Just when you think you’re gonna SHOCK Claire with your heartbreak story, newsflash—she’s heard it all.
Benching—keeping someone on the sidelines as back-up in your dating life, who you check in with once in a while
Zombie-ing-- when the ghoster comes back from the DEAD! (Claire’s fave)
Orbiting—when your ex lurks on your social media but doesn’t directly reach out
It’s amazing how much DRAMA the mind can create from a little orbiting or zombie-ing action—especially when residual feelings resurface or they never died down in the first place.
MAKE IT MATH, NOT DRAMA.
Keep it simple when the mind wants to create a lot of story that isn’t serving you.
What was the RESULT Claire wanted when asking the question:
WHY would her ex (who isn’t following her and who broke it off with her) ORBIT her on Instagram?
FOUR OPTIONS on how to handle it:
- let go of needing to know the meaning
- decide an empowered meaning behind it
- BLOCK HIM
- Directly ask him
If you were to reach out, MAKE SURE your thoughts and feelings are in alignment with your HIGHEST SELF. Same with BLOCKING him.
The ACTION is to reach out or BLOCK but the thoughts and feelings always come BEFORE the action.
If you’re reaching out in a defensive or attacking manner, how will it serve you or him?
(hint: it won’t!)
But any action from a place of love and compassion for yourself and the other person, will always keep you grounded and clear in the thick of the vulnerability.
WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? Is a maddening question to ASK!
THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD ALWAYS CHOOSE OPTION 4
If you were in any form of an abusive relationship, HARD NO, on reaching out.
Put the focus BACK on yourself and move forward… in fact, if it was an abusive relationship, he should be BLOCKED on all levels…phone, email, and all social media.
What if you believed NO ONE CAN DO ANYTHING TO YOU?!
The personal meaning you’re making out of his behavior is causing you pain.
Instead ask,
Why are YOU doing this to YOU?
Getting caught up in his business, what he’s up to, who he’s with, why he’s saying or doing whatever it is with regards to you… Notice all the mind drama YOU are creating.
Don’t worry about WHY you’re caught up in all the pain… that will keep you MIRED in the heartbreak.
NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU.
You care about him. You want him back. You just do. OWN it. No shame or judgment on yourself. MATH. NOT DRAMA.
Wanting to know why or how he could behave a certain way is totally normal and human, but it’s also a tricky question to indulge if you really want to commit to MOVING ON AND STOPPING WANTING HIM BACK.
Bottom line—the heartbreak happened. It can’t unhappen.
When you argue with reality, you suffer- Byron Katie.
If you’re not going to ask him WHY, try committing to the belief that WHY he did what he did DOESN’T MATTER
The more you are in judgment, the longer you suffer
Byron Katie: Who would you be without the thought?
Work, family, friends, mental health, physical health.
Give all the love you’re seeking from him, BACK TO YOU!
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