed therapist, sought-after relationship expert who has practiced relationship therapy for 14 years, and author of the instant New York Times bestseller “Set Boundaries, Find Peace”.

Boundaries are a challenging concept to implement for many, but it can be simplified once you understand them, so what are boundaries, what does it mean to communicate and defend your boundaries, and how do you handle situations where people are repeatedly crossing your boundaries?

What to Listen For

Introduction to Boundaries – 0:00
Why did Nedra Tawwab write a book on boundaries?
Why is boundary setting pushed out of us as children only to be demanded of us as adults, and what can you do to reclaim your ability to set boundaries so you can avoid unhealthy relationships?
What does it mean to set a boundary and how do you know when you should set a boundary?
Respecting Your Boundaries – 11:00
What should you say if you need to back out of a commitment?
Should you feel bad about backing out of a commitment?
What leads someone to ghost you and how should you handle it?
Building & Defending Your Boundaries – 24:50
What should you say if someone disrespects your boundary?
How do you set new boundaries with someone?
What can you do to show up for your team while setting healthy boundaries so you can get your work done?
Healthy vs Unhealthy Consequences for Boundaries – 34:40
How do you know when a relationship should end if the other person keeps crossing your boundaries?
How do you handle family members who are unwilling or unable to respect your boundaries?

Boundaries are important because they allow us to build healthy relationships with people who respect us as individuals. If you don’t communicate to someone what it means to respect you and treat you well, you’re gambling on their ability to read your mind. I don’t know any mind readers so I’d call that a bad gamble.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Nedra Tawwab on Instagram
Nedra Tawwab’s website
Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tawwab
Set Boundaries Workbook

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Perfectionism: The Enemy Of Progress | Jennifer Kemp Mar 01, 2022

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover procrastination and perfectionism with Jennifer Kemp. Jennifer is a leading expert on perfectionism and builds flexibility and self-compassion when working with therapeutic clients.

Many of us experience perfectionism in different ways but they all hold us back from where we want to be, so what are the different ways perfectionism shows up in your life, what are the warning signs your perfectionism is unhealthy, and what can you do to overcome your perfectionism?

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00
What is unhelpful perfectionism and how is it different from the perfectionism we understand today?
What 4 signs can you look for to identify whether your perfectionism is healthy or not?

The importance of adapting vs perfecting – 13:40
How does the pursuit of perfection lead to less progression when you’re trying to learn or improve a skill?
What classes can you take to improve your conversational ability, sense of humor, and perfectionism?

What makes Art of Charm training programs so effective – 25:39
How do AoC alumni maintain their development after the program so they don’t fall back into their old behavior?
How does skill development become self-reinforcing so it feels fun rather than a lot of work?

The warning signs of perfectionism – 39:20
How is perfectionism linked to other mental health issues and how can you identify them?
What exercises can you do if you’re struggling with a harsh inner critic?

Is perfectionism keeping you from the success you’re after? You’re not alone. Perfectionism can show up in your life in several ways, including procrastination. Perfectionism can be a strength when it helps you create quality results, but it’s not doing you any favors if it stops you from taking action.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Jennifer Kemp’s website

The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

5 Skills to Be an Awesome Human | Nataly Kogan Feb 21, 2022

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover being an awesome human with Nataly Kogan. Nataly is a former writer for Verywell Mind, the co-founder and CEO of Happier, a leading wellness company on a mission to make millions of people happier, and the author of The Awesome Human Project.

Burnout can be a deadly trap you don’t recognize until the damage is done, so what can you do to avoid it (and still be successful), how does perfectionism make it worse, and how do you find your “why” so you can push through tough times and criticism?

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00
What are some obvious signs of burnout?
What is the biggest lie entrepreneurs and leaders tell themselves to keep pushing through burn out?

Be an Awesome Human – 12:47
How do you edit your thoughts to help you be the best version of yourself?
What two questions can you ask yourself to edit your thoughts and stop your mind from sabotaging your work, relationships, and goals?
What does it mean to treat yourself with compassion and why do we ALL need to treat ourselves with more compassion?

Perfectionism is the Enemy of Completion – 31:00
How can you reframe perfectionism so it doesn’t stop you from finishing what you start and putting your work out there for others to enjoy?
Why is it detrimental to your success to value every piece of criticism you receive?

Find your “why” and flourish in any job – 41:31
Why is it important to know your “why” when it comes to long term success and fulfillment in any line of work?
What is emotional fitness, why is it just as important as physical fitness, and how do you develop it?

It’s easy to undervalue our physical and mental needs when pursuing ambitious goals. You can get lost in devoting countless hours to building a company and push aside physical exercise because it takes time away from the company. You can get lost in spending all of your free time at the gym and push aside quality sleep because “sleep is for the weak.” But we tend to forget the only reason we can do any of these things is because we have one precious life to work with.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Nataly Kogan’s website

The Awesome Human Project by Nataly Kogan

Awesome Human Hour hosted by Nataly Kogan

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

4 Disciplines that Lead to Happiness and Meaning | Arthur C. Brooks Feb 14, 2022

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover happiness with Arthur C. Brooks. Arthur is a professor at the Harvard Kennedy School and Harvard Business School, and is the author of 12 books, including the national bestsellers “Love Your Enemies” and “The Conservative Heart”, and his newest title “From Strength to Strength”.

Happiness and meaning are two things we all want but many of us follow the wrong paths to find them, so how do you figure out what the correct path is and how do you find meaning in a world that is focused on satisfying superficial desires?

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

What is the ultimate secret to happiness according to science?
What are the 4 disciplines exhibited by happy people on a daily basis that you can start implementing today?
How can you get the benefits of religious faith & community if organized religion isn’t your thing?

Achievement does not equal Fulfillment – 14:19
Why do some of the most successful people on the planet feel empty and alone?

Why do many of us reach a point in our careers when we feel we’ve peaked and what can you do to keep excelling in your profession beyond that point?
What is success addiction, how do we fall into it, and what can you do to kick the addiction if you find yourself addicted to success?

Strive for fulfillment instead of achievement – 29:10
What should we be pursuing if our current goals of money, power, fame, and pleasure are leading us to feel unhappy, alone, and empty?

Why is school/education not the answer if you’re looking for more meaning in life, and what are we looking for when we think school is the answer?

How are music and other creative pursuits related to our ability to find fulfillment and happiness?

Everyday the world tries to convince us the path to happiness and fulfillment is traversed by spending money on a product or service. We are made to think being famous will lead to fulfillment and love. We mistakenly believe having more power and control over the world around us will lead to feeling complete and accomplished. The funny thing about happiness and fulfillment is they are found in the simple things that do not require significant sums of money: loving the people around you, wanting and needing less, having strong spiritual beliefs, and doing work that is a service to others.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month!

Resources from this Episode

Arthur C. Brooks’s website

From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life by Arthur C. Brooks

Dr. Judson Brewer | Unwinding Anxiety

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The 10 Signs of Neuroticism | Dr. Taylor Burrowes Feb 07, 2022

Show notes

In today’s episode, we cover neuroticism with Dr. Taylor Burrowes. Taylor received her PhD in Marriage and Family Counseling, is a retired mental health counselor and marriage & family therapist, and now works independently.

Like mental health in general, we all fall somewhere on a spectrum of neuroticism, so how can you notice when you’re exhibiting neurotic behavior and what can you do to make sure it doesn’t ruin your relationships?

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

What is neuroticism and how does it show up in all of us?
Who is Dr Taylor Burrowes?

The signs of neuroticism – 15:18
How are restlessness and neuroticism connected and how can you identify when restlessness is leading you to make poor decisions?

Why are pauses important in conversation when you’re speaking to one person or an audience?
What can you do to stop overthinking from ruining your relationships while still allowing it to help you in areas like work?

How does neuroticism influence your social development – 33:36
Why is overthinking detrimental to your ability to be seen as authentic and build relationships?

Why is coaching so important when it comes to developing your social skills?
Why do we jump to conclusions that often have no evidence supporting them and how can we stop doing it?

What causes you to experience neurotic behavior – 52:20
What are the root causes of the neurotic behavior we all experience at times and what can you do about it?

We’re all a little bit crazy, and that’s ok. Neuroticism shows up in all of us in several ways including restlessness, overthinking, and jumping to conclusions. It can get in the way of healthy relationships, especially for men, because neuroticism conveys a lack of confidence in who you are. Once you can recognize neurotic behaviors, you can remind yourself it’s important to not act on them.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Dr Taylor Burrowes’s website

Dr Taylor Burrowes on Twitter

10 ways neuroticism shows up in men and what to do about it | YouTube

The Vetting System by Dr. Taylor Burrowes

The 4 Stress Languages | YouTube

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube