Relationships and Relationshits

https://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Attachment Style Quiz Option 2:

Better Help Online Therapy Discount:

Attached Book:

Avoidant Book:

An avoidant anxious relationship Sep 06, 2023

Show notes

In this episode we discuss the anxious avoidant trap. This is a challenging relationship where you have an anxious attachmen style in a relationship with an avoidant attachment style. This relationship tends to be long and dysfunctional. The anxious attachment style person wants closeness and intimacy. The avoidant wants space and is uncomfortable with intimacy. The anxious attachment style has learned to calm down their attachment system by being cloeser to their partner. The avoidant attachment style has learned getting space from their partner keeps their attachment system from being triggered. And this is why they struggle in a relationship together.

If you don't know your attachment style makeup, here are two options to help you. Plus plenty of other resources.

Attachment Quiz Option 1:

https://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Attachment Quiz Option 2:

Attached Book:

Avoidant Book:

Better Help Online Therapy Discount:

These are affiliate links.

Anyone have experience becoming more secure? Aug 30, 2023

Show notes

A subreddit asks if anyone has had success becoming more of a secure attachment style. I read the question and some comments of some who have had some success become more of a secure attachment style. One of the key things for single people is to choose a partner who doesn't trigger your attachment style.

The comments are coming from those with a preoccupied anxious attachment style. If you don't know your strongest attachment style I have two attachment style quizzes to help you out. The first one is less detailed but also has material to assist in your attachment style journey. The second link is more detailed and I recommend doing it several times during different times in your life to see you progress or lack of progress. Or see how someone is affecting your attachment style.

The four attachment styles are the secure attachment style, the preoccupied anxious attachment style, the dismissive avoidant attachment style, and the fearful avoidant attachment style, which is also known as the disorganized attachment style. You will have all of the attachment styles but at different levels. You will most likely be stronger in one attachment style.

You can also learn attachment styles from me on TikTok and YouTube Shorts at @relationshipattachments.

Here is the link for the book on Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) for those interested in researching that:

https://amzn.to/3YmuqiG

Attachment Quiz 1:

http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Attachment Quiz 2:

Better Help Link with 10% discount:

https://onlinetherapy.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=2492

Online-Therapy:

Attached Book:

Avoidant Book:

Attachment Styles Strange Situation Test Aug 09, 2023

Show notes

I am discussing the Strange Situation Text used to group peole into four attachment styles. The strange situation test is a widely used experimental procedure in developmental psychology to assess attachment patterns between infants or young children and their primary caregivers. The children were aged 12 to 24 months.

The main objective of the strange situation test is to observe and understand how children react to brief separations from and reunions with their caregivers in a controlled and unfamiliar environment. The text provides valuable insights into the child's attachment style, which is critical aspect of early socio-emotional development.

Attachment Quiz 1:

http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Attachment Quiz 2:

Better Help Online Therapy 10% Discount:

https://onlinetherapy.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=2492

Online-Therapy Discount:

Attached book:

Avoidant book:

An anxious attachment style person overthinking texting Aug 08, 2023

Show notes

A question from a anxoius attachment style subreddit. It says.

I've just started seeing someone new. We're just a couple of dates in, but on the surface it's going great. We get on crazily well, I'm really attracted to her and things have already gotten physical.

This isn't my first rodeo though and unsurprisingly considering my broken picker, I'm seeing some serious red flags. I'm already picking up on mixed signals and there's signs she has patterns of emotional unavailability.

After many mistakes in the past, this time I'm trying to ensure I don't get at all attached until she can provide solid and conclusive evidence that she's inot me and is attracted to me, she wants a relationship, she's emotionally available, if she's not, then she's in therapy and is working on it.

Realistically this might take months, and I'm ok with that. The big challenge here though is texting.

Whereas texting can be fun, it's not particularly useful for really learning about a person such as answering the questions above. I think you can only really gain an insight into those things by spending time together in person. I guess you could discuss them via test but it certainly wouldn't be my preference.

At the same time, texting is the anxious attachment style's kryptonite. As much as I tell myself I won't get attached, you can bet I'm still over-analyzing everything from how slow she's responding, whether she's writing as much as me, which emojis she's using etc. All the breathing exercises in the world won't help me here, it cannot be avoidant, it is my nature.

So I thought if I have so little gain, and so much to lose, what if we just didn't do it?

It's a whole 10 days until we see each other, and I thought It'd be so much easier if I said I'd just catch her then and to have a lovely 10 days in the meantime. The only issue is this seems like something that just isn't done in modern dating.

Have any of your tried this? How did you approach the conversation?

If you don't know if your strongest attachment style is the preoccupied anxious attachment style, the secure attachment style, the dismissive attachment style, or the fearful avoidant attachment style, which is also known as the disorganized attachment style, I have two links to help you figure that out.

The first link is quicker and has some tools to help you. The second one is longer and shows your results on a graph.

Attachment Quiz 1:

http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Attachment Quiz 2:

Better Help Online Therapy 10% Discount:

https://onlinetherapy.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=2492

Online-Therapy Discount:

Reddit Question Link:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AnxiousAttachment/comments/156zh54/texting_in_between_dates_can_i_justnot/

Attached Book:

Avoidant Book:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AnxiousAttachment/comments/156ze9q/what_healing_looks_like_for_two_insecurely/

Can two avoidant attached people have a relationship? Aug 07, 2023

Show notes

In this subreddit we have a couple who are a fearful avoidant and a dismissive avoidant originally but have been moving towards becoming a secure attachment style. But during a situation the dismissive avoidants responds how an avoidant would. The other person responds correctly due to her attachment style work.

The question asked was. What healing looks like for two insecurely attached partners actively working towards security. As a fearful avoidant who leans anxious attachment style, I'm two years into my healing journey and counting. I married my avoidant attachment style partner in April who's been on this shared journey. We're both leaning more secure attachment style. I've shared quite a bit about my own personal journey and our relationship journey on reddit.

I just wanted to share and remind you guys that true change is a process, for many, it'll be life long. I'm discovering things everyday about myself through the lens of my past. It's like writing a new story but it's so worth it. My partner and I have come a long way since some therapy and practicing healthier relating when triggered.

Like yesterday, I expressed something that caught by avoidant attachment style partner off guard which was about me feeling stuck at my job and just in life. I saw him withdrawing into himself and becoming uncomfortable. He'd taken it personally and that my feelings were based on what he lacks as a partner. I almost became completely triggered but I calmed myself, we went through our night, I told him I love him before bed. I know from what he's shared in therapy and with me before that he, like many avoidants, perceives criticism and rejection if their partners are unhappy.

Just like more anxious attachment style leaning folks perceive rejection and fear abandonmnet in these scenarios. I decided to talk about in this morning and he explained exactly what I thought was going on in his head. Truthfully, I was frustrated that this is still a thing since I just want to be able to share with my partner how I feel in a non-criticizing vulnerable way without them taking it personally. So we closed the conversation for a couple of hours. But I remind myself that I married this man knowing his tough childhood physical and emotional abandonment.

If you don't know if your strongest attachment style is the preoccupied anxious attachment style, the secure attachment style, the dismissive avoidant attachment style, or the fearful avoidant attachment style, also known as the disorganized attachment style, I have two links to help you figure that out.

Reddit Question:

Attachment Quiz 1

http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Attachment Quiz 2

Better Help Therapy with 10% discount:

https://onlinetherapy.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=2492

Online-Therapy discount:

Attached Book:

Avoidant Book:

Attachment Style history Aug 02, 2023

Show notes

Today I'm going over the history of attachment styles. If you are like me you'd like to know about the history of the things you learn. I go over the beginnings of attachment theory and talk about the pioneers, John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, and Mary Main.

If you don't if your strongest attachment style is the secure attachment style, the preoccupied anxious attachment style, the dismissive avoidant attachment style, or the fearful avoidant, also known as the disorganized attachment style, I have two links for you to find that out. The first link is faster to complete and has some tools to help you with your attachment style. The second link is more detailed and can be taken multiple times to see how you are in different times of your life. I also provided some book recommendations and online therapy discounts.

Attachment Quiz 1 and resources:

http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Attachment Quiz 2:

Attached Book:

Avoidant Book:

Better Help Online Therapy 10% Discount:

https://onlinetherapy.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=2492

Online-Therapy.com

A Fearful Avoidant asks "How much time is too much time with someone new?" Aug 01, 2023

Show notes

In this question from the avoidant attachment subreddit a fearful avoidant, also known as a disorganized attachment style person, is wondering how much time is too much time when starting to date someone new. The person believes they are dating an anxious attachment style person. And that person already wants to spend hours with the fearful avoidant person, which of course can scare off an avoidant attachment style person real quick.

If you don't know if your strongest attachment style is the secure attachment style, the preoccupied anxious attachment style, the dismissive avoidant attachment style, or the fearful avoidant attachment style I have 2 links for you to check out. The first link is very quick and offers up some classes on attachment style from The Personal Development School runned by the well known attachment style therapist Thais Gibson. The second link is more detaled and you can take several times over different parts of your life to see how you've changed.

I also have links for two attachment style books I recommend. And also some online therapy options including Better Help.

Attachment Quiz 1:

http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Attachment Quiz 2:

Attached Book:

Avoidant Book:

Better Help Online Therapy with a 10% discount:

https://onlinetherapy.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=2492

Online-Therapy.com Discount:

These are all affiliate links.

No contact from a dismissive avoidant but I need my shoes back Jul 31, 2023

Show notes

I am reading from a anxious attachment style subreddit in which a woman is breaking no contact because she needs her shoes back from her ex. Anytime you break no contact you risk more issues.

The first link is a quick way to get your attachment style and also has some materials on improving your attachment style.

The second link is more detailed and can be taken several times to check your current attachment style levels.

Attachment Quiz 1:

http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Attachment Quiz 2:

Attached Book:

Avoidant Book: