Statesmen

Latest Episodes:

Iowa 2 with Andy Rowell Mar 02, 2021

Show notes

Here's a question for you folks, what does IOWA actually stand for? International orb whipping association? Is that what these people call Baseball? Sure those players do "whip" an "orb" around a "diamond," but is that what Iowa folk say about the national pastime? Someone should look into this worrying rumor.

Anyways, notch an arrow, pull back with your funny bone, and hit a bullseye in honor of our latest visit to the Hawkeye State. We're joined by the local boy himself, Andy Rowell. He'll helps us haul our crunch berries via big rig and explore the world of midwest opera in this special visit to Iowa!

(Since this recording, Stuart has viewed the TENET special features and was thoroughly pleased by the detail and filmcraft included therein.)

Find Andy HERE.

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Find Camden HERE.

States On Screen - Sweet Home Alabama Feb 23, 2021

Show notes

This week is the inaugural episode of a new and weird format for the Statesmen. Don't be scared by a podcast concept where white guys talk about old movies! INSANE! REVOLUTIONARY! BRAVE!

Jokes aside, we had a lot of fun with this new format, and we're affectionately calling it: States on Screen! (or S.O.S. for short.)

In this episode we'll examine the 2002 romantic comedy Sweet Home Alabama, starring the perky chipmunk herself, Reese Witherspoon. Does this film do a good job at representing The Cotton State? Well it's about as casually racist as that official state nickname, so don't be surprised when we rip on this tone-deaf flick.

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Colorado 2 with Vinny Thomas Feb 16, 2021

Show notes

When you're at altitude, feet planted on the summit of a mighty fourteener, it's easy to slip right back into the Rocky Mountain State of mind. So light up a legal blunt and enjoy the fresh air, baby, because we're back in the mutha flippin' SEE-OH.

Join us for an adventure through the Centennial State with Denver native, Vinny Thomas! He'll help us better understand Mile High culture, Patagonia white people, and we'll even discover the secret of the double golden domes!

With a lead in that mysterious, how could you not listen?

Find Vinny HERE.

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Find Camden HERE.

Texas 2 with Brad Pike Feb 09, 2021

Show notes

Everything's bigger in Texas. Even the podcasts! That's why this episode is longer than usual. And I guess that's also why all of our other episodes are also too damn long. Texas has somehow retroactively embiggened the length of this podcast for the last three years... yeah... that's what it is.

This week we have the wonderful podcaster and comedian Brad Pike joining us on the show to rustle up some laughs in the Lone Star State. If you want to visually summarize this episode, just imagine Doctor Doom in a cowboy hat shoplifting from a derelict Blockbuster.

Find Brad HERE.

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Indiana 3 with Shelby Jo Plummer Feb 02, 2021

Show notes

Over two thousand years ago a humble carpenter was savagely nailed to a cross and now, in 2021, we remember his sacrifice by rating our segments out of 30 pieces of silver! How many silver coins do we receive? As many as the cursed Judas? You'll have to listen to find out! ;)

Oh boy, this is a crazy episode. And not just because of the heretical stuff about the silver! We dive deep into the Indiana kiddy pool with guest and Indy Local, Shelby Jo Plummer! Shelby helps us understand why Kokomo isn't as relaxing as it sounds, who the big bull in the building is, and what the kid from Phantom Menace is up to now!

If that doesn't hook you, buzz-off dweeb!

Find Shelby HERE.

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Find Camden HERE.

The State at Home Special with Zoe Agapinan Jan 26, 2021

Show notes

Tier 1? Tier 2? Well how about we tier you a new bum-hole from laughing too hard at this hilarious special episode?!

(is this too crass? Maybe, but it's also crass to force service workers to attend their jobs indoors during a pandemic. So eat my little shorts, Lori Lightfoot.)

This week we're joined by the FANTASTIC Chicago writer and comedian, Zoe Agapinan! We all missed out on our holiday travels but Zoe helps us live out our dreams by recreating state vibes right from our own homes. If it sounds kind of dumb, that's because it totally is, but there's a "Picture of Dorian Grey" reveal at the end of this episode that will undoubtedly become part of Statesmen history. Trust me, you don't want to miss this!

Find Zoe HERE.

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Find Camden HERE.

Massachusetts 3 with Kelsey Judge Buckley Jan 19, 2021

Show notes

The state outline of Massachusetts sort of looks like a cartoon gun, which is good because you'll need all the firepower you can get to survive this THRILLING return to the state whose slogan declares, "By the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty." Now that's a threatening sentence to print on your 'Welcome to Massachusetts' signs.

The actual state motto is originally written in Latin (a dead language,) which is fitting because The Statesmen have so much fun on this one we practically die of laughter! Joining us in the grave is Chicago comedian and Joan Cusack impersonator, Kelsey Judge Buckley! She helps us navigate evil pagan deities and grilled muffin tops on our third visit to the codfish state.

(WARNING: We talk about Bughuul A LOT on this episode.)

Find Kelsey HERE.

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Find Camden HERE.

South Dakota 2 with Sean Jordan Jan 12, 2021

Show notes

There are a handful of states that are divided into North and South. The Carolinas, The Dakotas, and even Virginia has a western half. To be honest, sometimes it can even feel like the nation itself is a little divided as well. Maybe it's time to fully unify as a country, coming together to announce that, "We all agree on one thing. Middling comedy podcasts are the indelible threads that make up the fabric of our modern society. Facts B."

This week we're talking South Dakota with the son of Sioux Falls and co-host to the incredible podcast All Fantasy Everything, Sean Jordan! We lust over young muscles and debate replacing the heads of mount Rushmore with at least one retired NBA superstar. So just like Mrs. Fanning when she's on her way to pick up her daughter from an audition, Get to Dakota ASAP!

Find Sean HERE.

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New York 2 with Ellory Smith Jan 05, 2021

Show notes

I know what you're thinking, "Isn't New York City kind of played out? The greatest city in the world? Yeah right! It's just rats, thin pizza, and the setting for You Don't Mess with the Zohan. Is there really more for me to learn?"

YOU FOOLISH FOOL OF COURSE THERE IS!

This week we're joined by Comedian and Robot Chicken writer Ellory Smith, who teaches us that New York isn't just a city! In fact. the empire state has some backwoods too! (not the blunt wraps. But to be honest, it probably has those as well.)

Listen up if you like #Comedy, or if you have #NewYorkDreams, or if you want #AnswersAboutGovernorCuomosNipplePiercings

Find Ellory HERE.

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Find Camden HERE.

ReRelease: Scrooge Returns with Joe Cariola Dec 29, 2020

Show notes

We've been too hungover from holiday partying out in public without masks on, so we're taking the week off! Enjoy reliving the horrific deep lore and confusing cannon of last year's Christmas special!

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Scrooge needs a stiff drink to enjoy this holiday season and the Statesmen boys are here to help! We time travel and unravel one of the greatest twisting narratives of the last 200 hundred years. Listen up and take notes during the episode, there will be a short talk back with the cast after the show. (Just kidding.)

Find Joe HERE.

Find Tim HERE.

Find Santa HERE.

Find Anthony HERE.

Find Camden HERE.