Show notes
Today’s guest on the show is relationship expert AJ Harbinger and co-host of the highly popular podcast, The Art of Charm which has over 200 million downloads and has featured guests such as myself, Tim Ferriss, Jay Shetty, and Kobe Bryant, and many others.
AJ has helped thousands of men and women from all around the world to overcome social anxiety, master conversation, develop social capital and build genuine relationships of the highest quality, as well as breakthrough large personal and professional mental blocks.
Like many, success did not come easy for AJ. Identifying as an introvert and Growing up without a Mother, this all quickly ignited some insecurities, pain, and anxiety, and struggled socially in school. As you can imagine, he felt a bit lost as a young adult and took a sabbatical after his undergrad for some self-discovery.
Encouraged by his father to get a job to stay motivated, he decided to take a job at a research lab and after having a research project go sideways unexpectedly, he was forced to make a decision.
He could either continue down this path of consistent disappointment or take a chance on himself to do something that would help him and others find fulfillment long term. On a mission to develop and cultivate true social skills and confidence, he co-founded the Art of Charm almost 15 years ago.
This of course didn’t come without challenges as his Father passed away shortly after, whom he was incredibly close to and his Father also doubted his ability to make it in the podcast world.
He shares his incredible story of overcoming all of these hardships that came along before and after starting the podcast and of course chat about social skills.
Let's face it...developing confidence, emotional intelligence, and relationships are tough and take hard work. But, it can be done and there is an art in doing this. Today, you are going to learn tactical skills that you can apply right now to ensure that you are doing everything you can to improve your self-worth, build deep connections, and of course charm.
Topics discussed:
AJ’s upbringing growing up with a single parent
How AJ’s childhood affected his mental health
How AJ pivoted that adversity into something positive to help so many people
AJ’s insight about being authentic, being real, and being yourself
AJ’s advice for somebody who's thinking about doing something for the wrong reason
Struggles AJ faced without having his mom around
The types of things AJ started doing to cultivate confidence within himself when he started the show, The Art of Charm
What are the things that AJ does every single day that are non-negotiable for him to get himself feeling good
What AJ and his co-host do when the ratings of their program is not as high as they expected
What are a couple of non-negotiable things that people can do to be able to cultivate a deep, meaningful, in-person relationship with someone in 2000, as we're entering 2021?
AJ’s advice for people when approaching someone at an event, at a seminar, or asking a guy or a girl out
What are some things people should say or not say, to get the other person to be more engaged with them
The top lessons AJ learned from someone: Who was it and what was the lesson?
Takeaways:
“Look at any venture that you start and ask yourself, “How am I going to feel about this 10 days from now? How am I gonna feel about this 10 months from now? How am I gonna feel about this 10 years from now?” And if the answer is yes, excited, pumped. 10 months or 10 years later, then you've hit a goldmine. You've hit something that you're gonna have the passion, the motivation, and the drive to fulfill.” - AJ Harbinger
“We really made it a focal point to celebrate all the small victories along the way.” - AJ Harbinger
Your confidence is like a skyscraper.
Start out with a positive view of the day, and end your day with gratitude.
The difference between success and lack of success is between your ears.
You are constantly training your mind to focus on things whether you like them or not.
“If you’re feeling like, ‘Wow. You know, I've had so many setbacks.’ I would challenge you to pick up the phone and reach out to the people in your life that you care about.” - AJ Harbinger
Appreciation is actually telling people what you love about them, why you love having them in your life, why you really enjoy that relationship that person has brought to your life. And acceptance is actually inviting them to participate in your life.
The key ingredient in this formula is curiosity -- genuine curiosity.
The simplest way is to approach with gratitude and appreciation, and share with them.
“Who you surround yourself with, and the intentionality of your habits, your lifestyle, is what unlocks these extraordinary levels of success that we look up to.” - AJ Harbinger
Connect with AJ Harbinger:
Website: https://theartofcharm.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theartofcharm/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/theartofcharm
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCS2wqxYdqjnHkkfc90g169g
Connect with Doug
Instagram: www.instagram.com/dougbopst
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dougbopst
Website: www.dougbopst.com/
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