Reimagining Love with Dr. Alexandra Solomon

Latest Episodes:

When You're the Affair Partner Apr 09, 2024

Show notes

Throughout her decades as a therapist, Dr. Alexandra has helped many people navigate being "the affair partner." Participating in infidelity creates an intoxicating yet profoundly confusing blend of emotions and experiences. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra examines the psychology of this role and offers a compassionate look into the surrounding context: the thrills, secret benefits, sources of shame, and potential origin stories embedded within this controversial role.

Relevant links:

"A Great Wagon" by Rumi:

https://onbeing.org/poetry/a-great-wagon/

Journal of Sex & Martial Therapy: "Object of Desire Self-Consciousness Theory" by Anthony F. Bogaert and Lori A. Brotto:

https://med-fom-brotto.sites.olt.ubc.ca/files/2015/03/Bogaert-Brotto-2014-Object-of-Desire-Self-Conciousness-Theory-3549.pdf

"Taking Sexy Back" by Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/taking-sexy-back-how-to-own-your-sexuality-and-create-the-relationships-you-want-alexandra-h-solomon-phd/bb4e09f44fba80a8?ean=9781684033461&next=t&

Facebook Group: Esther Perel Discussion Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/793115204193690

Reimagining Love episode: "Guidance for the Newly Single":

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/guidance-for-the-newly-single-5-strategies-for/id1588419386?i=1000637536484

Order Dr. Alexandra’s new book, Love Every Day:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/2e7045884bea4a5f?ean=9781683736530&next=t&

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter:

https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/sign-up

Submit a Listener Question:

https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274

Learn more about the Options Transition to Independence Program which offers education, vocational, independent living, and emotional support for young adults with complex learning needs. https://www.experienceoptions.org/

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When Shame Blocks Repair Apr 02, 2024

Show notes

In this solo episode, Dr. Alexandra confronts a common roadblock to repair: shame. Often, in the wake of relational harm, feelings of shame secretly run the show, causing you to get combative and defensive or freeze, flee, or fawn in essential moments. Dr. Alexandra provides strategies for moving from shame into action—so that you can make yourself available for repair—and gives tangible tips for how to make a heartfelt and effective apology.

Relevant links:

Access this episode's companion worksheet here:

https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/worksheets

Reimagining Love episode: "Why Can't I Get Over It?":

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/why-cant-i-get-over-it/id1588419386?i=1000648061670

Dr. Alexandra's e-course: Can I Trust You Again? Rebuilding after Betrayal or Deceit:

https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/can-i-trust-you-again-rebuilding-after-betrayal-or-deceit

Brené Brown's TED Talk: Listening to Shame:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0

Building Self-Esteem: How Learning from Shame Helps Us to Grow by Joseph Burgo:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/building-self-esteem-how-learning-from-shame-helps-us-to-grow-joseph-burgo/e95fb867f0e1daf7?ean=9780997592023&next=t&

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/2e7045884bea4a5f?ean=9781683736530&next=t&

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter:

https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/sign-up

Submit a Listener Question:

https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274

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Conscious Uncoupling: Divorce as an Ending, Not a Failure with Katherine Woodward Thomas Mar 26, 2024

Show notes

Ten years after "conscious uncoupling" first entered the public lexicon, Katherine Woodward Thomas joins Reimagining Love to discuss her powerful rebrand of what's possible after a breakup or divorce. Through sharing her story and dissecting the cultural myths that cause us to view divorce as a failure, Katherine encourages us to bring a sense of generosity and intentionality to the process so that we can transform our relationships with our former partner, ourselves, and our futures.

Relevant links:

Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After by Katherine Woodward Thomas:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/conscious-uncoupling-5-steps-to-living-happily-even-after-katherine-woodward-thomas/7424192ec73365ee?ean=9780553447019&next=t&

Calling in the One: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life (Revised) by Katherine Woodward Thomas:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/calling-in-the-one-revised-and-expanded-7-weeks-to-attract-the-love-of-your-life-katherine-woodward-thomas/624d02fc9f090d34?ean=9780593139790&next=t&

Connect with Katherine online:

https://katherinewoodwardthomas.com/

and on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/katherinewoodwardthomas/?hl=en

Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage by Stephanie Coontz:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/marriage-a-history-how-love-conquered-marriage-stephanie-coontz/e8cb0cf1d5a50216?ean=9780143036678&next=t&

The Good Divorce by Constance Ahrons:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-good-divorce-constance-ahrons/f35748822fe042ca?ean=9780060926342&next=t&

Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships by Diane Vaughan:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/uncoupling-turning-points-in-intimate-relationships-assistant-professor-of-sociology-diane-vaughan/4b8402fb922f76ec?ean=9780679730026&next=t&

Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/2e7045884bea4a5f?ean=9781683736530&next=t&

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter:

https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/sign-up

Submit a Listener Question:

https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

From Burnout to Balanced: Bringing Self-Compassion to Our Careers with Esther Boykin Mar 19, 2024

Show notes

Esther Boykin joins Dr. Alexandra for an expansive conversation around the intersection of mental health and our careers. Esther highlights the difference between self-care and self-compassion, and points us towards using self-compassion as an essential tool for improving both our personal and work lives. When we bring self-compassion to our careers, we prevent burnout by opening up a deeper connection to our common humanity. Together, Esther and Dr. Alexandra then respond to a listener who thinks her relationship is being held back by her partner's ambition.

Relevant links:

Connect with Esther online:

https://estherboykin.com/

and on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/estherbmft/

Learn more about Therapy Is Not A Dirty Word:

https://therapyisnotadirtyword.com/

The Compassion Collective:

https://www.compassioncollectiveretreat.com/

Who Not How: The Formula to Achieve Bigger Goals Through Accelerating Teamwork by Dan Sullivan:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/who-not-how-the-formula-to-achieve-bigger-goals-through-accelerating-teamwork-dan-sullivan/1949f3d630f663ac?ean=9781401960582&next=t&

Reimagining Love episode: "Talking about the Future: Navigating a Pace Discrepancy":

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/talking-about-the-future-navigating-a-pace-discrepancy/id1588419386?i=1000578512125

Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/2e7045884bea4a5f?ean=9781683736530&next=t&

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter:

https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/sign-up

Submit a Listener Question:

https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Secure Attachments: The Felt Sense of Love with Julie Menanno Mar 12, 2024

Show notes

What does it feel like to be in a securely attached relationship? Renowned relationship expert and therapist Julie Menanno joins Reimagining Love to illuminate what we can learn from examining secure attachments. Together with Dr. Alexandra, Julie helps anxious and avoidant partners understand each other by guiding us through how different attachment styles show up in tender moments. Ultimately, Julie reminds us that the purpose of attachment work is to help us heal from our past unmet needs so that we can form secure attachments today.

Relevant links:

Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime by Julie Menanno:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/secure-love-create-a-relationship-that-lasts-a-lifetime-julie-menanno/f96a57df315c4d70?ean=9781668012864&next=t&

Connect with Julie online:

https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/

and on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/thesecurerelationship/?hl=en

Order Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every Day:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/2e7045884bea4a5f?ean=9781683736530&next=t&

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter:

https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/sign-up

Submit a Listener Question:

https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

"Why Can't I Get Over It?" Mar 05, 2024

Show notes

Deceit, infidelity, and betrayal profoundly shake our inner worlds. If you're struggling to heal from relational harm, you may be endlessly ruminating on the past and wondering why you can't just let it go. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra breaks down the process of forgiveness and provides seven reasons why you can’t get over it.

Relevant links:

Access this episode's companion worksheet here:

https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/worksheets

Dr. Alexandra's e-course: Can I Trust You Again? Rebuilding after Betrayal or Deceit:

https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/can-i-trust-you-again-rebuilding-after-betrayal-or-deceit

Reimagining Love episode: "Tending to "Little You" & Exploring Your Family of Origin":

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tending-to-little-you-exploring-your-family-of-origin/id1588419386?i=1000584624154

Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want by Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/taking-sexy-back-how-to-own-your-sexuality-and-create-the-relationships-you-want-alexandra-h-solomon-phd/bb4e09f44fba80a8?ean=9781684033461&next=t&

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter:

https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/sign-up

Submit a Listener Question:

https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Trauma Bonds: Healing from Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics with Dr. Laura Copley Feb 27, 2024

Show notes

What are trauma bonds and how can we heal from them? Dr. Laura Copley joins the podcast to dive into the sticky dynamics of unhealthy, trauma-bonded relationships. Drawing from personal experiences and her work as a relationship trauma expert, Dr. Laura gives us insight into what she calls "the hero's journey" — a transformative path towards recognizing our origin stories, attachment wounds, and current relationship dynamics so that we can transcend our trauma and form authentic connections.

Relevant links:

Loving You Is Hurting Me: A New Approach to Healing Trauma Bonds and Creating Authentic Connection by Dr. Laura Copley: https://bookshop.org/p/books/loving-you-is-hurting-me-a-new-approach-to-healing-trauma-bonds-and-creating-authentic-connection-laura-copley/312c82f9800d7f71?ean=9781538741399&next=t&

Learn more about Dr. Laura's work from her website:

https://lauracopley.com/

Dr. Laura's Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/doccopley/

Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/2e7045884bea4a5f?ean=9781683736530&next=t&

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter:

https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/sign-up

Submit a Listener Question:

https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Love By Design: Why Couples Succeed with Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh Feb 20, 2024

Show notes

Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh returns to Reimagining Love to share her research on the six ingredients that help love bloom into a thriving relationship. In this conversation, Dr. Sara encourages us to move beyond our culture's myth of finding a perfect mate and instead, focus on creating something special together.

Relevant links:

Love by Design: 6 Ingredients to Build a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh:

https://lovebydesignbook.com/

Dr. Sara's Relationship Panoramic Inventory:

https://relationship-panoramic.com/product/relationship-panoramic-for-couples/

Learn more about Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh:

https://www.sara-nasserzadeh.com/

Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/2e7045884bea4a5f?ean=9781683736530&next=t&

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter:

https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/sign-up

Submit a Listener Question:

https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Are You Ready to Date Again? Feb 13, 2024

Show notes

Thinking about re-entering the dating scene after a breakup or loss? How can you tell if you're truly ready to get back out there? In this solo episode, Dr. Alexandra provides five Relational Self-Awareness-informed indicators that you can use to help you discern whether you’re ready to date again.

Relevant links:

Access this episode's companion worksheet here:

https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/worksheets

Listen to Reimagining Love's "Guidance for the Newly Single" episode:

https://pod.link/1588419386/episode/NjU2ZGZkZjM2YTgxMzAwMDEyMDZmMDMy

Learn more about Relational Self-Awareness with Dr. Alexandra's books,

Loving Bravely: https://bookshop.org/p/books/loving-bravely-twenty-lessons-of-self-discovery-to-help-you-get-the-love-you-want-alexandra-h-solomon-phd/4d9e637a80d41163?ean=9781626255814&next=t&

Taking Sexy Back: https://bookshop.org/p/books/taking-sexy-back-how-to-own-your-sexuality-and-create-the-relationships-you-want-alexandra-h-solomon-phd/bb4e09f44fba80a8?ean=9781684033461&next=t&

Order Dr. Alexandra’s new book, Love Every Day:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/2e7045884bea4a5f?ean=9781683736530&next=t&

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter:

https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/sign-up

Submit a Listener Question:

https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What Role Did You Play in Your Family of Origin? Feb 06, 2024

Show notes

In this in-depth solo episode, Dr. Alexandra explains the six common roles we played in our original family systems. Way before we ever were involved in a romantic relationship, we were part of a family system, and that system, for better or for worse, shaped our ideas about who we can and cannot be. Through understanding our past, we can see how these roles continue to show up in our relationships today and use that knowledge as a powerful Relational Self-Awareness tool.

Relevant links:

Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz:

https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/rolesquiz/

Reimagining Love: "Tending to "Little You" & Exploring Your Family of Origin":

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tending-to-little-you-exploring-your-family-of-origin/id1588419386?i=1000584624154

Dr. Alexandra's Psychotherapy Networker Article:

https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/article/work-issues-at-the-heart-of-couples-conflicts/

Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/2e7045884bea4a5f?ean=9781683736530&next=t&

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter:

https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/sign-up

Submit a Listener Question: