Sex and Psychology Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Episode 399: The Psychology of Incels (Essential Listen) May 23, 2025

Show notes

The number of adult virgins is growing and is actually at a record high. Many of these folks would like to be having sex, but cannot find a partner. In other words, they are involuntarily celibate, or “incels” for short. So what do we know about these individuals? A deeper look at the psychology of incels reveals a group that is struggling with complex mental health issues.

In today’s episode, we’re revising my conversation with William Costello, which originally aired back in episode 133. This conversation will probably surprise you because it turns out that incels aren’t exactly who we think they are. Incels aren’t new either—they’ve actually always been around, but changes in the modern dating market seem to be creating a lot of more of them.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

Why incels have always been around, and how modern incels are different.
Why the incel population is growing.
Why popular dating advice given to incels isn’t helpful.
What the mental health of incels looks like.
Whether incels are inherently prone to violence and misogyny.

You can check out William’s body of research on ResearchGate. You can also read his latest paper on incels here.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 398: How To Optimize Your Pelvic Floor May 20, 2025

Show notes

If you want to maintain your sexual function and wellbeing, it’s important to pay attention to your pelvic floor! In today’s show, we’re going to talk about how to keep your pelvic floor in shape and resolve common problems with it. It turns out that optimizing your pelvic floor can help with a wide range of issues, from dealing with painful sex to having more (and better) orgasms.

I am joined once again by Sara Reardon, a board-certified pelvic floor physical therapist and founder of The V-Hive, an online, on-demand pelvic floor fitness platform. She is author of the new book FLOORED: A Woman’s Guide to Pelvic Floor Health at Every Age and Stage.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

How do you know whether Kegel exercises are right for you, and how do you do them correctly?
Why is learning pelvic floor relaxation just as important as strengthening?
What are some things we can do in everyday life to improve pelvic health?
How can pelvic floor training help relieve sexual pain?
What are some of the other benefits of pelvic floor training?

You can check our Sara’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 397: Interview With The Vagina Whisperer May 16, 2025

Show notes

The pelvic floor is a really important set of muscles that plays a big role in sexual and reproductive function. However, most people don’t know much about it, including common signs that they might have a problem. In today’s show, I am joined by the “Vagina Whisperer” to discuss what you need to know about the pelvic floor

I am joined by Sara Reardon, a board-certified pelvic floor physical therapist and founder of The V-Hive, an online, on-demand pelvic floor fitness platform. She is author of the new book FLOORED: A Woman’s Guide to Pelvic Floor Health at Every Age and Stage.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

What exactly is the pelvic floor, and what are the main functions of it?
How common are pelvic floor problems?
What are some of the most common signs that you might have a pelvic floor issue?
Why so do many medical professionals seem unprepared to help with pelvic floor issues?
What happens when pelvic floor issues go untreated long-term?

You can check our Sara’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Thank you to our sponsors!

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-may

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 396: Why Women Orgasm More With Female Partners May 13, 2025

Show notes

When women have sex with men, there’s an orgasm gap. However, this gap disappears when women have sex with other women. So why is that? In today’s show, we’re diving into some new research finding that women anticipate sex is going to follow a very different script based on the gender of their partner. It turns out that those scripts have big implications for their odds of orgasm.

I am joined once again by Carly Wolfer, a sex researcher, relationship scientist, and health educator whose work explores how to create more equitable and pleasurable sexual experiences. She’s currently working on her Ph.D. in Social Psychology at The CUNY Graduate Center.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

Why do women have more orgasms when they engage sexually with other women?
In what ways do women’s sexual expectations change when they have sex with women vs. men?
How can we mold our sexual scripts to support more equitable pleasure for women?
How can we change sex education to better support women’s pleasure?

You can connect with Carly on LinkedIn to follow her updates.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Thank you to our sponsors!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 395: Why Women Pursue Orgasm Less Than Men May 09, 2025

Show notes

In heterosexual relationships, women don’t orgasm as frequently or consistently as men. So why is that? As we’ll explore in today’s show, it’s because there’s an “orgasm pursuit gap.” Sexual scripts lead women to pursue their own orgasms less than men, and to perceive less support from their partners for their own pleasure.

My guest is Carly Wolfer, a sex researcher, relationship scientist, and health educator whose work explores how to create more equitable and pleasurable sexual experiences. She’s currently working on her Ph.D. in Social Psychology at The CUNY Graduate Center.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

What’s wrong with the current way we think about the orgasm gap?
Why do women pursue their own orgasms less than men?
What does healthy pursuit of orgasm look like?
How can you get your partner to support your pleasure?
How do we close the orgasm gap?

You can connect with Carly on LinkedIn to follow her updates.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Thank you to our sponsors!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 394: Are You Being a Parent to Your Partner? May 06, 2025

Show notes

Have you ever been in a relationship where it felt like you and your partner were slipping into the roles of parent and child? In today’s show, we’re going to discuss common signs that you might be in a parentified relationship. We’re also going to discuss how parentification impacts sexual and relationship quality, as well as how to break this pattern.

I am joined once again by Dr. Kate Balestrieri, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. She is the founder of Modern Intimacy, a counseling practice that operates in Los Angeles, Miami, and Chicago. She is author of the new book What Happened to My Sex Life? A Sex Therapist’s Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection, and Pleasure.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

How do you know if you’re in a parentified relationship?
What are some common relationship dynamics that contribute to parentification?
How do early childhood experiences affect the relationship roles we take on?
How does parentification contribute to relationship stress and burnout?
Is it possible to change a parentified dynamic, or to prevent it from taking hold in the first place?

You can check out the Modern Intimacy website to learn more about Kate’s work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Thank you to our sponsors!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 393: What Happened To My Sex Life? May 02, 2025

Show notes

At some point, almost everyone in a long-term relationship is going to wonder, “What happened to my sex life?” Where did the initial passion and excitement go? In today’s show, we’re going to explore why desire, pleasure, and connection often decline in relationships, as well as how you can get it back.

I am joined by Dr. Kate Balestrieri, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. She is the founder of Modern Intimacy, a counseling practice that operates in Los Angeles, Miami, and Chicago. She is author of the new book What Happened to My Sex Life? A Sex Therapist’s Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection, and Pleasure.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

Does a loss of passion necessarily mean there’s something wrong in your relationship?
What can you do if you feel like you and your partner have become roommates instead of lovers?
How can being too close to your partner hurt desire?
How can addressing anger and resentment in healthy ways open the door to more desire?
What do you need to know about moving past trauma and opening yourself up to pleasure again?

You can check out the Modern Intimacy website to learn more about Kate’s work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Thank you to our sponsors!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 392: When Therapists Fall In Love With Their Patients Apr 29, 2025

Show notes

In the last episode, we talked about patients who fall in love with their therapists. Today, we’re taking about the flip side of things: when therapists develop sexual and/or romantic feelings toward their patients, a phenomenon known as erotic countertransference. Research suggests that this is surprisingly common, so we’re going to discuss why it happens and what to do in situations like this.

I am joined once again by Alison McCleary and Jordan Pickell. Alison and Jordan are both Registered Clinical Counsellors and podcasters. Together, they co-host the Edge of the Couch podcast, which provides a space to have conversations about what it is actually like to be a therapist, including the conversations that are regularly missed during training programs.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

What does the term erotic countertransference really mean?
What is the psychology behind why therapists sometimes develop feelings for their patients?
How common is it for therapists to become attracted to their patients?
Why is the subject of erotic countertransference avoided in many therapy training programs?
Is it ever ethically acceptable for a therapist and client to have sex or start a romantic relationship?

You can check out the Edge of the Couch podcast to learn more.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Thank you to our sponsors!

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-april

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 391: When Patients Fall in Love With Their Therapists Apr 25, 2025

Show notes

It’s surprisingly common for people in psychotherapy to develop sexual and/or romantic feelings for their therapists. This is a phenomenon known as erotic transference. It’s a form of projection that psychologists have recognized since the days of Freud. On today’s show, we’re going to explore the complex psychology behind why this phenomenon happens and what it really means.

I am joined today by Alison McCleary and Jordan Pickell. Alison and Jordan are both Registered Clinical Counsellors and podcasters. Together, they co-host the Edge of the Couch podcast, which provides a space to have conversations about what it is actually like to be a therapist, including the conversations that are regularly missed during training programs.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

What does erotic transference look like for patients who are experiencing it?
Why does erotic transference happen in the first place?
How common is erotic transference?
Should patients who experience erotic transference tell their therapists about it? If so, how?
How should a therapist respond if a client discloses sexual and/or romantic attraction?

You can check out the Edge of the Couch podcast to learn more.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Thank you to our sponsors!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 390: What It’s Like To Go To A Sex Party Apr 22, 2025

Show notes

A few years back, there were a ton of media articles going around about how the pandemic killed the sex party scene. Flash forward to today, and sex parties are back with a vengeance. So what is it actually like to attend a sex party? In today’s show, we’re going to explore the world of sex parties and what you need to know if you’re thinking about attending one.

I am joined once again by Dr. Tara, an associate professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton. She is also a sex and relationship coach and host of the podcast Luvbites by Dr. Tara.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

What does a sex party involve? What’s the atmosphere like?
What’s the difference between a sex party and an orgy?
How does consent work in a group setting?
What are the typical rules or etiquette of a sex party?
How do you even find a sex party to attend in the first place?
What do you need to do to prepare for attending a sex party?

You can check out Dr. Tara’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-april

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

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