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The Allender Center Podcast — Christianity
The Allender Center Podcast

The Allender Center Podcast features Dr. Dan Allender and his team engaging topics on healing and restoration through the unique intersection of theology and psychology. Through questions submitted by listeners, stories, interviews, and conversations, we engage the deep places of heartache and hope that are rarely addressed so candidly in our culture today. Join us to gain refreshing insight into understanding your story, handling relational struggles, recovering from trauma and abuse, and more.

The mission of The Allender Center is to help people tell their stories with awareness and integrity, and to train them to listen to the stories of others with care, artistry, and skill so that they may foster redemption and healing in their lives. The Allender Center is a pioneering organization committed to boldly engaging the impact of trauma and abuse, providing healing and teaching to individuals, couples, and communities, and training professionals to listen and enter into stories in a way that facilitates transformation and hope. For information on all our programs and live events, visit theallendercenter.org

Latest Episodes:

Understanding Gaslighting Aug 18, 2023

Show notes

Let's talk about gaslighting — a manipulation tactic that seeks to distort reality and erode one's sense of self. In this episode, Dan and Rachael dissect the mechanics of gaslighting, from its manifestation in personal relationships to its insidious presence within larger structures and societal frameworks.

Gaslighting operates in the shadows, a subtle and insidious act that can be challenging to spot and break free from.

Our hope is that this conversation will not only help you identify instances of gaslighting but also shed light on the path toward profound healing.

3 Steps for Trauma Triage Aug 11, 2023

Show notes

When trauma occurs, how can you respond effectively in those critical moments? Tragedy is an inevitable part of life, and having immediate tools to respond can help mitigate compounding trauma.

Join Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen as they offer a practical framework for engaging with traumatic experiences. They present a 3-step process to help you respond: sitting down, grounding yourself with both feet on the floor, and focusing on your breath.

This is not about resolving trauma, but rather how to tend to your body in those crucial moments. While these strategies are not a substitute for professional help or a comprehensive trauma healing journey, the aim is to provide practical tools to regulate and care for yourself or others during those initial minutes or hours after a traumatic experience.

Please note, we understand that discussing traumatic experiences can be triggering, and we encourage you to be compassionate with yourselves as you listen.

Join Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen as they equip you with essential insights and practical tools for trauma triage, empowering you to respond compassionately and effectively to trauma when it occurs.

Connecting Through Prayer with Jill Dyer Aug 04, 2023

Show notes

Join Rachael and Dan in this podcast episode along with Jill Dyer, Facilitator Care Coordinator at the Allender Center, to delve into the transformative power of prayer as a part of the healing journey and connecting with God and ourselves amidst harm and trauma.

We understand that the thought of prayer can evoke different reactions. While it may bring comfort to some, it could also trigger further trauma and avoidance for others.

With this in mind, this discussion explores various forms of prayer that authentically emerge from within, going beyond structured words and embracing our embodied expressions of prayer. Jill shares how prayers can take many forms, from expressions of laughter to heartfelt laments, all of which can be powerful ways to connect with God.

The conversation also delves into the importance of attachment with God and how prayer can aid in repairing and deepening that connection. Join us in considering the profound impact of prayer on the journey towards healing and growth.

Epistemology: How We Know with Esther Lightcap Meek Jul 28, 2023

Show notes

This week's bonus episode was recorded with philosopher, professor, and author, Dr. Esther Lightcap Meek, as she was entering into her role as the inaugural Senior Scholar at The Seattle School in late 2022. Joined by hosts Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Chelle Stearns, this discussion centers around the importance of valuing and delighting in the real.

Epistemology is "the theory of knowledge," or how we know what we know. Esther argues that knowing is not about acquiring power or control over things but rather about engaging in a loving relationship with reality.

If you have a passion for philosophy, theology, or are simply seeking a fresh perspective, this episode is for you. In fact, you may find yourself listening more than once to extract all the nuggets of wisdom contained within.

"Everybody Come Alive" with Marcie Alvis Walker Jul 21, 2023

Show notes

We are thrilled to have Marcie Alvis Walker, the creator of the popular Instagram feed "Black Coffee With White Friends" and the author of the compelling memoir "Everybody Come Alive: A Memoir in Essays," as our special guest on this week's episode of the Allender Center Podcast. Hosting this insightful conversation are Rachael Clinton Chen and Linda Royster from the Allender Center.

Marcie shares a bit about her process of writing her debut book, in which she beautifully shares her unique stories with candidness. She skillfully interlaces the tapestry of her cultural upbringing, along with her personal experiences grappling with various forms of racism, perfectionism, and the complex dynamics with her mother. Get ready to be inspired and moved as we hear a glimpse into her powerful narrative, and be sure to pick up her book "Everybody Come Alive: A Memoir in Essays," available wherever books are sold.

About our guest:

Marcie Alvis Walker is the creator of the popular Instagram feed Black Coffee with White Friends. She is also the creator of Black Eyed Bible Stories. Marcie is passionate about what it means to embrace intersectionality, diversity, and inclusion in our spiritual lives. She lives in Chicago with her husband, her college-aged kid Max, and their dog, Evie. Her new book, EVERYBODY COME ALIVE: A MEMOIR IN ESSAYS, is available wherever books are sold.

Listener Resources:

Check out Marcie Alvis Walker's book, Everybody Come Alive: A Memoir In Essays
Learn about Allender Center's Racial Trauma & Healing offerings
Enroll in the Healing the Wounded Heart online course from the Allender Center
Read Healing the Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan Allender

The Eternality of Parenting Jul 14, 2023

Show notes

"We're going to invite you as an audience to address the reality that we need to be mothered and we need to be fathered. Whether we have children, whether we have a partner. We need to be mothered and we need to be fathered. And equally, we need to mother and father," begins Dr. Dan Allender in this week's podcast episode, "The Eternality of Parenting."

We all have a deep need to be loved and to belong. Our parents are meant to be the first people to meet this need, but they are not always able to do so perfectly. We all have wounds from our childhood, and these wounds can continue to shape our lives.

As we grow into adulthood, our fundamental need for love and belonging remains constant, even as we develop the ability to care for others. Recognizing this truth allows us to delve into the profound intersection of being both a parent and a child, as we continue to navigate our personal journeys of growth and healing.

Join Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen as they share personal stories of their experiences with being parented, parenting, and even grandparenting. Together, they delve into the profound concept of "The Eternality of Parenting" and its impact on our lives and relationships.

Returning to Unresolvable Conflicts Jul 07, 2023

Show notes

In relationships, there are conflicts that cannot be resolved with a clear "right" or "wrong." In fact, the Gottman Institute's research cites that nearly 70% of relationship conflicts are unresolvable.

Earlier this year, Dan and Becky Allender talked through unresolvable conflicts from their perspective of over four decades of marriage. Now, we're revisiting the topic with our other co-host, Rachael Clinton Chen, and her husband Michael Chen, who have been married since 2019.

Rachael and Michael explore the complexities of unresolvable conflicts in marriage and share their personal insights about navigating these challenging situations. They both emphasize the importance of story work and how it's given them a common ground to understand and engage how they're feeling. They also highlight the importance of returning to one another after the moment to engage those difficult conversations. In doing so, progress can be made, even if it's not immediate or exactly how either of you would envision it.

Rachael concludes the conversation by pointing out, "It's not by avoiding conflict or sidestepping it or somehow finding a way around it. It's actually often in the heart of the irresolvable tension that I think the Spirit is making something new. And that really can only be the work of the gospel."

Listener Resources:

Listen to the episode, "Unresolvable Conflict" with Dan and Becky Allender
Learn more about the Marriage Conference, happening this October 13-14 in Park City Utah
Discover more marriage offerings from the Allender Center, including our Marriage Online Course

* Source: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, PhD and Nan Silver, 2015

Creating Safety in Relationships Jun 30, 2023

Show notes

In a world that can feel overwhelming and unsafe, we all long for safe havens in our relationships. But how do we create that safety?

On this episode of the podcast, Rachael Clinton Chen chats with Dan and Becky Allender about their journey to intimacy and understanding in their marriage. Dan and Becky have been married for decades, but they both say that the real transformation in their relationship has happened only in recent years.

They credit much of this breakthrough to doing story work and understanding their own family of origin stories, as well as each other's. But they also point out that creating awareness alone is just the beginning. Deciding to enter into their relationship with kindness and curiosity has helped them build trust and safety with each other.

Rachael points out: "The more we honor one another's need for safety and meet each other there and rebuild a different kind of trust that we're capable of, that it's actually the more risks we can take in our relationship and we can take together. Because there's a trust "

If you're seeking ways to build trust and closeness in your most important relationships, we hope you'll find this conversation thought-provoking and insightful.

If you and your partner would like to discover more about your stories, grow in kindness and care, and find courage in conflict, we invite you to join us for the Marriage Conference this October 13-14, 2023, in beautiful Park City, Utah. Learn more at theallendercenter.org/marriage

The Spirituality of Rest Jun 23, 2023

Show notes

With the arrival of summer, there is an expectation of rest and play. But for many, true rest is elusive. The demands of work, family, and financial responsibilities often hinder our ability to slow down and embrace rest. In our society, busyness is glorified, and we often fear being still, as it may require us to confront our own heartache.

However, reflecting on the invitation of Jesus in Matthew 11:28-30, we are prompted to consider the joy and sweetness that can be found when we rest.

Dan mentioned in "Sabbath, Explained," a previous podcast episode: "We need a taste of Eden to be able to continue engaging in the issues of a fallen world and our own fallen heart. But in that, it's also a taste of the coming kingdom. A taste of what we are meant to know today and yet we will one day know in fullness."

While we may not achieve instant transition from a hectic pace to complete stillness, taking gradual steps towards rest has the potential to bring about joy and transformation.

Related Resources:

The Spirituality of Song with Lowland Hum Jun 16, 2023

Show notes

Artists, creatives, and music lovers, join us in welcoming special guests, Daniel and Lauren Goans, the musical duo who make Lowland Hum.

In their chat with Dan and Rachael, Daniel and Lauren share a bit of their stories as creatives, talking about their life as artists, their journey of creating music, and the changes they experienced after becoming parents. They reflect on the mysterious and healing nature of singing and songwriting, how music comes through them, and the importance of being present in the moment.

The conversation also examines the significance of the passage from Ephesians chapter five, focusing on the invitation to be engaged and connected with oneself and with others, rather than solely pursuing a disembodied spiritual practice.

Join us for "The Spirituality of Song" as we explore the artistic journey, some of the complexities of transitioning into new life stages, and the transformative nature of music and the creative process.

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