ResponseABLE Parenting

Latest Episodes:

47. Progression of Low Self Worth Loops Jun 24, 2024

Show notes

In this episode, I break down my progression of low self-worth loops that began in childhood and share how that has affected my parenting. This is not a bashing session on my parents, rather it's a deeper understanding of how we, as kids, can start to internally code these really repetitive interactions with our parents. When there is shame, constant correction, lectures, etc. it's very easy to internalize these moments as "bad" or "wrong" and therefore we begin to view ourselves as "bad" or "wrong."

When our kid's way of expressing themselves doesn't match our expectations we have to be very careful with how we step in to correct. Our child might morph into the "behaved" child we want to see, but what is going on for them internally? What stories are they telling themselves about their character, their abilities, their level of self-worth? One of the greatest lessons I'm learning as a parent is that even if we are coming to parenting with the best of intentions, we need to make sure we attune to and match our child's way of expressing thoughts and feelings. We need to meet them where THEY are at, verses expect them to rise to our level.

Additionally I share a tool that I use myself and that my clients use in order to get more clarity and context around why we are so incredibly triggered at certain times.

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FREE GUIDES! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown. 4 steps to get you through your kid's meltdown without snapping!

This guide will walk you through the process of staying regulated and give you tools to use during high stress moments.

COMMUNITY! The community is currently closed. Subscribe to the podcast and stay tuned for the next time the doors open :)

BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you! Submit here: https://bit.ly/4c57Tx5

46. How to Thrive Even With Power Struggles Jun 17, 2024

Show notes

In this episode, I give you a framework to follow when you find yourself stuck in a power struggle with your kids. This isn't a rigid script to follow, rather a framework to assist you in some of the most frustrating moments in parenting.

When our wants collide with our child's wants - we end up feeling resistance. WE understand that feeling and we might have some coping strategies, but more often than not we feel like we have to justify, explain or force our way to end it.

I think what often happens is we go to extremes. We either give into their resistance or we go hard and power over to get what needs to get done, done.

One of the smartest things we can do as parents is just to drop our side of the power struggle. That means we just don't take the bait and jump into the boxing ring with our kids.

1: Drop our side of the power struggle

2: Focus on our nervous system: https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.responseableparenting.com/podcast/ep-44-what-are-grounding-techniques&sa=D&source=docs&ust=1718637147858375&usg=AOvVaw21L8fsF9X2VC2lUAQi9rqF

3: Make a statement

4: Give them a choice

When we follow this framework everyone wins. We hold our boundary, what needs to happen gets done, our child feels validated and seen and they have a bit of control of how it looks (even if it's not their ideal version).

FREE GUIDES! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown. 4 steps to get you through your kid's meltdown without snapping!

Do you find yourself yelling more often than you want? Does it feel like yelling is the ONLY way to get through to your kids? But it makes you feel awful? You absolutely need my Free Guide To Stop Yelling: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/yelling. This guide will walk you through the process of staying regulated and give you tools to use during high stress moments.

COMMUNITY! The community is OPEN! Join The ResponseABLE Parenting Community so you have access to a parent coach (me :)) to answer every pressing and challenging question you have as well as build your skills, grow your capacity to regulate your emotions and feel better as a parent in everyday hard situations! Join Today! Enter the code PODCAST for $10 off your first month! https://responseableparenting.ck.page/community

45. High achievers Jun 10, 2024

Show notes

I'm the assistant coach on my son's little league team this season. And I'm noticing the proclivity of parents (myself included at times) to demand excellence. I link this back to when I was young and noticed that my brother's naturally high achieving abilities never got lectured. But I was lectured ALLLL the time. So I started achieving more, and more, and more and yet the lectures never stopped. I was chronically stressed out about my performance. I linked achievement to connection and hoped that with enough I'd be free of the lectures.

I ultimately transferred this chaotic energy into eating disorders, workaholism, perfectionism and a lot of self criticism.

This baseball season has been a great learning moment for me because it's allowed me to remember this pressure and reframe what I'm encouraging and what I'm letting go of.

FREE GUIDES! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid's meltdown without snapping!

Do you find yourself yelling more often than you want? Does it feel like yelling is the ONLY way to get through to your kids? But it makes you feel awful? You absolutely need my Free Guide To Stop Yelling This guide will walk you through the process of staying regulated and give you tools to use during high stress moments.

COMMUNITY! The community is currently closed. Subscribe to the podcast and stay tuned for the next time the doors open :)

BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you!

44. What Are Grounding Techniques? Jun 03, 2024

Show notes

I am really excited about this episode! I share a brief overview of the nervous system and why we feel the way we feel in triggering moments. I also break down how to start reading your body's cues so you can utilize grounding tools to regulate your nervous system and show up the way you want vs. reacting from a dysregulated state.

You'll get several practical in the moment strategies to use to calm down, even just a tiny bit. Regulation doesn't equal calm, regulation is being able to access these tools and choose your response even when you're flooded with emotions.

For this week I'm opening up my community group! You can tap into even more nervous system regulation techniques and take the workshop co-hosted by Nervous System Expert Tanicia Baynes!

Don't forget to use the code PODCAST to get $10 off your first month!

43. "You're mean!" May 27, 2024

Show notes

My son's new favorite phrase "You're mean!!" Part of me wants to prove that they are right! But deep down I know that is not a connective response. In this episode I'm talking about the reactions that happen from our kids after we set a boundary. More often than not, they are going to negotiate to get that boundary to change - and when it doesn't they're going to react from a defensive state. I offer a perspective shift for those moments when our kid's words cut a bit and press on old wounds. I offer a perspective that you can hold onto so that you can stay grounded and on the path of responsive parenting.

In this episode I break down holding a boundary and being able to manage the waves of emotions from your children that are bound to happen as a result. I share how you can hold a boundary AND hold their feelings at the same time.

FREE GUIDES! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid's meltdown without snapping!

Do you find yourself yelling more often than you want? Does it feel like yelling is the ONLY way to get through to your kids? But it makes you feel awful? You absolutely need my Free Guide To Stop Yelling This guide will walk you through the process of staying regulated and give you tools to use during high stress moments.

COMMUNITY! The community is currently closed. Subscribe to the podcast and stay tuned for the next time the doors open :)

BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you!

42. Are we just teaching our kids how to be adults? May 20, 2024

Show notes

Glennon Doyle: "We are not being taught how to human, we are being taught how to adult."

In this episode I unpack a passing quote that I heard on the podcast We Can Do Hard Things. It was said in a flash and they moved on but it stuck with me on my whole walk so I wanted to dive further into this concept of learning how to be human vs. learning how to be an adult.

I explore how feeling is an essential part of the human experience. And how we as conscious, emotionally mature, responsive parents are trying to open ourselves up to embrace this and encourage this growth and development within our children. And at the same time come up against our own programming, expectations and fears that limit our scope of what should be allowed.

FREE GUIDES! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid's meltdown without snapping!

Do you find yourself yelling more often than you want? Does it feel like yelling is the ONLY way to get through to your kids? But it makes you feel awful? You absolutely need my Free Guide To Stop Yelling This guide will walk you through the process of staying regulated and give you tools to use during high stress moments.

COMMUNITY! The community is currently closed. Subscribe to the podcast and stay tuned for the next time the doors open :)

BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you!

41. Where does Mom guilt come from? May 13, 2024

Show notes

95% of moms feel guilty. And only 19% of dad's say they feel guilty about parenting. This episode shines a light on a few reasons why moms tend to feel more guilty than dads.

Guilt can be helpful when we have acted outside of our value system.

Guilt is not helpful when we believe that we are bad because of our actions. When guilt begins to shape the way we look at ourselves and becomes a leading force in our identity then guilt is without a doubt unhelpful.

We have been conditioned as women especially as mothers as to how we SHOULD act. And "should" lives next to shame. And when we don't operate exactly in that vision that is cast for us by society then we can feel judged, shame and guilty for not living up to the unrealistic expectations that have been presented to us.

As mentioned here is the Guilt Free Mini Course

For $7 you will get 7 videos and journal prompts to begin your journey of removing guilt from your life and parenting!

40. Understanding drives respect May 06, 2024

Show notes

In this episode I break down something Sasha (from the interview in episode 37) said about why he respected his parents so much. And it came down to the fact that they spent so much time seeking to understand what was going on for him. They didn't come to the table with assumptions and past stories clouding their judgment of the present moment. Instead, they led with curiosity and really tried to understand what was going on for him in each challenging moment.

This type of parenting modeled to him what respect looked like. And monkey see monkey do - he now respects his parents ENDLESSLY!

It's a beautiful way to think about the way we show up! When we show up with curiosity and the desire to understand we are satisfying the primal need for connection, shortening the meltdowns, discovering the root of the behavior (the unmet need) and modeling what it looks like to show respect.

I cannot wait to hear your thoughts!

FREE GUIDES! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid's meltdown without snapping!

Do you find yourself yelling more often than you want? Does it feel like yelling is the ONLY way to get through to your kids? But it makes you feel awful? You absolutely need my Free Guide To Stop Yelling This guide will walk you through the process of staying regulated and give you tools to use during high stress moments.

COMMUNITY! The community is currently closed. Subscribe to the podcast and stay tuned for the next time the doors open :)

BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you!

For the show notes:

MELTDOWN FREEBIE! https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown

39. 4 buckets to fill in Ourselves Apr 29, 2024

Show notes

In this episode I take the lessons we learned in episode 34 about how to engage our children differently so they are more ready, willing and able to collaborate with us, and I share how we as parents need to have these essential buckets filled as well.

I dive into the 4 buckets: Power / Control Connection / Attention Regulation Play

I share how we as parents can shift our mindset even if we cannot shift the structure of our days. I share how we can tune in and really show up for ourselves in a way that leads to more inner safety, less inner chaos and critique, which ultimately expands our tolerance. And when we have this expansion we can ultimately handle a lot more from our children.

When we attune to these 4 buckets regularly for ourselves we begin to embody this practice of responsive parenting.

FREE GUIDE! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid's meltdown without snapping!

COMMUNITY! And if you're ready for a little bit more than this podcast but not totally sure where to start, check out the ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group. You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies.

Every month I will host LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. Join today and get a 7 day free trial at sign up!

38. It Feels Like I am Taking 2 Steps Backwards Apr 22, 2024

Show notes

In this episode I share about how this journey in responsive parenting isn't linear. And what it feels like when we take 2 steps back. I talk about what happens when we parent from fear and how we can compassionately bring ourselves back to the path we have chosen to walk on. I talk about how to shift your mentality and give yourself grace as you grow into the parent you desire to be.

FREE GUIDE! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid's meltdown without snapping!

BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you!

For the show notes:

MELTDOWN FREEBIE! https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown

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