Sex for Saints

Latest Episodes:

Episode 431 - The Sin Next to Murder Jul 24, 2026

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What if one of the most familiar teachings about sexuality deserves a second look? In this episode, I take a careful look at Alma 39 and the teaching that sexual sin is "next to murder," exploring the historical origins of that interpretation, how it became so embedded in Latter-Day Saint culture, and why I believe the scripture may be saying something very different. I also discuss the lasting impact this belief has had on individuals and marriages, especially through shame and fear, and how a closer reading of the text can open the door to healing, healthier intimacy, and a more compassionate understanding of God. If this teaching has ever shaped the way you view yourself, your sexuality, or your marriage, I hope this episode gives you a new perspective to prayerfully consider.

I would suggest that you listen to the first 3 episodes in this series before listening to this episode. You can find those here: 428, 429, and 430

Episode 430 - Sex, Worthiness, and the Rules You Inherited - What It Did to Him Jul 17, 2026

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What if the messages you received about sexuality shaped you more than you ever realized? In this third episode of my series, I explore how decades of cultural and religious teachings affected the way many men experience desire, shame, intimacy, and marriage. Through the stories of Bennett and Silas, I unpack how those messages can show up in very different ways and why healing begins by coming home to your own body instead of trying to earn your worth. I hope this episode gives you a deeper understanding of yourself and the path toward healthier, more connected intimacy.

Listen to the first episode in the series here. And the second episode in the series here.

Episode 429 - Sex, Worthiness, and the Rules You Inherited - What It Did to Her Jul 10, 2026

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Have you ever wondered why intimacy can feel so difficult, even when you've done everything "right"? In this episode, I explore how the messages many women received growing up can quietly shape their relationship with their bodies, their desire, and their marriages long after the wedding day. Through the stories of Rosalie and Hazel, we look at how different experiences can lead to similar struggles and why those patterns aren't a sign that you're broken. If you're looking for thoughtful Christian intimacy coaching that blends faith, compassion, and practical understanding, this conversation will help you see yourself and your marriage with fresh eyes. This is episode 2 in a series. Listen to episode 1 here.

Episode 428 - Sex, Worthiness, and the Rules You Inherited - The Hundred-Year Story Jul 03, 2026

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What if the struggles you're experiencing in your marriage started long before you ever said "I do"? In this episode, I kick off a five-part series exploring the history, teachings, and cultural influences that shaped how many Latter-day Saints think about sexuality, desire, and worthiness today. We trace the roots of purity culture, gender roles, and sexual messaging over the last century and examine how those lessons continue to affect marriages, intimacy, and personal identity. Whether you're seeking healing, understanding, or support through christian intimacy coaching, this episode offers important context for the stories many couples are still living. Understanding where these beliefs came from is often the first step toward creating a healthier and more connected relationship.

Episode 427 – Why Your Spouse Gets Defensive When You're Just Trying to Help Jun 26, 2026

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What happens when "help" from your spouse starts to feel more like criticism? In this episode, I talk about why even well-intentioned advice can feel like an attack when it isn't invited first, especially in conversations about sex and intimacy. I walk through how unsolicited feedback triggers defensiveness in our nervous systems, why both higher-desire and lower-desire spouses fall into this pattern, and how asking for consent before sharing can completely change the conversation. We'll also talk about practical ways to create emotional safety, move from defensiveness to curiosity, and build a marriage where both people actually feel heard. Sometimes the smallest shift, simply asking "Can I?", can open the door to the kind of connection you've been wanting all along.

Episode 426 - When He Stops Initiating Jun 19, 2026

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How do you reconnect with your spouse after so much distance that you're not even sure you want things to go back to the way they were? In this episode, I talk about what often happens when the higher desire partner stops initiating and why that silence can bring both relief and unexpected grief for women. I explore responsive desire, avoidance, emotional safety, and the complicated vulnerability of reaching back toward someone after months or years of disconnection. We also talk about what healthy initiation can actually look like, how to rebuild trust in small ways, and what to do if you're not even sure you want the sexual relationship to return at all. If you've ever felt stuck between wanting closeness and wanting to protect yourself, this episode will help you understand what may really be happening underneath it all.

Episode 425 - Learning to Initiate Again After Rejection Jun 12, 2026

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When the higher desire partner stops initiating after repeated rejection, it sets off a painful cycle that neither spouse knows how to break. In this episode, we walk through why he pulls back, what that silence creates on her side of the bed, and why both partners need to be initiating for a sex life that actually feels good. I explore the nervous system response behind initiation after a long silence, the role of polarity and emotional maturity in marriage, and what it really takes to move toward your spouse when fear tells you to stay hidden. Whether you're the one who has gone quiet or the one watching your spouse disappear, this episode lays the groundwork for finding your way back to each other.

Episode 424 – Getting Over Rejection: How to Stop Letting "No" Run Your Marriage Jun 05, 2026

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When sexual rejection builds up in a marriage, it rarely stays contained to the bedroom. It seeps into everything — the emotional atmosphere, the small daily gestures, and eventually the belief that anything will ever change. In this episode, we dig into why rejection hurts as much as it does, how to stop interpreting your wife's "no" as a verdict on your worth, what curiosity can open up that shutting down never will, and what it actually costs you when the hurt never gets processed. We also talk about what your wife experiences when she sees how you react to her no — and why that matters more than most husbands realize.

Episode 423 - The Weight Men Carry Into the Bedroom May 29, 2026

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What happens when a man spends his whole life believing his desire could hurt someone? In this episode, I will explore how religious and cultural messages about male sexuality can lead men to disconnect from their own desire, constantly monitor themselves during sex, and quietly seek validation from their wives without even realizing it. I'll talk about how this pattern shows up differently in marriage, why it often creates pressure and disconnection for both spouses, and what actually helps men become more present and connected. I'll also share how wives can support without taking responsibility for fixing it, and what changes when men finally learn that their desire was never the problem in the first place.

Episode 422 - Slow Down to Connect: The Science of Sexual Mindfulness with Dr. Chelom Leavitt May 22, 2026

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What if the key to a more connected, nourishing sex life is simply slowing down? In this episode of Sex for Saints, I will talk with sex researcher Chelom Leavitt about sexual mindfulness, shame, emotional connection, and why so many women struggle to feel fully present in their sexuality. We will explore how curiosity and non-judgment can transform not only our sexual experiences, but also the way we relate to ourselves, our spouses, and even our faith. We'll also discuss women's arousal, emotional safety, vulnerability in marriage, and why slowing down may be one of the most healing things couples can do for intimacy.

Here's more information about Dr. Chelom Leavitt:

Dr. Chelom Leavitt received her PhD from Penn State. She studies sexuality in committed relationships and examines how mindfulness during sex is associated with positive outcomes for men and women. Her recent publications include work on sexual mindfulness, how loneliness impacts relationships, forgiveness, infidelity, and men's and women's sexual response cycles and orgasm. Chelom is married to David Leavitt, and they have nine children.

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