ResponseABLE Parenting

Latest Episodes:

17: Default Parents Aren't Allowed To Be Inconvenient Oct 16, 2023

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I'm a little fired up about this topic! Because it's true! Default parents are NOT allowed to be inconvenient. We are in constant service. We are the ones making sure all wants, needs, ambitions, feelings, etc are being tended to, nurtured and cared for and serviced. And when we are off, the whole family is off. Being all things, for all people, at all times is not sustainable. It's exhausting and not right. In this episode, I talk about ways to shake it up a bit and become a little less convenient as the default parent!

16: Childhood Beliefs Around "Goodness" Oct 02, 2023

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Today we dive deeper into childhood beliefs around being "good" and your "goodness" as a person. I share more stories from my Telluride adventure with my parents and what I've been able to uncover since. From this trip, I've been able to connect the dots between my performative goodness and my real goodness. I have since realized that as a pastor's daughter, it was vital to my dad's appearance and success for his family to be a reflection of his goodness. Growing up in this space, there was a deep understanding or expectation of showing "good" behavior at all times. When we did this, and did it well, we had more validation, and more connection, and it felt like we had more value. So in my brain, the neurons that fired together were "goodness / worthiness," and they became deeply wired.

Fast forward to a trip with my parents and my kids. My kids weren't performing to the same level of goodness that was expected of me as a child and so my wiring was going crazy. My value, my worth, my goodness felt in question because my children were not acting in accordance with my childhood expectations. I reacted from that place and did more to preserve the connection to my father, than I did to stay in connection with my son. This is a heartfelt discussion on external validation and I hope it brings light and clarity into areas within you that feel tricky and sticky when you are with your parents and your kids at the same time.

15: How to respectfully teach your children respect Sep 18, 2023

Show notes

I get a lot of feedback on my Instagram reels about how I am NOT teaching my children to be respectful. While I could debate that, I don't need to waste my energy because I know that's not true AND I know that I'm teaching my kids "respect" but in a different way. I am teaching my kids kindness, empathy, compassion, how to work in a group setting, generosity, and how to make a kind request vs. a demand. I believe respect can only be learned once it is modeled. And the only way it's truly integrated and not a forced behavior is when it's modeled TO your children. So I model respect by simply asking "Is that a request or a demand" when they ask me for something. Instead of shaming them into respect by saying "You're not allowed to talk to me like that!" I calmly say "Hey buddy, was that a request or a demand?" They instantly understand that they've barked an order, and they adjust by adding please, they adopt a different tone, and they ask a complete sentence soaking in "respect." I haven't had to beat the idea of "say your please and thank yous!" into them. They understand it because we practice dozens of times a day on how to make your words land with kindness and generosity vs. demands and orders.

14: Cycle Breaking: What Happens When Your Village Doesn't Approve? Sep 04, 2023

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In this episode, I dive into cycle breaking around our families. I share why we are triggered the way that we are and what we can do to maintain our clarity and focus on our goals. I share a story about my very real triggering moment when on vacation with my family and how I was able to get sucked down my subconscious rabbit hole of what "should be." I share a story about how everyday triggers can pop up and how to use those triggers to gift your children a toolbox of skills they will use throughout their lives. Cycle breaking is incredibly difficult. Add on the extra layer of your caregivers weighing in on your actions and it can be overwhelmingly triggering. Here is some context as to why and ways you can dig yourself out.

13: Gentle Parenting is Not Just For "Gentle Kids" Aug 21, 2023

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This is a fun episode! I share my response to the reels going around Instagram and TikTok that have a video of wild children doing crazy things and the voice says "I'm sorry but gentle parenting is for gentle kids…I've got gangsters." For the record, in most if not all of these videos, the children are doing totally developmentally normal exploration. Anyway! The truth is, that gentle parenting isn't really for the kids at all! It's a comprehensive set of tools to support PARENTS so we are better equipped at handling our adult temper tantrums before putting more of our stuff on our children. And when we can do that we are giving our children an enormous life long gift! We are allowing our children to grow up and develop into adults who are fully seen, heard, understood, validated, valued, and respected. But doing this we are healing wounds of our own as we give our children the gift of self realization and total love and acceptance. This type of parenting isn't just for challenging kids. It's for all kids, and quite frankly all parents.

12: Aggressive Kids Aug 07, 2023

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In this episode, I discuss our stigma of anger and aggression and how to accept, instead of reject, this totally normal human emotion. It is so easy for us to try to avoid anger, try to correct aggression, and try to move away from this "bad" emotion because it makes us uncomfortable and brings up a good deal of fear and uncertainty. But the irony is that we model anger and aggression and more often than not match our child's aggression with our own. Our intention is to stop the behavior but instead, we are just reinforcing the pattern. In this episode, I share how to match their energy, not their aggression. I share a step-by-step process which will arm you with the script for the next time you experience aggression with your children.

11. How Do We Make a Meaningful Repair? Jul 24, 2023

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This is one of my favorite episodes! In this episode I talk about how our deeply rooted, traditional belief systems about children's behavior affects our ability to repair when we blow up at them. When we lose our cool on our children, these belief systems allow us to justify our reactions. I share how we can start to dismantle these beliefs and I offer a step by step formula to follow when we rupture the relationship. I believe that our kids are worthy of repair. And the more we model how to apologize and correct our misbehavior the more they will model and learn from that. If we want our children to be the kind of people who apologize and do what's right, then we need to be the leaders and the examples of how to do that at home and with them.

10. Windows and Mirrors Jul 10, 2023

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In this episode, I share a softer way to explore and explain the similarities and differences our children will notice and experience in the world. I also talk about ways to view our children's behaviors, not as triggering actions that need to be fixed, but rather helpful insights into the areas that still need healing and work within us. When we get too wrapped up in the narrative of "others" we lose the ability to explore and grow and see the human in front of us. I offer insight and advice on how to take those triggers and turn them into meaningful growth for not only you but your connection and relationship with your children.

9. Listener Question - How to Manage Disrespectful and Defiant Behavior Jun 26, 2023

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In this episode, we explore a listener's question about how to manage their 7-year-old son's disrespectful behavior. We explore themes of defiance and control and I offer suggested scripts and techniques to meet their child's developmental needs. When we as parents are experiencing a lot of defiance and push back from our children this is a clear sign we are running low on connection. I give several examples of how to get your children in the driver's seat of choices to give them some control to flex their growing sense of self and also ways you can build connections so collaboration becomes more frequent.

If you relate to this listener and would like to share your stories, please send me a message on social or send me an email. And if you'd like a pressing question answered, don't hesitate to reach out!

8. Reconnect With Your Teen Through Curiosity (Interview with Reece Anderson) Jun 12, 2023

Show notes

In this episode I interview Reece Anderson, founder of We Overcome Anything out of Australia. His 8-week program helps parents get out of their own way in order to support their teens, create more positive connections, lessen conflict, and find more ease in the relationship. Through his own battles of mental health and working in the sector, he realized a large disconnect with teens and parents. The number one thing he's heard from teenagers throughout his work over the past 5 years is that they are not heard by their parents. Reece works with both parents and teenagers to help build connection, curiosity & respect for themselves and each other. In this episode we talk about ways to reconnect with your teenager, how to get curious and engage with them in a way that draws them out vs. sends them away, and some first steps to starting a new relationship with your teen.

Here are the ways to connect with Reece:

Instagram: @overcomeanything_aus

Email: reece@reeceanderson.com.au

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