Struggle Care

Latest Episodes:

53: Just Cope! Oct 06, 2023

Show notes

Welcome to this bonus episode! For the next few weeks I’ll be putting out some bonus content, and today we will explore coping skills. It’s a phrase that’s become a buzzword in the psychology world right now, along with emotional regulation, feelings, and trauma. Let’s clarify these concepts that may have gotten watered down with a closer look.

Show Highlights:

● “Emotional regulation” defined and explained: what it is and what it is not

● The definition, Part 1: “Emotional regulation is the ability to respond to the ongoing demands of experience with a range of emotions and in a manner that is socially tolerable . . .” It is OK to have your feelings!

● The definition, Part 2: “ . . . and sufficiently flexible to permit spontaneous reactions, as well as the ability to delay spontaneous reactions as needed.” Being emotionally regulated doesn’t mean you are a robot!

● What it means to operate within your “window of tolerance,” the optimal zone of arousal (not in a sexual sense, but nervous system activation) for a person to function in everyday life

● How your window of tolerance has red zones at the top and bottom of hyper- and hypo-arousal

● The learning zone vs. the comfort zone

● How coping skills help us bring ourselves back to the window of tolerance in the comfort zone

● Why we should morally neutralize ALL coping skills

● Examples of coping skills that help you stay out of the red zones and regulate well

● Why self-compassion is THE most important coping skill

Resources and Links:

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

52: When Mindfulness Doesn’t Work with Dr. Raquel Martin Oct 02, 2023

Show notes

Have you ever been told to “do a mindfulness practice” only to find that it doesn’t work? Let’s talk about some alternatives to mindfulness that can help with unhelpful thoughts and negative feelings. I’m joined by Dr. Raquel Martin, a psychologist who’s here to discuss this hot topic in the current “therapy talk.” She may sound familiar to you if you’ve listened to my audiobook, How to Keep House While Drowning, as she wrote the section about caring for black hair when you might be struggling.

Show Highlights:

● How Dr. Raquel defines mindfulness

● How mindfulness helps us distance ourselves from unhelpful thoughts and negative feelings

● Why it’s helpful to think, “This is just a thing”

● Why mindfulness is not the best fit for everyone

● How a “stress kit” can be helpful

● Why deep breathing is not the regulation answer for everyone

● How alternatives to journaling can be beneficial without “writing”

● Why therapy and coping skills must be customized to the individual

● The difference in rules and boundaries

● How different our world would be if people received mental health support

● Why compassion and understanding are the keys in understanding a person’s mental health struggles and individualizing their treatment

Resources and Links:

Connect with Dr. Raquel Martin: Website, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and Mind Your Mental Podcast

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

51: Division of Labor with Eve Rodsky Sep 25, 2023

Show notes

This is the show that will make you take a closer look at how the work is shared in your household. The problem cannot be solved by simply handing out to-do lists. I’m joined by Eve Rodsky, who is working to change society one partnership at a time by promoting a new 21st-century solution to an age-old problem. Still today, women shoulder two-thirds or more of the unpaid domestic work and child care for their homes and families, and this burden is taking its toll! Again, there are deeper issues to consider. Let’s talk about this topic with Eve!

Show Highlights:

● How Eve came to write her book, Fair Play

● How many wives/moms have an automatically assigned role in their homes

● How the shift in marriage occurs where women do most of the “invisible work”

● How Eve’s book is structured with information and practical ways to divide labor

● How a story about the Tooth Fairy illustrates the mindset shifts that need to happen in both partners to have fair play

● Why couples get into a measuring contest about whose job is harder

● Why we need to break down harmful norms that hurt us all and be clear about each partner’s role

● Is your home infested by RATs? (randomly assigned tasks)

● Why accountability and trust are vital in home organization

● Why the mental load is more taxing in most cases than the actual execution of tasks

● How to view boundaries with a fresh and freeing perspective and find your “unicorn space”

Resources and Links:

Connect with Eve Rodsky: Website, Instagram (Fair Play Life), Instagram (Eve), and TikTok

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

50: Interior Design is Morally Neutral with Katie Saro Sep 18, 2023

Show notes

We focus a lot on this show about survival skills regarding your life and your home. When we struggle–and our mental health is at stake–we have to let go of lofty ideals and just do the basic tasks we need to survive. Even though interior design is not normally classified as a survival skill, as today’s guest says, “We all deserve beauty.” It’s true. We do. I’m joined by Katie Soro, a vintage dealer and artist who decided to start a new kind of interior design to fuel her passion for vintage and helping people find, curate, see, and experience beauty. Let’s dive deeper into this important topic.

Show Highlights:

● Why function AND beauty can coexist—and you deserve them both in your home

● The first step in decorating your home: Don’t think about what others will say; there is NO wrong way to do it.

● How a lifeless, inanimate thing can be beautiful and bring creativity to your home

● How thrifting and antiquing allow you to curate your own style that speaks to you

● Why beauty in interior design comes from the feelings we get from beautiful things

● Katie’s practical tips for home design: (Keep in mind that there is NO right way to do it.)

● Start with a room by considering the mood and function you want in that room.

● Use lighting to set the mood and be functional for tasks.

● Use wall art, and remember that it doesn’t have to cost a fortune.

● Katie’s tips for finding design inspiration: Think outside the box, use Pinterest, don’t be afraid to try and fail more than once, and start thrifting to find unique pieces that speak to you.

Resources and Links:

Connect with Katie Saro: Website, Instagram, The Art of Vintage TV Show (Magnolia Network and Discovery+)

Mentioned in this episode: www.shopgoodwill.com

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

49: Safe & Sound with Mercury Stardust Sep 11, 2023

Show notes

Today’s conversation brings us to the unusual intersection of social media influence, DIY home repair, and trans activism. I’m excited to introduce you to my amazing guest for today’s show!

Mercury Stardust, the “Trans Handy Ma’am,” is a professional home maintenance technician, burlesque performer, author, and award-winning activist. Mercury credits her TikTok success to her experience teaching burlesque, where she learned to communicate and create a safe space for students who had frequently experienced trauma. She has been featured in stories by NBC, NPR, Buzzfeed, Newsweek, the Washington Post, and Pink News. Her leadership within the trans community has led to collaborations with such brands as I Fix It, Lowe’s, and the trans healthcare community Point of Pride. Mercury’s recent livestream fundraiser ended up raising over $2.2 million, and she’s embarking on a huge book tour this fall to promote her book, Safe & Sound: A Renter-Friendly Guide to Home Repair.

Show Highlights:

● How Mercury created a safe space with “Gentle DIY” in the male-dominated handyman world

● How Mercury became a home maintenance technician to supplement her living as a cabaret performer

● Why Mercury’s content caters to apartment renters and others who may not be comfortable with tools and DIY repairs

● Why Mercury shows up authentically without pretense and perfectionism

● What it’s like to be a prominent trans woman on the internet and still manage her mental health

● How Mercury handles the task of setting boundaries with people to protect her emotional and mental health

● Highlights from Mercury’s book, Safe & Sound, and her upcoming 52-city book tour

● How Mercury leans into her weaknesses and insecurities

Resources and Links:

Connect with Mercury Stardust: Website, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube, and Safe & Sound book

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

48: Screw Parenting Rules, You Need Parenting Values with Rachel Nielson Sep 04, 2023

Show notes

Honestly, this is a topic for everyone. Today’s show applies to all of us, whether we are parents, future parents, or someone who needs to heal their inner child. I’m excited to be joined by Rachel Nielson, the host and founder of the 3in30 Podcast. She interviewed me on a recent episode, and she’s returning the favor by joining me for this important conversation. Join us!

Show Highlights:

● The structure for Rachel’s 3in30 podcast: 3 actionable takeaways in 30 minutes

● Why parenting values are far superior to parenting rules

● Why success in motherhood is most definable by the connection we have with our kids

● What Rachel teaches in her program, Self-Assured Motherhood

● Why there is an opportunity to parent your inner child by identifying your core parenting values

● How you can have different values for different seasons of your life and family

● How Rachel’s program helps women identify and uncover their values by looking inward and outward

● Why our values might be in conflict with each other

● How parenting partners can handle conflict in their individual parenting values

● Takeaways from Rachel about embracing your values, accepting them, and living into them authentically

Resources and Links:

Connect with Rachel Nielson: Website and Podcast

Find Rachel’s list of parenting values:www.3in30podcast.com/values

Mentioned in this episode:The Family Firm by Emily Oster

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

47: Best of Gentle Organizing with Alison Lush Aug 28, 2023

Show notes

Do you have too much stuff? As you look around your home, is it crowded and cluttered? Does your space make you feel burdened, unhappy, and frustrated? If you said–or shouted–YES, you can’t miss today’s show. Join me to learn more about gentle organizing.

Alison Lush is a Certified Professional Organizer, Certified Virtual Organizer, and Master Trainer. After a 20-year catering career, Alison knew she needed better organization and management skills for her home and personal comfort. She learned to live and shop intentionally, creating and protecting the space in her home. Now she puts her expertise to work in helping others by empowering them and teaching them to put themselves at the center of their organization efforts.

Show Highlights:

How Alison became an organizer with a gentle spirit
Why our interactions with our home, space, time, and belongings form the foundations of our lives
Why Alison’s focus is on “organic organizing”
Alison’s answer to a question sent in by Samantha about dealing with clutter, letting things go, and the functionality of her space
How to organize your space by using Zone 1, Zone 2, and Zone 3—and consider the frequency of access for each item
Ways to keep, honor, and display memorabilia by identifying the risk level in letting items go
How to consider the purpose of items in our lives in deciding to keep them or let them go
Alison’s answer to a question from Kitty about decorating, a sense of style, and learning to feel good about her space
How to reframe what might look crappy and rundown to you as a life well-lived, meaningful, and full of love
Why your decor should fuel you and recharge your batteries
Alison’s answer to a question from Aria about separating and managing work life and home life
How to legitimize, categorize, and systemize your space for the best functionality
Why the professional organizing industry has the reputation of telling people to “just get rid of your stuff”

Resources:

Connect with Alison: www.alisonlush.ca and TikTok

Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram

Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

46: Best of Is Too Much Self-Compassion a Bad Thing? with Dr. Lesley Cook Aug 21, 2023

Show notes

In our first episode, you heard my conversation with Dr. Lesley Cook about executive functioning. Because she has so much great information and wisdom to share, I decided to bring her back to discuss self-compassion. Is it a bad thing to have TOO MUCH self-compassion? Join us for the conversation with Dr. Lesley!

Dr. Lesley Cook is a psychologist who does a lot of work with ADHD and other neurodivergencies. Born and raised in Hawaii, she now lives in Virginia and works with children, adolescents, adults, couples, and families.

Show Highlights:

How to find the balance between the message of self-compassion and the need for better life management and progress
A basic understanding of self-compassion from Dr. Kristin Neff’s writings
A closer look at shame and how we experience it in relation to self-compassion
How to gently shift shame into self-compassion
How self-compassion can become a learned behavior that we pass down to our children

Resources:

Connect with Dr. Lesley: TikTok and Instagram

Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram

Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

45: Best of You can't save the rainforest if you're depressed with Imani Barbarin Aug 14, 2023

Show notes

I’m excited to introduce you to today’s guest. Imani Barbarin is a disability rights and inclusion activist and speaker who uses her platform for conversations around the disability community. I’ve followed her for a while on TikTok and appreciate the way she expresses her opinions and helps educate the rest of us. Come join us now!

Show Highlights:

How Imani explored and discovered her passion for advocacy for disability and inclusion rights
How climate change and disability are linked
Why environmental ableism is a real thing
How people have become victims of their non-nuanced thinking, only wanting to be on the “right” side
Why the COVID pandemic has become a “mass-disabling” event, especially regarding mental health
Examples of ways in which the environmental movement has left those with disabilities behind
Why society has a general disdain for disabled people and believes that they don’t (or won’t) contribute to society
How the luxury of abled people trumps the necessity of the disabled
What the function of capitalism is on disabled bodies
How disabled people are used as pawns in the pro-choice/pro-life debate
Why there is inherent racism in the pro-life movement
What laziness is and is not

Resources:

Connect with Imani: Website and Instagram

Resources mentioned: https://www.sinsinvalid.org, https://disasterstrategies.org, https://www.americanprogress.org

Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram

Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

44: Best of Executive Functioning with Lesley PsyD Aug 10, 2023

Show notes

Today, we are diving into executive functioning, which is a popular term being bounced around in mental health communities. I want to take a closer look at what it means and how it shows up in people’s lives. Join me to learn more from today’s guest!

Show Highlights:

A common-language definition and explanation of executive functioning
How executive function deficits show up in someone’s life
How shame, guilt, and inconsistent performance are clues to executive function problems
The difference between motivation and task initiation
Why the underlying issue with lack of motivation is more about what a person values
How a person’s sense of self is affected when they believe their authentic self is “bad”
Why external supports are necessary when an internal system is down
Why rhythm is better than routine for those with executive function disorder
How neurotypical people experience interruptions with executive functioning on a regular basis because of overload and anxiety
How blips in executive function occur in neurotypical people with predictability and response to intervention—as opposed to someone with a diagnosis
How someone with ADHD can have incredible deficits in executive function on days when everything is going their way–and won’t respond reliably to normal interventions
How to build into each day differing levels of acceptable outcomes–and give yourself permission to choose what fits your needs at that moment
Lesley’s advice to those who think they have executive functioning issues