Something Like Marriage

Latest Episodes:

I Feel Uncomfortable Talking About Sex Jun 07, 2018

Show notes

I am going to be honest, I feel uncomfortable talking about sex. Sex was not really a topic we had practice talking about with anyone. While Jon was caught up in a cycle of abstinence and binging, I was in my own cycle of repression and avoiding. Jon's work in therapy was to begin talking openly about his sexual experiences and his guilt and shame about his sexuality. He found the practice to be freeing and healing. His dark secret and life with porn were now known, and he used the opportunity to develop a healthy adult relationship with sex. While I was in the therapy group with other women related to Jon's secret life, the work we did in the group was centered around my self-care and not being obsessed with what Jon was or wasn't doing in his life. I had no practice sharing anything about sex, and wanted it that way! I find it to be difficult to talk about sex because it can be painful for me. There is a barrier for me to walk through when discussing my own sexuality or even engaging in sex. The work I have to do will be messy, but I am now choosing to heal my sexual wounds. Next week I will be brave and share my story. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Milan Surbatovic) Stream "I Feel Uncomfortable Talking About Sex" Relationship Podcast Gems: Jon is comfortable talking about sex now, but he had a lot of shame and secrets when he was young. Jon learned what healthy adult sexuality really was through his recovery groups, talking, and reading. As a child, we have different perspectives of our experiences and take on responsibilities, guilt, and shame that wasn't ours. Men tend to talk about the act of sex, not the feelings of fear, and excitement. Experiencing it as a kid alone is difficult...fear, excitement, shame and pleasure. Jema did not practice talking about her sexuality but avoided all conversations about sex. The cultural norms around sexuality are so different - boys are almost encouraged to explore their body, it doesn't seem to be the same for girls. Jon forgets that it is difficult for Jema, he needs reminders that this work is painful. Jema's lack of curiosity about Jon's sexuality made him feel unimportant and unloved. Being on the journey as a couple, and then with other couples has created such profound healing in our life. Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

Why Do Men Hide Their Feelings or Do They? Jun 02, 2018

Show notes

Answering the question about why do men hide their feelings, and challenging this idea. We also relate how men and women are alike in not sharing their vulnerable feelings such as sadness, shame, guilt, and fear. Culture seems to have a role to play in what are acceptable emotions for a man to express. As children, we expressed a spectrum of feelings as emotional beings. When we were happy we screamed with delight, laughed, and jumped up and down. When we were sad we cried, had tantrums, and yelled. Somewhere along the way some of us learned certain emotions were okay to share such as anger or joy, and others were to be controlled. Why do men hide their feelings? Jon talks about how he learned early on it wasn't safe to share those vulnerable feelings such as sadness because it would be meddled with in some way. As his wife, I wasn't safe to share those feelings with for quite some time. We had to learn how to identify our feelings, express them, and to be safe for one another. Our first practice took place with strangers. When discussing why do men hide their feelings, it seems men and women are more alike than different. We can learn how to share those more vulnerable feelings with one another in a safe space and create a more intimate relationship. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Ben Rosett) Stream "Why Do Men Hide Their Feelings?" Relationship Podcast Gems: Men and women both share some feelings but maybe not all of their authentic feelings. Jon learned to share his vulnerable feelings when he - learned the vocabulary, connected in with his feelings, and had a safe place to practice sharing them first with strangers and then with me. First, we make the change for ourselves, then in our relationship, and lastly we can change our parenting. Accept the feelings, acknowledge them, and then they can be released. If we keep in our feelings, our body takes them on until they are released. Jon finds his body is an honest measurement of how he is doing emotionally. Share with your partner/spouse that you want to know their deeper emotions. Someone has to begin the uncomfortable conversation to create more intimacy. Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

Letting Go of the Outcome May 24, 2018

Show notes

A good story from our own experience about letting go of the outcome. We took the family to Cedar Point, the roller coaster capital of the world! The favorite ride was Steel Vengeance, their new hybrid coaster built from wood and steel. I could get all carried away with the fun we had there, but it would be better storytelling for you to just listen. The theme park challenged me in so many ways from fear of heights too, yes, letting go of the outcome. Just like twisting upside down and trusting the safety harness on your chest to keep you in, we must trust in our own ride of life. We talk about how fear and critical voices can keep us from creating, speaking our truth, or doing our own healing work. Letting go of the outcome can also help us enjoy the present moment with the people we love. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson) Stream "Letting Go of the Outcome" Relationship Podcast Gems: Helpful as a creative to let go of negative outcomes or critical hecklers. Not in control of the recovery work Jon was doing. I could only do my part, and stay in my own healing work. Letting go creates space for us to enjoy the moment. Connect every day with your desire. Let go of the outcome so you can communicate hard things with your lover. Give them the opportunity to be there. “It’s badder if you know you can fall out.” Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

Dealing with Anxiety Together May 10, 2018

Show notes

Both of us had high anxiety throughout our childhood and adulthood. We thought such high anxiety was a normal part of life. Our anxiety seemed to be motivated by people pleasing, insecurity, and wondering, am I okay? The world was uncertain and this was our coping. Jon and I experienced a period of time where we peaceful and then the anxiety came back with force when we decided to live in the RV. Then, we felt pressure on our chest, that stabbing pain in our backs. The experience really encouraged us to help one another through the unknown. Presently, we are in a transition with our oldest leaving the home (RV), Jon looking for work, and financial pressure. We notice our bodies are talking to us once again about our anxious feelings. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Hailey Reed) Stream "Dealing With Anxiety Together" Relationship Podcast Gems: Our awning blew off. That brought on some anxiety! Learning to take people at their word, after all, they are grownups. Jema does better with anxiety when she has a plan. Jon's body tells him he is anxious before his thoughts do. Communication, exercise, simplifying the demands of our lives have helped us. Resources: Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles. Reminder: Some of the links on this page are affiliate links. We only recommend products that have simplified and improved our lives. If you choose to purchase something we may receive a commission to continue our quirky podcast.

Learning to Talk About Sex Apr 25, 2018

Show notes

We have had quite the journey from having separate sex lives to learning to talk about sex. At the beginning of our relationship, we kept our sexuality to ourselves and crossed paths to have sex. We didn't discuss it or really share with one another our inner desires. I checked it off like another chore from my list of things to do and later learned of my disassociating during sex. Jon was afraid to share his sexuality and the secrets that surrounded it. A marriage crisis in 2008, motivated counseling and through therapy, we learned to communicate our sexuality and heal. It has been a long journey and one that is still difficult. The more we let one another into our thoughts and desires around sexuality the more profound our relationship has become. We will continue to share more about sex in our desire to help couples have conversations and deeper connections. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Pablo Heimplatz) Relationship Podcast Gems: In our early relationship, we had separate sex lives. Jema repressed sexuality, Jon had a secret life of exploring sexuality. A marriage crisis in 2008 led to learning how to talk about sex. Learning how to talk about sex in a relationship deepens a couple's connection. Sexuality is our essence, much like creativity. If you say "sex" in a whisper, does it make it less uncomfortable? :) Stream "Learning to Talk About Sex" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

Finding Common Interests Apr 13, 2018

Show notes

Finding common interests as a couple can lead to more fun and adventure. Every relationship is like a unique fingerprint, with each couple deciding what they want their relationship to look like. Some couples have very different interests and live more independently, while others do everything together, or a balance of both. Sometimes our partners or spouses don't know it is our desire to connect and spend more time together. Also, we may assume things about one another that are untrue or believe the same interests of the past are the same in the present. Talking about your interests can lead to more adventures together whether that is trying out a new restaurant or a new country. The possibilities are endless and up to you two. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Pablo Heimplatz) Relationship Podcast Gems on Finding Common Interests: Becoming aware of your own interests and developing them. Talking about your individual interests together. Try something new to both of you. Decide how do you want it to be? What activities do you desire to do together? Jema has a Secret Room that she files away her deepest thoughts, it's like a vault. Jon has been known to read every sign at the Science Museum. Stream "Finding Common Interests" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

The Challenges of RV Living With Kids Apr 03, 2018

Show notes

As with any lifestyle, there are also challenges of RV living with kids. Living in an RV has now become a familiar way of life for us, and there are times when the challenges of it all motivate our family to take a vacation from traveling in the motorhome. Fulltime RV living has been a loving choice for our family with the benefits outweighing the difficulties. Today, we talk about how we have adapted to life year round in a camper amidst the critters, freezing rain, and weekend cookouts in our bedroom. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Samantha Amidon ) Relationship Podcast Gems: Living in an RV is not like being on vacation :) Everyone seems to have their special chill spot, with a set of headphones for coping purposes. Seeing family can be difficult (we tend to connect through messaging or Skype sometimes) We face weather and other environmental challenges such as earthquakes, snow, and severe storms. Small spaces like the dreaded pots and pans cabinet that we curse....gahhh... It's hard to take a luxurious bath with all of the bubbles and candles and things. We forgot to mention privacy (a future topic) and the repairs (we rattle apart as we roll)! There are more we are sure we forgot, but will probably come up in a disagreement later for us to share Stream "The Challenges of RV Living With Kids" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

The Benefits of RV Living With Kids Mar 01, 2018

Show notes

There are so many benefits of RV living with kids. Our plan was to sell our life and live in a motorhome for only one year after the sale of our house. We soon realized that raising our children in a small space encouraged us to become more connected with one another. We were also having more fun! In the beginning, we thought the amazing places we visited would be the best part of our RV adventure but soon found that it was more about the people we were meeting. People from every walk of life with such different backgrounds and stories. We met traveling families to drum around the campfires with, to spend a winter in Breckenridge, and to park next to the ocean in California with waves splashing on the RV. The people are what make traveling a meaningful experience. We chose to continue RV living with kids because of the rewards of simplicity, minimalism and having a family-centered life where we focus on the present. Educating our children through real-life experiences as we visit where history took place in the United States. As with any lifestyle, there are also challenges. Next week we will go beyond the photographs you see on Instagram and share the challenges of RV living with kids. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Samantha Amidon ) Relationship Podcast Gems: We were put into a minimalistic life where there is only so much room for so much stuff. Simplicity has brought a more peaceful life, where we are free of outside expectations. Living in one room, we become integrated into each other's lives and very family-centered. Our last kid to teach how to drive on Instagram. Stream "The Benefits of RV Living With Kids" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

Why We Live in an RV Feb 22, 2018

Show notes

Giving you a glimpse of why we decided to try living in an RV full time with a family. We chose full-time RV living in January of 2011 to travel with our four kids in a motorhome. RV living with our family was motivated by a marriage crisis and our need to heal our family life. In 2008 our marriage fell apart, it was a moment in our lives where we decided to face the giants of fear and dig into therapy to save our relationship. It wasn't an easy journey, but it was a meaningful one that brought joy and love into our lives. As we began to change ourselves as individuals, we were also changing our marriage and our parenting. We were becoming different people. It was exciting and took a lot of energy to keep working on the process. We realized we could not continue to meet the outside expectations we were feeling from the outside world. We needed some time and space to really shift our family out of the crisis. A series of events led us to risk it all and stuff our family of six in an RV for one year of early retirement. Living in an RV full time with a family of six took us from surviving to thriving. We had the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and each other. We no longer had to spend hours away from our children, we had this amazing moment in time to get to know our kids and have adventures with them. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Samantha Amidon ) Relationship Podcast Gems: Living in an RV with a family put into practice what we had learned in therapy. The real adventure is choosing to change, grow, and heal together. Following the calling in our heart and going against fear has been rewarding for us. View from the top of the RV on Instagram. Stream "Living in an RV Full Time With a Family" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

How Not To Suck When Talking To Your Sweetheart Feb 12, 2018

Show notes

No one wants to be bad at conversation, especially when we are all trying so hard to understand one another! In the past, we were not doing well with our conversations because we didn't really understand what each other really needed. Jon thought I wanted him to solve the problems I was sharing with him, while I just wanted to be heard and affirmed. I seem to process my days by talking, while Jon is more internal and needs questions to prompt him to share about his day. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Laura Ockel) Relationship Podcast Gems: We encourage you to talk with your partner/spouse about what you need and want from conversations. Be clear of your expectations, maybe before you begin sharing. "I need you to listen and affirm me." Meet "Buddy" the bird who ate lunch at Joes' Farm Grill on Instagram. Stream "How Not To Suck When Talking With Your Sweetheart" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Something Like Marriage

Related Podcasts

1

2

3

4

5

6