Recovery Elevator &#8211; Paul Churchill

RE 508: Your Job is to Have Fun Nov 11, 2024

Episode 508 – Your Job is to Have Fun

Today we have Fanny. She is 39 years old and lives in Wilmington, NC. She took her last drink on February 3rd, 2021.

Recovery Elevator is going back to Peru in October 2025. On this 10-night, 11-day trip of a lifetime, we will be hiking the Inca Trail and participating in two service projects. Registration opens January 13th and closes May 30th in order to secure tickets to the Inca Trail.

Sponsors for this episode:

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[01:43] Intro:

Better Rhodes recently sent Paul a couple of drinks to sample, and he shares that they were all fantastic. Gone are the days when O’Doul’s was the only alcohol-free option around. Paul says his favorite was Hiyo.

Better Rhodes – code RECOVERYELEVATOR15

[04:05] More thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares an article called Benefits of Play for Adults that shares the importance of being playful as adults. Remember that as a child, you were naturally playful without alcohol. Somewhere along the way we forget how to be playful and then we link alcohol with having fun.

This is great news for healing. Just like some of us have goals to hit a certain amount of steps in our day, you should aim to have at least a certain amount of laughs. Laughter is the best medicine and some of the side effects may be a boost to your immune system, release of endorphins, reduction of stress and anxiety and improvement of mood.

Your job, listeners, is to have fun. The healing pathway will contain challenges, but overall, it cannot be more stressful or boring than when you were drinking. You need to have fun and please don’t take yourself too seriously at any moment on this journey.

[09:48] Paul introduces Fanny:

Fanny has lived in NC most of her life and recently proposed to her fiancé who she plans to marry in March. For her profession, she says it’s all things food. Recipe developer, food writer and content creator. For fun, Fanny enjoys outside activities such as biking, hiking and walking her dogs.

During high school and college, Fanny says she drank like any other college kid and always enjoyed a party. Over time, Fanny found herself using alcohol to push down negativity and some lingering questions about her sexuality.

When Fanny moved to California for a while, she said drinking was fun again. She says she learned a lot about herself there including that she didn’t want to be an actress, her real passion was food, and she found herself wanting to return to North Carolina.

After moving back, Fanny met someone, and they eventually married. Drinking was a big part of their lifestyle. They moved to Illinois for his job right before the pandemic and found themselves isolated without family and friends. Fanny says the drinking ramped up and there were some incidents that gave her a lot of guilt and shame. They eventually divorced and Fanny moved back to NC.

Fanny started a relationship with a friend from college who expressed their concerns over drinking because their ex had an issue. Fanny assured her that she was not like she was in college. After a two-day bender, it was Fanny’s girlfriend that helped her call her parents and get some help. Fanny was able to find a rehab in Western NC with the help of her therapist.

Fanny says the first few days were tough, but eventually she settled in and became a sponge trying to learn everything about the addiction. Through her rehab she was exposed to several different recovery modalities and found she enjoys Recovery Dharma the most. She really identifies and enjoys the Buddhist perspective on recovery.

Recovery Elevator

We took the elevator down; we got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

Café RE - promo code OPPORTUNITY waives the set up fee

RE 507: Why the First 30 Days Can be Rough Nov 04, 2024

Episode 507 - Why the First 30 Days Can be Rough

Today we have Jason. He is 56 years old and from Minneapolis, MN. He took his last drink on December 31st, 2021.

Sponsors for this episode:

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[01:06] Intro:

In today’s episode you are going to hear Jason say that he doesn’t identify as an alcoholic. How many alcoholics do you think have been interviewed on the podcast? Paul says the answer is zero.

Zero because whenever people hear the word alcoholic, the first things that come to mind are homeless, living under a bridge, brown paper bag. Zero guests have fit this description.

Studies show that only 5% of alcoholics are actually homeless, living under a bridge, etc. However we are all walking the same path regardless of how far it takes us.

It’s never too late to get help, and we’ve got your back. The real villain here is alcohol, not the addict. In 2024, you can be alcohol-free, you can be sober, you can be sober curious, you can be an alcoholic in recovery. At the end of the day it’s all about getting honest with yourself.

[04:16] More thoughts from Paul:

Drinking can be challenging in the first 30 days. Paul shares with us a piece about this that uses an analogy comparing our brain and neurotransmitters to toy boxes and toys.

During recovery, our brain is resetting itelf now that the alcohol is halted. This will take time. A couple of week to a couple of months. Go slow, be kind to yourself and let the body heal. Your part is not drinking, and the universe solves the other part which is time.

[07:36] Paul introduces Jason:

Jason has lived in Minnesota all of his lfe, currently in Minneapolis. He is married with two sons, 14 and 12. He works in sales. Jason says for fun, he is getting into golf and he is a pilot who enjoys flying for fun as well as for business.

Jason says he had his first drink as a junior in high school. It wasn’t a remarkable event but he ended up becoming a typical drinker: parties and weekends, etc. He got married when he was 21 to his first wife, and she did not drink. Therefore Jason didn’t drink much during his 20s. The company he worked in sales for, had a big drinking culture that Jason started to get more involved in. Around the same time his marriage wasn’t working out and he found himself divorced and drinking more often afterwards. At the time it didn’t feel out of control although in hindsight Jason feels it was excessive – almost daily and every weekend complete with hangovers.

In his 40s Jason met his current wife who is a social drinker. His drinking continued, but he did begin to question it. He began to try a lot of methods of moderations, some of them worked for him but it became exhausting after doing it for about five years. On December 17th of 2021, he had decided he was going to quit. He says he drank a lot for the first week or so after that as a reminder to himself of how bad it was.

On New Year’s Eve, Jason had two beers and ended up dumping out half of his third. He was done. Jason said the first month went well and the biggest thing he missed was having something to look forward to. Once he made the decision it wasn’t that hard for Jason.

Jason shares that he read a lot and listened to podcasts which really helped him. He mentions the book Almost Alcoholic which helped him identify that he was in the middle ground with his drinking. Jason has had no desire to return to drinking and his cravings were few and far between over the last nearly three years. Going forward, Jason wants to find more hobbies and things he enjoys doing with his kids. He enjoys the subtle calm that is in his life now.

Jason’s parting piece of guidance: you don’t have to identify as an alcoholic for quitting to be the best option for you.

Recovery Elevator

We took the elevator down, we got to take the stairs back up.

I love you guys.

We can do this.

Café RE - promo code OPPORTUNITY waives the set up fee

RE 506: Drink Yourself Sober Oct 28, 2024

Episode 506 – Drink Yourself Sober

Today we have James. He is 33 years old from Birmingham, UK and he took his last drink in May 30th, 2023.

Café RE is now off of Facebook and we have our own app. If you’re looking for accountability with others who are ditching the booze or have already done so, we’d love to have you.

Sobertopia – a platform for all things Alcohol-Free

Drop the Bottle

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[03:57] Thoughts from Paul:

Today’s guest James said something that sparked a dormant memory for Paul, which was to drink yourself sober. Paul shares how in the summer of 2014, he knew he was quitting drinking, it was just a matter of time. He was reading quit lit and the alcohol was no longer working for him.

Trying to expedite the quitting, Paul drank with the intent to give himself more reasons to quit. Even though he does not recommend anyone do this he shares this as a reminder that paid that we listen to, embrace, and no longer run from can be one of the best teachers. It can shine light on where not to go. And pain is also the crack where the light of healing enters.

As Paul has mentioned in a recent episode – it takes what it takes, and he had to embrace the pain and even purposely step into it more in order to start the healing.

[08:52] Paul introduces James:

James is 33 years old; he works in administration at a university. He is a musician in a few bands and has been doing a lot of touring. He also enjoys reading, walking with his partner and spending time with his cats.

James shares that he doesn’t remember his first drink but remembers a few occasions in his teens where he went overboard when there was free access to alcohol. He says it was clear from the start that he was “all or nothing” when it came to drinking.

Between ages 18 and 26, James worked in bars and was around alcohol a good bit. He also got introduced to other drugs but saw his usage of alcohol and drugs just part of the lifestyle. Both James and his partner had transitioned to 9-5 jobs. He says he took the lifestyle with him, but she did not. This contributed to them drifting apart. Since he was able to work hard and party hard, he didn’t see an issue.

After moving to another town alone, James says there was less of a balance between work and play and on a few occasions feels he should have lost his job. If anyone ever spoke to him about his drinking, he would brush it off as he was just living in the moment and as an artist the struggle would benefit his work.

Off and on, James would moderate and was able to quit for a bit in 2020. After a little over 100 days, he felt like the monotony of the day-to-day got to him and he started drinking again. He didn’t care much about his job and was somewhat relieved to be able to go to gigs with the bands and not worry about not drinking.

He ended up moving back to Birmingham and reconnecting with his partner. They moved in together with the rule that he wouldn’t bring that lifestyle home. James started the job he has now and started only drinking on the weekends or at gigs with the band. Over time, he recognized that alcohol was creating a lot of problems for him and it was no longer much fun.

On May 31st James decided he had to let it go for good. It wasn’t his first rodeo, so he knew what to expect. Accepting that nothing worth doing is going to be easy was helpful for him. He is making living amends with his partner and says it means more to him than he can put into words that she has been there for him through it all. James treats every day like day one and checks into sober communities often. He says he scared himself straight and keeps a mindfulness around cravings and that drinking one help anything.

James’ parting piece of guidance: If you’re thinking about it, you probably need to. There is no shame in falling and picking yourself back up.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

RE 505: What is Recovery? Oct 21, 2024

Episode 505 – What is Recovery?

Today we have Dave. He is 46 and lives in Boston. He took his last drink on March 5th, 2023.

Sponsors mentioned in this episode:

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There are two spots left on our next Alcohol-Free travel trip to Vietnam. This upcoming January 9th-20th, 2025, we’re heading to this incredible Southeast Asia paradise for 10 days and 11 nights with 25 travelers who are done nursing hangovers.

On January 1st, 2025, join us for Dry January. We meet 14 times as a group during the moth and the session days are Sundays, Mondays and Thursdays.

And in February, we are doing out first ever alcohol-free Singer/Songwriter course. In this six week course you’ll learn all about the song writing process, hear from professional musicians about how they write songs, and you’ll write and perfect your own song during the course. Experience with an instrument is recommended to required as this is not a “how to play and instrument” course.

[03:32] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares that when he first began his alcohol-free journey, the word “recovery” was loaded for him. He initially didn’t want anything to do with it and didn’t really understand what it meant.

In a post from Café RE a member named Adam shared a little about what recovery means to him. Paul expands on that commenting about what recovery means to him as well. Russell Brand sums it up pretty well by saying we are “recovering the person we are meant to be.” We have no chance of doing this with alcohol in our lives, or at least, many of us don’t.

There is no right or wrong way to ditch the booze and take what you want and leave the rest. Paul says he isn’t suggesting building your own program from scratch at the beginning. Pick a program or community and give it your all. If there is something that scares you, that’s where you need to go. Recovery is uncomfortable at first, but definite worth it.

[08:36] Paul introduces Dave:

Dave was born and raised in the Boston area. He has been married for 20 years and has two girls that are 16 and 13 years old. He enjoys all things sports including golf and spending time supporting his daughter who plays hockey. He also enjoys reading and exercise.

Dave grew up in a tight knit family with a father that had chronic illness. He says that his father’s illness as well as the illnesses of other family members really shaped his life, and he never felt safe.

Dave witnessed his parents drink, but never saw them drunk. He avoided drinking throughout high school as a rule follower and it created anxiety for him when he did.

In college, he did drink a bit on the weekends, but nothing crazy. Dave says once he recognized that the drinking stopped some anxiety, that is when a problem developed. He would drink casually on the weekdays and more on the weekends. As life began to be a little more stressful after having kids, every social even revolved around having drinks. Since drinking helped him feel safe, he started doing it more frequently over time.

A health scare had Dave thinking about his drinking for the first time. He didn’t quit right away but did start seeing a therapist and talking about it. He decided to quit for a while, but never committed to it long term. Dave started drinking again and it increased gradually over time. Over the next few years, it increased in quantity and frequency.

Another health event 18 months ago found Dave realizing he needed to commit to quitting. His first week was really tough with anxiety and poor sleep. Podcasts and therapy along with joining Café RE were very helpful for Dave. After several months, it was his wife that helped him realize that he is now a non-drinker. For Dave the top three benefits of being AF are a clear mind, presence and confidence.

Dave’s parting piece of guidance: Just do it and stay with it.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, got to take the stairs back up.

You can do this.

RE 504: A Dopamine Feast Oct 14, 2024

Episode 504 – A Dopamine Feast

Today we have Don. He is 44 and lives in Clarkson, MI. He took his last drink on November 15th, 2021.

Sponsors mentioned in this episode:

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The theme for this podcast is I am Here, I am Whole. What does that mean? It means, that in this moment, the only moment that has ever mattered or ever existed, I choose to be here, and I will view myself as whole.

Please don’t kick the can of wholeness, authenticity and self-love down the road. It has to be now.

[04:22] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares that he really enjoyed the book Dopamine Nation by Dr. Anna Lembke, minus one part of it that talks about a dopamine fast as a way to beat an addiction.

A recent NYT article summarizes why Paul doesn’t like the dopamine fast idea. It has to do with the quote that “it’s less about quitting drinking, and more about creating a life that doesn’t require alcohol”. There are many healthier ways to release dopamine, such as hobbies you enjoy, that don’t involve your drug of choice. Trying new things helps us release dopamine as well.

The last paragraph of the article says “consequently, America’s problem isn’t that we’re a bunch of hedonists hooked on capitalism’s dopamine hits, it’s that so many of us aren’t able to get our social, physical and emotional needs met in healthy ways. Instead of a dopamine fast, we need a dopamine feast - one that makes us want experiences we actually like, rather than compulsively responding to craving”.

[08:36] Paul introduces Don:

Don is an anesthesiologist, and he lives in Clarkston, MI. He started enjoying traveling since his mid-30s and has been to 30 countries, five continents and heading to Antarctica at the end of the year. Don is a big fan of sports and roots for the teams out of Detroit.

Alcohol always seemed to have a positive light around it when Don was younger. Whether it was a gathering or party the adults seemed more relaxed, happy and silly. It always seemed like something to look forward to when he got older. Being more of a goody-two-shoes, Don says, he didn’t try alcohol until the summer after school ended. He recalls feeling like he was comfortable in his own skin and his racing thoughts relaxed. Don says he was immediately someone that couldn’t stop drinking once he started.

Don says his 20s were spent in school and would drink heavily maybe once a month. In his 30s after graduating and feeling he achieved all of his goals, he wondered “what’s next?” Don says that alcohol didn’t answer the question, but it prevented him from having to answer it. Don says that he realized he was gay as a young man and never wanted to deal with it. Drinking helped him push that away too.

COVID sped up the inevitable, Don says. Having more time off work due to less surgeries being performed; Don would start drinking more on his off days. Once work became busy again, he’s drinking continued where it was and started affecting his work.

When Don arrived at work still drunk after a Labor Day weekend binge, he says receiving a call from his boss was relief.

When Don started rehab, he knew he was going to need to address being gay in addition to having a drinking problem. After completing rehab, Don began attending a program for health professionals that gives him the accountability he needed.

Don says AA is a big part of his life now. He says he enjoys the community and accountability. He is testing out dating to see if it’s something that he wants to do. After falling in love with Costa Rica, he decided to build a house there. The greatest gift Don says he was given in sobriety is the ability to be present.

Don’s parting piece of guidance: Just start. You’ve got to start somewhere and if that’s rehab, than so be it. Take a break from your job, people will be much more supportive than you think they will.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, got to take the stairs back up.

I love you guys.

RE 503: It Takes What It Takes Oct 07, 2024

Episode 503 – It Takes What It Takes

Today we have Leah from Akron, OH. She took her last drink on September 4th, 2022.

Sponsors mentioned in this episode:

Better Help - code ELEVATOR

Tonight is our first session of our Ditching the Booze Mindfulness course. It will be on Monday nights at 7:30 EST for the next five weeks. This course will teach you the basics of mindfulness and mediation. It is included with Café RE membership. Visit Café RE to sign up if you aren’t already a member.

Speaking of Café RE, our community is no longer on Facebook. We have found a new home that is off social media, and it now has an app that you can find in the app stores.

[03:28] Thoughts from Paul:

The only thing harder than forgiveness is the opposite – resentments. It is important that we begin with forgiving ourselves.

It takes what it takes for you to get sober and quit drinking. There is no set pathway into and out of a drinking problem. Paul believes this is one of the reasons why alcohol-free communities are so non-judgmental, loving and accepting. Those who have quit drinking know that it takes what it takes.

Paul shares some “it takes what it takes” stories from himself and others working on their alcohol-free journey. Never quit quitting and you will find your way. It takes what it takes.

[08:20] Paul introduces Leah:

At the time of recording, Leah is celebrating 2 years alcohol-free. She grew up in Akron Ohio, she is 36 and just got married, they have a 3-month-old daughter. For fun Leah enjoys hiking, singing, hanging out with friends and spending time with her baby.

Leah shares the story of what drove her to make the decision to quit drinking. After waking up on a bench next to a river and realizing that she was barefoot and had walked over a mile in a blackout, she feared what might happen next if she continued to drink.

Leah began drinking in high school and felt that it gave her courage to be herself. She says she was always addicted to that feeling. After leaving a bad relationship to an alcoholic, Leah started dating her now-husband. He is a normal drinker and Leah felt safe with him.

Leah says over time her drinking increased and the blackouts started. She says she isn’t the same person when she drinks and would often get angry and start fights with her partner. Waking up feeling regret and shame and promising she wouldn’t do it again became commonplace for Leah.

It was Leah’s therapist through Betterhelp that suggested she check out some podcasts and that’s how Leah stumbled upon RE. She says she just started listening from the beginning and found the interviews with others very helpful and she no longer felt alone in this battle.

Leah says since quitting drinking, she has lost weight and feels better overall. The first year she struggled with boredom since drinking was her hobby. She has been working on her unresolved childhood trauma and learning how to be herself without drinking. Leah’s emotions have leveled out and she no longer gets angry as often as she used to. Leah and her husband are still able to share the same hobbies, and she now drinks NA beers. Cravings have not been a big issue for her, she remembers how bad the following days were when she would drink, and it helps her stay grounded.

In the future, Leah would like to have another child, but she is comfortable where she is right now.

Leah’s parting piece of guidance: one day at a time.

Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we all go home

I love you guys

RE 502: The Tallest Tree in the World Sep 30, 2024

Episode 502 – The Tallest Tree in the World

Today we have Kurtis. He is 32 from Seattle, WA and took his last drink on October 12th, 2023.

Sponsors mentioned in this episode:

Better Help - code ELEVATOR

AG1

Paul loves pickles but doesn’t love to be in them. When it comes to drinking, this quote shows up often: “When I controlled my drinking, I didn’t enjoy it. When I enjoyed my drinking, I couldn’t control it.” That is a good example of what it is like to be in a pickle with your drinking.

DTB Mindfulness course starts Monday October 7th for 5 weeks. This course is for Café RE members only, and we would love for you to join us! Visit Café RE to sign up if you aren’t already a member.

[03:32] Thoughts from Paul:

While the tallest tree on the planet currently is a redwood but it would be the Douglas Fir if we stopped cutting them down. Scientists theorize the highest a tree can pull water up it’s roots is 480 feet and that’s how big the Douglas Fir trees were back in the early 1800’s before we began harvesting them.

Paul shares with us his love of trees and how they have helped him on his recovery journey. He also shares some facts about how indigenous people around the world are healthier than we are and how many of them use trees as a source of wholeness that cure physical ailments and mental health conditions.

When looking for connection, don’t overlook the trees in your back yard that are holding the soil in place. Nature should 100% be part of your recovery portfolio.

[10:07] Paul introduces Kurtis:

Kurtis currently lives in Seattle, WA and is originally from Detroit. He has two cats and is a musician and a mixing engineer. He says he used to use drinking as a way to be creative and says it has been interesting to figure out his relationship with music without drinking.

Kurtis says he didn’t drink much in his younger years. He took his first drink at age 21. He was in a lot of bands after moving to Seattle. He would bring beer to practice which quelled his anxiety.

After Kurtis was diagnosed with ADHD in 2020, he started taking medication that helped him focus. He admits he took more than prescribed and would then utilize alcohol to help him go to sleep. When waking up with a hangover, his medication would help him combat it. It was a vicious cycle, Kurtis says.

Kurtis knew he had issues but couldn’t determine whether it the pills or the drinking that was causing the problem. He was having a hard time going more than a few days without drinking and often found himself drinking in the morning. After failed moderation attempts, he ended up having to quit both the alcohol and the medication at the same time in October of 2023.

When he made the decision to quit, Kurtis says there were a lot of small rock-bottom moments that led him to it. Kurtis shared that it was tough quitting both things at the same time. He was worried that his productivity would decrease when he had to stop taking the medication. The drinking was slightly easier, however. Without taking the stimulant he wasn’t feeling so much anxiety at the end of the day which diminished his desire to drink.

Kurtis started finding other activities to fill his time and began to see great results. He was walking a lot, began to lose weight, and started feeling really good. He was able to recognize that quitting drinking opened up a lot of doors for him to feel better. He is more present with others and feels more confident in general.

Kurtis shares that the RE podcast has been helpful along with the Reddit Stop Drinking group. Talking about his journey with others has also helped a lot.

Kurtis’ parting piece of guidance: moderation, research and failing is all part of the process. It’s important to be kind to yourself and not feel like you have to match what others are doing.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, you got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

RE 501: The Camaraderie of Sobriety Sep 23, 2024

Episode 501 – The Camaraderie of Sobriety

Today we have Kendra. She is 36 years old from Alexandria, MN and took her last drink on March 22nd, 2024.

Sponsors mentioned in this episode:

Better Help - code ELEVATOR

There are 4 million podcasts on iTunes with tens of millions of episodes. Do you want to know what the #1 downloaded episode was, for two years straight? Is was an episode titled - What Alcohol Does to your Body, Brain and Health, by the Stanford Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman.

All new registrations for Café RE will be added to our community, which is no longer on Facebook. We have found a place that allows us to make these connections better. Beginning October 1st, all current members will start shifting over there as well.

The theme for this podcast is I am Here, I am Whole. These lyrics mean that yes, we can fix, we can make changes, but while listening to this podcast, reinforce the fact that you are not broken. We are all perfectly imperfect, but in this moment, we are all here and we are all whole.

[06:15] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares a story about a recent situation involving his goat Hot Dog and some wiring on his truck. After attempting and failing to fix the issue himself, Paul took his truck to the shop where he purchased the truck topper.

After several hours of troubleshooting and referencing the vehicle’s owner manual, they found a fuse had blown. This was five weeks after the incident. What Paul didn’t know was that his taillights had been out as well. The man said that Paul was lucky the cops didn’t pull him over for a DUI. Paul quickly shared that he had quit drinking to which the man replied that he had as well. The conversation continued for a bit about their mutual sobriety.

One thing Paul has recognized in recovery is that the many teams, committees and organizations he has being involved with are no match for the camaraderie of sobriety. He encourages us to leverage the fact that you don’t drink to make deeper connections.

[08:44] Paul introduces Kendra:

Kendra is 36 and has lived her life in Minnesota all her life. She is an RN that works with kidney doctors. For fun Kendra enjoys outdoor activities, spending time with her daughter and has been getting into meditation lately.

About six years ago, Kendra started recognizing that drinking wasn’t fostering anything positive in her life. She was going through some major life changes and found herself reevaluating things. Kendra says she didn’t have an off switch and found herself drinking too much and being hungover most of the next day. She began to try to quit drinking but found it difficult and she would give into peer pressure a lot.

Over the last three years, Kendra attempted many moderation techniques. She was using a sobriety tracker to see her progress. She started bringing NA options to events, and even if she would still drink, she acknowledges that it was less. While there were no stereotypical rock-bottom events, Kendra recognizes that everyone’s rock bottom looks different.

Also, over the last several years Kendra started listening to podcasts about recovery and found the book This Naked Mind by Annie Grace which she feels helped her. She says everything was lining up to push her towards what life could look like without alcohol.

Kendra said she only had eight drinks from January to March this year. Her quit date is a few days after her father’s 39th sobriety anniversary. Kendra says that listening to other’s stories has been helpful. She finds that being prepared and planning before going to social functions is important.

Kendra’s best sober moment: where she can be present with her daughter and remember everything.

Kendra’s parting piece of guidance: keep it simple and just try to keep logging those days. One decision at a time and focus on your overall health.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, you got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

RE 500: I am Here, I am Whole Sep 16, 2024

Episode 500 – I Am Here, I Am Whole

Today we have Brady. He is 43 years old from Denver, CO and took his last drink on July 18th, 2023.

Whatever day you are on, we want to hear it, see it and support you. On Sundays, head on over to RE on Instagram and post on our Roll Call. Let the world know where you are at.

There are still a few spots open on our next Alcohol-Free travel trip to Vietnam. This upcoming January 9th-20th, 2025, we’re heading to this incredible Southeast Asia paradise for 10 days and 11 nights with 25 travelers who are done nursing hangovers.

Starting Monday September 16th, all new registration for Café RE will be added to our community, which is no longer on Facebook. We have found a place that allows us to make these connections better. Beginning October 1st, all current members will start shifting over there as well.

Sponsors mentioned in this episode:

Better Help - code ELEVATOR

[03:57] Thoughts from Paul:

For 500 straight Mondays, Recovery Elevator has released an episode with someone sharing how they quit drinking. We do this to help, to serve, and also selfishly since Paul and all members of the team are also on this AF journey.

Paul started this podcast in 2015 and just celebrated 10 years since his last drink. He shares how he started the Recovery Elevator Sobriety Tracker. He also shares that since starting, we now have Café RE, have done five international sober travel trips, have had 15 official RE retreats, and over 1500 people have signed up for our courses.

Paul shares what he is most happy about are the gains in his personal life. He is married and has a three-month-old son and is well into a creating a life that no longer requires alcohol.

The lyrics to the new intro song: “I am here, I am whole” remind us that there is nothing wrong with us, we are not fractured, and we can correct the imbalance in our lives. And we don’t have to do it alone.

I am Here, I am Whole on Spotify:

[11:00] Paul introduces Brady:

At the time of recording, Brady just celebrated one year alcohol free!

Paul and Brady have been friends for a very long time, and both acknowledge that it’s good be on the other side of their drinking times to now sharing sobriety with one another.

Brady and lives in the suburbs of Denver, he is 43 years old and is a realtor and formerly a high school teacher. Brady is married and they have a five-year-old son.

Brady says he drank more than the average high school student. He thinks his drinking in college was on par with normal for that time of life. It wasn’t until his late thirties that he started to realize that his relationship with alcohol wasn’t good. He feels that the time during COVID just normalized drinking at home for him. It became an everyday thing, and he slowly stopped having any interest in anything other than drinking.

An acute panic attack one night found him feeling empty. When he talked to his mom about it, she asked if he had been drinking. It was then that he started to connect the dots and was on the road to exploring the role alcohol had in his life. He never considered himself an alcoholic, but knew he was not living the life he wanted to.

Since quitting drinking, Brady has lost 20 pounds, is says he is more aware of what he is doing and it’s more purposeful. Brady has discovered that everything is clearer now. He mentions listening to The Huberman Lab podcast about alcohol really helped him in addition to Alan Carr’s book about quitting drinking. Learning what alcohol really does to us has been an important tool for Brady. He has not attended AA but had a lot of support from people around him and was comfortable sharing with them. Brady has shifted his identity to no longer being a dude that drinks.

Brady’s parting piece of guidance: just do it, find those resources that will help you.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, you got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

RE 499: Get Your Roll On Sep 09, 2024

Episode 499 - Get Your Roll On

Today we have Kerri. She is 55 years old, lives in Redding, CA and took her last drink on March 2nd, 2022.

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[02:47] Thoughts from Paul:

Prior to AA, alcoholism was considered a fatal disease. In less than 100 years, so much progress has been made in how alcoholism is viewed and treated. Now there is 100% a way out.

We now know the most potent antidote to addiction is connection. And this looks like community, preferably one that contains a lot of laughter, which we have all heard is the best medicine.

Paul shares with us that when he was crafting the recent Bozeman Retreat’s itinerary, he spent a lot of time thinking about one of the activities he was considering: a Skee-Ball tournament. The retreat is already full of the standard heavy hitters of share groups, breathwork, etc. but he wanted to try something different. Check out the pictures of the event in the post today: RE on Instagram

So, 100 years ago, it was shock therapy and isolation to cure alcoholism. Today it’s Skee-Ball, laughter, and connection.

[10:34] Kris introduces KMac:

Kerri is 55 years old and lives in Redding, CA. She has two adult daughters and five grandchildren. She is married and they have two dogs. For fun, Kerri has recently gotten into ultrarunning. She works full time for RE/Café RE as the community manager and event coordinator.

Kerri says she started drinking in high school and was a blackout drinker from the beginning. She and her first husband drank a lot during their marriage, and it escalated for Kerri after their divorce.

Kerri became a teacher later in life, but her drinking caused her to lose multiple teaching jobs over the course of a few years. She was involved with her local AA group and had a sponsor during this time. She ended up joining Café RE and rather quickly, volunteered to help do the show notes for the podcast. Over time her involvement with RE evolved.

Kerri had over a year alcohol free before the binge drinking returned. She had stopped counting days and recognized that it made it easier for her to drink. Currently days are very important to Kerri.

As Kerri began working more for RE, she feels that it took away the community for her. She didn’t feel comfortable sharing her struggles within the groups because of her role.

Knowing that she couldn’t recover alone, Kerri began to open up and have tough conversations with the RE team. She was at the point where she was feeling like she was never going to be able to quit and found herself, with the encouragement of others, making the decision to go to inpatient rehab.

Kerri says that being The Hab was tough at first and a lot of the people there were younger than her. After finding a good counselor and therapist, she was able to finally start opening up and sharing. At the end of 60 days, it was recommended she continue, so she stayed an additional 30.

After leaving she continued to do what she was doing while she was in rehab, which helps. She used to question why she drank like she did, but over time has decided it doesn’t matter.

Kerri says the biggest thing she has learned about herself is the importance of truly believing she is worthy. She is now able to recognize when she has feelings and being able to share them. She is more likely to ask for help when she needs it.

To the listener that is experiencing their own version of pacing around the living room not wanting to drink, Kerri wants to remind them that it’s not too late, this doesn’t have to be who you are or the road that you go down, you are worth asking for help and there is a community out there that are willing to walk that path with you.

Kerri’s first episode: RE Episode 255

Recovery Elevator

You’re the only one that can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.

Love you guys.

RE 498: Be The Light Sep 02, 2024

Episode 498 – Be the Light

Today we have Ava. She is 17 years old and lives in Central North Dakota. She has been sober since October 13th, 2006.

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[03:16] Meat and Potatoes Time:

A few months ago, after a lot of prayer and consideration, Kris had a tough call with Paul. While he enjoys his job as podcast host immensely, his life has been changing. His kids are getting older and busier, and he has opportunities to step up his investment in his local community.

Kris shares what this podcast has meant to him both as an interviewer and as a long-time listener. All of our stories have values, and he reminds us of the importance of being a light. No one lights a lamp and then covers it with a wash tub or shoves it under a bed. You set it up on the lampstand so that those who enter the room can see their way.

We each have a light in us that is meant to shine.

[10:18] Kris introduces Ava:

Today Kris is speaking with a very special guest: Ava, his 17-year-old daughter. She works as a nanny and works front desk at a gym. For fun, Ava likes to read and spend time with her friends.

Ava shares that the first time she became aware of alcohol’s presence in her life was when she was around ten. She noticed that her dad always had beer. She didn’t recognize that alcohol was causing a problem in her environment until her parents separated, Dad went to rehab, and they explained things to her.

Anxiety was common for Ava during this time. Her mom and dad were fighting a lot, and weren’t very present at home, and she found herself looking after her little brother more and more. Ava didn’t feel like she had an outlet to share her feelings. She was left feeling like she wasn’t good enough and trying to be a people pleaser and take care of others.

Ava remembers the last years of Kris drinking as being hard. She had been told that her dad was staying at the lake because it was closer to his work. She didn’t realize what was going on until she heard her mother on the phone talking about a divorce. Ava says that was hard to hear. Her parents were trying to protect the kids from what was going on. Ava says that this was a very difficult time for her. Her anxiety was up, and she started internalizing that she was the problem for her parents

Going through the transition to middle school was a hard time for Ava. Her anxiety had increased, and she tried really hard to make things go right there since she felt so much instability at home. She was crushed when she and her brother were told their parents were separating.

Kris started rehab and was spending as much time with the kids as possible. Time together helped them rebuild a healthy relationship. Ava says some of the anxiety went away and when it comes up for her now, she knows how to deal with it.

These days Ava enjoys the time they all spend together as a family. She feels much more comfortable and open with her parents now that things are calmer at home. Having a relationship with God and friends at church and school has been helpful for Ava.

Ava looks forward to graduating high school and plans to become a counselor. She has the desire to help people who are going through some of the things she has and mental health in general.

Ava’s advice for folks going through tough times: taking it one step at a time, it doesn’t have to be a big light-switch change

Ava’s parting piece of guidance for those thinking about sobriety: do it. It is probably the best choice you can make for yourself and those around you.

Ava’s advice for a loved one of someone with addiction: know that they are loved and valuable and would encourage them to find someone they trust that they can talk to because they are not alone.

Recovery Elevator

You’re the only one that can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.

Love you guys.

RE 497: I Can’t - You Can - Take it Aug 26, 2024

Episode 497 – I Can’t – You Can – Take It

Today we have Shelby. She is 38 years old and from Windsor Ontario. She took her last drink on December 23rd, 2023.

Sponsors for this episode:

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[04:10] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul seeks to soften the entry point to AA and simplify the first three steps. For many the steps are intimidating. They are nebulous, part dogmatic and for some there are simply too many God or higher power references. But the do make it clear many times that this God (higher power) is of your understanding. You can even use a red stapler as your higher power – they will fully support you.

The first three steps of AA:

1) We admitted we are powerless over alcohol

2) We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

3) We decided to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.

Which can be broken down to:

1) I can’t

2) You can

3) Take it

Paul says he feels the most powerful part of AA isn’t the God stuff, it’s the group. The group is always stronger than the individual.

I can’t, the group can. Here you go. I’ll see you all again tomorrow.

[10:18] Paul introduces Shelby:

Shelby is 38 years old, lives in Windsor Ontario and works for a car manufacturer on the assembly line. For fun Shelby enjoys all sports, camping and hiking.

In high school Shelby was very athletic. When she was 15, she decided to focus on hockey and made it onto a junior team. She learned about hockey culture and part of that is drinking and partying. Due to traveling and playing hockey Shelby didn’t have time to drink much during high school.

While attending a development camp for hockey, Shelby had an injury that put her on the side lines. Throughout her time at Ohio State, doctors would tell her she was fine as she continued to suffer injuries that eventually required surgery. Shelby had dreamed of going to the Olympics and never considered she might not be able to.

She left school early and felt like a failure. Shelby knew her drinking was already an issue, and she needed a change of scenery. Shelby says she didn’t have an identity outside of being an athlete. Alcohol and being social became a distraction for her and she avoided playing hockey for a long time.

The older she got; the more Shelby didn’t feel like she had accomplished anything. Life after being an athlete was tough for her. Around 30 years old she realized she needed to make some healthy changes. She accepted an offer to play hockey with some friends and ended up getting coaching opportunities afterwards. She decided to do it and since she was getting back in shape, she decided to quit drinking for three months which led to almost two years.

After losing a close uncle, Shelby drank after his funeral. She continued to drink for a few years and tried using moderation techniques. At an alumni game, she was not able to play due to an unhealed injury. She showed up drunk and ended up losing her coaching job. After this she decided to quit drinking again.

Since quitting this time around, Shelby has started attending therapy. This has helped her uncover some of her issues. She does not care for AA and says in the beginning it was hard doing things that she used to do while drinking. Shelby deals with cravings by going for walks, listening to podcasts and using her quit drinking app. She enjoys doing things that she missed out on when she was younger. Shelby also looks forward to trying new things and traveling. Her clarity is so much better, and she loves that she knows she can make plans and keep them.

Shelby’s parting piece of guidance: start today and start small and take it slow.

Recovery Elevator

We took the elevator down; we have to take the stairs back up.

I love you guys. We can do this.

RE 496: One Way Street Aug 19, 2024

Episode 496 – One Way Street

Today we have James. He is 40 years old and lives in Melbourne, Australia. He took his last drink on November 20th, 2023.

Sponsors for this episode:

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[04:16] Thoughts from Paul:

The Paris Olympic Committee opted to not sell alcohol. They were confident that they could have successfully applied to sell alcohol but still decided not to. In an article from NBC News, it mentioned the following: “While many people enjoy a casual drink, that’s not always the case. According to estimates by the French Public Health Society, 49,000 people are killed a year by alcohol consumption, which also causes 120 billion euros in damages.” Them choosing not to sell alcohol proves that things are changing around the globe regarding alcohol consumption.

Expanding on the topic of staying the course from last week’s episode, Paul shares that sobriety is a one-way street. He has yet to hear a story where someone with alcohol-free has gone back to drinking and was happy with the decision.

The common theme when it comes to what drove them back to alcohol was that they drifted from the AF community and attended less meetings or stopped altogether. They second part of this is they all said it was not a pleasant experience and many ended up right back where they were.

Do not beat yourself if you do some field research. We often need those reminders to reinforce internally that you made the right decision. Paul says he hasn’t met a single person who said they made the wrong choice when they decided to choose an alcohol-free life.

[11:03] Kris introduces James:

James lives in a rural area south of Melbourne, Australia. He is married with two kids, enjoys going to the gym and recently started playing football again.

James says he had a normal upbringing. He put a lot of pressure on himself and felt like he was always being watched. Alcohol entered his life when he was around 14 and drinking helped him turn things off as an escape and he felt freedom.

At 18, James moved out of his parent’s home with some older friends and was drinking on extended weekends but still very functional. When he was 20, he ended up moving to London where he felt complete freedom to do whatever he wanted, including living in a pub. James continued the weekend binge drinking with very little consequence.

After moving back to Australia in his late 20’s, James started a successful business and met the woman who is now his wife. Over time his feelings of not being “good enough” in many areas of his life were very stressful and found James drinking more to self-medicate and disconnect.

Towards the end of his drinking, James says he and his wife were very disconnected. He was acting out and taking a lot of risks. After confronting him one day, James told her his life was a mess and she told him it was either rehab or leaving. James opted for the easier option of leaving and chose an Airbnb close to a pub where he could drink and gamble. After a few days of this bender, his wife showed up and lovingly took him home. He started doing research but was scared to commit to inpatient care due to running his business.

James eventually found an outpatient treatment that would suit him. He has been alcohol-free ever since. Working on his connections with his family is something James is really proud of. He looks forward to doing the step work with his sponsor in AA and growing stronger spiritually.

James’ biggest fear around quitting: feeling his feelings and having to digest them.

James’ favorite resources in recovery: Recovery Elevator podcast and a book with spiritual principles for each day that he can meditate on.

James’ parting piece of guidance: Stick to it, keep showing up day by day and the magic happens down the track.

We are the only ones that can do this RE, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 495: Stay the Course Aug 12, 2024

Episode 495 – Stay the Course

Today we have Robbie. He is 28 years old from Palm Springs, CA and took his last drink on January 4th, 2024.

Sponsors for this episode:

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[4:28] Thoughts from Paul:

You are listening to this podcast because you’ve correctly identified that alcohol is what is holding you back. You see that alcohol isn’t delivering what was promised.

Your inner guidance to quit drinking, to explore what that would look like is correct. Stay the course. You’re inner voice is spot on. You are on the right path.

Paul shares his struggles with finding homeostasis after welcoming his child into the world. He feels his nervous system is stuck in a level of fight or flight. While he is feeling a lot of emotions around this, he reminds himself to stay the course. So, for all of those parents who are seeking sobriety – we will stay the course with you.

What does staying the course look like when we depart from alcohol? Maybe it is tuning in to the podcast each week or logging just one more day alcohol-free. Maybe you are working through a quit lit book and the voice is saying it wasn’t that bad. Keep reading. Keep listening. Keep showing up. We are on the right path and it’s paramount that we stick together.

[10:18] Paul introduces Robbie:

Robbie lives in Palm Springs, CA. He enjoys tennis, pickleball, golf and interior design.

Robbie says he didn’t drink much growing up and only started to drink while studying abroad in Australia. He was able to drink socially with little issue. The drinking became more frequent after Robbie had graduated college and was living alone in Denver. He found himself at happy hours and then returning home to continue to drink. At the time, Robbie knew that his drinking wasn’t normal but chalked it up to being a phase.

During COVID lockdowns, Robbie ended up moving back to Montana to stay with his parents. Drinking was a great excuse since he didn’t have obligations. After moving back to his apartment, his drinking began earlier in the day over time. He was starting to have physical repercussions from drinking heavily and decided to try and moderate or cut back. One event found him going to the liquor store for “hair of the dog” and on the way back he ended up passing out. Robbie woke up in an ambulance on the way to the ER and had no idea who called them. This didn’t deter Robbie from drinking, he just knew that if he tried to quit again, he would need to have medical detox.

On a trip to Montana visiting family, Robbie ended up getting a DUI right down the street from his parents’ house. After his father picked him up from jail, he knew the cat was out of the bag.

At Christmas, Robbie decided to stay in Denver and told his mother that he was spending time with his girlfriend but ended up staying home. When his mother found out he wasn’t with her, see felt driven to send Robbie an email expressing concerns about his health. He felt a lot of relief when he read it and knew that he was going to be able to get help now since his family was aware of his problem.

Robbie went to Betty Ford and stayed there for 21 days. It was more social than Robbie was accustomed to, but he grew very close with the people he was there with. After a few step-down programs, Robbie still goes to Betty Ford frequently and while AA isn’t his favorite modality, he enjoys trying new meetings and keeps an open mind to all things recovery. He utilizes meetings, podcasts and gratitude lists in recovery and when he has a craving, he has found box-breathing helps him a lot.

What has sobriety made possible for Robbie: reconnecting with and loving himself.

Robbie’s parting piece of guidance: pick up the 100-pound phone, ask for help and you’ll be really surprised by people’s response to that.

Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 494: Discomfort = Good Aug 05, 2024

Episode 494 - Discomfort = Good

Today we have Erin. She is 47 years old from Colorado and took her last drink on May 21st, 2022.

Sponsors for this episode:

Visit Better Help today to get 10% off your first month

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

[02:53] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares with us “pain is followed by pleasure and pleasure is followed by pain”. Drinking to change the way you feel in order to feel better in the short term, will lead to a greater dip on the other side. Not only does drinking often come with a physical hangover, but the dopamine dip can be even worse.

The Comfort Crisis by Michael Easter is a great book on discomfort. The main point of the comfort crisis is to show that society’s relentless quest for pleasure is actually doing us a tremendous amount of harm.

The discomfort that comes with ditching the booze is like a different type of gym that is making you so much stronger. Studies show that it was not uncommon for our ancestors to run and walk more than 25 miles in a day. Today we call that a marathon. They called it going out for dinner. A good sobriety tool to add to your toolkit is seeking discomfort – both the physical and the mental.

Buddha said that life is suffering, and all attempts to avoid the suffering only create more suffering. Logging alcohol free days and leaning into the boredom and discomfort is incredibly healthy for you and is actually level 10 self-care, even though it hurts.

[09:57] Kris introduces Erin:

Erin lives in a small town in Colorado. She is a psychotherapist. She lives with her partner and two dogs. They enjoy all things outdoors; hiking, skiing, walking, going to the lake and she is fortunate to love her work as well.

Growing up in a small town in South Dakota, Erin says drinking was part of the youth culture. Her older siblings drank and made it sound like fun. The first time Erin drank, she blacked out, but doesn’t recall it being a bad experience. She drank at parties in high school, but her drinking slowed down when she went to college.

Living in Boulder, CO, Erin enjoyed more outdoor activities instead of drinking heavily. Her roommate and she got the opportunity to go on tour with their favorite band a few times and Erin remembers that as being when drinking was fun. She was a music lover and while working in clubs she enjoyed the perk of free drinks and meeting the bands.

In her late 20s, Erin had a career change and was with a partner that drank a lot. She says she drank a lot with them and was able to maintain her job and her martial arts training. She was working with women that came from domestic abuse situations so in comparison, she thought she was doing alright.

Erin ended up leaving the martial arts community but began drinking with her work community. Everyone else was able to drink Friday night and be done, whereas Erin wouldn’t stop until Monday. She started having withdrawal symptoms when the bender was over, but this wasn’t enough to make her quit.

Erin would try moderation and kept her drinking to a minimum when with her boyfriend, but it was different when she was alone. It wasn’t until a bender while pet sitting that her boyfriend saw her in really rough shape. He made her leave with him and the next morning, Erin asked to go to the hospital because she knew it was time to quit for good.

Once Erin quit, she focused on telling the truth and surrendering to the fact that she could no longer drink. Erin has leaned into community and is going to retreats. It gives her something to look forward to on her calendar.

Erin’s favorite resources in recovery – podcasts and other people’s stories

Erin’s parting piece of guidance – there’s a wisdom in patience, and simplicity. Do one or two things each day that are good for yourself. Sobriety is a journey and the brain is healing.

We are the only ones that can do this RE, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 493: The War is Over and I Lost Jul 29, 2024

Episode 493 – The War is Over, and I Lost

Today we have Allie. She is 31 and lives in Central, MA. She took her last drink on March 20th, 2024.

Sponsors for this episode:

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[03:25] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares that he lost the war with alcohol. It was not for lack of effort… for over ten years, he would get back up and keep fighting, he would implement new strategies to control his drinking, but it didn’t matter. He still lost.

He eventually raised the white flag and through the process of deconstruction, Paul says humility entered on its own without invitation. Every day he has to remember just how bad he got his ass kicked.

Through the addiction process, humility is a gift that we receive. Humility is a modest view of one’s own self-worth or importance and addiction is the equalizer that puts us all on the same level.

Losing the battle with alcohol is a humbling process which imprints on us a heaping dose of humility, which never leaves.

A big part of today’s intro is empowering you to recognize this incredible gift.

Once the battle with alcohol is over and humility is gained, we ultimately win.

[10:38] Paul introduces Allie:

Allie is 31 years old, and currently lives in central Massachusetts. She is married and they recently bought a house. For work she is an occupational therapist for students with different learning disabilities. For fun she enjoys the beach, travel, reading and exercise.

Allie started experimenting with alcohol in high school – the typical parties on the weekend. Her parents were big advocates for safety around alcohol and knew that Allie and her brother were at the age of experimentation. Allie knew family members that had issues with alcohol but wasn’t worried about them developing for herself.

After college, Allie moved to Boston and started to work. She says she enjoyed the social scene. Initially she didn’t drink during the week but on the weekends the excitement of being with friends found her trying to keep the party going when others were fine to stop.

During COVID Allie and her friends would have happy hours over Zoom. Around 2022 was when she first heard the term “sober curious” but said the word “sober” scared her. Allie shares that she had times when she knew she had drank too much and felt some shame and guilt around it. This led her to start listening to podcasts about sobriety and hear stories from others that felt the same way. Allie found listening to other people her age quitting drinking was really motivating and helpful for her to realize she wasn’t alone.

Because she wasn’t an everyday drinker, she didn’t think she had a problem. She would attempt moderation by limiting her drinks and avoiding certain alcohol. Allie quit drinking for stretches of time, but usually because of diet or an upcoming event. It wasn’t until one night of overindulgence led to worrying her father when she realized that she needed to quit.

Since quitting, Allie listens to a lot of podcasts, attends therapy and journals regularly to reflect on where she is. Learning about the science has been very helpful to her and she has fostered a great relationship with herself while improving relationships with others. Self-discovery, self-acceptance and self-awareness have helped Allie realize that she is just someone that cannot drink.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down; you gotta take the stairs back up.

I love you guys.

RE 492: Alcohol Isn’t the Problem Jul 22, 2024

Episode 492 – Alcohol Isn’t the Problem

Today we have Kristi. She is 50 years old and lives in Rome, GA. She took her last drink on December 11th, 2023.

We just opened a few more spots for our upcoming retreat this August 14th through 18th in beautiful Bozeman, MT.

Sponsors for this episode:

Visit Better Help today to get 10% off your first month

Exact Nature use promo code RE20 to receive 20% of your order

[02:19] Thoughts from Paul:

We think this is all about alcohol, but it’s not. There are different support groups for many various addictions, and the one thing that they have in common is whatever comes before the word “Anonymous” is not the problem.

Page 64 in the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book states that the liquor was but a symptom. The booze isn’t the problem. There are deeper causes and conditions that are manifesting themselves in a drinking problem, gambling problem, shopping problem, etc.

For many of us, alcohol isn’t the problem. It is but a symptom of what went down in our infant and toddler years. Childhood trauma (which can be both what happened to us and what didn’t happen for us) can leave us with holes that we end up doing anything to fill. Many of those interviewed on this podcast explain that the first drink made them feel whole again.

We drink to change the way we feel and to cover up uncomfortable emotions. Alcohol is being used to cover up deeper issues. This may or may not be what you wanted to hear today, but it’s important to keep this podcast real.

TRIGGER WARNING:

The upcoming interview references self-harm.

[10:54] Kris introduces Kristi:

Kristi is 50 years old and is a hairstylist in Northwest Georgia. She has a 33 year old daughter with special needs, a partner and three dogs. For fun she enjoys reading, cooking and looks forward to getting back to kayaking.

Kristi says she had a good childhood. Her parents divorced when she was young, and they both remarried when she was around seven. Growing up, Kristi felt like she was on the fringe of being part of the “in” crowd so would do what everyone else was doing to fit in.

Kristi had her first drink when she was around 14 years old. At age 16, she got pregnant and dropped out of school. After she had her daughter, she started experimenting a lot and found herself in and out of destructive relationships.

Around the age of 27, Kristi found herself addicted to opiates. During this time her father, who struggled with mental illness, committed suicide. This sent her on a downward spiral. About a year later she found a place that helped her quit the opiates. She was there for 8 months and when she returned, she drank because she knew that pills were her issue, not alcohol.

Kristi says she was a binge drinker. Alcohol was a way for her to mask the pain of the loss of her father as well as the struggles she had raising a special needs child.

As a hairdresser when COVID happened, she says she went downhill quickly. There was no work and being homebound found her day drinking and over time it started earlier in the day. The day drinking continued after returning to work and she had a few events that led her to seek treatment. It was an up and down experience for her after the first detox, but Kristi never gave up and neither did her family and friends.

After six months of sobriety, Kristi says it feels different this time. She has been leaning into Café RE and reaching out to some other friends to expand her connections. She found this and mediation to be most helpful to her.

Recently Kristi started going to college with the goal of being a counselor. She wants to use what she has been through to help others.

Kristi’s favorite resources in recovery: Cafe RE and podcasts.

Kristi’s parting piece of guidance: just do it. Life is so much clearer. There are so many things on the edge of your fingertips if you just put down the bottle.

Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 491: Sobriety is Not... Jul 15, 2024

Episode 491 – Sobriety is Not….

Today we have Santino. He is 36 years old, lives in Taunton, MA, and took his last drink on May 24th, 2022.

Sponsors for this episode:

Visit Better Help today to get 10% off your first month

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

[02:55] Thoughts from Paul:

A question we all eventually ask ourselves during our lifetime is – who am I? Eckhart Tolle (the author of The Power of Now and A New Earth) says that through the process of finding out who we are not, we also find out who we are.

One of our Café RE hosts, Tonya, shared a great list of what sobriety is not which Paul shares and elaborates on:

1) Sobriety is not the same for everyone.

2) Sobriety is not going back to how things were.

3) Sobriety does not rid you of your past.

4) Sobriety is not the end of your life if you enter recovery or treatment.

5) Sobriety is not the end of socializing.

6) Sobriety is not something you can do halfheartedly.

7) Sobriety is not just a temporary thing.

Rumi says “don’t be held captive. Your life has no border or shoreline”. Don’t be held captive by a mind created definition of what sobriety is because in reality, it can be whatever you want it to be. It can be infinitely boundless.

[10:42] Paul introduces Santino:

This is Santino’s third appearance on the podcast, and he is celebrating 2 years alcohol free at the time of this recording.

Santino grew up in the Midwest but currently lives in eastern MA. He is currently working on writing his memoir and he and his wife are expecting their second child.

Curiosity in his early teens led Santino to try alcohol. He joined the military after high school where drinking is generally part of the culture. Santino considers his drinking rather benign until his late twenties. It was then that he began to use alcohol for coping through uncertainty in his life. Once he started finding himself focusing more and more on his next drink, he began gaslighting and manipulating to protect his drinking. Santino acknowledges that he was becoming like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Several months before he quit drinking, Santino had a bad withdrawal experience. At the time he was depressed and cared little about himself. He recognized that this may be what a rock bottom feels like and didn’t want to go through this again. He was able to quit for three months in early 2022, but a birthday celebration in March found him falling right into the old habits.

A turning point for Santino was after watching coverage of a school shooting while at the bar. Thinking about becoming a better example for the children of the future, he stopped drinking that day. He calls this clocking out of purgatory. An ultimatum from his wife after discovering hidden debt sealed the deal for Santino.

Comparing the first year of sobriety to the second year, Santino feels there is pure form of clarity that he has. He no longer feels the need to hide anymore. He is exploring who he is and what he can offer to the universe.

Santino says he has been attending individual and marriage therapy which has been helpful to him. He works on fostering his relationships, attends AA meetings, practices positive self-talk, and works on connecting with his emotions and his inner self daily.

Santino’s favorite recovery quote: “the world record for the longest time without a drink is 24 hours.”

One thing Santino has learned in sobriety: that he has always had something to offer the world – his true, authentic self.

Santino’s favorite sober moment: having the emotional capacity to deal with life as he knows it as well as deal with conflicts he would otherwise run away from.

Santino’s parting piece of guidance: give yourself the grace that alcohol will never give you.

Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 490: Expectations are Premeditated Resentments Jul 08, 2024

Episode 490 - Expectations are Premeditated Resentments

Today we have Stephanie. She is 48 years old and lives in San Diego, CA. She took her last drink on January 11th, 2020.

Sponsors for this episode:

Visit Better Help today to get 10% off your first month

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

[2:21] Thoughts from Kris:

Kris shares that he and his family have always enjoyed camping. Recently, he was looking forward to a week that the family could get together, probably for the only time this summer due to work and social schedules. Things did not go as planned due to obligations, weather and some mishaps along the way.

Kris found his mind making the determination that if their week didn’t look exactly like it was planned, then it was no longer good. This is one of Kris’s work-in-progress areas in his recovery. He shares that it’s somewhat normal to have expectations from the people in our lives and society in general, but what do we do when people, places and things fall short of those expectations?

A few things that Kris does is practice gratitude – he is grateful for the time he does get to spend with family and the great weather they had for most of the week. He also practices taking a self-inventory and shares page 86 from AA’s Big Book to give us an idea of what that looks like.

Let Kris know how you navigate expectations and resentments – kris@recoveryelevator.com

[09:48] Kris introduces Stephanie:

Stephanie lives in San Diego with her husband and twin 16-year-old boys. She works as a legal analyst for a Fortune 10 company and loves sports. In her free time, she enjoys hiking, playing games and traveling.

Stephanie witnessed her father become a heavy drinker after the loss of her mother. She was young at the time and as she grew up vowed that she would not drink like he did. At 15, Stephanie first tried alcohol and ended up the victim of an assault during a blackout. Due to this, and her father’s alcoholism, Stephanie was very careful with her consumption for many years.

After having kids and one of them was diagnosed with autism, she began to use alcohol as a coping mechanism to deal with her high stress job and parenting. Others would participate with her having drinks after work, so it felt like a normal, adult thing to do.

When Stephanie’s husband became disabled in a work accident, things got tough for them financially. Her drinking increased while she was working to rebuild their lives. As things began to improve for the family, she realized that she was drinking too much but was sure she would be able to quit when she was ready – since she didn’t look like her father, she didn’t think it was that big of an issue.

When she tried to quit alone in 2019, she was able to get four months and thought she could return to normal drinking. After a while she was drinking to blackout again and knew she needed to get help. She attended rehab for 60 days and also discovered the RE podcast. Hearing others share their stories really helped her. Community has become so important to Stephanie, and she has made a lot of friends along the way that she calls her Spiritual Gangsters.

Stephanie’s plan in sobriety moving forward: continue being present with others, exploring her life’s purpose and living life authentically.

Stephanie’s parting piece of guidance: despite what you have been told, life without alcohol is so much more fun, fulfilling and connected than your life while drinking ever was.

We might as well go big RE, because eventually we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 489: The Best Parts of an Alcohol-Free Life Jul 01, 2024

Episode 489 – The Best Parts of an Alcohol-Free Life

Today we have Chris. He is 56 years old and lives in Beacon, NY and took his last drink on April 18th, 2024.

Registration for our next Alcohol-Free travel trip to Vietnam opens TODAY! This upcoming January 9th-20th, 2025, we’re heading to this incredible Southeast Asia paradise for 10 days and 11 nights with 25 travelers who are done nursing hangovers.

Welcome to our new listeners! We are glad to have you with us. You are in the right place. There is a whole new authentic life awaiting you, which isn’t far away.

Congratulations to Paul and his wife on the birth of their new baby boy!

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[04:10] Thoughts from Paul:

A few weeks ago, Paul asked our Instagram followers what is the best part of being sober or living an alcohol free life. He shares with us some of the responses he received.

The four biggest commonalities he saw were:

1) More authenticity

2) Less shame and regret

3) More energy

4) More clarity

Think of the sobriety quote “you’re giving up one thing for everything”.

Sober Link

[11:16] Paul introduces Chris:

Chris says he is 56 years old and grew up in northern New Jersey, close to NYC. Cooking is his passion, and he has worked in the food and beverage industry all of his life, currently in a director role. Chris also enjoys the outdoors and currently lives in the Hudson Valley.

Beyond the occasional night of overindulgence, Chris says his drinking was normal. He was around alcohol a lot in the industry he works in. After getting married, he and his wife enjoyed entertaining in addition to traveling to wineries and distilleries and building a collection. Over time Chris began drinking more than just wine with dinner, had booze all over the house and was drinking earlier in the day and more often.

After he and his wife got divorced, Chris found himself drinking more heavily and was less discriminate of what he was drinking as long as he was getting his fix, as he calls it.

He was breaking commitments and becoming less functional in his day-to-day life.

Chris didn’t drink heavily around other people but told his family in 2018 that he needed help. He went into treatment and was able to gain 14 months. He was part of a sober community called Ben’s Friends geared towards those in the service industry. Chris was able to gain some sobriety time but had a series of stops and starts with several more visits to rehab as well.

Currently at 34 days, Chris is working on rebuilding his life. He knows time will heal his relationships with family, and he is attending IOP for accountability. He is spending a lot of time outdoors and is grateful that the weather has been nice. He attends AA meetings, Café RE chats, and participates in meetings with Ben’s Friends. Missing meetings is a non-negotiable for Chris and he also makes sure to nurture himself physically and spiritually.

Chris’ best sober moment: being present with his partner while on vacation.

Chris’ parting piece of guidance: stay connected.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

Recovery Elevator

We took the elevator down. We gotta take the stairs back up.

You can do this.

RE 488: Hello Truth Jun 24, 2024

Episode 488 – Hello Truth

Today we have Christine. She is 58 and lives in Ontario. She took her last drink on December 29th, 2022.

Recovery Elevator is going to Vietnam January 9th-20th, 2025. Registration for our newest alcohol-free travel trip opens July 1st. We have room for 25 passengers on this journey. We have AF workshops, a home stay and a service project planned, plus you’ll be traveling with others who have already ditched the booze.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[02:56] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares with us some articles reminding us of what we already know: alcohol is shit.

Society is waking up to the fact that no amount of alcohol is good for you.

In 2023, GQ had an article titled The Year We realize Any Alcohol Is Bad For You.

The World Health Organization, who once supported the stance that one to two drinks per day is beneficial, is now doing an about face. Their headline was No Level of Alcohol Consumption is Safe For Your Health.

The New York times also had an article further showing that the truth is emerging: Even A Little Alcohol Can Harm Your Health.

Canadian Centre on Substance Use and Addiction shares Canada’s Guidance on Alcohol and Heath.

NBC News shares their take on the fact that drinking moderately is not healthier than abstaining

If you want to join the discussion, go to the Recovery Elevator Instagram page and let us know what your thoughts are on today’s intro. Or write to your local politician and let them know that alcohol is shit.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[10:08] Kris introduces Christine:

Christine is 58 years old and has two adult children, two cats, and is divorced. Christine is a massage therapist and enjoys participating in theater and reading in her spare time.

Christine said that she knew there was alcoholism in her family, and her parents didn’t drink. She knew it was something that people needed to be careful with.

While at university, she saw her older brother participating in the party scene and believed that drinking was just part of the experience. She started drinking and says that it was like a release valve for her and helped her with her awkwardness.

After marrying her husband, Christine says drinking wasn’t part of their life for a long time. The occasional bottle of wine turned into more alcohol towards the end of the marriage. Upon splitting up and moving to a new community, Christine found a music scene and easy friends there to frequently spend time drinking with.

Christine feels she was leading a double life and not many people knew the extent of her drinking. Her brother noticed and was concerned. Christine started having regret for her drinking and attempted moderation for a while.

Eventually she picked up Allan Carr’s book at the bookstore and began taking notes. Toward the end of 2019 she was able to quit for a period of time until the pandemic struck.

Since she was not working and unable to care for her parents as she had been doing, she used the time to drink and felt entitled to the break. After being able to go out again, she started feeling the shame and despair set in. She began to realize she wasn’t going out for the music and friends, but for the drinks. After getting sick for two weeks and being unable to drink, something told Christine to take this opportunity to keep going.

Christine found podcasts, YouTube testimonials, and began reading quit lit again feeling called to sobriety. She joined and became active in Café RE. Keeping a list in her phone of her whys and why nots which helped her a lot.

Christine’s parting piece of guidance: we shouldn’t be asking ourselves if it’s bad enough to quit, we should be asking if it’s good enough to keep.

Chrstine’s plan in sobriety going forward: seeking in-person connections.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we’ll all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 487: How Would You Walk? Jun 17, 2024

Episode 487 – How Would You Walk?

Today we have Sarah. She is 45 and lives in Indiana. She took her last drink on December 31st, 2022.

Let’s talk AF International travel with Recovery Elevator. We’ve got some incredible trips in the works. We’re going to Vietnam for 12 days in January 2025. Then Back to Costa Rica for our 4th trip to the Blue Zone in April 2025, and then, we’re going back to Peru in October 2025 where we’re going to the Inca Trail and work with Non-profit Peruvian Hearts again.

[02:42] Thoughts from Paul:

The World Heart Federation published a policy brief in 2022 staying there is “no level of alcohol consumption that is safe for health.” There was and still is a collective belief that alcohol is good for you. This is especially prominent in the wine culture.

The paradigm is slowly cracking which is a huge step in the right direction. When Paul started Recovery Elevator in 2015, you couldn’t find that line anywhere. It was almost customary to see a line that says something like “studies show moderate alcohol consumption can improve heart health and longevity”. Today the tides are turning and a narrative that alcohol can wreck your world (aka, the truth) is emerging. People are waking up to the lies that Big Alcohol has sold us.

Check out this recent article about a new phenomenon called BORGS explains what these are and then follows it up with the snippet about alcohol being shit.

[09:18] Paul introduces Sarah:

Sarah is 45 and lives in Indiana. She is married with two kids and works in marketing. When she isn’t running the kids to their practices and games, she enjoys exercising, reading and backpacking.

Sarah parents divorced when she was 11 and she grew up with her mother who she was very close with. She doesn’t recall alcohol being very present in their lives. Sarah didn’t drink much in high school but in college and into her 20s, everything she and her friends did involved alcohol. She always knew her drinking looked a little different than everyone else’s, but didn’t identify it as a problem.

When Sarah was 35, her mother was diagnosed with brain cancer. Sarah quit working so that she could care for her mother through the diagnosis. Her drinking increased as she dealt with being a caretaker, having a family in addition to not working.

After her mother died four years later, Sarah says she did not know how to deal with life. She would drink into a blackout almost daily and was stuck in the cycle of wanting to quit but not being able to. Sarah began to worry that it might not be possible for her and worried that she would disappoint her mother if she wasn’t able to quit.

In time, Sarah found sober podcasts and tried medications to help. She says Antabuse worked, but she would stop taking it in order to drink. No one knew she was taking it to try and quit and Sarah feels that by not sharing, she always left the door open to drink again.

Sarah knew something had to change and decided to come clean with her husband. Being active in the Café RE community helped Sarah gain the courage to choose a quit date and write a letter to her husband letting him know what was going on. Sarah says she received a lot of support from him.

After the physical withdrawals, Sarah felt hopeful. As the months went on, she protected her sobriety by avoiding situations where there was drinking, and she began to gain more confidence. Sarah says that when she has thoughts of drinking, she does chooses to put her energy into her sober resources instead.

Sarah’s best sober moment: experiencing the Northern Lights with her son

Sarah’s parting piece of guidance: never quit quitting.

[41:14] Outro:

Paul invites listeners to answer some questions not with words in their minds, but in how they carry themselves.

How would you walk if…….?

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we’ll all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 486: The Most Dangerous Thing on the Planet Jun 10, 2024

Episode 486 - The Most Dangerous Thing on the Planet

Today we have Adam. He is 46 from Flowermound, TX and took his last drink on December 31st, 2022.

Recovery Elevator is going to Vietnam January 9th-20th, 2025. Registration for our newest alcohol-free travel trip opens July 1st. We have room for 25 passengers to this southeast Asia destination. We have AF workshops, a home stay and a service project planned, plus you’ll be traveling with others who have already ditched the booze.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[03:00] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares many things that are dangerous but concludes that the most dangerous thing on the planet is the Ego. The reason why it is so dangerous is because it is never fully satisfied, it’s always hungry, lives in constant state of lack and is always seeking more, more, more.

Alcohol is but a symptom of the most dangerous thing on the planet. Addiction gets a bad rap, but it does serve a purpose. It forces you to split from the thinking mind. As the author of The Untethered Soul, Michael Singer says you are the one hearing or witnessing the thoughts, but you are not your thoughts.

Some of the humblest people Paul has met have been people in recovery. The addiction is the equalizer and forces us to seek a better way no longer guided by the blind pursuit of the ego.

Sober Link. Sign up for a $50 off promo code.

[10:22] Kris introduces Adam:

Adam is a registered nurse, married to his wife for 23 years and they have two children. He loves hiking, camping and walking and enjoys tabletop gaming and the creativity and childlike innocence that it has awoken.

Alcohol was not very present in Adam’s childhood household. When he was 15, he had a bad experience with hamburgers and cheap alcohol that kept him away for a while. Typical teenage experimentation was there, but not much booze in his high school years.

Becoming a young adult found Adam at college and going to a lot of parties. The heavier partying led to Adam beginning to have blackouts and hangovers. He ended up going to the Appalachian Mountains for some mission work and to get away from his dissonance around substance use. He says it still followed him there and eventually he had to go back home.

Adam says drinking was part of he and his wife’s early dating period. After getting married and having kids, Adam was working 45 minutes from home and found himself drinking on the way home from work and the drinking was becoming daily. He knew it didn’t feel right but continued to do it. Deciding to start nursing school after the birth of their second child was very stressful and Adam’s drinking eventually found him seeking to stop but with short stints of sobriety, he would go back and feel stuck. This continued for Adam for a while and started to affect his relationships.

Adam feels he finally had a time where it just clicked for him. He had joined Café RE and then joined the Restore course and he was able to organize some tools and awareness around his drinking. He knew he had work to do but he was willing to work on it finally. He currently has a great support network and close friends that he is doing the work with. Adam feels that a lot of things about him have changed and every day he sees joy.

Adam’s biggest fear around quitting drinking: the fear of not having fun

Adam’s plan moving forward: staying connected and immersed

Adam’s parting piece of guidance for people thinking about quitting drinking: it makes the world colorful again and life will move in the direction it’s supposed to move.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

Recovery Elevator

It all starts from the inside out.

I love you guys.

RE 485: The Social Cost of Alcohol Jun 03, 2024

Episode 485 – The Social Cost of Alcohol

Today we have Jennifer. She is 41 from Hamilton, OT Canada and took her last drink on January 18th, 2024.

Recovery Elevator is going to Vietnam January 9th-20th, 2025. Registration for our newest alcohol-free travel trip opens July 1st.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[02:09] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares some information from an article he saw on the Instagram page recoveryroadmap.me. It discusses how in Canada, despite bringing in $13 billion in tax revenue, the net social costs in 2020 was $19 billion. And it is even worse in the US.

The bright side of all of this is that we are becoming aware of this major deficit, and change is taking place. The demand for alcohol is lowering as people are becoming more aware that alcohol is not good for you. Two years ago, The Huberman Lab did a podcast called What Alcohol Does to Your Body and he debunked the myth that alcohol is good for you.

Paul also shares that thanks to an initiative called Sounds Right, musicians who use natural sounds can list “Nature” as a featured artist and royalties from the tracks will go toward environmental causes.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[08:33] Paul introduces Jennifer:

Jennifer is married and they have a daughter and a standard poodle. She works for the family business and for fun she plays paintball, tennis and volleyball – anything active with friends.

Jennifer says that as the “good girl” growing up, she always wanted to be bad and says that drinking fit in with that. During the week she was excelling in school, but on the weekends, she went to raves with friends and started smoking weed. She enjoyed the duality of her life and the same pattern continued at university.

While in her first year of college, her father bought back his company with a ten-year plan of Jennifer becoming the CEO. The stress and responsibility of this and her parents divorce a few years later all found her drinking escalating. Some of her friends told Jennifer’s mom about her drinking and staged a small intervention to which Jennifer was not receptive. She assured everyone she was ok, but then just began to isolate when she drank.

After the plan found her becoming the CEO, her drinking went from nights and weekends to drinking all day just to cope. She recognized that this was a problem but was scared to mention it to anyone. This is when she first joined Café RE, started listening to podcasts and trying to learn more about the disease. Jennifer tried a lot of moderation methods but was never successful until she got pregnant with her daughter at 35. She was able to quit drinking while pregnant and a few months after having the baby.

After returning to work, Jennifer says her drinking started right where she left off. She says she was beginning to have disturbing thoughts and finally concluded that she needed help. Not being able to come up with a good way to quit without anyone knowing, she decided to confide in her cousin who she knew would understand.

In January of 2024 at a dinner with her cousin, mom and husband, Jennifer was able to burn the ships, and everyone was very supportive. Upon going to treatment shortly after, Jennifer says she took her recovery very seriously and wanted to make it worth her time.

Journaling and practicing mindfulness are big parts of Jennifer’s recovery, she takes time to be present with her daughter and her life, attends meetings and counseling regularly and says stacking habits are important to her growth. Nurturing the sober version of herself has been great for her. Jennifer can see a future now

Jennifer’s best sober moment: Walking my daughter to school and being present.

Jennnifer’s parting piece of guidance: Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

Recovery Elevator

It all starts from the inside out.

I love you guys.

RE 484: Recovery is a Sandwich May 27, 2024

Episode 484 – Recovery is a Sandwich

Today we have Brian. He is 59 from Eastern Iowa. He took his last drink on May 23rd, 2023.

Recovery Elevator is going to Vietnam January 9th-20th, 2025. Registration for our newest alcohol-free travel trip opens July 1st and we’ve got room for 25 passengers. Who’s up for seeing the world with a group of travelers who have ditched the booze?

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[02:24] Thoughts from Kris:

Kris’ topic today is one of the foundational themes in recovery which is telling our story or burning the ships as we refer to it at Recovery Elevator.

Burning the Ships refers to when Hernan Cortez sailed across the ocean and ordered his men to burn their ships when they landed. There was no turning back, no retreat. When we share our story, we can no longer hide from it and are faced to move forward with others having knowledge of our journey.

This isn’t a black and white situation so it will be different for everyone, and we each have to do what is right for us. Kris shares the different levels of burning the ships and his experiences with them. He feels that the positives outweigh the negatives. When people hear our stories, not just the stats, it changes their perception. Hearing our stories in others’, helps us know we are not alone, and we never know the impact that sharing our stories may have on others.

Think of the moments that have inspired you. What is your version of that? Let Kris know what you think. How has burning the ships played out for you? Email kris@recoveryelevator.com to share your thoughts.

Athletic Greens: https://www.athleticgreens.com/recovery

[10:48] Kris introduces Brian:

Upon the release of this episode, Brian has just celebrated one year of sobriety!

He is married, together they have five adult children and seven grandchildren. Brian is active and enjoys many outdoor activities, home projects, travelling and reading.

Brian grew up on a farm and recalls it was common for people to have drinks after a long day of work. He says he and his friends would sneak beer out of curiosity. When he was in his teens, he and his friends would drive around the gravel roads with a cooler of beer. After graduating high school, Brian joined the military, which was a tradition in his family. He was enlisted for two years and lived the “work hard, play hard” life that is common in that environment.

Shortly after discharge from the Army, Brian got a DUI. He did not feel this was a red flag to stop drinking, just needed to pay the fine and move on. After graduating college, he got his first job in management and married his first wife. They bought land and started a family together. Brian says drinking was mostly social on the weekends and at the local tavern after work.

Brian and his wife got a divorce after 15 years married. Soon after, Brian began suffering from extreme anxiety and panic attacks. He tried medication and meditation to deal with it, but it was still intense.

A few years later, Brian started dating his current wife. They were very social and frequently drank, but she was not a heavy drinker. Brian began to find himself waking up with anxiety and would often change his work hours to accommodate his drinking or recovery from the night before.

In December of 2020 Brian discovered his sister had recently become sober. He feels this really led him to examine his drinking. Upon arriving home from that visit, he started reading a lot and listening to podcasts. He began attending more group chats with Café RE and connecting with other folks in recovery. Brian says his sister taught him a lot of mindfulness exercises which he has found very helpful.

Brian’s parting piece of guidance for those considering sobriety: just dig in and try it.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

Recovery Elevator

I love you guys.

Go big because eventually we’ll all go home.

RE 483: NA Beers May 20, 2024

Episode 483 – NA Beers

Today we have Tyler. He is 37 and lives in Phoenix, AZ. He took his last drink on November 28th, 2023.

Recovery Elevator welcomes Danielle Marr to the team! She now writes the bi-monthly newsletter for RE which always has journalling prompts at the end. She taught our DTB writing course this last fall and does Instagram posts a couple days a week. She was also interviewed on episode 464.

To subscribe to the Recovery Elevator newsletter, click here and wait for the box to pop up.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[03:35] Thoughts from Paul

Paul shares with us the history of NA beers and how they were created to pacify the Mothers Against Drunk Drivers campaign back in the 90’s. The companies had zero intention of scaling this segment of their business and it has been said that the purposefully made the beer tasteless and bland.

Those days are gone. Non-alcoholic beer sales have been growing every year by 30-40% since 2019. Many of the major beer brands are investing time and money into creating their own NA products and there are more breweries popping up that are 100% dedicated to making an AF craft beer.

There is no need to explore the NA beer world in the early days of your alcohol-free life because it can be triggering. There is trace amount of alcohol in many of the NA beers (usually less than 0.5%) and you would have to drink 25-30 of them to reach the legal BAC. Check out this Instagram post where someone drinks several NA beers and stills blows zeros into a breathalyzer.

What the AF beer world exploding shows is that people are waking up to the fact that alcohol is not good for you and big alcohol sales are reflecting that. The stigma around alcohol addiction is also crumbling. We as consumers decide every move a business makes – start asking for more AF options at restaurants and grocery stores. Start asking and you will receive.

Go Brewing. Use the code ELEVATOR for 15% off.

[09:58] Paul introduces Tyler:

Tyler is 37 years old and lives in Phoenix, AZ and has a six-month-old daughter. He does maintenance for a homeowners association. Tyler is also a musician and enjoys performing, writing, and recording music.

Tyler had his first drink when he was in high school as simply a fun thing to do with friends. A health scare which ended up with tumor removal drove Tyler to feel he needed to live life to the fullest. He says his drinking increased as it was associated with having fun, and he discovered his passion for being a musician. That found him romanticizing alcohol, drinking more after gigs, and acquiring DUIs. Since a lot of people he knew had DUIs, it was considered normal and wasn’t taking seriously.

When he lost a close family member to cancer, Tyler says his drinking evolved from good and bad to ugly. He and his girlfriend went out often, and his drinking became more frequent both while out and while at home. Tyler had a lot of anger that would come out while drinking. These issues eventually found Tyler and his girlfriend splitting up.

Tyler started going to therapy and discovered that the loss of his aunt affected him more than he realized. He was able to process some of his anger and cut back on his drinking. He and his girlfriend got back together and six months ago their daughter was born. Tyler began to realize that his drinking was interfering with this new life and told his girlfriend he was ready to quit. At this time, he also reached out to a supportive cousin that has over 20 years in recovery.

Tyler says AA didn’t resonate with him, but books, podcasts and other peoples’ stories have been very helpful. He believes in recovering out loud.

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Recovery Elevator

I love you guys.

Go big because eventually we’ll all go home.

RE 482: Advice For the Newly Sober May 13, 2024

Episode 482 - Anna

Today we have Anna. She is 49 from North Georgia and took her last drink on December 22nd, 2017.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[02:09] Thoughts from Paul:

A few weeks ago, Paul made a post on the Recovery Elevator Instagram pages asking people what advice they would give to somebody who was about to quit drinking.

Thank you to everyone that commented on the video, there were well over 100 comments.

In this episode, he shares some of the comments and be sure to follow Recovery Elevator on Instagram if you don’t already.

The most common advice was don’t do this alone, reach out for help, and join a community.

We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.

[11:16] Kris introduces Anna:

Anna lives in North Georgia and is a custodian at a middle school. For fun she enjoys hiking, camping and all things outdoors.

Anna first started drinking when she was 18 in college. Prior to that she was focused on being a runner and it was when an injury made her stop that she traded her running addiction for alcohol. She says that she was a blackout drinker from the beginning.

When asked by her now ex-husband why she drank Anna said it was because she wanted to. She believed it was a privilege to drink as long as she was keeping up with her responsibilities. At the time she didn’t believe that it wasn’t normal to be throwing up in the bathroom every day. She considered drinks as a reward for getting things done.

Anna got a DUI and was required to attend a recovery center. That put her back in contact with other people and she realized that she missed being social and doing things with other people. Her last day of drinking was when she went Christmas shopping and told herself that she wasn’t going to drink, but she did. The next morning, her kids told her they weren’t able to wake her up the night before. That’s when Anna realized she had lost the privilege and the desire to drink was gone.

About three weeks after that, she started attending AA and a group called FAVOR which had a kickball team. She enjoyed being able to do things with other people who didn’t drink. One of the reasons she was hesitant to quit drinking before was because she felt alcohol was involved in everything social.

Anna says that the 12 steps are a lifestyle for her. She enjoys the structure and routine of AA. After a few months, she got a sponsor and began to work the steps. Anna says that she enjoys being open minded about recovery and participating in things that are not AA. The first 90 days in recovery, Anna says she was very go with the flow. She feels she learned all she could from alcohol and was ready to learn the joy of recovery and getting to meet new people and learn new things again.

In sobriety, Anna enjoys traveling and meeting new people. She feels that life is meant to be experienced and she knows she has to take chances and meet new people. Anna feels she always has a group everywhere she goes. Sobriety gave Anna her confidence back and a sense of purpose. She feels that life challenges haven’t been nearly as hard since she is sober.

Anna’s favorite resource in recovery: “Café RE or AA, whatever I can get my hands on first if it’s just picking up and scrolling through Facebook or YouTube with listening to speakers.”

Anna’s parting piece of guidance: keep things simple, don’t compare yourself to other people, remember you cannot get drunk if you don’t pick up the first drink.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

Recovery Elevator

We’re the only ones that can do this RE, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 481: Collective Truths May 06, 2024

Episode 481 - Collective Truths

Today we have Susie. She is 52 and lives in Lubbock, TX and took her last drink on February 10th, 2024.

Our alcohol-free retreat in Bozeman, MT on August 14th – 18th is currently sold out. But if you are interested in being put on the wait list, please email kmac@recoveryelevator.com

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[02:18] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul’s goal with the introductions each week is to find a topic that we can collectively resonate with. His goal is for as many of us as possible to say “yep” or to nod our heads while listening.

There are many different types of listeners to the podcast. Some had already ditched the booze, some long ago and some more recently. Another group is still in the process of quitting drinking. We also have another group of listeners who are here to support a loved one who is struggling with alcohol. We are so glad you are here with us.

Paul lists the many reasons why people listen and what they are looking for by doing so. Ultimately, we are all here to grow.

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[09:58] Paul introduces Susie:

Susie is 52 and lives in Lubbock, TX with her husband of two years. She has been a hairstylist for many years and considers it her passion. Susie enjoys reading, exercise, enjoying the outdoors and attending sporting events.

Susie first experimented with alcohol when she was in high school and didn’t care for it. There was very little drinking for Susie throughout college and her 20’s. In Susie’s 30’s, her husband and she began to drink socially on the weekends but his drinking increasingly got worse and eventually the divorced due to his anger issues and alcohol abuse.

For a long time, Susie didn’t use alcohol as a coping mechanism but had other issues that she feels were attempts to avoid her feelings such as an eating disorder and excessive exercise. Susie reflects that she didn’t really have an off switch when she drank for events, but typically wouldn’t drink for a while afterwards.

Shortly after marrying her current husband, some issues started to arise in their relationship and Susie found herself beginning to use alcohol to cope. She says it wasn’t much of an issue until she began to try and hide how much she was drinking. It started to create issues in her marriage and Susie would find her husband leaving her a few times, which created feelings of abandonment and rejection.

After an event that led to Susie being hospitalized, she attended an IOP but left and continued drinking. Her husband asked her to go to inpatient rehab, so she did, but she continued to drink afterwards and ended up taking another trip to rehab a few months later. Her husband eventually ended up leaving, which was very eye-opening for Susie. She started attending a women’s AA group which she enjoyed and learned a lot from.

Going forward Susie plans to continue attending AA meetings when she can, and she just joined Café RE where she plans to be an active participant. She and her husband are separated now but are attending counseling and Susie feels hopeful about their future. Susie surrounds herself with positive people at work and has friends from rehab that she checks in with frequently.

Things Susie has learned about herself on this journey: self-acceptance; loving yourself. No matter where you are, you’re okay just the way you are.

Susie’s best sober moment: spending time with her husband going to sporting events sober.

Susie’s parting piece of guidance: don’t ever give up on yourself, don’t isolate yourself, always surround yourself with people.

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Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down; you gotta take the stairs back up.

You can do this.

I love you guys.

RE 480: AF Legends Apr 29, 2024

Episode 480 – AF Legends

Today we have Emily. She is 31 and lives in Raleigh, NC. She has been sober since March 17th, 2019.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[02:26] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares with us a list of his favorite AF (Alcohol Free) legends.

Included in the list is a man named Barry he met on the Gold Coast of Australia who taught him it’s the little things in life that create the most beautiful textures in life.

Another AF legend is Bill Wilson who together with Dr. Bob would become founders of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Paul also includes the 480 rock stars wo have shared their story on this podcast. Our interviewees have realized that for them to be successful, they have to help others. Thank you to all of the interviewees on the podcast.

Included in the list is Paul’s dog Ben. He taught him unconditional love.

And above all else, Paul feels the number one AF legend is the universe. It has provided everything he has needed for wholeness, happiness, and wellbeing. Even when being handed a roundhouse kick to the kidney, the universe only does so with the goal of promoting growth or to illuminate a better path.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[10:46] Kris introduces Emily:

Emily is 31 years old, and lives in Raleigh, NC. She has a Husky named Yogi and she works in water treatment. For fun she enjoys attending music festivals and concerts.

Emily says she is an adopted only child and grew up with wonderful parents that were always supportive. It was a religious household and while Emily feels she learned some great values through that, as she got older, she wanted to rebel a bit. Drinking with the older crowd was how she chose to do that and feels that she always drank to get drunk and didn’t see the point of drinking otherwise.

After high school Emily would have rather gone to the military instead of going to college, which was what was expected of her. She decided to go to school and join the reserves instead. Shortly after turning 18, she got a DUI which ruined the military path for her. School became a big party for Emily, and she ended up failing out of school. Emily was watching her peers graduate, start families and begin careers and she wasn’t sure what she was doing. She feels that this led to her drinking more to cope with the lost feelings she had. She would end up having two more DUI’s before she was 23.

While dealing with the consequences of these DUI’s, Emily went to rehab in Texas for 30 days. It was the first time she realized that she might have a problem but still wasn’t certain. After leaving inpatient treatment she started an outpatient program and was living in a sober house. She ended up transitioning to California and was excited to have a new start. Gradually drinking started back up for Emily and she ended up moving back to North Carolina because of how expensive it was where she was living.

After serving her probation from the DUIs, Emily found herself drinking again, but says it wasn’t as much as before. She was beginning to start working on her health with nutrition and exercise. Emily says that alcohol wasn’t fitting into her goals, so it slowly tapered off. She had one last hangover after St Patrick’s Day and decided she no longer wanted to feel that way anymore.

While working on sobriety, Emily learned that a friend from rehab had passed, and she used it as fuel to keep going. She was looking for podcasts and found Recovery Elevator. Listening to people’s stories really helped her and she started participating in communities learning that she was not alone.

Emily’s favorite resource in recovery: people

Emily’s parting piece of guidance: Be proud of the days that you don’t give up and celebrate even the small wins.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

Recovery Elevator

We’re the only ones that can do this RE, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 479: Identity Shift Apr 22, 2024

Episode 479 - Identity Shift

Today we have Destiny. She is 29 and lives in South Houston, TX. She took her last drink on December 30th, 2023.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

Café RE just submitted its application to become a 501c3 non-profit organization. The team has been working on the application for about 8 months and we have been told, in another 4-6 months, Café RE will become a nonprofit.

We are going to be able to take our yearly service project to the next level, in which we can receive donations, then use those funds to make this planet a better place for all. Click the link below if you would like to check out Café RE.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

[03:12] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares with us that nothing is static, and everything is constantly changing. The roles we play in life are no exception. You are always changing. There was a time when your identity was an infant, then a child. Paul shares the many identities that he has had over the years and that he no longer identifies as a drinker.

Identities of some of the largest beer brands in the history of the world are changing seemingly overnight and they are changing their identities for one reason only. That is because you are changing your identity. White Claw now has an AF option, only because enough customers have changed their identities and are beginning to ask for it and that’s the only reason why White Claw has this option.

As your identity changes in regard to alcohol, start asking for what your identity craves. Next time you are at a restaurant, ask if they have an AF drink menu or what their options are.

It is 100% okay to change your identity to a non-drinker in a seemingly drunk world.

[09:19] Paul introduces Destiny:

Destiny is 29 years old; she is married, and they have a three-year-old son and a German Shorthaired Pointer. For work, Destiny is a nurse where she sees a lot of the damage that alcohol can cause.

Destiny began drinking in her teens and it progressed from there. She worked in the restaurant industry for almost 10 years while attending nursing school. After graduating and starting to work in the ICU, she spent a lot of her time off drinking.

She had her son in May of 2020 and suffered with some postpartum issues. Added to the already stressful ICU, the pandemic was happening, and she got married. Destiny says there was always an excuse to drink, and she often found herself the drunkest person in the room and frequently had blackouts.

Destiny would be able to quit for small stretches of time and would attempt forms of moderation. Her husband would mention that she was drinking too much, and she would deflect and shift some blame on the situations around her that she felt called for drinking.

A rock-bottom moment for Destiny was when she realized that her marriage was beginning to suffer along with all of her goals in life. She says she would have plans that she wanted to but felt like there was a wall that she kept running into. She pictures the wall as alcohol and everything else was on the other side.

Destiny has not gone to AA but says she enjoys reading books, listening to podcasts, and surrounding herself with supportive people who themselves do not drink. She has been spending a lot of time at the gym, she and her husband have started counseling, and she has be going to therapy. When the cravings hit, she plays the tape forward and recalls how things will end if she does decide to drink.

Destiny’s best sober moment: playing fetch with her dog and her young son.

Destiny’s parting piece of guidance: if you’re thinking about it, you should probably do it.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

Recovery Elevator

I love you guys.

Let’s go big because eventually we’ll all go home.

RE 478: Unlocking Curiosity Apr 15, 2024

Episode 478 – Unlocking Curiosity

Today we have Cyndi. She is 54 and lives in Denver, Colorado. She took her last drink on December 10th, 2023.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[02:08] Thoughts from Kris:

Kris shares how recovery has ignited his curiosity. While drinking, he didn’t step out of his comfort zone very much and feels he was perfection driven to offset the dumpster fire that was happening with his drinking. He didn’t feel safe not being good at things, so he never tried.

Since in recovery, Kris has taken up a plethora of hobbies, most recently welding. His garage now houses evidence of his hobbies and creating new things rather than the massive amount of empties from when he isolated in there with alcohol.

Kris now embraces his curiosity and lets himself fail as he learns new things.

When asked what they like to do for fun, many interviewees respond that they are still trying to figure that out and that’s normal as we can become immersed in the drinking life and it’s hard to find time for anything else.

What do you like to do for fun? What have you gotten back in sobriety? Or what would you like to be able to do? What’s holding you back? If you’re still in it, is there something that you could use as fuel or motivation?

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[8:56] Kris introduces Cyndi:

Cyndi is 54 years old and lives in Denver with her husband, cat, and dog. She has worked in the dental industry for the last 35 years and enjoys playing outside with her dog, hiking, camping, and cooking.

Cyndi’s first real exposure to alcohol was when she was 15. She was at a party where she worked and drank a lot of beer trying to keep up with everyone. Even though she was sick a few days afterwards, she was not deterred and found drinking fun.

Cyndi says she was “successful” at drinking for many years, but around 2019 she attended IOP but says it didn’t stop her. Her drinking soon created issues in the marriage, finding them separating from each other for periods of time and trying to use different tools to help Cyndi quit. After a particularly rough time, she started going to AA. She would be able to get a few months at a time and finally was able to achieve two years. Cyndi’s toxic job started taking over her life and she gradually stopped working on her sobriety which found her relapsing and starting the on again off again cycle again.

The relapse happens long before the first drink, Cyndi feels. Work started replacing meetings. Her husband was noticing that she was more tired and unhappy, and she was starting to spend more time isolating herself from him because she was drinking again. Eventually her drinking would lead to Cyndi losing her job and found her husband working on divorce papers. They ended up having a long talk about their situations and Cyndi started working hard on recovery again.

Cyndi ended up finding a much better job and she is now attending five meetings a week and has a new sponsor. This new job is much closer to where she lives and the meetings she likes to attend are on the same route as work. Cyndi has started therapy which she had never done before. Communication with her husband is better than it has ever been. Her faith is also stronger than it has ever been.

Cyndi’s plan in sobriety moving forward: to be proactive, have a check list of things that help her stay sober.

Cyndi’s parting piece of guidance: don’t quit quitting. Acknowledge your problem and get help one way or the other and just keep going.

[51:44] Outro:

Kris shares a song that he came across recently: Hi Ren

Whether we’re fighting with ourselves, or others, when we’re in that dark place we can’t really win. BUT we can learn. We can find a way to be healthy and bring love and light into the world.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

Recovery Elevator

We’re the only ones that can do this, but we don’t have to do it alone

I love you guys.

RE 477: It Can Be Done Apr 08, 2024

Episode 477 – It Can Be Done

Today we have Jim. He is 44 and lives in Silicon Valley, CA. He took his last drink on February 20th, 2024.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[02:27] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul is coming up on ten years without a drink. He has attended many social situations without consuming any alcohol. When he told people he wasn’t drinking, the question he got was “Wait, you’re not drinking?” said as more of a statement of astonishment than anything. As in the impossible was happening right before their eyes and they were surprised someone could still have a good time without drinking.

A major factor of why ditching the booze can be so hard is that the thinking mind will tell you it can’t be done. The biggest reason for this is that an alcohol-free life lies in the unknown. The mind and the ego crave the known.

But it can be done. If you are on day one, a series of day ones, Paul reminds us that yes, it can be done. But for how long? A morning, an afternoon? A week? A month? A year? We are only ditching the booze one day at a time. Addiction forces us to confront the thinking mind. Addiction forces us to tease out who is who in the thinking mind. It forces us to locate and meet ourselves.

Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.

[08:55] Paul introduces Jim:

Jim lives in Silicon Valley and is a software engineering manager for a large tech firm. He is 44 and happily married for 21 years with three young kids. He enjoys skiing, learning woodworking, and completing task lists.

Alcohol was a non-issue for much of Jim’s life. He tried it a few times when he was in his early teens, but he didn’t enjoy it much. He didn’t drink in high school or college and then drank very sporadically throughout his 20’s.

In his 30’s, the company he worked for would have gatherings at the end of the week where alcohol was provided. Jim says this was where he started enjoying drinking. Over time it progressed and there were some negative consequences for Jim at work and he started suffering with anxiety and depression. At the time, Jim felt like he was living multiple lives.

COVID era was a difficult time for Jim. He was working from home and had little to do so he found himself drinking more. When work became busy again, the distractions at home drove Jim to rent an office where he was more isolated and drinking earlier and earlier in the day.

On the way to a bible meeting one day after having a few drinks, Jim realized this wasn’t a great idea and decided to check out an AA meeting instead. He says that he went to several different types of meetings over the course of the year before anything really stuck for him.

Jim feared telling his wife about his problem, but knew he had to do it. Her initial response was not believing that Jim really had an issue with alcohol but started to feel betrayed when she realized how much he was hiding from her. Jim was determined to tackle the addiction and created his own path. This includes listening to podcasts and journalling every day. He has had a series of stops and starts in his recovery but feels that was part of the learning process and utilizes past journal entries to remind him of why quitting is the best thing for him.

After a recent relapse he started to feel very hopeless and knew he couldn’t continue on this path. Jim has leaned into his faith and scripture in addition to his own past journal entries to help him gain the resolve to try sobriety again. He is a member of Café RE and has an accountability partner which has helped him a lot.

Jim’s best sober moment: when his wife told him how proud she is of how far he is come.

Jim’s parting piece of guidance: if you get stuck, it’s ok, but you just can’t stay there.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

Recovery Elevator

We all go home so we might as well go big.

I love you guys.

RE 476: Is Quitting Drinking Hard? Apr 01, 2024

Episode 476 – Is Quitting Drinking Hard?

Today we have Tonya. She is 50 and lives in St Paul, MN. She took his last drink on August 21st, 2021.

Registration opens today for our annual retreat in the beautiful Rocky Mountains located outside of Bozeman, MT. This retreat is from Wednesday August 14th through Sunday August 18th, and it is going to be a blast! Click here for the full itinerary and to get pricing info.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[02:30] Thoughts from Paul:

Is quitting drinking hard? It can be, yes but if you have a drinking problem, quitting drinking is way easier than riding alcohol off into the sunset of self-destruction.

Here are some reasons why it can be a challenge:

1) Your body has to detoxify itself form the chemical alcohol.

2) You are going to have to learn some new routines and make new habits.

3) You need to start building friendships where alcohol isn’t the foundation.

4) Accept that boredom is a normal and healthy life experience.

Here are some glorious truths about quitting drinking:

1) After 14-21 days you are going to get out of the brain fog and want more of the new “good-feeling” thing.

2) No more checking message to see what you said the night before, you’ll remember the book you read, less sick days at work, and more money in your bank account.

3) Your dopamine system rebalances.

4) You are living life at face value and when we do that, we can start to build the life that no longer requires alcohol.

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[10:27] Kris introduces Tonya:

Tonya has been married for 21 years and they have two children who both attend the University of Minnesota. She recently left the corporate world to be an in-home professional organizer. She enjoys her work as well as cooking, tending her plants and in recovery she is always up for trying new things.

Tonya was born into a deeply religious family. They attended church daily along with going to school there. She says they were forced to pray for forgiveness everyday which left her feeling like a bad person.

Tonya didn’t drink until college because she didn’t want to be like her father who was an alcoholic. There was typical college-age partying, but Tonya says she always went a little further than everyone else. Some of her behavior led to losing friends and being seen as a liability on their travels. As she got older and wanted to get married and have kids, she was able to slow the drinking down a bit, but still drank heavily while out of town for work.

Having postpartum depression after her daughter was born, Tonya found she was using alcohol to cope with life. Over time her family started becoming concerned about her drinking, so she went to rehab for the first time. She didn’t end up being able to quit and struggled with the AA program. She would attend rehab five more times and while she learned a lot about the psychology and science behind alcohol and addiction, she didn’t actually quit.

Shortly after her 2nd DWI, Tonya lost her job for reasons that didn’t include alcohol although she admits she was physically addicted and drinking on the job. Unable to find another job she ended up sinking into her drinking and says she spent a year doing nothing else. After nearly ending her life, she realized that she didn’t want to do that to her daughter. She was at the end of her rope and ready to give recovery and AA another try. Tonya started going to different AA meetings and got a sponsor. She is grateful that she found community because she knows she couldn’t have done it on her own.

Tonya’s favorite resource in recovery: Everything AA app, the AA and RE communities.

Tonya’s parting piece of guidance: Time. Things will get better in time. One day at a time. Get involved in community.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

Recovery Elevator

We all go home so we might as well go big.

I love you guys.

RE 475: Almighty Ceiba Mar 25, 2024

Episode 475 – I See You Ceiba

Today we have Shari. She is 60 and lives in Santa Barbara, CA. She took his last drink on December 31st, 2022.

In two weeks on April 1st, registration opens for our annual retreat in the beautiful Rocky Mountains located outside of Bozeman, MT. This retreat is from Wednesday August 14th through Sunday August 18th, and it is going to be a blast! Click here for the full itinerary and to get pricing info.

Check out our RE merch. We have hats, sweatshirts, tank tops, t-shirts and more.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[02:56] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares with us how the idea of Sober Travel first came to him. After a trip of a lifetime that went sideways for him, he knew the only way that he could do alcohol-free travel in the future was with alcohol-free travelers.

On the most recent sober trip to Costa Rica, Paul and other members of the cohort traveled to see a Ceiba tree that is at least 350-400 years old. He shares with us the history of the Ceiba tree and what they mean to the people that live around them.

They also got to witness live sea turtles hatching and were able to release them into the surf. Quitting drinking is like the release of the sea turtle. Your new life awaits, and anything is possible.

Thank you to Sober Link and Athletic Greens for partnering with us on this event.

[09:46] Paul introduces Shari:

Shari is 60 years old and lives in Santa Barbara, CA. She has been married for 34 years and has furry children rather than human children. She works in consumer-packaged goods and operations and for fun enjoys cycling, hiking, and walking.

Shari took her first drink when she was 13 and it resulted in a blackout and being extremely sick. She went through her teen years drinking whenever she had the opportunity, which was always problematic.

Shari had multiple DUI’s by the age of 24 and with her second one was forced to go to AA and take a yearlong course in alcohol education. It was then that she realized she was an alcoholic. She didn’t want to go to AA but she did find some nice people there.

After a few stops and starts she was able to get and stay sober for 8 years and used hosting meetings as accountability to stay sober. Over time she started to slow down her attendance at meetings and started drinking again during a particularly stressful time in her life.

Shari was putting parameters around her drinking after she started again and was able to maintain it to a degree. She would have varying stages of abstinence, and this continued for the next 20 years. Shari says she didn’t work very hard at AA during this time, and limited the connections she was making with other people.

When she moved back to Santa Barbara 10 years ago, her parents health was deteriorating. Watching her father drink problematically reminded her that she didn’t want to go down that path. Shari started looking for other modalities to help her quit drinking. She started reading quit lit and joined The Tempest sobriety course with Holly Whitaker. She started listening to RE where the idea that we can’t do this alone really resonated with her.

Shari loves that there are so many more options in the recovery space now. She recognizes that everything she does these days is for her recovery. Therapy, exercise, eating right, connecting with people and reading – they all feed her soul and keep her grounded. Finding community and attending more meetings with fellow travelers on the journey was initially uncomfortable for Shari. But she knew she needed to get out of the comfort zone and join the conversations.

Shari’s best sober moment: the breathwork she participated in at Bozeman last year.

Shari’s parting piece of guidance: never quit quitting and you shouldn’t do it alone.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 474: If You’re Serious About Change Mar 18, 2024

Episode 474 – If You’re Serious About Change

Today we have Nick. He is 36 years old from Grand Rapids, MI. He took his last drink on January 19th, 2021.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[02:41] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul likes Instagram because it’s a platform for artists, for teachers, for musicians, for dancers, and more to showcase their talents.

Paul shares with us audio from a video he found while on Instagram. Here’s the scene: It’s a busy city street at nightfall, when a gentlemen comes to a skidding halt on his electric motorbike wearing a microwave as a helmet. When his motorbike comes to a stop, he pushes the open microwave door button, and begins to speak. Check out the video here.

If you are serious about change, there will be shitty times, but trust the process because in the long run you’re going to be a better person.

The biggest gift Paul gets while doing Recovery Elevator podcast is witnessing the change made daily. This change, added up over many days, months and even years, results in quite the transformation.

Check out our sponsor Go Brewing. Use the code ELEVATOR for 15% off.

[08:40] Kris introduces Nick:

Nick is a real estate agent in Grand Rapids, MI. He enjoys outdoor activities in his free time. He has a boyfriend and a dog that he takes everywhere with him.

Nick says he started drinking in high school when he and his friends would pillage the parents’ liquor cabinets. He enjoyed alcohol because it freed his inhibitions. As someone who was coming to terms with being gay in a conservative city and kept it a secret for a while. The internal struggle drove Nick to enjoy checking out and alcohol was the way he chose to do that.

In his late teens, Nick started working in the food and beverage industry. He felt very welcome at the gay bars he worked in but didn’t have good role models. He knew in his early twenties that his drinking needed to eventually be addressed but wasn’t ready at that time. Nick says he was very functional but drank daily. He feels he was just surviving at that point in time.

Nick started thinking about quitting when he was in his early thirties. He says he was stuck there for a while trying to determine if he really had a problem. He started utilizing his ADHD medication to help him be able to drink more. The planning and rituals became exhausting. Drinking progressed beyond “only after the responsibilities are done” to finding reasons to start earlier.

Nick’s first stint at sobriety was in 2018 when he joined a local IOP and AA and was able to remain sober for about four months while learning a lot about addiction. His partner at the time drank heavily and eventually Nick gave up his sobriety. His rock bottom came when he was hiking with his dog hungover and realized how miserable he was and questioned if this was how he wanted to live his life. The next day he went back to AA.

After working the steps with a sponsor, Nick felt empowered. He says he went on a quest for sobriety and tried out other modalities. When a sober travel trip to Costa Rica with RE coincided with his one-year milestone, he decided to go and feels he gained a lot from that trip.

Within the past year Nick has changed careers and feels the best he has ever felt. Going forward, he plans to keep growing in his career and nurturing his sobriety.

Nick’s favorite resource in recovery: Recovery Elevator podcast

Nick’s parting piece of guidance: the harder you fight addiction, the more entangled you are so just let go.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 473: An Easier Softer Way Mar 11, 2024

Episode 473 – An Easier Softer Way

Today we have Lee. He is 43 and lives in the United Kingdom. He took his last drink on August 17th, 2020.

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[03:41] Thoughts from Paul:

There are a million reasons why people drink. One reason is relief. Now thank you alcohol for providing myself relief when I needed it most. Then there came a time, and it wasn't overnight when the source of relief became less effective. Alcohol then provided no relief at all. Then it became a source of discomfort itself.

Now the most excruciating part of a drinking problem is when we reach for alcohol to seek harmony, but it only brings pain. Now the conscious mind knows the outcome, it knows it won't work. But in the unconscious, it is still inscribed like a commandment on a clay tablet that alcohol will deliver the goods.

So, listeners, the seed I want to plant with you today, that even though we live in a world full of messaging and imagery saying that alcohol will enhance your life, in reality, the truth is an alcohol-free life is the easier, softer way.

Sober Link – receive $50 off of a device.

[08:33] Paul introduces Lee:

Lee is from Birmingham, UK where he lives with his wife and two kids. He works for a paint manufacturer and for fun he enjoys exercise.

Lee’s first taste of alcohol was when he was 8 and he thought it was terrible. Around age 14 he attended a party where there was alcohol, and he enjoyed the buzz he got from drinking until the next morning when he felt hungover. It was a few years later before he started drinking regularly. Lee utilized alcohol to combat insecurities and be more social.

People told Lee that after he was married and had kids that he would settle down, but Lee says his drinking got worse. He says he selfishly thought about how he could go home and drink in the house alone while his wife may be staying overnight after the birth of their second child. Even after wrecking his car while drunk, Lee did not see that he had a problem. Instead of going to the hospital, he left for the shop to get more alcohol.

The drinking started putting a strain on his relationship with his wife. The cycle of arguments and Lee leaving the home for a few days only to return asking for forgiveness went on for about six months. After a particularly bad event where Lee couldn’t remember the events of the days he was gone from home, he had an anxiety attack. Lee finally admitted to himself that he had a problem and reached out to AA.

Lee started attending AA meetings via Zoom and was still drinking and just listening. He started to see what everyone had, and they seemed happy. At that point he decided to give quitting a try.

Lee says the first few months were horrific. He couldn’t concentrate and was very irritable. He kept going to meetings and listening to everyone tell him it was going to get better but struggled to see it. The next several months found him sleeping better and feeling 95-96% less anxiety. After 18 months to 2 years, he has been able to forgive himself for things I did when he was drinking. He feels he is no longer to try being sober, instead he is living a sober life.

Lee’s best sober moment: getting his family back and being more present with them.

Lee’s parting piece of guidance: take it one day at a time. If you can’t do that, do a half day, do an hour, you’ll get there eventually.

Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 472: Shifting Seasons Mar 04, 2024

Episode 472 – Shifting Seasons

Today we have Erin. She is 45 and lives outside of Boston. She took her last drink on December 26th, 2021.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[01:52] Thoughts from Kris:

The transition out of winter is one of Kris’ favorites. He sees it as an awakening. He took the cue from Mother Nature and paused this season. No big decisions or changes. Just time to reflect on things. Now that nature is starting to wake back up, he feels it’s time for him to do the same.

Kris reflects on his first spring in recovery and how the nice weather worried him. He started connecting with multiple recovery groups, discovering his triggers, digging into his whys and was able to feel connected to something bigger than himself. Being a part of a recovery community is cool that way... we see the reward in our own growth, but we’re contributing to the growth of the whole as well.

Wherever you are this spring, that’s right where you’re supposed to be. Where you go from here is up to you. What tools do you have that you’re using? What tools aren’t you using? Is this a season to pick something up, or one to let some things go? Only you can answer these questions for yourself.

Check out our sponsor Go Brewing. Use the code ELEVATOR for 15% off.

[09:08] Kris introduces Erin:

Erin is 45 and lives about 13 miles outside of Boston. She works as a senior paralegal for a large corporation and works for Rover on the side where she takes care of other people’s animals.

Erin says her exposure to alcohol was limited to family drinking on holidays or special occasions, but she never tried drinking until she went away to college. What started as curiosity, ended up as binge drinking and partying multiple days of the week when she joined a sorority.

After getting married, Erin says the drinking was more casual on the weekends or when out and about. After a tough breakup in her early thirties, Erin found herself living alone, working two jobs, and going back to finish college.

During her second marriage, Erin says she and her husband drank a lot socially. Her husband was the life of the party when they were out, but home there was a very different scene that found Erin drinking in isolation to deal with it. She didn’t feel she had a way out as she was financially dependent on her husband at the time.

Eventually Erin was able to leave the relationship and started over single in a new town. She surrounded herself with people that drank like her, but deep down she knew she didn’t drink like everyone else. Alcohol became her best friend and her drinking got worse during the pandemic as she was isolated and now didn’t have the safety of working in the office.

Returning to the office in early 2021 was helpful to her mental health, but she still knew she was drinking too much on the evenings and weekends.

A cousin was sharing how great they felt at 60 days of sobriety which made her become sober curious. Planning to do Dry January with a friend, Erin found herself starting early after getting sick with COVID.

In the early days, Erin continued to go to the bar where her friends were, but she recognized that wasn’t good for her. Instead, she started walking more, listening to podcasts, and going to therapy. She was beginning to gain confidence and faith in herself.

Erin’s favorite resource in recovery: RE podcast, Wayne Dyer

Erin’s plan moving forward: continue therapy and connecting with others.

Kris wants to hear from you, listeners! What are you looking forward to this spring? Do you feel something different this year compared to years past?

Email kris@recoveryelevator.com and let him know what this spring has in store for your or what you hope to see from it.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

Recovery Elevator

We might as well go big RE, because eventually we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 471: Progress and Perfection Feb 26, 2024

Episode 471 – Progress and Perfection

Today we have Carl. He is 52 years old and lives in California. He took his last drink on August 22nd, 2014.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.

[03:08] Thoughts from Paul:

Arriving at a perfect balance with progress and perfection is ungodly hard, and we all struggle with it.

No one is perfect and if you’re telling yourself, you should be doing more of ABC and less of XYZ, welcome to the party, welcome to the human condition. There is progress though, you are self-aware which is more than 1/2 the battle.

We have to have dualities, for example, tall to know short, you need silence to know sound. You have to have imperfection to know perfection. They are both equally important and you can’t have one without the other.

So, with progress not perfection, most of us are using someone else’s version of perfection to define ourselves. While your soul is remarkably perfect, this is no perfection in this perfectly imperfect world. Go do you, and remember we are all just walking each other home.

[09:52] Paul introduces Carl:

Carl is 52 years old, and he is a graphic artist. Carl admits he didn’t have a lot of fun before recovery but now enjoys writing, painting, drawing, and podcasting. He is the creator of Sober Pod Recovery Podcast.

Carl had been in treatment as early as 15 years old and says that even while doing programs, he was essentially a dry drunk. He had other addictions and was able to get sober for five years before a relapse.

Carl married his childhood sweetheart who had a child from a previous relationship. Together they had three more children. He says he drank alcoholically and while he was functional, he pushed the limits and was mixing copious amounts of alcohol with other drugs. He would take the online tests and the conclusions would all lead to treatment.

Health consequences were happening for Carl, but he resigned myself to being the guy who drinks himself to death. Towards the end he was able to string a few days together here and there, and since he had been able to quit a heavy meth addiction years earlier in life, he considered himself lucky to just be an alcoholic.

After two years of trying to quit drinking with little success, he joined a Reddit Quit Drinking page and shared some of his story. The feedback he found the next day after posing shared that he was likely doing damage to his family and that stung a little bit. Another person shared with him that he deserved to be happy, and Carl had never felt that way before.

Carl had gained 60 days of sobriety and then attended some AA meetings. It wasn’t a new scene for him but this time it was different, and he started going back. He was frustrated, acknowledging that in order to stay sober he was going to have to keep going. He didn’t want to be one of those people, but he decided to give it a try and work on the steps with sponsors.

Over time he was starting to feel more connected to the community and doing more service work. Reading became important to Carl, learning more and more about the path he wanted to go on. His creativity suffered initially in sobriety but says it has come back 100-fold. He reflects that AA should be used as a launching pad.

Carl’s perspective on the point of life: the meaning of life is to find what you’re good at, the purpose of life is to give it away to others.

Recovery Elevator

We took the elevator down, we got to take the stairs back up.

I love you guys.

RE 470: Why Alcoholics Don’t Get Hangovers…? Feb 19, 2024

Episode 470 – Why Alcoholics Don’t Get Hangovers…?

Today we have Lara. She is 40 years old and lives in Northwest Arkansas. She took her last drink on August 8th, 2019.

We are putting a call out for early sobriety interviews. We want to hear from you guys. Please email info@recoveryelevator.com.

Upcoming events: We start our six-week Ditching the Booze course, the what, the why and the how. This course is for Café RE members only and use the promo code “OPPORTUNITY” to waive the set-up fee if you are interested in joining us.

Registration for our 6th annual retreat in Bozeman, Montana opens Monday April 1st. We come together as a group and we laugh, we heal, we eat blueberry pancakes, play kickball, and have a great time.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[04:12] Thoughts from Paul:

There was a great question during our Dry January class that asked “Why don’t alcoholics get hangovers?” Paul did a YouTube video about this but wanted to share more here.

Truth is, they do get hangovers, but they usually begin drinking before the full amount of alcohol can be metabolized in their system that they drank the day or night before. As tolerance develops with alcohol, the hangover gets pushed back later in the day the next day. A chronic drinker who drinks 10-15 drinks daily, won’t begin the hangover cycle at 8am the next morning, but more likely, they will experience the worst of the withdrawal effects later that day or evening.

Chronic drinkers are almost always experiencing a low to mid-grade hangover. In other words, they feel like shit all the time. First alcohol takes you to a place where you are no longer drinking to feel good, but to simply feel normal. They you are drinking to simply not feel like death. And then the worst place is when you are simply drinking not to die.

*HUGE ASTERISK* Alcohol is the most dangerous substance to detox from. If you have been drinking 5-8 drinks daily, for months or years, then it’s a very good idea to seek medical attention when detoxing.

Go Brewing. Use the code ELEVATOR for 15% off.

[09:26] Kris introduces Lara:

Lara is married and they have two dogs. After teaching preschool for 12-13 years she now teaches Pilates. She enjoys going to concerts and spending time outdoors.

Lara had limited exposure to alcohol until she went to college. While there, she found friends, and they drank regularly. What started out as being fun soon became a way for Lara to ignore her mental health issues that were creating a dark depression. After graduating and the issues getting worse, she ended up going to a psych ward for a few weeks and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She moved back home to live with her parents while she figured out what life was going to look like with the new diagnosis. She continued to drink in spite of the medications.

Lara went to grad school in Colorado and was surrounded by friends and the drinking felt normal. She wasn’t having major consequences until after getting married and she realized the drinking was happening all the time. Her husband ended up quitting drinking and while Lara supported him by quitting too, she didn’t feel that she had a problem.

Lara found herself reaching out to others to help support her as the spouse of someone quitting drinking. Over time she started realizing that recovery was her path as well.

Lara says that she has learned that she knows how to ask for help if she needs it now. She and her husband share a sobriety date and their life has done a 180. Alcohol is no longer an issue, and they just enjoy living life.

Lara’s favorite resource in recovery: Holly Whitaker’s book Quit Like a Woman.

Lara’s parting piece of guidance: Just find one person who you can talk to.

Recovery Elevator

You’re the only one that can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 469: 10 Facts About Americans and Alcohol Feb 12, 2024

Episode 469 - 10 Facts About Americans and Alcohol

Today we have Lisa. She is 66 years old and lives in Atlanta, GA. She took her last drink on November 16th, 2022.

Café RE – use the code OPPORTUNITY to waive the setup fee.

[02:51] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares with us ten facts about Americans and their drinking habits that he found in an article from the Pew Research Center.

The article shares with us statistics regarding what people are drinking and where alcohol consumption is the highest, along with statistics about age and income ranges.

The biggest takeaway from this article is the first stat that says, “Only 62% of U.S. adults say they drink” while 38% abstain completely. Not everyone is kung fu fighting. There is a voice inside the head that says, “Everybody drinks”, but right there we just debunked that myth. A lot of people don’t drink because they don’t want to. Many people don’t drink because their forced to. Whatever the reason is, about 40% of Americans don’t drink.

And although alcohol consumption is rising, we’re seeing the younger generations say no, like no previous generation has done so.

Check out Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.

[10:00] Paul introduces Lisa:

Lisa is a repeat guest from episode 411. She took her last drink on November 16th, 2022. She is 66 and lives outside of Atlanta. She has been married for 37 years and they have two adult children. Lisa enjoys working out, traveling, reading, and listening to podcasts.

Lisa grew up in a close family, but her parents had a miserable marriage. Her mother drank to deal with it and the drinking increased when Lisa was in middle school. Upon trying her first drink in high school, she didn’t have the “wow” moment at first but quickly found it gave her confidence and she felt accepted and less insecure with her friends.

After graduating college and entering the booming computer software industry, Lisa found herself drinking at a lot of parties, conferences, and sales meetings. She says her husband didn’t drink much. Aside from when she was pregnant, Lisa drank in a way that she considered normal.

In her 40’s, Lisa and her husband left the corporate world and started their own business. It was successful but very stressful. She says her drinking ramped up and she was beginning to try and hide the wine bottles from her husband.

After a fall Lisa had during a blackout, her doctor referred her to a counselor. She discovered AA and was able to stay sober for a year without doing the work. Soon after the year mark, Lisa thought she could moderate and started drinking again. She was successful with moderation at first, but after retiring, finding herself as the sole caretaker for her elderly mother, the drinking increased again.

One night Lisa found herself pouring a glass of wine that she really didn’t want and it was then she decided enough was enough. This time Lisa decided to get help. She went to AA and didn’t feel it was working for her. She discovered a Facebook group called SoberSis as well as Café RE. After her last interview, she was connected with a lot of other ladies that she is still connected with today.

Last year found Lisa tending to several health scares, several surgeries, and the unexpected loss of her parents eight weeks apart. Lisa says that gratitude, using the tools she has learned in the sober community as well as her faith and family has helped her remain sober through it all.

Lisa’s favorite ways to relax deep breathing and exercise.

Lisa’s advice for somebody struggling with life and alcohol: find a way to connect no matter how uncomfortable it is, we have to have connections.

Café RE – use the code OPPORTUNITY to waive the setup fee.

Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we’ll all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 468: A Day in the Life Feb 05, 2024

Episode 468 – A Day in the Life

Today we have Amber. She is 41 years old and lives in San Luis Obispo. She took her last drink on May 26th, 2020.

“First it is an intention; then a behavior; then a practice; then a habit; then second nature; then it is simply who you are".

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[03:04] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares with us what a typical day in sobriety looks like for him.

He starts his days with hydration, breathwork and/or stretching, reading and coffee. He takes time to connect with the universe and asks for guidance throughout the day.

Paul likes to reflect on what he is thankful for either in a journal or he sits in a comfortable location outside facing the sun while he closes his eyes and gives thanks. Even on shit days, he makes a point to thank the universe.

Reminding himself that the present moment is all that matters, spending time in nature, doing things that he enjoys, connecting with fellow sober peeps, and being creative are also very important to Paul.

Go Brewing use the code elevator at checkout for 15% off.

[12:13] Kris introduces Amber:

Amber is 41 years old; she has two boys and a partner in crime. She works as a 2nd grade teacher, in addition to being a running and sobriety coach. They live in San Luis Obispo, CA and enjoys hiking, mountain biking, running, and swimming.

Growing up, Amber says she was always shy and preferred to be in the background. She was introduced to alcohol in high school and discovered it helped her feel confident and have fun. She didn’t really enjoy the taste, but she loved the way it made her feel and she and her friends drank every weekend.

After going to college, Amber says her drinking only increased. She was recruited to be on the softball team with a full scholarship. The practice and academic schedule was challenging and her drinking increased from every weekend to nearly every day. She gained weight, she wasn’t studying, and her grades were suffering. Her performance on the team found her on the bench often and eventually she was cut from the team and lost everything.

Amber moved to San Diego and finished college there while working in restaurants. She says her drinking increased even more and she got a DUI a few years later. Shortly after that experience, Amber decided to join a teaching career and the stress of it found her relying on alcohol at the end of the day.

Amber says a turning point came after getting married and having two children back-to-back. She had many roles to fill but was still drinking two bottles of wine a night. Finally figuring out that she wanted more for her life, Amber filed for divorce and started taking better care of herself. She started running as an outlet for her emotions and found herself meditating, which she feels helped her make decisions. She looked at her sobriety as a fresh start.

Initially Amber was quiet about her recovery and felt she could figure it out on her own. Once she realized that wasn’t working, she found Celebrate Recovery, got a sponsor, and started doing the work. Once she started meeting more and more people in recovery she stopped feeling alone.

Amber left her teaching job and started her own business as a sober running coach. She started a sober running group Recovery Road Runners and they do a lot of fun things together and help other people stay sober.

Amber encourages people to find physical activities that they enjoy doing, maybe things they did when they were kids. She also suggests vision boards to think about where you want to be in the future and goals you may have.

Amber’s biggest fear when she quit drinking: “That I would never have any fun again, total lie. I have way more fun now.”

Café RE – use the code OPPORTUNITY to waive the setup fee.

Recovery Elevator

We’re the only ones that can do this, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 467: A Good Cry Jan 29, 2024

Episode 467 – A Good Cry

Today we have Andrea. She is 47 years old and lives in Phoenix, AZ. She took her last drink on November 9th, 2021.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[02:12] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares a quote with us that says, “decide what life you want to live and say no to everything else”. This same quote can be applied to your thoughts.

What comes to mind after reading this quote is the word “purge”. Saying no and letting go of things that don’t fit the life we want to live isn’t easy, but it is healthy and so is crying.

Emotional tears have many health benefits. They contain stress hormones and other toxins. Researchers have theorized that crying flushes these toxins out of your system.

A good cry also activates the parasympathetic nervous system which sends signals of calm and restoration to the body. In addition to this, crying dulls pain and releases oxytocin and endorphins. It is a way for the body to find a new emotional balance. A much better way than using alcohol.

If you're finding emotions hard to deal with in sobriety then give the body permission to purge them out in the form of tears. Go ahead and lean into the millions of years of universal intelligence the body possesses and have a good cry.

Café RE – use the code OPPORTUNITY to waive the setup fee.

[09:28] Paul introduces Andrea:

Andrea is 47 years old and lives near Phoenix. She has four children, two grandchildren and a Great Pyrenees. She works with people with substance abuse disorders and is working on a master’s in social work. For fun she enjoys jogging, hiking, DIY projects and documentaries.

Andrea and her family moved around a lot when she was going up which made it hard for her to keep friends. She had her first drink shortly after she discovered that her father was cheating on her mother. She felt the calming effects the first time and drank every change she could get during her teens.

Andrea started bartending when she was 19. This found her drinking a lot after work which was creating some issues in her marriage. She was able to abstain from alcohol during all of her pregnancies but would drink as soon as she could after.

The alcohol was creating issues in the marriage and when Andrea was 22, she went to rehab but didn’t stay quit after leaving. A few years later she lost her mother to cancer and Andrea says that’s the first time she drank to numb pain rather than just a socialization tool.

The first consequence Andrea had was losing her nursing license after an arrest. When they were about to extend her probationary period where she could not drink without hiding it, she decided she didn’t want to do it and turned in her license. Her heavy drinking would continue throughout her 20’s and 30’s.

After her divorce when she was 41, Andrea did start exploring whether or not she had a drinking problem. She was beginning to see the consequences to her health and was realizing she didn’t want this to be her legacy. She was gradually able to stack days together and eventually reached 90 days where she kept on going. The first year found Andrea continuing to read quit lit, listen to podcasts and attend a few AA meetings.

Her decision to work on her relationships after year one was cut short when she lost a daughter to a drunk driving accident. Instantly she reached out to some sober friends to help her keep from drinking. Andrea feels that her sobriety has been a gift throughout this and helped her be there for her other children and grandchildren.

Andrea has been attending AA, going to school, and making new friends in social situations she would have avoided in the past. Giving back is important to Andrea as she pursues her master’s in social work.

Andrea’s favorite sobriety resources: podcasts, quit lit, The Phoenix

Andrea’s parting piece of guidance: the sooner you ditch the booze, the sooner you can start living.

Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we’ll all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 466: What Should I Do Now? Jan 22, 2024

Episode 466 – What Should I Do Now?

Today we have Rick. He is 46 years old and lives in New Hampshire. He took his last drink on September 9th, 2023.

This Saturday, January 27th we start our six-week alcohol-free ukulele course. We meet for six weeks with a group of rock stars exploring life without alcohol, and who want to learn a new hobby in recovery.

This course is brought to you by Kala Brand. If you need to pick up a ukulele, click the link and use the promo code ELEVATOR24 for a discount.

The collaboration between Go Brewing and Recovery Elevator is here! Pick up your limited edition RE Sunbeam Pils, using the code elevator at checkout for 15% off and free shipping on orders overt $40.

[02:45] Ponderings from Kris:

For many of us on this journey, we start in a survival state of mind. The early days are filled with some basic life skills. How do I not drink when I get home from work? How do I handle conflict with people in my life? What do I do when I’m bored, stressed, sad, angry, or how am I supposed to celebrate? Kris reminds us that it is normal to focus on these things.

After a while there is a shift to “what’s next?”. Recovering people before us have figured out that in order to keep what we have found in recovery; we have to give it away.

We have had our struggles, and some of us have been through some really challenging situations that led up to, or as a result of our alcohol usage, but we don’t have to let that keep us down! Who is better equipped to talk to someone struggling with substance abuse than a peer that has been through the same thing?

Kris feels that there is something beautiful about taking the dark parts of our lives and using it to bring light to someone in need. You are more than your story. You are more than the dark times. You are a walking example of hope. You are proof that the courage to change exists.

Athletic Greens: https://www.athleticgreens.com/recovery

[11:07] Kris introduces Rick:

Rick is 46 and lives in New Hampshire. He has been married to his wife for 19 years and they have three daughters. He works for a family car business. He enjoys cooking, spending time with his kids, and playing games.

Rick says his first experience drinking alcohol was when he was in France on a singing tour in high school. He recalls feeling very sick on the 7-hour bus ride across Europe the next day. Beyond a few other times at parties, Rick didn’t really drink much after that until college.

Having his first taste of freedom his freshman year, the focus was on partying and drinking. Rick says that after that it was the traditional drinking that is often part of the college experience.

When Rick started working in the family business, that’s when he says his drinking went from being on the weekends to drinking daily after work. Over time it progressed, and his wife would occasionally mention that it seemed like he was having a little too much. He would back off for a bit but never had the intention of quitting forever. He tried a lot of moderation techniques that didn’t work, and he would end up feeling bad about himself.

Over the last few years Rick has been listening to podcasts, quit lit and joined sobriety support pages online. He feels that listening to other people’s stories has helped him a lot. After a comment from his wife that made him look differently at his drinking, he decided to try and quit again. Changing his perspective and sharing his recovery with his wife gave him a sense of relief. Finding connections in recovery communities and with a local friend that is in recovery as well, has solidified his resolve.

Rick’s plan for sobriety moving forward: Stay engaged in community, join Café RE chats and check in daily on the Stop Drinking subreddit. Maybe host a chat to give back.

Rick’s favorite resources in recovery: podcasts, audiobooks

Andrew Huberman – What Alcohol Does to Your Body, Brain & Health

Recovery Elevator

We’re the only ones that can do this RE, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 465: Drink Responsibly? Jan 15, 2024

Episode 465 – Drink Responsibly?

Today we have Kevin. He is 44 years old and lives in Cleveland, OH. He took his last drink on April 28th, 2018.

I want to give a shout out to our DRY January REstore cohort. We’re 1/2 way there, you all are doing a fantastic job, I’ll see you all tonight.

On January 27th we start our six-week alcohol-free ukelele course. This course is brought to you by Kala Brand.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[03:09] Thoughts from Paul:

One of the main goals at Recovery Elevator is to soften the stigma surrounding alcohol addiction and recovery. Another goal is to give listeners permission to shred the shame and recover our authentic selves along the way.

The phrase “Drink Responsibly” is such a cop out and doesn’t do anything but place blame on the drinker. Alcohol is the most addictive drug on the planet, and you won’t see other drugs proclaiming that you use the substance responsibly. We can do the “Drink Responsibly” thing way better and at the same time bring more people together in community from both sides of the aisle to heal.

A favorite NA beverage company of Paul’s, GO Brewing and Recovery Elevator have partnered up to release 180 six packs of their award-winning Sunbeam Pilsner. GO Brewing was started by a fellow member in the recovery space, Joe Chura. This is two companies who have a similar goal, uniting, in attempts to shred the shame around alcohol addiction.

Pick up your limited edition RE Sunbeam Pils, use the code elevator at checkout for 15% off and free shipping on orders over $40.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[10:20] Paul introduces Kevin:

Kevin is 44 years old and lives in Cleveland area, he is the head of coaching for the Reframe app and a former accountant. Kevin is married and for fun he enjoys attending his daughter’s sporting events, reading and just relaxing when he isn’t working.

Kevin says his drinking began in college where he was in a fraternity and played sports. His drinking transferred into his career where there was a lot of stress, happy hours, and deadline parties where binge drinking was a way to socialize.

Kevin and his wife got married when he was 23 and had their daughter when he was 27. His drinking increased as a way to cope with the high stress of his career. After some blood work found him diagnosed with fatty liver, he tried moderation and different attempts at taking breaks from alcohol.

Without much success at controlling his drinking on his own, Kevin eventually decided to look into therapy with his wife’s support. He developed a journaling practice and would talk with his therapist while working on quitting and made it 60 days.

Several work and life events found Kevin trying to moderate the drinking again. He made the decision to commit to 61 days and then continued to extend the timeline. Kevin was reading a lot and listening to podcasts. His therapist helped him a lot as well. He started an Instagram page for himself, but after some time decided to go public and share more. He got a lot of positive feedback which fueled him to try and start recovery coaching. He became involved with Reframe app soon after.

Kevin’s best sober moment: his first sober concert with his daughter.

Kevin’s parting piece of guidance: practice. Find a platform that resonates with you and keep practicing.

Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 464: Doing Something Different Jan 08, 2024

Episode 464 – Doing Something Different

Today we have Danielle. She is 34 years old and lives in Northern Ontario. She took her last drink on August 20th, 2023.

On January 27th we start our six-week alcohol-free ukelele course. This course is brought to you by Kala Brand.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[03:22] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares the history of Recovery Elevator, how launching the podcast gave him accountability and how the listeners helped it expand over the last 464 consecutive weeks.

The big message he wants to share here, however, is that if you are going to quit drinking or are seeking an alcohol-free life then you’re going to have to do something different. Probably something very different than what you’re currently trying. And it doesn’t have to suck.

You 100% can ditch the booze, and we are here to help. But do yourself a favor join Café RE, go to an AA meeting, check out Smart Recovery, take a sober ukulele class. There are more recovery pathways today than there ever have been, and we feel there is no right or wrong way to quit drinking.

We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.

[10:54] Kris introduces Danielle:

Danielle just passed the 100-day mark at the time of recording. She is 34 and is married with two cats and two dogs. She lives in Northern Ontario, and she is self employed as a copywriter and website designer. She enjoys hiking, paddleboarding, reading, yoga and lots of writing.

Danielle says she started experimenting in high school around age 15. She wanted to be part of the crowd but as an introvert found it exhausting and preferred connecting with small groups at the parties. In college, she leaned more onto weed which she feels helped with her sleep and anxiety issues.

She met her now husband when she was 22. They were living in Australia for a time and up until this point Danielle was just smoking and drinking socially. Her husband was a daily drinker and Daneille started drinking wine when they would travel.

After moving back home, they made friends with their neighbors and would spend time after work drinking with them. She was drinking at home, drinking with the neighbors, and drinking at the farm where she had her horse. Her life revolved around when and where she could drink but she typically only felt comfortable drinking at home with close friends.

After a new job and a move to a smaller town, Danielle thought that the change in environment would help her cut back on her bad habits. She found the change isolated, and after her office closed, she was forced to work remotely. She and her husband were drinking earlier in the day. Throughout this time, they had good times but there began to be fights and behavior changes for both of them. Drinking was becoming less and less enjoyable and they found themselves talking more and more about what life would be like without alcohol.

Her journey to recovery found her listening to podcasts and starting to write about what she wanted to get out of quitting drinking. After a while, they both decided to join Café RE. One day Daneille and her accountability partner were talking about journaling and came up with the idea of a writing course to share with the RE community. Danielle says that using that as a form of service really helped her with her own recovery.

Danielle’s unexpected positives of ditching the booze: losing the anxiety she had for many years. The community she has gained in recovery.

Danielle’s favorite resources in recovery: podcasts, quit lit, chats in the community, journaling.

Danielle’s parting piece of guidance: you can’t shame yourself out of the addiction.

Recovery Elevator

You’re the only one that can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 463: Balance Jan 01, 2024

Episode 463 – Addicted to not Being Addicted

Today we have Zach. He is 34 years old and lives in Richmond, VA. He took his last drink on July 18th, 2023.

Our Dry January course RESTORE starts tonight, so get your register on, and join us at 8 PM EST for our first live session later this evening.

On January 27th we start our six-week alcohol-free ukelele course. This course is brought to you by Kala Brand.

Check out our sponsor Go Brewing. Use the code ELEVATOR for 15% off.

[04:14] Thoughts from Paul:

Today we are talking about change.

Research suggests that only 9% of people that make New Years resolutions complete them. Many quit well before February even starts. The main reason that these resolutions fail is our energies swing all the way to one side of the spectrum. In other words, we are out of balance.

With drinking, we find ourselves addicted to alcohol. Then the mind comes up with the idea that we need to not be addicted to alcohol, then we become addicted to the idea of not being addicted. This is equally out of balance. So that’s the word I want to plant with you today as we begin the new year is balance. On our sobriety journey, we cannot fight, or go to battle with an alcohol addiction.

So, in terms of quitting drinking and not going overboard in the theatre of war against yourself, let’s keep it simple. All you have to today is one thing, that is not pick up a drink. Are we quitting for a lifetime? God no. That would be out of balance. We are only quitting for today.

Café RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee

[10:36] Paul introduces Zach:

Zach was originally from California but currently lives in Richmond, VA. He has two sons who live nearby with their mother. He is a technical writer for the federal government. He enjoys the gym and spending time outdoors.

Zach grew up in a home where alcohol wasn’t very present. He attended a small college where it wasn’t very prevalent either. He took his first drink after finishing college and was a normal drinker throughout his 20’s.

Drinking didn’t become a problem for Zach until he was laid off of a job and his mental health started suffering. He was processing things from childhood and started having panic attacks and his sleep was an issue. He started drinking to help him sleep but over time it progressed to a daily habit.

Zach says he got a wake-up call when he and his wife split up. He was able to get a few months of sobriety, but he ended up back drinking after the divorce was finalized. He had relocated for a new job and didn’t know anyone. He had too much free time to drink heavily when he wasn’t spending time with his kids.

Zach was drinking at work and ended up having a meeting with HR where he finally told someone he had a problem. While he felt relieved to share this, he still struggled to quit and eventually lost the job. After his lease was up, he moved out of state to stay with some friends that were going to help him get back on his feet.

When he relapsed while the friends were out of town, Zach ended up trying Antabuse to help him quit drinking once and for all. He attended rehab and then went to sober living. After a while he decided he needed to move back closer to his kids and was able to find a place in Richmond with the help of a friend in recovery.

Zach tried a few different recovery modalities, but AA ended up working best for him. He got a sponsor who he has spoken to every day since they met. His sponsor has helped him realize that he cannot return to drinking. Zach is starting to see the benefits of not drinking, both physically and mentally. Community has been vital to Zach and his recovery.

Zach’s favorite resources: an app called The Big Book, and the RE podcast while at the gym.

Zach’s strategy to beat a craving: a walk and a phone call.

Recovery Elevator

It all starts from the inside out.

I love you guys.

RE 462: To Have is to Give Dec 25, 2023

Episode 462 – To Have is to Give

Today we have Tana. She is 44 years old and lives in Washington State. She took her last drink on July 30th, 2020.

Registration for our DRY January course RESTORE is now open! It’s time to get your alcohol-free connect on and say adios to the booze. Our first session is Monday, January 1st at 5 pm PST or 8 pm EST. The most common issue I hear is that people don’t have a network of others who don’t drink. Well, Our Restore is going to solve that and you’re going to learn all about alcohol, alcohol addiction, and how to beat it.

Paul shares an article where scientists say the mystery of how red wine headaches occur may be solved. Paul’s opinion is that it’s a waste of time, but here’s the link for curiosity’s sake.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[03:40] Thoughts from Paul:

In 1935, A.A. Founder Bill W, found that when he shared his experience, strength and hope to another individual who was struggling with alcohol, then Bill magically had the strength to remain sober. It shows the universal law of “to give is to have”.

Today I give you the message of Merry Christmas. To plant the seed, that to give is to have. To have is to give. Most of us have learned a way, or path that didn’t work. Or maybe it kind of worked but was or is incredibly painful. For me, this path required numbing agents, alcohol being the most potent one.

Now I know there are a couple thousand of you who listen to this podcast first thing on Monday morning when the episodes are released. Fantastic. How blessed I am to get you ear first thing in the morning. Ask not what Santa, or your family can give to you, but ask what you can give to them.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[00:00] Kris introduces Tana:

Tana is from Washington state, and she works in healthcare and recently has found a new passion for teaching yoga. She has three children, two who have recently graduated college and a 10-year-old daughter. She recently separated from her husband. She enjoys backpacking, hiking, running and dance.

Tana and her siblings were raised by her father who recently passed away. Their mother was an alcoholic, and Tana knew from an early age that she was suffering. Her exposure to alcohol was limited to family members drinking socially.

When Tana was a teenager some home changes found her moving in with her mother. At this point she was exposed to her mother’s addictions firsthand and over time it made her depressed and wanting to rebel, so she began smoking cigarettes, but not really drinking. She moved out at 17 to start her own life.

After starting her own life, Tana had two children and got married. Over time she realized the relationship wasn’t good, so she left and just focused on her kids. Her only addiction issues were the cigarettes which she went to great lengths to hide out of shame.

A few years later, Tana remarried and when she was pregnant with her third child, she quit smoking, and her husband encouraged her to quit for good. Tana found running to be a good replacement for smoking, but after her daughter got older, she would no longer have time to run. Her drinking became her tool to cope.

Tana started to feel shame about her drinking and questioning it. She started listening to podcasts and discovering books that she thought may help her break the cycle and become the best mom she could be. When AA didn’t feel like a good fit, Tana found community in Café RE. She finally felt safe to be herself, make friends, attend meetups, and enjoys giving back to others.

Tana’s plan in recovery moving forward: keep learning and growing.

Tana’s parting piece of guidance: it’s different for all of us. It takes what it takes and for each of us that looks a little different. Just don’t give up – never quit quitting.

Recovery Elevator

You’re the only one that can do this RE, but you don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 461: Wait, You Drink Poison? Dec 18, 2023

Episode 461 - Wait, You Drink Poison?

Today we have Gill. She’s 33 years old from Lexington, MA and took her last drink on November 9th, 2019.

Update from Ryan H on episode 457 – “I’m going on two weeks now and I’m definitely starting to notice a difference in my mood, digestive issues and weight.”

Registration for our intensive DRY January course RESTORE is now open! It’s time to get your alcohol-free connect on and say adios to the booze. The most common issue I hear is that people don’t have a network of others who don’t drink. Well, Our Restore is going to solve that and you’re going to learn a ton about alcohol, alcohol addiction, and how to beat it.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[03:02] Intro:

Paul shares two Instagram accounts that will help you on your sobriety journey:

Drop the Bottle - all about sobriety and ditching the booze.

A.L.A.D.D.I.N – not about sobriety, but it is entertaining and when it’s creator shares his art with the world, it gives others permission to do the same.

Athletic Greens: https://www.athleticgreens.com/recovery

[08:22] Paul introduces Gill:

Gill is 33 and lives right outside of Boston, MA. She has a husband and a cat. She loves playing video games, going to concerts and travelling. She teaches chemistry courses and labs at a college in Boston. She is also the host of the Sober Powered podcast.

Gill says she didn’t start drinking until grad school. She didn’t have opportunities in high school because she was bullied and didn’t hang out with people that drank. She started because she feared that if she didn’t then no one would like her. Once she tried it a few times and got her first buzz, she enjoyed it so much it became a regular thing for her.

Gill started having repercussions from drinking early on. She didn’t know her limits, had frequent opportunities to drink and would end up getting sick and having blackouts. Gill thought all of this was normal and that everyone drank like her. Gill says that her performance in school started suffering and there was multiple drink fueled fights with her boyfriend (who is now her husband).

Gill ended up leaving program and decided to start teaching instead. She learned that drinking helped with the stress she experienced while teaching. Over time she switched from wine to vodka to save money. Her tolerance increased, and she started struggling with hangovers at work.

Trying to moderate and make rules around her drinking was frustrating for Gill. People didn’t want her to quit and when she would bring it up others would downplay it and tell her she was fine.

Gill’s depression was getting worse, and she started waking up with uncontrollable anxiety often. Once she began having suicidal thoughts, she got scared. Gill decided to take a break for 90 days to lower her tolerance and thought she would be cured. During that time her suicidal thoughts and anxiety lessened. She completed the 90 days and started drinking again and the consequences quickly followed.

After her last rule was compromised, she realized she had to accept that she had to let alcohol go indefinitely. While it was scary at first, Gill says she also felt a sense of peace.

Gill didn’t think she needed meetings when she first quit but doesn’t recommend people try to do it alone. After the pandemic started, Gill found she had the time to go to therapy, she started listening to podcasts, and doing a lot of research on the science around alcohol addictions. She wanted to share what she had learned with others, so she started her own podcast: Sober Powered.

Gill’s advice for the holidays: you don’t have to go to everything if you are worried that you’re going to drink or that you can’t stay sober, don’t go.

Gill’s go-to tool to get past a craving: walking, rage walking.

Recovery Elevator

I love you guys.

Go big because eventually we’ll all go home.

RE 460: Text If You Need TP Dec 11, 2023

Episode 460 – The Friends We Keep

Today we have Kerry. She’s 40 years old from Williston, ND and took her last drink on January 7th, 2016.

Shoutout to our Café RE chat hosts! Thank you for your dedication to the community, and for providing a space for us to share our experiences. You’re the best!

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[01:29] Highlights from Kris:

It’s important that we surround ourselves with people who are going to enrich our lives. People who will meet us where we are, but also challenge us and encourage us to grow.

Kris shares some examples of great friends he has in his life and shares an article that outlines Five Types of Friends – friends we need and need to be.

Take a look at the people you have in your life. Do you think you have someone that fits in each of these categories? When was the last time you let them know what they mean to you? Use this as a reminder to tell someone you love them, and that you’re grateful for them.

If you find yourself today, feeling like YOU’RE alone, I promise you that you’re not. You’re people are out there.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[10:15] Kris introduces Kerry:

Kerry and her partner live in Williston, ND and are raising four kids. She recently decided she was going to become a firefighter which stemmed from being an EMT and a nurse. She enjoys spending time with the kids and they are currently rebuilding a boat.

Kerry was exposed to alcohol throughout her childhood but didn’t really have any great interest in it. She feels that she was a people pleaser and didn’t want to get in trouble until senior year when she decided she could let loose and have some fun before going to college. She found alcohol gave her relief from the stressors in her life.

Going into college she and her friends were party seekers. She had excelled so much academically that she felt she could relax and have fun and not worry about responsibilities. Her idea of an addict was her dad who wasn’t obvious about it. She didn’t have the consequences he did so she didn’t feel she had any problems. When she was 19 her parents put her into rehab because of drug use. While she was there the counselors recognized that her bigger issue was drinking. Kerry didn’t listen and continued to drink after leaving treatment.

Kerry’s parents got a divorce and she had moved back home. She used any excuse to drink to not deal with things. She was having consequences like DUIs and broken relationships. At the time Kerry was working with her mom at a family business where happy hours and daily drinking after work were part of the daily landscape.

Looking for a change, Kerry a boyfriend moved to Alaska and started a family. The drinking slowed down, but after that relationship ended and they shared custody of the kids, Kerry found herself going back to drinking.

After moving back to North Dakota, she continued to use drinking to self-medicate. People didn’t realize it because she was so good at taking care of other people and being a problem solver. Over time the drinking was getting heavier and heavier, and Kerry tried to create parameters to control it.

She tried quitting for a while but when she tested the waters again, she had consequences including another DUI where she realized she needed to get help to quit completely. She joined Lion Rock Recovery, which was all online, so she didn’t need to leave her family for treatment. It helped her focus on the reason she drank and deal with her mental health and gave her tools to use after the program ended.

Kerry’s plan in recovery moving forward: keep learning, keep doing crazy things like firefighting and getting more involved with recovery service.

Kerry’s parting piece of guidance: there isn’t a roadmap, and if one thing doesn’t work, you can try another.

Recovery Elevator

We are the only ones that can do this RE, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE: Holiday Bonus Episode Dec 07, 2023

Now the Holidays have been coupled with alcohol for as long as the Earth has been orbiting the Sun. I’m kidding, that isn’t correct, but you get the point. And if you’re struggling with alcohol or trying to get sober, the holidays can be the ultimate challenge. This episode should help.

In this Holiday Collab Episode, we’ve got Gill from the Sober Powered Podcast. Casey from the Hello Someday Podcast, and Veronica from the Soberful Podcast.

RE 459: Let’s Smile Dec 04, 2023

Episode 459 – Let’s Smile

Today we have Spencer. He’s 44 years old from Minneapolis, MN and took his last drink on September 23rd, 2023.

Registration for RESTORE is no open! If you want to take a break for a month, or say adios for good, this course is for you. You’re going to learn all about alcohol addiction, what it is, what it isn’t, how to beat cravings, you’ll learn about many different recovery pathways, and the best part is you won’t be doing this alone.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[02:04] Highlights from Paul:

Start your day with a smile. It doesn’t matter if the smile is fake or real. The body doesn’t know the difference and the nervous system always responds positively with a smile.

Smiling increases mood-enhancing hormones. Smiling releases endorphins, natural painkillers, and serotonin, while decreasing stress-enhancing hormones, including cortisol, and adrenaline. It also reduces overall blood pressure.

Another reason to smile is that research shows that smiles are contagious. Most people will find a way to reciprocate in a friendly manner. Smiling is a way to be of service because it makes other people’s days better.

Spiritual teacher Thich Nhat Hanh has said “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."

Start your day with a 30 -second smile. And not for just one day or two,

but rock that smile every morning for the rest of this year and hopefully beyond. And don't forget to keep that smile going throughout the day.

Paul shares some dad jokes to help get us started.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[08:04] Paul introduces Spencer:

Spencer grew up in Minneapolis area. He is married with two kids. He enjoys playing blues and rock on his guitar and spending time on the river with his family. Spencer has been an electrician for 23 years.

Spencer says that alcohol was a big part of his family’s life while he was growing up. Both of his parents drank, and every event was centered around alcohol. Spencer didn’t try alcohol until he was around 15. He had a friend who’s parent worked nights, so their house became a party house and drinking happened frequently.

Spencer got married young and they both drank heavily. They had a daughter together and eventually they ended up getting a divorce. At the time Spencer blamed a lot of the issues on his ex. Once she moved out Spencer had some friends move in and says the drinking became daily and he was losing jobs. He eventually started having financial issues and lost his house.

It was shortly after he started dating a woman that didn’t drink like him that he realized that drinking might be a problem for him. He didn’t really make any changes until the birth of his son when he began to try moderating and added rules around his drinking.

Things were going well for Spencer and then he got a call from his son’s mother that she was a heroin addict. He ended up having to get custody of him and knew he had to stop drinking for his son. He was able to quit for a while but gradually let drinking slip back in.

Spencer was able to quit for a few years and started recognizing how big of an issue alcohol had been for him. He knew he wanted to quit but wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to do it.

New activities have replaced drinking for Spencer. He is working on his relationships with his kids and has been talking to them about alcohol and the issues within the family. Spencer is open about his sobriety with others. He listens to a lot of podcasts about addiction and enjoys online AA meetings and has plans to do the steps. Spencer knows how important connection will be going forward.

Spencer’s parting piece of guidance: If you think you have a problem, find someone that’s sober to talk about it, listen to podcasts, get connected.

Recovery Elevator

Remember Rule 22, keep those smiles going. Lighten up.

I love you guys.

RE 458: Passion Will Return Nov 27, 2023

Episode 458 – A Big Win

Today we have Mike. He is 44 from Huntsville, AL and took his last drink on April 10th, 2023.

Registration for RESTORE opens this Friday! If you want to take a break for a month, or say adios for good, this course is for you. You’re going to learn all about alcohol addiction, what it is, what it isn’t, how to beat cravings, you’ll learn about many different recovery pathways, and the best part is you won’t be doing this alone.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[02:42] Highlights from Paul:

Paul shares how releasing his first album is a huge win for him and that the listeners are a big part of making it happen.

Something commonly heard when people quit drinking is “what is going to fill the void?”.

We have to rediscover likes and interests. Part of the journey is trying out new hobbies. Sometimes it takes a while to find out what we like to do though, so be patient with your healing.

If you want to hear the outro song and the full album under the name of Pablo Church, you can check it out on Spotify, or search your preferred music streaming service.

What dreams, goals, aspirations, did you have that alcohol stifled like a wet soggy blanket. What did alcohol bump down on your list of personal goals? What do you want in life now that alcohol is no longer in the front seat? Take a moment to ponder these questions, maybe hit pause in this episode, put pen to paper and get clear on what you want. Paul and the RE community are here to help you make it happen.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[07:18] Kris introduces Mike:

Mike lives in Huntsville, AL and works in construction. He is married and they have five kids. He enjoys attending his kids’ sporting events and being outside and active.

Mike grew up in a conservative home. His father had a history of rebellion and his mother lost both parents to alcoholism when she was young, so they chose to keep alcohol out of the home.

Mike first tried alcohol on New Year’s Eve when he was in 8th grade while at a friend’s house. He started to associate alcohol with having a good time but didn’t drink much during high school even though his friends did. Mike was a people pleaser both at home and with his friends. He feels this tendency drove him to start drinking and smoking pot to fit in with everyone.

Mike went to one semester of college and decided it wasn’t for him. After some consequences from his drinking, he ended up moving back home and working construction. He was still drinking and smoking but trying to make better choices.

When Mike met his wife, they decided to make some changes. They quit drinking and smoking and started becoming more active in the church community. When the job market started changing in Michigan, they moved to Alabama where Mike was offered a new job.

After a while, Mike decided to quit his job and start his own construction business. That was going well but Mike found that managing the business instead of doing the labor was very different and more stressful. As time when on his drinking gradually increased and since everyone else was drinking, he could justify it. Over time he was drinking before, during and after work. His wife discovered the stash in his office and that’s when Mike said he would quit. For a few months, he found himself hiding his drinking and trying to drink less, which didn’t work.

Mike eventually sought outpatient treatment and tried that for a while before his counselor told him he had to do more. Mike was resistant to trying AA but once he did he was able to start making some changes and getting help to stay sober.

Mike’s plan in sobriety moving forward: to make the most of the time he has left.

Mike’s parting piece of guidance: today is just a day and time takes time.

Instagram - We regularly feature content here.

Recovery Elevator

You’re the only one that can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 457: What if I Can’t Quit Drinking? Nov 20, 2023

Episode 457 – What if I Can’t Quit Drinking?

Today we have Ryan. He’s 33 years old from Orange County, NY and took his last drink on September 24th, 2023.

Happy Thanksgiving to all the listeners in the USA! Be sure to take some time this week and let the universe know what you are thankful for and remember a drink won’t make your holiday any better.

[02:42] Highlights from Paul:

It’s the last Q&A episode and today’s question is from Darren in Tampa Bay who asks, “What if I can’t quit drinking?”

Paul shares that he could have asked this same question not that long ago and his message to Darren and others that maybe feeling this way is to keep moving forward, don’t quit quitting, keep using the mind to build, to visualize your alcohol-free life. Accept it all, embrace the journey, and you will come out the other side.

Paul rephrases the question to ask, “what if I can’t quit drinking today?” and shares some thoughts and strategies to implement which include:

- It isn’t quitting for a lifetime, it’s only for today and it gets easier.

- Don’t beat yourself up. People with drinking problems drink but on the flip side people with drinking problems quit every day.

- Stick to the plan of seeking sobriety. “What you seek is seeking you”.

- For many, it is a journey, and it takes time for things to get into sync. You don’t need to rush the process.

Thank you, listeners, for all the questions!

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[10:44] Paul introduces Ryan:

Ryan is on day 5 at the time of this recording. He is 33 years old and is engaged and has two stepchildren. He is a drummer and loves playing metal music and enjoys watching horror movies.

Ryan’s relationship with alcohol didn’t begin until he was in his 20’s. His drinking was mostly a few beers sporadically, but he quickly graduated to straight liquor. He started drinking regularly when he was about 23 to cope with stress and depression using alcohol as an escape. It was putting a strain on his relationship at the time, and she

Ryan feels he was functional and kept his problem hidden well. There were no rock bottoms for him yet, he was just drowning his feelings and didn’t feel a reason to stop. The industry he worked in found he and his coworkers drinking together after work frequently.

Some severe pain in Ryan’s hips and legs found him seeking medical attention. He went to a doctor who he has known for years, and they discovered that Ryan had AVN. This is a condition that doesn’t happen to people in their 20’s so Ryan shared his drinking habits with the doctor who connected the dots quickly.

Ryan was able to quit drinking for two years with the help of Campral while he was in recovery from hip replacement surgery. He reflects this was a very positive time in his life. Even after he relapsed, there have been times of abstinence with the assistance of naltrexone but feels he wasn’t working on the underlying issues that caused him to want to drink.

Ryan has been trying to figure out his “why”. His depression plays a role in it, he says, but it feels complex. He knows that all alcohol is causing several health issues, but he is working on harm reduction and learning more about what alcohol does to us. Ryan has the support of his fiancé, his friends and family and utilizes his music to help him cope now.

Ryan’s parting piece of guidance: if you think drinking is a problem for you, quitting can be done, it’s not easy but it is simple. Incorporate medications, therapy and a support network.

Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 456: How Do You Let Go of Resentments? Nov 13, 2023

Episode 456 – How Do You Overcome Resentments?

Today we have Nathan. He’s 42 years old and from Andover, MN and took his last drink on April 19th, 2023.

On January 1st, 2024, we are starting our intensive sobriety course geared towards the newcomer. Check out the link to learn more about RESTORE.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[02:01] Highlights from Paul:

Today’s question is from Darren A. who asks, “Can you discuss resentment and letting go of resentment?"

Life is a school where the people, places, and things are there to help us grow and become deeper human beings. The people we encounter in life are there to help us grow.

The theory is that none of this is happening to you. Remember, that is how a victim speaks. Flip that to believe that everything that has ever happened to you in your life is happening for you, for your own personal growth and development, to make you a more resilient human being.

Resentments are the teachers. Yes, they suck, they emotionally and physically hurt, but they are the opportunities for healthy and normal growth.

Another strategy is to stop labeling things as good or bad. When a person, place or thing pisses you off, try to recognize the mind immediately slapping a label on it, try to remain open. We don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes. That person who may have recently dogged you may have actually shielded you from a tragedy down the road.

“You can be right, or you can have peace." Paul shares this mantra with us frequently on the podcast. He tries to repeat this mantra when he encounters a difficult life challenge.

We want to hear from the listener. How do you overcome resentments? Let us know in our Monday Instagram post on the Recovery Elevator Instagram page.

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[08:56] Kris introduces Nathan:

Nathan is 42 and lives in Andover, MN. He works in financial operations but was recently laid off. He is in the process of going through a divorce and has two cats. He enjoys woodworking and building things with hand tools, he also enjoys golf, reading and occasionally writing.

Nathan calls himself a late bloomer and hated beer. It was normal to have it around when he was growing up, but his dad drank NA beer. He was a casual drinker through his twenties and thirties.

In late 2019 Nathan’s wife was in a car accident related to some health issues. It was a very stressful time for them as his wife was unable to drive and undergoing a lot of testing and Nathan was dealing with a very stressful work project as well.

Some health issues drove Nathan to use alcohol to ease his symptoms. His career was stressful, and he and his wife were having communication issues. Nathan didn’t drink every day, but some days were binge sessions. He discovered the amount he could have without too many consequences the next day.

After a weekend of binge drinking, Nathan had an experience that felt like he was having a heart attack, and he went to the ER where he realized alcohol was causing the problems. Soon after he was able to admit to his wife that he needed to stop. He went back to the ER and told them that he needed help. After detox, Nathan enrolled in an IOP and connected with a great counselor.

It took a few months for Nathan to start feeling physically better and is currently confronting some difficult life situations. He plays the tape forward and continues to work on his recovery despite the strong emotions he is dealing with.

Nathan’s favorite resources in recovery: his IOP counselor, the RE podcast and Café RE.

Nathan’s parting piece of guidance: make a plan (to avoid relapse), make it really detailed and change it as you need to.

Recovery Elevator

You’re the only one that can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 455: How Do You Feel About Ayahuasca and Other Plant Medicines? Nov 06, 2023

Episode 455 – How Do You Feel About Ayahuasca and Other Plant Medicines?

Today we have Chris. He is 40 years old and lives in Austin, TX. He took his last drink on February 16th, 2007.

Check out our events page for our lineup of upcoming retreats and courses. Beginning January 1st, RESTORE, our intense Dry January course is back! In February we have another 5-week Ukelele Course. Then in March, we have two events in Costa Rica, and we’ll see you in Bozeman, Montana in August for our 6th annual retreat in Big Sky Country.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[02:16] Highlights from Paul:

Today is episode 9 out of 10 in the Q&A series.

Today’s question comes from Krista B, in our Café RE group. She says:

“How Paul is feeling about ayahuasca and other plant medicines. Are you still as passionate about its benefits today as a few years ago? Has the treatment worked in a sustained way, in your opinion?”

Paul shared his initial experience with ayahuasca in episode 170. He believes that plant medicines have a place in the world of addiction and mental health. Do not buy it on the internet and try it solo; set and setting is everything. There is so much preparation that needs to go into an ayahuasca ceremony and under the right circumstances, it will answer many questions. A big one being why you drink. Paul shares how ayahuasca still impacts his everyday life.

While Paul found plant medicine helpful on his journey, he recognizes it’s not for everyone, nor does he think everyone should try plant medicine. If you are interested, please do your own research before trying it.

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[11:59] Paul introduces Chris:

Chris lives in Austin Texas; he is married with two children aged 8 and 9. He is an entrepreneur and enjoys being creative through many avenues.

Chris always felt like an outsider that didn’t belong while he was growing up. His parents divorced when he was young, and he blamed himself and ended up distancing himself from people. He craved connections and ended up starting drinking with a group of friends. Chris felt like alcohol was the solution to his feelings of not belonging. His drinking increased and over time he lost all those connections that he used alcohol to find and was drinking alone. At age 23 he went to treatment where they helped him recognize that he had some mental health issues, the main ones being social anxiety and depression.

Some alumni from the group accepted Chris, helped him go to meetings and then they would all socialize afterwards. He finally felt he was making connections that he had craved all his life.

Seeing people that were staying sober and succeeding was a big boost to Chris’ confidence, and he felt like it was possible for him to do the same. His life in sobriety was becoming so great that he never had a desire to go back to drinking.

Chris started going to school to become a counselor and immediately started working in the recovery field. He knew it was important to maintain and strengthen his recovery to do the job successfully.

Chris started Sans Bar in 2018 as a pop-up bar when there were very few options in the alcohol-free arena. The pop-ups grew, and more and more people were interested in what Chris was doing, mostly through word of mouth. He feels it came along at the right time as the sober curious movement was beginning. Chris says doing this gave him the same feelings that his first sip of booze did – he was forming connections. He feels Sans Bar is for everyone, not just people in recovery.

Chris’s favorite resources in recovery: The Luckiest Club, 12 step programs, podcasts.

Chris’s parting piece of guidance: you can’t fail. The point of sobriety is not abstinence, it’s growth.

Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 454: How Do I Do More In My Recovery Community? Oct 30, 2023

Episode 454 – How Can I Do More In My Recovery Community?

Today we have Kristan. She is 60 years old and lives in Delaware. She took her last drink on June 3rd, 2019.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[01:34] Highlights from Kris:

Today we are continuing the Q & A series and it’s a two for one.

First question, Dale wants to know “How can I do more in my recovery community?”

Some traditional responses to this question might AA, or any other group with the word recovery in it. These are great, but Kris shares that we can expand our view to other groups. Church groups, book club, a running club, or a workout group.

Sharing can be a great way to get involved within a recovery community. Hearing others share and be vulnerable encourages us to share and be vulnerable too. By being open, you are being of service in your recovery. You never know who you may be helping with your share.

Think of the things that you bring to the table, and what you’d like to see your community offer. It could be as simple as organizing an outing to have a meal with other local members or hosting a chat in your online community.

Listen to your heart. If you feel that tug to do something, be obedient to that. We have no idea how it could impact our lives, or the lives of other people.

Athletic Greens: https://www.athleticgreens.com/recovery

[09:25]: Kris introduces Kristan:

Kristan is married and has adult kids, she enjoys traveling, participating in triathlons, and hanging out with her sober friends doing fun activities.

Kristan grew up in Louisiana and started drinking when she was 12 and partied throughout high school. She graduated from college and moved to Australia for a few years. She moved to DC when she came back and worked as a reporter while enjoying the nightlife. Kristan says that in her profession, drinking was very common, and she surrounded herself with people that drank a lot.

Later when she bought a house in Delaware, her and her husband split time between home and DC which left Kristan with a lot of time alone. She started putting rules around her drinking early on which found her frustrated. Her husband doesn’t drink which made her feel like she was being monitored. Kristan never drank during the day but found herself drinking daily at 5pm. Her problem wasn’t obvious to her because she was successful and hadn’t lost anything (yet).

Kristan’s drinking came to a head after a long night of drinking with friends where she doesn’t remember the last few hours. She woke up to a text from her daughter stating that she was concerned about her drinking. Kristan decided it was time to quit. A phone call to family member in recovery helped her take the first steps. A few days later she told husband she quit drinking. She started regularly attending AA and got a sponsor, began reading books about recovery and enjoyed listening to podcasts.

Kristan was eager to celebrate all of life’s events sober. She says she has a great group of friends that are still fun in sobriety. After quitting, Kristan realizes how much mind space drinking took up. She says the first year was difficult, but she got stronger as she went. Kristan loves being sober. Her relationships with her daughter and husband are the best they have ever been.

Kristan’s future plan in sobriety: working on her emotional sobriety.

Kristan’s parting piece of guidance: give it a year, surround yourself with sober people.

[54:15] Kris answers Bobbie the Awesome’s question regarding NA beverages and shares some personal experiences.

Choosing whether to drink them or not is a very personal decision. It's up to you to decide what’s right for you, and it’s a good idea to err on the side of caution if you are nervous about it.

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We’re the only ones that can do this, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 453: How Would You Describe a “Spiritual Experience” in Recovery? Oct 23, 2023

Episode 453 - How Would You Describe a “Spiritual Experience” in Recovery?

Today we have Andy. He is 46 from Washington, DC and took his last drink on August 12th, 2023.

If you are struggling to quit drinking alone, check out the private community Café RE.

Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the setup fee!

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[02:17] Highlights from Paul:

Today’s question is from Liz in the Café RE OG group: “How Would You Describe a “Spiritual Experience” in Recovery? Was it a Bill W. “White Light” or a long series of little twinkles? Somewhere in between? Something else altogether?”

We all know there is no right or wrong way to quit drinking, but Paul believes the spirituality component is important, because it connects or reconnects you to the universe or a god of your understanding.

For many, a large twinkle of spirituality took place took place near the date of their last drink. Some call this a window of clarity. I’ve heard it been described as “I just knew it was going to be different this time.” Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung called them synchronicities or the breadcrumbs of life.

Everyone’s version of spiritual awakening will be different. We just need to be open to the twinkles that can happen all around us.

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[11:53]: Paul introduces Andy:

Andy took his last drink less than a week before the time of this recording. Andy has moved around a bit while being in the military but currently lives in DC. He is an officer in the Air Force and has been serving for 26 years. He is married and has four kids. He enjoys ultra marathons, gardening, and traveling with his family.

Andy grew up around a lot of drinking in the small town he lived in. There was always beer in the house, and he feels it was ingrained in his life. He had his first drink in 8th grade. It was on a grueling camping trip when one of the adults handed him a bottle of booze and told him it would take the edge off. He really enjoyed the feelings he got from it.

Andy did well in school both academically and athletically, but the drinking continued. After graduating college, he enlisted in the military. He would stay sober during brief deployments but would start drinking again as soon as he came home. He struggled with missing his military family more than his wife and kids at home.

Andy had an opportunity to work at the Embassy in Croatia, so they moved. After a few years Andy and his wife split up and his drinking was out of control. He ended up moving back to the US as a single dad. He was not being as productive at work due to his drinking and often used his being a single dad as an excuse.

Andy was able to get sober few times after asking for help. First from a very close friend after a major bout of anxiety and then at another time post relapse from a doctor when he originally went to see them for a sore throat. He says that during these experiences, he felt relief. He started going to AA and stopped fighting that he was unable to casually drink. His wife would attend meetings with him for support. Andy got a very patient sponsor who helped him through the steps. Life started improving a lot for him over this time.

After a relapse last Christmas, Andy fell right back into the cycle and was even hiding alcohol again. He considers the five years he had as part of his recovery and plans to get back into AA when he feels ready. He misses how he felt and wants it back. Andy plans to get back to good habits to help him stay sober, reading books, listening to podcasts, and sharing with his wife.

Andy’s favorite resources in recovery: RE podcast, reading, finding someone you can trust to talk to daily.

Andy’s parting piece of guidance: hold onto this moment and don’t look too far ahead or too far in the past.

Recovery Elevator

We’re the only ones that can do this, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 452: How Do You Stop Comparing Yourself to Others in Recovery? Oct 16, 2023

Episode 452 - How Do You Stop Comparing Yourself to Others in Recovery?

Today we have Emilee. She is 33 from Double Springs, AL and has been alcohol free since February 26th, 2023.

We are in the process of building some incredible events for the upcoming year, to new locations, and types of retreats we have never done before.

Our flagship annual retreat in Bozeman, Montana in August, then we are working on an AF travel trip in October 2024 with possible destinations being India, Vietnam, or the Camino de Santiago in Spain. But even before those events, we are working on Two retreats in Guanacaste, Costa Rica. Keep an eye out for more info: Recovery Elevator events.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[02:55] Highlights from Paul:

Today’s question is from Dale: How do I stop comparing myself to others in Recovery?

This is a BIG PICTURE question. An issue that probably didn’t arise when you quit drinking. I’m guessing this is something you have been doing for quite some time.

Part of this is healthy. You’ll want to model your sobriety after someone who seems to have done the work, or who has what you want. You’ll want to compare parts of your journey with theirs… But the key is not to have it consume you.

Paul shares his thoughts on this topic and reminds us that comparison is all part of the human condition and to know that when one person blooms, we all receive the benefit.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[10:30]: Kris introduces Emilee:

Emilee is 33 from Double Springs, AL. She is married and they have one daughter together. For work, she is a high school algebra teacher and for fun she enjoys doing outdoor activities including hunting and fishing and she also enjoys playing the piano, working out and cooking.

While growing up, Emilee didn’t have much exposure to alcohol. She says she was always shy growing up and it wasn’t until she was 19 that a boyfriend introduced her to a group of friends that drank a lot. In that environment, she discovered a different version of herself that was much more outgoing. This went on for a few months, but her drinking decreased for about a year before she went to college.

Emilee managed to keep with her studies but when she drank it was always to excess. She was home for the summer when her father suddenly passed away. She had to go back to school very soon after it happened and while she didn’t drink to cope with it, she had a lot of anxiety and was just going through the motions.

After graduating from college, Emilee got married and then got her first teaching job all in a short period of time. While the first year of her new career was very stressful, Emilee started a routine of getting alcohol on the way home from work and drinking throughout the evening. Her husband was also drinking and after a while they both started putting parameters on it. They eventually tried to quit, but that didn’t last, and Emilee started finding herself hiding her drinking and preferring drinking alone.

While pregnant, Emilee was able to stop drinking. She remained sober for a few months after having her daughter, but gradually started going back to her old habits. Emilee says she never really dealt with her father’s death so her emotions would come up a lot when she would get drunk.

Emilee started feeling the pull to quit drinking. She got a bunch of books and was able to stop for a few days at a time. Listening to the RE podcast would often keep her from stopping at the store for alcohol. Learning the science of what alcohol does to our bodies also helped her quit. Since quitting drinking Emilee feels that her relationships have improved.

Emilee’s favorite resources in recovery: RE podcast and Café RE.

Emilee’s parting piece of guidance: don’t quit quitting.

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We’re the only ones that can do this, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 451: What to Say to Someone Who is About to Drink Oct 09, 2023

Episode 451 – What to Say to Someone Who is About to Drink

Today we have Grant. He is 54 from Sacramento, CA and took his last drink on August 10th, 2020.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[02:16] Highlights from Paul:

We are five weeks into our Q & A series. This week’s question comes from Sarah C. “What can you say to someone, so they don’t drink?” Or how to help someone not drink.

Paul gives us some tried and true methods that work and strategies that the Recovery Elevator team believe in. Here are a few suggestions that Paul shares with us:

Tough love does not work, so a tone or stance of unconditional love needs to be present when confronting a friend who is about to drink.

Quick note about boundaries. Talking with people that are drunk can be triggering, and little can be done. Ask them to call you in the morning or when they are sober.

Being there with your presence, whether it is in person, via the phone or FaceTime, or Zoom, is the best thing you can do to help them. Holding space provides a safe container for the person to feel the feels, sit front and center with a craving and not feel judged or criticized.

You can also ask them about their “why”. Having them be clear on their “why” again is never a bad idea. You can also remind them that alcohol has been ruined. Drinking while knowing that alcohol no longer has a place in your life isn’t fun.

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[10:48]: Paul introduces Grant:

Grant is 54 and lives in Sacramento, CA. He is married and they have two young adult kids. He enjoys hiking and the area he lives in has a lot of nice places he explores. Grant works in research and public policy work in California and now focuses on addiction and recovery.

Grant says his first experience with alcohol was when he was 12. A friend had procured a bottle of brandy and they both ended up drinking to the point of going to the hospital. He drank through junior high and high school with a group of friends on weekends. The drinking continued in college, and he started trying other substances as well. Grant says there weren’t many consequences.

When Grant was in his 30’s after they had children, he found that alcohol helped him take the stress off. He quickly switched from beer to vodka that was easier to hide. He was succeeding at work which stressed him out more than he realized. He says it took some time but eventually he was drinking in the morning just to feel normal.

In 2019 someone from HR confronted Grant about smelling of alcohol and he told them that he was an alcoholic. He couldn’t admit it to his wife initially but started looking for outpatient treatment. He was able to quit for a time but relapsed after a painful experience with work which found him resigning and taking a new job with a pay cut. At this point Grant had joined Café RE and left home for a little while to live in a sober living house. He learned a lot while he was there and realized that he was going to have to do things differently.

After sober living, Grant started a home breathalyzer program to help him stay motivated. A meetup with fellow Café RE members gave Grant another turning point and realized that he was on the right path.

In recovery, Grant started volunteering with a non-profit in the addiction and recovery field. He also started listening to another recovery podcast where he shared information about addiction and recovery. He left to work for the non-profit called Shatterproof which helps people find treatment and recovery with their Treatment Atlas. Grant also has his own website about addiction and recovery – Sober Linings Playbook.

[53:19] Paul closes the episode with a poem from Peter, a Café RE member.

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RE 450: What are Alcohol Withdrawals Like in the First Week? Oct 02, 2023

Episode 450 – What are Alcohol Withdrawals Like in the First Week?

Today we have Sarah. She is 46 and lives in Buckhannon, WV. Sarah has been alcohol free since December 15, 2022.

Our latest Ditching The Booze course begins tonight at 7:30pm EDT/4:30pm PDT and it is not too late to register. The 5-week course is called Writing a New Narrative and is designed to help you explore your sobriety story through journaling and writing prompts and it is free for Café RE members.

Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[02:23] Highlights from Paul:

We are four weeks into our ten-episode Q & A series and today’s question is “what are alcohol withdrawals like in the first week?” This question as asked by Robyn in Café RE Blue.

The answer to this is going to depend on how much you drink on a daily or nightly basis and it’s not a one size fits all answer.

I highly recommend detoxing under medical supervised care if you consume more than 6-8 drinks daily and have been doing so for several months or years. Quitting cold turkey can be life threatening. 72 hours is the magic number. Once you hit this number, the worst of the physical components are behind you.

Paul shares some tips for navigating the first week and shares some of the changes our bodies go through. The whole withdrawal process from one week to several months has a term called PAWS or post-acute withdrawal symptoms. Check out the YouTube video Paul did about this.

Thank you, Robyn, for the question, if you want a question answered on the podcast, send your questions to info@recoveryelevator.com.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[13:41]: Kris introduces Sarah:

Sarah currently lives in West Virginia, works in higher learning, and has two daughters and three stepchildren. For fun Sarah enjoys arts and crafts, DIY things, and enjoys plants.

In high school, Sarah did not drink but grew up around a lot of drinking by her extended family. She never saw anything negative about it. In her early twenties she joined the Air Force where drinking is prevalent. At one point she had a few friends approach her about her drinking to which Sarah took offense. Over the course of the next several years she continued to drink the same way. Despite small consequences, she didn’t feel like she had a problem.

Around 10 years ago she and her husband were in counseling. She stated in a session that she needed some help and went to rehab after which she was able to stay sober briefly. Sarah says she got a lot out of her time in rehab. For a short period of time Sarah was able to drink moderately, but it increased after a series of negative life events. She started noticing the negative side effects of heavy drinking physically and emotionally.

When Sarah got sober this time, she knew she needed to join a community, and someone recommended Café RE to her. She has made great friends since being there and feels like this time in sobriety has been easy and she earned for it to be.

Sarah’s plan for recovery moving forward: to keep doing the work, attend more chats and start thinking about how to serve others.

Sarah’s parting piece of guidance: talk about it and reach out with others that have similar experiences.

[59:20] Kris’ closing:

One last reminder that Thursday October 5th is the Recovery Reinvented conference. In person and online attendance is 100% free.

Fall is here and Kris is ready for it. He reminds us all to get out there and play. Do all the fall things. Slow down, take a breath, and enjoy the moment you are in.

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You’re the only ones that can do this RE, but you don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 449: How to Make it Through Your First Sober Concert? Sep 25, 2023

Episode 449 - How to Make it Through Your First Sober Concert?

Today we have Santino. He is 35 from Taunton, MA and took his last drink on May 24th, 2022.

Our latest Ditching the Booze course begins Monday October 2nd at 7:30pm EDT/4:30pm PDT and is free to Café RE members. The 5-week course is called Writing a New Narrative and is designed to help you explore your sobriety story through journaling and writing prompts.

Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.

[03:05] Highlights from Paul:

Today’s question comes from Kelly in our Café RE Up Group. The question is “how do you make it through your first sober concert?”

The first of eight fantastic tips include giving yourself a little alcohol-free time before going to a concert. Once you’ve got some time under your belt, and the cravings are in check, then you can hit the green light on concerts. Regardless of how many days you have, if you are feeling squirrely the dray of the concert then sit it out. Sobriety is the priority.

Paul then shares several tips to include:

- Always have a non-alcoholic beverage in hand.

- Do not volunteer to be the DD.

- Make sure everyone you are attending with knows your intentions.

Some of the best parts about sober concerts? You will remember it. You will save money. You won’t get a DUI on the drive home.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[10:14]: Paul introduces Santino:

Santino is a repeat guest and has maintained his sobriety since his last appearance on episode 397 where he was on day 43.

Santino is married and has one son. For fun, he loves going outside in nature to go hiking and go to the beach, but he also says that there is fun in everything since quitting drinking.

Santino had his first drink as a young teen. His mom was a single parent for a while, and he feels that he may have started drinking because the absence of his father bothered him. He learned that alcohol became a friend to him, and he feels like he used it for connection with his father and in contrast, to disconnect from her mother.

Santino joined the Air Force out of high school and found alcohol to be part of the culture. Between his early 20s and his early 30s he started deliberately planning his drinking to include before going out and drinking alone. Santino says he used a lot of rationalization that he wasn’t as bad as other people when it came to how he drank. He often pushed off having to think about it.

There wasn’t much hiding it from his spouse initially because they both drank. His hiding became more intentional as time went on, specifically after his son was born and during the pandemic. He found himself being sneakier about it. Santino started struggling with mood swings and being less communicative and didn’t want to address the fact that he needed help to quit drinking. He started to realize that this was going to destroy his family and he needed to rip the band aid off and address it. Once he addressed it with his wife, he felt freedom but was also worried about the process.

In the early days of his recovery, Santino and his wife began counseling to work on rebuilding their relationship. Santino also found that he started to feel healthier in general, was getting better sleep and did not miss the hangovers at all. Santino has been able to save money which assisted him with paying off some credit card debt he incurred while drinking. As a parent, he feels more centered and present with his son.

He attends AA frequently, listens to podcasts, and surrounds himself with others in recovery.

Santino’s parting piece of guidance: give yourself grace in all the moments that you feel that you don’t even deserve it.

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Go big, because eventually we all go home.

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RE 448: How Do I Let Go and Stop Trying to Control Sep 18, 2023

Episode 448 - How Do I Let Go and Stop Trying to Control

Today we have Jen. She is 48 from Boulder, CO and took her last drink on May 12th, 2021.

Our latest Ditching The Booze course begins Monday October 2nd at 7:30pm EDT/4:30pm PDT and is free to Café RE members. The 5-week course is called Writing a New Narrative and is designed to help you explore your sobriety story through journaling and writing prompts.

Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.

[02:48] Highlights from Kris:

Today’s question comes from Dale in Virginia. He wants to know “how do I learn to let go of things, and stop trying to control?”

Kris feels that two themes that come up over and over in recovery are surrender and acceptance. He says there are different types of control and while some of it is normal and can be healthy, trying to control things such as other people and how they feel about us is not healthy.

Kris shares his insights about this topic and shares with us: “when I have unrest on the inside, it presents itself on the outside. When I find that inner peace, I can extend it to the world around me”.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[11:50]: Kris welcomes Jen:

Jen joins us from Boulder, CO area and recently celebrated two years alcohol free. She is married and they have two kids and a dog. For fun Jen likes to be active outdoors and spending time with recovery friends nearby, fabric arts and yoga.

Jen didn’t drink when she was young because she learned that some family members quit drinking because they couldn’t control it. She drank very casually because she didn’t want to develop a problem, but over time peer pressure found her drinking more frequently. In grad school there was more binge drinking and hangovers. She and her husband drank only socially prior to having kids.

Jen went back to work shortly after having her first child and realized that she was missing out on a lot, so she became a stay-at-home mom. She bought boxed wine to try and save money and discovered it was too easy to refill the glass. Jen wanted to be a fun mom and used alcohol to feel less bored. Over time Jen started finding herself drinking after everyone went to bed.

After a situation that found both her husband and children concerned about her, Jen started to try quitting drinking. She had already been reading quit lit and listening to podcasts. She was able to make it over 100 days but decided to attempt moderation. She found that after a while the attempts to control how much she drank became frustrating. One day while listening to a podcast episode, she had a moment of clarity where she knew she had to quit drinking for good.

Jen feels that her husband quitting drinking shined a light on her drinking. She would make excuses to have drinks outside of the home.

Jen quit drinking the day after her birthday. She decided to join Café RE and started going on hikes with fellow RE members, hosting chats and giving back to the community. Jen finds “playing the tape forward” very helpful in addition to listening to herself and discovering what she needs. She enjoys reading self-help books instead of quit lit. Finding connections with other people and creating deep friendships was an unexpected perk Jen received in recovery.

Jen’s plan for recovery moving forward: working on her spiritual and self-discovery practice.

Jen’s parting piece of guidance: “play it forward” it is one tool that has never wavered for her. Keep your mind open and try a variety of things for your recovery.

[01:03:47] Kris’ outro:

Kris shares a story about a recent vacation with his family and how it relates to his expectations and control.

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Go big, because eventually we’ll all go home.

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RE 447: Can You Be Addicted to Alcohol and Not Be An Alcoholic? Sep 11, 2023

Episode 447 – Can You Be Addicted to Alcohol and Not Be An Alcoholic?

Today we have Stephanie. She is 35 from and took her last drink on December 31st, 2022.

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[02:43] Highlights from Paul:

Paul and Kris are going to be doing a ten-part intro series where we answer questions from listeners. If you have a question that you’d like us to answer on the air, send them to info@recoveryelevator.com.

Paul shares one of his biggest regrets since starting the podcast and also answers the first question from Brady in South Denver. He asked, “can you be addicted to alcohol and not be an alcoholic?”

Paul begins his answer with “The Answer is yes. And no. And a little bit of yes, and little bit of No. Welcome to a world full of paradoxes.”

Next week we will hear Kris answer the next question: “How do I learn to let go of things and stop trying to control?”.

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[09:23]: Paul introduces Stephanie:

Stephanie is 35 and she is from Connecticut, currently living in Washington State. She works as an accountant and as a server at a restaurant. She has one son and a dog. Stephanie enjoys reading both for fun and for a podcast she has: So, What Are You Reading?, and she has recently picked up paddleboarding.

Stephanie had her first drink when she was 16 and had a bad experience and said she wasn’t going to do it again. She drank very sporadically until she moved to Washington with her son’s father. After they broke up, she moved into an apartment on her own and felt like alcohol was her only friend. She progressed from wine to harder alcohol over time and began to try and put parameters on her drinking.

After a while, Stephanie realized that drinking wasn’t what she was supposed to be doing. She started recognizing that she wasn’t present for her son. Her anxiety was terrible, and she had issues with remembering things from the night before which made it worse. But Stephanie says she enjoyed the chaos that came with the drinking escapades, even though it was making her life harder than it needed to be. She got to the point that she didn’t want to do anything.

When Stephanie’s current boyfriend did a Dry January in 2021, Stephanie joined him but says she white knuckled through it and drank as soon as February 1st came. That was when she started questioning what the point of drinking was. She had some very negative events in her last year of drinking to the point that on January 1st, 2023, she decided enough was enough.

During the first 30 days she binged on podcasts and YouTube videos. She started journalling, doing puzzles and playing board games with her son. Stephanie has been able to get into grad school, is able to plan vacations and try a lot of new things. Reading, exercise, and time outdoors have become very important to Stephanie.

Stephanie’s favorite resources: The Sober Café (Facebook group), Recovery Elevator and other recovery podcasts,

Stephanie’s parting piece of guidance: if alcohol is impacting you in a negative way just take it out for 100 days.

[49:27] Closing thoughts:

If you’re not ready to quit drinking, none of the information we covered today is going to land, if you are ready, it doesn’t matter what we cover. Focus on the similarities and not the differences.

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RE 446: Go Easy on Yourself Sep 04, 2023

Episode 446 – Go Easy on Yourself

Today we have Jonathan. He is 44 from Grand Forks, ND and took his last drink on May 17th, 2008.

Our six week Ditching the Booze mindfulness course starts Monday, September 18th and meets on Monday nights at 8:30 PM EST. This course is included with Café RE membership and is for Café RE members only.

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[02:24] Highlights from Paul:

Straying from the sometimes-complex intros, Paul urges us to go easy on ourselves.

Despite all of our agricultural, scientific, and technological innovations, this is the hardest time it has ever been to be a human being. Rates of addiction and overdoses are soaring. Dr. Gabor Mate’s book The Myth of Normal shows how our out of balance culture is creating mountains of unrest and disease.

Life is already a challenge and living in the modern world without substances to slow down the prefrontal cortex, it is even harder.

Go easy on yourself. Life is going to kick your ass at some time or another. Don’t let that Bruno voice in the head make it any worse. Once that voice starts chirping about how you should have done XYZ differently, and how you’re doomed for eternity, locate the true you and tell that Bruno voice to step aside, and you’ll take it from here.

Be sure to start your day with words of compassion. Compassion for you, those nearest to you, the animals outside your window, and for those who are still struggling with alcohol.

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[8:11]: Kris introduces Jonathan:

Jonathan is 44 years old and lives in Grand Forks, ND. He has worked in the restaurant industry most of his life and is also the managing director for the office of Recovery Reinvented. For fun Jonathan likes to spend time outside and cook. He is married and they have three daughters.

Jonathan says he had a good childhood with a lot of parental support. He feels like his exposure to alcohol as a teenager was normal. He says drinking never got in the way of his grades or playing sports. While in college Jonathan started working in bars and restaurants where drinking is part of the culture. His drinking increased and he ended up dropping out of school.

Jonathan realized early on that his drinking looked different from his peers. He witnessed others being able to stop with a few drinks after work whereas he would just go to the next bar or go home and keep the party going. He didn’t think he was drinking to mask anything, so he didn’t have a problem, he just really enjoyed drinking.

While Jonathan was doing well in his career, his drinking increased. He opened his first restaurant when he was 27 and was very successful. People were starting to tell Jonathan that he should cut back but he struggled to do so.

Jonathan had a meeting with his business partner and his father where he was told that things needed to change, or the partnership was going to end. This is what it took for Jonathan to seek treatment. He went to inpatient treatment for 30 days. While there he went from feeling like this was a temporary change to realizing that he needed it to be long term. He started seeing the similarities with others instead of the differences.

Jonathan completed 30 days and continued with outpatient treatment. He made the decision to be transparent with his recovery. He feels that helped him stay accountable and sober.

Jonathan’s favorite resource in recovery: I Am Sober app (he likes seeing how much money he has saved).

Jonathan’s parting piece of guidance: “Everything that is good in my life today is in my life because alcohol is not.”

Recovery Reinvented

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RE 445: Keep on Dancing Aug 28, 2023

Episode 445 – Keep Dancing

Today we have Cindy. She is 54 from Kure Beach, NC and took her last drink on March 2nd, 2023.

We are doing an East Coast Café RE meet-up tour! NYC on Wednesday August 30th, Philadelphia Saturday September 2nd, and DC on Tuesday September 5th. For questions about the event please email info@recoveryelevator.com

This is a reminder of the suicide prevention hotline 988, which was launched one year ago. This number has fielded 5 million calls, texts, and chats in the past year alone and has saved countless lives.

We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.

[03:23] Highlights from Paul:

After recently watching a social media video featuring a sober influencer dancing, Paul decided to challenge this individual to a breakdancing battle. Meanwhile another sober influencer viewing this video stated that watching this video made him want to drink.

Let’s zoom out for a second.

The Tik Tok user, with millions of followers, said that watching videos of this person dancing - made them want to drink. To summarize that in two words it would be: Stop Dancing.

Then we have Paul who challenges this person to a sober break dance battle. We can summarize this statement in two words: Keep dancing.

So, listeners, keep on dancing, and never stop. If you don’t know your metaphorical or literal dance steps, stick around. The knowledge will return. If someone tells you that your dancing makes them want to drink, then that is 100% their problem. When you dance, it gives others permission to dance. You don’t need alcohol, it won’t make you better, and you’ll remember all of it.

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[08:52] Paul introduces Cindy:

Cindy is 54, grew up in Maryland but currently lives in North Carolina. She has been married for 23 years and they have two children and a dog. She works as an operating room nurse and recently got a master’s degree.

Cindy recalls first having alcohol late in high school. She was very social throughout college and enjoyed drinking a lot. She traveled a lot after college and knows that she drank but didn’t have any major consequences. Cindy says she and her husband drank but she doesn’t recall it affecting her life much. Happy Hour after work was very common for her due to the stressful job she has. Even after an incident where she was able to get out of a DUI, she still didn’t recognize that she had a problem. The drinking increased but Cindy always thought it was her husband that had the problem, not her. There were no attempts to moderate and no consequences, so the drinking continued.

Cindy started wondering why she wasn’t happy because she had a good life. Since she felt it was her husband that had the issue, Cindy started attending Al-Anon. When she returned from a travel nursing job, she realized how terrible she was feeling. She had been drinking every night, driving drunk often, and started having some consequences. Soon she found herself in an AA meeting where she had what she considers an awakening of sorts. She felt like she had found people that understood her.

Earlier this year, a podcast episode Cindy was listening spoke of living an authentic life. This really resonated with her, and she realized alcohol had to go. She started attending AA regularly after her last drink and is learning to deal with her feelings and learning from them. Cindy utilizes many tools to process how she feels and knows that alcohol is not the answer.

Cindy’s favorite resources in recovery: recovery podcasts, being active in AA

Cindy’s parting piece of guidance: If you are contemplating stopping drinking, think about why you are drinking.

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Go big, keep dancing, because eventually we’ll all go home.

RE 444: Alcohol Consumption by State Aug 21, 2023

Episode 444 – Alcohol Consumption by State

Today we have Chad. He is 51 from Southern Indiana and took his last drink on March 25th, 2022.

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[02:47] Highlights from Paul:

Something heard often while interviewing guests is “you don’t know what it’s like to grow up in Wisconsin, Texas, in Las Vegas, in Trenton, New Jersey, or you don’t know how much we drink in…” fill in the blank. So yes, it is ubiquitous, but there is a front runner.

Check out the full list and see where your state ranks: Alcohol Consumption by State

In 2012 British researcher Dr. David Nutt was tasked by the government to put harm scores on 20 of the world’s most harmful drug. Alcohol came in at #1 beating out crack, heroin, meth and cocaine.

Paul shares some stats about the costs of alcohol use disorder in Montana. You can see stats for all of the US here: Alcohol Abuse Statistics

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[11:48] Kris introduces Chad:

Chad has been sober for a little over 15 months at the time of this recording. He is 51 and lives in a small town in Indiana. Chad is married, and they have three children. He works for the government. He enjoys talking recovery, umpiring softball, and cycling.

Chad’s parents divorced when he was young. He never felt like he fit in at either of his parents’ homes and was a people pleaser doing whatever he could to fit in. Chad moved in with his dad when he was 13. After an ankle injury he was sidelined from sports, and he ended up finding a new group of friends that dabbled in drugs and alcohol. He says he struggled through high school and was looking at the military instead of going to college. He was looking forward to having some structure that he didn’t feel he had growing up between two households.

After graduating, Chad spent the summer partying and started basic training in August. He was sent to Germany after more training, and they drank a lot there. He started to notice that he needed to drink just to feel normal. He ended up leaving after one deployment and realized the military wasn’t for him.

Chad left the military and went into construction work. He and his wife hadn’t married yet, but she was pregnant, which was frowned upon by her family. Four years after having their daughter they got married and while they got a house together and continued to grow the family, Chad drank to deal with his stressors. It got to the point where Chad couldn’t do anything without a drink in his hand. He says drinking took a front seat to everything else. On days when he could not drink, he was starting to have symptoms of withdrawal. He began to hide alcohol and his tolerance grew.

After a bad blackout and confrontation with his wife, he felt terrible and realized that he needed help. His wife encouraged him to seek inpatient treatment which is what Chad was hoping for. With his wife’s support he found a rehab that helped him a lot. He was able to talk to therapists and realize that he wasn’t alone. After 30 days in rehab, Chad started AA, started reading more books about recovery and has found Zoom meetings and listening to the RE podcast very helpful.

Chad’s plan for recovery moving forward: Dig deeper into his recovery and be of service.

Chad’s parting piece of guidance: A life worth living can be found in sobriety. You’re worth it, give yourself a chance. “No” is a full answer.

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We’re the only ones that can do this RE, but we don’t have to do it alone.

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RE 443: A Different Type of Alcoholic Aug 14, 2023

Episode 443 - A Different Type of Alcoholic

Today we have Kelly, she is 46 from Minneapolis, MN and took her last drink on June 18th, 2023.

Join us Saturday August 26th in Boston, MA for a day of service in collaboration with The Phoenix. Learn more about the event here.

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[02:57] Highlights from Paul:

When saying the word “alcoholic”, these images, and thoughts commonly come to mind:

Living under a Bridge. Brown paper bag. Homeless. Hopeless. Unemployed.

Some of this is accurate but studies show only 5% of alcoholics fit these descriptions.

The other 95% are high functioning, tend to be high earners, more educated, are healthier and have more stable relationships than average.

With the estimated 452 million alcoholics that don’t fit the stereotypical description of an alcoholic, this takes the saying you are not alone to a new level.

We justify or benchmark our drinking according to what an alcoholic looks like. I’m not that bad, I have a job, and money in the bank. We surround ourselves with other drinkers who don’t fit the alcoholic stereotype to solidify our own positions on the addiction scale. Now a classic trait of an addiction is that we are blind to where we actually are with the addiction process. The hole you find yourself in is probably deeper than you think. My recommendation is to stop digging. You CAN put the shovel down. Another classic trait of an addiction is the progression. We have 452 million alcoholics on the globe who are not living under a bridge or drinking out of brown paper bag yet.

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[09:30] Paul introduces Kelly:

Kelly took her last drink on June 18th, 2023, and has 6 days at the time of this recording. She is 46 and lives in Minneapolis. She leads software development teams for a living. Kelly loves the outdoors and enjoys running, hiking, and paddleboarding. She enjoys movies, music, and museums as well.

Kelly first tried alcohol at a party in 9th grade. Drinking was not something that she wanted to do but she succumbed to peer pressure. A year later she started spending time visiting her brother at college, and she enjoyed hanging out with him and his friends and started drinking more frequently. It was a good escape from the abuse she was dealing with at home.

In college Kelly was drinking and dealing with an eating disorder. She worked hard to overcome her bulimia but then her drinking ramped up after that. After college she married a fellow engineer, and they would drink heavily together. After they started having children and settling down, her husband was able to quit the excessive drinking, but Kelly was not.

While raising her children, Kelly was able to cut back on drinking and started putting rules around it. Her relationship wasn’t going well, and Kelly was going out more frequently and drinking almost daily. After a few drinking and driving charges, Kelly began to realize that she could no longer control it. Over time she recognized that she was starting to isolate more and then would go out to bars to find connection with other people.

Kelly has been able to have more gaps in drinking days over time and has been acquiring tools throughout the process. She is recognizing that she needs to treat her sobriety like a baby and nurture it daily. Each morning she meditates and uses the Reframe app. She attends AA meetings frequently and has recently found a therapist to help her with her childhood trauma.

Kelly’s plan for recovery moving forward: keep doing things that make her feel uncomfortable, attending more meetings, and new meditation practices.

Kelly’s parting piece of guidance: keep trying, be open to new resources.

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Go big, because eventually we’ll all go home.

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RE 442: Time to Breathe Aug 07, 2023

Episode 442 – Time to Breathe

Today we have Jeff, he is 35 from Salt Lake City, UT and had his last drink on April 6th, 2023.

Shout out to the Café RE chat hosts. Thank you for continuing to hold space for our community and for creating an environment where we can come together and heal.

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[03:46] Highlights from Kris:

Kris finds sober anniversaries a good opportunity to reflect on where he was and where he is today. He asks himself questions such as “What have I gone through? How have I been able to meet the challenges placed in front of me? Am I moving in the direction I want to in my life?”

In active addiction Kris was not able to show love to himself. He knew that the things he was doing were hurting other people and himself. He knew his wife, kids, parents, and friends all loved him, but he couldn’t let the love in. He was stuck in the loop of “I’m not enough, I’ve screwed up too much, I deserve to feel this way.”

If you’re listening, and you’re there today, know that you are not alone. Many of us have been there and know how hard it is.

We don’t have to be perfect RE… that’s never going to happen. All we have to be is willing. We have to be willing to be honest with where we are today. Without judgement, where are things in our life right now? What is the next right thing to step into our new future? Where can we find support? Don’t worry about trying to resolve every issue in your life all at once. Just take little bites.

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[09:40] Kris introduces Jeff:

At the time of recording, Jeff is celebrating 90 days of sobriety and plans to celebrate with cacao. He is 35 and lives in Salt Lake City with his wife and two dogs. For fun Jeff enjoys mountain biking, skiing, running, and music is a big part of his life.

Growing up, alcohol was always present at celebrations hosted by his parents and their friends. It was normal for him to see people drink to excess. Jeff’s first drink was when he was 16 with some friends and stolen rum. Early on he recognized that his drinking was different than other people’s. On the outside, he was successful at school but was suffering from depression that alcohol helped him escape from.

After high school Jeff went to the east coast to play hockey for two years. This required a lot of discipline, so Jeff’s drinking was limited to one day each week. He never moderated and usually ended up blacking out.

When Jeff turned 20, he started college where he played hockey and studied engineering. During his freshman year he got a bad concussion and struggled a lot with the side effects afterwards. He initially used drinking to self-medicate the side effects but drinking started to become the answer to everything.

After college Jeff moved back to Alaska for a job. He had his own place with two roommates who he frequently drank with late into the night. He was able to keep up with work and other activities so in spite of some health consequences, he didn’t feel he had a problem.

Jeff started questioning his drinking after he caught himself drinking and driving frequently. He found Allen Carr’s book and was able to stop drinking for 11 days. Since then, he has been in the cycle of quitting and then starting back with different lengths of time between drinks.

Therapy has been helpful for Jeff over the last three years and his wife has been very supportive. Connection has become very important to him.

Jeff’s plan in recovery moving forward: moving forward with integrity and owning who he is.

Jeff’s parting piece(s) of guidance: it’s ok if you think this is hard because it is hard. Even just listening to this podcast is a huge win. Recovery is not a straight line.

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RE 441: Connection With a Molecule Jul 31, 2023

Episode 441 – Connection With a Molecule

Today we have Shane, he is 39 from Birmingham, AL and took his last drink on December 25th, 2021.

[00:58] Highlights from Paul:

Many of us share the same response to our first drink. It’s a firework show internally that connects the missing dots. We finally feel connected. Alcohol becomes our best friend.

Now do not beat yourself up if you find yourself in a tightly intertwined relationship with alcohol. Humans are pack animals and need connection to survive. We need partnership. As addiction guru Dr. Gabor Mate would say, congratulations, you found alcohol, you found a way to survive. Yes, there is the disease model, but there’s also the unease model. A deep unrest or lack of connection with others and ourselves.

How do we fix this? Like we learned in last week’s episode, it’s robust social connections that fix this. Some of us have difficulty making deep connections with other human beings but connection with nonhuman souls can help us quit drinking too. Animals help us release oxytocin and serotonin; they help our nervous systems relax. Studies show plants and trees can do the same thing.

To summarize, we connected with a molecule. Which ended up being the most dangerous and addictive molecule thus far recorded, and there is plenty of data to back that up. So, what’s next? Start building connections with other people, places, and things, like your life depends on it. Because it does.

We have a new sponsor! Check out Go Brewing. Use the code ELEVATOR for 15% off.

[08:12] Paul introduces Shane:

Shane is 39 years old, currently lives outside of Birmingham, AL. He is married with two children. He works in the heavy truck parts industry. He has been playing guitar since he was 15.

Shane had no interest in drinking prior to trying it on a beach trip with friends when he was 20. Shane was surround by alcohol while working as a musician and in the service industry. He found that alcohol made it easier for him to talk to and socialize with people. He first recognized that he might have a problem when he realized he was starting to rely on alcohol to alleviate any stress he was having. He met his wife while they were working on a music album together.

Shane started having increasing anxiety and his drinking issues were becoming more apparent to those around him. He was given an ultimatum by his wife to quit drinking. He was able to quit drinking for about five years.

Shane’s father passed away and he ended up taking over the business abruptly. At this point he had already relapsed and would have a series of stops and starts utilizing different programs, but nothing ever stuck. Shortly after his daughter was born Shane made his most recent attempt at recovery after some conversations with his wife. He started attending AA three times a week and this was the first time that he admitted to himself that he could not control this. Shane says he felt huge relief when he realized that.

Shane says that within the first six months of sobriety his sleep improved, he was able to do more by not planning his life around alcohol. Exercise has been very helpful to Shane as well. He is open with friends and family around his recovery and has no issues being around alcohol. Shane feels the next step for him is leaning into the service aspect of recovery.

Shane’s favorite resources in recovery: RE podcast, AA, SMART Recovery

Shane’s parting piece of guidance: “just stop drinking”

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It all starts from the inside out.

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RE 440: How to Undo Trauma Jul 24, 2023

Episode 440 - How to Undo Trauma

Today we have Kathy. She is 31 from Dillworth, MN and has been clean since June 13th, 2016.

Thank you to all of the Café RE chat hosts. You all do a great job!

We have an exciting new sponsor for the podcast! Go Brewing has an amazing lineup of NA beers. Use the code ELEVATOR for 15% off your order.

[02:06] Highlights from Paul:

Before we get started, how is your summer going? How is sobriety going? How is your AF clock going? How is your life going? Regardless of your answer to all those questions, Paul reminds us that we are not alone. Recovery Elevator is right here with you every step of the way.

A recent study of baboons revealed that establishing robust social connections in adulthood, is so beneficial to the animals that it can mitigate the consequences of traumatic experiences during their early years. There’s that word again. Connection. In addition, researchers have found that once these connections are made, the baboons report living longer lives.

We have learned, are learning - that building connections helps us depart from alcohol. When we first enter an actual relationship with the molecule alcohol. It’s a wonderful courtship, but we soon realize that alcohol gave us wings, and then took away the sky. We must replace the connection we had with alcohol with something else.

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[09:39] Kris introduces Kathy:

Kathy just celebrated 7 years of recovery. She lives in Dillworth, MN, she works in care coordination with the F5 Project and has five children ranging from 5 to 18. For fun she hangs out with recovery friends while doing a variety of activities.

Kathy’s parents were both addicts and she was in the foster care system early in life. She would spend her childhood moving in and out of foster homes. When she was 12 she ended up living with her brothers and stepfather because her mother went to jail. Kathy wanted to be like her older brothers and started drinking to have a good time.

It didn’t take long for her drinking and drug abuse to get out of control. Kathy ended up getting pregnant at age 16 by a man she didn’t know well. She says she no longer had parental support. She quit all substances through her pregnancy and had a goal to be a different mom than her own. She was unable to stay quit and felt a lot of guilt and shame surrounding it.

Kathy was not able to stay clean during her second pregnancy and after having the baby she spent a lot of time stealing to support her habit and her children. She ended up trying rehab at one point but was unable to stay sober for very long.

Kathy feels she didn’t have great parenting skills and ended up losing custody of her children due to the drug abuse. Some felonies found her in jail and she tried to use this as an opportunity to get clean. After losing a close friend, Kathy asked her stepfather to bail her out. After about two months of using again she decided to get clean because that is what her friend would have wanted for her.

She was able to get into inpatient treatment and felt this time that she was truly ready. As soon as she arrived, she went to a drum ceremony where she felt her spirit being awoken. She started learning about how her trauma affected her which helped her shed her shame. After treatment Kathy lived in a halfway house for a few months and upon getting out had her third child.

Kathy started going to school for social work and was able foster her nieces who she has now adopted. She loves her current job as care coordinator and giving back to others.

Kathy’s plan in sobriety moving forward: to keep on giving back, anywhere and everywhere.

Kathy’s parting piece of guidance: You have control over your actions, and you can train your brain to be and do better.

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It all starts from the inside out.

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RE 439: Developing a Spiritual Practice Jul 17, 2023

Episode 439 – Developing a Spiritual Practice

Today we have Liz, she’s 38 from LaVale, MD and took her last drink on December 31st, 2022.

Thank you to the Café RE chat host, you all do an incredible job!

[02:22] Highlights from Paul:

This is not a religious podcast. Paul feels that religion and spirituality are not two sides of the same coin.

When we drink alcohol, spiritually, our electrical current to the universe is severed. In fact, in many cultures, the name alcohol literally means, soul sucking spirit. Then mentally, the chemical alcohol turns our brains into tepid soup. After that, we have the physical component - pancreatitis and liver failure come to mind.

What is spirituality? What is a spiritual practice? We are connecting with the self. We are connecting within. You become more ocean and less wave. In short, spirituality is connection with the self, which then leads to a connection with nature, the universe, a higher power, and some may call it God. Why do we drink? Why did we drink? To get this sense of connection.

Paul shares many examples of spiritual practices and reminds us that we don’t have to wait for the normal order of healing in order to implement some these. We can start right now.

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[11:03] Paul introduces Liz:

Liz is from a small-town Maryland. She is married with two kids; she is a registered nurse and attending school as she is working toward her master’s degree. She enjoys spending time outdoors: kayaking, hiking, camping, being a soccer mom.

Liz grew up in a tightknit family and was the youngest of three sisters. She first tried alcohol with a cousin when she was in 6th grade. She didn’t really enjoy it and thought it tasted terrible. She wasn’t a big drinker in high school, just the occasional party.

She drank like everyone else during college and worked in the service industry. It was normal for her to be the last person drinking at parties, but she worked and went to school with little issue.

Liz’s drinking escalated when she began nursing school. She was already married with two kids and struggled balancing it all. She used alcohol as a stress reliever. Her first job after graduating was in the ICU working night shifts. She would drink after her shifts and tried to hide the amount of drinking from her husband. She still didn’t feel she had a problem. Liz says her moderation attempts found her feeling more stressed and caused mood swings.

Liz went to inpatient rehab and was able to stay sober for six months. She started attending AA and using the tools she learned in rehab. Her relapse happened on a soccer trip after another parent called her out for not drinking which triggered her. She now feels that her lack of planning or having a network contributed to the relapse as well. She lost control of her drinking. Over the next few years, she spent a lot of time in treatment and trying to figure out what was causing the issues and what needed to change.

Liz got a sponsor with AA and started the steps right away after her last drink. She sometimes gets cravings but plays the tape forward. She knows that if she drinks, she will not be able to be there for any of her family if they need her. Liz made a post on Facebook about her recovery and received a lot of love and many messages from people regarding their own struggles. Liz says that she feels so much freedom now that she is alcohol free and has found her higher power.

Liz’s favorite resources in recovery: AA, recovery podcasts

Liz’s parting piece of guidance: don’t ever give up, no matter what happens you can wake up the next day and keep going.

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Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 438: Expectations Jul 10, 2023

Episode 438 – Expectations

Today we have something different lined up. Instead of one interviewee, we’ve got a panel of sober rockstars who have been kicking ass and taking names in this field for a while now. You’re going to love it.

Recovery Elevator welcomes our newest sponsor, Athletic Greens.

[02:33] Highlights from Paul:

We are full of expectations. Both for ourselves and other people. Top of that list is we expect happiness in a world where nothing is guaranteed. We have been conditioned throughout our life that any discomfort represents failure, and a certain product, drink or pill will end the suffering.

How do we let expectations go? It’s impossible. All you can do is become aware you are expecting something different for yourself or other people.

Another reason why expectations are dangerous is it throws gratitude right out of the window. We also expect the earth to keep providing the natural resources needed for our survival, which are never guaranteed. We definitely need to approach sunshine, fresh drinking water, clean air, and shelter from a stance of gratitude opposed to expecting them to be delivered to us because we deserve them. More on that next week.

“The days in which my gratitude exceeds my expectations are really good days” – Ray Wylie Hubbard.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[10:54] The interviewees introduce themselves:

Laura Cathcart Robbins, the host of “The Only One in the Room” podcast and author of the book Stash: My Life in Hiding.

Eric Zimmer, the hose of “The One You Feed” podcast and creator of a program called Spiritual Habits.

Paul Churchill, the host of “Recovery Elevator” podcast (who we all know and love).

Gill hosts the Sober Powered podcast and is also a chemistry professor in the Boston area.

Gill wants to talk about early sobriety and what the experience was like for each guest.

[14:33] Laura has almost 15 years in sobriety. She shares that her first month of sobriety was spent in rehab. She hated it and felt resentful of those that enjoyed it. She attended a lot of recovery meetings and felt sentenced and never felt like she fit in initially. Laura remembers the early days often and knows she doesn’t want to return there.

[17:18] Eric first got sober from heroin when he was 24. He stayed sober for about eight years but returned to alcohol for a few years. He has since gotten sober again and has been sober for 16 years. What Eric remembers about early recovery is that just quitting substances wasn’t enough. He was plagued by the war that went on between using and not using and he feels that after some time in recovery, the turmoil subsides.

[20:08] Paul had a moment of clarity during a wedding he was DJ’ing where he was extremely drunk and had to ask a colleague to finish. He quit drinking a few days later and planned on going to rehab. He decided to wait and try recovery with AA and spending more time in nature.

[22:48] Gill is three and half years sober. She quit because it was affecting her mental health. She was scared to share her issues with anyone initially, so she did the first few months in recovery by herself.

The guests continue to share their experiences around their early sobriety, their readiness to quit drinking and reflect on what helped them in recovery then and what continues to help them now.

Connect with Laura – The Only One in the Room Podcast

Connect with Eric – The One You Feed

Connect with Gill – Sober Powered

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Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, you got to take the stairs back up, you can do this.

I love you guys.

RE 437: Inner Conflict Jul 03, 2023

Episode 437 – Inner Conflict

Today we have Mark who is 45 from Connecticut and took his last drank on January 15, 2023.

Thank you to all of the Café RE chat hosts. You all do a great job!

We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.

[01:55] Highlights from Paul:

It is impossible to avoid conflict in a human life. All attempts to avoid it, will only result in more conflict. It built into the human experience. After all, we are reconciling the Yin to our Yang on a daily basis. Somedays the dark side says take a seat, and the next day, we welcome the light.

Addictions take hold when is there is intense inner conflict. When parts of our personalities are out of balance. Or when parts of us are screaming for attention because we are in pain. In addition, this inner imbalance is a representation that the whole of society is out of balance causing many of us to question “what the hell is going on?”. Your individual unrest is not separate from the whole.

And how do we solve the “what the hell is going on” question? We do the inner work. We face this inner conflict. We learn from it. We recognize what the addiction is trying to force us to do.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[10:39] Kris introduces Mark:

Mark is 45, lives in Connecticut has five months alcohol free at the time of this recording. He is married and has two dogs and a cat. He works in marketing and customer experience. For fun Mark loves to hike, ski and garden.

Alcohol has been part of Mark’s life for as long as he can remember. At a very young age his dad gave him a sip of his beer and Mark liked it. Mark didn’t drink much until his senior year of high school when he came out as gay. He and his brother would go to the local bar on the weekends in an effort to connect with others like them.

Mark’s drinking progressed throughout college, but he had the “work hard, play hard” mentality and tried to limit his drinking to the weekends while being productive during the week. This continued through the beginning of his career. At many of his work events, it was seen as abnormal to drink more than two drinks. Mark found himself always wanting to leave these events in order to go find more alcohol. Later at another job the culture was different where everyone drank like Mark wanted to. Alcohol was always present in his day-to-day life, so he didn’t need to hide it.

The consequences of Mark’s drinking started to impact his life. He was drinking daily and even more on the weekends and vacations. He became fearful as he had more experiences of blacking out. Mark feels that the fear came from not being comfortable with himself. After being able to stack some sober days, he realized the fear came from self-loathing. As he started evaluating how he ended up drinking so much he realized he had become a people pleaser but drinking made it harder and harder to live up to expectations. He started feeling shame around his drinking.

Mark started his journey by trying Dry January, listening to podcasts and reading books. Mark found himself in a cycle of gaining some sobriety time and then getting derailed. He reached the point where he didn’t enjoy drinking anymore. Mark sought out a therapist who helped him recognize that he was doing it alone and pushed Mark to attend AA and find community. He struggled to connect with AA and decided to try Café RE. Once Mark realized that this couldn’t be done alone, he was able to push his fear aside and explore recovery with a community.

Mark’s plan in sobriety moving forward: to continue making connections, making sobriety a priority every day.

Mark’s parting piece of guidance: don’t give up and be willing to try everything. It will be scary but it’s worth it.

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We took the elevator down, but we’ve got to take the stairs back up

I love you guys.

RE 436: Our Road Ahead Jun 26, 2023

Episode 436 – Our Road Ahead

Today we have Lacey. She’s 34 from Illinois and has been sober since May 15, 2020.

Recovery Elevator welcomes our newest sponsor, Athletic Greens.

[02:16] Highlights from Kris:

We feel it is important to use these first few episodes of Season Five to set a foundation for the upcoming year. Kris shares the RE mission statement and talks about what each of the six key themes means to him.

To recap, our mission statement: we offer hope through community and connection. Partnering sobriety seeking individuals with other likeminded people.

Over and over and over again, you’re going to hear us, and our guests, talk about the importance of connection. It’s not because it’s the only thing we know how to talk about; but simply because it’s THAT IMPORTANT.

Recovery Elevator’s Six Themes:

1) We are inclusive

2) There is no right or wrong way to do this

3) Connection

4) Don’t just quit drinking

5) We need to remain open

6) We must pass along what we learn to others

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[09:30] Kris introduces Lacey:

Lacey is 34 and lives in Illinois. She is an instructional designer. She is married and has two cats. Lacey loves walking, camping, cooking, and doing crafts. She is part of a community theater and enjoys volunteering at the local animal shelter.

Lacey was young when her parents quit drinking, so alcohol was never around. She feels the mystery made it more interesting to her. She first drank with theater friends in her sophomore year of high school. This was the first time that she felt included in something.

After a falling out with some friends in senior year, Lacey found another friend group that not only drank but did other drugs. She felt like she needed to join in in spite of feeling apprehensive. Cocaine and alcohol went hand in hand for Lacey. She had to have alcohol to deal with the downside of the drugs.

In her 20’s, Lacey started identifying as a partier. She loved being able to drink and stay up all night and she wore it like a badge of honor. Lacey started doing more drugs because they helped her keep drinking.

After some time, Lacey started trying to moderate and find the right balance of the drugs and alcohol, but always ended up failing. She feels she had the dueling personalities during this time. Her mornings were full of anxiety from all of the behavior from the day before.

When Lacey started having health issues that the doctors couldn’t determine the cause of, she came to the realization that her substance abuse may be a contributing factor. In denial, Lacey continued partying even harder until she hit her breaking point and realized that she needed to stop for good.

It was not “one and done” for Lacey. She drank on vacation and then when she came home, she decided to join Café RE if she could make it 30 days. She struggled to embrace sobriety. She started feeling better after six months but thought she could handle drinking again. She then used Covid as an excuse to keep drinking and ended up back where she started. The day after she quit, she got an accountability partner who has become her best friend.

In recovery, Lacey is finding more time to do things that she used to love. Her friend group has changed, and she is ok with that.

Lacey’s favorite resources in recovery: her accountability person, Marco Polo and connection.

The best advice Lacey has received: if you are researching whether or not you have a drinking problem, you do but it’s not a death sentence. It’s ok, embrace it, it will be so worth it.

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You’re the only that can do this RE, but you don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 435: What We Believe In Jun 19, 2023

Episode 434 – Season 5 – What We Believe In

Today we have Alex, he is 35, from Lincoln, NE and took his last drink on January 20, 2023

Recovery Elevator welcomes our newest sponsor, Athletic Greens.

[03:35] Highlights from Paul:

Welcome to Season 5! Episode 1 of this podcast dropped on February 25th, 2015. Paul recalls the date and how he felt. He was worried he was going to crash and burn. But 10,000,000 downloads later, he still hasn’t had a drink and the podcast is still going.

Paul discusses the plan for Season 5, what RE’s concepts and values are, the podcast schedule and more.

Mission Statement of Recovery Elevator is as follows:

"We offer hope through community and connection. Partnering sobriety seeking individuals with other likeminded people!”

Six themes Paul and Kris will be focusing on this season:

1) Recovery Elevator is inclusive

2) There is no right or wrong way to do this

3) Connection

4) Don’t just quit drinking

5) We cannot fight an addiction

6) We must pass along what we’ve learned to others

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[10:49] Paul introduces Alex:

Alex is 35 and lives in Lincoln, NE. He is married with three kids. He stays busy with his family, enjoys landscaping at their new home and works in the financial industry.

Alex first tried alcohol in his senior year of high school. He initially did not drink with his friends, but eventually gave it a try. He started going to parties and enjoyed the assistance alcohol gave him socially. He didn’t drink very regularly but when he did drink, he drank heavily. He did have a close call when getting pulled over once, but the officer called his parents instead of charging him with driving under the influence.

Alex joined a fraternity in college and says his drinking escalated at that point but was not out of control. He was still able to do well academically. After college he moved to Chicago, and he used drinking as a way to make friends. He was attending grad school and was drinking heavily but still highly functional.

He first started questioning his drinking when his brother was going through some issues with substance abuse. He says he was blacking out at least twice a week but wasn’t sure if he had a problem. This is when Alex first tried moderation that he says worked for a while, but the rules became softer over time.

The first time Alex recognized that his drinking might be an issue was when his wife went into labor with their second child, and he had been drinking so he was unable to drive her to the hospital. Over time he realized that he was not fully present for his children, and he didn’t time to pass and realize that he had drank their childhood away.

After Alex had around 50 days of sobriety and went back to drinking, he realized how much better he felt sober and realized that is what he wanted. That paired with wanting to be a better parent helped him focus on trying sobriety again.

Alex took his first step by going to an online AA meeting just to listen. It was there that he realized that seeking sobriety wasn’t something to be afraid of. He drank that night but burned the ships with his family telling them that his life of sobriety would be starting the next day.

The first few days found Alex excited for sobriety. Within a short period of time, he found his sleep improving, started getting compliments at work, and was generally feeling better. Since quitting drinking Alex feels that his emotions have leveled out and life is no longer on “hard mode”.

Alex’s favorite resources in recovery: quit lit, Reddit, realizing that he is not alone.

Alex’s parting piece of guidance: if you’re not successful the first time, you are definitely going to learn on each attempt of sobriety so keep at it.

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Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 434: Don't Lose Yourself In It Jun 12, 2023

Episode 434 – Don’t Lose Yourself in It

Today we have Gary, he is 44, from Toledo, OH and took his last drink on January 30, 2023

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[01:42] Thoughts from Paul:

Today we are going to cover one of Paul’s favorite tools and practice. But before we cover it, he asks us who is our go to person that we look to when life starts to veer into the ditch? Who has already provided guidance or a teaching on what to do in the situation you find yourself in?

For Paul, it is Eckhart Tolle. His books The Power of Now and A New Earth were recommended to him at just the right time.

The tool and concept Paul wants to cover is a line he discovered in A New Earth that says, “don’t lose yourself in it”. This refers to the thinking mind, or the ego.

Another book The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer shares the concept that you are not the thoughts in your mind, but you are the one who experiences them.

The point is don’t lose yourself in the incessant stream of thoughts coming from the thinking mind. Make a point each day to STOP what you are doing and take a deep breath. This practice doesn’t have to take long, but there may not be enough consciousness at first to split from the thoughts in the head. The point is to create as many daily gaps in your thinking as possible.

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[09:25] Kris introduces Gary:

Gary took his last drink on January 31st, 2023. He is 44 and lives in Toledo, OH. Professionally Gary is a medical assistant for primarily homebound patients. He enjoys reading, has recently started fishing and likes to try new things in sobriety.

Gary’s first experience with alcohol was in his early teen years. He and his cousin crashed a wedding with an open bar where they served him beer. He thought it was disgusting but kept drinking and blacked out the first time. Gary didn’t drink in high school. He graduated and met his future wife who was going to the army. He joined as well and was in Germany when he started drinking regularly. Drinking helped with his insecurities, and he was always searching for validation. After his wife cheated on him, life was tough for Gary. He started drinking heavily to deal with the pain surrounding the changes in his life.

Gary didn’t have a lot of consequences from his drinking. When he got out of the army and came home, he found another relationship and they had a daughter together. He was able to cut back on his drinking and started putting parameters around what and when he would drink. He found moderation exhausting.

Gary’s dad started having health issues, developed a rare form of cancer and passed within a year of diagnosis. His drinking ramped back up as he dealt with the grief. Gary’s drinking ended up contributing to the loss of a job. He tried his best to continue to be a good father but struggled with being emotionally present for his daughter.

After losing his job Gary found himself going into inpatient treatment, which is where his journey began. He had some stints of extended sobriety. He started going to AA meetings but had a hard time being social at first. He discovered podcasts which were helpful for him; he found listening to them was giving him strength. He was able to experience periods of sobriety but felt that his addiction was still sabotaging him at that time.

Gary had several instances of his drinking sending him into the hospital. He feels like this was his rock bottom. He realized he needed to be honest with himself and was able to stay sober for over two years. He started getting involved with the RE community which was very helpful for him. Changes in routine found Gary learning to love himself.

Gary’s favorite tools - recovery books, podcasts, Café RE, therapy, and Antibuse.

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The Comfort Crisis by Michael Easter

Recovery Elevator

You’re the only ones that can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone

I love you guys

RE 433: The Comfort Crisis Jun 05, 2023

Episode 433 – The Comfort Crisis

Today we have Daniel, he is 43 from Orange County, he took his last drink on December 31st, 2014.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[01:42] Thoughts from Paul:

The discomforts of quitting drinking will make you a stronger person down the road. And not far down the road.

Although humans are hardwired to seek comfort, it’s not necessarily good for us. Many anthropologists have speculated that we were happier thousands of years ago. Our needs were simpler and easier to satisfy. We were naturally mindful, living in the moment. In addition, our ancestors usually found themselves in tight communities of around 150 people, where everyone shared the burden of survival. There was a deeper sense of belonging.

The rates of mental health, addiction, inflammations, cancers, are sky rocketing, and the author of the book says the reason for this is because we are living progressively sheltered, sterile, temperature controlled, over-fed, under challenged, safety netted lives.

Key takeaway? Get uncomfortable. It’s good for you. And spending significant time in nature will make you happier.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[09:01] Paul introduces Daniel:

Daniel had his last drink on New Year’s Eve of 2014. He lives in Southern California; he’s married with three children. He owns a few businesses and works in education. For fun Daniel likes to play tennis, work in his yard and enjoys Wim Hof breathwork. Daniel enjoys getting out of his comfort zone and trying new things frequently.

At age 16 Daniel had his first drink and instantly felt the pull. He didn’t start using it habitually until he was in college, and it helped with his social anxiety and gave him confidence. He says the red flags came early and often but he didn’t have a classic rock bottom moment. He feels he was very high functioning – did well in school and had a job. His drinking didn’t change after he left college. He began questioning his drinking about four years prior to quitting because he had learned he and his wife were about to have a child.

For a long time, Daniel was unwilling to give up drinking and he would have times of attempting moderation and then abandoning that to hiding bottles of alcohol throughout his house before going back to moderation again. He thought having a child would help him make changes, but it did not.

Good things were happening with Daniels home life and career, but the drinking was still there. He was having issues with anxiety and depression that he attempted to treat but the alcohol negated his efforts.

Daniel’s quit date wasn’t planned as he was still in denial about how serious his drinking had become. The day after his last drink he had some hallucinations that scared him.

He finally met with a doctor and decided to lay it all out and asked for help. He initially thought it would be only for 30 days, but he ended up going for another month and so on.

Daniel still had a lot of shame surrounding his initial recovery and was isolated for about six months. He says that he found a lot of peace getting away from all the anxiety and started feeling more comfortable about his choice to get sober. He recently started using Tik-Tok and started a podcast which he has found very cathartic for his recovery.

Daniel’s favorite resources in recovery: Calm app, Wim Hof app, Tik-Tok

Daniel’s parting piece of guidance: Be less concerned about HOW people recover and more concerned THAT people recover.

Daniel’s podcast - Sobriety Uncensored

[42:25] Closing thoughts:

In our Café RE chats we start with an Icebreaker Question. I asked the group “when you’re stressed or triggered what helps you?” The most common answer was “get outside”.

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Recovery Elevator

I love you guys.

It all starts from the inside out.

We can do this.

RE 432: Is Alcohol Good for You? May 29, 2023

Episode 432 – Is Alcohol Good For You?

Today we have Julie, she is 49, from Grand Junction, CO and took her last drink on February 6th, 2022.

Café RE members, we have added a fitness class to the schedule. Sundays at 12:30 EST, thank you Paul L.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[02:05] Thoughts from Paul:

For most of the 20th century and well into the 2000’s, there was a pushed narrative that said a daily drink or two is good for you. Although there was a time that fermented drinks were safer than consuming the local water due to disease, it’s safe to say we are well past those days from the dark ages. Despite that, the concept that alcohol is good for you is still in popular circulation, but a new narrative is coming out.

An article from Health Day released this year is titled Drinking Alcohol Brings No Health Benefits, Study Finds

Huberman Lab podcast: What Alcohol Does to Your Body, Brain & Health

You’re giving up alcohol, which turns out is NOT good for you anyways, for a life that contains the possibilities of nearly everything. Sobriety can be hard, and sometimes we need a sweeping statement to put it into perspective. You’re giving up one thing for everything. You can do this. I know you can.

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[10:34] Kris introduces Julie:

Julie lives in Grand Junction, CO. She is a nurse practitioner soon to be working at an addiction center. She has two grown daughters and her parents and brother live nearby. She is single and for fun she enjoys yoga, and she plays the ukulele and the flute.

Julie feels she was born into addiction. Her parents were both alcoholics and a lot of her family members have struggled with addiction as well. Her mother left when she was very young, and her family moved a lot due to her father’s instability.

Julie first tried alcohol when she was 12 at a barbecue at her mom’s house. She and some friends stole some alcohol and went into the basement and drank. Alcohol helped her feel like she was connected to a group, and she lived up to the party girl persona as a way to feel accepted.

In her mid-teens, Julie’s parents decided to send her away to a Baptist school. This was Julie’s first experience of feeling like she was part of a family, and she was able to stay out of trouble there.

Soon after Julie returned home, she started drinking again. She married her high school sweetheart, and they had her first daughter together. When the marriage ended, she thought she needed to be in a relationship to have the perfect life and got married again where she had her second daughter. She was going to college and attending church to uphold the image of the perfect life.

After her children moved out and she and her husband became empty nesters, Julie’s drinking ramped up. She had a lot of freedom with her job which found her drinking more and more. She was worried what her husband thought so she was hiding her alcohol throughout the house. Julie began questioning her drinking and read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. She was able to quit drinking for about 60 days. Even though she started drinking again, Julie feels that something changes.

Julie separated from her husband and found herself drinking and isolating. She quickly realized she needed help. She started going to AA and was able to stay sober for over three years, but gradually stopped doing the work. She started thinking she could be a normal drinker and that she didn’t have a problem. It didn’t take long for Julie to end up back to isolating and binge drinking. Her final binge at a hotel when a flight was cancelled found her realizing she had to stop again.

Julie found the RE podcast and shortly after went back to AA. Podcasts, online meetings, travelling, and yoga are some of Julie’s favorite tools. Connection within a sober community is very important to her.

Recovery Elevator

The only way out is through.

I love you guys.

RE 431: Transformation May 22, 2023

Episode 431 – Transformation

Today we have Katy, she is 40, from Olympia, WA and took her last drink on February 12th, 2023.

Join Recovery Elevator this Sunday for a fun conference style meet up at the Marriott in Alpharetta. This event is all about getting your connect on and it will be a fun time. Spouses or loved ones are encouraged to attend and you can even stick around afterwards for some silent disco.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[02:26] Thoughts from Paul:

One of the best parts of doing the Recovery Elevator podcast is seeing the transformations people make. Many of the travelers on this year’s Costa Rica trip also traveled last year. With every single repeat traveler, Paul could see the growth almost immediately. There are many different reasons for the transformations, but it is always visible in the smile.

Paul wants to make a correction from a previous episode where he said that Goat Yoga was a horrible idea. Incorporating animals in our healing can be a great thing. One reason for this is the nervous systems of animals are much more intact, and with entrainment theory in biology, our nervous systems can heal while being around animals. Also, goats are hilarious. They are all about having fun and if you come near enough to them, they will make you part of the fun.

In the interview with Katy, Paul references a previous episode covering Natlrexone. That is episode 164 if you wish to go back and listen.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[08:06] Paul introduces Katy:

Katy is 40 years old and took her last drink on February 12, 2023. She is from Olympia WA, married and they have two kids and a dog. Katy works in elementary education and for fun she likes to hike, read and listen to podcasts.

Katy first started drinking at a young age, but it wasn’t until she was in her late teens that she started having consequences like hangovers and blackouts. She went on to a college that had a reputation for being a party school and she fell right into the scene.

Katy feels her twenties were stolen by an abusive relationship where the focus was on a party lifestyle. She had started drinking and driving, getting herself into debt, and struggled to hold down a job. The consequences of her drinking really started to escalate including a DUI that she got during a blackout.

In her thirties, she continued to work in bars and blackout frequently. When she tried quitting on her own, she had some physical withdrawals and she decided to go to rehab. After around four months she decided to leave and started drinking immediately believing that she would be able to control it. Before long she was back where she was with her drinking and had a mental health scare that found her seeking help once again.

Her family was very supportive, and Katy was able to make positive changes in her life including having children and getting her master’s in education. She was able to stay sober through her pregnancies but would start drinking shortly after.

Katy was prescribed naltrexone which helped her stop drinking and start working on herself. On her doctor’s advice she started attending sobriety groups in addition to the medication. She prefers SMART recovery over AA but believes connection is important.

Exercise is important to Katy’s sobriety in addition to podcasts and reading. She looks for the good things in day-to-day life as well as in nature which help her feel gratitude. She uses some exercises to help with her anxiety that help her to surround herself in “now”. She enjoys music where she can connect to the lyrics.

Bucket list for Katy is to love her life and feel emotions.

[47:27] In closing, Paul shares another installment of “You Can Be Right, Or You Can Have Peace”.

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Recovery Elevator

It all starts from the inside out.

I love you guys.

RE 430: Walking Into Summer May 15, 2023

Episode 430 – Walking Into Summer

Today we have Joss, she’s 34 from the Bay Area and took her last drink on December 21st, 2022.

We still have room in our upcoming flagship retreat which takes place August 9th through the 13th in Bozeman, Montana. This event is all about having fun, connecting, and learning the tools needed to be successful on your Alcohol-Free journey. You can find more information here!

[02:21] Thoughts from Kris:

Spring has finally arrived in North Dakota!

With the changing seasons, it’s not uncommon to experience some different emotions surrounding our recovery. More outdoor social activities and parties can bring some unique challenges.

We sometimes worry what others might think about us and our choice not to drink. The phrasing “I care what people think of me” makes me feel a bit middle-schoolish, but humans long for connection and community. We are not really fearing the event so much as fearing that we don’t belong. Creating accountability with people we trust can help us navigate these times, and sometimes just passing on the event may be what we need to do for the time being.

Stay tuned for more tips gathered from our members at Café RE after the interview!

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[09:45] Kris introduces Joss:

Joss is 34 and lives in the Bay Area. She has two cats, is a hairstylist and enjoys running. She recently celebrated three months alcohol free.

Joss grew up in a very strict and sheltered Christian household. Her parents were very active in the church, and they spent a lot of time there and went to a private school. Joss first tried alcohol when she was 14 and her drinking increased a lot in high school. She battled with depression and never felt validated by her family, and they just pushed her toward God and church without giving her much opportunity to explore anything else. She jumped around schools a few times due to suspensions and expulsions.

She didn’t consider her high school years as being rebellious but more as a time to explore things outside of the sheltered life she was raised in. She really enjoyed music and started a band in high school.

Joss moved to New York after her mother suddenly passed away and says that time was when things got out of control. She reflects that a lot of the things she did while drinking too much could have ended very badly. Joss was dating someone who also drank heavily, so it quickly was their lifestyle. Eventually she grew tired of life in New York, broke up with her partner and moved back to the Bay Area where she continued to drink.

Dealing with the death of her mother was hard on Joss. She got settled into a friend group after moving home and they all partied a lot. She was working in the restaurant industry and found herself drinking before and after her shifts and progressed even more during the pandemic. During that time, she was starting to listen to podcasts and become sober-curious. After a particularly bad morning-after from drinking too much, she realized that enough was enough.

The first month of quitting found Joss staying sober through multiple triggering events.

Her advice to others is if you feel like there is an event or reason that you don’t think you can quit drinking now – there will always be a reason to wait. Instead of waiting – just go for it!

Since quitting, Joss enjoyed going to AA and having that community. She has also found some groups online that she enjoys. She finds that stocking her fridge with alcohol-free drinks, sharing her intentions with her friends and leaning into comfort of all kinds is the key to her success. For Joss, all her relationships have improved, especially the relationship with herself.

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You’re the only one that can do this RE

But you don’t have to do it alone

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RE 429: The Connection Between Alcohol and Anxiety May 08, 2023

Episode 429 – The Connection Between Alcohol and Anxiety

Today we have Dale, he is 55, from Roanoke, VA and he has been alcohol free since March 23, 2019

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[02:34] Paul’s thoughts:

Paul knows now that there is a connection between his drinking and his anxiety but while actively drinking, he could not. We are told that alcohol relaxes us – which it does by shutting down important parts of our brain.

According to Dr. Sheila Shilati,"Alcohol ultimately replaces those important chemicals like dopamine and serotonin in the brain, which mitigate anxiety, therefore, in episodes where you are not drinking, then your brain is searching for those all-important 'feel-good' connections, which become diminished because the supply has been mitigated,"

We hear a lot about “self-medicating” in recovery. Which isn’t a bad thing, but when we rely too much on this strategy, it stops working. This becomes an even bigger problem because we don’t realize it so we just drink more and now our coping strategy is becoming the reason we can’t cope.

Paul shares in episode 417, this is the best place you can be because the tipping point isn’t far off in the distance.

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[10:48] Paul introduces Dale:

Dale is 55, lives in southwest Virginia, has been married for 25 years with no children. He works for a shipping company and also owns and manages rental property. Dale enjoys music of all varieties, loves reading and learning and also enjoys gardening.

Dale’s first experiences with alcohol came from his parents using it to medicate him as a child. He worked in the hospitality industry in his late teens and early twenties and drinking was a glorified part of the lifestyle. His tolerance grew and he became a daily drinker throughout that time.

The recent years found Dale questioning his drinking and realizing he wasn’t living life within his values. He had sneakily drunk some of his wife’s special whiskey which prompted an angry text to Dale. He used this message as motivation and although he was not able to quit right away Dale feels this was the start of his recovery.

Dale has found self-awareness to be a catalyst to helping him stop drinking. He has utilized Recovery Elevator and the Café RE community as a large part of his journey. It was a scary first step for him, but he found getting out of his comfort zone to be very helpful. He has made many friends that have helped him move forward and be strong in his sobriety. Focusing on the good has been an important tool for Dale, specifically in the early days. As he closed in on a year, he felt the veil had been lifted and he was seeing the world differently.

Year two for Dale was unpacking everything that led him to drink so much in the first place. He feels that was the mucky part of the journey and it is a process to unpack it.

Year three Dale feels that learning to let go of control was a big thing. Learning that life is going to happen, and he didn’t have to cling so tightly to everything. He finds that the service work he does in the community has helped him deal with life as it happens while approaching the four-year milestone.

Dale feels that success comes by building the wall one brick at a time, stepping outside of the comfort zone and being willing to learn. He also feels that service work helps strengthen us and keep us connected to our foundation.

[53:36] Closing thoughts:

Paul’s tips for dealing with anxiety without alcohol:

Perception – anxiety pangs are messengers. Your body is sending you signals that something is off balance. Tell your body this will pass and will soften with each passing day or month.

Get the body moving to cue the release of endorphins whose purpose is to mask physical and emotional pain.

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It all starts from the inside out.

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RE 428: Do I have a Drinking Problem? May 01, 2023

Episode 428 – Do I have a Drinking Problem?

Today we have Lauren, she is 54 from Rochester NY, and took her last drink on November 19, 2022.

Shout out to Ty with 15 YEARS alcohol free! Thank you for all you do for RE!

Shout out to Bradley from south Denver with 3 days alcohol free! Great job!

Café RE is a private online unsearchable recovery community. Get accountable and be the best version of you. Together is always better! Use promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the setup fee.

[03:23] Intro summary:

In the past Paul has talked about the worst place a person can be with a drinking problem is in limbo (episode 417). But how do we find out if we actually have a problem so we can get out of that space?

There is a test listed in the DSM-5 to determine if we have a drinking problem or not. There are 11 questions, and you must meet two of them within the past 12 months to have what is called Alcohol Use Disorder. It’s not hard to determine if you have a drinking problem based on that test.

But at the end of the day, it can be as simple as if you question if you have a drinking problem, you just answered your own question.

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[12:36] Kris introduces Lauren:

Lauren has been sober almost 4 months at the time of recording. She lives in Rochester New York, she is married, has two adult children, one granddaughter, has pets and owns her own business helping the elderly. She enjoys time outside, crafting (currently diamond painting), reading and learning new things.

Lauren was always fascinated with alcohol, but it wasn’t prevalent in her immediate family. When she was 16, she was able to purchase alcohol for her and her friends. She had a lot of fun and thought it was cool. She chose the college based on their drinking culture; she drank heavily but still did well in school. After college she got married, had two kids and a successful job. She drank the same as other parents around her, so she felt that was normal. She was able to abstain when she had her children and feels her drinking was more or less recreational for a long time.

Over the years Lauren hadn’t really tried to quit drinking. She would make a halfhearted attempt at Dry January, but it didn’t last. She didn’t think it had anything to do with being addicted. She feels that everyone else saw signs that her drinking was a problem, but she wasn’t aware of it.

After going on a very long-awaited vacation in 2022, Lauren says she had a hard time coming back to regular life and the stressors were magnified. Soon after, she drunkenly alienated a friend on Facebook, and it really impacted her when the friendship ended. She started drinking to escape everything that was bothering her. Lauren had a scare during her third blackout in eight days and decided to go to the doctor where she told them everything. She was sent to an outpatient program to start the next day.

She has found a lot of tools and inspiration through the outpatient program. Lauren says AA didn’t resonate with her, but she does do SMART recovery online which she enjoys. Connecting with others has been a great resource for Lauren as well. She views her drinking and recovery as just part of her, she doesn’t feel it defines her. Lauren recognizes that she is happier and communicate better with her husband. Her family is relieved and proud of her for going into recovery.

[57:20] Outro:

Spring is here! And with seasonal changes come new challenges. Kris feels that it is a chance for him to make sure he has his accountability in place and has a plan when it comes to spring and more outdoor events. Don’t stress about upcoming events, simply be aware of what is out there. Set yourself up to enjoy the weather and reach your alcohol-free goals.

Recovery Elevator

We’re the only ones that can do this, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 427: But a Symptom Apr 24, 2023

Episode 427 – But a Symptom

Today we have Ian, he is 24, from Baltimore, MD and he has been alcohol free since December 26, 2022.

What are you doing for Memorial Day? You should join Recovery Elevator in Atlanta! We have an event for Café RE members on Saturday and then Sunday night we have a conference style event that everyone is invited to attend. Information about the Sunday night event can be found here. Café RE members can get more information through the members website if they are interested in the weekend event.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[02:15] Thoughts from Paul:

If alcohol isn’t the primary problem, and it’s a symptom of something else, what does that mean, and what course of action do we take? None of us are able to correct the unrest in our lives when alcohol is present. That’s why moderate drinking for the problematic drinker doesn’t work either.

For Paul, after he ditched the booze, he recognized that his nervous system needed healing and found that nature was a great help with addressing that. Everyone is different and their sources of unrest that need addressing will be different but first, the alcohol needs to go and then the healing can begin. We get one life, and your addiction is about to springboard you towards your authentic self – if you are willing. You may be asking yourself “am I willing?”…If you are listening to this podcast, the answer is yes.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[10:47] Paul introduces Ian:

Ian took his last drink on Christmas Day of 2022. He lives in Baltimore and is a recent college grad. In his free time, he fosters senior dogs and plays music. He finds taking care of animals at the end of their lives to be very rewarding and helpful in his recovery.

Ian wasn’t exposed to alcohol until he was in college. He was in his junior year when he started drinking and smoking pot. He had roommates that were drinking like he was at parties and on the weekends, but Ian was starting to be sneaky and would purchase his own alcohol separate from the alcohol that was present in the house and didn’t want anyone to know how much he was actually drinking. The blackouts started becoming more and more frequent.

When he was 20, he started planning his entire days around drinking and smoking. Work and school became minor activities and drinking was priority. Throughout all of this Ian was still successful so he didn’t see his drinking as a problem.

Early 2020 Ian experienced withdrawal for the first time and it scared him. He initially didn’t realize what it was and was scared he was going to die. For the first time, he acknowledged his drinking had become an issue.

After several trips to the ER, he ended up speaking with a peer counselor who helped him get involved with an Intensive Outpatient Program. Ian was able to get sober for two months but was ashamed of what he was doing and ended up leaving. He relapsed and had a bad Christmas with his family. He has learned that it is more embarrassing to have a drinking problem than it is to work on getting sober.

Ian says being transparent with people was the game changer for him. Letting everyone know that he is sober helps him stay accountable.

Being a young person in sobriety can feel a little lonely Ian says. Our culture normalizes drinking in our twenties and it’s hard to connect with others in recovery because most people are older. In spite of the feelings of missing out or “why me” thinking, Ian knows that this is the right choice for him.

Ian is looking forward to achieving newfound career goals, being a better dog dad and someday having a family. He is excited to fully find his confidence and be the best version of himself he can possibly be.

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We took the elevator down; we have to take the stairs back up

I love you guys

And don’t forget that we definitely can do this

RE 426: It Gets Easier Apr 17, 2023

Episode 426 – It Gets Easier

Today we have Jeffrey, he is 35, from Monument, CO and he took his last drink on July 23, 2022.

Registration is open for our flagship annual retreat held in Bozeman, Montana, this upcoming August 9th – 13th. This event is all about having fun, connecting, and learning the tools needed to be successful on your Alcohol-Free journey. You can find more information here!

[02:16] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares that he recently attended an AA meeting where a member celebrated 40 years of sobriety. One thing he took away from this is that it will naturally get easier the more time away from alcohol you have and the more life experience you get. It is also helpful to focus not on the destination, but the journey itself.

There is a YouTube channel that Paul watches where the host, Michael, showcases some of the most scenic railways in the world. Michael also shares similar views about the destination vs. the journey. Here is the link to one of his videos documenting the scenic Amtrak train route from Denver to Winter Park Ski Resort.

When we realize that hard days are a part of life, and that hard days are a part of an alcohol-free life, things get easier. With each conscious breath we take, things get easier. If you are struggling, on day one or day zero, Paul’s message to you is that this journey will get easier if we embrace it and we don’t do it alone.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[09:38] Kris introduces Jeffrey:

Jeffrey is 35 from Monument, CO, he does apartment maintenance for a living, he is single and has one dog and two cats. For fun, he plays Magic the Gathering and is trying to get back into reading, specifically mental health and self-help type material.

Jeffrey was a loner growing up, but his sister’s social network became his as well. In high school, they would invite him to parties where there was lots of heavy drinking. It was a weekly event for him and his friends to scrape up money to have an older friend purchase 40’s for them to drink.

He went into the job corps program when he was 20. He wasn’t allowed to drink, and he went nearly a year without alcohol and didn’t really feel it was a loss. When he came back home from that he picked drinking back up and was drinking daily but didn’t feel it was excessive. Jeffrey was questioning his drinking and was able to quit again for another year but realizes now he didn’t have the recovery mindset, he was just doing it because he felt it was a spiritual issue.

At that point he felt he had had enough of a break and could allow himself to drink again. Aside from a few isolated negative events, Jeffrey was able to drink without much consequence for quite a while.

Jeffrey’s drinking started to escalate and saw him shifting from social drinking to eventually needing it in order to feel normal. He says that drinking was part of the culture at the hotel job that he had. Once he started a new career, he knew he needed to stop the daytime drinking. That lasted some time, but eventually the anxiety became out of control to where Jeffrey had to use alcohol to help him feel normal and function. After his family left him, he was really spiraling out.

One Saturday morning he woke up to some family members coming into his home. They had organized an intervention and had everything set up for him to be able to go to rehab. He agreed to just go and says it changed everything for him.

He committed to 30 days but stayed longer. Jeffrey feels that he gained a lot of skills for recovery and life through DBT and CBT treatment. The focus on core beliefs really helped him.

Since getting in recovery, he is healing his relationships and making friends. Jeffrey feels that living is possible for him now.

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The only way out is through

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RE 425: What Recovery Pathway is Right for Me? Apr 10, 2023

Episode 425 – What Recovery Pathway is Right for Me?

Today we have Doug. He is 59, from Buena Vista, CO and he took his last drink on July 28, 1982.

Join Recovery Elevator in Atlanta over Memorial Day weekend for a fun conference style meet up at the Marriott in Alpharetta. This event is all about getting your connect on and it will be a fun time. Spouses or loved ones are encouraged to attend the Sunday night event and Silent Disco afterwards!

[2:30] Thoughts from Paul:

When building your recovery portfolio, a good goal is 50% external and 50% internal. At first, the internal work may be too big of an ask, but as your nervous system settles down, you want to aim for a balanced split. Here are some quick examples of what I mean when I say external vs internal:

External: Driving to an AA meeting, or hopping on a Café RE zoom chat Phoning a sober friend Working with a sponsor

Internal: Meditation Journaling Reading Quit-Lit

When building out your recovery I recommend this 5-tiered approach:

1. Community – AA, SMART, Café RE, therapy, sober friends. Burn the Ships!

2. Action/Movement – Chemicals of wellbeing, endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin are released when we move.

3. Inner Peace – Meditation, breathwork, creative ventures, writing, time in nature.

4. Knowledge – Podcasts, Quit-Lit, learning about new things in and out of recovery.

5. Universe – This is not religion, but it is the spiritual component of recovery.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[11:55] Paul introduces Doug:

Doug had his last drink on July 28th, 1982, when he was 19 years old. He lives in Buena Vista, CO and is married and they have two adult children. He has worked in upholstery, cabinet building and installations, and has built some houses with his son. He enjoys the mountains, biking and riding his motorcycle.

Doug grew up in a normal family and wasn’t exposed to heavy drinking. His first experience with alcohol was when he was 4 years old when he remembers having a few sips of his mother’s drink. He felt the warm glow and really liked it. Later when he was 12, a friend of his stole a bottle of liquor from his parents and while his friends were mixing it with soft drinks, Doug drank straight from the bottle. He felt something click – suddenly, he felt normal, and like everyone else.

When Doug was 16 his mother passed away and the drinking escalated and continued to be excessive after graduation. Some friends invited him to Alateen meetings, and he started attending weekly. Once a month AA members would come in and share their stories. He started identifying with some of the stories which got him to start question his drinking. He realized that he was becoming less like the person that he wanted to be.

When one of his former drinking friends disappeared from the meetings, he found out that they were working on sobriety with AA. That friend was a speaker at one of the meetings, and Doug noticed that they looked healthy and at peace. He chose to speak to him afterwards and expressed an interest in possibly attending AA but wasn’t quite ready for it.

Doug finally accepted the invitations to attend and was planning to go to a meeting on July 29th. The night before he found himself drinking and when he saw himself in a mirror started asking himself why he was drinking. He didn’t have a good answer for that.

AA has been a big tool for Doug, along with volunteer work. He knows that if he had continued drinking, he would not have had the life he has. He believes in counting blessings, finding things to be grateful for and putting sobriety before everything else.

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Go big, because eventually we all go home

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RE 424: Caring for You Apr 03, 2023

Episode 424 – Caring for You

Today we have Abby. She is 49, from Phoenix, AZ, and took her last drink on 9/25/2020.

Join Recovery Elevator in Atlanta over Memorial Day weekend for a fun conference style event at the Marriott in Alpharetta. Spouses or loved ones are encouraged to attend the event on Sunday. Registration is open please click the link for more information.

We have registration for the annual Bozeman Retreat opening on April 3rd. The retreat is scheduled for August 9th – 13th.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[03:23] Thoughts from Kris:

In an effort to escape the long North Dakota winter, Kris and his wife took a short vacation to Dallas. They had a fantastic time enjoying the city and the company of friends. The key takeaways Kris had are the importance of self-care and connection.

He believes that most people are very resilient, and we tend to allow things to keep stacking things onto our plate to the point of overwhelm. That’s when we need to take time to slow down and take care of ourselves; how that looks is different for everyone.

[9:30] Kris introduces Abby:

Abby took her last drink on September 25, 2020. She’s 49 and lives in Arizona. She’s single and has a young adult daughter who lives nearby. She is self employed doing online marketing for small businesses. She likes to cook, read and stay active.

She got drunk for the first time at a New Year’s Eve party when she was a young teen. She drank and smoked weed a lot through high school and college and feels fortunate that she never suffered any consequences throughout that time. At the time Abby thought drinking was just what people do in their teens and early twenties. In hindsight she knows it was numbing behavior. She never felt like she fit in, and alcohol helped her with her socializing.

After getting married to someone whose family had drug issues, she quit smoking but kept drinking. Her and her husband drank a lot together and chose wine because they thought it was more sophisticated. She didn’t drink during her pregnancy but started back soon after her daughter was born.

Shortly after having their child, she and her husband got divorced. Abby says her drinking ramped up and she started smoking again. She found herself drinking to deal with her emotions and continuing to get into unhealthy relationships. Abby feels like she drank a lot because of her insecurities and not feeling good enough or worthy of love.

Abby initially quit drinking as part of a quest to get healthy after some concerning medical test results, not with the intention of getting sober. Her doctor had told her she needed to give up some foods, sugar and alcohol in order to heal. She quickly started feeling better so that helped her remain sober for nearly three months. Abby utilized her daughter as accountability which she feels helped a lot.

During a trip to Mexico on her birthday, she decided she was going to drink. She realized quickly that the way she drank was unhealthy. She had one last beer while out and it left her feeling awful for an entire weekend. She decided then that she was done.

When quitting she started on her own and didn’t feel like she needed any support. She started feeling like she needed connection so she joined Café RE during a Ditching the Booze course. She made a friend in that group and then started a hiking group locally. Abby has really enjoyed meeting other people in recovery at multiple meet ups. She is extremely open about the fact that she doesn’t drink and feels that helps her stay accountable.

Abby hosts a lot of chats in Café RE which she feel helps her give back to the community. She stays social with a lot of the friends that she has met there. She does enjoy NA beverages but says CONNECTION is key to her sobriety.

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We’re the only ones that can do this, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys

RE 423: Some Phoneless Fool Mar 27, 2023

Episode 423 – Some Phoneless Fool

Today we have Laura. She is 45, from Boston, MA, and took her last drink on September 27, 2014.

Join Recovery Elevator in Atlanta over Memorial Day weekend for a fun conference style event at the Marriott in Alpharetta on Sunday. This event is all about getting your connect on and it will be a fun time. Spouses or loved ones are encouraged to attend. Registration is open please click the link for more information.

We also have registration for the annual Bozeman Retreat opening on April 3rd. The retreat is scheduled for August 9th – 13th.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[02:07] Highlights from Paul:

Paul feels that addictions are adaptations to unhealthy environments. Rates of addiction, disease, inflammations, and cancers are all on the rise. In recovery we are tasked with creating a world for ourselves and others where we feel connected, worthy, and part of the community. Recovery is not about new world exploration but restoring the circuitry we were born with. Addiction could be what forces us to come together, put our differences aside and start loving each other.

Paul thinks that it is our job in recovery to create a life for ourselves and others that doesn’t require alcohol for wholeness. He’s up for the task, how about you?

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[6:36] Paul introduces Laura:

Laura is 45 years old, lives in Boston, has one daughter and is recently engaged. She is a writer and the founder of The Luckiest Club, an international sobriety support community. For fun she loves to read, play beach volleyball and travelling.

She first started drinking when she was 15 but didn’t drink a lot. She played sports in high school which kept her from partying and her dad got sober when she was a teenager so she had a healthy fear of alcohol. Her drinking really started when she went to college. She had a fake ID and was all in. After graduating she found herself surrounded by drinking in the workforce. Throughout her 20’s she surrounded herself with people who drank like her. There was a sense that she drank differently than others but she decided it was just something she needed to watch but not quit. She never had any serious consequences at this time in her life.

Laura feels that her drinking really increased after she became a mom. She had more anxiety, her body processed it differently, she was drinking more and it was working less. While she was pregnant, she realized how much she had relied on alcohol because she couldn’t have it. She started worrying more about her drinking at this point because she was chasing relief from the anxiety and only finding it helping for 20 minutes or less.

The year before her last drink Laura found herself suffering some consequences. She got a DUI which she brushed off as just getting a ticket when asked about it. After an event that caused her to almost lose custody of her daughter, she spent the next year actively trying to quit drinking. Her family was acutely aware of her drinking issue and were holding her accountable. She was very angry and wasn’t at the point that she accepted that the alcohol needed to go.

She tried to go to AA but didn’t enjoy it at first. She continued to drink but also kept going to meetings. She was starting to have more sober time than drinking time and was reaping the benefits. It wasn’t until she stopped making the promise to not drink and instead focused on one day at a time.

Laura started closing all her escape hatches after getting a little bit of sobriety time. She feels the most important thing about sobriety is that you cannot do it alone.

And these days, there are more and more resources out there where we don’t have to do it alone.

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Recovery Elevator

Rule 22 – Lighten Up

I love you guys

RE 422: The Pursuit of Happiness Mar 20, 2023

Episode 422 – The Pursuit of Happiness

Today we have Susannah. She is 42 from Hampshire, England, and took her last drink on 4/29/2022.

We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.

[03:09] Highlights from Paul:

Paul shares a blog post created by Odette regarding happiness in sobriety. He also shares his thoughts that sobriety does not equal happiness or solve all of our problems, but it does give us the chance to build a life where happiness knocks on the door more frequently. The school of sobriety is going to teach you the most important lessons of life. Love and acceptance. It will keep teaching you these lessons until you have accepted, that’s the lesson to learn.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[10:40] Kris introduces Susannah:

Susannah is about to celebrate 10 months of sobriety. She lives in the south of England; she is married, and they have three boys and two dogs. She works in luxury concierge. In her free time, she enjoys walking and is looking forward to expanding her garden this year.

Susannah grew up as the youngest of 3 kids. Her parents drank socially but she was never exposed to any kind of alcohol abuse. When she was young, she was sent to boarding school. She was exposed to alcohol when she was around 13 but had no interest in it, in fact she was very against drinking at that time. It wasn’t until she was 16 that she started socially drinking at pubs with friends, but it wasn’t an issue she feels.

Her mother died suddenly when Susannah was 22. Her and her mother were very close, so she was feeling quite isolated and alone after this loss. A few years later Susannah was in Thailand when the tsunami hit. These events had her questioning “why me?” and she thinks that they contributed to some of her attention seeking behavior and participation in toxic relationships. She doesn’t feel that she was using drinking to cope at this point in time but was not dealing with the traumas very well.

When she was in her early thirties, she got pregnant. She found pregnancy to be very difficult for her but didn’t have trouble quitting drinking during these times. She had several medical issues happen which caused her first child to be born early which was scary for her.

After her second child her drinking started to increase. The drinking events coming more and more frequently whether they were over bad things or celebratory things.

Susannah says she was able to stop drinking for periods of time but never with the goal of quitting completely. She tried to seek help but was told she should try medication or taking vitamins. Since she functioned well on the outside no one believed she had a problem. She kept trying to moderate, but it never worked.

After a terrible hangover that had her sick at an event in her village the next day she decided to go to AA. She met the woman who is now her sponsor at that first meeting and with a hug from her, she finally felt the relief that she was in the right place.

After about four or five months of sobriety, she feels things has shifted. She has learned so much about herself and has start dealing with all of her traumas. She is better as a wife and mother and feels she performs better at work.

[01:02:31] Kris’ Outro:

The beauty of recovery are the chances that keep showing up to put the healing we have done to good work. What’s happened in your life that you wouldn’t have expected if you were still drinking?

Connect with Cafe RE Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

The only way out is through

I love you guys

RE 421: Keep it Simple Mar 13, 2023

Episode 421 – Keep It Simple

Today we have Stephanie. She is 44 from Georgetown, MA and took her last drink on September 6, 2020.

Recovery Elevator podcast just surpassed 10 million downloads! Thank you to our guests, all the team members, Café RE members, and especially our listeners!

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[2:49] Highlights from Paul:

In an age where almost everything plugs in, we as human beings do not. Often when we are feeling upset or triggered, one (or more than one) aspect of H.A.L.T is at play. Try and ask yourself if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired.

Paul gives us a lot of suggestions of simple ways to address these feelings and asks the listener – how do you keep it simple? Let us know on Monday’s post on Instagram in the comment area!

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[10:42] Paul introduces Stephanie:

Stephanie took her last drink on September 6th, 2020. She is 44 years old, lives in Georgetown, Massachusetts. She is married and has two boys, ages 7 and 9, and two dogs. She enjoys walking and running and loves all things sci-fi.

She first started drinking when she was 15 with an 18 year old boyfriend. She was socially anxious, and drinking helped with that. There were very few consequences and she says it was at least once a weekend she drank, but never drank at home and wasn’t exposed to alcohol at home. She did well in school and followed the rules at home.

She drank in college and went out with her friends typically Thursday through Saturday but did well in school during the week. She was able to dodge some consequences, but the behavior continued. The drinking gradually began happening more frequently especially after she started dating someone and they spent a lot of time going out and drinking together.

She ended up getting married and they moved to Arizona. Their relationship was surrounded by alcohol, and it started to become obvious that they couldn’t take nights off and that was an issue. They split up and she moved back home to Boston. While she was excited for the next chapter of her life, she ended up starting to drink alone which was a red flag to her. She met her husband and they had a lot of fun together, even though they drank. Nothing serious happened, but she still felt that she was drinking too much. She was able to quit while she was pregnant and realized during the second pregnancy that she was wanting it to hurry up so she could start drinking again. Shortly after that she moved from bottles of wine to boxes.

Around the beginning of the pandemic, she told her husband that she was going to quit, but she wasn’t able to. She started hiding mini bottles and realized she started drinking earlier and earlier in the day. She was starting to have physical pains and was saddened by what she saw in the mirror. She was feeling more and more disconnected and realized that she wanted to change this so she could connect and be more present with her children.

Due to the pain, she was having, Stephanie decided to make an appointment with her doctor and got some alarming results. She decided to come clean with her husband and let him know what’s been going on and that she was ready to quit drinking. He was very supportive which she wasn’t expecting.

Stephanie realized that she had to do things differently. Moderation had never worked in the past, so she knew that wasn’t an option this time. Three big things she did were she told the truth about her addiction, found a community whose language she really resonated with, and ensured she consistently had an hour to herself where she would listen to podcasts and walk. She is looking forward to doing some international travel sober, which she hasn’t done before, and she is excited to continue being a more present parent and partner.

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RE 420: The Most Prolific Trap Mar 06, 2023

Episode 420 – The Most Prolific Trap

Today we have Matthew. He is 49 from Phoenix, AZ, and has been a sober rock star since 12/15/2006.

Our next Ditching the Booze course is starting Monday March 20th. It is free for Café RE members. You can learn more about the course and Café RE by clicking this link.

[03:00] Highlights from Paul:

As humans, we are prone to the trap that things will be better, or we will feel better after x, y or z happens. If we are constantly attaching happiness to accomplishments, checklists, or sobriety clocks, then eventually this surface level happiness fades and doesn't last nearly as long. Diffusing this trap is our most important task as a species at the moment. To find inner peace regardless of what is going on outside.

The first thing we can do to confront the trap is recognize it and then try to find happiness in the present moment while working towards the goal in mind. This is being okay with being okay or being okay even if you feel like dog crap. You are not doing sobriety, or anything wrong, if you have a bad day or 50.

To be fair, we do feel better when we make positive change in our lives, but it’s the balance we are going for. And not to place 100% of happiness to a future date, which is never guaranteed.

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[11:37] Kris introduces Matthew:

Matthew has just past 16 years of sobriety. He is married and they have two teenage sons. He spent many years as a radio and TV personality all over the country, but recently left the business to do podcasts, motivational speaking and is the head coach of a local high school hockey team. He enjoys doing this as well as taking advantage of the hiking opportunities near where he lives in Phoenix, AZ.

Matthew was first exposed to alcohol at a very young age when his dad would share sips of beer with him. He grew up in a family where drinking was a part of the landscape at all gatherings of any kind.

He didn’t really drink a whole lot until he was in his late teens. Later in his twenties, Matthew’s career found him doing a lot of appearances where he was expected to be the life of the party and ensure that everyone present was having a good time. This involved large bar tabs and many after parties that he occasionally had too much and couldn’t function well for his job the next day.

His drinking increased a lot after his father died. He was attending therapy to deal with the great loss and how it happened. He ended up leaving his family and traveled around the country with his career eventually meeting his wife. Things were going well and then there were major changes at work which ended up with him being unemployed while his wife was pregnant. He says that he spent a lot of time drinking at that point.

The moved again shortly after that and it was after a work Christmas party that Matthew found his rock bottom moment. That night he didn’t want the party to end but was unable to find an open bar. He ended up buying some wine and walking home. It was a three mile walk in the snow to his house. His wife and son were both crying when he got home and he just went to his room and passed out. When he woke up, he wrote a letter to his wife and son saying that he will never have another drink.

When he decided to quit, he knew he couldn’t do it by himself. He went to therapy to help him uncover the “why”. He told everyone that he was not going to be able to attend any alcoholic events for a while. Learning why he was drinking was the most important piece. He believes in living a life that he doesn’t want to escape from.

[01:02:15] Kris’ summary:

Kris reflects on the power of connection with people that you can let your guard down with. It’s important to feel seen and community is a great way to do that.

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We are the only ones that can do this, RE

But we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys

RE 419: Boredom & Sobriety Feb 27, 2023

Episode 419 – Boredom and Sobriety

Today we have Joel. He is 42 from Lawton, OK, and took his last drink on November 28th, 2022.

Join Recovery Elevator in Atlanta, GA over Memorial Day weekend. Registration opens March 1st, and the Sunday evening event is for everyone, and you can find more information about it HERE!

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[2:18] Highlights from Paul:

Boredom is a completely normal and natural emotion, one of the many all humans have. In today’s world, we are were unconsciously wired to feel inadequate if we are not stimulated 24/7. But boredom is healthy and what is needed for a creative spark.

Big alcohol has done a great job of convincing us that we cannot have fun without alcohol, and part of the sobriety process is finding joy or fun again – without the shit.

We can learn to leverage technology and maybe start researching something that we are interested in. And everything becomes a possibility when you quit drinking. It takes our body time to find a heathier homeostasis but with time and practice, boredom becomes the invitation for us to be open to whatever wants to come our way in an alcohol-free life.

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[12:01] Paul introduces Joel:

Joel has 51 days of sobriety at the time of this recording. He is manager of a large automotive retailer. He is married and they have a 14 year old daughter. He enjoys spending time outdoors hiking and at the lake.

Raised by a single mom and had addicts in his family. He didn’t really know his dad until he was 13-14 years old and doesn’t really have contact with him anymore. Parents had a toxic relationship.

Joel feels that this time in sobriety is different. He has tried many times and it seems like it gets harder every time. This time he feels that some of the signs he was given were different than before. He started realizing that he was allowing alcohol to take more and more control of his life. He was drinking on the way home from work, his wife hated his drinking so he was hiding it, and finally he realized it was becoming a huge problem. The last few weeks found him having some red flags that made him realize he really needed to stop.

Joel says the first few days were exciting and full of optimism and then about day 3-5 found him full of anxiety. He knew it was part of his healing, and found he needed to stay busy to keep sober. After two weeks he started feeling better, seeing some physical improvements and getting positive feedback from his wife. He feels very motivated to keep the momentum going and finally feels free.

He says he has always been a fan of routines, but now has a much healthier one without alcohol. Exercise has been a huge help to him as well as being reflective in a quiet space. As soon as he feels any anxiety he goes for walks regardless of where he is.

Thinking of the future Joel says he wants to be a role model for his daughter and live a happy life with his family. His mental health is important to him, and he has no interest in ever drinking again. Joel is in some sobriety groups and enjoys listening to podcasts. He and his wife also talk a lot about his journey, she is very understanding and supportive now.

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Go big, because eventually we all go home.

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RE 418: Serenity Now! Feb 20, 2023

Episode 418 – Serenity Now!

Today we have Bethany. She is 34 from Michigan and took her last drink in January of 2021.

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[2:15] Highlights from Kris:

Kris enjoys living in a small town where everyone helps one another, and the pace is rather consistent. He and his wife were recently on a trip to the city, and it was busier than usual which created sensory overload for Kris. He found himself in the candle section of Target taking a moment and saying the serenity prayer. It helps him shift his thinking that it’s all about him and reminds him that he can exist better with others.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

The wisdom to know the difference

It doesn’t fix everything right away, but it assists with pausing and choosing how to react going forward.

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[10:15] Kris introduces Bethany:

Bethany is 34, has two kids and a fiancé. She just graduated college last year, works as an account manager for a car parts company. For fun she likes to play video games and plays often with her fiancé. She also enjoys running, camping, travelling and quality time with friends and family.

Bethany wasn’t exposed to alcohol much growing up. She had her first drink when she was 14 and got sick so she didn’t try it again for a while. Started going to high school parties but didn’t drink when she was playing sports. She found herself in a toxic relationship with a boy she met in church. After a messy break up she stopped going to the church and ended up feeling the loss of community as a result. After going away to college, she started partying as a way to escape her depression.

By her sophomore year she stopped going to classes and for the next year, her drinking escalated a good bit more. She met her ex-husband around this time. She ended up getting pregnant and then they got married and had another child. She says they weren’t compatible, and they didn’t have a healthy relationship. Bethany feels she didn’t have a good real-life example of strong relationships growing up because her mom died when she was four and her dad never remarried. Her husband was in the military where the drinking culture is very normalized, and they drank a lot. Towards the end of the marriage, she realized that the drinking was getting in the way of her parenting, and it was hard to take any breaks from it. Everyone she was around drank like she did, so no one ever said anything to her about it. For a while she stayed stuck in the cycle of drinking too much, taking a few days off and then starting back again.

She met her fiancé at a friend’s party. He is a normal drinker and would sometimes call her out for her drinking. Bethany says her behavior towards him and others could be abusive, so she started trying to set rules around her drinking. It wasn’t until an incident that had her feeling bad about not being present for her kids prompted her to think about trying to quit drinking.

A Google search led her to finding RE and she discovered a few episodes that really resonated with her. For the first time she realized she wasn’t alone and felt hope for the future. She joined Café RE for support and accountability and started reading a lot of Quit Lit. Soon into recovery she found herself enjoying life without alcohol and enjoying her children playing sports. Her grades improved and she graduated with honors. She has started making friends that she enjoys spending time with.

[52:25] Kris’ Summary

Telling our stories is a brave thing and can help a lot of people. Reach out if you are interested in sharing your story: kris@recoveryelevator.com

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The only way out is through, we can do this

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RE 417: The Best and Worst Place to be With a Drinking Problem Feb 13, 2023

Episode 417 – The Best and Worst Place to be With a Drinking Problem

Today we have Jenny, she is 36 from Hudson, WI and took her last drink on 2/16/2020.

Shout out to our Café RE hosts! They do an amazing job.

If you are interested in joining, click the link and use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to wave the setup fee.

[02:45] Intro Summary:

When Paul describes the best and worst places to be with a drinking problem, they both look a lot alike.

That realization that alcohol no longer serves us, but we can’t imagine life without it can be a scary place to be. Alcohol has us right where it wants us. It may feel like part of you is dying, that feeling is grief.

But on the flip side, when we realize that alcohol no longer serves us, we can see that as an invitation to live the life we were meant to live. We are at the tipping point about to embark upon the greatest journey in our life.

We are all right where we need to be. Life will keep giving us the same lesson until we are ready to learn or make a change. By making that first jump into the unknown, you give others courage to do the same.

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[10:15] Paul introduces Jenny:

Jenny is 36 and lives in the small town of Hudson WI. She is married and they have one son together. She works in education and enjoys the outdoors – camping, backpacking, she also enjoys gardening, yoga and in recovery she learned that she likes to read.

Jenny’s drinking started when she was just 11 years old. A traumatic event that she didn’t share with anyone had her feeling alone and out of place. Jenny realized she loved drinking right from the start. She grew up aspiring to be the bad girl with the tough persona because it helped her put up a guard to protect herself. She enjoyed drinking and was willing to try any other drugs.

When she was 20 her and her boyfriend moved to Montana. She thought she could escape her issues, but that didn’t work. Her addictions got worse and while she would quit some things, the alcohol remained which helped her believe that she didn’t have a problem because drinking was socially acceptable.

At age 30, she lost a pregnancy and her drinking evolved from drinking for fun to being self-destructive. She later got pregnant again and her son was born 18 months later. She still struggled to quit drinking during pregnancy and since her doctor told her it was ok, she saw that as a green light to keep drinking.

When their son was 7 weeks old, they moved back home from Montana to their hometown to be close to family. In debt, postpartum with no job, the lived in her in-law’s basement and her drinking got really bad. No one called her out because drinking was all part of the culture.

Her turning point was after Super Bowl Sunday when she had crippling anxiety the day after and ended up staying in bed for two days with very dark thoughts. There is a history of suicide in her family and that is what stopped her from that path.

She says she was sober from alcohol for the first 14 months but doesn’t feel like she was in recovery. She ended up going to AA in April of 2021 and hasn’t looked back.

To her, there is a big difference between being sober and being in recovery. She is doing things that she likes to do instead of just not drinking. She feels like every day is a victory and she counts every day as it helps motivate her. At first, she had a hard time letting go of the old persona, but now she has let go of that and has redefined who she is. She loves mornings now and is doing well in her job. She also loves yoga and attends AA meetings frequently as well as other online community events.

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We can do this.

RE 416: The AF Beverage Feb 06, 2023

Episode 416 – The AF Beverage

Today we have Mike, he is 59 from Newport, OR and took his last drink on 1/27/2022.

Shout out to one of our sponsors - SoberLink – click the link for a promo code for RE listeners.

Our six week Sober Ukulele Course brought to you by Kala Brand ukulele starts this Saturday! There is still time to sign up. If you need a ukulele, use the promo code 23ELEVATOR for 15% off.

Thank you Café RE chat hosts! You do an amazing job!

[01:34] Highlights from Paul:

When quitting drinking, the thinking mind creates 99 problems or obstacles, but what to drink when we ditch the booze shouldn’t be one of them. Exploring AF beverages in recovery should be fun.

Paul gives us the three key pillars (the drink, the temperature, and the glass/cup) along with many great tips on combining these elements to make the perfect AF drink.

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[10:31] Kris introduces Mike:

Mike has been sober for 323 days at the time of recording. He lives on the Oregon coast and after leaving the restaurant business three years ago, he now manages a deli. He enjoys writing and walking on the beach which he lives very close to.

Mike started working in the restaurant business as a cook at the age of 15-16 years old. He says that alcohol comes with the restaurant industry. It was customary to drink with customer and coworkers, it was part of day to day life. No one really commented on his drinking because his family was on the west coast and he was attending college on the east coast. Everyone he associated with at the time drank as well.

He did some soul searching after he had gotten a divorce and took some time away from alcohol, but it was hard to sustain. The long hours and drinking we beginning to take a toll on him mentally and physically. He started making rules around his drinking but always broke them.

When he was 40, he got married again and they had a child. He says alcohol was a problem in his relationships and was starting to affect his job as well. He tried outpatient rehab and attending AA on his own but when that didn’t repair the marriage, he stopped going. His drinking increased and he got a few DUIs that included court ordered meetings and counseling. He was just checking the boxes by going, but ended up learning things on the way even though he wasn’t ready to quit drinking. He enjoys research and looks at that as time he used to research quitting drinking. He reflected on his journals that he has kept throughout his life and realized that he has always had issues with alcohol but didn’t listen.

He joined Café RE in September of 2021 after his girlfriend found Recovery Elevator and suggested it to Mike. He feels that quitting drinking this time is his choice which has made all the difference for him.

When Mike first started his current AF journey, he would keep track of any cravings that he would have in a notebook that he carried with him. He says by the time he finished writing it down the craving had mostly left. His friends know he has quit which has made socializing much easier. He enjoys AF beer and isn’t bothered by being around alcohol at events and when out playing pool.

Writing and processing his thoughts has been an instrumental tool for Mike in recovery. He works on his sobriety every single day and shares his reflections with the community daily since he quit.

[52:00] Kris’ outro:

Kris reflects on “sandpaper people”. This quote from the book Us by Terrence Real helped him change his responses and reactions to these types of people. Even subtle positive energy can have an impact on those around me.

“This world does not belong to us; we belong to on another”.

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Thanks for being here RE and remember,

We’re the only ones that can do this, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys

RE 415: Dopamine Jan 30, 2023

Episode 415 – Dopamine

Today we have Jorie, she is 31, from Westford, VT and took her last drink on 9/19/2020

There are two spots left for our next sober travel trip to Costa Rica from April 12th-21st for more information click the link Costa Rica 2023. The deadline to register is February 24th.

Registration is open for our 6 week Ukulele Course brought to you by Kala Brand ukulele – use the promo code 23ELEVATOR for 15% off. The course starts in three weeks on Saturday, February 11th so you have plenty of time to pick-up a ukulele.

[02:01] Highlights from Paul:

We hear a lot about dopamine in recovery. All humans have dopamine, but our dopamine systems all work differently. It is the chemical that drives us eat, find warmth, shelter, find a mate and is also known as the pleasure molecule.

Living in a world of abundance rather than scarcity finds us with an overwhelming number of dopamine-triggering stimuli for nearly all of us in one way or another. Many of us reached the point in our drinking where we no longer drank to feel good but drank just to feel normal. This is all tied to dopamine and how it is processed by the body. Dopamine is important to keep us going, but we must find healthier ways to get it.

Check out the book Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke, it is a great read on the topic.

We have partnered with SoberLink – there is a promo code for RE listeners.

[09:14] introduces Jorie:

Jorie is 31 and was born in raised in Vermont. She enjoys running, playing hockey and loves to write which she says helps her stay in the present moment. She’s an athletic trainer at a local school, runs her own business and supervises sporting events. She is also part of a co-ed hockey league in her spare time.

Jorie didn’t start drinking until after college. Her parents divorced when she was young. Her father had a drinking problem, but her mother did not drink. She was never interested in drinking, she worked hard in school and played sports, so it didn’t fit into her lifestyle. She was in a long-term relationship since she was 18 and they got married when she was 27.

The pandemic really opened her eyes to her relationship with alcohol. She realized how uncomfortable it made her to think about alcohol not being an option to cope with things. Jorie and her brother challenged one another to quit drinking over the summer of 2020 and they almost made it three weeks. That experiment helped her to further review her drinking and she started realizing that she really tried to avoid being uncomfortable for a long time. She began reading books associated with recovery and discovered Recovery Elevator where she listened to other people’s stories and recognized that we don’t have to hit rock bottom to question our drinking.

When she quit drinking, she initially felt a lot of anxiety and fear. She felt guilt that she craved alcohol, she felt shame for listening to podcasts for hours. She wants to live her best life and realizes that alcohol will impede that. Jorie does not want to see a rock bottom and is focusing on her growth in sobriety. She feels stronger in her job and in her relationships and really thrives on focusing on the present.

For Jorie, recovery takes effort and continued learning is important.

[46:49] Paul’s outro:

In the book Dopamine Nation Dr Anna Lembke talks about a 30 day dopamine fast. It isn’t always that easy, but it is necessary to help us heal. Over time and with work, we can live a life without the temptations to the dopamine system.

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We took the elevator down, but we’ve got to take the stairs back up

I love you guys

RE 414: You Won’t Regret Not Drinking Jan 23, 2023

Episode 414 – You Won’t Regret Not Drinking

Today we have Emily, she is 44, from Phoenix, AZ and took her last drink on March 10th, 2019

There are about four spots open for our next sober travel trip to Costa Rica from April 12th-21st for more information click the link Costa Rica 2023. The deadline to register is February 24th.

Registration is open for our 6 week Ukulele Course brought to you by Kala Brand ukulele – use the promo code 23ELEVATOR for 15% off. The course starts Saturday, February 11th.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[02:34] Paul’s thoughts:

Paul doesn’t make many promises on this podcast but feels he can 100% positively tell us that we will never regret not drinking. You won’t regret the extra $20 you save; the planet won’t regret the gallons of water not used after “breaking the seal” or the trash drinking creates. Your family will never regret you not drinking. Your pets, your plants, your job, your community. Your hobbies, and your goals as well as any one of the 70 trillion cells in your body will not regret you not drinking.

It takes bravery and courage to take this path but listeners, you will not regret ditching the booze. You can do this.

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[08:30] Kris introduces Emily:

Emily has been sober for almost 4 years. She lives in Phoenix AZ with her husband, two daughters and two cats. She currently works in music education and loves to play music, paddleboard, and listening to podcasts.

Emily had little exposure to alcohol growing up. Her father was a recovering alcoholic, which wasn’t talked about much. She took her first drink at the age of 19 at an Army officer training program event. She was very nervous and insecure in new social settings so accepted the offer to drink and ended up blacking out.

She was excited to fit in but had a huge sense of shame because she didn’t remember what happened.

Drinking was a problem for Emily right from the start. It was never just one she always binge drank. Throughout college and her career, she was able to mostly uphold her dual life – had it all together but on the inside was struggling with fears of not fitting in and fears of abandonment.

Emily’s husband was also in the military and was deployed frequently. She used alcohol to self soothe when she felt isolated. They were moving around a lot which gave Emily a chance to start over every time. She didn’t have to worry about who she alienated or upset with her drinking and just moved to the next town.

Emily reconnected with her father when one of their moves took them to the area where he lived. She enjoyed the opportunity they had to get to know one another and spend time together. When her father died unexpectedly, her drinking ramped up again.

Over the last few years of her drinking, she ended up resigning from her job and took a work from home position. She found herself drinking more and it was affecting all of her relationships. Emily decided to change her relationship with alcohol after a painful experience that happened with her kids. Within a few days of the event, she walked into her first AA meeting and that was her quit date.

Emily started with AA and an IOP program. She attended a lot of meetings and found a sponsor that helped her learn how to stop punishing herself and stop worrying about being abandoned. Being willing to do what her sponsor suggested helped her recovery. She was able to start playing music again and has started being a sponsor herself.

[51:20] Kris’ outro:

One of the beautiful things about recovery is finding parts of ourselves that we thought we lost. Emily has reconnected with her love for music and her song “Am I Alright?” as the outro today.

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Remember, we took the elevator down, but we’ve got to take the stairs back up

You can do this

I love you guys

RE 413: Grit, Grace, and Gratitude Jan 16, 2023

Episode 413 – Grit, Grace, and Gratitude

Today we have Matt who is from Atlanta and took his last drink on November 15th, 2022.

Registration is open for our 6 week Ukulele Course brought to you by Kala Brand ukulele – use the promo code 23ELEVATOR for 15% off. The course starts Saturday, February 11th.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

[02:35] Thoughts from Kris:

Turning 40 found him thinking more about longevity and being able to be healthy later in life. He has struggled with his physical health the past few years but gave himself a pass because his mental and spiritual health was more important at the time.

Now, five years later and several stops and starts, he realizes he needs to treat his nutrition and physical health goals like another form of recovery. Much like sobriety, he felt he shouldn’t do it alone and reached out to a friend in the health and wellness world and asked for help. Together they set some small, attainable goals rather than a strict daily routine bound for failure.

He talks about the virtues of “grit” “grace” and “gratitude” and their relation to our recovery.

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[10:21] Paul introduces Matt

Matt has 31 days at the time of this recording. He feels great making it past that milestone after many stops in starts over the past four years. Matt was born in Atlanta and moved to Utah in middle school. He was an avid skier and baseball player in school and currently enjoys going to the gym, running, and playing in a local rock band.

Matt was young when he first tried sips of his parents’ drinks. Other than a few parties, Matt didn’t drink much in high school. It wasn’t until joining a fraternity in college that his drinking really got going. He considers his drinking as binge drinking and did not drink daily however, he started developing panic attacks and having issues with his grades at school.

He buckled down and cut back on partying during his senior year and graduated. He got a good job right after college and wasn’t having any more panic attacks. He typically only drank on the weekends and didn’t feel he had a problem because work was still going well and, on the occasion that he got a hangover, he would take a break for a while.

Some consequences came when he lost his job a few years ago and his drinking really ramped up as a way to cope with it. It took him a while to realize he was drinking to cover up his feelings and started using more and more. When things at home weren’t going well Matt agreed he needed to address his drinking and started attending AA. He was stuck in the cycle of addiction with many stops and starts.

It was 31 days ago that Matt took himself to inpatient detox so that he could start the healing process. He was ready to commit to not drinking and working on getting his life back. Initially he feared judgment from others but felt relief when he got there. After four days, he feels he had a moment of clarity and started to feel better and really dove into his recovery. Matt believes in radical honesty and accountability now and is working with his wife to earn her trust back while helping her understand what addiction is like. He went back to AA, is working the steps with a sponsor and he enjoys helping newcomers. He is feeling like this is a rebirth for him and is happy to live a life without alcohol. He has a clear idea of the person, husband, and father he wants to be.

[46:35] Kris’ outro:

Kris encourages us to look at ourselves and ask if a different approach could help us with our goals that we may have been struggling to reach. Our egos want to protect us but if we pick the right people to have on our team, it can be a game changer.

Change is hard, but so is letting something keep us from our best life.

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You’re the only ones who can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone

I love you guys.

RE 412: Get Your Connection On Jan 09, 2023

Episode 412 – Get Connected

Today we have Brad who is 35 from Fort Wayne, IN and took his last drink on 8/31/2018

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

On Saturday February 11th we start the 6 week Ukulele Course brought to you by Kala Brand ukulele – use the promo code 23ELEVATOR for 15% off.

[3:19] Highlights from Paul:

Human beings are wired for connection, we need it to survive. It’s up on the list with food, clean water, and shelter. Paul shares several statistics surrounding chronic disorders with the biggest one being mental disorders and loneliness. Loneliness has been compared to smoking in how it affects our bodies and is considered to be unhealthier than inactivity or obesity. Our addictions are symptoms of our disconnection.

Are we doomed? Paul says no. There is a remedy - get connected!

The ability to connect is a skill that we acquire naturally as kids/young adults but connecting later in life isn’t as easy. Here are some steps to help with connecting:

#1 – leverage your decision to quit drinking

#2 – Connect - Go to AA, join Café RE, meet with other sober people

Connection isn’t always human to human. Animals can help too. Paul credits Ben in saving him and helping him get sober. We (the community) are what help him stay sober.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[11:25] Kris introduces Brad:

Brad is from Indiana; he is married and has a daughter and two dogs. He works in sales and enjoys spending time with family and friends, playing golf, and being active with his church.

Brad didn’t really drink much until his sophomore year in college when he had an opportunity to go to school in London. When he returned, he continued to go out frequently to bars and parties. He didn’t see a problem as he was still doing well in school and graduated with honors. He found the transition between college and finding a career to be challenging. Due to his colleagues being older than him, he felt a little isolated socially so he would continue to spend time with friends that were still in college. This found him drinking more and more frequently.

He met his wife at a bar and in the early days of their relationship they socialized often. He always drank more than her and it wasn’t until they moved in together that he would recognize that his drinking was a problem. He would try to quit for a while, but it didn’t last, and he considered his drinks a reward for working hard. It started causing issues in their relationship.

Brad was starting to have some negative consequences from his drinking but still wasn’t ready to quit. It wasn’t until he was forced to face the consequences of a DUI and an ultimatum from his wife that he explored recovery. His dad took him to his first AA meeting where he got some encouraging words from members at the meeting and chose to continue going and working the steps. He says it felt great to find a community which is still important to his recovery.

At first, he approached his recovery as just not drinking. He quickly learned that he needed to do more internal work. Brad is open about the fact that he doesn’t drink. He has lost a few relationships which hurt at first, but it showed him his true friends. He finds acts of service important to his recovery. He uses HALT to help him deal with the cravings which he says he has very few of these days.

[57:30] Kris’ outro:

There are more conversations about being sober curious happening outside of the recovery space. The idea of looking at your drinking is becoming less taboo. Sure, the time of year has a lot to do with it but having the conversations is what’s important. Look for the right times to share, you can help others with your experiences.

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We took the elevator down but we’ve got to take the steps back up.

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RE 411: The Grateful Alcoholic Jan 02, 2023

Episode 411 – The Grateful Alcoholic

Today we have Lisa who is 65 from Atlanta, GA took her last drink on 11/17/2022.

Whether you are on day 1 or day 1000, there is still time to join REStore. The next class is tonight at 8:30pm EST

There are still spots open for our next sober travel trip to Costa Rica from April 12th-21st for more information click the link Costa Rica 2023

Highlights from Paul:

Paul didn’t understand a fellow AA member’s references to being a “grateful alcoholic”. Only after getting to know Jim, did he understand what they meant. It took a few years for Paul to get to that point to be grateful for his addiction.

He reflects that our addictions are signposts trying to guide us to a more authentic life and that there are no such things as failures. They are learning opportunities and we should never give up. We should trust the process of healing from the addictions, and we can all become grateful for the role that alcohol has played in our lives.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[00:00] Paul introduces Lisa

Her last drink was November 17, 2022 - a little over three weeks from the time of this recording. She says it feels wonderful, relieving, liberating, comforting, all positive things.

Lisa is 65 and lives in Atlanta area with her husband of 36 years. They have two grown children and remain close to them. She enjoys reading, travelling, exercise, nature and family time.

Lisa’s drinking started out on the weekends in high school. She drank throughout adulthood and always knew she drank abnormally. She discovered she had her first blackout and fell when she was nearly 50. That scared her into getting sober with AA but she feels she never did the work or found a good sponsor. After one year, she thought she could handle drinking again.

Over the last two or three years she has known she needed to stop again. She was starting to notice the health consequences and began finding resources including The Huberman Lab podcast episode about alcohol, and This Naked Mind.

Journalling about her drinking past has helped her recognize some of what drove her to addiction. She became aware that her drinking ramped up after she retired in 2015 as she felt a loss of identity. She has recently become a caretaker for her mother who has been in recovery since Lisa was 15, but they have never been close. She thinks she used alcohol for stress and anxiety relief over that and the loneliness she found in retirement. Now that she knows that it is her brain reacting to the disease which she finds helpful to her recovery. She embraces that she must do things differently this time and get comfortable with being uncomfortable. She has joined several recovery communities and asked to be on the podcast. She has not shared her journey with her immediate family but plans to do so very soon.

In recovery, Lisa says that routine is vital to her success. She exercises daily while listening to podcasts. She enjoys volunteering to stay busy. Her faith is very important to her and she finds prayer and journalling helpful.

One thing she has learned in sobriety – she can find the courage to do hard things and is stronger than she realized

Parting piece of guidance – you can control your thoughts, just focus on what you are gaining, not what you are losing.

[00:00] Closing thoughts from Paul:

Paul encourages us to stop labeling things as a problem. We need challenges to appreciate rewards. He compares this to alcohol as being the invitation to step into a rebirth and make great changes in our lives for the better. He has yet to meet someone that regretted quitting drinking. Paul also revisits his thoughts on Big Alcohol and his view on legalization of drugs and alcohol.

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I love you guys.

We took the elevator down; we’ve got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

RE 410: What's the Point? Dec 26, 2022

Episode 410 – What’s the Point?

Today we have Justin who is 37 from New York

Check out the AF drink recipes curated by Kate on the Recovery Elevator blog

NYE Sober Prom in San Diego on December 31st. We have Athletic Brewing, Sip Clean, Sound Soda and Crumbl Cookies sponsoring this event, open to Café RE members only.

Whether you are on day 1 or day 1000, there is still time to join REStore. We start this Sunday, please join us!

Highlights from Paul:

Many of us have asked the question “what’s the point of life?” The response is always a near derivative of love. It’s safe to say that the core religions can be summarized with one teaching. The Golden Rule. The mystics recognized, we are all one, what you do to another you do to yourself and if you treat your fellow human being with respect and dignity, you in turn will experience the same.

We have learned that we cannot find the point of it all at the bottom of a bottle. And when we hear The Golden Rule, we often think of the other person, but what about being kind to ourselves? Treat others as you’d like to be treated, but you need to treat yourself how you want to be treated. And only then, can we have a shot at learning about what this miracle we call life is all about.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[10:00] Kris introduces Justin:

Justin has been sober since September 9th, 2020. He lives in Harrison New York. He is getting married next year, has two cats and two dogs. He loves running, traveling, and listening to podcasts and audiobooks.

When he was growing up, his first exposure to alcohol was his family having wine at the holidays and his dad drank beer. He remembers his father as inconsistent, and was very aware of the amount of beer that his father drank and was attuned to what was going on.

Justin first drank in around 7th grade but didn’t like where it was heading. Later he had a small circle of friends that he would drink heavily with late in high school. After transitioning to college alcohol was the gateway to making friends. He started making rules around his drinking early on and used it as a coping tool. He never felt he had a problem because he knew what a problem looked like.

After college, Justin continued to try and create rules around his drinking. Alcohol was more of a social connector and bars were everywhere and he couldn’t imagine life without drinking – it was normalized but he knew he was different, and that drinking wasn’t right for him.

It was when Justin had his first experience dating someone that didn’t drink that he realized it was possible to go out and be fully present and aware. He recognized that this was the person he wanted to be but was still dependent on alcohol. When he had 10 days of sobriety for a personal development course, but could not continue, he knew he had to address the problem. He started listening to audiobooks which helped him recognize what led to his addiction. He had a shift where he realized that he no longer wanted to use alcohol to cope with life. While running he started listening to recovery books and podcasts. He was able to start stringing sober days together and realized that he wanted to be a non-drinker. He started looking at his recovery scientifically and evaluated his sober vs. non-sober time.

He says his biggest tools involve audiobooks, podcasts, playing the tape forward and connection is the most important. You can connect with Justin in the links below:

This Naked Mind - Justin

CoachJustin450@gmail.com

[60:00] Thoughts from Kris

Radical honesty has been important for Kris and urges us to ask ourselves a few questions without judgement. Honesty can help us accept where we are and get the help that we need.

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I love you guys.

RE 409: The Cost of Inauthenticity Dec 19, 2022

Episode 409 – The Cost of Inauthenticity

Today we have Jeremiah, he’s 35 from Denver, CO and took his last drink on April 27, 2022.

NYE Sober Prom in San Diego on December 31st. We have Athletic Brewing, Sip Clean, Sound Soda and Crumbl Cookies sponsoring this event, open to Café RE members only.

Registration for REStore is now open! https://www.recoveryelevator.com/restore/

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

Highlights from Paul:

Being inauthentic creates a lot of pain which many of us have tried to address it by using alcohol. We often choose survival over authenticity by putting our basic needs over expressing or being ourselves. Sometimes we have to be inauthentic to fit in.

Dr. Gabor Mate’s book “The Myth of Normal” says “the perceived need to be what the world demands becomes entangled with our sense of who we are and how to seek love. Inauthenticity is thereafter misidentified with survival because the two were synonymous during the formative years.”

It has been studied that being inauthentic can lead to physical disease. And Dr. Sarno has concluded that back pain is not structural but represents repressed emotions, mostly rage.

How can we be authentic? It is a practice and a balance. There are two sides to the coin: saying no to BS and doing more of what you enjoy. Paul challenges us to ask ourselves where we are not being authentic? What BS are we putting up with?

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[9:28] Paul introduces Jeremiah:

Jeremiah took his last drink on April 27, 2022. He grew up in Wisconsin but currently lives in Denver, CO. He’s 35, single and has two dogs and loves all varieties of outdoor sports.

Jeremiah didn’t drink in high school but started drinking when he went to college. He was able to do well in school and work and went out a few nights a week drinking like a “normal” college student. After graduating he moved out of state, got married and says his drinking was drastically reduced. Even throughout other life changes including a divorce his drinking wasn’t out of control. After getting a DUI he was ordered to take classes that he didn’t feel that he needed and was able to quit drinking for over a year with relative ease.

He initially saw the pandemic as an opportunity to focus on healthy and productive endeavors. He soon started to feel very isolated, and depression and anxiety started to set in. His doctor put him on an antidepressant and Xanax which he started to abuse and mixing with alcohol. He attended an IOP for Xanax with no intention of quitting drinking initially. After a big relapse he realized he was no longer in control of his drinking and decided to go to inpatient rehab.

He wishes he had gone into rehab sooner where he finally felt relief and realized that he needed to make some changes. He made the decision to quit his job and moved back to Denver where he took some time off and started doing things that he used to enjoy. He feels that his hobbies are just as important to his recovery as the community that he has found in AA and Café RE. He has found that through his hobbies and mindfulness he is better at living in the moment. He looks forward to the future and plans to do more hiking, travelling and hopefully one day have a family.

[48:25] Paul’s summary:

Gen Z and many others are waking up to the fact that alcohol is shit. Just like Big Tobacco had their moment with catchy icons helping us believe that smoking was cool and good for us until people started dying, Big Alcohol has also spun a similar story – that it is good for our health and social life. But we are waking up and just like domestic tobacco sales went to shit, I imagine the same is already in motion for Big Alcohol.

Resources

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This isn’t a “no” to alcohol, but a “yes” to a better life.

I love you guys.

RE 408: Focus on the Good Dec 12, 2022

Episode 408 – Focus on the Good

Today we have Bret, 42, from Fort Lauderdale, Florida and he took his last drink on September 17th, 2022.

Registration for REStore is now open! https://www.recoveryelevator.com/restore/

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

Highlights from Paul:

Paul urges us to focus on the good. There is plenty of bad news out there but ruminating on issues that don’t directly affect us can be detrimental. While suffering is part of the human condition, there is always something to be thankful for. He says that it is on the super challenging days where our recovery work is so important.

Like Odette said in the newsletter recently - “watch our thoughts – if a thought isn’t inline with your new alcohol-free life – let it go”.

Author Jay Shetty in his book Think Like a Monk classifies thoughts as a seed or a weed. If it’s a weed, let it go, if it’s a seed, water it and let it grow.

Manifestation is the mind’s version of The Golden Rule, which is when you treat others with respect, you will gain respect back. With your mind it’s the same thing. If you work towards focusing on the good, then eventually your outer reality will match up.

Paul’s take on “character defects” is that we should be aware and make intentions to correct them, but to not get stuck ruminating on them. If we focus on our weaknesses, it is hard to let our positive personality traits thrive.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[10:51] Kris introduces Bret

Bret is at 66 days sober and feeling cautiously optimistic.

He’s 42 years old, he was raised in Utah but lives in Fort Lauderdale now. He has been with his partner for 17 years, and they have two dogs and a cat. He likes to cook, garden and is a property appraiser.

Bret’s parents divorced when he was very young, and he watched his older siblings stress their mom out with their drinking and swore he would never do it.

Growing up gay was a struggle but when he went to college he started going to bars and found his community and felt like he belonged. He was able to drink and successfully go to school and work. His drinking was on par with everyone else, so he didn’t feel he had a problem.

He moved to Fort Lauderdale in his 20’s and found community in the bar scene. The party never ended which normalized his drinking for him. He was still able to work and function fine and never had any major consequences as he was away from family and only interacted with people that drank like he did.

His drinking started to slow down in his 30’s. They went out less and drank more at home while being caretakers for his mother-in-law.

Bret was the bartender for he and his partner and gradually started drinking earlier and the pours would get heavier. He tried to moderate and create rules, but he would always break them and eventually started hiding the bottles.

COVID and a lot of external factors led to Bret trying to cope with alcohol. It was when his husband confronted him about his hidden bottles that he finally felt relief – he feels he wouldn’t have been able to admit he had a problem had it not been for that. He went to his doctor, and they mentioned an IOP program that Bret got into as soon as he could.

Through his IOP and joining Café RE he feels he is starting to figure out what led him down the path to addiction. He enjoys attending RE courses and chats and plans to attend the IOP after care to help continue his progress.

Book mentioned by Kris Tribe by Sebastian Junger

[48:33] Kris’ summary:

A common theme in recovery is loneliness. We felt loneliness while we were drinking, and we also tend to feel alone in recovery. Finding people and community that understands is so important, especially with the holidays coming up

Resources

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We’re the only ones that can do this, RE

But we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 407: A Message to Big Alcohol Dec 05, 2022

Episode 407 – A Message to Big Alcohol

Today we have Jeff, 48, from Joplin Missouri with 13 days of sobriety at time of recording

Registration for Restore opens December 1. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/restore/

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

Highlights from Paul

For the first time in this podcast, Paul speaks to Big Alcohol. Why now? We have a limited time together on each episode he has felt that discussing how to live a better life without the stuff is better use of our time.

He addresses the fact that Big Alcohol’s greatest customers are the alcoholic/problem drinkers and not the “normal” drinker that has one or two beers and the rest sits in the fridge for months. They are also responsible for perpetuating the myth that alcohol consumption is good for you. Spoiler alert: it’s not. The Huberman Lab Podcast has an episode that dives deep into the effects alcohol has on the brain/body. (https://hubermanlab.com/what-alcohol-does-to-your-body-brain-health)

The amount of trash that can be found on the sides of the road is about a 10/1 ratio alcohol related vs. non-alcohol related. Paul asks if Big Alcohol is ok with the remnants of their product being strewn all over the planet via human wreckage and excessive trash.

Paul clarifies that his goal is to not fight with Big Alcohol. His battle with alcohol and alcoholism made him who he is today, and he appreciates that.

But maybe they would be willing to share just a half of a percentage point of their marketing budget to help us clean up the mess their product has created both on humans and on our planet. We’d be interested to collaborate on our next service project. You can reach us at info@recoveryelevator.com

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[10:59] Jeff lives in Joplin, MO currently, but grew up in NC. He has a wife and three children aged 6, 4 and 8 months. He recently started his own business and enjoys golf, reading, creative writing and poetry, and writing and playing music.

Jeff took his first drink with a friend at home when he was 17. He remembers the occasional drink at a party in high school but didn’t really start drinking until he turned 21. Through his 20’s drinking was part of life. He was able to cut back or quit drinking whenever he felt it was getting to be too much.

Jeff says he didn’t have a true rock bottom moment but after an incident that found him ramping up his drinking, he chose to seek some counseling for PTSD. He started to realize that the way he had been drinking and handling life was becoming unsustainable. He wants to be present for his family and didn’t feel that he was able to enjoy life while drinking.

Jeff found himself going to his first AA meeting in many years 13 days ago, has found a sponsor and attends meetings daily. He has been staying busy with home projects and acts of service and feels that working with his hands relieves stress and helps him avoid getting lost in negative thought patterns.

Jeff doesn’t have a long-term goal in sobriety, he is just taking it day by day. Right now, he just wants to be sober and process his emotions without alcohol and enjoy his family and the life he has built.

[47:57] Paul’s Summary

Socrates said the secret to change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old but on building the new. Mother Teresa said she would not participate in wars on hunger or on terrorism because there is an equal amount of disproportionate energy on the other side. Much like we have seen with the war on drugs: trillions of dollars wasted to learn that you cannot punish addiction out of people. If someone from Big Alcohol is listening, please don’t feel attacked, we want to work together in cleaning up the planet.

Resources

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Recovery Elevator

This isn’t a no to alcohol, but a yes to a better life.

I love you guys

RE 406: Moving the Needle Nov 28, 2022

Episode 406 – Moving the Needle

Today we have Nate, Eric, Beth, Hunter, and Kathy.

Registration for Restore opens December 1. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/restore/

Sponsor: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/cafere/

Highlights from Kris

Kris speaks to the many mixed messages we get about addiction. Billions of dollars are spent on alcohol advertising that lures you to believe how fun, cool, and sexy you will be if you drink, as long as you don’t become one of “those people.”

After Kris’s first session with an addiction specialist who shared her recovery journey with Kris, he felt less alone. Kris’ counselor gave him hope that there was a better way. He continued counseling, completed treatment, and found the Recovery Elevator podcast. Today he is one of the hosts.

One of the best ways to combat the stigma of addiction is to tell your story. Kris recently attended the 6th Annual Recovery Reinvented event founded by Kathryn Burgum, the first lady of North Dakota. Kris had an opportunity to hear Dr. Bruce Perry speak, who co-authored the book, “What Happened to You?” with Oprah Winfrey. Dr. Perry said that while the science, research, and statistics are fascinating, the storytelling inspires others to revisit their beliefs about addiction.

There are a few ways to tell your story: you can share in a recovery meeting, on a recovery podcast, give a testimony at your church, or post on Facebook or Instagram. You can also lead by example by passing on the cocktail at Happy Hour or telling your friends, “I don’t drink.” Keep sharing your stories, RE – that’s how we will combat the stigma of addiction.

For more information on Recovery Reinvented, visit: www.recoveryreinvented.com

Book Reference: https://www.amazon.com/What-Happened-You-Conversations-Resilience-ebook/dp/B087D5YQXB/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1IWMTJBKBOOZE&keywords=what+happened+to+you&qid=1669220153&s=digital-text&sprefix=what+happened+to+you%2Cdigital-text%2C448&sr=1-1

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[11:25] Nate loves to build community and peer support and does great things in North Dakota. As a transplant to ND, he was embraced by “North Dakota nice.” He found recovery after multiple DUIs. He empowers students in recovery. He is passionate about being the change for others in his community.

[21:45] Eric is a physician and a professor and speaks to active addiction while practicing medicine. He has been in recovery for thirty years, and the services available were very different when he started. There are now programs available for clinicians in recovery that allow them to recover without losing their licensure. Eric now has excellent relationships and is happily married.

[27:34] Beth tried several approaches to recovery, and after witnessing a friend overdose, she could stack days. After six months of recovery, she got a job, and having someone believe in her made a huge difference in her life and recovery.

[33:15] Hunter has been sober for nine years and works in healthcare. He spent so much time wondering when the other shoe would drop. High functioning kept him in active addiction for awhile because he never missed work.

[40:58] Kathy is a mother of five, is a student and works. Her dreams include social work and foster parenting. Today she recovers out loud and advocates for other Native Americans with addiction and is a foster parent.

[47:40] Kris shares his gratitude for the opportunity to participate in Recovery Reinvented.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Resources

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You are the only one who can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 405: Ahead of the Pack Nov 21, 2022

Episode 405 – Ahead of the pack

Today we have Rachel. She is 29, from Wisconsin, and took her last drink on September 4, 2022.

Registration for Restore opens December 1. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/restore/

Sponsor: https://www.soberlink.com/

Highlights from Paul

Is there a stigma for those in recovery, or are we ahead of the pack? This past August, Paul invited Elaine Huang mindfulness and spirituality teacher) to speak at the RE Bozeman retreat. Elaine shared with Paul that those ditching the booze are ahead of the pack. She never has to modify or simply her course content for Café RE members. Members of our group are advanced students; they are more resilient, elite, and have a greater capacity for love and a greater capacity for recovery after pain & suffering. Elaine referred to us as “old souls .”The recovery community has a greater capacity for survival, compassion, and love.

Elaine believes our population is part of the 1% of people who can achieve a higher level of consciousness, vibration, and frequency: the frequency of love.

Feel free to watch this video from a neuroscientist, Dr. Joe Dispenza. https://youtu.be/Ov3aeqjeih0

Deepak Chopra says, “it takes as little as 1% of a population to create positive change, and I believe that if 100 million people underwent a personal transformation in the direction of peace, harmony, laughter, love, kindness, and joy...the world would be transformed.”

Transcendental Meditation teacher Maharishi Mahesh predicted that only one percent of humanity is needed to create enough good vibrations to usher in world peace. (https://www.naturalawakenings.com/2018/11/30/224480/a-global-wake-up-call-collective-consciousness-nears-spiritual-tipping-point)

For more information on Elaine Huang: Elaine Huang - Embodiment of Freedom: https://www.mayyouawaken.com/

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[12:30] Rachel has been sober for over thirty days. She is still struggling and hasn’t experienced a pink cloud yet. She is experiencing a lot of depersonalization, but she is hopeful. She loves singing, live music, nature, hiking, and playing the ukulele. Rachel struggles with PTSD. She has a partner and two kids.

Rachel identifies with the gifted kid burnout syndrome. She excelled in school but struggled to embrace her feelings, given some of her struggles at home. She was high functioning in high school: in clubs and the National Honor Society. As a DARE kid, she was afraid of drugs and alcohol. She described having a second life and drinking to impress people. Rachel believed alcohol helped her to fit in. She graduated from high school early and traveled to India. She had to abstain in India. When she went to college, drinking was a social lubricant. She went to work drunk and high. Rachel described drinking as letting out a sigh.

Pregnancies led Rachel to a sober stint. She was doing well until the pandemic hit. Rachel’s rock bottom moment was blacking out while reading a bedtime story to her daughter. Since her father and grandfather struggled with addictions, she decided it was time for the addiction cycle to end.

Singing, yoga, and cold exposure spike Rachel’s dopamine which helps her maintain her sobriety. Rachel is mindful of potential relapse and knows that self-compassion is essential.

[50:48] Paul’s Summary

Paul wonders if the stigma exists. We yearn for authenticity, and when we connect, that authenticity is reciprocated. The stigma is often in our minds. People in recovery make lasting changes that can influence others to do the same.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Resources

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It all starts from the inside out.

I love you guys.

RE 404: The Order of Healing Nov 14, 2022

Episode 404 – The order of healing

Today we have Natasha. She is 43, from Vancouver, B.C, and took her last drink on August 23, 2021.

Book: Alcohol is Sh!t. https://www.amazon.com/Alcohol-is-Sht-Paul-Churchill-audiobook/

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20

Highlights from Paul

Paul outlines the order of healing when we quit drinking. He describes the healing as happening in reverse order of the harm done. You can do the following:

Ditch the booze
Fuel the body with healthy food and hydrate
Cut down on sugar and caffeine
Move (aim for 20 mins a day 3x a week)
Recovery – AA, Café RE, Smart Recovery, IOP, etc.

Book: The All-Day Energy Diet. https://amzn.to/3CmLivc

The healing process:

The body (3-12 months)
Mental healing (6 months to 1.5 years)
Spiritual healing

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[11:04] Natasha has been sober for over a year. She is in medical sales, has a son, and enjoys friends, bingo, travel, and hiking.

Natasha was afraid of alcohol during her early years. She would dump out beer and pretend to be drunk to avoid social pressure. After her son was born, she had six beers during a concert. As she approached thirty, she drank after work with her co-workers in the restaurant industry. At 35, she knew her drinking was a problem.

Socializing and drinking was a big part of her job. Her relationship wasn’t healthy because they drank together, and Natasha could outdrink her partner.

Sobriety has taught Natasha that none of her fears about quitting drinking were true; liquid courage is a myth. She is funny and entertaining with her clients. Her relationships have more meaning, and she can be present.

She describes the first year as brutal. After a boozy weekend with girls, Natasha knew it was time to quit. She dumped out a wine cooler, and that was it. She was angry at people who could drink normally and isolated herself a bit. Now she recognizes she can enjoy her life without the chaos of alcohol. Boundaries have become necessary, and she enjoys spending time alone. Reading, listening to podcasts, and meditation have helped her maintain her sobriety. Natasha’s relationships have evolved and grown. She lost some friends along the way, but her core group supports her sobriety.

[58:51] Kris’s Summary

Kris has been getting his garage in order. He recognized that he was comfortable with the chaos until he hit a tipping point. Cleaning the garage has so many parallels to recovery. Kris was overwhelmed, but he did the next right thing, took it slow, and now everything is clean, organized, and easy to navigate.

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We are the only ones who can do this, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 403: Hello Universe Nov 07, 2022

Episode 403 – Hello Universe

Many

Today we have Pat. He is 38, from Georgia, and he took his last drink on February 22, 2022.

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Highlights from Paul

The opposite of addiction is connection. Near-death experiences often connect us to a higher power and make us question where we go after we die. In today’s episode, Paul shares his views on spirituality and connecting with a higher power.

Addiction disconnects us from the external world and from within. Paul reminds us we are not alone: we are connected to every living on the planet. Love, connection, inclusivity, and wholeness.

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[13:14] Pat got sober on 2/22/22 and planned his sobriety date as a military child who has lived in many places. He is married, loves archery, plays guitar, writes music, and sells hearing aids.

Pat began experimenting with alcohol at 15. He learned in college he could drink a lot. He was frequently the last one standing. Initially, he drank to get a buzz. He avoided eating to enhance his buzz. In college, he got a DUI. Pat drank to feel normal. He never had a true rock bottom moment.

In 2020, Pat stopped drinking for six months, knowing he and his wife wanted to conceive. He switched from whiskey to beer. Quickly it snuck back into his life.

Pat’s wife began going to Al-Anon. He burned the ships on social media and garnered support from friends and family. After a physical, he had some bad results, including elevated liver enzymes. He was encouraged to go to inpatient rehab. He ultimately tapered. His doctor prescribed medications to help him overcome anxiety. The first two weeks of detox were painful. After the physical challenges dissipated, things became much more manageable. His family and friends supported him. He realizes he doesn’t need alcohol to get through the highs and lows of everyday life.

The RE podcast, audiobooks, and the Café RE Facebook group are his favorite recovery tools, and he is excited that he and his wife are expecting their first child.

[49:20] Paul’s Summary

Book recommendations

Reality Unveiled: https://amzn.to/3CxrVQg

The seat of the Soul: https://amzn.to/3z0phBJ

Many lives many masters: https://amzn.to/3rQ6QLS

The concepts in these books help Paul to feel connected. The knowledge is the precursor to feeling the way Paul needs to feel to stay sober.

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Go big because eventually, we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 402: What to Expect Oct 31, 2022

Today we have Emily. She is 34, from Cincinnati, OH and took her last drink on Aug 27th, 2022.

Happy Halloween. A drink won’t make your overall Halloween experience better.

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Recovery Reinvented Link: https://recoveryreinvented.com/events/2022/#overview

Highlights from Paul

All emotions are created equal and you need them all equally. Here is why. In the world of duality we need opposites for defining purposes.

I want to tie this into recovery one more time. Do not gauge your recovery success on your emotions. You will feel them all. Yes, do more of what you enjoy, but thank the other side of that for telling you what you don’t enjoy.

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[11:35] Emily is married and has 2 little boys, ages 5 and 8. She runs a bar in downtown Cincinnati. Emily enjoys being crafty and making stuff.

Emily doesn’t remember seeing any unhealthy alcohol behavior in her home while growing up. Emily was 13 the first time she got drunk. 20 years old and in college Emily got her first bartending job. She met her husband working in the bar in Cincinnati and they have now been together for 13 years.

After having her first baby Emily got out of bartending and into alcohol sales. This escalated her drinking. She then got pregnant with her 2nd and went back to bartending after that. As her kids got older there was more drinking and drugs…while still getting up and taking care of her kids and responsibilities.

January 2021 Emily quit drinking for 5 months. This year Emily changed jobs, started working at a new bar with good friends. Emily was approaching 1 month sober at the time of her interview.

Ben’s Friends https://www.bensfriendshope.com/

Kris’s Summary

Recovery Reinvented - The event will be held in person on November 3 in Grand Forks North Dakota. But if you can’t make it to Grand Forks, don’t worry, the event is available online as well! It’s 100% FREE to attend. www.recoveryreinvented.com.

RE 401: Welcome Back Oct 24, 2022

Episode 401 – Welcome Back

Today we have Jen. She is 52, from Connecticut, and took her last drink on March 10th, 2022.

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Highlights from Paul

In episode 391, Paul asked listeners what they wanted to hear. Jeff L, with 5 years

alcohol-free (That’s what’s up!) said he wanted to hear from past guests. Great idea Jeff

as we are also curious as to where they are now.

Paul gives updates from 15 past guests.

[20:30] Jen lives in Connecticut, has 2 kids (21 & 23), and just recently got a new job as a

counselor at a treatment center.

Jen had her 1st drink at 13 years old playing quarters, which resulted in her blacking out

and being sick for 3 days. She says that was a sign of what was to come and that

drinking was never fun for her. At 19 she started thinking she was an alcoholic and

became a daily drinker.

Jen was sober for 10 years (and then another 8 years). Those first 10 years were spent in

the rooms of AA and it took 7 years before she was able to get sober again.

After losing her husband suddenly to a heart attack in 2018 Jen started drinking. Again

Jen found herself going to treatment again (4 different treatment centers since her

husband died). Jen is now sober and back in the rooms of AA.

Musical submission from The Alex.

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We are the only ones who can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 400: Chasing a Carrot on a Stick Oct 17, 2022

Episode 400 – Chasing a Carrot on a Stick

Today we have Nick. He is from Vancouver, B.C, and took her last drink on December 7, 2018.

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Soberlink: https:///www.soberlink.com/

Highlights from Kris

Kris speaks to the crossroads of recovery. He acknowledges that so many new thoughts, podcasts, tools, mindsets, books, and videos on recovery. Then there is real life with an equal number of views, podcasts, and tools, on how to meet deadlines, be a great husband and father, a great worker, and a good friend.

With all these different concepts flying at us and life asking us to show up, how do you handle recovery and life simultaneously? For Kris, the crossroads show up often, and he has come to appreciate them as options. He has also learned that the best way to handle all possibilities is to sit with them, observe them and refrain from acting immediately. Krist describes this practice as combining mindfulness and refraining. Kris is working on finding peace and comfort where he is today. He will continue to take in new options and ideas but recognizes he doesn’t have to chase everything in front of him. When he can slow down, he can appreciate where he is. Kris can also acknowledge where he is feeling discomfort and focus on the pain rather than shifting his attention to something else.

Kris asks himself, “what am I doing with the time I have right now?” Kris encourages listeners to stay curious, act with intention, and show ourselves grace along the way.

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[9:02] Nick was on Episode 220 and has been sober for nearly four years. He is 36, married, lives in Vancouver, works at a university, and enjoys gardening because plants don’t talk back.

Growing up, Nick’s parents regularly drank with dinner, but not to excess. He had the occasional sip from his parent’s drink but wasn’t fascinated by alcohol. Nick remembers struggling with depression, anxiety, and feeling out of place at age 16. His peers seemed to have dreams and ambitions, and he was a mediocre student without aspirations. Alcohol took that anxiety away like a warm hug.

Alcohol helped Nick feel less awkward and became a gateway to who he wanted to be. Nick felt in control of his drinking until he moved to Vancouver, which became his primary comfort source. His father had a stroke, and that changed his life. He sought out ways to drink when he was away from his family. Slowly, he noticed his drinking progress until it felt like it consumed him, and he was out of control. At many points, he decided to quit, but each of those times, he had a lot of alcohol in his system, so the commitment was forgotten or ignored. He hated himself and his life, but outwardly he faked it as a functioning human. Alcohol was his only coping mechanism.

Nick joined Café RE in December, and it finally stuck. A Craig Ferguson monologue became an epiphany for Nick. He started seeing a therapist and began to process some of his issues. His drinking ramped up, but the seeds were planted to put the bottle down. Nick found the Recovery Elevator podcast and listened to stories until he could see the similarities. Recognizing others have done this and that there was hope helped him get through years of day one’s promises and trying different things.

Kris’s Summary

Kris thanks and congratulates Paul on 400 episodes. Kris has experienced healing and alignment with his values and can now be of service. This community is amazing, and its ripple effect is phenomenal.

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We took the elevator down. We can take the stairs back up.

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RE 399: What’s the Hardest Thing About Quitting Drinking? Oct 10, 2022

Episode 399 – What’s the hardest part about quitting drinking?

Today we have Zita. She is 31, from Minnesota, and took her last drink on November 27, 2021.

Restore: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/restore/

Highlights from Paul

An AF life is overall better than drinking. The key word is overall. Quitting drinking is the hardest thing Paul has ever done, and, it’s the best decision he’s ever made.

Not quitting is harder on you than you realize. The domino effect of addiction cascades to your health, your relationships, your livelihood, and your sense of well-being. Those rock bottoms get worse and hit new depths that create despair, shame and helplessness. The decision to quit drinking can be harder when you don’t have those rock bottom moments, but you still have that voice in your head telling you, it’s time. Quitting isn’t easy, particularly in the beginning, but it has its own set of dominos, the path toward a better life.

The hardest part about quitting drinking isn’t the withdrawals or burning the ships. It’s entering the path of the unknown: infinite possibilities exist.

You can put the shovel down at any time.

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[12:26] Zita is an ICU nurse. She loves cooking, travel, rollerblading, movies, and getting her nails done. She is headed back to school to become a nurse practitioner.

Zita’s relationship with alcohol started in her early teens. She was a normal drinker through college. She drank a lot, but it never impacted her school, her relationships, or her ability to function. After college, she started working and a few years in she noticed having anxiety when she was around people which was a shift. After a breakup, she started using alcohol to cope with her emotions.

Zita’s family members spoke with her about her drinking, intervention style. She thought about slowing down but quitting never occurred to her at that point. Upon continued reflection, Zita realized she had some unprocessed trauma. She tried naltrexone, Antabuse and Women for Sobriety. Nothing was working. She shifted her approach to working on mental health and took a month off work and started DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) treatment. Mental health support gave her new tools to shift her mindset. The first few months were hard and she nearly relapsed, but she gained some momentum.

Today, Zita feels great. She has gained assertiveness, confidence and learned to develop boundaries. She doesn’t have her “old self” back, she has a better life. Zita is proud that she has learned to manage her emotions more effectively. Looking forward, Zita is excited about graduating. She focused her education on mental health, and she looks forward to making broader contributions with her new knowledge.

Paul’s Summary

Paul believes you are about to bloom. Nobody exists without a purpose in the universe. Things under pressure produce new results; rocks under pressure become diamonds. The blooming has already begun.

[47:21] Musical submission from The Aquerials.

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I love you guys.

RE 398: This Moment Always Wins Oct 03, 2022

Episode 398 - This Moment Always Wins

Today we have Adam. He is 30, from Vancouver, and took his last drink on February 8, 2013.

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Highlights from Paul

Paul celebrated his eight-year recovery milestone and is thankful for all the support he gets from listeners, family, friends, and the Café RE community.

Paul’s insights include: alcohol is sh!t; addiction is an invitation to make a sweeping change in your life; burning the ships is part of the journey; the opposite of addiction is connection; focus on the wins; admit you are wrong when you need to, in real-time; you have to take action; don’t worry about the sobriety clock, keep doing the work; join the party - the AF movement is taking off; be kind to others, help others; be of service; leverage your drinking problem to expand your life; be mindful of the company you keep; there is nothing wrong with you; not drinking makes you a bad-ass;

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[13:26] Adam has been sober for nearly ten years. He is a personal trainer, nutritionist, breathwork therapist, mental health, and sober coach. He loves cold plunges, spending time in nature, traveling, and spending time with his dogs.

Adam grew up in Vancouver and was exposed to addiction early on. He was bullied a lot in high school, which led to anxiety, depression, and insecurity. He was 13 the first time he drank or smoked weed. He knew it wasn’t smart, but it gave him a sense of community. With a long family history of alcohol abuse, Adam knew he was in trouble the first time he drank.

Adam got his apartment and car at age 15. He made poor decisions, including steroids, drinking, cocaine, being in a gang, and smoking. After a death threat, he moved to another province, got a job, and his drug use escalated. He sold drugs, and it was attractive to him at the time. He was stabbed during a fight. At 16, a buddy of his died in his arms. Steroid use caused Adam to default to anger frequently. He was aggressive. Adam said it took at least ten wake-up calls before he was ready to address his addiction. He was exposed to a lot of violence and death with the people he spent time with. At 19, during a drug deal, he was kidnapped and held captive by some bad people. During that incident, he had an out-of-body experience. When he was released, he was hospitalized. He crashed when in the hospital. A spiritual awakening occurred for Adam. Adam described it as powerful, and it continues to inspire him to live a better life. The last time he used it was on his 21st birthday. He called his Mom, and she let him come home.

The first two years of sobriety were the hardest for Adam. He had lots of PTSD from his gang experience. He had two suicide attempts. Adam went to his first AA meeting. A person said to him, “If you kill yourself today, you are killing the wrong person because you don’t know the person who you can become.” Breathwork became a big part of his recovery. Learning to accept and demonstrate his emotions was challenging, but Adam continues to learn to manage his feelings. He worked the steps. He saw a psychologist/neurologist and was diagnosed with severe brain injury, PTSD, anxiety, and depression. None of the medications helped. Breathwork and exercise help him manage his anxiety and depression.

[57:50] Kris’ Summary

After a rough week, Kris remembered, “you don’t have to get sober for the rest of your life today.” Trust the process.

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RE 397: The Ultimate Connection Sep 26, 2022

Episode 397 - The Ultimate Connection

Today we have Santino. He is 43, from Massachusetts, and took his last drink 43 days ago.

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Highlights from Paul

Paul shares that our actions are felt for seven generations in our lineage. When you quit drinking, do the inner work, the ripple effect can last 150 years.

Eckhart Tolle defines love as recognizing oneness in a world of duality. The ego craves separation, judgements. When we are drinking, we are reinforcing that divide. The worst side effect of alcohol is isolation. But when we drop the bottle, we give ourselves a chance to find love, or maybe let love find us.

Congratulations Dusty and Lotus on your recent nuptials.

Love yourself and love yourself first. Love in recovery can be rediscovering nature, it can be planting a garden, it can be zipping around on a one wheel, it can be learning a new instrument, picking up an old instrument. It can be laughter.

Make sure to stay tuned to the end of the episode. Our outro music is from one of our Café Re members, Ron.

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[9:50] Santino works for a nonprofit homeless organization; he is married with a son and enjoys being a father.

Being present, in the moment and the ability to remember the moment are the early perks of sobriety for Santino. His first taste of alcohol was at age 10. He took a sip of his Dad’s drink and enjoyed the taste.

Paul and Santino discussed how college culture and military culture both celebrate drinking. Santino said his drinking was normalized because of the culture of drinking in the military. His wake up calls around drinking came when he left the military. He got his first DWI and went to court ordered AA. He drank before and after the meetings.

Santino noticed a pattern of lying, about all kinds of things, but particularly about what he was drinking, when and how much. AA is now part of his life. He has learned to say “alcoholic” to be accountable for what was happening with him. He is well informed about withdrawal and his most recent experience was painful and a reckoning. Santino encourages listeners to be honest with themselves. Give yourself grace AND accountability. He did a 72 hour fast. He listens to the Recovery Elevator podcast. He burned the ships with his childhood friend, his sister and his wife.

The Uvalde shooting had a major impact on Santino and became an impetus for him to quit drinking.

[55:20] Paul’s Summary

Paul introduces Ron who is a musician who wrote and performed today’s outro music.

[56:51] We walk each other home.

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We took the elevator down. We need to take the stairs back up.

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RE 396: The Brain and Alcohol | Genetic Predisposition Sep 19, 2022

Episode 396 - The Brain and Alcohol – Genetic Predisposition

Today we have Rene. He is 33, from California, and took his last drink January 18, 2022.

SoberLink: https://www.soberlink.com/recovery-elevator

Highlights from Paul

Alcohol has many biochemical and neurochemical effects on the brain. There are dramatic changes in the neurons that control the release of serotonin when we consume alcohol. Serotonin is the feel-good chemical and 80% of it is created in the gut. When we mix alcohol and serotonin it gets converted into acetaldehyde. This acetaldehyde acts as a toxin.

Alcohol changes the relationship between the hypothalamus, the pituitary gland, and the adrenals. The adrenals release chemicals called epinephrine and cortisol, which are involved in the longer-term stress response.

People who consistently drink are more stressed out at baseline. They have more cortisol released form their adrenal glands even when they are not drinking. Consequently, they feel more stressed and more anxiety when they are not drinking. Many scientists agree that stress is the number one contributor to disease.

When we overload the brain with alcohol, it’s almost too much to process and the activity of neurons in the hippocampus, which is involved with memory formation, are strained and then they completely shut off – that is a blackout. You can still be functioning, some high functioning, but the memory forming part of your brain, the hippocampus, clocks out.

Many believe that alcoholism is hereditary. Recent studies, including one of twins conducted by Dr. Gabor Mate indicate genetics may not be as much of a contributor as we once thought. Epigenetics indicate that environment influences gene expression and gene mutations. Science is beginning to accept that environmental factors cause or influence addictions. The ten-fold increase in alcoholism supports that theory.

Dr. Andrew Huberman’s podcast provides much more detail on the science behind many of these theories. Take a listen if you would like to learn more:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2ebY3WNejLNbK47emgjd1E?si=bf71f9f038bc4826

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[14:37] Rene has been sober for over six months. He is 34 and a single Dad He is an entrepreneur and enjoys going to the gym, exploring the outdoors, hiking and the beach.

Rene is first generation American, and his family is very supportive. He grew up around drinking, it was normalized.

He got drunk once during his senior year of high school. He didn’t drink again until after he broke up with his first girlfriend years later. Drinking became a reward, then it became a daily habit. Working in the restaurant industry, drinking was expected. He was fired once for drinking.

It didn’t occur to Rene that drinking was a problem. He began counseling and the counselor recommended AA. Rene found it easy to see the similarities; he felt like he found his people. He was planning to join the military when he learned he was about to become a father. Eventually, he won sole custody of his daughter which dashed his hopes of joining the military. The combination of issues sent him back to drinking. He controlled his drinking for over a year, and it worked until it didn’t.

Rene went back to AA and got a sponsor and a fitness coach. Consistency helps him maintain his sobriety. He is feeling mentally and physically strong.

[57:35] Kris’s Summary

Seasonal shifts can put you on edge. Share your experience: kris@recoveryelevator.com.

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We took the elevator down. We need to take the stairs back up.

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RE 395: Can You Have Fun Without Alcohol? Sep 12, 2022

Episode 395 - Can you have fun without alcohol?

Today we have Jim. He is 50, from New York, and has been sober since June 19, 2022.

Curious Elixirs: https://curiouselixirs.com/

Highlights from Paul

Paul and our listeners would like to hear from prior podcast guests. Please send us a note (approximately 200 words) to let us know how you are doing. We would love an update on your sobriety journey. Email: info@recoveryelevator.com

Yes! You can have fun without alcohol. Paul just finished hosting the Bozeman retreat, and it was FUN. One of the highlights was an ecstatic dance party. Imagine 60ish sober people dancing on a basketball court in the afternoon. There was also a silent dance party on the last night. Paul loved watching and participating in pure joy and fun.

Sober fun is a learned skill, but it’s worth it. You learn to have fun without an external substance. Life is like a movie. Consider yourself the director. You can guide or nudge it any way you want. Leave room for other actors in your life and let them act their way. It makes the experience rich. If you are not having fun, check your inner narrative. At times we let external rules guide us when we have fun. Forget those rules and have fun now.

Stay tuned to the end for a poem written by one of our listeners, and today’s outro music was written and performed by Michael P, a member of Café RE.

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[10:02] Jim has been sober for two weeks. He had almost two years and drank, and now he is back on track. He’s had 699 sober days in the last 700. Jim is married with two kids and loves reading on his front porch.

Jim attributes his recent field research to not using his tools.

Growing up, Jim drank in high school with his buddies. The quest for beer was their primary goal. College was more of the same. After college, it didn’t feel as good. Drinking is part of his work culture and was celebrated. His first attempt at sobriety was at age 25. He stayed sober for three months, then returned to drinking. It was part of his job, his social circles, and his life always included drinking. Alcohol pushed back his fears.

In his early 40s, he started to realize he had a problem but didn’t know how to go about quitting. He didn’t love AA. By 45, he knew his drinking had become unsustainable. Drinking was like a low-grade hum that perpetually played for him. He began drinking alone at home, where nobody would bother him, and he could drink like he wanted.

Gradually he began exploring sobriety. He would accumulate a few months and do more field research. He read “This Naked Mind.” When the pandemic hit, he decided to make more efforts to maintain sobriety. He joined Café RE in July of 2020, which was his turning point. Earlier this year, he started traveling more for work. He now realizes he stopped using his tools, including Café RE. He only drank for one day. It was scary; he was a wreck and knew he couldn’t do this anymore.

Jim writes every day. It helps him get the thoughts out of his head and on paper.

[49:33] Paul’s Summary

Paul reads a poem, “Connection,” by Kelley A, Café RE Go Group.

[51:05] Outro Music, The Light Inside, by Michael P.

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We are the only ones who can do this, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 394: Fixin' to Grow Sep 05, 2022

Episode 394 - Fixin’ to Grow

Today we have Kristie. She is 47, from Michigan, and has been sober since May 2020.

Ditch the Booze/Mindfulness and AF Photography 101: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/cafere/

Highlights from Kris

Return to school is here and is the catalyst for conversations about expectations. Growing up, the letter on the report card was the measure of success. Kris has begun to consider praising the work instead of the result.

Neuroscientists have identified two different mindsets: the fixed mindset and the growth mindset. A fixed mindset looks at intelligence as static. The effort is pointless – you’ve got it, or you don’t. It’s all about the result. The growth mindset is more about a learning goal. The effort is seen as a path to mastery.

What is your goal in recovery? Language matters. Think about the metrics. If you are fixed on being alcohol-free and have a slip, you might feel like a failure. Embrace the growth in yourself and let that be enough.

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[11:29] Kristie has been surise for two years. The word sober doesn’t resonate with Kristy. She wants to be fun and exciting and enjoy every moment. Kristie believes that language creates our reality. Through journaling, she came up with the word surise – it brings her energy, light, and love. Kristie believes surise is yours – the opportunity to be your authentic self.

Kristie is from West Michigan and is an academic advisor. She is married and has two daughters. She loves traveling, the beach, the woods, nature, and connecting with people.

Growing up, her parents rarely drank, but they did smoke. After her parents’ divorce, she assumed much responsibility for her younger brothers. She was the conduit between her parents. She was involved in theater, student government, and dancing.

Kristie went to college and was ready to rescind the role of the responsible oldest child. Earning a degree was essential to Kristie. She went to school and partied and enjoyed drinking and being social. She adopted the work hard, play hard mentality and always drank to get a buzz. She put herself into some risky situations and was raped. Alcohol helped numb the pain, and she learned to carry on.

Kristie met her husband in college, and drinking was part of their relationship. Drinking was a coping mechanism for the stress of parenting. Over the years, her drinking progressed from beer to wine to vodka. After her father died, Kristie’s drinking became very dark. Drinking was a reward, a way to avoid loneliness, and it served many purposes.

Several years ago, Kristie’s husband announced that he was planning to quit drinking. He did, and she couldn’t follow suit. After her father-in-law died, they were both drinking again and went backward. Kristie read “This Naked Mind” and listened to Annie Grace’s podcast. Paul Churchill was Annie’s guest, and something clicked for Kristie. She could hear herself in other people’s stories. She joined Café RE in 2020 and went to her first women’s AA meeting. She quit drinking for several months and returned to drinking when the pandemic began. In May of ’20, she found a small group of RE members all over the US, and they held each other accountable.

Kris’s Summary

Look at your mindset. Ask yourself without judgment, are you holding on to absolutes? What is your measure of success? Do you find joy in the results or the process? Wherever you are is okay. Show yourself grace. Change the narrative. Surrender to the process. Let go of old ideas.

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We are the only ones who can do this, but we don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 393: Hello Listeners Aug 29, 2022

Episode 393 - Hello Listeners

Today we have Alina. She is 32, from Northern California, and has been sober since June 20, 2022.

Fire Brew: https://www.drinkfirebrew.com/

Ditch the Booze/Mindfulness: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/cafere/

Highlights from Paul

If you are in a cycle of continuous Day ones, keep showing up and listening to the podcast. We believe in you.

If you have quit drinking, don't forget incredible short memory can get us any time. Don't look back. That old way of life didn't work. Keep building the new.

If you are a normal drinker here to support someone, we are glad you are here. The opposite of addiction is connection, and we appreciate your support. The healing process is a collaborative effort that requires both parties to come together.

If you are in your teens or twenties, you are learning vital lessons and building resilience. When the dust settles, and your normal drinker friends begin to phase out of the party years as they marry and have kids, you will have acquired unique life skills that your friends don't have. Your unique skills revolve around presence, listening to your intuition, taking life as it comes, loving yourself and others. You're more grounded. Your roots go deeper. Also, be patient. I think it's harder to quit drinking at a younger age, but with time, and each year around the sun, some of those challenges get easier. Time is working in your favor.

If you treat or support someone who struggles with, what is addiction? Addictions are adaptive behaviors leveraged to survive in unhealthy environments. Addictions are present when something is out of balance or not in harmony with our environment.

Keep the thinking mind in check. The mind has 60,00-70,000 thoughts per day, and science has shown that most of them are not valid. Keep doing the inner work, find your people, and show the world how it's done.

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[13:04] Alina has been sober for two weeks. She has three kids, loves being outside, cooking, and reading. She immigrated to the US from Ukraine, is the youngest of seven, and had her first drink at age 16. Growing up, she had the impression that an alcoholic was someone who drank every day.

In 2018, Alina had her first blackout. She resolved to do something different. She listened to "This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace. Moderation never worked. During the pandemic, Alina went on vacation to Mexico and drank daily. Alina continued to learn about recovery, and she learned to see the similarities in other people's stories. She is an active member of Café RE and enjoys the chats.

Paul's Summary

Listeners, stick together. Choose love over fear. Choose peace over being right. If the conditions are right, we bloom as a species. If the conditions aren't right, we don't. Humans are so close to blooming on a large scale, and addiction is fast-forwarding this process. Addiction forces us to surrender, open up, and say yes to the flow of life.

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Lighten Up.

I love you guys.

RE 392: One Week Without Alcohol Aug 22, 2022

Episode 392 - One Week Without Alcohol.

Today we have Megan. She is 34, from Florida, and has been sober since June 22, 2021.

Gruvi: https://www.getgruvi.com/

Highlights from Paul

Stacking days, which is a day here, and a couple of days there, is fantastic, but your body and mind will respond faster to continuous sobriety, and I think a week is the most doable chunk of time. I know for me, even 30 days was overwhelming.

Day 1: Drink water, then more water. Eat at least one full, healthy meal. Your body is detoxing today. Anxiety is part of this. Embrace the process. Remember the pain. Exercise will help with sleep. Sleep won't be great, and night sweats are expected. Expect cravings, and ice cream is your friend.

Day 2: Expect to be tired, exhausted, and anxious. Drink water, sleep, eat ice cream and worry about sugar later.

Day 3: Sleep should improve and welcome back appetite. Eat a healthy breakfast.

Day 4: Your body is healing. Drink water, sleep and eat (sugar does help with cravings.)

Day 5: What happened? You may be sleeping better, and you are hungry. Eat some healthy food and don't worry about calories. Your brain is coming back on, which has two sides: your cognition is better, and the thinking mind is on overdrive.

Day 6: Your confidence is building, and your energy begins to return. Inflammation begins to dissipate.

Day 7: Sleep! Cellular restoration. Mental clarity improves.

Tips for week one:

Drink plenty of water

Exercise for at least 20 minutes. It gets endorphins going

Eat at least one meal with healthy greens

Put pen to paper and capture your insights

Remember, it's a week and not forever.

Seven days is the start of the healing process. Your seven days await – go get 'em.

Paul describes PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms) in this video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esHLnz-BUXw&t=1s

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[15:40] Megan has been sober for over a year. She lives in Orlando, has two kids, is a social worker, and is getting a master's in criminal justice. She loves to travel and has been to 25 countries. She loves the beach, music, theater, working out, and theme parks.

Megan grew up in a conservative religious home with no alcohol in the house. Her grandfather was a recovering alcoholic. Alcohol was a big part of her family history, and Megan experienced a lot of generational trauma. Megan's father passed away when she was 15, and her childhood abruptly ended. Coincidentally she had her first drink that year.

Megan started using alcohol as a coping mechanism in her early twenties. Her marriage, work, and being a grown-up were a lot to manage. In 2021 she started working for a men's prison, which changed her life. Giving something back and witnessing other people's trauma helped her harness her inner strength. Megan was able to share her story and learned to adopt solid self-care practices. Slowly, she started to heal.

Today, Megan sees sobriety as a beautiful way to live, even if incarcerated. She credits the men at the prison with helping her to get sober. Her sobriety tools include self-care, Café RE, leveraging an accountability partner, focusing on the good in life, and great friends. Instagram: magicalsobermama

Kris's Summary

Together is always better. Kris just returned from the Bozeman retreat, and he loved getting to see all the participants.

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We are the only ones who can do this, but we don't have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 391: What do You Want to Hear? Aug 15, 2022

Episode 391 - What do you Want?

Today we have Polly. She is 50, from Minnesota, and has been sober since December 23, 2021.

Ditch the Booze Mindfulness Course starts 9/20.: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/cafere/

Recovery Fit – Paul Lapine. Lapine Fitness Center. https://Lapinefit.com/recoveryfit Insta:Paul_Lapine_

Highlights from Paul

Paul shares that he created the podcast to create a new level of accountability for himself when he quit drinking. He is grateful for his listeners and proud of how the podcast has evolved since the first recording. Paul would like to hear more from listeners about what they want to hear during the intro portion of the podcast.

Email Paul at: info@recoveryelevator.com

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[10:09] Polly has been sober for six months. She is a high school English teacher, has two daughters, and has been married for 24 years. She enjoys animals, running, the outdoors, camping, and family adventures.

Polly's parents drank, but not to excess. Turning 21 was a right of passage, and Polly waited to drink until then. In college, Polly partied, partially as an act of rebellion. After graduating, drinking was a weekend social thing but not an issue. Polly's husband was not a daily drinker, which was initially a red flag. There was drinking everywhere, from sporting events to book clubs to unwinding from work.

As time progressed, Polly started hiding how much she drank from her husband. She slowly started gaining weight, and drinking/eating/negative emotions became a spiral for Polly.

Polly's husband asked her to get treatment and told her she was on the verge of losing her family, friends, and job. She was in treatment over the Christmas holiday. She was violently ill during detox, and the detox nurse told her never to forget how sick she was. She appreciated how much people embraced her during treatment. She vowed to herself that she would give back and described treatment as the best experience of her life.

After leaving treatment, Polly leveraged the tools she learned in treatment and recognized that cravings are temporary. Alcohol still calls to her at six months sober, but she works on it daily. Her husband quit drinking a week before Polly went into treatment, which made her home more supportive. Polly is outspoken about her cravings and regularly asks for help. She attends AA meetings; she has a sober community and is transparent about her addiction with those close to her. She talks to her daughters regularly about her addiction. Polly hopes her experience ends her family's addiction cycle so her daughters never have to choose treatment. Polly describes sobriety as the most challenging thing she has ever done, but she is also proud of her success. She carries some shame for what she put her family through while drinking.

Paul's Summary

Paul believes adding joy, fun, and creativity to your life helps you to maintain sobriety and live a life you don't need to escape. Paul reminds listeners not to take themselves too seriously, to find joy, and don't let healing be painful.

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Lighten Up.

I love you guys.

RE 390: The Secret to Change Aug 08, 2022

Episode 390 - The Secret to Change

Today we have Jess. She is 37, from Ontario, and has been sober since May 7, 2022.

Ditch the Booze Mindfulness Course starts 9/20.: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/cafere/

Recovery Fit – Paul Lapine. Lapine Fitness Studio. https://lapinefitness.totaltransformationtoday.com/

Insta:Paul_Lapine_

Highlights from Paul

YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT! Anyone who doesn’t quit quitting eventually creates distance from alcohol. “The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not fighting the old, but building the new.” Socrates. This journey is about transformation. It’s an invitation to create a life where alcohol isn’t needed. It’s about letting part of you go. It’s about saying goodbye to the aspects of your life that aren’t working,

Paul suggests fighting the old is a waste, and addiction is a messenger letting you know your life is out of balance. Desperation leads to surrender, which leads to openness and willingness. Don’t resist change as it is one constant you can count on.

Music Submissions - email edited versions to: info@recoveryelevator.com

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[11:31] Jess has been sober for two months. She is an accountant for a rehab hospital and enjoys reading, camping, cooking, and paddleboarding with her dog. She lives in Ontario, Canada, and has two children.

Jess came from a family of drinkers. Her Dad was a heavy drinker. She started experimenting with alcohol in her early teens. At age 14, her Dad died suddenly, and her Mom’s mental health deteriorated as a result.

Jess hosted parties and smoked pot. Since her family didn’t talk about things, drinking was an escape. All her friends drank and smoked, so it seemed commonplace. At one point, she started skipping school, and her sister intervened. Jess slowed down and appreciated the attention from her sister.

After high school, she took some random jobs and habitually stopped working, excusing her behavior with feigned sicknesses. She made lots of excuses but never addressed the root problem. She quit her jobs before she got fired. Her temper flared when her drinking hit a certain point, and she became a monster. Jess moved back in with her Mom to curb expenses, and her drinking slowed slightly. Six months later, she moved in with her boyfriend, and they were drinking buddies.

Jess got pregnant and abstained throughout her pregnancy but picked up again as soon as the baby was born. She bought into the “mommy wine culture .”Her Mom had dementia. Being around someone with dementia was difficult, and Jess’ drinking escalated. Eventually, she went to an online AA meeting and cried. She felt so welcomed. She counted minutes to hours, and finally, it got easier. She is now grateful to be present with her kids and is learning to like herself.

Kris’s Summary

Kris is looking forward to Recovery Elevator’s sober retreat. Kris has learned to listen to others, be present, and hold space for them. He has fun with his sober people. Kris encourages listeners to find their way to go deeper and have some fun. Challenge yourself to take the next step.

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It all starts from the inside out.

I love you guys.

RE 389: Journal Speak Aug 01, 2022

Episode 389 - Journal Speak

Today we have Christy. She is 42, from Denmark, and has been sober since April 5, 2022.

Costa Rica 2023: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica2023/

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20

Highlights from Paul

Paul talks about “journal speak,” an informal, off-the-cuff style of journaling. The point is to get unprocessed, uncomfortable emotions out of you. It makes you feel less alone and more connected to yourself. This is a significant component connecting with the raw, unheard, vulnerable, pissed-off version of you. When you feel a craving coming on, this is one of the best times to do this because a part of you is screaming to be heard. Paul suggests starting with 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes at night. Make it informal, with no spelling or grammar check, and toss or burn it when you finish. Generally, you will find that you feel better and have cleared your mind.

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[10:58] Christy has been sober for eighty days. She lives in Denmark, is from North Carolina, and is an agile coach in IT. She is married with two children,

Christy describes herself as a boring child who didn’t get into trouble. She was active in sports and music. Alcohol was always present in her life. She remembers the DARE program in high school and decided to avoid drugs and alcohol. She met her husband and married young. Christy drank socially, but there were no red flags.

In 2004, her father was diagnosed with lung cancer. He was age 47. Christy knew she needed to be strong. He passed in 2007. Unaware of how to process the grief, Christy pushed through, went through some counseling, and had a baby. After giving birth, she experienced anxiety and high blood pressure. She spiraled downward. Alcohol was a great way to shut down her brain. She gave birth to her second son and immediately returned to drinking and felt okay because the Mommy wine culture made it alright.

When moving to Denmark, she knew she needed to address her drinking because she had started sneaking alcohol. The geographic solution didn’t work. The trauma of her Dad’s death brought on emotions Christy could not process. She began taking days off and going to the liquor store early while her husband was at work and her kids were in school. Her drinking progressed, and she could secretly consume a whole bottle of wine. Her panic attacks got worse, and she didn’t realize it was the progression of her drinking that was causing the panic attacks.

Christy told her doctor about her problem. She started listening to recovery podcasts and saw a new counselor to deal with her grief and health anxiety. Her self-talk was, “don’t think, drink.” The anxiety was debilitating. She was depressed and had the shakes and the shame of uncontrollable drinking.

COVID and having the kids home 24/7 was challenging. When she got to the point where her children had to put her to bed, she knew she had hit rock bottom. Her marriage was in jeopardy.

Christy enjoys Café RE and often hosts some of the chats. She attends AA and Smart Recovery as well. She has learned it is okay to be vulnerable and not strong. Leaning on her husband is okay. She no longer has to be “the rock.” Her anxiety has improved, and her counseling is helping. Her greatest joy is that her son says he has his mom back.

Paul’s Summary

Paul talks about the anxiety that came with trying to fix his printer. He loves that he has learned to let emotions flow through him. Paul believes in all the listeners.

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It all starts from the inside out. You can do this.

I love you guys.

RE 388: Who Do I Think I Am? Jul 25, 2022

Episode 388 - Identity

Today we have Liz. She is 55, from Bend, OR, and has been sober for five months.

Ditch the Booze Mindfulness and AF Photography. www.recoveryelevator.com/events

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20

Highlights from Kris

After returning from a trip to DC, Kris realized that connecting his identity to his accomplishments is something he left behind. Presenting his achievements as a “Who I Am” was typical for Kris when he was in active addiction. Kris hoped that showing others the good in him might help him to see the good in himself. Approval seeking was directly linked to his self-worth and what others thought of him. This created conflict because Kris felt like he was leading a double life: the list of accomplishments he shared with others and the poor self-esteem that felt more like the “real Kris.”

Ultimately, Kris hit a tipping point that led to his recovery. During those early days, he identified with the bad things he had done while drinking. With treatment, counseling, and spiritual support, Kris learned that he was responsible for his harmful behavior but eventually realized that what he did wasn’t who he was. He had to clean up, but he gained clarity on what he did vs. who he is.

Kris found a new identity in recovery. The greater good prevails, and instead of looking for an atta boy, he tries to connect to how he can be part of something bigger.

Kris asks listeners where they find their identity? Does it bring you peace? Can you make shifts in your identity without shame?

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[10:45] Liz has been sober for five months. She is from California, has two dogs, works for a healthcare start-up, and enjoys entertaining, cooking, gardening, and music.

Alcohol was part of Liz’s life from an early age. She described a lot of drama and trauma in her childhood. She developed a fear of drinking while observing her parent’s drinking.

Liz and Kris talked about the behaviors we develop in childhood because of trauma and learning to give yourself grace as you reconcile those behaviors and learn healthier ones. They discussed how shame doesn’t support your recovery. They also talked about surrender being an essential step in recovering yourself.

Liz relies on Recovery Elevator and Café RE, meditation, self-care, recovery tools, and community to support her sobriety.

Kris’s Summary

Kris talks about embracing challenges and turning them around to support the greater good. Move forward with grace, love and encouragement. Learn to love yourself and share that love with others. If you feel stuck in your story, know you are not alone. Keep it simple and focus on the next right here. We are here for you.

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You’re the only one who can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 387: Why Some Make it, and Some Don't Jul 18, 2022

Episode 387 - Why Some Make it, and Some Don’t

Today we have Becca. She is 43, from Montana, and took her last drink on September 18, 2017.

Sober Travel Update – Costa Rica 2023. Stay tuned for dates. www.recoveryelevator.com/events

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20

Highlights from Paul

Paul believes that taking responsibility for your drinking or choosing not to be a victim increases your likelihood of “making it” L.” listening to this podcast means that you are open to new ideas, pathways, resources, and a new outlook on life. Paul suggests telling yourself that you will make it or are already there. Awareness that you have a drinking problem is the beginning, then ownership of the solution.

Paul believes a drinking problem is an invitation to a new life. Never quit quitting. Paul says yes, you are going to make it. You are already making it.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[11:07] Becca has been sober for nearly five years. Becca worked for 18 years as a chef/bartender. She rescues dogs, loves art, and reading. She went from food addiction to alcohol in her early twenties. She had a gastric bypass in 2005. She pre-gamed a bottle of booze before going out with her friends. She was able to lose 268 pounds and kept it off, but she was able to drink a lot of alcohol.

Becca describes several signs on the way to quitting drinking. She eventually went to Great Falls for inpatient treatment. After 17 years of constant drinking, the strict rehab included a lot of self-discoveries, and she had to earn privileges. The physical withdrawal was difficult because she was having seizures. Becca transitioned over to sober living. Shame was part of her inner dialogue. After eight months of sober living, she began working out. She opened her first business.

Becca’s life is so much better. She would rather be involved in a national disaster than go back to her rock bottom with alcohol. Recovery isn’t black and white. Routine is important, but she has learned to embrace the challenges that come with everyday life. She can hear the birds and the river in ways she hadn’t before.

Daily reflections, post-it reminders, journaling, embracing nature, equine therapy, and surrounding herself with healthy support have been critical to maintaining sobriety. At five months sober, Becca was able to testify against someone who beat her up. She moved to Gardiner, MT, and fell in love with the area.

She studied coffee, created her own coffee recipe, and is proud to serve the best coffee on earth. She has strained out the things she no longer needs. Check out Bear’s Brew in Gardiner, MT, if you head to Yellowstone.

Paul’s Summary

Paul hates the term “making it” and knows that comparison is a trap. Internal goals can be problematic because of the ego. The gifts of recovery include: being present, enjoying the moments, and knowing that you have already made it. All pathways lead the way home. Paul embraces problems and tries to heed the lessons that come with them.

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Go big because eventually, we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 386: The One Mistake People Make When Quitting Drinking Jul 11, 2022

Episode 386 - The One Mistake People Make When Quitting Drinking

Today we have Shad. He is 46, from Indiana, and took his last drink on March 19, 2021.

Café RE Open House Chat: July 16, 2016, at 12 ET.

Join Zoom: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83057111516? pwd=NlJyaFdtZ0RBYnhMaytxbkdRU2tMdz09

Meeting ID: 830 5711 1516

Passcode: recovery

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20

Highlights from Paul

Don’t quit drinking without learning coping strategies, understanding why you drink in the first place, and get some tools for your recovery toolbox. Don’t sell yourself short on how rich your life can be without alcohol. Say yes, to as many recovery opportunities as you can. Books, podcasts, quit lit, retreats, spiritual teachers, music, chats, meetings. Some of it is work. These investments of time into yourself will pay HUGE in the future. A whole new world awaits you after the bottle.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[10:50] Shad has been sober for 433 days. He is married with five children, three grandchildren, and three dogs. He loves skateboarding, archery, trail running, and anything outside. He describes nature as his church, particularly above the timberline.

Shad experienced severe child abuse in early childhood and was from a family with a history of addiction to drugs and alcohol. His grandfather was a friend, a father figure, and a heavy drinker. Shad created chaos with alcohol. After his divorce, he doubled down on alcohol; then, he tried to drink himself to death after his grandfather passed. Shad lost his brother to a drug overdose.

Consequences were minimal for Shad. His first wake-up call was waking up to an empty gallon bottle of whiskey. A year later, running inspired him. He started running longer distances. The stride, footfalls, and measured breathing were meditative for Shad. He still had not dealt with his emotions. He stopped drinking in 2014, ate clean, started ultra-running, and completed a 100-mile run. His ego kicked in, and he drank again because he thought he could handle it now. He got drunk on the eve of his wedding and again on his wedding day. Shad didn’t believe he had a drinking problem; he thought he had a depression problem. Running replaced alcohol for those 2.5 years. After his honeymoon, he tried several attempts at moderation. It worked until it didn’t, then he went downhill fast.

Shad describes himself as addicted to everything – he can’t have just one. Gradually his drinking progressed. His middle son developed a drinking problem observing his Dad. The guilt of his son’s drinking drove him to drink more. Covid became another excuse to isolate and drink. After a night of extreme drinking, he told his wife he tried to kill himself with bourbon. She agreed to get him some help. Shad began reaching out. He found a community that didn’t judge him but supported him. A friend introduced him to a group called, Punks in Recovery. Shad embraces many avenues of sobriety, including AA and ACA, and he is open to whatever works.

Kris’s Summary

Kris talks about reflecting on his goals and tools and evaluating what works and doesn’t. He encourages listeners to look without judgment at what went well and what could have gone better. Shame doesn’t have a place in recovery. Leverage gratitude and do the next right thing. Growth takes time. Let it do its job.

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Recovery Elevator- You are the only one who can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 385: You're Free Jul 04, 2022

Episode 385 - You’re Free

Today we have Steve. He is 34, from Boston, MA, and took his last drink on February 18, 2021.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20

Bozeman Retreat

Upcoming Courses: AF Photography and AF Mindfulness

Service Project

Courses: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/cafere/

Bozeman Retreat: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/bozeman/

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Highlights from Paul

An elementary view of freedom is free will or doing what you want. A more rewarding form of freedom includes commitments, discipline, and boundaries for extended periods. Freedom also includes sleep, routine, forgiveness, being present, being of service, overcoming fear, and adding value. Freedom gives you choices; the most important choice is to be your authentic self.

[8:40] Steve has been sober for over a year. Steve’s parents were born in El Salvatore, and Steve is first generation American. In college, he stumbled upon neuroscience. He enjoys running, boxing and music. A classmate passed, and the grief and mystery around his death felt impossible to process at the time. Alcohol put noise cancellation on his thoughts, his anxiety, and the reality of death. Steve never grieved. Over the years, his drinking progressed from weekends to weekdays to whenever he wasn’t working. He learned quickly he couldn’t have 1-2 drinks. Moderation didn’t work. Last year on his birthday, he drank to excess in front of his parents, siblings, and partner. He resolved you quit drinking. You get to keep everything else or give up everything and keep drinking.

Steve attempted moderation. Eventually, he went to therapy to learn how to navigate his feelings, anxiety, and urge to drink. He realized he had a family history of alcohol abuse and anxiety. On a particularly bad day, his friends expressed concern and suggested some things to explore. After his first Café Re meeting, Steve felt more comfortable with his thoughts; that was his Day 1. The RE community gave Steve the push he needed. Listening to others, he felt accepted, nourished, and supported. He described never feeling more human and letting vulnerability take center stage. Day count fell aside, and it became “no matter what.”

Steve’s non-negotiables started with not letting alcohol influence his work. Now it’s about being present and letting life happen.

Paul’s Summary

Declare freedom over alcohol. Never quit quitting.

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Recovery Elevator –go big because eventually, we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 384: The Path of Least Resistance Jun 27, 2022

Episode 384 - The path of least resistance

Today we have Matt. He is 40, from Edmonton, Canada, and took his last drink on April 8, 2019.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20

Café RE Chats: https://recoveryelevator.com/cafere/

Highlights from Paul

Sobriety is the path of least resistance. Moderation was miserable, and drinking is killing me. Paul describes his own experiences with moderation and points out that with moderation, you continue to have decision fatigue and only moderately heal. Moderation is often a step along the journey toward ditching the booze.

The path of least resistance means – you won't get a DUI or be sent home from work because you smell like booze. Your sleep improves, your liver health improves along with your connections and relationships, and you enjoy more fun (and skittles).

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month

[13:06] Matt has been sober for three years. He is a recovery coach, engaged, and enjoys music, nature, hiking, camping, and his dogs. He is learning about sound therapy and how music can influence your mindset.

Matt came from a family of heavy drinkers. He remembers listening to the excitement of the adults' conversations while drinking when he was young. He was often given sips of beer if it felt exciting. As a teenager, music became a way to express himself. The rock and roll lifestyle complimented the music, which included booze. Drinking helped Matt to overcome his shyness and awkwardness.

His early 20s presented the perfect storm of opportunities to drink excessively. He went from a happy-go-lucky drunk to having a chip on his shoulder. He began to recognize his drinking habits were changing. A breakup with his girlfriend sent him into a tailspin of depression, and his drinking escalated. External pressure to quit drinking led to rebellion, and Matt learned that change had to come from within. Matt was hospitalized with acute pancreatitis after a drinking binge. He continued to drink and had another health incident. He took some time off work and launched it with a bender, then turned to a friend to bring him to an AA meeting. His first meeting was a profound emotional/spiritual shift that led him to over three years of sobriety.

Matt's firsts during his first year of sobriety was difficult and rewarding. It was his first opportunity as an adult to experience life without alcohol. Self-help books, podcasts, and a growth mindset helped him embrace sobriety. He was quiet about his sobriety. At a friend's wedding, he had a shot of tequila, and the wave of the high hit him quickly. He had a creative outburst and wrote ten songs. He convinced himself that the drinks enabled his creativity. He repackaged all his views of alcohol to return to drinking moderately. The moderation bargaining started, and at one point, he heard a voice telling him, if you keep doing this, it will kill you. Matt continued drinking. After a sloppy party weekend, Matt realized it was time to stop while driving to his dad's celebration of life. He decided to stop the cycle as a tribute to his father.

Matt recently made a plant-based medicine retreat. His healing journey continues, and the sense of peace has returned. He is focused on a growth mindset and allowing the journey to happen because life is not a to-do list.

Matt’s podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/beyond-recovery/id1618862620

Kris's Summary

Embracing summer plans as a sober person is new for many of us. Give yourself grace. Create accountability, set boundaries, try new things, create new habits, and remember it's okay to go slow.

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RE 383: Chapter 4 - Clearing Space Jun 20, 2022

Episode 383 - Clearing space

Today we have Phillip. He is 46 and took his last drink on February 28, 2019.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20

Bozeman Retreat: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/cafere/

Early Recovery Podcast Guests: email info@recoveryelevator.com

Highlights from Paul

It's hard to visualize a sober life when you are still drinking because your body is using every drop of energy to get rid of the poison that is alcohol from your body. Paul suggests once you ditch the booze, sit back and be the observer to watch your life unfold and resist the urge to control everything. In his eighth year of sobriety, Paul bought a home in Costa Rica, a longtime dream. After quitting, his life became a blank canvas, and now he is exploring his love for nature in his new home – which would not have been possible if he was still drinking. Paul feels connected to his inner child and is grateful for his life today.

In chapter 4, Paul wants to showcase listeners' talents. Feel free to send an edited MP3 file in under 3 minutes to info@recoveryelevator.com, and you may hear yourself on the podcast.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month

[12:55] Phillip lives in Minneapolis, lives with his partner, has no kids, and works as an attorney. He is a marathon runner. Phillip started drinking in college. As life unfolded, he noticed drinking was part of all his life activities, from work to time with friends. He realized he drank every day, even the night before running a marathon.

In 2017, he started to question if he had a problem. The thought of quitting drinking felt like quitting fun. In 2018, Philip decided to explore his relationship with alcohol as his New Year's resolution. He quit for four months with few problems. He kept a diary that tracked his cravings and triggers. He drank during a vacation which ended his streak. He found several reasons to start and stop. By the end of 2018, he returned to daily drinking and stopped keeping his diary, and brandy was his drink of choice. He noticed he was gaining weight, and his depression was worsening. He realized that moderation was a challenge. Choosing to drink or not drink daily was exhausting and caused decision fatigue. Phillip's sleep was terrible; one day, he found himself drinking at 3 AM so he could sleep … two hours before a run. It occurred to him that he was now drinking in the morning.

As he reflected on his behavior, he saw three paths: continue drinking, moderate, or abstain altogether. He concluded that quitting was the past of least resistance because moderation involved constant decision fatigue. He joined the "no matter what" club. He got sober, learning how to get through the moments. He kept a spreadsheet that became a diary of his cravings. He tracked his cravings to he could identify trends. His most challenging moments came later in sobriety. Three months in, Memorial Day weekend was a huge struggle. Podcasts are a huge part of Phillip's recovery. He joined Café RE and began to connect with people. Many say you are the average of your top 5 people, and surrounding himself with non-drinkers has brought his life to a better level. He now enjoys a runner's high when he runs, which he never experienced when drinking. Phillip believes sobriety can be for everybody.

Paul's Summary

Keep track of how much energy your addiction takes. Write it down. Never take yourself too seriously. I love you guys!

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I love you guys.

RE 382: So Now What? Jun 13, 2022

Episode 382– So now what?

Today we have Ryan. He is 40, from Denver, and took his last drink on January 7, 2013.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20

Bozeman Retreat: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/cafere/

Highlights from Paul

Recovery Elevator Newsletter: https://recoveryelevator.com

Paul shares Odette’s wise words, “we can’t be hard on ourselves when we do hard things.” He also examines those who abuse alcohol and the correlation with being hard on ourselves. Could the pace you are setting for yourself be driving you to drink?

Not drinking isn’t an activity. I quit drinking, so now what? You are making space for a new chapter in your life. A theme you will find in that chapter is your relationship with yourself.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month

[11:15] Ryan has been sober for over nine years. He is the founder of Free Spiritual Community for addicts to break the cycle of addiction. He is married and has four kids. He loves being outside, the mountains, travel, and family life.

Ryan has been in ministry for 14 years, and sobriety brought him a spiritual awakening. He went to bible school, and during the first month, his brother was killed in a car accident. The addiction began to take over. Alcohol helped Ryan deal with pain, fear, and uncertainty. He experienced shame and fundamentally did not like himself as a person.

Ryan didn’t know how to stop the pain or creating pain. While in the seminary, his drinking escalated. One Christmas Eve, his sister asked him not to come around anymore because she didn’t want her kids to see him drunk. He describes putting on a mask, so nobody could see who he was. Ryan describes the grace that helped him connect to his relationship with God, knowing that God was there during his addiction.

Admitting that he was spiritually disconnected created spiritual freedom that changed his life. Shame, anger, and self-hatred helped him connect to God and explore a different way of life. An intervention from his wife made the difference. She used the word “we,” and knowing he didn’t have to do it alone propelled him into recovery.

Nine years in, Ryan still practices letting go. He began his journey in 12-step programs, and he went from sitting in the back of the room to actively engaging, getting vulnerable, and being of service. Today, Ryan and his wife have a church filled with addicts, loved ones of addicts, and spiritual refugees,

https://freespiritualcommunity.com. Insta: freespiritualcommunity, YouTube: freespiritual community.

https://wagoncoffeeroasters.com/

Kris’ Summary

Kris talks about his wife Aimee being on the Recovery Elevator podcast. Check out episode 321. Kris thanks listeners for giving him the room to grow.

Keep going. Finds some peace.

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I love you guys.

RE 381: We're All Addicted to Something Jun 06, 2022

Episode 381– We are all addicted to something

Today we have Amy. She is 39, from Canada, and took her last drink on August 21, 2016

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20

Highlights from Paul

Paul talks about a book he is reading called, The Urge. It's about an Indian in the Seneca Tribe named Handsome Lake. He developed a program similar to AA about 150 years before Bill W and Dr. Bob created AA. Connection pulled people out of addiction. The Urge: https://amzn.to/37KVS3Y

Paul describes an experience at a Sauna in the hot springs where a group of men started talking about addiction. It began with one man sharing that he had ten years without a drink and moved to Montana for a fresh start. After he burned the ships, the other men in the sauna talked about their struggle to control substances beyond alcohol and drugs. When one person opens up and shares from the heart, it gives others a safe space to do the same.

Paul reminds us: 1) It's a challenging universe to live in; 2) we are all addicts trying to survive, and 3) we all need help. Continue exploring coping strategies, and you will find the ones that work for you.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month

[10:55] Amy has been sober for six years. She is from Toronto, Canada, and works as a sobriety and mindset coach. She loves reading, cycling, traveling, cross stitching, is single, queer, and has a cat.

Amy started drinking at 16 and grew up in a family dealing with addiction. Alcohol relieved Amy from the trauma and complication of her parent's separation and divorce. She was hiding alcohol and drinking alone very early into her drinking. The volume and frequency of her drinking progressed rapidly, and she was prone to blackouts. Externally she was high functioning. Internally, she struggled quite a bit.

Amy was overcome with grief after her dad's sudden death, and her drinking escalated to cope with her volatile emotions. She achieved six months of consecutive sobriety and committed to being done with drinking. Her first attempts included moderation, rewards, and bargaining, which continued for a year. In 2015, questions started to emerge for Amy, forcing her to examine her drinking.

Amy became a coach and learned to share her story more publicly. She now helps other women create change for themselves. She has taken her life and her power back. Breaking the cycle of addiction has been very empowering for Amy. Compassion and sadness have become her primary emotions. Compassion for her father and sadness for what she went through and what might have been had her childhood been more stable.

Small steps, habit stacking, and new habits created momentum for Amy. Committing to making real change, even with discomfort and struggle, helped Amy to stack days. She began to follow other sober women on Instagram, which made her feel hopeful. Learning about addiction and alcohol, from biology to mental health, helped Amy strengthen her commitment to abstinence. She avoided events, social situations, and people who created a risk to her sobriety. She shifted her priorities to change her life.

Find Amy on Instagram @MsAmyCWillis and Holandwell.com.

Odette's Summary

Odette discusses non-scale victories and tiny wins that are difficult to measure. She encourages listeners to be mindful of those small victories that snowball into meaningful momentum.

Remember that you are not alone and together is always better.

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Recovery Elevator –please believe in yourself. I believe in you.

I love you guys.

RE 380: What is Sober? May 30, 2022

Episode 380– What is Sober?

Today we have Shrene. She is 46, from Arizona, and took her last drink on September 10, 2019

AF Photography Class for beginners will start in August. Details to follow.

AF Ukelele Course #2 starts in June.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20

Highlights from Paul

Paul talks about the word sober. For this podcast, sober refers to alcohol, because alcohol is what got Paul behind the microphone to launch Recovery Elevator. Paul suggests not getting too attached to any idea of what sober looks like. It’s not about the substance, but the freedom you have from the substance. Try not to judge others for their definition of sober, because it’s rarely black and white. When you judge others, you judge yourself and create separation. Defining sobriety can be a fool’s errand.

Sobriety is living authentically. Sobriety is not being a slave, to a substance, behavior, or action. Sobriety is living your life how you want to live, living with a connected head and heart, recognizing beauty, art, sunsets, a different vibration.

Sobriety is hope, taking off the chains, meeting yourself, a manageable life.

Sobriety is “downgrading additions.” Sarah Hepola - Blackout https://www.amazon.com/Blackout-Remembering-Things-Drank-Forget/dp/1455554588

If you remove alcohol and aren’t ready to say goodbye to everything else, go slow, take your time, and listen to your body. There is no right or wrong way to do this, and there is no generally accepted definition of sobriety.

At Recovery Elevator, we accept all versions of sober. We accept all versions of you.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month

[12:04] Shrrene is married with two children, two dogs and is a lunch lady who makes lunch for 700 kids daily.

Shrrene remembers drinking as early as age three to four. She drank through her high school years. She stopped drinking when she got married at age 16 and she stopped drinking until after her son was born at age 26. She was a casual drinker.

At 40, she started drinking daily. She would sneak her drinking, hide bottles, and hide in her closet to drink. She quit during her pregnancy. She had open heart surgery at 39, then had a stroke. At age 41 she had a second open heart surgery but continued to drink. Her husband brought an AA Big Book home from an Al-Anon meeting. Her husband joined Celebrate Recovery and she joined him for meetings. She began to moderate but went back to field research regularly until 2019. Shrrene got sick and tired of being sick and tired. Prayer was instrumental for getting the desire to drink lifted. Now she doesn’t have a desire to drink, other than the fleeting thought and she plans to stay active in recovery and help others.

Shrrene slowly started talking to her husband, in AA meetings, journaling and learning to share. Journaling helped when she was too afraid to talk to others and it is a tool that still serves her today.

Attending AA and CR meetings were helpful, but Shrrene was reluctant to share. When she learned to open up, she felt less alone. She found the similarities in the stories of others. She encourages listeners to keep trying and never give up.

Odette’s Summary

Odette reminds us “we can do hard things”. We can’t do hard things and be hard on ourselves. Chose yourself, chose kindness and be your own cheerleader.

Remember that you are not alone and together is always better.

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I love you guys.

RE 379: Doing Your Part May 23, 2022

Episode 379 – Service

Today we have Aaron. He is 40, from South Carolina, and took his last drink on September 15, 2021.

Jeff was interviewed for the podcast on episodes 104 and 377, has a book out, and is now leading sober travel trips. See links below.

Finding Bishop Castle: A Road Trip to Recovery -- https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Bishop-Castle-Road-Recovery/dp/0578882612/ref=sr_1_1?crid=350FVMX9SZBRI&keywords=finding+bishop+castle+jeff+bowersox&qid=1649339640&sprefix=Finding+Bishop+%2Caps%2C213&sr=8-1#customerReviews

Afterglow Recovery - https://ourafterglow.com

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20

Highlights from Paul

Paul talks about the benefits of service and climate change in recovery. Service gets you out of your head and out of your story. Dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin are released when we help others.

Climate change could save us as a species by forcing us to work together and develop a collective strategy. Alcoholics can help because there’s one thing we can do that others can’t, and that’s meeting as a group, putting all our differences aside, and talking about healing, recovery, and LOVE.

Paul wants climate change to unite us instead of dividing us. He is encouraging Recovery Elevator listeners to plant a tree, take a picture and tag us on Instagram @recoveryelevator.

“The true meaning of life is to plant trees under the shade you don’t expect to sit.” Nelson Henderson

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month

[15:06] Aaron has been sober for seven months and is married with two kids. He has an athletic household. He loves cooking, sports, and power yoga.

Alcohol wasn’t part of his life until his senior year of high school. When he went to college, binge drinking was the norm. Alcohol came with comradery for Aaron. All his memories with his friends involved alcohol. At 23, he totaled a car after drinking to excess. He quit for a month after the accident. When he started working, he got an outside sales job involving entertaining customers. Both his work and his social life revolved around drinking. At times it felt like an obligation. His tolerance built up, and it never occurred to him to stop.

His wife noticed and began to comment on his drinking. Aaron said to drink as he wanted meant being drunk. He saw a therapist specializing in addiction who helped him see several things.

Aaron’s 40th birthday was enough of a nudge to get him to address his drinking. His wife bought him a ten pack of hot yoga classes, and he went to his first one on his birthday.

Odette and Aaron discussed the dynamics of alcoholism running in the family and how to talk to children, siblings, and cousins about being mindful of the patterns that can develop.

Accountability has been a big part of Aaron’s sober journey. His cousin has become his accountability partner, and they talk about the ups and downs of sobriety with each other.

Odette and Aaron talk about the differences in sobriety that are new. Managing customers has worked well in sobriety. Aaron remembers his deliverables more readily and has found that as many customers want to be home with family as they want to party. Grieving your old life is allowed and makes sense. Ditching the booze makes room for new experiences.

Odette’s Summary

Odette reminds listeners that you keep us going. We want to hear from you about what you would like to hear from us in the podcast, social media, and newsletters. You can reach Odette at info@recoveryelevator.com.

Remember that you are not alone and together is always better.

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RE 378: Finding Grace May 16, 2022

Episode 378 – Finding Grace

Today we have Susan. She is 46, from Ohio, and took her last drink on June 14, 2019.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20

Highlights from Odette

"Whatever courage got you here is going to take you far." You are brave, and you have courage. Learn to trust yourself. Define far for yourself. The unfolding of healing takes time, have patience with yourself. Odette has two sentences of a poem on her forearm: "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul." Those words are a reminder of her strength, courage, and perseverance.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month

[09:20] Susan has been sober for nearly three years. She is speaking on the podcast to get out of her comfort zone and overcome some complacency in her sobriety.

Susan is married and lives in Ohio with a stepson and two dogs. She works for an investment company and loves the outdoors, the beach, paddle boarding, running, and Jeopardy.

Susan grew up in a house of addiction and described it as WWIII. Her father was an abusive alcoholic. Her parents tended to numb out and not deal with anything. She realizes now many of her behaviors result from a trauma response.

Susan was often the caretaker for her mom, so the roles were reversed. She partied a fair amount in her twenties. Her mom died, and her sister was diagnosed with lung cancer. Her sister and brother-in-law died within seven months of one another. Susan retreated into her addiction. All the grief and pain from losing her sister was overwhelming.

Addiction was like a cocoon for Susan. It became so uncomfortable, and she had to stop. Susan tried naltrexone, but she wasn't ready to quit. Shame kept her drinking for some time, and in retrospect, Susan regrets that she didn't ask for help.

Alan Carr's book podcasts and terror helped her to quit for good. Two months into sobriety, she attended Recovery Elevator's Bozeman retreat. At Bozeman, Susan learned that community is essential. Susan struggled to share her recovery with her drinking friends. She often said she was "on a cleanse."

Susan describes recovery as a radical act of self-love. Her progress in the last 3-years eclipses her progress in the previous ten. She is learning to get uncomfortable with being uncomfortable. Meditation, gratitude practice, and Women for Sobriety zoom meetings are essential sobriety tools for Susan. She suggests getting clear on your "why" to reinforce your commitment to recovery. Susan believes you are worth it and deserve to be happy and have some peace.

Kris' Summary

Kris encourages you to share your story. Contact Kris: Kris@recoveryelevator.com.

Kris describes his daughter's work to win a photography merit award. Even with life's ups and downs, her consistency reminds him of the consistency needed to maintain sobriety. Managing struggles, triumphs, and learning to grow through challenges is how you stack days and keep your commitment. Sometimes our plans work out perfectly, while others kick us in the face. We don't know what's around the corner. Meet every challenge with love, patience, and grace.

You are the only one who can do this, but you don't have to do it alone.

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RE 377: Your Favorites May 09, 2022

Episode 377 – Your favorites

Today we have Jeff. He is 47, from the Dominican Republic, and took his last drink on December 4, 2016.

Bozeman Retreat: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/bozeman/

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20

Highlights from Paul

Listeners provided highlights of some of their favorite episodes of the Recovery Elevator podcast.

330 – Learn to love yourself as your dog (or cat) loves you. You have a certain amount of energy and days in your life, and it is your choice on what to spend it on.

207 and 220 – Tom Topp inspired a listener to see social anxiety as a similarity. Another listener helped her learn that the body does heal from elevated liver enzymes without alcohol.

Another listener couldn't name one episode but instead said, sharing your story and recovering out loud helps shred the shame of addiction. It made me realize that I'm not alone, and together we can fight and overcome this!

370 Stephanie – a listener, learned to put the same energy into her recovery that she did into drinking.

Odette speaking about her relapse was also powerful

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month

[15:21] Jeff feels great, thanks to five years of sobriety. He is married and splits time between Colorado and the Dominican Republic. He has a concierge service for people in recovery to enjoy a beach vacation without the triggers of alcohol. Jeff's services help sober experience sober fun.

Jeff experimented with alcohol as a teenager and described alcohol as a warm hug. He married at 18 and put alcohol on the sidelines to become a provider. In his mid-thirties, Jeff spiraled into self-pity. After DUI's and jail time, it took him several years to embrace recovery. He remarried and was a grey area drinker, until his drinking was problematic again.

Codependency caused Jeff to take on identities for other people. In sobriety, he started to get to know himself. When triggered, he asks his wife for help. Jeff listened to ninety episodes of the Recovery Elevator podcast in thirty days. Stubbornness helped to make sobriety stick. Writing is a great tool for Jeff and posting in Café Re provides him with great feedback.

Collecting the sober moments retrains the synapses in your brain to have different responses to triggering events.

Odette's Summary

You can handle this. Remember that you are not alone and together is always better.

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RE 376: You Can be Right or You Can Have Peace Part II May 02, 2022

Episode 376 – You can be right, or you can have peace – Part 2

Today we have Ronda. She is 56, from New Orleans, and sober for 2.5 years.

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20

Highlights from Paul

We are all human, with faulty machines in the dome. It's okay to be right or want to be right, especially in the moment. Sobriety teaches us that we must choose peace. We don't have to choose peace immediately, but eventually, we must, or we develop resentments. Resentments, for many of us, can kill us. Why? Resentments separate us. Disconnect us. And what's the opposite of addiction—connection.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month

[10:23] Ronda and Odette discussed the sobriety journey and celebrating the decision to quit vs. the date of your last drink. Ronda is from New Orleans and recently moved to Colorado. She has three grown children, and she is an anesthesiologist. She loves sailing, hiking, and traveling.

Ronda's first addiction was an eating disorder. She coped with stress and shame with food. She recovered from the eating disorder at age 30, and alcohol became a problem. She got a DWI in her mid-forties. Ronda said she ignored all the signs. She didn't want to have a drinking problem. The culture in New Orleans portrays day drinking and excessive drinking as the norm, so it made denial easier.

Ronda was more of a binge drinker than a daily drinker. Her kids started noticing her drinking. Her middle daughter was vocal about her concerns early on. So, Ronda began to hide her drinking. Ronda and the kids evacuated to Phoenix during Hurricane Katrina. Her problem with drinking started then, and it took her ten years to get help.

After getting a DUI, Ronda had to go through a program to align with the recommendations of the medical board. Even her colleagues said, "it could have been me."

When visiting her daughter in sober living, Ronda got sloshed at the airport and faced her daughter's disappointment when she landed. When her daughter stopped protecting Ronda, it was another AHA moment that she had a problem. After her daughter went to rehab, Ronda started moderating when her kids were with her.

There are multiple ways to get sober, and Ronda tried everything and found a mix of programs that worked. Ronda leveraged AA, The Tempest Sobriety School (run by Holly Whittaker), Recovery Elevator, and Café RE in early recovery. With a heavy emphasis on self-care, Ronda was able to find her true soul, her wounded inner child, and the ego that were all within herself. Learning to take care of herself allowed Ronda to stack days and helped her to deal with shame. Plant-based medicine was a pivotal moment in her recovery journey.

Ronda was molested as a young child, and it was one of many childhood traumas that contributed to her addiction. Shortly after confronting her abuser, she took her last drink. It was a burden off her shoulders that she didn't have to hide anymore.

Joy has permeated Ronda's life. She has learned new skills, confronted her past, and found many ways to have fun, including mediation, music, dancing, nature, bubble baths, community, and board games (particularly Bananagrams). Morning routines are critical to Ronda's sobriety routine. She removed herself from social media other than her recovery groups.

Odette's Summary

Odette talks about shame, day counts, and restarting. Committing to sobriety should add value, not shame, to your recovery. It's not about the date. It's about staying on the journey. Remember that you are not alone and together is always better.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

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Recovery Elevator –We took the elevator down. We need to take the stairs back up.

I love you guys.

RE 375: Decoupling Apr 25, 2022

Episode 375 – Decoupling

Today we have Amanda. She is 40, from Florida, and took her last drink on March 25, 2019.

The Bozeman Retreat has openings for men: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/bozeman/

Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20

Highlights from Paul

Paul discusses anxiety and decoupling. Paul’s tipping point was in 2017 when his anxiety or hangxiety was so bad that he thought he was having a heart attack. As he sobered up, the anxiety temporarily worsened, then improved dramatically. 85-90% of Paul’s anxiety is gone today. Anxiety no longer controls him.

Decoupling is untangling the thoughts, actions, and behaviors no longer serving you. Decoupling is a muscle. Start small and watch the momentum build.

You are the Placebo: https://amzn.to/3M3ChKJ

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[10:20] Amanda is married to a military husband and has two children. She works as a mental health provider. She loves time with her kids, baking, working out, and spending time with other sober people.

Amanda grew up in an alcoholic home. She grew up with verbal and emotional abuse and struggled with anxiety for most of her childhood. She was an athlete but quit. She began hanging out with an older crowd, and illicit drugs entered her life. She quickly reigned in the drug use. Going to school in New Orleans, her drinking escalated. Eventually, she discovered prescription drugs. She mixed them with alcohol.

She observed her mental obsession with alcohol during her second pregnancy. After having her first baby, she used alcohol to cope with the stress of motherhood and having a military husband who was gone a lot. At a birthday party, she drank a bottle of wine and still wanted more. She hoped her tolerance would reset, but it didn’t work that way.

Amanda was highly functioning, working full time, eating well, exercising, and caring for her children. Amanda described herself as arrogant because she knew the ins and outs of addiction because of her career but continued to drink.

After relocating from one part of the country to another, Amanda thought it was time to reign in her drinking. She started a fitness plan that included some aggressive nutritional goals that excluded alcohol to be more present. She felt great, but her drinking resumed. At her grandfather’s funeral, her husband noticed she drank an entire bottle of wine at 9 AM. Shortly after that, she knew she was “done” and told her husband she had a problem and needed help.

Amanda discovered Recovery Elevator and Café Re during her first two years. She has found the resources she needs to maintain her sobriety. She was initially active in AA. Community is now the core of her recovery. Feeling understood and accepted for all her parts is amazing. Amanda is learning to create distance from her thoughts, accept them and have compassion for herself and others.

Odette’s Summary

Odette thanks listeners for all the support and kind words she received during her last introduction to the podcast. Remember that you are not alone and together is always better.

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I love you guys.

RE 374: Then Go Back Again Apr 18, 2022

Episode 374 – Then go back again

Today we have Meegan. She is 37, from Georgia, and took her last drink on April 21, 2019.

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Highlights from Paul

Addiction has the propensity to crack you open. We fight and dig our heels in, but eventually, the Addiction wins. This doesn’t mean you are destined to drink forever, but the Addiction cracks you open. Paul encourages listeners to use their energy to find what recovery method works for them. When you find it, go back again to the beginning. You will find that the messages you heard early in recovery have different lessons for you later in recovery. Go back again. Listen to those podcasts again, read the quit lit again or recovery books again, and do the steps again. You are a different person with a new set of skills, experiences, and tools. Revisiting those messages often provides a new value bomb.

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[11:24] Meegan is a Family Nurse Practitioner and is married with three children. She loves running, snowboarding, and writing. Meegan describes a happy childhood until her parents had a tumultuous divorce, and it broke her heart. Life felt out of control. Meegan developed an eating disorder. She experimented with drinking in high school and described it as a rite of passage. Meegan made a few geographic moves for school.

After a few moves, Meegan landed in Georgia, got married, and immediately had a baby. She was part of the Mommy wine culture. That was a lightbulb moment. She recognized that drinking with the baby at age 24 wasn’t good. Wine calmed her down after dealing with the stress of night shifts. Meegan started having extreme panic attacks.

Training for a 100-mile ultra-marathon made her drinking take a back burner. Her panic attacks subsided. At 30, she got pregnant with twins. Her father died around the same time, and it broke her. The stress of twins and her father’s death caused her drinking to escalate.

Value Bomb: You can be the best version of yourself or be hungover, but you can’t be both.

As her drinking progressed, her hangovers became more debilitating. During a trip to Europe, her solution to hangovers was to continue drinking. While in Capri, she started having bad withdrawal symptoms. As a nurse, she knew what that meant.

After returning home, she knew moderation wouldn’t work. Shortly after an embarrassing time with her family, she had a moment of clarity. She fell to her knees and asked God for help. The moment of clarity was a combination of spirituality, physical health, and mental health. She called her two best friends and promised her daughter she would never drink again. Her sister encouraged her to get a therapist.

Meegan acknowledged that she didn’t learn healthy coping mechanisms. In recovery, Meegan is learning to feel her feelings. Perfectionism was a theme in her early years. Telling her story is a way for Meegan to let others know that failure is okay.

Meegan “loves the quote, “Addiction is an experience, not an identity. “

Kris and Meegan encourage listeners to find the recovery that works for you.

Kris’s Summary

Friendships in recovery are invaluable. You experience people who are present, listen with their hearts, and never shame you. Kris encourages listeners to lean in to discomfort. Share your experience.

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RE 373: Control and Connection Apr 11, 2022

Episode 373– Control and Connection

Today we have Chris. She is 46, from Baltimore, and took her last drink on August 28, 2016.

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Highlights from Paul

Paul thanks all the guests who have shared their stories to help us on the path toward sobriety. Paul wants to hear about your favorite episode or the value bombs that resonated with you. Please include the episode number if possible. Contact Paul at: info@recoveryelevator.com.

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How are you reconciling the elements of control in your life? Paul talks about our struggles with control at the macro and micro levels. Is the opposite of control connection? We have never been more disconnected.

Paul’s homework for listeners is to invite a friend out to coffee instead of placing your mental energies on trying to control things. Go on a walk with your dog in Nature. Learn to play the ukulele with us, go on a meditation retreat, join Café RE, call your mom, volunteer at a soup kitchen, write a letter to someone in jail. All our lives depend on this, and we all have to do our part, which I know we can and know we will.

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[10:16] Sherrie lives in Baltimore and has two adult children. She is a massage therapist and teaches movement. She is a competitive Irish dancer; she loves paddle boarding and hiking.

Alcoholism was a big part of Chris’ family. There was a lot of shame, and she steered clear of alcohol. She was the designated driver for her friends in high school. After she was married, she started drinking, and it rapidly progressed into a problem. After losing a pregnancy, she had a white light moment, and she went down a very dark hole. Alcohol became her coping mechanism to turn off the pain. She began losing clients and students and realized it was time to stop.

Physical pain and discomfort were warning signs for Chris that she wasn’t headed in a good direction. Her husband never thought her drinking was a problem. Moderation was his preferred choice. He didn’t think she needed to quit altogether, even when she asked for help. Waking up in a blur became commonplace. Chris started listening to recovery podcasts, and fear became the impetus to get her to quit drinking.

Chris’ clients started to notice a difference in her when she quit drinking. They asked, what’s different? She began her sober journey alone and listened to sobriety podcasts, including Recovery Elevator. She kept it quiet, even from her partner. Chris attended a Recovery Elevator retreat and realized she was a dry drunk. Community became part of her recovery, and she credits Paul’s work for expanding her view of a sober life.

Lifestyle changes, including diet and exercise, became critical to Chris’ recovery. As she continued to get better, her husband got worse and tried to sabotage her efforts. Chris relies on community and meditative movement to maintain her sobriety.

Talking openly about alcohol use with her daughters has been crucial to Chris. They have open discussions about alcohol, marijuana, and other addictive substances. She reminds her daughters that she doesn’t drink and why and is very open about the predisposition for addiction in their family. Chris appreciates the power and control that have returned to her in a life without alcohol.

Odette’s Summary

[48:12] “The crap does not mean you are broken; it means you have room to grow.” Odette encourages us to look at the opportunities to learn, change our perceptions and live a different life. You are not alone – together is always better.

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RE 372: The Three Stages of Healing Apr 04, 2022

Episode 372– The three stages of healing

Today we have Sherrie. She is 58, from Oregon, and she took her last drink on January 21, 2019.

Highlights from Paul

Paul explains the stages of healing have less to do with how much time you were drinking and more to do with how you view your problems.

“The Energy Codes”: https://amzn.to/3I9MgMh

The three stages of healing are:

Victimhood – you are playing the victim card
Self Help – you identify the problem, then solve it
Creatorship – there was never a problem; drinking was there to help me. You take responsibility for everything in your life.

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[13:52] Sherrie lives in Oregon, has two children and three grandchildren. She loves hiking, kayaking, house projects, and her dog.

Sherrie lived overseas during her childhood. She started working at 16 and drank because older workers never asked about her age. Drinking was prevalent in her youth. She was married young, but drinking wasn’t an issue until there was a turning point in her marriage. Her marriage had its ups and downs for many years. Empty nest syndrome changed her drinking, and gastric bypass surgery changed how her body processed alcohol. She could drink large amounts of alcohol and began to blackout.

Sherrie gained weight in hopes that her husband would leave her. As she approached her fifties (her father passed at age 54), she developed patterns of self-sabotage. After her second DUI, she knew it was time to make a change. She started counseling and stayed away from triggering moments like going to the grocery store. Her life revolved around recovery. Anytime she wasn’t working, she was focused on recovery.

AA is a significant part of Sherrie’s recovery, AND she incorporates other things that work for her like Café RE, sober travel, meditation, etc. Finding activities that take her focus off wanting to drink helps Sherrie stay on track. Sherrie has a positive outlook and looks forward to fun adventures ahead.

Odette’s Summary

[56:52] You are doing a great job. Acknowledge the work and effort you are making. Validate your own work. Be your own cheerleader. You are not alone – together is always better.

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RE 371: Define Your Sobriety Mar 28, 2022

Episode 371– Define your sobriety

Today we have Cyndi. She is 52, from California, and she took her last drink on July 1, 2021.

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Highlights from Paul

Recovery is recovering the person you were meant to be or is the most authentic version of yourself. This isn’t a practice you want to end. It’s not a checkbox or to-do list item. Besides, if you stick with it, you will start enjoying this work.

What is success in recovery? Paul says YOU should define success for the most essential endeavor of your life. Know your why and write it down. Loving yourself and being okay with yourself should top the list.

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[11:12] Cyndi is married loves hiking, puzzles, and pets.

Alcohol entered Cyndi’s life when she was sixteen. She loved it and had fun in the beginning. Cyndi’s recovery journey was progressive. Her drinking escalated after she got married. After a few comments from her husband, she tried an intensive outpatient program which wasn’t effective. Cyndi found herself reneging on all the promises she made to herself. She tried AA. After some soul searching and a request from her husband, she completely changed her approach. Her drinking was progressing, and things she swore she would never do, she was doing. Defiance, a desire for control, and physical cravings fueled her relapses.

Today Cyndi doesn’t isolate. She goes to AA daily, and she doesn’t put herself in situations where she may be tempted to drink. Podcasts, doing the work with her sponsor, and leveraging Café RE keep her sober.

Odette’s Summary

Give yourself permission to recover regardless of where you are in alcohol’s progressive nature.

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RE 370: R is for Recovery Mar 21, 2022

Episode 370– Phases of Recovery

Today we have Stephanie. She is from Pennsylvania, and she took her last drink on January 2, 2020.

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Finding your better you with Odette

After ten years of being in recovery, Odette discovers that she never asked herself what recovery means to her. Success means different things to different people. When Odette decided to add alcohol to her recovery journey, she enjoyed counting days and celebrating milestones. Fear is a common theme Odette noticed among her sober soulmates, fear of failure.

Relapse has been part of Odette’s journey, and she spoke about how common relapse is for those in recovery. As she searched for the reasons she relapsed, she discovered depression, perfectionism, and shame patterns. Shame dissolves hope, and without hope, you stop showing up. Sobriety for Odette is about walking toward herself and her truth.

Odette encourages listeners to define sobriety and recovery for yourselves. Stay in the game, and don’t quit on yourself.

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[10:48] Stephanie is 42, a single mom of two boys, and lives in Pennsylvania. She loves running, cooking, and fund-raising. She is enrolled in nursing school.

Stephanie describes year two of sobriety as different: a little less pink cloud and more work. She enjoys running and cooking.

Alcohol was an escape for Stephanie. She had a great 80’s upbringing but did encounter some trauma that she rarely spoke about. The trauma influenced her relationships. She became the girl who could outdrink the boys. Much of her early drinking years are a blur for Stephanie.

After separating from her son’s father and her Dad’s diagnosis, Stephanie realized she had a problem. She was drinking to cope and not eating. She started running, quit smoking, and lost 50 pounds. She recalls having blackouts and not remembering conversations with her kids. Getting healthy for them became critical to her, so her kids wouldn’t have to care for her.

Community has always been important to Stephanie. She joined Café Re and has a group of friends in recovery. She bought the book, Alcohol is Sh!t, and once she finished the book, she knew “this was it.” She knew moderation wasn’t enough.

Sobriety has opened Stephanie’s mind to all kinds of possibilities. The pandemic forced her out of the restaurant industry, and she found a nursing school. She is now in her second year of nursing school, making excellent grades. She created the “merch” department for Café RE. She is passionate about service and gift-giving. Stephanie is focused, driven, and living a life of possibilities. Recovery isn’t perfect. Life still has ups and downs, but recovery is worthwhile. She plans to incorporate recovery into her nursing career. “Find your people!”

Kris’s Summary

Recovery to Kris includes mediation, podcasting, service, meetings. He is learning that recovery isn’t a resume of self-awareness. Faith taught Kris to surrender. The quality of his recovery is because of the grace of God. Kris wants to keep learning. Recovery is an opportunity; it’s a chance, and Kris will do his best.

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RE 369: You Can Be Right or You Can Have Peace Mar 14, 2022

Episode 369– You can be right, or you can have peace

Today we have Katherine. She is from Colorado and took her last drink on September 24, 2021.

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Highlights from Paul

Paul speaks to the rise of post-pandemic alcohol-free bars. Check out: https://www.wweek.com/bars/2022/02/17/portland-is-getting-its-first-zero-proof-bar-courtesy-of-no-booze-cocktail-kit-vendor-suckerpunch/

Paul speaks to brain fog and how much it impacts those of us with a history of drinking problems. Fortunately, Paul has experienced continued improvement in his cognitive function since ditching the Booze. Paul also credits meditation with improving his critical thinking and problem-solving skills. There is ample scientific evidence that meditation can rewire your thinking. Paul also credits plant-based medicine, playing music, and being less reactive with helping his brain fog and mental cognition. Paul encourages listeners to be patient and allow mind, body, and soul to recalibrate after leaving alcohol behind. Once the PAWS (post-acute withdrawal symptoms) disappear, you will also see improvement in cognitive dissonance.

Paul describes a recent experience where he chose being right over peace and reminds us that he learned the hard way that it’s better to have peace than be right.

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[13:46] Katherine is 45 and married with three children. She loves reading, working out, and skiing.

Katherine tried drinking in high school, but it wasn’t until the last twelve years that her drinking was problematic. She joined the army at 21. When she started drinking wine, she became infatuated with the hype of wine. She became the last one to leave the party. Work troubles and being stationed in a different place than her husband contributed to her escalated drinking.

Katherine and her husband drank together regularly. He quit with her, even though his drinking wasn’t problematic. He often expressed concern which Katherine experienced as controlling. She didn’t understand how much her drinking was affecting him. Signs appeared that her drinking was a problem, but she dismissed them. Now, she has her friend back.

Katherine is reluctant to admit that she medicated with wine and used it to overcome the stresses of motherhood. A heavy-drinking mommy peer group became a permission slip to drink more. A series of divine interventions inspired her to quit for good. She completed a 90-day intensive outpatient program and listened to Recovery Elevator podcasts for inspiration.

Katherine encourages listeners to be gentle with themselves; give yourself grace. She has learned that expressing her feelings out loud takes away their power. Reading has become a great escape.

Odette’s Summary

Know how to sit with others when they are in pain. Odette read this in Brene Brown’s latest book. Learning to hold space for others and just be with others is challenging but worthwhile. Remember, you are not alone. Together is always better.

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RE 368: The Mind F&ck of Alcohol Mar 07, 2022

Episode 368 – The Mind F&ck of Alcohol

Today we have Stephen. He is from New Jersey and took his last drink on September 15, 2020.

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Highlights from Paul

Paul shares an email from a listener who asks Paul how people without a drinking problem can get help. He talks about the A&E show “Intervention” and how he often watched it while drinking alone, grateful he didn’t have a problem with alcohol. The show, Intervention gave Paul countless examples of how alcohol “f&cks” with your mind. After 276 interventions on the show, 270 accepted treatment, with 151 remaining clean and sober today, which is a 55% success rate. If those numbers are accurate, they are much more optimistic than the broadly accepted low teen success rate you hear from the industry.

Paul reminds listeners that you probably have a drinking problem if you are listening to a sobriety podcast. The point of addiction is to get to know yourself and love yourself.

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[13:10] Stephen is 45 and lives in New Jersey. He is a father (a “girl dad”), coach, and owns his own business. He loves coaching, sports, and everything outside.

Stephen’s relationship with alcohol evolved over 25 years. Alcohol was his biggest challenge, but he also used marijuana. He dabbled in underage drinking and had fun on the Jersey shore. He managed his drinking well for many years. When his second daughter was born, he began to acknowledge his drinking was problematic. His drinking escalated over the years. He and his wife danced with moderation, and he occasionally took days off drinking. Stephen was the driver of the drinking in his marriage.

Stephen credits Paul Churchill’s book with getting him sober. He tried several programs before he found Recovery Elevator. Ultimately, he went to a four-day detox. He was full of energy and enthusiasm after leaving detox. He relapsed a few times but rallied and has been able to stack days. Mismatched drinking habits pushed the end of his marriage. Meditation, journaling, exercise, and accountability are his best sobriety tools.

Value Bombs

Learning that alcohol was the symptom, not the problem, was eye-opening
Enjoy the moments
Once it gets good (in sobriety), it gets great quickly. Everything compounds.

Odette’s Summary

If you are seeking anything outside of self, you are taking the long way home. Odette reminds us that everything we need is inside of us. There is no shame in having doubt. Stay on the path! Remember, you are not alone. Together is always better.

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RE 367: Why Geographical Cures Don't Work Feb 28, 2022

Episode 367 – Why geographical cures won’t work.

Today we have Aaron. He is from San Antonio and took his last drink on May 22, 2019.

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Highlights from Paul

Paul advises listeners that if you aren’t doing the inner work, your problems will follow you, whether you move, change jobs, or change relationships. That’s why geographic cures don’t work. He speaks about some of his geographic solutions and why they helped temporarily, but eventually, he discovered he was the problem and had to buckle down to do the deep inner work. Paul highly recommends getting out of toxic situations.

Paul describes the inner work as connecting with yourself, learning to love yourself, setting boundaries, making decisions that benefit your sobriety, and standing up for yourself. Ultimately, inner work often causes you to leave toxic situations, relationships, jobs, etc. When you learn to respect yourself, you will choose environments that are conducive to your wholeness.

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[11:54] Aaron is 27, lives in Texas, and works in finance for a corporate bank. He is a family guy, loves hiking, getting outside, food truck Friday’s and hanging out with his nieces and nephews.

Aaron was raised by an amazing single mother and had a great childhood. His world was rocked when his mom died of breast cancer when he was twelve. Entering high school after losing his mom left him feeling disconnected from family, people, places, and himself. He started drinking his sophomore year, and alcohol gave him confidence, popularity, and connection. He moved to the Midwest to live with his sister and encountered a new environment, including harsh winters. Boredom led to more drinking, pot use, and the wrong crowd.

Aaron spoke heartfeltly about the role shame played in his delay in maintaining continuous sobriety. Resentments and anger fueled his drinking. He was 24 when he first attempted sobriety. Eventually, an early morning AA meeting became the key to stacking days. He started working out and listened to the Recovery Elevator podcast during his workout. His mom became a higher power for him as he got sober. Sharing his story with you today is Aaron’s way to give back and offer hope.

Aaron discovered some co-addictions along the way, including co-dependency and disordered eating,

Value Bombs

You don’t have to have a hard physical bottom to get sober.
You can get sober because you want a better life
You can stay sober because you have a better life.
A solid morning routine and discipline led him to stacking days.
Discipline has taught him to choose what matters most: his health, career, and family.
Aaron’s relationships are now pure and genuine because he made a change.
Sitting with his feelings and journaling have helped him live life on life’s terms.
Sobriety is an opportunity, not a sacrifice.

Odette’s Summary

Odette reminds us that baby steps are progress. She reminds us we are too hard on ourselves and encourages us to remember the small things we are doing that move us in the right direction. Baby steps add up and create a compound effect. Those baby steps are decisions and small actions culminating in meaningful differences. Take inventory of the small things you are doing that move you in the right direction, and be proud! Remember that you are not alone and together is always better.

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RE 366: Walking Each Other Home Feb 21, 2022

Episode 366 – Walking each other home

Today we have Hailey. She is 29, from Portland, OR, and took her last drink on September 3, 2019.

Highlights from Paul

Focus on the similarities, not the differences – if you believe you are unique, your inner voice can sabotage your efforts.
Create a plan or strategy that will help you in those challenging moments when you want to drink. Have it with you and use it.
Be mindful of the inner voice that can cause you to self-implode. Awareness helps you override negative inner thoughts.
Walk each other home – listen to others, help others, and shine the light on a new way of living. As you heal, you will help others heal as well. Say thanks to those that walk you home. When you find love, enjoy life.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator

[11:35] Hailey has been sober for 2 ½ years and describes sobriety as different in the third year. She has been in the restaurant business forever. She lives in Oregon and has done several interesting things in the restaurant industry, including opening some restaurants in the Dominican Republic. She got sober in Minnesota and pivoted into the NA beverage business. She works for a non-profit that supports restaurant industry individuals in addiction crisis. Hailey loves longboarding but admits it's difficult in the rain.

Hailey tried alcohol and pot at age 12. She did a lot of experimenting with drugs at music festivals while her parents worked their food cart. She opened a cocktail catering company and developed an addiction to cocaine to get more done. Achievement and praise are Hailey's first addictions. She described taking it further than others to get uncomfortably high. She was reckless. She continues to feel she doesn't get enough done in a day. Her industry perpetuated that feeling.

She recalls marking the day it was one year from recognizing she had a problem and not doing anything about it. She wanted to get sober quickly and realized she had to take a break from her life to get sober. A friend connected her with a professional interventionist who helped her get into Hazelden.

Hailey's secret sauce for recovery is a robust gratitude practice coupled with things that make her proud. Hailey spent 31 days inpatient, followed by a month of outpatient treatment. She was convinced that her only problem was cocaine, not alcohol. Studying addiction instilled a healthy fear, and she became willing to work the steps. She went to meetings, sold her business assets, and took a part-time job to focus on recovery. "Ben's friends" (https://www.bensfriendshope.com/) and the right sponsor took her recovery to another level.

Hailey was very protective of her recovery during the first two years. With a solid foundation, she frequently explores other recovery venues. Service is vital to her success, and Hailey shares her story with Ben's friends to provide experience, strength, and hope to others in her industry. She relies on consistency over intensity.

Kris's Summary

Kris speaks to consistency over intensity and avoiding risky behaviors to maintain his sobriety. Building a life he loves so much that drinking doesn't have a place in it is at the core of his recovery. He learns more about his faith as he digs into his spiritual practice. Kris continues to learn and grow his recovery portfolio. He focuses on what he needs right now. Accountability keeps him on track.

Kris encourages listeners to look at your recovery with curiosity instead of judgment. Complacency is dangerous in recovery. Show gratitude for the tools that work for you. Find the practices that build you up and bring you joy.

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RE 365: So Who Do I Connect With? Feb 14, 2022

Episode 365 – So Who Do I Connect With?

Today we have Joshua. He is 36 years old and from North Carolina. His last drink was on October 31, 2020.

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Highlights from Paul:

Happy Valentine’s Day! The opposite of addiction is connection. Paul shares that reality is a mirror reflecting your inner world. The most important connection we have is the connection we have with ourselves. If we don’t love, treat ourselves with respect or stand up for ourselves, that will appear in our outer world. Connecting with yourself allows you to become your own healer. Once your inner connection/relationship is healthy, that will be reflected in your external connections.

Paul recommends splitting your internal and external actions 50/50. Connect with yourself first (via meditation, journaling, yoga, etc.), then connect externally (Café RE chat, Marco Polo chat, a family member).

Johan Hari’s Ted Talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY9DcIMGxMs

BetterHelp: www.betterhelp.com/elevator

[10:45] Odette introduces Joshua

Joshua is from North Carolina, loves music, and works as an optician.

“Should” never helped Joshua quit drinking. Focusing on what he wanted from his life helped him shift his thinking and made an alcohol-free life possible.

Joshua’s first drink was a Zima at a party in high school. He was generally a good kid and had a strong desire to belong. He recognized that alcohol did something for him early on before it did something to him. The first time he recalls getting drunk, he felt a euphoric escape. Alcohol was liberating and medicating. In college, a sneakiness appeared in his drinking. He wasn’t aware of alcohol being problematic until 2014.

After divorcing, pent-up resentments led to accelerated drinking for Joshua. His drinking progressed. He attended his first AA meeting in 2017. After several false starts, AA helped him get 18 months of continuous sobriety. He stopped working his program and returned to drinking. He began to observe his drinking, and by Halloween, a dream helped him realize he wanted to be his best, and alcohol wasn’t part of that vision.

Joshua credits AA for helping him and describes AA as binary; he has a realistic view of their history and acknowledges that many options are available for recovery today. Therapy helped him with harm reduction and to be less black and white.

Josh says quitting alcohol is hard, but the complications of drinking make your life exponentially harder. He is happier, more grateful, and knows the perceived benefits of alcohol were a lie. Life still has its ups and downs, which are easier to manage.

Odette’s final thoughts:

You are enough. You are everything you need. You are loved. You are worthy. You are whole and complete, and you deserve a peaceful life.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Sponsors:

BetterHelp: www.betterhelp.com/elevator

Affiliate Link for Amazon: Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator –lighten up!

RE 364: Booze Cruise Feb 07, 2022

Episode 364 – Booze Cruise

Today we have Ben. He is 41 from England and took his last drink on September 26, 2021.

Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

Highlights from Paul

Paul shares some highlights from Recovery Elevator’s recent trip to Costa Rica. The group wound up on a booze cruise, remained sober, and had more fun dancing, swimming, and connecting than others who were drinking. The group trusted Paul and had a blast.

Anxiety and depression often happen when we feel disconnected. Paul described driving through Montana in a location where people waived to one another on the road. That simple gesture was a form of mini-connection; it feels good and elevates dopamine levels in a healthy way. When you perform an act of kindness, it always provokes another. Paul suggests waiving at someone at a stoplight and reminds us that the opposite of addiction is connection.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator

[11:29] Ben looks at not drinking as an opportunity, not a punishment. The work inspires him, and it feels like a reward.

Ben is a musician; he’s single and age 41. He loves reading, movies, exercise, board games, video games and aspires to get into amateur dramatics. He no longer needs alcohol to have fun, experience life, and do the things he can write songs about. His mindset is now hopeful and optimistic vs. trapped and hopeless.

Ben started drinking as a teenager at a party. He was under lots of pressure because he was into rock music, had long hair, and nobody approved. Drinking gave him an escape. He never drank when he played because he enjoyed the euphoria of performing. It was “game on” at the afterparties. He developed an eating disorder, which led to binge eating, drinking, and then starving. Hypnotherapy helped his eating disorder, giving him a sense of peace. Writing down what he ate to address his eating disorder helped Ben identify patterns in his drinking.

As his drinking progressed, it began to impact his performances. He often drank on the tour bus all night and partied into the next day. Anxiety, paranoia, and confusion crept into his daily life. He was constantly looking for something fun and continued drinking to avoid reality. He began drinking alone, which impaired his ability to enjoy music. Consequences began to emerge. Ben explored AA, and he was initially put off by those who continued coming to meetings after decades of sobriety. During his first share, he broke into tears. He was shaken to discover how much alcohol meant to him. His drinking progressed, and he became reckless. At some point, he recognized he was powerless over alcohol.

In 2021, Ben had three scary incidents that involved his work, health, and a friendship. He was scared sober. Initially, it wasn’t difficult. Finding a new addiction or habit was his initial plan. He spent hours playing computer games and was grateful because those hours were time he wasn’t drinking. Ben treats his sobriety like the levels of a computer game, adding new behaviors with each progression.

Odette’s Summary

Odette speaks about “The Happiness Trap,” a book she is discussing with her therapist. It debunks the myth that we are supposed to be happy all the time. The daily actions we take allow us to feel joy, pain, and boredom. Even uncomfortable actions propel us toward a life we want.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Resources

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Recovery Elevator – embrace the journey of becoming. I love you guys.

RE 363: The Most Powerful Pharmacy in the World Jan 31, 2022

Episode 363 – The most powerful pharmacy in the world

Today we have Brian. He is 48 years old and from Ohio. His last drink was on March 31, 2019.

For more information about our Denver event, please go here.

Exact Nature www.exactnature.com Code: RE20

Highlights from Paul: How do you leverage the brain to work in your favor?

Acknowledge there is a problem. Make sure your mental energies match your goal. Use the thinking mind to pull up a good memory (vacation, significant accomplishment). The cycle: The more the nervous system is in check, the more you want to do things that bring you joy. The more you do something that brings you joy, the more your nervous system calms down.

Listen to the nature sounds playlist. We forget that we come from nature; we evolved with crickets and blue jays. All you need to do is listen to nature sounds and allow them to calm the nervous system.

BetterHelp: www.betterhelp.com/elevator

[11:19] Odette introduces Brian

Brian has been sober for 1000 days. He is from Cleveland, Ohio, likes mountain biking, the outdoors, art museums, and travel.

Drinking became an issue for Brian after high school. He experimented with drinking, pot, and methamphetamines. He was an addict for a year and eventually went to rehab. He dropped illicit drugs and continued drinking. His family drank, so they wanted him to quit drugs but continue drinking. Brian did everything to excess. He had two failed marriages, and his drinking always led to bad situations. He believed he could control his drinking.

In 2018, Brian started a new job. He blacked out at the end of a training event, and he knew he had to quit. He stopped on April 1 but was a dry drunk. He was always angry. He didn’t know what to do because drinking was always a reward.

Today, Brian listens to podcasts and finds the similarities. He meditates. Regulating his emotions has been a struggle, but it’s getting better. Café Re drove his recovery. His goal is not to be an embarrassment anymore. Brian removed himself from all his prior activities to avoid triggers. Now he follows the 7 Habits, s, lives his values, and sobriety is his number one priority. He appreciates his wife’s support, and they have a solid partnership. After a year of firsts (holidays, anniversaries), he felt stronger in his recovery. He is a better husband, a better stepdad, and his career has progressed.

You may have to say adios to booze if...

If you find yourself crying in the shower, not knowing how you got to your room.

Odette’s final thoughts:

Getting through a year of firsts is a legitimate challenge. Don’t let the images of sobriety being easy or perfect discourage you. Sobriety takes time. It is uncomfortable; it is normal to feel angry; it’s not always fun. Focus on doing the next right thing. It gets better.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Sponsors:

Exact Nature www.exactnature.com Code: RE20

BetterHelp: www.betterhelp.com/elevator

Affiliate Link for Amazon: Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator –we took the elevator down; we need to take the stairs back up - I love you guys.”

RE 362: Acceptance is the Answer Jan 24, 2022

Today we have Noelle. She is 31 years old and from Colorado. Her last drink was on June 24, 2019.

Highlights from Odette

Odette is working on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) with her therapist. ACT encourages people to embrace their thoughts and feelings rather than fighting or feeling guilty for them.

Odette is learning not to shove her feelings away but to accept them and learn not to fuse them. Embracing negative thoughts can propel you into the right thoughts and behaviors.

If I let this thought guide what I can do, will it help me create the life I want? Use the thought if it helps; diffuse it if it's not helpful.

betterhelp.com/elevator

[8:54] Kris introduces Noelle

Noelle has been sober for 2.5 years – over 900 days! She is an engineer and works with her brother. She has a Doberman and loves hiking, skiing, and getting outside to enjoy Colorado.

Noelle had a fake ID at 17 and always thought about how to get alcohol easier. She got into college because of her basketball skills. She got a DUI at 18, but there were no consequences. She and others justified her drinking because she excelled academically, professionally, and in basketball. She drank to get drunk. She crashed her truck for her 2nd DUI, and the consequences didn't faze her yet. She continued to excel professionally. Workaholism and alcoholism went hand in hand for Noelle.

Noelle's got her third DUI at age 27. She went to jail and had five months of work release and in-home detention. She accepted a TOP 30 under 30 business award, but she wore an ankle monitor during the awards ceremony and slept in a cot in jail that night. Six months later, she stopped drinking. She was a dry drunk; she just removed the alcohol. She had a one-day relapse. The following day she went to an AA meeting. Noelle has now learned that sobriety is about quality vs. quantity. She has a sponsor, is working the steps, and spiritual elegance is part of her journey.

At her sponsor's urging, she wrote a drunkalogue which helped her see the wreckage of her past and the risky behavior. Noelle has learned that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. She is now learning to live in peace with unsolved problems.

Noelle met Odette in April when she was hiking at Zion National Park. Meeting Odette was a higher power "God shot" moment in front of hundreds of people. Recovery Elevator podcasts were critical to her early recovery and AA meetings.

You may have to say adios to booze if...

You get a Denver Business Award journal for the Top 30 Under 30 and sleep in a cot in jail that night.

Kris's final thoughts:

Kris spoke about the impact that his drinking had on his loved ones. A door opened after a challenging conversation with his wife. Acknowledging her comments, he was scared and hopeless and beginning to face the consequences of his actions. Faith carried Kris through, and he reminds us to do the next right thing. We heal with each step we take.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Sponsor: BetterHelp www.betterhelp.com/elevator

Affiliate Link for Amazon: Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

"Recovery Elevator –the door has been opened; let's walk through this together- I love you guys."

RE 361: A Healthy Cycle Jan 17, 2022

Today we have Eric. He is 58 years old and from New Jersey. His last drink was on February 10, 2019.

The RE Alcohol Free Ukulele course registration is open! Sign up here.

For more information about our Denver event, please go here.

From Paul: Why is working with the nervous system so important?

The cycle: The more the nervous system is in check the more you want to do things that bring you joy. The more you do things that bring you joy, the more your nervous system calms down.

Listen to the nature sounds playlist. We forget that we come from nature, we evolved with the crickets and blue jays. All you have to do is listen to nature sounds and allow it to calm the nervous system.

[10:03] Odette introduces Eric.

Eric is 58 years old and from New Jersey. He is a teacher. He also enjoys performing in theater as well as teaching theater. For fun he likes hiking and going to the gym. Being in nature is important to him.

He grew up around alcohol and for him it was very normalized. As a kid in high school, he would take beer from his father and drink them on camping trips. In college is where he said his drinking ramped up. He was able to get drunk very fast and he began to black out from time to time.

After two DUIs in the Midwest he took a job in New Jersey and continued drinking. He then received a 3rd DUI and a 4th DUI. But because it was in a different state he skated under the radar and was able to deal with lower ramifications.

February 10, 2018 his mother passed. He thought to him as he was on the plane home “Now the healing can begin”. He’s been learning what that means ever since.

You may have to say adios to booze if...

you are now dealing with your 5th DUI and you still think it’s just a glitch and it’s not a problem.

Odette’s final thoughts:

Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Get off the rat race and be kind to yourself. Take a moment today and focus on something good. Accept where you are.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Sponsors:

Exact Nature www.exactnature.com Code: RE20

BetterHelp: www.betterhelp.com/elevator

Affiliate Link for Amazon: Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator –stay awkward and weird, you won’t regret it- I love you guys.”

RE 360: The Nervous System Jan 10, 2022

Today we have Lane. She is from San Francisco. Her last drink was on December 30, 1996.

The RE Alcohol Free Ukulele course registration opens January 7th 2022. Sign up here.

For more information about our Denver event, please go here.

Paul reminds you that you’re declining one drink at a time. When we think about quitting drinking, a scenario arises in our mind with 100’s of people, simultaneously offering us drinks, all at once. That will never happen, and just like one day at a time, you’re saying no to one drink at a time.

As Paul mentioned at the end of last year he wants to cover the Nervous System, which is what he’ll be covering today, and in future episodes. Today he covers why it’s important to have a balanced nervous system and he explains, in layman's terms, what the nervous system is.

[11:38] Odette introduces Lane.

Lane is in her 50s, and lives in San Francisco, CA. She took her last drink on December 30, 1996. Lane is a wife and mother and a mindfulness and meditation teacher. Lane loves to hike, listen to really good music and dance.

Lane had her first drink at the age of 12 and blacked out. This pattern continued with her into her 20s. She loved the effect that alcohol had on her. She was very involved in sports during school and nobody knew she was drinking like she was.

Everything on the outside looked normal, but on the inside she depended on that drink. She didn’t think she had a problem because her friends drank like she did. To be hungover was normal, was life.

It wasn’t until she sent her best friend to the hospital with a concussion, while in a blackout, that she started to think that something was wrong with her drinking.

On New Years Eve (1996) she went to a “meeting” with some friends, unknowingly this meeting turned out to be an AA meeting. She heard the message of recovery that night and had hope.

When Lane was 5 years sober she fell into Buddhism and found a way out, through prayer and meditation and that has been the golden thread throughout the last 20 years of her recovery.

Lane says becoming a mother 12 years ago has been the most challenging thing in her recovery.

You may have to say adios to booze if...

you just drank and you get into a car and you drive.

Odette’s final thoughts:

Take care of yourself, believe in yourself and believe in possibility.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Sponsors:

SOBERLINK:Did you know there are 15 million people in the U.S. with an Alcohol Use Disorder? And yet, there is still a stigma that surrounds addiction and recovery. We need to stop being ashamed and start sharing in our sobriety.

That’s why we’re so excited to have a sponsor like Soberlink who shares in our beliefs.

If you haven’t heard of the Soberlink alcohol monitoring system, it’s the perfect accountability tool for those in recovery. It can help you rebuild trust and get back on track despite slips or relapses.

We’ve teamed up with Soberlink to provide you with “Tips for Handling a Relapse” which is a guide that can be downloaded at www.soberlink.com/recovery-elevator.

On that page, you’ll also find a form to sign up for a $50-off promo code for you or a loved one who is ready to take the next step in their recovery journey.

Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

Affiliate Link for Amazon: Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator –together is always better- I love you guys.”

RE 359: Silence Bruno Jan 03, 2022

Today we have Shea. She is 42 years old and from Michigan. Her last drink was on August 9, 2021.

The RE Dry January course: REstore began January 1. There’s still time to join us! Sign up here.

The RE Alcohol Free Ukulele course registration opens January 7th 2022. Sign up here.

For more information about our Denver event, please go here.

From Paul: “I cannot tell you how to quit drinking”

For Paul the most important thing that helped him along his journey to being alcohol free is: accountability. Paul tells his story of one of his attempts to stop drinking in 2014. He told his family he needed help.

Paul’s 2022 goal is simply: To be sober.

As he continues to build time away from alcohol, he wants to remind listeners that even he doesn’t have it all together. And the thing he’s most proud of is the ability to recognize the insanity of his own thinking mind.

* Silencio Bruno *

[09:03] Odette introduces Shea.

Shea is 42 years old and from Michigan. She took her last drink on August 9, 2021. She has two boys, a full time physicians assistant for cardiac surgery and is also in Law School. For fun she loves to move her body, recovery related activities and build community.

In Shea’s senior year of high school she began to develop coping mechanisms for trauma through her life. At first the focus was on an eating disorder and then she turned to alcohol. Immediately she took to alcohol and drugs and she lost all fear. While she knew this path was wrong, she wanted freedom and thought it was here. By 18 she had developed an addiction to heroin, but focused on school with daily drinking. During this time she also attended her first AA meeting. Through some admitted luck she was able to avoid jail time and was put into a court appointed drug and alcohol program.

After 13 years (2015) of alcohol and drug recovery she decided she wasn’t an addict anymore and began to drink again and would be able to moderate. Before the first glass of wine was done she was planning the second.

The community and steps of AA work for her, knowing that there are a million different avenues she can take to recovery has made her experience this time around different and meaningful. Finding and accepting her own self honesty has given her freedom.

You may have to say adios to booze if...

you are finding bottles in your basement in old boxes and you don’t remember putting them there.

Odette’s final thoughts:

This is a great time to set some goals and intentions. Write down what you want to happen this year.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

Affiliate Link for Amazon: Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator –together is always better- I love you guys.”

RE 358: Don't Forget to Sing Your Song Dec 27, 2021

Episode 358 – Don’t Forget to Sing Your Song

Today we have Randy. He is 43, from Indianapolis, and took his last drink on December 30, 2016.

Registration is now open for Restore which begins January 1,2022. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/restore/

Highlights from Paul

This week’s tips from Paul include: 1) not everyone drinks, 2) sing, 3) give yourself a hug and say I love you.

There is a lot of uncertainty in the world and change is hard. Find your song, that melody in your soul that is uniquely you that you sing over and over. You are the master creator of your life. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/meditations/

Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

[9:27] Randy has been sober for nearly 5 years. He is married with 4 kids and loves animals and running.

Randy was on episode 129. Randy was in the restaurant business, and he was always surrounded by people who drank. Toward the end, the hangovers and anxiety began to take a toll on him.

Drinking was a reward for Randy. Today, Randy doesn’t have to think about drinking. He isn’t spending money on alcohol. Now he can afford season tickets to the Colt’s game. He doesn’t have to think about getting there or getting back, because he is sober.

Randy is now methodical vs living on instant gratification. He is more approachable and he loves giving service to others.

Initially watching football was really hard for Randy, because the sport was so engrained with alcohol. Now he enjoys games more than ever.

Kris’s Summary

Kris speaks to the term chosen family. Kris’ recovery family wants him to be successful and free. They take him at his best and his worst. They laugh together, cry together, dance and walk the path together. We need to open up, be vulnerable and let others love us until we learn to love ourselves. You can do this.

Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

Holiday 2021 AF Survival Guide

Stock up on your favorite AF beverages or another type of treat.
Begin a new healthy practice that you enjoy.
Develop a detailed craving game plan.
FOMO to JOMO - Pick an upcoming event and sit it out.
Select a Holiday Theme Song.
Pick your Thanksgiving beverage of choice and enjoy
One minute of intense mindfulness
Sticky Note - Write a reminder, affirmation, or goal on a sticky note and place it somewhere where you’ll see it each day
Have a fun escape plan
Offer to do the dishes
Study your why’s
Rest
Uno reverse card
Remind yourself you are safe
Play the tape forward
Treat yourself to a gift
Take 3 deep breaths

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Resources

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

RE 357: Practice Saying No Dec 20, 2021

Episode 357 – Practice Saying No

Today we have Jenn. She is 34, from Michigan, and took her last drink on April 10, 2020.

Registration is now open for Restore which begins January 1,2022. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/restore/. AF Ukulele course starts 2/5/22 at 3 PM EST. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/ukulele/

Highlights from Paul

Paul talks about the parameters for success. There’s an unhealthy paradigm in the sobriety world that it’s all a bust if we drink once. While continuous sobriety is the ultimate goal, getting there is never pretty, and most likely is launched off a series of relapses or field research. If you are drinking less than you did last holiday season, that’s a huge improvement.

This week’s tips from Paul include: 1) say no, 2) practice saying no, 3) create your own pep talk.

Sometimes the desire to stop drinking only swirls in our thoughts. Don’t underestimate the power of thought. Our thoughts are powerful. They create our world. Immediately discard the thoughts that don’t align with your goals. Deconstruct them and become aware of thoughts that are not congruent with what you want and need in life. Use the thinking mind for creation and visualization. Visualize that you no longer drink. Repeat it, say it out loud and repeat it again. What you put in is what you get back. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/meditations/

Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

[12;43] Jenn took her last drink April 10, 2020. She has a husband, two children and loves hiking, being in nature and spending time with her family.

Jenn said from her first sip of alcohol she felt some inner peace. Her first black out was at age 14. She started off with a bang and got in plenty of trouble. She experienced some trauma and started to use alcohol as her coping mechanism. She had suicidal ideations and started cutting. She drank a 5th a night. Before she turned 21, she added cocaine.

She was a functioning alcoholic through her twenties and early thirties. In her thirties, her drinking took on a dark shift. She was suicidal and she knew that she had to save herself and get some help. Jenn had to be brutally honest with herself. She was asking the wrong people for help. Her internal and external worlds were completely opposed.

Jenn had multiple attempts at sobriety. She worked with a therapist for two years and real change began. The accountability of Café RE reinforced her commitment to sobriety. She is now a recovery coach.

Odette’s Summary

Odette reminds us that change starts with us. If you are waiting for things to change, for people to change, for life to change, you may be waiting for a long time. Recovery is our responsibility. Everything that we wish to see in others needs to start with us. Be the person you wish everyone around you was and see how life can change.

“I really think the secret to being loved is to love. And the secret to being interesting is being interested. And the secret to having a friend is being a friend.”

Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

Holiday 2021 AF Survival Guide

Stock up on your favorite AF beverages or another type of treat.
Begin a new healthy practice that you enjoy.
Develop a detailed craving game plan.
FOMO to JOMO - Pick an upcoming event and sit it out.
Select a Holiday Theme Song.
Pick your Thanksgiving beverage of choice and enjoy
One minute of intense mindfulness
Sticky Note - Write a reminder, affirmation, or goal on a sticky note and place it somewhere where you’ll see it each day
Have a fun escape plan
Offer to do the dishes
Study your why’s
Rest
Uno reverse card
Remind yourself you are safe
Play the tape forward
Treat yourself to a gift
Take 3 deep breaths

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Resources

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

RE 356: Play the Tape Forward Dec 13, 2021

Episode 356 – Play the Tape Forward

Today we have Ashley. She is 35 from Orange County, CA, and took her last drink on January 7, 2006.

Registration is now open for Restore, which begins January 1, 2022. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/restore/

Café RE: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/cafere/

Highlights from Paul

Paul encourages you to check in with yourself about your feelings about your AF journey. There are more recovery modalities than ever. Keep searching for the one that works for you. This week’s tips are: Play the tape forward. Treat yourself to a gift. Take three deep breaths into the lower lobes of the lung.

Drinking served a purpose for you initially. Alcohol suppresses your inner turmoil: It gives you a sense of calm. As you continue to suppress those voices, they grow louder, and you must drink more to make those feelings go away. If you continue to override your internal guidance system, you live life truly blind, and nothing of significance takes place. When do the miracles of sobriety occur? Day 1, day 500? It’s up to you to find out. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/meditations/

Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

[12:45] Ashley took her last drink on January 7, 2006. She is married, has twin boys, and in 2010 co-founded an SV start-up that offers online outpatient addiction treatment. She has a podcast called the courage to change. https://www.lionrock.life/couragetochangepodcast She is finishing her MBA, loves yoga, the outdoors, reading and comedy. Since she got sober at 19, she has been revisiting fun at her current stage of life.

Ashley’s first drink was a beer she stole from her parents’ fridge, and it took her a week to finish it. She felt like she was born with her skin too tight and always believed she was too much. She tried to make herself into what others wanted her to be.

Ashley hired alcohol and drugs to do a job for her to make her feel okay and want to be on the planet. By age 14, she was addicted to cocaine. Through a boyfriend, she got addicted to heroin. She was sent to several lockdown programs that were popular in early 2000. She couldn’t stay sober in treatment. She would create disasters, leave, and change treatment centers. She eventually left treatment and decided to drink instead of doing drugs.

In 2006 she started going to AA meetings, listening, and letting go of her old ideas, which was hard to do. Her life became different when she let others help her and did what they said. She went to college, had relationships, and started a company.

Instagram: @sobermomsquad ; https://www.lionrockrecovery.com/

Ashley went to meetings four days a week in early sobriety and participated in the fellowship. Ashley did not heal her trauma in 12-step; therapy was essential for Ashley to do the work. A young people’s AA group in So CA allowed her to meet some great young people, and they partied without the alcohol. She has been reinventing her recovery since having children.

Odette’s Summary

Where do I feel safe enough to be my best calm self?

Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

Holiday 2021 AF Survival Guide

Stock up on your favorite AF beverages or another type of treat.
Begin a new healthy practice that you enjoy.
Develop a detailed craving game plan.
FOMO to JOMO - Pick an upcoming event and sit it out.
Select a Holiday Theme Song.
Pick your Thanksgiving beverage of choice and enjoy
One minute of intense MINDFULNESS
Sticky Note - Write a reminder, affirmation, or goal on a sticky note and place it somewhere where you’ll see it each day
Have a fun escape plan
Offer to do the dishes
Study your why’s
Play the tape forward
Buy yourself a gift
Take three deep breaths

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Resources

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

RE 355: The Uno Reverse Card Dec 06, 2021

Episode 355 – the Uno reverse card.

Today we have Rocio. She is 42, from Washington state, and took her last drink on August 31, 2020.

Registration is now open for Restore which begins January 1,2022. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/restore/

Highlights from Paul

Paul reminds you if you drank over Thanksgiving or your sobriety plans aren’t going so hot, don’t kick the bucket to January or to the next holiday season.

This week’s tips from Paul include: 1) rest, 2) Uno reverse card – remember that most criticisms and judgments have nothing to do with you, 3) remind yourself that you are physically safe. Much of our addiction is tied to an overactive nervous system that prevents us from departing from the fight or flight emotions.

When we’re drinking, there is no time left to create, to explore, to discover, to get to know, or reflect upon. Instead, we are picking up the pieces, sometimes trying to put the pieces together from the night before. Much of this behavior is the body seeking safety and refuge from situations that may have occurred decades ago. Relax and let your inner guidance take over. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/meditations/

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[11:29] Rocio took her last drink August 31, 2020. Rocio is married with three sons and lives in Edmonds, WA. Rocio had an abusive marriage and had the courage to leave her marriage. Her drinking wasn’t a huge issue until the last 6 years. As her kids started to grow, she became part of the mommy wine culture and alcohol was part of everything from sports events to PTA meetings and family gatherings.

She noticed she was starting to plan around events. Her husband was concerned, and always approached her with an attitude of help. Rocio didn’t have a turn-off switch and she had some self-sabotaging characteristics. She described that hamster wheel of parenthood, work, and fun. Alcohol helped her numb.

Breaking her hip at a bike race became a turning point. She didn’t stop drinking but had to learn to walk again and the recovery took a year. Rocio was sober curious and did several dry January’s. During a family vacation, she had some great insights about the role alcohol played in her family including some questions from her son. About six months into sobriety, she started to get real clarity on her relationships and how she thinks. Connection, accountability, quit lit, boundaries and self-care were great tools. Her marriage is amazing, and she has great support.

Odette’s Summary

Odette reminds us to protect our energy during the holiday season. Give yourself permission to take care of you.

Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

Holiday 2021 AF Survival Guide

Stock up on your favorite AF beverages or another type of treat.
Begin a new healthy practice that you enjoy.
Develop a detailed craving game plan.
FOMO to JOMO - Pick an upcoming event and sit it out.
Select a Holiday Theme Song.
Pick your Thanksgiving beverage of choice and enjoy
One minute of intense mindfulness
Sticky Note - Write a reminder, affirmation, or goal on a sticky note and place it somewhere where you’ll see it each day
Have a fun escape plan
Offer to do the dishes
Study your why’s
Rest
Uno reverse card
Remind yourself you are safe

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RE 354: Holiday Survival Kit Nov 29, 2021

Episode 354

Today we have Cordell. He is 38, from North Dakota, and took his last drink on December 6, 2017.

Highlights from Odette

Odette has some helpful hints to contribute to Paul’s Holiday Survival Guide. Odette suggests 1) have a fun escape plan, 2) offer to do the dishes, 3) dig into your arsenal of why’s.

Beyond tips, Odette suggests really focusing on effective communications. Set expectations in advance, particularly with those closest to you so they understand you are committed to staying sober, even if it means leaving early. You don’t have to burn the ships either, you can reference plans early the next day. Odette says having a puppy is a great reason to leave a party early.

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[6:05] Cordell took his last drink December 6, 2017. He is 38 and has a wife and 3 kids. He spends lots of time chasing kids and he works in a coal mine. Sobriety is the best choice he ever made.

Cordell was raised in a Christian family with lots of family gatherings in a small town with lots of alcohol. Taking a sip of his parents’ drink was common. In high school, alcohol was a given, part of the norm. Cordell didn’t drink to have fun; he drank to get wasted. He started working as a welder and drinking was part of the routine.

At 22 he decided he needed help. He smoked pot and took other drugs, and it had a spiraling effect. He went to a 30-day Intensive Outpatient program. He was sober for almost a year and decided he had it under control. He would drink 1-2 beers at a party and “drink responsibly”.

At 24, his girlfriend was pregnant. He wasn’t ready to be a father and his drinking really took off. He lost his job, his friends, his car and was at rock bottom. He met his son for the first time when he was 3 months old. Meeting his son encouraged him to clean up his act a bit. He quit taking drugs but continued to drink. He moved in with his girlfriend, got a job and maintained as a functioning alcoholic. His daughter was born two years later. Almost immediately after his daughter was born, his girlfriend was pregnant again.

Cordell was often put in jail for fighting with his girlfriend. He eventually got a job at the coal mine. He and his girlfriend got married. His drinking slowed, but extra income became an opportunity to start taking drugs again. He was fired after a random drug screen. His drinking and using escalated and his wife kicked him out. He moved in with a buddy who was also drinking and drugging.

Ultimately, he went to rehab. The withdrawal was hell, but he found new tools to have fun, and started to surround himself with healthy people. Now he coaches wrestling, volleyball and is actively engaged with his kids. He talks to his sponsor daily and he has learned how to apologize.

Kris’s Summary

Kris reminds us our path isn’t linear. He speaks about binging on feelings and emotions. He is physically and emotionally exhausted. Kris encourages us to shift our thinking an reframe recovery as a gift. We learn how to feel and sit with our feelings, know they aren’t permanent and move forward. Stick with it!

Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

Holiday 2021 AF Survival Guide

Stock up on your favorite AF beverages or another type of treat.
Begin a new healthy practice that you enjoy.
Develop a detailed craving game plan.
FOMO to JOMO - Pick an upcoming event and sit it out.
Select a Holiday Theme Song.
Pick your Thanksgiving beverage of choice and enjoy
One minute of intense MINDFULNESS
Sticky Note - Write a reminder, affirmation, or goal on a sticky note and place it somewhere where you’ll see it each day
Have a fun escape plan
Offer to do the dishes
Study your why’s

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Resources

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RE 353: It's a Week to be Thankful Nov 22, 2021

Episode 353 – It’s a Week to be Thankful

Today we have Jan. She is from Connecticut and took her last drink on February 1, 2021.

Restore – intensive on-online dry January 15 session course. Registration opens 12/1/21.
Costa Rica starts January 15. Email kate@recoveryelevator.com to get on waiting list.
AF Sober Ukulele (8 week) course starts 2/5/2022. Registration opens January 7th.
Denver Retreat (3/31 – 4/2) Register: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/denver/

Café RE donated $15,094.73 to organizations and non-profits geared towards helping those affected by addiction.

Highlights from Paul

Paul is encouraging listeners to develop a game plan for the holidays. Last week he encouraged us to: 1) create a detailed craving plan, 2) turn FOMO into JOMO by saying no and, 3) pick a holiday theme song.

Paul shares that when we make the decision to not drink, an unbelievable amount of energy is released. This is less about staying away from alcohol and more about creating a life that doesn’t require alcohol. When we’re drinking there is no space mentally for this new life.

This week Paul encourages us to: 1) select a Thanksgiving AF beverage, 2) schedule one minute of intense mindfulness and, 3) sticky note – write a reminder, goal or affirmation and put it somewhere you can see it.

Remember what the holiday is all about, being grateful for all the gifts we have including the adversity that inspired us to go alcohol free. Paul’s pep talks can be found here: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/meditations/

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[14:34] Jan took her last drink 2/1/2021. She is 71 years old and has a son. She is a massage therapist, health coach, dog sitter and loves hiking, audiobooks, and photography.

Jan started drinking went she went to school overseas in Italy. It was part of the culture. She drank and experimented with drugs through college. She had serious health consequences because of her drinking. She worked at several resorts and met her husband who loved to drink. Jan went to AA and stayed sober for four years. She returned to drinking for twenty years.

She struggled with mental health issues, anxiety, and panic attacks. She spent a lot of time in psychiatric hospitals and was encouraged not to drink. Jan went to 4 or 5 different treatment centers. The tipping point came when her son pushed her to quit. Jan pretended to take Antabuse in front of her son and maintaining the facade was exhausting. A friend of her son’s recommended Café RE; the connection she found within Café RE was very helpful.

Jan loves “We are the Luckiest” by Laura McKowen and recalls hearing, “find a room that works and stick with it,” and that resonated for her. She steers clear of situations where people are drinking alcohol. The obsession has lifted.

Odette’s Summary

Odette reflects on Café Re’s recent regionals event. The theme was acceptance. Odette reads a beautiful passage from Melody Beattie about acceptance. https://melodybeattie.com/acceptance-2/

Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

Holiday 2021 AF Strategy Guide

Stock up on your favorite AF beverages or another type of treat.
Begin a new healthy practice that you enjoy.
Develop a detailed craving game plan.
FOMO to JOMO - Pick an upcoming event and sit it out.
Select a Holiday Theme Song.
Pick your Thanksgiving beverage of choice and enjoy
One minute of intense MINDFULNESS
Sticky Note - Write a reminder, affirmation, or goal on a sticky note and place it somewhere where you’ll see it each day

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Resources

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

RE 352: Allow the Deeper You To Emerge Nov 15, 2021

Episode 352 – Allow the deeper you to emerge

Today we have Kendall. He is 30, from Texas, and took his last drink on March 13, 2021.

Paul shares some personal insights on the growth of Recovery Elevator.

Highlights from Paul

Paul resumes the discussion about having a game plan for the holidays. He reminds us that alcohol can have catastrophic effects.

A recap from last week: 1) Accountability, 2) Stock up on AF beverages, 3) Begin a new healthy practice that you enjoy. Paul introduces three additional concepts: 1) Develop a cravings plan and get specific, 2) JOMO – find something this holiday season to say “no” to and savor the new boundary, 3) Pick your holiday theme song.

When you begin the journey in a life without alcohol, an incredible thing begins to take place. You get to experience a transformation that allows the deeper you to emerge. You get to know yourself, your true and authentic self, your needs, wants, desires and more. Paul encourages us to listen to the inner voice and the guidance it provides to tell us what we need, when we need it and how to get it. Our inner voice will help us to fully live a human life with all its ups and downs. When we are true to our authentic selves, we get to embrace the full palette of human emotions, we learn to stand up for ourselves and learn to create a life that no longer involves alcohol.

Listen to the pep talk segment here: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/meditations/

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[10:11] Kendall took his last drink 3/13/2021. He is 30 years old and has a young daughter and enjoys skate boarding. Kendall started drinking at age 14. He smoked, drank, and hung out with his friends. He didn’t drink frequently, but every time he did, he got very drunk.

Kendall’s sober journey began NYE 2019 when he was going through his divorce. He didn’t want to be “that guy” who drowned himself in alcohol. He thought he was healed at 50 days. He was out of control. His drinking escalated dramatically. He would quit for a day, but he was having fun. At some point he reflected on his behavior. His ex-wife sent him pictures of empty bottles she found in the house. Kendall realized he was resentful at his wife for not letting him drink the way he wanted to. Kendall hid his drinking. He used it as an outlet to escape his depression.

Odette found Kendall through his participation in the Café RE roll call. She watched him start to count days. In April 2020, Kendall found RE. He was in lockdown and still drinking daily. Kendall connected with Paul’s energy on the RE podcast. He tricked himself through several day ones and eventually he hit a day 3, then a day 7, then a day 27. He used the term, “field research” as a pass to drink. Publicly posting on his social media helped him gain accountability and receive love.

Kendall’s skating friends are incredibly supportive of his sobriety. They have come to his house when he was having cravings. Now Kendall is more emotionally aware. Kendall’s cravings are nostalgia cravings. His slip-ups have created a strong foundation for him to stay sober. Dating is hard because everybody wants to meet for a drink. He was falling apart one day, and he got support from his community and they helped him through.

Odette’s Summary

If you are on the struggle bus right now, hold on! Bad days and low emotions are part of the journey. Just when you are completely overwhelmed and spiraling, you will have a normal day. Emotions do level out and the intensity dissipates. Hold on! Know that you will turn a corner soon. Reach out for help. Slow and steady wins the race.

Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

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RE 351: Strength and Courage Nov 08, 2021

Episode 351 – Strength and Courage

Today we have Tom. He is 47, from Bozeman, MT, and took his last drink on September 24, 2019.

Café RE’s annual on-line conference called Regionals starts Friday 11/12-13/2021. This is a Café RE members’ only free event. This will include yoga, sound healing, meditations, and breakout rooms. Go to:

www.recoveryelevator.com promo code: opportunity for more info.

Highlights from Paul

Paul shares some helpful hints from listeners to develop a game plan for the holidays. There are 54 days left in 2021 and Paul is encouraging you to start now with your plan to ditch the booze.

1) Accountability – get an accountability partner. Café RE members’ email: info@recoveryelevator.com with your name, age, location, male or female, and date of last drink and KMac will get you paired. If you are going somewhere for a holiday gathering, let the host know you won’t be drinking and ask them not to offer you any alcohol. 2) Stock up and treat yourself to AF beverages (+chocolate +ice cream). 3) Begin a new healthy practice that you enjoy, so your focus isn’t on what you are giving up, but on doing more of something you enjoy.

Paul reminds us to practice new habits including listening to music when you get triggered. Listen to some of Paul’s favorites here: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/meditations/

If you find yourself overwhelmed with getting or staying sober, remind yourself that up until this moment, everything has worked out just fine. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Nobody does. Your job is to keep moving forward and making progress. But not aimlessly. When we remove alcohol, we also remove the veil of illusion. At first this is lonely and scary. This allows us to be more authentic. Give this life reboot some time. Trust me. Trust yourself.

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[11:52] Tom took his last drink on September 24, 2019. He is 47, a surgical nurse and is married with two kids. He loves fly fishing, snowboarding, running, live music, hiking cooking, playing guitar and yo yo’s.

Tom came from a long history of drinkers. Tom was a victim of sexual assault and bullying. He didn’t drink regularly until late high school/early college. He described never feeling comfortable in his own skin. Drinking helped him overcome that discomfort. Tom’s drinking ramped up in college. He also smoked pot and was never a normal drinker.

At age 30, Tom made a career change and went to nursing school with the goal of being a family man. He became a surgical nurse and has been in the field ever since. After moving to Bozeman, the effects of years of drinking started to take their toll. He drank to black out, drank and drove and hid his drinking. He quit once on his own for two months, then drank for another five years. After a difficult conversation with his wife, he quit drinking the next day.

Tom described living a double life because his behavior at work and at home were completely different.

Tom leveraged AA to help him quit drinking for good. He went to meetings daily, got a sponsor, embraced spirituality, worked the steps, and did what he was told.

Tom can be himself now. He loves his job; has become a leader and he is no longer depressed. His marriage and his relationship with his children is better. He is making new friends and repairing old relationships.

Odette’s Summary

Odette discusses moving toward your values to give you a new framework to evaluate your life and your sobriety.

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RE 350: What's up Holidays Nov 01, 2021

Episode 350 – What’s up holidays?

Today we have Blazik. He is 28, from Kansas, and took his last drink on July 25,2021.

Café RE’s annual on-line conference called Regionals starts 11/12-13/2021. This is a Café RE members’ only free event. This will include yoga, sound healing, meditations, and breakout rooms. Go to www. Recoveryelevator.com promo code: opportunity for more info.

Café RE just made a $5149 donation to the McShin Foundation. 10% of all Café RE monthly memberships go towards a nonprofit geared towards helping those affected by addiction. The McShin Foundation helps those struggling with addiction get access to detox facilities, sober living, transitional recovery houses and more. https://mcshin.org/

Highlights from Paul

Paul addresses the gauntlet of challenges coming up in the next sixty days, specifically Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s. The holidays often spike anxiety. Paul suggests it’s time to create a game plan to enjoy your first of many AF holidays.

Challenges create opportunities. There is an opportunity to rewrite the script and create a new norm for the holidays. There are opportunities for self-love, self-reflection, self-care and putting the self aside. There are also opportunities for connection. Building deeper human connections requires us to exercise our vulnerability muscles. This is an opportunity to be less reactive, go with the flow and practice mindfulness. It is also a great time to be of service and give without expecting anything in return. It is an opportunity to set boundaries with yourself, your loved ones, and people in the supermarket. There is also an opportunity of the unknown, a time of repose and perhaps a chance to address loneliness.

Paul believes you can do this. It starts with how you view it. Simply reframing challenges to opportunities is a great start. Lean in on this podcast, Café RE or whatever it takes so you do not go through this alone. Willpower is not enough to stay sober. Paul will provide more tools to help you build a game plan. This year is your opportunity to enjoy sober holidays.

Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

[9:47] Blazik took his last drink on July 25, 2021. He is 28, single and has his own podcast. He makes videos, music and is learning the guitar. He spends a lot of time burning energy with his dog so he can enjoy down time.

Blazik experienced anxiety through his childhood. He was high performing as an athlete and homecoming king. He acted like the person he wanted to be but was filled with anxiety. He drank to overcome anxiety and drinking made the feeling go away temporarily. Alcohol made him feel and act the way he wanted to. From age 17-27 he drank daily.

The effects of alcohol began to take their toll on him physically. He woke up regularly at 2-3AM with heart palpitations or anxiety attacks. He couldn’t overcome the fatigue without drinking again. He listened to several episodes of the RE podcast and decided to explore not drinking. He went 38 days on his first attempt to get sober. He drank again and found himself drinking when he didn’t want to, but he had to feel like himself. He loved the instant fix.

Blazik says that concerts, vibing and dancing are still fun AF, and you can remember the event! He is really enjoying learning to be present. He loves looking and stars and listening to music. He has learned that he doesn’t need alcohol to be creative or to make music.

Kris’s Summary

Kris talks about control and rejection. If he lives for the approval of others, he will die from their rejection, and exhausted from the chase. He is working on being authentically himself and that he is enough.

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RE 349: The Inner Voice Oct 25, 2021

Episode 349 – The Inner Voice.

Today we have Tara. She is 37, from Canada, and took her last drink on February 20, 2019.

Café RE’s annual on-line conference called Regionals starts 11/12-13/2021. This is a Café Re members only free event. This will include yoga, sound healing, meditation, and break outs rooms. Go to: www.recoveryelevator.com promo code: opportunity.

Highlights from Paul

Paul talks about his inner voice and how it failed him as he was trying to stack days in early sobriety. Inner narration can tell you in your own voice that it is okay to drink. It’s a subconscious voice. Paul advises that the first step is to be aware of the voice. Then you need to create distance between that voice and the first drink. Inner narration isn’t you, it’s a bundle of thoughts. Over time, you can let the space build between the thought and the drink so you can change your thinking. Gaze at the stars, look up and take a breath.

Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

[10:37] Odette welcomes Tara

Tara took her last drink February 20, 2019. She lives in Montreal and has learned to enjoy life – everything she does is for fun. She is a voice actress and podcaster.

Tara described her relationship with alcohol as a product of self-loathing and rejecting herself. She took her first drink at 12. She was well adjusted and had her needs met at the time. She didn’t drink again until 15 when she was unhappy, depressed and feeling alienated. Alcohol filled a need to replace herself. A major shift happened when she was 18 and she took her drinking to another level – drinking in the morning and drinking alone. Alcohol became her primary relationship until she got sober. Alcohol was linked with everything she did. She had a lot of self-pity and thought the world was against her. She felt like she belonged at the bottom. Pain felt normal, like home.

Tara went to 12 different inpatient rehabs. She would start to feel better and didn’t know how to deal with feeling better. Learning to care for herself emotionally was a big challenge. Even some basic tasks were a challenge. She escaped through relationships with men or would obsess about her looks to avoid facing herself.

She took pride in not being a good person. She became a villain in her own story. She put her family and friends through a lot. She relapsed frequently and made false promises to herself and other people. She is amazed her family is still supporting her recovery. During her last stay in rehab, she was there for 12 days and had to leave because she had been so many times. Post rehab she went through the motions and went to meetings, got a sponsor, and did the things she was told to do without running the show. Her parents breathalyzed her which helped her become accountable.

Early recovery was a challenge. Tara felt like a fraud and didn’t have confidence in her own ability not to relapse. Her brain was in a constant frenzy, and she had a partner who was struggling with addiction. She felt privileged to be able to do full time recovery for several months. She has learned to have a sense of humor about cravings or crazy thoughts. She focuses now on how she shows up in the world. She has expanded her spiritual practice and is learning to be consistent. Tara has learned to enjoy her own company. Her goal is to show up in her life in a way she can be proud of every day.

Odette’s Summary

What does bravery mean to you? You can choose to ride or not ride a roller-coaster. The brave choice is the one that rings true to you; the choice that aligns with your values, inner knowing and truth. Choosing to live an alcohol-free life is a huge act of bravery. Sobriety can be lonely, but bravery means standing up for yourself and advocating yourself, even when peers may pressure you to do otherwise.

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RE 348: We Don't Plug In Oct 18, 2021

Episode 348 – We don’t plug in.

Today we have Kerry. She is 31, from Philadelphia, and took her last drink on January 2,2021.

Recovery Elevator is going to be Denver Colorado at the Hilton Garden inn at Union Station. New Dates: March 31 – April 2. Register: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/denver/

Paul will be teaching a ukulele 101 course in February 2022. https://recoveryelevator.com/events

Highlights from Paul

Humans don’t plug in like a phone with a charger, however we do recharge. In the 21st century we are pulled in many different directions. Addictions are adaptive behaviors that manifest in unhealthy, stressful environments, especially when we are running on empty.

Paul offers some practical ways for us to recharge including go barefoot on the earth/grass, eat live foods 2x a day, eat less frequently, sleep more, nap, read a good book, socialize with other sober people, get out in nature, do something that brings you joy, and JOMO (joy of missing out) – skip those stressful events. Recharging takes practice. Remind yourself that it is a gift you are giving yourself.

Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

[11:30] Odette welcomes Kerry

Kerry took her last drink January 2, 2021. She is a registered dietician, is married and has two cats. Her side hustle includes several books and mocktails. See: https://thesoberdietitians.com/ Instagram:thesoberdieticians

Kerry didn’t start drinking until college. She did drink wine. She was given an opportunity to write a mocktail book with her friend, Diana for pregnant women. As with many, her drinking increased in 2020. She was drinking daily.

Kerry read a lot about the rise of alcohol use during the pandemic. She and her friend, Diana were writing their 2nd book and began linking alcohol and health. Kerry started looking at her own relationship with alcohol. She completed a 30-day AF challenge. She returned to drinking but drank mindfully. She and Diana completed another 30-day challenge together. They explored several AF options. Diana quit drinking entirely and Kerry’s drinking diminished. Kerry celebrated a friend’s engagement with champagne and that was her last drink. She learned so much about alcohol as an author and realized she didn’t need alcohol anymore.

Kerry didn’t love the feeling that came with drinking alcohol. She realized that she couldn’t accomplish as much when she was hungover. She also realized how prevalent alcohol is on TV or in movies. We normalize problematic drinking.

She and her husband have enjoyed taking the sober curious journey together. She misses red wine and pumpkin beer and hasn’t found a great AF alternative to either yet. She is tempted to return to drinking, but her current plan is to stay AF. She served AF options including a signature mocktail at her wedding.

Kerry has become aware that ethanol is a carcinogen and has become more mindful about the ramifications of drinking while pregnant. She is concerned that we promote red wine as being heart healthy when we can’t measure how much of the antioxidants enter the body. She has made great connections with the sober and sober curious people on social media.

Odette’s Summary

Odette has been sober for nearly three years. She recognizes she is imposing a fair number of expectations on herself specific to what her recovery should look like. She encourages us not to beat ourselves up. Use the tools that are working for you.

Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

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RE 347: Can You Quit Drinking in Unhealthy Environments? Oct 11, 2021

Episode 347 – Can you heal in the same environment you became sick?

Today we have Frank. He is 42, from Omaha, and took his last drink on May 22,2021.

Recovery Elevator is going to be Denver Colorado at the Hilton Garden inn at Union Station April 14th- 17th. Registration goes live this Friday, October 15th. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/denver/

Highlights from Paul

Can you heal in the same environment you became sick in? Yes, but you can’t use the same consciousness or thinking that got you into the mess in the first place. There is a line that goes, when you quit drinking you don’t have to change much, you have to change everything. The key is, not all at once. Paul describes three critical changes: awareness, boundaries and staying in the body (don’t disassociate).

You are gaining strength. Adversity makes you stronger. You are healing and as you heal, those around you will heal as well.

Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20

[10:38] Odette welcomes Frank

Frank to his last drink May 22, 2021. He is married with two children, and he works in medical staffing. He is a foodie, loves sports and playing guitar.

Frank started drinking in high school. It was a rite of passage at the time. He never had an off switch and could always outdrink everyone else. His tolerance increased. In his mid 30’s he noticed the hangovers getting worse and he was eating shame meals. By his 40’s the hangovers lasted two days and it wasn’t fun.

Frank was never a violent drunk. He was a raging jerk during recovery because he felt so terrible. His hangovers became progressively worse. He could barely get water down. Frank was good at covering up his drinking. He was sober for 30 days a few years ago and celebrated with a drink. His drinking progressed from there.

Frank’s turning point came during his anniversary dinner when his withdrawal symptoms were so intense, he was shaking, sweating, felt faint and nauseous. He knew something had to change; he wrote a four-page letter to his wife, spoke with his counselor, and found Recovery Elevator. His Dad and his brother were good sources during early recovery as they are both in recovery. Listening to podcasts and playing the tape forward helped.

Managing through sober “firsts” this year (college football, golf, concerts, 3-day weekends) has been a win.

A self-described weekend warrior, Frank enjoyed the sensation of alcohol, but never drank to escape anything; he just wanted to fit in. He used koozie cup holders to avoid questions from his drinking buddies.

He is now open about his recovery and his friends and family check in regularly and have let him know how proud they are of him. He now observes others drinking to excess and is relieved he doesn’t have to do that anymore.

Frank said his relationships are all positive. He loves waking up rested and he appreciates the memories he is creating with his kids. Frank and his wife are doing better.

Odette’s Summary

Odette reminds us, “we are doing this”. Alcohol works until it doesn’t. It dims the good and the bad. Learning to stay present during uncomfortable moments give us an opportunity to grow.

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RE 346: There is No Manual Oct 04, 2021

Episode 346 – There is no manual

Today we have Kathryn. She us 58, from North Dakota, and took her last drink on February 19, 2002.

Highlights from Odette

There is no manual for recovery. We have tools, guidance, but no guaranteed formula for success. Learning to manage that uncertainty can be challenging, but it's normal. Be gentle with yourself and others.

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[07:18] Kris welcomes Kathryn Burgum, the First Lady of North Dakota. Kathryn has over 19 years of sobriety.

Kathryn’s first drink was at age 8. There was lots of alcohol in her household and her parents were regular drinkers. In high school, Kathryn struggled with anxiety and depression; drinking was her nirvana because it gave her some relief. She had her first blackout in high school, and they continued for twenty years.

Kathryn experienced many consequences due to her drinking; the loss of self-respect was at the top of her list. Getting a DUI pushed her to begin recovery.

Kathryn made several deals with herself about regulating her drinking. She never kept those promises, because if she thought about drinking, she did. The only choice she had was to start drinking …. In the end, she lost the choice about drinking.

As Kathryn’s drinking progressed, she was hung over every day. She was unable to control her drinking. When asked if she should be driving, she would respond that she was fine, because she didn’t want people to think she had a problem with alcohol.

Kathryn worked in HR and drug tested employees. When she got a DUI, it was published in the local newspaper. Someone blew it up and posted it at work. The shame kept her from admitting her problem. She didn’t want to ask for help because she was concerned about what others would think.

Kathryn recognized she was suicidal almost every time she drank; she had undiagnosed depression.

As a result of her DUI, she had to undergo a mandatory evaluation and went to outpatient treatment that was unsuccessful. She went to Mayo Clinic for ten days and stayed sober for two years. Over a period of 8 years, she quit and relapsed several times.

Kathryn’s turning point came when she was walking and asked, “Is there anybody out there? If there is, I need help.” She has been sober ever since. Slowly recovery became her life. She found a community, began feeling better, and engaged a recovery coach. She credits recovery with saving her life.

Kathryn now takes medication for her depression, reads meditations daily and connects with her God.

When her husband, Gov. Doug Burgum, announced that he wanted to run for governor, she had some concerns. They had candid conversations about boundaries during the campaign.

Kathryn made a conscious decision to talk about her recovery because of the opioid crisis and it became a platform she and her husband share. Recovery Reinvented is an annual free conference.

Every week Kathryn has an opportunity to help someone who is struggling with addiction. Helping others helps her stay sober. After 8 years of relapse, she was losing hope. Through faith she knows there is always hope for sobriety and recovery.

Recovery Reinvented 2021 is on 10/25/21. Register to attend in person or online. www.recovery reinvented.com.

Kris’s Summary

What could your voice do? We don’t know the impact that comes with sharing our experience. I’m over the stigma; I am here to grow.

First Lady Kathryn Burgum can be found: Facebook (@FirstLadyND & @RecoveryND), Twitter (@FirstLadyND & @Recovery_ND), and Instagram (@firstladynd). Prior Recovery Reinvented speakers, award recipients, and segments can be found at www.youtube.com/recoveryreinvented.

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RE 345: The Neuroscience of Addiction Part II Sep 27, 2021

Episode 345– The Neuroscience of Addiction Part II

Today we have Stacy Jo, she is 34 years old, from Oregon and took her last drink on March 6, 2020.

Highlights from Paul

Paul wants to know your interest in a alcohol-free Ukulele 101 course. If you are interested please email info@recoveryelevator.com.

Paul provides part 2 of highlights of a podcast with Rich Roll speaking with Dr. Anna Lembke. Rich Roll Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jziP0CEgvOw.

Dr. Lembke talks about how it’s a known fact that when we are in our addiction, we can’t accurately see the consequences or what’s taking place. With abstinence, we can look back and say, OH MY

The interview focuses a lot on dopamine and why addiction has been on the rise for 30 years. Being smart or highly educated doesn’t make you immune to addiction, in fact, it might even backfire because you think you know everything. More than 1/2 the world's deaths, under the age of 50, are attributable to addiction. Rates of alcoholism have gone up 50% for those aged 65 and up from the late 90’s to today and have gone up 80% in women. Traditionally the rates for alcoholics were 5:1 for men to women. With Millennials, it’s now 1:1. There are more burdens on women now than ever.

Dr. Lemke recommends a 30 day dopamine fast. But a huge warning of withdrawals for alcohol and benzodiazepines. How to do this? Well, we’ve got 345 episodes now on the HOW, but the trick is to go into the pain. Head into the storm (episode 341) and Forgive yourself.

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[12:41] Stacy Jo took her last drink on March 6, 2020. She lives in Eugene, OR. with her partner of 15 years. Her primary hobby is anything that has to do with yarn. She has worked in the restaurant industry for 20 years until the pandemic hit, she recently was just at the University of Oregon.

Around the age of 20, after a breakup and miscarriage, Stacy Jo feels there was a switch in her drinking. That was the same time her service industry career normalized and it all went hand in hand.

In 2018 Stacy Jo started some serious attempts to quit drinking but it wasn’t until the beginning of the pandemic in 2020 that she was able to get good footing.

Stacy Jo joined Café RE when she was around 4 months sober and says she did it as a reward for herself.

She says her partner hated her drinking, and that it became a pretty big division between the two of them. Stacy Jo also got a Driving While Ability Impaired (right below a DUI) when she was 28.

She feels like she slept the 1st three months of sobriety. She treated herself like a toddler and allowed herself to sleep and snack.

Stacy Jo is grateful for the pandemic and her restaurant shutting down. It allowed her to get away from the normalcy that is part of the service industry and to have the space to get on solid ground.

She does not get cravings any longer, but says she is not so cocky to say that she won’t again.

Odette’s Summary

Odette reminds us that change starts with us. Recovery is our responsibility.

Remember you are not alone and together is always better.

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RE 344: The Neuroscience of Addiction Sep 20, 2021

Episode 344– The Neuroscience of Addiction

Today we have Bill. He is 61, from Alabama, and took his last drink on April 29, 2021.

Events. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/events/ Ditch the Booze starts 9/21 at 8 PM EST.

Highlights from Paul

Paul provides part one of highlights of a podcast with Rich Roll speaking with Dr. Anna Lembke. Rich Roll Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jziP0CEgvOw.

“Persons with severe addictions are among those contemporary prophets that we ignore to our own demise for they show us who we truly are.” Dr. Lembke says that drinking is not a choice but seeking help for an addiction is a choice.

The interview focuses a lot on dopamine and why addiction has been on the rise for 30 years. American society and economy are focused on an insatiable pursuit of pleasure. Today’s marketers target the dopamine system; thus, we all struggle to find homeostasis. Addiction can show up as alcohol, social media, food, etc. Addiction is a low-grade discomfort we all have as humans. She believes we are all wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain, which works in an environment of scarcity, not our current state of abundance.

Paul reminds us we can’t study or think our way out of addiction. Community is key!

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[11:43] Bill took his last drink on April 29, 2021. He enjoys hiking, movies, sports, windsurfing, reading, and spending time with family and friends.

Bill started drinking as a teenager. He knew at spring break 30 years ago that he was a problem drinker. He drank and got buzzed every five years but wasn’t addicted. Thirty years later, Bill’s wife left, and he started drinking liqueur in the evening. He slowly became addicted, and he drank every night.

When Bill hit rock bottom, he found himself broke, living in an extended stay hotel. He scraped the floor of his room and his car to get enough money to buy a few shots.

In 2020, he joined Recovery Elevator and was a lurker until 2021.

Bill still has cravings and practices “doing 30 things” to keep him from drinking. If the cravings continue, he goes to bed. Loneliness is Bill’s biggest trigger. Ice cream and cookies also get him through.

Bill said everything got better when he stopped drinking. He is back in the gym and loves waking up without a hangover. His medications work better. The community of Café RE is crucial to Bill, and he is led and inspired by others in RE. He loves being of service and is grateful to the suggestions of others that helped him when he wanted to drink.

Bill credits Tim Grover’s books, Relentless and Winning, with changing his mindset. His takeaway was getting ‘obsessed’ with sobriety. Meditation helps his anxiety and cravings.

A friend of Bill’s told him his greatest flaw was that he didn’t like himself. He described how the “I suck” mentality brought him down. Bill made considerable strides in self-love since he quit drinking. He listens to a podcast called Unbeatable Mind and has learned to say “I love you” to himself daily, over and over. Bill believes having an accountability partner is critical to his success.

Odette’s Summary

Odette shared about a Café RE member who shared at the Bozeman retreat. The person said, ‘for a long time, I thought I didn’t matter, that my existence didn’t matter. I recognize that I matter, I belong, and I can make an impact.’

Odette reminds us, we all matter. We help each other become better and to heal. We remind each other of our value. The power of community is vital because it is rooted in love and non-judgment and a firm belief that we are whole. We are whole, even when we stumble.

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RE 343: A Brief History of Alcoholism and Treatment Sep 13, 2021

Episode 343 – A Brief History of Alcoholism and Treatment

Today we have Charlie. He is 35, from Missouri and took his last drink on July 7, 2020.

Events. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/events/ Ditch the Booze 9/21 ; Regionals 11/12-14; Costa Rica (1/15-23). https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/

Highlights from Paul

Addiction is a modern phenomenon. Alcohol has been around for centuries. Early “treatment” of alcoholics included being jailed, tortured, and often executed for being possessed by demons. As treatment has evolved, we are moving toward FLOW states. Our mental energies are redirected from addiction toward creating healthier neural connections. In the 1930’s, alcoholism was classified as a fatal medical condition. In 1935 Bill W co-founded AA. In 1949 the Hazelden Foundation was born, thus creating our modern-day rehab and treatment structures. https://www.cornerstoneofrecovery.com/a-history-of-addiction-and-addiction-treatment/

Fortunately, people are recovering from alcoholism because the stigma is softening, and people are recognizing this is more a disease of disconnection and lack of community. Check out this video of the Recovery Elevator Bozeman retreat. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFoqj3xeFUI

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[16:09] Charlie took his last drink on July 7, 2020He has been to 54 different treatment He just wrote a memoir. He writes, blogs, and enjoys experiencing life.

Charlie’s mom passed away when he was 13. He didn’t know how to handle his emotions, so he turned to substances. The emotional damage compounded over the years.

Charlie’s drinking was a result of unresolved grief and trauma, emotional damage from a succession of stepmothers, and lack of success as an actor. Charlie drank and used drugs. In 2017, his health became an issue. He started exploring detox and learned about alcoholism. In 2019 he was in his 15th IOP program, but still wasn’t surrendering.

He had to go back to Lincoln to address some legal issues. He relapsed several times; he was emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. In June of 2020, he was receptive to love and faith from his higher power. He decided to implement what he learned at the facilities he experienced. He relapsed again, but in July he realized alcohol wasn’t working for him.

Charlie maintained a job through most of his addiction which provided insurance and access to treatment. He was privileged and knows he had access to therapists and treatment modalities many don’t. He did build up a lot of medical debt.

Charlie overcomes cravings or negative emotions with music, cleaning, calling friends, visiting family. He also journals and meditates. He has learned to listen to his emotions and ask, what do you need?

Cognitively Charlie processed his trauma in treatment. He didn’t process the trauma emotionally or spiritually until he had been sober for a few months. Once he processed the trauma, he learned to love himself and heal the emotional trauma. His relationships with his dad and his sister evolved in an amazing way.

Charlie began writing in 2018 but continued drinking until 2020. His book has provided some built-in accountability. https://www.amazon.com/At-Least-Not-Frog-Alcoholism-ebook/dp/B09B5MFT1X/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_pb_opt?ie=UTF8

Charlie is a fan of gratitude list and believes that gratitude+humility=happiness. He loves travel from beach to mountains and is grateful he can remember his adventures.

Odette’s Summary

Grateful Snacking is a company that makes delicious and healthy snacks to support our journey in recovery. Grateful snacking - https://gratefulsnacking.com/

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RE 342: Do Your Part Sep 06, 2021

Episode 342 – Do Your Part

Today we have Michael. He is 43, from N. Georgia and took his last drink on January 1, 2020.

Registration for Costa Rica (January 15-23) is open. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/

Highlights from Paul

Paul discusses three elements that are critical to doing your part in recovery. Paul believes self-respect, self-love, and well-being are fundamental to healing. Doing the work is essential, and it eventually becomes embodied in your circuitry. Over time, we retrain the brain to stop self-harming with alcohol, pop tarts, and disrespect from others.

The state of our world reflects our lack of connection with ourselves, our planet, and our community. He believes a tipping point is upon us. We can help the world by fixing our internal environment, our inner pollution that results in external contamination - that is our part. The inner work (i.e., letting go of resentments) benefits others as well.

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[11:01] Michael took his last drink on January 1, 2020. He is from 43, married, and has two kids. He is a graphic designer and enjoys painting, drawing, playing music, and running.

Michael started drinking in high school. He drank to fit in and didn’t really like alcohol. He trained himself to drink. He used alcohol to celebrate, and it felt good. He now realizes he was trying to become somebody he wasn’t. In college, alcohol was everywhere, and he drank almost daily. Michael noticed early on his drinking was an issue.

Post-college, Michael didn’t want the party to stop. Free booze was a great excuse to overindulge. Alcohol and celebration went hand in hand for Michael. He began moderating when his children were about to be born. Over time, Michael continued to try moderation, and the voice in his head continued getting louder. He started looking at pictures from events he attended and realized there was no joy in his eyes because he wasn’t present for his own life. Accepting love was a real challenge for Michael. He quit drinking for an entire year but gradually returned to drinking. Michael now believes sobriety represents his authentic self, and that’s why he had to train himself to drink. Podcasts and the book “This Naked Mind” helped him understand addiction. Michael discovered Recovery Elevator, signed up and became part of the community.

Recovery is fantastic for Michael. He doesn’t need alcohol to be himself, confident, present, feel his feelings, true joy, true love, and his life is greater than he imagined it would be. He embraces his inner light and beauty as a human being. He loves his wife and his family and appreciates his RE tribe, who understand what it’s like to cope with addiction.

Michael talks to someone in recovery every day. He focuses on exercise, working the steps, and writing music to support his recovery.

Kris’ Summary

Kris spoke about learning the scientific reasons for addiction when he was in treatment. He needed to understand that addiction was about more than poor personal choices. Kris believes you can’t intellectualize your way out of addiction. Kris attended his first sober meet-up six weeks after he left treatment. He witnessed what ‘fun in sobriety’ looks like. A gathering of strangers came together to learn to live the life we were meant for can be fun and much more satisfying than addiction. The healing spirit is amazing. Shifting the energy we used to put into drinking toward a greater goal: personal growth, showing up for others and community. Kris appreciates everyone he has encountered in the RE community. I am here; I am whole. Feel it. Believe it!

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RE 341: Head Into the Storm Aug 30, 2021

Episode 341 – Head into the storm

On today’s podcast we’ve got Britt, she is 45, from California and she took her last drink on November 13, 2018.

Registration for Costa Rica (January 15-23) opens Wednesday 9/1. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/

Highlights from Paul

Solving human problems can be discovered in nature. Lone bison run away from storms in the opposite direction. Humans run away from cravings and tough life challenges. Packs of bison walk through the storm together, shoulder to shoulder. They know the quickest way to weather the storm is through. It’s vital that we work alongside others to weather the storm of addiction. Facing the storm together is fun.

[6:52] Paul shares a great story about his adventures with Britt and how much he admires how she has embraced her AF journey. Paul loves how Britt burned the ships and showed how invigorating life can be sans alcohol.

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[09:54] Britt took her last drink November 13, 2018. She loves the outdoors, hiking and music.

Britt had a slow burn into active addiction. She struggled with depression and agoraphobia in her teens. When she hit 30, she lost 100 pounds. Losing that much weight is a challenge. Drinking helped her deal with those emotions. She quit drinking after the loss of a friend and white knuckled for over a year. She went back to drinking, but it progressed. Reviewing her journals helped her to see she made multiple attempts to quit and moderate. She made a geographic change hoping for a cure. She believed her rock bottom came when she was drinking daily, then she went to work for a liquor store while looking for full time work. Cognitive dissonance was in play for two years, and she never gave up. While listening to podcasts, she tried a 30-day solution and it stuck.

Britt found that drinking gave her a tiny feeling of satisfaction that ultimately turned into shame and loathing. Control has been a theme that she is continuing to explore. Once she was able to stack some days, she leveraged journaling and Café RE retreats. Meeting other people who were also ditching the booze inspired a new level of accountability that worked. Personal integrity helped her to honor her commitment to quit drinking. Britt learned that she leveraged food, exercise, and relationships to soothe herself. Now she explores new parks or trails. Meditation has been instrumental to her sobriety. Addiction has humbled Britt, softened her relationships, and opened her to more meaningful connections.

[42:17] Britt shares a powerful journal entry. Addiction isn’t in a place, and neither is recovery. There is freedom in that.

Odette’s Summary

Odette reminds listeners that her life is messy with ups, downs, good and bad days. Keep showing up and remember you help others by showing up.

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RE 340: Give Yourself a Break Aug 23, 2021

Episode 340 – Give yourself a break

On today’s podcast we’ve got Mike, he is 36, from Fort Worth, TX and he took his last drink on September 20, 2020.

Highlights from Paul

We are incredibly hard on ourselves. The point of this episode is to give us permission to let much of that go, and to move the needle slightly on how you view yourself and the drinking.

Hating yourself for drinking, for not being able to quit drinking, for not holding the promises made to yourself, etc. isn’t productive. The shame and guilt that accompany those statements isn’t either.

Dr. Gabor Mate congratulates someone who experienced depression. Why? Because depression and anxiety are mechanisms that kick in for us to go internal and find ourselves. Give yourself a break if you experience addiction, anxiety, or depression. Use them as levers to learn to know and love yourself.

Check out Paul’s YouTube video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2mVZadRTkA&t=1s

Paul suggests not making self-love conditional or transactional. He also suggests finding healthier coping strategies. They are infinite.

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[12:44] Mike took his last drink on September 20, 2020. He is married and expecting a baby boy.

Mike’s drinking began in high school. His drinking progressed from a 12 pack of Coors Light to 2 12 packs of white claws a day. In his late twenties, he started logging his drinks on his calendar. He got married and hoped his behavior would change. He could go for a few months without drinking but was a dry drunk. He was very focused on being manly and Mike’s version of that meant he struggled being honest with himself and others. It was difficult to admit he had a problem. On the outside, things seemed fine. He was functional, but Mike’s identity was in the approval of others and how he was viewed by the world.

He quit his job to enter rehab and entered a faith base rehab program. When he returned, he was more prideful and selfish than ever before, and his marriage deteriorated. He relapsed and projected his self-pity and hate onto his wife. He knew he would drink himself to death or swallow his pride and admit himself to another rehab.

Mike entered one of the toughest rehabs in the country. There he learned the root cause of his drinking was about unresolved childhood trauma. Mike was physically taken care of, but his family emotional model taught him not to show weakness. In rehab, he was taught the 5 why’s model to deal with his unprocessed issues.

Mike starts his day with coffee and prayer. He’s in the best shape of his life and tries to treat his body as a temple. He consistently and constantly surrenders every day. He has learned to be well versed in apologizing and forgiving. Mike says it’s not easy, but pride doesn’t go with you when you die.

Mike now defines being a man as being humble. He talks about his feelings and tries to treat people the best that he can. Mike is helping others through his Instagram channel. Find him @fathfullysober.

Odette’s Summary

Odette shared a passage from Melody Beattie.

Stop doing so much, if doing so much is wearing you out or not achieving the desired results. Stop thinking so much and so hard about it. Stop worrying so about it. Stop trying to force, to manipulate, to coerce, or to make it happen.

Making things happen is controlling. We can take positive action to help things happen. We can do our part. But many of us do much more than our part. We overstep the boundaries from caring and doing our part into controlling, caretaking, and coercing. Controlling is self-defeating. It doesn't work. By overextending ourselves to make something happen, we may be stopping it from happening…

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RE 339: Does Addiction Serve a Purpose? Aug 16, 2021

Episode 339 – Does addiction serve a purpose?

On today’s podcast we’ve got Nate, he is 39, from Ohio and he took his last drink on October 9, 2015.

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My favorite part of RE is back. And I hope to see you at an upcoming event. We’ve got Costa Rica January 15-23 and then we’re in Denver Colorado April 14th -17th.

Highlights from Paul

Is addiction a disease or not? Paul says that addiction isn’t a disease, but a learned behavior that expresses itself in unhealthy environments. In unhealthy, traumatic, or lonely environments, we develop adaptive behaviors such as excessive drinking to help us cope. Check out Paul’s thoughts in more detail in the following video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKY4l7ez5pw&t=35s

Crossing the river of addition means letting go of our resentments, fears, anxieties, jealousies, attachments, and choose love. If you ride that wave of pain long enough, it will give you two choices: life or death. Thanks to the stigma which helps keep paradigms in check, we label ourselves dysfunctional, or broken. Addictions represent things that need deep healing.

People in recovery understand that love and acceptance is more important than you should be wearing a mask, or you should get vaccinated… and if you don’t, we’re no longer friends. We work together for one common goal. The rest of society is not equipped with the tools and emotional intelligence to do so.

Addictions are wake up calls. Invitations, to step into your true authentic self. Addictions give us the fast track to see that love always wins. We get there by seeing what’s not working in life. I think an addiction exists to push us back to source. To creation. To love and light.

I encourage you to stop labeling your drinking problem as bad because it’s not. And that a major waste of time energy.

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[13:11] Nate took his last drink 10/9/2015. He grew up in Ohio in a traditional Midwest family with a family. He started drinking at an early age to fit in and numb some insecurities. He realized he was gay at an early age, needed to accept himself in an environment that didn’t include role models or peers.

He recognized consequences on drinking early on with a DUI and fights at parties. When he graduated from college, his drinking shifted from social drinking to misery drinking. Nate described an era of drinking and when it became problematic. He was able to cling to career success, a great work ethic and worked in the restaurant business in a management role. He worked from home, which fed his disease. He took micro naps after starting his morning with vodka and chardonnay to continue working. He began regressing and turning inward. Nate avoided sharing his secrets. He came out to friends in high school. He lived an open life in college. It was a ten-year period before he was living an open life.

He remembers waking up with a stiff neck and that continued for several weeks. While visiting his sister, he fell to the ground, his body went limp, he lost his vision. He had a stroke at age 32 because of his drinking. The doctors didn’t ask many questions about his drinking. He spent 6 weeks in the ICU and had to learn to walk and learn to use his extremities again. His vision returned. They asked no questions about addiction, alcohol, or drugs. While in the hospital he thought daily about his first drink when he left the hospital and he stopped at the liquor store for champagne on his way home. He continued drinking after his stroke.

His best friend went into treatment, and she modeled the attraction of sobriety for him. He remembers catching himself in the mirror and he paused wondering where the last 15 years went. His sister took him to a treatment center 30 minutes later. Nate believes being able to make the decision himself and not be forced into it was important for his success. He has been entrenched in 12 Step recovery since.

Odette’s Summary

Odette described recovery as an opportunity, not a sacrifice. Creating and fostering a gratitude mindset can help you cross the bridge from being mad or sad that you can’t drink anymore to one of gratitude. Odette has a gratitude practice she uses every day.

Remember you are not alone and together is always better.

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RE 338: Old Narratives Aug 09, 2021

Episode 338 – Old Narratives

On today’s podcast we’ve got Rebecca she took his last drink on October 22, 2019, she is from Madison Wisconsin, and is 31 years old.

Finding Your Better You Highlights

When we don’t know the root of our triggers, when we don’t know the narratives that are ingrained in our brains and in our souls. We think something is wrong with us. And when we think something is wrong with us, we feel shame. Part of taking responsibility of your healing is knowing yourself, so that you can get outside of this shame cycle and can walk the bridge over to self-empathy. When I know myself better, I can zoom out and see what was happening in my mind, understand myself better and allows me to manage my relationships differently. This makes me navigate my cravings better, because mine come when I feel this belief of, I am not considered.

Look within and find some narratives that are living inside of you? Stories that live in the past, yet they are being perpetuated in your present life. We can re-write those stories. But only until we detect them.

Insights from Rebecca’s Journey

[09:18] Kris introduces Rebecca. Rebecca began drinking at age 14 and she hated it. She was afraid of drinking because her dad was in law enforcement. She noticed a shift in her drinking at age 25. In 2011, her dad went to prison and that trauma had a huge impact on her life. She was also a victim of domestic violence. She thanks alcohol for getting her through terrible times and for the life she has now. Rebecca’s drinking became all day drinking because she was isolated, alone, and bored. She would binge drink to soothe loneliness. She was falling apart, other than work.

She began listening to recovery podcasts and reached out to her employee assistance office. She entered a therapy group that helped with alcohol addiction and trauma. She was holding on some trauma from her past that became an excuse for drinking. She was stuck in a Day 1 cycle and a shame cycle. She went to rehab and detoxed from alcohol and Xanax. It was a very structured program that gave her some tools.

Learning to connect was important for Rebecca. She leaned in heavily on AA and found a local community of sober women. She is now very engaged with Café RE which has helped keep her sober. She constantly evaluates her program. She continues to suffer from anxiety and depression, but she isn’t alone anymore. She really wants to give back and is now able to do so. She always challenges the narrative recognizing that a bad day can be turned around. Rebecca said, keep it simple!

Kris’ Message

Kris is celebrating four years of continuous sobriety. He shared a quote from Marianne Williamson, “Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous. Actually, who are you not to be? Playing small does not serve the world. We born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. As we let our own light shine, we give others permission to do the same.” Take some time to recognize the work you are doing. Resist the urge to minimize yourself. You are a gift to this world. You deserve happiness.

It all starts from the inside out.

Sponsor

Exact Nature Use code RE20 at exact nature.com

Shout out to The Chocolate Moose, a Bozeman Retreat Sponsor. https://www.thechocolatemoose406.com/ @thechocolatemoose406 on Instagram

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021
You can find more information about our events including Costa Rica and Denver

Resources

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

RE 337: The Canary in the Mine Aug 02, 2021

Episode 337 – The canary in the mine.

I was open with people about my decision. I put myself out there to create a level of accountability.

Today we have Katie. She is 38, from Ohio and took her last drink July 12, 2020. This is her story of living Alcohol Free (AF).

Events!

Alcohol-free travel is back! Recovery Elevator is going to Costa Rica January 15th-23rd and you should join us. We’ve got space for 34 AF rock stars, registration opens Sept 1. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/

You can find more information about our events here.

Paul’s Intro

Native cultures believed that a sick person is like the canary in the mine and it’s the sick person who represents an imbalance in the community. Or that something is off. They also believed this person should be thanked for raising the alarm that something needs to be corrected within a community. Almost like, yo, thank you for taking one for the team.

So Contrary to today’s culture where mental illness, autoimmune disorders, and addictions are prevalent and on the rise, these environmental conditions were rare in most cultures prior to modern times. So this is what native cultures did when there was a sick canary in the community. The whole tribe came together to help this person because they knew they were all connected, that they were all one. The entire community would shoulder the cost to bring in healers from other tribes. All these ceremonies were different of course, but from I can deduce the two main commonalities were this: Music and dancing. For at least 3-4 days.

Okay, let’s tie this into alcohol. It’s in my opinion those who struggle with a drinking problem are the canaries in the mines. Side note, I was the canary in the mine in the Canary islands. I went to this set of islands located off the northwest coast of Africa in 2007 and was drunk and hungover for the whole trip. I don’t remember much from that trip, but I recall popcorn being my lifeline one afternoon because that’s all I could. That’s how hungover I was. And fun facts about Canaries, yes they do come from the Canary islands. They have yellow feathers, and occasionally eat jalapeños. Fun fact about Paul. I also occasionally eat jalapeños. We are covering some ground today team.

So in 2021, there have never been more sick canaries, and if we don’t ALL address this, then we’re toast as a species.

When I say we ALL need to address this, I mean problematic and normal drinkers. As in addiction/mental health is an external manifestation that something is highly out of balance internally with our species. This imbalance affects everyone. This is okay, it’s how we grow and evolve.

The good news is…. The Canary can heal. It will heal. You, if you’re listening to this podcast in hopes of quitting drinking, are the canary, and you will heal, just keep at it.

So how does the canary heal? I firmly believe there is no select methodology, or doctrine to follow. There is no right or wrong way to ditch the booze. There are infinite ways… But, there is one massive commonality.

Ditching the booze in 21st century doesn’t quite look like 3 full nights of ceremonial dancing under a full moon with the whole community anymore, but there are similarities.

Let’s first check out what you don’t hear when someone celebrates and alcohol-free milestone.

“Well, guys, I knew I was “fucked” so I locked myself in my room, read every quit lit book, listened to podcasts, learned how the mind works, and beat it.” I’ve yet to hear that one. Nothing even close.

What you do hear is, “I’d like to thank my best friend susan, my mom and dad, my AF community, my dog, the big oak tree in my back yard (That’s an HP reference), and all my friends who were in my corner the whole time.” Or “I couldn’t have done it without… Mike, Jim, Michelle Javier and my pet canary ralph.” Okay, I think that’s the last canary reference.

So, what does this mean? Let’s get to the point. 1. You can’t do this alone, and 2. You need community. This could be a close group or friends who know your desire to quit drinking, AA, Café RE, counselors etc. Ships need to be burned, or conversations with loved ones need to take place. Accountability is desperately needed. Even if you’re not, and I’m using air quotes, “successful” with your decision to quit drinking, you’re still developing tighter bonds and relationships in your life. According to Sebastian Junger, in his Book “Tribe” in times of crisis, people are wired to come together and help. This isn’t a kind gesture from our friends, and family, or even completely strangers; it’s biologically how we are wired. As I discussed in last episode, dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin are released when we help others. So when a drinking problem reaches a pinnacle moment, and I’d classify this as a crisis as it was for me in 2014, the people around us want to help. They need to help, it’s good for them. They need these feel good chemicals also. Denying the loved ones in your life the opportunity to help you, is doing them a disservice.

So if you’re ready to get off the merry round of hell, aka a drinking problem, two main things needs to happen. 1. You need to ask for help, 2. Receive the help. Most likely both are outside your comfort zone, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Let the drinking problem push you into connection. I feel that’s the main point of an addiction. Yes, addiction, or drinking problem serves a purpose. Everything does. That’s the topic of 339. Does addiction serve a purpose? We must first become aware of the addiction. This is the first step in I think every program involving steps, and then, open up. Yes, open up. The addiction is trying to crack you open. To find a spot where the light can enter, if you allow it.

Let’s hear from Exact Nature.

[8:42] Odette welcomes Katie

Katie took her last drink July 12, 2020. She is excited about her one-year milestone and she feels free of the prison on alcohol. She is going sky-diving to celebrate. Katie said life is still hard, but she has freedom and clarity of mind without drinking. Katie is 38 and lives in NE Ohio. She has two sons. She is an executive assistant to a CEO for a large company. She loves all things fitness and reading.

[52:17] Rapid Fire Round

What is your favorite non-alcoholic beverage?

Sparkling water (lime flavor) with lots of ice and mint.

What has been an unexpected perk along this journey?

Freedom and time that come with not planning how you will get your next drink.

What would you say to young people who are considering ditching the booze?

Don’t overcomplicate it, drinking is overrated. You have more strength than you realize. Everything in life you want to accomplish will be easier without liquor. Having a clear head, mind and a simple life without the alcohol will be the beautiful things in your life.

You might need to say adios to booze if ….

You stress months before the Christmas holiday about how you will cook the holiday meal and not drink all the wine in the house the night before.

Odette’s Summary

Very well, team RE, that wraps our interview for today. Before I say adios I want to share something with you all. I asked all of YOU on our instagram a question that I normally ask in our podcast interview and I got some amazing responses. The prompt was: What would you say to your younger self?

Here is what some of you had to say:

Live for yourself. No amount of alcohol will make him see you.
You are beautiful.
Don’t be afraid to show your true self.
You are loved, you are worth it.
You don’t have to be “THEM”
You are enough. It only matters what you think of yourself.
Drugs and alcohol don’t make you cool, being a good person does.
It’s ok to fail.
Learn to love yourself.
Being the wild party girl is not all its cracked up to be.
You are going to make mistakes. It’s inevitable. Handling the stress of it all will only be magnified a thousand if you drink about it.
I love you.
It wan’t your fault.
I see you and I am sorry you are hurting.
See yourself, hold yourself at a high value.
What you are chasing has been in your heart the whole time, not a bottle.
Everything you think alcohol is helping you achieve is false. You are being held back. You can accomplish so much more sober.
You are none of the things you say to yourself in your head.
Be as kind to yourself as you are to others.
You are allowed to feel the way you do and you don’t have to hide it to please those around you.
Let your hair grow long, let your laugh grow loud.
Take your intuition seriously.

WOW. What a list.

Remember that you are not alone, and together, is always better.

Recovery elevator, you deserve love, acceptance and belonging. We can do this.

Today’s Sponsor

BetterHelp

Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH! T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

*(https://www.my12stepstore.com/Acceptance-A-Way-to-Serenity.html?gclid=CjwKCAjwi9-HBhACEiwAPzUhHH_MXOMZLl8LTD-oZE98nSxHE2hhktBhXfpmEifPluupg-Mn8uIruxoCJUgQAvD_BwE)

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 336: Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin, & Oxytocin Jul 26, 2021

Episode 336 - Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin

I need to admit myself somewhere. I could sit here until I’m blue in the face and until I have some humility, this is not going to work.

Today we have Susan, she’s 61, she’s from Pennsylvania and took her last drink Nov 19th, 2017. This is her story of living Alcohol Free (AF).

Events!

Due to Covid we had to cancel our Costa Rica sober travel trip, and an event in Denver. Those events are back on. We’ve got an AF trip to Costa Rica January 15-23rd 2022 that includes: the cloud forest, the beach, chilling on a catamaran. Registration opens Sept 1 and we’ve got 33 spots available. April 14th -17th 2022, we’ll be in Denver Colorado at the Hilton Garden Inn at Union Station. This event will be about moving energy with music that is performed LIVE. Expect connection, small group breakout sessions and the opportunity to be your most authentic self. Registration opens Nov 1. You can find more information about our events

Paul’s Intro

Today I will share information on the 4 main chemicals we’re dealing with when we ditch the booze. I’m outline them, give a framework of how to work with these chemicals in a healthier way and a loose timeline of what to expect when you quit drinking and how these chemicals will come back into balance.

The four main players dance with an addiction are Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin.

Endorphins and dopamine are the chemicals of progress. Short-term feel-good chemicals. And Serotonin and oxytocin are the long-term chemicals.

Let’s cover the short-term molecules first: endorphins and dopamine

Endorphins - We often hear the word endorphins with exercise. And it’s true. This is the reason for the runners high. Endorphins have one purpose - to mask physical pain. Since the body doesn’t distinguish the difference between physical and emotional pain very well, this is why running, or physical movement helps us emotionally when we aren’t feeling good.

Dopamine - This is the molecule we are mostly engaged with when dealing with an addiction. This is more accurately described as the learning molecule. Dopamine is viewed as an incentive for progress. The good feeling, we get when we do something necessary for survival. Addictions highjack the dopamine system. Alcohol raises the dopamine in our brains by over 100-200% and cocaine raises it by 300%… temporarily. Then there’s a major crash.

Dopamine is highly addictive, and it should be. Human beings walked thousands of miles over the ice shelf of eastern Asia to the Americas because of dopamine. The dopamine system worked great for humans, until the world modernized faster than the system could adapt. Alcohol completely over runs this system

Long-term chemicals - These chemicals control our long-term feelings.

Serotonin - The selfless chemical.

Oxytocin - The love molecule and the connection molecule.

Let’s cover how we can work with these as we ditch the booze and then I’ll give you a loose timeline of when these chemicals should start naturally emerging in your system again.

Endorphins - Keep running, keep gardening. This is a much healthier way to override the physical and emotional discomfort of quitting drinking. Also, laugh, laugh, laugh.

Dopamine - It’s important we retrain the brain to release dopamine with other activities. Pick a short-term goal. Maybe it’s learning the guitar, maybe it’s finding a species of bird in the wild, or a snake. Science shows that a spike of dopamine is released when we help other people. Dopamine is a big reason we’ve done this podcast 336 straight Monday’s.

Once we have the dopamine system cued to healthier stimuli then within time serotonin starts to naturally emerge. With this comes a sense of belonging. If we stick with it long enough, oxytocin will emerge on the scene.

The long-term chemicals are contagious. This is why we love inspiring movies that motivate us to perform our own selfless acts. This is why we cheer people on at marathons or say heck yes when we hear someone has hit an AF milestone.

Here’s a loose timeline for this:

Endorphins: within the first 24-72 hours.

Dopamine: within six months, depending on your habits.

Serotonin: 3-9 months.

Oxytocin: 6-12 months.

This is all given that you’re doing the work.

PAWS in recovery is post-acute withdrawal symptoms. I like to call them healing symptoms because it’s the body, mind, soul, and spirit recalibrating itself without alcohol. Trust the process, stick with it, we got your back.

Let’s hear from Betterhelp. betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR

[13:52] Odette welcomes Susan

Susan’s last drink was on November 19, 2017. She feels great and every year is better. Susan is 61 and single but was previously married. She has a daughter and two grandchildren. She is from Pennsylvania. She moved to Los Angeles and lived there for thirty years. She has also lived in Colorado and is now back on the East Coast. She works for a medical device company. She loves to read novels, cooking, exercise, the beach, bike riding and TV.

[15:49] Tell us about your history with drinking

Susan described 44 years of drinking. Her first drink was at age 14 and she would sneak drinks with friends. In high school she fell in love with the bad boy of the school and did a 360 in one day. She went from straight A’s and first clarinet to a party girl. After her first pill and sips of beer, her inhibitions disappeared. She partied like everyone else. She married this bad boy very young, and they divorced at 21. She moved to California and got involved with another guy. They drank together with friends. She remarried and tried to clean up her home and life to have a family. Giving up weed was easy, but she struggled relinquishing wine. At 30,

she admitted herself to a treatment center called Schick for a weekend and participated in an intensive outpatient program (IOP). She went to a few AA meetings and was able to stay away from alcohol for four months. When she returned to drinking, her drinking progressed. She was raising her daughter, working and what many would describe as a functioning alcoholic. She drank nightly, but not a lot. Over the years, she made a few attempts to quit, tried counseling and AA again, but nothing was working. She decided to accept it for what it was because she didn’t have the time to do what you must do to quit.

[21:19] What was the tipping point that made you enter treatment?

Susan’s father was an alcoholic, and she watched his drinking become progressive. She knew it could happen to her and didn’t want to become like her father. The rest of her life was healthy. She exercised and ate healthy foods and wondered how long she could continue drinking. She described feeling like two people. She was Miss Goody Two-Shoes during the day and at night she was drinking.

Susan always had faith and knew that God was protecting her but didn’t want to push the limits and hurt others. It took a while after that realization for her to attempt quitting. She had some false starts where she would try but wasn’t ready. When her second grandchild was about to arrive, she knew she had to quit because she was fearful her first granddaughter would associate Mima with wine.

She spoke with her therapist and said she felt therapy was not enough and entered an intense outpatient program because she knew until she had some humility, it wouldn’t work. Her IOP was very diverse and encountered many people with several stories. During IOP she would screw up every week. She admitted it and, on the 19th, she called her sister (who is in recovery) who calmed her down. Her sister mailed her a book called Acceptance* and she hasn’t had a drink since. She described her moment of acceptance, surrender and her daily routine of prayer and meditation.

[31:22] What were the first 90 days like?

Susan described having time to focus on herself. She then took over as the nanny for her grandson and her daughter was able to trust her with the baby. She gradually returned to work with part-time work. At a year after she became sober, she returned to corporate America. It continued to get easier with time. She enjoyed podcasts. Her dog had some health issues yet survived for six months. When he passed, she was tempted to drink, but overcame the temptation. She tries to mix up her recovery with AA meetings, podcasts, and anything to keep it interesting. She loves Café RE because it gives her the flexibility of both worlds (AA and podcasts). She now has a strong desire to help others in recovery. The peace and freedom that comes with recovery has become the best way for her to live, she can’t imagine anything better.

[40:21] What was behind drinking for you?

When looking at fears and resentments, she gained a new perspective. She realized that something else may have been going on in the moment. She learned to stop holding bad feelings and looking deep into the causes of certain things. She uncovers new things regularly. She is accepting, simplifying, and lowering her expectations. It took her years not to want more. She has more work to do and is open to the work.

[40:24] Do you still get cravings?

Susan doesn’t get physical cravings but does have memory triggers. While Christmas shopping last year, the memory of having wine at Christmas came into her head. She did some thinking, played the tape forward and it passed quickly. She does have a fear of dating because she has been single through her recovery. Self-care or “me time” will remain a priority for her to maintain sobriety.

[47:11] What are your rituals in sobriety?

Susan gets up at 5 AM and reads a novel, then does her recovery reading including daily reflections and prayers. She frequently listens to podcasts. She watches to Joel Osteen regularly because he gives her hope that there are good people in this insane world. Susan is a listener in AA meetings, she is an optimist, and she learns from others. She has become a host for AA meetings and wants to give back.

[52:17] Rapid Fire Round

What is your favorite non-alcoholic beverage?

Sparkling water (lime flavor) with lots of ice and mint.

What has been an unexpected perk along this journey?

Freedom and time that come with not planning how you will get your next drink.

What would you say to young people who are considering ditching the booze?

You might need to say adios to booze if ….

You stress months before the Christmas holiday about how you will cook the holiday meal and not drink all the wine in the house the night before.

Odette’s Summary

Odette recently returned from Guadalajara and while she was there, she celebrated her father’s 12th sober birthday. They attended an AA meeting together and she heard him tell his story. She saw herself in his words. We all walk alongside each other. We the same lessons to learn, hurt to heal and joy to find. Seeing her dad as a parent and fellow in recovery was challenging, but she left the meeting hopeful that we are all human, doing the best that we can. Odette is grateful for the Café RE community that helps each other navigate the world, feel understood and gives us a sense of belonging.

Remember you are not alone. If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.

Today’s Sponsor

BetterHelp

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH! T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 335: All Emotions are Created Equal Jul 19, 2021

Barela took her last drink 42 days ago (at the time of this recording). This is her story of living alcohol free (AF).

A former Recovery Elevator interviewee, Jody, is hosting her own sobriety courses. This is called “The Sobriety Shift” and is a 12-week transformational program for women for are already sober, but want to elevate their life. You can find out more information here.

From Paul: “All emotions are created equal”

You need all emotions to give you the barometer for good and bad or to define what emotion even is. Being able to feel both sides of the emotional spectrum is important. Some ying vs yang emotions are: Hope and fear, gratitude and anger, pride and shame, desire and repulsion, love and hate.

When we view all emotions as equal, we don’t double down on them: we don’t get mad that we are mad, or anxious that we are anxious. When you label an emotion as “bad” you have a higher chance of drinking over them. By viewing them as equal to “good” emotions all emotions are able to pass through us without being strengthened or intensified. Everything has a purpose to help us evolve.

Today’s show is sponsored by Betterhelp.

Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 1,000,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.

[12:10] Odette introduces Barela.

Barela is 43 years old and from Salt Lake City, UT. She is a mother to her Yorkie named Kiki. By day is a victims advocate for a non-profit and by night she is your Queer grocery clerk that helps you find your produce. For fun she loves true crime podcasts, going for long walks with her dog, hikes with friends, reading, painting, meditation and puzzles. Because of the pandemic she’s been focusing on a lot of solo projects.

[14:48] Do you notice that solitude is different now that you’re sober?

Barela said yes, she’s always enjoyed her own company, but she’s now more active and productive with her time. She’s more creative because alcohol isn’t in the way of her focus. Every morning is a great morning for her.

[15:38] Can you give us a background on your drinking?

Barela said she started drinking when she was 16. Her mom bought her alcohol to keep her in the house, rather than being out. She didn’t like the taste at first. When she moved to Portland and was in a band alcohol became more a part of her everyday life. It escalated quickly in the last 10 years. At around age 28 she started blacking out. In the beginning they didn’t scare her, but at the end it changed. The cycle of getting drunk, being hung over, ibuprofen, hair of the dog, get drunk… repeat became her life. Getting alcohol became an obsession in her life.

[19:51] Were you surrounded by people who were drinking like you?

Barela said yes, she was hanging out with people who normalized all of this. Her last black out was December 19, 2019 and she’s gone through some big shifts in friendships because a lot were of those were drinking friendships only. She lost some jobs due to drinking as well. After some geographical drinking changes which didn’t work, she moved back to Salt Lake City. Her bottom was when she was making her grandmother dinner, drank a fifth of Old Crow and she woke up in bed with a broken ankle.

[24:27] What happened after your bottom?

Barela said she declared “I can’t drink anymore!” but she also saw how she had been simply adjusting her bottom as she drank. Being bed ridden after breaking her ankle brought this into stark reality. She journaled about all the relationships her drinking was affecting, including the one with herself. She knew she needed to leave the service industry. Stepping outside of that she found work with the domestic violence coalition and working at the grocery at night.

[27:56] What was that time period after that like?

Barela said she slept a lot and ate whatever she wanted. Lots of self-reflection. She also burned the ships to her friends for accountability.

[29:41] How do you build accountability into living alone?

Barela said she’s superstitious and the idea of drinking again is truly scary to her. She knows that alcohol will always be there but she’s made a life she loves away from alcohol.

[31:36] Did you used to have a witching hour and did you have to change your habits around it?

Barela said she drank all the time, so she didn’t have a witching hour exactly. There was always a reason to be drinking, no matter what time it was.

[33:05] How were you sleeping before you quit?

Barela said sleeping has never been a problem. Barela talks about how she started detecting patterns within her relapses and trying to protect her energy and setting boundaries.

[39:10] What are some tools you use every day to protect your sobriety?

Barela said waking up, doing her gratitude prayer and then thinking about her goals. Making her bed and setting daily intentions. Listening to podcasts. She recently discovered The Seltzer Squad podcast.

[40:37] What is your go to strategy when you do get a craving?

Barela said she talks to herself. She tries to locate what the feeling is and why she’s feeling that way. If the craving is particularly strong she will play the tape forward.

[42:21] Does your grandmother know you’re not drinking anymore?

Barela said she hasn’t been there for about 8 months; she hasn’t told her directly. She hasn’t burned the ships with her grandmother or her aunt who also lives in that home. She’s not sure why, but she hasn’t yet.

[45:52] What has been an unexpected perk on this journey?

Barela said her intuition has been more on point. She pulls Tarot cards and having better intuition has helped her there. She’s also been working on remote viewing as well (locating objects with your mind). She’s saved a ton of money and can do nice things for herself. She feels empowered and happy. She noticed she looks better. Everything is better.

[50:18] Rapid Fire Round

What would you say to your younger self?

Trust your intuition. If it feels heavy in your heart, go against it. Only bad things happen after 1am, so go home.

What’s your favorite NA beverage?

Liquid Death and her friend makes her own tinctures which she adds to it.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Talenti Banana Caramel Crunch

What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners thinking about ditching the booze?

Believe in yourself, you can do it. Keep thinking about that person you want to be without alcohol. Keep reaching out.

You may have to say adios to booze if...

when you are constantly finding yourself waking up with a MARI (mysterious alcohol related injury).

Odette’s find thoughts:

A sober perk: she’s found friendships with people who she wouldn’t normally be friends with. Finding people who feel in the same way you do and making those connections is powerful. Through sharing Odette has found more in common with others than she thought. What an unexpected surprise!

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) registration opens March 1! This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator –you took the elevator down, you have to take the stairs back up-

I love you guys.”

RE 334: The Wisdom of Trauma Jul 12, 2021

Episode 334

You’re not giving something up, you are getting so much more in return, it’s just amazing.

Kevin is 53, from South Carolina and took his last drink on October 6, 2019. This is his journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Today’s show is sponsored by Better Help.

Kevin’s interview is with Kris. You guys are going to love Kris’s style. He’s a grounded, laid back guy from North Dakota who fully gets the importance of connection. Just like you all gave me a chance, and Odette, please focus on the similarities, not the differences and welcome Kris.

Speaking of Kris, we’ve made 10 YouTube Videos, and some of them are funny, at least that’s my opinion. and our last video was my top 10 favorite recovery books. Go over to YouTube and type Recovery Elevator in the search bar.

I just finished the book “Breath” by James Nestor. The breath is the true foundation for all recovery work. It turns out, 5.5 breaths per minute is the optimal rate. That’s 5.5 seconds on the inhale, and 5.5 on the exhale for a total of 5.5 per minute. So next time you’re caught up in email apnea, pause and focus on the breath. I highly recommend this book.

Breath by James Nestor https://amzn.to/3zOJ1GZ.

Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side.

Okay, let’s get started -

Today I want to talk about the incredible feature film on trauma and addiction by Dr. Gabor Mate. The film is called “The Wisdom of Trauma.” This film needed to be made and will move the needle in a healthy direction in terms of how we view addiction.

Film: https://thewisdomoftrauma.com/

Book: “In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts” - Dr. Gabor Mate https://amzn.to/3xOAZx1

This film covers what addiction is. It covers how it happens, when the driving forces behind an addiction take hold in life and it also has practical ideas on how we should address addiction as a society and as the individual struggling with an addiction. On this podcast, you’re most likely listening to address a drinking problem, but all addictions, for the most part are interchangeable, and the mechanisms are mostly the same.

Okay, no surprise here, he talks about trauma. And he is noted for saying that all addictions, start with trauma, and the baulk of that happens in adolescence. The start of addiction doesn’t happen when you lose your job, but in infancy. Always. We often think that trauma must happen in Afghanistan, or a physically abusive parent but it also happens when we aren’t hugged enough as a child or us not getting something we needed when we were young. Parents in the 20th and 21st centuries are pulled in so many directions, that unfortunately, this is common. It’s the kiddos that pay the price.

Please don’t take any of this energy and steer it towards your parents, etc. They did their best. That’s not a healthy way to take this information.

This is an emotional film. I cried during parts of it.

He says that trauma happens when you disconnect with yourself, when you don’t have anyone to talk with. When kids are alone with their hurt. Another way to say this is there wasn’t a healthy way to move the energy. It got stuck. Humans talking about it, is the equivalent of a duck flapping its wings in nature, and we couldn’t do that as a child. So, the body hangs on to the energy. But it’s not fun energy to hang on to. In the western world one of the dominant ways this excess of energy manifests itself is through inflammation in the body.

He then talks about how we look at addiction as a poor choice. We, meaning society, and the individual. Thank you, Mrs. Regan for adding a couple of thick layers of pinyon pine to the stigma with the “Just say no” campaign from the 80’s. That didn’t help much. Gabor, then reframes it by saying, the addiction wasn’t a poor choice, it was the solution. I agree completely. In fact, I’d take it even further and say kudos you found a way to survive. It’s now time to find healthier ways to cope since alcohol, will mess you up spiritually, mentally, and physically in the long run. Do not beat yourself up for having a drinking problem, you found a way to survive. And now it’s time to find a healthier way to connect. That’s all we’re doing here.

I like how Gabor calls out capitalism and most modern economies as fueling addictions. We are primed to feel we need to purchase something external for short term inner wholeness. For long term wholeness, this process must be replicated 100’s and 1000’s of times. This is great for the stock market, but not great for mental health. There’s one word to summarize this. It’s MORE. We are always looking for more. This is a major pickle in modern societies that we have address ASAP. He talks about how this addiction is destroying the earth. We don’t have fix the earth, fix climate change or global warming. We must fix ourselves and the individual level. Planet earth will be fine when we’re gone. Our current way of living, which Eckart Tolle calls insane, is how we are conditioned. It’s crazy, and unsustainable. This paradigm is shifting. You all are part of this paradigm shift.

Dr. Mate talks about how we are treating stress and addictions with more stressors. Most western illnesses are treated with steroids and cortisol creams. It’s not curing or treating anything.

He talks about the two ways society treats or views addicts.

That it’s a choice, just say no, and if do say yes, you are warned with catchy commercials, then the user is punished. The penal system at the macro encourages intense shame guilt at the inner the micro level.
That it’s a disease, and not a choice. He feels this is a better approach, since people can then get treatment like any other disease but ignores why people really get addicted which has nothing to do with a disease. Dr. Gabor Mate is clear on his stance about if a drinking problem is a passed down genetic disease that runs in the family. He says it is not. He believes these adaptive behaviors, addictions, are learned and formed to survive in an environment that isn’t conducive to wholeness or happiness. That’s a lot to unpack. Seriously. Feel free to hit the pause button on your podcast player. I’m on board with this approach. In fact, I’ve switched my tune while doing the Recovery Elevator podcast. At first, I thought addiction was a passed down genetic disorder. But now feel these behaviors are coping mechanisms that allow us to survive in environments that are full of static, car alarms, incorrect passwords, identify theft, violence, backstabbing, sexual abuse, spam phone calls, and more. And we all must deal with this incoherent energy. Yes, I do believe this inharmonious energy is passed down generationally and we all must deal with it, not just the addicts. In fact, in most native cultures, when one person in a community was sick, the whole community came forth to help. The whole community would even brunt the financial costs because they knew, a sick person within a community, wasn’t an outlier, but a representation that something was out of balance within the community. And today, in modern, society, we’ve got a lot of sick people, with depression being the number one cause of disability worldwide. Dr. Mate says that in the USA, the richest country in the world, 1/2 of its citizens have chronic illnesses, such as high blood pressure, diabetes, addictions etc. Another way to say that, is we got big houses, big guns indeed, but we’re disconnected and need help. This is also the point of an addiction. A fear, or a marker of sorts that something is out of balance and needs attention.

So how do we treat this? Dr. Mate says, the modern medical paradigm separates the mind from the body and separates the person from the environment. I think he would agree that we need to use the mind to come into the body, and not leave it or disassociate with it. I know he would agree that we must recognize there’s an in imbalance. Sure, it’s the first step in all 12 step programs, but science shows this also. You can’t make change in anything, until a consciousness is there to witness it, or say “yes, this is here, and I’m going to deal with it.” There is not a right or wrong way to address an addiction, but what I’ve learned here at RE, is that community must be a component of this. A HUGE component. As in the blades of a helicopter. Or the propeller on a prop plane, or the wheels on a car.

We’ve all heard what you resist persists. Thank you, psychologist Carl Jung. At the individual level, we must recognize something is out of balance. At the group level, we do the same - and it can be a lot of fun.

At the individual level, you’re doing it. You’re listening. Which means you’re open to a whole new way of living. This is what gets me excited about Recovery Elevator. Its exploring new ways to live, that don’t require alcohol to be happy. And we are all figuring this out together.

Before we hear from Kris and Kevin, Let’s hear from Betterhelp.

[12:55] Kris introduces Kevin

Kevin took his last drink on October 6, 2019, he is creeping up on two years and he feels great. Not every day is great or happy, but he feels better equipped to handle what life throws at him.

[14:02] Give us a little background on you.

Kevin is 53 and lived in Long Island for most of his life. He now lives in Bluffton, South Carolina. He is not married, has an awesome girlfriend, and has dogs named Ben and Jerry. He loves to read; he loves the outdoors, and he loves to work.

[15:39] Tell us about your relationship with alcohol and how did that evolve over time?

Kevin said it had a lifespan. He started drinking in 8th or 9th grade experimenting. He moved to Long Island in 4th grade. He made a lot of friends, but never felt like he fit in. In the late 80’s he was drinking heavily. At the time, he didn’t think it was a problem. College was a continuation – binge drinking on the weekend. He drank through snowstorms, nice weather, hiking, etc. He thought it was normal because everyone else was doing it.

[17:25] Did you have any consequences from your early years of drinking?

Kevin’s parents were strict. His parents knew he was drinking, and his older brother never drank. He became the project for his older brother. After college he got married and his drinking slowed down a bit. Being married and becoming a new Dad, living in a high rent district was stressful. Kevin describes himself as high functioning. He had a nice house, nice family and on the weekends, he drank a lot. In 2009, he got a DUI. He reflected on rock bottoms and his wife (an attorney) was able to help. He avoided additional jail time and he slowed down his drinking for a time.

[20:06] You described having a nice house and a job, did your high functioning ever lead you to believe you didn’t have a problem?

Kevin said, he looked great on paper. He had a business, a nice house, he supported charities, he was on the little league board and was a “good dude”. He knew he had a problem with alcohol. He was a fun drunk and was a great guy to hang out with. At 3 AM, he was sweating, his heart was racing, and he knew something wasn’t right.

[22:15] Walk us forward, tell us more

Kevin tried to maintain the status quo. He and his wife got divorced. He believes his wife deserved better and alcohol had an impact but wasn’t the only factor in their divorce. The alcohol affected his ability to rebuild the marriage. His drinking reached a new level post-divorce. He spent a lot of time on his own. He frequented sports bars and the “type” of drinking escalated. He felt a lot of guilt and shame. The salve of alcohol didn’t last for more than 20 minutes. He knew something was wrong. Kevin put lots of rules on himself – only drink…. He would make a rule, break it, and invent three more. Only this, only that ….. Annie Grace’s book first got him to explore quitting. Annie’s podcast mentioned Paul Churchill. Kevin has met Paul a few times and says, Paul ruined drinking for him.

Value Bomb – when you are in it, it’s so subtle. It takes a different form than you a realize.

[27:52] Paul ruined it for you, so what happens next?

Kevin was driving home and hit a rumble strip and he thought to himself – I’ve got good kids, good friends, and a great business. Two days later he went to a street festival, and he had a beer or two and he decided on 10/6/2019 he knew, this is it! He had dozens of days one’s day 6’s and day whatever’s. He knew it was over.

Value Bomb – Your resets are not for nothingness. They help you establish the willingness to move forward. Dig in, keep learning, it’s all growth.

[30:57] What did the first 30/60/90 days look like for you?

Kevin leaned in heavy on Café RE. He took the advice. He took naps when he needed them. He cut back on work a bit. He cut back on engagements. He learned to set boundaries. He learned to leave respectfully. He learned to prepare and had he faked a few gin and tonics. He embraced NA beer. He avoided drinking. The cravings dissipated over time. Kevin craved situations more than the alcohol – college football, Superbowl. He had the willingness. Preparation was key. As people became aware he wasn’t drinking, it became easier. After a little practice, it became easier every time. Setting boundaries was huge.

Value Bomb – we grow and learn what situations we want to be in an those we don’t. It’s okay to let go of certain situations.

[36:43] How did drinking impact your relationships?

Kevin said his parents were never drinkers, so there wasn’t much of an issue. In his first marriage, he acknowledges drinking made him less patient. Drinking takes up a lot of your money, your health, and your time. Kevin now has great relationships with his parents, his sons, and his ex-wife. He has been able to repair those important relationships and have deeper conversations. His relationship with his employees evolved and he learned to take a genuine interest and helps others.49:22

[40:22] Walk us though what your recovery looks like now.

Kevin is an early riser. He carves out 90 minutes every morning and he reads, meditates, and writes. He spends time with his dogs, goes to work and spends time with friends in the evening. He travels to New York to spend time with his kids. Café RE keeps him connected to the community.

[41:45] Rapid Fire Round

What was your AHA or OSM (oh sh!t moment) about controlling drinking?

Driving home from a brew pub and hitting the rumble strip became his AHA moment.

What is your plan in sobriety moving forward?

My plan is to keep doing what I’m doing. It’s not a linear trip. He has dip days. He is going to Café RE meet ups. The zoom chats help, and he offers words of encouragement. Staying connected is key.

Regarding sobriety, what’s the best advice you ever received?

Be kind to yourself. Look at yourself like your dogs look at you. Loathing yourself isn’t productive. The journey has a lot of whacky dips and bumps. Be kind to yourself.

What parting piece of guidance do you have for listeners?

You must want to do it and you must do it for yourself. Figure out your why. It can’t be just for your spouse or your kids. You aren’t giving something up. You are getting so much more in return.

You may have to ditch the booze if …

Kevin didn’t want to rupture or end his relationship with his kids, the most wonderful relationships in his life.

Kris’s closing comments

Kris talks about the scale going up after he quit drinking. He talked about the big dreams that come with sobriety. Patience is key to getting healthy and achieving your goals. Manage your expectations. Let the work do its work. It’s okay for some things to take a back seat. Embrace positive affirmations and gratitude. Love yourself, you are doing amazing things. Kris said as he listened to other guests, he learned and has he learned he healed. He is grateful to other guests and his Café RE family. kris@recoveryelevator.com.

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“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 333: What You're Asking for is on the Way Jul 05, 2021

Episode 333

Link to join the Open House Café RE Chat this Saturday, July 10th, at 10:00 AM PST/1:00 PM EST

Meeting ID: 870 1755 7542 Passcode: recovery

Help people create a life so good for themselves, they would never want to go back. What lies beyond recovery for you, what is the next chapter? I didn’t get sober so I could just settle.

Tamar is from Ontario, Canada and took her last drink on June 17, 2012. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Today’s show is sponsored by Better Help.

You might be an alcoholic if... you report your car stolen, only for it to be found at the house you were drinking at the night before. This is from Miguel Reyes, the host of the Staying Fit ODAAT podcast.

Today is July 5th, you can still sign up for our Intensive Dry July course. You’ve still got 11/13 sessions left. Go to Recovery Elevator.com/restore. We’ve got a KILLER group from all over the globe, and It’s been a lot of fun so far.

RE now has merch! In fact, I’m wearing an RE hoodie now. Thank you, Stephanie Smale, for all the hard work. RE.comm/merch for your AF threads.

Okay, let’s get started -

Today, I was going to talk about something else. More specifically that “all emotions are created equal.” A topic, that I still plan on covering, but as I opened my computer and begin writing this intro, I recognized that this is episode 333. Now apart from loving Dan Brown’s Da Vinci code, I was never really into numbers, symbols, shapes, nor the placement of stars and planets at the time of my birth… But as my journey progresses, I’ve become more curious, interested and more importantly open, to all this stuff. So, let’s move forward with an open mind, as we are dipping a toe in the spirituality and higher power waters of recovery… which can be somewhat divisive but also fascinating because I’ve learned there’s a part in all of us, that wants to know, what’s really going on behind the scenes… And spoiler alert, I won’t be answering what’s the purpose of life, but do hope to tie some mathematics and mysticism into living an alcohol-free life.

Let’s talk about the number 3, first, then 333.

With mystics, mathematicians and physicists, the number 3 is considered the perfect number, the number of harmonies, wisdom and understanding. ... It was also the number of times – past, present, future; birth, life, death; beginning, middle, end – it was the number of the divine. Some guy was resurrected three days after his death, forget his name, but I know it’s significant to many.

The ancient Greek philosopher, Pythagoras, postulated that the meaning behind numbers was deeply significant. ... In his eyes the number 3 was considered as the perfect number, the number of harmonies, wisdom and understanding.

“If you only knew the significance of 3,6,9, multiples of 3, then you have the key to the universe.” Nikola Tesla.

The frequencies of the 7 energy centers or chakras are all divisible by three. For example, the heart area has a frequency of 639 HZ, which means the wave form goes up and down 639 times in one second. This number, along with all the other energy centers, is divisible by three. The earth, which vibrates at 432 HZ, which is also the key of almost all NEW AGE music, is also divisible by three.

Number 3 is the foundational number of trinities, the triangle, with three sides. Mind, body, and spirit. Having it tripled, 333, is like saying trenta when ordering a coffee at Starbucks. It’s supercharged.

The three-sided triangle - Is the symbol of AA.

The unifying language of the universe is math and 3 is the root of many and this special number governs much of the physical world at the quantum level.

What does it mean to see 333?

We’ve all heard of guardian angles. So, angels, can’t speak to you directly to you, at least in my experience, but apparently, they send messages using the number 3, and when you have triple that, as in 333, it’s time to listen up. So maybe this episode, is a message to YOU, from your guardian angel.

333 means that it’s time to focus on acknowledging your inner truths, and head out into the world with more purpose. Inner truth (if you’re listening to this podcast), means it’s probably time to ditch the booze or stick with that decision. There’s a voice inside, that’s been saying, Yo, we don’t need this.

Internally there’s a beautiful “tipping point” that is going to take place if not already. That’s when the voice, or energy around your alcohol-free life, overpowers, or is greater than the voice representing the addiction. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll never drink again, but it’s a good indicator that A - alcohol has been ruined for you and will never work in the same capacity and B. You’re shedding an old skin.

333 also signifies a period of intense growth. If you’re on this journey of learning how to live life without alcohol, then yes, you’re in the “trenta” range when it comes to growth. This growth is intense. It’s the most profound type of inner growth we can go through in this human life. Keep in mind that all growth takes place outside your comfort zone, so if you feel catapulted outside your comfort zone at this moment, that’s okay. After all bouts of chaos, order follows. This is the way the universe works. Be patient, things will settle.

333 is a symbol of maturity, or maturation. I’ve heard, and there is some truth to this, that you stop emotionally growing when alcohol dependency locks in. The flip side of this, is through an addiction you learn a whole different set of invaluable life lessons… Seriously, don’t forget that. I firmly believe this. When you reintegrate into society, you’ll notice you’re equipped with a set of skills that most people don’t have. They are superpowers. Qualities of intense resilience come to mind.

333 is a symbol that it’s time to eliminate things in your life that no longer bring you pleasure of happiness, The key in this sentence is no longer. Alcohol, for most of us was a great life companion. There was a time when it did bring us pleasure and happiness. Those times, like high school, are over. This can also apply to people, places, and things. As you grow, evolve, some people, places, and things. As you grow and evolve, some things will no longer be a match for you, making it increasingly uncomfortable to be around these incoherencies.

It’s rumored that seeing the number 333 means that what you’ve been asking for, is on the way. The first thing that comes to mind here is to “Be clear on what you’re asking for when you put that out into the universe. Internally, for most of us, there’s a part of us that wants to quit drinking and a part of us that doesn’t want to quit drinking. Try to catch those inner messages of dissonance as you become aware of them.

What you’ve been asking for is on the way or may be already here. The next part is for you to walk through the door, to do your part, to do the work.

I’ve been asking for a Top Gun sequel for 30 years. The new release date is November 19th, 2021. Come on lucky 333, I need this.

Whether you believe in 333 or not, that doesn’t really matter.

333 means the ascended masters are near you.

Ascended masters? What the hell does that mean? Well, we’re not going to figure that out here, nor is this podcast really about that, but it’s important to be open to the idea that someone, something out there, is rooting for us. An entity, or spirit has our best interest in mind, even though the remake of Top Gun has been postponed 5 times. Regardless, humanity needs help now, and if a number, replicated 3 times, signifies this, then I’ll take it.

Before we conclude, I do want to mention the odds, of us chatting about existence, quitting drinking and you being you, are quite low. In fact, the odds, of you being you, in this moment, are about 1 in 400 trillion.

According to astro-physicists, the odds of planet earth, sustaining life, and you being here are the same as flipping a coin and having it land on heads, 10 quintillion times in a row. As Laura McKowan, would say, “we are the luckiest.” Simply being here, means we’ve already won the greatest lottery of all time. . And we didn’t come here for life to perpetually suck. We’ve got your back guys.

Mental health matters, and as we continue to live through this pandemic and slowly go back to resuming activities such as going back to work or attending some social gatherings, it’s important to have someone that can help us process all our emotions and life stressors. Betterhelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. Betterhelp provides a broad range of expertise available which may not be locally available in many areas. The platform is super easy to navigate - you can login into your account at any time and interact with your counselor by sending them a message. You’ll get timely and thoughtful responses, plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions. Betterhelp is more affordable than the traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.

[11:35] Odette introduces Tamar

Tamar took her last drink on June 17, 2012.

[12:02] How do you feel?

It’s amazing. I remember when I first came into recovery, I thought, I can’t drink forever? If you had asked me nine years ago if I’d be here, I’d tell you you’re insane!

[12:40] Give us a little background on you.

Tamar is a podcast host, performance consultant, life coach, best-selling author, and a champion for people in recovery. Her passion is to help people in recovery create a life so good for themselves that they never want to go back to their old way of living. She lives east of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. She has no kids but has a niece and nephew who she loves to get hopped up on sugar and send them home to their parents. She is married and her husband is in recovery as well. She loves being outside, hiking, snowboarding, and golfing.

[14:56] Tell us about your relationship with alcohol

Tamar said she had a great upbringing. Her family moved around quite a bit and as a result, she was very shy. She was always looking to get a gold star from her dad. She began seeking external sources of love. When she got drunk for the first time, her life went from black and white to color. She felt she could be in control, funny and more secure. It was the solution for the good and bad times. She barely graduated from high school because she wanted to drink all the time. In college, her school was next to a pub, and she would skip class and go to the pub, so she was put on academic probation. She was a black out drunk, nearly every time. When she was introduced to other drugs, she wasn’t afraid. She hoped the drugs would amplify her drinking. Her dream careers were to continue being the beer girl at the golf club or work for a brewery.

[18:59] Did you connect the dots that you experience was related to alcohol?

Tamar said, she thought this is how life is. She surrounded herself with people who drank like she did. She started using drugs, losing jobs and became a chronic yo-yo dieter. She slipped into a depression but couldn’t see the problem with alcohol. She was blaming the world. Her Dad tried to intervene and point out her challenges, but she wasn’t ready to hear it.

[21:19] What happened afterwards?

Tamar said, she started to feel shame. She was in a toxic relationship. For two months, she drank and used for two months straight. She focused on society’s expectations (get married, have children). She met her future husband who was also an alcoholic. She stopped using hard drugs, but her drinking escalated. They worked together and only got along when they were drinking. Meeting society’s expectations made her miserable. She hit bottom, she was severely depressed, unhappily married, and overweight. She had a moment of clarity and wanted to give it another chance. She decided to make a change and stop digging.

[25:37] How did that catapult you into action?

Tamar said it was right before New Year’s, so she resolved to get a gym membership. She was working out by herself, then decided to hire a personal trainer. It never occurred to her to investigate how to love yourself. She knew the personal trainer from high school, and they became close friends. She rigidly logged all her food, and, on the weekends, she only had nine beers. She would drink NyQuil so she would pass out, she reported to her trainer, “I only had nine beers”. Her trainer took her bungee jumping and shared she (the trainer) was in recovery. She went to dinner with her husband and brought a bottle of wine. That one bottle turned into a case of wine, a case of beer and a $200 bar tab and she didn’t remember the rest of the weekend. She texted her friend, saying she needed help. Her friend introduced her to the world of recovery.

[30:17] When you reached out to your friend, what were the next steps?

Tamar said, she stopped that weekend. Her friend brought her to an AA meeting, and she said she wasn’t like them, she was classy. Her friend encouraged her to look for the similarities vs. the differences. With a new attitude, she was shocked at how much she could relate. She went to someone’s four-year celebration and was impressed with how good his life became. She is happy to be alive, particularly knowing how self-destructive she was.

[33:51] What happened afterwards?

Tamar said going through the 12-steps really helped her. She learned her life was her fault. She cried more in her first year in recovery than she had ever in her life. She had used alcohol to mask everything, so her first step was to learn how to manage her emotions. She learned it was ok to not be okay. She started cleaning up her life. It was about building a foundation. Now there isn’t one part of her that wants to have a drink. Early on, she was frustrated with people who questioned her decisions, but she thinks that tough love saved her life. She surrounded herself with people who would be honest with her. The first year was hardest, she lost 75 pounds, but she acknowledged you can get lazy and fall back into not doing the work.

[37:37] What tools did you use to help you get through the days?

Tamar said she changed everything. She stayed away from bars for the first six months. She stayed away from anything that triggered her. She didn’t connect with friends because they were drinking buddies. She tested the water by bringing diet coke to parties and had an emotional hangover. Learning what to do and what not to do became her top priority until she was strong enough and her foundation was built. She developed a healthy routine. Today it doesn’t bother her to be around people who are drinking.

[41:14] How did your depression and eating issues evolve as you got sober?

Tamar said food is still a challenge for her – she loves food. She listened to a podcast and the host, an MD, pointed out the similarity between the carbs/sugar and alcohol. After losing 75 pounds, she felt like she had graduated. She still slips into anxiety and depression. She finds herself going back to old behaviors. Now she eats clean, and her body responds well. She is good 80% of the time and 20% of the time she allows herself fries. She is very co-dependent and began working on her personal development. She wanted to grow. She investigated her food issues. She learned what foods she could eat, what foods worked, etc. She hired a food code. She started a podcast so she could be accountable. She hired a coach who helped her with different strategies around food. She has learned to give herself grace. Sobriety helps you to look at other aspects of your life. You can apply the same tools to other addictions.

[47:13] What has been an unexpected perk or joy about this journey?

Tamar said she realized her past was a gift. When complacent, she stopped taking action. Surrounding herself with people who had what she wanted encouraged her to move forward. She is now coaching. She is a performance consultant. She didn’t get sober so she could just settle. Even when the days are dark, she can now see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[50:25] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to your younger self, what would you say.

Keep being open minded and willing to learn. Don’t shut yourself off for new experiences and don’t wait until you are ready. If something aligns with your purpose, take action and do it.

What are you excited about right now?

She is excited to wake up every single morning at 4:30 AM so she can do what she loves each day.

What is your favorite NA beverage?

Diet Coke.

What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

Podcasts, books (self-help and biographies).

What parting piece of guidance do you have for listeners?

Find people who have what you want. She is grateful she found those people in early recovery. It’s never too late to stop. Ask for help. Connect. It’s okay to not be okay.

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

You keep thinking about booze and justifying your reasons for not drinking.

Odette’s Summary

Odette spoke about the Disney movie, Luca. The movie reminded her that we need to silence the voice that doesn’t want us to do the hard thing(s). We are not our thoughts. We have the power to detach and tell it to be quiet. Seeing our thoughts for what they are is healthy, just don’t let them drive the car. Remember you are not alone and together is always better. This isn’t a no to alcohol, it’s a YES to a better life.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) registration opens March 1! This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 332: Find More Joy Jun 28, 2021

Episode 332 – Find More Joy

One of the biggest things that kept me drinking as I long as I did was that shame circle. I would drink, do something stupid, embarrass myself, feel terrible and then drink again because I couldn’t handle my feelings.

Brett is 27 years old, lives in San Francisco, CA and took her last drink on January 2, 2020. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).

If you love our intro and outro music then check out the artist DJ NYE on Spotify, and that link is in the show notes. Also in the show notes are links to download, for free, our intro and outro music, That’s with my voice sampling and ET Tolle’s voice samplings.

DJ NYE on Spotify.

Intro and Outro Music.

Intro Paul: https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/recoveryelevator/RE_Paul_Intro.mp3

Intro Eckhart Tolle: https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/recoveryelevator/RE_ET_Intro.mp3

Outro Paul: https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/recoveryelevator/Paul_RE_Outro.mp3

Outro Eckhart Tolle:https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/recoveryelevator/Eckhart_Tolle_Outro.mp3

Today is June 28th. This Thursday, July 1st, is the start date of our intensive 13 session course for the month of July. We meet three times per week, Monday, Thursday and Sunday. Mondays and Thursdays are classroom style format, with intimate breakout rooms and Sundays are for guest speakers, Q&A, and we’ve for an AF Beverage workshop hosted by Kate (episode 315). We polled previous course participants and 72% of them remained alcohol free for the duration of our last course. How cool is that. You’ll have course assignments and daily discussion prompts in your WhatsApp groups. This course is all about connection and having fun. Go to Recoveryelevator.com/restore or click the link in the show notes, to sign up and for more info.

And don’t forget that land tortoises are the longest living animals on the planet and that TIB is still the best band in the world. One of those is fact, the other opinion but for the most part undebatable.

Okay, let’s get started -

I’m going to cover two things today. 1. The importance of purposefully adding more joy into your life and 2. Recently while traveling, I came across the most vicious sports mascot ever. I still get goosebumps when I think of the deadly mascot.

Okay, let’s talk about joy. And this may seem like common sense, but it’s not because so many of us postpone, skip, or have forgotten about joy altogether. Like the “how to” part. And now seems like a good time to insert a quote about joy.

“Joy does not simply happen to us - we have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” - Henri Nouwen

Let’s look at a sample to do list.

Drop package off at post office.
Return mortgage papers to lender
Take Ben to Vet
Edit website copy for upcoming event.
Play piano.

Now this may or may not be my to do list, and yours may be similar, And I’m referring to the order. I’ve got playing the piano last. We tell ourselves we need to get all the grown-up tasks done first. Kids, job, house, feeding the family, pets, why didn’t my sprinklers turn on last night, then last on that list is US.

Here’s my HARD ask of you. Make a point to do something every day that you find joyful. And here’s the important part. Do it first. Before all the other stuff that has the potential to zap all the creative energy out of you.

About 3 months ago, I stared taking piano lessons. I went from chop sticks to now I can the Scientist and Clocks on the piano by Coldplay. Can’t sing them yet because that’s some major rubbing your tummy and patting your head type sh$t, but I’m working on it. At first, I would practice piano at the end of the day, when my mind was sometimes ready for a nap, and the mind is in high beta brain waves… borderline stressed from the day. It worked, but some days I had to force it. Then I flipped the to-do list. I started playing the piano first thing in the morning. Before all the adulting took place. Here’s what I found. When we do something we enjoy, there’s a natural creative energy that arises, that makes things tolerable, even pleasant. Here’s the important part. This energy, consciousness, will then overlap into the next task or project. I quickly found I was more effective at all remaining tasks for the day, and they all became more joyful. So, I try to practice piano or music every morning. This flip has had a big impact on my quality of life.

Let’s tie this into sobriety. When we are doing something we enjoy, we enter into a flow state where time and our problems seem do disappear. Flow states, or when we are fully mentally immersed in a task, are healthy because we aren’t thinking about how the F, we’re going to quit drinking. Another way to say this, is the neural connections that fortify an addiction begin to soften and something else is strengthened, be it gardening, reading, hiking, or whatever. Again, our mental energies aren’t “in” the addiction, or the “story.” You’re like - “A crap, this guy is back with his getting out of the story stuff again.” And for the record, this will be the 245th time I’ve said you can’t think yourself out of an addiction.

Joy solo is great, for example playing the violin. But if you have the option, play the violin with another violinist, or a cellist - bonus points.

You know how most dogs are a nudge away from playing? That’s how human beings are as well, we’re just living a life that’s been filled with so much muck and noise that we must make a point, and effort to get back to this natural state.

If you’re like, “Hey Pablo” I recently quit drinking, and I have no clue what I like to do for fun anymore. Well, that’s the work. Find out again. Rule 22. Have fun and lighten up.

Okay, one more thing I want to cover, and I’m trembling with fear while I write this. On my way back from our Atlanta Meet-up, thank you Alan (episode 267) for such an awesome weekend, I saw a bunch of large dudes, in the security line at the airport. They were all wearing matching jackets, and sweatpants, so I assumed they were part of a sports team that probably involves physical contact. On the crest of the jacket was the logo… the mascot. When I finally saw it, I stopped dead in my tracks. It was as if I was frozen, unresponsive. No, it wasn’t a ferocious eagle, hawk, wolf, shark, or bear, it something much worse, much deadlier, something that would perhaps cause the other team to not even take the field. I can image players on the other team saying, my uncle died from that beast, their mascot has destroyed my family, and so forth. So, what’s the mascot? It was Martini glass. It was the professional Los Angeles Rugby team “The Giltinis.” If you want to pick a mascot that leaves a devastating wake of wreckage on society, well then, they nailed it, because my google search of has an “eagle” or “hawk” ever killed a human being, came up with nil. But alcohol on the other hand….

Okay, now let’s here from Betterhelp and then we’ll here from Brett.

Today’s show is sponsored by Better Help.

[10:38] Odette introduces Brett.

Brett took her last drink on January 2, 2020.

[11:07] How are you feeling?

Brett says she is feeling good. Drinking feels like a very long time ago in a good way.

[11:40] Give us a little background on you.

Brett is originally from Rhode Island, but currently lives in San Francisco. She is in tech consulting. She is 27 and in a relationship. She loves going to the Farmer’s market, reading non-fiction, NA drinks, attending to her MANY plants and she hopes to adopt a dog this year.

[13:04] Tell us about your history with drinking

Brett had her first drink at 12 or 13 and was pre-gaming with her sister for her high school senior prom. Her sister and a friend were drinking a clear liquid and laughing and getting a bit gigglier. She looked up to her sister, she was so cool, and Brett wanted to be part of the crowd. At 14-15, alcohol became a social thing. She went to a small Quaker school and early exposure to alcohol came from older siblings. Peer pressure was a big thing. Alcohol was a staple at all the parties.

Brett thought everyone was blacking out and it wasn’t until age 21 that she understood you could drink without blacking out. Her parents would pick her up from parties, then ground her and make her write essays on alcohol, how it was made, where it came from, etc.

[16:41] Where was your heart and your emotional state?

Brett said the cycle of shame kept her drinking for a long time. She would drink, do something stupid, embarrass herself, feel terrible and then drink again because she couldn’t handle her feelings. She was going through a lot as a kid and has since been diagnosed as bipolar 2. She was experiencing all those symptoms as a kid and didn’t know what to do with them. She was scared and wondering what was wrong with her, but not sure what. She was also rebellious.

Value Bomb – Emotional regulation is something we don’t learn about early enough.

[19:34] What happened after high school?

Brett said during her junior year, her dream was to get as far away from Rhode Island as possible (a geographic). She applied to Hawaii Pacific University but ended up at Loyola in Baltimore because nobody from her school was going there. It was the party school and Brett had a fake ID and she was the party girl. She had good friends, nothing bad happened and she achieved a 4.0 GPA. She transferred to Northeastern and found a good group of drinking friends. She had her first depressive episode and called her mom during a complete panic attack. The school psychiatrist suggested she had bipolar 2. She was in denial. She tried to manage her ups and downs with alcohol and cocaine. She really hurt some people during her episodes and needs to make amends.

[23:02] Can you walk us through what a bipolar cycle is like for you?

Brett said, bipolar is difficult to diagnose for many reasons and it presents differently for different people. Her alcohol and cocaine use augmented the ups and downs and made diagnosis more challenging. Brett’s experience was feeling exhausted, tired, and unable to get out of bed. She would rather pee in a cup than go to the bathroom. She had muscle soreness and lots of tears, crying for no reason. Suicidal ideation would come 2-3 days in, and she would circle a drain of worthlessness. The booze turned the dial up and made the episodes longer. She also had blips of hypomania including high bursts of energy, talking fast and urgent shopping among other things. She wasn’t ready to hear about her diagnosis, but had challenges functioning and felt shame and guilt as a result. She went to a dual-diagnosis rehab, which was very freeing for her.

[28:36] What led you to rehab?

Brett said she frequently texted her family members accusing them of not loving or caring about her. In 2020, she messaged her parents, and her parents became alarmed. Her mom called, bought her a plane ticket, and offered to come pick her up. Her Mom was researching rehab programs. Brett had severe withdrawal symptoms and called the rehab to understand the rules. She described getting to the airport 12 hours early because she had no concept of time. She did go to the ER to address her withdrawal symptoms. A few days later they were in the car on the way to a rehab in Massachusetts.

Brett said the life she built for herself in 15 months of sobriety is what she always wanted when she was drinking and using. She had been drinking and using for 15 years. She appreciates how wild, weird, and wonderful that is.

[34:20] How long were you in rehab?

Brett said for two weeks, and she would go back if she could. The food was amazing, and the staff was talented and supportive. She said it saved her life and she enjoyed most of it. Insurance only covered two weeks. Brett wondered why things had to get so bad that she to put her life on hold to get better. Figuring out the fundamental things has prompted her to check in with herself daily. She said we can’t be afraid to prioritize ourselves.

[40:00] How was leaving rehab and what was it like for the next 30 days?

Brett said after treatment she went home to her parents’ home for over a month. She took time away from work and it was a safe bubbled space. She explored AA and Smart Recovery meetings. She returned to work part time. Upon returning to San Francisco, she entered her bedroom and the whole room was in shambled. There were bottles and mess everywhere because she was in a blackout when she left. It was hard, but not triggering. She took it slow and found a therapist and a psychiatrist. After the pandemic hit, she turned to Instagram. She found Carla and Sober IRL (https://www.soberirl.com/) and that kickstarted her desire to stay sober. She continued the medications that were prescribed at rehab and the medication journey was a short one.

[43:30] What tools worked for you?

Brett said in the beginning fear of withdrawal was a huge motivator. As she got more time, AA meetings, podcasts (Café RE and Recovery Happy Hour), reading (This Naked Mind, The Four Agreements) and the Instagram community helped. Brett said when you put yourself out there, people take you into their arms and help you find your people.

[46:36] What helped you overcome cravings?

Brett said she didn’t have any physical cravings. The itchiness with herself can be triggering and she learned to play the tape forward in rehab. She leverages her sponsor, exercise, and leverages TIP exercises (https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/distress-tolerance/tipp/) and baths/showers and cries. Saying out loud she wants a drink and getting it out of her head gives it less power.

[49:42] What is your favorite NA beverage?

Brett said her current favorite is the Mikkeller Limbo Raspberry NA beer.

[53:10] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to your younger self, what would you say.

I’m proud of you, it’s going to be okay.

What’s a lightbulb moment

Sleep is restful

What’s an unexpected perk of being sober?

More money, disposable income

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

Ben & Jerry’s Tonight dough

What parting piece of guidance do you have for listeners?

Just do it, you are worth it!

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

You have accumulated so much debt, you must Venmo borrow from yourself to get alcohol.

Odette’s Summary

Odette reflects upon a recent reading of Gabor Mate where he says, ‘we continue to treat people who struggle with addiction poorly. If you think about it, addiction is not a problem. Addiction is a solution to a problem: our trauma, our suppressed emotions, our unhealed pain.’ Odette is grateful that Recovery Elevator is part of the solution. We see you and we are here for you. It all starts from the inside out.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) registration opens March 1! This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

https://www.kineuphorics.com

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 331: Keep Moving Forward Jun 21, 2021

Episode 331 – we hear from Laura!

Community is so important. It is so important to connect with ourselves, our source energy, or other people. All those things get disconnected with addiction. Reconnecting with the world is an important part of recovery.

On today’s podcast we have Laura who is from Austin, TX and took her last drink on September 16, 2019. This is her journey of living live alcohol free (AF).

Headlines

Laura’s Amazing Journey [16:04]– you will hear about Laura’s story, and she has some great insights for all of us along this journey to gaining or maintaining sobriety.

Paul Churchill is back! He is using his Kermit the frog impression. He missed us all and is so grateful to Odette and all of us for giving him a break this past year. Listen to his insights about his key learnings during the last year [11:20]. Paul describes being sick, mentally physically and spiritually. He is dedicated and energized to continue Recovery Elevator (RE).

Season Three!
- 52 episodes – Paul will do 46 intros; Odette will do 6 and welcome Chris who will do an interview every month

RESTORE
- 13 session alcohol free Dry July course!
- com/restore
- 75-minute sessions on Monday, Thursday and Sunday with homework sessions including:
- Calming the mind
- Building accountability
- Dealing with intense emotions
- How to have fun without alcohol
- Addressing unhealthy thoughts
- Sound Healing
- AF Free beverages and more!
- Day 1 or more and Patrick and Odette are coaching with Paul.

Odette Rocked It and she is still here!

Paul gave many stats about how a podcast survives in a pandemic. Paul also learned so much from listening to Odette take the from seat on the podcast. His discoveries among many include:

Focus on wholeness
Be honest
Be vulnerable
Time has its own timeline
Understanding your relationship with food
Expand your team (you are not in this alone)
Have Fun! Sobriety is not a curse.

Laura’s Story

[16:04] Odette welcomes Laura

Laura’s last drink was September 16, 2019. Laura feels great and has ups and downs and is present and grateful. She lives in Austin, Texas where she owns a spa and does bodywork and energy work. She is working with Supernatural Recovery. She is a single mom to an 8-year-old daughter and loves meditation and yoga.

[17:40] Tell us about your path with drinking

Laura grew up in an alcohol abusive family. She started smoking pot and LSD at 14. She didn’t want to drink because of her parent’s drinking. She was raped at 16 and started drinking to overcome her panic attacks.

She was imprisoned, tortured, and sexually abused for two years. She escaped from her abuser at 18, went to college and her PTSD symptoms became really apparent. She was hospitalized until she could become mentally stable. She continued drinking for 20 years. She was often functioning and often not, it swung back and forth. She didn’t have any rock bottom moments, she lived in rock bottom for several years. After several false starts she was able to stop drinking in 2019.

[20:57] What was your inner dialogue when you started using alcohol?

Laura realized if she was drunk enough, she didn’t have a panic attack. She was doing things that weren’t healthy, but it was how she survived. She is also in recovery for an eating disorder. As part of that journey, she realizes she developed a lot of maladaptive coping mechanism that were survival instincts to help her disassociate.

[23:27] How was sharing your abuse with the world?

Laura said she didn’t share very much. She minimized her early trauma. Integrating her alcohol recovery with heavy trauma therapy has helped her and as her sobriety time increases, more memories surface surfaced. The heavy trauma therapy helped her understand why it was so difficult for her to get sober. Her trauma and alcoholism to hand in hand.

[25:29] Have recurring memories of trauma been a trigger for you?

Laura said sobriety has been an awakening process. She has discovered some radical truths and uncovering new information about her trauma and her family of origin. Her therapist has helped her reconcile those awakenings.

[26:35] How did you approach your healing journey?

Laura wrote a book about her journey which is part of Supernatural Recovery. There are four cornerstones including: caring for your physical body (nutrition, hydration, exercise), trauma relief (body work, energy work, plant medicine, acupuncture), calming your nervous system (finding new ways to handle your body when her nervous system was activated), forgiveness and self-compassion which been the part of it. She is learning how to enjoy her life and avoid negative relationship patterns.

[29:20] How did you discover these alternative tools?

Laura said because of her body work practice, she is connected to many resources in the Austin recovery community. She learned to release trauma and find new ways to live her life.

[31:14] How was early sobriety for you?

Laura said she did not have a pink cloud. She cried all day every day for the first 90 days. Hiking daily, getting outside and the Recovery Elevator podcast were very helpful so she could be vulnerable and honest. At about 90 days, yoga helped her to feel better. When she began working with a somatic process, it helped her to become stronger and more committed. The book, The Energy Codes was helpful and has become a cornerstone of her program.

[34:53] Tell me about the relationship between your alcohol recovery and your eating disorder?

Laura said she played addiction whack a mole for some time. Healing isn’t linear and learning to avoid self-abuse has ups and downs.

[37:20] What role does community have in your healing?

Laura said community is so important. Reconnecting with your source energy, people, and the world when you are recovering is important. She dipped her toes in AA and the 12 Steps, and found it wasn’t for her. The Austin based yoga recovery community has yoga and meditation classes that have been instrumental to her recovery. Café RE was important to her in the early days.

[38:55] Do you still go to therapy?

Laura said yes! She began therapy before she got sober. Her therapist specializes in empaths and highly sensitives. When Laura wanted to stop drinking, worked for a year and a half. She had several false starts, and her therapist helped her get to the other side. Her therapist has inspired her to pursue a master’s degree in counseling.

[40:42] What has recovery made possible for you?

Laura said what she is building with Supernatural Recovery and writing a book that is about to get published. Education is a part of her journey. She has a better handle on her emotional reactions. Service is also gift in her recovery.

[42:30] Do you still get cravings?

Laura said yes and she currently uses fancy olives. In her early days she would take a shot of apple cider vinegar. Calming her body and spending time in nature help. The disease is to disconnect, and the medicine is to stay present. Breathwork also helps. Yoga has helped her train her mind to be her friend.

[44:45] What reactions from others have you experienced since you quit drinking?

Laura said people in her life were relieved, happy, and proud. She has lost some friends along the way because she wasn’t a happy, fun drinker. Sometimes people can’t come with you on any awakening journey. At the end of the day, you must choose yourself. Letting go with gratitude helps avoid bad blood.

[46:58] Have you been able to identify any triggers?

Laura said her triggers are emotional, worrying about her daughter and getting hungry. When she thinks she might want a drink, she now can recognize the trigger, let go of the thought and solve it with self-care. Her daughter is learning to use those tools as well.

[49:14] What does a day in your life look like?

Laura said after dropping her daughter at school, she runs or walks, takes clients, yoga, works on her website or editing her book. On the weekends she spends time outside and hikes with friends.

Teaching her daughter about self-care and handling your emotions is important. Her recovery has made her strong and help others heal.

[53:57] When does your book come out?

It is slated to be published through the Balboa press within the next 4-5 months. She is excited share the broad menu of recovery with others.

[55:15] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

It’s going to be okay. You are an incredible, strong person. You are going to get through this and help others.

What is your favorite NA beverage?

Kin Euphorics

What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

Supernatural Recovery, Café RE, and yoga.

What’s an unexpected perk of being sober?

Her skin, her eyes are brighter and that increases her confidence.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Have compassion for yourself. The healing journey is not linear. If you are trying and you haven’t made it yet, realize the more you beat yourself up, the harder it gets.

You might need to say Adios to booze if …

When a bottle is half empty and you go to the store because you are worried about running out.

Odette’s Summary

Odette says a heartfelt thank you to those that help with the podcast, the listeners and to Paul for giving her the opportunity to be your host.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

https://www.recoveryelevator.com/re-100-binge-drinking-problem-2/

RE 330: Break Free From the Matrix Jun 14, 2021

Episode 330– You change and grow and evolve and that’s a good thing.

You get better, wiser, stronger and make better decisions. You can’t be afraid of that.

Tricia took her last drink on November 14, 2016. She is from Dallas and is 40 years old. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Today’s episode will be a bit different. Tricia chatted with Paul previously on episodes 100 and 212. We will focus on life beyond the bottle and what happens after you have some sober time under your belt.

https://www.recoveryelevator.com/re-212-the-body-tells-us-where-to-go-next/

Today is the final episode of Season 2. Season 3 of the Recovery Elevator podcast begins June 21st. We are focused on having fun, staying authentic, spicy chili mango, ice cream and helping others along the way.

Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.

Odette has encountered many people who feel stuck. They are struggling with letting go of booze. It’s hard to let go of alcohol in a society that encourages drinking. It is normal and part of cognitive dissonance. You can step out of that societal pressure that encourages alcohol consumption. It’s when we resist that it feels the hardest. Choosing to see this journey as an opportunity instead of a sacrifice helps is the first step to breaking free. Choosing to see we are the lucky ones.

Alcohol makes false promises. When we engage differently with the world, we learn we are detaching from booze and the matrix. We must be part of society, but we have power to choose and create new experiences. We outgrow our old selves and fitting in with others.

Remember you have the power to break free from the matrix. You have the power to heal, make new friends, make different decisions, and focus on a better life. Lean into new beginnings. You matter! You can find peace in your decision to stop drinking.

[10:28] Odette welcomes Tricia

Tricia took her last drink on November 14, 2016. She describes herself as a high functioning drinker. Her family had addiction issues. Tricia talked about being co-dependent and she was a perfectionist and over achiever. Success validated her. She worked in a service industry and as a chef. She worked hard and drank hard. She was protective of her drinking because she didn’t want anyone to know about her drinking. She was obsessed with making it look like everything was fine. She was a blackout drinker. She was scared about that progression. She was unable to quit for more than a month at a time. She got divorced and used alcohol to cope and avoid her feelings. Her anxiety peaked and her drinking became out of control. One Monday she went through three days of withdrawal after a weekend of binge drinking. She reminds everyone not to quit cold turkey if they are physically addicted because it can be life-threatening. She started listening to podcasts, Recovery Elevator and heard stories that sounded like her. She began looking for resources and she went to an AA meeting. She worked the steps, got a sponsor, and went to therapy. Not all of them stuck, but she liked being able to do it her way. Tricia has found freedom in recovery.

[20:10] Is it easy to forget how bad your problem was? How do you make yourself remember?

Tricia said she forgets, but not in a way that makes her want to drink. She knows it was terrible and doesn’t want to go back. The freshness of early sobriety, her first 90 days are hard to remember. Recovery is a big part of her life which makes it easier to remember.

[23:19] What are some of your later lessons of sobriety?

Tricia said people pleasing and inner child work are old habits to break. Initially your focus is not drinking. In time you find new things to work on and it never gets old. People pleasing is a tough one to overcome. Separating herself from her feelings was huge. Alcohol was 20% of her issue, the other issues emerge as you gain sobriety.

[26:25] What is your currency now?

Tricia said joy and peace. At night, if she is sleeping easy and she isn’t ruminating, she knows she is doing something right. Breathwork and meditation help. Her focus was on achievement and what she could earn. When she finds joy in things and what makes her happy, she is at peace. You make choices about how you live life, and it brings you freedom. Stopping and being mindful of what she is thinking is the work. Small, steady work on your thoughts is important.

[30:50] How do you protect your energy?

Tricia said identifying energy sucks are critical. She is mindful of her reactions to things. Identifying ‘her part’ is important. Identifying what she can control helps. There are days when she didn’t sleep well or didn’t eat and she doesn’t do as good a job as she would like, but she gets an opportunity to try again the next day. Tricia recognizes she will disappoint herself and others. She does the best she can and embraces her humanity. We are all doing the best we can, and listening is important. Getting counsel from people who know you well is helpful. She likes to remember that not everyone is thinking about you. Tricia says, find your team – people who know your story. Don’t live someone else’s life. Think about yourself the way your dog loves you!

[41:15] How do you manage your relationship with anxiety?

Tricia said she has struggled with anxiety since age 7. She had physical panic attacks at age 20. Medication has helped, but she didn’t have any tools. Anxiety can be progressive. She was blocking out days at a time because of anxiety, not alcohol. Now she lives with anxiety and pretends it’s a roommate. She knows how to keep it in check. Giving up alcohol is the best thing you can do. Tricia focuses on trying to prevent anxiety and meditation, exercise, journaling, a therapist are great tools. Routine is important including good sleep.

[45:32] How is being tuned into your body helpful?

Tricia said, the body keeps the score. It holds onto trauma, memories, etc. Through breathwork, she is learning to connect to her body. It checks her into her body, and she can feel when she is getting triggered, stressed, or tired. Expressing uncomfortable emotions is so important, otherwise it shows up as anxiety or a drinking problem.

Book Reference: The Body Keeps the Score

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18693771-the-body-keeps-the-score

[50:12] Rapid Fire Round

What is something unexpected in your journey?

How fun it is.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Tricia can’t eat ice cream, but she loves peach pie.

What has recovery made possible for you?

Meeting myself and who I really am.

What parting advice would you give to young listeners?

Ask questions about your relationship with alcohol. Push back. If you drink, you will miss out. Holding on to booze keeps you missing out.

Odette’s Summary

Odette challenges us to take out our journal and write out what the most beautiful and authentic version of your life looks life. If the unknown is hard to process, give your brain some direction. Write it down, fill in those fear gaps with hope. Feel free to email me at odette@recoveryelevator.com.

You took the elevator down; you must take the stairs back up.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 329: An Arsenal of Why's Jun 07, 2021

Episode 329 – I started to notice the expectations putting an expectation on things or a timeline or predict reactions. I try to do what I can every day and try not to put expectations on things anymore.

Dane took his last drink on October 11, 2020. He is from Washington State, and he is 32 years old. This is his journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Season 3 of the Recovery Elevator podcast begins June 21st. We are focused on having fun, staying authentic and helping others along the way.

Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.

Odette spoke about her beloved Peleton and the arsenal of “why’s”. and thought shifts. The instructor encouraged Odette to dig into her arsenal of why’s and keep going. Odette reflected on Simon Sinek’s book, Start with Why.

Odette reflected on her time in rehab. She focused on why she was recovering from food addiction. She knew having a family was her why and

Actions can be driven by fear or manipulation or love and inspiration. Simon says few people or companies can articulate why they do what they do.

Charisma has nothing to do with energy, it come from clarity of WHY. Energy comes from good sleep or caffeine. Charisma comes from loyalty, energy does not. Our purpose is to stay on the path of an alcohol-free life. Odette wants to stay sober so her kids can have a health, not perfect role model. Odette wants to have healthy relationships and break toxic patterns in society . Odette has many why’s and she leans on those whys when her tank is empty. Hard days are part of a good life. Dig into your arsenal of WHY’s.

[7:56] Odette introduces Dane

Dane took his last drink on October 11, 2020. He lives in Washington State. He is a buy and hold real estate investor. He subcontracts with janitorial work. He is 32 and single. He has a son arriving in June. He was an only child, so he is hoping to make it as fun as possible. He loves to travel, seeing culture, history, and food. He loves cross fit, yoga, the river, boating and is returning to meditation.

[10:49] Tell us about your history with drinking?

Dane said he started drinking in high school He and a friend drank a fifth. In junior year, beer was the drink of choice. In college he was mixing drinks and he noticed things going downhill. He had a rock bottom moment; he was in a car accident. He was transported to Portland and was in the hospital for 30 days. He was de-gloved. After a year of healing, he returned to college to get his degree. For two months he didn’t drink. When he started again, he would black out and it went downhill from there.

[14:13] Were you questioning your relationship with alcohol when your accident occurred?

Dane said the night of the accident, he didn’t drink any more than usual. A psychology class prompted him to think about how much he drank. He moderated and binge drank on the weekends. Everybody drank in college, so it didn’t seem like a big deal.

[16:08] What happened after college?

After college, Dane moved to Seattle for a large city experience. He binged with his friends on the weekends. He began to distance himself from his friends so he wouldn’t drink as much. He went home to visit him family. His business and his family inspired him to move back to Eastern Washington.

[17:40}. When did you attempt to stop drinking?

Dane said he and his girlfriend had an argument. He didn’t remember any of it. He drove back to his house and awoke with shame, guilt, and anxiety. He tried to quit before, but generally avoiding his friends and moderating. He knew the life he wanted to have wouldn’t exist without drinking.

[19:47] What was your thought process about quitting?

Dane said once the car accident happened it put a bull’s eye on him. It put him on the map with an alcohol problem. People asked him about quitting or moderating.

When people asked him about quitting, he wanted the details so he could understand it.

Dane googled how to quit drinking or famous people who quit drinking. He knew for five years, he needed to quit, he just didn’t know how.

[24:06] What happened on October 10th?

I had an argument with my girlfriend and I couldn’t remember any of it. The first three days were recuperation. He continued looking at other nondrinkers. Dane found Café RE, and a weight was lifted. He knew he was not alone. As he continues getting tools, he knows his life is better.

He realized he was a good person but didn’t show his best character when drinking.

[27:34] How did you handle early sobriety?

Dane said he was always a binge drinker, and he listened to podcasts and focused on podcasts, yoga, and healthy food. He is tempted with a cold beer or a shot, but he goes back to what he may feel, do, or say.

Dane often thought he didn’t have a problem because he wasn’t a daily drinker.

A lot of times the hard things are hard. We think backwards.

He lets people know he isn’t drinking. Many people ask him how many days he has.

Dane gave a shout out to P

[37:27] Do you have a favorite non-alcoholic drink?

Dane said Topo Chico and Fred Meyer’s Selzer water. He loves the feeling. He also does some NA beers. He goes to water quickly.

[38:55} Have you noticed any changes in your daily routine?

Dane said he is sleeping a lot more. He acknowledges his body is healing and he needs the sleep. Day to day he works out and goes to one of his properties. He is working on meditation.

Dane is managing his expectations and tries to limit them.

[43 21:] Rapid Fire Round

What is a lightbulb moment you have you had in this journey?

I feel better physically and mentally

What would you say to your younger self?

Try the experiment but acknowledge your goals for your body and your spirit.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Ben & Jerry’s tonight dough.

What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners who are considering ditching the booze?

You are going to feel shitty, but you must let go of alcohol as the crutch.

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

If you almost die, almost lose your arm….

Odette’s Summary

Odette challenges us to build our list of why’s. Find all the reasons why you want to stay committed to ditching the booze.

This isn’t a no to alcohol, but a yes to a better life.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 328: F is for Fear May 31, 2021

Episode 328 – the quality of my relationships with other people in the world is limited by the quality of my relationship with myself.

Adam took his last drink on December 13, 2019. He is from Massachusetts, and he is 37 years old. This is his journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Season 3 of the Recovery Elevator podcast begins June 21st. We are focused on having fun, staying authentic and helping others along the way.

Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.

Odette spoke about early sobriety and thought shifts. Early sobriety can be exhausting because your body is resetting, and your thoughts are playing tug-o-war. You have permission to be tired in early recovery. The mental work is exhausting. Odette referenced Melody Beattie and the Language of Letting Go. Letting go of fear is at the core of codependency. Fear can help you protect yourself. In recovery, waving goodbye to fear allows you to embrace safety, trust, peace, and acceptance. Pay attention to healthy fears and let go of the rest. We can trust and love ourselves.

Sometimes what is best for us feels wrong. We oversee letting go of what doesn’t serve us anymore. Peace begins within you.

[8:15] Odette introduces Adam

Adam took his last drink on December 13, 2019. He lives in Western Massachusetts with his wife and two young children. He is a lawyer. He loves running, hiking, reading, and playing with his two girls.

[9:51] Tell us about your history with drinking?

Adam said his first love was marijuana. He smoked during high school. His mother died suddenly when he was in college. He stopped smoking pot when he went to law school due to the conflict with legality. Slowly alcohol crept into his life. After a few years, he muted his feelings and pressures at work with alcohol. He quickly started moderating. He moved to Massachusetts and intended to stop drinking, but he was isolated, and his drinking escalated.

[12:28] What was your mindset around alcohol?

Adam said for him it was always numbing. He liked to drink alone. He struggled with family issues including shame, vulnerability, and food issues. He took on some of the behaviors he saw in his family.

[14:00] Did You have food issues as well?

Adam said he did struggle with weight as well. In junior year of high school, he lost 70 pounds. He loves running and that has helped him manage his emotions. He has been choosing mediation in the past year.

[15:21] How did your drinking evolve?

Adam said by 2014, he went to his first AA meeting. He spoke to his therapist about drinking, but he wasn’t ready to deal with it. He developed a pattern of lying about his drinking and he would get caught. He tried to control his drinking by buying nips.

He wanted a state of numbness without heavy consequences. He described an out of body experience about starting to drink and drive and hide bottles before he got home.

[17:45] Was your shame progressing?

Adam said it was terrible. He felt like a total failure. He was taking risks, putting his daughter in danger. The weight of the shame was huge.

Things came to a head when his wife was pregnant with their second child. He recalled lying about sobriety time and taking coins for a year of sobriety when he hadn’t achieved it. He brought the coins into the meeting and told them he had lied. He was accepted, given hugs and it opened the door for him to transition from shame to guilt. He was still drinking and hiding. Anticipating coping with a newborn prompted him to ask for a bigger level of help. He went to rehab to get well.

[22:51] Did returning the coins change how you approached drinking?

Adam said it opened the door to imperfection. He read “the Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown. He learned that the quality of relationships with other people in this world were limited by his relationship with himself.

If he couldn’t learn to love himself, his relationship with his wife would suffer. He knew he needed to take 30 days away to have the space and room to learn to love himself.

[24:58] How were things when you returned home?

Adam has found freedom from his self-imposed “control” cage. When he returned home, he had a lot of trust to rebuild. He spent 15 hours a day changing his mindset while in rehab. When he returned home, he realized life went on. In the beginning he resisted several things. His wife asked him to put a breathalyzer in the car because she was concerned about him driving the children while intoxicated. Today he embraces that completely, but at the time his ego resisted the suggestion. He had to learn to ask for advice versus selling his excuses to others. He and his family have been safe for over a year. He has rebuilt trust and freedom with his family.

[30:53] How were the first few months?

Adam said he had very few cravings. He is active in AA. He attends four virtual meetings a week. He belongs to a gratitude group and shares three things he is grateful for every day.

[32:55] What role does exercise play in your recovery?

Adam ran when he was drinking. He works out now. He uses the peloton app and looks forward to running when the weather improves.

[33:39] Tell me about your meditation practice.

Adam dabbled in meditation for a while. In treatment, he focused on developing a meditation practice. He embraced the mantra, “I am worthy of receiving all of the love the universe has for me.”

He had some life changing moments with meditation, mantras and breathwork. Things just clicked. Adam meditates daily for a minimum of ten minutes. He loves how he can change how his body feels just by breathing. He knows it is worth it to try new things and invest in himself. Willingness is critical for him.

[37:55] How have your relationships evolved in recovery?

Adam referenced AA’s promises and said he could not have designed what his life is like now. He wakes up after disjointed sleep and realizes how lucky he is to experience his daughters. The last year (COVID) has been a gift with a new child, homeschooling, juggling careers and has helped his marriage.

[40:51] Is parenting triggering for you?

Adam said he doesn’t want to drink, but he often wants to escape. He leverages meditation to help him overcome those temporary challenges of parenting.

[42:44] What is your response when someone offers you a drink?

Adam feels very comfortable. He brings his own drink anytime he goes out, so he doesn’t risk having to look around for something.

His wife had a glass of wine after a year of not drinking (due to pregnancy) and didn’t like how she felt. She is joining Adam to be alcohol free.

The only thing Adam misses is the escape.

[46:33] What is something unexpected that has happened during your journey?

Adam said he experiences more joy daily than he thought was possible.

[46:44] What are you looking forward to?

Adam loves live music, specifically Fish and the Grateful Dead. Both bands have a big sober following. He wants to go to a concert and attending a fellowship meeting during a set break to experience live music and sobriety.

[47:54] Rapid Fire Round

What would you say to your younger self?

You are worthy of receiving all the love that the universe has for you.

What has recovery made possible for you?

Everything. Addiction is giving up everything for one thing and recovery is about giving up one thing for everything.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Ben & Jerry’s oatmeal cookie.

What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

The book, The Four Agreements. His sponsor and his sober community have been tremendous assets.

What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners who are considering ditching the booze?

There is nothing in this world that is worth more than an investment in yourself. Once you do that, you will have a life you can’t imagine.

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

If you find yourself drinking at an in-person AA meeting.

Odette’s Summary

Odette challenges listeners to take out your journals and explore this prompt. When do I feel at peace? Is it easy to stay there? What do I run toward when I find myself unable to stay at peace?

Creating a new mindset takes more than quitting drinking. Learn more about yourself.

Check out our YouTube channel for a recipe for Tamarind limeade – lots of laughs!

You are not alone, together is always better. Peace begins with you.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 327: Trust is Like a Video Game May 24, 2021

Episode 327 – trying to stop and think about, is alcohol serving me? I don’t have to decide right now, I need to get back to basics.

Chloe took her last drink on June 7, 2020. She is from the UK and is 32 years old. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette gave a shout out to Brainwashed Coffee that is one of the sponsors of the Bozeman retreat. They also donate 50% of their proceeds to those in addiction recovery.

https://www.brainwashedcoffeeco.com/ Promo Code: elevator for a 20% discount.

Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.

Odette spoke about growing up with her brother, Charlie and playing lots of video games. Odette talked about trust and video games. Trust is earned. The more you do the next right thing and protect your sobriety, you get to the next level, just the way you level up when playing video games. Facing recovery with fun instead of fear helps you recognize your increasing skills that come with practice.

[6:09] Odette introduces Chloe

Chloe took her last drink on June 7, 2020. She said it has been a crazy journey. Chloe is 32 and lives in the UK. She has a dog, and she loves walking the dog, running, anything active.

[7:16] Tell us about your history with drinking?

Chloe started drinking at age 15. She was a binge drinker like many of her friends. She didn’t see it as a problem until her mid to late twenties. She started listening to the Recovery Elevator podcast. She reached one-year of sobriety and had a relapse that was lengthy. As of this recording she has 8 months of continuous sobriety.

[8:19] What put you on the trajectory to quit drinking?

Chloe said she wanted to drink more than she could get away with. As her moderation journey continued, her drinking got worse. She got depressed and was in a bad relationship. She attempted suicide and was put into an inpatient program for depression. She was sneaking alcohol while in the program but didn’t relate the correlation between drinking and her depression, she found AA and discovered she could have a happy life without drinking.

[11:01] Did the doctors treating your depression ask about your drinking?

Chloe said she played down her drinking. She thought everyone did that. Alcohol was such a crutch, and it was something she looked forward to, so it was hard to get her head around stopping.

[12:30] How did you end up at your first AA meeting?

Chloe said the more she tried to moderate, the more out of control her drinking became. She answered yes to every question on an alcohol quiz. She was able to relate to what people in AA said. They were able to have a happy, functional life without alcohol. It helped her change her thinking about drinking and her depression.

[14:49] What happened after your first AA meeting?

Chloe stopped drinking for a bit, then relapsed. She went into a second treatment program and got sober. She worked the steps. She achieved a year of sobriety. She started drinking after getting into a relationship with someone new. He was a drinker and she wanted to share that experience. Over the next 18 months, her drinking became progressively worse. Her thinking was muddled. She read Paul Churchill’s book; Alcohol is Sh*t! She realized she didn’t need to figure out if she was powerless, yet. She needed to get back to basics and keep trying. Even one day of sobriety is progress.

[18:08] Did the desire to fit in influence your relapse?

Chloe said she thought she could have fun with alcohol and stop again. She didn’t realize how insidious it is to continue starting and stopping over and over. Sobriety is precious. She felt crazy. She would listen to sobriety podcasts, then drink at night. She learned a lot of lessons through drinking.

[21:54] Did you share your sobriety with people outside of AA?

Chloe said she did share her quest for sobriety with the person she was in a relationship with. She had to get support when she returned to sobriety. She has great friends in AA and her family is supportive as well.

[23:02] Did sobriety help your depression?

Chloe said about six months into sobriety she noticed the feelings of joy and gratitude that she hadn’t experienced before. The depression was gone. Her life had meaning and a reason to go on.

[24:46] What motivated you to quit again?

Chloe said it was during lockdown and things were bad. Lockdown accelerated her drinking. She drank three bottles of wine a day, passed out and kept repeating it day after day. Her last night of drinking, she drank so much, she got into a fight and got violent with her partner at the time. She called the police, and they took him away. The next morning, she realized she was the one with the problem and it couldn’t happen again. The risk was no longer worth it. She felt done and resigned. She threw everything she had at sobriety. She went back to AA and attacked sobriety, stacked days and she is grateful it’s working. The first few months were tough, now she doesn’t have to work so hard to stay sober.

[28:11] Do you realize how amazing it is that you pulled it together?

Chloe said her self-esteem was strengthened. She knows she can do hard things and other things she didn’t think were possible.

[30:21] Did you start going back to meetings?

Chloe said, not immediately, but now she can attend in person meetings. She has friends in AA, she connected to people on Instagram, listened to podcasts and joined Café RE.

[31:32] How do you manage cravings?

Chloe said she is learning not to freak out. She doesn’t overthink the craving. It’s normal. Cravings are just a thought. She plays the tape forward, exercises and reaches out to friends.

[33:55] Do you get any negative feedback from others about your sobriety?

She said, not this round. In the last round a co-worker said he didn’t trust anyone who didn’t drink.

[34:45] Have you overcome the concern about having fun sober?

Chloe had to rethink her mindset about sobriety and looks at it as a joyful, amazing journey of growth and possibility vs. misery and deprivation. She has more energy, more enthusiasm, more interests, more people in her life.

[37:34] Have you been able to identify triggers?

Chloe said stress and celebrations are her biggest triggers. She recognizes that drinking is no longer a celebration. The pause is so important.

[38:58] Rapid Fire Round

What would you say to your younger self?

Keep trying no matter what.

What is your go to response when someone offers you a drink?

She hasn’t faced that because of lockdown. Her planned response is, yes please, I’ll have a sparkling water.

What has recovery made possible for you?

Everything. When she was drinking, she was doing nothing. She is training for a marathon, starting a new career and happily single.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

All ice cream. She hasn’t had a bad one!

What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners who are considering ditching the booze?

Keep putting in the action, stacking the days and the result will come.

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

If you are listening to podcasts about sobriety.

Odette’s Summary

We have your back. We are your safe container. The journey comes with different levels. Hit the save button when you get stuck. Take a breath, ask for help. Nothing great is ever done on our own, sobriety takes a village. Have fun along the way and trust the process.

Remember that you are not alone and together is always better. We can do this!

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 326: REwriting Stories May 17, 2021

Episode 326 – playing forward and playing it present -- if I drink again, why would I want to go down that path?

Erik took his last drink on March 9, 2019. He is from upstate New York. This is his journey of living alcohol free (AF).

This quarter’s Recovery Elevator donation went to “The Phoenix.”

thephoenix.org

Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.

Odette is training for a marathon. She reached out to her fitness coach Paul from RecoveryFit1 to get some guidance on training, cross-training, etc. She has noticed the training for the race is re-training her brain, rewriting her story and building her confidence. Crossing the finish line of a marathon is scary for Odette. During her childhood, she participated in the rally portion of the mini-Olympics. She fell and as a result her team was in last place. From then on, she told herself she was not a runner.

Odette recognizes we often get stuck in our stories because those stories are all we know. We need to believe we can do things differently. She is using visualization techniques to overcome her old stories. What stories are we telling ourselves about our alcohol-free journey? Are those stories holding you back or keeping you stuck? How can you re-write your story?

[8:53] Odette introduces Erik

Erik took his last drink on March 9, 2019. His journey includes ups, downs, and stability. He grew up in upstate New York and lives in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, He is 42, single and living it up in the sunshine state. Erik loves binge watching TV (COVID), meet-up.com, brunch, dinner, event planning, relaxing and baths.

[11:23] Tell us about your history with drinking?

Erik took his first drink at junior prom and found his dad’s secret stash of Manhattan’s. He didn’t drink much until college. He remembers the Bridge Street Run and he got completely wasted and was on camera when the local news covered the event. His drinking progressed from there. He moved to Los Angeles and in 2010 he got his first DUI. He knew his drinking was a problem and he started looking at his drinking more closely.

His DUI stemmed from a party that included friends from college. At 3 AM, he remembers driving home and avoiding someone on the side of the road. He passed an accident and almost ran over the cops. His recollection was foggy because he was so intoxicated. He exited the freeway on Hollywood Blvd., was arrested and the cops took him back to the scene of the accident so he could see where he almost ran the cops over.

His friends came to pick him up and told him, ‘It’s ok, it happens to everyone’.

[17:55] What happened after the DUI?

Eric looks at his drinking career through the lens of his DUI’s because he’s had three in ten years. He went to AA after the first DUI. He took one of the quizzes about problem drinking. His gut knew he had a problem, but he ignored it and went along with his friends who said it was not a big deal.

He moved to Florida and picked up where he left off. His 2nd DUI was in 2013. He remembers going out, ripping his jeans from dancing and drove from West Palm Beach to Ft. Lauderdale. He was driving 80 MPH in a 35 MPH zone. He blew a .15 and went to court.

Five years later he got his third DUI.

[21:16] What was your drinking like between the DUI’s?

After the first DUI, it scratched the surface of concern, but he kept drinking. Erik describes himself as a celebratory binge drinker.

He went to AA for four months without drinking and believed moderating would work for him. He was able to moderate successfully until the shut off valve in his brain didn’t shut off.

In 2018, Erik got his third DUI. He had a breathalyzer in his vehicle and was still positive (for alcohol) the next day. Erik took a cab to work. Erik never wants to be like that again.

[27:39] What other elements of your life (at the time) could be attributed to alcohol?

Erik said from 2016-2018 he was a mess. He was on anti-depressants and drinking and the combination and progression were not good. Erik knew peer pressure was a big deal for him. He learned to distance himself from people who drink. He acknowledges his choices and recognizes he needs to say no to others in an

[30:02] Did you have a rock bottom when you had your last drink?

Erik said the weekend after his third DUI he was drinking, and he drove a friend to the airport at 5 am. He went to AA for six months. He chaired meetings, read the books. His attorney helped him to stay out of jail by wearing an ankle monitor. He was unable to get into treatment because he already had six months of sobriety. Erik had to hack the system to get treatment. He got really drunk to make sure he could get into treatment vs. jail.

[37:54] How was your life after treatment?

Erik described treatment being a gift. There were some downsides, including losing his privacy. When he left rehab, he was required to wear an ankle monitor. He had a falling out with his sponsor. He made a choice to drink to stay out of jail. He became forthcoming with his therapist and social worker. AA was a blessing for him. He found Recovery Elevator during COVID, and he sees many similarities to AA.

Some days are hard and other days are beautiful. Sobriety is work. It’s a daily chore, but it’s so worth it for him. It works if you work it and work it because you are worth it!

Erik thirsts for Recovery Elevator to become bigger. He loves the meet ups and the chats, and it has been great for him.

[46:39] How do you relate to alcohol now?

Erik said his ankle monitor came in handy. It helped him through several situations including a funeral, a long layover at an airport. Erik knows he can have fun without alcohol, and he can be in public spaces without drinking. He is learning about who he is and who he wants to be. Time heals all wounds, and you get more comfortable with sobriety with time.

Playing it forward and playing it present helps him stay sober.

[51:01] Rapid Fire Round

What has this journey made possible for you?

It has allowed me to get to know myself and look inside and see who I want to be as a human being and how I want to interact with the universe.

What is your go to response when someone offers you a drink?

No, thank you.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Rocky Road

What is an unexpected perk of this journey?

I have more patience and I’m more in the moment. You experience sunrises and sunsets differently. Florida is beautiful year around and he loves being in the moment.

What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners who are considering ditching the booze?

Stick with it. Listen to your gut. We’ve all had plenty of day 1’s. Don’t minimize your sobriety. Be thankful for what you have and keep coming back.

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

You have to check your car for damage after a night of drinking or can’t remember where your car is.

Odette’s Summary

One of our team members, Alan Copeland is going to share about Café RE. Check out Alan’s episode 287. Alan has been with Café RE since January 1, 2020. He helps onboard new members. Café RE includes:

Connection with like-minded people
Podcast
Over 20 online chats per week
Accountability partner
Facebook group
In person meet-ups with sober people (have fun without drinking)
Courses including Restore, Ditch the Booze
Book club
Movie Club
Yoga
Fitness class
Member listing
Recovery Buffet (AA, Smart Recovery, Recovery Dharma friendly – we support the menu of options for recovery)
$24 monthly membership fee
Cancel anytime, rejoin anytime

Alan believes RE can help you overcome loneliness. You quickly understand there are like-minded people who are here to support you. Lifelong friendships are built in Café RE. We focus on the similarities. We don’t follow a specific program we are open to multiple options for recovery. The light will always be on for you here at Café RE.

Remember that you are not alone and together is always better. We can rewrite our stories.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 325: Death as a Life Tool May 10, 2021

Episode 325 – I used to drink at people when I was upset and those were bad nights. I believed alcohol calmed me down and got me out of the anger.

Gillian took her last drink on November 9, 2019. She is from Boston and loves playing video games. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).

https://www.getgruvi.com/ discount code: recoveryelevator

Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.

Odette has been thinking about death. She has anxiety about dying. She read a chapter in the Untethered Soul. The author, Michael A. Singer said having an active relationship with death is healthy. “It is truly a great cosmic paradox that one of the best teachers in all of life turns out to be death. No person or situation could teach as much as death has to teach you. While someone could tell you, you are not your body, death shows you. While someone could remind you of the insignificance of the things that you cling to, death takes them away in a second. Death makes us all the same.” Keeping death at the forefront of our mind helps us stay in the moment. We can stop focusing on the future or dwelling on the past and appreciate every moment.

Full presence with her children gives Odette great joy. In the moment, Odette is learning to appreciate what she has. She knows we can avoid thinking about death, but it’s inevitable.

When we choose sobriety, we remove a huge block that prevents us from being in the moment. Odette still has other blocks, yet she is motivated to stay sober by those moments when she can understand what being fully present is. The more time she spends away from alcohol, the more presence is available to her. Value what you have, honor where you are and be grateful!

[10:25] Odette introduces Gillian

Gillian took her last drink on November 9, 2019. She lives in Boston, she is a biochemist and for fun she reads, plays video games and hangs out with her husband and kitty.

[11:29] Tell us about your history with drinking?

Gillian started drinking at age 22. She was a late comer to drinking. She had a glass of wine at 18 and had such intense shame about drinking. She drank more in grad school and started with Bud Lite, and her drinking quickly escalated. She was frequently sick and within a year she was a daily drinker. Her tolerance doubled. She tried to moderate for five years. Eventually, she realized moderation would not work.

[13:27] Tell me more about the shame your experienced with your first drink?

Gillian is a rule follower. She had trouble liking who she was. She didn’t like or accept her body. At 18 she was feeling shame about food she ate. It was a difficult time in her life.

[14:39] Tell me more about your moderation attempts.

Before Gillian was a scientist, she was a teacher and she used alcohol as her fuel. She learned that when you drink, the stress goes away, and you feel better. She switched to Vodka and made cosmos daily. She knew she was drinking too much. She used a rubber band for the number of drinks, had her husband pour drinks, she bought strong wine, bought weak wine. She ended several friendships because she thought she was drinking too much with them. In her journal her goal was to limit to 25 drinks a week. She abandoned that quickly.

[17:18] Why were you so firm on making moderation work?

Gillian said she couldn’t imagine a life without alcohol. She thought it would be the death of fun. All her friends drank. It was fundamental to her socializing. She continued to try moderation. She went to a therapist and was told she wasn’t an alcoholic.

[18:58] Did your husband know you were struggling?

Gillian said she talked with her husband a lot about her moderation attempts. He knew they were well thought out. He loved her and wanted to support her but felt uncomfortable saying she should quit.

[20:48] How is your relationship now that you have been sober for over a year?

Gillian said her relationship is much better. They were having a lot of issues before she quit. She says it’s like they are dating again. They talk about their lives and their thoughts. They connect so much better. Her husband is a normal drinker.

[22:45] What made you decide to quit?

Gillian said her mental health declined for the last four years of her drinking. She developed anxiety and was up all night with panic attacks. She continued drinking and eventually she developed suicidal thoughts, which scared her. She challenged herself to not drink for 90 days. She did the 90 days and on day 91, she got drunk. She drank for a few more months and the suicidal thoughts and anxiety returned. She quit for good in November because she was afraid, she might act on her thoughts.

[25:42] You had good insights about the outcome of continued drinking. Does that ring a bell?

Gillian said she believed people would label her as a loser, a weak person. She wanted to go to parties and wineries and did not want to be the only one who wasn’t drinking.

Anger has been her biggest struggle. She would get overcome with rage. She was mad at her husband and family. She has processed the anger, and no longer has rage attacks.

Gillian said she drank at people when she was upset. She believed alcohol calmed her down and helped her deal with the anger. It was exactly opposite.

[28:37] 15 months in has your motivation shifted?

Gillian said she uses data. She knows if she returns to drinking, anxiety and suicidal ideation will return. All the gains she has made in sobriety would disappear if she returned to drinking. A recent quote she likes is, “Addiction is giving up everything for one thing. Recovery is giving up one thing for everything.”

[30:45] Did anything happen on November 9 that was different?

Gillian said it was the 11-year anniversary of a traumatic event. She started the day with a boozy brunch, then bought a bottle of wine, then another and by 6 pm she was destroyed. She made the decision to quit at 5:30 in the morning. She felt calm when she made that resolve and she celebrates the 9th, not the 10th.

[32:46] How did you celebrate your one-year?

Gillian and her husband went to an Airbnb in Maine with a cool hot tub. They had a great time, talked a lot, and made new memories.

[33:59] How were the first thirty days for you?

Gillian said quitting at the start of the holiday season was difficult. She went to lots of parties sober. She was the only one not drinking. She doesn’t have cravings because her acceptance is so strong. She struggles with people questioning her drinking. She made new friends who were not big drinkers. She did experience a lot of night sweats.

[37:53] Did you feel strong after the holiday season?

Gillian said it gave her lots of confidence. She feels like a pro now. There were a few times she cried. The pride has rushed in and she started going to Starbucks to treat herself when other partygoers were getting drunk or weird. She has set lots of boundaries in sobriety which feels good. She now respects herself. She deserves people who care about her and want the best for her.

[40:03] When did your career shift happen?

Gillian said that during a moderation attempt, she realized teaching was too stressful. When she moved over to science, it was a good shift with the goal of being able to moderate her drinking.

[41:32] What happens when you have challenges in life?

Gillian now bakes cookies. The act of baking helps her calm down. Her husband is incredibly supportive. Playing video games and therapy help.

Seeing others drink wine can be triggering. She feels jealous. Her company sent wine as gifts, but she was able to avoid those gifts.

[43:39] How vocal are you at work about being alcohol free?

Gillian doesn’t tell people about her sobriety. She was able to avoid the wine deliveries by telling someone who was part of the fun committee. She was able to request an alcohol-free alternative. She has given feedback that mocktails should be included at work cocktail parties. She has given feedback without “outing” herself. A wine delivery could be disastrous for someone in early sobriety, so she is courageous about giving feedback.

[46:50] Tell me about your anxiety?

Gillian said the anxiety is completely gone.

[47:33] What about sleep?

Gillian said she sleeps like a teenager. She was so sleep deprived at the end of her drinking. Sleep is now great, and it still surprises her how good it feels. It took a few months to get out of the disrupted sleep cycle. She feels amazing now.

[49:02] How has your body image changed?

Gillian said she has always struggled with body image. In May, she realized she was looking good. Now she can look in the mirror and likes what she sees. It has been an unexpected perk of sobriety.

[51:26] Rapid Fire Round

What would you say to your younger self?

It’s okay, you are doing fine.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Coffee Oreo.

What has been a lightbulb moment for you in this journey?

I realize my story is not unique to me. It’s good to not be special. I am not alone. It was good to know that others had similar experience.

What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners who are considering ditching the booze?

If you are worrying that you might have a problem, you know deep down that you do. It’s ok that you do. Its better on the other side.

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

You are obsessing about moderation every single day and you spend most of your time thinking about your drinking.

Odette’s Summary

One of our team members, Alan Copeland wrote a poem he is going to share with you today.

Connection is The Key

For so long I was looking for the key that would open the door to a better life, a new life. One that wasn’t spiraling into oblivion.

A dark abyss of anxiety, depression, self-loathing, and fear. The bottom was as far as I could keep falling - no rope to grab - no hand to grasp.

A true free fall with gravity doing what gravity does. A downward spiral.

Where is that key? What’s on the other side of that door? Will I ever find what it’s like to be free from this room that’s closing in on me?

Can I buy the key?

That’s it….I’ll buy it!

Wait...where do I buy it?

Amazon?

Apple? Is there an App?

Google will tell me, right?

Or how about I make the key! Yeah….I’ll make it to fit the door. I really can do this alone.

Wait….how will I make a key when I can’t even find the door!?

I was all alone and to feel truly alone is paralyzing.

Being alone in addiction and pending sobriety is a fear that I’ve never experienced before. Please, please...someone help me find the key.

I never found that key.

Luckily, it found me. And finally, I opened the door. The door to a better life, a new life.

Connection is the key.

To say I’m grateful for connection doesn’t give it the credit it deserves.

The key was with a group of individuals that I had never met, never would have met and in many cases - still haven't met.

Connection is the key.

True connection is something I had never defined or thought about.

When you can share experiences, challenges and growth with another person that is also battling the raging bitch of addiction...well...that’s a connection that’s hard to put into words.

I have now experienced true connection. The ability to tell a person, “I see you”, “I hear you”, “I understand you” and “you are loved”.

Connection is the key.

The key to learning who I am….who I REALLY am.

It’s not easy, but when you have someone to lean on, someone who catches you when you fall, someone who “feels the feels” with you, cries with you and the best of all...laughs with you. Authentic self to authentic self. We realize - we can’t do this alone.

Connection is the key.

Connection is powerful.

Connection is the opposite of addiction.

Have you found the key yet? If not...don’t look now….it might have just found, you.

Remember that you are not alone and together is always better. Connection is the key. We can do this.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 324: Puzzle Pieces in Recovery May 03, 2021

Episode 324 – I guess it’s my pride. It’s ego which is not a good thing. It’s almost a year and I realized, OMG, it’s the best year of my life.

Bobbie took her last drink on December 16, 2019. She is from upstate New York. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.

Odette was inspired by Brian who hosted one of the Café RE chats. Evolution of sobriety isn’t always linear or a straight shot. We assume it will be an upgrade. However, sobriety can be messy. You can feel stuck and get into victim mentality.

Odette compared sobriety to a puzzle. Sometimes it can feel like we are going backwards. When looking at the puzzle, we grab different pieces. Sometimes the piece doesn’t fit, but we make a mental note and later in the journey, the puzzle piece fits. Traveling backwards is common because the tool or lesson may have not made sense at the time, but it does later in the journey.

Everything has a purpose and it’s there for a reason. We don’t always see the bigger picture. We need to accept that unlike a puzzle …. the journey never ends. There is no destination, it’s about the journey. It’s not about being (un)loveable, morality, making mistakes, it’s about discovering our wholeness.

We don’t quit quitting. It’s about resilience.

[11:59] Odette introduces Bobbie

Bobbie took her last drink on December 16, 2019 She lives in snowy upstate New York. She has family in Connecticut. She has two business that she launched in 2020. She loves volleyball, reading, puzzles, Zumba and is learning how to adjust the fun in our new environment.

[13:54] Tell us about your history with drinking?

Bobbie started drinking at 15. She remembers the first time she got caught for drinking. Her biological father was an alcoholic. She knew she shouldn’t drink because she didn’t want to be like her father.

Growing up, Bobbie spent a lot of time with people in recovery because there was a lot of addiction in her family. She went to Al-Ateen and many AA picnics. She believes that she developed an addiction to gambling because she was trying to avoid an addiction to drinking. She resented having to go to these events because it wasn’t her problem. Now her view has evolved. She didn’t embrace anything 12-step until 2017.

[17:32] What was your trajectory of drinking vs. gambling?

Bobbie said she was a truck driver in her early twenties. She didn’t party when she was driving. She drank to excess on the weekends which she felt was normal because everyone was doing it. In her thirties she drank with her husband (he was the DD). She was gambling in the background, but her drinking was a problem. In 2017 she went to rehab and focused on gambling first.

She went to rehab on her own accord. She had an executive level job, but all her perceived obstacles were removed. She owed it to herself to address her addictions. She was getting in trouble at work events.

[21:06] How long were you at the rehab center?

Bobbie said she was in rehab for 28 days. Rehab left quite an impression. She was in the gambling wing. Her freedom was removed because she couldn’t even choose when to take a shower. It felt like a cross between summer camp and jail. She knew she needed to focus on herself and didn’t want to ever lose her freedom again.

[23:51] How did you handle being in the gambling wing versus the drug and alcohol wing of rehab?

Bobbie said that they were not allowed to interact with people in the drug and alcohol wing. Everything was separate.

Before entering rehab, Bobbie interviewed for a job. She left rehab at 28 days (vs 30) and went to after care. She was called out frequently for drinking. The aftercare team didn’t hold back. In 2019 Bobbie decided not to use alcohol as a coping mechanism. She discovered Café RE in 2018 and knew she needed to focus on her drinking.

Bobbie was frustrated that alcohol was a problem when she was doing all the work for her gambling addiction. She broke up with a guy and was drunk texting her ex and recognized her texts were mean and venomous. Having another personality was a rock-bottom moment.

Bobbie signed up for the Recovery Elevator Asia trip. She knew she needed to be sober for 30 days and joined the trip with a little over 30 days of sobriety. She was following the rules versus deciding not to drink. When she returned from Asia, she learned that her biological father and grandmother had passed away within a week of each other. She hosted her father’s funeral the day before the world shut down because of COVID. She was at a bar when she got a text about her father’s death. She knew she had to decide how to cope with overwhelming emotions. She was afraid to drink because she was concerned, she wouldn’t stop.

A friend she met on the Asia trip inspired her to achieve a year of sobriety. She realized it was the best year of her life because she started a podcast, opened a second company and was so much more productive without drinking.

Bobbie recognizes her journey is different than many others in Café RE because she wasn’t as intentional about not drinking as many others, it happened almost as a side-effect of her gambling addiction.

[35:47] What made you decide to take the Café RE trip?

Bobbie said she knew she needed the trip to quit drinking. A friend helped her pay for the trip. When she left rehab, she didn’t make the decision to quit drinking. The sober trip helped her explore her curiosity about sobriety and laid the foundation for the tools she needed to explore sobriety.

Bobbie said she was mesmerized by the RE community and by Paul Churchill. Paul inspired her to start her gambling podcast and was her first guest.

[41:55] What do you do now when you have a craving or a trigger?

Bobbie said everything has happened for a reason. She believes she can overcome anything. In a few situations (golf, road trips, etc.) she has urges, but now she has a conversation with herself that people can love and accept her without alcohol. She focuses on what she has learned along the way. She doesn’t want to return to a destructive life. She hasn’t committed to quit drinking forever. She is focused on her goals and sees alcohol as an obstacle to her achieving those goals. She has gratitude for her drinking career because it withheld some of her opportunities in corporate America. She is now helping others with addiction. She feels like she won.

[45:52] What other tools are helpful for you?

Bobbie is active in Gambling Anonymous (GA). She meditates and does a daily reflection every day. She likes Recovery Dharma through Café RE. She has integrated self-care into her everyday life.

Bobbie wasn’t sure what she was supposed to feel and began to understand that resentment over her father helped her move from resentment to neutral and she is working on forgiveness.

The value of community and accountability have been helpful. Her obligation and accountability to others has helped her push through difficult moments. She tries to practice what she preaches in her podcast.

[51:02] Rapid Fire Round

What would you say to your younger self?

It’s all going to be fine. It all has purpose and will take you where you are meant to be.

What has recovery made possible for you?

Everything – from relationships, work, business, transparency, vulnerability – everything.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

All of them.

What advice would you give to listeners who are thinking about ditching the booze?

It’s so worth it. It may not feel like it in the moment, but stick with it, it’s so worth it.

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

Your friends are surprised there is coffee in your cup instead of Long Island iced tea.

Odette’s Summary

Odette challenges us to think about one of the puzzle pieces in your sobriety journey that didn’t make sense recently that now makes sense. Share what you have learned with a friend.

You are not alone, together is always better! Odette believes in you!

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/03/16/973684753/sharp-off-the-charts-rise-in-alcoholic-liver-disease-among-young-women

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 323: Leading a Double Life Apr 26, 2021

Episode 323 – I have to say I feel less isolated in a pandemic than I ever did drinking. It has been so good to go through a pandemic sober.

Lauren took her last drink on December 19, 2018. She lives in Canada and is 37 years old. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Shout out to Jeni’s ice cream who is one of the sponsors of our Bozeman retreat.

https://jenis.com/

Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.

Odette reflected on a March NPR article titled, “A sharp, off the charts’ rise in alcoholic liver disease among young women.

It’s important this article is placed in a bucked about the global crisis, the COVID-19 pandemic. The article referenced a 30-year-old woman who was diagnosed with alcoholic hepatitis. She drank nearly a liter of liquor every evening. Doctors are seeing patients whose drinking has edged up in the last year. In conversations, physicians recognize it’s astronomical and life threatening. The survival rate for alcoholic hepatitis and cirrhosis varies but can be as low as ten percent. The CDC has not compiled additional statistics since the pandemic began, however physicians are aware of the upswing as they see more hospitalizations and fatalities. While men have consistently driven the statistics, young women are driving the numbers up.

Many are crossing the bridge from normal drinking to problematic drinking. What are the signs? The rock bottom aha moments?

Sobriety isn’t easy, but Odette is no longer living a double life. Odette wants to do more to help those who are struggling with alcohol addiction.

[8:27] Odette introduces Lauren

Lauren took her last drink on December 19, 2018 (sobriety date 12/20/2018). She has been sober for 750 days (as of this recording). She has several friends she has met through 12-step programs that are going through the same things.

Lauren is from Ontario, Canada and is 37 years old. She lives with her partner and they co-parent his children. They have a cat and are adopting a dog. Lauren is a housing work and helps homeless people in her community which is even more challenging due to COVID. Lauren enjoys running, hiking, reading, art, painting, and travel. Her reading comprehension has improved with sobriety.

[14:19] Tell us about your history with drinking?

Lauren had a normal childhood and started drinking in high school. She remembers in her last year of high school a friend saying he had never seen her sober outside of school. At the end of University, she knew she had a problem, because she was happier staying at home and drinking the way she wanted to in her room. After school, she moved to a big city and leveraged alcohol as a social lubricant.

[16:04] Did you attempt to change aspects of your relationship with alcohol?

Lauren knew her drinking was a problem, but thought she was too young to deal with it. She was regularly drunk, hung over and had no money. She did reach out and went to three rebabs, several detoxes and the psych ward.

[17:07] What wasn’t working during those multiple attempts to quit?

When it finally clicked, Lauren realized she had used alcohol to manage her emotions.

On December 19, 2018, Lauren said she stopped digging. She called in sick to work for the third day in a row at work. She realized she had three options: 1). Keep going knowing things wouldn’t get better; 2) End it all (Lauren had multiple suicide attempts); 3) Stop drinking and give sobriety and honest chance. Once she made that decision, she stopped. It took her six years of trying before it finally clicked. She says, ‘don’t give up.’ She is learning what she is capable of with sobriety. The first month was difficult due to the wreckage of her past, but she now sees it is worth it.

[23:06] What worked for you that first month?

Lauren said acceptance – it was a miracle. Deep acceptance that she can’t drink and letting go of the resentment about not being a ‘normal drinker’ helped.

[24:16] How did you reconcile that feeling?

Lauren said for six years the feelings of anger and resentment was insurmountable which is why she kept relapsing. She felt her life was hard and if she couldn’t drink in public, she’s just drink in private. She likened her relationship to alcohol with a severe peanut allergy. She will die if she drinks.

[26:12] What support did you have in the early stages?

Lauren said she has been in 12-step recovery on and off. She goes to meetings regularly and has a home group. Her employer is very supportive as well. Her family has also been great.

[27:28] How was telling your employer? Many people don’t because of the stigma.

Lauren said it came up as part of a performance review. She was asked about her future goals and she opened up about her struggle with addiction and her desire to help others with addiction. Her supervisors were surprised, but incredibly supportive. Sobriety became “part of her”.

[29:22] When did you reconcile the acceptance with shame?

Lauren said after the first few shaky months, she realized recovery was a superpower and part of who she is. It is very motivating. She carries shame from the past, including drinking dreams and regret about past behavior. She knows it will take a long time to let go of that shame.

Value Bomb – you get a chance to repair and live differently or live an amends through this journey. Repair is underestimated, let the guilt propel you to become the person you want to be.

Lauren’s family has some residual memory and trauma because of prior behavior. She is giving them space and trying to live her life as a living amends. Her family is incredibly proud as is her partner.

Processing some of her drinking behavior with family and friends is difficult to hear and hard to process. She put her family, friends, and therapist through some scary times. All she can do now is be sober. She is hopeful that others can overcome the fear that when she calls, it isn’t a crisis or bad news.

Odette acknowledged that it could take families time to adjust to us changing and we need to realize they have a timeline to ad as well.

[37:19] Do you still get cravings?

Lauren said, no. During her first attempts they were horrible. She rarely has cravings now and when she does, they are mild. The more time she gets away from alcohol, the more in tune she is with her body. She is better prepared to identify her needs and the most common need is sleep.

[39:15] Tell me about the differences between Year 1 and Year 2.

Lauren said year one was about making it to the first year; she was amazed every day. The second year was her “what now” time. She is working to make her life the best it can be including things she put on the back burner, doing things that are good for her mind and body. She is also reaching out to women who are early in their recovery. It reminds her of how difficult it is when you are starting, and she doesn’t want to go back there.

Through her recovery network, Lauren realizes that the mind is powerful and switching back to old behavior won’t make anything better. She must remain committed to her recovery, so her mind doesn’t let her forget.

[43:43] Have you noticed that FOMO (fear or missing out) has dissipated over time?

Lauren said, 100%. She believes the FOMO kept her drinking. Now that she accepts that she can’t drink, she has less FOMO and participates in life more. She doesn’t miss family events because she is drinking alone or hung over.

[45:01] How have you maintained connections with your recovery community during the pandemic?

Lauren said her 12-step community has zoom meetings which is not ideal, but she can stay connected to her people via Zoom. She attends Café RE chats as well and even when she isn’t sharing, she feels connected.

She feels less isolated during a pandemic than she does when drinking.

Lauren’s partner reminded her that her relapses and attempts at sobriety. were “just more information.”

[48:45] Rapid Fire Round

What is a lightbulb moment for you during this journey?

Acceptance that I can’t ever drink.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Rum and raising

What has recovery made possible for you?

Everything, every one of the promises in the Big Book have come true.

What advice would you give to listeners who are thinking about ditching the booze?

Don’t give up and keep trying even though you think that it isn’t working and that it will never click. It will click!

You may have to ditch the booze if …

You buy a magnum bottle of wine and drink it an hour after you have left your third rehab center.

Odette’s Summary

Odette challenges us to think of a positive affirmation about you that you can say about you to you. Practice saying it once a day. Affirmations help Odette get her though when she is in a fear-based place.

You are not alone, together is always better! Odette is grateful for you!

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 322: A Safe Container Apr 19, 2021

Episode 322 – the hardest part is relaxing into this idea that you can have the most incredibly beautiful moment followed by an incredibly dark moment and that’s just the path of life.

Marcella took her last drink on September 6, 2018. She lives in San Diego. Marcella lives in the arena and she shares her journey with the world on sobriety, parenting, and authentic Mexican food. She leads from the front in a transparent way that is very inspiring. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.

Odette reflected on her recent comments about judgement. When we feel judgement creeping up, we need to remind ourselves that person we are judging is a flawed human trying their best … just like me. When we bring

judgment into recovery space because someone is doing it differently than we are we invite shame. If we want to help others recover, we need to detach from our shame. We need to manage our own path. Odette referenced an Instagram post from Lara Fraser saying, “nobody gets to define your recovery but you. You don’t get to have an opinion on someone else’s recovery – that’s control. Control brings us closer to our ego and further from our soul’s expansion.

Odette referenced Demi Lovato who is being criticized for her actions in her path to recovery. The reality is we are meant to stumble, to fall and to have a messy path. When you are in the spotlight – everyone is watching your falls and judging them. Let’s give ourselves and each other permission to have our own messy journey and don’t explain ourselves to others or worry about judgment.

Odette referenced a concept from Brene Brown’s book, Dare to Lead. Brene says, the biggest barrier to a safe container is shame. Everybody needs a small, safe place to act and talk about doing hard work. A place where you don’t have to be awesome or cool. You need to be un-cool, awkward, and goofy. We should strive to create safe containers where people can ask questions and be heard. Leading by fear and perfectionist cultures does not allow us to create safe containers. Perfection has no room in a safe container.

At Recovery Elevator, our goal is to provide a safe container for you. You matter, and we are here for you.

[7:33] Odette introduces Marcella

This episode was recorded in March which is Women’s Month and Odette is excited to have a fellow Mexicana share who is standing in her truth and unapologetically owning her power.

Marcella said she is flawed like others and recognizes age helps you realize you only get one shot at this life and you need to live it authentically because if you don’t and you continue pleasing others hiding your truth, you get sick and you die. Everything is on the table.

Marcella made it clear she is sharing from her own path, perspective and journey. She knows some of her views are unpopular. She comes from a long line of alcoholics and her personal journey to healing is forgetting about labels and boxes while relaxing into the idea that she can forge her own path to what it means to be happy and addiction free. She is living a happy and fulfilled life. She reminds us we are always working on the path of life – often avoiding pain, causes more pain.

[12:41] Do you remember the last time you took a drink?

Marcella had to look up an event to remember when she took her last drink. A family member she had never seen drunk was inebriated and Marcella had an incredibly negative reaction. She recognized the only way she could control this for herself was to eliminate the external element. Alcohol became an enemy. She didn’t tell anyone for weeks or months, not even her husband.

Her last drink was on September 6, 2018. She didn’t count days until she went back to look at the date which was a family party. She doesn’t have any cravings. She was a heavy drinker starting at age fourteen and once she stopped, that was it; the craving was gone. It became easy because not drinking eliminated the anxiety, drama, micro aggressions, and major aggressions from her life.

[20:21] What does your day-to-day life look like?

Marcella said she doesn’t have time to bullsh!t anymore; it takes away time from her goals. She tried AA, but it didn’t work for her. She had so many things she wanted to focus on, so alcohol had no place in her life. She was able to identify what made her want to take the edge off with alcohol. It was an association with power and coolness. Facing the darkness, she tried to diminish with alcohol gave her power: the ultimate control of her body and her emotions. It takes a lot of courage to face what is making you want to take that drink. She stopped promoting alcohol in her cooking classes because she didn’t want to be part of the marketing machine that tells people they need alcohol to survive. She doesn’t want to be a woman selling alcohol to other women.

Marcella spoke about being and Adult Child(ren) of an Alcoholic and is proud she has conquered alcohol. The horrible addiction that has been in her family forever stops with her. The massive trophy has taught her to be kind and compassionate with herself.

[30:29] How did you shift to finding a soft entry point to yourself?

Marcella said it has been a journey. In moments when she has hated herself, or she is obsessing, Carina (Marcella’s sister) reminds her of who she is and that gift she is to others. They are truly soulmates.

[32:18] Did you find the root of your addiction?

Marcella reads lots of Gabor Mate and the question he poses is: don’t ask why the addiction, ask why the pain? She identified childhood abuse, abandonment and living with alcoholism on both sides of her family. Another reason AA didn’t work for her is because she equated anonymity with shame. She has spoken “the sh!t” out of her problems very publicly. The gems, gifts and knowledge that have come from her openness have been immeasurable. Marcella believes that none of us escape trauma. It’s a broad umbrella and part of the human experience. We all experience some form (along the spectrum) of trauma. It is impossible to escape. Marcella needed to face the loneliness that comes with shame. She no longer feels like an alien. She finds healing in acknowledging her common trauma without shame and then her soul rested.

Marcella said the fear of appearing ungrateful or disloyal to our parents (particularly for Latinas) often inhibits us from sharing the trauma that came with our upbringing. You can love, be grateful and loyal to your parents and still heal. They can coexist in a space of love.

Marcella’s children are the center of her universe and her biggest teachers. When you research childhood development the magnitude of your responsibility becomes clear. One of her biggest flaws is feeling like she is a bad mother. Her children are her greatest gift. The anxiety that comes with motherhood and her thoughts and expectations of herself can be overwhelming. The role of mother is her biggest anxiety. Conquering alcohol is helpful to managing that anxiety. Marcella doesn’t believe that the more you suffer, the better a matriarch you are. La familia doesn’t require you sacrifice yourself and your authenticity. Latina women don’t need to diminish their lives to become matriarchs. The journey is so important and diminishing yourself is not a good message for your kids.

Marcella said, you must do the work to put yourself in the company of people who can support you. It took so much work for Marcella to separate herself from certain relationships and put herself in the relationship she is in now. It took A LOT of courage, humility, re-programming and breaking down her walls to be in an authentic partnership. She emphasized, you have to do the work to attract the people who have the strength, courage, and values to support you. The universe will continue to throw the same problems at you until you figure it out.

[51:34] What does work mean to you? What tools have helped you?

Marcella did therapy early in her life, but it was cyclical and did not help. She is studious and finds a lot of her solutions in books. The philosophy of Yoga has been a massive support to her, and she has taken courses in Yoga that have aided her healing.

Marcella’s relationship with her sister is very significant and her sister often acts as her therapist. In the past ten years they dove deep into their childhood issues and verbalizing them has helped her to heal.

Marcella reminds herself of the rewards that have come because of her sobriety and she says them out loud as a reminder. Her ability to teach cooking classes and be herself are a reward of being sober.

She said if AA (or another modality) doesn’t work for you it doesn’t make you a failure. AA has served hundreds of millions of people, and some people are resistant to AA, it’s simply not their path. There are multiple other paths – just don’t give up. Recovery isn’t black and white. Be a scholar of your F’ups. Have the courage to review them and you will become what you are meant to become.

[1:04] Rapid Fire Round

What would you say to your younger self?

Everything is going to be all right

What is an unexpected perk of sobriety?

You get your health back.

What advice would you give to listeners who are thinking about ditching the booze?

There is more than one path, and it might take you a minute to get there. Just be patient and kind to yourself.

Odette’s Summary

Odette reminds us we are doing a great job. Be empowered to take the steps you need to stay on this path, but also to seek out and create your safe container. You deserve it.

You are not alone, together is always better! Stay weird, stay goofy, stay you.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

https://www.recoveryelevator.com/re-175-anxiety-and-alcohol/

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 321: Alcoholism is a Family Disease Apr 12, 2021

Episode 321 – Be kind to yourself. It’s ok to give yourself as much love as you are giving to someone in active addiction. Give yourself love and grace. It’s ok not to be ok. It’s ok not to have all the answers.

Today’s podcast will be a slight departure from our traditional format. Today we will hear from Aimee, who is the wife of one of our members. Aimee will share from the perspective of what it’s like to live with someone struggling with alcohol addiction.

Aimee is the wife of Kris, one of the members of Café RE. Kris shared his message on episodes 175 and 278. He also does a lot of work for Café RE. Take a listen. Kris stands out by helping others and being of service.

https://www.recoveryelevator.com/re-278-day-one-emotions/

Registration for the Bozeman retreat is open for Café RE members today and will be available for non-members tomorrow. For details, go to:

www.recoveryelevator.com/bozeman .

Odette’s Weekly Message – Finding your better you.

Odette is focusing on loved ones. She is an adult child of an alcoholic. She has experienced her own struggles with addiction and married someone who struggles with addiction.

When Odette’s Dad went into treatment, she was advised by the counselor that the whole family would be impacted. While only one family member has the disease, everyone gets infected at some level.

Being a part of the solution for her Dad was a tough spill to swallow. Odette attended Al-Anon to learn how to take care of herself while her Dad was treating his addiction. Odette remembers how scary some of the meetings were because of the number of broken relationships. Her inclination was to try to fix the problem, but she quickly learned she had to get out of the way and learn to take care of herself. She is still learning to detach with love by setting boundaries.

[10:33] Odette introduces Aimee.

Aimee is 37 and lives in North Dakota with Kris and their two kids. She is a teacher, loves playing piano, singing, and leading worship at her church.

[13:45] Tell us about your journey and how you experienced life with Kris.

Aimee met Kris her freshman year of college and fell in love right away. She was so enthralled with him; everything seemed normal.

Kris was deployed overseas in the military. He would call Aimee and was always drinking when he called home to deal with the stress of deployment. Aimee knew there was a problem. They got married, and when Kris came back from deployment, Aimee got pregnant right away. Kris was deployed again, and Aimee didn’t drink because she was pregnant. Kris came home ten days before Ava was born, and they were two different people because of the time apart. Kris’s drinking continued to escalate. They went through ups and downs, and Aimee thought things were getting better.

Their marriage has been a wild adventure because of moves, career changes, etc. Aimee had a mix of resentment and shame about Kris’ drinking. At the height of his drinking, he would turn things around on her to avoid being attacked. As a couple, they tore each other apart. Aimee tried to protect Kris. She would set the alarm so she could pick up the beer cans before the kids got up in the morning. She lied to her pastor about Kris’ absences and recognized she was compromising her values.

Kris’ emotions were intense and amplified when he was hungover.

[10:15] Did you start second-guessing yourself?

Aimee said she was constantly questioning if she was enough. She took her marriage vows very seriously and started to become a doormat. There was a lot of manipulation. Kris would gaslight Aimee about his drinking, the bank account, and other things. Engaging in church and prayer was instrumental for Aimee. She began to realize that being a martyr or savior wasn’t a safe place to be. She couldn’t compromise her safety. They went on a road trip, and Kris drove drunk for five hours, and Aimee was overwhelmed and exhausted. Prayer helped her resolve that she couldn’t live that way anymore.

[22:57] What did you do when you realized you couldn’t do it anymore?

Aimee said after the road trip, the conversation between them shifted. She begged Kris to get help. He asked her who her lawyer was and said he would never love her enough to quit drinking. It took Aimee a long time to start to forgive him. She didn’t believe him anymore, and it took a long time to rebuild trust.

[24:13] Was church a source of support for you?

Aimee said she couldn’t do it on her own. Her church community never told her what she wanted to hear; they told her what she needed to hear. The church encouraged her to focus on herself and her next steps. It was the first time Aimee looked inside and didn’t focus on Kris.

[26:44] How did you shift from feeling like a victim to looking within?

Aimee said the church worked with both of them separately and helped keep them on the same page. Aimee prayed and meditated a lot. Kris surrendered. They both surrendered at different times. Aimee had to let go of the bitterness. She said she was drinking poison and expecting Kris to get sick. She told Kris she loved him and didn’t know what to do. It was a shift and became a point of empowerment for her to trust others and do work on herself. They went to marriage counseling, and Aimee went to counseling on her own. Aimee did EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) to deal with trauma from her marriage and her past. Aimee has done a lot of work learning how to build relationships, and the experience has been life-changing.

Aimee still has some flashbacks, particularly on road trips. All of their positive interactions slowly replace the negative ones of the past. While it may be a cliché, time does heal

[33:02] Tell me about the dynamics at home? How have the kids responded?

Aimee said they have been very open about their story with the kids. Dinner time is their favorite time now, and it was the worst when Kris was drinking. Their son wrote a book about the adventures of his sober Dad. He even quoted Paul Churchill’s book, “Alcohol is Shit!”. Their son looks forward to hugging his wife now that Kris is demonstrating new behaviors with the family.

Aimee shared that she and Kris have learned emotional and spiritual intimacy as well as physical intimacy. Their conversations are more vulnerable than the physical connection. It has been a lot of hard work, but so worth the effort.

[38:27] How is your experience with Kris in Café RE and other people in sobriety?

Aimee said Kris joined Café Re when they were separated. She said it was hard at first because Kris was being celebrated for all of his sobriety milestones. She was envious of his coins – where was her medal? Aimee has been to a Café RE meet up in Minneapolis, and she prays for all of the people she met. She supports Kris’s model of “leave nobody behind”. She doesn’t mind the interruptions, and she supports his efforts with prayer. Aimee loves how Café RE retreats benefit Kris’ recovery. She always notices a positive difference when she comes home, and she knows that helps their family.

Café RE feels Aimee’s support through the videos she posts when Kris reaches a milestone. Aimee said five years ago, she never would have believed they would be where they are today. She is excited and believes the best is yet to come.

[43:14] Do you drink? Are you a normie?

Aimee hasn’t had a drink in 7-8 years, and she doesn’t miss it at all. She likes tea and doesn’t favor the LaCroix as Kris, and the rest of us do.

[44:06] How were you able to separate that it was not about you?

Aimee said, when she figures it out, she will let us know. Recovery is like peeling back the layers of an onion. She encourages all spouses to be kind to themselves. It’s ok not to be ok. It’s ok not to have all of the answers. Lean in on your Faith, regardless of what you call your Higher Power. You will need it to move through recovery as well.

Odette’s Summary

Odette encourages all family members to check out recommended Al-Anon, Melody Beattie, Smart Recovery for Friends and Family, Pia Melody, and traditional therapy.

Resource Links:

https://al-anon.org/

https://www.smartrecovery.org/family/

https://melodybeattie.com/

http://www.piamellody.com/

By helping yourself, you are better at supporting your loved one.

You are not alone, together is always better!

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 320: Post COVID Planning Apr 05, 2021

Episode 320 - Keep an open mind and see what happens. Reach out to people, make sober friends, and you are going to find your way. Just let go.

Cassie took her last drink on August 29, 2019. She is from Colorado and is 30 years old. This is her story of being Alcohol-Free (AF).

Café RE Merch

https://www.recoveryelevator.com/merch/

Discount code: PANDA

Finding Your Better You – Odette's weekly message

Odette has been speaking with many people who got sober and stayed sober during the pandemic. She is amazed and impressed with these folks making major life choices to ditch the booze during a global crisis.

Odette wants to remind you …. you can do hard things.

As Covid begins to recede, Odette can't help but wonder what post-Covid sobriety will look like? As we return to normal or the new normal, how do we prepare for what's next? Odette likened this to her rehab experience and working with her rehab team to develop a treatment plan when she left rehab. Many people fear leaving rehab because you are going back into the real world without the safety of a controlled, safe space.

What does your treatment plan or sobriety toolbox look like for the "new normal" after COVID restrictions have subsided? What boundaries and guidelines do you need to set up for yourself?

Proper preparation prevents poor performance – thank you, Odette's Dad, Carlos.

Develop a plan to protect your sobriety.

[07:53] Odette introduces Cassie

Cassie's last drink was August 29, 2019. She is celebrating18 months and switching up some of her tools to maintain sobriety. Cassie leads Café RE's "young people" chat.

Odette was recently contacted by a 19-year-old trying to find his place in sobriety. Cassie said it's incredible for someone so young to start a recovery journey. She encouraged all young listeners to keep an open mind, reach out, find sober friends, let go, and you will find your people and your way!

[11:12] Tell us a bit of your background.

Cassie is 29 years old, living in Denver, and is a receptionist for a urology clinic while pursuing her Bachelor's in nursing. She is doing pre-requisites now. She lives with her boyfriend, recently bought a house, and has two dogs. She loves snowboarding during the winter, paddle boarding, hiking, and rock climbing during the summer and hopes to explore dirt biking soon.

[13:14] Tell us about your history with drinking.

Cassie had her first drink at thirteen. One of her first memories is stealing peppermint schnapps with a neighbor at her parent's house. She got alcohol poisoning, and her mom sent her to middle school the following day with a hangover. She had to clean up her mess after school.

By freshman year of high school, she continued to drink with friends and consumed on the school bus on the way to school. She was suspended for drinking.

Before eighteen, she was in legal trouble for drinking and quickly building a party girl's reputation. She was all-in with alcohol; she never drank one or two drinks. She drank to fit in and did not fit in with the nerds or the popular crowd. She would hang out with the skaters, smoke pot, and throw parties at friend's parents' houses when they were out of town.

She got into the music scene, particularly raves, and traveled across the US to music festivals to catch different artists. She doesn't remember many of the concerts because she was wasted.

[16:28] Were you aware that your drinking was becoming a problem?

Cassie said she was not self-aware. She knew she was a troublemaker, but her friends drank like she did. During her formative years, she didn't go to class much. She dropped out of college because partying was her priority.

[17:58] How long did that chapter last?

Cassie said awhile, probably ten years. She still enjoys music but can now enjoy music sober.

[18: 33 ] Did you have to transition into adulting?

Cassie was always working during that chapter, and she changed jobs a lot because of the seasons. She started working in the medical field in 2015, and she relaxed her drinking a bit.

[19:48] Did anything happen in your life that forced you to grow up a bit?

Cassie said getting into the medical field was a real transition. She had to deal with patients and knew she had to be responsible. She was living with friends and wanted to take care of herself and maintain independence.

[21:14] How did your relationship with alcohol evolve?

Cassie said during the music festival chapter she was binge drinking because there were no rules. She transitioned from being a binge drinker to having beers after work and being a weekend warrior. Her drinking eventually got out of hand. She was only drinking on the weekends, and she tried to moderate. She leveraged the gym to keep her AF during the week. Moderation didn't work for Cassie.

One of her roommates, a dear friend, passed away in a kayaking accident. She believes it may have been alcohol-related. It became a big turning point for Cassie. Her other roommates drank heavily to cope with the shock and grief. Cassie became a pillar of strength for them. She binged occasionally but started to see that drinking wasn't what she wanted for herself. She moved back home, and her parents were also heavy drinkers.

Her drinking escalated, and within a year, things completely fell apart. Cassie lost herself. Going to brunch to drink in the morning or pre-gaming a baby shower with alcohol felt normal. She started sneaking beers in her room, so if she woke up in the middle of the night, she would have alcohol close at hand. Cassie is still working through feelings and learning to stop blocking her emotions.

[29:44] How did this progress into you deciding to quit?

Cassie said she wasn't working at the beginning of 2019. She was drinking beer in her bedroom, taking tequila shots and not eating regularly, taking showers, or going to work. She lost her will to live.

One day her Dad came into her room and asked, "what do we need to do?" Cassie was afraid of the withdrawal. She went to the ER, then to medical detox for a day. She stayed home for three days, got rid of most of her belongings, and moved to Phoenix to live with her mom. She had some starts and stops in Phoenix. Then her mom moved to Texas. Cassie moved back to Colorado and told herself, "I've got this." Her drinking advanced rapidly. She had a four-day bender and told her step-mom she needed to go through detox again. She did, and she hasn't had a drink since! Cassie said the second time, she knew it was time to own up to it and take some action. She didn't want to die.

[35:48] What was your plan after leaving detox to start stacking days?

Cassie moved in with her sister's Dad. She wanted to move to a sober environment. Her Dad and step-mom continued to drink, and she didn't want to ask them to stop. Her step-mom referred her to Recovery Elevator and offered to pay for her first month if she wanted to check it out. The Facebook group helped her stay accountable, and she went to her first sober meetup within 30 days. Making connections helped a lot. She also saw a therapist for the first six months. She began getting more involved in Café RE. At about a year, she started hosting webinars. Now she is doing a lot in the recovery community because it keeps her focused on her sobriety. At six to eight months, she felt a shift. After a year, she had experienced several FFT's (F*ing first times) – first concert, first wedding, etc. Now she is exploring past traumas and learning what caused her drinking. She is going to AA meetings, looking for a sponsor and reading, "Recovery" by Russell Brand. She enjoys the structure of AA. Cassie has big plans for the future and hopes to eliminate the stigma of addiction and let people her age know that sobriety is fun! She is excited about the future. She wants to build a family, re-write her family's sobriety trajectory, and inspire others along the way.

[46:16] Do you still get cravings?

Cassie said yes, but the cravings are seasonal depending on what's happening in her life. Cravings are more of a fleeting thought now, and her sober circle helps her stay accountable. She is aware that cravings often come with change and external factors. If she lightens up on the self-care, the cravings creep up. She knows what tools work and can anticipate what's coming and how to manage it.

[50:11] Rapid Fire Round

What would you tell your younger self?

You are worth it. Have faith, and everything will work out the way it is supposed to.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

It's currently Snicker's ice cream bars.

What has been a lightbulb moment for you on this journey?

The more you connect, the less you think about alcohol.

What is an unexpected perk of being sober?

Being able to do what I want at any time of day because I don't have to worry about drinking.

Are sober concerts better?

100% yes! It's one of the best experiences.

You might need to say Adios to booze if …

You wear a hoodie to sneak alcohol anywhere, including your room.

Odette's Summary

Make time this week to create your post-Covid plan. Plant a seed, create steps of action to set yourself up for success. Write it down, share it with a friend, have your own back.

You are not alone, together is always better. Sobriety is our super-power!

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you'll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

"Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys"

RE 319: Have Your Cake and Eat it too Mar 29, 2021

Episode 319 - When I was stressed out at work or stressed by a social situation, alcohol would fix it temporarily, until it didn’t. Now I’m accepting moods, feelings and phases come and go and it’s all okay.

Korie took her last drink on March 21, 2019. She is from Texas and is 32 years old. This is her story of living alcohol-free (AF).

A request from Recover Elevator

We have a request; we would like to hear more from you! Please consider making a one-minute video sharing your, “you might need to ditch the booze if… story”. Hold your camera sideways, make it less than a minute and send it to: info@recoveryelevator.com. Make it authentic to yourself and your journey. We will post your video on Instagram. If you share your Instagram handle, we will post that as well. We look forward to seeing more of you on our page. Instagram: @recovery elevator.

Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message

Rediscovering your life beyond recovery. You are all unique. We are more than a drinking problem; we are more than recovery. The life we now enjoy would disappear if we returned to drinking. It is easy to feel uniqueness –submerged in recovery. In sobriety we don’t know when things will get better, but they do. Sobriety is a piece of your whole life. We all have the opportunity to learn and re-learn who we are.

Maintenance is important to secure your sobriety. If you stay the course, you get to graduate. You always focus on maintaining sobriety, but it’s not all day every day, it becomes a piece of your broader life. There are so many benefits to being present in sobriety – you can have your cake and eat it too.

[8:12] Odette introduces Korie

Korie said her last drink was 3/21/19. She grew up in Austin, Texas and is 32 years old. Korie was abroad and lived in Japan and Singapore and came to the US when she was 6 years old. She is engaged and just bought a home outside of Austin. Pre-quarantine, Korie was a social butterfly. Now, she stays home more than she used to and loves getting outside, running, reading, drawing and anything artsy.

[11:46] Tell us about your history with drinking.

Korie doesn’t remember her first drink of alcohol. She would have a sip or two of her Mom’s wine and thought it was disgusting. In high school she was in a few programs that required her to sign a contract saying she wouldn’t drink or party. She followed the rules. In college she remembers drinking, getting dizzy, self-control was gone, and she didn’t want it to stop because she liked the feeling. She didn’t drink often.

She worked in the restaurant industry which breeds lots of drinking. It felt normal, until it didn’t. When she graduated from college, she moved to Spain to become an Au Pair and drank a lot there. She remembers staying out all night, being hung over and thinking she may have a problem and her drinking wasn’t normal. The nightlife continued when she returned to the US. She remembers getting drunk, getting sick and making bad decisions?

[15:13] What thoughts were you having about your drinking?

Korie felt pretty justified because she judged her drinking based on what other people were doing. She knew it wasn’t who she wanted to be

It started to feel not right. When she left the restaurant industry, she recognized it wasn’t normal to drink every night. She had a broader circle of friends to compare herself to. She was working as a virtual concierge and was calling in to work, saying she was working from home, but just too hungover to go in. She realized she was still drinking like she had in her twenties. She never wants to experience an emotional rock bottom again.

[18:46] Did you ever talk to anyone about your drinking?

Korie said a former boyfriend spoke to her about her drinking. She got defensive and thought he was a bit paranoid. Looking back, she realizes he was right to be concerned. At 24, Korie verbalized concerns to her best friend, but kept drinking. She started asking questions to people who went to AA.

[20:48] Did you ever attempt moderation?

Korie took a few weeks off of drinking before she stopped altogether. On March 21 she had three glasses of wine and realized she couldn’t stop. She knew the urge was so great and knew she was powerless over the urge. She stopped then and that was it, she was done.

[22:40] Have you asked yourself why you drank or why it was so hard to stop?

Korie said it was a variety of things, but the feeling of not belonging and trying to numb that feeling was at the top of the list. Toward the latter part of her drinking, she began to feel less than when comparing herself to her friends and alcohol helped … until it didn’t. Korie’s self-esteem has substantially improved since she quit drinking. Her skin is clearer, she feels healthier, happier and she isn’t so self-conscious anymore.

When Korie was stressed out at work or stressed by a social situation, alcohol would fix it temporarily, until it didn’t. Now she is accepting moods, feelings and phases come and go and it’s all okay. Korie works hard at being accepting of others.

[30:17] How did things change for you after you quit drinking?

Korie said she felt different, it was black and white, and she knew she couldn’t drink anymore. She listened to several podcasts, read some blogs and followed sober people on Instagram. She decided to check out an AA meeting near her home and it was all women. It was exactly what she needed at the time and she appreciated everyone’s honesty. Nobody glossed over their emotions. In addition, she started going to Sans Bar which is an alcohol-free bar. She was scared, but met the owner, Chris Marshall, and felt welcomed. She was very connected with the sober community in Austin until Covid hit. Now podcasts and connecting with friends keep her sober.

[35:26] What do you do when you get a craving? What tools work for you?

Korie doesn’t get cravings often and has learned she is usually hungry when she gets a craving. She eats and drinks water. When it’s an emotional craving, she turns off her technology, goes for a walk or connects with friends. Vocalizing the craving gives it less power and the cravings pass within 20 minutes.

[36:36] How did your family and friends react to your new lifestyle?

Korie told her best friend who was supportive and didn’t make a big fuss. Their friendship became closer. Some of her friends were surprised and asked why she quit drinking, but she never heard anything negative. Her friends make sure to have AF beverages. Her parents have been very supportive, particularly her Dad. Her mom respects her choice but doesn’t completely understand it. Dating after sobriety was a challenge. Several dates ended quickly. Her fiancé is supportive and asks lots of questions; he is a great partner.

[40:02] Did you experience fear of missing out (FOMO)?

Korie said absolutely, but within a few weeks she would hang out at Sans Bar. She went out, drank soda water with lime, and loved that at midnight she went home, instead of to the next bar. Post quarantine, she has no FOMO at all.

[41:45] Has your sleep improved?

Korie said she slept through the night immediately and she stopped grinding her teeth. Her dog interrupts her sleep occasionally, but her sleep is dramatically improved.

[42:25] What do you say when people offer you a drink?

She says no, thanks. Early on she said, I don’t drink – as a way to be accountable. Now she just asks for a Coke or a Topo Chico. Most people don’t bat an eye.

[43:04] What is your favorite AF beverage?

Coffee with almond creamer – iced or hot. She also loves sparkling water.

[43:33] Do you have any triggers?

Korie said work stress is her biggest trigger, particularly at the end of the day. She takes a step back and practices calming the trigger or craving.

During the summer when it’s hot, or after a run, she often craves alcohol.

[45:34] Rapid Fire Round

What are you excited about right now?

Korie is excited to talk to Odette and get her story out there. She is hoping to help others and excited about getting her two-year chip.

What books are you reading?

Korie is reading the John Adams biography and she loves American history. She also reads the Bible regularly.

What is a lightbulb moment for you in this journey?

I am ok just the way I am and people like me when I’m not drinking.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Moose tracks. It can be found in the Northwest. It’s chocolate fudge, peanut butter cups and chocolate chips in vanilla ice cream.

What piece of guidance would you give listeners who are considering ditching the booze?

It’s worth it and your life doesn’t stop. It’s so worth it.

You might have to say adios to booze if …

You are so hungover, that the next day you are throwing up at 8 PM.

Mentions:

http://thesansbar.com/

Odette’s Summary

You are more than this struggle, not just your drinking struggle, but any struggle. Leverage recovery to your advantage to build a foundation and you can be whoever you want to be. Recovery is a lot of work, particularly in the beginning. Keep your head up, don’t get discouraged and remember it gets better.

You are not alone and together is always better. You are a bright star in the universe. Shine on!

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 318: Unexpected Perks of Sobriety Mar 22, 2021

Episode 318 - No matter what comes your way, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. So, live with it, don’t try to change it and do the next right thing.

Tony took his last drink on October 24, 2020. He is a 42-year-old Canadian. This is his story of living alcohol-free (AF)

Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message

Recently Odette has been asking listeners, what is a perk of getting sober? The answers have included, no hangovers, improved sleep, wallet and overall health.

Odette also asked listeners about the ripple effect, the not so obvious outcomes of living AF. The responses included:

Ability to manage my finances
Ability to help others who are struggling
Stronger and more meaningful relationships
I am present and more productive participant of my life
I understand and feel gratitude
I am more aligned with the person I work so hard to be
I am a better employee
Building confidence
Better hand-eye coordination
Path of emotional discovery
Running and being active
Understanding my authentic identity and not being so self-conscious when sharing my authentic self with the world
I learned to ski
Anything is possible when you are not hungover
Patient
Nicer
House is cleaner
Tackling projects
New friends
People in sobriety are not boring, they are cool and fun
Repairing relationships
Procrastinate less
Better parent, more firm, able to hold boundaries and be kinder
More playful
Don’t need a shield (glasses) to hide anymore
I’m a morning person
I have fun
I binge eat less
I’m proud
I am more organized

Sobriety tools become life tools that help us become better versions of ourselves. Odette is more forgiving of herself and others. Her standards, for herself and others have changed. She is less of a perfectionist. She has more grace toward herself and others. She is more connected to her humanity and doing her best, day by day. She says what she really means, vs what she thinks she needs to say. She is okay with not being liked by everyone and aware of her tendency to be a people pleaser.

What are your unexpected perks of sobriety?

[8:50] Odette introduces Tony.

Tony took his last drink on October 24, 2020. He is from St. Paul, Alberta, Canada. Has 3 children: a son (18), a daughter (15), a daughter (10) and a stepson (23). He is currently a full-time student since his career came to a halt when he entered rehab last year. Tony enjoys anything outdoors, particularly tobogganing, snowboarding, skiing …anything outside.

He is currently separated from his wife.

[12:34] Tell us about your history with drinking.

Tony lost Mom when he was 13 in a tragic car accident. His first drink was shortly after that and by15 he remembers getting blackout drunk. Drinking made him feel bullet-proof. It helped him avoid the pain of grief.

He did well in school, he was an honors student. After graduating from high school, he followed his Dad’s working on the road. He would binge drink occasionally.

He got into the oilfield business. He said, you earn a lot of money, work hard and play hard. When he was on the road, he and his colleagues would party. His drinking was normalized because everyone did it. He and his high school girlfriend had a son.

When he returned home, his drinking was chaotic. He drank more, passed out regularly. His drinking felt normalized, because everyone was doing it.

His Dad offered him a job as a crew supervisor. He was trying to taper his drinking because his son was around, and his daughter was on the way. As he went into management he isolated more, which led to drinking when he got back to his hotel. He would average 5-6 beers a night.

He also began engaging with other women while he was on the road. He got caught and within four months, his girlfriend was done with him. He immediately jumped into another relationship; it was perfect because they both drank to excess. His drinking continued to escalate.

[18:02] You have mentioned your drinking was normalized. Did you have conversations with yourself about your drinking?

Tony said he believed his behavior was normal. He followed his father’s example. He saw his Dad as the best Dad in the world, his Dad never brought his problems home or drank after work. Tony went to more extremes than his father. He needed the alcohol to feel normal.

[19:46] How did your relationship unfold?

Tony was married within seven months and he got married to spite his first girlfriend who was the mother of his first two children. They welcomed a child after a year. Within 14 months, his wife asked for a divorce. He entered a 12-step program to save his marriage, but it about saving the relationship, not his own development. His wife filed for divorce and he went back to work on the drilling rigs. He went home and his doctor started him on Ativan. He drove home, blacked out and was in a head on collision with a semi-truck. He lost his arm in that accident. His wife never came to the hospital. He was devastated, but his drinking ramped up.

Tony started looking for a relationship, drinking 5 night a week, trying to rehabilitate after losing his arm and he was offered a job with his Dad’s company. His drinking continued to escalate, and he started losing days. On the surface he was highly functioning, making lots of money. He didn’t think his drinking was a problem.

[23:52] How was your heart feeling? Did you enjoy drinking?

Tony said he was transitioning from enjoying drinking, but once he was intoxicated, he was going through the motions. Most of his happiness was just pretending. He also realized his arm was never going to grow back. He gave up on life. Within two years, he met his current wife and they really hit it off. He was honest about his journey and he was happy initially. His co-dependency continued to emerge. He proposed and got married. His drinking slowed down, but he wasn’t happy with his life, his promotions, his income, his car, nothing was ever enough. A friend invited him and his wife to a music festival and Tony let loose. After that, his drinking ramped up. He was the life of the party and everything felt real again. He got a job working for the government so he could be home. The money wasn’t great, and he started drinking every night in the garage. He often fell asleep in the garage. The alcohol stopped working, so he started smoking marijuana. Marijuana became a pattern, but within 5 months it stopped working. He started doing hard drugs, specifically cocaine.

He recognized in 2019 that he needed to go to rehab because he was addicted to cocaine. He hid his cocaine addiction well from his family. He discussed it with his wife and went to a treatment center in January of 2020 with the intention of getting clean and saving his family. Upon discharge, he worked his program and got a sponsor. He returned to work and within 45 days he relapsed. He went to Fort McMurray (a hot bed for addiction) and when he returned home, he picked a fight with his wife, drank 40 ounces of Scotch, destroyed the house and had suicidal ideations. He had a plan to kill himself with heroin but was pulled over by the Royal Canadian police and woke up in a jail cell. While in jail, he had chest pains and was hospitalized. The doctor advised he was having an allergic reaction to the alcohol. After he was released, he lost his job. Tony continued to have suicidal ideations. He asked his son to take him to the hospital and he was admitted to the psych ward and was sent to a treatment facility. He opened up and got honest. After he was released, he decided to go back to school. He moved to BC, enjoyed school, isolated himself and relapsed.

On October 23rd, he took his last drink/drug. He had a gun on one side and a phone with his sponsor’s number on the other side. Within a few hours, he called his sponsor and began working his program and the steps. He now lives in Medicine Hat and he says every time he tells his story, it gets a little bit lighter.

[37:03]. What has been the contributing factor to your resilience?

Tony said his resilience comes from his Dad. His Dad is his hero; he always gets up after he falls down. He quit drinking and never picked up again. He made it through many challenges and helped Tony to realize who he is.

Tony has pushed his Dad away several times which he attributes to addiction.

[39:34] You have said that your life is re-starting, does that give you hope?

Tony said that in the last 75 days he has never been happier. He had lots of time not drinking before, but he wasn’t working a program. He is so glad he never picked up that gun and he his son are now best friends.

Tony is proud that he has been able to put the substances down and rebuild his life.

[41:18]. Tell me how your body has responded to sobriety?

Tony said he was fortunate because he detoxed before going to treatment. He never went on benders, so the physical detox wasn’t terrible (the cold sweats, shakes, etc.). In sobriety, he lost 20 pounds, he is hiking and tries not to beat his body up. He tries to get good sleep and helps his body and feels amazing.

[43:54]. Tell me about your spirit. How have you healed emotionally?

Tony has two sponsors (NA and AA). He speaks with one for 30 minutes minimum, daily. He also talks to another addict or alcoholic daily. He believes it is important to stay connected. He goes to AA and NA meetings. He sees a therapist once a month and a trauma counselor once a month.

His sponsor has told him, no matter where you are, it’s where you are supposed to be. Deal with it, don’t try to change it and do the next right thing.

[48:18]. Rapid Fire Round

What are you excited and hopeful about right now?

Completing my schooling so I can enroll in an additions counseling program.

What would you tell your younger self?

Don’t give up on yourself. You will have bad days, but there are more good ones.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Vanilla with chocolate syrup and sprinkles.

Do you like Tim Horton’s (coffee)?

Yes, but I prefer McDonald’s coffee.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

No matter what you are not alone. Give those that reach out to help you a chance. Let them love you until you can love yourself.

You might need to Ditch the Booze if ….

You are drinking Jack Daniels and Coke out of your prosthetic arm.

Odette’s Weekly Challenge

Odette continues to find unexpected joys in being sober. She is learning to slow down. While she still has a full plate, she isn’t looking for extra things to fill up her time. She likes herself, so she doesn’t have to hide anymore. She chases the pauses and feels her feelings instead of chasing the highs. She knows she is not perfect and has learned to appreciate her progress.

Remember you are not alone and together is always better. This journey is full of unexpected surprises. Enjoy the ride!

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 317: Debunking: Sober is Boring Mar 15, 2021

Episode 317 - Lean into the support from people who want to help you. Dig into yourself. There is an endless well of spirit, heart, and capacity that we all have. We just need to tap into it—everything you need you have.

Lunita took her last drink on October 10, 2020. She is from San Diego. This is her story of living alcohol-free (AF)

BetterHelp

Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message

There is a myth of sobriety, that sobriety is not fun. Odette finds joy when people debunk this myth. Some of her favorite badass sober stories include:

Bradley Cooper – sober at 29 years old. He attributes his career success to his sobriety.

Brad Pitt – credits his sobriety to Bradley Cooper.

Florence Welsh – sobriety does not doom you to boredom.

David Lloyd George, British Prime Minister in the early 1900’s, backed the licensing bill.

Dax Shepherd says he wouldn’t have anything he has without his sobriety. His guests and podcast sponsors are a lot of fun.

Anthony Hopkins recently hit 45 years, sober saying, “Hang in there. Today is the tomorrow you were so worried about yesterday. Young- people, don’t give up. Just keep in there”

Cristiano Ronaldo, a Portuguese soccer player, is sober. His father passed from alcohol abuse, and Cristiano has changed his life trajectory and is a role model of sobriety for his family.

Al Pacino, Jamie Lee Curtis, Robert Downey, Jr., Eminem, Chrissy Teigen, Keith Urban, Kelly Osbourne, Ben Affleck, Gillian Jacobs, James Franco, John Travolta, Shakira, J.Lo, Stephen King, Eva Mendes, Tom Cruise, Natalie Portman, Elton John, Zac Efron, Tyra Banks, Daniel Radcliffe, Demi Lovato, Chris Martin (Coldplay) among many others are on the sober team.

We are not alone, we are not boring, quite the contrary. Sobriety is the gateway to authenticity. How do you feel about joining the alcohol-free club and staying in it with us?

[8:57] Odette Introduces Lunita

Lunita is Latina like Odette. She hit reset on October 10, 2020. She is an American-born bi-cultural person from San Diego and a single mom. Her father is from Panama, and her mother is from Mexico. Her daughters are 9 and 11. She is a yoga teacher and healing arts practitioner. She loves nature, plant medicine, yoga, and she is a poet, writer, painter and loves anything to do with arts and the body.

[11:42] Tell us about your history with drinking?

Lunita took her first drink at 14 in Mexico, where the lines are a little more blurred. As she looks back at that time, drinking gave her a sense of calm and inner knowing that she had never felt before. Her nervous system was soothed by alcohol. She was a highly sensitive child, and her parents didn’t know how to manage her gifts.

She drank through her teenage years into her twenties. Occasionally she would blackout. She liked drinking. She said alcohol took her from a highly sensitive introvert to a comfortable, fun drunk. It awakened her artistic side. She didn’t want to stop because it was fun.

Fast forward, Lunita got pregnant, got married, had two children, and drinking became her coping mechanism for managing parenting as a young adult. She was a part of the mommy wine culture. She realized she was drinking every night. After she and her husband separated, her drinking became dark. She drank every night while trying to hold it together for work and her daughters. She hated her life and felt terrible and disconnected from herself every day. Her husband and best friend made comments about her drinking, but she didn’t want to stop. Drinking became a medication, a chemical dependency. Alcohol was sinking Lunita.

In her thirties, she was cornered by a cousin, then her best friend who caught her sneaking drinks or blacking out.

[17:19] How did you respond to the comments from other people?

Lunita said she was telling herself it was ok. She would get defensive or appease others with slogans like “mommy happy hour” “5 o’clock somewhere”. She was presentable, so she didn’t think there was a problem.

She found herself being very inconsistent. She was eating clean, practicing yoga, running, drinking green smoothies, but drinking every night. She was aware of the dissonance, but she still didn’t want to stop drinking.

[20:52} Tell me about the shift within you.

Lunita said she started drinking hard liquor instead of beer or wine because she could get drunk faster, with fewer calories. Her body reacted right away. The hangovers became worse, she lost her appetite, and the fun of drinking turned into darkness. She began to experience rock bottom moments in relationships or at work. She was no longer in denial but wasn’t sure what to do.

Four years ago, her friend said, “you’ve got to do something.” She was sober for two years. Since then, she’s had some resets. She knew it was die or get sober.

[24:06] Have you identified the reasons why you would drink again, and what tools have you added along the way?

Lunita said community, healing, yoga, meditation, and plants allowed her to release alcohol from her life for two years. She felt alive, vital, and fresh. Then she said she thought she could pursue healthy drinking with wine or beer, no hard liquor. She wasn’t blacking out, but she noticed a gradual backslide with her relationships and her work. The old habit wasn’t serving her anymore. She had a brief period of drinking again but was sober for six months. In October, she reset her self-talk and said, I am not doing anything that doesn’t serve me. That became a massive shift for her, from her highest self. She doesn’t choose anything that doesn’t suit her anymore.

She now focuses on activism about alcohol. She believes it is a privilege to have a functional relationship with alcohol. Now that she is sober, the work she is offering the world makes a difference.

[31:16] Tell me more about this time being different? How do you deal with cravings or discomfort?

Lunita said she deals with discomfort by leveraging therapy. As a human, she wants to do her own work while continuing to help others. Her therapist has been crucial. Accountability through community has been instrumental for her. She said that having a sober partner has made an enormous difference for her, and she appreciates his support. Community is huge for Lunita, and her yoga practice, breathwork, herbs, and running are pivotal. They help healthily regulate her nervous system.

Lunita drinks embarrassing amounts of Pellegrino, teas, tonics, and elixirs to overcome cravings.

[35:21] You described yourself as a sensitive person, an empath. How has the acceptance of your true essence shifted your ability to be authentic to yourself?

Lunita said it had been a journey and a stubborn need to overcome the distortions, toxic family structure, the lies she told herself, and accept she is not like anyone else and isn’t meant to be. Her reclamation of herself came from sobriety and being sober. She avoided talking about recovery during her first two years of sobriety because of the shame. Now she knows some of the most radical, authentic beings have issues with addiction. She is learning to make space for herself, rebel for herself, and heal herself so she can be an example for her daughters.

[41:46] Tell me about your relationships and how they have shifted over the years?

Lunita said the law of quantum physics means our vibe attracts people who are with us. She was attracting certain people who were looking for a healing, medicine, or heart. Those relationships were not serving her because they were one-way relationships. Now she has an amazing partner because she is serving her highest self. She attracts people who participate equally in relationships with her. She was dating the same version of who she was. When she started honoring her true self, all of her relationships changed. She now attracts beautiful heart-centered people.

[46:39} Rapid Fire Round

What are you excited about right now?

I am completely myself – for better or worse. In every relationship, in every moment, I am myself. It is such a relief.

What would you say to your younger self?

Your weirdness is magic. You don’t have to try to be cool, Do YOU.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Chocolate chip cookie dough

What piece of guidance would you give to listeners who are thinking about ditching the booze?

You are so much braver and more capable than you think. If I can do it, you can do it. Seek support from people who want to help you. Dig into yourself. There is an endless well of spirit and heart. We just have to tap into that – it’s there. I promise everything you need you have.

You may have to say adios to booze if ….

If you are hiding bottles.

Odette’s Weekly Challenge

Search for sober people in your interest bubbles (sober Mom’s, sober artists, sober photographers, sober writers). We are all out here; you just have to look closer. Denzel Washington said, “I made a commitment to completely cut out drinking and anything that might hamper me from getting my mind and body together. The floodgates of goodness have opened upon me: spiritually, emotionally, and financially.

You are not alone, together is always better. Welcome to the sober club. I promise it's going to be fun.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 316: Sober VS In Recovery Mar 08, 2021

Episode 316 – When I get an urge or a craving, I'll be better next time this creeps up.

Paul took his last drink on February 29, 2020. He is from Long Island and is 30 years old. This is his story of living alcohol-free (AF).

Today's sponsor is Firebrew. They are also sponsoring our Bozeman retreat.

https://www.mindyourmanna.co/ Discount Code: RE10off

Finding Your Better You – Odette's weekly message

What is the difference between being sober and being in recovery? The definition of sobriety is the condition of not having any measurable levels or effects from alcohol or other drugs. Sobriety is also considered to be the natural state of a human being at birth.

Recovery signifies you know you have a problem and are trying to fix it. It doesn't mean you resolve your issues right away. You recognize something is wrong, which is a critical part of getting help.

https://7summitpathways.com/blog/what-does-it-mean-in-recovery/#:~:text=What%20Being%20in%20Recovery%20Means,synonymous%20with%20%E2%80%9Cin%20remission.%E2%80%9D

When you are in recovery, you feel a kinship to others in recovery, make decisions based on how they will impact your recovery, adjust friendships and relationships based on how they affect recovery, and never let down your guard.

Can you be sober and not in recovery? Yes, abstaining is the first part.

A recovery mindset allows you to grow and develop your self-awareness. It helps you question your relationships and boundaries. Recovery is for everyone. You don't have to be an "alcoholic." Recovery is about being open to change and adjustments in your life – asking for help.

Many of us abstain for some time before we are ready for recovery. The recovery mindset allows for growth, new connections, and community.

Are you ready to step into the arena of recovery? We are here and ready for you.

[7:43] Odette introduces Paul

Paul took his last drink on February 29, 2020. He is from Long Island, NY, and lives in Brooklyn. He is a Physical Education teacher and a personal trainer. He trains for fun, is getting into karate, and likes getting out into nature, which isn't easy in Brooklyn.

Paul opened his training business during COVID. He leveraged COVID as an opportunity to pivot the world of fitness and adapt to the new normal.

Paul started drinking toward the end of high school. Cannabis was his first substance, not alcohol. When he went to college, his drinking dialed up. In his mid 20's cannabis wasn't helping anymore, so his drinking escalated and became a problem.

As Paul reflects, his Dad overdosed when he was twelve, and his mother now has twelve years of sobriety. Childhood issues contributed to his desire to numb out. His substance abuse was a symptom of early childhood trauma.

[12:23] How was your childhood? Were you trying to cope or escape from tragedy?

Paul said he is an extrovert. He is open about his childhood experiences. It helps him to open up. When Paul's mom re-married and had a baby, postpartum depression kicked in, and she shut out the world by drinking. Paul said he was naïve and tried to take the bottle away from his mom. He frequently cared for his brother. His stepdad lost his temper with his mom's drinking, leading to his stepdad's arrest. Ultimately, his mom checked into treatment and now has 12 years of sobriety. Paul leveraged boxing as a way to escape and found solace in fitness.

[16:33] Did you notice that you developed a care-taking aspect of your personality?

Yes, Paul is a caretaker, particularly with the fitness routine and teaching elementary school. He goes out of his way to help people.

[18:12] Our families can recover together. Do you think about changing the trajectory of your ancestry?

Paul said a driving factor for him was seeing the lows his mom experienced when drinking, and he knew he didn't want that for himself or his kids.

Paul sees two sides to the coin. Life is not easy. Addiction is not a surprise; it can harden you. You have to find the why and the bigger picture to overcome addiction.

His last drink was the first confirmed case of COVID in NYC

[21:02] Tell me about the progression of fitness and drinking in your life.

Paul went back a bit and said he experimented with other drugs in college, and they began to play a role in his life. His mom always reminded him that addiction ran in the family. When Paul did a semester abroad in England, his substance abuse became a problem. He played rugby, but his drinking took over. When he returned to the US, he started bartending, drinking, and doing cocaine. Within six months, he lost his best friend to an overdose, then his Uncle to a drunk driver. He didn't realize he was drinking through his grief. He wasn't responsible. He lost his bartending job and ran out of money. He had to move back home. After a fight with his mom, he went out drinking, got a DWI, and was locked up for 24 hours, which was a rock bottom for him.

He turned things around and started applying to graduate programs and was accepted by a non-profit organization that paid for his Master's in Physical Education. He moved into New York City.

[27:06] Were you drinking all this time?

Paul said he does well with a full plate. He was still drinking, but not nearly as much. He took a month off after his DWI. He had three jobs and was in a Master's program. He was too busy for drinking to be an issue. When he graduated from his Master's program, he decided to give personal training a shot. He got a hernia and lost business because he couldn't train clients. He started drinking a lot. In 2017, he walked out of work on New Year's Eve, lost his phone, wallet, and had to call his mom to pick him up – another rock bottom moment. He subsequently completed a teaching certification program and started teaching PE.

[29:58] Did you think by adding responsibilities, you could avoid the rock bottom moments?

Paul said he has always been resilient – he bounces back quickly. He made changes immediately.

[30:36] What did your mom say when she picked you up?

Paul believes his mom knew he wasn't ready yet. She didn't press him about recovery; she was quiet but told him he needed to figure it out. Then he met his girlfriend. He had three bad experiences in a row, which led him to quit drinking. He went to a few AA meetings, started reading quit lit, and within a month, he went into Smart Recovery, and eight months later, he is on this podcast.

Looking at his drinking patterns objectively made it easier for him to decide to quit. Quitting during COVID was odd, but he is mindful of getting through cravings.

[38:41] How did you establish a routine during shut down?

Paul said he trained to fight. He bought a punching bag, kettlebells and he has a very structured routine including mediation, yoga, infrared sauna, cold showers, and daily routine builds his confidence.

[40:10] Did your performance improve when you quit drinking?

Paul realized he was leaving a lot on the table. He ran an ultra-marathon in the summer and is aiming toward a 500-pound deadlift in Q1 2021. He continues to study physiology and has learned a lot about what alcohol does to your entire body, from sleep deprivation, poor recovery, and stress. He knows that drinking kept him from realizing his potential as a boxer.

Paul said fitness is his thing. He doesn't romanticize drinking like artists, writers, or musicians. Drinking hinders fitness performance.

[44:48] Do you work with people in recovery as well?

Paul works with all types of clients and is starting to incorporate individuals in recovery and expand that outreach. He trains people he wants to help and loves working with kids.

[48:10] What do you do when you get a craving?

Paul said he tries to turn it on its head and thinks of it like building a new muscle. Café RE helps him a lot. Family parties stressed him out because he was focused on not drinking. He attends several Café RE meetings a week to surround himself with like-minded people and create accountability. Quitting drinking isn't easy, but it's simple – just don't have a drink.

[51:52] Rapid Fire Round

What would you say to your younger self?

You're going to be good. Take what life throws at you and keep moving forward

What has recovery made possible for you?

Finding more joy and discovering what joy is for me.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Chocolate chip cookie dough

What are you excited about right now?

My business. Fitness will train differently post COVID, and he is excited about what's to come.

What parting piece of guidance would you give to people who are considering ditching the booze?

Try to picture a life without alcohol before you submit to it. Incremental improvement goes a long way.

You might want to say Adios to booze if ….

If you have to drink a six-pack before a bartending shift or if you lose your car.

Learn more about Paul on Instagram: recoveryfit1

Odette's Summary

Recovery is an opportunity when you reframe and shift your mindset. The way we label things has a direct impact on our experience. Let this journey back home be full of fun, mysteries, and new discoveries. Your life is waiting. Remember that you are not alone and together is always better.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you'll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

"Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys"

RE 315: Change and Compassion Mar 01, 2021

– I can’t even imagine picking up a drink to solve something anymore. It doesn’t even cross my mind.

Kate took her last drink on August 11, 2018. She is 42 and lives in New Jersey. This is her story of living alcohol-free (AF).

Today’s sponsor is Better Help.

Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message

Odette has been thinking about the process of change. When she is having a down day, she wonders, am I doing recovery right? Am I making progress? Is the work worth it? It’s muddy and contradictory, particularly with our labeling minds.

We think bad days mean we are doing something wrong, and negative emotions are guides in the wrong direction. On hard days, Odette uses more tools, which probably means she is making more progress.

Holly Whittaker posted on her Instagram page a sketch that highlights the Hourglass of Change. It shows there is a range of emotions from start to goal. Odette thinks we need to learn to appreciate the hourglass of change, label-less, and accept more. Negative emotions have a place in our chapter of change. When Odette looks for peace instead of euphoria and moves gently with her feelings, she remembers compassion is critical. We need to have compassion for ourselves and others.

Let us remember that we are all on the same path, wanting to connect with others and feel like we belong. If sobriety is kicking you in the butt right now, don’t be so hard on yourself. Take it as a sign of progress. You are on the right track. You are right where you are supposed to be.

[7:30] Odette introduces Kate

Kate took her last drink on August 11, 2018. She is 42, lives in New Jersey, and works for Recovery Elevator.

Kate said she was born and raised in New Jersey. She, her husband Jay, and their cats keep life interesting. Kate works in the art world. She is crafty and knits, sews, and cross stitches. She loves to exercise and get outside.

[8:54] Give listeners some background on your history with drinking

Kate said she took her first drink at 14. She was severely inebriated and blacked out. The only other time she drank in high school, she blacked out. Kate went to college in Pennsylvania, and drinking was part of the culture. She was in a sorority, and everyone drank on the weekends. Her drinking seemed normal and what everyone was doing.

After college, she started to notice some demons.

Kate recalled in early childhood being asked to sit on the choir director’s lap at church and kiss him. She was taught to respect her elders. Looking back, she realizes her life then took an awkward turn. She developed an eating disorder. When she started drinking, the eating disorder went away. In college, she became the ultimate party girl. She worked in galleries and auction houses, and drinking was encouraged.

She moved to the UK in 2007 and was there for four years. She contrasted the drinking culture in the UK versus New York. Kate knew she had found her people. Her drinking ramped up. After her divorce, she would drink to obliteration with vodka. She learned geographic changes don’t work.

[12:51] Odette asked what was going on in her brain about her drinking.

Kate said she knew from her first drink that she shouldn’t drink. Alcoholism runs in her family. Her father has five years of sobriety. Every day was a struggle to continue keeping up appearances and be a high-functioning professional while drinking copious amounts of alcohol at night.

14:10 Did you talk to anyone about your eating disorder, drinking, or what happened during your childhood?

Kate said she was raised in a family where appearance meant everything. It went to the extreme that she and her siblings were wearing matching outfits for every holiday. Kate believes the 3 of them were struggling with who they are.

Kate told her mother about the choir director, and she didn’t believe her. Her friend’s mother found out about what was happening and sat down with Kate and talked it through. The kissing stopped, but she had to stay in the choir and see him weekly. At 14, the choir director turned it back on her in front of the entire chorus. She was embarrassed as a teenager. As an adult, she is mortified that it was allowed to happen.

[16:37] Tell me more about what happened when you were in the UK?

Kate said she moved back to the US because she was engaged to another man. When she lived in the UK, she was sexually assaulted by someone she was dating. This became a turning point. Within six months, she fled back to New York and got a job at a gallery. She then met another man who was a master manipulator, and they would drink a lot together. During Hurricane Sandy, they were stuck together. She tried to break up with him, and he would manipulate his way back. Kate’s drinking escalated due to the confusion associated with the manipulation.

[18:21] Did you notice you were drinking more? Was your tolerance increasing?

Kate said yes. A bottle of wine an evening was a standard routine. After a friend’s 40th birthday, she was so drunk it required two people to get her into her home. At 5 AM the next morning, she was passed out on the floor of her apartment, fully clothed, and she had urinated on herself. That was her first attempt to quit drinking, and it lasted about 90 days. When she went back to drinking, it progressed to 2-3 handles of vodka a week. She was working remotely most of the time, which masked much of her drinking. Her company is versed in recovery, and they encourage recovery.

[20:29] Did your drinking effect your relationship? How did that change when you quit drinking?

Kate said her husband is a heavy drinker as well, and they fueled each other as drinking partners. As her recovery has evolved, it has put some strain on her marriage. Kate and Jay didn’t discuss their drinking because they both had a problem. They are trying to rediscover who they are as a couple and learn to communicate. Kate said her husband is a rough and tumble guy who has lived a hard life, which puts him in a gender norm that he doesn’t talk about his feelings. Now that she is sober, Kate talks about all of her feelings. She has sought out other friends to express her feelings, and she wishes she and her husband could speak more openly. They have never talked about why she stopped drinking. Jay hasn’t seen all of the new dimensions of Kate that have evolved due to her sobriety.

[24:37] Tell me a little bit more about what happened after those 90 days?

Kate said start, restart, try again. She never moderated. It was black and white; there was no in-between. She walked into her first AA meeting at 24 years old but didn’t want to admit she had a drinking problem. From 2017 to 2018, Kate knew if she had continued drinking, it would kill her. She had many day one’s – she couldn’t put together stretches of time.

[26:40] What happened in August?

Kate said in July of 2018, she was sick and tired of being sick and tired. After forty “day one’s,” she put her wine down before her friend’s baby shower and said, we’re done. She googled recovery podcasts and found Recovery Elevator episode 2. She clicked play and connected with Paul’s sober date. It was the first time she heard similarities about how she drank and how other people spoke about their drinking. In August 2018, she signed up for Café RE. She discovered a community that was pursuing the same goal. The encouragement from like-minded people made a difference.

Kate did an Instagram live with Heather of Ditch the Drink, and it was so beautiful for Kate to see her recovery friends and her “regular” friends together.

[32:01] Do you still get cravings?

Kate said she does not get cravings. She likes inclusion to have an AF drink in her hand because it’s about being “part of” the event, not the alcohol in the glass.

[33:02] What do you do when you go to a party, and someone asks what you want to drink?

Kate brings her own, or she will grab a seltzer. If she is ever asked, are you sure you don’t want just one? she offers to burn down their house.

[34:10] Have you started healing, and what tools do you use?

Kate said she had two incredible therapists. Her first therapist got her through her divorce, allowing the story to unfold itself on Kate’s timetable. She lets Kate start and stop as needed.

She also had solo sessions with her couple’s therapist, who has a very different style. He has been teaching her she is valid, worth it and her thoughts and ideas are not stupid. Kate’s father believes she is too sensitive, which hurts deeply. Her therapist helped her understand that being sensitive is okay. She now understands her sensitivity is what makes her who she is. It inspires her ability to break out into song, making up new lyrics.

Odette believes that Kate’s sensitivity is her superpower.

[38:00] Tell me more about why recovery is important in your company?

Kate said the owner of the company had personal struggles with addiction, and several employees are sober. The company cheerleads Kate’s recovery, and her boss was supportive of her work with Café RE.

Odette commented about the stigma about recovery in the corporate world and how much Kate’s company gives her hope.

[40:58] What are you excited about right now?

Kate said she is excited about everything. She is excited about finishing a cross-stitch stocking and how her company is moving forward in 2021.

[42:30] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to Katie when she was younger, what would you say?

OMG, you are so f*ing pretty and worth it. You are a beautiful person, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

What is a lightbulb moment for you on this journey?

I can’t even imagine picking up a drink to solve something anymore. It doesn’t even cross my mind.

What has recovery made possible for you?

Recovery has made everything possible. Kate has saved $30,000 since she quit drinking and now has to buy Odette coffee.

What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

You have to find a community. Kate has discovered her recovery family in Café RE. It’s her #1 resource.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Rum raisin and peanut butter ripple, but not at the same time.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

This is the best decision you will ever make in your life and stop waiting.

You might want to say adios to booze if …

You are so drunk at your wedding that you fall asleep at the dinner table.

Odette’s Summary

Remember that you are not alone and together is always better. We took the elevator down. We’ve got to take the stairs back up. We can do this. I love you guys.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 314: What’s going to happen? Feb 22, 2021

Gregg took his last drink 26 years ago (November 6th, 1994). This is his story of living alcohol free (AF).

Bozeman registration opens March 1st to Café RE members. On March 6th registration opens to all. You can find more details about the event here. Trust us… you don’t want to miss this!

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You

It’s been a little bit of time since the 1st of the year. Those resolutions we all made might now be changing from determination and drive and into a place of the unknown. If you’ve stuck with your resolution, you are far enough in that you can’t see where you started but the end isn’t in focus yet. Not knowing how the outcome will play out can be scary. When we ask “what is going to happen?” it blocks our ability to function today and in the now. Things will work out, if we let them.

[7:52] Odette introduces Gregg.

Gregg lives in Los Angeles. He is married and has two amazing daughters. For a living he is a recovery coach and also owns a few sober living facilities. He is an advisor in many startups as well. For fun he likes to body surf, skateboard and eats ice cream (mint chocolate chip!).

[12:20] Can you give listeners some background on your story?

Gregg’s father was killed in a drunk driving accident when he was 4 years old. From a young age he understood the power of alcohol. Being raised by a single mother he always felt different. He grew up as a bully because he was scared and sensitive. Around 12/13 he discovered pot and alcohol. That “medicine” took away his shame and pain. As an adult he started with a pattern of drinking, leading to cocaine, leading to pot, leading to bad decisions. Between 22 and 25 he was arrested 8 times. He got into the drug trade and while it provided a “nice life” there was overwhelming amounts of shame regarding his life choices, and he was eventually arrested with 50 lbs of pot. The judge gave him another chance, but he was arrested again 18 days later. In the cell the next morning he heard a voice that said, “call your mother”. She told him to go to church and while there he went to confession. Unbeknownst to Gregg, the priest he gave confession to was his step fathers first sponsor in AA. He went to AA that evening.

[24:39] How were those 90 meetings in 90 days for you?

Gregg said he was accountable because he had a court card. At first he was just looking to “get the heat off”. Around day 30 the pink cloud appeared, and he felt clear headed and healthy. He found connection with some people in AA. The boxing lessons also helped his life balance. When he got sober in 1994, there were not a lot of people in their 20s doing the same thing. He lost a lot of friendships in the process.

[30:47] What bigger motivations did you have to stay the course?

Gregg said he had a good work ethic overall. So he had the desire to succeed. He chose to put what would be been drinking time into his passion. He would write scripts rather than going out. It was 8 extra hours a week he put towards something he loved, which helped him to change the mindset around his life. He never would have had the career he had if he didn’t put that time towards his passion.

[36:02] How have you transformed and processed the pain you had in your early years?

Gregg said he had done step 4 through 4 times. Someone in a meeting saw that he was blocked and told him to unpack the “backpack of shame”. Through this process he was able to explore other things he had left off his previous step work. Gregg uncovered, discovered and discarded, which allowed him to fully open and find relief.

“Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can change” – Oprah

[41:21] Do you still get any cravings?

Gregg said the obsessions to drink and use has left him, the obsession to obsess has not. If he doesn’t do the work on other obsessions, they will ruin his life just like drugs and alcohol did. He will go back to step 1 and apply it to whatever obsession is holding him at that time.

[43:00] What are you excited about right now?

Gregg said he really likes connection and he’s excited about recovery. Finding other connections through recovery. He’s excited to come out of covid and what that might look like. He’s excited about his podcast “The Recovery Playbook” Find it here on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[48:00] Rapid Fire Round

What would you say to your younger self?

Drugs and alcohol are a waste of time. Time is the most precious commodity we have.

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

Mint chocolate chip

What book are you reading right now?

Epic which is about how we are all connected through our stories. Everyone has a story.

What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners thinking about ditching the booze?

Remain willing to be willing.

You may have to say adios to booze if...

because you will die. Tomorrow or 20 years from now. The disease of alcoholism is undefeated.

Odette’s weekly challenge:

Stay grounded in the present moment. Some of her favorite ways to stay grouned are:

Going for a walk

Walking barefoot on the grass

Meditation

Blasting music and dancing

Drinking tea

Touching whatever surface she’s sitting on

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) registration opens March 1! This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – staying in the present moment is the best we can do for our future. I love you guys.”

RE Bonus Episode: Odette and Paul Q&A Feb 18, 2021

Bonus Episode – Odette and Paul answer listeners questions

I still find it difficult that my husband drinks every day. I don't know why it makes me feel angry inside, but I do all the time when he drinks. How can I approach this?

Odette said, stay on your lane. The more you focus on him, the less you will focus on your healing and your journey. In learning about yourself and healing yourself, you can start to implement boundaries and assert your needs vs. obsess over how much he is drinking. Therapy helps. Pull your energies back to yourself.

What do you suggest I do when friends and family seem uncomfortable around me when I say I don't drink?

Paul said you can get started on 2.0 version of your life. So much more is packed into this than just quitting drinking. You are stepping out of the norm, roles, identities, and labels in your family. Learn to set boundaries, overcome the need to please. Give it time, and they're watching. This doesn't mean they aren't supportive. They are on their own journey as well.

What are the plans for Recovery Elevator (RE)? What is in the works?

The podcast will evolve to include additional voices. Paul will return in some capacity.

Retreats (Rustic Retreats, like Bozeman, Hotel events, retreat centers, and AF travel).

A Retreat Center is contemplated.

A Rat Park experiment, an in-person community, is being considered.

(insert link)

How did you best handle your early days of an alcohol-free life? What practices do you use now daily?

Odette has used different tools but consistently exercises, sees a therapist, stays connected via on-line chats and in-person meet-ups that are COVID safe.

Paul said the most challenging and most rewarding experience in his life was quitting drinking. Paul left Bozeman for his first month of sobriety because there were too many triggers. He took long walks for 30 days, particularly to a fantastic waterfall. As his recovery evolved, he is mindful of the interchange. He goes to his internal connection, and the outside triggers stopped affecting him. He found some inner peace.

If you could trade your life now for being able to drink like a normal person magically, would you?

Odette said, no, senor!

In the first few years, Paul said he had thoughts of drinking, and he was in the victim role – longing for the old days when he could drink normally. Now his energy has changed, and his life now has no space for alcohol or drinking.

I hear in AA all of the time that those who don't go to meetings regularly are sure to go back out and drink.

Odette said the opposite of addiction is connection. It's a great time to be sober with virtual meetings, sober curious groups, courses, and friends who are always focused on learning and being better.

Paul said there are infinite ways to Ditch the Booze. Paul's buddies have ditched the booze, and AA was not part of their journey. He believes the community is vital to long-term sobriety. It doesn't have to be AA – and humans are social animals.

I'm in my second year of sobriety. The first year was a lot of filling my toolbox and learning how to survive without alcohol. When in your journey did you start to thrive and live your best life. What steps did you take to embrace the new you and live out loud?

Paul said nothing was thriving when he was drinking. Some parts of his life started to thrive nearly immediately when he quit drinking. Within 14 days, he felt better. The spiritual component of his life has become vital to him. He is more tethered and can weather emotional storms. Today chaos, while momentary, ultimately leads to thriving for Paul.

Odette said her definition of thriving has changed. She goes within. Thriving is about peace, knowing herself, and understanding the reality of co-existing with others. It's not about the perfect Instagram profile. Odette thrives even on her dip days. Her growing pains lead to thriving.

Do you think there is a risk of a substance leading me back to alcohol? Have your own experiences (or, for that matter, any new research on the potential benefits of psychedelics)? How has your experience informed you?

Paul said Dr. David Nutt (2011 UK) said alcohol is the most addictive drug and causes the most devastating effects on society. Number 20 was magic mushrooms. Paul's experiences with plant medicines have been non-addictive. In the right setting, they do not lead to a return to alcohol. The right setting is critical. Guided therapy sessions will help the intense inner work.

What were your best strategies to avoid or minimize the tendency to romanticize the days of yore in the early days of sobriety?

Odette said, play the tape forward. Romanticizing is just an illusion. She remembers not to give up what she wants for that drink.

Paul described the ism and euphoric recall. Its why women continue to have babies. They don't accurately remember the pain. Paul's memory was about playing football. The mind has 60-70K thoughts a day, and most of them are wrong. Questioning your thoughts is a great practice.

I seem to have a problem sometimes with a lack of structure or regiment. When I work or have commitments, it seems like I don't have so many thoughts in my head because I'm pretty focused on the task at hand. Fewer thoughts equal less anxiety for me. Paul, can you share your experience with travel and structure?

Paul suggests structure in all of his courses. The days with structure are easier to get through. Paul has taken Spanish classes or city tours, or AA meetings to build in structure and routine. Double down on the routine.

I would love to hear Odette speak on how alcohol abuse works with eating disorder recovery. The sobriety world is very diet culture-oriented and fat phobic. Any guidance on fighting the voice of needing to restrict, manage weight, and it's ok to eat?

Odette said listen to Episode 312. There are so many connections between alcohol and eating disorders. She took other's hands until she could do it for herself. She is grateful for her body. She has bad body image days but tries to do the best for her body. Protect your energy! Odette is happy to speak to people about this challenge.

How do you not think about drinking while abstaining? I've had many alcohol-free days in the last few years, but those same days were sometimes consumed with thoughts of drinking. So, the drinking has gone away for you guys. But has the thinking about the drinking gone away from you too?

Paul talks about music is all about love. Saying goodbye to alcohol is a Dear John letter. Give yourself time to grieve and let the neurons no longer fire together. It's a non-issue for Paul today.

Odette spoke about the progression of healing. It does get better.

What supplements- if any- have you used to help "restore" the damage done by long-term use of alcohol?

Odette said sleep, vitamins, water, good food, and Vitamin D – get outside.

Paul said, get outside and get outside with your shoes off. Lemon water, cocoa water, take a nap if you are tired.

I would like to hear from you about your spiritual journey as you got sober and how you find your higher being?

Paul said spirituality wasn't his thing, but at about 3.5 years in, April 14, he recognized something beautiful was at play. He has learned to enjoy the mystery and the magic. He doesn't have all of the answers and embraces that.

Odette believes that things are presented to you when you are ready. Stay curious, be patient. Value bomb – time has its own time.

How do you distance yourself from perfectionism?

Paul said, recognize with an awareness that it's there.

Odette likes the gut check she gets when she realizes her recovering control freak is a daily practice. She leans on friends for support.

How can I help a loved one get on the AF journey, too, without using too many of my own experiences and also without falling off myself?

Odette said, stay the course, don't be co-dependent. Don't add resistance. Hold space for your loved one.

Paul said, be the change you want to see. We grow from our crash and burn?

How did the transition between hosts come about? Did Paul seek Odette out, or did Odette send out an unconscious signal? Was there a specific sign in the universe to make this incredible event happen?

Paul and Odette are well connected, including the transition. The idea just came, and it worked beautifully. Odette's immediate yes came from her heart.

What is Paul's most significant takeaway since stepping away from hosting the podcast? And what is Odette's biggest takeaway so far being the host of the podcast?

We all suck at asking for and accepting help. Paul needed help, and Odette stepped up.

Odette knows we all need each other. When she has dip days, she shows up and gets more when she shows up for others.

Do you have any advice on when is a good time and how to be open & out about your sobriety (with employers, an old friend, strangers, etc.)? I struggle with thinking it's none of my employer's business because it doesn't affect the job I do, and I don't want to deal with the conversation that comes with telling them, but then find myself avoiding the truth about it and feeling bad later.

Odette said self and radical honesty is what and genuine and authentic to yourself. Challenge yourself, but do what works for yourself, your mental accountability, and your peace.

Paul said we often disassociate ourselves from nature. Paul knows burning the ships can be challenging, and he's had some delicate moments. His opportunities with vulnerability have worked with him everywhere. It opens up the door for a deeper connection.

When has your sobriety been tested the most, and what did you do that happened?

Paul said he had a meltdown after his sixth episode, and he asked for help, and he was supported incredibly and learned how burning the ships worked in his favor and asking for help became an incredible experience. Vulnerability opens so many doors.

Odette described that parenting is tough! Many parents try to stay sober for their kids, and parenting can be super triggering. Odette loves her kids to death, but she is reinventing the Mommy culture. Parenting is tough, but she knows alcohol isn't her answer, and she has a great support system.

What do you think of prescription meds for or during recovery (e.g., naltrexone)?

Paul said green light for naltrexone. It helps in the short term, great. Paul said Antabuse is a violent fear motivator. Your recovery is more helpful with loving yourself.

What have you learned the most about recovery from doing the podcasts? And what is the most common "similarity" you've found after all the interviews, other than we all have a desire to stop drinking, of course!

Odette said moderation works until it doesn't, and it pretty much doesn't do the trick. We all just want love and acceptance. Odette appreciates the courage of everyone that dares to come on the show.

Paul discussed, there is trauma with a big T, and little t, addiction to alcohol says something in our life is out of balance, we are all fundamentally good people,

there is part of our unconscious that doesn't want to stop drinking, and we need to overcome our fear.

How do I break out of the cycle of drinking with four young kids?

Odette said she doesn't like advising busy moms – she only has two kids. She suggested making yourself a priority, and when you do, your children will learn that as well. Take care of yourself. You are not exempt from pain or failure. It takes a village to raise children, ask for help!

Is it possible to get addicted to feelings? I have grown up in a cycle of trauma. On a deeper level, I feel I've been addicted to feelings of sadness, loneliness, and shame, because I have lived with them for so long?

Paul said you could get addicted to your thoughts. Your thoughts function in the known. The body tries to anchor you back to your old self.

Odette said, find your new normal.

Paul added, enjoy your life. It doesn't have to be hard. You can ask for help. Paul gave a big shout-out for all of the good questions and he and Odette had a blast.

RE 313: An Antidote to Judgement Feb 15, 2021

Carolyn took her last drink on February 22, 2019. This is her story of living alcohol-free (AF).

Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.

Dehumanizing Others. After listening to Brene Brown, Odette loved Brene’s challenge of not engaging in dehumanizing others. We can’t change the world if we continue dehumanizing others. Odette was also reading Pema Chodron’s new book and concluded that polarization is most problematic when we dehumanize people. Habitually dehumanizing others about politics or behavior or clothing isn’t good. Minor differences in habits and preferences keep us fundamentally separate from others.

The division exists everywhere, even in recovery. Odette has observed others judging other’s approaches to recovery. We judge people for NA beer or not drinking NA beer, AA or no AA. We continue to create division instead of closing the gaps. Pema Chodron has a practice called “just like me.” Just like me, this person doesn’t want to be uncomfortable. Just like me, this person loses it sometimes. Just like me, this person wants friends and intimacy.

Focus on the similarities, not the differences. You can have boundaries without dehumanizing others.

[7:35] Odette introduces Carolyn

Carolyn took her last drink on February 22, 2019. She lives in Wisconsin and is 34 years old.

She lives in Wisconsin, is single, no kids, and has fun with her German shepherd pup. Carolyn loves drawing, painting, murals, golf, snowboarding, camping, hiking, etc. She works as a graphic artist. Living in the polar vortex of Wisconsin can be challenging, but it makes her appreciate the seasons more.

[11:01] Tell me about your history with drinking

Carolyn started drinking when she was 14 years old (2000). She would drink on the weekends and look forward to drinking. It was a big part of her identity and made her feel cool and accepted.

Carolyn’s drinking ramped up when she went to college. She worked in a restaurant and played rugby and had lots of opportunities to drink. Drinking continued to be a significant part of her identity.

She met her significant other in 2008, and they were drinking buddies, a party couple. She knew something was off but wasn’t sure what it was.

[13:30] Did you start questioning if alcohol was a problem at that time?

Carolyn didn’t see alcohol as a problem initially, but she was aware that several areas of her life were not jiving. Looking back, she can see many events and relationships influenced by alcohol, but she didn’t see it at the moment.

[14:49] Were you rationalizing your drinking as something sophisticated?

At her college graduation, she was surrounded by friends and family. She was drunk, and her boyfriend proposed. She said yes, even though she knew something was off. She has a lot of internal conflicts. She leveraged alcohol to help her numb her feelings. The marriage ended because she couldn’t move the relationship forward.

After her divorce, she was drinking after work every night. She found it wasn’t fun anymore. She started to develop anxiety at 22. Her drinking was no longer fun, party drinking – it was maintenance drinking. Had she not had the lull in 2014, she would not have had the tipping point

[18:32] Did you talk to a friend or a therapist about your struggles?

Carolyn knew her drinking wasn’t healthy, but she was still in denial. She brainwashed herself into believing she was a fun party-girl. She didn’t see herself as an alcoholic. She began to realize she had a problem after her divorce.

[20:21] Walk me through what happened from 2014 to February 2019.

Carolyn said her drinking progressed. Her anxiety was crippling, and she would drink when she got home. After a visit with his sister, her brother-in-law mentioned he hadn’t had a drink for two weeks. She thought that was crazy. She knew she hadn’t gone two weeks without drinking ever. She stumbled upon the “are you an alcoholic” quiz.

She had a few three-week breaks over the years, and she could feel the fog lift; her anxiety would lessen. She returned to drinking because she couldn’t handle her social life without alcohol.

In 2018, she had to be on medication for a month. She was advised not to drink while on the drug but drank anyway. It was a terrifying realization for her. She knew at then she had to take her drinking seriously.

[25:19] Sometimes, our “best” looks different. It sounds like you had a real mental shift.

Carolyn said it wasn’t until she got scared that she decided to take it seriously. She is now thankful for the hardships that led to her tipping point.

She listened to the Recovery Elevator podcast and heard about Annie Grace’s book, This Naked Mind. She quit drinking the next day. She reads a lot of self-help and memoirs and credits Annie’s book with changing her life.

[28:36] How were your first few weeks alcohol-free?

Carolyn said she was anxious and sweaty during week one. She didn’t sleep well for three weeks and was emotionally sensitive. She would burst into tears at any given moment. She listened to podcasts, checked her sobriety tracker, and didn’t have many cravings. She did chain smoke. By week four, she turned a corner and felt things became more manageable. She was sleeping better, not obsessed with how many days she had. She was still emotional, but her energy was through the roof, and things started coming together.

[32:05] Carolyn asks Odette about her social circle.

Odette joined Café RE. She experienced lots of change, and she was grieving her former self.

Carolyn’s sister quit drinking three years ago. Her oldest sister has been her confidante and best friend through learning to be alcohol-free. Her sister’s sobriety became a motivator. She and her twin sister were drinking buddies. She believes her twin sister is coming to terms with drinking as well. She is learning to be transparent with her sister about her addiction.

[38:05] Tell me about your maintenance routine?

Carolyn said that fitness and nutrition have always been important to her. Now her fitness and nutrition are more therapeutic because she has no alcohol. She is nurturing her body; she feels better, keeps a gratitude journal, podcasts and talks to her older sister, and quit lit help.

[39:54] What do you do when you get a trigger, or a curveball comes your way?

Carolyn said exercise, getting outside, art projects like painting or drawing are freeing. She also dances and sings to shake it off. One podcast, Rachel Heart, focused on how your brain functions in phases of a craving (Think, Feel, Act) has been an excellent tool to overcome cravings. She quit smoking after six months AF, and her cravings were heightened at that time.

[45:32] Rapid Fire Round

What would you say to your Day 1 self?

Once you reach the 3–4-week milestone, things will get a lot easier.

What is a lightbulb moment for you in this journey?

Carolyn had a tipping point and realized she could have an awesome life without alcohol. She no longer felt deprived.

What has recovery made possible for you?

Carolyn said lots of doors have opened for her. She started a screen-printing apprenticeship. She is shopping for a home. Her self-confidence is much better.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Mint chip.

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

If you continue drinking while you are on antibiotics.

Odette’s weekly challenge:

Try the “just like me” practice this week with someone. When you feel judgment appear, pause, and try and lessen the gap between you. Remember, you are not alone, and together is always better. Let’s be kinder to each other and ourselves.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) registration opens March 1! This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness, you would never

know the light - I love you guys.”

RE 312: Alcohol Abuse & Eating Disorders Feb 08, 2021

Holly took her last drink on January 4, 2007. This is her story of living alcohol-free (AF).

Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.

Odette and Holly met in treatment. In 2013, they went to Montecatini together to work on their eating disorders. Odette believed that if she could stop her obsession with food and reach a healthy weight, she would be normal. However, she didn’t address the emotional reasons behind her eating disorder. A few years later, she found herself using alcohol as her new coping mechanism. The behaviors that led to her unhealthy relationship with food mirrored the behaviors of her relationship with alcohol.

Up to 35% of people who abused alcohol also have an eating disorder. This rate is 11 times greater than the general population.

For more information on these statistics, see: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

The stigma for eating disorders is greater than the stigma for alcohol use disorder, so many people struggle in silence.

Odette believes the only way out is through.

Get to the root cause of your addiction. Be aware of co-occurring addictions. Don’t run away from your feelings or numb them with a substance. Find a community. Get professional help. When seeking help, be specific. Find a therapist specializing in addiction, whether it is alcohol, food, drugs, or whatever else. Get specific.

Don’t feel perpetually stuck in addiction whack-a-mole. We can do hard things.

[9:14] Odette introduces Holly

Holly took her last drink on January 4, 2007. Holly is from Montana. She moved to Southern California over 15 years ago for graduate school. She currently works for Mental Health Systems as an employment specialist, helping those with behavioral health issues get employment. On the weekends, she works for a rehab in San Diego as a rehab specialist. Holly has fun playing games. Codeword is her latest favorite. She also enjoys listening to books, music and hanging out with her dog Hannay.

[11:56] Tell me about your history with drinking

Holly started experimenting with alcohol in college. She grew up in a conservative home. She was allowed to drink with adults present, but her family was traditional with alcohol use. Holly didn’t drink in high school. She was a rule follower.

Her drinking took off when she was 21, when it was legal and escalated after her engagement. She attended Fuller Theological Seminary, intending to become a Presbyterian minister. She drank heavily every day and hid her drinking.

[13:39] Did you start questioning your drinking habits at that time?

When Holly lived in Montana, she drank like everyone else. When she moved to California, she would order two drinks at a time and was starting to understand that wasn’t normal. She needed a drink before she went out and then went home afterward to drink alone. She isolated and that isolation led to depression. Alcohol exacerbated the depression. Toward the end of her drinking, she was put on several psychiatric holds (5150).

[15:17] Were you rationalizing your drinking as something sophisticated?

On paper, Holly was very functional. She was a straight-A student, on the Dean’s list, she held to part-time jobs. She aced Hebrew.

[16:40] Did you have a therapist? Was your therapist able to discern the alcohol issues from the depression issues?

Holly had a therapist and kept drinking. She hid her drinking from her therapist. She was annoyed that her therapist occasionally suggested her attending a meeting.

[17:33] Walk me through the progression of your drinking.

Holly noted that two years after moving to California, she couldn’t stop drinking. She would wake up in the morning and drink to recover from the night before. She also struggled with an Eating disorder. Alcohol was the only calories she could keep in her body. She was physically and mentally depleting.

She had suicidal ideations and felt if she got rid of herself, she would solve the problems she caused others. She had several suicide attempts due to alcohol, poor nutrition, and depression.

[18:58] How long did that cycle last?

Holly’s drinking continued for two years. On January 3, her therapist said she didn’t sound right and told her to go immediately to the hospital. Holly knew she couldn’t drive, so she walked toward the hospital. She consumed a pint of Vodka, a handful of Xanax and was mugged on the way to the hospital.

She went missing for several hours. The Pasadena police called her Mom in Montana asking, are you Mom? They told her Mom they couldn’t find Holly. When Holly came to, she walked back to her apartment that has search dogs and an ambulance. She was placed on a 72-hour psych hold, which became a 14-day hold. She was released early because her Dad came down from Montana to take her to rehab.

[21:02] How many holds did you have?

Holly said, five or six, and she was still in denial. She was in rehab for 97 days, and it took her until Day 45 to acknowledge she had a bit of a drinking problem. She admitted to depression and an eating disorder, but not alcohol.

[22:07] What was it about alcohol that made it difficult for you to admit you had a problem?

Holly said that alcohol was such a part of her lifestyle that it seemed normal. Her view of an alcoholic was a homeless person on the street with a bottle in a brown bag. She had extreme denial that it was a problem.

[23:08] Tell me more about when you went to rehab?

Holly attended rehab in San Clemente, CA. It was a 12 Step based program. She was scared. Forty-five days into rehab, she begrudgingly got a sponsor. She was asked, “are you willing to do whatever it takes?” That temporary sponsor was with her for 7.5 years. Holly is grateful to her sponsor, her family, and all of the rehab staff who had to put up with her attitude.

On family weekend, her Dad was crying when he told Holly what he saw when he came to put her in rehab. There were alcohol bottles and diet pills strewn about her apartment. Nobody knew how bad she was because she only reported the good news, from her grades to her two jobs. Seeing the pain in her father’s eyes snapped her into awareness.

[27:08] Did you realize your body was withdrawing from alcohol?

Holly said she had no recall of the first several days because she had overdosed. She later learned that her blood alcohol level was toxically high. The doctors said it was amazing she pulled through. Holly believes from her faith that angels were watching over her, and that is why she is still with us.

[28:19] What happened after you left rehab. How was it adjusting to the real world?

Holly said she did a lot of work but knew she had to take one day at a time. In early recovery, she leveraged AA, her sponsor, and plenty of therapy. Holly said connections, connections, connections – that was her saving grace. She began to lean in on other sobriety tools like the Recovery Elevator podcast. She returned to grad school and added recovery ministry to her curriculum. Her heart changed, and there was an ego shift that allowed her to focus on recovery ministry, sharing her recovery tools with others who struggle with addiction. She still takes it one day at a time, and her recovery isn’t perfect. Now she can hold space for others.

[31:12] Did your eating disorder progress after you stopped drinking?

Holly said she exchanged one obsession for another. Her addictive brain focused on alcohol, then alcohol plus food, trauma. Her recovery has not been a straight line but rather a windy pathway.

She realized variety, moderation and balance are essential in her life, but moderation is not an option with alcohol. She has infinite possibilities without alcohol.

[34:33] How do you handle difficult emotions now?

Holly said she has to reach out to talk to people, or she is in trouble. If she starts to isolate from family and friends, it’s a red flag.

[37:00] Tell me how you transitioned into the recovery industry?

Holly said after graduating, she felt a pull to help others. She began helping people in recovery homes and believes her past was a calling for her to hold space for others.

She practices playing the tape through regularly to avoid the insanity of her thoughts. She knows she is not going to drink, just for today. She believes in affirmations to rewire her neuropathways.

[45:38] How has your recovery evolved over time?

Holly remains involved in her 12-step program, but her mind has shifted from, I have to, to I get to. She continues to work with a therapist and connects with other people in recovery.

[49:17] Rapid Fire Round

What would you say to your younger self?

Stay in the present, don’t worry about the past. You are loved.

What is a lightbulb moment for you in this journey?

Everyone has a past, don’t cast judgment. It’s about what you are doing today.

What do you bring to a party?

Diet Coke or Coke Zero with a splash of lemonade.

What are your favorite resources in recovery?

Connection, 12-steps, mental health support groups, quit lit, friends, and family.

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are thinking of ditching the booze?

Be gentle with yourself and know there are people who want to support you. No matter what, you have worth, value and you are loved.

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

You finish your whiskey, and you yell at the bartender, “same ice” because you don’t want the marinated ice to go down the drain.

Odette’s weekly challenge:

This journey should make you feel lighter and propel you toward the life you deserve. Let this be the best experiment in your life, the path back to yourself. Challenges are lessons, not obstacles. We can fail forward into beautiful things. You are not alone, together is always better.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) registration opens March 1! This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 311: S is for Self Sabotage Feb 01, 2021

Emmy took her last drink on December 8, 2019. This is her story of living alcohol free (AF).

Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.

Odette spoke about a personal and very sensitive issue: she is an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. She took charge of her recovery but recently identified some behaviors and coping mechanisms she was hoping to skip over that are rooted in her early years growing up in an alcoholic home. Odette realized she had been stuck in a pattern of self-sabotage for years in many aspects of her life, some more dangerous than others. Self-sabotage showed up in her relationships with friends, at school, and with her husband. While Odette doesn’t like the label of being an adult child of an alcoholic, she has come to realize she can’t wish the consequences away. Pain in our families makes our emotional state a bit disheveled. We live waiting for the other shoe to drop. We were guarded and untrusting. This state became our normal: the feeling that something is wrong all of the time.

Odette is focused on understanding the impact self-sabotage has on her behavior. She is practicing new behaviors. She is working on making small shifts – to see things differently.

No matter how destructive our behavior has been in the past, we can experience new ways of being.

[9:38] Odette introduces Emmy

Emmy took her last drink on December 8, 2019. She is from Fort Worth, Texas, and she is 30 years old.

Emmy is a recreational therapist who works with children and adults with various disabilities. She is single, no kids, and lives with her five-year-old dog Petey. She has fun participating in her recovery, getting to know who she is, and learning to become her own friend.

[13:06] Can you give listeners some background on your history with drinking?

Emmy said she started drinking around 16 or 17. She was at a friend’s house where somebody had brought over a bottle of alcohol mixed with Propel and thought it was cool. She remembers the first sip giving her this sort of warm feeling inside and thinking, ‘nothing bad can ever happen with this.’ She kept that routine going every weekend as a teenager. When she went to college, she found an excuse to drink every night, whether trivia night or intramural sports. She also worked in a restaurant and could drink behind the bar. Everybody was doing it, so it didn’t seem like a problem at the time.

She graduated college and worked in a nursing home by day and a restaurant by night. She was working 50-60 hours a week, which gave her another excuse to drink because she worked so hard.

[14:45] At this point, were you starting to question your relationship with alcohol, or were you thinking this is just what people do?

Emmy said she knew as a teenager; it may become a problem in the future. She saw so many people doing the same thing and thought she would have to look at it later down the road.

[15:28] Walk me through what happened afterward, how did that progress?

Emmy went to grad school, which started drinking Round 2. She thought, I’m still in school, I can still live the same lifestyle. She graduated, got a Director job in a nursing home, with more responsibility. She was not surrounded by as many people who drank as she did.

She began putting feelers out to different people, asking if she had a drinking problem. She was asking the wrong people, the people who drank as she did. She took that as validation she didn’t have a problem.

She drank regularly for a few more years. She thought it was fun. There were many examples of alcoholism in her family. Problem drinkers have a problem every time. She believed she could maintain control and continue drinking.

[17:35] Were you creating any rules for yourself, like moderation rules?

Emmy said, don’t we all? She had rules about, don’t drink on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. She would break her rules all of the time, then double down on guilt and shame.

Emmy moved to Texas, and she wasn’t around anybody she knew anymore. She started drinking alone. She could still have a glass or two of wine and feel fine the next day. She was still getting up for work and had a really good job. Nothing was taken away from her, so she didn’t think it was a problem.

[18:36] You said the word, YET, was powerful in your journey. The inner turmoil between the heart and the brain can be exhausting, were you tired mentally?

Emmy said this is what led her to admit defeat. She found herself doing the same thing over and over again. She was sick and tired of being sick and tired. She was sick of being pulled out of her life, missing amazing moments while she continued drinking.

[19:49] Did you have any people in your life who were pursuing sobriety or battling addiction?

Emmy said yes. She grew up with alcoholism in her immediate and extended family. She had little seeds planted in the past ten years by people who chose recovery.

[20:32] So what made you change your mind?

Emmy said on December 7, she was feeling unsafe and recalling a previously abusive relationship. On vacation in California, she was sneaking drinks when nobody was looking so not everyone would know how much she’d had to drink. She treated somebody pretty poorly that night. She was up all night and came out of a blackout, realizing she was yelling at someone. She looked in the mirror and told herself, you have completely lost who you are. It was an out-of-body experience, and within a few days, she reached out for help out of desperation.

[22:18] That’s a powerful moment: a self-intervention. Was the progression of your drinking a way to cope with the pain of an abusive relationship?

Emmy said, absolutely, but she doesn’t think of herself as a victim anymore. She feels empowered from the healing and counseling she has done and discovered the abusive relationship was an excuse. Self-pity became an excuse for her behaviors.

[24:48] You decided to reach out for help. What did that look like for you?

Emmy said, leading up to this day, she was drawn to a client’s mother with 30 years of sobriety. She drove her client home and walked up to the door, and just collapsed in her arms, sobbing. She was met with acceptance, told about some options, and felt safe.

She went to an AA meeting at 10 pm that night, and it was a magical moment. She felt love, acceptance, no judgment, empowerment, and she has been going to AA ever since.

[28:05] How connected are you to faith or guidance? It sounds like you were catching signs.

Emmy said she grew up in a religious home and always had God there. She believes not making him her #1 pursuit got her off track. She recently connected to the spiritual side of her program and believes God sends messages through people. Her faith has grown in the past nine months.

[32:19] Tell me about those initial months. What was it like? How did you have to adjust your daily routine?

Emmy said the first three months were just a release of emotion. She had no cravings. She was grateful to God for lifting the obsession. She was learning how to be a human, to walk soberly. She still had problems and started learning how to deal with them without alcohol.

She is getting to know God, getting to know herself. She is establishing a routine and creating stability that she never got as a little girl and felt empowered by the choice.

[34:42] What is your go for handling problems and negative emotions?

Emmy is trying to strengthen the pause, pausing before reacting. She takes 5 minutes to herself and breathes. She is working on not being impulsive. She continues to practice pausing every day.

[36:27] Tell me about your routine?

Emmy is awakened by her dog at the same time every day. They have a routine. She then does a daily devotional, journals, relaxes as her form of meditation to clear her head. She walks the dog to get outside and enjoys fresh air. Then she starts work. God and her recovery come first.

[38:51] What is your favorite part of the journey so far?

Emmy does five in-person meetings a week and talks to her sponsor when problems arise.

[39:56] What is your response when someone offers you a drink?

Emmy said it varies, and she liked to make it funny. I’m allergic. It makes me mean. No, thank you.

[40:37] Thoughts about the future (wedding, milestones)?

Emmy said she has thought about it. Will anyone come if I have a dry wedding? She is learning it’s easy to have fun without alcohol. She is learning to “stay where her feet are.” She stays in the present and is enjoying being in the present. Stay where your feet are; you are here.

[42:35] How have the relationships in your life shifted or changed?

Emmy said she feels blessed with good friends and believes she is the one that has changed. She practices being grateful for her friends, being present for them, and enjoys remembering conversations the next day. She treats people better. She feels supported and has excellent long-distance relationships.

[44:15] Where do you find inspiration from outside of your meetings?

Emmy said she loves the Recovery Elevator podcast, talking to her sponsor, prayer, and journaling.

[45:15} What do you associate with the word alcoholic?

Emmy said she doesn’t have a problem with it. She sees it as an opportunity, a relief, not a label.

[46:03] Rapid Fire Round

What are you excited about right now? What possibilities in your life?

Helping others in recovery, giving opportunity to other people.

What do you bring to a party when they tell you to bring your drinks?

La Croix – passion fruit

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

Breyer’s chocolate truffle

What’s a light bulb moment you’ve had in this journey?

If you don’t drink, you won’t get drunk

What has recovery made possible for you?

Self-love

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are thinking of ditching the booze?

Keep open-mindedness and willingness. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If the thought has crossed your mind, give it a try.

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

getting a drink (one drink) sounds like a waste of time

Odette’s weekly challenge:

What is in your baggage backpack that you want to get eliminate? A character defect, a challenging conversation, a task you have been avoiding. Muster the courage and go for it. You are brave and so much more capable than you realize.

If you are an Adult Child of an Alcoholic, I am with you. You are not alone and together is always better.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) registration opens March 1st! This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys”

RE 310: Positive Relationships Jan 25, 2021

Sasha took her last drink on May 19th, 2019. This is her story of living alcohol free (AF).

Check out the free meditations on the Recovery Elevator page here!

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You

When Odette doesn’t want to forget something, she sends herself an email. Recently she found one to herself with the subject line: Positive Relationships. The body of the email said simply: “The biggest factor for cultivating resilience” (Season 17, Grey’s Anatomy)

We need resilience when embarking on this journey. Not just for this, but for everything life throws at us. Our journey is far from perfect, when we fall we need the courage to get back up and that’s why we need community. This is why together is better. Having one person in your corner can make a huge difference for you.

How many positive relationships to you have and are you fostering them?

[7:19] Odette introduces Sasha.

Sasha is from New Jersey and works in IT. She lives with her fiancé and their dog. For fun she likes to read, do jigsaw puzzles, meditate and collecting old books from estate sales.

[10:37] Can you give listeners some background on your story?

Sasha said she started drinking around the age of 18. It wasn’t anything that was intense, but she knew from the first drink it would make her be “her true self.” She got a DUI at the 20. Around 21 was when she started drinking alone. When she was 23/24 she was crying and falling apart every time she drank. Her thoughts were preoccupied with drinking all the time.

[13:48] Did the DUI make you question your drinking, or did you think that this was just something young people did?

Sasha said it was both. She knew she drank in a way that wasn’t normal but felt because she was so young it was also ok. Looking back she knew it should have been a big warning sign.

[15:36] Did you have any rock bottom moments?

Sasha said rock bottom was when she was drinking alone and miserable. She had the realization she was miserable but didn’t know how to get out of it.

[16:13] How did you get yourself out of the cycle?

Sasha said she was listening to the RE podcast and reading Eckart Tolle and doing the Sam Harris ‘Wake Up’ course and this gave her the realization she had a drinking problem. Her end goal when drinking was always to be drunk, so the solution was to have none.

[18:09] Was the podcast your first exposure to other stories of people’s drinking?

Sasha said after her DUI there was court mandated AA meetings and that was her first exposure. She loved hearing what people were going through because she could identify with them.

[21:20] What Tolle book were you reading?

The Power of Now

She was also reading In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts which covers many of the same themes.

[24:54] Were you having conversations with your fiancé about your drinking prior to May 20th?

Sasha said she always minimized it, so they never had direct conversations about her drinking. When she told him, he was very supportive and zero judgement. They continue to have conversations about her drinking.

[26:27] Did you feel relief when you told him?

Sasha said yes, a tremendous amount of relief. She was so lonely in her drinking and to have him be so accepting was what she needed.

[32:05] How was it for you right after you made the decision to stop drinking?

Sasha said for her it was like a switch flipped. She was so happy to be free from alcohol that her “pink cloud” lasted about 6 months. It helped that so many other things fell into place in that time as well. Sasha received a promotion at work, they got a dog, she was connecting with herself, reconnected with old friends and all the small things put themselves in place. It was hard for her to imagine going back to drinking.

She had a craving around month 8, but was able to play the tape forward and that tool helped her not have a drink.

[36:27] What happened after the pink cloud? What other tools do you use?

Sasha said this time quitting was different, she was able to flip a switch. She no longer romanticizes drinking. But overall she hasn’t had the white knuckling craving this time.

[39:27] Did you have a routine in your day that you had to fill with new things?

Sasha said it was when she left work. In the past she would leave work and pick-up alcohol on the way home. At first, she was distracting herself with seeing friends and taking her dog for a walk or eating. Getting out of the house was really important.

[44:55] What type of responses did you get from people when you told them about this decision?

Sasha said most people were supportive. Every once in a while, someone questions the decision. Some of the people she used to drink with have also come out and admitted they are struggling and she has tried to point them in the right direction for resources.

[46:48] Rapid Fire Round

What would you say to your younger self?

Give her a hug and tell her everything will be ok.

What’s your favorite ice cream flavour?

Chocolate

What has recovery made possible for you?

To live a life of peace and to be vulnerable with others.

What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners thinking about ditching the booze?

Stick with it if you’re struggling to quit. The fact that you are even trying to do this right now is huge. Find resources that will work for you.

You may have to say adios to booze if...

it’s 2pm on a Tuesday and you’re googling, “Do I have a drinking problem?” with one eye closed because you can’t see the phone.

Odette’s weekly challenge:

Make a small inventory of your relationships. Which ones would you like to see changes in? Which ones would you like to cultivate?

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Claim Your Power by Mastin Kipp

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – when we choose to take care of the small things, the big things seem to take care of themselves - I love you guys”

RE 309: Curious VS Douchey Jan 18, 2021

Stephen took his last drink on January 24th, 2020. This is his story of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You

“The pleasures of connecting with people are much greater than the pleasures of judging people.”- Johann Hari

If we show up genuinely, we can connect with someone. If we are pretending to listen, we will not connect. Only with actual connection can we truly see each other. In a little departure from talking about quitting drinking Odette is asking us to explore being a better listener. What would that mean? What would that look like? Listening to each other has the power to heal, however it’s also very hard to do. Can we be more curious and see how this can impact relationships?

[6:01] Odette introduces Stephen.

Stephen is 33 years old and lives in Austin, TX. He enjoys exercise, teaching tennis and using his Peloton. He’s planning to return to school in the near future.

[7:30] Can you give listeners some background on your story?

Stephen said he took his first drink at the age of 15. He was curious about it and remembers finding something that made him feel relaxed. Being so focused on tennis, alcohol was mostly a secondary thing. In 2008 he joined the military to be an Airborne Ranger, which is also where he noticed his drinking changed. He left the military in 2015 and the drinking followed him. With nothing to wake up for at 5am anymore, he was able to drink differently. After a few years he walked into an AA meeting and went all in for 7 months’ time. He began drinking again for 5 months which led him to January 2020.

[14:59] Tell me more about your being in the military and the binge drinking. Did you question your relationship with alcohol?

Stephen said he only questioned his drinking in the midst of a bad hangover. He was surrounded by so many others that drank the same way, so it was very normalized. Alcohol was a temporarily release from the stressors.

[19:07] Have you shifted your thinking from that of learning to endure to finding joy?

Stephen said he is still working on this. Coming from his sports and military background he was taught to do whatever it takes to get through something. He’s learned that only works in the short term, but the emotional impact last longer. In recovery Stephen has taught himself that it’s ok when things are easy and to go with the flow. He had to allow himself to surrender to the fact that he cannot live with alcohol in his life at all.

[22:45] What has been different this time?

Stephen said this time he had to adjust his all-in mentality. He’s more tied into recovery communities with actual people and listening to their struggles and stories. He gave up the idea of being perfect but at the same time accepted that he can’t be the best version of himself while drinking alcohol.

[25:06] Have you found anything in sobriety that makes you feel relaxed and free?

Stephen said running helps him and it’s when his body feels good and his mind is at peace. He’s working on trying to be ok with his own thoughts in his own head. Having real conversations with real people makes him feel free.

[25:57] What do you do when you have a craving?

Stephen said he eats. It’s simple and it works for him. He didn’t eat when drinking because he didn’t want to ruin his buzz. Now it’s the opposite. If that doesn’t work, he reaches out.

[26:57] Tell me about this year.

Stephen said at the beginning of COVID he was still able to be collecting a paycheck. He also went through a big breakup, which was different being sober.

[29:30] What’s your everyday routine look like?

Stephen said on a daily basis about connecting with people about his life and their life. Addressing mind, body and spirit, as well as attending therapy.

[31:14] How have the interactions with family and friends been?

Stephen said his family can now see the version of him that’s able to be present. He’s having conversations with family members who are questioning their own drinking.

[34:01] Have you figured out the why of your drinking?

Stephen said he’s been exploring a lot of deeper things with his therapist. He grew up in a home where he had to walk on eggshells. So, he thinks the drinking allowed him to be free of that. However, that led to all of his emotions being repressed and without an outlet except through drinking. Drinking allowed him to feel things and feel human.

[35:38] Have you found therapy to be helpful?

Stephen said yes. He’s an analytical person by nature and having someone to be a sounding board has been helpful. He wouldn’t have gone through a lot of the childhood trauma without his therapist.

[37:36] Has your sleep improved?

Stephen said not yet. He hopes it’s the last piece of the puzzle.

[39:49] Have you gone back to AA?

Stephen said yes, he’s working through the steps again. But he primarily focuses on a larger network for his own recovery.

[41:07] Rapid Fire Round

What would you say to your younger self?

Stop trying to find clarity and happiness in a bottle. What happened to you as a child is not your fault

What book are you reading right now?

What’s your favorite ice cream flavour?

Amy’s Ice Cream: Mexican Vanilla

What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners thinking about ditching the booze?

There is no perfect recovery.Find your own path, don’t look back and you aren’t alone. There are so many people living a life without booze.

You may have to say adios to booze if...

you jump out of a plane drunk, because you are still drunk from the night before.

Odette’s weekly challenge:

Only you know what is best for you. Protect your energy. What works for some might not work for you. We are all here to encourage and inspire each other. We are challenging big alcohol, you are a part of this.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – when you show up as you are, you make all the difference for yourself and for the world - I love you guys”

RE 308: Recovery is Awkward Jan 11, 2021

Niel took his last drink on January 9th, 2020. This is his story of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You

A few weeks ago, Odette heard a phrase that she hadn’t heard before and it struck a chord with her. It was different from the usual catch phrases that people use.

“Awkwardness is an indicator of learning”

Do we talk enough about the uncomfortable moments while on this journey? Are we allowing those moments to happen and normalizing them? When the decision to quit drinking is made, awkward moments arise, because we are feeling everything now. When we feel awkward, we feel vulnerable and feeling vulnerable makes most people want to run and hide. Odette phrases this into if/then questions to find a new path. Choosing yourself and living AF is often awkward and that’s ok! Let it feel weird until it doesn’t anymore.

[6:59] Odette introduces Niel.

Niel is 56 and lives in rural North Eastern California. He is a forester. He is married and has two children. For fun he likes to be outdoors. He misses swimming. He plays and builds guitars, any type of woodworking. Biking and hiking he also enjoys.

[10:08] Can you give listeners some background on your story?

Niel said he grew up in family where drinking was part of the culture. He started drinking irresponsibly / binge way in high school. He joined a fraternity in college and drank there as well. After he passed the bar exam in 2004 his drinking began to be problematic. In 2016 he stopped for a year, but then began drinking again in 2017.

[12:27] Tell me more about your year in 2016.

Niel said he talked to friends who were AF before this. He began exploring the idea that he might have a problem. Although he went back to drinking in 2017, he needed to experiment and decide is maybe this time it would be different.

[15:00] Given your level of drinking, how was your day to day?

Niel said he characterized himself as high functioning. However, he did have the repercussions of drinking that much. He found himself waking up feeling “thick” and he was irritable, unable to sleep, his weight was up, his heart was always racing, there were all kinds of manifestations.

[16:39] How were your relationships at home?

Niel said he was more on the irritable side. Emotionally until you pause and look in the mirror you don’t realize how bad you can be. Your actions are all reflections of your wellness.

[20:08] What’s one of your worst drinking memories?

Niel said there’s a highlight tape of horrors in his head. His worst memories are those about missing out on memorable moments in his life. Raising his kids, being around them for their successes. Those memories are foggy and not sharp.

[21:57] Tell me about the beginning of this year.

Niel said the first 3-4 days the cravings were strong towards the end of the day. He kept those at bay by distracting himself. Usually he would go outside and exercise. He replaced the liquid with soda water and lime. His cravings were more nuances. It was more about figuring out the trigger and dealing with those emotions. He’s felt so much better in the past months that it drives him to keep going. Emotionally the peaks and valleys are more manageable. Thinking through his actions and distractions are what works for him.

[26:29] Do you get any push back along the journey?

Niel said he’s received a lot of support from friends and family. There’s a few that don’t understand. It’s a matter of understanding any challenge from a friend, it’s from a place of not understanding or challenging their own drinking.

[28:02] What are a few things you do daily that keep you grounded?

Niel said he’s a very driven person. He wakes early and starts his day with the dogs. His workday is long but when he’s home he focuses on exercise. It allows his mind to detach and reflect on his day and his emotional intelligence. He helps around the house and with dinner and closing down the day. He checks in with Cafe RE at the end of the day and enjoys learning about other people’s journeys. He then starts is over the next day. When he’s traveling he listens to podcasts.

[31:16] Has your sleep improved?

Niel said he now sleeps mostly like the dead. His anxiety is manageable. He remembers his dreams now.

[33:02] Tell me the difference in your journey from 2016 to now.

Niel said he was a dry drunk in 2016. He just stopped drinking rather than trying to fix the why. He didn’t reach out for any tools to help him stop drinking, he didn’t have or seek support. He now listens carefully to other people’s similarities. He focuses on others tools. Niel looks to community now. He tries to laugh more now because humor is a great healer.

[37:28] What is your why?

Niel said a big one is his ability to now remove a large amount of self-inflected stress. He can step back and examine all the taxing moments in his life and move through them now without alcohol. His why has now become his how. His ability to resolve his issues of why he drank is creating the solution to how he’s stopped drinking.

[43:00] What’s your favorite NA drink?

Arnold Palmer or a soda water with lime / a little cranberry.

[44:20] Rapid Fire Round

What would you say to your younger self?

Stop now you dumbass.

What has recovery made possible?

Having memories. Giving himself a renewed lease on life.

What’s your favorite ice cream flavour?

Chocolate, anything with chocolate.

What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners thinking about ditching the booze?

“If you’re going through hell, don’t stop”

Don’t stay in hell, get out of there. Listen to the similarities, the differences only give us an excuse to keep drinking. Decide and stop.

You may have to say adios to booze if...

your 60 lb labradoodle falls asleep on your chest after you pass out, and you don’t wake up.

Odette’s weekly challenge:

Not only is this journey awkward, it’s also imperfect. We often only see other people’s highlight reels and happy moments. We don’t often see the struggles, the setbacks, the cravings. Keep this is mind.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – stay awkward and weird, you don’t regret it- I love you guys”

RE 307: 2021-The Year We Say F--- You Booze Jan 04, 2021

Chris took his last drink about 6 years ago. This is his story of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You

A few weeks ago, Elle published an article titled “The Year of Drinking Dangerously” which explored how alcohol in 2020 was front and center. Alcohol effects everything in our society and it’s time we got serious and brought these issues to light. Alcohol is a drug that has been glamorized. 2020 taught Odette that she has grit, that she can speak up about things that matter to her, that she doesn’t have to be a people pleaser, to name a few. She is pledging to make 2021 the year where Recovery Elevator changes even more lives through unmasking alcohol. As more and more people are questioning their relationship with alcohol… LETS KEEP GOING.

[7:10] Odette introduces Chris.

Chris is 33 years old, originally from New Jersey and right now lives in Savannah, GA. His career began in finance, as he quit drinking, he transitioned to being a personal trainer. He also began a blog, writing the articles he wished he could have read when questioning his own drinking. This became his website and he now is a alcohol recovery coach and has a podcast related to sobriety. He likes to be physically active. Chris also has two dogs he rescued in 2020.

[16:57] Can you give listeners some background on your story?

Chris started drinking in high school but wasn’t really a partier. He was mostly into swimming and studying. However, when he did go out, he realized he could out drink all his friends. As he moved into an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, he felt like he was living a double life. Alcohol was the opposite of everything he stood for. Looking back he can see that he would have withdrawal symptoms at the age of 20 when he didn’t drink. When he left college and began working, the drinking was now just martinis and more expensive. When he did finally quit, he had to go to detox. Through his research he learned that he had been out of balance with his nutrients which alcohol only exacerbated.

[25:21] How aware were you that alcohol was the problem?

Chris said he was in deep denial, with outbursts of honesty. A story he tells is standing outside a liquor store one morning waiting for it to open while drinking from a bottle of water he had filled with vodka. He thought to himself “this isn’t normal.” Chris felt he was special because of that he needed to drink to deal with people and jobs. Alcohol to him was a performance enhancing drug.

[30:47] Tell me about those first couple months.

Chris said once he admitted to others that alcohol was a problem, he felt some inner peace and relief. He also felt the tug of war in his brain, would this be purgatory and him having to be a saint the rest of his life? Chris took the leap of faith that he would figure out what needed to be done. In rehab he began doing meditation and that opened his eyes to the fact that you can have a fulfilled life away from alcohol. Fueling his body helped him see the world in full color.

[39:35] What are simple tips help you restore your body balance?

Chris said there are two main factors: Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) and deficiencies in neurotransmitters. Start with a daily multivitamin and look into amino acid therapy. L Glutamine can be helpful in repairing muscles and gut health. It also turned into glucose in the brain without a spike in blood sugar.

* always speak to your doctor before beginning any regiment.

[44:52] Sleep

Chris said he’s recently read Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker. Chris had always had trouble sleeping and he’s now trying to optimize his sleep. He tracks his sleep and tries to get to the bottom of why his sleep pattern might have changed. Chris recommends the power of tea and drinking tea to find a blissed-out state. There’s a whole universe of benign things that can help with the psychological distraction.

[50:39] Rapid Fire Round

What would you say to your younger self?

Don’t drink alcohol.

What has recovery made possible?

Deeper relationships and be present with people.

What’s your favorite ice cream flavour?

Talenti Mediterranean Mint

What book are you reading right now?

Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art by James Nestor

What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners thinking about ditching the booze?

Try to solidify your support system and figure out how you can confide in. Don’t assume you will feel as bad as you think you will without the alcohol.

You may have to say adios to booze if...

you find yourself outside a liquor store before it opens with a bottle of water refilled with vodka.

Odette’s weekly challenge:

Did you reflect on who you are trying to become? Please don’t shy away from what your heart is telling you that you deserve.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – Let’s continue to be trail blazers- I love you guys”

RE 306: Who are you Becoming? Dec 28, 2020

Robyn took her last drink on June 30, 2020. With 63 days away from alcohol (at the time of this recording), this is her story of living alcohol free (AF).

Recovery Elevator RESTORE January 2021 Course. We will be offering this starting 1/1/2021. We’re meeting 13 times in January via Zoom to give you the tools and accountability needed for an alcohol-free January… and hopefully more!

We’ll be focusing more on creating a life where alcohol is no longer needed. We’ve found that when we have healthy altruistic relationships with fellow human beings, the need for alcohol or any external substance drastically reduces. For more information and to sign up, use this link.

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You

The last Monday of the year! “What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals” – Zig Ziglar

This journey isn’t about arriving, it’s about becoming. How much we are willing to put in is what we should celebrate. Your hard work and new habits are what is to be celebrated. No one can take that away from you. What have you noticed about your journey this year? Who did you become this year?

[6:35] Odette introduces Robyn.

Robyn is from Columbia, South Carolina. She lives with her partner and he has two kids they see often. She likes jigsaw puzzles, reading, journaling and meditating. Pre-covid she liked vacations to the mountains.

[9:33] Can you give listeners some background on your story?

Robyn said she started drinking around her senior year of high school. She was shy. When she moved to NC it was a fresh start and to fit in, she drank. It helped her open up and have fun. After some life trials and moving to Columbia she made friends with bartenders and it was still fun drinking. During a relationship with another alcoholic, she noticed her drinking really ramped up. There were lots of times she talked herself out of being an alcoholic. In 2011 Robyn got a DUI. She did quit for a little, but it didn’t stick. After her mother passed away was when Robyn actually noticed it was a problem. She dealt with so much during that time. Robyn’s getting to her last drink came in ebbs and flows over years. There was a definite mental decline that she noticed.

[26:10] How was your emotional state during these times of drinking and then returning to drinking?

Robyn said she stopped beating herself up. It took a while for that overall to stop, but the more she met people and gained community it’s been easier for her to be easier on herself. She’s learned there’s no point in beating yourself up, it won’t help.

[31:06] What do you do when you get a craving?

Robyn said she reaches out. Her partner helps her with the rational side of her thinking. If he’s not available, she will reach out to Café RE or her little DTB group.

[32:43] How has this decision affected other relationships?

Robyn said her boss is also in recovery and he’s a big supporter of her recovery. Her best friend still drinks but is supportive of her choice.

[35:21] Have you been able to identify any triggers?

Robyn said some of her triggers are good things. If she’s having a good day, yard work, outside activities. Her triggers aren’t emotional anymore.

[38:06] Do you have a daily routine?

Robyn said journaling. She’s journaled most of her life and she’s really focused on it during her sobriety. Robyn even noticed that if she takes a break, within a week she’s had a drink. Even when she doesn’t have anything “great” to say, she writes anyway. She tries to include gratitude and she’s begun meditating.

[47:18] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to day 1 Robyn, what would you say?

Keep trying, you’re making the right decision, keep going. It will eventually be good.

What are you excited about right now?

Do some sober travel and meet some Cafe RE members.

What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

Cafe RE, journaling, quit lit and other podcasts, all of them.

What is your favorite NA beverage?

All the sparkling water, if it’s sparkling and it’s water, I want it!

What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners thinking about ditching the booze?

Give it a try you will never know how good it can feel until you give it a chance. And be easy on yourself.

You may have to say adios to booze if...

you wanted to stock up for quarantine and it only lasts you 4 days.

Odette’s weekly challenge:

Take a few moments to reflect on today’s intro on becoming. Who are you trying to become?

Thank you to each listener!

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Recovery Elevator RESTORE January 2021 Course. We will be offering this starting 1/1/2021. We’re meeting 13 times in January via Zoom to give you the tools and accountability needed for an alcohol-free January… and hopefully more!
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – Embrace the journey of becoming and Happy New Year- I love you guys”

RE 305: Heal Your Mood Dec 21, 2020

Sarah took her last drink on April 22, 2019. With over a year away from alcohol (at the time of this recording), this is her story of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You

Odette recently received the book Homebody by Rupi Kaur. As Odette looks at her own sobriety as a return to self, this book is very fitting for where she is in her own journey right now. Here’s your permission slip this week: take care of yourself. This time of year can be overwhelming for many. When we are overwhelmed, we may also open the door to fear. Using our tools, we can make life manageable and hold space for everything we are feeling.

list of things to heal your mood:

cry it out. walk it. write it. scream it. dance it out of your body.
If after all that you are still spiraling out of control ask yourself if sinking into the mud is worth it
the answer is no
the answer is breathe
sip tea and feel your nervous system settle
you are the hero of your life
this feeling doesn’t have power over you
the universe has prepared you to handle this
no matter how dark it get the light is always on its way
you are the light
walk yourself back to where the love lives

[6:42] Odette introduces Sarah.

Sarah lives in Wisconsin with her husband and her son and their dog. She is 30 years old and works in marketing. For fun she likes running, reading and crafting. She loves live music as well.

[8:52] Can you give listeners some background on your story?

Sarah said she had her first drink around 14 or 15 years old. Form there she drank almost every weekend and became a party girl. The lifestyle continued into college. She transferred her sophomore year and focused on her health. When she turned 21 it ramped up again. Being in WI the drinking culture is strong. After college she kept partying on the weekend, but the culture of drinking kept her in it. At the age of 26 Sarah had a moment that changed it, she woke up feeling shame. In 2017 she told herself she was only going to drink on special occasions, she made it 60 days without alcohol. At a friends 30th birthday was when she drank again, and it was like old times, up until 4 am drinking. She also found out she was pregnant at the end of March 2017. While pregnant she missed drinking and was ready to get back to it. She found herself turning to alcohol as a reward. Sarah began to see that she wasn’t someone who could just have one, she always went overboard.

[21:30] Has it been cool finding different ways to unwind at the end of the day?

Sarah said she turned her beer fridge into a NA fridge. Her and her husband make mocktails. She turns to something that’s relaxing rather than alcohol to unwind.

[22:59] Talk to me about when you started this journey and being in a relationship?

Sarah said her partner was really supportive. He never said anything about her drinking, but it caused problems when she was drinking. She was worried about their relationship however because they met through partying. He however is someone who supports her no matter what.

[27:31] Did you start using social media as a way to find other sober people?

Sarah said when she was on her moderation journey, she found some accounts that were about being sober. When she got serious, she went back and found them and was amazed at how large the community had grown. Sarah found 1000 Hours Dry and enlisted a friend to do it with her. Sarah helped grow her community through Instagram. She’s co-started New Fashioned Sobriety with some friends she met through Instagram and they plan meet ups (virtual right now!).

[33:39] How was it going to the in person retreat in Bozeman?

Sarah said she was very nervous about going, but also about what her family would think. During the retreat she met and connected with so many people she wouldn’t have otherwise and really emersed herself in the event. Sarah said she came home with new tools and tons of new friends.

[37:52] Do you still get cravings?

Sarah said it’s mostly when she romanticizes her drinking, but for the most part no.

[41:28] Tell me what your most beloved tools in your toolbelt.

Podcasts are #1, this Naked Mind and the community on instgram.

[42:31] What’s your go to response when someone offers you a drink?

No thanks, it makes me feel like shit was her go to in the beginning. Now she normally brings her own so it’s not a conversation!

[43:33] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to day 1 Sarah, what would you say?

You life is going to change so much in so many positive ways, you will still be you, you just will have a fuller life.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Blue Moon

What book are you reading?

The Sober Lush

What parting piece of guidance can you give people thinking about ditching the booze?

Stop thinking about all the thinking you will lose, but instead focus on the possibilities.

You may have to say adios to booze if...

you black out on Easter Sunday before American Idol premiers at 7pm.

Odette’s parting words:

Love yourself hard this week. We don’t have to drink to escape our feelings. If you need any extra help, please ask for help. You can email Odette.

Together is always better.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Recovery Elevator RESTORE January 2021 Course. We will be offering this starting 1/1/2021. We’re meeting 13 times in January via Zoom to give you the tools and accountability needed for an alcohol-free January… and hopefully more!
You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – Feliz Navidad- I love you guys”

RE 304: You’re Asking Yourself the Wrong Question. Dec 14, 2020

Kyle took his last drink on May 31 2020. With 82 days away from alcohol (at the time of this recording), this is his story of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You

Sometimes we get stuck. When Odette gets stuck, she repeats this simple phrase to herself. “Please help me see things differently.” Being shown the same scenario through a different lens helps to shift the perspective. Different questions help to see things in a new way and get unstuck. If you’re feeling stuck are you asking yourself the wrong questions?

[7:44] Odette introduces Kyle.

Kyle is 33 years old and from Michigan. He is married and has three young daughters. He works in the automotive industry as a program manager. For fun he’s been planning the future with his wife, he also likes gaming and running.

[10:49] Can you give listeners some background on your story?

Kyle said the first time he got drunk was when he was 14, but he didn’t notice a change in his drinking until he was in his 20s. He was taking on a lot at the time and failing a lot at things. He looked to beer to take the edge off which turned into drinking to black out every night. He tried quitting many times and this stretch is the longest he’s gone in 10 years.

[13:37] When did you notice you were using alcohol to cope?

Kyle said he realized this subconsciously early on but was trying to quit on willpower alone. He figured out the price for alcohol and the euphoria it brought was higher than he was willing to pay. Alcohol stopped being enjoyable at the end because he was just chasing something.

[17:25] What happened when you returned from Japan and you realized you couldn’t shake it?

Kyle said rock bottom wasn’t one individual thing. He realized he was letting his wife and kids down often. He would wake up ashamed. During a conversation with his wife, she mentioned a friend who worked with people with addiction issues. Kyle was given some reference material. He found other like-minded people and that’s really what helped him.

[21:23] Tell me about your attempts to stop drinking.

Kyle said he feels like he’s been in a fog for the last 10 years. He had a lot of vision and no energy. Every time he woke up and swore off alcohol, but 3 pm that day he was ready to drink. There was a lot of mental back and forth he experienced. He sees now that was only will power without understanding the science behind it.

[23:23] What was your mental headspace when you were trying to quit?

Kyle said he lacked a lot of self love, so he was frustrated with himself all the time. He had a good façade and came off as confident, but he wasn’t the person he wanted to be internally.

[24:15] How has this time been different for you?

Kyle said he is seeking help. Also, his family is a big influence about getting sober. He knows he will be there for them.

[25:16] What do you do when you get a craving?

Kyle said he sits with it and he thinks about the morning after, his future and what the drink can lead to.

[27:30] How has staying away from alcohol affected your anxiety & depression?

Kyle said it’s still there, but it’s not as severe. He now knows that drinking wont erase them and he deals with them.

[29:44] What does a day in the life of Kyle look like?

Kyle said it’s mainly juggling his career and his family.

[29:44] What does a day in the life of Kyle look like?

Jason said he makes amends a lot. He gives himself permission to be imperfect and to circle back. He practices and allows room for mistakes to happen. Being compassionate with himself. He also applies the ABCs

[30:10] Do you have any rituals in place to help you deal with cravings?

Kyle said he likes to keep his hands busy. He does see he’s more focused on the things he loves.

[37:16] Have you noticed a difference in your relationship with your wife?

Kyle said his wife really let him do what he needed and didn’t get in the way of him discovering his own path to sobriety. He has thanked her for letting him discover sobriety in his own way.

[41:20] Do you have any specific routines during the day / morning routine?

Kyle said he used to but now not really. He does try to find time to exercise because it’s a stress release. If he has extra time, read a book.

[43:43] Have you noticed your sleep has improved?

Kyle said living away from alcohol has improved his sleep. He used to drink to knock himself out. He’s noticed it’s much better now.

[44:43] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to day 1 Kyle, what would you say?

Show yourself a little self love and try to understand the science behind why you drink.

What is your favorite NA beverage?

Coffee, he’s trying to find a good energy drink.

What parting piece of guidance can you give people thinking about ditching the booze?

If you haven’t tried it and you’re thinking about it, just try it. Try to understand it.

You may have to say adios to booze if...

you mention this question to your wife because you’re struggling to come up with an answer and she gives you a list of ten.

Odette’s parting words:

Thank you. After many day 1s, she’s celebrating 2 years sober this week.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Recovery Elevator RESTORE January 2021 Course. We will be offering this starting 1/1/2021. We’re meeting 13 times in January via Zoom to give you the tools and accountability needed for an alcohol-free January… and hopefully more!
You can find more information about our events here.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Ken Follett, A Dangerous Fortune

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – Everything that you need is already inside of you- I love you guys”

RE 303: M is for Mindfulness Dec 07, 2020

Dr. Jason Powers took his last drink in June 2003. With many days away from all substances, this is his story of living substance free.

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You

What do we do when we are waiting for an outcome or a result? Traditionally: we bolt, we remove ourselves from the moment. In sobriety we have to feel all our feelings. Feeling them is the proof that we are staying true to ourselves. And that in itself is bad ass. Keeping in mind we have to feel the feelings, but also process them, not allow ourselves to get stuck in them. On days like today, when most people feel depleted, we have to find ways to fill up our gas tank.

[7:03] Odette introduces Dr. Jason.

Jason is 50 years old and lives in Houston, Texas. He is a physician that focuses on addiction medicine as well as an author, an interventionist, the founder of Positive Recovery. He is married and has 3 children: 18, 15 & 11. For fun he exercises and plays the drums,

[10:07] Can you give listeners some background on your story?

Jason said his first drug was sugar. It was the summer before 9th grade when he first tried marijuana. While he would quit from time to time, he consumed it a lot. He drank in high school and college. Jason quit everything during medical school. He said he went out of control after his residency because no eyes were on him anymore. He had access to cough syrup with hydrocodone which had its own set of repercussions. He had an intervention and went to rehab. In rehab he had a moment of surrender to addiction.

[16:30] What is your definition of Positive Recovery?

Jason said while he did get sober through a 12-step program. However he woke up later to exploring beyond the 12-steps and a broader array of recovery methods. The science of happiness (Positive Psychology) was something that he learned about and jumped in. He began to apply these methods to addictive disorders. Helping to improve outcomes is Dr. Jason’s end goal.

[25:13] Personally, did you have to deal with any relapses after your time in treatment / early recovery?

Jason said he felt like he had a lot of reasons for shame surrounding his addiction. In his profession it’s often looked at as a character flaw. He was very distraught and afraid when he finally surrendered to the addiction. He didn’t have a relapse, but realizes he is an anomaly. In the beginning there was the desire to relapse, but he pushed through the feelings that came with it.

[29:56] Tell me about CBT.

Jason said that Dr. Aaron Beck created CBT. Dr. Beck decided he needed to develop a tool to change the thinking and behavior and there is a different result. The ABC’s are: A- Activating Event, B- Belief/Thought, C- Consequence. Making the change and having people argue with themselves (A & B) to change the consequence.

ACR- Active Constructive Responding- Dr. Jason wants us all to google this and inform ourselves and apply this to our lives!

[38:28] Tell me how your life has changed.

Jason said a part of him woke up or was reborn after addiction. He’s still himself, but just different. He’s living a full complete lifestyle away from substances. He’s honest, my generous, more empathetic.

[40:38] How do you navigate difficult situations personally?

[42:46] Rapid Fire Round

What is your favorite NA beverage?

Diet orange soda.

What would you say to your younger self?

Go find Amy Powers and marry her and get into recovery quickly!

What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

Other people, other people, other people

What book are you reading right now?

What parting piece of guidance can you give people thinking about ditching the booze?

What are you waiting for? Try it out.

You may have to say adios to booze if...

it’s causing more negative consequences to your life then it’s adding benefits.

Odette’s weekly challenge:

Think about the intro, how do you spend your waiting periods? Do you know you can come back to yourself by simply breathing and being mindful? Peace begins with you.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Recovery Elevator RESTORE January 2021 Course. We will be offering this starting 1/1/2021. We’re meeting 13 times in January via Zoom to give you the tools and accountability needed for an alcohol-free January… and hopefully more!
You can find more information about our events here.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Good Morning, Destroyer of Men's Souls: A Memoir of Women, Addiction, and Love

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – You are your own paradise”

RE 302: From FOMO to JOMO Nov 30, 2020

Jamie took her last drink April 16, 2019. With 485 days away from alcohol, (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You

She is currently re-reading The Compound Effect. The general idea is that baby steps add up into large rewards. Change is hard. Gaining momentum on a decision is hard. This applies to our alcohol-free journey: turning down drinks, one at a time. Once we reframe the idea of this being a sacrifice and think of it as an opportunity instead, the trajectory changes. We must think of all the things we can add into our lives without alcohol. Odette makes a list of the things she has room for in her life now. Why don’t you make one too?

[7:00] Odette introduces Jamie

Jamie is 35 years old and lives on Long Island, NY. Her immediate family lives close and she lives with her 2 black cats. Jamie is a social worker. For fun she likes to run, go kayaking, reading, cooking and hanging out with friends. Being in nature is the best, it’s where she finds her higher power.

[9:57] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?

Jamie said she started drinking at the end of high school. In college her drinking seemed normal. She found there were hills and valleys with her drinking. When Jamie lost her mother at the age of 22 she remembers she was in a club in Greece and she identifies the synergy with that happening. The last 3-4 years her drinking escalated. She was blacking out and making poor choices. Looking back she can see the pattern of co-dependency.

[12:57] Did you notice after your mother passed that you used alcohol to deal with your grief?

Jamie said at first, she was so busy taking care of her father and making sure he was ok that alcohol was a secondary thought. But once she had some time away and time with her own feelings, she could see she was using alcohol the same as her mother, to numb down any emotions.

[18:05] Tell me about the first couple weeks of your journey?

Jamie said this was really the first time she honestly tried to get stop drinking. She had been living on the river of denial before this. Growing up her family didn’t express feelings, they drank or got angry. So, the first few weeks were new. She started a 12-step program and therapy. Jamie only knew 2 sober people at the time and she spoke to them a lot.

[23:49] What did you do initially when you had a craving?

Jamie said she didn’t really have a craving for the drink, but it was an emotional craving instead. She used a new found self-awareness to explore the feelings. She would pause and ask herself some questions about why she was feeling that way.

[28:18] After making the decision to not drinking, did you talk to your friends and family about it?

Jamie said she told people very quickly. She said the safe sentence “I’m not drinking right now”. After about a month, she started to see how this could be a lifestyle for her. 5-6 months in she began to share very openly on social media.

[30:48] What’s been the hardest part of this journey for you?

Jamie said feeling her feelings and not fighting them. Allowing the feelings to just be there.

[34:27] What’s your morning routine?

Wakes up at 6am, feeds cats, reads and then moves her body. For the last 81 days (at the time of recording) Jamie has been running every morning. New Fashioned Sobriety and their Zero Proof Run Club hosted and a streaker challenge that she completed. Initially it was 41 days, which she completed. And now her pledge to herself is to move her body daily. She also makes sure to meditate daily.

[37:01] Did you used to have a witching hour?

Jamie said right after work, 5-7pm when before she would be at happy hour and now she fills the time with new routines. A fun mocktail, some tea, go for a walk, walk with a friend.

[40:13] Rapid Fire Round

What are you excited about right now?

Have her first sober healthy relationship.

What books are you reading right now?

What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had in this journey?

I can do almost anything sober that I did drunk.

If you could talk to day 1 Jamie, what would you say?

Jamie you are a warrior, you are a force you have no idea what this is going to bring you. You can be a light for other people.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Anything with chocolate or peanut butter in it and even together!

What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

Café RE, Podcasts- Recovery Elevator, Recovery Happy Hour, Seltzer Squad, yoga, walking, running, kayaking and This Naked Mind and Sober Curious.

What parting piece of guidance can you give people thinking about ditching the booze?

You are a brave, gentle soul and I applaud you. I wish you so much fun on your journey. It’s about taking that pain and making it fun. Tell somebody.

You may have to say adios to booze...

You drank so much while living in your parents basement and you couldn’t make it upstairs to the bathroom, so you throw up in the washing machine.

Odette’s weekly challenge:

Think about your AF journey. How much have you been trying to hold onto things you think this journey will take from you? Is that realistic? Make a shift, start thinking about what you want to set out of this. About what you want to add to your life? Open your eyes, beauty is all around us. Choose you, stay sober, you’re also subscribing to abundance.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

You can find more information about our events here.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – The birds are singing and when we are sober, we can actually hear them – I love you guys.”

RE 301: A Case of the Fuck Its Nov 23, 2020

Alex took her last drink April 25, 2020. With exactly 109 days away from alcohol, (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You

The end of the year is the time when Odette sees a lot of “fuck-its”. Putting your goals on hold and coasting to the end of the year, to start fresh in the new year. 2020 particularly has been hard as so much was put on hold; we can now choose to make this year mean nothing or everything. Keep going, keep putting your good energy into the year. The rest of this year is a marathon, not a sprint to 2021. Hold onto your sobriety, visualize your path, see the people along the way cheering you on, see the finish line. You can do this.

[7:30] Odette introduces Alex

Alex is 28 years old. She is originally from Indianapolis, IN and just moved to Denver, CO. She loves hiking, mountain biking, being outside. She lives with a roommate and her dog. She’s the “designated ice cream friend” among her group of friends.

[10:50] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?

Alex said she was never someone who drank daily, but she found herself often in drinking situations and she wasn’t able to moderate. She moved from Chicago back to Indianapolis and the drinking didn’t change like she hoped it would. Alex began to make rules around her drinking to try to moderate. Morning after morning of not remembering nights she began to explore and consider a life without alcohol. She wanted to remember everything.

[14:04] What drew you to start listening to Recovery Elevator?

Alex said when she was questioning her drinking, she felt she couldn’t tell anyone in her circle of friends but knew there had to be something out there in the podcast world. There was one in particular that spoke to her, she saw herself in the interviewee. Alex began to get angry at the alcohol.

[17:42] What tools work for you?

Alex said she walks every day, minimum 2 hours. That’s been therapeutic for her. It allows her to slow down and focus on the little things in life. When she feels a craving, she goes for a walk.

[19:08] Do people around you know you’re sober?

Alex said everybody knows now. It started as a whisper to some people and now it’s something that is just known. When 1000 Hours Dry was looking for a host, she signed right up, giving her an extra layer of accountability.

[23:27] What’s your worst memory from drinking?

Alex said she woke up one morning, not remembering at all how she got home from the night before. She decided to take herself out to brunch, where she drank and rode herself home on her bike. She had an accident, breaking her wrist and giving herself a concussion.

[27:00] What’s your go to response when someone offers you a drink?

Alex said she says “no thank you, I have my own drink!”

[28:55] Have you gotten to the bottom of why you chose to drink?

Alex said she was lonely and seeking validation. She felt she would be more likable if she drank.

[33:28] Do you ever feel a disconnect in your age decade and when you got sober?

Alex said she was nervous about this choice and how it would affect her social life. Reframing the idea of not drinking is what helped her get through it. She wanted to remember the things that hadn’t happened yet.

[33:28] Do you ever feel a disconnect in your age decade and when you got sober?

Alex said she was nervous about this choice and how it would affect her social life. Reframing the idea of not drinking is what helped her get through it.

[36:41] What’s been the hardest part of the last few months?

Letting go of expectations and having different expectations. Having to go with the flow.

[39:16] Do you have a daily routine?

Alex said she making coffee is therapeutic to her. She focuses on the enjoyment she will get from the process and the end result. She journals while drinking the coffee. Her walking is also part of what keeps her sane. Alex has some playlists that bring her peace.

[43:42] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to day 1 Dusty, what would you say?

You deserve a life without alcohol.

What are you excited about right now?

Getting yoga certification, meeting new people.

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

Graham Central Station or TJ Cookie Butter

What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had in this journey?

You don’t need a drink. You just need to be and sit through the feeling.

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners?

I promise this decision is fun.

You may have to say adios to booze...

You’re only guaranteed to go to a wedding if there’s an open bar.

Odette’s weekly challenge:

Commit to finishing the race. Commit to your sobriety.

Flip the question. Instead of “What’s the worst that can happen?” ask “What’s the best that can happen?”

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

You can find more information about our events here.

Grüvi discount code:

For 15% off your order with Grüvi visit their website and use the promo code recovery elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – I believe in you, Happy Thanksgiving”

RE 300: Find Your Power Stance Nov 16, 2020

Dusty took his last drink September 21, 2015. With exactly 5 years away from alcohol, (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You…..by Paul Churchill

How to get your 300 Power Stance:

Grab a stick and stand in front of a mirror, put on some good music, bend the knees and ankles. Get low and grip the stick (or rake or broom). Become one with the stick. Look yourself in the eyes (in the mirror) and say, “I’m here, right now, what do you got?”, repeat, louder. Repeat and get lower. Find your stance. Focus on your connection to the earth. Pull up a painful moment from the past and change the script. Bring up the unfinish emotion and feel it. Remind yourself you are safe.

[16:00] Paul introduces Dusty.

Dusty is from Bozeman, MT. He’s a finance director for a local non-profit and just got engaged yesterday! For fun he likes to play rec sports. He goes hunting, camping, hiking and fishing in the beautiful weather he has in Bozeman.

[20:50] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?

Dusty said the day before his last drink was spent watching sports and he blacked out around 9:30pm. The next day his friend was leaving for an around-the-world trip and he went to her leaving drinks. The bartender that night came up to him and explained that if they were working that night Dusty would have been kicked out for his behavior the night before. Another friend of his, he had kicked in the backside and when he saw her, he saw fear in her eyes when she looked at him. He paid his tab and left the bar. Never touched alcohol again. His losing control was a big motivator for him to stay sober.

[25:34] When did you find community?

Dusty said he’s been very lucky to have known Paul Churchill for a while before he quit. Paul was the first person he told he quit drinking and knew that community would be there for him. At the time Recovery Elevator was just getting started and Dusty participated. He was surprised how easy it was for him to share his story.

[30:11] How have the years changed for you?

Dusty said the 1st year was exactly that, just getting through the 1st year without a drink. In year 2 the real healing began. In 2019 was when he realized alcohol was the symptom, not the problem. He grew up with a verbally abusive father and being scared as a child, his option was to freeze and stay quiet. Coming into year 5 he’s begun therapy to understand the deep stuff that is why he reached for alcohol.

[37:17] What was on your heart yesterday?

Dusty said yesterday reflecting on the timeline of his life and his drinking was a lot for him. There was anger and sadness about the pain he experienced growing up. He was dwelling a little on the negative and he was able to purge it and get it out.

[43:51] How has the relationship with yourself changed over the last 5 years?

Dusty said he loves himself a lot more and continues to work on that. He has more confidence. Loving himself better lets him love the world better as well. Dusty now gives himself grace and is no longer his own worst critic. His physical appearance and health overall has changed drastically for the better.

[46:27] When the shame and guilt from your initial motivator decreased, what filled its place as a new motivator?

Dusty said his pink cloud lasted for years. He could see how much better his life was from walking away from alcohol. Nothing in his life got worse, everything got better. So, the idea of taking one drink he knew would make his life worse again.

[48:55] Do you still get cravings?

Dusty said no, not anymore. Very few moments have made him want to have a drink.

[49:38] What do you do now when life throws you a curveball?

Dusty said exercise works for him. He goes for a run and gets in the zone. He will also try to sit with the emotions and see where it’s coming from. He’s lucky to have close friends and family and he can talk to them.

[54:05] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to day 1 Dusty, what would you say?

Dusty, sit with the shame for a while, but don’t dwell on it forever. Use it for fuel. Enjoy the ride, all the ups and downs.

What has recovery made possible for you?

He is more of a leader now.

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

Ben & Jerry’s AmeriCone Dream or Cherry Garcia

What book are you reading right now?

He’s reading a book about crows and ravens.

You may have to say adios to booze...

If you are a recurring guest on the Recovery Elevator podcast!

Paul’s recap:

2020- what happened?! As per the Mayan Calendar: there is a gigantic evolutionary leap that the race needs to go through. It’s a leap through consciousness, not a physical leap.

Those with addiction are forced to go within and address our own inner discomfort. Because we didn’t have a choice. Realizing our inner world is more real than the outer world.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

You can find more information about our events here.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, Rule #22, we have to lighten up, we can do this– Go big, because eventually we all go home”

RE 299: D is for Dip Days Nov 09, 2020

Desi took her last drink July 21, 2018. With just over 2 years away from alcohol, (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol free (AF).

If you haven't checked out the RE merchandise...what are you waiting for?? You can see what we have available here!

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding your Better You…..

Hard days happen for everyone and don’t believe that highlight reel you see on Instagram! Odette calls these “dip days”. It’s ok to not thrive every single day, it’s ok to let feelings pass, it’s ok to be honest and you are not alone. 2020 is here to remind us we are stronger than we think and also what grief feels like.

Odette wants to share her tools for what helps her during these dip days.

Eat
Drink lots of water
Meditate
Laugh
Remind yourself daily that you are not your productivity levels.
Take your medications (if you are on any!)

[7:34] Odette introduces Desi.

Desi is 30 years old and lives in Michigan. She is finished up her Master’s in social work at University of Michigan (go blue!). In her spare time, she coaches high school lacrosse which is a huge passion of hers.

[12:38] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?

Desi said her journey started at the age of 7 with an eating disorder after being sexually abused. At the age of 14 a cousin passed away and that was a big turning point for her. Her family didn’t talk about emotions. And around this time, she started drinking as well. Her first drink wasn’t normal, and it flipped a switch: she wanted more. In college she made friends with a group of people who “didn’t make wise decisions” so neither did she. Life was very hard for Desi during this. In college she met another woman, Vera, who became her sister and she credits Vera with saving her life. In 2009 she began to have chest pains, which was always diagnosed as “anxiety”, but Desi knew it wasn’t. In 2012 her sister Lauren got her into a treatment center for her eating disorder. In her second time in ED rehab she tried to get sober. However, Desi considered herself a dry drunk. November 2014 she began drinking again.

[34:04] When you came out of treatment were you frustrated that you also had to remove alcohol?

Desi said she didn’t even think she had a problem with alcohol at first. She knew her eating disorder was killing her and that was her focus. She held onto all the other toxic things so she could cope. Desi was scared if she didn’t have other things to help her get through life.

[39:41] Tell me about the first couple months of your sobriety.

Desi said she worked a program with AA. She had severe withdrawal symptoms, but she was able to talk about it in AA. There was nothing left to hide, and Desi was very honest in her shares. She reflected back on what made her want to quit drinking in the first place. Staying connected and finding community was what helped.

[44:09] Did your anxiety get better?

Desi said yes. While she’s a naturally anxious person, her anxiety has leveled. She was able to get off medication. Where her anxiety used to sit is no longer there. She experiences anxiety just like other people do, because that’s life.

[46:28] Tell me about sharing openly.

Desi said she needed to be able to share, she looks at it as a duty. Her sharing helps other people. She tells her story for those close to her that passed away and weren’t able to tell theirs.

[50:50] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to day 1 Desi, what would you say?

Hold, have hope, let people help you, and listen to others.

What are you excited about right now?

An internship at UofM.

What’s your go to response when someone offers you a drink?

No, I’m good.

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners that are thinking about ditching the booze?

If you can think of best case scenario for your life, just know that without alcohol it’s 100% possible.

You may have to say adios to booze...

If you sneak out, get drunk, come back home, fall down the stairs, break your leg running to the bathroom to throw up.

Odette’s challenge this week:

Reach you, Odette is here for you.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

You can find more information about our events here.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – We took the stairs down, we gotta take the elevator back up, we can do this– I love you guys”

RE 298: Be Who You Are Nov 02, 2020

Karla took her last drink December 31, 2018. With 583 away from alcohol, (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol free (AF).

Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. The new course will start November 11th, 2020. It’s FREE for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding your Better You…..

Melanie Beattie says “What would happen if we let go of our camouflage of adaptation? What would happen if we owned our power to be ourselves?

Would people still like us? Would they go away? Would they become angry?

There comes a time when we become willing and ready to take that risk. To continue growing, and living with ourselves, we realize we must liberate ourselves”

It’s very vulnerable to show up as our authentic selves. The more we pursue a life away from alcohol the more we walk to liberate ourselves. The humble confidence that shows up allows us to show up authentically. Remember, there’s only one you.

[7:10] Odette introduces Karla.

Karla is 33, grew up in the suburbs of Los Angeles and has lived in San Francisco for the past 7 years. She is an executive assistant for a tech company in the Bay area. She lives with her partner (fiancé!) and her puppy. For fun she’s been working on some passion projects, SoberIRL is one of those!

[10:29] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?

Karla said she started drinking when she was 19. She was studying abroad and hadn’t yet made friends. Drinking was an easy way to make friends. She mimicked their style of drinking. Karla called herself a “weekend warrior” in her style of drinking. It didn’t occur to her until after she stopped drinking that her drinking was beyond what someone for her stature should. By the time she was 21 she knew she had a problem. Between brown outs and black outs she was piecing together the nights out with her friends.

The juxtaposition between Karla the party girl and Karla the high achiever was a push and pull she felt deeply, but she didn’t know how to stop drinking.

[18:07] Where you stuck in this cycle for a long time?

Karla said she began seeing an alcohol counselor around the age of 25. The recommendation was to stop drinking, which she wasn’t ready for because it was also her social life. In July 2018 she was able to get 45 days. Using that time, she sought out other methods of getting sober. Until her birthday and then she drank again. Finally, on New Year’s Eve she was so hung over from the night before she couldn’t go with her partner to a party, and that was it for her.

[23:29] Tell me about the beginning of your sobriety.

Karla said she still felt those first 45 days, she was being punished because she couldn’t drink. This time around she didn’t tell anyone she was restarting, and she wanted to try to be kind to herself this time. She gave herself the grace to accept that this is difficult. She taught herself that not every thought that came into her mind was true.

[28:51] How did you find your community?

Karla said at first it was all on Instagram. She followed Holly on Instagram and drew a lot of strength from her because she saw similarities in Holly’s story. Also Bridge Club through Tempest was the first time she sat with others who wanted to live this life the same way. Karla knew she needed to find sober friends. With 8 months sober she attended the Recovery Elevator Bozeman retreat in 2019 and she felt herself really start to open up and found the ability to have fun and live life sober.

[34:21] Tell me how you feel now being an advocate for other people looking to get sober?

Karla said she never thought she would be in this position. She wanted to share being an openly sober Latina as she couldn’t find any others. She wants people to see that they can have fun and be a normal human at the same time. (Karla_is_Sober)

[37:22] Tell me about how you share so you can be the person you needed when trying to get sober.

Karla said she always felt because she was so high functioning, she couldn’t have a problem with alcohol. She told herself everything she was doing was normal. Karla wants to shed the shame and let people know that if alcohol isn’t serving you anymore, you can stop. Success doesn’t mean happiness. Karla wants people to know that people can turn their lives around and life can be so much more fulfilling.

[43:45] Do you get cravings?

Karla said not really at this point. It’s not a physical craving, it’s an emotional craving and it’s fleeting.

[45:41] Rapid Fire Round

What is your go to response when you go to a party and someone offers you a drink?

No thanks!

What’s your favorite NA beverage?

LaCroix Pamplemousse

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had in the journey?

PASS

What is your favorite ice cream flavour?

Mint chocolate chip

What would you say to Karla on day 1?

I love you and I’m so proud of you

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners that are thinking about ditching the booze?

You know where alcohol leads you, get first-hand experience of a life away from it.

You may have to say adios to booze...

If the DoorDash driver knocks on your door for your wine delivery, but you don’t remember ordering it.

Odette’s challenge this week:

You are good enough. Step onto the dance floor, we are waiting you!

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. The new course will start 11/10/20. It’s FREE for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events here.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – Own your power to be yourself today, Own your power to be yourself today – I love you guys”

RE 297: We Can Be Brave Oct 26, 2020

Megan took her last drink April 20, 2020. With 108 days away from alcohol, (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding the Better You…..

Armchair Expert: Day 7

Odette discusses Dax Shepard and the recent restarting of his sobriety clock. She appreciates how he is always seeking a life build in honesty and finding moment of gratefulness. What connects all of us is a feeling. What connects us all is finding our way through this book of recovery. Different chapters and experiences but all rooted in the same goal. We are not alone. Keep protecting your energy.

[10:26] Odette introduces Megan.

Megan lives in Montreal, Canada and is 33 years old. She lives with her partner Tim. She is a cook at a vegan restaurant. For fun she paints and draws and loves animal portraits.

[17:29] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?

Megan said she drank a few times drinking growing up. Her parents both drank in the home and it was very normal. She got drunk for the first time when she was 17 or 18. It allowed her to breakout of her shell and be social. Moving to Montreal it became even more “normal”. It is very much a part of the culture. It changed from being out and drinking, to drinking at home, to drinking at home alone. She began combining anxiety medication with alcohol and would black out. Megan questioned her drinking in her mid 20s due to so many different events. In March of 2020 she had all the alcohol that was meant for her wedding and in 30 days’ time drank all it. It was meant to be for 80 people.

[28:43] What happened in April of this year that made you stop drinking?

Megan said it was because she ran out of alcohol. She paused and realized she had drank about $800 worth of alcohol. Megan found herself filled with shame and she realized that the way she drank it would never be enough until she was dead.

[34:08] Tell me about the first few weeks after you stopped.

Megan said it’s a little hard to remember the time right after she quit. She remembers being exuberant in finding others and creating connections. Her sleep was a little off but she was also riding the pink cloud. As time went on, she wanted to get off anti-depressants. Now she’s starting to find an equilibrium. She can finally think properly.

[39:33] Tell me more about your new job and being sober.

Megan said she mentioned in the cover letter and again in the job interview that she is in recovery. She positioned it as an asset! They are really respectful of her being sober from alcohol.

[44:25] Tell me about your relationship with your partner now.

Megan said her partner already started out as a wicked person. He was concerned for her but also understood that the desire to stop drinking had to come from her. He’s really proud of her and expresses that to her.

[46:36] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to day 1 Megan what would you say?

You are going to flourish!

What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had in this journey?

That I am capable, and I am worth a lot. Stop telling myself bullshit.

What’s your favorite AF beverage?

Coffee! Coffee with oat milk, iced coffee, black coffee.

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners that are thinking about ditching the booze?

Just take it day by day but remember to believe in yourself. You are capable and strong and you will keep amazing yourself.

You may have to say adios to booze...

If you drank all your wedding booze in one month that was intended for 80 people.

Odette’s challenge this week:

Everyone is fighting their own battle and try not to judge anyone else. We need kindness and love, more than ever.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. The new course will start 11/10/20. It’s FREE for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – “Stay humble and stay smiling – I love you guys”

RE 296: Swapped the Booze for your Smartphone? Oct 19, 2020

DeeDee took her last drink May 5, 2020. With 91 days away from alcohol, (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol free (AF).

This weekend is Recovery Elevator’s first ever REgionals! Join us for our online zoom conference this October 23-24th. This event is FREE for Café RE Members only. Not a member yet?! Sign up here and use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding the Better You…..

After watching the Social Dilemma on Netflix Odette has some thoughts about social media and its place in our lives. She wants us to continue to protect our energy and set boundaries.

Talk about it.
Uninstall apps, unfollow people, unsubscribe from emails.
Turn off notifications.
Look for chrome extensions that removed clickbait.
Fact check yourself.
Delay giving devices to children.
Try to have devices out of your bedroom.

[11:37] Odette introduces DeeDee.

DeeDee lives in Santa Barbara, California and is 29 years old. She lives with her finance and their 2 dogs. For work, DeeDee is the Director of Development for a non-profit. For fun she’s trying to figure that out still, but recently she’s begun crafting again and making candles.

[15:50] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?

DeeDee grew up being aware of alcohol because alcoholism runs in her family. Her father got sober 14 years ago. She didn’t drink a lot in high school. When she turned 21, she drank to fit in, but even then, didn’t really like alcohol. In the beginning of 2013, she noticed that she drew a correlation between being loved and being intoxicated. Her partner at the time only expressed love when he was drunk. In 2017 DeeDee realized she was drinking alone. In 2018/2019 she dabbled in sobriety for short periods of time. She got engaged in late 2019 and they used that excuse for more drinking to “celebrate”.

[22:11] Did you ever connect the dots of alcohol being a problem in your family and your own drinking?

DeeDee said she was in denial for a lot of it. She didn’t know a lot of women who had problems with alcohol, so she rationalized that it was only the men in her family who had a problem.

[23:38] Did you and your finance decide together to quit drinking?

DeeDee said they came to the conclusion of quitting drinking on their own, but also at the same time. During early sobriety they both experienced different things and she has learned how to set different expectations based on their own individual experiences.

[26:28] Tell me about the last 90 days.

DeeDee said in the beginning she was very focused on how to live a sober life and what that was going to look like for her. She was seeing changes in her thought patterns. DeeDee focused on finding out why she is the way she is. After a month or so, she began to try and find balance in her life and her recovery.

[31:17] How did the conversation go with your father when you told him you weren’t drinking?

DeeDee said it happened on May 5th 2020. He’s been incredibly supportive. The conversation was very matter of fact and easy for her. Both her parents were there, and they met her with understanding.

[32:52] What do you do when you get a craving?

DeeDee said she has more emotional cravings then physical cravings. Seeing people with a glass of wine on a patio on a Friday afternoon makes her want that feeling, not the wine. That connection and relaxation is what she’s looking for. Now she plays the tape forward, knowing that it will not ever just be one glass of wine. Instead now she chooses a different action, be it a walk or a podcast or ice cream.

[36:47] What’s your favorite AF drink now?

DeeDee said sparkling water and also making a fun mocktails.

[38:54] What you been able to identify any emotional triggers?

DeeDee said she’s learned that she has emotional triggers when she’s feeling had a difficult day or moment. She wants to sit on the couch and feel like the alcohol is helping her unwind. Leaning her emotions are temporary has been huge.

[41:46] Have you gotten any pushback from people?

DeeDee said she started posting on an Instagram account she had that was mostly filled with followers she didn’t know in real life. It was easier for her to open up and share, giving her confidence to move onto people in her real life. It was liberating when she decided to post on her “real” account where she was followed by people in her real life. She received awesome feedback and responses.

[45:57] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to day 1 DeeDee what would you say?

In this moment, exactly where you are, you are enough.

What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had in this journey?

The opposite of addiction is connection and how true this statement is.

What are you excited about right now?

Getting married and starting a life together and doing it without booze.

What is your favorite ice cream flavour?

Chocolate chip cookie dough

What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

Recovery Elevator podcast, Recovery Happy Hour podcast, AA meetings, therapy.

You may have to say adios to booze...

If the first time you’ve ever been honest with a doctor about the amount your drinking AFTER you decided to stop.

Odette’s challenge this week:

Take inventory of the relationship you have with your smart phone. Be honest. Make a small list of boundaries you can put in place. Baby steps add up and came impact change.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Recovery Elevator’s first ever REgionals! Join us for our online zoom conference this October 23-24th. This event is FREE for Café RE Members only. Not a member yet?! Sign up here and use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. The new course will start 11/10/20. It’s FREE for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events here.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – “Turn those f’ing notifications off, life’s too short to be looking down at your phone all the time – I love you guys”

RE 295: Perfectionism Sucks Oct 12, 2020

Brandon took his last drink October 28, 2018. With 645 days away from alcohol, (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding the Better You…..

Now more than ever we need to stay rooted in kindness and live with the belief that people are just doing the best they can. In sobriety Odette has found she can give more grace to others because she is giving herself more grace and compassion.

Looking at perfectionism, it doesn’t actually yield perfect results. It instead creates feelings of guilt, shame, stress, addiction, loneliness and isolation. Unsubscribe from perfectionism and just be yourself. Take care of yourself and everything else will take care of itself. And that’s the real gift.

[7:08] Odette introduces Brandon.

Brandon lives in Orlando, Florida with his wife and son. He’s a social media manager. For fun he likes to go on adventures with his son, he plays music and enjoys being creative.

[10:42] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?

Brandon said he started drinking at the age of 21, he wasn’t interested in drinking while growing up. He was focused on sports and playing in bands. His first couple years of drinking he didn’t suffer the usual repercussions. At about 3 years in he began to experience hangovers. College drinking helped him deal with his anxiety. Brandon noticed the years after college he was using alcohol as a crutch. He found himself turning to alcohol for to handle anything that life threw at him. He was trying to show a front of perfectionism while internally struggling so much.

[19:24] Did your wife every approach you about your drinking?

Brandon said his wife would question sometimes the beer(s) he would have with dinner. He could tell she knew something was wrong. His rock bottom was a Halloween party in 2018 where he drank too much and they had a fight. She was 7 months pregnant and expressed concern about having to do the next stage of life alone. That was enough for him.

[29:11] Talk to me more about the time right after you stopped drinking.

Brandon said he was prepared for it to be hell but didn’t consider all the other things that go into it. He was open with his wife and friends. He turned to fitness to keep his mind moving. He took things hour by hour and focused just on the moment he was in. Brandon discovered a confidence in himself he didn’t know was there.

[35:18] Do you still get cravings?

Brandon said no, but there are times where it sounds good to take the edge off with alcohol.

[36:27] What’s in your toolbox?

Brandon said his wife is his biggest support. The /r/stopdrinking Reddit page. The idea of sharing with others gives him motivation.

[39:32] Do you ever get push back from people?

Brandon said yes, he does. He feels because he dealt with it silently for so many years, people had a hard time understanding the level of drinking he had come to achieve.

[44:57] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to younger Brandon what would you say?

Listen to your parents, don’t try it.

What is your go to NA beverage?

Sparkling water.

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are thinking about ditching the booze?

Listen to your gut. What’s in your mind is the truth. There’s no better time than now.

You may have to say adios to booze...

If you’re in a meeting at 2pm and you’re thinking about what you’re going to drink tonight.

Odette’s challenge this week:

Try to see yourself differently this week. Be more compassionate when you make a mistake. Give people in your life the benefit of the doubt. Be nice to strangers.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Recovery Elevator’s first ever REgionals! Join us for our online zoom conference this October 23-24th. This event is FREE for Café RE Members only. Not a member yet?! Sign up here and use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. The new course will start 11/10/20. It’s FREE for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events here.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – “Believing we are all doing the best we can, can make the world a better place – I love you guys”

RE 294: What has Recovery Made Possible for You? Oct 05, 2020

Erin took her last drink May 31, 2019. With 488 days away from alcohol, (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding the Better You…..

Most long-term decisions have to be rooted in a place of love and not of fear. This applies to recovery and leads to the question, “What has recovery made possible for you?” This question helps to build the bridge from fear to love. Hearing stories of hope from others send out waves of survival. As you share your story, you don’t know who’s listening and how that might change the trajectory of their life. Odette chooses to live in the solution and show others, specifically her family, what’s possible.

[6:23] Odette introduces Erin.

Erin and her family split time between New Hampshire and Sedona, AZ. She is married with 2 children, ages 1 & 3, she is a stay at home mom. For fun she does yoga, plays with her children, exercises and is getting to know her body.

[9:35] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?

Erin said she first took a drink when she was 14. While that drink wasn’t a problem, she began to experiment. The family setting was one where there was drinking and so it was part of what she knew growing up. Her parents separated when she was 17 and she rebelled from there. At 18, she went to the University of New Hampshire, which is a large party school. Drinking was part of the culture and it was just what everyone was doing. Erin can look back now and see how toxic it was, especially for her.

[12:03] Can you expand on your college years?

Her sophomore year, she tried sobriety. She took some time off college and did a “major health cleanse”. However, when she returned, the habits also returned. She convinced herself she could moderate.

[13:14] Did you transition after college into a lifestyle that allowed you to maintain a frequency of binge drinking?

Erin said she has lived all over the place and those geographic moves are part of her story with alcohol. With periods of binge drinking and sadness coupled with periods of living with a healthy focus. Looking back, she can see she was running from her feelings and not being able to be with herself.

[15:33] What was your style of drinking and did anyone ever approach you about it while you were drinking?

Erin said she did surround herself with heavy drinkers so she could ignore the reality, there were also consequences to her drinking. She married her first husband in 2010 and they were divorced in 2012. He would speak to her about her drinking. When they separated, she took herself to her first AA meeting. However, a relapse of Lyme disease and the toll the separation was taking on her, she continued to drink daily.

Erin moved with her mother to Sedona, AZ and jumped into the AA community. She would wake up, go to a meeting, go to work at a health center and then come home and get drunk. This was when she saw that alcohol was turning her into 2 completely separate people.

[21:00] Tell me about your pregnancy and the last few years.

Erin said she got pregnant in 2016 and was able to stay sober through her pregnancy. She felt the highs and lows of pregnancy very severely and not having alcohol to help her numb was part of that. When her daughter was around 3 or 4 months, she convinced herself again she could moderate. She got pregnant with her son and again stayed sober throughout, but the pattern started again in the 4th trimester. In May 2019, she woke up violently ill and that was it.

[27:08] Tell me what you do now when you have one of these tough emotions.

Erin said she is getting to know herself again as a highly sensitive person (HSP). She taps into a lot of the digital community and is exploring the psychologic makeup of being an empath. She’s learning to lean in and explore the power of breath.

[29:40] Did you go back to AA?

Erin said she hasn’t gone back to AA yet (busy raising the future!) but has found there are so many options out there for her online.

[32:02] How has the response been from people?

Erin said overall the response has been supportive. Those closest to her knew she had a problem. Her husband has also stopped drinking in support of her.

[37:21] Has your creativity started to spark?

Erin said absolutely. She’s now made the choice to “join the human race” and to love herself. She makes talking about recovery part of her everyday life and puts herself out there without shame.

[40:28] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to younger Erin what would you say?

You’re enough and take care of yourself.

What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

I’m ok in this moment and there is a purpose for why I am here.

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

Chocolate ice cream

What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

Podcasts, yoga and meditation, the miracle morning idea and enjoying not being hung over. Getting outside with her kids.

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are thinking about ditching the booze?

Just do it. Just try it. Give yourself enough time to give it a shot.

You may have to say adios to booze...

If you don’t recognize yourself anymore.

Odette’s challenge this week:

Give yourself a few minutes to look back on your journey. Ask yourself “What was recovery made possible?” Write it down, read it often. You are worthy of everything.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish.

1-800-273-8255

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Recovery Elevator’s first ever REgionals! Join us for our online zoom conference this October 23-24th. This event is FREE for Café RE Members only. Not a member yet?! Sign up here and use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. The new course will start 11/10/20. It’s FREE for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events here.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – “This journey isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it and I promise you it’s possible, I’m here for you all – I love you guys”

RE 293: Does it Bring you Peace? Sep 28, 2020

Rob took his last drink June 5, 2019. With over one year away from alcohol (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding the Better You…..

When we say no to alcohol, we are saying yes to a better life. Once the alcohol is left behind some people pick back up old hobbies, others go off to do things they thought they would never do. Give yourself some grace when you quit, and you are trying to figure out what you like to do now. Go for it, the possibilities are endless.

Is how we are choosing to spend our time after quitting drinking bringing us peace? It becomes our responsibility to protect our peace and also seek peace.

[6:22] Odette introduces Rob.

Rob is 55 and lives in Littleton, CO. He has been married to his wife for 30 years, they have 2 grown boys. Rob likes adventure sports, specifically motorbike adventuring. He also enjoys hiking, being outdoors. He very much loves what Colorado has to offer.

[9:34] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?

Rob said he moved from rural Indiana in 1978 to Denver, CO and that’s when alcohol became a big part of his life. Stemming from his desire to fit into a new school as a kid, he began drinking. He also took a job at a warehouse where the older employees found it funny to corrupt the 15 year old preachers kid. His parents found out and they put a stop to it. He began leading a dual life, the adrenaline seeker mountain climber motorcycle rider vs going to church 5 times a week.

On November 11, 2012 his close friend Ted passes away from cancer. Rob didn’t know how to handle those feelings and after this he began drinking at home. By the end he was blacking out 3-5 nights a week.

[17:02] Did you ever think to yourself “I might have a drinking problem?”

Rob said he didn’t even have that thought. The mentality around the group he was in was “work hard, play hard”.

[17:32] After Ted passed, were you conscious of the fact that you were using alcohol to hide the pain?

Rob said that never occurred to him until he was in recovery.

[19:12] Tell me about after your wife left?

Rob said he gained enough clarity that night to realize the choice was alcohol or his marriage. He chose to fight for his marriage and that night was his last drink.

That next morning on his drive to work, rather than listening to his usual drive music, he listened to a podcast about recovery. That night he found an AA meeting as well.

[25:15] Tell me about the resentment you had and when you felt the shift.

Rob said it was a progression for him. He didn’t really find a home until he found Café RE in September 2019. He felt the connections become real.

[28:26] Tell me about those first few months after you quit.

Rob said at 4 months he had done a lot of the brain work. He was trying to connect to his emotions and doing real work on himself. Then in October 2019, a driver ran a red light and collided with the side of his car going 55 MPH. He suffered a traumatic brain injury. While physically ok, he had to/has to work hard to get back to himself and heal himself, again.

[35:00] Do you still get cravings and how do you handle them?

Rob said he does still get cravings. And when he does, he goes into his sobriety toolbox. The first thing he does is wait 20 minutes and then he has to figure out why the craving happened. If that doesn’t work he page 84’s his sponsor. This means: working the steps in your everyday life.

[39:16] Do you ever get push back from people when you tell them you don’t drink?

Rob said no one gives him push back.

[40:33] Rapid Fire Round

What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

That first night at AA, I’m ok and I’m not alone.

If you could talk to day 1 Rob, what would you say?

10 deep breaths and give yourself a big hug.

What are you excited about right now?

Butt Burner Gold which is 1500 miles in 24 hours on a motorcycle.

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are thinking about ditching the booze?

Stick around. Do the work. It’s worth it. One day you will wake up and see that it’s all worth it, you have this nice little life now.

You may have to say adios to booze...

If you got kicked out of public school for drinking and your parents put you into a parochial school and you show up to bible study drunk.

Odette’s challenge this week:

Close your eyes for a few minutes and think about the things that bring you peace. Drop them down and keep them close. Get in the habit of looking for this peaceful feeling.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Recovery Elevator’s first ever REgionals! Join us for our online zoom conference this October 23-24th. This event is for Café RE Members only. Not a member yet?! Sign up here and use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. The new course will start 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – “Protect your peace – I love you guys”

RE 292: Navigating the Storm Sep 21, 2020

Will took his last drink April 10, 2018. With just over 2 years away from alcohol (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding the Better You…..

Navigating through tough times. Removing alcohol allows you to actually do something about a problem, however sometimes without alcohol in front of it, a problem can present more clearly. It’s hard to do the hard thing and easy to pretend our problems aren’t really there. We have a choice to accept the problem (the storm) as it presents itself and its aftereffects as part of a life without alcohol.

[7:01] Odette introduces Will.

Will is 43 and lives in Queens, NY. He’s an IT consultant and married with a dog. For fun he loves to be outdoors, surfing, live music, cooking, biking, running and traveling.

[9:34] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?

Will said he was 12 when he has his first drink on vacation, but he considers his real entrance to alcohol was around the age of 15. It dissolved the anxiety he felt in social situations. In college he went full force into drinking and it quickly became a daily habit. He sought out others who drank like he did.

[12:57] Were you a high performer in school?

Will said alcohol did impact his school work. He had no direction for what he wanted to do the rest of his life. He found himself drinking in exchange for doing things he loved.

[14:22] What happened after college?

Will said followed a band he loved around the country and fully fell into the drinking and partying culture.

[16:18] Did you ever question your drinking?

Will said no, because he had surrounded himself with a culture of drinking and partying. So, he was around it and it was normalized within his circle.

[18:23] Walk me through your next life chapter?

Will said he moved to Washington state with his now wife and went back to school. There was less drinking, and he was able to focus on his schoolwork and life. He found some balance mixed in with the pockets of crazy times.

Once he finished school he moved back to New York and began work, but also was staying out late drinking. He noticed the change in his physical alcohol dependance at this moment.

[22:34] Did you introduce moderation rules?

Will said he attempted moderation at home and it simply evaporated over time.

[23:21] Did you start having conversations with your wife about this?

Will said him and his wife were both “in it” at the time. (She is also now in recovery.) There was enabling happening and it was difficult to navigate.

[24:05] Did you have a rock bottom?

Will said he sought out a doctor to prescribe him something to help him get through the physical dependency. However, looking back, that was just another layer onto addiction. This went on for years with a chaotic life and drinking. He sought treatment after two friends expressed concern in 2016.

He did a 28-day inpatient program. While he wasn’t ready fully for recovery, but at the same time wanted to change his life. He made it through but relapsed within 60 days.

[29:14] Walk me through 2016 – 2018.

Will said he was trying in those two years, but it seemed impossible. While he was in and out of the AA rooms, he wasn’t doing the work that he was told was needed.

April 10, 2018, he entered a detox again after 3 days of a mental psychosis.

[33:13] What changed this time?

Will said there was enough pain in his life, he realized he needed to make a change.

[34:30] Do you still get cravings?

Will said not really, he gets fleeting thoughts.

[34:40] What your biggest way of coping with uncomfortable feelings?

Will said you get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Once he started to take his sobriety seriously, he accepted the program he was being told to work. He can now make sense of his feelings without alcohol numbing them down. There’s purpose in the struggles we go through.

[37:45] Have you healed the nerve damage in your feet at all?

Will said the rest of his body has healed which helps the pain overall. That makes the nerve pain manageable as a whole. He looks at the pain as a high power telling him to move. So that’s actually the gift that came from all this.

[40:12] When you left treatment, what was your plan?

Will said he jumped into AA. He was open to anything recovery related.

[43:55] What’s your favorite NA drink?

Will said he’s a club soda guy. Nothing fancy.

[44:27] Have you ever gotten push back from people?

Will said no one has given him pushback on his desire to lead a life without alcohol. But also, that’s a little telling to the condition he was in, everyone could see he needed help.

[45:47] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to day 1 Will, what would you say?

You’re 100% worth it and you are a lot stronger than you could ever imagine.

What are you excited about right now?

Grateful to have the tools that he has and to see where this takes us and the ability to give back.

What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Salted caramel anything.

What are your favorite resources outside of AA?

Café RE, podcasts, self-help books, an in-person community

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are thinking about ditching the booze?

Life on the other side is beautiful. There’s a life to be had out there.

You may have to say adios to booze...

If you’re curing your hangovers with more alcohol, that’s something that’s hard to come back from.

Odette’s challenge this week:

Take some time to access the challenges you are dealing with right now. Make a list of things you think you’ve been doing to navigate the situation. Don’t judge yourself, just write them down, edit as you see fit. If there are things on that list you don’t like, make a plan to change it.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Recovery Elevator’s first ever REgionals! Join us for our online zoom conference this October 23-24th. This event is for Café RE Members only. Not a member yet?! Sign up here and use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. The new course will start 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – “I believe in you, grab your life vest and let’s do this – I love you guys”

RE 291: Do Better Sep 14, 2020

Kevin took his last drink April 11, 2020. With just over 3 months away from alcohol (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding the Better You…..

Receiving feedback and how to do better. After a negative comment / feedback from a listener, Odette took the comments and the feedback and is seeing this as an opportunity to do better. It seems these days that “do better” is being used more and explored. This was the universe reminding her that she is worthy, the listener is worthy, and everyone is worthy. She has gratitude and love for the listener because they allowed to her see something from a different perspective. If you have feedback, please send an email to Odette.

[7:23] Odette introduces Kevin.

Kevin is 59 and originally from Philadelphia, he has lives in Florida for the past 20 years. He’s a printer and works for the schoolboard. He’s married and loves cooking, traveling and doing charcoal portraits.

[9:13] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?

Kevin said that when he was 7, he became the drink maker at his grandparents’ card games. He would have some whiskey and ginger ale himself. In 4th grade he was bullied, so he would go home at lunch to eat but also to do a few shots of liquor so he could deal with that. In high school he fell in with a crowd that drank and also sold drugs. He continued in that pattern until he met his now wife at the age of 33. He quit the drugs, but his drinking continued to escalate. In 2017 he spent 3 days in a psych ward, leaving there he sent to AA and a counselor, but it never really took, and he relapsed.

[12:26] Did anybody notice that all this was happening when you were so young?

Kevin said that he was a latch key kid, so his use of alcohol wasn’t noticed. And when he was in high school, he was always out of the house and with friends, so again, it wasn’t noticed. However, he says that while in high school he knew he had a bad alcohol problem on his hands.

[14:22] Did you ever reach out to somebody in those early days or was alcohol normalized in your family?

Kevin said his grandfather owned a bar and his parents had an active social life and he was a bartender at different points, so alcohol was always a part of his life.

[15:03] How did alcohol cause conflict in your marriage(s)?

Kevin said in his first marriage they were both very immature and it wasn’t ever going to last. With his second wife, he emulated her and wanted her to be proud of him. It never worked out however and he felt he was always disappointing her.

[16:40] What happened that made you want to reach out and get help?

Kevin said there were a lot of moments. Between injuries, unhealthy arguments and car accidents there were lots of red flags. He always thought he had it under control. He doesn’t have an off switch.

[18:55] What happened in April of this year?

Kevin said this time he wanted to get sober and committed to AA, he didn’t have another second chance in him. He was tired of playing the alcohol game, wondering where he would get more and having alcohol control his life.

[20:49] What do you do when you get a craving?

Kevin said he changes his environment right away. He gets out of where he is and tries to get a new headspace. In about 30 minutes time the craving is gone. He doesn’t call them alcohol cravings, but more the idea of alcohol gets in his brain.

Kevin uses the Merriam Webster app and it gives him a “word of the day”. He takes that word and tries to apply it to his sobriety throughout the day. This gives him a fresh perspective to sobriety over and over.

[23:00] Tell me about your family dynamics?

Kevin said for 24 years he was a tornado leaving a path of devastation through his marriage. They are trying to figure things out and he wants his wife to be happy and have a good life.

[26:02] What is your favorite thing about the AA program?

Kevin said the communication and connection with other people in recovery.

[28:20] Are there any other resources that have been helping you in this journey?

Kevin said he always has something going on to fill his time. Between podcasts and reading or going to meetings.

[28:58] What’s your favorite NA drink?

Iced coffee, with coffee ice cubes.

[29:36] Did you notice a change in your sugar intake?

Kevin said he never had a sweet tooth until he stopped drinking. But now he adds honey to his oats! He’s trying to scale back his sugar intake.

[30:52] What’s your go-to response when someone offers you a drink?

Kevin said he tells people “I’m an alcohol and I’m living it sober”. He has no reservations about telling people.

[31:30] Do you notice any pushback from people who you tell?

Kevin said the friends he has in Florida are accepting and have been nothing but positive.

[33:07] What are you excited about right now?

Kevin is excited about the future. He wants to get involved with helping other people in recovery.

[34:47] Has your sleep improved?

Kevin said he wasn’t a great sleeper throughout most of his life, so while that pattern remains, he’s no longer sluggish and his body doesn’t hurt. He feels rested.

[31:30] Do you have to do virtual meetings during the pandemic?

Kevin said his room has been open throughout the pandemic and he is a little unsure if he would have had success doing virtual meetings. He needs the in-person/human connections.

[39:28] Have you been able to identify triggers?

Kevin said he drank for so long that he’s unsure if he actually has triggers. He drank simply because it was part of his life.

[41:13] Rapid Fire Round

What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had during this journey?

Realizing he could go through the day without alcohol.

What would you say to your younger self?

Love and value yourself. You matter. You have something to offer.

What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Coffee with chocolate covered espresso beans on top.

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are thinking about ditching the booze?

It’s important to stay focused and keep your sobriety in front of you. Stay focused on your interests and keep your mind active. Stress is a killer.

You may have to say adios to booze...

If you come back to your table from an open bar with 4 drinks and 2 shots in your hand and ask if anyone wants anything themselves.

Odette’s challenge this week:

Try to build a practice around your negative self-talk. Swap out the negative with a kinder message for yourself. Give yourself the love you need.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Recovery Elevator’s first ever REgionals! Join us for our online zoom conference this October 23-24th. This event is for Café RE Members only. Not a member yet?! Sign up here and use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. The new course will start 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – “Be the light and shine bright, you have the power to make a difference – I love you guys”

RE 290: Let's Not Label This a Problem Sep 07, 2020

Taylor took his last drink June 7, 2019. With just over 13 months away from alcohol (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding the Better You…..

WAIT WAIT! It’s Paul’s 6 year Sober-versary! So instead we bring you Paul’s 6 big insights since his handing off the podcast to Odette.

People are struggling right now due to Covid, but let’s not label this as a problem. Let’s go within and have some spiritual growth.
Turn off the news.
The ego always sets its own trap.
Pets are the reason the human race hasn’t imploded yet.
He has gained empathy.
It’s never too late to accomplish a goal.

Bonus insight:

Paul’s parents are RAD!

[19:08] Paul introduces Taylor.

Taylor is 30 years old and lives in Thornton, Colorado with his two dogs, Harley and Rooster. While he’s lived in many places over the years, he grew up in Sacramento, California and now is in Colorado. He loves walking his dogs, record and write music, rock climbing, mountain biking, photography, hiking, skiing, snowboarding, wakeboarding, video editing and D&D. He likes to try all the hobbies now.

[23:54] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?

Taylor said he started exploring alcohol around age 14. He wanted to see what alcohol was all about. He didn’t really touch alcohol again until he was about 16, mostly in High School he smoked weed. However, alcohol did allow him to fit in. His father and stepmother caught him smoking weed in college and made the decision to send him to live with his mother. This started his “victims’ story” because he wasn’t allowed to smoke weed anymore, so he was “forced to drink alcohol”. He saw his career grow however by quitting smoking weed, but there was alcohol ever present.

At 26 he found himself trying to moderate alcohol. Just before he deployed to Afghanistan, he thought to stop drinking a few days before, and he found himself in withdrawals. After not drinking while overseas, he ordered a drink on the plane home. Being home he was again trying to moderate.

[33:53] Tell me about going back to drinking after returning from Afghanistan?

Taylor said that he understood that he had seen the “other side of life” and you can never really go back. Alcohol just isn’t the same and he knew he was doomed. After his girlfriend left, was his rock bottom moment.

[42:19] Walk me through those first 30 days?

Taylor said he fully dove into recovery: “I sober like I drank”. When his father left, he kept going to therapy and AA. His pink cloud lasted 3 months and the energies to stay sober were stronger than his desire to drink. He found a lot of humility and got a sponsor and started working the steps.

[47:09] Can you share with listeners the difference between your 29th and your 30th birthdays?

Taylor said on his 29th birthday was in his first 30 days of sobriety. He sat at home and he didn’t have anything to do or anyone to hang out with. He called a newfound AA friend and he came over and they watched TV together. His 30th birthday he had 20 people show up to his birthday, from all parts of his life. He was humbled in that moment of the work that he had done to be the authentic Taylor.

[50:44] Do you still get cravings?

Taylor said yes. His alter drinking ego is named Gregory and he’s no longer the enemy of Taylor. Gregory still tries to get him to drinking, but he can have the conversation with Gregory about why they aren’t going to drink. Taylor treats Gregory like a sick child, with care and compassion. Cravings are now fleeting thoughts.

[57:47] Rapid Fire Round

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Peanut butter and banana with candied bacon milkshake

What would you say to your younger self?

Slow down, be gentle, be kind.

What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

People, AA, The Calm App, Nature, Café RE, a picture of a dog.

Books:

The Tao of Pooh & The Te of Piglet by Benjamin Hoff

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are thinking about ditching the booze?

To be kind to yourself today and do the next kind thing.

You may have to say adios to booze...

If you have driven to another state to buy more alcohol because the stores in your state are closed.

Odette’s final thoughts this week:

Congratulations Paul. You are loved, supported and you are worth it.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Recovery Elevator’s first ever REgionals! Join us for our online zoom conference this October 23-24th. This event is for Café RE Members only. Not a member yet?! Sign up here and use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. The new course will start 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – “We took the elevator down, we have to take the stairs back up, we can do this – I love you guys”

RE 289: Co-occurring Issues Aug 31, 2020

Early took their last drink November 16, 2019. With almost 8 months (at the time of recording) this is their story of living alcohol free (AF).

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding the Better You.

Co-occurring disorders or dual diagnosis describes a person who has more than one medical issue either with two diseases simultaneously or one disease successively after the other. These may be mental or physical.

Odette reminds us that we are not alone.

[5:23] Odette introduces Early.

Early is 32 years old and living off the grid on the Ozark Plateau. They have 3 dogs who are their very best friends. For work they go back and forth between migrant farm work and restaurant service industry. For fun they like to learn about the area surrounding them, the plants and animals. Also chopping wood and the other living in the woods chores.

Living off the grid means that Early is not connected to the electrical power grid & any city water or sewage. They have solar power and collect rain water or spring water. They have a composting outhouse. Early says they are connected to the earth in a way that feels more ethical to them.

[8:33] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?

Early said that their whole life has been characterized by very intense addiction. The first drink they had was a stolen Miller High Life at the age of 10. The first blackout came at 14, drinking in the mornings and vomiting in their sleep came at 16. They were drawn to alcohol due to being socially awkward and having few friends. Being a deviant led them into a world of acceptance. As an adult, along with therapy and their diagnosis as being on the spectrum, these factors make sense now.

By 18 Early was drinking daily and that’s the first time they wanted to stop drinking. Willpower didn’t work and AA wasn’t the avenue they wanted to take. Between the ages of 18 and 31 they tried many times to quit.

[11:44] When did you receive your diagnosis?

Early said at 29 there was an incident in which they sexually assaulted their best friend. It never would have happened if they had not been under the influence of alcohol. After that they checked themself into a mental hospital for help. There they were diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Early’s therapist post that also diagnosed them with Autisms Spectrum disorder and PTSD from childhood sexual abuse.

[13:43] What went through your mind after all these diagnoses?

Early said leaving the mental hospital they were detoxed from alcohol and also on new anti-psychotic medicine for brand new diagnoses. They weren’t given any tools on how to handle not drinking and their only coping ability from the past 20 years, so to cope, they drank.

[16:20] What happened after you left the hospital?

Early said that they knew they needed to remove alcohol but had no tools. They would white knuckle it for a few days and then drink. Over time they began to find different tools that worked for them. They incorporated yoga, drinking more water, changing their diet, getting regular sleep (basic needs as Early says!). However, the feeling of shame and the belief that they are a bad person remained. Early began drinking in secret and isolating themselves in-between moments of white knuckling sobriety.

[20:12] You seem to have such grit. Where did this come from and how did you find the determination to keep trying?

Early said their last night of drinking was an average night of drinking. The change began a year ago when their father passed away suddenly. They saw life from outside their own for the first time. That winter they declared that they would do anything to get sober. They kept trying and using all the tools they had learned over the years of trying to quit. They stopped feeling sorry for themselves and that helped to cut the shame. Early learned they were worthy of love and happiness. They describe themselves as a hard headed stubborn determined person and that might be the grit that is seen.

[27:51] How is it balancing and navigating symptoms from these disorders?

Early said that preventative maintenance for everything has dulled down many of the symptoms day to day. Every day they make sure they are getting proper nutrition, getting enough sleep, drinking enough water and feeding their soul. Taking care of the body and mind at a baselevel is paramount.

[29:58] Tell me about the people surrounding you?

Early said they understands they hurt a lot of people and people who left did so for a reason. And now the longer they are sober and people see them out doing the work, people are slowly returning into their life.

[34:06] Can you tell me about your routine?

Early said that they have a morning routine. Every day they try to wake up at the same time, drink water, walk their dogs, eat, take herbs, do meditation, work on a project that makes them proud (currently building their own house). In the evenings, eat dinner, listen to a podcast, do some meditation and go to sleep at the same time.

[35:37] Tell me more about building your own house.

Early said when they first moved to this property there was a dilapidated shack there and they lived there for about 4 years. Upon getting sober, they demolished the house and started to build their own with their neighbors.

[35:57] Rapid Fire Round

What would you say to your younger self?

Stick with it, you’re worth it and things will change for the better.

What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had in this journey?

Neuroplasticity

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Chocolate chip cookie dough

What are some words of wisdom you can share with listeners that want help ditching the booze and help with their mental health?

Don’t compare yourself to others story. You’re worth getting ahold of your drinking and your mental health. Do the work.

You may have to say adios to booze...

if you have woken up covered in blue vomit…. Twice.

Odette’s final thoughts this week:

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” – Eckhart Tolle

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Recovery Elevator’s first ever REgionals! Join us for our online zoom conference this October 23-24th. This event is for Café RE Members only. Not a member yet?! Sign up here and use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. The new course will start 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

The Sober Curious & This Naked Mind

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”-Eckhart Tolle- I love you guys”

RE 288: AF Drink Options With Gruvi Aug 24, 2020

Anika is the founder of Grüvi and a member of the sober curious community. This is her story of being an entrepreneur and helping to provide NA beverages to those who want them.

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding the Better You.

You are in charge of setting and honoring your own boundaries. Everyone has different triggers, for example if NA beers and beverages are triggering to you, then you don’t have to explore that avenue. You know how to best protect your journey. Stay open and stay curious and protect your energy.

[4:53] Odette introduces Anika.

Anika is sober curious so she’s not very strict on keeping track of dates. But her last drink was right around the beginning of Covid. She is 24 years old and lives in Canada. She enjoys being outdoors, yoga, hiking and traveling.

[6:56] Walk me through your sober curious journey.

Anika said her sober curious nature came out during her last year at University. She was a social drinker, but in her last year she found herself saying “I don’t want to have to go out with friends tonight, because then I will have to drink and then I will be hung over.” She experienced all the benefits of a life away from alcohol: better sleep, having more clarity and being more productive.

[9:38] Did something spark your thought process to become aware of a life away from alcohol at such a young age?

Anika said at first, she was like everyone else with regards to drinking and felt it was a stage in life. But when she created the Grüvi brand was when she really started to see how life can continue on without alcohol and with an alternate beverage. She was able to have a social life without having to have the social lubricant.

[11:15] How did Grüvi start?

Grüvi launched a year ago in Denver and it’s a family business. They have been a health focused family, led by their father. Finding that the NA category was lacking in options pushed them to create Grüvi.

[12:34] Where did the name come from?

Anika said Grüvi is taking the word “groovy” and making it fun and new. You can be fun and silly and youthful even without alcohol.

[14:59] Tell me about the specifics of Grüvi?

Currently, there are 4 craft beers and 1 prosecco. The beers are brewed through a process of arrested fermentation, which stops the brewing before any alcohol is introduced. However, because this does go through a fermentation process, there are trace amounts of alcohol (similar to kombuca). The prosecco is 0.0% ABV.

They are expanding too! Anika says that hopefully they will be offering a bubbly Rose by the end of summer 2020.

[20:58] Are most people open to the dialogue (about this NA movement)?

Anika said that after living in Denver for over a year after University and returning to Canada and the friend group there, she was a little nervous. Through this she has realized that her friends support her no matter what. And she told them she is happy with her decision to not be drinking so they should be too.

[23:10] What’s it like working with your family?

Anika said so far, it’s been great! They are living together again as a family and it’s been smooth. She’s enjoying the opportunity to grow closer to her family through this.

[33:30] What are you excited about right now?

Anika said every day is new and exciting. Grüvi is at that step where they are expanding and growing. This includes new states and being able to be local and accessible to more people. They are expanding their ambassador program and Anika is spearheading this. She loves getting to talk to the community and grow the movement together.

[36:50] Rapid Fire Round

Other than Grüvi, what’s your favorite NA beverage?

Being her own bartender and making mocktails or a matcha latte.

What is a memorable moment you’ve had while not drinking?

Going out dancing with her friends and enjoying the music.

What are some of your favorite resources?

Books:

Instagram accounts:

@Ditchedthedrink

@soberbabes

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners who are thinking about ditching the booze?

Take the first jump, the first decision is always the hardest. You have nothing to lose.

Odette’s challenge this week:

Give a new tool a try. Maybe you go to an AA meeting for the first time, maybe you join Café Re, maybe you ask a friend to be your accountability partner, maybe you try a new Kombucha flavor or you try a new meditation. If we don’t try new things we will never know if it will help us in this journey.

Email Odette here and tell her what you tried.

Grüvi discount detail:

For 15% off your order with Grüvi visit their website and use the promo code recovery elevator at checkout.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Recovery Elevator’s first ever REgionals! Join us for our online zoom conference this October 23-24th. This event is for Café RE Members only. Not a member yet?! Sign up here and use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. The new course will start 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – Let’s be respectful of others, lets focus on similarities and not differences, let’s make space for those who are different than us instead of automatically canceling them out- I love each and every one of you guys”

RE 287: Should We Be Drinking Less? Aug 17, 2020

Alan took his last drink December 23, 2019. With almost 6 months (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol free (AF).

Announcing Recovery Elevator’s first ever REgionals! Join us for our online zoom conference this October 23-24th. This event is for Café RE Members only. Not a member yet?! Sign up here and use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding the Better You.

The New York Times article “Should We Be Drinking Less?” is from July 10th, 2020. It’s the stark contrast to articles which tout having 1-2 glasses of wine has healthy benefits or how rose will help you through motherhood. The idea that moderate drinking is acceptable actually keeps people drinking because it’s seen as ok in the eyes of society.

There is a shift that is happening and people are questioning the narrative of what’s acceptable when drinking.

[7:47] Odette introduces Alan.

Alan lives outside Atlanta and is 49 years old. His last drink was the day before Christmas Eve 2019. He drank everything and was blackout drunk that night. His 15 year old daughter had been at a friend’s house and came home to find her father passed out in a chair with a spilled glass of wine. The next morning knowing his daughter had seen that changed the course of his life. He didn’t want to live that way any longer.

Alan’s daughter mentioned above is actually one of triplets. He has three 15 year old children and has been married to his wife for almost 18 years. He’s in software sales and is trying to figure out what he likes to do for fun now that he’s sober. He enjoys health and fitness and has a Peloton.

[18:37] Walk me through your drinking career.

Alan said that he began drinking in high school and it started out normal, transitioned into college and that drinking atmosphere. College for him was one big party. He continued the pace of college drinking afterwards. He worked for a year in Aspen and drank 7 days a week. He returned to Atlanta, while his drinking slowed, he was always concerned about where the next drink was coming from and this is when his drinking became abnormal. Alan believes he was covering up fear with his drinking. Fear of fitting in, fear of getting a good job, fear of making enough money, fear of meeting the right girl, fear of getting a big title. The fear was gone when he drank.

[27:15] Tell me about joining Café RE and how was that first month?

Alan said Café RE was the springboard to connection. He didn’t realize the connection was so powerful with other people looking to live the same life. After feeling like he had been driving in foggy conditions for 10 years, the fog cleared and he was able to see finally.

[33:36] What works for you when you have a craving?

Alan said he has learned a ton of tools in Café RE. The biggest one is from Paul’s book, Alcohol is SH!T, which says to “play the tape forward”. While he can romanticize the drink on his porch, Alan can also now see where that one drink will lead. He’s seen the movie, he knows the ending and it’s not good!

[36:11] How has your family dynamic changed?

Alan said about 3 months in his wife looked at him and told him he was like a new person. He is present now. While he’s always been a father who was physically there, he always existed in the fog. He told his daughter that he was getting help for his drinking and that’s a huge accountability step for him, one he can never go back on.

[41:00] What have you discovered about yourself?

Alan said he’s learned he can juggle a lot of things in life. He has the ability to handle what life throws at him.

[42:51] If you could talk to day 1 Alan, what would you say?

Connect with likeminded individuals as soon as possible. Do not attempt to do this alone.

[43:20] Had you tried to stop drinking previously?

Alan said he probably tried about 4 times seriously. But never had connection, resources, understanding or community. He always went at it alone and would call himself a Dry Drunk.

[44:52] Rapid Fire Round

What do you bring to a BYO party?

Bubly, 1 can of Monster Energy drink

What is a drinking myth you’ve seen debunked?

Myth: You can’t have fun without drinking.

Truth: You can have SO much fun without drinking (and the next day!)

Do you celebrate milestones?

Yes, but the journey is never ending.

What are some words of wisdom you can share with listeners?

If you are thinking about this path, I promise you life is better without the booze. The fog will lift!

You may have to say adios to alcohol...

if you’re at the airport bar and the gate is right across from you, but you intentionally miss your flight so you can keep drinking.

Odette’s challenge this week:

Share the NY Times article with someone you know. Plant the seed of living a life away from alcohol.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. The new course will start 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events here.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – How about we just stick to La Croix, sound good?- I love you guys”

Episode 286: It’s Never Too Late To Quit Drinking Aug 10, 2020

Jim took his last drink April 7, 2020. With just over 70 days (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol free (AF).

Today Odette opens talking about finding the better you and her own take away from Holly Whitaker’s Quit Like A Woman. She focuses on what Holly says about when a craving strikes. Learn to relax into the craving rather than distract.

RASINS

Recognize

Allow

Set aside the story

Investigate what is happening in your body

Name the sensations

Surf

Let’s set the scene: You have finished your 100th zoom call of the day and you are ready to relax for the night. You want to pour a glass of wine. Here is how to implement RASINS.

Admit the craving, allow the craving to build, set aside the negative thoughts telling you that you suck. Maybe try a meditation practice. Focus on how your body is feeling. Is your heart racing, are your palms sweating? Ride the wave of emotion, this is manageable.

[7:12] Odette introduces Jim.

Jim is 71 years old and he lives on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. He is about to retire fully from his career in public education. He’s been married for 47 years and has 3 children and 4 grandkids. He enjoys hiking, reading, swimming and volunteering at church and in schools. He has recently picked up golf too!

[11:33] Can you give listeners a history on your drinking?

Jim said he began drinking in high school and also drank in college. He joined a fraternity and soon after stopped going to call and flunked out. His father told him he was not welcome at home, so Jim joined the Merchant Marines after that. He said that although drinking was prohibited on the boats, that was far from the reality. After a winter in the Merchant Marines he was drafted into the Vietnam War, however his college agreed to re-admit him. Once back in college he was right back where he started. He did meet his “beautiful bride” while in school and she got him going back to class and he did graduate. His chosen career was something that he felt was more important that his drinking. So, he didn’t drink before work, but after work, all bets were off. Once he began to approach retirement, he had more time on his hands and the habits of college drinking returned.

[15:14] Do you remember your emotional state when your father told you that you weren’t allowed back home?

Jim said at the time he was very resentful and thought his father was not loving and caring. He felt his father was putting his own reputation and career over Jim’s circumstances. Looking back on it, Jim can say he knows that his father made a great decision.

[22:15] Did you notice your relationships changing/eroding?

Jim said his own ability to be a pleasant person when he was drinking was almost non-existent. He had a lot of irritability over very little things.

[25:38] Do you still have cravings?

Jim said he still has cravings. He uses HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) when a craving strikes. He then reflects on the thought and feeling and reminds himself this will happen and to “not let it shake your tree” because this will pass.

[27:29] How did you find Recovery Elevator/ resources for this journey?

Jim said was listening to NPR shows and thought that there must be something recovery specific out there. He found Recovery Elevator from a google search and made it a part of his every day.

[28:50] Did you notice you had to change certain aspects of your entire routine?

Jim said that he wakes up every morning and looks at a stack of notecards he has created. He reminds himself every day his reasons why he’s stopped drinking. He focuses on reading and reddit subs and meditation.

[33:46] Do you find nighttime to be a more challenging time of the day?

Jim said he doesn’t struggle at night. He also had notecards on his bedside table. He tries to end every day thinking about what he’s grateful for and on a positive note.

[34:44] Have you notice changes in your sleep patterns?

Jim said yes. His dreams are clear and amazing. He sleeps more soundly.

[37:23] What have you learned about yourself that has really surprised you?

Jim said he used to have a lot of self-doubt if he could do this. He’s learned we can all do this.

[39:00] What are you excited about right now?

Jim said he feels like a new person in life and so the possibilities are opening up. He’s no longer shackled by alcohol. His schedule is open.

[40:54] Rapid Fire Round

What is your favorite NA beverage?

Flavored water.

What is a drinking myth you’ve seen debunked?

If you’re old there’s no sense in trying to stop drinking. (not true!)

What would you say to Day 1 Jim?

Jim as you walk through day 1, walk through that door, it’s going to be awesome. You will not regret one second of this.

What are some words of wisdom you can share with listeners?

I could have done this sooner, just let it go. There’s a family out there ready to help you. You can do this.

You may have to say adios to alcohol...

Adios, good riddance and see you later alligator!

Odette’s challenge this week:

Write down the meaning of RASINS and put it into practice this week.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. The new course will start 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside out- I love you guys”

RE 285: Impermanence is triggering, but does it have to be? Aug 03, 2020

John took his last drink on August 31, 2019. With about 10 months (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol-free (AF).

Today Odette opens quoting from Pema Chödrön’s “When Things Fall Apart”.

“Impermanence is the goodness of reality. Just as the four seasons are in continual flux, winter changing from spring to summer to autumn; just as day becomes night, light becoming dark becoming light again-- in the same way, everything is constantly evolving.”

Everything that ends is also the beginning of something else. What happens when we see this chaos as harmony and change right now is the new normal. It takes time to get comfortable with change and this stage of life is a season. Let’s sit with it and see where we can go.

[6:53] Odette introduces John.

John is 38 years old and originally from Fayetteville, North Carolina. John is also married to Odette and they have 2 children together. They live in San Diego, CA. For fun John likes to surf, bike, run, or play golf… he just likes being active.

[11:19] Can you give listeners a history on your drinking?

John said growing up drinking was part of the culture of where he lived. He started drinking in high school on weekends and continued in college. His drinking changed when it became a post-work habit. He said he modeled his drinking after his parents: put your head down, do you work, have a drink after work. From the age of 25 - 38 he was drinking as a reward at the end of a day. However, he noticed that he was using alcohol to numb out other things in his life.

[14:00] Was there a moment when you noticed that alcohol was no longer working?

John said in his 30s was when he began to question if he had a problem with drinking. As his family grew, he saw a line in the sand. On one side of the line was keeping drinking and on the other side was his marriage and family.

Odette and John discuss their marriage and how each of their paths to recovery has followed along both together and separately at different times. They discuss the work they have done on themselves and as a couple.

[25:26] From an inside look what are some of the biggest differences?

John said a lot of his initial quitting drinking was about trying to prove a point, prove to himself and others that he didn’t have a problem with alcohol. Within a month it changed and began to leave alcohol behind for himself. He noticed improvements in almost all aspects of his life.

[28:51] Can you tell us about how fatherhood has been different?

John said when he was drinking, he would show up to parenthood not ready to parent. He was physically there but not there mentally or emotionally. He is now trying to make amends to his children now by being as present as he can be. Every connecting moment with his children is a cherished moment.

[32:13] Tell us about a day in your life right now, what tools are you using?

John said he’s a little bit of a lone wolf. He relies a lot on Odette as an emotional outlet. He does not struggle with cravings during the day, but at night when he’s “done for the day” is when he has to dig a little deeper. He focuses on spending time with his family. John drinking a lot of soda water and kombucha and NA beer.

[34:55] What’s your favorite NA beer brand?

He has an order coming from Athletic Brewing and is looking forward to trying it.

Gruvi IPA

Two Roots, Straight Dank IPA- it’s a very hop-forward IPA.

[36:06] How has it been reintroducing yourself into social situations?

John said that the first few months were hard. There was a lot of pretending. Once he had the mind shift and was leaving alcohol behind for himself, it was a lot easier. There is a confidence that came with his decision.

[39:16] Have you received any pushback?

John said that his true friends are supportive. There’s the occasional random person who isn’t in the know that questions him, but not from a negative place.

[41:53] What possibilities in life are you excited about?

John said he’s just really excited to keep on this path and see where it takes him. He’s looking forward to his kids starting school, the next steps in his career, the fun trips they have planned as a family and with his wife. There’s a positive future ahead.

[43:59] Rapid Fire Round

What is a memorable moment you’ve had so far?

Surf trip sober over Christmas 2019.

What are some of your favorite resources?

Armchair Expert podcast (Dax Shepard)

What would you say to Day 1, John?

It’s going to be a lot easier than you think it is. Trust the decision. Strap in and lean in. Trust your wife.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to others?

Just do it, hop in. Do it for 3 months and see what happens.

You may need to ditch the booze if...

You go on a camping trip with your wife and the last thing you remember is having a great time at dinner and then you wake up in a tent alone, with none of your family there.

Odette’s challenge this week:

What are you trying to hold on to right now? What do you think would happen if that changed? Are you not allowing yourself to enjoy it now that you have it out of fear that it will be gone? Everything that you have in your life right now is a gift if you choose to see it that way. So just think about that prompt.

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. REGISTRATION IS OPEN! The new course will start on 8/4/2020. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
There will be the DTB course starting 11/3/20.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – Every single thing that you are looking for is already inside of you- I love you guys”

RE 284: B is for Boundaries Jul 27, 2020

Andrew took his last drink June 02, 2020. With 9 days (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol free (AF).

Finding the better you with Odette. Today’s topic: Setting boundaries.

According to https://positivepsychology.com/ Healthy boundaries are those set to make sure that you are mentally and emotionally stable. You can also think about it as our boundaries might be ridged, loose or completely non-existent. The lack of boundaries may indicate that we do not have a strong identity or that we are intermeshed with someone else or something else: insert alcohol. Odette lobbies for protecting your energy, which is a version of creating boundaries. Set and honor your boundaries. When you set new boundaries and start living them it might feel uncomfortable, and that’s normal. It gets easier and better when you stand up for yourself and share your boundaries with others. Check in with yourself often.

[8:25] Odette introduces Andrew.

Andrew is 37 years old and lives in Brisbane Australia. When Andrew and Odette first began talking about scheduling this interview, Andrew had more than 35 days AF. He did some field research and is now back with 9 days AF.

He drives trucks for a living, is married and has 3 boys under the age of 7. For fun he likes to ride his trail bike.

[14:19] Can you give listeners a history on your drinking?

Andrew’s first drink was at age 13. Instantly he fell in love with alcohol. He liked the person he became when he drank. When he was 15 he worked in construction with older guys and that gave him access to alcohol. As an adult the drinking increased and increased, but he never thought it was a problem until his late 20s. Andrew has known over the past 10 years that he didn’t drink normally. He drank more than people and alcohol became an identity. His first son was born when he was 30 and he tried to grow up. Andrew noticed he couldn’t stop drinking.

Andrew said his relationship changed from having fun as a couple to serious and his wife mentioning that it needs to be different. They couldn’t go to the shops without his kids mentioning “oh we need to go to the bottle shop for dad”.

[21:34] Did you hit a bottom or what made you decide to pursue an AF life?

Andrew said all the relationships in his life began to fail. He never blamed the alcohol but blamed the other person. A few years ago having a surgery that required him to stop drinking 2 weeks prior and his wife laughed at that suggestion. He wasn’t able to stop and drank up to surgery and that’s when he realized it was a problem.

[22:40] Did you seek help when you decided to try and stop drinking?

Andrew said he simply decided he wasn’t going to drink. He did reach out to a doctor who prescribed some pills that didn’t have any effect. His drinking continued on and off over the next few years. He often found himself googling if he was an alcoholic or not. This led right into the current COVID pandemic. Andrew decided he wanted to find a better life for himself, his wife and his kids.

[24:00] Did you attempt moderating before quitting?

Yes, Andrew said he tried to moderate his drinking. Being a truck driver for a living, he always had to have 0.0% alcohol to drive. He tried to promise himself he would only drink on weekends, but instead worked out how many drinks he could have in the afternoons and still have 0.0% alcohol level for work the next morning.

[26:06] Can you expand on the 6 week dry camp associated with your work?

Andrew explained that it wasn’t a company sponsored event. It was the work he was doing at the time and they lived on campus for a period of time. The campus he was on, was dry. He made it the 6 weeks, and on his way home he stopped for alcohol. He picked up exactly where he left off even through he was feeling proud for making it the 6 weeks.

[28:06] How had fatherhood changed?

Andrew said he’s more present now and is noticing how much his wife had been picking up in the area of childcare. He worries about different things now and he cares more about what is right and wrong.

[28:06] Tell us about a day in your life right now, what tools are you using?

Andrew said he’s still learning, this is a new journey for him. The traditional help isn’t available right now, everything is only online. He has discovered podcasts and listens as much as he can. He hopes to join an in person AA group.

[34:23] Have you received any negative feedback around your decision?

Andrew hasn’t received one negative comment from the people he’s told. Everyone is supportive, from family to friends to work colleagues.

[37:46] What possibilities are you excited for?

Andrew said in the long term he wants to have better and different relationships with his family. He’s looking to purchase a home with the money he’s saving from not drinking.

[38:54] If you could talk to Day 1 Andrew, what would you tell him?

You will encounter slip ups, but don’t beat yourself up. It‘s ok to not be perfect. Every day you don’t drink is perfect. There are no wasted days.

[39:40] Rapid Fire Round

What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had in this journey?

How different the world is sober. These a lot of good in small things.

What is a memorable moment you’ve had so far?

Knowing that I have enough strength to actually do this.

What is your favorite AF beverage?

Slurpees.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to others?

Just jump in and try. Build the muscle, keep working at it.

You may need to ditch the booze if...

You drink drive on the way home, but you actually ride a motorbike.

Odette’s challenge this week:

Set a new boundaries and try it out!

Affiliate Link for Endourage:

For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. REGISTRATION IS OPEN! The new course will start 8/4/2020. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
There will be about DTB course starting 11/3/20.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

What Do You Do With a Problem? By Kobi Yamada

Sober Selfies!- Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – When you say no to somebody else, you say yes to yourself. Remember to stay weird and protect your energy- I’ll see you next Monday.- I love you guys”

RE 283: What do you do with a Problem? Jul 20, 2020

Heidi took her last drink on May 20, 2020. With 19 days (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol-free (AF).

Odette opens today welcoming normal drinkers. It has come to her attention that there are some listeners that are tuning in for educational purposes as a loved one has a problem with alcohol. Question for you normal drinkers: would you be interested in a Café RE group focused on you? Email Odette if you're interested.

One of the most important books in Odette’s life is The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie. It was referred to her when her father first went into rehab. Each day is a new passage to read and often she is overcome with the meaning and finds herself wanting to share the meditation for the day with others. While she’s not going to read from this book today, Odette is sharing with you all….

Storytime with Odette!

[8:13] Odette introduces Heidi.

Heidi is 28 years old and originally from San Diego, but she’s lived all over. Right now she’s in Orange County, CA with her new husband. She works in career services with a focus on health and behavioral sciences. She’s an adjunct teacher and a CrossFit coach and group fitness leader. Heidi loves the outdoors and seeing live music, plays, and time with family and friends.

[14:05] Can you give listeners a background on your drinking?

Heidi’s first time really drinking was around the age of 16 / her junior year of high school. At the same time, she was a good student and took her studying and athletics very seriously. She only drank on weekends. In college she continued to be a good student and athlete while drinking, so she never felt that what she was doing should be questioned. At the end of her college career, she mentioned to a coach that she felt she might have a drinking problem. This coach dismissed her concerns because she “doing fine.”

[19:20] When you expressed concerns to your coach and he was dismissive, did you doubt him a little?

Heidi said internally she knew that her drinking was a problem, but at the same time, he gave her a free pass to keep drinking.

[17:16] Walk us through the last year or so of your drinking and what led up to your sober date?

Heidi grew up with obsessive-compulsive tendencies, specifically manifesting in self-harm. When alcohol became an option, it quieted the self-harm aspect. Once Heidi moved back to the West Coast and started working full time, she fell into a routine of grabbing some alcohol on the way home from work. A few glasses of wine became a bottle of wine became a few bottles of wine, then turned to liquor. She started a new job and it turned out to be miserable, so drinking in the evenings was what got her through the days. She and her husband were true drinking partners, so they fed off each other as well.

Last summer she noticed relationships with family members and her husband began to crumble and then she began to take a serious look at her drinking.

One of the changes she made was signing up for the Recovery Elevator Ditch the Booze course. The accountability provided was what she needed.

[33:49] Tell us about your experience with the Ditching The Booze course and the extra level of accountability.

Heidi craves connection and doesn’t find it overwhelming. Some people in her group check-in daily, some every few days, but the common denominator is everyone has the same struggle. So, everyone already understands. At a moment’s notice, she can give support and get support from the community.

[38:17] How has your family dynamic changed in these last 20 days?

Heidi said that due to the current pandemic there have been fewer social pressures to go out. At home, with her husband, there has been greater levels of connection. She did have a fear that all they had was drinking and that was why they were together. They began to open up and have new and genuine conversations about themselves. She’s having more moments of pure enjoyment with her husband.

[43:43] What possibilities have you excited right now?

Heidi said the increase in liveliness is exciting. She feels like a school kid again and full of hope. Being able to wake up early and coach at her gym without being still drunk or hungover. Being present with her husband and family member. Heidi is also seeing a new resurgence in her artistic side.

[42:20] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to Day 1 Heidi, what would you tell her?

You can do things that you don’t think are possible right now but stick with it. You can sit with the uncomfortable feelings of a craving.

What are some of your favorite resources in sobriety?

Café RE, This Naked Mind by Annie Grace, Alcohol is SH!T by Paul Churchill

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

You already know what that life is like, so why not just try.

You may need to ditch the booze if...

You pride yourself on your Christmas shopping by doing it all in one night with a few bottles of wine and then figure out what you bought when it arrives on your doorstep.

Odette’s challenge this week:

Take time this week to notice what you’ve been putting under the category of problems in your mind. Think about those problems and try to reframe. Can you see some opportunities coming out of them? Let yourself feel hopeful about the possibility that problems bring with them. They are there you just have to look at things differently. Remember that you are not alone and that together is always better.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why, and the How. We will be offering this again, starting 8/4/2020 and 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Sober Selfies!- Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – This isn’t a no to alcohol, but a yes to a better life – I love you guys.”

RE 282: Is it Working? Jul 13, 2020

Michael took his last drink on May 13, 2019. With just over a year sober (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol-free (AF).

Odette opens today asking the question: Is this working? There are obvious moments where it is easy to recognize that life without alcohol is working. When people say you look refreshed, you wake up not hungover and you start sleeping well. But what about the not so obvious moments? The moments that are hard, the moments you miss drinking? Yes, those are the moment when growth and change and abundance are there and about to bloom. Trust, be patient, and stay the course.

[7:23] Odette introduces Michael.

Michael lives in Springfield, Missouri, and works in construction. He is married with 2 children. For fun, he works, plays video games and spends as much time as possible with his family.

[8:24] Can you give listeners a background on your drinking?

Michael said he started drinking around the age of 14. He said it was something he was good at and within a year he was drinking a pint or more of liquor a day. He soon began drinking before school and after. In 2002 he joined the Marine Corps, which was his goal. In the military, he often couldn’t drink for stretches of time, so it became binge drinking episodes. But at the end of his 4 years in the Marine Corps, he realized he had a problem with drinking and asked for help. He was enrolled in a daily program through the military to learn about drinking.

After getting out of the military he worked construction, but then in 2008 re-enlisted in the Army. The 6 years he was in the Army, the drinking continued at a bottle a day, every day. He considered himself a very high bottom drinker because he was so high functioning within life.

[15:19] What was it that led you down the path to try going AF?

Michael said that he tried to stop multiple times over the years. He began to realize he wasn’t living his life to his best potential. He always tried to be the person setting the example for others, yet his inability to stop drinking was weighing on him. He needed to show that he could stop drinking for good. The idea that he couldn’t quit was his bottom.

[17:16] Walk us through what went through your mind on your day 1.

Michael said he woke up and said to himself “I need to quit, again.” He searched for podcasts that day and found Recovery Elevator. Podcasts allowed him to saturate his entire day with recovery. He downloaded the Sober Grid app and started reading that and the resources offered.

[21:13] How has your life without alcohol been different than what you originally thought?

Michael said he had a lot of fear about what he would do and who he would be not drinking. Once he quit, he was no longer avoiding emotions and in a fog. He was freed to just live his life. Michael has learned it’s ok to be sad or angry and that he will make it through.

[25:24] How has your family dynamic changed since you have been on this path?

Michael said that he’s happy and no longer hiding from his family. He’s a present and active member of his family and at a higher plateau of being a husband and a father. He’s always working on trying to be a better husband and father while at the same time learning to be a husband and a father for the first time since this is the first time through sober eyes.

[27:44] Walk us through a day in your life right now.

Michael said he wakes up, goes to work, and hangs out with his family. He prides himself on being an open person; he’s open about his sobriety, his PTSD, and his anxiety. He tries to lead by example and with being so open, he allows space for others to be open about their own struggles.

[30:22] What is your social life like now?

Michael said from the beginning he was honest about his not drinking with friends and co-workers. They were respectful and always offered not to drink around him, but he was always ok about around other people drinking. He said that he understood this was his choice and his alone. There were a few times he did walk away in the beginning, but now he’s comfortable around alcohol.

[31:55] What have you learned in this AF journey?

Michael said that he is really motivated and setting goals and accomplishing them. This past year has really reinforced this. He’s also rediscovering who he is as a person, not just an alcoholic.

One particular goal of Michael’s is to run a marathon.

[36:25] What possibilities are keeping you hopeful?

Michael said rediscovering daily life. He focuses on the little things in life and is finding joy in those things. He’s excited about mowing the lawn now!

[37:35] Do you still get cravings?

Michael said he doesn’t get cravings so much as he gets the idea of drinking still. Cravings are for the most part a non-thought.

[38:31] If you could talk to Day 1 Michael, what would you tell him?

Keep trying. Even if you don’t succeed today you can try again tomorrow.

[38:59] Rapid Fire Round

What is a memorable moment sobriety has given you?

Being with my family after my father in law passed and really connecting with them.

What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

That I am able to stop drinking.

What are some of your favorite resources in sobriety?

Any recovery podcast, any app that helps you track your sobriety and music.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Just keep trying, we will figure this out. You will never succeed if you don’t keep trying.

You may need to ditch the booze if...

You’ve ever considered putting on a resume that you are a daily drinker but have never been late to work.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why, and the How. We will be offering this again, starting 8/4/2020 and 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Sober Selfies!- Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – keep going, trust the process and try not to throw up when the road gets bumpy, we can do this - I love you guys,”

RE 281: Rewriting Memos Jul 06, 2020

Sara took her last drink on December 02, 2018. With 18 months sober (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol-free (AF).

Odette opens today talking about re-writing memos. Take a look at the memos you write to yourself every day. Those memos we repeat to ourselves as fact. There are thousands of stories we have written as memos in our lives. Odette encourages us to take out a sharpie and re-write the memo. Change your mind, change your opinion.

[6:24] Odette introduces Sara.

Sara lives just outside Minneapolis, MN. She is 37 years old, married, and has one daughter. They just adopted a puppy. She works in communications and for fun she likes to go for hikes and walks with friends, hang out with her daughter and eat her husband’s food (he’s a great cook!).

[12:58] Can you give listeners a background on your drinking?

Sara said she didn’t drink in High School. She went to a party school for college and started to binge drink on weekends. When she first started drinking, she liked the permission that alcohol gave her to be extroverted. Towards the end of her 20s the binge drinking tapered off, but that was when she began daily drinking, first a couple of glasses of wine on the weekend, soon became 7 days a week. While she quit when pregnant with her daughter, she did feel deprived. And once her daughter was born the daily drinking quickly resumed. The anxiety resumed in full force and because Sara didn’t feel like she had a problem with a capital P, this was all normal.

December 2, 2018, Sara found a book by Annie Grace and went from never considering quitting, to leaving alcohol behind all in the same day.

[20:16] How was it early in your journey?

Sara said at first she cried once the decision was made. She allowed herself to grieve the loss while at the same time being excited. The first 1-3 days she practiced going into social situations, being right before the holidays she had lots of opportunities to practice. Sara always had a treat for herself to keep the feelings of deprivation at bay.

[30:43] How was the dynamic with your husband? Did you burn the ships immediately?

Sara said she told her husband right away. She thinks he didn’t believe her at first, she wouldn’t have believed herself at first either! However, he was supportive of her decision. Sara experienced some guilt when she stopped drinking because she felt like she was taking away something from him that was an activity they enjoyed together. They had to work to find new things to connect over.

[35:04] What’s in your recovery toolbelt these days?

Social connection is the #1 action item in her toolbelt. Sara said that she walks with her friends, she needs face to face meetups. Sobriety podcasts are 2nd. They keep her motivation up. And 3rd is “No treat is off-limits.” Sara knows that she has to protect her sobriety at all costs. She also uses meditation to monitor and identify uncomfortable feelings inside.

[40:37] If you could talk to Day 1 Sara, what would you say to her?

This is going to teach you more about yourself than you ever thought you could learn. It will be worth the challenges.

[40:00] Rapid Fire Round

What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

The awkwardness you feel at the beginning of any social gathering will be gone in 15 minutes whether or not you drink.

What is a memorable moment sobriety has given you?

Remembering Christmas Eve and making memories with their friends and the kids.

What are you excited about right now?

The upcoming summer in Minnesota. Casual family time.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Don’t cut out alcohol without adding in other things you’re excited about.

You may need to ditch the booze if...

If you download a habit tracking app to make sure you’re sticking to your allotted amount of alcohol per day. And when it tells you that you’re over, you just delete the app instead of questioning the habit.

Odette’s challenge this week:

Write down 10 negative memos that come to mind. Don’t think about them too much, just write them down. Then re-frame and re-write them and keep them close. Read them often and remind yourself of your power. Share on Instagram and tag us @recoveryelevator on Instagram so we can give you a virtual high five! Or email them to odette@recoveryelevator.com

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why, and the How. We will be offering this again, starting 8/4/2020 and 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Sober Selfies!- Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – Let’s walk this path and let’s walk it together - we love you guys,”

RE 280: Prepping for an Alcohol Free 4th of July Jun 29, 2020

Hannah took her last drink on April 16, 2020. With 45 days sober (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol-free (AF).

Paul has created a new meditation. It’s 20 minutes long and is specifically geared towards cravings. You can get it here for free.

Odette opens talking about the upcoming long weekend, which is the 4th of July. She asks “how can we leverage the current state of the world / the current pandemic and our desire to not drink this upcoming holiday weekend?” A celebration that is centered around food and also drinking, what does this mean for our own choices. There is an assumed permission slip that allows you to start drinking at whatever time you want. Given the state of the world and smaller gatherings happening, it might prove to be easier to not drink.

Here’s a list of how to not drink this weekend

Bring your own drinks, make it special!
Tell someone you don’t want to drink. It’s ok to ask for help
Let yourself have fun.
Have one goal for the day- Don’t drink.
Leave if you’re uncomfortable.

[9:00] Odette introduces Hannah.

Hannah lives in Las Vegas. She is 30 years old. She has worked in the medical field in the past but will begin teaching soon. For fun recently she’s been doing puzzles. She enjoys hiking, being outdoors, and working out.

[12:33] How have you been feeling in these early days?

Hannah said she previously had some time away from alcohol under her belt, but had started drinking again. So, she was prepared for stopping again. This time it was emotional, but no physical withdrawal symptoms. She feels good and is looking forward to this path.

[14:12] What happened that made you decide to drink again?

Hannah said in January 2019 she tried to do dry January again, but only made it about 15 days. She restarted February 1st and this lasted for her until almost September. While she was for a time able to moderate her drinking, once quarantine began the drinking became a daily thing and she was feeling pretty awful, mentally, and physically.

[16:02] What started you on this path to wanting to live AF? What’s your drinking background?

Hannah said she took her first drink around 14 or 15. When she was 17, she lost her mother to addiction and alcohol became her outlet to escape. She had a year of partying harder than any teenager should have. Two weeks after she turned 18, she found out she was pregnant and sobered up, promising her child a better life. She did eventually return to alcohol. While she was succeeding on the outside, she was drinking a lot. Around 25 years old she was experiencing high anxiety and was noticing how alcohol wasn’t serving her.

[20:38] Did you have a rock bottom moment or what pushed you to take action?

Hannah said there wasn’t a true rock bottom moment, but there were a lot of moments that weren’t the smartest: falling, driving drunk, drunk injuries. It was just the understanding that alcohol was what was causing her to feel bad all the time. The shame spiral was real.

The end of 2018 was a heavy drinking period for Hannah and she did 15 days of dry January 2019 but drank. And in February 2019 was her first attempt at living AF.

[28:07] Does your son notice the difference in you drinking vs not drinking?

Hannah said he hasn’t ever said anything directly, but she knows he noticed when she was drinking in the past. As he gets older she wants to share more with him about her stopping drinking.

[30:26] Walk us through a day in your life now. What’s in your recovery toolbox?

Hannah said that she tries to wake up and get a workout in before work. Waking up early and doing something for herself helps make her day better. This also helps her identify her emotions for the day. After work she and her boyfriend will cook, listen to audiobooks, keeping herself busy is important.

[32:28] Has it been easy having an honest conversation with your boyfriend about your drinking? (Her boyfriend still drinks)

Hannah said it's been difficult; she was emotional in the beginning when she first stopped drinking and had to watch him drink a beer or two. He however has been very supportive. He checks in with her and is often the sober person with her. They no longer keep alcohol in the house.

[34:59] What’s your favorite NA drink?

Pamplemousse La Croix.

[35:25] What have you learned about yourself in this journey?

Hannah said over the years she has developed some coping mechanisms, but there’s still more work to be done. She wants to work on being more open and honest with those close to her. Expressing her feelings honestly and talk and not keep it all inside will be helpful.

[36:20] What gets you excited in life right now?

Hannah said that being there for her son as he gets older. Also, a new career in teaching is exciting. Being fully present.

[38:05] Did you get any pushback from friends when you decided to stop drinking?

Hannah said when she first went AF in 2019, a few friends gave her pushback about it. But this time around she’s trying to be more honest with friends. In the moment there are always people who question why she’s not drinking.

[39:22] If you could talk to Day 1 Hannah, what would you say to her?

Just wait it out. Life is so much better without alcohol.

[40:00] Rapid Fire Round

What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

How quickly I can progress without alcohol.

What is a memorable moment sobriety has given you?

Being in the moment and not being hungover.

What are some of your favorite resources?

Recovery Elevator podcast, Café RE, talking to more people who don’t drink, Sober Happy Hour, Quit Lit,

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

If you think you have a drinking problem, you probably do. Only you can decide that.

You may need to ditch the booze if...

If you go to the store, buy a bottle of wine, pour ½ down the drain so you won’t drink it all, drink that and then return to the store to get another bottle of wine.

Odette’s challenge this week:

Take a picture of your 4th of July contribution. Share on Instagram and tag us @recoveryelevator on Instagram so we can give you a virtual high five!

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why, and the How. We will be offering this again, starting 8/4/2020 and 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Sober Selfies!- Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – Stay cool, stay weird, stay safe and stay healthy- we love you guys,”

RE 279: Permission Slips Jun 22, 2020

Jamieson took his last drink on August 7, 2019. With almost 10 months sober (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol-free (AF).

Odette opens the podcast talking about “permission slips” and specifically giving yourself permission to feel certain things. She quotes Brene Brown, “For personal permission slips, you are in charge of your own behavior – so you're giving yourself permission to feel or act a certain way. It is setting an intention for how you want to behave in difficult situations.”

Here are some permission slips Odette gave herself after her first week as the new voice of the podcast: to be scared, to make mistakes, to ask for help, to feel uncomfortable, to fail, to succeed, to try again, to love myself. Writing these out she gained courage, the courage to run towards what she wants.

[5:23] Odette introduces Jamieson.

Jamieson is 28 years old and lives in Kansas City, MO. He works in special education and is starting grad school in the fall. He is single. For fun, he enjoys making music, reading, playing video games, hiking, going camping, and traveling.

[7:49] Can you give us a background on your drinking?

Jamieson said he started drinking when he was around 13 or 14 years old. But at the time it was a shot glass worth of wine at dinner every night. The first time he was drunk was when he was 16 or 17.

He never really felt like he ever had a normal relationship with alcohol, but problematic drinking began around the age of 21. In college he was always trying to be cool like everyone else, alcohol was an easy resource to make him feel cool and ease his social anxiety.

[10:50] What happened after you noticed your drinking increasing?

Jamieson said it became very consistent and an everyday thing. At the age of 22, he went without alcohol for one year. After a year of being a dry drunk, he decided he didn’t have a problem and returned to drinking. He continued drinking until his last drink in August 2019.

[13:58] After your year sober, and return to drinking, did you know in the back of your mind that eventually, you would stop drinking?

Jamieson said in the back of his mind, he always knew something wasn’t quite right about his drinking. The quiet voice in the back of his mind slowly crept into the forefront of his thoughts and he couldn’t ignore it any longer.

[14:51] Was there an event that made you go sober again?

Jamieson said it was a combination of things. Between multiple rock bottoms/events and seeing his younger brother struggle with alcohol as well, he realized he needed to cut alcohol out.

[20:15] What was your plan on the day of your last drink?

Jamieson said to himself “let’s just see how long I can go” and at about 2 weeks’ time, he was feeling pretty good and went to a Refuge Recovery meeting. That was a turning point for him.

[24:50] You mention that Buddhism has really changed your life, can you chat about that?

Jamieson said he’s been interested in Buddhism for a long time but was never able to fully dedicate himself to it while drinking. Mindfulness and meditation are not friends with alcohol and substance abuse. Meditation has been a key component in his sobriety.

[31:47] What else is in your recovery toolbelt?

Jamieson said podcasts and focusing also on leading a healthier lifestyle/routines. Being on top of himself for the little things like making his bed and brushing his teeth daily. He’s also begun practicing yoga.

[34:29] Did you feel like there were new triggers for you when COVID began?

Jamieson said it had a big impact on his routine. His school was on Spring Break at the start and they didn’t return afterward. He said it was abrupt and unexpected at how quickly it happened. His routine was a large part of his “staying sane” in sobriety. The lack of routine pushed him to seek out more meetings.

[37:04] What are your thoughts on self-awareness growing?

Jamieson said he has noticed he’s much more self-aware since he stopped drinking. He has learned more about addiction and specifically alcohol addiction and his compassion has grown towards others. He finds himself being less judgmental.

[39:32] What’s a narrative in your life that you would like to re-write?

Jamieson said he felt for a long time his issues with substance abuse, anxiety, and depression were his fault. He was messing up his own life because he wasn’t a good person. Jamieson has worked on forgiving himself over the past 9 months. Through Refuge Recovery and Buddhism he has learned that it’s not your fault you are this way, but it is your responsibility to deal with it.

[44:32] You’re so young, how has stopping drinking changed your social dynamic?

Jamieson said his social life was getting worse with his drinking. All of his friends have been supportive. He finds he’s able to appreciate spending time with his friends and his family now.

[48:15] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to Day 1 Jamieson, what would you say to him?

Be patient with yourself and know you are stronger than these problems and alcohol.

What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

Realizing that I don’t have to wake up every day feeling like garbage.

What is a memorable moment sobriety has given you?

Every time I do something I couldn’t do while drinking.

What are some of your favorite resources?

Refuge Recovery, Buddhist based recovery platforms, Recovery Elevator podcast, yoga, and AA.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

If you’re struggling with drinking and think you have a problem, start looking into literature and different communities that are out there. When you find a community you like, put yourself in there. Try it for a little while without any promises.

You may need to ditch the booze if...

You’re so hungover and sleep-deprived you are barely capable of picking someone else up from rehab.

Odette’s challenge this week:

Write yourself a permission slip. Snap a photo of it, share on Instagram, and tag us @recoveryelevator on Instagram so we can give you a virtual high five!

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why, and the How. We will be offering this again, starting 8/4/2020 and 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Sober Selfies!- Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – We took the elevator down, we gotta take the steps back up, we can do this- love you guys,”

RE 278: Day One Emotions Jun 15, 2020

Kris took his last drink on August 9, 2017. At just over 1000 days (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol-free (AF).

Odette opens the podcast talking about beginner emotions, also called day one emotions. “You can be brave and afraid at the same time.” Feeling scared and uncertain is natural and part of the process. Embrace those feelings and you can go far.

[5:26] Odette introduces Kris.

Kris is 38 years old, married with 2 children and a dog. They live in central North Dakota and he is a power plant operator. For fun he loves photography, videography, staying warm in the winter, and camping in the summer. ND summers are the best.

[8:28] What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

As kids, Kris and his brother would always go for vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup, roasted salted peanuts, and Smarties as a topping.

[10:00] Can you give us a background on your drinking?

Kris said he started drinking in high school, he was shy and quiet in High School and this brought him out of his shell. He felt like he could be himself. He joined the Air Force out of high school and alcohol continued to help him forge bonds with others.

While he was stationed in Korea, he says he began using alcohol for more than just fun and instead used it to cope with depression. They lived by “work hard, party hard” while stationed there. He felt lost when he came home and struggled with his identity.

He says the last few years of his relationship with alcohol was really a disaster. He didn’t want to stop, he was hiding his drinking and his relationship with his wife was falling apart.

[22:48] What happened after your wife told you that you had to stop drinking?

Kris and his wife separated after that and he experienced an “Oh sh*t” moment. At the same time, he began having a willingness in his life to make and action change. He signed up for a treatment program.

[25:34] How did you feel after you realized that you had to do this? When did the decision to get sober become yours?

Kris said it was during treatment. Working with counselors he learned that he needed to take responsibility for everything. He also met with a pastor who encouraged him to start praying every day. He began asking God to help guide him. He learned the burden of his past doesn’t have to hold him back from his future.

[30:50] Do you still have cravings? How different is from the beginning and how is it still similar?

Kris said for the most part he only has moments where he romanticizes drinking. He reminds himself that it’s never one drink. Exploring the truth of what it is, sets him straight. He notices that it’s more about behaviors than actual cravings. Being short with his kids or tense with his wife. Because he now actively works on these things, he’s able to more quickly correct the action. Both Kris and his wife, in their relationship, work on these things. They are both more tolerant of each other.

[40:34] Walk us through a day in the life right now. What does working your recovery in this type of crisis look like?

Kris is considered an essential worker, so he’s still going to the office every day and his wife is a teacher, so she is homeschooling their children. Kris says his recovery is very similar, he just isn’t getting to as many face to face meetings as usual. He’s recently begun working with a sponsor again, so they are connecting a lot. He’s staying connected with Café RE, his sponsor, posting videos, showing support to others through the Facebook pages and Marco polo’ing.

[43:23] How do you keep this journey fun?

Kris chooses the tone for his life. He celebrates the milestones with his family, he stays connected with his friends in the sober community, he goes to events, and this past fall he hosted his own independent Café RE meetup. He surrounds himself with the people he loves and can be himself and let loose now that alcohol isn’t a part of the equation.

[46:36] Rapid Fire Round

If you could talk to Day 1 Kris, what would you say to him?

Take it easy and you are loved.

What is a memorable moment sobriety has given you?

Being in the water swimming with my family and seeing their smiles.

What are some of your favorite resources?

Recovery Elevator podcast, Café RE, That Sober Guy (Shane Ramer), Transitions Daily, Saddleback Church, Elevation Church and a good sponsor.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Be honest with yourself about where you are at. We can do hard things, but we don’t have to do them alone. Try to find a community, you are not alone.

You might be an alcoholic if...

If you’ve urinated in more corners of your house than you care to actually mention.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. We will be offering this again, starting 8/4/2020 and 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Sober Selfies!- Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – We took the elevator down, we gotta take the steps back up, take that road less traveled, we can do this- love you guys,”

RE 277: Season 2 - New Beginnings Jun 08, 2020

Paul opens today’s episode talking about the short term & long term plans for Recovery Elevator:

Paul is taking a break from the podcast and he will be focusing on the Recovery Elevator YouTube channel and creating meditations.

1-3 year plans: Recovery Elevator Retreat Center

Long term goals: adding more Café RE groups

Let’s all start putting thinking bigger and putting Big Energy out into the universe for Recovery Elevator.

[12:09] Paul welcomes Odette, the new voice of Recovery Elevator.

Odette’s last drink was 12/17/18. She is from San Diego, originally from Mexico and is married with two kids. They love the outdoors as a family. Odette enjoys learning about tea, puzzling and cooking. She often runs and uses her indoor bike for exercise.

[16:08] Paul: What have you been up to since Episode 231?

Odette is grateful for her recovery during this time of Covid-19. During her first year sober it’s all about relearning habits, restructuring life and setting new routines. Her year two has been about uncovering a lot of deeper seeded emotions and being more honest with herself.

[19:15] Paul: Can you cover what brought you to wanting to live an alcohol free life?

Drinking felt like a déjà vu of Odette’s previous addiction. (She is also in recovery from an eating disorder.) She had already walked this path and could her inner voice telling her that if she kept drinking the way she was, it would end badly. Her rock bottom was an emotional rock bottom.

Odette has always felt like she wanted to be normal and because drinking is normalized in our culture she didn’t initially want to step away. Choosing to do the thing that is not considered normal would again put her in a spotlight. However, she knew internally this was the path she needed to take. For more on her story go listen to episode 128 & 231.

[23:00] They talk about Odette’s path with the podcast.

Odette likes relating to people. She will share when she hears her own story in others. She enjoys sharing books she’s reading and things she is listening to. Sharing a-ha moments.

[24:09] Paul: What are some topics you will cover moving forward?

Practical tips and recovery tools. Focusing on her recovery toolbelt and listening to what’s working for other people. Spiritual concepts and how those can be brought into our lives. Fun facts, history and what she can learn from others. Hearing from others and having the audience suggest topics.

[25:23] Paul: Same format?

For now, Odette plans to stay within the same format of an introduction and then having an interviewee. She loves talking and sharing and is really excited to take this forward, she is nervous at the same time. This is about a movement of living alcohol free and she wants to honor the path Paul has established.

[28:00] Paul: Talk about evoking Rule 22 on this journey.

Odette’s father was silly when raising his own family. She grew up with flawed parents, yet they showed her there was always a path of fun to be found. The life she’s living isn’t a dress rehearsal, it’s the only you she has and it’s too short to not have fun.

[30:06] Paul: Spanish or English?

English. But there may be an opportunity in the future for episodes in Spanish.

If you want to share your story you can email odette@recoveryelevator.com

[32:32] Odette turns the tables and interviews Paul. Can you talk about your decision to step down?

Paul acknowledges that he needed to take a break. He thought he needed to start over again, instead of asking for help and delegating a lot of what he’s been doing. The community that he has created came to him with suggestions on how Recovery Elevator can keep moving forward. With some restructuring there is now a path.

[37:20] Odette: Overall how do you feel?

Paul says he feels incredible. That past year and a half has been the most spiritual he has ever experienced. And even more, the past 3 months he found his body cleansing itself of anything that didn’t need to be there.

[39:13] Odette: Tell us about some of the most fun experiences in your travels this past year.

Watching a woman connect with an elephant in Thailand. The elephant laid down on its side and the woman laid on top. Watching the elephant breathing and the two of them connecting was powerful.

While in Australia someone from an AA meeting asked if he wanted to go feed the seagulls. Paul put aside his serious side and went to feed seagulls for an hour and a half.

[41:51] Odette: What’s flowing through your creative side right now?

Music has been creeping back into Paul’s life over the past 5 years. He’s been making meditation music. Also 3D meditations where you are walked through your future self, in the present moment. Focusing on the Recovery YouTube channel as well.

[46:20] Odette: Will we hear from you during your break?

Yes, Paul would love to pop in from time to time.

[52:30] Paul: Where do you think we can take this?

Odette says we can start small: have a podcast in Spanish for example. As large as: Traveling across the globe for service projects. A recovery center.

She sees this growing in all directions. The opportunities are endless.

[55:08] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

Odette: I can’t accept myself if I don’t start with myself. I can’t ask for help, if I’m not helping myself first

Paul: We don’t fight an addiction that’s been trying to guide us.

What’s your favorite AF drink?

Odette: all Tea, anything with ginger, grapefruit Bubly.

Paul: Cold tonic with square ice cubes and tiny peach slices.

What’s on your bucket list in this AF life?

Odette: to run a marathon and working in the recovery field.

Paul: finding a new home base, follow the body.

Favorite recovery resources?

Odette: Café RE, Eckart Tolle, Pema Chödrön, Glennon Doyle, friends and Marco Polo.

Paul: You, Café RE, the listeners, meditation.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Odette: What you resist, persists.

Paul: Use the mind and locate the body.

This episode brought to you by: Gruvi, use this link and enter the promo code: Recovery Elevator for 15% off your order.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. We will be offering this again, starting 8/4/2020 and 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee..

Sober Selfies!- Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

RE 276: End of Season 1 Jun 01, 2020

Brian took his last drink September 18, 2019. At 213 days (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol free (AF).

End of Season 1

After 276 consecutive Mondays & 5 years, Paul is stepping down from the podcast and is handing Recovery Elevator over to a new and talented voice. He recaps his next steps and an overview of what the last 5 years has brought him. With 2076 days at the time of recording, Paul is filled with gratitude for all you listeners. Because of you, he is filled with enough. We are all in this together.

Don’t forget, you can rate and review the podcast and tell Paul the change this podcast has affected in your own life.

[13:36] Paul introduces Brian.

Brian is 45 years old, married and lives in Easley, SC. He is married with two children. He was in the Army for 17 years before moving to the South. For fun Brian likes to golf, ski, snowboard, BBQ his own meats. He also does podcasting and some PA events.

[17:20] Give listeners some background on your drinking.

Brian didn’t drink until he had almost graduated High School. He drank and got drunk the very first time. He said that was a theme throughout his drinking. He drank to get drunk each time. He went through military training and service and returned home to finish college in Baltimore. He was asked to leave after 2 years due to a 0.0 GPA the previous semester.

[21:16] When did your drinking progress?

Brian said there were waves of drinking. It picked up in his 20s after leaving college. Bartending made it easy to drink a lot. In 1999 he had to call out of his job a few times due to hangover. At that time, he saw there was a problem with his drinking and got sober for about 8 months from alcohol. In 2004, he tried to quit alcohol again for about 7 months. In 2007 he got into some legal trouble but during that his now wife became pregnant with their first child. He says his daughter saved his life.

Thorough out this time, Brian says he would often be spoken at work about his behavior during events that involved alcohol. And in 2020 at an executive weekend event, he spent the entire weekend drunk. He said he was spoken to a few times throughout the weekend and that next week was his last drink with his cousin.

[30:55] Let talk about your last drink.

Brian said it was in his mind that something needed to change. He ordered a craft beer, and it didn’t taste good. He ordered a second, it didn’t taste good. At that moment he knew something was going to change.

[35:15] What was September 19, 2020 like?

Brian was familiar with the sober fellowship in his area and he began attending meetings immediately. However, this time, he felt very good about his decision to stop drinking. There was a sense of relief and peace that his suffering was over.

20 years of ups and downs and trying to get sober, culminated in this last drink in September 2019.

[40:43] In the first 60 / 90 days how did you get past some cravings?

Brian said that while he didn’t have cravings exactly, he had thoughts about drinking. Many of them situational. He’s forcing himself to remember the bad and not romanticize the good. Playing the tape forward helps to remind him of the bad. Seeing how that one romantic moment turns into a day of regret the next day. This time getting sober, Brian knew he needed to do something different and approached it in that manner. He put more effort into his getting sober.

[46:26] Do you recognize the profound leaps and bounds you have made over these past 7 months?

Brian said he has put the work into himself to try and find out who he is. Removing the masks worn and breaking down the facades of who he thought he was to find out who he truly is in this life. He tries to meditate every single day for 30 – 60 minutes a day and has been reading a lot more, both of which center him. All of this to try and put aside the ego.

[48:34] Comment on some other experiences where you have said “that’s no longer me / who I am”

Brian has seen a change in his personal relationships. In the past he was short to show his temper and is choosing to not be that person any longer. He now finds his stoicism a strength, while when he was drinking it was a weakness. While still drinking he bottled up his feelings which would then tumble out while drunk in an overexaggerated manner. And now while sober, he’s allowing himself to feel the feelings and understand more what they are telling him. Brian lets himself be sensitive and he can respond rather than react.

[52:50] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

I never knew who I was until these last 7 months.

What is a memorable moment a life without alcohol has given you?

Rekindling my relationship with my kids.

What’s your favorite AF drink?

Seltzer water. Cranberry lime specifically. And Kombucha.

What’s on your bucket list in this AF life?

Pilots license.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Keep going. Even if you slip up, don’t beat yourself up. Every moment is a new moment to change.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

If your fraternity renames the yearly Biggest Partier award after you and disqualifies you from winning it.

Future Episodes:

Please give this new voice a chance, please listen for at least a few episodes. Please let us know your thoughts. Paul has asked this person to honor the mission of the podcast, shedding the stigma surrounding addiction. And also to honor the path this new direction takes.

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. We will be offering this again, starting 8/4/2020 and 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee..

Sober Selfies!- Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this- I love you guys,”

RE 275: The Drink in my Hand Was Never Enough May 25, 2020

Belle took her last drink June 30, 2012. With almost 8 years of sobriety (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol free (AF).

On today’s episode Paul opens discussing what alcohol promises and does not deliver. Many people are trying to fill a void by using alcohol, but it will never be enough. The journey you take and the reward you earn on this life being AF is the eternal knowing that you are enough and are fulfilled.

[7:58] Paul introduces Belle.

Belle is 53 years old, married and lives in Paris, France. She is a caterer.

[11:06] Because of the formal nature of the culture in Paris, is the recovery culture more secluded?

Belle says that because she interacts mostly with English speakers (UK, American, Australia, Canada) her insight into the recovery world in France isn’t that well-informed. But she does state that there isn’t the overindulgent alcohol community that you find other places and in nearby countries. “It’s not socially acceptable to be hammered outside your home.”

[16:58] Why is French onion soup so good in Paris?

It’s situational, exhaustion, dehydration and fantasy of France.

[18:40] Give us a background on your drinking

Belle felt alcohol talking to her around the age of 21. She thought everyone had that voice. For the next 15 years she felt she was keeping drinking in check by only buying what she would drink that day and not have other alcohol in the house. At 36 she was having 3 glasses of wine a night and found it hard to go a night without. Belle began putting into place unconscious moderating techniques to keep in control. She got married in 2005 and having that partner there opened the door to more drinking but with someone else there, so it appeared less harmful.

In March 2012, she tried quitting drinking for 1 month, just to prove that she could. She got 7 days.

[25:59] Can you expand on the feeling you had when you realized it was actually really hard to quit drinking?

Belle says it was embarrassing because there was no one to tell or talk about it with. She didn’t associate herself with alcoholics because of her high bottom drinking. She just thought she lacked self-discipline.

Belle tried again with Dry July in 2012 and on day 9 knew again, this was going to be harder than anticipated. So, she started a WordPress blog to talk about the struggle. People began commenting on her blog posts and she in that moment she wasn’t alone.

From that blog grew her 100-day Sober Challenge, her penpal support system and a business venture.

[39:28] What are some of the lessons you have learned from doing this project?

Belle says everything she’s learned are from her penpals. They taught her that while her story may be unique to her, the core experience of quitting drinking is the same for everyone.

[48:37] Talk to us about the anonymity [of your project] and how you are anonymous.

Belle said that without anonymity she wouldn’t have been able to share the truth. People responded to her approach because it allowed them to also share the truth while being anonymous. Belle believes that you get sober and then you go on with the rest of your life and there exists the life you build on top of being sober. She believes that you don’t have to tell everyone or anyone else about your sobriety.

[52:25] Let’s talk about your book.

Belle’s book is titled Tired of Thinking About Drinking: Take My 100-Day Sober Challenge. Her subscribers wanted her to write a book, so she did.

[52:29] Do you think there will ever be a day you will shed the anonymity?

If Oprah calls and asks Belle to share her experience working with 3000 people, yes. She would probably do that. Otherwise, no.

[56:03] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

That I’m not alone. And most people have identical experiences.

What’s your favorite AF drink?

Just tonic or tonic and grapefruit juice.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

Her subscribers.

What’s on your bucket list in this AF life?

Own a bakery.

What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

It’s in the act of reaching out that things change.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

If you can’t quit drinking for 100 days, then you have a problem. The answer is in the question.

Belle’s website and all the information shared: www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

We are into week one of Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. And will be offering this a few more times coming up. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
You can find more information about our events

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

This episode sponsored by:

Tiger Tail, use this link and enter the promo code: ELEVATOR15 for 15% off your order.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Sober Selfies!- Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside out- I love you guys”

RE 274: I Feel Your Pain May 18, 2020

Jeff took his last drink February 8, 2020. With 65 days of sobriety (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol free (AF).

On today’s episode Paul opens discussing emotions. How it’s ok to feel all of them and how they help us to grow. In order to shift stagnant energy inside all of us, we have to talk about our emotions. It’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to vent out your emotions and break off little pieces of frustration.

Are you looking to explore deeper your decision to live alcohol free and are already a Café RE member? If so, sign up for the six week course starting May 19th entitled: Ditching the Booze - The What, the Why and the How. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set up fee.

Paul shares the details about his free guided meditation. To find those meditations, go here.

[12:08] Paul introduces Jeff.

Jeff is 29 years old, lives in Tampa, FL. He is a plumber. He doesn’t have a family, yet! He likes to hang out with his dog Bo and go fishing, camping and attend sporting events.

[13:58] What’s your favorite alcohol free drink?

Cherry Coke.

[15:13] Give us a background on your drinking

Jeff started drinking around the age of 15 with anything he could get his hands on. He remembers being 5 years old and having a sip of his father’s drink. He is the youngest of 3 and when he would visit his older siblings in college, their friends would slip his drinks, as young as at the age of 11. Drinking was just what you did when you got older, it was part of being an adult. Everyone seemed to enjoy drinking, so he should too. In college he joined a fraternity and it again drinking was just what everyone did, it was part of the culture of college and he went along for the ride.

However at the age of 22, Jeff realized that stopping drinking might be the better choice for him.

[19:52] What were the circumstances at 22 that made you think to stop drinking?

Jeff said it was the physical effects of alcohol on his mind and body. He always felt like he could be doing more in life and alcohol was holding him back.

[21:45] Fill in the gaps from age 22 to 29 (7 years) as you were building awareness around your drinking.

Jeff began working as a Sam Adams beer rep out of New Orleans/Baton Rouge, LA. At any given time there were 15 cases of beer in his home. Part of the job was sampling beers, so loading up a cooler full of beer every day and sampling with 10 different customers wasn’t out of the norm. The idea that something Jeff felt was in his way, but also his paycheck was difficult to reconcile.

In 2015 Jeff began trying to moderate his alcohol intake. He didn’t keep much alcohol in the house, but he found when he did drink, he couldn’t stop.

[23:46] Can you talk more about when you say, “Once you start it’s hard to stop”?

Jeff described his drinking like a firework. Light the fuse, it shoots up, it’s great for 8/9 hours and then it blows up. His emotions would often get out of control. The days following his drinking were awful emotionally as well. No energy or mind power to do anything.

[25:22] Was there a rock bottom moment?

Jeff said the first rock bottom moment was in 2012. After a day of drinking, he completely lost it; throwing away his wallet, trashing the apartment he shared with a roommate, quitting his job via email with 2 hours notice.

65 days ago, after three weeks of not drinking, he had a beer and the next day got sick. He knew it was the alcohol and used those 4 days being sick as a springboard to make the change to fully living a life without alcohol.

[27:28] After those initial 4 days, how did you do it?

One day at a time. Jeff said he would call old friends, not to talk about drinking, but just to talk. He would exercise, cook and focus on doing all the things he wanted to do that alcohol was holding him back from doing. Also journaling and feeling his emotions again.

[30:34] Talk to us about how you are embracing your emotions?

Jeff said he is trying to learn what emotion he is actually feeling at a particular time. Is this happiness? Why am I feeling happy? Jeff is giving himself permission to have these feelings. He’s focusing on gratefulness.

[35:47] Where do you want to go in this AF life?

Jeff said he’s trying not to look too far ahead in life. That’s been a problem for him before. He’s focusing on being present and happy. He wants to grow and have a family and grow his business. Jeff said, “If you drink today, you are taking away tomorrow’s happiness” and he wants to be happy.

[38:08] What has it been like getting sober a little earlier in life?

Jeff said that so far, it’s been easier than expected. However, he doesn’t discount the near decade of knowing he needed to try and live an AF life. There are no distractions right now during stay at home orders. He admits this might be a bigger test once COVID-19 is over.

[43:10] What are your thoughts on relapse?

Jeff said it does mean you’re a failure, it’s all about how you handle the relapse. The past is the past and you can start over in the present.

[44:11] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

December 2019, driving home after a party, Jeff drove through a construction zone. The police were called, and he was let go. Avoiding jail was a wakeup call.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

Constantly being present and recognizing emotions.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

Recovery Elevator podcast, other online stories of people overcoming addiction.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Give it a try. If you can do it for 1 day, you can do it for 2.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You are 19 years old, get kicked out of a football game, on your way home call up a family member to curse them out, break into your RA’s room and finally wake up to the police carrying you to your own room

Upcoming Events and Retreats:

You can find more information about our event here.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

This episode sponsored by:

Tiger Tail, use this link and enter the promo code: ELEVATOR15 for 15% off your order.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set up fee.

Sober Selfies!- Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – You took the elevator down, you have to take the stairs back up. We can do this.”

RE 273: You Don't Have to Quit Drinking to Quit Drinking May 11, 2020

Carrie took her last drink April 7, 2020. With 7 days of sobriety (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol-free (AF).

On today’s episode Paul discusses the idea that you don’t have to quit drinking in order to quit drinking and what that means to different people and himself. When you give yourself permission to be happy in the now, the need to drink goes away. By not delaying happiness in life, an alcohol-free life emerges. If you have more questions about this, please email Paul directly here.

Paul shares the details about his free guided meditation. To find those meditations, go here.

[12:30] Paul introduces Carrie.

She is 42 years old, lives in Centralia, MO. She is a single mom of 2 boys. She sells cars for a living. Carries likes to read, spend time at baseballs games, spend time with her kids, to bike and be outdoors. She is looking forward to rediscovering new way to spend her time.

[16:29] Give us a background on your drinking

Carrie took her first drink at the age of 13 and was in treatment for alcohol twice before she was 18 years old. From the age of 18 to 27, she gathered 9 years of sobriety. After that time, she wanted to reach out and connect with other young people and thought she could pick up and drink without consequence. In 2015 after her son was born, was when she noticed her drinking was becoming unmanageable. She said her drinking got “way worse”, to the point of drinking in the mornings.

[23:43] Talk to us about the last two years of your drinking.

Carrie said she has always tried to moderate her drinking, but it was never possible. In March of 2020 her boss called her into his office and asked if she had a problem with alcohol, which she replied “no.” However a week later she walked back into his office and said she does have a problem and she wants help. While she did lose her job, she freed herself of the secret.

[27:38] Is something different this time around?

Carrie stated that yes, this time feels different. After getting through the withdrawals and praying that she wouldn’t die, she realized that this time around was the worst withdrawal she had experienced. She decided this was the last time she would ever go through this. Using those physical symptoms to propel herself forward.

[32:54] What are you struggling with most right now?

Carries says that seclusion is the hardest. She only interacts with her children and isn’t able to spend time with friends and family. She misses her church and the ability to worship with other people in the same room. She finds video meet ups helpful, but just not the same thing.

[35:25] What are some concepts/mantras you are putting in place to help you continue past these 7 days?

Carrie says that she keeps telling herself she is stronger than alcohol and she wants to be free from alcohol. Repeating that to herself over and over.

[41:07] What’s on your bucket list for this AF life?

She is looking forward to interacting with her children again. She is also looking forward to traveling again.

[43:17] Do you think you’ll be sober in 30 days?

Carrie: “Yes I do.”

[46:28] What advice would you give to your younger self?

Carrie doesn’t think that her younger self would have listened to any advice. Carrie of today would simply say “It’s going to be a rough road, but it will be ok in the end.”

[48:01] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

When she lost her job due to alcohol, that she needs to quit drinking.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

Easter with her kids. She was able to hide eggs and baskets again.

What’s your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Water.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

Recovery Elevator podcast, AA meetings, reading about addiction.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

You are stronger than alcohol and if you surrender to the addiction to alcohol, you can get past this.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

Your 18 year old comes into the closet you are hiding in and takes the bottle of vodka and dumps is down the drain.

Paul shares a poem written by a listener:

“12 Steps to Addiction”

A long time ago, I met a friend.  

Oh, it was a god send.

Together,

Streams of blood turn into a rushing river,

Shaking loose an ancient rigidity. 

Like a hot fired fever.

Cracking a cast of insecurity.

Oh paint my vision in saturated tones,

Warm my blood, loosen my bones.

Tell me stories that aren’t true,

The biggest lie you told,

Is that the only truth is you.

I’m tightly steered 

by your white knuckled grip.

“I will make it better” it whispers in sips.

I buy another round of your intention. 

To cure a mental infection,

Septic fears of imperfection, 

Impermanence,

Loneliness, 

And rejection.

Im being taught to say goodbye,

To friends I used to see.

These people surrounding you, you say,

“They are not like you, and not like me.

They are empty vessels floating by.”

I agree,

Because I no longer float, 

My mind runs until it can fly.

I keep running running running, 

But now I can’t catch up, and I can’t escape.

I’m talking, I’m laughing, 

Sounds from my mind unheard, 

Like a cold air’s breath, they dissipate.

I am alone.

You implanted these thoughts,

Rewired my synaptic circuits,

Into a million tiny knots.

I need you to keep making this true.

And when I wake up at four,

I need more.

I ignore the conscious mind,

breathing notes of despair,

In my ear and around my neck.

I’m unaware of the gun to my head, 

And all the ways I’ve been mislead.

While I drink your poison, 

It is me that you usurp.

I joyfully bask in your calm, dimming light,

Until I’m met with a darkness.

Thoughts reduced to a dizzying fog,

Words falling into meaningless,

Forgetful monologue.

Oh, I want more of this story you sold.

But you no longer talk. 

Your skeleton sits with me in silence,

As I desperately chew on your bones. 

Your eyes are barren stones. 

I will use them to build a memorial,

To every drop of poison I tasted.

All the valuable time I wasted.

A long time ago, I met a friend.

It was a godsend. 

I was introduced to my vulnerability,

Reduced to an insanity,

Succumbed to this power,

 Quietly, stealing my vitality.

A godsend,

Who will make me climb a mountain,

To find my own cure.

A challenge I didn’t expect to endure,

To ensure that I don’t lose breath,

Running towards my destruction,  

Towards a construct, an embodiment,

Of everyone else’s description,

Of who I should have been.

Ultimately I’ve become lonely.

Constructed a fraudulent personality,

Succumbed to a common abnormality,

I carry this world uninspired.

This void you left,

Is making me so, 

Goddamn,

Tired.

-Mia 

Upcoming Events and Retreats:

You can find more information about all our events here.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

For 15% off your Tiger Tail order go to https://www.amazon.com/tigertaildog and use the promo code ELEVATOR15 at checkout.

In today’s episode Paul introduces listeners to a new company called Monument, an online treatment platform for those looking to change their relationship with alcohol.

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Sober Selfies!- Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – Go Big, Because Eventually, We All Go Home.”

RE 272: Recovery Gave us a Head Start May 04, 2020

Ruth took her last drink March 21, 2020. With 13 days of sobriety (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol free (AF) during a worldwide pandemic.

On today’s episode Paul discusses the sale of alcohol / liquor stores remaining open worldwide during COVID-19 and its effects. ODAAT: it’s not just for those who are living an AF life anymore. The quarantine is an invitation to examine our lives and find new pathways to joy.

Paul shares the details about his free guided meditation. To find those meditations, go here.

[13:25] Paul introduces Ruth.

They start by discussing the email Ruth had sent to Paul directly to ask him what his own thoughts were about living alcohol free during COVID-19.

[15:56] What were you feeling when you sent me this email?

Ruth became aware that the pandemic was going to be a test for a lot of people. She wanted to let people know that this isn’t a time of hopelessness . For her, this is a time to be grateful because of choosing to stop drinking.

She is 40 years old, grew up in Denver, CO but now lives in Switzerland. She is a single mom. While currently out of work, she normally is a manager at a small restaurant. For fun Ruth likes to be outside hiking or running. She enjoys a good movie and reading.

[24:53] Give us a background on your drinking.

Ruth began drinking as a teenager. She first got drunk at the age of 14 with some classmates. She drank for fun as a teen, had a boyfriend that was of age and could purchase alcohol. Ruth got pregnant with her first child at the age of 20 and that stopped alcohol in its tracks. She drank very moderately through her 20s. In her early 30s Ruth noticed that drinking seemed to calm her anxiety, stressors and worries. The association of alcohol and the calming of anxiety stuck with her. In 2014 she moved to Switzerland and began a new romantic relationship that was “very boozy.” Her drinking ramped up quickly, drinking daily and often early in the day.

[30:43] Was there a time during the escalation of your drinking that you questioned this path?

Ruth remembered even during the moderate drinking in her 20s, if she couldn’t have a beer or the stores were closed, it created a grumpy feeling. And at the same time, she felt that wasn’t the proper emotion to be experiencing.

[33:25] Can you think of a definitive moment when you said “I need to quit drinking?”

Ruth indicated that there were several attempts, but the catalyst was the breakup from her most recent relationship. She said to herself “if you can survive this breakup, you can stop drinking.” Ruth learned about how a breakup and alcohol withdrawal create similar feelings/reactions within the brain.

[40:30] Thirteen days ago was your day 1 and in the email you sent me you said it was the hardest day 1. Talk to us about this particular day 1.

Ruth said that because she had had 42 days of sobriety before the pandemic started and then drank at the beginning of the pandemic to quiet the noise of everything happening in the world, everything that comes along with drinking was magnified. Thinking about having to break the cycle of drinking again, and in the extra stressful time of COVID was overwhelming. However, she found herself back in a place of joy within 3-4 days, once the chemicals left her body.

[45:30] What is something you’ve learned about yourself along the way?

Ruth said that she had a lot of unrealized strength and through that found herself again.

[48:00] How are you filling your time currently?

Ruth said reading, listening to podcasts, cooking from scratch, running, walking, yoga, watching Tiger King and taking it easy on herself.

[49:21] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

Realizing her relationship was toxic as well as alcohol is toxic and how they were parallel.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

Spending time with a family member recently and being 100% present.

What’s your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Sparkling water and coffee.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

Recovery Elevator podcast, This Naked Mind, the stopdrinking subreddit

What is on your bucket list in a life without alcohol?

Go to the Greenfield Festival in with her son sober and sober camping trips.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Don’t give up. Never quit trying to give up alcohol, no matter how many day 1s you have. Find and use all resources. It will eventually take if you keep trying.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You go out for a couple drinks and wake up with confetti in the bed and you have no idea where it came from or how it got there.

You can read more about what the World Health Organization (WHO) says about using alcohol as a coping technique during this time of lockdown here.

Upcoming Events and Retreats:

You can find more information about our events here.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – You took the elevator down, you have to take the stairs back up. You can do this.”

RE 271: Sobriety in a Pandemic Part II Apr 27, 2020

Kirby took her last drink March 25, 2018. This is her story.

On today’s episode Paul shares more stories from listeners, and Café RE members, sharing their experiences during the Covid-19 pandemic. We’d love to hear how you are doing through this as well. Email your story to info@recoveryelevator.com.

Paul shares the details about his free guided meditation. To find those meditations, go here.

[16:41] Paul introduces Kirby.

Kirby is 30 years old and lives in Charleston, SC. She is single and lives with 2 other family members and her 3 cats. For fun Kirby likes to try new things, even things she thinks she won’t be interested in. Spending time outside brings her joy. Her favorite alcohol free concert was Ryan Caraveo.

[19:40] Give us a background on your drinking.

Kirby thinks her first drink was around the age, of 13. She doesn’t exactly remember, but has been able to piece it together through asking friends. Her first black out happened at the age of 16, which she considers the starting point of drinking. At 19 she began working at a sports bar which allowed her to keep drinking, even under age. When she turned 21, she posted to Facebook that she wanted to hit “burned out liquor head status” and drank for the next 30 days straight.

[21:38] What happened after those 30 days? Did you have withdrawal symptoms or return to normal drinking or did signs of addiction show at this time?

Kirby said she doesn’t really remember because drinking at that level, the memories are really fuzzy. But she believes she went back to normal drinking for her, which was only on Thursdays, Fridays, Saturday and sometimes Sundays. Kirby and her friends said that shots “don’t count.” So while she was drinking 5-6 beers, she was also having 5-6 shots.

At the age of 26 was when the drinking took a turn. Kirby got out of a relationship and started to burn the candle at both ends. Drinking 8 -10 beers a night, matching that with shots. Here is when she figured out that if she didn’t do shots, she wouldn’t black out, meaning she wasn’t drunk.

[24:04] Was blacking out just to go away and not feel / be empty for a while?

Kirby said definitely, and that also part of the fun was piecing back together the night before. Sitting with friends and putting the night back together based on who remembers what.

At this time she also began to put rules into place for her drinking because she knew that once she started she wasn’t going to stop drinking.

[27:20] When was the first time you said Uh-oh about your drinking?

Kirby said that the first time she felt something was wrong with her drinking was when she woke up in October 2017 with 13 broken bones in her wrist and had to have surgery. To this day she has no recollection of how this happened.

[33:22] What happened on March 25, 2018?

Kirby says the process started 4 days before that. She began searching for recovery options. The next day while she was drinking, “Sober Kirby” showed up in the middle of a blackout and declared to her family that she needed to stop drinking and start going to AA meetings. The next day her family told her the story back to her.

[40:55] What were the responses when you started burning the ships?

Kirby said that a lot of people believed it was a phase, but she kept the forward momentum to hold onto sobriety.

[46:34] Talk to us about the difficult time you had at the Recovery Elevator Live event in Nashville.

Kirby said she made the goal to travel every month the year of 2019. Not having anything planned for February, she joined Café RE and pulled the trigger and bought the Nashville ticket. She considered turning around even on her drive to TN. At the event, she has an awakening that hurt people, hurt people and this gave her a moment of clarity: everyone has pain. Kirby opened up and found compassion in other people.

[54:56] What is an excuse you used to tell yourself as to why you couldn’t quit drinking?

Kirby said because she wouldn’t be fun anymore, she wouldn’t have friends anymore.

[55:20] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

Realizing I didn’t have to drink anymore vs I couldn’t drink anymore.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

Watching the sunrise over the mountains on her 30th birthday

What’s your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Black coffee or blackberry Bubly or Firebrew.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

Café RE Facebook group, Recovery Elevator podcast, Recovery Happy Hour Podcast, speaking/connecting with other sober people.

What is on your bucket list in a life without alcohol?

Traveling to all 50 states, she has 8 left!

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Why not start today?

You might need to ditch the booze if...

If you get a new chat system at work and you can add your own emojis and you add a carbomb and a bud light lime logo as your first emojis.

Upcoming Events and Retreats. 

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

You can find more information about our event here.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Betterhelp

Visit https://www.recoveryelevator.com/betterhelp and join the over 700,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at https://www.recoveryelevator.com/betterhelp

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – You took the elevator down, you have to take the stairs back up. You can do this.”

RE 270: Sobriety in a Pandemic Apr 20, 2020

Tom took his last drink February 16, 2019. This is his story.

On today’s episode Paul shares stories from listeners, and Café RE members, sharing their experiences during this Covid-19 pandemic. We’d love to hear how you are doing through this as well. Email your story to info@recoveryelevator.com.

Paul also reminds us to cut ourselves a break, practice self-love and compassion. He asks that you love yourself, regardless of where you are on this journey. For some free guided meditations, go here.

[18:55] Paul introduces Tom.

Tom is 64 years old and lives along the shore of Lake Erie, near Cleveland, OH. He is married and has 2 adult children, a son and a daughter. For work Tom is a graphic artist, and for fun Tom loves to cook, which led him to vegetable gardening, which is also a loved pastime of his. Tom is also a big history buff.

[26:55] Give us a background on your drinking.

Tom started drinking in high school and found it helped him overcome his shyness. He continued to drink regularly for about 18 years. He didn’t drink every day, was more of a binge drinker. Drinking made outgoing and he liked it.

In 1991 Tom got a DUI while driving home from a wedding. Up until that point Tom had never thought about quitting drinking. After getting the DUI he just stopped. He stopped for about 14 years.

[28:25] What happened after 14 years?

Tom said after 14 years he just started easing back into it, drinking occasionally. That continued from about 2005 to 2017. In 2017 Tom realized that his drinking was causing more anxiety than it was solving, and he became sober-curious.

[34:00] Was there a time during those 5 months of day 1s that you just wanted to give up?

Tom said it was more a frustration because it was ridiculously consistent and he couldn’t seem to break the habit. In February of 2019 Tom got the flu and missed a couple days of work, during which he drank, while trying to hide it. Tom’s wife called him out on it and on February 17, 2019, Tom joined Café RE and hasn’t had a drink since.

[39:00] What was it like when you reached out for additional accountability?

Tom said he thought, why should he do this alone, so after listening to the Recovery Elevator podcast he joined Café RE. He started getting posting videos and connecting with other members. The connections led to in-person meetups which are one of the biggest parts of Tom’s sobriety and life.

[47:47] What can you say to people out there that are struggling and can’t make it past day 1?

Tom says that when you are getting started you have to change everything that you are doing. He also suggests going for a walk until the cravings go away.

[55:22] What excuse did you used to tell yourself as to why you couldn’t quit drinking?

Tom said it was more of the excuse, why should he, rather than why he couldn’t.

[56:20] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

That drinking wasn’t a solution for anxiety, it was more of a cause for anxiety.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

Meetups, absolutely meetups.

What’s your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Virgin Canadian Whiskey and Diet Coke.

What is on your bucket list in a life without alcohol?

Meeting more people from Café RE.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Really connect, connect, connect on a personal level.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You order a cello while drinking and you don’t play a musical instrument.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

You can find more information about our event here.

The book, Alcohol is Sh!t, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – You took the elevator down, you have to take the stairs back up. You can do this.”

RE 269: “Nolo” Drinks - NA Beers and Kombucha Apr 13, 2020

Derek took his last drink August 22, 2019. This is his story.

On today’s episode Paul talks about what a Nolo drink is, non-alcoholic beers, and kombucha…and whether, or not, we should stay away from them if they have trace amounts of alcohol. He also talks about the roll, if any, that cannabis and plant medicine play in recovery.

Paul also explains about some of the changes taking place with Café RE. Sone of the changes is, starting on May 1st, 15% of the membership fees will dedicated towards a partnership with a non-profit organization that is geared towards helping those affected by addiction.

The link to the article where Paul gets his information from can be found here.

[15:35] Paul introduces Derek.

Derek is 35-year-old and is from New York City, currently living in Philadelphia, and is a real estate agent. Derek loves riding his bike and playing ping pong.

[18:42] Give us a background on your drinking.

Derek started drinking when he was 13 years old, drinking on the streets of New York. Derek realized that he loved the feeling of being out of control. When Derek was 17 years old his father was killed in the World Trade Center and he used alcohol to cover up those feelings. Alcohol helped him get through those brutal moments and became like his best friend. He says he continued to drink like that up until 6 months ago (his sobriety date) and those feelings are all coming back up.

[21:00] When did you start to realize that alcohol was not working for you?

Derek said it was about 3 years ago. The negative started to outweigh the positive.

[23:14] What happened when you realized this?

Derek said he started keeping track on a calendar of his drinking days, verses his non-drinking days. He tried to slow down. He started making negotiations with himself, like not drinking during the week, only drinking beer. One very drunk night he realized that he just had to stop, that moderation did not work for him.

[27:35] Why do you think willpower flew out the window when you were drinking?

Derek said that when he took that first sip he was no longer in control. He said it was like a monster that lived inside of him and every time he let it out, he was no longer in control.

[32:33] Talk to us about that moment you stopped drinking, and how you did it.

Derek said the first couple days were easy because he had such a bad hangover, but the first weekend was tough because he didn’t know what to do, that he had not gone a weekend without drinking in years and years. He said what he started to do was start to do the things he enjoyed again. He started to play the piano and guitar again, started to workout again.

[35:30] How did you do it after the first week?

Derek says he started watching YouTube videos of people that had gotten sober. He found the Recovery Elevator app…and then the podcast.

[37:20] What are some of the emotions you are facing now that you are no longer drinking?

Derek said that in a way he had never dealt with losing his dad in the way he had. He recently got married and could not share that with his father.

[38:10] What is important to you in life?

Derek says his health is one of the most important things to him. He said that also that just who he is, is important to him. Drinking made him a liar and selfish, and that has changed a lot. He now tries to be a better person overall.

[38:50] What are some strategies you use now, instead of drinking?

Derek says that exercise is big, he wakes up early to exercise. He has started using a steam sauna, ping pong, biking, outdoor activities. Derek also said that talking to other people that have similar stories, that he had just attended his first meeting.

[39:40] What roll has your wife played in this?

Derek said that his wife stopped drinking with him and that she has been his biggest supporter.

[43:30] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

That I am stronger than I thought I was.

What’s an excuse that you used to tell yourself for why you couldn’t quit drinking?

My friends, my social circle…what would I do, I wouldn’t have anyone.

What’s your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Coffee or seltzer.

What are some of your favorite resources?

Your podcast, I’m not just trying to blow smoke, it’s really helped me a lot.

What is on your bucket list in a life without alcohol?

To stay alcohol free is the number one thing, and I would like to travel again.

What are your thoughts on relapse?

It’s never going to happen to me.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Just do it.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You think you might need to ditch the booze.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

You can find more information about our event here.

The book, Alcohol is Sh!t, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – You took the elevator down, you have to take the stairs back up. You can do this.”

RE 268: You’re in the Ring Apr 06, 2020

Raj took his last drink May 11, 2014. This is his story.

On today’s episode Paul zooms out and talks about the journey. If you are listening to this podcast you are an active participant in the center of the ring. Your conscious decision to ditch the booze places you in the center of the ring. Who is the critic when you’re in the ring grappling with alcohol? You are, but you can rewire those thoughts and become your greatest cheerleader.

Watch the video of the little girl not giving up here.

[16:05] Paul introduces Raj.

Raj is 54 years old and is from Las Angeles. He is divorced and has a 13-year-old son. Raj is an avid cyclist and says it keeps him sober.

[22:20] Give us a background on your drinking.

Raj says he didn’t really drink until college and even then, it was a very slow progression. In 1991 Raj started having adverse consequences to his drinking, such a getting a DUI and not getting hired for a job. In 2010, and the following 3 years, his drinking totally spiraled out of control.

[25:50] During this progression were you able to step back and see the writing on the wall?

Raj said he definitely did not. He said he lived in denial for over 20 years.

[26:46] Get us up to speed to May 2011.

Raj said he always performed well in his career; his drinking didn’t affect it. But in the summer of 2010 Raj had a serious biking accident and broke his ankle and was prescribed an insane amount of Vicodin. In a period of 4 months he watched his work productivity go to hell, actually getting put on probation at work.

Because work was always something that he could keep together, Raj said he lost it at this point. His drinking and drug use took off. That led to another DUI in May of 2011, which led him to the doors of AA.

[29:25] Fill in the gaps between your first AA meeting and May 2014?

Raj said he started going to AA and got a sponsor, but didn’t really do the steps. In 2012 he convinced himself that he didn’t have a drinking problem, but was still having blackouts and waking up in the hospital not knowing how he got there.

In November of 2012, after a locking himself in his hotel room while at a work retreat, causing a huge scene at the airport, and landing in the hospital again Raj was fired from his job. This led Raj to The Betty Ford treatment facility and Raj says this was his rock bottom moment.

Two more rehabs, another DUI, and Raj finally got sober in May of 2014.

[34:20] What happened next?

Raj said he started taking AA seriously, got a new sponsor that was pretty much an AA hard ass that took Raj through the 12 steps. Raj says he was just ready. He had to become humble, and willing to ask for help.

[38:05] What is an excuse that you used to tell yourself for why you couldn’t quit drinking?

One was he had a wine cellar, he had to drink all the wine. How would he deal with stress and anxiety?

[38:55] How do you deal with stress without alcohol?

Raj uses biking and exercise, AA meetings, talking to his sponsor, and spending time with his son.

[49:50] What do you think was one of the hardest things about quitting drinking?

Raj said it was trying to get the message down to his subconscious that he was no longer drinking.

[55:50] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

That we can’t do this alone.

What’s a memorable moment a life without alcohol has provided you?

My son was in a play at school and I was able to be present and witness it, and was able to tell him what an amazing job.

What’s your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Club soda.

What are some of your favorite resources?

The Big Book or AA is a terrific resource. Café RE UP, AA meetings when I am on the road especially.

What is on your bucket list in a life without alcohol?

There are a bunch bike challenges that I want to do.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

If you’re struggling at staying sober don’t give up.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

If you are driving drunk 300 miles with your 3-year-old child in the car.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

You can find more information about our event here.

The book, Alcohol is Sh!t, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

BetterHelp

BetterHelp Visit https://www.recoveryelevator.com/betterhelp and join the over 700,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at https://www.recoveryelevator.com/betterhelp

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – You took the elevator down, you have to take the stairs back up. You can do this.”

RE 267: When Facing Crisis Mar 30, 2020

Lucas took his last drink November 13, 2018. This is his story.

On today’s episode Paul talks about crisis. In some languages the word ‘crisis’ is coupled with the word ‘opportunity’. Everyone experiences crisis’ in life, but we are the fortunate ones that are forced to reach out for help. We are then in this together…think the movie, The Breakfast Club.

[11:15] Paul introduces Lucas.

Lucas is 32 years old, was born and raised in the DC metro area. He is married, no kids yet. Lucas is a UPS driver. He has a dog that they rescued from a shelter. For fun Lucas likes to work out, go to sporting events, and concerts.

[17:00] Give us a background on your drinking.

Lucas started drinking when he was 13 years old. By the time he was 15/16 he says he would routinely blackout from drinking. It was at that time he started to realize that it was something he perhaps should look at. Even though he was aware that he may have a problem at this young age his drinking continued to progress through his 20s and college.

Lucas said he really started to see the effect that his behavior had on his life in his late 20s, early 30s.

[28:44] How powerful was it to bring your wife along with you on your journey?

Lucas said that it has been vital to his sobriety, that it was so critical because it (sobriety) has been such a hard, and courageous, thing to do.

[33:33] Talk to us about what you meant when you said, “moderation in all in my mind”.

Lucas says that moderation is not an attainable thing for him, that it is a word that was made up to make him feel better and convince himself that he could continue to have alcohol in his life. Once he realized that moderation wasn’t a thing it was freeing.

[39:55] Talk to us about quitting Adderall?

Lucas said that Adderall was something he started taking in college and not because he really needed it, but because he liked its mood-altering qualities. Once he quit taking it, he realized that it actually was making him less productive and less organized.

[44:10] Walk us through a sample day in a life without alcohol.

Lucas said he is a creature of habit. He wakes up, lets the dog out, reads meditation passages, goes to the gym, goes to work, goes home, sometimes reads, cooks dinner, visits with his wife when she gets home from work and is in bed by 10/11 PM.

[51:00] What is an excuse that you used to tell yourself for why you couldn’t quit drinking?

Lucas would tell himself that he didn’t have a problem.

[51:35] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

When I realized how much time I was spending pursuing the feeling that I was never going to obtain again.

What’s your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Lime flavored seltzer water.

What are some of your favorite resources?

AA, my meditation books, and “In the Rooms”, which is online AA meetings.

What is on your bucket list in a life without alcohol?

I need to travel the world.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

To remind yourself how vulnerable, dangerous, and susceptible we all are when we live in unreality.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You find yourself asking if you have a drinking problem.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

You can find more information about our event here.

The book, Alcohol is Sh!t, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – You took the elevator down, you have to take the stairs back up. You can do this.”

RE 266: Rule 22 Mar 23, 2020

Renee took her last drink January 2, 2020. This is her story.

If you have ever wanted to attend a Recovery Elevator event you should get yourself to Denver in June for the Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - June 11-14th, 2020. This event will be, essentially, the closeout event for Recovery Elevator. You can find more information about our event here.

On today’s episode Paul talks about Rule 22. What it is. Why it is important to make this rule a part of your life ASAP.

Rule 22 = Lighten up. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Laughter really is the best medicine. Life is never as serious as the mind wants us to believe.

[12:00] Paul introduces Renee.

Renee is 40 years old and live in Greendale, WI. She is a hair stylist and is currently working at a children’s hair salon. She is married and they have 2 kids, a 10-year-old and a 7-year-old. Renee also has a 20-year-old son from a previous relationship. For fun Renee likes to hike, camp, go on vacations, paddleboard and jigsaw puzzles.

[17:25] Give us a background on your drinking.

Renee started drinking as a teenager, around the age of 15. She says she did it to fit in and have fun. She met her husband, in a bar, in her early 20s and they pretty much drank together every weekend. It wasn’t until 2007 that Renee started drinking more than just on the weekends. After getting married they were drinking 3-4 days out of the week. Renee got pregnant early on and while she couldn’t drink due to being pregnant, her husband continued to drink. That made Renee mad because she wanted to drink. Renee did start drinking again, in the hospital, after giving birth to her children.

[20:30] Was drinking again, as soon as you had your baby, something that you had pre-planned?

Renee said she could not wait to drink after her baby was born. She did the same exact thing during and after her 2nd pregnancy a few years later.

[24:18] Why do you think your husband came clean about his drinking?

Renee said he told her because he couldn’t do it anymore.

[24:40] What was your response?

Renee was pissed off when he first told her.

[28:35] When did you both recognize that alcohol was almost the driving divider?

Renee says it was in October of 2019 when her husband told her about his drinking. They started to put all the pieces together and realized that everything bad that had happened between them was caused by alcohol, in some way, or somehow.

[30:40] Has there been a moment when one of you was about to drink and you had that conversation where you lean on each other, and you both made it through?

Renee said yes, that there had been a couple of those moments.

[30:05] Was January 2 a planned date?

Renee said yes, it was a planned date. She went to work that day and was cutting hair with shaky hands.

[35:40] How did you get through the last 45 days?

Renee says that they bought a new treadmill, have been binge watching Netflix, just finding things to keep their minds off of it. But that it was really hard at first.

[38:53] How has working with a counselor helped with your anxiety and depression?

Renee says it helped a lot. She didn’t have any anxiety after the first couple weeks. It just started to get a little better and better until now, when she says she has none.

[40:40] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

I realized that alcohol has basically affected everything in my life.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has provided you?

Recently we got a lot of snow here and we took the kids sledding.

What is some advice you’d give to your younger self?

To try and surround myself with people who aren’t party people.

What are some of your favorite resources?

Well definitely your podcast, lots of reading.

What is on your bucket list in a life without alcohol?

We want to do a lot more traveling.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

If you are thinking about drinking, or if you are thinking that you drink too much, you probably do.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You do a drunken cartwheel and wake up in the morning to find your whole hand is black and blue because you broke your middle finger.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

You can find more information about our event here.

The book, Alcohol is Sh!t, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – You took the elevator down, you have to take the stairs back up. You can do this.”

RE 265: The Strategy of the Comfort Zone Mar 16, 2020

Janine took her last drink on October 6, 2019. This is her story.

On today’s episode, Paul talks about your comfort zone, why it’s important to have one, why it is so important to get outside of it, and how it is possible to get too far out of it. The true authentic you doesn’t exist in your comfort zone. Stepping outside your comfort zone even once, makes it easier that you’ll do it again.

As for ditching the booze, here are some strategies in regards to the comfort zone. Instead of quitting forever, aim for one day, or 50% of the days in a month. Burning the ships? Go at your own pace. 90 meetings in 90 days too much, aim for 1 a week, then 2 a week.

[20:00] Paul introduces Janine.

Janine is 32 years old and is from Pensacola, FL. She is married and has a 9-month-old daughter. Janine is a former kindergarten teacher. For fun she likes to go to the beach with her family, walking her dog and spending time with her daughter.

[24:00] Give us a background on your drinking.

Janine took her first drink when she was 17-years-old and she immediately loved the feeling it gave her. Through college she feels she drank like every other college student. Janine says her drinking didn’t take off until she started her teaching career, and that gradually over the years she was drinking more and more.

When she met her husband, and knew that it was something serious, she says she knew that she was going to have to do something about her drinking.

[26:45] Talk to us about the methods you used to try and control your drinking.

Janine said she tried them all. Switched from liquor to wine/beer. Still getting backout drunk after switching to wine she tried drinking a glass of water after every glass of wine. Not drinking during the week, but even when that worked, she was still getting blackout drunk all weekend.

[28:15] Was there a time when fear came in and you didn’t think you could stop?

Janine said yes, that that is exactly what happened.

[30:30] Can you tell us a little about postpartum depression?

Janine said for her she felt like she lost some of her identity, her whole life now revolved around another human being. She had days when she would look in the mirror and not even recognize herself. Her emotions were all over the place. Janine ended up going to her doctor and getting on antidepressants, but was still drinking.

[35:00] Tell us what happened next.

After trying to modify, by having no alcohol in the house, Janine said she went and bought 2 bottles of wine and drank them one night after the baby was in bed. She got blackout drunk, sent strange texts, and spent the next day crying and filled with anxiety. She couldn’t deny it anymore, she knew she had a problem and couldn’t control it.

Later that day her dad, a recovering alcoholic himself, called Janine. She says his first words were, “I just felt I needed to call and hear your voice.”. Janine said she just lost it and opened up to him for the first time.

[40:30] What was that first AA meeting like and what happened after that?

Janine said she was terrified to go that first meeting, but that after the meeting people came up and were very friendly. She said she was also comforted by the fact that there were other teachers there. She was still feeling like her life was over that first week.

[44:14] Was there a challenging moment when you wanted to drink, and how did you get past it?

Janine said she had several in the beginning. She said when those times came up, she would call a friend, or call her sponsor.

[45:25] How has the relationship with your husband changed?

Janine says her husband fully supports her and has also quit drinking. She feels like their relationship has gotten a lot deeper.

[54:30] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

I would say when I made that last attempt to control my drinking by not having alcohol in my house

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has provided you?

Spending my daughter’s 1st Christmas completely sober.

What’s your favorite alcohol-free drink?

I am a big fan of water.

What are some of your favorite resources?

I enjoy this podcast; I don’t get to attend AA meetings as much as I would like but I also enjoy reading.

What is on your bucket list in a life without alcohol?

I am actually thinking about taking up blogging.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

If you know in your heart that you can’t control your drinking anymore, don’t listen to the lies that your mind is telling you.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You get blackout drunk while watching Dateline.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

You can find more information about our event here.

The book, Alcohol is Sh!t, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts from the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 264: Broken and Whole Mar 09, 2020

Aaron took his last drink October 6, 2019. This is his story.

On today’s episode Paul talks about it being possible for things to coexist in your life, you can feel calm and accomplished while you still have things to do. It is important to recognize both parts equally. When you are in the middle of a tough emotion you can chose to ride it out on the surface, which would be the mind, or deep down, which would be the belly area of the body. Do you best to get out of the mind and stay in the belly, preferably with belly breaths.

[13:00] Paul introduces Aaron.

Aaron is 54 years old and lives in Pittsburgh, PA. He is a chiropractor and loves health, fitness and exercise. Aaron has a 65-acre farm and plays rugby.

[17:50] Give us a background on your drinking.

Aaron didn’t drink until his dad passed away from heart failure when Aaron was a junior in college. His friend left some wine coolers at his house and he decided to give them a try and he liked the way they made him feel. He continued to drink through college and alcohol made him the life of the party.

Aaron moved to Florida after graduation, he was 21 years old and had a teaching degree. He was only drinking on the weekends at this time and started playing rugby. He says drinking and rugby go hand in hand.

Aaron graduated from chiropractor school and continued to only drink on the weekends. This was his drinking pattern through his 30s and 40s. It was in his late 40s that he realized that he hadn’t gone a week without drinking, even if it was only on the weekends. He thought he might have an issue with alcohol but he didn’t think it was a big deal.

[29:55] Talk to us about how you tried to hide it before you fully got on board on stopping.

Aaron says that this went on for years. He was hiding beers in cereal boxes. He was waking up in the middle of the night with pounding headaches. Aaron said his wife started to notice what he was doing and started to call him out. He started getting sick and having headaches after just 2 beers.

[33:33] Get us up to speed to before your sobriety date.

Aaron says in 2018 he stopped drinking for 6 months, but then at a bar one night said, “I got this.”, and had an IPA. That started another year of drinking for Aaron. In October of 2019 he said he has got to stop (drinking) and that time he meant it.

[39:22] What has been working for you these last few months?

Aaron said he listened to the Recovery Elevator podcast. He told his wife and kids. Aaron has started to tell other people that he just isn’t drinking anymore.

[42:05] What has been the biggest thing you have learned about yourself along the way?

Aaron says he thinks he saw himself as being compulsive and having a problem and then thinking he can break the problem.

[47:40] What got you through your brother’s death without taking a drink?

Aaron said he had no desire to drink at all, he knew that his brother’s death was caused by alcohol. He no longer has a mental or physical desire for alcohol.

[51:30] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

When I saw my kids drinking and having problems that I had.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has provided you?

When we go out to restaurants and I order water with lemon.

What’s your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Seltzer water.

What are some of your favorite resources?

I only have one, I listen to Recovery Elevator over and over and over.

What is on your bucket list in a life without alcohol?

I just want to have family functions without beer.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Just keep listening.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

When you are having drinks out at the restaurant and you go to the bathroom and your pee is clear and you say to yourself, yes…it’s kicking in, because you know now that the beer is kicking in.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

You can find more information about our event here.

The book, Alcohol is Sh!t, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts from the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 263: Top Ten Benefits of Quitting Drinking Mar 02, 2020

Tara took her last drink February 4, 2019. This is her story.

On today’s episode Paul talks about the top 10 reasons for quitting drinking. Number one; your authentic self will begin to emerge. Number two; you don’t have a headache due to lack of aspirin in your system. Number three; you’ll begin to find out who you aren’t. Number four; you’re open to signs from the universe. Number five; you can start to see the insanity of the mind. Number six; your brain will start to produce regular amounts of melatonin. Number seven; welcome back oxytocin. Number eight; you’re part of something much bigger. Number nine; you stop hoping. Number ten; you have a chance to start working on the one big lesson you’ve signed up for in this lifetime.

[19:15] Paul introduces Tara.

Tara is 46 years old and lives in Seattle, WA. She is a preschool teacher, founded her own preschool 25 years ago. She is married to her high school sweetheart and has 2 adult children. For fun Tara loves to dance.

[22:30] Give us a background on your drinking.

Tara says there were 3 scary moments that caused her to pause and think that alcohol could be a problem. The first was when she was 15 years old and she was at a wedding and the bar was opened up to her. This was a formal wedding and Tara jumped into the pool. She was the only one in the pool.

Tara’s second scary moment was also in high school. She was at a party drinking hard alcohol and decided to get into the hot tub. Tara says she got so sick that she threw up blood.

Tara’s third scary moment came when she was in her forties and was on an annual girl’s trip to Palm Springs. She drank like she normally did, with no off switch, and she fell and hit her head. All Tara could think about when that happened is that that was how her dad died.

[38:25] Talk to us about right before you quit drinking.

Tara says she went to a party and started drinking, and instead of calming her anxiety like she felt alcohol usually did, her anxiety amped up. It made her question how much she was going to have to drink to feel that ‘warm blanket’.

[42:50] Your Dad is listening right now, what do you have to say to him?

Tara said she just wants to let her Dad know that she loves him, and she’s proud of him.

[45:20] How did your relationship with your husband change after you quit drinking?

Tara says that her bond with her husband is even stronger and deeper now.

[49:00] What has been your biggest challenge this last year?

Tara says is the ones that kind or catch you out of nowhere.

[50:40] What’s an excuse you used to tell yourself of why you couldn’t quit drinking?

Tara said it was telling herself that she didn’t drink every day or that she didn’t drink by herself.

[51:20] What are your thoughts on relapse?

Tara says that on a personal level she doesn’t see it happening to herself.

[54:40] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

I’m happier without alcohol.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has provided you?

A trip to Costa Rica and no drinking whatsoever.

What’s your favorite alcohol-free drink?

I like iced tea or Bubly water with a little mint in it.

What are some of your favorite resources?

I love to listen to your podcast, and many others.

What is on your bucket list in a life without alcohol?

A lot more travel, and I hope to go to Thailand.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Just stick with it.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You put a bikini on at a formal wedding and jump into the pool when nobody else is in the pool.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

You can find more information about our event here.

The book, Alcohol is Sh!t, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts from the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 262: Do the Work Feb 24, 2020

Vinny took his last drink 9 ½ years ago. This is his story.

On today’s episode Paul talks about change. Whether you like it, or not, you are always changing. You’re either building new circuits or adding new blockages to your energy field. With an addiction it’s either gaining momentum or you’re lessening the energetic bonds of the addiction. You must make time to always do the work.

[15:45] Paul introduces Vinny.

Vinny is 61 years old and lives in Bangkok. For fun Vinny like to read, watch a good TV series, going to meetings and helping people.

[19:20] Give us a background on your drinking.

Vinny discovered alcohol in his late teens and continued to use it for 10 years. The next 10 years involved alcohol and smoking marijuana. He added crack to the mix and became a crack addict for the following 5 years. He went to 2 treatment centers and didn’t get clean until 2004. He hit his bottom while living (homeless) in Las Vegas. He managed to get sober after that and it lasted 3 years.

[22:45] What in your message you want to get out?

Vinny says that recovery can be simple. Simple means it’s not complicated.

[27:13] How can thinking get us into more trouble?

Vinny says that most of us do not think, or see, very clearly. He says we act based on the false evidence we see in front of us, so obviously if we are not relating to reality, we are always going to make the wrong choices.

[30:05] What do you see is the biggest challenge that someone on this journey will face?

Vinny says he thinks that people have the illusion that they have to do it all themselves.

[38:05] What do you think addiction is and where do you think it comes from?

Vinny says he doesn’t know where addiction comes from, and that it doesn’t matter.

[44:00] Talk to us a little bit about self-loathing.

Vinny says self-loathing is shame.

[46:35] Talk to us about burning the ships and being honest with others.

Vinny says that sometimes we are not even aware that we aren’t honest with ourselves.

[52:30] Do you think that someone can become recovered?

Vinny says if you want to use the word recovered in the present moment, yes. If recovered means you are cured, then no.

[54:50] Rapid Fire Round

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Pepsi-Cola

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has provided you?

The energy here at my job, on a Saturday afternoon, seeing 30 recovering people connect with each other.

What’s some of the best advice you’ve ever received?

Don’t take yourself too seriously.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Take responsibility for yourself.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You are a healthcare provider and you are taking care of somebody that needs you, and you have ran out of booze at 3 o’clock in the morning, and you abandon him and go and get booze.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

Recovery Elevator in Costa Rica: From Jungle to the Beach - October 8 - 18th, 2020

You can find more information about our events here.

The book, Alcohol is Sh!t, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

ZipRecruiter

This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

https://www.hope-rehab-center-thailand.com/

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts from the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 261: Do You Want to Quit Drinking or Not? Feb 17, 2020

Sofi took her last drink on April 28, 2014. This is her story.

On today’s episode Paul talks about tough love. If you are saying you want to quit drinking…but…”you can’t because…fill in the blank ”, or “you can’t because you don’t want to…fill in the blank”, in other words, you want to quit but don’t want to put in the work, well here’s some tough love for you…that doesn’t work.

[11:00] Paul introduces Sofi.

Sofi is 30 years old and it from London. She has 4 older sisters. For fun Sofi enjoys exercise and hanging out in nature while listening to podcasts.

[15:00] Give us a background on your drinking.

Sofi says she has always had an addictive personality. With alcohol Sofi noticed a change around the age of 14. She was at a boarding school so all her drinking took place on the weekends. Sofi says that the wheels came off when she went to university.

Freshman year she was going out every night. By her 2nd year of university, when most of her friends had slowed down, Sofi continued her drinking ways.

Sofi never finished university and at the age of 21 was in her fist rehab. That began a revolving door for the next 4 years…rehab, relapse, rehab, relapse.

[21:00] 13 treatment centers, was there ever a time when you just felt like the next one wasn’t going to work?

Sofi says she liked rehab. She liked that when she was there, she met people that thought like she did.

[25:50] What does ‘you can’t think your way out of this problem’ mean to you?

Sofi said she had learned all the tools in all of her rehab stays, but because she didn’t know how to use them, she kept relapsing and going back. It wasn’t until she had a moment of clarity that it all came together and made sense.

[31:15] Talk to us about what you learned in those first 3 years, and then in the 2 years after that.

Sofi says she was learning to live through the highs and lows during the first 3 years. She also learned, through the AA community, that she wasn’t such a bad person and how to make things right with her family. The biggest thing that Sofi has learned, and is still learning, is that she does not need to punish herself.

[34:05] How do you address self-loathing?

Sofi says she at the place where she accepts herself, most of the time. She tries to treat herself as she would treat someone else.

[36:15] Talk to us a little bit about your experience here at Hope Rehab.

Sofi says it is such a fun environment. Hope Rehab is teaching people how to enjoy life sober. There is a big emphasis on exercise.

[41:15] Rapid Fire Round

What is a memorable moment, that a life without alcohol, has given you?

Going on holiday with my family again, for the first time sober.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Hard to narrow it down, but anything sour.

What are some of your favorite resources?

It’s easily other people.

What’s on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

I’m living it now, going around the world and seeing as much of it as I can.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Stay connected.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You have started drinking secretly.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

Recovery Elevator in Costa Rica: From Jungle to the Beach - October 8 - 18th, 2020

You can find more information about our events here.

The book, Alcohol is Sh!t, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Hope Rehab

BetterHelp

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts from the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 260: Moderate Drinking Feb 10, 2020

Lisa took her last drink on December 16, 2017. This is her story.

On today’s episode Paul talks about moderate drinking, and whether or not it works. For almost everyone, when we first decide to quit drinking, we try to moderate. The question isn’t, can I still have alcohol in my life, but…do I want to be a moderate version of my authentic self?

Are there success stories of moderate drinking? Sure. But they don’t work out in the long run.

[18:30] Paul introduces Lisa.

Lisa is from Minneapolis, Minnesota. She is 40 years old and has 2 kids, a 21-year-old and 18-year-old. Lisa has been a single mom for 13 years. She is a RN and does patient care part time and education full time. For fun Lisa loves going to the gym, and when the weather is nice, she likes to hike.

[22:00] Give us a background on your drinking.

Lisa started drinking at the age of 14. She wasn’t a huge drinker, but whenever she could drink, she did, and she always wanted to get wasted. At 27 she was newly divorced with 2 kids, and had come out of a very unhealthy relationship. Sad and depressed she moved in with her parents and that’s when her drinking ramped up.

Fast forward to 2017, at 37 years old, her son has left for college and she is feeling a little empty nest syndrome, is sad, is drinking and blacking out every weekend. Her last month of drinking she was drinking and driving, hanging out with people she wouldn’t normally hang out with, drawing lines in the sand and quickly going over them.

On December 17, 2017, she was up north with her twin sister, was nursing a really bad hangover, and says she looked at her sister and said she was done.

Within the following week Lisa had called a girlfriend who took her to 3 AA meetings by the end of that week.

[28:38] Was there a moment of clarity?

Lisa says yes. She went up north with her sister to see a Christmas light show, still extremely hungover and getting sick during the ride, and as she got out of the car and saw the convention center, she just knew she was done. Within an hour of saying she was done drinking Lisa says her spirit felt lighter.

[32:35] What roll has your sister played on this journey?

Lisa says her sister has played a vital role, and that her sister herself is 1 year sober. At 3 months sober Lisa, sitting in her closet crying, called her sister who gave her the advice she needed to hear…to not “go back out” (drink).

[36:30] Talk to us about how you did it, what’s working for you?

Lisa works a 12-step program and has a sponsor. She says that really early on she would look for ladies at meetings that had smiles on their faces. If she was asked to do something, she did it, she volunteered at a lot of events. Lisa loves bringing meetings into a detox. She also surrounds herself with friends that don’t drink.

[45:45] What did you expect sobriety to feel like, and what does it actually feel like?

Lisa says she didn’t expect life to be like it is. She expected her life at 2 years sobriety to be top notch. She catches herself being resentful that she doesn’t have all that she expected would come with 2 years sobriety, but when she focuses on all she does have and all that God has given her, her life looks a lot prettier.

[52:30] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

When I saw the look in my daughter’s eyes when she thought I was drinking again. (Lisa was drinking a mocktail.)

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Club soda with cranberry and a splash of lime.

What are some of your favorite resources?

The Recovery Elevator podcast, the RE Facebook group, making connections with people in Minnesota, AA and I sponsor a couple women.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Don’t take yourself so damn seriously.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

If you are talking to the bartender, who you know is sober, about how much you want to quit drinking, at bar closing while intoxicated.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

Recovery Elevator in Costa Rica: From Jungle to the Beach - October 8 - 18th, 2020

You can find more information about our events here.

The book, Alcohol is Sh!t, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

ZipRecruiter

This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts from the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 259: It’s the Simple Things in Life Feb 03, 2020

Andrew took his last drink on February 16, 2019. This is his story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

On today’s episode Paul talks about 2 things. Number one is about how it is the simple things in life that matter the most. Number two is, watch out for addiction whack-a-mole, or transfer addiction, with an emphasis on technology and smart phones.

[16:15] Paul introduces Andrew.

Andrew is 47 years old and lives in Sidney, AUS. He is divorced and enjoys spending time by the water.

[20:20] Give us a background on your drinking.

Andrew was about 15 years old the first time he drank and he realized that, when he drank, he didn’t quite behave the same way as everybody else. He says that he felt that alcohol calmed him down.

[23:00] When did you first recognize that alcohol was causing more damage than good?

By age 19 Andrew had 4 drunk driving charges. Andrew thought that spending 5 days in jail, after running through a roadside sobriety test, was a holiday because he had been working so hard.

[24:30] How did you keep a lid on from age 19 to 46?

Andrew says he didn’t keep a lid on his drinking. He managed to work really hard at the jobs he had, working in the restaurant business. He says he was constantly getting fined at work, and driving to work drunk. Andrew says he was allowed to get away with this behavior at work because the restaurants would be doing so well under his management.

[35:20] Did you feel you still needed some field research after your ban from the grocery store?

Andrew says that this was the beginning of trying to find any way to get out from how he was. He was swimming in the ocean but this behavior increased for the next 6 months. After cutting his drinking back, but still drinking about 10 beers a day, he had a seizure, at the train station. This led to a 5-day hospital stay.

[44:10] What can you say to listeners out there that feel that they are too far gone?

Andrew says that there is no such thing as too far gone.

[55:19] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

Probably the first time I was told, you can have alcohol, or you can have everything else.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

Meeting my girlfriend.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Sparkling water.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

I have one travel journey I’d like to take.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Seek out people who have already survived and listen to what they have to say.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

27 years after almost ran over a police officer on the side of the road you get banned from your local supermarket.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

Recovery Elevator in Costa Rica: From Jungle to the Beach - October 8 - 18th, 2020

You can find more information about our events here.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

BetterHelp

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts from the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 258: SOBER - Son of a Bitch, Everything’s Real Jan 27, 2020

Scott took his last drink on December 2, 2018. This is his story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Registration is now open for the 2020’ Recovery Elevator LIVE event, Dancing with the Mind. The event will take place June 11-13 in Denver, CO. You can find more information about our events here.

On today’s episode Paul talks about control. He also talks about an article, by Anna Ronan Shaw, that he read. The article is titled Addiction Isn’t a Sin, It’s an Adaption, and you can find it here. Paul shares his take, that addictions represent part of our personalities that are in the most need of healing.

[11:25] Paul introduces Scott.

Scott is 48 years old and lives in Denver, CO. He is a bicycle mechanic. For fun Scott likes to ride bikes, exercise, and hang out with his dogs, Willie and Waylon.

[22:00] Give us a background on your drinking.

Scott started drinking in Jr. High/High School. Within a couple of years Scott got 2 DUIs, 9 years later he got his 3rd DUI and lost his license for 5 years.

In January 2004 Scott decided to go to rehab. After making some phone calls he entered rehab on January 3, 2004, and stayed for 28 days. Once out of rehab Scott immersed himself into recovery and AA. In 2005 Scott was cleaning a family members house and found a vile of cocaine. He says that within seconds he had it lined up, and up his nose. He looked at that relapse as a lesson, reminding him how powerless over drugs/alcohol he was. He continued his AA and recovery journey.

In 2008 Scott says he said the 3 most dangerous words an alcoholic can say, “I got this”. He gradually left the support of his AA community and the farther away he got the emptier his “sobriety toolbox” got.

In 2012 Scott bought his first house and thought it would be cool to sit on his porch and drink NA beers. Because of his 2 surgeries, and not liking pain pills, Scott started to smoke pot to help the pain. In October of 2013 Scott’s father got in a really bad bicycle accident. In the ambulance ride to the hospital with his father Scott saw a liquor store across from the hospital. As soon as Scott’s father was settled in the hospital Scott headed for the store. Without thinking about the 9 ½ years he had been alcohol free Scott got drunk that night.

[32:33] What happened between then and 2018?

Scott says his dad really never recovered from the accident. He had multiple surgeries that were all unsuccessful. On November 27, 2016, Scott’s father committed suicide. After that Scott says he couldn’t use, or drink, enough. He had no stop button.

Scott sought out help from a therapist, who referred him to a doctor that agreed to help him stop drinking. He prescribed meds that Scott waited a couple weeks before taking. On December 3, 2018, Scott took his first benzo and hasn’t drank since.

[48:45] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

I think when I finally surrendered. When I accepted that I am an alcoholic and a drug addict, and that that’s not a bad thing.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

I would have to say that panel in Montana.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

A raspberry Italian cream soda with Topo Chico.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

I want to be a sponsor and I want to help newcomers at my meeting.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

There is no good day to start this, except today.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You have a little bit left in a whiskey bottle and you decide to try to drink it all at once so you slam it down, and you throw up in your mouth and swallow that, and keep drinking the bottle and finish it.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

Recovery Elevator in Costa Rica: From Jungle to the Beach - October 8 - 18th, 2020

You can find more information about our events here.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Care/of

For 50% off your first Care/of order, go to TakeCareOf.com and enter the code elevator50

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts from the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 257: I Quit Drinking... Now What? Jan 20, 2020

Bianca took her last drink on October 3, 2018. This is her story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Registration is now open for the 2020’ Recovery Elevator LIVE event, Dancing with the Mind. The event will take place June 11-13 in Denver, CO. You can find more information about our events here.

On today’s episode Paul talks about the process of rediscovering what you like to do, after ditching the booze, and to let it happen organically. He encourages you to engage in activities where you find yourself in a ‘flow state’, or ‘in the zone’. Instead of focusing on new hobbies and fun activities, try to find things where you almost lose yourself.

[7:30] Paul introduces Bianca.

Bianca is 22 years old and is from Austin, TX. She recently graduated from college and is working for a temp agency while she looks for that full time job. Bianca lives with her girlfriend. For fun Bianca spends her time reading and in nature.

[13:40] Give us a background on your drinking.

Bianca didn’t really drink while in high school, but in college she went wild. She tried to moderate during her freshman year by documenting everything she did that involved alcohol. That didn’t work. The following year, 2016, she started doing drugs along with drinking. Bianca does not remember much from her junior year. By the beginning of her senior year (2018) she had a lot of things on her plate and her drinking was still up there.

Bianca says she had a lot of little rock bottoms that finally accumulated into her big rock bottom, which happened on October 3.

[17:40] What happened on October 3?

Bianca and some friends went out to get something to eat. What started out as just one drink escalated to the point that one of her friends took her wallet away from her. They went to a liquor store after that, and Bianca ended up at home, alone, taking shots. She met up with her friends a little later, still sneaking double shots. Bianca stumbled home and after mixing more drugs with the alcohol she passed out. The following morning she woke up hating herself.

[25:00] What was that first month like?

On October 4th Bianca texted the hotline and did what they told her to do, she got rid of her booze and hid her drugs. She says the first few days and nights were tough. She would come home from class and cry. She was having intense nightmares and the shakes. She now feels like she gets a clarity upgrade every 3 months.

[28:10] What was is like getting sober at 22?

Bianca says she actually got sober at 21 and celebrated her 22nd birthday sober. She says it was hard, that there is a big drinking culture in Austin, TX.

[32:00] What was harder, coming out as gay, or as someone with a drinking problem??

Bianca says both were hard. She came out as gay at a very young age. The hard part about telling someone she had a problem with drinking was the shame she felt.

[33:20] What are you working on right now?

Bianca says she is really working on her self-worth and showing up for herself.

[36:20] Have you ever explored why you drank?

Bianca said she has explored that with her therapist. She says growing up her family fell into the victims, of victims, of victims. She wasn’t taught very good coping skills.

[39:20] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

That I’m responsible for my recovery and nobody else.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

The ability to really feel my emotions and to be surprised.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Water.

What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

Definitely my sponsor, for sure. Meetings and AA literature.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

Travel overseas sober.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

I would tell you all to slow down, as slow as you can go, and to feel your emotions.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You buy over $200 worth of alcohol and it is confiscated within 3 days by a good friend.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

Recovery Elevator in Costa Rica: From Jungle to the Beach - October 8 - 18th, 2020

You can find more information about our events here.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

BetterHelp

SkillShare

Get two months of premium membership for free at www.shillshare.com/elevator

That’s two whole months of unlimited access to thousands of classes for free.

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts from the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 256: What Happens to Your Brain When You Stop Drinking Alcohol Jan 13, 2020

Greg took his last drink on October 2, 2012. This is his story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Registration is now open for the 2020’ Recovery Elevator LIVE event, Dancing with the Mind. The event will take place June 11-13 in Denver, CO. You can find more information about our events here.

On today’s episode Paul talks about what happens to the dome when you stop drinking alcohol. There is a long list of benefits of quitting alcohol, and the mental health aspects are just as important as the physical ones.

In the first year away from alcohol, and beyond, neurons in the brain that no longer fire together, no longer wire together. This means the neural connections that spark when we want to drink, or take a drink, begin to fade. In time new neural connections are created that don’t involve alcohol.

[9:40] Paul introduces Greg.

Greg is 35 years old and from Orange County, CA. Greg is an actor and has a 4-year-old daughter. For fun Greg likes to go on adventures with his daughter and create music.

[12:25] Give us a background on your drinking.

Greg first started drinking alcohol as a social lubricant. Alcohol made it easier to talk to people and deal with things that he had tried to avoid. In the beginning Greg was more of a clown when he drank, but in his early to mid-twenties his drinking got out of hand. He was no longer drinking for fun anymore; he was relying on it to get through the day.

[19:07] Was there a time when you knew the gig was up but you didn’t know where to go for help, or how to stop?

Greg said yes, that it was a really demoralizing moment involving alcohol and cocaine. He woke up, went outside in the rain, chain smoked about 10 cigarettes, and knew he needed to talk to somebody. He called his sister, and without giving it much thought, told her he needed help. His sister was there 20 minutes later, and with Greg’s mom helped get him into a place.

[20:55] What happened after that?

Greg entered a treatment center and white knuckled it the first two weeks, and then eventually the clarity started to come.

[24:30] Talk to us about your experience after rehab.

Greg said he surrounded himself with sober friends and family. He started going to school and focused on that, and also stated going to meetings. About 6 months out Greg got a job volunteering at a treatment center. He said he stayed really busy with a lot of structure.

[26:35] Why do you think it’s so hard for people to ask for help?

Greg said he thinks that it’s our pride that gets in the way a lot of the times. Greg said he had a hard time asking for help because he felt that he would be a burden on someone and he didn’t want people to become resentful of him.

[36:00] How could it affect us if we are always thinking about the past or the future?

Greg says if we are always thinking about the past we are going to tend to be depressed, and if we are always thinking about the future, we are going to tend to be anxious. Either one just drags us down and we are not productive.

[38:00] Why do you think addiction is higher in the entertainment industry?

Greg said that there are several reasons, one being that it is more readily available.

[44:00] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

Witnessing my daughter being born.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

My trip to Argentina.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Yerba Mate Revel Berry.

What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

AA literature, online literature, stuff like that.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

Seeing my daughter have kids.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You get married in a blackout.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

Recovery Elevator in Costa Rica: From Jungle to the Beach - October 8 - 18th, 2020

You can find more information about our events here.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Care Of

For 50% off your first Care/of order, go to www.TakeCareOf.com and enter the code elevator50

This episode is brought to you in support by Care/Of. For 25% off your first month of personalized Care/of vitamins, go to TakeCareOf.com and enter the promo code ELEVATOR

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts from the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 255: Does Addiction Serve a Purpose? Jan 06, 2020

Kerri took her last drink on November 6, 2018. This is her story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Happy New Year! On January 1st the 4th Café RE group, UP, opened.

2020’ Recovery Elevator LIVE event, Dancing with the Mind, will take place June 11-13 in Denver, CO. Registration opens on January 8th, you can find more information about our events here.

On today’s episode Paul talks about meeting the man he would stay with while in Mexico, hearing his story, and discovering they had a connection through the TEDx Talk that Paul gave. You can find the TEDx Talk, I’ve been duped by alcohol, here.

Paul also discusses a video he recently watched, an interview by Dr. Gabor Mate, (author of In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts). Dr. Mate says if you want to look at what causes the addiction you have to look at the benefit of addiction. That the greatest myth on addiction is that its genetic, the other myth around addiction is that it is a choice that people make. You can watch the Dr. Gabor Mate video here.

[10:14] Paul introduces Kerri. (**Doing the shownotes for my own interview is awkward! **)

Kerri just turned 50, is married, and lives in Redding, CA. She has two adult daughters, that both have families, and is a grandmother to 4. For work Kerri recently fell into a new career, as a baker, and does stuff for RE. For fun Kerri loves to be outdoors, hiking, taking her 3 rescue dogs out, travel, and kayaking.

[15:51] Give us a background on your drinking.

Kerri started drinking in high school and was a black out drinker from the start. A family move before 9th grade made Kerri very angry. Alcohol helped her fit into a new school and she quickly became known as a partier.

Kerri got married at 19, had her daughters right away. She says that her and her ex-husband were problem drinkers throughout their entire 17-year marriage. Kerri’s drinking really ramped up after her divorce.

[17:00] How old were you when you realized you had a problem with alcohol?

Kerri says that in high school she knew she didn’t drink like her friends, but that she didn’t care. Alcohol got her out of her shell.

[18:00] What happened after your divorce?

Kerri says her drinking ramped up and it got bad, really quick. It was a big life change for Kerri, with the divorce, having to go out and find a job, and her daughters basically being out of the house. She was drinking at home alone, blacking out every time.

[23:35] How come you didn’t feel ready to do this interview?

Kerri said she didn’t feel like she had anything worth sharing. She said that has felt that way all her life.

[26:23] Did you have a rock bottom moment?

Kerri said yes. After getting her teaching credential later in life, which Kerri says was a dream job, she was fired from two teaching jobs as the result of her drinking. Kerri surrendered her teaching credential.

[31:00] Talk to us about how you did it the first weeks, first month.

Kerri said it was really hard, that she didn’t know what anyone (co-workers, parents) was told or what they knew. Kerri was afraid to leave her house for fear of running into someone, she would grocery shop at 2:00 AM. She said she was filled with so much anxiety that she didn’t know how she was going to come out of it the 2nd time around. She went to a therapist for the first time. She sought out and entered into a 90-day IOP program.

[35:17] You’ve burned the ships on social media, what kind of response have you received?

Kerri said she has received nothing but support and encouragement, and she encourages everyone to do it.

[37:50] Talk to us about the breakthrough you had at the Bozeman retreat.

Kerri said she got much from the entire retreat but it was the Clarity Breathwork that really did it for her. She said once she was able to stop paying attention to what was going on around her and just do her thing, she was able to experience something powerful that changed her.

[44:38] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

That I don’t have to live up to, what I think are, other people’s expectations.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

All these RE retreats, that is something I never would have imagined doing…taking off and meeting strangers.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

I’m kind of boring, I really don’t do the mocktail thing, I’m a water drinker.

What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

Definitely Café RE, these sober meetups, retreats and I listen to a lot of podcasts.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

Travel, travel, and more travel. I want to do a marathon.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

To recover, get sober, whatever you want to call it, your way. Your way may be different than someone else’s, and to not worry about what other people think.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You wake up one morning with a broken ankle and you have no idea how you did it.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

Recovery Elevator in Costa Rica: From Jungle to the Beach - October 8 - 18th, 2020

You can find more information about our events here.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

SkillShare

Get two months free of classes with Skillshare at www.skillshare.com/ELEVATOR

BetterHelp

Skillshare

For two free months of premium membership visit www.skillshare.com/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts from the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 254: Your are What You Think Dec 30, 2019

Justin took his last drink on November 5, 2018. This is his story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

On January 1st, 2020 the 4th Café RE group will open.

2020’ Recovery Elevator LIVE event, Dancing with the Mind, will take place June 11-14 in Denver, CO. You can find more information about our events here.

On today’s episode Paul talks about manifestation, how you basically create your future with your thoughts. We all do it, most often unconsciously.

What is, and isn’t, possible isn’t your business, it’s nature’s business. Your business is to thrive towards what you want; sobriety, the why. To create what you want it must be clear in your mind, stay the course, make a commitment to this clear and coherent goal of quitting drinking.

If you don’t know what you truly want, seek love and connection in the mind with thoughts. Those two alone will blast through addiction.

[14:25] Paul introduces Justin.

Justin lives in Santa Cruz, CA. He is a musician and has been playing music for about 22 years. He is 31 years old.

[17:27] Give us a background on your drinking.

Justin says he got introduced to drugs and alcohol around the age of 16. He says he always wanted just a little bit more than everyone else, and then he started mixing up the drugs and alcohol at the same time.

Shortly after graduating high school Justin’s mother passed away and that sent him down a spiral. He started to really abuse drugs and alcohol, waking up sick every morning and hardly able to function. He realized that he needed to get help or he was going to die.

[19:00] How old were you when you realized you needed to get help?

Justin says it was around the age of 24 that he first really realized it, but that it wasn’t until the age of 27 that he really that he had thoughts of really quitting. At 27 Justin realized he had to stop, and that he couldn’t stop.

[19:43] What happened then?

One of Justin’s friends told him about the plant medicine ayahuasca. Justin felt like he had to options, rehab or try the plant medicine. He signed up for an ayahuasca ceremony.

Within a couple hours of drinking the plant medicine the first night Justin says he had a life changing experience. He was taken right to his mother’s death and says she was there with him, holding him. After that experience that night Justin completely quit everything and was sober for 16 months.

[23:20] What sneaky ideas did the thinking mind put in your head at 16 months?

It was New Year’s Eve and Justin had the thought that he would just drink a couple drinks that night, and go back to his sobriety the next day. What happened is he got black out drunk, doesn’t remember the night, and woke up sick.

[24:38] How long did you go back out for, and what brought you back?

Justin said he went back out for 7 months, and then he did another ayahuasca ceremony, which brought him back. At the time he felt that he needed the plant medicine to bring him back, but now he’s learning he can access that state of consciousness with yoga and meditation.

[26:15] Get us up to speed to your sobriety date.

There very last night Justin drank he told himself that he needed to stop. He started the night saying he would just drink one pint. The one pint led to at least 10 more drinks and Justin found himself getting kicked out of the bar. He got in his car, blacked out drunk, and sped away to the gym he goes to. He walked into the gym with a 12 pack of beer, went to the locker room and started chugging them, and puking in the lockers. Justin made a big scene and many other members were complaining about him. He was asked to leave the gym, or they were calling the cops. At the end of this night Justin woke up naked, covered in puke, in a bush in his yard, not remembering anything.

[35:39] Talk to us about how you did it?

Justin said he called a therapist the next morning, to talk about rehab. He was going to at least one AA meeting a day the first couple weeks. He still goes to a meeting about once a week, but doesn’t feel that meetings help him as much as meditation and yoga. Justin says a recent meditation cruise was the best trip of his life.

[42:25] Talk to us about meditation.

Justin says he feels that his alcohol abuse was led by feeling there was a hole, or emptiness, that he wanted to fill, or that he wasn’t enough. He wanted to cover up all those thoughts with alcohol. But now, he’s learned, that instead of covering up the thoughts he doesn’t want, to create the thoughts he does.

[52:30] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

To love myself.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

Meeting all these amazing people that are connected to the heart.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Probably water, honestly.

What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

Plant medicine and YouTube.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

Creating more music to help people heal.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

I would say to spend more time connecting to your heart and spirit.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You’re waking up naked, outside your house, on two hits of acid.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

Recovery Elevator in Costa Rica: From Jungle to the Beach - October 8 - 18th, 2020

You can find more information about our events here.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts from the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 253: Sobriety is Your Superpower Dec 23, 2019

Val took her last drink on June 26, 2019. This is her story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

On January 1st, 2020 the 4th Café RE group will open.

2020’ Recovery Elevator LIVE event, Dancing with the Mind, will take place June 11-14 in Denver, CO. You can find more information about our events here.

On today’s episode Paul talks about some recent events that he has gone through and why he ended up in Oaxaca, Mexico.

While meditating this past June, Oaxaca; the name, the city, just showed up. Shortly after that, Oaxaca started showing up in film, tv, Netflix episodes, the Internet, and a gift he received from his mom was from Oaxaca. Paul says he then knew he had to travel to Oaxaca.

Sobriety is your superpower, and an offshoot of that superpower is putting the body and mind in a state of calm.

[12:00] Paul introduces Val.

Val is 30 years old and is from Fort Collins, CO. She works from home for a software company. Val is married and is one of 5 children, and also has 4 step siblings. For fun Val likes to golf, walk her dog, do crafty things, cook and enjoys the outdoors.

[16:00] Give us a background on your drinking.

Val started drinking around the age 14/15 in high school, usually just on the weekends. In college her drinking became almost a daily activity, which was also the time she was prescribed Adderall. During college Val worked at different bars, and continued working in the restaurant industry after college. In a way, working at these places, validated Val’s drinking because she didn’t see herself as bad off as those she was serving alcohol to.

Once out of college her drinking habit changed and she was drinking more at home, with her husband. This, at the age of 24/25, is also when she started using her Adderall more than it was prescribed. Adderall kept her productive even with a hangover.

Around this same time Val says she started to realize that she (and her husband) might have a problem with alcohol and they started trying to moderate.

[21:48] Half way through this year you both stopped drinking for a couple weeks, and then both relapsed, fill us in from there.

Val says she was out of town when they relapsed, and that when she came back her husband was ready to be sober. She said she would do the same, but it was because she was abusing her Adderall and it was keeping her high. When she would run out of her Adderall she would start drinking again.

[22:55] What was the tipping point for you?

Both Val and her husband started going to AA. Val was going to meetings and meeting with her sponsor, but still drinking. Her tipping point came one night while throwing out all the bottles she had been hiding.

[25:45] Talk to us about what happened after that moment of clarity?

Val says she stayed up all night and waited for her husband to wake up because she had to tell him she had been drinking. It was a very emotional moment, he had known she was drinking, but he wanted her to make the decision to stop. A couple hours later she emailed her doctor and told her what was going on and to stop prescribing her any medication. Later that same day she also shared with family member and her sponsor.

[27:40] What happened after you burned the ships?

Val says it created the accountability she needed, and she could no longer go back.

[30:43] How has it been for you off the ADD meds?

Val says she doesn’t get her house as clean as she used to, but that she is a more whole person without them.

[31:56] Talk to us about the last few months, has there been challenges, have you had cravings?

Val has had cravings, but says she doesn’t get them as often anymore. Working from home can be triggering, and that is when Val plays the tape forward.

[32:34] Walk us through a typical day.

AA is still a bog part of Val’s journey and she goes to 2-3 meetings a week. She has worked all the 12 steps with her sponsor and just recently started to sponsor someone herself.

Val tries to get up at the same time every day, take a walk, do a daily reflection, and then jump right into work. Keeping a routine is really important to Val.

[42:10] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

That connection with other people is so important.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

Every single day has been a memorable moment.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

LaCroix, any sparkling water, and my bad habit drink is the Redbull Pear Sugar-free.

What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

Any, and all, podcasts I listen to. I have read Annie Grace’s book, and your book Paul. And I am an avid believer in AA.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

Right now, my focus is on my job, and hopefully in the near future starting a family.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

If you are on the fence if you should stop drinking, then you should stop drinking.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You are literally drinking in your closet before you attend an AA meeting.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

Recovery Elevator in Costa Rica: From Jungle to the Beach - October 8 - 18th, 2020

You can find more information about our events here.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Hello Fresh

Get 9 free meals at www.hellofresh.com/recoveryfresh9 and use the promo code recoveryfresh9

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts From the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 252: Future Tripping Dec 16, 2019

Wendy took her last drink on June 4, 2017. This is her story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

On January 1st, 2020 the 4th Café RE group will open.

There will be 2 in-person meetups in Australia this December. If you would like more info or would like to RSVP please email info@recoveryelevator.com.

On today’s episode Paul talks about incessantly thinking in the future, why we do that, what that leads to, and how to put that thinking beast back into the cage.

When we are living in the future, we start to feel stress. Once we recognize, and become aware of how often we are future tripping, we can no longer ignore it and the deprograming has already begun. We deprogram first, then we reprogram.

[13:45] Paul introduces Wendy.

Wendy is 57 years old, married and lives in Sun City Center, Florida. She has two sons and one grandson. She works as a critical care nurse which she loves. For fun Wendy loves to be out in nature, exercise, walk, and do yoga. She also has a corgi and participates in dog shows.

[21:45] Give us a background on your drinking.

Wendy took her first drink at the age of 13. After her parents split up, she became her dad’s drinking buddy. She went from using food to stuff down her feelings, to using beer. This continued through her teens, twenties and into her thirties. But it was escalating and she was needing more and more to catch that buzz.

[24:20] Was there a moment that you recognized it was ramping up?

Wendy says she definitely knew that it was getting problematic and that she was having side effects from it. She says that although she didn’t get anything like a DUI, alcohol was taking up too much real estate in her mind.

[25:55] When did you realize it was ramping up?

Wendy says it was in her early 50s. She didn’t really have a rock bottom moment but says she woke up one day and said, “I am done.” She says it was almost like she flipped a switch in her head.

[39:00] What techniques work for you when you are feeling anxiety?

When Wendy first quit drinking she started going to a phycologist, who really helped her in the beginning. One of the things she taught her was HALT, and to never let herself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Wendy says she still follows that to this day.

[42:20] How did you get through the first few months?

Wendy says she read a whole lot of quit lit. She joined a support group on Facebook. She has a sobriety tool box and she keeps full.

[47:00] What are the differences between year one and year two?

Wendy says that year one really felt like survival, in a lot of ways, and how to be this new person. Learning how to deal with things without alcohol as a buffer.

Wendy says that the cool thing about year two is that so many of those triggers start to fall away. She says she doesn’t have the voices whispering to her, telling her how great it would be to drink.

[51:15] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

That there is an entire world that doesn’t revolve around alcohol.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

The sunrises, being up with the sun and making that connection that life can be a beautiful thing without alcohol.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

LaCroix sparkling water.

What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

Journaling as I mentioned before, I like coloring, artwork and gardening. Having that tool box available in my mind.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

Definitely more traveling.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

If you think you have a problem, you probably do.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You pee down your leg, at a gala, at a fancy hotel, because you’re so drunk you can’t wait to get up to the room, and you just act like nothing is wrong.

Upcoming retreats:

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing With the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

Recovery Elevator in Costa Rica: From Jungle to the Beach - October 8 - 18th, 2020

You can find more information about our events here.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode is brought to you by the smart shopping assistant Honey. Get Honey for free at www.joinhoney.com/elevator . Honey, the smart shopping assistant that saves you time and money when you're shopping online

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts From the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 251: When a Spouse Quits Drinking Dec 09, 2019

Torey took his last drink on October 9, 2017. This is his story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

On January 1st, 2020 the 4th Café RE group will open.

There will be 2 in-person meetups in Australia this December. If you would like more info or would like to RSVP please email info@recoveryelevator.com.

On today’s episode Paul talks about what happens when a loved one quits drinking. First off, relationships are tricky even when not exposed to addiction turmoil.

It is important to remember that both parties need healing. Here is some advice for the problem drinker in the relationship; remember communication is key and ask for help. Here is some advice for the normal drinker in the relationship; first off, you can’t change the problem drinker, make sure you protect yourself and your energies, set boundaries.

[13:30] Paul introduces Torey.

Torey is 47 years old and lives in Bainbridge, WA and has 2 kids. He has been married since 2000. For fun Torey like fabricating and has been spending time finishing a lot of projects. He enjoys spending time with his family and going to school functions.

[18:00] Give us a background on your drinking.

Torey grew up in a small Wisconsin town and in high school drank on the weekends because that’s what kids did. After high school Torey continued binge drinking during his Coast Guard years. After the Coast Guard Torey went to work in the maritime field and his drinking continued.

Through the mid-nineties to 2010 the daily drinking continued and progressed.

[22:40] What happened when you realized there wasn’t another kind of alcohol to switch to, to feel better?

Torey says his drinking was starting to be noticed and talked about. He realized that his kids had probably never seen him without a drink in his hands. When he started to hide his alcohol, he realized he might have a problem. He tried to moderate, which never worked. In 2015 things really ramped up. Torey was depressed, waking up so hungover that he was calling in sick, avoiding things at work, and the connection with his family was dwindling.

[25:40] When you realized you weren’t going to be able to make yourself stop did you seek outside sources?

Torey says he knew he couldn’t fix things himself and that he needed to start listening to people around him. On October 9, 2017, Torey’s wife made an appointment for them to see a counselor that knew about addiction.

[28:20] Talk to us about that day.

Torey says he knew where he could get the outside support, that he knew about AA, but didn’t go to a meeting for a couple days. He started listening to podcasts. He read Annie Grace’s book, This Naked Mind, and said that’s where it all came together for him.

[32:30] When did you reach the moment when you thought, “I might be able to do this.”?

Torey says it was around day 14, he was out of town for work and looking for an AA meeting. The feeling that he had something in common with the 8-10 people at the meeting made it all click.

[35:50] What have been some of the challenges you’ve faced and resources you’ve implemented along your journey?

Torey said his first hurdle was avoiding people that he worked with that still drank heavily, and when he couldn’t avoid them, he had a plan in place. He made sure he had things to do in the evening. He found an AA home group and was going weekly. When he would have a craving, he would follow the drink, knowing that it would never end with just that one drink.

[44:48] How did it feel when you reached the conclusion that alcohol no longer defines you?

Torey says he felt like he could be himself again. He feels like he can be his true self.

[47:35] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

When after having a panic attack he had to be honest with the doctor about how much he drank.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

Anytime I can go on vacation with the family.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Definitely LaCroix, but I’ll drink any sparkling water.

What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

Café RE, this group has been awesome, the AA community where I live, and reading more and more.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

Finishing some major yard art I have started.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Dig deep. If you are thinking you might have a problem, you probably do. Listen to those around you, ask for guidance and help.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

A friend had given me a bottle of vodka with a bunch of peppercorns in it, and it was the last alcohol in the house and it wasn’t going to go down the drain.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

RE LIVE in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Skillshare - for two free months of instruction, go to www.skillshare.com/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts From the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 250: Is Sobriety all Unicorns and Rainbows? Dec 02, 2019

Dee took her last drink on January 17, 2019. This is her story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

On January 1st, 2020 the 4th Café RE group will open.

There will be 2 in-person meetups in Australia this December. If you would like more info or would like to RSVP please email info@recoveryelevator.com.

On today’s episode Paul talks about PAWS, or what he refers to as ‘healing symptoms. You can find a YouTube video on these healing symptoms, or PAWS, here. This period of experiencing these healing symptoms usually lasts anywhere from 3 – 6 months, but could last a little longer.

You have 2 choices. The 1st choice is to keep drinking. With this choice there will be a painful progression and whatever emotions and physical repercussions you’re experiencing now will only be enhanced in time.

The 2nd choice is to quit drinking and embark on the most heroic journey. This choice gives you options, and you don’t have to decide today.

[14:50] Paul introduces Dee.

Dee is 50 years old and recently moved to Albuquerque, NM. She works as a purchaser for the Federal Government. For fun Dee enjoys walking, hiking, biking, and meeting up with her fellow sober peeps.

[17:20] Give us a background on your drinking.

Dee was first introduced to alcohol by her parents as a child during the holidays. With high school came beer. Between high school and the age of 21 Dee really didn’t do much drinking. 21 years old rolls around and Dee got really good at drinking and socializing. Alcohol seemed to fix her feelings of not being enough. Always a tomboy Dee felt the guys didn’t really take an interest in her so the alcohol helped her become more flirtatious.

At the age of 25 Dee became, what she called, a pro at drinking. Dee’s dad got sick and passed, this prompted her to switch from drinking beer to hard liquor, thinking this would stop her from becoming an alcoholic. A month later Dee’s husband died. Dee says she dove into the booze at this time and continued to drink heavily for years.

[23:15] Do you feel that you properly grieved?

Dee says she did not, that she didn’t know how to properly grieve. Alcohol helped her get through this time in her life, when she was in so much pain she didn’t want to live. It allowed her to sleep and it allowed her to manage getting up every day.

[25:25] What role did alcohol play in your 30s and 40s?

Dee was living in Florida and back to drinking “normal”. At 33 Dee moved to Atlanta and decided she needed to quit drinking, so she did. She quit for 7 months. She started going to AA, and although she didn’t feel it was for her she continued to go because that is what she knew to do at the time.

After an offer of some free Dom Pérignon, Dee began drinking again. Fast forward to when Dee first joined Café RE. This was when her drinking really started to escalate, in 2018. Dee was in an unhappy marriage and although she didn’t want to drink, she couldn’t stop. Dee first joined Café RE in June 2018 and then thought she had her drinking under control and could moderate. She quit RE and drank for another 4 months before rejoining in January 2019.

[31:50] Was there an emotional rock bottom?

Dee says she fought with God, her higher power, over this for 25+ years. She says it was exhausting having one foot in church and one foot doing the drinking thing. So, Dee made the decision to face life without the alcohol.

[38:15] You’re entering the scary and uncomfortable area in life, called the unknown, how is this going?

Dee says it is going well and she is not afraid.

[39:40] Has there been cravings?

Having the mindset that drinking is not an option has helped Dee. Dee has a lot of options to reach out to people when she needs to, and she uses them. Connection and community are key. Dee is slowly building connections locally, in a healthy way.

[41:50] What is something that you learned at the RE Bozeman Retreat that you can implement in your journey?

Dee says the meditation and the breathwork were the two big things for her, they have helped her slow down and stay in the present.

[45:00] What are your thoughts on relapse?

Dee says she hates that word. That is breaks her heart when she sees people posting that they have relapsed, and not because she thinks less of them, but because she knows how hard it is to pick yourself back up and stack days.

[47:15] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

You can do it.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

Nashville and Bozeman.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Waterloo Sparkling Water, Mango flavored.

What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

Well, the number one is Café RE.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

Writing a book.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Believe in yourself.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You are in Ireland, flying solo, and you walk into a bar in Dublin, and there’s all guys. One of the guys proposes to you, puts his ring on your finger, you go to the restroom and the ring falls off in the toilet, you have to fish it out, and you have to break up with him.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

RE LIVE in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Honey

Hello Fresh

Get 9 free meals at www.hellofresh.com/recoveryfresh9 and use the promocode recoveryfresh9

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts From the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 249: Don’t Worry About How to Quit Drinking Nov 25, 2019

Lauren took her last drink on November 17, 2018. This is her story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

On today’s episode Paul talks about the ‘how’, and says not to worry about the how you are going to quit drinking. Once you know the ‘why’ you want to quit drinking the how always solves itself.

If you need help coming up with the why, most likely you have an encyclopedia of evidence behind you. It could be the intense emotional dips, depression, anxiety, letting yourself or those you love down. Put that why to work in your favor.

[13:30] Paul introduces Lauren.

Lauren is 38 years old. She lives in Sharon, Mass, and is adjunct faculty at a university in Boston in their School of Social Work. Lauren is married and has 3 children. For fun Lauren enjoys spending time outside, listening to LIVE music and hanging out with friends.

[15:47] Give us a background on your drinking.

Lauren says alcohol set up shop in her life while she was attending the University of Mass. In 2007 while she was finishing up her Masters in Social Work, she came across a binge drinking scale and realized that she had surpassed all female scales and was binge drinking like a man. This was the first time the Lauren felt, in her gut, that something might be wrong.

Instead of listening to this bodily cue Lauren pushed it away and ignored it.

In 2009 Lauren met her wife and saw a life she wanted and made some changes in terms of her drinking.

[19:00] Talk to me about those changes that you made?

Lauren says she just naturally toned it down a little bit. Her partner had children so they started doing more family things. In 2011 they were married. Lauren says that, at this time, her drinking was progressing and taking up more and more space in her life.

In 2013 there was a hard stoop in Lauren’s drinking, during her pregnancy, and she gave birth to their daughter. Even though there was this break in her drinking things picked up right where she left off.

[20:25] What happens next?

Lauren is a stay at home mom and her drinking escalates. She wasn’t isolating, she joined a mom’s group, and really didn’t think she had a drinking problem because she wasn’t drinking during the day. Lauren says that she started using drinking as a reward. She was blacking out more frequently, her relationships started suffering and Lauren says that, clearly, her addiction had the upper hand.

[21:40] When did you start to realize there was a problem?

November 20, 2018, they got a phone call, one that you never hope to receive. Lauren’s stepson exited his car on a busy roadway and was struck by an oncoming vehicle. They soon learned that his injuries were far too significant for treatment and had to prepare to say goodbye. All the emotions and feelings she had been dousing in alcohol over the years came to the surface.

[23:40] What happened on November 20th?

Lauren says she somehow allowed all those emotions in fully and was unexplainably present in that hospital room. As the hours passed, she began to notice that along with all the pain and sadness in that hospital room there was something beautiful happening. Lauren says she felt gratitude, and felt it in every fiber of her body.

[30:50] What happened after that first AA meeting?

Lauren say she stuck it out with AA and is still working the steps and feels that there is great value to the steps.

[31:30] What was life like after that?

Lauren says the first weeks were really hard, but that all her relationships improved.

[37:38] Talk to us about your experience with the breathwork session we had at the RE Bozeman Retreat.

Lauren says she is glad she didn’t know anything about breathwork prior to the session so she just followed directions and was breathing like they said to. Lauren experienced her stepson, Michael, visiting and talking to her during the session.

[48:00] What’s on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

Travel and showing our daughter the world.

[49:00] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

That it’s not about alcohol anymore.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

The fact that I have memories. Everyday with my family is memorable.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Pamplemousse LaCroix

What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

Podcasts…Recovery Elevator, Recovery Happy Hour, and I do a lot of reading on The Temper.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

You’re worth it. You can do it.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You add Tito’s to your spiked seltzer.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts From the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 248: Your Story Nov 18, 2019

Patrick took his last drink on January 1, 2019. This is his story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

A new Café RE group will be launching January 1, 2020! Also, Recovery Elevator Meet-ups in Australia have been scheduled for December! Be sure to check the events calendar or the weekly email.

Paul is currently working on a meditation course, that he hopes to have out by early next year…warning, you may just might fall in love with yourself.

On today’s episode Paul talks about sharing and owning our story. This can be therapeutic, but also, if done too many times, dangerous. Why? Your story becomes your future. How do we stop this? We learn to protect us from our thoughts. When you take your energies and thoughts off your past addictions and traumas they can disappear. One way to do this is through meditation.

[11:15] Paul introduces Patrick.

Patrick was born and raised in Boston. He is a high school teacher and teaches religion and history. He is married and has a 6-year-old daughter. For fun Patrick likes long distance hiking, car camping and road trips.

[14:20] Give us a background on your drinking.

Patrick says he accepted that he was an alcoholic at the age of 18 when he entered the seminary. He got a fake ID at the age of 16 and was going into liquor stores at 16 and buying his own liquor. At the age of 18 Patrick started going to AA meetings. Patrick started drinking again, about the age of 29, and only beer.

The next couple of years the beer became scotch, then vodka. After about 2 weeks of consuming vodka for 2 weeks Patrick contemplated suicide. When his baby was only 2 weeks old Patrick went to the hospital. He is 45 years old. He is checked into the hospital for 9 days to detox. A year later…picking up his 1-year chip at an AA meeting, he had already had a couple drinks before the meeting.

[19:35] What happened next?

Patrick and his wife decided they were going to have a baby. Wasn’t what he planned…but he started hitting the bottle hard. He started hiding bottles all over. Patrick wrapped bottles in his hospital bag to get through the birth of his child.

[33:50] What was different this time?

Patrick says he reached a turning point, he could stay on the couch drinking scotch and vodka and have his wife leave him, or live the life he knew he wanted.

[39:45] How’d you do it??

Like a bird…worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Be fully present in every moment.

[43:50] What are some of the lessons you have learned about yourself along the way?

Patrick says he is discovering who he’s always been.

[45:30] Were there cravings?

Patrick says he has had cravings in the past but not the past 9 months.

[47:05] How has your life changed without alcohol?

Patrick says he is fully present with his wife and with his daughter…and fully present with himself.

[47:50] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

Honesty. I lied mostly to myself, and then when I stopped it got better.

What is a gift that sobriety has given you?

Camping on the river with my daughter.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Polar Mango Cherry Bliss.

What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

Podcasts…Recovery Elevator, This Naked Mind, Recovery Revolution, I go to AA and volunteer at a detox center.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

A cross country trip with my 6-year-old.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Brutal honesty with self.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

You shoot vodka nips on your way to your 1-year AA anniversary.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

https://www.inverse.com/article/58809-alcohol-study-does-it-change-your-personality

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts From the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 247: Is Alcohol to Blame for Bad Behavior? Nov 11, 2019

Jody took her last drink on October 20, 2015. This is her story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

On today’s episode Paul shares with the listeners the many (12) steps, and team members, it takes to put a podcast episode together. And listeners…you are part of the team!

Paul also covers an article he came across that talks about the relationship between alcohol and antisocial behavior is well documented. You can find a link to the article here.

The question is, can we blame our bad behavior on the alcohol? The study in this article says no. Alcohol, according to the study, does not change your personality. Drunken you has the same moral compass as sober you.

[10:20] Paul introduces Jody.

Jody is 30 years old and lives in Orlando, Florida. She is a flight attendant and a mindset and transformation coach. Jody is not married and does not have any kids, yet. She loves to travel, read, cook, and do yoga.

[13:25] Give us a background on your drinking.

Jody was introduced to alcohol her freshman year of college. She found that alcohol helped her social anxiety. After graduating from college, she thought she would leave the binge drinking behind. That didn’t happen. She continued to drink and smoke and have blackouts, and this frustrated Jody.

[17:15] Can you dive deeper into your frustration?

She moved back home and that addiction followed her. It helped her find people that made her feel normal. Once she decided she wanted to become a flight attendant she knew she would have to stop smoking because they drug test you. So, she did, and she got the job. During this time Jody started drinking more and drinking alone.

[22:40] Get us up to speed, did you try to moderate, was there a rock bottom moment?

When she started drinking alone, she tried to make rules and moderate, always breaking the rules. The voice inside got really loud and she started to believe that the world would be a better place without her. She felt her problem was too big. This is when she started to listen to the Recovery Elevator podcast. She got a new therapist and at the age of 27 she identified herself as an alcoholic, a word she does not use anymore.

[24:30] Tell me your thinking on not using the word alcoholic anymore?

Jody feels very passionate about this…this feels it’s a very dangerous and harmful term to use.

[27:40] Bring us up to October 20, 2015.

Jody says she was just sick and tired or being sick and tired.

[28:20] What happened after that?

Jody says she’s pretty much did it on her own. She took it one day at a time. Jody structured her days and it helped her stay sober and grounded.

[29:15] In the first couple months did you experience cravings, and how’d you get past them?

Jody says she made a really firm decision that she didn’t want to drink and she didn’t experience cravings.

[30:20] Share with us your biggest life lessons during the last 4 years.

Jody’s first year was dedicated to loving herself. Year 2, 3, & 4 was all about mindset. She changed the way she viewed what had happened and how alcohol was viewed in out society. This ultimately made her leave AA.

[33:40] Tell us about being a Mindset and Transformation Coach.

About a year ago Jody decided she wanted to do something to help others that want to be alcohol free. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

[38:25] You are loud and proud on social media, what has been the response?

Jody says her posts are never about her, they are about the people that need to hear it. About sharing her story for those that need to hear that message.

[43:30] Where can people get in contact with you?

You can find Jody on Instagram here.

[44:00] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

Realizing I am not my addiction, I am not what I have experienced.

What is a gift that sobriety has given you?

Being fully present at all times.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Recently I had a spicy AF jalapeno margherita.

What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind, Alan Carr’s The Easy Way to Quit Drinking for Women, this podcast, and anyone that is loud and proud on Instagram.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

I want to help as many people as I can through coaching.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Be open, and committed. Stay curious.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

If you use the layering technique in your recycling bin.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Jody via Instagram @jodyventura

You Can’t Blame Alcohol for Acting Like an A-hole Anymore, Say Scientists

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oERDuy1WxgU&t=72s

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts From the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 246: Oops! I Accidentally Posted That I Quit Drinking on Social Media Nov 04, 2019

Wendall took his last drink on June 13, 2019. This is his story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

On today’s episode Paul talks about the 5 responses you get when you tell people you don’t drink. He also discusses what you do when you accidently post on social media that you no longer drink.

The 5 responses:

70% of the time you hear total support, “Wow that’s so cool, because I want you to be the best version of you.”

20% of the time the response will be that the person you told has a family member or close friend that has also quit drinking alcohol.

5% of the time you will get bombarded with questions as to why you don’t drink.

4% of the time they will be supportive but will no longer be a part of your life, drinking was the reason they were.

1% of the time they will not be supportive of your decision to ditch the booze.

[22:30] Paul introduces Wendall.

Wendall lives in Toronto Ontario, Canada. He is 42 years old and is a director, producer, and cinematographer of documentaries. Wendall is married and has a 6-year-old son. For fun Wendall enjoys getting out in nature.

[23:35] Give us a background on your drinking.

Wendall says he didn’t really start drinking until he was in university, about 1996. Up until his late 30’s he was mostly a social drinker. Things shifted then. He was working a lot, traveling a lot, was stressed. Drinking became habitual at this time; it was both a reward and a stress reliever. With added responsibilities, came anxiety. Drinking then became a coping mechanism. In 2018 Wendall realized that all the rules of moderation he had tried to put in place weren’t working.

About 6 months ago binge drinking really started to rear its ugly head. He finally decided he couldn’t drink anymore.

[34:00] How did it feel after you set the bottle down?

It felt like every new beginning comes from some others beginnings end.

[35:25] What was it like living life without alcohol the first few days and weeks?

Because his drinking was habitual Wendall realized he would have to create new habits. He started listening to recovery podcasts. His first 30 days was done pretty much in solitude. Instead of having his normal evening drinks he would listen to a podcast and read a few chapters.

[39:20] How long did it take for the new habits to take hold?

Wendall says it only took about 14 days because he wanted it so badly.

[43:00] Have you told your film crew or others in your industry?

Wendall has told his film crew as the situation came up, he simply tells them he just doesn’t drink.

[48:24] This project, Sober House, showed up on your plate when you were also exploring a life without alcohol?

Wendall says it showed up in and around the time he was having some internal conflict with his drinking. Listening to the kids in this film talk about how much alcohol has impacted their lives was like the hammer hitting the nail square on the head.

[51:52] How can the listeners find out more information about this project?

They can go to www.soberhouse.ca , they can follow us on Instagram and Twitter at soberhousefilm.

[53:27] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

Moments with my son are way better without a hangover.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

While filming in the Yukon and coming out of the tent in the morning, mist rising off the lake, the sun streaming down and the mountain revealing itself.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Does ice cream count?

What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

I really dialed back into my love of reading. The Recovery Elevator podcast, I binged that pretty hard the first 30 days, same with Recovery Happy Hour.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

To really have great experiences with my family.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

I have 2, the first one is to listen to your body. The second one is listen to your body.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

If you know where every liquor store is in every major airport in your country.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Sober House film

Honey This episode is brought to you by the smart shopping assistant Honey. Get Honey for free at www.joinhoney.com/elevator. Honey, the smart shopping assistant that saves you time and money when you're shopping online.

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts From the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 245: The Runaway Car Oct 28, 2019

Jay took his last drink on Decemeber 26, 2018. This is his story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

On today’s episode Paul talks about a response to a post on Reddit. Not knowing exactly what the initial post said, Paul guesses it was something about the poster wanting to ditch the booze, but not being able to.

The response…” You know what, you‘re heading in the right direction to win. You want to stop. You literally cannot win without that. I’ve lost friends to booze and none of them wanted to stop. Wanting to stop provides friction. It adds resistance to drinking, which has the effect of reducing your intake. Maybe you start an hour later in the day. Maybe you drink one glass less. That helps. It makes it easier to apply more friction in the future.”

The intention to stop is the most important thing.

[9:44] Paul introduces Jay.

Jay is 37 years old and grew up in upstate New York. He has lived in North Carolina for the last 9 years. He has a full-time sales job and a full time real-estate side hustle. He enjoys mountain biking and golf. He is married.

[11:05] Give us a background on your drinking.

In high school Jay had fun after the Friday night football games. In college Jay partied on Friday and Saturday nights. He was a weekend warrior during his twenties. He relocated in 2010 and started experiencing problems that he couldn’t solve. This is when alcohol really made it’s appearance.

[14:40] Do you feel your sports background backfired when it came to quitting drinking?

Yes. Jay says he ran into a set of problems that he could not out hustle, could not out grind.

[15:30] Early thirties and anxiety is creeping up, take it from there.

Rather than talking about it with the people he loved he internalized it. 2016-2018 Jay says he was a pressure cooker. He was never saying no, never setting boundaries.

[17:50] Did you ever try to moderate?

Around 2016 Jay recognized that alcohol was getting out of control. He would go 30-40 days AF a few times a year. After trying to fight a stranger at a party Jay knew the gig was up. He later had a conversation with his best friend and told him that he thought he had a drinking problem. Jay says that in that moment he felt a weight off his shoulders.

[27:24] What did you find when you went internal?

Jay learned that he’s a people pleaser, that he didn’t know what boundaries were, and having his emotional bids minimized really hurt.

[32:20] How’d you do it?

Jay says ever since the moment he told his friend that he has a drinking problem he has not experienced cravings. He has not attended AA, and does not like the term ‘alcoholic’.

[33:35] What’s been the hardest thing you’ve gone through in sobriety?

Jay says he’s gone through some events where there has been a lot of drinking and when people asked him why he wasn’t drinking his reply was, “I have goals so big that I and to give up some things.”

[37:15] What advice can you give to guys out there about emotions?

There is no courage without vulnerability.

[41:05] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

Finally digging down to what was causing the sadness and now having an awareness of that.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

Those moments where this incredible peace overcomes you.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

I drink coffee and water.

What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

Writing in my journal every morning has been a tremendous help.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

Fly to California and drive the Pacific Coast Highway from end to end.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Have the courage to be honest with yourself and with the people closest to you.

You might need to ditch the booze if...

If you self-impose a rule of only two 24 oz. Twisted Teas and then switch to Miller Lights because you’re worried about cavities.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts From the Inside Out. We can do this.”

RE 244: The Opposite of Addiction is Connection Oct 21, 2019

Gracie took her last drink on September 29, 2018. This is her story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

On today’s episode Paul talks about connection. Human connection is an innate need to create a social bond with others.

For those that found a temporary connection with alcohol and are now trying to ditch the booze now find them facing disconnection head on. You are listening to the inner voice that isn’t craving alcohol, but is craving connection.

How to connect…ask for connection every single morning. Aim for 50% to be external connections, and the other 50% internal. If a connection is built within, we can go through difficult times in life and still feel that warmth. If you address the internal connection the external connection solves itself.

SHOW NOTES

[14:25] Paul introduces Gracie.

Gracie grew up in the Midwest and is currently living in Chicago. She is 32 years old and is a nurse. Gracie loves camping, backpacking, traveling abroad doing medical trips, and has recently gotten into rock and minerals. She lives with her boyfriend, who is 4 years sober.

[22:55] Give us a background on your drinking.

Gracie didn’t start drinking until she was 19 years old and off at college. Her drinking didn’t get bad until age 21/22 when she was in the Peace Corp and was partying hard with the other volunteers. In her mid-twenties she was binge drinking on the weekends and coming home and drinking by herself. She was experiencing a lot of loneliness and anxiety at the time, so would drink. By Gracie’s late 20s she was drinking most nights and having blackouts.

Gracie says she had a lot of ‘soft bottoms’ and it wasn’t until she was about 28 years old that it occurred to her that she needed to stop drinking. It was at this time that Gracie was starting to read self-help books and was interested in spiritual growth. As she started getting into medication retreats and plant medicine, she says she kept getting the message, from her heart, that her drinking was holding her back.

[37:45] How did it feel when you started to feel your feelings?

Gracie says she was afraid in the beginning, that she was even afraid to feel a feeling coming on. She says meditation helped her let the feelings come and pass. Gracie says it took months for her to learn to trust that a feeling wouldn’t swallow her whole.

[41:45] Was there a rock bottom before you quit drinking?

Gracie says there was a lot of heartbreaking moments. She was functioning but her relationships were suffering. She says there was this constant low-grade feeling of disfunction.

[44:50] Share with us how you did it.

Podcasts and books were a big part of her getting sober. For maintenance she uses her sobriety tracker on her phone. She is running a lot and taking her health more seriously.

[46:55] Do you have an in-person community that you meet up with?

Gracie says she does not, but that she thinks that may be what is next. Meetings have never been part of her journey but she says that may be her next step.

[48:12] What was the response when you posted on social media?

Gracie says the response was so supportive and it proved to be a very good thing for her.

[50:25] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

I guess when I first heard, “stop obsessing about the word alcoholic and just look at what drinking is doing in your life.”.

What is a gift sobriety has given you?

So much energy.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

I love gingerale and I love this Jamaican drink called Ting.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

I’m starting some trainings and certifications to become a flight nurse.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Feel your feelings and love yourself. Make sobriety the most important thing in your life.

You might have a drinking problem if...

You are an avid camper and want to achieve the perfect amount of hydration with drunkenness so you mix vodka with flavored Smart Water and just end up making a total ass of yourself.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – We took the elevator down; we have to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.”

RE 243: Hope is the Problem Oct 14, 2019

Patty took her last drink on July 19, 2017. This is her story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

On today’s episode Paul talks about the two main sources of unhappiness and how hope is sending us barreling off a cliff. On the surface hope is great. But where is it located on a timeline? In the future, not in the now.

If hope isn’t serving us, then what? Throttle back on the hope and lean into ‘this moment’.

SHOW NOTES

[12:00] Paul introduces Patty.

Patty is 665 years old and is originally from Fairbanks, AK. She currently lives in Corvallis, OR. Patty has 3 children in their forties and 7 grandkids. She worked at a university for 30 years and is now retired. For fun Patty likes to hike, kayak, and sailing.

[13:55] Give us a background on your drinking.

Patty says she was 14 years od the first time she got drunk, and that she was a black-out drinker her very first time. It wasn’t until she was in her 30’s that she felt she may have a problem; it was then she started to drink at home alone.

When Patty was in her forties, she started to attempt to give up alcohol. She would go a couple days up to 11 months, and that went on for about 15 years.

[18:15] Was there a moment that it got scary for you?

In early 2017 she drove home drunk from the airport and realized the next morning how dangerous that was. She says it scared her, that she could have killed someone, or herself.

[20:50] How did you do it those first couple weeks?

Patty said she had a different mindset this time. This time her mindset was one of, ‘I don’t have to do this (drink) anymore’, rather than, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’

[26:00] What are some improvements in life that you have experienced in a life without alcohol?

Patty says she used to make a lot of plans and then not follow through with them, she doesn’t do that anymore. She has signed up to get her pilot’s license, something that she has always wanted to do. Going to the RE Bozeman retreat. She has been a lot more physically active, instead of talking about walking the dog, she just gets up and goes.

[30:25] What is something that you’ve had to go through in the last 2 years that you didn’t expect?

Patty’s mom died 3 months ago and drinking didn’t even seem like an option. It was a real tough time, losing her mom and with family drama, but she was able to be present and she didn’t have conversations that she regretted later.

[37:20] What’s the biggest thing you’ve learned about yourself in these last 2 years?

Patty says it’s that she in genuinely a happy person.

[38:00] Was there a rock-bottom moment?

The drive home from the Eugene airport. Also, on July 19 drinking with her daughter, who herself was struggling with alcohol, and her 16-year-old granddaughter.

[43:00] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

That I don’t have to drink.

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has provided you?

Waking up early, I have just started taking a morning Pilates class.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

LaCroix, hands down.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

I hope to live in Panama half of the year, and I’m working on that.

What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

Definitely Café RE, and I’m a reader so I have every self-help book probably written since 1972.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Think it all the way through, and remember you just don’t have to drink.

You might have a drinking problem if...

You consider dropping $100 at every airport bar as just part of your traveling expense.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

ZipRecruiter

This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – We can do this.”

RE 242: When to Tackle the Next Addiction Oct 07, 2019

Kelly took her last drink on October 27, 2017. This is her story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

On today’s episode Paul talks about his idea of opening an in person, wellness retreat center in Costa Rica. And while he has been working to create space for this idea and concept, and believes that the body is on board, there is still some discomfort getting out of his comfort zone.

The fact is, we all have rough days, including Paul. He says it’s important to give the body permission to feel the feelings, and also to give the body permission to allow them to go.

If this retreat center is something you’d be interested in attending email Paul at info@recoveryelevator.com .

Paul also addresses the question of, when do you know it’s a good time, after quitting alcohol, to start tackling other substances, behaviors, thought patterns, etc.? Paul’s advice is to go slow and to be patient, your body will know when it is time.

SHOW NOTES

[15:15] Paul introduces Kelly.

Kelly is 54 years old. She is married and has 2 adult children. Kelly is a full-time social worker at a hospital, and she speaks Spanish. For fun Kelly would like to get back into collecting vintage clothing. She likes to read and is looking forward to getting into outdoor activities.

[19:30] Give us a background on your drinking.

Kelly started drinking in 9th grade, just your average high school drinker. By her 2nd year of high school she feels she was drinking more regularly. She didn’t think she has a problem with alcohol because she wasn’t like her father. In 1987 she moved, thinking that that would fix any drinking issues she had.

[31:05] What happened right before you quit drinking?

There were a lot of stresses going on. She was constantly afraid of being pulled over to started to us LYFT. There was a lot of risk taking. She started buying bigger bottles.

Her son started to go to meetings for his own addictions. One nigh he told Kelly he didn’t feel it was safe for him to live at home, because of her drinking. That was the last night she drank.

[39:15] Talk to us about how you are embracing AA and the other side?

For the first 18 months Kelly was only doing AA. But she was also reading a ton of books by/or about women alcoholics. She says the AA meeting have been helpful but that she is bothered by some of the steps.

[53:00] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

That I am as strong as I am.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

I like kombucha, and I like coffee.

What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

I like Russel Brands’ Recovery on CD. I listen to him in the car. AA meetings, I do like 3-4 a week, and the Big Book.

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

Eventually liking the outdoors. Getting outside more.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Listen to any voice inside that is telling you that something is wrong.

You might have a drinking problem if...

You are 23-year-old woman that has gout.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Honey

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – We took the elevator down, we have to take the stairs back up.”

RE 241: Life Synergies Sep 30, 2019

Dan took his last drink on July 28, 2018. This is his story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

On today’s episode Paul talks about how we need to read his book, and others like it, with pride. We have to shred the shame and ditch the stigma.

He shares a letter he received from someone that attended the Recovery Elevator Retreat in Bozeman recently, and as she was reading Alcohol is Sh!t on the plane the lady sitting next to her asked about the book. And she was able to share. Turned out the lady was on her way to help her daughter who had relapsed and needed to hear everything she had to say.

SHOW NOTES

[10:10] Paul introduces Dan.

Dan is a father of 3, has a daughter in college and the youngest is 14. He works as a retail executive. He lives in New York and enjoys cycling.

[12:45] Give us a background on your drinking.

Dan says he started drinking in high school and drank all through college. He says that drinking is a big part of the business world and he fell right into that. He didn’t realize he had an issue, but his wife did. He said he was drinking 5-6 drinks a night.

[15:35] Talk to us about how you asked yourself, “how can I quit?”.

Dan says he called a hypnotist to get some help, but after his initial call to her he never followed up. About a month later, on July 29, 2018, he was in a bad bicycle accident. His doctors took great care of him and he hasn’t had a drink since.

[18:10] What happened after the accident?

He had a bad brain injury so was told that he should not drink, if he did, he could have a seizure or a stroke. After 10 days Dan came home from the hospital only to find out that his wife had removed all the alcohol from the house. Dan says that was like being asleep and thrown into an ice-cold pool. His brother told him he needed to go to AA so he walked into one only to feel like he didn’t belong. He left that meeting angry and determined to show everyone wrong.

[24:05] How are you feeling now?

Dan says it’s a little bit of ‘he’s going to show them (his friends and family)’ and it’s a little bit of he likes the way he feels and he looks.

[26:47] You were told by your doctor not to drink for a year, because of the chance for a stroke…did you ever have the thought when that year was up to pick up a drink?

Dan says no, in fact he went to the conference he was supposed to be at the year before and never thought about it.

[28:17] At your yearly physical you asked your doctor if you could now have a glass of wine, and he asked you, “why would you?”, can you answer that question?

Dan says because of the social aspect, he admits to missing it.

[39:20] Dan talk to us about that connected feeling.

Dan is feeling connected to life and not the alcohol. He is feeling more connected to his family.

[40:25] What’s on your bucket list for an alcohol-free life?

Going to a sporting event AF and seeing what that’s like and racing again.

[43:00] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

When I was at my physical and I asked my doctor if I could have a glass of wine and he leaned across the table and asked, “why the F would you?”.

What’s a memorable moment a life without alcohol has given you?

A better connection with my children and my wife.

What is your favorite poison free drink?

Diet Coke, I drink too much of it. I also like a nice latte.

What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

My favorite resources would be my family, cycling, I have a lot of resources at work too.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

It’s not all about work, life is a balance, and the more pressure you’re under you need a release and a hobby.

You might have a drinking problem if...

You’re a business person that the alcohol is incorporated into the fabric of your life.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

ZipRecruiter

This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside out.”

RE 240: How do I Make it Stop? Sep 23, 2019

Rose took her last drink on March 12, 2019. This is her story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your copy on Amazon here!

On today’s episode Paul talks about Recovery Elevator Bozeman Retreat that took place this past August. One of the speakers at the retreat was a spiritual teacher that Paul has worked with, Elaine Huang, you can find out more about her here.

And a BIG thank you to the sponsors of the retreat.

Nutzo, an organic 7-nut seed butter, that provided a jar of said butter to everyone that attended!

Rise Brewing Co., provided Nitro Cold Brewed Coffee!

Fire Brew, an apple cider-based health tonic, provided shots for everyone!

And tajín, a seasoning blend of lime, chili peppers and sea salt, provided a bottle of zing for all!

The cool thing is that these sponsors wanted to be a part of this event. Thank you to Odette who worked hard in setting it all up!

SHOW NOTES

[22:20] Paul introduces Rose.

Rose is 37 years old. She is from New Zealand but is currently living in France. Rose is a physiotherapist by trade, but her degree is not recognized yet in France so she is teaching English. She is a newlywed and they have a 3-year-old son. For fun Rose likes to cook, sing, be outdoors, and go to gigs.

[25:20] Give us a background on your drinking.

Rose started drinking as a teenager. She says she grew up in a loving family but that everyone was a boozer, that it was normal. At 18 she went off to university but dropped out after 2 years because it was getting in the way of her drinking. She moved cities in search of new drinking friends and for the next 5 years was in an abusive relationship. Rose says she spent a good chunk of her 20’s getting out of, and recovering from, that relationship.

Rose then spent time on a friend’s large sailing boat and sailed to Fiji, continuing her drinking. She then went home and started studying to become a physiotherapist. Rose says she slowed her drinking down while she was studying.

[28:25] What happens next?

Rose got her degree, got a great job in a hospital where she wanted to work. In 2016 she had her son. She says after the birth of her son she fell into the ‘mommy drinking’ culture. Rose also started to feel like an imposter. Promoting health at work but doing the very opposite personally.

[32:20] Was there anything in particular that led you to ditch the booze?

Rose says a big part of it was moving to France in 2017. She found France’s drinking culture to be the polar opposite of New Zealand’s which made her feel out of place. Even though she knew she needed to stop her drinking ramped up at the beginning of this year after the death of a close friend.

[35:15] What happened on March 12th?

Rose says she had started to drink during the daytime, when she wasn’t on pick-up duty with her son. She also started smoking cigarettes. She started feeling guilty about not being present as a parent. She reached out to an American friend she had met on that sailing ship that was posting about being sober. This friend led her to Café RE.

[38:50] How did you do it?

Rose says she told her husband, creating some accountability. Her husband was very supportive. The removed all the alcohol from the house and Rose declined engagements for a while. She joined Café RE and jumped in and starting participating and getting involved.

[48:50] How have things changed in an alcohol-free life?

Rose says she’s a better mother, she’s present. She has an increase in self-love and self-worth.

[55:05] Rapid Fire Round

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Pineapple and lime sparkling water.

What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

I loved The Joy of Being Sober book. I also really love Josh Korda’s Dharmapunx podcast. There is a New Zealand woman named Lotta Dann and she has a book, and blog, by the same name called, Mrs. D is Going Without.

What’s on your bucket list now that alcohol isn’t part of your life?

A lot more travel, I love to travel. To be able to help someone else get sober.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Connect, connect with people. Look for the similarities and not the differences.

You might have a drinking problem if...

You’re drinking wine out of a coffee mug just so the neighbors won’t know because it’s 11 AM on a Monday.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – You took the elevator down, you have to take the stairs back up.”

RE 239: This Has to be Fun Sep 16, 2019

Dan took his last drink 370 days ago. This is his story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your copy on Amazon here!

On today’s episode Paul talks about how this journey into a new life without alcohol can be fun. In fact, he says, it must be fun. If you’re not having fun right now that is ok, you are not doing anything wrong. Recovering your true self, a life filled with inner joy and abundance, can only be done with love. You can’t fight darkness with darkness.

Here are some strategies to invite love into your life…stop comparing yourself to others, get off social media, tell yourself ‘I love you’, listen to your body, put on headphones and dance.

SHOW NOTES

[9:30] Paul introduces Dan.

Dan celebrated 1 year of sobriety on July 28, 2019. He is 37 years old and lives in Cottage Grove, MN. He is a teacher and teaches middle school math. He has 5-year-old twins, a boy and a girl, and a 10-year-old daughter. Dan is married and they just celebrated 13 years. For fun Dan likes to exercise and hike.

[16:20] Give us a background on your drinking.

Dan had his first drink in high school and bartended through college. He says his drinking just carried over into what he calls ‘his adult life’ and it just stuck with him. He wasn’t a binge drinker; it was more of cracking a couple beers open every night after work.

Dan started to become depressed, getting anxious if he couldn’t drink his beers each night. He says he had some suicidal thoughts.

[20:45] What did that depression feel like?

Dan got to the point where he was finding no joy in anything, including alcohol, his job or his family. He confided in a friend about his depression and that was the start of his journey into sobriety. When he confided in his wife, he felt that he was surrendering and ready to get help.

[24:00] When did you tell your wife and what happened after that?

Dan says he made the commitment to stop drinking last summer and told his wife after about a week in. Dan says his wife overheard him listening to the Recovery Elevator podcast and that was the beginning of their conversation about his drinking and depression.

[26:35] Talk to us about the 1st week, the 1st month.

Dan made a doctor’s appointment a couple weeks in to talk about his depression and was prescribed anti-depressants/antianxiety medication. He was worried about how he would feel once taking the medication but says it has really helped him. Dan listened to the RE podcasts daily and would reach out to his wife when he was struggling at all. He also told his oldest daughter that he was quitting drinking alcohol.

[35:30] With a year away from the alcohol how has the depression been?

Dan says it has gotten better. He is going to sit down with his doctor and discuss if he should come off the meds, he says he was scared to go on them in the beginning and is now a little worried about coming off them.

[37:25] What’s on your bucket list now with a year of sobriety?

Next summer he’s going to finish up the Superior Hiking Trail and possibly do a ½ marathon.

[38:44] You haven’t mentioned AA or 12-step, did you not go to AA during this last year?

Dan says he never put it out of his mind or took it off the table, and that he even looked up when and where meetings were; but that he never went to a meeting.

[40:40] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve found on this journey?

My lightbulb moment was that I needed to fail a few times before I was actually able to be successful with it.

What is a gift that sobriety has given you?

The biggest gift is time.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Well my beer fridge has now became a sparkling water fridge.

What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

I definitely have to say Recovery Elevator, plus my friends and my family.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

It would have to be that there is so much freedom once you have given up alcohol.

You might have a drinking problem if...

You have a fight with your girlfriend, decide to move out, and realize that you have only packed a camera and a swimsuit.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside out.”

RE 238: Ditch the Only Sep 09, 2019

Brandi took her last drink on July 17, 2019. This is her story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book was released 2 days ago! Pick up your copy on Amazon here!

On today’s episode Paul talks about one of his pet peeves…the word “ONLY”. For example, when someone says they have ‘only’ been sober for 3 days, 10 days, 2 weeks, etc.… We need to change this way of thinking, any amount of time away from alcohol is a major win.

The word ‘only’ equals limited, represents a lack of, and we want to be careful with this idea and energetic vibrations that encompass the word.

SHOW NOTES

[9:30] Paul introduces Brandi.

Brandi is from Franklin, TN. She is 48 years old and works in healthcare. She has a 12-year-old daughter and for fun Brandi likes to make her own greeting cards, write poetry, and ride horses.

[14:50] Give us a background on your drinking.

Brandi says she drank some in high school and college, but that she didn’t really enjoy it. She says it wasn’t until she was 33-34 years old that she started to see alcohol as a problem.

In 2012 she started to notice how alcohol was impacting her life, her physical wellbeing, her job, and the people around her. 2 years ago, she was drinking about 2 bottles of wine a night, every day.

[23:00] Where do you think your self-loathing came from?

Brandi says it came from a lot of things; missed moments with her daughter; lost time; missed conversations.

[33:30] Tell us how the last 2 weeks have been?

Brandi says they have been good. She felt a little of the pink cloud. She’s been trying to do things differently, like getting up earlier. She started a morning routine that includes her affirmation books.

[39:00] What’s your plan moving forward?

Brandi says she is going to be better at reaching out to people. She plans on getting back to some meetings that she has gone to in the past. Getting back to her morning routine. She wants to slowly get back to the things she enjoys doing for fun. Brandi says a big one for her is stepping outside her comfort zone.

[40:40] Rapid Fire Round

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve found on this journey?

How many times have I thrown wine glasses away.

What is a memorable moment that sobriety has given you?

Sitting with my daughter, watching Disney movies, just being goofy and she put on Elton John and we just started dancing.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Unfortunately, it’s Diet Dr. Pepper, but lemonade takes a close 2nd.

What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

My friends that know me, my affirmation books.

What’s on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

I used to travel; I want to go find a really cool place to take my daughter. I want to do the things I used to do with her and start making memories. Also, to get back into making my cards again and moving forward with dreams I had at making that part of my lifestyle.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Even if it’s hard to step out, to reach out, it doesn’t have to be huge, just that one little thing that will change your path.

You might have a drinking problem if...

Before you buy that next bottle of wine you have to figure out where you are in your rounds through your wine stores so you don’t hit one too soon.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Honey

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – Alcohol is shit…and we both know it.”

RE 237: Celebrities Who Ditched the Booze Sep 02, 2019

Aisha took her last drink on July 28, 2017. This is her story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book comes out in 5 days! This is also Paul’s 5-year alcohol free date! Pick up your copy on Amazon September 7, 2019!

On today’s episode Paul talks about celebrities that have ditched the booze and why this group of the population is affected by addiction way more than the average population.

SHOW NOTES

[9:30] Paul introduces Aisha.

Aisha is 42 years old and lives in Atlanta, GA. She is a lawyer, married and has a 10-year-old. Aisha enjoys reading recovery/addiction memoirs along with fiction.

[14:50] Give us a background on your drinking.

Aisha says that a big part of why she drank was that she was trying to fit in. Both of Aisha’s parents were alcoholics. She is African-American and Hispanic and was raised in rural America where she didn’t see a lot of people that looked like her.

Aisha didn’t really start drinking until she started law school and she started drinking alcoholically after she started practicing law. There were a few months when she had the FBI watching her house because of a threat she had received, during those months she was so scared that she was drinking every day. Because of her experience with alcoholics in her family she knew where her drinking was going, and she knew she needed to quit.

[22:34] Did you have a rock bottom moment?

Aisha says her bottom was when she “missed the toilet”, literally. She knew she needed help then, but didn’t stop drinking at that time. She did however go to an AA meeting.

[26:15] Tell us more about your AA experience.

Aisha says when she went to AA, she was legitimately looking for help. After listening to the speaker share, she felt like she could not relate. She didn’t let that stop her from going back, but after some condescending comments at another AA meeting she went back to drinking.

[28:15] What do you think finally pushed you over the edge to start logging in the time?

Aisha didn’t let the bad experiences she had had at AA stop her from trying other meetings. She went to a lot of meetings and finally found one that she felt loved and welcomed at.

[40:55] How has the wanting to fit in changed since getting sober?

Aisha says she is much more purposeful. She is much more focused on the whys of doing things. She is also much more open to feed back from others.

[46:30] In the last 2 years have you had a difficult moment where you thought you were going to drink and how’d you get through it?

Aisha says she has not, and she know she is very fortunate. She says that the smell of alcohol disgusts her now. She has, however, had moments of fomo and has wished she could drink with friends at times.

[51:20] Rapid Fire Round

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

Going on vacation with her family and her daughter and waking up early with her and remembering everything.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Mango Bubly

What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

The stories in the back of the AA Big Book; A Girl Walks Out of a Bar; and people…I really enjoy the Café RE Facebook group.

What’s on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

I have a lot of changes that I am in the process of making in my life personally, I don’t want to put them out on the podcast. But I think that in the next year there are some things in my life that are going to look very different.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

This is truly life and death, but it is also one day, one moment, one second at a time.

You might have a drinking problem if...

You’re dropping a deuce, and you think you’re on the toilet, and when you get up, you’re not even close to the toilet.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

ZipRecruiter

This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – Alcohol is shit…and we both know it.”

RE 236: There is Always a Plan B Aug 26, 2019

Sarah took her last drink on June 13, 2019. This is her story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! Pick up your copy on Amazon September 7, 2019!

On today’s episode Paul talks about how there is always a ‘plan B’. Plan A…aka the way we want life to work out, the way we hoped things were going to work, actually work out 0% of the time. Everyone has these hiccups.

The fact that you are listening to this podcast means you are already into plan B. Most people that have a goal to move into an alcohol-free life have a plan A, which looks something like this…quit drinking and never look back. It doesn’t matter how many plans you have because we now have hundreds of plans to chose from.

You don’t have to go out looking for your plan, schedule some down time and let the plan come to you.

SHOW NOTES

[8:33] Paul introduces Sarah.

Sarah is 44 years old and is from Vancouver, WA. She is engaged to be married and has no kids. Sarah is a chiropractor. For fun Sarah loves anything that has to do with health, she loves to exercise and go on long walks with her fiancé.

[10:00] Give us a background on your drinking.

Sarah had her first drink when she was 12 years old. She didn’t drink heavily from that point on but her drinking really escalated when she started working in the restaurant business while attending the University of Texas. She was 22 years old at this time. At the age of 17 Sarah got a DWUI.

From the age of 22 her drinking got worse. When she was 30 years old, she found herself calling in sick to work because she was hungover.

[12:00] So you decided to have a change of location and profession?

Sarah says it was one of the best decisions she made, but that looking back it was her thinking that she needed to get out of her current environment. She started chiropractic school and took her drinking right along with her.

Her drinking continued to escalate and she ended up missing a really significant clinical entrance exam. She drank too much the night before and slept through it. She wasn’t allowed to take a makeup exam and had to wait to take the exam. This is when she first tried AA.

[13:15] What were your initial thoughts about AA?

Initially it was awesome. Sarah still has some really great feelings about AA. She says she’ll never forget when she walked into her very first meeting and a man telling her she never had to drink again. Sarah says that was a lightbulb moment for her.

[14:00] Bring us up to speed from 32 years old to 44.

Sarah had on and off sobriety attempts during that time, ranging from 6 months to 2 years. And she says that, of course, her life always got better.

She was questioning if she was an alcoholic because she could stop at a couple drinks, sometimes. But she realized that her drinking always had consequences. She decided, along with her fiancé, to quit drinking.

[16:40] What do you think you started back up after your 6 mo., 9 mo., 2 years?

Sarah felt like she would hit a wall, that she couldn’t label herself a full-blown alcoholic so she would find herself going back out. She would always end up back at the same place, lack of motivation, sick, tired, depressed, and a chaotic life.

[18:40] What effect has not drinking had?

By day 3 Sarah noticed she was sleeping better. She enjoys her work and being with patients. She has her motivation back. She isn’t waking up with guilt and shame anymore.

[22:00] What are some of the obstacles that you have overcome in the last 41 days?

Sarah says that around day 13 and a couple weeks ago she was hitting a wall emotionally.

[25:17] How has it been to have a fiancé as an accountability partner?

Sarah says it’s been really amazing. She had to tell him a number of times that drinking was a problem for her, and when things got really bad, he finally got it. He was willing to go on the journey with her. It wasn’t just ‘her’ drinking, it was ‘their’ drinking.

[28:00] What have been the challenges to do this with a significant other?

Sarah says the first challenge was that she wanted to make sure he wasn’t stopping to drink just for her. She says she needs the support but that she didn’t want to feel responsible for that decision. The challenge was making sure that they both had their own ‘whys’.

[29:00] What is something you didn’t think you’d have to work on?

Sarah thought that the problem her and her fiancé had with communicating would go away and she learned that they still needed to work on those skills.

[29:40] Have you explored why you drank?

Sarah says she drank because she wanted to feel included and connected to other people. She says she also drank because it got her attention.

[30:30] What is something memorable that you have been able to do in a life without alcohol?

She has noticed that she is way more invested in her life and in her chiropractor practice. She cares about her patients.

[32:20] What’s your plan moving forward?

To continue on this journey. Sarah also says her love for reading has returned.

[33:30] Rapid Fire Round

What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

All of a sudden, I’m noticing the world around me.

Is there anything you would have done differently when quitting drinking?

This time, no. It has all gotten me here.

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Lately my fiancé and I have been making virgin Bloody Mary’s.

What is your favorite resource in recovery?

As of now it is Café RE. It really is a safe environment for me to connect with people.

What’s on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

We want to travel to Germany. I have never really wanted to travel and now I do.

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

The biggest thing I was afraid of was that I was going to miss out on something, and none of that is true.

You might have a drinking problem if...

You wake up somewhere that you never would have been if sober.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

www.joyherbst.com http://purnimawomenshealth.com/

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 235: What is Spontaneous Sobriety? Aug 19, 2019

Joy took her last drink on July 12, 2014. This is her story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! Launch date, September 7, 2019, is less than a month away!

On today’s episode Paul talks about the phrase ‘spontaneous sobriety’. What is it? What does it mean?

Spontaneous sobriety means quitting drinking without any formal treatment such as rehab, inpatient treatment, or out-patient treatment. 12-step programs are not formal treatment due to the fact you can go when you want, work with, or without, a sponsor, and there is not a formal way to work the steps.

The majority of people get sober without formal help. According to the NESARC about 50% of all people that recovered from alcohol dependence did so completely on their own.

So how does one spontaneously ditch the booze? The listen to their body, read books, listen to podcasts, attend 12-step meetings, read blogs, talk to their therapist, join online recovery groups (like CaféRE), etc.… You talk about it; you burn the ships.

SHOW NOTES

[10:40] Paul introduces Joy.

Joy was born and raised in the suburbs of southeast Michigan and she moved to Connecticut about 15 years ago. She is 42 years old, has been married for almost 15 years, and has 2 sons. For work Joy is a holistic nurse practitioner, sober and grey area drinking coach, and a dance teacher. She enjoys dancing, yoga, being outside, and reading.

[17:40] Give us a background on your drinking.

Joy started drinking pretty regularly in her teenage years. There was drinking in her household so it felt like the natural thing to do. During high school there were binging and blackout moments. Before college she had a rock-climbing accident, where alcohol was involved, which resulted in her having to change her direction in college from dance to healthcare. She continued to drink heavily in college and got a DUI when she was 20.

[18:35] Whne you got that DUI was there a concern?

Joy says it was a terrifying experience. She had to spend the night in jail, in a very big correctional facility. After the DUI Joy felt like she could still continue to drink, she just needed to be smarter about it, like not drive.

In her 30s it became more apparent that her drinking was a problem. There was more morning after conversations with her husband. She tried moderating, only drinking on the weekends, but was unsuccessful.

[19:50] You mentioned that your husband commented that your drinking doesn’t make sense, can you explain that?

She says here she was, done with graduate school to be a nurse practitioner, she was a yoga teacher and really holistically health minded, but at the same time drinking heavily. She also would smoke cigarettes when she drank. It was like the two Joys didn’t compute. There was the highly functioning Joy going to her job at the hospital and teaching yoga classes, and then there was the Joy that was drinking everyday and smoking.

[22:15] Bring us up to speed, did the other shoe drop?

Joy says it did. She was 30 pounds heavier; her health was not doing well; her depression was not being treated. But Joy says it was really when she was home with her two young children and one of them asked her to hand him his toy. She asked him what one and he said, “It’s the one behind your wine glass.”. This rocked Joy’s world. It was one thing for her to be home drinking wine while taking care of her young children, it was something else that one of them knew it.

[24:35] What did you do after that?

Joy says she did what everyone thinks they have to do; she went to AA. She was 37 years old. She says she had issue with when you go to AA you have to stand up and introduce yourself and proclaim that you’re an alcoholic. At this time Joy wasn’t sure she was an alcoholic, but she knew she had to do something and AA was all she could think of. Standing up and admitting that she was an alcoholic in front of a group of strangers was cathartic for Joy. It allowed her to take the next step forward which was addressing what she was going to do next.

[27:00] What happened after that?

Joy went to AA for a little while, got a sponsor that was really helped her get through the first few weeks of being AF. But Joy wasn’t drawn to AA, she didn’t find the positivity, or forward movement, she was hoping to find.

So, Joy turned to the internet and started looking for other recovery avenues that were geared towards women. She found Woman for Sobriety, which is a different self-help program. There weren’t any meetings local to Joy so she started participating in online chat meetings. After she had a year of sobriety she applied and became a moderator of meetings for them in her town.

[30:30] What was it like going through the first couple social events alcohol free?

Joy learned that she definitely had some social anxiety, it was stressful, and she felt awkward. She says she took a lot of things off of her social calendar. She instead filled her time with other things, and instead of focusing on what she was not doing anymore she was focusing on what she was doing.

[34:20] What are some of the things that have been removed from your life since you quit drinking?

Joy says that there have been some friendships and there were some activities, such as concerts, that she gave up for a while, but has since returned to enjoying in sobriety. She has been careful with what she has allowed back into her life with her main focus now being a parent and her family.

[38:10] What are some of the themes you have encountered in the last 5 years?

The first year Joy was just dedicated on getting the moments. Year two was being OK with things as they were. Year 3 and 4 were similar to year 2, but Joy was stepping out more into experiences that may have been a little scarier, being a little more daring and finding great encouragement through those accomplishments.

[41:20] Talk to us about being a grey area drinking coach.

Joy says the grey area is the area between rock bottom and not drinking at all.

[46:50] Rapid Fire Round

Worst memory from drinking?

Having my friends stay home with my kids while I drove myself to the hospital because I thought I had given myself pancreatitis because I drank too much.

What is your plan moving forward?

My plan is to continue to find great connection with other women similar to me and offer them resources and tools to help them create a new life doing what they love without alcohol.

What is your favorite resource in recovery?

Women for Sobriety and Yoga of Recovery.

In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

Just take a moment and breathe and know that this too shall pass.

What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

If you are questioning, at all, if you need to take a break then I invite you to give it 30 days.

If listeners want to find you, do you have a website?

You might have a drinking problem if...

You are constantly thinking about when you’re going to get your next drink.

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Betterhelp

Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. For (podcast name) listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 234: The Scientist Aug 12, 2019

Tiffany took her last drink on July 14, 2018. This is her story.

On today’s episode Paul talks about the DUIs he didn’t get. For those of you that may not know what a DUI is…it is Driving Under the Influence, with a BAC that is higher than .08.

Those missed DUIs, going all the way back to one in 2006, in which he was following behind a friend that was drunk behind the wheel, rolled his vehicle and passed away with a BAC of .33…were a contributing factor in Paul telling himself he didn’t have a drinking problem.

He told himself he didn’t have a drinking problem because he didn’t have any DUIs. Paul has said, ‘the only line you can cross, but cannot come back from, is death’. He hopes that Adrian’s story can help save the life of someone listening to this podcast.

SHOW NOTES

[16:05] Paul introduces Tiffany.

Tiffany is originally from Connecticut but has been in Maryland for the last 10 years. She is a property manager and a licensed captain. She is 35 years old, single and has no kids. She enjoys hiking and recently has discovered she likes to macramé, and has been doing a lot of that. DIY crafts and projects around her house bring her joy.

[18:15] Give us a background on your drinking.

Tiffany started dinking when she was in 7th grade. Drinking was the not the norm for her family or in her household growing up. It wasn’t until she was in junior high and spending more time at friends’ houses that she was exposed to drinking being the norm. Jr. high and high school was a lot of binge drinking on weekends. Towards the end of high school Tiffany was more interested in being at work, she was working at a horse farm, and partying with her friends than being at school. Work and partying became her priority and school was at the bottom of the totem pole. She says she was a big pothead and felt that she could take, or leave, alcohol.

[20:50] When did you reach the moment when you couldn’t take it, or leave it?

In 2006, when Tiffany was 21, she left everything behind and moved to New Zealand to work on a schooner. She says that is when the switch happened. Wine was everywhere. She started to think of drinking as a reward for having a hard day, rather than just something she would binge on.

[22:45] Talk to us about the years between 21 and 34.

While on the schooner they went through a bad hurricane during a voyage. Tiffany says it was terrifying, and it was at that time her drinking shifted from drinking as a reward for a hard day, to drinking to get out of her head. She says she came home from that experience different, and that it is still something she is working through.

It was at this time she was drinking to not feel her feelings, and she started to isolate rather than drink socially. In 2007 she moved to Baltimore and moved in to a neighborhood that was filled with bars, making it easy for her to drink and not be questioned.

[26:00] Get us up to speed closer to your sobriety date.

Between 2009-2012 not a lot really happened. Tiffany says her drinking stayed about the same, she was still isolating amongst her group of drinking friends. In 2014 she got into a relationship, that didn’t work out, but it was the first time she had ever heard someone refer to her as an alcoholic.

[26:45] What was it like hearing that?

Up until that time she says she had had a lot of nights that she regretted but that this was the first time she felt embarrassed. This prompted Tiffany to lean into her isolation and she let all the self-negative talk that she had for herself beat her down.

In 2017 she was so depressed and isolating that she was afraid to leave her house unless it was for work. Because she couldn’t control her drinking, she felt like she was failing in everything other than work.

[28:44] You said you knew you didn’t want to drink, but that all you knew was a life with drinking…talk to us about how that felt.

It was insanity. A snapshot of what felt like a normal day for Tiffany involved her waking up with a hangover, feeling like hell, getting herself together for work and then crying the whole way to work because she did not want to go home, because she did not want to drink again that night. Her anxiety was crippling and things just didn’t get any better. She lived like that for 3 years.

[30:20] What tipped the scales?

November 2017 Tiffany says she was at her bottom and she came across the Recovery Elevator podcast. She hit play and binge listened to the episodes for a solid 2 weeks.

[33:55] What happened between November 2017 and July 2018?

Tiffany signed up for the RE Facebook group in June 2018 and made it 30 days AF. On day 31 she walked into a store, thinking, “I got this”, and bought 5 bottles of wine and drank for 5 days. She then decided she was done, drank all the alcohol in her house, and on July 14th 2018 had her last drink.

[44:00] So you got sober outside of AA?

Tiffany says that 12 step meetings are not for her, at least not right now. She finds her peace and healing when she is outside of the rooms. Knowing that she does need to talk to people and dive into some things

she did start talk therapy.

[45:56] What’s on your bucket list?

The Asia trip is definitely being added. Tiffany says she just wants to be happy.

[47:47] Rapid Fire Round

Worst memory from drinking?

My 18th birthday. I got so drunk I fell down the side of a mountain and my friends had to drive me home.

When was the moment you knew you needed to quit drinking?

That is a toss up between when I heard my ex say I was an alcoholic and when I started listening to this podcast.

What is your plan moving forward?

Keeping connection and staying social. I’m making the point to keep networking.

What is your favorite resource in recovery?

Definitely Recovery Elevator podcast and the Café’RE group.

In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

That it’s ok not to have perfect day.

What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

If you think you have a problem you probably do.

You might have a drinking problem if...

At the age of 15 you realize that if you only take shots, you don’t feel full, so you can drink more.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Honey

This episode is brought to you by the smart shopping assistant Honey. Get Honey for free at www.joinhoney.com/elevator. Honey, the smart shopping assistant that saves you time and money when you're shopping online.

Zip Recruiter

This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 233: It’s Okay to Struggle Aug 05, 2019

Daz took his last drink on November 5, 2018. This is his story.

This coming January Recovery Elevator is going to Thailand and Cambodia for 12 days. Space is limited. You can find more information about this event here

On today’s episode Paul discuses the double negative, not failing. If you find yourself struggling to say no, to picking up a drink, you are not failing. If you are not failing you are succeeding, accomplishing, flourishing, overcoming, conquering, thriving, winning, realizing your goal to become alcohol free.

Think about an accomplishment in your life that you are proud of. Did that come without a struggle? Most likely it did. That struggle did not represent failure. Growth is a big part of that struggle.

SHOW NOTES

[10:30] Paul introduces Daz.

Daz is 43 years old, has been married for 5 years, and has 2 beautiful little girls. He is from Vancouver Island and has lived in Vancouver for the last 17 years. For fun Daz plays guitar, writes and records a lot of music, and his latest addiction is knowledge in recovery.

[13:31] Give us a background on your drinking.

When Daz was 13 he had his first drink, and first drunk. At the age of 15 he was introduced to smoking pot which very quickly became a daily thing. An honor roll student until his senior year of high school, when other drugs were introduced, and things really started to nosedive.

Daz didn’t start drinking regularly until he was 19. It then quickly became a daily thing, helping him come out of his shell and be more social. It became a staple that stuck with him through his 20s.

Daz hit his rock bottom on April 20, 2005. He had gone through a really dysfunctional relationship and his life had completely veered off the path that he had expected. He was ready to throw in the towel on life. Daz called his parents at 2AM and told them he didn’t know what to do, that he thought he wanted to just go and finish it off. His parents got him to come home and that was his first attempt to get sober. It lasted a couple weeks, through the Christmas holidays, and he attended his first AA meetings while there.

When he got back to Vancouver things went back to the way they had been for about another year. He was struggling to get by, working in bars and drinking on the job. Found himself in legal trouble and soon couldn’t pay his rent. Daz says he was one step away from living on the street.

[19:00] That was early 2007, bridge the gap for us.

Daz entered a 2-month treatment center and says that was the beginning of him starting to stand up and dust himself off. It gave him time to think about what he was going to do with his life. He worked in the fitness industry for a couple years.

He started to slide back into drinking but had enough of a foundation at this time, and had left some of the other drugs behind, that things were starting to get on the right path.

He moved from the fitness industry into the software business and started performing music in the evenings. This gave him something to be excited about and even though he was still drinking he now felt he had a purpose.

Daz met his wife 7 years ago, 1.5 years later they had their first baby, and 2-3 years ago he went to the doctor and was told he had a fatty liver.

[21:55] What happened next?

He now has his 2nd baby and a fatty liver. His doctor told him if he didn’t stop drinking, he would be dead in 10 years. That was the motivation Daz needed. He had gone through the 12 steps of AA while in the treatment center but just never felt like that was for him. What he found was something called, Neuro Recover, which is an IV treatment where the person is hooked up to an IV for 8 hours a day, for 10 days. He says he soon realized that being sober is not just about not drinking, it’s about rebuilding your body.

After a few months Daz went back ‘out’. When he was ready to try again, he came with more of a plan and was going to include community. He did the IV treatment for 3 days.

On day 5 he was having back and leg pain, anxiety, and feeling frustrated. Daz says he was almost ready to go get alcohol. Instead of going to the store for alcohol he recalled reading that L-glutamine can help with alcohol cravings. Having some in his cupboard he drank some and says that instantly the craving was gone. Daz started attending SMART Recovery soon after.

[32:32] What are your qualms about AA?

Daz says his biggest qualm is the powerless aspect. He feels to overcome addiction you need to be empowered.

[39:16] What would you say to someone looking to get sober, that has tried AA, and is looking for something else?

Daz would suggest the SMART Recovery community, RE Café’ Facebook groups, L-glutamine. He would tell them to stay connected with people, and that diet is important.

[44:14] What are your thoughts on relapse?

Daz says he doesn’t think relapse is a bad thing, that it is just part of the process. He says people shouldn’t be too negative about it as long as you are continuing on and learning to understand yourself, the body, and how it works.

[47:41] Where does spirituality come into play on this journey?

Daz is not a religious person, per-se, but he thinks it’s really important for people to stop and look inward, and turn other things off.

[48:50] Rapid Fire Round

Worst memory from drinking?

Driving down the road and not being able to keep his hands on the steering wheel because he was shaking so badly.

What is your plan moving forward?

My plan moving forward is to finish my website that I have been working on, like I said, it’s EmpoweredNotPowerless.com. Continue going to SMART meetings and I have some people that I am close to and to just continue to help each other. To continue to lead by example.

What is your favorite resource?

Get yourself some glutamine, don’t leave out the supplementation part of recovery. You’ve been killing yourself for years and your body needs to heal itself. I would also shout out Omar Pinto and the SHAIR podcast. Another book I would recommend is Addicted to the Monkey Mind.

What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

When it feels like it’s impossible, it’s not.

You might have a drinking problem if...

You need to pull over on the side of the road because you can’t control your shaking.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/15/style/sober-curious.html

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 232: What is Sober Curious? Jul 29, 2019

Arlina took her last drink on April 22, 1994 and has been alcohol free for 25 years. This is her story.

On today’s episode Paul discuses an article that a listener sent him regarding the term, ‘sober curious’. This article was published in the New York Times and can be found here.

What is sober curious? The term is pretty straight forward, it refers to those that are curious about exploring a life without alcohol. But it can be unpacked even more. To some, sober curious may mean that they never had a drinking problem, but they had a problem drinking. In the article the author describes the sober curious as young professionals that are kind of, just a little bit, addicted to booze.

Paul feels that that bulk of this demographic of sober curious people are what would be referred to as high bottom drunks. They are beginning to experience consequences from their drinking and they are becoming curious to what a life without alcohol would look like.

SHOW NOTES

[9:30] Paul introduces Arlina.

Arlina is 50 years old and had her last drink on her 25th birthday. She grew up in Silicon Valley. She is married and has 2 sons. Arlina has a podcast, enjoys yoga, hiking and going for walks. She is soon to be the owner of a bulldog puppy.

[15:05] Give us a background on your drinking.

Arlina says she feels her drinking was garden variety. She started drinking at a young age, between 8-10 years old, and says she didn’t realize how bad she felt until she felt good from drinking. She says from her first drink to her last she wanted to be anybody but herself.

[19:00] Was there a rock bottom moment that led up to you having your last drink on your 25th birthday?

Arlina says she had a series of rock-bottom moments. She never knew what emotion to expect when she would drink, she would either be crying or fighting. Even after a night out with her sister, in which Arlina got drunk, punched her windshield a couple times, breaking it, kicked her sister (who was driving) in the face, her sister getting help from the neighbors, the police being called, and waking up with that incomprehensible demoralization, it took hearing that her sister had gone to Al-anon for her to connect her drinking with alcoholism. Arlina wrestled with that thought for 2 years.

[23:20] Talk to us about when you finally reached that conclusion.

Arlina says it was a very humbling experience because she had defined alcoholism as something so negative. Hating who she was anyway and then adding alcoholic and drug addict to it was overwhelming. What had been her solution had become her executioner.

[25:55] What was it like in early sobriety?

Arlina says it was overwhelming, but that she was relieved of the obsession to consume alcohol the day after her birthday. She discovered she was kind of high maintenance. She needed a morning routine, turning her life and her will over to God, and had to nurture a conscious contact with God throughout the day. She attended a lot of meetings a week and service played a large part.

[31:22] Let’s talk about the why behind your drinking. Do you agree that alcohol is but a symptom?

Arlina agrees 100% that alcohol is but a symptom. She says she las learned that the brain will try and protect you from your pain, and if you can’t get out of it, it will develop a distraction, and that could be alcoholism or any other addiction. Time does not heal all wounds; pain waits and lessons are repeated until they are learned.

[37:27] Earlier you talked about chasing a feeling, how do you chase that feeling without alcohol.

Arlina says the feeling that she was chasing was relief. She likes to feel happiness and joy and she finds that in the service work she does. When she can do something to alleviate someone else’s suffering she feels like she is fulfilling her purpose and that is when she feels the most joy.

[42:00] Talk to us about your podcast, The ODAAT Chat. **Arlina also has a website by the same name and you can find it here.

Arlina originally started a sales podcast, but says it was really on her heart to do one on recovery. She was conflicted because in the 12 traditions it says to maintain our anonymity at the level of press, radio and film. Following the tragic death of a friend, who had attended a 6 AM meeting called ODAAT, she decided to be bold and follow her heart. The podcast has added some pressure but also has brought joy to Arlina.

[46:40] Rapid Fire Round

Worst memory from drinking?

Puking my guts out at a San Francisco Giants game in front of a whole bunch of fancy people.

Year 26, how’s it going to happen?

It’s going to happen one day at a time. This morning I went for a walk and broke out an amazing book called Jesus Calling and read that. I drew my Gabby Bernstein card and I use the Headspace app to do some meditation and I find if I do that routine in the morning my day goes so much better.

In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you have ever received?

Follow your heart.

What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

Open your mind and your heart and you’ll be amazed before you are halfway through.

You might be an alcoholic if...

You end up in an AA meeting.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

BetterHelp

http://odaatchat.com/

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 231: Control Jul 22, 2019

Odette, took her last drink on December 17, 2018. This is her story.

On today’s episode Paul talks about control and how it relates to the level of an addiction. The more our drinking gets out of control the more we try and control our external environments. This is the main driver why control is such an important concept to deepen with so we can become aware of the level of control we placing on the external environment.

We are left with 2 choices. Option 1 is to do nothing, and that is not what this podcast is about. That leaves us with option 2. Get ready to saddle up. Once an addiction is been acknowledged it can no longer be ignored, and it cannot be addressed without making major life changes. Changes like a new self-image, your perception, a new consciousness, your ideas and beliefs, your entire life’s foundations. That’s a lot of change, and as humans we resist change.

SHOW NOTES

[8:10] Paul introduces Odette.

Paul first chatted with Odette on episode 128, which came out on July 31st 2017, when she had 1 week of sobriety, he encourages you to go back and listen to that episode. Today, Odette hit a big milestone…she has 6 months of sobriety.

Odette is originally from Guadalajara, Mexico, but has been living in San Diego for almost 10 years. She is married and a mom to 2 toddlers, Max and Sienna. She works fulltime at WeWork. Odette loves bowling for fun, says it's probably her favorite thing, and she will fight anyone who says that it's not a sport. She also loves to try new teas and lately you will find her doing puzzles.

[11:50] Give us a background on your drinking.

Odette says she’s been in the recovery world for a decade. Her dad is a recovering alcoholic and he's about to hit his 10 year, so she was first exposed to recovery through him. She likes to say that his addiction has become the biggest gift, not just to herself, but to her entire family. Odette also developed an eating disorder, which she says is her first addiction, if it has to be labeled. Odette says that although she’s been in the recovery world for a while, in terms of drinking, she thinks she falls into the ‘gray area drinker’ category. She doesn’t have a catastrophic story to tell in terms of her relationship with alcohol.

Because of this it’s been a real journey for Odette to figure out if she really belonged here or if she didn’t belong here, if she really had a problem with drinking. What really changed things for Odette was something that she keeps telling people. You don't have to have a serious drinking problem to have a problem with drinking, and she definitely knew that she had a problem with drinking.

[16:05] In regards to alcohol and your eating disorder, what is your thoughts on addiction whack-a-mole?

Odette thinks addiction whack-a-mole is a thing and that it is really important that we become ambassadors of being graceful to ourselves. The addictions become more manageable now, not because it's easier, but because there's this sense of awareness. Odette says she still sometimes eats when she’s not hungry, and that things that are part of her eating disorder chapter still come up, but she is aware of it now. She realizes that she just didn’t want to feel the feelings, so she ate.

[21:43] Talk to us about the time between when you were first on the podcast until now?

Odette struggled a lot, because, she says she is a binary person, and is like a lot of others in recovery who are in that gray area. And not just with drinking but the gray area of life. She loves fitting in boxes and labeling herself, and that is something that she really been trying to detach from these last 6 months. She stopped questioning where she belonged and if she belonged and started asking herself different questions, like how she was feeling when she drank or if she was trying to cope with something. She had to get a little creative with her questions because she was getting the same results when asking the same old questions.

[26:55] Talk to us about the unknown and how you leaned into it.

The unknown is very scary for Odette. She knew, as she was stacking days this third time around, that fear was going to creep up on her. So she grounded herself with people who have really good messages around fear because she didn’t expect that fear to go away. She learned to develop a different relationship with her fear.

[34:33] Let’s talk about the concept of internal vs. external, where do you feel you are?

Odette feels like it’s shifting, and that she is discovering a lot of things. She also believes a lot of it is linked to her eating disorder because she did not have a connection with her body was feeling at all. Odette has been focusing on the internal and the physical.

[36:40] Share with us how fun it is to meet up at our retreats, like our one coming up in Bozeman next month.

Odette says she stopped calling them retreats and has started calling them “sober camp”, because they are just that much fun. Bozeman will be Odette’s 3rd retreat and says that they are such amazing fuel and that the connections and friendships she has made are now like family.

[37:50] Talk to us about a time, in the last 6 months, that it got tough and you overcame it without alcohol?

The last 3-4 months have been extremely challenging for Odette. As all the layers are coming off Odette says it feels very raw and at times very heartbreaking. She has done a lot of reconciling the last 5 months with decisions from the past. She says she is not living in the past, but reconciling with what has brought her to where she is right now.

[42:30] Talk to us about the emotion, Joy, and when it first showed up for you.

Odette used to have so many highs and so many lows it was though she was on a roller coaster. Nowadays she aims for contentment. She lets things pass her by and finds joy in the smallest things. She finds herself getting teary eyed just looking at her daughter or while listening to a song while driving. For Odette joy is found in the simple things and the quietness.

[47:05] What themes are you exploring right now in your recovery?

Intention is a big one, and not being tied to an outcome. Odette feels like she was tied to external outcomes in the beginning and she is distancing herself from that now. Also, she says she is learning to let go of control.

[51:00] Walk us through a day in your recovery.

Odette is an early riser and wakes up between 4:30-5:00 AM. Exercise is one of her biggest tools in her tool belt so she tries to get in some sort of it first thing in the morning. She does daily reading each morning and spends some quality time with her family. She goes to work, listens to a podcast or Marco Polo’s with someone, and spends her lunch outside because nature is another big tool in her tool belt. After work she is busy being mom, making dinner and lunches. She has a BBT rule…bed by ten. Her weekends are slower and way less structured.

[55:44] Rapid Fire Round

In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you have ever received?

You can’t do this alone…but you have to be your own cheerleader.

What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

Trust your gut.

You might be an alcoholic if...

You burn all the ships and you still drink.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 230: Calming the Mind Jul 15, 2019

Mark, took his last drink on April 19th, 2019 - This is his story.

On today’s episode Paul shares the status on his upcoming book release! Alcohol is Sh!t should be launched the end of July – to mid-August. Graphics for the front cover, the back, and the eBook are done. Thanks to everyone that voted on the tagline and subtitles…this is what we came up with; How to ditch the booze. Reignite your life. Recover the person you were always meant to be.

Paul also talks about calming the mind through meditation. The word meditation comes from the word meditacioun, which means to ponder, and it has been around for a very long time.

What is meditation? Meditation is about letting thoughts go. It is about loosening the energetic ties to the past and the future. It is about being present and focusing on what is, the reality you are currently witnessing. Meditation is about lowering brain waves to a more relaxed state. Meditation is a skill and it takes practice.

What meditation is not. Meditation isn’t not thinking. It isn’t about obtaining or getting anything, or discovering who you are. It is not going into a trance. Meditation isn’t selfish, it all starts from the inside out. 😉

SHOW NOTES

[15:50] Paul introduces Mark.

Mark lives in Perth, Australia, which is one of the most remote cities in the world. For work he is a financial professional. He is 43 years old, married with 2 daughters. For fun Mark likes to camp, exercise and read.

[18:45] Give us a background on your drinking.

Mark started drinking in his teens and he says he pretty much to a liking to it right away. It made him feel like a different person and got him out of his shell. In his early 20s he went to college and continued drinking there. There was about 3-4 years during his 20s that he got really serious about running and would quit drinking for 49 weeks a year while he was training.

Mark says that once he stopped taking his running so serious, stopped the training, and got a job that there was a turning point and his drinking started to creep up to just about every day. Mark was in his 30s now.

In 2017, at the age of 41, Mark had his real first attempt at sobriety.

[20:50] Was there a rock bottom moment in 2017 that propelled your attempt at sobriety?

There wasn’t a rock bottom moment for Mark, he says it was more like a series of bad nights. He started to realize that his drinking was involuntary and he felt like it was something that was just happening to him.

After one night in particular where he drank 2 bottles of wine and getting to work late feeling horrendous, he decided he had just had enough. After doing some googling on cutting back and found a website called Hello Sunday Morning, where people posted about cutting back. The website encouraged doing a 3 to 12-month time of no drinking. Mark decided to try the 3 months and after successfully doing that and feeling good he decided to go for the 12 months.

Looking back now he says it was a really good year. He got healthy and got a lot done at home and at work. But something was missing.

[22:22] Go back a little, when did you start to realize that it was getting harder to stop once you started?

Mark drank beer and wine and would find himself drinking whenever he would meet up with someone. And he didn’t just drink one or two, he drank hard. It was almost as if he was running his life around alcohol. He would never meet someone at a café, he would always meet people at a pub or bar.

[24:15] So you’re cruising through 2017 dry, on willpower, how much time did you get?

Mark says he didn’t make it the 12 months. He made it until mid-August, the same time he and his wife bought their home. He celebrated that purchase with a bottle of champagne. He says as soon as he had that bottle of champagne the wheels came off. He also felt that because he went 8-9 months without drinking that he had changed his relationship with alcohol. About a month after drinking the bottle of champagne he was back drinking just as hard as before.

[26:00] Once you were back to drinking hard a month later did you stop and think ‘oh shit’?

He really didn’t. He just got back into it and by 2018 he was telling people that after his dry year he was back to drinking and that he had a different relationship with alcohol, which he now thinks was a supreme exercise of self-deception.

[26:50] When did this self-deception end?

Mark says really only this year, around April 30th. After sharing a bottle of wine with his wife on April 29th she went to bed and he went outside with another bottle of wine. He started to think about what he was doing and started to get angry. He thought about what a great year 2017 had been and now there he was by himself drinking himself to oblivion. It was a feeling of self-disgust. He went back into the house and said, to himself, that he was done, again.

[28:45] What do you think was different that time?

Mark says its really hard to explain, but that he realized that there was no sense of joy drinking that bottle of wine.

[29:45] Talk to me about how you realized that there were no hopes in moderation.

In 2017 when he was reading blogs on that website a lot of people talked about AA. He didn’t really like the idea of AA because of the religious aspect and the surrendering part. Now fast-forwarding to 2019 he started to understand what the surrender thing was about. He has decades showing that moderation does not work for him.

[32:30] What was that first week like after April 30, 2019?

It was just a different feeling that this time it’s not a 12-month test of willpower. This time Mark just had to accept that it was over between him and alcohol. He says it felt liberating to just admit that he’d had enough and that he didn’t want to be involved with alcohol anymore.

[34:25] Talk to us about the accountability you set up this time.

His wife was the first person he told, and he waited a few weeks before even doing that. He was nervous and shaking but she told him she was proud of his and has been supportive. He has also told some guys at work and has found support there as well.

[39:48] Have you had any intense cravings since April 30, 2019?

Mark says that the cravings have not been bad, surprisingly, but he does drink non-alcoholic beer and wine and he feels it helps.

[46:00] What is on your bucket list in sobriety?

To enjoy each day and the simple pleasures that come with being sober.

[46:55] Rapid Fire Round

Worst memory from drinking?

Getting really, really, passing out drunk on my 40th and being told the next day that my oldest daughter, who was 5 at the time, was just standing there looking at me with a sense of distress.

When was your ‘oh-shit’ moment?

That moment out in the backyard when I was sitting there with a 2nd bottle for no good reason at all.

What’s your plan moving forward?

I have more accountability to put in place, a few more people to talk to about it. I really do want to engage more with other alcoholics.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

I’m on a blog website called Booze Musings and I have a few things on my reading list.

In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve received?

When I think about drinking just play the tape forward. Remember who you are. If I want that, then I can’t have this.

You might be an alcoholic if...

When its your shot for beers you buy yourself 2.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 229: Alcohol Has Been Ruined For Me Jul 08, 2019

Melissa, with a sobriety date of October 29, 2018, shares her story.

Paul shares one of his favorite emails. Dale from Pittsburgh says…Paul, you son of a bitch. You have completely ruined alcohol for me.

Your experience with alcohol may no longer be the same after listening to the podcast! Don’t worry about the how…that always solves itself.

SHOW NOTES

[11:00] Paul introduces Melissa.

Melissa says that sobriety is the most badass gift she has given herself. The biggest milestone. She is from Vancouver Canada. She is 44 years old and has a 12-year-old son and a 1-year old rescue dog. Melissa has been a business owner for the last 5 years. For fun she likes to walk in the forest.

[16:20] What is something you want to try out in sobriety?

Scuba diving!

[17:30] Give us a background on your drinking.

Melissa had her first drink when she was 15. She got drunk the first time she drank and the kids at school thought she was cool. Her parents got divorced when she was 16 and she took the roll of mom to her younger siblings. In high school she started dating guys that were older and was going to night clubs. When she graduated high school, and turned 18, she started bartending. In 1998 she moved to the Cayman Islands and lived there for 5 years. She drank a lot and her drinking progressed. When she was 27 years old, she moved back home. She got married and they had a son. As she got older, she started to become verbally abusive when she drank. That’s when the blackouts started to happen.

January 2010 they separate, her son is 3 years old at the time. A few months later, while she is volunteering a police officer approaches her and takes her back to her house. Once she is home she finds out that her brother hit a tree while snowboarding and died.

[29:50] bring us up to speed to your sobriety date.

2011…she gets together with a new man. He was an enabler and he let her drink the way she wanted to drink. On October 29th, after begging him to give her another chance, she walked into an AA meeting.

[35:40] What was that first meeting like?

Melissa says she was a mess. Two old-timers took her under their wings and she will never forget them. She went to meetings every single day for the first month.

[36:35] What did it mean to surrender?

Melissa realized that she was powerless. The mental obsession was too much and she gave up.

[46:42] What have you learned about yourself?

The most important thing Melissa has learned about herself is that she has so much to give.

[47:28] Rapid Fire Round

Worst memory from drinking?

Waking up in the middle of the floor and not know what I drank.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

Definitely the podcast and AA.

In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve received?

Trust the process.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

You’re not alone.

You might be an alcoholic if...

Your 7-year-old son begs you to go to the wine shop after school so he can get the free puck that comes with the bottle of wine you drink.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 228: Only in My Darkness Did I see My Light Jul 01, 2019

Sara, with a sobriety date of January 16, 2019, shares her story.

On today’s episode Paul shares an internet meme that he saw and loved…

“Only in my pain, did I find my will.

Only in my chaos, did I learn to be still.

Only in my fear, did I find my might.

Only in my darkness, did I see my light.”

Starting to see a theme, Paul added a few lines…

Only through my self-loathing was I able to love myself.

Only through my fears was I able to see how little it has ever served me.

Only through guilt was I able to see that all humans make mistakes, and I’m human.

Only through shame did I realize I don’t owe anyone in life an explanation, ever again.

Only through my failures was I able to see what I was doing wrong and then make the necessary corrections.

Only through blacking out was I able to recognize the misery with living without light.

Only with a crushing headache after a heavy night of drinking was I able to appreciate a clear mind.

Only through my addiction was I able to see the path that I didn’t want to take and clearly see that path that I did want to take.

The trend we are seeing here is called ‘the backward law’. It when we experience the suffering before we experience the bliss on the other side. This is also Newton’s first law of motion.

If you ignore the nudge to quit drinking it will quickly become an elbow to the shoulder, a kick to the groin, then a full Andre the Giant body slam.

SHOW NOTES

[10:00] Paul introduces Sara.

Sara with a sobriety date of January 16, 2019, has been sober for 4 months, 22 days. She is from Melbourne, Australia. She is 36 years old. Sara is single and is studying counseling and coaching. She loves to read nonfiction books on human behavior, phycology, self-development, and relationships.

[13:00] Give us a background on your drinking.

Sara started drinking at the age of 13. She says from the beginning she couldn’t moderate and that alcohol gave her a sense of belonging. Over the years she found herself gravitating towards friendships with people that liked to drink. All her friends liked to party but she had a vague feeling that wasn’t a healthy way to live.

[14:31] When did you first have the notion that it wasn’t a healthy way to live?

Sara says it was a long time before she realized it wasn’t a healthy way to live but she did know was that the repercussions from her drinking were terrible straight off the bat. Every time Sara drank, she would do something she was ashamed of. She never had an off switch and never had a time when she was a ‘normal’ drinker.

[15:25] Talk to us about your 20s.

By the time she was 17 Sara had a calendar on the wall and was ticking off days that she didn’t drink. She could only get 2 days straight and found it frustrating why she couldn’t get more. This caused her to feel shame and inadequacy as a human. In her 20s she was a bargirl. She would go to the bars with her friends or alone. At 21 she felt the desperation of not knowing what to do about her drinking, she found herself on her knees at a park begging for help. Her prayers were not answered and she continued to drink and continued to do geographicals within Melbourne.

At 28 Sara decided to go overseas. She was struggling with her purpose in life and thought she would find herself and sort her drinking out. Instead of finding herself she just found a whole lot of bars. Looking back on that time it feels like wasted time because instead of seeing the world she just drank.

[20:25] When did you decide to go back to Australia and that maybe quitting drinking was part of the grander scheme of things?

Sara had actually gone to AA when she was 23 and had given up drinking for about 6 months, so she knew AA existed, so she ended up going back to AA in Scotland and England. She had stints of 6 months and 3 months sobriety and says that was some of the most joyous times of her travels.

[20:55] What do you think happened after those 6 most joyous months?

Sara says her headspace happened. It told her she was cured and that she had evolved in those 6 months, and could drink moderately.

[21:45] So did you then make it back to Australia, is that where you got sober?

In 2012 Sara returned to Australia. Once back in Australia she pulled away from the pub crowd and was spending more time with just her friends or at home, so she was getting in less trouble but her drinking became more of a daily thing. In the last couple of years alcohol was the only thing that would make her happy.

[25:10] Was there a rock bottom moment on January 15, 2019? Tell us what it was like on January 16?

No, Sara was sick and tired of being sick and tired. She says she started out on the pink cloud and that lasted about 2 months. She went to an AA meeting on day 1 because she knew that the times she had the longest stretches of sobriety was when she was active in AA. She is still active in AA.

[27:15] What was the first month like? What was different this time?

She said she was not running on fear but that there was a healthy fear there that reminded her she needed to do what she could. Instead of looking for the differences at meetings she was looking for the similarities. She realized that she was not reaching her full potential when drinking alcohol.

[30:30] What’s on your bucket list in sobriety?

To become more of a dedicated student with her counseling. She loves to dance and wants to get back into doing that.

[37:08] What results are you seeing from the communication between your adult self and your child self?

Old beliefs are getting brought up and Sara is able to see why she responds in certain ways to certain triggers. She is hyperaware of her triggers now and is addressing them.

[39:10] Why do you think you drank?

Sara’s says her parents met in rehab so she feels there is some genetics that come into play, along with some childhood trauma. Alcohol helped her feel like she belonged.

[43:15] What are your thoughts on relapse?

Sara feels that relapses are par for the course and her relapses taught her so much, she didn’t realize that at the time, but looking back now she recognizes it.

[44:43] Rapid Fire Round

Worst memory from drinking?

The no memory memories. The moment of dread and horror while trying to piece the night together.

When was your oh-shit moment?

I was in Scotland and I was gifted a free week’s trip on a yacht. I hadn’t been drinking for 6 months and I decided I would drink at sea. The first 6 nights were fine…night 7 found her sneaking onto a cruise liner, stealing bottles of alcohol, getting caught, and waking up in a 90-year-old lady’s home but not knowing where she was.

What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward?

I want to thrive and lead a joyous and fulfilling life.

In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve received?

One day at a time.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Get really honest with yourself, ask yourself, “how long have I been trying to moderate? And has it been working?”

You might be an alcoholic if...

It’s 3 AM and your ex-boyfriend’s housemate finds you outside of the house, ¾ ways up a tree, and when he asks you what you are doing you say, “I’m being a ninja”, and you proceed to fall out of the tree onto the ground and laugh like a maniac.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 227: 8 Things to Remember When Going Through Tough Times Jun 24, 2019

Chris, with a sobriety date of February 12, 2019, shares his story.

On today’s episode Paul shares 8 strategies that you can implement when you are going through hard times.

Everything can, and will, change.
You’ve overcome challenges before.
Recognize this life situation as a learning experience, AKA an opportunity.
You may not be getting what you want, but you are getting what you need.
Lighten up, do not take yourself to seriously.
You can self-medicate with kindness to yourself.
Don’t make it worse by taking on other people’s tough times.
There is always something to be happy for.

SHOW NOTES:

[13:40] Paul introduces Chris.

Chris has been sober since February 12, 2019 and is 35 years old. He is a technology trainer for a finance company. He is divorced and has three boys, ages 15, 10 and 7. For fun Chris likes to sing and play guitar in a band, he also does improv and stand up comedy. Since getting sober he is exercising a lot.

[14:20] When did you start drinking?

He had his first drink, tequila he had stole from his parents, at the age of 11. He was in an AOL chat room at the time and he says it gave him liquid courage to chat freely, and he was hooked.

[16:20] Give us a more background about your drinking.

Chris’s drinking didn’t really get going until his sophomore year of high school. It ramped up quickly and he was experiencing black outs by his junior year. Chris also got his 1st, of 3, DUIs his junior year of high school. He started losing friends and girlfriends because of his drinking and by his senior year he was trying to get sober. He started college after high school and got his 2nd DUI at 19 years old. His first son was also born when Chris was 19. For the majority of his 20’s he replaced his drinking with marijuana. He married the mother of his son and they had two more. In 2013 they got divorced. Chris’s pot smoking was a big part of why they got divorced. After his divorce he went back to drinking. Within a month, at the age of 29, Chris got his 3rd DUI.

[25:58] Was there some sobriety time between 2013 and February 2019?

He had some forced sobriety time due to being on probation from his 3rd DUI. When all his legal issues were over in 2015, he went back to smoking pot and drinking, and he added taking Adderall into the mix. On February 11th he went to a family member and told them that he was taking Adderall and not as prescribed. He wanted help. The first 3 days of his sobriety he stayed with family. He also called the doctor that prescribed the Adderall and “burnt the ships”.

[33:55] What was your first month off the substances like?

It took him a few days to get his sleep schedule back to normal, but Chris says he had so much fun that the first weekend he spent with his boys off of all substances. He started to flip things around and instead of looking at sobriety as missing out on something he started looking at it as what he was gaining. He was choosing to be happy, and he was.

[40:10] What are some of the tools you’ve used these last 4 months?

He listens to recovery podcasts, like Recovery Elevator and Recovery Happy Hour. The online support group and forum is always there. Chris also reads a lot of self-help books.

[43:00] What advice would you give to your younger self?

He would tell himself to love himself more and that he is worth more than he thinks, but he also feels like he needed to go through all the things he went though to get to where he is now.

[44:45] Do you know why you were using substances?

Chris says that his internal self didn’t feel good enough, and to hide those feelings he used.

[45:50] What have you learned about yourself, along the way, that stands out?

Chris leaned that he can change, that he is capable of positive change.

[47:00] Rapid Fire Round

Worst memory from drinking?

Getting so drunk at a neighbor’s house that his kids had to go home to their mother’s house and having to call the next morning, realizing his drinking was affecting his kids.

What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward?

To keep moving and not get comfortable.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

If you think you have an issue then you probably do, try quitting for 30 days. You can do it.

You might be an alcoholic if...

You’re listening to this podcast. Also, if you’re shopping for fancy craft beer and you have to look at the alcohol by volume percentage of each beer, before you buy it. And if you don’t find the alcohol by volume you break out your phone and google it, because anything under 5% would not be worth the can allowance.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

BetterHelp

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Alcohol Use is Rising Around the World

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 226: Americans Are Drinking Less Alcohol Jun 17, 2019

Tim, with 2 days of sobriety, shares his story.

On today’s episode Paul talks about 2 articles that discuss alcohol use. Links for these articles can be found following the show notes.

The first article, published on May 7, 2019 in USA Today, says that alcohol use is soaring worldwide, with the average adult now consuming about 1.7 gallons of pure alcohol per year. Just in the past 27 years the total volume of alcohol that people consumed globally increased by 70%. Even though on a global level alcohol consumption is increasing, if you are listening to this podcast you have made it further than 95% of people out there. You are starting to make changes.

On the brighter side, an article published on January 17, 2018 in Bloomberg, reported that Americans drank less alcohol in 2018, for the third straight year. Total cases of beer, wine and spirits consumed in the US dropped by .8% in 2018. This was the third straight year that there had been a decline in consumption. So globally people are consuming more alcohol, but in the United States consumption is declining.

There’s a new term called ‘sobor curious’, which includes a large population that doesn’t necessarily have an issue with alcohol, but are waking up and are recognizing that maybe messages that big alcohol is telling us aren’t panning out to be true in real life.

SHOW NOTES

[12:30] Tim, with a sobriety date of May 13, 2019, has 2 days sober. After having this interview scheduled for about a week Tim emailed Paul to let him know that he had drank. He felt like he might not be the ideal candidate to be on the podcast. After reading the email, Paul let Tim know that he is exactly who he wants to have on the podcast.

[15:10] Paul introduces Tim.

Tim is 36 years old and was born, and raised, in Boston Massachusetts. He came from an Italian family that was in the construction industry. In middle and high school, he developed a real passion for music. He dedicated himself to hours and hours of voice, guitar and piano lessons, which led him into a career in ministry as a worship leader. Tim got married at 19 and is still married to the same woman, they are about to celebrate 17 years and have 3 children. His career in ministry is in the past and he is working as a project manager for a company that installs high end woodworking beams and bookshelves.

[16:45] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Tim started drinking at 15 and the first night he drank he got alcohol poisoning. He spent that first night in the shower throwing up and blacking out. He says he was never able to drink casually. Getting married at the age of 19, to a woman that is a couple years older than him, meant that he had someone that could buy alcohol for him. In his early 20s he was drinking about a 6-pack a day.

At the age of 25 Tim attended his first AA meeting, just to see. By this time, he was drinking 8-10 beers a day. After listening to someone’s story at that meeting, he decided that he was not an alcoholic. Tim says he went to a few more AA meetings throughout his 20s, but he continued to drink and started to mix it up with hard alcohol and found his favorite drink, Captain and Coke.

As he moved through his 30’s, Tim and his wife started to have pretty regular arguments about his drinking. Tim says he was looking for his wife to put her foot down and give him an ultimatum, but that wasn’t happening. He tried to moderate, and that didn’t work. He had some periods, 3 – 6 months, when he did not drink, but once he would consume alcohol again it would take about a week and he would be right back to daily drinking.

[21:30] In regards to those times of abstinence, what was it that brought you back to drinking?

Tim would tell himself that because he just went 3, or 6, months without drinking, that he must have control over it. The thought of having a glass of wine with his wife, while they watch the sunset, would just seem nice. That first drink always took him back to where he left off, in a matter of weeks.

In his 30s Tim started hiding alcohol and lying about how much he was drinking. He was always calculating how he was going to get that buzz.

[23:46] Did you have a rock bottom moment when you knew you had a problem?

Tim had joked about being a black out drinker in his 20s, but it wasn’t until his 30’s that he discovered he was really blacking out. He would drink and come to and realize that he had driven or would come to and not know where he was or who he was with. When he was blacking out on a regular basis, he knew he had a problem.

[25:20] What happens next?

When Tim was 30, he had gotten a job offer from a huge church down in Atlanta. It was like his life’s dream, so they moved down to Atlanta. For the next 6 years Tim found himself counseling people about their drug and alcohol problems, while his drinking continued.

When Tim was 34, he went to a psychiatrist who put him on Adderall, he then was mixing alcohol and Adderall. He became addicted to the Adderall.

[30:10] Recently you had 7 months sober and then relapsed 22 days ago, tell me about that.

During those 7 months Tim was still taking Adderall and was smoking a THC vape pen. Although he was not drinking during that time he was still dealing with depression and all that comes with being an addict.

25 days ago, he relapsed, drank a lot, and crashed his truck. It was then that he went back to AA, got a sponsor, and was ready to take it seriously.

2 weeks ago, Tim’s father, who also struggled with alcoholism, but never admitted it, committed suicide. Shortly after this Tim went to a bar, had 3 beers, left and called his sponsor.

[37:30] You are on day 2, how are you feeling?

Tim says he feels great. He has energy in the morning and is getting up early to pray. He has been able to be honest with his boss, which has saved him from losing his job. He explained to his boss that he could not stay late after work because he is now going to AA, and his boss has been very supportive.

[41:00] Do you know why you drank?

Tim says alcohol helped him feel his emotions, it allowed him to cry. He wanted to ‘feel’ and alcohol did that for him.

[43:50] What are you going to do when a craving hits?

Tim starts each morning in prayer or meditation. He sets his day up and prepares for the cravings that he knows he will have. He also has multiple sponsors and a network of people that he can contact when one is not available. He listens to podcasts and also has people checking in on him.

[45:21] Rapid Fire Round

Worst memory from drinking?

2 years ago, I made a big scene at a restaurant and embarrassed my wife and my friends. I stacked a bunch of dishes and smashed them on the table, I drank way too much and had to get thrown out.

When was your ah ha moment?

It was something I heard on your podcast, someone said, “life isn’t happening to you, it’s happening for you”. That concept was so incredibly mind-blowing to me.

What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward?

To continue on knowing that if I am isolated, which is my nature, I will not succeed at this.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

Paul I’m not saying this to blow any smoke, but I listen to multiple podcasts, and for some reason yours has been my number 1.

In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you have received?

Stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Don’t wait. Not one more drink, it’s always one more drink, one more day…do it right this second because life it worth it.

You might be an alcoholic if...

In the middle of the night, drunk, you are seeing fireworks in your rearview mirror only to discover you have driven the wheel off of your truck and the brake caliper and axel are scraping and shooting sparks 15 feet into the air.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Americans Drank Less Alcohol in 2018

BetterHelp

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 225: Why I Drank After 2.5 Years Alcohol Free Jun 10, 2019

Nick, with 101 days of sobriety, shares his story.

Paul is asking the listeners what they want to hear on the podcast. Do you want more interviews with industry professionals, such as recovery coaches, authors, and wellness leaders? Or do you like the podcast just the way it is with Paul interviewing sobriety badasses? Leave a review on iTunes and let Paul know!

On today’s podcast Paul shares that he was recently interviewed on a podcast called, Self Made and Sober by the host Andrew Lassise. Andrew asked Paul what was the difference between his first 2 ½ years of sobriety and from September 7, 2014 on. According to Paul, that was a fantastic question with an easy answer.

The first 2 ½ years of sobriety was from January 1, 2010 through August 2012. On 1/1/10 Paul made a declaration to go 30 days without alcohol. When day 30 hit Paul was at a crossroads. He had started to lose weight, feel good, his face was less puffy, life just got better. So, he decided to go another month. Going into month 3 the pink cloud showed up. But during this 2 ½ years he had a mindset of lack. A mindset that he was missing something, couldn’t do something. And as with anything, when we approach a goal with a mindset of lack, with a mindset that we will be missing something, it is not going to last. After 2 ½ years Paul went to his first AA meeting and walked away thinking “I got this.”. 2 days later he drank, picking up right where he had left off. Those first 2 ½ years were based on willpower, which does not work.

On September 7, 2014 something felt different. He knew that he had to quit drinking. But his mindset was different. Paul wasn’t looking at giving up alcohol as a sacrifice, but rather that space was being created, and things (alcohol) were being cleared, for better things to come. This time he wasn’t doing it out of fear, he was doing it because there was a light at the end of the tunnel, an opportunity. That opportunity shows up every day. Instead of having a mindset of lack Paul now has a mindset of opportunity.

SHOW NOTES

[18:40] Paul introduces Nick.

Nick is 29 years old and has been sobor since January 25, 2019. He says that that biggest lesson he has learned in recovery so far is personal acceptance. Nick is from Saginaw, MI. He says he is figuring out what he likes to do for fun, that right now everything is fun whereas when he was drinking nothing was fun. He enjoys being around people, disk golf, hiking, and meditation. He is divorced, a result of his addiction, but close to his family who live is Saginaw as well. For work Nick is about to start a new position with an organization called Families Against Narcotics.

[22:40] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Nick started drinking and using at the age of 14. From the first time he drank nick knew he wasn’t like other people. He realized he didn’t have an off switch. He says there was no slow progression in to alcoholism, that he was an addict the first time he took a drink. Throughout college he was binge drinking up to 5 nights a week, but that didn’t seem like a problem to Nick because that was what everyone else was doing. In 2012 his drinking and drugging amplified. But he was still doing well in school, still holding a job, still doing everything that looked normal on the outside.

[25:43] Sounds like there was some cognitive dissonance, tell us what that was like, how did that feel?

Nick said he felt powerless. He felt out of control and the only way he felt better was more drinking. There was a lot of rationalizing and minimalizing. In July of 2014 Nick went into rehab for the first time. In September 2014 his wife kicked him out. He moved back home and was doing drugs and drinking every day. On December 6, 2014 Nick overdosed. That put him in the hospital for about 2 weeks, and they weren’t even sure he was going to make it. He then went back to rehab and says that’s when there was a shift in his mindset. He finally accepted that he wasn’t in control and that his life was unmanageable. He entered into a 3-month inpatient rehab; the same one his brother was at.

[28:18] What did it feel like when you had that mind shift?

Nick said it was a huge relief, that it felt like he could let go and let God take over.

[31:15] Tell us what it was like being in rehab with your brother.

They were both there for 3 months but they kept them apart for the first month. After that they started to have some overlap with their programs. Nick said he had the mind shift but that his brother did not. On the plane ride home from rehab his brother purchased a beer. This made Nick angry and he told his brother that. His brother minimalized it.

[33:30] Take us from getting out of rehab in the beginning of 2015 to your sobriety date the beginning of 2019.

Nick has been active in recovery since getting out of rehab. He has had slip ups and relapses, never with the hard drugs, just with alcohol. The last time he drank was January 24, 2019.

[37:10] Talk to us about some of these slip ups.

It got to the point that drinking wasn’t fun anymore. Every time he would drink there was a lesson he would learn. The biggest lesson he learned from the slip ups was that alcohol was going to hold him back, just like the drugs would, and that he needed to be totally sobor to reach his fullest potential.

[40:35] Tell us more about the moment when you told your friends you were no longer drinking, and how it was after that.

The first few weeks his friends went out of their way to make him comfortable. What he had expected, that there would be problem or a change, was not the case at all. His friends stopped drinking around him at first, and things got easier fairly quickly.

[42:30] Why do you think you drank and used?

He thinks it was because he had a false narrative of who he really was. Alcohol helped numb it and made it easier to swallow that he wasn’t living his purpose. He also had a lot of emotional trauma growing up and he thinks that played a part.

[45:15] In the past 101 days have you experienced cravings and what tools have you used to get past them?

For Nick a craving is just a thought and it is all about changing that thought process. The cravings have been a lot milder than they were with the drugs. When he has a craving now, and is alone, he yells ‘STOP’, if he is with someone he thinks ‘STOP’ in his head.

[47:50] Tell us more about the Open Discussion, OD Movement, website.

After his grandmother’s passing in 2018 Nick wanted to do something to proactively try and address addiction. So, he created the Open Discussion Movement website, https://odmovement.com/ The OD Movement’s mission is to change the dialogue around addiction. You can find the OD Movement podcast by searching for it on most podcast platforms.

[56:00] Rapid Fire Round

Worst memory from drinking?

Driving drunk and wrecking my car and waking up in the psyche ward.

When was your oh shit moment?

When I woke up in the ICU after my overdose in 2014.

What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward?

My plan is to continue building the OD Movement and just continue doing the next right thing.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

The Meeting Finder app on my phone, I love that I can go to a meeting at any time.

In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you have received?

You’re exactly where you need to be.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

It gets better. You have no idea how great life can be until you live a life free from the clutches of drugs and alcohol.

You might be an alcoholic if...

You wake up in the hospital and say, “man I shouldn’t have done that last night.”.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Green Chef

For a total of $75 off, that’s $25 off each of your first 3 boxes, go to www.greenchef.us/elevator75

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 224: Which Wolf Will You Feed? Jun 03, 2019

Gerald, with a sobriety date of November 16, 2015, shares his story.

Registration for the RE Asia Adventure is now open! You can register and get more information about this event here

On a recent Café’ RE webinar, our host Odette, who is a sobriety warrior, brought a fantastic topic to the webinar. The Cherokee parable titled Two Wolves. It is about an old Cherokee teaching his grandson about life. He tells the grandson that he has a fight going on inside him between two wolves. One is evil, the other is good.

The grandson thought for a moment and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee replied, “The one you feed.”

This same fight is going on inside all of us. But we should refrain from labeling our wolves ‘evil’ and ‘good’, because they are both equally important. We tend to feed our ‘evil’ wolf more, because it’s source of energy doesn’t require much action. When this wolf gets thirsty, we feed it alcohol. The ‘good’ wolf takes more effort and energy to feed, it craves sobriety.

Because both wolves are equally important, we cannot ignore the ‘evil’ one, we must acknowledge it and that will keep it happy. When we ignore one, we become unbalanced.

SHOW NOTES

[13:00] Paul introduces Gerald.

Gerald is 50 years old and lives in Boulder, CO with his family. He was born and raised in Connecticut, where he went to a private school and private college. Skiing and biking are Gerald’s passions.

[15:50] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Gerald started drinking when he was in high school. Through high school and college his drinking was only an occasional/weekend thing. After moving to Boulder, he cut back on his drinking because he was staying active biking and training for triathlons.

At the age of 30 he decided he wanted to go to culinary school and stopped exercising and started eating, and his drinking picked up. He gained 40 pounds. In 2011 he decided he wanted to lose the weight, so he got back on his bike, cut back on his drinking, and in 8 months lost the 40 he had gained.

When he was 43 Gerald lost his job and the decrease in income forced him and his family to move in with his in-laws. While he appreciated what his in-laws were doing for him and his family, he says it really started to take its toll on him and the way he felt as a man. This is when his drinking really started to progress.

[19:11] What happened after that?

In April of 2015 he lost another job. The pattern was starting to solidify. This was also when he really started to get into personal development.

[20:20] Did you start to see the role that alcohol was playing in your life?

Gerald said only looking backwards. He didn’t see it at the time. He thought he drank the same as all his friends, and that nobody ever pulled him aside or suggested he had a drinking problem. He did stop drinking for 3 weeks and nobody seemed to notice, so he went back to his normal and kept on drinking.

[21:55] What happened on November 16, 2015?

Gerald was on his way home from his job at a brewery and was invited to a going away party for someone from work. After grabbing alcohol from work, and drinking even more from the party, he got behind the wheel, took a turn and hit the curb hard enough to employ his side airbag…right in front of a cop. He got a DUI.

[23:00] Was this your rock bottom moment?

Gerald says it was the moment that he knew he had to change something. He got kicked out of his in-law’s house that night and lost his job a few days later. He found himself starting at ground zero again.

[28:45] What was day 1 like?

On day 1 Gerald kept an appointment with his blog coach, which he had made prior to his DUI. He says that appointment was transformational. It helped him begin to understand that he had a different purpose. Instead of doing what he just wanted to do he was trying to create something of value. Providing more value to people made the biggest difference in his life.

[30:56] Walk us through that first week, that first month.

Connection with his family made the biggest difference, and understanding that he was moving away from something while moving towards something else. Instead of trying to avoid drinking he started looking forward to other things like creating content and spending time with his kids.

**Gerald wrote a book titled, My Morning Practice: How to Put Down the Bottle, Escape Mediocrity, and Master Your Morning Mindset**

[35:15] Talk to us about how changing one little habit in the morning can make a tremendous change in your life.

Gerald starting noticing that most of the most successful people on the planet all had a morning routine. A lot of those routines included exercise. Gerald decided to write 10 ideas down every morning. About a month later he heard about a bike challenge so he adding biking to his mornings. He continued to add things to his routine. This routine gave Gerald the time and the space to really think about what is important to him.

[40:00] Walk us through a good morning routine for listeners that are new in sobriety.

First thing is to cut back time from what you are doing in the evening, less TV for example, so you can get to bed a little earlier and wake up a little earlier. Then take it a bite sized piece at a time, adding only one thing at a time and being consistent with that one thing before adding more.

[47:08] What have you learned about yourself in sobriety?

He’s learned that he has a growth mindset and if there’s a skill out there that he wants to learn he can accomplish it.

[48:00] Where can we find you and your book?

You can find his book on Amazon right here. You can find Gerald himself through his email, gerald@geraldrhodes.com , or his website, https://www.geraldrhodes.com/ .

[48:30] Rapid Fire Round

Worst memory from drinking?

My son’ 8th birthday, my ex-wife and I got into this huge fight, it was a mess and it was all because I was drunk.

When was your ah-ha moment?

I was watching a video by Bob Proctor and the message he gave led to my big ah-ha moment.

What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward?

My morning practice, it has served me very well.

Apart from your morning routine, what’s your favorite resource in recovery?

A book by Gary John Bishop called Unfu*k Yourself and listening to books on Audible.

In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you have received?

That I am a miracle.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Take a few minutes every day to do something that you love and to think about what’s most important to you.

You might be an alcoholic if...

You take home white wine spritzers in a to go cup.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Betterhelp Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. For (podcast name) listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 223: Let Authenticity Replace Positivity May 27, 2019

Alex, with 63 days of sobriety, shares his story.

On today’s podcast Paul talks about what researchers, that studied the drinking habits of people that work with the public, discovered. They found that employees that forced themselves to smile and be happy around customers were more at risk to heavier drinking after work. Because of this, employers may want to rethink their ‘service with a smile’ policies.

Employees that work with the public may be using a lot of self-control, so later these employees may not have enough self-control to regulate how much they drink. Faking, or suppressing emotions, is called surface acting, which is also linked with drinking after work. Overall it was found that employees that interacted with the public drank more after work than those who did not.

Try not to suppress your emotions. Emotions are just that, emotions. They are not good or bad. It’s okay to be authentic in the work place. The best way to be authentic is with eye contact. Authenticity replaces positivity.

SHOW NOTES

[13:45] Paul introduces Alex.

Alex is 34 years old. He lives in Sandy, UT, where he was born and raised. He is married and has a 3-year-old son. He works in information technology and is a captain in the Army National Guard. For fun Alex likes anything outdoors. He enjoys skiing, camping, glamping and also plays the guitar and drums.

[16:20] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Alex joined the military and started drinking at age 21. He describes his drinking as like a frog in a slow boil. Around age 30 drinking really started to affect his health. His hangovers were getting worse. He was having unexplained pains where his liver was located and experiencing a shortness of breath.

[20:45] What was your anxiety like?

He was worried about things a normal person wouldn’t be worried about. In October 2017 he went to his doctor and was finally honest about his anxiety and depression…but not with his drinking. In January of 2018 he decided to do a dry January so hit the booze hard leading up to it.

[25:45] What was it like on January 1st?

At day 15 Alex found the podcast and started binge listening to it. He realized he was like the people on the podcast, that he was an alcoholic. At day 32, after making it through ‘dry January’ he drank. That started a 2-week bender.

[30:56] During that 2-week bender did you try to stop?

He got a case of the ‘fuck-its’ and that 2-week bender was just everyday hammering the alcohol. He then just realized that he wasn’t being the person he wanted to be.

[32:40] Talk to us about after you had that moment of clarity.

The most important thing for Alex was being very honest with himself about the fact he is an alcoholic and needs to stay away from alcohol. He made an appointment with his doctor and told him about his drinking. His doctor referred him to therapy.

[37:37] How are you going to get day 64?

He says he needs to keep busy. He goes to a climbing gym. He drinks sparkling water if he feels like he needs something in his hand.

[39:42] What have you learned about yourself during this alcohol-free journey?

He’s returning to who he wants to be. Most importantly he’s learned how to be honest with himself.

[44:00] Rapid Fire Round

Worst memory from drinking?

All the times I made my wife feel like shit.

Do you remember a specific ‘oh-shit’ moment?

A year after my son was born, I was having suicidal thoughts.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

Definitely this podcast.

In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you’ve ever received?

To think about the positives instead of the negatives.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Know that you are lying to yourself and start being honest with yourself.

You might be an alcoholic if...

You count the half 16oz. flat warm 9% beer from the night before as inventory for tonight’s alcohol intake.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Thank you to today’s sponsor Betterhelp

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 222: The 20/40/40 Rule May 20, 2019

Ryan, with 90 days of sobriety, shares his story.

On today’s podcast Paul talks about the 3 major players when it comes to sobriety. The players are; the mind, the body, and the breath. Paul likes to call this the 20/40/40 rule, because that is how we should allocate the importance to these 3 major players.

The mind (20%) should be used as a radar to scan the body, do not try and use the mind to solve addiction. The body (40%) never lies, it is your unconscious mind. The breath (40%) is like your fighter jet. Once your mind has located where on your body your energetic mass has accumulated get in your fighter jet (the breath) and start building circuits in this area.

SHOW NOTES

[12:15] Paul introduces Ryan.

Ryan lives in Sacramento, Ca. He works in sales for a large software company. He is 35 years old and got married last year. For fun Ryan likes anything outdoors. He enjoys snowboarding, hiking, running, and he is currently training for a half marathon. Ryan says he is an extrovert and gets a lot of energy hanging out and talking with people and friends.

[14:20] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Ryan had his first drink at 14 years old. Throughout high school he played a lot of sports and only drank on the weekends. His drinking ramped up in college. He joined a fraternity and was always the guy that you could count on to do crazy things. Looking back, he can see that his drinking ramped up in college and it never stopped once he was out of college.

Even though he would go periods when drinking didn’t seem to be a problem, he would then be back to blacking out again and drinking like he was in college.

[16:30] When did you start to realize that alcohol was a problem?

Ryan says that is tricky, because even though he would wake up and not remember things from the night before his friends were doing the same thing, and they’d be making jokes about it.

But when he was 21, he woke in the hospital and they told him he had a .39 blood alcohol level (BAC). Someone had called an ambulance. He says that that was probably not the only time his BAC had been that high. He felt the problem was the fact that he was blacking out, and that is what he tried to address, which is why he continued to drink for the next 10-15 years.

[18:25] In your 20s was there a specific moment that you tried to take action in regards to your drinking?

Ryan says no. He felt he was in his 20s and he was having fun. He was still functioning and finding success in his career. He did try putting some rules on his drinking but says he never really wanted to stop drinking during his 20s, he just wanted to stop blacking out.

[19:30] When did you realize that to stop blacking out wasn’t an option, but that you had to address the alcohol.

Ryan says he doesn’t really feel he ever had quitting on the table until 90 days ago. He took breaks, but never with the intention of quitting. Even after being diagnosed with type I diabetes at the age of 29 he didn’t think he should stop drinking, instead his thoughts were, “will I be able to drink again?”.

[23:20] What happened 90 days ago?

More than anything Ryan says he was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. He also says his wife played a big role in it. After a work trip to Vegas and blacking out, losing his phone and credit card, and his wife not being able to get a hold of him he realized just how scared she was when he got home. Scared that something really bad could have happened to him. He knew then he had to stop drinking.

[28:15] What was the first week, the first month, after Vegas like?

He felt empowered and knew he was going to do it. He wasn’t sure how he was going to do it, was definitely scared, but knew he was going to do it. First and foremost, his wife said that she would quit with him. He started reading books about alcohol/alcoholism. He started looking at all the opportunities that giving up alcohol would bring.

[33:07] What are some of the big things you’ve learned in the last 90 days without alcohol?

He’s learned to be more present and more mindful.

[36:20] Do you know why you drank?

He feels it had to do with his ego and a sense of identification. Growing up he identified himself as an athlete, in college he could no longer truly do that. College was the first time he was away from his twin brother so he was building his own identity. He became the fun, social, crazy guy and he thinks that was his why.

[39:00] What’s on your bucket list in sobriety?

Ryan doesn’t have a bucket list, or a list of things he wants to get done. He is just taking action in the moment when he wants to do something.

[39:38] Is there anything you would have done differently while getting sober?

He would have done it sooner.

[39:46] What’s the biggest obstacle you’ve encountered in the last 90 days?

He says it’s been the anxiety leading up to, and before, telling people about his sobriety.

[41:30] Rapid Fire Round

Worst memory from drinking?

There’s no worst, there’s just lots of really bad memories. From being in the drunk tank, to the hospital, to passing out in random places.

Do you remember a specific ‘oh-shit’ moment?

When I went to the hospital my senior year with that .39 BAC.

What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward?

I don’t have a true plan; I think that’s part of the plan. It’s not that I’m focused on just being sober. I’m focused on being the best version of myself and that just happens to include sobriety.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

Honestly, this podcast and my wife.

In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you’ve ever received?

Don’t let the past dictate your future.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Stop worrying about if you’re an alcoholic or not, who cares about the labels? Ask yourself, does drinking cause you problems in any part of your life? And if so, then it’s a problem and you can fix that problem by not drinking.

You might be an alcoholic if...

You refuse to listen to someone’s story about sobriety because you don’t actually want to stop drinking alcohol, you just want all the problems from drinking alcohol to magically go away.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

Babbel

This episode is brought to you by the language learning app Babbel and right now, my listeners can try Babbel for free

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 221: In Sobriety, We Must First Learn Who We Aren’t May 13, 2019

Liz, with a sobriety date of July 8, 2017, shares her story.

Workshops for the Bozeman, MT, retreat in August are lined up! There are still a few spots left! You can find more information about this event here

On today’s podcast Paul talks about a common misconception people have as they move forward in a life without alcohol. That misconception is that when we get sober, we will finally find out who we really are. But that isn’t how it works. We do get to that point, but first we must find out who we aren’t.

During this phase; people, places, things, ideas, thought patterns, identities, that are no longer in line with your new direction in life will start to fade away. Just allow this process to happen. Recovery is all about action, but this is a process of inaction. This is a recurring process.

SHOW NOTES

[10:05] Paul introduces Liz.

Liz is 29 years old and is originally from Indiana but is now living in Frankfurt, Illinois. She is a licensed, board certified, acupuncturist and Chinese herbalist. She is married. For fun she enjoys working out, hiking, yoga, reading, going to concerts, and she is a big foodie.

[11:00] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Liz started drinking when she was about 12 or 13 years old. She was an only child and grew up in an abusive household, with addict parents (who are still active in their addictions). She was sexually abused by her father and his friends between the ages of 8-10. All of this trauma laid dormant until Liz was 21 years old.

Liz’s father would give her drugs and alcohol whenever she would ask, she believes it was his way of keeping her numb, so that she would never speak up. Her house was the party house in high school, and even middle school.

Liz dated an ecstasy dealer, which led her into an ecstasy addiction and an overdose. At the age of 20 she went to jail for underage drinking. She moved to Chicago when she was 21. She was working and going to school full time, and drinking.

[16:55] You are the first person interviewed that has said they always knew they had a drinking problem, please explain.

She knew that when she started drinking at 12/13 years old that she was drinking to cover something up. It was always a numbing agent for Liz, never a feel-good agent. It was just the way I coped with everything. Knowing she needed help she found an addictions counselor in Chicago. Within the first session the counselor was telling her she was an alcoholic and addict, needed AA and to enter inpatient treatment.

She continued to go to therapy, but did not enter into inpatient. It was during this time that the sexual abuse from her childhood started to surface and her drinking and drugging intensified.

[20:24] What was it like when these memories started to bubble up?

Liz says this is when the downward spiral of her addiction really started to intensify. She was still going to work and school, but was blacking out nightly. If she didn’t go to bed drunk, she would have vivid night terrors.

[22:23] Tell us about what it was like when you were meeting with the hypnotherapist.

She assessed Liz, told her she needed AA and to stop drinking and basically told her she was not willing to work with her unless she stopped drinking. Liz told her she was unwilling to stop drinking and insisted on the therapy. The therapist agreed to proceed although she told her she may not get much out of it due to her alcohol consumption. Liz showed up for every appointment, about twice a week for 6 months. It was the most intense therapy Liz has ever gone through. She relived the trauma and was able to heal from it.

[24:45] What happened next?

She continued to see the therapist, continued to drink, and she finished school. Once she was done with school she moved to Illinois. Her drinking//drugging slowed to the weekends, although she was still blacking out and her weekends were spent hungover. She tried moderating. She started breaking out in hives when she would drink. It did not matter what she drank, or how much. One drink would lead to hives from head to toe. So, she started taking Claritin before she drank, so she could continue drinking without the hives. Her hangovers started to get worse and last longer.

She got engaged in 12/2015 and married in 8/2017. July of 2017 was her bachelorette party weekend, and July 8, 2017 is her sobriety date.

[31:16] What was it like in early sobriety?

She remembers being really scared to go anywhere, not wanting to explain anything to anyone. Feelings were new to her and made her nervous. She continued with her therapy during the first year of sobriety. She did AA for about 6 months.

[35:00] Talk to us about how acupuncture can be helpful in sobriety.

Acupuncture can help release endorphins, increase serotonin levels, help get people off of anxiety meds, and help with overall cravings.

[37:25] How has your life changed in sobriety?

She finally feels content, no longer feels restless.

[40:10] What’s on your bucket list in sobriety?

Liz wants to travel; Australia and New Zealand are next on her list. She would also like to find a good yoga retreat to attend. She wants to help others and to be more open about her sobriety.

[42:19] Rapid Fire Round

Worst memory from drinking?

Ending up in the hospital in Memphis for alcohol poisoning, also waking up and not having memories.

Do you remember a specific ‘oh-shit’ moment?

When she couldn’t make it through a whole day of class without going across the street to the bar. Waking up without a phone or wallet. Getting arrested for underage drinking.

What’s your plan moving forward?

Being more open about my sobriety and using my acupuncture background to help other addicts. Really being part of a good sober community.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

This podcast and hypnotherapy as well.

In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you’ve ever received?

You are not defined by your past traumas. Drinking is not going to fix anything.

The best parting piece of advice you can give the listeners.

Work on your shit.

You might be an alcoholic if...

Alcohol gives you hives, but you take a Claritin and drink anyways.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode is brought to you in support by Care/Of. For 25% off your first month of personalized Care/of vitamins, go to TakeCareOf.com and enter the promo code ELEVATOR

Babbel This episode is brought to you by the language learning app Babbel and right now, my listeners can try Babbel for free.

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 220: Depression, Stress and Anxiety May 06, 2019

Nick, with 111 days sober, shares his story.

On today’s episode Paul discusses anxiety, depression and stress. “These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them.” ~ Rumi.

Depression is when mental energies are stuck in the past, anxiety is when we are living in the future, and stress accumulates when the end goal is more important than the task at hand. Liberation from all three of these dysfunctions resides in the present moment.

There is an undeniable connection between alcohol and depression. Remove alcohol and the bulk of melancholy should be lifted within a matter of months. Anxiety levels should also return to baseline after removing alcohol from your life. When we are primarily focused on the end outcome, and not the task at hand, we experience stress. Stress can be devastating to the equanimity in the body. The most powerful remedy to depression, anxiety, and stress is to ground yourself in the moment.

SHOW NOTES

[10:40] Paul introduces Nick

Nick is 32 years old and lives in Vancouver, Canada. He works in the career center at a university. He has been married for 2 years. For fun, he is still trying to figure that out in sobriety, but he enjoys having conversation and making connections with people.

[13:20] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Nick didn’t really start drinking until his early 20’s. He says he liked to drink, that there never really was a time that he did not enjoy it. He felt he could drink more than most and still be OK. And what that ended up doing was it basically normalized drinking large amounts of alcohol, because he wasn’t getting sick or waking up with a hangover. Things slowly escalated from there.

In 2010 Nick moved to Vancouver. There were a few times when he decided that he didn’t like how much he was drinking, and he would just stop for a few months at a time.

[17:00] What was the catalyst for you to decide to go a month or two without alcohol?

He went through a really messed up experience between his best friend and the person he was dating at the time. He dealt with that experience by drinking. What he came to realize was that alcohol just made him feel worse. So, he distanced himself from those 2 people and from alcohol. He went 3-4 months without drinking, not thinking he would never drink again, but more because he felt he needed a break from it.

When Nick started to drink again, the next year or two, it wasn’t that bad.

But what came back very quickly was the familiar feeling that alcohol made him feel comfortable, safe, more confident.

The thing that tipped Nick off to drinking becoming a problem was in order to feel normal or comfortable in a situation, he needed alcohol.

[20:15] When did you realize that your drinking was a problem?

It’s hard for him to pinpoint exactly when that happened. It built very slowly over time. It snowballed and it wasn’t until many years later that he realized that he had lost control.

[22:05] When was the moment that you did stop and see that alcohol was the factor that was causing that unease in your life?

Nick says there were lots of smaller moments, but when he really knew it, it was about 6 months after a good friend died from leukemia. He started isolating and drinking alone.

[25:50] Did you have a rock bottom moment? How did you finally make the push forward into sobriety?

Nick tried to moderate, which didn’t work. He then started to go to counseling on a regular basis. He was honest with his therapist about his drinking. He started journaling which helped him to see why he was drinking. He became more self-aware and was communicating better. He was still sad and grieving. Over the next year his drinking escalated.

Around September 2018 he was listening to a lot of podcasts and just knew that he had to give up drinking. He came home one day, after listening to the RE podcast, took his earbuds out, and just cried. Part of the reason he cried was because he realized that he was not alone.

[34:05] When the tears came flowing, what did it feel like to fully lean in?

Nick says it felt terrifying and he felt very vulnerable, but also so relieved. That began a long series of day ones. On December 1st he joined the Café’RE Facebook group. After drinking a lot after a staff party on December 7, he has not picked up since.

[41:30] What was the first week like, the first month? How did you do it?

The first few days were a little rough. Because of all the journaling he had done he knew the hours that he needed to keep himself busy. He changed the route he would take as he would walk home so that he would not be passing liquor stores. He got connected and reached out to others in the group.

[44:16] With 111 days what’s he biggest challenge you’ve encountered so far?

The feeling of plateauing. He’s sober and isn’t experiencing cravings, so the question of “what now”?

[45:50] What was the Recovery Elevator Nashville event like?

It was great. As soon as he heard about the Nashville event, he knew he had to try to get himself there.

[48:30] What are you going to do next in recovery?

Nick would like to work with people in addiction and recovery.

[51:20] Rapid Fire Round

Worst memory from drinking?

Waking up and realizing that you hurt someone you care about, but you can’t remember why, is the absolute worst feeling in the world.

Do you remember a specific ‘oh-shit’ moment?

The last night he drank. It was though the scotch he was drinking was water. It just wasn’t working anymore.

Best advice you’ve ever received? And what advice can you give to someone who is thinking about getting sober?

Be open and vulnerable, be willing to give and receive love.

You might be an alcoholic if...

You go to slide a wine bottle under your couch, and you hear it hit another bottle, which hits another bottle.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 219: Let's Talk Surrender Apr 29, 2019

Sami, with a sobriety date of July 21, 2018, shares her story.

On today’s podcast Paul discuses surrender. What does is really mean to reach a point of surrendering? It doesn’t have to be complicated. Surrendering simply means yielding to your next stage in life. As Paul mentioned on a previous podcast, addictions are no more than sign posts in life, and surrender is when we fully accept them and make, what is most likely to be the most important change in our life, quitting alcohol.

Once we reach that moment when we realize that there are no more ways to moderate, when we clearly see that any attempt at moderation results in a dumpster fire, we usually find ourselves saying things like; f*ck it, I quit, I’m done, or I can’t do this anymore. If you’ve ever muttered those words then congratulations! You’ve hit what Paul calls the ‘now what’ milestone, which is huge. This is when we enter into a moment of clarity and surrender.

Surrendering is not a one and done thing. Surrendering is something you will repeatedly do as you continue on your journey in sobriety.

SHOW NOTES

[11:35] Paul introduces Sami

Sami is 28 years old. She lives in Prescott, Az. She has a 9-year-old son, 2 wiener dogs, and a cat. For fun Sami likes to hike/wander around the woods, do yoga and is into crystals.

[13:00] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Sami says she comes from a whole family of alcoholics. She had her first beer at the age of 14. She remembers being jealous of her older brothers, at the age of 13, because they could party and she was too young. During her teenage years she smoked pot more than she drank. When Sami was 17 her mom, who had a drug problem, passed away. At the age of 19 Sami got pregnant with her son.

When Sami turned 21, she went out to the bars, got wasted, felt horrible the following day, and said she would not do that again. And she didn’t, for about a year. She split up with the father of her son, reconnected with a high school girlfriend, and started going out. She says her drinking progressed from, ‘I’m not drinking alone.”, to bringing home beer to drink alone. She tried to hide being an alcoholic behind liking craft beer.

When her son started asking her how many beers she had had she realized that drinking may be an issue.

[19:00] When your son started asking you that question did you stop and think…this might not be right?

When he would ask her that she would get irritated.

[19:55] What through the next couple years up until your sobriety date in July 2018.

Eventually she was drinking every day, and also driving. Drinking and driving with her son in the car. April 14, 2014, she went to visit a girlfriend and they hung out by the pool drinking. On her way home, swerving along the way, she pulled over to ask her son if he was OK. He replied he was, she continued, and about a mile from home she saw the flashing lights in her rear-view mirror. She was handcuffed, taken to jail. Her dad came and picked her son up. It was the worst night of her life…her rock-bottom.

[25:40] Bring us up to July 21, 2018.

She got her DUI and had a restricted driver’s license. She still didn’t fully get it. After the DUI and after drinking she asked a friend to go get her cigarettes and he got in an accident on the way. She blamed herself for the accident…if she hadn’t been drinking, she would not have asked him to go. This was her last drink.

[28:55] Walk us through what happened after July 21, 2018.

Sami had to humble herself to ask for help getting herself to work and her son to school. She had to get comfortable staying at home. She started to learn more about alcohol and started to feel better

[32:15] Talk to us about how you got through the intense cravings in the early months.

She had cravings but she learned that they are fleeting and that they would go away. She started to realize that so many of the things she thought would not be enjoyable without alcohol were in fact more enjoyable.

[35:25] How has your life changed without alcohol?

For the better. She has more confidence and likes herself more. She is a better mom and her relationship with her son is better.

[37:45] What does a typical day in your sobriety look like?

She wakes up, gets her son to school and herself to work. Gets off work and goes home. Goes to yoga some evenings. She draws, reads and does a lot of art projects. She stays away from things that may trigger her. She surrounds herself with girls that are good for her sobriety. She spends time with her family, who are also sober and understand.

[40:24] Rapid Fire Round

When was your oh-shit moment?

I would say it was Christmas 2017. I drank a bottle of Jameson and got so wasted I don’t remember if my son had any fun.

What is you plan in sobriety moving forward?

I’m really excited about re-doing things that I have totally screwed up, like my son’s birthday. Continuing my yoga practice and continuing finding myself.

What’s your favorite resource in sobriety?

The Recovery Elevator podcast. Tell Better Stories on Instagram.

In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

One day at a time. If you’re going to drink again, play the tape forward.

You might be an alcoholic if...

If you wake up in the morning and half to ask your 8-year-old son, “what the hell happened last night?”.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 218: Let's Talk Relapse Apr 22, 2019

James, with a sobriety date of November 12, 2016, shares his story.

Recovery Elevator is on Instagram! Please follow Paul and Ben here .

On today’s podcast Paul discuses relapse. For some, and Paul has only met a few, relapse isn’t part of their story. But for the vast majority it is, and it isn’t something to be ashamed of. Spontaneous sobriety is rare. Paul feels that the word ‘relapse’ is another word in recovery, similar to the word ‘alcoholic’, that needs to be thrown out. The word ‘relapse’ has implications of failure.

When we drink again, after having made the internal declaration not to, we are simply doing more field research, learning lessons along the way. If you find yourself in a continuous cycle of field research, self-compassion is key. Stop placing success and failure parameters on whether you drank last night or not. When we start addressing what we are using alcohol to cover up than relapse will become less frequent and even a thing of the past.

When you do find yourself on stable footing, beware of the 3 most dangerous words on this journey…I got this.

SHOW NOTES

**Listeners you can listen to James’ first interview back on episode 105 when he had 74 days of sobriety, today he has 850 days.

[8:05] Paul introduces James

James is 31 years old and lives in New Jersey with his wife and their pomsky, Milo. He works in Manhattan. For fun he likes to golf, go to the gym, and hang with his wife and pup.

[10:50] Give us a little background about your drinking.

James started drinking when he was 13, stealing beers and wine coolers from the liquor cabinet. In high school he was not a big drinker, although he remembers how drinking helped make him feel comfortable.

He started college, on a golf scholarship, became good friends with one of his teammates that was a Christian, started going to bible study and church and didn’t drink his entire freshman year. Later, one of his teammates from England, was graduating so they threw a party and James drank. He picked up right where he left off and the next three years of college he was binge drinking and dabbled in drugs.

The spring semester of his senior year his coach called him in to his office and told him not to come to practice anymore, that he was coming in smelling like liquor and bringing the rest of the team down. This was the first time that he realized his drinking was affecting other people.

[13:44] Can you tell us what it felt like to have someone on the outside call you out on your drinking.

Immediately James was embarrassed and ashamed. He walked out of the office feeling sad and like he had let everyone down. He was able to curb his drinking enough to not be a burden and make it through the last 3 months playing golf.

2010 James was in Barcelona, caddying at a nice country club, the 2nd day he caddied he met a man that offered him a job which he took a week later. This was the beginning of the end. From the time he graduated at 21 years old to 28 years old, when he got sober, it was a quick progression of drugs and alcohol. In the span of 5 years James lost his Grandfather, his uncle and his Dad. Instead of dealing with the losses he used alcohol and drugs.

At 27 he was arrested for possession of cocaine, theft, and disturbing the peace. This leads to an intervention by his family and his Mom gives him the option to go to rehab or see a therapist. He picked the therapist. He went through a number of therapists and his girlfriend of 2 years left him during this time.

[22:40] What did it feel like that moment when you told yourself you were done.

He immediately felt a sense of relief. He reached out to a friend from college, that he used to party with, but from his posts on Facebook knew that he had gotten sober. At this time neither his family, or his girlfriend, would talk to him. He went to see his friend from college the next day. Talking to him helped, and he also started 12 weeks of IOP. Everyday he would ask himself, is this going to honor my father. He knew he had to make some changes and he firmly believes his father died to save his life.

[24:45] Once you surrendered, how did you make it one week, one month, how did you do it?

One day at a time. James says he was never a half-in guy, so once he decided to get sober, he dove in. He found the RE podcast, started reading a lot, went to AA, and was going to IOP and therapy 3 times a week. Very early he burned the ships with everyone, which he says was very therapeutic. He could finally breath and no longer had all the guilt and the shame.

[28:00] What was the transition from drinking/partying like you did, to the clean and sober life, like?

James said it was hard, but that it was almost like he was going back to the person he was the whole time, and it was a relief. In the last 6 months he shifted from playing the victim and feels he is becoming exactly who he is supposed to be.

[33:05] Talk to us about your year 1 and year 2 and the differences between the two.

James says he definitely had the classic pink cloud and felt great. At the end of year 1 he started to struggle a bit but after he hit the year mark, he felt rejuvenated. He booked the trip to Peru with Café RE and between months 13-15 things took another turn. Things felt dark and he was asking himself if this was what he got sober for. It was then he had a conversation with a friend, and with Paul, about ayahuasca and stayed in Peru to attend a ceremony. James says it wasn’t a magic bullet but that ayahuasca, hiking Machu Picchu, and getting married in October, is what changed his attitude about everything.

[35:15] On a group chat we were on you said one of the lessons you learned was that you no longer have to be the biggest guy in the room, talk to us about that.

The first night, of the first ceremony he did, there was a gentleman there from New Zealand who was bigger than James. (Who is 6’3” and 220 pounds, which he had always identified himself by.) During the ceremony James was weeping and this gentleman came up behind him, put his arms around him, held him like a baby, and told him to just let it all out. It was at this time he let go of feeling like always had to me the biggest guy in the room. He was supposed to do 3 ceremonies but after the first one he told the shaman that he had gotten what he needed and didn’t do the remaining 2.

[39:30] Talk to us about Cardamone Coaching.

Even as a kid James knew he wanted to help people. Wanting to become a recovery coach was something he discussed with Paul while in Peru. He realized fear was what was holding him back and that that was all bullshit, so he got certified to be a recovery coach. His goal is to help people in recovery by using his own experience.

James’ coaching website is: https://www.cardamonecoaching.com/ .

[45:06] I saw your registration come in for the Bozeman retreat, what are you looking forward to at this retreat?

Going back to Bozeman, it’s a change of pace from New York City. Seeing some of the same people and meeting new people. The retreats have changed James’ life.

[47:25] Rapid Fire Round

What is you plan in sobriety moving forward?

Continue doing what I’m doing, stay the course, one day at a time, and helping people.

What’s your favorite resource in sobriety?

Reading, I must have read 35 books in the last 2 ½ years, reading has really opened me up to different things.

In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

It gets better and you never have to feel this way again if you don’t pick up a drink or a drug.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

You are good enough

You might be an alcoholic if...

If you get arrested outside of a nightclub with drugs in your pocket, a stolen credit card and no shoes on.

You can sign up for a FREE 5-day Recovery Elevator video course here.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Babbel This episode is brought to you by the language learning app Babbel and right now, my listeners can try Babbel for free. Download the app, or text Elevator to 48-48-48 Green Chef For $50 off your first order, go to www.greenchef.us/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 217: 10 Ways to Ground Yourself in Sobriety Apr 15, 2019

Brad, with a sobriety date of August 31, 2018, shares his story.

Paul talks about the ‘now’ and ways we can ground ourselves while we find ourselves taking this thing one day at a time. At some period in our journey we will find ourselves logging our days in our tracker like it ‘ain’t no thing’. Then there are other days when we wake up and keeping the mind in check can be a constant struggle. Paul shares some of his own favorite personal techniques that he uses to ground himself.

Acknowledge what is really happening.
Think in terms of “we” rather than “I”
Take your shoes off and walk barefooted outside.
You are nature…take time to go out in your natural setting, nature.
Slow down.
Do not multitask
Pay close attention to the body
Go from saying, “I can get through this’, to saying, “I AM getting through this”.
Go with the gut.
Last one is I tell myself “Dude, Paul…this isn’t you!”

If you have a grounding technique that you use, that isn’t listed here, email it to Paul and put “Grounding Techniques” in the subject line.

SHOW NOTES

[12:10] Paul introduces Brad

Brad is 31 years old and is from Fort Wayne, Indiana. He is a traveling salesperson and sells health care products to providers. He is married and has a daughter. For fun he likes to golf and recently has joined a kick boxing gym.

[14:15] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Brad was a good kid all through high school. At 17 he had a job as a barback where he learned a lot about alcohol. He was pretty much alcohol free all through college. When he was 20 years old he went to England and that is when he started to drink, not having too many sober days while there.

Later, at 21 years old, he is back in the states working as a resident assistant and is spending as much time as he can at the bar. Later he moved back home into his parent’s basement and was sneaking off to the bars, rather than spending time with them, as much as he could. This is where he met his wife.

They got married and, on their honeymoon, because he had had so much to drink, he almost drowned himself. He continued to drink the duration of the honeymoon. Fast forward to his wife being pregnant with their daughter, a lot of changes taking place in their relationship and he is no longer the focus of it.

After his daughter was born, he was laid off from his job. He spent a lot of his nights, while helping care for his daughter, drinking heavily. In January of 2018 his grandfather committed suicide. Brad found another job and then there was a spiral from June to August, 2018. August 31, 2018, he got pulled over for drunk driving. He hit his bottom in a jail cell. The next day his dad took him to his first AA meeting. After appearing in front of a judge he his charges where dropped.

[19:40] Talk to us about a couple moments where the writing was on the wall (before your sobriety date).

He missed a flight home because he was drinking in the airport bar. Spending too much time drinking after golf.

[23:15] Did you ever try and quit before your sobriety date?

He tried to moderate, but never felt that the problem was great enough to quit.

[26:25] Walk us through the 3 options you gave yourself after your DUI.

Laying on the cot in jail, after just calling his wife who was driving all over Fort Wayne looking for him, he realized he had 3 options. He could run, he could figure out his life was meaningless, or he could get help. So he picked getting help. Getting to a meeting the next day and, if his wife didn’t divorce him, he could live in his parent’s guest bedroom until they figure it out. For 2 months after that he was going to AA meetings every day, making living amends to his wife every day, and going to work. On day 4 he found the Recovery Elevator podcast.

[31:25] Talk to us about burning the ships with your mom, dad, and wife.

His wife was pissed, his parents were in shock. He told them how he missed flights because of drinking, and how he needed to have a drink to help him sleep. His parents were in tears, but supportive. His wife told him that if he ever drank again, she was taking their daughter and would be gone.

[33:37] How did it feel when you let your parents and your wife know what’s going on with you?

A small weight was lifted, but there was an extreme sense of guilt. It felt freeing but he also knew he had a lot of work to do.

[34:45] Talk to us how the charges were dropped and then the bomb you got about the charges on January 31, 2019.

He appeared in court, expecting the worst, and was told ‘case dismissed’. That was not one of the options he was prepared for. His attorney told him to go live his life. His new life was to not touch alcohol, continue with his sobriety and his meetings, and that’s what he did. Sometime later he got a call from a friend, who is an attorney, that infored him that his case was back up. His case had been refiled. He was booked, back in and out of jail, sober this time. He was ready to accept responsibility. He called his employer and told them that he may need something to ‘blow into’ so he can drive. He realized that he may lose his job over this. He was fighting and was doing it sober.

[39:26] I feel like this is going to be a good thing for you Brad, how do feel about it?

Brad agrees. It has made him live day to day. It has made him mad at alcohol. He has stopped focusing on himself and more on his wife. It has helped him get through his 4th and 5th step.

[41:45] How did you get and stay sober?

He did a lot of candy eating. He did his best at doing the 90 AA meetings in 90 days. He tried not to put any pressure on his wife to forgive him. He tried to show what he wanted through his actions and not his words. He goes to a therapist/marriage counselor.

[43:47] What do you feel you were using alcohol to cover up?

He says he’s awkward and that there was some abuse growing up. Possibly some depression. Mostly it was just to find connections with other people.

[47:50] Rapid Fire Round

When was your ah-ha moment?

When I was in an airport boozing with a pilot.

What have you learned about yourself on this journey?

That it is OK to ask for help and OK to be vulnerable.

What is you plan in sobriety moving forward?

I want to be a resource to help people.

In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

Stop kicking your own butt.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Never be afraid to reach out, you are never alone.

You might be an alcoholic if...

If you switch from Maker’s Mark to vodka on the back nine because you think you play better with vodka in your system than whiskey.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode is brought to you by the language learning app Babbel and right now, my listeners can try Babbel for free. Download the app, or text Elevator to 48-48-48

This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

https://newrepublic.com/article/153153/age-anxiety

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 216: The Unfu*ck Yourself Movement Apr 08, 2019

Libby, with 112 days of sobriety, shares her story.

Paul talks about a trend he noticed in the airport bookstore. Amongst the ’20 best sellers’ there were several books with clear, unambiguous titles. Our society is collectively starting to wake up and are looking for ways to unf*ck ourselves. He says that all of these books, including the one he is currently writing, are not fulfilling a trend or a niche, but that it’s a movement.

Paul recently read an article titled the Age of Anxiety in the New Republic,

According to studies by the National Institute of Mental Health, nearly 20 percent of Americans experience an anxiety disorder in a given year; over 30 percent experience an anxiety disorder over the course of their lifetimes. And the rate is rising: The American Psychiatric Association, in a May study drawing from a survey of 1,000 American adults, diagnosed a statistically significant increase in national anxiety since 2017.

But listeners listen closely, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with you. Never has been, never will be. This anxiety is a good thing. This collective state of unrest will eventually show us the way.

This jittery national mood has given rise to what Rebecca Jennings at Vox has dubbed “anxiety consumerism”—the rise of a plethora of products, from fidget spinners to essential-oil sprays, to weighted blankets. Perhaps the most well-known product to fall into this anxiety consumerism category is alcohol.

Those who struggle with addiction are the trailblazers in the collective unf*ck yourself movement. Not just for those who grapple with addiction to alcohol, but for everyone.

SHOW NOTES

[7:15] Libby how long have you been sober?

She has been sober since October 23, 2018, giving her 112 days of sobriety.

[7:40] In these last 112 days what is the biggest challenge you’ve encountered?

She says that the cravings and the obsession to drink in the first couple months was definitely the toughest time.

[9:00] Paul Introduces Libby.

Libby is 32 years old and lives in Louisville, Kentucky. She is an interior designer and is currently waiting tables at night. She has been married for 5 years, has no kids, has a dog named Boomerang, and a cat named Brice. For fun she works out, does crafts, is decorating her house, and enjoys hiking when the weather is nice.

[11:05] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Libby had her first drink at 15 and throughout high school she drank on the weekends. By early 20s she was drinking daily, but still highly functional, holding two jobs. She was coasting by until 2017 when she got fired from a job. Libby says this is when her drinking ‘got wheels’.

[12:30] What led you to seeking out alcohol to alleviate the pain?

She was fired suddenly, in a hateful way, and she had never gone through anything like that. She was devastated and started drinking all day. After a couple of weeks, she was experiencing morning tremors, or shakes, which she had never experienced before. By the end of 2017 she was drinking in the mornings just to function. During this time, she tried out AA a couple times and decided she just wasn’t ready.

[14:50] What was it like when you went to the AA meeting?

Before going into her first AA meeting Libby had the shakes so bad that she had to have a shot of alcohol. She didn’t really have any intention to stop drinking, she just wanted control over it. She wanted to stop drinking during the day and get control of her life again and just be a functional drinker. Fast forward to 2018 and she had managed to cut back on her drinking, only drinking at night. That lasted a couple months. In April 2018 she found herself drunk at work and went home and told her husband that she needed to get into a treatment program, that drinking had taken control again.

The next day, after drinking, she tried to get into an inpatient treatment program. The first place turned her away because they didn’t take her insurance, the second place allowed her to stay for 3 days for ‘medical detox’ and then released her due to her insurance as well. After being dry for 3 days she thought she had things under control, but she picked up right where she left off.

[21:40] Take us through the next steps in your journey.

Not having a day job Libby was able to drink all day. After about 2 weeks her husband, tired of coming home and finding her drunk on the couch, packed his bags and left. He called her best friend and told her that Libby was in trouble, but that he didn’t know how to help her. Her best friend made some phone calls and found a free center, The Healing Place, that would take Libby. She stayed there for 4 days while she detoxed and went home. Back at home she stayed sober for 11 days and then again was right back to where she left off. After showing up at work drunk and hitting what Libby calls her first bottom, she went back to The Healing Place and stayed for 30 days.

[26:35] Take us from when you got out after your 30 days up to your sobriety date.

After about 74 days of sobriety, meeting with her sponsor and going to 3 AA meetings a day Libby found herself at the liquor store buying a bottle without giving it any thought. Looking at this as a ‘slip’ she got right back on the wagon and back to her meetings. Sober for another 46 days she then relapsed, drinking for 6 days straight. This was her 2nd bottom, this binder ended on October 22, 2018 and she has been sober ever since.

[28:40] How do you look at those ‘relapses’?

As lessons, she learned that they start in her head first. Now when her thoughts start going in that direction, she recognizes it and has a new method to deal with it.

[33:15] Why do you think you drank?

She said that in the beginning it was just because she enjoyed it. During her 20s she had a lot of trauma and it helped her feel better. Drinking became a habit, then she physically depended on it.

[34:40] Paul and Libby discuss what steps she can take to protect her sobriety while her husband continues to drink.

[40:55] I’ve seen where sobriety thing is contagious, what are your thoughts on that?

Libby agrees, attraction rather than promotion.

[42:50] What have you learned about yourself in this journey?

She has learned she is a lot stronger than she thought she was.

[43:30] Rapid Fire Round

What was your absolute worst memory from drinking?

Libby describes her last couple days of drinking.

What is your plan in sobriety moving forward?

I am going to continue working the AA program and working with my sponsor and I want to eventually help other people stay sober.

In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

Don’t believe the lies.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Give AA a shot.

You might be an alcoholic if...

You drink mouthwash in the morning to try and get rid of the shakes before work.

A pint of beer takes 15 minutes off your life

https://www.ksbw.com/article/wine-beer-early-death-extra-glass/26532630

For someone in their 40’s every glass of alcohol above the suggested weekly threshold of 5 shortens their life by 15 minutes. Alcohol is shit.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode is brought to you in support by Robinhood. Right now, Robinhood is giving my listeners free stock such as Apple, Ford or Sprint to help build your portfolio. Signup at elevator.robinhood.com

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 215: Addictions are Signposts in Life Apr 01, 2019

Ashley, with 192 days of sobriety, shares her story.

Paul talks about how alcohol is the invitation. What is this invitation? It’s called addiction. Depending on how you RSVP you could have a life filled with infinite joy. The fact that you are listening to this podcast right now is a good clue as to how you’re going to RSVP. At first the invitations may not show up with enough frequency to connect the dots. But, sooner or later, these invitations will start to show up more frequently, once a year, once every 6 months, once a week, once a day in every aspect of our lives. For many that struggle with addiction they ignore this invitation their entire lives and it is not pretty. If we stick to this long enough it will become clear that our addiction is the best thing that has happened for us.

For those of you listening, you have earned your invitation. Keep in mind the pain and suffering required to initiate this positive change in behind you. This thing called life, if it hasn’t already, is about to get good. So how will you RSVP to this invitation?

SHOW NOTES

[12:30] Paul Introduces Ashley.

Ashley lives in Chicago, IL with her sister and their 2 dogs. She is single and is 31 years old. She recently finished cosmetology school and is currently an apprentice to become a hair stylist at a salon in the city. For fun Ashley likes to cook, enjoys music and going to concerts, power lifting, meditation, and is back playing soccer.

[14:30] Give us a little background about your drinking.

She was 13/14 years old the first time she got drunk, in her neighbors’ basement. She remembers going home and telling her mom that she had been drinking, and that she got sick. During high school she hung out with a lot of different crowds so went to, and drank at, a lot of parties. She says she knew right away that she had a problem. From the moment she would start drinking she would fixate on how she could drink more.

When she got into college, she hit the ground running with partying. She did a lot of partying and blacking out, had a lot of fun and didn’t get into any sever trouble, which she says, she thinks is why she continued to drink like she did. In the back of her mind she was telling herself that once she was done with college things would change and she would grow up.

After college she moved to Chicago and continued to drink on the weekends (Thursday-Sunday), which felt normal to her. When she was 25, she woke up one morning, grabbed her phone, and Googled “what is an alcoholic?”.

At 27, after a relationship that ended badly, she found herself in a super dark place. She was depressed, having panic attacks, eating disorder flair ups, drinking, and drugging. She managed to pull herself out of that dark place, and to prove to herself that she didn’t have a problem she didn’t drink for 30 days.

[22:15] What was it like when you did prove it to yourself and not drink for 30 days?

She felt she had it under control, although she continued to do drugs. Then she slowly started drinking again until she was drinking more than she was before the 30 days. She started blacking out every time she drank.

After a really bad incident with her ex she walked into AA. She made it 65 days before she went back out for another year and ½. That year and ½ it got even worse, she was drinking hard and using a lot of drugs.

On July 23, 2018 she came clean with her doctor and walked back into AA where she found an amazing group of women and her home group.

[28:37] Comment a little more about honesty.

Because of her issues with depression and anxiety her whole life she had been in/out of going to therapists. She said she always lied to them about her alcohol/drug use. After also being diagnosed bi-polar she knew she had to come clean with her doctors.

[32:15] Why do you think you drank?

She said that to begin with, alcoholism runs in her family. She wanted to escape from the feeling of having to micromanage her up/down feelings all the time and that unfortunately she thinks she was just made for it.

[36:00] How did you do it? You talked about AA, what else did you do to get sober?

She stopped going to the places where she always drank, like concerts and bars. She sought out a higher power. She started running. She made sure she got to her AA meetings and listened to the podcast, of course.

[38:00] Tell us how you got through your week-long family reunion during the early days of your sobriety.

With about a week of sobriety she tried to look at the trip as a way to take advantage of the beautiful nature, instead of a big party. She listened to podcasts and hiked. With only a week of sobriety she wasn’t comfortable telling her family yet, and she was terrified of failing if she did.

[42:15] After burning the ships on FB you mentioned you got reactions you didn’t expect, what kind of reactions did you expect??

She thought that people really wouldn’t care, or that they would think that it would change who she is. She didn’t expect all the positive response.

[43:30] Talk to us about some wins in sobriety.

She can fly with out hitting the airport bar first. She can go to concerts and remember everything. She can go out with friends and have fun without drinking.

[44:50] What is something you learned about yourself during this journey?

She is super sensitive and can feel others emotions which used to be scary, but now that she is sober, she has learned how to use it to help other people.

[46:38] Rapid Fire Round

What was your absolute worst memory from drinking?

My mom had surgery one time and we were in the recovery room and I was so hungover, and probably still drunk, from the night before that I threw up all over the hospital room.

What was your ‘oh-shit’ moment, indicating that alcohol had to go?

The morning I woke up and just knew I couldn’t keep doing this.

What is your plan in sobriety moving forward?

To keep building a network. Keep working the steps and stay in AA. To keep on doing what I’m doing, one day at a time.

In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

To take everything one day at a time.

What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Avoid things that are triggering to you and strive to do things that are healthy and look for self-care.

You might be an alcoholic if...

You constantly find yourself keeping tabs on other peoples’ drinking.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 214: Your Body and Mind Have the Capacity to Heal Itself Mar 25, 2019

Dr. Sue Morter, talks to us about how our bodies and minds have the capacity to heal themselves if we allow it.

Registration is now live for the Recovery Elevator retreat in Bozeman, Montana this upcoming August. You can find more information about this event here

Paul discusses addiction and how there are hundreds of definitions for what addiction is. He has covered several of them on this podcast already, and covers many more in the book that he is currently writing. Some definitions are scientific. Some are psychological. Some explain the disease theory.

He brings up another definition that, in his opinion, may be the simplest and most accurate. Paul suggests that addiction(s) are nothing more than signposts in life. Addictions are nudges from the body, your internal and external environments, that signify that a change needs to occur.

Many people struggling with addiction ignore these internal and external cues their entire lives, and this gets ugly. There are signposts everywhere in life. Paul’s advice? Get out of the way and let life happen.

The content that Dr. Sue Morter writes about in her book, The Energy Codes, which was released about a week ago, is profound. (You can find the link here .) She explains through quantum science how we can use our own energies to heal ourselves if we let it happen. Be prepared to have your mind blown.

SHOW NOTES

[7:44] Paul Introduces Dr. Sue.

Dr. Sue is an international speaker, master of bioenergetic medicine, and a quantum field visionary. She explains how quantum science and spirituality are speaking the same language. Dr. Sue redirects the flow of energy patterns in the body to activate full human potential. Through her presentations, seminars, retreats, which Paul attended one this past February in Colorado, and her book The Energy Codes, Dr. Sue illuminates the relationship of quantum science and energy medicine, as well as the elevation of human consciousness and life mastery. In the book The Energy Codes, and at her retreats and conferences, she teaches individuals how to clear subconscious memory blockages.

[9:45] What is addiction? What causes it, and can it be overcome Dr. Sue?

Dr. Sue is about the flow of energy in the body. If the energy is flowing in the body then the body is healing itself. What happens with addiction is that there are sets of circuits that are supposed to be connecting our enteric system, meaning our digestive, hormonal, and chemical balance system, with our heart, with our mind. We're supposed to be one big communication system, everything having a check and balance on everything else.

What happens is we have a tendency to kind of land and splat when we get here. We land in this life and our mind goes one way, our body goes another way, and our breath goes another way, and we're kind of not operating on all of our cylinders because of that.

Addiction happens when we bypass certain aspects of our own personal power, and we reach outwardly for some kind of reassurance, whether it's an addiction to an emotion, an addiction to needing to know the future, or to control things, an addiction then later turns into chemical addiction, substance abuse, those kinds of things.

[13:08] What do you feel about addictions, and can we overcome them?

She says we can absolutely overcome them. In fact, she feels that they are in place to reveal to us where we are here to evolve. We come into this life for a reason, and the addiction itself shows up in a certain pattern. Dr. Sue says it's an avenue to our wholeness, not a problem. It's just a very intense solution.

[14:37] Earlier I talked about addiction being a signpost, almost an invitation of where to go next in life, and that many of us miss this. Can you comment on that a little bit?

We miss the lamp post, the light house, because we're so consumed in guilt, and shame, and fear because we start to observe our addictive patterns, and we start to try to outrun them even faster because we are afraid that something is inherently wrong. That whole sensation is generated because the mind is not connected to the rest of who we are.

When we do see the light post, the sign post, everything shifts. When we don't see it it's because we haven't created enough of a vibrational frequency to get the mind's attention yet.

[17:16] Talk to us about how disconnection can lead to addiction.

When we land and we splat, we come up from the splat attached to the mind. We are attached to the mind. It's important to realize that we are not the mind. We have a mind, but we are so infused and inter-meshed with it that we think it's who we are. Bear in mind that the mind is based in duality, and the mind's job is to separate things, to see the differences, to make distinctions. If we're attached to the mind, we inherently feel different and distinct from other things. When we're attached to the heart, or to the soul, or to the truth of who we are, our true essential selves, we are connected, vibrationally speaking, to nature, and to everyone else, and to all that exists.

When we are disconnected to our heart, and our deep wisdom, we don't experience ourselves as wise, loving, brilliant, smart, and enough to meet the bill. What happens instead is we divert, we deflect, and the energy moves around this area. The next thing you know we're looking for an imitation. We're looking for some other sense of self that gets hidden in our activities, or our substances.

[21:40] Talk to us about the trap door.

This energy that's rising up through the body that either does or does not pass through our own personal identity on its way through to love, and to manifesting the life that we would choose to have, it's rising up through the primitive brain and it hits a trap door that's either open or closed. That trap door is closed if we've experienced too many things in our past that we couldn't really resolve.

[25:00] What advice, or what do you have to say to people who, the first month of sobriety, first six months of sobriety, they feel these uncomfortable emotions? (PAWS) Do they run away from them? Do they go towards them? What are these emotions, and what do you recommend they do when they experience them?

It's not that the body generates those emotions when you stop drinking. Those emotions were always there. You just couldn't sense them or perceive them, because you were either running from them, or you were numbing them out. They are your power. Your power is inside of those emotions that currently might feel a little intense, or a lot intense. And we can learn how to grab ahold of those energies and get them back into the flow, breathe them into the flow that's trying to happen in our system that keeps us connected.

[29:10] If we feel a meltdown coming do we squash it? What do we do? What are they?

Dr. Sue 100% suggests that we lean into it. The body is trying to get us to implode back into the soul. Just by allowing ourselves to sit in presence with what is rising is a victory beyond what we were able to do before.

[35:48] Can you talk a little bit about how everything that happens, even on a day to day basis, is there for our advantage?

All of it is ultimately serving you. You are made of the entire cosmos, and you are packed into a body. And more of it is arriving every second, and it's 100% in support of your awakening to this truth, to your greatness, to your magnificence. Everything that happens in your life is guiding you, and steering you toward a great shakedown that will make you let go of being attached to the mind and this idea that you're a separate self, and accept, and receive, and perceive this amazing support that is constantly here supporting you toward you realizing a different version of life altogether.

[38:50] You did an incredible job of explaining how science, quantum physics, is blending with spirituality, with a higher power. Talk more about this.

What's happening is science and spirituality are kind of meeting on the same page and recognizing that there is a great unifying presence, and each of us has the opportunity to allow that to guide us in particular ways.

[42:06] Dr. Sue walks listeners through exercises so they can build circuits and create new connections, inside the body, on their own.

[55:13] Listeners, Dr. Sue’s book The Energy Codes was just released about a week ago and you can find it here.

She also has incredible retreats, taking people to sacred sites all over the world, along with teaching all kinds of coursework across the country. For more information you can go to DrSueMorter.com

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 213: The Most Controversial Word in Recovery Mar 18, 2019

Mina, with a sobriety date of May 30, 2017, shares his story.

You can sign up for a FREE 5-day Recovery Elevator video course here.

Paul discusses the most controversial word he has encountered in AA. The word is recovered, as in your addiction to alcohol is behind you. Although recovered is mentioned in the books of AA, after Paul said the word in an AA meeting, he noticed a shift in the energy in the room. Ty (who has been editing the podcasts for over 150 episodes straight…Thank you Ty!), found the word recovered mentioned over 20 times in The Big Book and the Twelve and Twelve.

So why is the word recovered so controversial? Is recovered even such a thing?

SHOW NOTES

[10:30] Paul Introduces Mina.

Mina with a sobriety date of May 30, 2017, is 37 years old and is from Stockholm, Sweden. He is single and has no children. He is a software engineer. For fun Mina likes to read, visit museums and exhibitions, and spend time in libraries.

[12:20] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Mina had his first real drink at the age of 17, it was his first high school party and the first time he blacked out. From 17 to 25 he was drinking hard. He was drinking on his own, drinking Friday to Monday. During those years he didn’t really mix drinks, he would have a couple beers and go straight to vodka or tequila. After a couple years it was just bottles of vodka or tequila, and he was drinking alone. After a humiliating experience in 2003 he tried to regulate his drinking for the next 3 years, which did not go well.

In 2007 he decided to move back to South Africa, where his parents were living. Before leaving his friends threw him a going away party, which ended with Mina waking up in a hospital emergency room and not knowing how he got there. For the first time he realized he had a drinking problem. The next 11 years he says he was a textbook dry drunk.

On May 29, 2017 Mina had his last drink. The following day he walked into an AA meeting, was done fighting, and introduced himself as an alcoholic.

[28:22] How did it feel when you said you were an alcoholic?

The word itself wasn’t that difficult. But saying it in front of a group of people, who then clapped, gave him a sense of relief and he started crying.

[32:45] You mentioned that you had the shakes for two weeks after your last day of drinking, what is your take on that?

He says he doesn’t even remember those first two weeks. He knows he called his AA sponsor a couple times, he took a couple days off work, and that he was doing things to take care of himself.

[35:20] What kept you going during those first two miserable weeks?

He knew he was going to die if he drank again.

[36:30] What are some of the lessons you learned in the first 30 to 60 days?

In the first 30 days he had to learn how to be honest about everything. In the first 60 days he had to learn how to trust other people. Both of these were incredibly hard to do.

[39:48] Share with me how important it is to bring other people on in your recovery.

Mina started telling his closest friends during the time he started to do his amends (AA step 9). Most of his friends were in shock because he was so good a lying that they had no idea he had a drinking problem. The friendships became closer after he told them.

[41:30] Why do you think you drank?

There are several reasons. He drank to feel normal and it helped him to socialize. When he drank alone drinking was the elixir for everything that was wrong. He drank because he wanted to die.

[43:50] Is there anything you would have done differently when getting sober?

Mina says he would have listened to his sponsor regarding dating.

[46:00] Rapid Fire Round

What is your plan in sobriety moving forward?

More spirituality, more service, and working on myself in terms of projects I never did because I was drunk.

What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

The practice of meditation I one. Music is another resource. The third resource is to really work on some deeper issues.

In regards to sobriety, what is the best advice you’ve ever received?

Do you want to be right, or do you want to be at peace?

What parting piece of guidance do you want to give to listeners?

Choose yourself today.

You might be an alcoholic if...

You wake up in your own piss and shit after a hard night drinking.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Blinkist

This episode is brought to you in support by Blinkist. Right now, my listeners can try Blinkist for free. Visit blinkist.com/elevator for your seven-day free trial.

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 212: The Body Tells us Where to go Next in Recovery Mar 11, 2019

Tricia, with a sobriety date of November 14, 2016, shares her story.

Sometimes we reach a moment in our journey where we say, “what’s next?”. Paul discusses what he would recommend when you reach this moment. Do not go ‘seeking’, that reinforces a mind state that we are lacking something. Instead, listen to the body. The body is going to tell you where to go next.

SHOW NOTES

[7:30] Paul Introduces Tricia.

Tricia with a sobriety date of November 14, 2016, is 37 years old and lives in Dallas, TX. Tricia is a chef by trade, a business owner, and has a few side hustles. She is divorced and does not have kids, but has a ‘manfriend’. For fun Tricia likes to do crafts and puzzles, and enjoys live music.

[8:40] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Tricia grew up around alcoholism and addiction. She had her first drink at 16 years old, getting drunk at a party to get back at a boy who had hurt her. She says she always drank to get drunk. Blackouts started in her early twenties and she started to try to moderate by her mid-twenties. Tricia was always a high achiever and she soon became a high achieving, high functioning, alcoholic. The hard part was coming to terms with the fact that she had a problem when she was sure everything looked fine from the outside.

[15:10] Did you have a rock bottom moment, or was it an accumulation of many moments?

Her drinking took a turn for the worse when she got divorced at the age of 34. She was blacking out every time she drank, waking up with injuries and didn’t know where they came from. Tricia says at a certain point you can no longer negotiate with alcohol. After a 3-day physical detox she decided to keep the dry spell going.

[20:22] Why do you think it’s so hard to quit drinking?

We love to get in our own way. Alcohol is highly addictive. Our egos get in the way.

[26:16] What got you from the beginning of your sobriety to where you are now?

First and foremost, she had an open mind. Tricia stopped doing what she wanted to do and started doing what other people told her she should do…and she tried everything. She started attending AA regularly. She was open and honest, and she started doing the things that were uncomfortable.

[30:20] Is RECOVERED a thing?

She says it depends. In Tricia’s opinion, alcoholism isn’t about the alcohol it is about the stuff you are drinking over. She says you (she) can be recovered from the alcoholism while at the same time not be recovered from the stuff you (she) drank over.

[34:00] With 2 years and 3 months, what are you working on in your recovery now?

She says she’s in some transition right now. Being patient with the things that are out of her control is something she is working on, on a personal level. She is also trying to bring more sober events to the forefront, such as the Sober by Southwest event she is bringing to Austin, TX on March 16th.

[40:00] Paul and Tricia talk about the RE events and her podcast, Recovery Happy Hour.

[46:00] What are some themes you are seeing in your podcasts?

Grey area drinking is a big one. People are over the label ‘alcoholic’. Sober dating is another one.

[53:00] Paul and Tricia talk about how things have changed since the beginning of their sobriety to now.

[56:20] Rapid Fire Round

What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners?

You do not need to be an alcoholic to decide to change your relationship with alcohol.

You might be an alcoholic if...

You wake up and you plan your entire day around accommodating your drinking or your hangover.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Robinhood This episode is brought to you in support by Robinhood. Right now, Robinhood is giving my listeners free stock such as Apple, Ford or Sprint to help build your portfolio. Signup at elevator.robinhood.com

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside.”

RE 211: Courage to Face the Unknown in Sobriety Mar 04, 2019

Steven, with a sobriety date of August 7, 2016, shares his story.

Registration for the Bozeman, Montana Retreat opened up this past Friday. Space is limited for this retreat. You can find more information about events here

Internet memes…a picture, coupled with a few short words, can spread powerful messages. Paul describes one he saw the other day. It was an old school telephone with the words, “when the phone was attached with a wire humans were free”. Paul encourages listeners to put their phone down for a couple of hours each day.

Paul talks about courage. Courage is being OK with not knowing what is happening next. We don’t know what’s going to happen when we quit drinking. This can be frightening. In recovery we don’t need to be at level 10 courageousness at all times. Paul’s advice is to listen to your body, it will tell you when it’s time to be courageous or time to go a little slower.

SHOW NOTES

[7:36] Paul Introduces Steven.

Steven, with a sobriety date of August 7, 2016, is 30 years old and is from Bakersfield, CA. He works for a utility company. He has a beautiful girlfriend. Steven has always enjoyed outdoor activities and since being sober he has added reading and meditation to his list of things he enjoys.

[10:00] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Steven had his first few beers at the age of 13, but didn’t start drinking heavily until his senior year of high school when he started binge drinking on the weekends. That mind-altering feeling, that that first drink at the age of 13 gave him, filled a void that he always felt he had. Steven was kicked out at 18 and got his first DUI/wreck at 19. He continued to drink and 8 yrs. later he got his 2nd DUI with a BAC of .29. This 2nd DUI was an eye opener for Steven, and walking out of jail after it he decided to take a break from alcohol…that was August 7, 2016.

[18:30] What would you say to listeners that are trying to “think their way” through sobriety?

He would tell them it’s not going to happen.

[21:22] Walk us through what happened when you walked out of jail on August 7, 2016.

The first few weeks were tough. Nobody knew about his 2nd DUI because he was too embarrassed to tell anyone. For a few months he went into hibernation mode, only going from home, to work, and back home. He met, and started dating a girl at about the 4th month mark and that lasted until he had a year of sobriety. That breakup did not go well and he started obsessing about drinking again. He went as far as pouring himself a glass of Jack Daniels, but because he had a healthy fear of alcohol, he played the tape forward and called a sober friend instead of drinking it. The next night he went to his first AA meeting and has continued to go ever since.

[26:10] Talk to us about your experience with AA.

Because Steven’s mom was in NA he knew that there was something out there that could help. He didn’t know what to expect when he walked into his first meeting, but he knew he needed some help staying sober. When he left that first meeting he wasn’t sure if he would go back. A man at the meeting followed Steven outside to talk to him and invited him to a meeting the following night. That man became Steven’s sponsor. He had a willingness and felt hope in the rooms of AA.

[35:54] Are you open about the fact that you are in recovery?

At first he wasn’t, he was still worried about being judged. After 6 months of AA he realized that he shouldn’t be ashamed of this part of his life. He is now very open about it and feels that that helps him. He also hopes that by being open about it he will be able to help others.

[38:20] What is on your bucket list in sobriety?

He just wants to live the best life he can live. He wants to get out there and travel the world and be able to remember it.

[40:30] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking?

Waking up out of a blackout after I wrapped my truck around a power pole, took out a tree, a no parking sign, and went through a brick wall.

Apart from AA what are some other resources you can recommend?

The book This Naked Mind, the Recovery Elevator podcast and other podcasts.

In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you have ever received?

A lady once told me, “everything is going to be OK and you never have to drink again if you don’t want to,” and that just burned in my brain.

What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

Get honest with yourself and give yourself a chance to be that person that has been locked up inside of you all this time.

You might be an alcoholic if...

You wake up 2 hours from your hometown, at a train station, you don’t have the slightest clue how you got there, with a massive headache, a massive hangover, and without a shirt.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside.”

RE 210: Cravings - What They are and How to Deal With Them Feb 25, 2019

Juan, with a sobriety date of May 29, 2018, shares his story.

Congratulations to Kirk S. in Florida for hitting 1 year of sobriety.

This Friday, March 1st, registration for the Recovery Elevator Retreat in Bozeman goes live. Space is limited for this retreat. You can find more information about events here

After the interview with Juan, Paul will discuss detoxing from alcohol and how dangerous it can be.

Paul talks about cravings. What they are, what they represent, and what to do when we experience them. Also, are all cravings the same? In simple form, a craving is a desire to regulate our inner state with an external substance or behavior.

SHOW NOTES

[9:25] Paul Introduces Bill.

Juan, with a sobriety date of May 29, 2018, is 32 years old and is from Los Angeles, CA. He is a personal assistant, and single. For fun Juan likes to play music (he is in a band), go to the movies, hike, workout.

[10:25] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Juan started drinking at the age of 19 to ‘fit in’. He had recently come out as a gay man and drinking helped him feel more confident and comfortable in his own skin. Touring with his band all over the country and world, drinking was the way he got rid of his performance anxiety. Around age 25 things started to get messy. Towards the end of his drinking his anxiety was through the roof.

[13:25] Tell us more about your anxiety.

At first drinking would calm his anxiety, but once he ‘went over the threshold’ he would start to get paranoid. The worst part was the fear he would have when waking up in the morning. His self-esteem was at an all time low. In May of 2017 Juan hit this internal rock bottom, got into a horrible physical altercation with a friend and knew something had to change.

[18:35] Walk us through what happened after May 27, 2107.

He went through a ‘dry drunk’ stage. He just stopped drinking, started avoiding going out, avoiding certain people and situations. It wasn’t easy and he was not feeling the benefits right away. He felt like he was on a diet and depriving himself. He did this for about 4 months and then felt like his relationship with alcohol had changed, and he decided to drink again. By his birthday in February his drinking was back to where it was when he quit.

[22:15] Continue from where you are back to drinking and your anxiety is back.

On May 28, 2018 he decided to try sobriety again. This time he would do it differently. He started to read books and watch movies about alcoholism. After about a month and a half, and at a friend’s suggestion, he went to his first AA meeting. Although he was nervous and uncomfortable, he immediately felt like he found what he needed. He got a sponsor and attends about 4 meetings a week.

[25:20] Tell us about your first AA meeting.

His first meeting was very small and intimate. It was a lot to take in and he left thinking he would go back, but still feeling confused. He continued going once a week for a while, ducking in and out, until it felt more comfortable.

[26:40] What advice do have for someone that is saying there is no way they could go to AA?

If you are open and ready AA can work for you.

[29:10] Walk us through a typical day in your recovery.

Juan wakes up earlier, prays, makes a gratitude list, goes to work, 4 evenings a week he catches an AA meeting. Everyday in sobriety is different but he tries to something of service for someone every day. He always tries to keep connection with someone throughout the day.

[31:40] What has been the biggest hurdle you have had to overcome in the past 7 ½ months?

It has been in just that last few weeks, he is transitioning out of his job that he has had the 9 years. It’s the first time in 9 years he is unsure about where he will be working. Although it is a scary time for Juan, he feels a lot calmer than he thought he would and is taking it one day at a time. He doesn’t think he would’ve been able to handle this situation before sobriety.

[35:05] What was harder, coming out of the closet as a gay man, or coming out of the closet as an alcoholic?

Definitely coming out of the closet as an alcoholic.

[37:15] What is it like playing music and being on stage in sobriety?

At first it was difficult because of stage fright. But now being nervous and being in the moment is a good thing.

[40:08] What have you learned about yourself in this journey?

He is more confident and enjoys people more.

[41:15] Rapid Fire Round

What is your favorite guitar rift to play?

The intro rift in Smashing Pumpkin’s - Today

What was your worst memory from drinking?

The fight he got into with his friend.

Did you have an ‘oh-shit’ moment?

Coming home with friends in an Uber and feeling so alone and desperate.

What is your plane moving forward?

Continuing with his step work, finding new sober friends and hopefully finding a whole new career.

What is your favorite resource in recovery?

AA is the go-to for me.

Regarding sobriety, what is the best advice you have ever received?

Letting go of control.

What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

Contrary action, doing what you don’t want to do.

You might be an alcoholic if...

Your bandmates on tour lock you in a basement because you are that out of control and everyone is scared of you.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside.”

RE 209: 4 Themes From 4 Years of Podcasting Feb 18, 2019

Bill, with a sobriety date of October 8, 2018, shares her story.

We want to thank Mike Noll for his commitment to doing the podcast show notes for the previous 35 episodes and welcome Kerri, from California, to the position, who will take over doing the next 26 episodes.

We still have a couple spots left for our Nashville event coming up this February 22 – 24. Registration for Bozeman Retreat will open up on March 1, and registration for our Asia Adventure will open up on July 1. You can find more information about events here

Paul shares the news he is writing a book, which he hopes to launch by July 1. As that date gets closer, he will be asking for volunteers to be part of the launch team so be on the lookout for that opportunity if that is something you would like to be a part of.

After doing something long enough some trends start to appear. In Ep. 52, after 1 year of podcasting, Paul did a summery of what he learned during the 1st year. In this episode he will cover the 4 themes that people successful in sobriety have fully embraced.

Community
Accountability
Thinking
Trust

SHOW NOTES

[10:15] Paul Introduces Bill.

Bill, with a sobriety date of October 8, 2018, is 49 years old and is from northern New Jersey. He does investment research for an insurance company. Bill has been married for a little over 20 years and has two kids. Bill finds fun in outdoor activities such as camping and fishing.

[12:56] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Bill started drinking at an early age and drank all throughout college and through his 20s. He got married, finished grad school, their daughter was born, and things seemed fine. Although he was drinking during this time there was nothing significant that made him feel as if he had an alcohol problem. His son was born in 2005 and there were complications. They soon realized his son was not meeting his milestones or developing like their daughter had. When his son was 14/15 mos. old, after watching a Home Improvement episode about a family with 4 autistic children, they just knew what their son’s problem was. The day that the doctor confirmed their fears is the day that Tom feels he became an alcoholic. That was in 2006 and when the progression started.

[18:53] When did you decide you needed to evaluate your alcohol consumption?

Things started to unravel for Bill in April of 2017. After a mini-breakdown and a call to a sister, who called their father, an intervention was set up. He started seeing a counselor who was the only person he was honest with, including himself. At this time, he was not drinking, but white knuckling it. By May he was drinking again. He tried moderation and no matter what he tried it always failed.

Fast forward to October 8, 2018, at the gym Bill pulls up podcasts, types in alcohol addiction and finds the RE podcast for the first time.

[29:30] When did you finally get honest with yourself?

The point of surrender was driving home the evening of Sunday, October 7th. He finally said he had had enough.

[32:34] Who are the first 3 people you ”burned the ships” with?

The first person he told was his best friend. The second person he told was his cousin, who actually confronted him about his drinking. The third person was the most difficult. That was his wife and that was just two weeks ago.

[38:36] Back to October 8, what were the things you put in place to get you to 90 days?

The first few weeks he broke his days into 3 parts, the mornings, the afternoons, and the evenings. All he was wanting to do was make it through the day to make it to bed. The biggest differentiator is instead of pushing the cravings away he acknowledges them.

[43:00] Talk to us about the progress you have made in accepting your son for who he is.

He has gone from the feelings knowing that his son wasn’t going to be the baseball star to now recognizing the potential he does have. His son has made great strides. He tries to live in the present and not look too far into the future and celebrates his son’s accomplishments daily.

[46:00] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking?

When his daughter wanted to watch the first Star Wars with him one Sunday night and he drank so many Vodka Cranberries during the day that he got violently ill after the 1st five minutes of the movie.

Did you have an “Ah-Ha” moment?

The mini-breakdown I had in April 2017.

What is your plan moving forward?

Reminding myself that I need to make progress each week and I can’t be complacent.

What is your favorite resource in recovery?

Recovery Elevator podcasts.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?

Burn the ships.

What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

Alcohol is but a symptom.

You might be an alcoholic if...

Your 14 year old daughter says to you, at 10:45 in the morning, “Hey Dad, aren’t ya hitting the bottle a little too early?”, and you simply ignore her and walk away with the glass of wine in your hand.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Blinkist This episode is brought to you in support by Blinkist. Right now, my listeners can try Blinkist for free. Visit blinkist.com/elevator for your seven day free trial.

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside.”

RE 208: You Have This Power Feb 11, 2019

Crystal, with 84 days of sobriety, shares her story.

This is a special podcast episode! It marks 4 consecutive years of podcasting…208 straight Mondays in a row.

Paul talks about how Recovery Elevator and the RE community has saved his life, and shares ways we can all help others stop drinking.

SHOW NOTES

[11:00] Paul Introduces Crystal.

Crystal has been sober for 84 days and lives in San Antonio, Texas. She is a life style/transformation coach. She is 30 years old and recently single. For fun Crystal likes to workout.

[12:56] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Crystal considered herself a binge drinker. She tried to moderate her drinking by only drinking on the weekends, as her drinking was starting to affect her work and relationships, but that led to going hard core on the weekends.

[15:00] When did you first realize you had a problem with alcohol?

That was a couple of years ago when she realized she didn’t drink like other people. She always wanted more to drink, always wanting to be buzzed or drunk. One drink was never enough. It was in 2018 that she realized that she really had to make a change.

[19:38] You started your sobriety journey in January 2018, walk us through that.

She became sober curious in January 2018, but feels like it didn’t stick at that time because she wasn’t doing it entirely for herself. She was sober for a few months but eventually lost her “why” and fell back into her old habits. There was a moment in 2018 that she felt like she had no control and that was a scary moment for her.

[21:33] Do you feel like there were times in the last year that you were running on willpower alone?

She definitely thinks it was on willpower alone and was trying to do it on her own.

[24:04] You mentioned when you first got sober you didn’t think of it in terms of being sober the rest of your life, talk about that.

She thought it was going to only be a temporary thing and that she would learn how to moderate it. She realized that she couldn’t moderate it, that only having a one or two drinks would never be enough.

[26:13] What did you change 84 days ago?

The first couple weeks were difficult for her. She got connected with friends at church and let her family know. She shifted her focus and became really honest with herself.

[30:11] What have you learned about yourself in these last 87 days?

She learned she could have a personality without being drunk. She learned that she could have fun and accomplish a lot more without being drunk.

[31:48] Why do you think you drank?

She thinks she started drinking because it gave her liquid courage in the social scene and then it just turned into a habit. She feels it was a coping mechanism this last year as she was dealing with her breakup.

[33:43] Walk us through a typical day in your sobriety.

Working with her clients daily helps her as well. Working out, meditating, staying in the Word, staying connected helps her on a daily basis.

[39:20] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking?

The moment when she realized she could not control her drinking.

Tell us about a time when you could not control your drinking.

Just having the feeling that she couldn’t stop was definitely her A-ha moment that she realized that she needed to make a big change.

What is it like being 30 and getting sober?

It’s a challenge but what she has found that helps her is connecting with other sober people.

What is your favorite resource in recovery?

The community aspect, podcasts like Recovery Elevator, filling my mind with positivity and being around like minded people.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?

Being reminded that her feelings were valid, and so is her story.

What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

Stay connected, embrace the journey, and know that there are going to be good days and bad days. Know that being sober is not weird.

You might be an alcoholic if...

You’re downloading multiple sobriety trackers trying to decide which one works best for you.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside.”

RE 207: The Joy of Missing Out Feb 04, 2019

Tom, with a sobriety date of June 6, 2018, shares his story.

Events – I am excited about the upcoming events for Recovery Elevator. As already mentioned on the podcast we have Nashville on Saturday, February 23rd. We also have the Bozeman Retreat from Aug 14-18th. The Bozeman Retreat was a huge hit in 2017 and it is back on the calendar for this year.

Guys, what I am particularly excited about these days is sober travel. We are putting together the sober travel itineraries and the next one we are doing is an Asia trip in late January 2020. This will be a 12 day trip, flying into Bangkok, Thailand and then making our way over to Siem Reap, Cambodia where we will make our departure. Experiencing the culture, service work, and recovery workshops will all be a part of this trip.

You can find more information about all these events at recoveryelevator.com/events.

We’ve all heard of FOMO, or the Fear Of Missing Out. Today I want to talk to you about JOMO – the Joy Of Missing Out. The Joy Of Missing Out is the emotionally intelligent antidote to FOMO, and is essentially about being present and content where you are at this moment in life. Instead of constantly trying to keep up with the Jones’, JOMO allows us to be who we are in the present moment, which is the secret to finding happiness.

At the end of the episode I have a bunch of ”You might be an alcoholic if…” lines. Listeners I would love to hear your own “You might be an alcoholic if” lines. Email them to info@recoveryelevator.com and put YMBAAI in the subject line.

SHOW NOTES

[6:55] Paul Introduces Tom.

Tom, who considered himself a high-functioning alcoholic, is 50 years old, lives in Seattle, Washington, and has a sobriety date of 6/4/18. He is married, has two children, and a pug named Violet. He works in the high tech field.

[10:30] Give us a little background about your drinking.

He had his first drink when he was 14, and although he didn’t really like it his friends were doing it, so he kept doing it. Drank a lot in high school, it was almost like a sport. The first 10-15 years he feels he was a regular drinker, that he could take it, or leave it. He began binge drinking in college. The last 20 years he was drinking every day, but didn’t think he had a problem.

[16:50] When did you know that something was not right with your drinking?

That started about 2 years ago when he started getting numbness in his fingers, enough times that he went to the doctor about it. The doctor asked him what his drinking was like. About a year ago he had a major stressor in his life and the way he dealt with it was by drinking. Up until that point he always thought he drank for relaxation.

[24:30] Walk us through your early part of sobriety.

Tom says the first 4-5 were hard and talked about the drinking dreams he had. He changed his whole routine and became what he called a "sobriety savage”. He attends AA at least once a week but is not sure it is something he wants to continue to do for the rest of his life.

[35:25] What have you learned most about yourself in these past 7 months?

That you are never too far gone.

[38:50] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking?

When he went on a church camping trip and he got so drunk that he packed up the family early and snuck away the next morning.

Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?

He had never told anyone this; about a year ago he went out driving at 3:00 AM and was driving in a manner that he was basically putting his life in God’s hands. He spun out, the car stopped, and he finally came to his senses and balled like a baby.

What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward?

Keep it simple. Live in the moment. Continue going to AA. Really connect with people.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?

His son telling him to go to AA.

What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

Do what you need to do to keep yourself sober and keep yourself safe. You don’t need to know everything at that moment.

You might be an alcoholic if...

You can’t recall which Netflix shows you have binged, or plan to binge, even as you are possibly watching them.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

RE 206: The Tipping Point in Sobriety Jan 28, 2019

Dusty, with a sobriety date of 9/21/15, shares his story.

On January 1st, I launched the 3rd private, unsearchable Facebook accountability group. All Café RE signups starting January 1st-January 31st will be placed in the new group. This group will be capped at 300 members to ensure intimacy. For the entire month of January, you can use the promo code 2019 for 75% off registration.

If you’re a Recovery Elevator podcast listener and you live in or close to the Nashville area, join us Saturday, February 23rd for Recovery Elevator LIVE in Nashville at 7 pm. Go to recoveryelevator.com for more info.

I recently finished reading the book The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. The book isn’t specifically a recovery book, but some of the ideas and themes can be applied to getting sober and staying sober. When it comes to the journey into sobriety there are 2 tipping points I want to cover in this episode. The first one happens when you start to question whether alcohol is serving a positive purpose in your life and the second one occurs when you quit drinking.

At the end of the episode I will talk about a third tipping point, one to avoid.

SHOW NOTES

[6:55] Paul Introduces Dusty.

Dusty is 38 years old, lives in Bozeman, Montana, and has a sobriety date of 9/21/15, just over 39 months since his last drink. He is an accountant. He loves playing recreational sports, just started playing hockey this year, after learning how to skate.

[10:30 ] Give us a little background about your drinking.

He started drinking when he was in high school and fell in love with it. Same thing through college, but once he finished college that is when his drinking progressed. It was at this time drinking was no longer fun and started to get out of control. He was drinking alone in his apartment.

[11:43 ] Did you ever try and put any rules into play, or try and quit?

He would try and only drink on the weekends, try and cut out beer, try to regulate. It never worked.

[15:01 ] What was your rock bottom, or your tipping point?

After going on a 10 hour bender, watching college football one Saturday in the downtown bars of Bozeman he was informed the following day that he had kicked a girl that night before. He had no recollection of doing that. Running into the girl on Sunday and seeing the look on her face was his rock bottom.

[24:52 ] How did you stay sober after the first month?

He has a great group of friends that once he shared that he was an alcoholic they gave him 100% support. He also got really involved in the RE Facebook group.

[30:35 ] Referring to the quote, “drinking is but a symptom”, do you know why you drank?

Probably genetically predisposed to it, it’s on both sides of his family. And like he stated earlier, he started drinking for fun in high school and then it turned into more of pity drinking in his late 20s.

[38:50 ] Rapid Fire Round

True or False, love is the answer…and why?

Absolutely! Love conquers all.

What was your worst memory from drinking?

After moving back from Kentucky he was living with his Mom for a couple of months. She came into his room asking if he was going to work and she screamed after discovering a puddle in the middle of his room. She blamed it on Buster the cat but he was sure it was from him.

Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?

Probably the look on Buster’s face.

What’s your plan moving forward?

Staying involved with the CaféRE community and creating those relationships. Going to Nashville. Getting out of his comfort zone.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?

Get some sober friends.

You might be an alcoholic if...

You pee on the floor in the middle of the night and blame it on your cat.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode is brought to you in support by Blinkist. Right now, my listeners can try Blinkist for free. Visit blinkist.com/elevator for your seven day free trial.

This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 205: Recover Who We Were Meant to Be Jan 21, 2019

Kane, with 49 days of sobriety, shares his story.

Recover Who We Were Meant To Be

Tony Robbins and Russell Brand recently did a podcast titled Recover Your True Self. In this episode there are two value bombs I want to talk about. The first is Russell Brand’s definition of recovery, and the other is his idea of the main intention of the 12 steps.

At the end of the episode, I share a story about letting go.

SHOW NOTES

[6:49 ] Paul introduces Kane

Kane is 45, lives in Adelaide, Australia, and has 49 days of sobriety. He is a government worker. He loves hiking and doing yoga in the mornings. He is also a birdwatcher. He likes socializing, and has been doing more social events since he’s been sober.

[ 11:00 ] Give us a little background about your drinking.

He started drinking in late high school, and quickly progressed to “drinking for drunkenness.” In college, alcohol became an escape from “this busy brain.” He surrounded himself with friends who drank like he did.

[31:40 ] What does a typical day in your recovery look like?

He gets up early, does yoga and goes to work. After work, he takes his dog Rusty for a walk, and spends time with his wife (without fighting). He has been surprised by how much he enjoys socializing in sobriety

[40:39] What’s on your bucket list in sobriety?

First and foremost, to continue to improve his relationship with his family. He wants to keep expanding his honesty. He is looking forward to eventually getting a caravan (camper) and going on road trips with his wife, birdwatching along the way. He also looks forward to continuing having good times without alcohol.

[44:00] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking?

Not being as good a father as I thought I was.

Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?

Waking up after a blackout, and finding a misspelled note on his phone that he’d written to himself telling him where he’d parked his car after trying not to drive while drunk.

What’s your plan moving forward?

Socializing, yoga, taking responsibility.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

The Recovery Elevator Podcast. He also has gone to an AA meeting, and enjoyed it. Learning to be able to be honest with others about not drinking.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?

Asking “Is this working for me?” and if the answer is “no” change it.

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?

Take responsibility for how you act.

You might be an alcoholic if...

you ask your mother for lift to your car, because you’d been drinking the night before. When you get to where you think you left your car, it’s not there. You then remember that you’d driven it home drunk. You then ask your mother to drive you a little past your home where you had parked your car so your partner didn’t know you’d driven home drunk.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Tony Robbins and Russell Brand Podcast, Recover Your True Self:

This episode is brought to you in support by Care/Of. For 25% off your first month of personalized Care/of vitamins, go to TakeCareOf.com and enter the promo code ELEVATOR

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 204: Should I Avoid Social Events Where Alcohol Will be Present? Jan 14, 2019

Lucy, with 65 days of sobriety, shares her story.

Do I need to avoid social situations where alcohol will be present?

The answer is yes, then no, then yes. Sorry if that’s confusing. I explain better in the episode.

[8:40] Paul introduces Lucy

Lucy, with 65 days of sobriety, lives in London England. She is a freelance makeup artist, which she loves doing. She is single, likes walking, hiking, cooking, and drawing.

[11:30] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Lucy had her first experience with alcohol at age 12. Her drinking kicked into full swing after she was 18, when she began working in bar and nightclubs. She feels that it was a very quick descent into binge drinking and blackouts. By the time she was 21 she found herself drinking alone more and more. She lost every bar job she had because she would not show up for work because she was hungover.

[17:34] Lucy’s first venture into sobriety.

At age 26, after moving to London to be a full-time makeup artist, Lucy realized that she might lose the career she loved if she continued to drink. She tried AA, but it just didn’t resonate with her. Within a year, after white knuckeling sobriety, she went back to drinking.

[20:01] Her rock bottom.

Lucy had a suicide attempt at age 30, which she feels was a cry for help. She regrets what she put her family through at that time.

She then had a second try at sobriety, and found that she had a lot of anger and resentment toward drinkers.

[23:40] Since then, Lucy has realized that each relapse has taught her something. She cannot moderate her drinking at all.

[27:50} Did you attempt to moderate your drinking?

Never doing shots.

Having three blood alcohol calculators on her phone.

Avoiding going out as much as possible.

[44:28] What is your plan in sobriety moving forward?

Not drinking, staying connected, putting sobriety first.

[45:04] Rapid fire round.

What is your worst memory from drinking?

That night in the hospital after her suicide attempt.

What was your “oh shit” moment?

My 10th blackout in a row, and a four-day hangover.

In regards to sobriety, what is the best advice you’ve ever received?

Find your tribe.

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners?

Believe in yourself, you’re stronger than you know. There’s a way out for everyone.

[46:45] You might be an alcoholic if . . .

You factor in an extra 100 pounds ($150 US) for every time you go out drinking

Because you never know in what part of the city you’ll wake up, and you might

need to call a cab.

RE 203: Shaken, Not Stirred Jan 07, 2019

Jeff, with over 2 years since his last drink, shares his story… That could never happen… Analysis of the famed James Bond movies reveals that James Bond is a full-blown functioning alcoholic living on borrowed time. “There is strong and consistent evidence that James Bond has a chronic alcohol consumption problem at the severe end of the spectrum… His workplace, MI6, needs to become a more responsible employer and refer him to support services and change their corporate drinking culture.” The amount of alcohol that James Bond is consuming in the films is enough to leave someone far too disabled to engage in any kind of crime fighting.

SHOW NOTES

[7:07] Paul Introduces Jeff. Jeff has been sober just over two years. He’s 43 years old and lives near Denver, Colorado. He is married with one adult son. He and his wife enjoy Netflix, boating, and writing. He is the same guest as a previous guest, episode 104. He is a genetic researcher. He is extremely busy, with three jobs. He found that most people just drink in their downtime. He went from habitual drinking around age 34 to a downward spiral once his wife left him. There was a DUI, and a crash. It enabled him to reboot.

[12:20] What happened during that five year period where you drank normally, but the obsession was still there? He was still micromanaging the quantities of alcohol that were available to him. He was constantly making sure that consuming alcohol was going to be part of the plan and available just in case. Even though he found like he had a new life, he included alcohol in his activities.

[14:00] Did you try to moderate your drinking with rules? Definitely. Switching from hard alcohol to beer, or only on the weekends. They seemed to break all the time. Other parts of his life were great at the time. His step daughter had a stroke, but when those three days were up he craved alcohol. He realized he was using alcohol to take a break from difficult emotions and he figured out that he needed to try and find a better way. He realized that he wanted someone else to step in and help him control his drinking. He emptied a bottle and kept it around as a reminder of his efforts to get sober. He discussed it with his wife, and they had a great conversation. He’s grateful that she met him in the middle of his struggle. She knew who he was and what he was dealing with. She agreed to get sober with him to help him along, even though she didn’t have a problem.

[22:50] How important is it to have your significant other or spouse on board with your decision to get sober? Incredibly important. There were times when he wanted to crack, but she was there to support him. They agreed to find alternative ways to get through the holidays, etc. It is better, to be honest than to be hiding it.

[24:21] What is it like for you in the different stages of sobriety? In the first 90 days, everything is new. He binge listened to podcasts to help him rewire his thoughts. He spent the first six months just learning. In the first year, you are testing whether or not you can do things without drinking. He was surprised at how much his brain came back online. He found himself to be highly creative. Sobriety has been a surprise. The second year found him being a lot more available in his business. He found surprising success in his business. One never stops growing. He began to look at his priorities. He had to decide which areas of his life needed growth. The second year is way more empowering. You start hitting your stride and liking yourself more as a person.

[33:06] What’s the most challenging thing you’ve encountered in sobriety? The lake trip was the most challenging. He was isolated on a boat, and everyone was drunk. He would climb up to get cell reception and check in with his internet support group. He felt incredible when he made it through without drinking.

[35:09] What’s on your bucket list in sobriety? He’s working on a book that involves sobriety. He wants to learn how to schedule unproductive time. He feels too busy. He feels like he’s still learning. He isn’t involved with formal recovery groups. He’s still trying to explore the depths of who he is.

[39:28] What are your thoughts on relapse? It’s all an experiment. How would it feel to spend a long time away from alcohol? The results have been that sobriety is the way for him. He feels better, more empowered.

[42:00] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Not officiating his friend’s wedding. He was trying to prepare the wedding, and he was in a dark place and dreaded the whole process.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
What’s your plan moving forward? He is excited to live one day at a time.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Recovery Elevator, and Cafe RE. They are his support group.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “And remember, you don’t drink anymore.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just keep at it. It takes grit. You can’t think your way into sobriety.. you have to act your way into changing your thinking. Be patient; it takes time.
You might be an alcoholic if… “...you stash shooters in your friend’s son’s coat while going to a football game because he’s less likely to be searched than you are.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode is brought to you in support by Blinkist. Right now, my listeners can try Blinkist for free. Visit blinkist.com/elevator for your seven-day free trial. This episode is brought to you in support by Care/Of. For 25% off your first month of personalized Care/of vitamins, go to TakeCareOf.com and enter the promo code ELEVATOR

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down; we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 202: 12 Reasons to Stay Sober in 2019 Dec 31, 2018

Warren, with 48 hours since his last drink, shares his story… 12 reasons why sober is better:

1 - Look your best. 2 - Look and feel properly rested. 3 - Alcohol fixes things you didn’t notice were broken. 4 - Make the most of your time. 5 - Build better relationships. The opposite of addiction is connection. 6 - More confidence. You can do anything you put your mind to. 7 - Less fear! 8 - Save your money. 9 - Be more present. 10 - Avoid unnecessary disasters. 11 - Create the future you want. 12 - Improved memory SHOW NOTES

[8:20] Paul Introduces Warren.

Warren is 40 years old, from Martinsville, Virginia, and has been sober for 48 hours. He’s married with two children. He is the executive director of a domestic violence outreach program. He also owns a sound company. He enjoys fishing and camping, and the outdoors. He thinks you shouldn’t always believe what you think. He’s struggled with worrying about what other people think.

[12:09] Give us a bit of background about you drinking. He started drinking relatively young. His parents both drank, and were very social. They were involved in politics. He and his cousin found some champagne and they drank until they blacked out. He always felt different from everybody else. When he put substances in his body, it made him feel right. So he would drink/use every chance he got. Once he had a son he began to drink heavily. He attempted to quit drinking. He was in a car accident. When he got out of the hospital, he began to drink again and also use other drugs. His gf/wife was fed up. He tried to quit cocaine, and it just made him drink more. One thanksgiving he woke up in his yard covered with blood (it was from a deer) and it freaked him out. He went into an outpatient program. They recommended AA. He got into it. He stopped going to meetings and started smoking pot. His wife left him and he tried to commit suicide. He went into another program. He decided to get back into AA. He got into another relationship with someone in AA, and it ended badly which made him stop going. He was in debt. After two hours of sobriety, he decided that he had it under control. He relapsed, and when he did it was as if he had never stopped. He felt like when he controlled his drinking, he didn’t like it, and when he liked it he couldn’t control it.

[23:50] What’s your plan for getting past it? To try and stay connected with people. He might go back to school. He wants to help people somehow. He studied social work, which paid but was a heavy responsibility. He recognizes that if he can’t find balance he is at risk of losing his job. He’s thought about getting back into AA again. He is worried about the stigma. He’s worried about anonymity.

[25:57] What are some lessons you have learned about yourself so far in this journey? He now believes that there is an all powerful god that cares about him. When he got to chapter 4 in the big book, he realized that his idea of a higher power wasn’t helpful. He associated prayer with drinking. He needed to see that prayer can exist without drinking.

[28:59] When you get cravings, what do you do? Right now he is trying to binge listen to the podcast. Helping other people stay sober helps him stay sober as well. There is no one correct answer.

[30:47] What would you like to talk about right now? How blessed he’s been since he started recovery. He’s in a new world where he can help other people and even though he doesn’t know the plan for his life, he’s okay as long as he stays present and awake. He has learned that the problems arise when he thinks too much, or when he focuses on himself. As long as he is useful to other people, it’s easier.

[33:47] When are you going to get your help and how? He’s been researching counselors in the area. He agrees that he needs to focus on helping himself help himself. He wants to relieve the pressure that he puts on himself.

[36:22] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? The mornings when he would wake up and he would have no memories.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Gradual moments over the last 18 months or so. Watching the rules he set for himself continually break. When he realized the progression is real.
What’s your plan moving forward? To “Fill my bucket”. To do what’s best for me. One day at a time with no substances.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? You have got to take care of yourself. You can’t help anybody else if you’re all jacked up.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Don’t wait too long. The longer you wait the harder it is to stop. Surround yourself with a community of people who are sober and will show you how it’s done.
You might be an alcoholic if… “You wake up naked in the living room and you’re lying on the floor with no idea how you got there.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sobriety Tracker Android Have you filled a bucket lately - A book by Carol McCloud

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 201: Alcohol, Calories and Your Waistline Dec 24, 2018

Jeff, with over 38 days since his last drink, shares his story… During this festive holiday season, we will, no doubt, we encouraged to drink at one point or another. We can’t think ourselves out of long-term addiction, but in the moment, there are tools we can use to help gives us the ability to say no. Follow the drink, and play the tape forward. There is plenty of data behind us to help us make an informed decision. If I have this drink, what will happen? Remember why you quit in the first place and remember all of the positive benefits you have experienced from sobriety. We all know alcoholic beverages can pack in the calories, but does alcohol have any nutritional value? It’s safe to say that a Twinkie has more nutritional value than any alcoholic beverage. By not drinking, you are not denying yourself of any vital nutrients. In fact, alcohol inhibits general digestion in a big way.

SHOW NOTES

[8:57] Paul Introduces Jeff. Jeff has been sober for 38 days. Jeff is 27 years old, from Quebec City, Canada. He has a corporate job and also works in digital marketing. He is trying to transition to doing his digital job full time. He owns a dog and enjoys sports and reading.

[10:30] Give us a little background about your drinking. He started when he was 13 years old. He never felt in control. He was shy and insecure. Marijuana was his drug of choice for a long time. When he would try to quit smoking marijuana, he found himself drinking more. When he would travel for sports he would notice that eventually he would revert to the same substance abuse patterns.

[13:10] Did you experience a rock bottom moment? Most recently, a few days before his quite date. He went to a bar with the intention of only having a few drinks but ended up staying the entire night, consuming many drinks and then driving home afterward. He feels that one can’t quit until the subconscious figures out there is a problem. He needed to re-evaluate his relationship with alcohol. He started with a 30 day sobriety challenge. He recorded a video of himself to help remind him of why he was quitting. He watched a lot of sobriety videos on YouTube.

[21:30] Did you follow a program for your 30 day sobriety challenge? Yes, he followed a program from James Swanick. He sets a daily reminder to help keep him grateful and motivated.

[27:27] Elaborate more about the idea that sobriety has to be a choice for a better life. Make sure that you don’t just stay home. Don’t deprive yourself of pleasures. You need the brain to realize that it can be sober if all sets of circumstances. He went to a hypnotherapist. He convinced him that everything had to be a conscious choice, and that there were choices happening in his life that he didn’t consider. He had to switch the words from “have to“ to “choose to”.

[32:06] Have you had any cravings or challenges in early sobriety? He keeps listening to podcasts. He is doubling down on what is working. He is reminded of his gratitude and how much energy he has. He hasn’t experienced any cravings. His toughest moment was during a doubt of depression caused by a relapse dream. He reached out to the Cafe RE community and got support right away. Just talking about helped him a lot. Cravings are normal and just talking about them will make them go away.

[35:26] What is your plan in sobriety moving forward? He wants to execute his business ideas. He wants to share his story. He wants to help other people quit alcohol and drugs. He loves traveling and sports. Sobriety gives him the energy and emotional intelligence to reach his full potential.

[36:48] What have you learned about yourself in the past 30 days? Being vulnerable is being courageous. He has tried to act tough in the past and now he realizes that reaching out and asking for help is the better path to take. This is what true courage is about.

[38:25] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Just waking up so feeling so terrible and realizing that he could have lost everything.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? On his first day of sobriety, recording a video of why he wanted to quit, and the emotional outpouring that came with it.
What’s your plan moving forward? Keep doing what’s working. He tries to keep his thinking positive so he doesn’t look for something to help him cope with the pain that comes with negativity.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Cafe RE. He enjoys connecting with the community. Also sobriety videos on YouTube.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? To not associate with the word “alcoholic”. He preferred to say that he was a sober person with a drinking problem. He’s still understanding that he has an issue but it helps point him in the right direction.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Rewire your subconscious. Also stack your resources. Don’t put all of your sobriety eggs in one resource basket. Create accountability.
You might be an alcoholic if… “...it’s Sunday night and you have consumed 14 beers. You talk to your mother on the phone and she can’t tell that you’ve been drinking.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

30 Day No Alcohol Challenge - a 30 day sobriety challenge by James Swanick Beyond the Influence - a book by Katherine Ketcham Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 200: The Cure to Addiction Dec 17, 2018

Walter, with 2½ years since his last drink, shares his story… The Cure to Addiction… Is it possible? Are we close to a cure? No. AA was founded in 1935, and since then we still don’t know what causes it or how to treat it. A holistic cure will attack/treat the root causes. The Rat Park experiment by Bruce Alexander points to the conclusion that the causes of addiction are social and environmental, rather than genetics or chemical dependency. In the study, the addictive tendencies were eliminated when the stress was reduced and the environment changed. Johann Hari’s Ted Talk says that the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, it’s connection. Addiction is not about the pleasurable effects of substances, rather it is a symptom of the user’s inability to form deep connections with other human beings. The phenomena that is addiction will likely die out in a global community whose only borders are the sky.

SHOW NOTES

[16:19] Paul Introduces Walter. Walter is 47 years old, in Waco, TX. He’s been sober for over two years. He works in real estate. He is divorced and has a son. He likes hiking, movies and reading. He feels more present with his son now that he is sober. His son had just turned 3 when his wife left.

[19:22] Give us a little background about your drinking. He came from an alcoholic family. Both his dad and uncle both died from alcoholism. His mom got sober when he was 15, right around the time he started to drink. He was a binge drinker. He went to a party school in Colorado. He moved back in with his parents and began to drink alone. He drank his way through his 20’s. In his 30’s, he married his drinking partner. They had a child. She didn’t want to be a mom. He wanted to clean up. They split. The first 90 days were tough. He also quit smoking. He relapsed but hasn’t relapsed since then. He is now serious about sobriety. He’s active in AA. He just went to Peru with Cafe RE.

[25:15] At what point did your drinking partner relationship turn? They were a rebound relationship. They had a lot in common. She was a great adventure partner. They had a similar relationship with alcohol. They helped each other hide drinking from other people. He feels the presence of his son saved his life.

[29:40] Did you try to moderate? Did you experience a rock bottom moment? He definitely tried to moderate. He always knew about recovery because of his mom. When he drank at a friend’s house he woke up and realized he had a problem. He and his wife got divorced. They made it painless, and were both fair. They focused on their son and his needs. He’s glad he didn’t stay married to another alcoholic.

[34:11] How did you know that this time would be different? Every previous time before this one, sobering up in a jail or spending time in a hospital, he always thought it was bad luck. He still felt in control. At first he went to AlAnon because he thought his wife was the one with the problem, then he realized that he was also an alcoholic. He came out to his mother and spilled everything to her. He needed to tell people he was an alcoholic.

[37:45] What did early recovery look like for you? He didn’t know of any other options other than AA, so he jumped in pretty quickly. He started to work the program, and he feels lucky that he has met some great people. Reconnecting with men in sobriety has been good. He has found hope and resilience.

[40:49] What was the Peru trip like for you? It was an awesome opportunity on so many levels. He didn’t really know most people when he arrived. He got to know everyone there a little bit at a time. It was not an easy hike but it was worth the trip.

[45:48] What is your recovery like after 2 years? He is addressing his underlying fears that lead him to drinking. His feelings of not being good enough or not being loved. He still deals with a negative inner dialogue. He feels more self aware. His interactions with people have changed. He used to live for comedic validation. He’s more accepting of himself and the present moment.

[50:50] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Waking up in jail on his 5th wedding anniversary.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? drawing a blank
What’s your plan moving forward? Keep taking it one day at a time. Keep doing what’s working. Keep looking for opportunities to be present for people.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? AA, and sober traveling. He loves meeting like minded people.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Focus on what you can control. Accept what you can’t. Know the difference.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? It’s ok, just keep trying. When you’re ready, it will happen. You don’t have to hit bottom first.
You might be an alcoholic if… “...if you get arrested on your 5th wedding anniversary.” “...if you’re using a fake ID to buy booze so you can drink by yourself before you’ve turned 21.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 199: This Mindset is Key to Sobriety Dec 10, 2018

Asaph, with over 6 weeks since his last drink, shares his story… A link to the mentioned Russell Brand podcast episode with Gabor Maté. Gratitude, what is it good for?... everything. Gratitude is a topic that needs to be continually covered in recovery. It’s a box in recovery that will never be checked, because it is ongoing. How do we create a mindset of appreciation? Apply some conscious attention to the things in your life that are there for you, whether it be people, or your left elbow. Don’t take things or people for granted. Remove or avoid the sources of negativity in your life. Gratitude is good for our brains. It positively stimulates the hypothalamus. We can’t function without grace. We are wired to be a grateful species. It’s easy to be thankful for the good things in our lives, but what about the not so good times? Gratitude can help us get through life’s challenges. In fact, we can even become thankful for them. Challenges and obstacles become our teachers and often send us on paths we wouldn’t always go down on our own. We can, and must, find joy in everything.

SHOW NOTES

[11:58] Paul Introduces Asaph. Asaph is 37 years old from Windsor, Ontario. Sober for over 6 weeks. He was raised in a cult called “The Children of God”. He lived in India, and had 5 children. He and the wife split, and that’s when he began to drink heavily. He’s a waiter, though he pursues art as a professional career.

[16:15] Give us a little background about your drinking. He began to hit the bottle hard when his marriage fell apart. He was around age 31 when he had his first drink. He left the cult around 28. He remembers alcohol being a guide, allowing him to be himself. When he explored recovery, he learned that he had a lot in common with other people. He tried to moderate, etc. He would black out and swear that he would never drink again. He found himself going against his word.

[23:13] Did you experience a rock bottom moment? He feels that he had many. He realized that rock bottom was a moment when one decides that enough is enough.

[25:20] How did you finally end up quitting? His sister helped him sign up for rehab. She convinced him that he had a problem. He had many relapses. He realizes that he can learn from them.

[30:30] What are some of the lessons you have learned in relapse? We need one person to be 100% vulnerable and honest with. He needed to get out of his own head a bit. He finds it spreads into other relationships as well.

[32:45] What is a typical day in your recovery look like? He listens to recovery podcasts. He enjoys Cafe RE. He recognizes when he wants to feel isolated. His default setting is alone. He needs human contact to keep a more positive perspective.

[35:51] Have you figured out why you drank? It was his default coping mechanism for everything.

[37:10] What have you learned about yourself in recovery? His recovery is directly connected to his entering the public world. Drinking became the way he discovered the outside world. He wants to get his business up and running. He feels like he can do anything that he puts his mind to.

[39:40] Have you had any cravings and what do you if they appear? He believes cravings don’t last more than 20 minutes. They used to paralyze him because he thought they were forever.

[40:50] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Woke up half drunk and he knew that he was powerless to a bottle of vodka by his bed.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? When he lost his driver’s license. He looked back in hindsight and he realized that something worse could have happened. The moment was gradual.
What’s your plan moving forward? He will continue to do what works. He uses Cafe RE. He wants to surround himself with people and books that continue to inspire him.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? A million little pieces by James Grace. Black Castle. My Fair Junkie.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? The idea that you can put the shovel down whenever you want to.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If you relate to a lot of the bullet points when you google what a alcoholism is like, you probably have a drinking problem.
You might be an alcoholic if… “.. you are drinking in the middle of the night because you feel you can’t go without it.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sobriety Tracker Android Russell Brand Podcast - the mentioned episode with Gabor Maté

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE198: The Importance of Letting Go Dec 03, 2018

Patrick, with 10 years 2 months since his last drink, shares his story.

SHOW NOTES

[10:50] Paul introduces Patrick

Patrick is 37 years old, and is from Brooklyn, New York. He’s been sober since August 23, 2008. He is married and has no children. He works as a stand up comedian, recovery coach, and a video editor. He likes to try to squeeze in a good meal between shows, visit friends, and snowboard. He would like to get better at rollerblading.

[14:08] Give us a little background about your drinking habits

He did not drink until his freshman year in college, because he has a family history of alcohol abuse. When he tried alcohol for the first time, he loved the way it made him feel. Alcohol became problematic within his first year of drinking. When he was drunk, he became unpredictable: he was the guy who took off his clothes and climbed buildings. Despite getting warnings from counselors, he continued to drink for the next 8 years.

[30:40] What finally made you make that decision to go into sobriety?

While at a baseball game, he told his friends that he wasn’t going to drink. His buddy said, “but you can have just one,” and Patrick said, “of course I can have just one.” 6 hours later, he was ejected from a bar for being too intoxicated. The next morning, his girlfriend told him that he had to move out. That became his sobriety date.

[41:00] In the last 10 years, have you noticed any cross addicitions?

He definitely needs to look out for working too much and not eating in a healthy way. When stressed, he turns to ice cream. He’s realized that since he was a kid, he’s tried to change how he feels on the inside by using things on the outside.

[44:10] Is there something that you have done differently while getting sober?

He would have gone to 12 step meetings immediately. Learning the idea of doing the next right action sooner.

[ 48:48 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking?

The trip to Italy when he became “a monster” and his girlfriend threatened to leave early.

Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?

He was moving out of an apartment a few years before he got sober, and he realized that no one, neighbors, roommates was unhappy that he was leaving

What’s your plan moving forward?

Staying true to sharing his story through his comedy

What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

The phone. Calling other sober people and being available.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?

Show up with integrity.

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?

If you’re going through hell, just keep going. This too, shall pass.

You might be an alcoholic if...

If you’re doing “sober October” for the 10th year in a row, and you rarely get through a few days of it, you might be an alcoholic.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 197: This is What Recovery Looks Like Nov 26, 2018

Aaron, with over 1 year since his last drink, shares his story...

SHOW NOTES

[12:30] Paul Introduces Aaron.

Aaron is 39 years old, from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. He’s been sober since October 16, 2017. He’s married with two children. He works in HR and Recruitment for a small company. He likes home improvement, the outdoors, gardening. He likes to restore and repair his house and cars.

[15:30] Give us a little background about your drinking habits. He has drank every day more or less since college. There was a strong drinking culture at his college. He made a lot of friends through drinking. It extended to his work after college. He associated alcohol with being social. Alcohol made its way into all of his activities. He didn’t know how to regulate it. He struggled to care for his children while he was drinking a lot. He couldn’t concentrate and was getting cold sweats. He decided to start regulating. He read a book that asked him to regulate but it didn’t work for him. He realized that he need to change.

[19:53] Did you have a rock bottom moment? Many. He skipped along the bottom. He always had a way of getting out of trouble, which gave him a false sense of accomplishment. Rock bottom for him was realizing that his life had become unmanageable. He would have beers in his basements, and he called them his “morning beers”. He realized that it wasn’t where he wanted to be. He went to his first meeting, and he judged everyone there. He started to get something out of it by the time he was in his 3rd meeting. While in recovery, he started to feel like he had a split personality. He was cleaning out the garage and he found some camping gear. He found a box of alcohol. He pulled it out decided to hide it. He would lie about going out to his garage to work on something, but he was really going out to drink. He felt bad because he was lying about it. He argued with himself out loud and realized he had a problem. He went to a meeting and was honest about his relapse, and since then he has been sober. He began to work with his AA program. He started to understand himself a lot more. He became more in touch with his intuition. He’s realizing that it’s more important to be in the now. He now knows that his intuition will know what to do in situations that would previously baffle him. He’s less stressed and much more happy. He has more responsibility, but life has gotten more fun.

[30:21] How have you started to change your inner dialogue? He started to get into emotional intelligence. It is a way of living that has many parallels with the 12 steps. He realized that his past didn’t have to affect his present. He realized that his suffering was all in his head. He started waking up earlier and going down to watch the sun rise. He found meditation and peace and he started to forgive himself. He realized that he was blessed to be a part of the moment. He stopped worrying and focused more on acceptance. He doesn’t worry about the future as much. He is grateful to be here now.

[35:28] Have you figured out the “why” behind your drinking? It started as just a way to cope with anxiety, but it eventually became a part of his identity. The “why” was part lifestyle, part insecurity, then eventually addiction.

[36:17] Walk us through a day in your recovery. He gets up early. He tries to shut his mind off. He enjoys daydreaming and spending time with his kids. She asks him profound questions, and he’s happy to be a part of her childlike innocence. He works, also. He enjoys the new freedom he gets with his new job. He goes to AA meetings twice a week. His days are filled with things he loves, or loves working on.

[39:04] What’s on your bucket list in recovery? He wants to go on the RE Peru trip. He wants to keep his life manageable. He wants to eventually retire so he can travel and wants to be a part of his family’s life for as long as he’s around.

[40:11] Talk to us about the text that was meant to go your sponsor, but accidentally went to the president of your company. He was laid off, and started to offer what he did independently. Many people were approaching him because of how many people were laid off. He wasn’t taking sides, but he said talking about how difficult things in life can be positive. He was reading a text from the president. He wrote a long winded text to his sponsor, with thoughts about his job, and his boss replied. He immediately wanted to delete it. They talked about it and he ended up giving him a sizeable contract as a result. [43:29] Talk to me about the pennies in your car. He kept pennies in a tray in his car, because he had heard an old wives tale about sucking on a penny to throw off a breathalyzer test. Whenever he got pulled over he would throw the penny in his mouth to suck on. When he got sober, he saw the pennies in his car and he realized he didn’t need them to he cleaned them out.

[45:02] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? When he woke up at 4am, his infant daughter was screaming for a diaper change. His hands were shaking so badly that he couldn’t do it, so he ran downstairs to get a drink so he could function.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? The people at his work approached him and told him that if he ever decided to stop drinking they would support him. It was an indication that other people could tell that he could drink heavily.
What’s your plan moving forward? Once your cup is full, and you don’t know how much more can fulfill you, the cup just gets bigger. He wants to live a life of enrichment and fulfillment.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? The Recovery Elevator podcast has been great. Also, AA.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Get honest with yourself about it. It’s okay as long as you learn from it.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Don’t quit before the miracle happens.
You might be an alcoholic if… “...if you keep pennies in your car to throw off breathalyzer tests, and if you drink boxed vodka from a solo cup with a mixture of powdered gatorade and hose water in secret.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Link to the Fox News article mentioned in the episode

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 196: How Normal Drinkers View Addiction Nov 19, 2018

Dan, who doesn’t practice abstinence based recovery, shares his story…

“To be human is also to suffer from addiction. The particular vices vary as do our degree of addiction to them, but it takes precious little searching to know we’ve all got something unhealthy that pulls at us.” - Mike Kerrigan, Fox News

SHOW NOTES

[11:08] Paul Introduces Dan. Paul doesn’t practice abstinence based recovery, and had a drink a few weeks ago. He’s 28 years old and lives in New York City. He runs a channel called Recovery X and Spooky Digital. He does MMA. He has a family. He practices mindfulness.

[12:48] Give us a little background about your drinking. He started drinking when he was 10. His brother was getting married, and his parents allowed him to have a couple drinks. He got really drunk. He got a lot of attention and had a lot of fun. His family started to warn him about alcoholism but he didn’t yet understand. He would occasionally steal his father’s prescription medicine. He had behavioral problems at a young age.. he would get in fights. He started a school riot between different grades. He always looked up to the trouble makers. They got attention. He has a big family, and he felt like he always had to fight to be noticed. He was kicked out of 8th grade for stealing money from another kid. He was sent to a private boarding school. He was kicked out for fighting. He went through all kinds of behavioral modification programs. He felt abandoned by his family. He noticed that his brother had a different strategy than him.

[18:33] At what point did you realize that you were using alcohol to self-soothe? He wanted to keep getting kicked out of private schools until his parents would run out of options and send him to public school. He began to drink more once he got to high school. It helped him reduce his anxiety. He ended up getting arrested after a fight, and was sent to rehab in Los Angeles. It was his first experience with a sober lifestyle. He was 16. He saw young people in recovery. He stayed out there for a while and would go on and off about wanting to be clean. He was arrested after a drinking related incident that turned violent. Alcohol always lead to destruction in his life. He had a problem with his thoughts and feelings and emotions. He also had an inability to deal with stress and relationships.

[23:53] Tell us more about the thinking problem. His experience has been that the drugs and alcohol have been the solution to the problem, which was thinking or avoiding his internal dialogue. He experienced a lot of internal conflict, different conflicting voices. Now he has to be really strict about what he thinks, and what he allows to come into his mind. He had to learn how to challenge and to reframe every negative thought and to turn it into something positive.

[26:17] At what point were you able to detach from the negative thoughts? He doesn’t differentiate the thoughts from himself, he thinks it’s all him. He thinks the mind is only about 10% of the entire brain, but it thinks that it’s all of it. “It’s like a stowaway on a ship saying it’s the captain”. He had to make friends to his subconscious mind and tell it that he’s listening. He started meditating regularly. It helps him get better at reframing thoughts.

[30:17] Did you experience a rock bottom moment to push into sobriety? Many. So many times in so many different ways. If he had to pick one it would when he was getting violent in a relationship with a woman. He realized he wasn’t raised that way and that he violated some sort of a core value about respecting women. It made a tear in his psyche and he felt something growing through the cracks.

[32:32] Tell us about the lack of abstinence in your practice. How does one successfully embrace the grey area? He finds binary thinking in the recovery community. The more we can be inclusive and the more we can embrace the idea the abstinence based recovery isn’t the only way the more people we can reach and the more people we can help. A big misconception about harm reduction is that one needs to be completely sober. Abstinence is a goal, but we’re really looking to improve our health and our lives on a daily basis. The goal has been to monitor his mental health on a daily basis. He started doing DBT (see links below). Part of that is keeping a record of your emotions and thoughts throughout the day. He takes notes about what happens in the day. Our memories are often distorted and the diary helps eliminate that and keep everything straight. He can see the patterns that lead to substance abuse.

[36:41] When you drank recently, how did you feel when you woke up the next day? Alcohol can beat you up, but you don’t have to do it yourself. Have compassion and keep it moving. Don’t get stuck in the self loathing. Tell yourself positive things.

[38:47] Tell us more about DBT. DBT stands for Dialectical behavior therapy. It’s a therapy with mindfulness at its core. If one is more mindful of one’s thoughts, one can see the patterns and opportunities for reframing. If someone ahead of you shuts a door in your face, the first reaction might be anger, but if we can see that we are assuming the intent, we can reframe it as a more innocent situation. [41:05] Talk to us about abstinence being the goal. Abstinence is one of the goals. The real measure of success is in your life. How are you treating other people? Are you being kind and helpful? How are you feeling? [43:03] Tell us more about Recovery X. They are offering free recovery resources to people in need. They offer as many voices involved as possible. They help people find recovery resources in their area. Initially his passion in life was communication. When he was a child he was bad at it. He always wanted to understand communication. After being in recovery, he realized that he could combine communication and recovery to be the most use to people in the world. They want to provide trusted sources and resources that are are not scams. Real authentic honest trustworthy programs.

[48:55] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking?
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
What’s your plan moving forward? Focus on mastery, and continue to stay out of the results and just hone the skills.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Recovery Elevator, and RecoveryX.org
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Have compassion for yourself and just keep showing up and doing the work and you’ll get there.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Love yourself like you would love somebody else and reach out to people when you need help. If you’re on Day 1 today, I would say have compassion for yourself.. you are fighting something that isn’t easy (it isn’t supposed to be) and I encourage you to keep at it. Don’t give up. It gets better, it’s a skill.
You might be an alcoholic if… “...you go somewhere on vacation and end up on probation.”

Resources mentioned in this episode: Recovery X: Website

Video

Facebook (where we shoot live)

Youtube

Audio

Spotify

iTunes

Additional links mentioned from Dan

Recovery X Facebook Group where they post behind the scenes footage and people interested in recovery can connect with others.

Learn DBT Group on Facebook is a free community Dan runs, where people in recovery from a variety of mental health disorders can come to learn about DBT, get support and find free resources.

Personal Social Media for interviewee Dan

website, Instagram, or Facebook.

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

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“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 195: What Should the Bottle Say? Nov 12, 2018

Corey, with 5 days since his last drink, shares his story… The mentioned article from the Irish Times

SHOW NOTES

[8:48] Paul Introduces Corey. Corey has been sober for 5 days. He’s from Minnesota, now lives in Boston. He’s 25 years old and is working full time. He likes to exercise. He loves music, plays guitar and piano. He has an upcoming trip to Columbia, is learning Spanish. He feels confused with life now that he has left the structure of school.

[13:31] Give us a little background about your drinking.

He started to drink a lot more during years in college. He started to experiment with weed in high school. He began to drink or party when he should have been studying. He didn’t realize there was something wrong at the time. He used his computer to avoid academic responsibilities. He was okay with it as long as he continued to deliver on his academic duties. He felt like he coasted through college and also began to coast through his first jobs. He found himself in the same behavioral patterns. He didn’t know where he was or what he was doing. He lost a romantic partner because of his partying. He drowned his feelings with drinking. The feelings came back up after a few months. He was caught in a weekly cycle of drinking and depression. He used a notebook to think out loud and he wrote down that he wanted to quit drinking and smoking to be comfortable with who he was. He devised a plan. Last year he tried to knock out one of the three (weed, tobacco and alcohol). He was so focused on change that he was able to quit tobacco. Before a family trip he felt suddenly depressed. He began to drink alcohol to try and cope with his feelings.

[22:10] How were you able to quit all 3? He set a new year’s resolution to quit alcohol. He ended up getting a therapist and it has helped a lot. He went down to New Orleans and it broke his sobriety streak. He felt guilty. He let himself down. He is now searching for a way to enjoy friendships without booze being involved. Over the summer, he loosened his grip on quitting a little bit he hasn’t been able to shake it. He went to a Halloween party and was drinking, and didn’t feel good. He just decided to leave. At home he was depressed and began googling ways to end his life. He feels that is his rock bottom.

[29:51] How will you manage your drinking on your upcoming trip to Maine? He doesn’t have a real concrete plan. He knows there will be temptation. He’s not sure what to do about it. He will try to text them and tell them that he won’t be drinking.

[32:48] What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward? He bought some books. He wants to read those. He’s listening to podcasts. He wants to continue to learn and journal and continue to move forward. He’s concerned about his upcoming trips, but he’ll do his best and try not to judge himself.

[37:46] How have you been getting past cravings? Having some sort of healthy beverage on hand. He drinks tons of water.

[39:03] What is on your bucket list in sobriety? He wants to record a full album and get better at guitar. He wants to make the most out of his international trips coming up. He wants to quit also because he wants a family.

[40:34] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? The incident where he drank and almost indulged in suicide.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? When the denial ended and he got depressed. He drank to go to sleep. He realized he was damaging his health.

What’s your plan moving forward?
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Recovery Elevator podcast. He loves the format. He likes to hear about other people’s stories.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? To take it one day at a time. If he does today and then he does tomorrow, he doesn’t have to worry about the future.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just to get out of the trap of associating college with partying. It’s going to catch up to you.
You might be an alcoholic if… “...you always pick up a 30 rack of beer multiple times in a week when you go grocery shopping.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

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“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 194: Should I Identify With the Label Alcoholic? Nov 05, 2018

Kellie, with 2 months year since her last drink, shares her story...

SHOW NOTES

[11:00] Paul Introduces Kellie. Kellie has been sober for 28 days. She’s 43 years old, married with two children. She’s a real estate broker that enjoys puzzles, reading, cooking, running and hiking, and her animals. She tried alcohol for the first time around 10 years old. She dabbled in different drugs in her teens. She drank through her 20’s. She had her son at 26. She cleaned up her act and became a stay at home mother. In her late 30’s she had weight loss surgery. She was in the hospital and something happened to her brother. She bought a bottle of wine. Her drinking gradually escalated after that.

[16:48] Would you say you had an issue with food prior to the surgery? Absolutely. She ate mostly healthy food but she would eat large quantities. Her drinking began to affect her son. She tried to moderate her drinking but it didn’t last very long. She finally went to an outpatient treatment for 3 and a half weeks. She was one of the only people there voluntarily and she didn’t like most of the people there. She was focusing on the negative. They would focus on the alcoholism in her family.

[22:30] Tell us about the transfer addiction. They are checking to see if you will switch to a different addiction rather than food. She feels that she has an addictive personality. She would run even if she was experiencing pain or other issues.

[28:00] Tell us more about the outpatient program.

Her drinking got progressively worse. She realized that she had to get it under control for her son and family. She was afraid of what her alcoholism would be like once she had an empty home. She experienced aversion therapy. She was slightly sedated, and they interview you. Because of the drugs she had to answer honestly. She did the electro shock therapy as well. They condition you to experience negative feelings from interacting with alcohol. It successfully eliminated the cravings. She was skeptical but now she thinks about it as a miracle.

[33:22] It sounds like they are trying to punish or shame the alcohol out of people. Is that right? Even though the treatments were extreme, it was a positive environment over all. People were there because they wanted to be. The nurses and doctors were there to help you get and stay sober. They don’t focus on you being an alcoholic. They focus on you being sober.

[35:08] What’s the “why” behind your addictive behavior? She knew why she was drinking. Substance abuse runs in her family. She and her siblings were abused mentally and verbally. The food became a coping mechanism. When it stopped working, the booze became a problem. She always knew why she drank. She attends meetings to take care of herself. The depression and anxiety is her why. Now she’s focusing on the why. The aversion therapy makes you not want to drink, but it’s still the same in that it only takes 1 drink to get back to where she was.

[40:09] What is your plan in sobriety moving forward? Just to do the next right thing. Take care of herself. She’s focusing on what she needs in the moment. Getting up in the morning and doing the things that she knows will keep her sober. She is trying to be more aware. She sees her self-talk and is trying to keep it in check. She combats the negative thoughts with positive affirmations.

[42:38] What’s on your bucket list in sobriety? She wants to run another marathon. She wants to be sober for her son. She is trying not to think too far ahead.

[43:16] What have you learned about yourself in sobriety? It is possible for her to be sober. She was always worried that she would be an addict for life because she had seen it manifest in different family members. She now focuses on the important things in her life. She realizes that alcohol isn’t the most important thing in her life.

[44:04] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Blacking out. Her husband left to go get take-out. While he was out she passed out and her son found her on the floor.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Making her a co-conspirator in her drinking. The two of them had to work together to hide her drinking from her son.
What’s your plan moving forward?
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? The people in the recovery community. She met many kinds of addicts in recovery and she relies on them to help her stay sober.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Tell other people about recovery. You have to do it in your way and do what works for you. AA wasn’t for her and she’s glad she tried Shick Shadel.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Do the next right thing. Just think about right now.
You might be an alcoholic if… “... if you go on vacation with your kid and you spend the entire time drinking instead of spending time with your child.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Robinhood is giving my listeners free stock such as Apple, Ford or Sprint to help build your portfolio. Signup at elevator.robinhood.com

Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

Shick Shadel Hospital Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

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“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 193: Can I have a drinking problem and not be an Alcoholic? Oct 29, 2018

Nel, with over 1 year since her last drink, shares her story… Drinking is more than the average habit. To reduce our problems with alcohol to a “bad habit” is missing the bigger picture. We drink for a variety of reasons.. for example: to cope, to ignore, to numb, to hide.

Digging ourselves out of alcohol dependency actually requires the changing or removal of several habits. We need to change the way we relax. We need to change the way we deal with difficult emotions. We need to become more conscious, aware, and in the moment. We have to slowly remember the version of us that didn’t need anything to be okay. We have to change everything. When one finds themselves in the grips of alcohol, it probably takes more time, effort, and patience to return to our emotional center than it did to lose it. It doesn’t happen overnight, and there are many lessons to be learned along the way, but with patience, persistence, self-love and an open mind, we can find ourselves looking back on our time with alcohol as a distant and remote dream.

SHOW NOTES

[11:40] Paul Introduces Nel.

Nel is 52 years old, from Shannon, Mississippi. She now lives in New York. She’s married. She’s a personal trainer that loves sports, particularly fantasy football. Dolphins are her favorite sea animal.

[15:05] Give us a little background about your drinking. She started around 16. Her parents died when she was young. She had a chaotic upbringing. She could never relax. She started drinking after her parents died. It helped her relax and she loved it. She drank mostly on the weekends with the intention to get drunk. She went on to college and started drinking a lot more. She met her first husband her senior year of college. He helped her finish school. She was already beginning to drink a lot. She always knew that she drank more than other people. All of her friends drank. She has alcoholism in her family. She partied a lot in her 20s. She worked and took care of herself. Drinking remained a lower priority. She divorced her first husband in her early 30s. She moved back to Mississippi to be with her sister and help with her family. She felt happier generally, but was always managing her alcohol. She met her second husband at 35. She moved to New York. Her new husband was a normal drinker, and it made her realize how much she drank. It caught up to her, and began to experience physical symptoms and tried to switch to marijuana. She smoked pot “like she always wanted to drink”. She knew in her heart that she was making bad choices. She continued to function despite how she felt. She would blackout multiple times. She would experience “brownouts” after a few drinks.

[22:47] Did you experience a rock bottom moment? She realized that she couldn’t trust herself anymore. She would get stoned and pick up her nephew from school and she realized she was going down the wrong path.

[25:28] Talk more about what it meant to lose trust in yourself. She was frightened. Her biggest pillar of safety in life was her ability to self-regulate, and once she began to lose that she became extremely worried. She was negotiating with herself, and never winning. After the first line was crossed, the progression sped up because the anxiety kicked into overdrive.

[27:35] Did the drinking help you with the fact that you were flying solo in life? She was trying to quiet the voices in her head and the anxiety and fear. She used it as a coping mechanism, as medicine.

[29:10] How did you end up making the change and finding your way out? She wants to live a life that her family members can look up to, as an example. She realized she was off course. She didn’t want to go out like her parents. The next step was to put smoking and drinking down. Ever since then, she believes that God has been helping her. She began to do research about alcoholism and realized she had a problem, and that she wasn’t alone. She is on the podcast because she wants to shed the shame. She didn’t know many in recovery before. She wants to reach out and let people know that there is a way out, and that they can do it.

[34:08] How did you keep the change going? She knew one other person in recovery. Within 48 hours of her thinking about reaching out to her, she was out of her house and she coincidentally ran into her on the boardwalk. She told her everything and she stayed with her for the next few weeks. She went to an AA meeting and it was the best decision she ever made. It gave her instructions, guidance.

[37:27] Can you think of a time when self-negotiating didn’t work out? She would go to a wedding, and tell herself she would only have two drinks. By the end of the night she lost her shoes and couldn’t remember anything. Towards the last few years she began to consistently lose the negotiations.

[38:53] What’s your plan moving forward in sobriety? Keep it simple, do what’s working. She goes to meetings every day. She knows the rest of her life depends on whether or not she goes to those meetings. She feels more freedom now than ever before. She’s accepted that she can’t think her way out of everything. She meditates daily now, and she can easily meditate now for 15-20 minutes. She’s off her medication, her health has improved. She’s realizing that everything revolves around your thoughts. You have to practice and put in the work, but the benefits spill over into everything else in your life. She also focuses on exercise. Staying physically active and trying to take care of herself.

[42:44] Talk to us about the “why” in your drinking. A genetic component, but also her environment. She was raised in an abusive household and was always anxious. She had low self esteem. She had voices in her head constantly criticise her. She didn’t know how to handle life without an escape plan, and she felt like alcohol was something she needed. She didn’t always have to have it, but she had to have access to it. She didn’t realize that she wasn’t her thoughts. She read “The Untethered Soul” and that plus her meditation practice has changed her relationship to her inner thoughts. She’s excited to see her new potential. When someone recommends a resource, give it a go!

[47:45 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? She went to a party and proceeded to get smashed at a party. She argued with her husband she isn’t aware about how she got back to her home. The next day her sister just left back to Mississippi.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? When she picked up her nephew at school totally stoned.
What’s your plan moving forward?
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Her AA group. The support and the knowledge that she gets from them. She also loves Recovery Elevator.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Keep it simple. Just one day at a time, don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t try to think your way out.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? What do you have to lose? If you feel bad at yourself, what do you have to lose by trying to get sober? You can always go back to your old way of life. You have to be all in if you give it a try.
You might be an alcoholic if… “...you’re at a baseball game, and you are more worried about the 7th inning when they’ll cut off the beer sales off.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

The Untethered Soul - A book by Michael Singer

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 192: Addicted to Thinking Oct 22, 2018

Stephan, with 10 months since his last drink, shares his story… Harm Reduction - The feeling of constantly downgrading addictions. Most of us address one addiction at a time, and usually tackle what we perceive to be the most harmful addiction first. Things improve with each hurdle. The lessons we learn from each stage strengthen our ability to move on to the next stage. Often at the root of many of our addictive behaviors is essentially an addiction to thinking. The majority of our thinking is unnecessary and just causes mental noise. The thinking brain can take us to the worst case scenario in a matter of moments which can cause the body to respond with fight or flight. If adrenaline becomes the main fuel that we use to get through our days, over time we will find ourselves with sickness and disease. The key is to find a way to shut off the monkey mind without resorting to extreme activities like skydiving, etc. Practices that cultivate inner harmony like meditation, yoga, playing a musical instrument and a myriad of other endeavors that cultivate mindfulness can slowly calm the mind and switch off the incessant chatter.

SHOW NOTES

[10:15] Paul Introduces Stephan.

Stephan is 33 years old and lives in Denver, Colorado. He’s married with a daughter. He owns a music school and is a freelance musician. He also plays golf.

[12:40] Give us a little background about your drinking. He started after high school. He started to drink when he began working as a musician. He liked drinking at first. He tried to quit a few times along the way and began to suspect that he was an alcoholic pretty early. “Alcohol is the glue that binds phony friendships”. He would exercise and reward himself with alcohol. He used to live behind a bar and there was a crew of people that would go to the bar regularly. For a few weeks he only drank on Sunday. He began to feel a rift between the man he knew he was and his behavior. It was exhausting. His wife became pregnant and he used that as an excuse to drink every day. His wife would say “Do you remember what you said to me last night?” She knew he wouldn’t remember. He felt shameful that he couldn’t remember. There was a difference between what he knew he could be and what he was doing.

[20:58] How did you ultimately end up quitting? He had several failed attempts. He stayed up at a wedding drinking by the fire. He woke up and he had bitten off some of his dental work. He felt like he was self-sabotaging. He had some oral surgery to get his wisdom teeth removed, and his first question was about alcohol. It all began to slowly add up. Then he found the Recovery Elevator podcast. He became mentally exhausted.

[23:58] Did you experience a rock bottom moment? It all began to slowly add up. He became mentally exhausted. He knew he needed to be there for his new daughter. He couldn’t imagine being still drunk or hungover as a parent. There were complications with the pregnancy and he decided he was going to quit so he could be present while at the hospital.

[25:00] How did the birth of your daughter affect your attempts at sobriety? No magic recipe. There was a decade of noise in his head already. He began to lean in to the new role. The birth of his daughter changed him, as well. He feels like he has a huge gift that he has a daughter and that he has his wife. He also visualized his daughter and his business as his purpose in life and his responsibility. He is proud that he’s been sober everyday of his daughter’s life.

[27:26] Have you experienced any cravings? How did you navigate them? He had a family trip planned to New Zealand. He didn’t drink and he felt like a small kid with parental restrictions. Then on another vacation, everyone else was drinking but he stayed sober. The big challenges were easier, but the small situations were where he almost caved. He doesn’t keep alcohol in the house. His wife is really supportive. He also eats a lot of ice cream.

[31:25] Is there anything you would have done differently? The next step is to reintroduce some fitness. In the past, exercise was motivated by rewarding himself with drinking. Now he wants to try it with a different intention with more longevity.

[32:44] Tell us about the vision board. He was in a business development group. They had an exercise where they passed around a tin of dominos. The domino represents the one thing you need to change in your life/business. The one domino that will knock over all the other dominos. He put it on his vision board. He realized that his domino was sobriety. Since then he’s accomplished so much. He believes in himself again. Part of the static in his head was not believing that he could follow through on the commitments that he makes to himself. When he finally “knocked over the domino”, he began to see other things fall into place.

[37:06] Walk us through a day in your recovery. Take it a day at a time. Today is all that matters. Don’t overthink it. Stay in the moment. He is looking into attending AA. He will reach out to people. He’s been making some sober connections. He wants to give his songs to other artists.

[39:23] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? He was at his best friend’s wedding. He tried many new kinds of alcohol. They were driven to stay at a houseparty. He outdrank everyone. He slept out in the grass. He woke up with people taking pictures of him asking if he knew where he was. He wandered into the neighbor’s house and used their toilet. He fell asleep on a stranger’s couch. She woke up and came down and found him there. He was mortified.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Realizing that there is no controlling the beast, it needs to be slayed.
What’s your plan moving forward?
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? His wife, and the Recovery Elevator podcast.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Faith, belief, and action. Have faith that you will have the circumstances and the tools you will need. Believe that you will be able to do it, and take the action that needs to be taken. A recipe for success.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just do it! The other side is much better.
You might be an alcoholic if… “If you rotate the liquor stores you stop in on the way home so none of them realize you have a problem.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Support for today's episode is brought to you by Care/of. For 25% off your first month of personalized Care/of vitamins, visit TakeCareof.com and enter the promo code ELEVATOR.

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

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“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 191: Sobriety Gets Easier and Easier and Ends in Life Oct 15, 2018

Kelly, with 8 days since her last drink, shares her story… “Addiction gets harder and harder and ends in death. Sobriety is hard work too. But it gets easier and easier and ends in life.” - Andy Ziegler In this passage to sobriety, expectations do not always line up with reality. In reality, it takes years for an addiction to take hold. The healing process takes equally as long. The negative thinking and behavioral patterns didn’t set in overnight, and won’t be lifted overnight. It’s like turning a battleship. We let go and reprogram gradually, a little bit each day, and that happens by making daily decisions that lead us down the road of self-love and health.

SHOW NOTES

[07:03] Paul Introduces Kelly.

In Fort Myers, Florida, 32 years old, sober for 8 days. Happily divorced. She is a mother, has a 4-year-old daughter. She is learning who she is as a sober woman and mother.

[9:06] What lead to your decision to do the interview? She wanted to keep trying different things until she found something that worked. She wanted to step out of her comfort zone, not feel ashamed, and not keep it from people. She wanted to share her story. She wanted to face her fear of vulnerability. She’s nervous, but ok.

[11:32] Give us some background about your drinking. Her issues with addiction started quite some time ago. She started as a smoker at 15. Her first drink at 21. She dabbled in some other drugs. She was in a toxic relationship and she started to drink more to cope. She went on antidepressants. They got married and they started to do other drugs as well. They started doing heroin daily. She stopped two years ago. She got divorced and moved out. She moved into her own place. She started to feel lonely and began to drink more. She switched to liquor. She drank a lot during hurricane Irma. She would tuck her daughter in and wouldn’t remember. She gained about 35 pounds. She almost got evicted from her apartment because she used some of the money for alcohol. She found herself hiding in her bathroom doing shots one night. She was ashamed of her behavior. She realized that she and her daughter deserved better and she got clean for almost a month. On the 23rd day, she thought she would reward her sobriety with a drink then found herself back in the grips of alcohol.

[21:50] Did you attempt to moderate? She did. She tried to limit her drinking to Friday happy hours. When she tried to stop and moderate, she realized that it was difficult. She realized she was craving alcohol.

[23:38] Have you explored the deeper causes of your drinking? She had a crutch in life. Some sort of substance has helped her get through the difficult parts of her life. She thinks her life hasn’t even been that terrible. She’s been relying on substances. Her deeper issues are struggling to be a single mom, dealing with stress. She is trying to get to the root now and to find healthy ways to deal with life. Deep breathing helps. She listens to audiobooks and podcasts. Previous attempts at sobriety felt like giving something up and this time feels different. She isn’t going to “white knuckle” it. She realized that she doesn’t need it.

[28:17] How have you gotten through the tough times without alcohol? She talks about it. She reaches out before she reaches for the bottle. She just has to tell someone how she’s feeling. She’s used a 20 minute timer. Just take a minute, be present, breathe, set a timer, listen to 5 minutes of something else. Just stop the impulse. Easier said than done, but trying to turn off the quick impulsive thinking that has led to trouble in the past.

[30:24] Walk us through a day in your recovery. She wakes up early. She is trying to not put too many expectations on too early. She’d like to start meditating or doing tai chi in the living room. She listens to a podcast on the way to work. She does about 10 minutes of reflective meditation and keeping a journal. She goes to weekly meetings on Wednesdays. She will exercise on her lunch breaks.

[33:03] What’s on your bucket list in sobriety? She wants to get to 30 days. She feels like one month is a good marker. She wants to lose some weight, and be there more for her daughter. She would like to be able to attend happy hour and be okay with not drinking. She looks forward to waking up and getting through the day before with no crutch.

[35:49] What would you consider your rock bottom moment? She’s never been arrested, and she hid it well. The night where she hid in the bathtub and drank shot after shot. She felt taken over.

[36:30] Rapid Fire Round

What’s the best advice you have ever received regarding sobriety? One day at a time. Just worry about the now.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? The night when she could not remember putting her daughter to bed and she woke up on the couch.
What are your thoughts on relapse? Forgive yourself. It’s a normal part of recovery.
What’s your proudest moment in sobriety? Making it a full week without drinking.
What’s your favorite resource in sobriety? Cafe RE!
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Today is the best day not to drink. Don’t wait, don’t put it off, just begin. It’s a journey.
You might be an alcoholic if… “You’re pounding shots alone in the bathroom before company comes over because you’re scared of them seeing you drink.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

This Naked Mind - A book by Annie Grace

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 190: Is Any Amount of Alcohol Healthy? Oct 08, 2018

Jamie, with 93 days since her last drink, shares her story… “No amount of alcohol is safe for your overall health.” “Alcohol was the leading risk factor for disease and premature death in men and women between the ages of 15 and 49 worldwide in 2016, accounting for nearly one in 10 deaths, according to the study…” A recent article released by CNN presents scientific studies that show the negative effects of alcohol consumption on one’s overall health.. delivering an opinion contrary to the largely pro-alcohol messages one typically finds in mainstream media.

SHOW NOTES

[9:15] Paul Introduces Jamie. Jamie is 39, from Alberta, Canada, and has been sober for 93 days. She works in the school system and teaches fitness. She is single, with two boys and dogs and cats.

[10:51] Give is a bit of background on your drinking. She started drinking when she was 12 years old. She wanted to fit in with the bad kids. Once she became old enough she drank much more. She got married and had a child. She lost her husband in a car accident, and her drinking increased. During her idle time she would drink heavily. She met someone who drank like she did. Her social circles also drank heavily. When she had large stretches of idle time she would drink a lot. One particular summer was extra heavy.

[16:55] Did you experience a rock bottom moment? Her social circle was large, so there was always someone to drink with if she needed a new drinking buddy. She kept saying yes to drinks with people. She would get wasted 3, 4, 5 days in a row. She began to track her drinking on her calendar. She realized she was only drinking and recovering. She tried to join a fitness program but only lasted two weeks. She got another two weeks free and she drank the whole time. She tried dry January but only lasted 23 days. She began to moderate by saying no beer. She booked a vacation, and got blackout drunk the first night. She drank the entire trip and cried the whole way home. She tried the fitness program again. She tried dry January, in which she tried to quit smoking, drinking, and begin a healthy diet at the same time. She began bullet journaling. She went to see Tony Robbins. She created a program to keep herself in check, then she would binge on the weekends. She had a horrific morning after a night of binge drinking. She met a sober mom, and immediately didn’t want to hang out with her. She called her and she recommended a counselor. She went to see an addiction counselor. She didn’t want to stop drinking. He mentioned the word “alcoholic” and she denied it. She went to her first meeting and she had a breakthrough.

[33:25] How did you quit? She went to her first meeting, and it was full of influential AA people. Lots of milestones, and she figured out she belonged there. She experienced a myriad of emotions. She knew that her life was going to change forever.

[34:58] What happened after that meeting? She was embarrassed about going to the meeting. She realized her girlfriend was an addiction counselor. She found the strength to go. She discovered she was battling a brain disorder and that it wasn’t her fault. She still battled the stigma of being labeled an alcoholic.

[39:27] Did you have cravings? She was ready. She finally wanted to be good to herself. She was done hurting other people, and herself. She wanted to be there for her children, but she wasn’t really there for herself. She knew that if she didn’t deal with it, she would have been dead within 5 years.

[42:28] What’s working for you? How are you staying sober? She listens to the podcast. She is now choosing to user her free time to work on herself. She’s established her community. She has a big list of phone numbers for support. She’s told all of her friends. She can call her sponsor about anything. She leans on her sponsor quite a bit. She didn’t give herself a choice. She “gave it all away”. It’s been working wonders.

[45:45] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? The anxiety the morning after, or waking up in the middle of the night in a panic. Not being comfortable in her own skin. Setting herself back.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? When her friends asked her to go out and she needed to drink a case of beer. She lied to her friends.
What’s your plan moving forward? To be kind to herself. To remember how far she’s come. To stay connected. To develop her relationship with her higher power. To work her program wholly.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? That it isn’t a moral defect. It’s not her fault. To get out of her head. To eat the ice cream, it’s ok.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Sobriety is awesome. You’re not missing out on anything. You’re gaining! The sponsor, the accountability, the community has been number 1.
You might be an alcoholic if... “…if you bring six pack when you walk your dog. Every time he pees, you have a drink.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Support for today's episode is brought to you by RXBAR. Visit Rxbar.com/elevator/ and enter the promo code elevator at checkout for 25% off your first order.

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

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“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 189: Happiness is Right Around the Corner, and Then the Next Corner. Oct 01, 2018

Sarah, with 162 days since her last drink, shares her story… “When this happens, then I’ll be okay.” You may already be living the live you have been dreaming about. Try not to fall into trap of “when this happens, I’ll be okay.” “When I get another month of sobriety”, or “when I move to another town”, or “when I get the right X” are all common examples of not living in the present moment. Stop for a moment, take stock in the good things you have around you and try your best to find the magic and happiness you seek in the moment you’re in, right now. Once you bounce back from the effects of alcohol, you might just notice that you already have enough.

SHOW NOTES

[7:50] Paul Introduces Sarah. Sarah has been sober for 162 days. Sarah is from England. She is divorced, with two kids. She is still figuring out what she does for fun. She loves camping, nature, the outdoors. She has a sober boyfriend. She recently quit her job in retail management and is now running her own little cleaning business.

[11:15] Give us a little background about your drinking. She didn’t realize she had a problem until recently. She grew up in a drinking family. She feels that people who don’t drink are a bit of an outcast. Her drinking got out of control as an expat. She lived in a dry state in India, and drinking became something she could obsess over even more. She had her two children and quit for those pregnancies. Straight after they were born she returned to the wine. It escalated slowly and she was blind to how dangerous it had become. She was having 5 glasses of wine most evenings. She bought into the “mommy needs wine” culture. She looked at it as a daily reward. There were several red flags over the past few years.

[15:50] What were the red flags that popped up? She was suffering from bad anxiety. At the time she didn’t realize it was from her drinking. None of her doctors would diagnose her with anxiety, despite her asking them to. One doctor probed into her drinking and figured out it that her drinking was the root of her anxiety. The idea of stopping drinking was crazy to her at the time. She received a solution to her problem but it wasn’t the solution she wanted at the time.

[18:05] Had the idea of stopping drinking ever cross your mind? No, but it planted a seed in her brain that started to grow. It took her two years to get the point of stopping. Before that she was having a whole bottle of wine every single night. She knew there was a problem but deep down she didn’t know what she could do about it.

[20:42] Was there a specific time where you knew what to do but couldn’t do it? Many times. She felt like she was stuck down a hole and someone had removed the ladder. She had these feelings daily. She was feeling physical symptoms of drinking in excess. She knew it was inevitable that she had to stop.

[22:45] How did you break the cycle? She just decided to quit drinking. She had been listening to recovery podcasts for a few weeks and she just knew she had to do it. She knew the path was only going to lead to everything she cared about getting hurt. She became very stubborn. She hadn’t told anyone about it and it felt empowering. It keeps getting better and better as time goes on.

[24:17] What were you thinking when you had that moment of clarity? She had more of a feeling. She had a lot of self-loathing and low self-esteem. She realized that she was worth it. She began to talk back to the internal dialogue trying to keep her in the same place. She’s been enjoying the community in Café RE.

[26:21] Did you experience any cravings? Yes. It was a roller coaster at first. She threw herself into the internet group and began talking to people. She began to learn and research. She began to invest in her own self growth. It felt good and she started to get excited for the next chapter of her life. She found the idea of rewiring her brain and making it more able to resist alcohol quite attractive. She began to focus on self-care. She went to bed earlier. She bought some nice deserts. She watched movies with the kids. She was gentle with herself. It does get easier.

[29:30] Tell us about Sarah 2.0. She wants to work in recovery. She wants to live the life and help other people to live it as well. She is in the early stages so she’s being careful. She thinks she has found a new purpose. [31:30] What does it mean to you to get out of your own head? Calming down her mind and understanding that she is not her thoughts. She just steps back for a minute and observes. She’s making better decisions. Life makes more sense. She has a clearer understanding of what is important. She can’t wait to learn more. You have everything you need. If you stop and just be in the moment everything else just falls away. She stops her brain from spinning out to negative thoughts and stories. She has learned to recognize the addictive voice. [36:00] Do you feel like an outcast now that you don’t drink? She hasn’t told everyone yet. She just has lime and soda or non-alcoholic beer and no one has asked her about it. No one cares. She people that care are close to you and they know you have a problem anyway and they’re going to be relieved that you stopped drinking.

[37:40] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? A fancy ball she attended with her boyfriend. She blacked out and went missing. They found her curled up in a ball in the corner and she has no recollection.

Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? When her boss told her she could smell wine on her at 9am.. the second time.
What’s your plan moving forward? Keep doing what I’m doing. Gratitude. To remind herself that her life is great.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? One day at a time. It’s easy to overthink.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Make it your priority. Do whatever it takes to get sober. Decide, stick to it, and be stubborn. Make it the core of who you are. Take care of yourself. Have some cake.
You might be an alcoholic if.. “…You examine and study everyone else’s drinking habits to get a better perspective on your own… and that includes looking in the fridges and their cupboards to see how much wine they’ve got.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Support for this episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter. Right now, my listeners can try Zip Recruiter for free.

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 188: The Only Line We Cross That We Can't Come Back From Sep 24, 2018

Tamara, with 88 days since her last drink, shares her story… “There is only one line we can cross that we can’t come back from” The National Suicide Prevention Hotline – 1-800-273-8255

SHOW NOTES

[4:20] Paul Introduces Tamara, and she recaps her experience with relapse and suicidal thoughts. Tamara had a relapse after 48 days of sobriety. She just moved to a new apartment. She started the day running errands, then had a conversation with her sponsor. She was alone, felt lonely and bought vodka. She started to drink by herself. She felt guilty because she is aware of the support structures that are in place, but she still witnessed herself resorting to alcohol to try to soothe her emotional pain. She thought she had exhausted all of her options. She began to have suicidal thoughts. She recorded a goodbye message to her family. She cut her wrist and sent the message. Her parents received it and tracked her down. They got in tough with her roommate. Her roommate and her mother stopped her bleeding. She went to the ER, and a mental hospital. She realized she didn’t want to die, and that she had to change something. She found a treatment center. She stayed there for 4 weeks. Reliving it, she is reminded that she isn’t broken. She realizes how powerful alcohol is and it will take you if you let it. She didn’t know what she was living for. In the treatment center, she worked through her life experience. She didn’t consider herself a trauma victim, but then realized that she had just been ignoring some things from her past. Her pride crumbled. She was able to see just how loved she was. She was able to see the role of God in her life. She finally saw her love and worth. She felt like she came out of hiding. She doesn’t have to hide parts of herself that she struggles with. There are people in her life that accept her exactly as she is. She had to rebuild her self-image and identity. She wants to come out of her shell and live her life out in the open. She didn’t know who she was anymore. The emotional rawness from her experience enabled her to open. She realized that she is not the orchestrator of everything in her life and that there are parts of her life that she can not control. She began to focus on the present moment and not worry beyond that.

[29:45] Talk to us about the letter you received from your employer right before you left. She had been feeling a bit out of place at her job. She took on and internalized expectations and pressure. She was open to changing everything else but she wanted to try and apply herself at her job. She received a package from her employer, and it turned out to be a letter of termination. She felt hurt. She cried but realized that she had to rebuild completely from scratch and feels like it was a gift from god.

[36:30] Tell us about what you found that can never be taken away. She realized that no matter what is happening around her, it doesn’t have to wreck her world internally. She’s still standing, and losing her job is now empowering. She has an opportunity to rebuild her life in a way that is more authentic and meaningful to her. She wants to do the next right thing. She built her life around things that are true to her. She realized that she’s had it the entire time. She realized that she’s been loved the entire time. She feels God’s love now. She believes that we all have a purpose. She saw something in the people around her and she felt like she didn’t have it, or couldn’t grab it. After treatment, she feels more in touch with it.

[39:19] Am I right in saying that you had a full spiritual awakening? Yes. Giving herself and life over to God has been the most liberating experience. She has faith that after the first step, the next step will present itself.

[40:53] Does one have to be religious to be spiritual? Not at all. It’s all about one’s own personal relationship with God. Previously she felt that God’s love was punitive and based on how good or bad she had been. She was trying to achieve her way into earning love. Religion is an outward expression of the internal spiritual relationship. Religion is a practice. She loves encouraging people, cooking for people, and sharing what she’s been through. What’s changed is her feeling of spirituality.

[44:00] What advice would you have for someone that’s struggling? It starts with openness. She thought she was open, but she was frustrated. Look at the people in your life who have something that you think you want or need. Be open to hearing what they’re doing and what they’ve been through. Humble yourself enough to be open to the idea that things are bigger than you. Be open to exploring those ideas. We’re all bonded by the desire to be loved. Tunnel vision leads to the path of pain in addiction. Open your mind to the fact that you may not see the whole picture. It’s not your fault if you can’t, but at least be open to the possibility of more.

[46:44] With 88 days in sobriety, what’s next for you? She has no idea what’s next and that’s ok. She has some short term plans. She will continue to embrace her spirituality and be excited about her future.

[47:25] Is there anything else you’d like to add? She believes that people are the best thing about God’s creation. If you are struggling, reach out to people. Some not conversations may not take you to anywhere but listen to people. Ask the meaningful questions and don’t fear judgement. Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 187: The Most Important Journey You'll Ever Take Sep 17, 2018

John, with over 1 year since his last drink, shares his story… The Journey

One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice – though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. “Mend my life!” each voice cried. But you didn’t stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do – determined to save the only life you could save.

By Mary Oliver

SHOW NOTES

[8:45] Paul Introduces Randy.

Paul is a musician from Helena, Montana. He’s been sober for over 1 year. He’s 41 years old. He’s married with two sons. For fun, he likes to turn his obsessive side toward healthy activities. He’s exploring moderation. He stopped drinking after a horrible hangover. He tried to have a beer after some after about 6 months of sobriety. He realized that everything kicked back in. He got sober with willpower but realized that he can’t stay sober with willpower.

[17:09] At what point did you realize that you had a problem with drinking? He has alcoholism in his family. When he started to perform in bands at 19, he refused to drink. When he moved to Montana, he discovered craft beer and the surrounding culture encouraged him to drink. In 2011 he quit drinking for 14 months. He considers himself an extrovert and gets charged up by talking to people. He realized that his drinking was an extension of his lack of emotional intelligence. He got tired of playing “hide the bottle”. He began to go to bed drunk every night. Hid digestion was a mess.

[25:13] What did you find was at the root of your decision to quit? His body hurt. He was sick and tired of sick and tired. Telling people that he was sober was strange because he had histories with his bandmates. He changed his internal dialogue to harness his stubbornness, so he could use it to stay sober.

[28:07] Tell us more about the moment where you felt the weight drop off your shoulders. He felt like he was coming to terms with the loneliness in his own heart. He began to explore the religious side of his life. He addressed his conflicted religious beliefs, and once he felt better about it he found the strength to quit drinking. He thinks addicts share the bond of the unquenchable thirst. We’re always trying to overdo it.

[33:00] Tell us more about not wanting to drink but wanting to be drunk. As soon as the alcohol hits the brain, it kickstarts a physiological craving that can be shut off only by the removal of alcohol from the system. He realized that a lot of the bad behavior in his life was dictated by his addiction. He wants to meet the emotional needs of others. He wants people to know that they’re not alone. He believes there is freedom in commitment, but it has to be all in.

[39:06] How do you plan on addressing the excess? He is in the process of addiction whack-a-mole. He switched to Adderall. To counter it, he’s now taking cannabis. He is dealing with the shame of wanting a buzz. Alcohol works until it doesn’t. He quit Adderall. He keeps looking for the next magic pill.

[45:00] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Arguing with his wife in the car. They weren’t married yet and she asked him about his drinking. He made his wife cry and felt terrible.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
What’s your plan moving forward?
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? The recovery elevator podcast. Also, his sober friends. “Connection is the opposite of addiction.”
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Use the obsessive part of addiction as a superpower. Apply your obsession to something positive.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Ask for help. If it needs to be private, that’s ok. Ask people to help you stay sober. Don’t be afraid.
You might be an alcoholic if... “…you play hide the bottle. If you’re drinking privately, it isn’t normal. Lots of people do it, but you can be free from that if you choose to be.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 186: Alcohol Gives us the Wings to Fly, Then Takes Away the Sky Sep 10, 2018

Angie, with 146 days since her last drink, shares her story… “Alcohol gave me the wings to fly, then took away the sky”

SHOW NOTES

[5:30] Paul Introduces Angie.

Angie is 36 years old, lives in Atlanta, GA. She has been sober for 146 days and is the proud owner of 2 dogs. She loves live music, the theater and the movies. She enjoys cooking. She now enjoys her own company.

[7:06] Give us some background about your drinking habits. She never drank in high school or college. She started when she was in her early 20’s. Drinking gave her confidence. After a divorce in 2012, she attempted suicide and her drinking also ramped up. She was having between 6-10 drinks a night. She felt like she was barely surviving. Her move to Atlanta did not cure her drinking, but it helped her to realize she had a problem.

[10:25] Did you ever have a rock bottom moment? She was sick and tired of being sick and tired. She never really wanted to stop, but she had a rock bottom moment when she drank before work. She was blacked out drunk and spoke with two of her bosses. She realized that she didn’t have it under control. She would attempt sobriety and then crash into relapse. She associated alcohol with love. She wrote a goodbye letter to alcohol.

[16:05] What did it feel like to formally say goodbye to alcohol? She felt empowered. She spent a lot of time wishing things in her life would be different. She realized that she had all the tools she needed within her. Her life got a lot easier. She changed her relationship with her internal dialogue.

[18:15] How did you quit? She wanted to change but wasn’t really searching for community. She struggled with sobriety on her own. She relapsed and thought it was the end of the world. She finally realized that she can’t do it alone she began to connect with people. She went to AA. She went to Smart Recovery. She organized a sober meetup. Letting people in to help her has been her 146 days.

[21:16] Talk to us about why you were unable to attend the Dallas meetup. She relapsed right before and felt like she couldn’t go. She felt like she wasn’t worth it. She kept drinking for two more months.

[23:02] Talk to us about your relationship to self-loathing. She has often struggled with self-loathing. She has always felt like she wasn’t good enough. She experienced a lot of self-hatred after relapse. She realized she wasn’t going to change or grow. She realized drinking was a symptom. She drank because she hated herself. She realized that she had to love herself in that moment. She had a new story to write which looked nothing like her past. She has started to meditate. She decided she needed to go to therapy and talk it out with people. She wanted the outside voices.

[27:31] Walk us through a day in your recovery. What tools are you using? She meditates first thing in the morning. She focuses on taking care of her dogs. She journals and tries to take it one day at a time. She breaks it down further to one thing at a time. Her life feels a lot slower and more peaceful.

[30:10] What’s your proudest moment in sobriety? She went to see a musical recently and didn’t drink. She turned down a drink after a friend pressured her. She went to the bathroom, struggled, cried, but ended up texting her other sober friend to get through it. [31:25] What are your thoughts on relapse? Anything we do in life, we fail at. Success is built on failure. Failure aka relapse is a part of life. The less you beat yourself up, the better you’ll be.

[32:54] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Her failed suicide attempt. She found out her husband was cheating on her and she tried to take her life.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Going to her part time job completely drunk with no memory of the conversation.
What’s your plan moving forward? Taking it one day at a time. Try to not isolate herself. Maintain sober relationships
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Café RE.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? I’m worth it. It’s worth it to do hard things and she’s worth it being sober.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just give it a shot. Give it 90 days and see how you feel. If the idea of 90 days feels overwhelming, that’s just another reason to give it a try. Don’t listen to the shitty voice in your head. Reach out to a community. People understand what you’re going through.
You might be an alcoholic if... “You’re an avid Office fan, but you have to skip the episode with the intervention because it hits too close to home.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 185: Is Tracking Continuous Sobriety Important? Sep 03, 2018

Jennifer, with 568 days since her last drink, shares her story… Tracking your sobriety time – Do the numbers matter? To begin with, know that it’s not a competition. We’re going for quality over quantity! We quit alcohol because we want to improve our lives. The end goal isn’t in the numbers, but in the increase in one’s quality of life. Removing alcohol was the first step in a journey of getting to know ourselves, finding out what we really want from life and making the best of each and every day. The real tracker is how you feel about who you are, where you’re going and what is meaningful in your life.

SHOW NOTES

[9:52] Paul Introduces Jennifer.

Jennifer is 36 years old from Cleveland, OH. She has 3 cats and runs a business walking dogs.

[11:52] Describe to us your background with drinking. She started drinking at 15. She always thought it was normal to binge drink. She thought it was a part of youth. Her drinking held pretty steady until her mid 30’s. She realized that we live in a drinking culture. She has often struggled with codependency. She never thought she was the problem. She always thought it was other people.

[16:29] Where was your lightbulb moment indicating you had to stop? 4 months before this recent attempt, she appeared on a podcast about addiction and codependency. She grew up with addiction in her family. She had to be the parent as a child. She had a negative image in her head of what an addict was, and because she wasn’t close to that image, she wasn’t able to see the progression of her own addiction. She began to realize that addiction has many forms by listening to other people’s stories and it gave her permission to acknowledge her own addictive behavior.

[21:52] How were you able to finally make the change when the time came? She was exhausted by the idea of continuing to drink. Her own drinking behavior started to wear her out and she became tired and resentful. She wanted to be able to enjoy activities without alcohol. She went through a breakup and had to seek out grounding. Her hangovers were getting darker and more difficult. She began to fear the impact it was having on her health. She couldn’t handle the shame and embarrassment. She found Recovery Elevator and it helped give her the confidence to try and quit. She realized that she’s not alone. She didn’t really connect with AA when she tried it. Her first year of sobriety she kind of transferred her alcoholism to workaholism. She didn’t realize there were options other than AA. She didn’t realize how much she needed people until she started talking to other people about being sober.

[31:30] How did you manage your early recovery? She became hyper focused on her work. She tried to avoid social situations so she could avoid alcohol. She lost some friends.

[35:05] What are you working on now in sobriety? She is working on maintenance. She wants to achieve big things in life but she’s trying to keep simple and to focus on taking care of herself and relaxing. She’s learning how to be kind to herself. She’s working on being able to regulate her emotional life. She realized that she used to be too focused on what others thought about her. She feels transformed on the inside, even though there is little change on the outside.

[41:00] What is the “Shift Doughnut”? She used to work at the doughnut shop in Cleveland. She would just get a doughnut after her shift. She called them “shift doughnuts” but her coworker helped her realize that she was just stealing doughnuts.

[42:10] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Shortly after her 30th birthday, she went home with a lover and was raped after she blacked out. She tried to ignore it for a long time but in sobriety it bubbles up to the surface.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? She invented the Triple Pipe Classic, which is when you lose control of all bodily functions.
What’s your plan moving forward? Learning to like herself, love herself, deepening her meditation practice. Learning to go slower and relax. She’s looking forward to the Café RE trip to Peru. She wants to travel more and do more things with her life.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? An app called Marco Polo. It’s like having a little therapist in your pocket. She feels like she is able to see thought patterns that she missed before. It’s easy to connect with people.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Early in sobriety, someone said “You know you can start your day over at any time..”
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Don’t compare yourself out of recovery. Your recovery is your own. The only opinion of you that matters is your own. Alcoholism is a symptom of things not going well. Be grateful for the opportunity to sort yourself out. Also, be open to the idea that you may not know yourself like you think. What if you’re wrong about yourself? The story tape reel repeating in your head about yourself might be completely wrong. Be open to a new and better and you.
You might be an alcoholic if... “you post a video on your social media channels of you home alone, drunk, dancing to Lady Gaga and juggling cigarettes.” Or “if you complete a Triple Pipe Classic”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck – A book by Mark Manson Marco Polo (Android) (iTunes) – An video chat app Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 184: The Greatest Miracle of All Time Aug 27, 2018

Paul, with 28 days since his last drink, shares his story... The article mentioned in the episode introduction: Science Increasingly Makes the Case for God - Wall Street Journal

SHOW NOTES

[10:57] Paul Introduces... Paul.

Paul is from St. Paul, Minnessota. He's 67 years old, retired. He is married with 2 kids, and 2 grandchildren. He hosts an internet radio show. He enjoys cooking and films.

[13:18] Describe your drinking history. In his 20s, he feels that he was a normal drinker. Sometimes to excess with a bad hangover, but usually a moderate amount. During his first marriage, his wife didn't drink as much. He started to experiment with stronger mixed drinks. His second wife died of breast cancer, and he was a caretaker for her. He used drinking to deal with the pain. He married again a third time and didn't feel compelled to drink too much. It started to creep back in. His office culture encouraged drinking after work. He gradually switched from beer to whiskey. He tried to moderate but not drinking during the day. He began concealing his drinking from his wife. He's tried to quit a few times in the past few years. His habits got progressively worse.

[19:10] What was different about this last attempt to quit? After a doctor's appointment, he was shocked at his high blood pressure. He kept drinking. He started to suffer from diabetes. His doctor said it was okay to drink a little bit each day. He used that as an excuse to ramp back up. He had quit before with determination, but this time it felt different. He is exploring the painful periods of his past, and trying to find out the connection to his drinking. He thinks it has something to do with being verbally abused as a child. The alcohol has helped him relax. He thinks his anxiety is wearing off gradually.

[28:00] Describe your present relationship with anxiety. He feels as if something bad is going to happen, irrationally. He feels an unease, an inability to relax. A few months ago, he was going to go on a trip to Ireland. He had a lot of anxiety about the trip and it worried him. He just started drinking again to manage the anxiety.

[32:10] How did you achieve 28 days this time around? He did some research. He found an article by Roger Ebert about his struggle. He did more research and found Cafe RE. He's learning new ways to deal with his emotions that don't involve drinking.

[34:53] What's on your bucket list in sobriety? He would like to travel. He wants to learn how to ride horses. He wants to take some guitar lessons. He wants to put more work into his radio show. He plays vintage and eclectic music.

[38:32] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? He was surprised to have blackouts. He found it unsettling and scary.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? His wife mentioned something he said and he didn't remember saying it.
What’s your plan moving forward? He wants to follow up with smart recovery and AA. He will continue to journal. Continue to engage with Cafe RE.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Today is the best day to quit.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Share it with someone. Make yourself accountable. He shared with his wife and his kids and it's made a difference. Be kind to yourself. Don't believe what other people tell you about yourself unless it's good.
You might be an alcoholic if... “..if you're researching whether or not you're and alcoholic.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Science increasingly makes the case for God – An article in the Wall Street Journal Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 183: Be Yourself; Everyone Else is Already Taken Aug 20, 2018

Jason, with 178 days since his last drink, shares his story... “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.” – Robert Collier

“It’s difficult to believe in yourself because the idea of self is an artificial construction. You are, in fact, part of the glorious oneness of the universe. Everything beautiful in the world is within you.” – Russell Brand

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” – Henry Ford

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

“It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.” – Agnes Repplier

“If things go wrong, don’t go with them.” – Roger Babson

“Recovery is not for people who need it, but for people who want it” – Anonymous

“When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. Believe me, it has nothing new to say.” – Unknown

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one.” – Elbert Hubbard

“If you can quit for a day, you can quit for a lifetime.” – Benjamin Alire Sáenz

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” – Oscar Wilde

“I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear.” – Rosa Parks

“When was the last time you woke up and wished you’d had just one more drink the night before? I have never regretted not drinking. Say this to yourself, and you’ll get through anything.” – Meredith Bell

“The Pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow” – Anonymous

“The best way out is always through.” – Robert Frost

“Your heart is leading you in the right direction. Quiet the mind and follow. “ – Paul Churchill

“Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.” – Babe Ruth

“Happiness is where we find it, but rarely where we seek it.” – J. Petit Senn

“Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.” – Bernard Williams

“What is addiction, really? It is a sign, a signal, a symptom of distress. It is a language that tells us about a plight that must be understood.” – Alice Miller

SHOW NOTES

[11:50] Paul Introduces Jason. Jason is 46-year-old social worker from Connecticut He's married with two children. He likes the outdoors, soccer, kayaking, fishing,and hiking.

[14:00] Give listeners an idea of your drinking background. He started drinking in high school. It escalated when he went into the navy. After the navy, his drinking settled into a regular pattern which slowly escalated as well. In mid 30's his drinking started to feel like it was getting to be a problem. He had a previous 5 year period of sobriety. He was trying to be health conscious. He has heart disease in his family. He tried to stay on top of it. Around 38, his physical wasn't so great. He was referred to a cardiologist. He thought cutting alcohol out would improve his health. He stopped on NYE of 2010. He felt a lot better so he kept going. He did not work a program. He was hung up on the stigma of being an alcoholic. He thought that after 5 years he didn't have a problem, and he was feeling healthy and he thought that maybe he could be a normal drinker again. After relapse, he kept it under control for a while, but shortly thereafter it started escalating again quickly and he began to fall back into the same patterns. He had a difficult summer, drinking most days, and he realized that he was a better person during his stint in sobriety and decided to go back to being sober.

[27:38] Did you find it difficult to stop the second time? He could see how bad it would get if he didn't stop. He was hiding drinks, and every week seemed to get worse. He knew he was worse than he had been previously. He thought that his previous bout of sobriety meant he could do it again. He just had to get back to sobriety. He feels our society surrounds you with pro-drinking messages.

[32:07] How were you able to quit this time around? The first few weeks were difficult, more difficult than he remembered from before. This time it felt more ingrained into his routine, making it more difficult. This time he is consuming more sobriety media and it helps him keep his mind right.

[34:00] Do you think you are addressing more dimensions of sobriety this time? Last time he was too focused on the physical part. This time he's addressing the mental and spiritual sides of his life. He's building a meditation practice and doing yoga. He he has more tools this time than before. He's trying not to think about the time line as much. He's trying to stay in the present and focus on what's right in front of him.

[36:37] What's something that you've learned about yourself in sobriety? Honest really helps. Also, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Dependence happens to some people quicker than others, but it's nothing to be ashamed of. He's taking things more gradually and slowly.

[37:22] Have you experienced any cravings? Definitely, in the first few months. He just tries to ride it out. They're only about 20 minutes long. He tries to distract himself realizing that they will pass.

[38:56] If you could go back and change anything about your getting sober, what would it be? He thinks he could have talked to and with more people.

[39:20] What's on your bucket list in sobriety? He wants to travel more, and spend more time with his kids.

[40:00] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? When he was in the navy, he blacked out and had to walk around ashamed.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? It's a cumulative thing. His many mornings feeling terrible. Hearing about conversations he didn't remember.
What’s your plan moving forward? To keep taking it slowly. To focus on his meditation and yoga practice. Be open and honest with people in his sobriety.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Recovery Elevator podcast. On Instagram: Drybe club.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? You do not have to drink.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If it's something that's on your mind, just do it. Reach out to people, be honest and find resources.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Drybe Club – an Instagram page about sobriety Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 182: Creating Gaps in our Thinking Aug 13, 2018

Chris, with 96 days since his last drink, shares his story... In sobriety, it's possible to become more in tune with the inner workings of our minds. By stopping the intake of a numbing substance, our minds and bodies become more sensitive, and with that sensitivity comes a glimpse into the processes and systems that run under the hood. Our emotions and how we handle them (or, in early sobriety, often we will see how our emotions are handling us!), the physical sensations that return as our body heals, and how our subconscious mind has an impact on our every waking moment. In practices like meditation, we can begin to see how our thoughts can interrupt our every waking moment. As we examine further, we can see that thoughts have a big impact on how we see ourselves, the world and, ultimately thoughts can make up who we are. To learn to manage your thoughts, follow Paul's first steps: - Trust that your body knows best. - Your mind is a secondary organ to your body. You may think you are in control, but the mind is a tool that works for the body, not the other way around. - Learn to quiet the mind. - In the early stages of recovery, especially, it's important to recalibrate your sense of stillness. Chances are in the throws of addiction you have lost your center. - Don't get hooked – When you become aware of a thought entering your mind, simply notice it for what it is and let it float by. You can use a safe word to remind you to come back to the present moment. “Here”, “Stop”, “Thoughts..”

SHOW NOTES

[12:48] Paul Introduces Chris.

Chris is 37 years old, lives in Arizona. Chris is married with two kids, has two dogs, is a musician and likes to ride his motorcycle.

[14:33] When did you first realize that you had a problem with drinking? Why did you decide to quit? He realized that alcohol had a hold on him. He couldn't stop. It was affecting everything. He felt like the party was over. He went to get beer after his kids were asleep. Suddenly he realized that if he had gotten a DUI, no one would be able to take care of his kids. He asked a friend in recovery to help him get cleaned up. He started going to AA. He would get 30 days and then relapse. He worked at a bar and was drinking non stop. It started to take a toll on his body.

[18:56] When did your attempts to quit begin to get some traction? He would try to moderate. He switched to wine. They moved to Arizona, and he wanted to use the chance to get clean. He found himself isolated and depressed, and anxious. He used his exercise to earn his drinks. He kept repeating the cycle.

[21:23] What are your thoughts on the “geographical cure”? He thought he was going to start over in a new place, and leave the negativity behind. He started working quickly after the move. Anxiety started to set in, he felt uncomfortable being alone and bored. He turned to alcohol. Alcohol was the ice breaker in social situations.

[22:47] What would you consider to be your rock bottom moment? He feels that he had many. Every time he would wake up feeling ashamed was a rock bottom moment. He felt that he couldn't escape alcohol's grip and he was scared. He wanted to quit but felt that he couldn't. The night would start with one beer and end after multiple.

[24:30] What changed this last time to ensure your success so far? He had researched a medicine called kambo. He had read that it would help him quit alcohol. He found someone in his local area and he signed up to try it. The scrape the venom off a frog from the amazon. The practitioner lights the tip of the incense stick, then marks your arm, then applies the venom to your arm. He didn't hallucinate, but had intense bodily sensations. It's a giant purge. He puked like crazy and felt a sharp pain. He found a blockage, and puked it out. He did another purge that evening and hasn't craved alcohol since.

[31:39] Have you noticed any other improvements in other areas of your life? He's less stressed. He tries to block negative energy. He lets things roll off and relaxes.

[33:19] Did you try any other resources to quit? He tried AA. He didn't click with his local group. He liked the online group better. The plant medicine was sort of a last resort for him. He thinks it was a reflection of the amount of desperation he had at the time.

[36:00] What's your proudest moment in recovery? He was around 50 days in sobriety. He took his son to a Metallica concert without drinking. [36:45] What's on your bucket list in sobriety? Continuing down the path. He wants to be of help to anyone trying to get sober. He is into the plant medicine world.

[39:20] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? A huge fight with his wife. He threw glasses at the wall.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
What’s your plan moving forward? Continuing down the path. Staying active in the online group.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Cafe RE Blue. Talking with more people.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? It's easier to stay sober than to get sober. Don't take yourself too seriously.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just do it. Go for it. Take your time, get comfortable. Find the path for you.
You might be an alcoholic if... “If you have to put venomous frog poison in your skin to get sober..”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

You Are the Placebo – A book by Dr. Joe Dispenza

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

Re 181: Water is all you Need Aug 06, 2018

Jodi, with over 100 days since her last drink, shares her story... You’d think that when dealing with something as simple and common as water, there couldn’t be any confusion. Water is water, right? It turns out that not all waters are created equal.

Water comes in many forms and despite what you might think, the differences aren't just regional nomenclature. There are distinct differences between these types of water, and while they are somewhat slight, they’re enough to merit their own name. Here’s what you need to know:

Mineral Water

Sparkling mineral water comes from a natural spring which contains various minerals, like salts and sulfur compounds. It's defined by its "constant level and relative proportions of mineral and trace elements at the point of emergence from the source." Minerals aren't added to this water and neither is carbonation (with the exception of San Pellegrino, which has additional carbonation added by the bottler). That means that the bubbles in these bottles are completely natural. You would typically drink this water as is (not mixed in a cocktail), since it's a tad expensive and has a slight mineral-y taste.

Seltzer Water

Seltzer water is just plain water that has been artificially carbonated. This water, which contains no sodium salts, gets its name from the German town of Selters, which was renowned for its natural springs. Seltzer water was first introduced as a cheap alternative to sparkling mineral water -- and it still is an economical option today.

Club Soda

Seltzer water and club soda are very similar, but there is a notable difference between the two. Unlike seltzer, mineral-like ingredients are added to club soda to enhance the flavor. If you look on the list of ingredients, you'll likely see potassium bicarbonate and potassium sulfate listed.

Tonic Water Just because it contains the word water in its name and is carbonated doesn't mean that tonic water is in the same category as bubbly waters. Unlike the other carbonated options, tonic water has a distinct flavor and it certainly can't be swapped out for carbonated water. Tonic water is a bitter drink, a result of the addition of quinine, which pairs particularly well with gin. Also unlike the other waters, Tonic contains calories -- about 130 for 12 fluid ounces.

SHOW NOTES

[9:05] Paul Introduces Jodi.

Jodi is 34-year-old artist and musician living in Detroit, Michigan, with her dog. She has a podcast called “Detroit Craft Academy”. She went to art school for photography originally.

[12:20] How has sobriety affected your personal relationship with your art? It's been a little difficult. She had a romanticized definition of what an artist was in her mind that involved drinking. She feels it was learned. She no longer buys into it. She's realizing that her art is now better with a sober mind.

[14:25] When did you first realize you had a problem with drinking, and how did you quit? She grew up straight edge. She started drinking with a guy she met. She enjoyed alcohol after she tried it. She feels that she's always had an addictive personality, which worsened after she started drinking. She was always at the bar before and after class during school. She began hanging out with musicians. She began to black out, and felt that she was time traveling. She would have to investigate to find out the events from the previous night. She had a stint of sobriety for two years as her boyfriend turned out to be an addict. She started again at 22 and hid it from her partner. She tried to go to AA.

[20:25] Did you experience a rock bottom? She had many. She didn't consider them rock bottoms because she wasn't ready to address the fact that she had a drinking problem, and she also thought that it was typical artist behavior. She associates her addiction with “Large Marge” from Peewee Herman.

[22:29] What was different about this particular attempt to quit that's been successful so far? Before quitting she had been dealing with depression and a relationship with an addict. She experienced some trauma. She started seeing a counselor. The counselor didn't know that she had a drinking problem. Alcoholism runs in her family. Alcohol dulled the emotions she didn't want to feel and enhanced the positive ones, but the depression didn't go away. She tried many things to get rid of it but they didn't work. She tried to quit drinking for a month and felt amazing. This time something different happened. She recently tried a sensory deprivation chamber. She heard a voice tell her to quit drinking. She feels her consciousness shifted. She calls it the voice of silence. She told everyone she knew that she quit drinking, creating accountability. Everyone has been supportive. She started changing her group of friends. She started going to AA. It's been great. Every meeting has been different.

[38:44] What have you learned about yourself in sobriety so far? With her shift in consciousness, she is trying to be open minded. She's learning how to break down her strict boundaries. We are bigger than the boxes in which we put ourselves. She's open to not pleasing everyone.

[40:25] How is your depression now that alcohol is removed from your life? She still suffers from depression, but she changes how she responds to it. Before she would turn to drinking, and now she tries to face it. She's finding different ways to deal with it. She goes for walks, calls her sponsor, focuses on art. She's considering medication.

[42:42] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? All the holes in her memory. Playing detective to figure out what happened the night before.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? She realized that her only desire to go out was because she wanted to drink, and she had to drink to have a desire to go out.
What’s your plan moving forward? One day at a time. She journals a lot.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Cafe RE, honestly.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Don't beat yourself up if you fail. You won't see the successes if you concentrate on the failures.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Tell everyone. Tell the bartender to punch you if you order alcohol.
You might be an alcoholic if... “you lose your car, and then go to the police to help you find your car, and drop you off, and you think it might be a trap.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter. Right now, listeners can try Zip Recruiter for free by visiting Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 180: What Lies Ahead Jul 30, 2018

Craig, who has been sober since 9/21/16, shares his story.

The unprecedented success of this podcast mirrors a simple approach to recovery. Just show up and continue to show up. The future of Recovery Elevator is promising! The plan is to migrate the growing community over to a private forum and away from facebook. The focus will be on creating many local groups, in-person meet-ups, sober travel, and sobriety events .

SHOW NOTES

[14:00] Paul Introduces Craig. Craig is 40 years old, from central Scotland. He's married and a father of two. He works in flooring and is a part time Taekwondo instructor.

[16:53] When did you realize you first had a problem with drinking? He started when he was about 14. His family moved a lot. Alcohol was a big presence. His first binge was extreme and he had to go to the medical center. He started to drink a case per night. Eventually whiskey entered the picture. He became more isolated. He couldn't relax without alcohol. He would drink with colleagues after work and it progressed into something very difficult to control.

[23:07] How did you achieve your 9 weeks during your first attempt at sobriety? He ended up in the hospital after a suspected heart attack. After some liver tests the doctor gave him a pep talk. His first attempt was sheer will power.

[24:48] What led to the following relapse? He wanted to celebrate his 9 weeks by drinking. After he did not really try to self moderate. Eventually after a binge on a trip to Mexico he woke up with a painful hangover and decided that he couldn't do it any more. He sought out recovery sources online and discovered the podcast. It resonated with him. He realized he wasn't alone.

[27:47] Once you made the conscious choice, how did you stop? His realized he was a bad example for his son.

[29:40] What were some of the other recovery resources you found? Recovery Elevator, also Omar and Shane Ramer, the Sober Guy podcast, and the Share Podcast, the Good Dad project and Sean Croxton's Quote of the Day.

[30:30] Walk us through the early stages of your recovery. He had two difficult episodes with Post-Acute Withdrawal Symptom (PAWS). Fatigue, mood swings, depression, anxiety, loss of concentration. The first one was about six weeks sober. He went to his doctor and said he wasn't feeling well. The doctor suggested AA. He realized there is life after drinking.

[35:39] When did you begin implementing what you learned into your recovery? He started listening to motivational podcasts in addition to recovery podcasts. He started to see things in a different light. He joined different online communities and enjoyed being able to bounce different ideas off people in the forums. He examined his internal dialogues and focused on self love.

[40:36] What advice do you have for someone who is on day 1 right now? Day 1 is where the adventure starts! Let's look at how we can get you to day 2 and beyond. 1 day at a time. Break it down into pieces. Get through the cravings. The numbers don't matter, you're already worth it. Beating yourself up doesn't work. Nobody's recovery is exactly the same. [44:43] Is there anything you would have done differently in your recovery? No. He feels that he had to go through what he went through to get to where he is. He is grateful for the doctor's presence in his life. He doesn't regret drinking either, but he's glad he stopped. [46:16] What have you learned about yourself in recovery? First all, I'm good enough. Secondly, I deserve this recovery and all its benefits. Everyone deserves it. [46:56] What's on your bucket list in sobriety? He's got more of a “fuck it” list. If he wants to do something he's going to do it. He's going to keep living and spending as much time as he can with family.

[49:40] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Not remembering three days from being 14 years old after a binge.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Before his trip to Mexico, he drank heavily and woke up fearing death. He realized that he needed help.
What’s your plan moving forward? Let's get 644 days in the bag and he'll deal with 645 days tomorrow.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? From Hank at Hope Rehab, “Take the cotton out of your ears and stick it in your mouth.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Don't try and do it alone. You need the community. You need accountability with the right people, the ones that can actually help you.
You might be an alcoholic if... “you drank so much that the next day you start going into DT's at 3pm the next afternoon.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Recovery 2.0 – A book by Tommy Rosen Hope Rehab – A recovery center in Thailand The SHAIR podcast – a recovery podcast That Sober Guy podcast – a recovery podcast

The Good Dad Project - podcast

Sean Croxton's Quote of the Day - podcast

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 179: Fear – Future Events Appearing Real Jul 23, 2018

Problems are a part of life. When one problem is resolved and filed neatly away a new one arrives to take its place. At times, our problems in life may seem overwhelming. When the pressure is on and things get difficult, often our response is avoidance or escape. In sobriety we learn to neither rely on fight nor flight when things get tough. Instead, we consciously engage in the life long practice of facing our fears. We have a choice. With courage, acceptance and humility we can find the strength to deal with our problems.

Kelsey, with 94 days since her last drink, shares her story..

SHOW NOTES

[8:10] Paul Introduces Kelsey. Kelsey is 26 years old, from Utah. She lives in Phoenix, Arizona, with her boyfriend and two dogs. She manages a coffee shop and runs a business producing handmade clothing. She likes the outdoors and sports. Sewing has been therapeutic for her since she quit drinking.

[10:56] What was your drinking background, and when did you first realize you wanted to quit? High school. She used to be scared of drinking. She used to have an eating disorder after a move to Arizona. Her drinking slowly progressed. She got a DUI in Arizona and served some time. She continued to drink after. It escalated. Her hangovers turned into withdrawal. She did outpatient therapy. She tried to get sober multiple times. Never really tried AA.

[16:22] Did you experience one addiction morphing into a second? Yes. She went to therapy for the eating disorder and didn't really recover fully. Alcohol helped her feel better. It was a slippery slope.

[17:30] What were your previous attempts to quit drinking? She tried cold turkey. It didn't work. She was searching for programs because she didn't like the higher power aspect of AA. She found “Moderation Management”. She didn't feel accountable. It's an online forum with a workbook. The rules never worked for her.

[21:40] Why do you think you were drinking for a week straight? She was tired. Initially it was fun, but it became frequent blackouts and very negative. She is a busy person and it was difficult for her to sober up. Her brain was forcing her to use alcohol to relax.

[23:20] Did you experience a rock bottom moment? She started at her boyfriend's show, and ended up drinking for a week straight. Her mother tried to help her. She had work obligations and the drinking got in the way. She tried to hide it from her mother. She's grateful that she didn't get into any accidents.

[24:42] Was there more than just being sick and tired? She realized that she had other aspirations and she wouldn't be able to achieve them without removing alcohol from her life. She realized that the path of drinking would ultimately lead to her death. She chose life and happiness.

[26:37] How did you implement the choice into your life? She feels like she's grown up a bit. She didn't struggle with cravings. She reflects a lot on how good it feels to be sober. She's choosing to focus on the positive parts of the journey instead of just the negative. She chooses to paint a new picture and reprogram her associations with positive memories. The first 24 hours were difficult. She felt guilty and anxious. Second day feels more optimistic. Third felt better. It continues to get easier. She started going to meetings and it really helped her solidify her plans for the future. Every day gets a little bit better.

[29:00] What are you thoughts on relapse? It's always a possibility. She resolves to try her best and not to feel guilty. [32:44] How have you address self loathing in recovery? She is talking more than before. She's never been good at talking about her feelings. She's had to learn to express herself. She's able to recognize when she's triggered and now she reaches out to loved ones when she is feeling down. [34:20] What is your plan moving forward in recovery? She is trying to be less negative. She wishes she could drink normally. [35:10] Is there anything you wish you could have done differently? Giving therapy more of a chance and giving things more time. Being okay with results coming slowly. Taking it as it comes. [35:55] What have you learned about yourself? She can handle a lot. She used to be more anxious because of alcohol. She feels more calm. She gives herself credit for being able to handle stress well. [37:05] Are you in the pink cloud phase? She isn't sure. She experiences sudden bursts of emotions, and is still generally processing.

[38:24] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? The moment she had to go to the ER.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? When she started blacking out after only 3 drinks.
What’s your plan moving forward? She would like to go more to AA.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Recovery Elevator podcast. It fits nicely into her commute. Moderation Management website online chat.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? From a lady in AA that has 45 years of sobriety. There is no gold medal. You always have to keep trying.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Alcohol does not define you. You are so much more than your relationship with alcohol.
You might be an alcoholic if... “Your boyfriend's niece points to your drink and says it's your drink”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Today's episode is brought to you in support by RX Bar. Visit rxbar.com/elevator and enter the promo code elevator at checkout for 25% off your first order.

When Things Fall Apart – a book by Pema Chodron

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 178: Is knowledge alone enough to quit drinking? Jul 16, 2018

Is knowledge alone enough to quit drinking? “To know and not to do... is not to know.” - Buddhist Proverb Are we able to successfully quit drinking by devouring books, blog posts, podcasts and internet articles? The facts about the dangerous nature of alcohol can be quite sobering. Though education is never a waste of time, knowledge alone is not enough to keep you sober. It can inspire, reinforce, or encourage you to quit, but it is not enough. Self knowledge is no match for our unconscious mind, which is where most of the internal workings of our addiction lie. Sobriety requires knowledge, action and community.

Ky, with 10 months since her last drink, shares her story..

SHOW NOTES

[10:40] Paul Introduces Ky. Ky is from 28 years old and is from British Columbia. She works 3 jobs and enjoys, cooking, comedy shows, movies, and crossword puzzles.

[12:50] When did you first realize you had a problem with alcohol? She started drinking around 12 years old. She thought “This is it!” She thought it was something missing from her life. Now she realizes that many of the friendships she made through drinking were empty. She feels like she has been drinking most of her adult life. She feels like a baby in sobriety. Her dad was an alcoholic. He still drinks. In her early 20's she drank more after a sexual assault. She had an alter ego while drunk. She moved to Hanoi, Vietnam but found that she couldn't escape her alcoholism as she experienced a bump in income. Her drinking became more necessary. She eventually attempted suicide but kept on drinking.

[20:50] What was your mindset like before your suicide attempt? She had felt stuck and empty for so long. She felt like she had been searching for something to make her feel good for her entire life. When she moved back to Canada she experienced a loss of purpose and increased boredom which lead to more drinking. She always assumed she would die at 27. Now she sees it as juvenile.

[24:38] What was the thinking before you attended your first meeting? She really wanted it to not work. She went to an AA meeting just to give herself permission to drink after and she was blown away by how much she identified with the people there. The mental health side of her therapy has helped her. She's now able to decrease the negative voice in her head that tells her she isn't good enough or that she can't do it.

[30:00] Are you living more in the present? Absolutely. She was blown away when her therapist said that she wasn't her mind. She started practicing meditation and has learned about deeper dimensions of life.

[32:12] Walk us through your first few days of sobriety. It was really hard. The first week was difficult. She didn't realize how hard it was going to be. She would set appointments with herself to keep herself busy. She knew she needed to get sober. She had nothing left on the drinking side of life. She was fully committed to sobriety because the other option was death, for her.

[35:18] How do you handle cravings? The first few months were filled with cravings. She would ask for help in the morning and say thanks at night. She still gets cravings, but they get weaker and shorter. Her brother helped her get through the difficult ones.

[39:04] What is your plan in recovery moving forward? She keeps things simple. She starts of with meditation in the morning. She focuses on gratitude. She still goes to meetings. She focuses on things that are good for her. Her life feels more full.

[39:38] What is your take on the 12-step program? She hates the higher power / god aspect of it. She still identifies as an agnostic. She just removes the parts that are offensive to her. She just focuses on meditation and meetings. She reminds herself that she's not alone and focuses on what she needs to do.

[40:43] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Too many. When she showed up to her job after a 3 day bender. She told her colleagues that her bf had beat her up but later on remembered that she had actually beat him up.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? That weekend where she was trying to drink on pace with her brother and limit the amount she drank. She realized that if she can't control it, she was going to have to give it up for good.
What’s your plan moving forward?
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? The AA meetings. She also loves podcasts and her therapists. The Joe and Charlie Big Book Study, The One You Feed.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Just don't drink today, under any and all conditions.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just try it. If you don't like it, you can always go back to the way your life was before. Life without alcohol is so much more fulfilling.
You might be an alcoholic if... “you realize that all of your social media posts are related to booze.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Beyond the Influence – a book by Katherine Ketcham

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 177: The Ego Jul 09, 2018

Today we hear from Jade. She's 27 years old, from Kentucky and has had her last drink on April 14th 2018.

The Ego: The part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and unconscious mind. It is in charge of reality testing and gives us a sense of personal identity. The self concept. A collection of beliefs that serve as the foundation for our bearings in life. A healthy ego can serve to give us something to lean on when times get tough. We believe in ourselves and are capable of handling adversity or difficult emotions. An unhealthy ego can cause us a lot of problems. When an ego gets unhealthy, it can keep us from living in the present moment because we harbor beliefs about ourselves that aren't congruent with reality. Letting go of an unhealthy ego is a big step in recovery.

Jade, with about 2 months since her last drink, shares her story...

SHOW NOTES

[11:15] Paul Introduces Jade. Jade is a 27-year-old liquor store manager from Kentucky. She has a dog, and enjoys the outdoors, playing the piano and reading.

[13:00] When did you first realize that you had a problem with alcohol? She started at 16. She realized she had a problem at about 25. She was in a failing relationship and was dealing with a lot of stress. She turned to alcohol. She made a first quit attempt, and during those 40 days she realized that her relationship needed to end. After relapse, she made friends with people who drank as much as she did. Many parts of her life revolved around alcohol. Once she started she realized she couldn't stop.

[17:40] How hard was it to only have 1 or 2 drinks? Once she started, if she couldn't continue she would get irritable. At first alcohol was very social, but eventually she didn't want to be around people when she was drinking. She started only getting drunk alone.

[20:30] Did you make any attempts to moderate your drinking? She would skip if she was super hungover. She switched from beer and wine to liquor. She figured it was less calories and better for dieting, and more concentrated so it was quicker getting drunk.

[22:50] How did you end up quitting? She had been trying for two years. She started reading and listening to podcasts. She browsed the r/stopdrinking subreddit. She figured out that she couldn't do it alone, and that she needed to join a community. She made the step to reach out. She didn't think she was worth sobriety and she didn't think anyone would care. She found out the exact opposite was true. It has been easier than she thought. The community made the difference for her.

[27:45] Have you had any cravings? What did you do? She had many. She would post on Cafe RE and engage the community there. “Playing the tape forward” helped as well. The loss of control always bothered her when she was drinking. [29:35] What have you learned most about yourself in sobriety so far? Her emotions aren't permanent. When her emotions got difficult in the past, she thought they were going to last forever and she would respond by running away from them. Now she is learning how to deal with them in a healthy way by sitting with them and listening to what they have to say. She doesn't need to reach for a distraction. She doesn't have to run away from her own mind as much.

[31:31] What is the biggest challenge you've faced so far in sobriety? Getting out of the routine. She feels like something is missing.

[33:42] Walk us through a day in your recovery. What's your plan to keep adding days? She tries to get up earlier to get a good walk in with her dog. She takes care of her dog, plays her piano. She disperses recovery nuggets throughout her day to help get her through. [35:19] So you were a manager at the liquor store? It hasn't been bad at all. She feels like she's made up her mind and doesn't feel any temptation. She is now able to identify the alcoholics that come in. She appreciates the flexibility she gets with her job and is able to also study.

[39:40] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Blacking out and not remembering what happened.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Instead of getting hangovers she was getting alcohol withdrawal with anxiety.
What’s your plan moving forward? She wants to go to more meetings to meet sober people.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? She felt like a burden asking people for help. Someone told her that by sharing her struggle it helped other people to stay sober.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? To reach out and find a support system. She was surprised by the amount of support she received.
You might be an alcoholic if... “you leave your job at the liquor store to drive to the other liquor store across town to buy alcohol so your co-workers don't know how much you drink after work.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This podcast episode is brought to you in support by Zip Recruiter and right now, my listeners can try Zip Recruiter for free. Go to www.ziprecruiter.com/elevator and get started today.

This Naked Mind – a book by Annie Grace

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 176: Dating in Sobriety Jul 02, 2018

“There are many excuses to drink... but no reasons.” “When you are an addict, the only line you can cross but can not come back from is death.” Dating and Sobriety Modern dating has us drinking more, but being less successful at it. Drinking can give us a false sense of connection. A 2014 Survey from Plenty of Fish found that 36.4% of singles drink before going out and 48.9% drink during the date. It's not entirely surprising that modern dating and drinking are so thoroughly linked. Having a conversation with a stranger can be difficult, whether the internet was involved in your meeting or not. People will drink to make themselves feel more relaxed, but in reality, all they are doing is slowing down their brains, dulling their senses and intuitions. Not drinking works in our favor. Jitters are your body's way of telling you that you care. Mating is natural, primal, and our bodies have developed mechanisms for sniffing out whether or not a potential mate will be good for us. When we drink, we are hiding parts of ourselves from our potential partner, as they are hiding from us. Real connections sprout from the roots of honesty and vulnerability. Believe that dating without drinking is possible. If you find yourself struggling with the idea of a sober meet up then you probably need more time to gain your sober footing before you venture out into the wild. In sobriety, an awkward date is simply that.. an awkward date. It just means that you have no natural chemistry with the person, and that's ok. Remember dating is about getting to know the other person. Ask questions, listen to the answers. See how you feel. Be patient, don't rush things. The opposite of addiction is connection. Zack, with 514 days since his last drink, shares his story...

SHOW NOTES

[12:19] Paul Introduces Zack. Zack is from Nebraska, lives in Colorado. He's married and loves the outdoors.

[14:15] When did you first realize that you had a problem with alcohol? Mid 20's. He didn't want to end up like his father. His father drinks nightly. He realized that his friends were moving on with their lives. He kept trying to moderate or quit unsuccessfully.

[17:00] Now that you know more about alcoholism, has your relationship with your father changed? Kind of. He said he will never end up like his father. He didn't start drinking until after high school. His father helped him get his first drink.

[18:10] What did it feel like to crave alcohol? Irritable. He would work harder so he could get home quicker and open his first drink. Most of the time he was drinking alone. It started fun but he became lonely.

[20:00] When were you finally able to quit? How? He got a DUI. He promised himself he wouldn't drink and drive. He wasn't able to give up the drinking, so he just stopped driving. He drank alone a lot. He gained a lot of weight. He developed other health problems. He stopped caring.

[22:30] Did you have a rock bottom moment? How did you quit? For years leading up to his health scare, he would try to stop drinking. It lead to a period of emotional numbness that scared him into taking his health seriously. He moved to Colorado, and the geographical cure didn't work. His application for life insurance was declined because of his many health problems. That woke him up and he realized that it would really affect his family. He made up his mind to quit on January 1. He noticed his addiction lying to him in his own voice and he was able to make it through the initial stages of craving. He almost relapsed, but the smell of the open bottle made him stop. He reached a turning point and decided to research what he could do to stay sober. He found a sobriety forum online and the responses were overwhelming. He hadn't opened up to his wife about quitting drinking, so the online forum became his support. He finally told her he quit after three months, and it was difficult for him.

[29:30] Assuming your wife will hear this recording, what would you like to say to her about your drinking? It's been extremely difficult, and he's sorry about withholding and lying. He's sorry for the emotional difficulty he's put her through. Creating accountability with his wife, and joining Cafe RE has helped him to heal and grow emotionally.

[33:00] Did you experience a pink cloud? What was it like afterwards? First 5 months or so was good. He kept busy. Worked a lot, hiking, running, he lost 40 pounds. He ran his first half marathon. Around month 10, he just slowed down and realized that he was just filling his time and not actually growing. He realized he couldn't stay busy forever. Podcasts helped him learn and realize that he also needed to grow emotionally.

[35:15] How was your relationship with your wife changed since you've tried to grow emotionally? He opens up to her more, which is difficult for him. Their relationship has gotten a lot stronger because he's finally able to tell her more. She has noticed a huge change in his state. He is more emotionally available. [36:40] Walk us through an ordinary day in recovery for you. He wakes up to a workout at 4am. He has a gratitude list. He works from 6:30 until the afternoon. They are in the process of remodeling their home. He and his wife hang out for a while and connect. [39:09] What do you value most in recovery? Better relationships with people. He doesn't feel as isolated. [39:27] What is your proudest moment in sobriety? He ran his first half marathon. His achievements in the realm of exercise have been great inspiration.

[39:50] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Definitely the DUI.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Running out to his truck to get his whiskey bottle, and drinking as much as he could.
What’s your plan moving forward? “One day at a time.” Focusing on relationships and creating accountability.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Cafe RE. It's accessible and he can check it every day.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Create accountability and do it as quickly as you can with as many people as you can. The more accountability you can create the more open and honest you can be and the more real support you will receive.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Take it one day at a time.
You might be an alcoholic if... “you get a DUI and the first place you go after you're released is to the liquor store.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Mentioned John Oliver Clip Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

This Naked Mind – a book by Annie Grace

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 175: Anxiety and Alcohol Jun 25, 2018

Alcohol and Anxiety Today we will look at anxiety and the role it plays in alcohol addiction. Anxiety is inevitable, but we can change what we do and feel about it, ultimately affecting the level of severity we experience and the frequency of attacks. It shows that we care about what is going on. Anxiety is a tool we inherited from our prehistoric past that let us know that we were in danger. It is useful and necessary, and is a natural part of life. Unlike normal anxiety, chronic anxiety does not have roots in the present moment. Chronic anxiety begins when the anxiety becomes our default modus operandi. The conscious mind focuses on the anxiety, fueling it and allowing it to expand and become consuming. We find ourselves on a hamster wheel of potential causes, cures, analyses, and ultimately, fear and discomfort. It surfaces for, as far as we know, no apparent reason. We make attempts to repress or sidetrack it. Drinking is one way that many try to deal with their anxious feelings. While we are drinking, it feels like our problems temporarily disappear. When we look more closely at the way alcohol changes brain chemistry, we see that all it does is slow us down and weaken our higher faculties. In the relatively short long term, alcohol usually makes our problems worse by increasing our anxiety and having a negative impact on our overall health. We have the ability to naturally rewire and change our brains. When we make the decision to quit drinking, over time we can reverse many of the negative effects on our brain chemistry and overall health. Our brains are able to find a new and more healthy version of homeostasis with less anxiety, less depression and more clarity. Chris, with almost 1 year since his last drink, shares his story

SHOW NOTES

[11:40] Paul Introduces Chris. Chris is 36 years old, a power plant operator, lives in North Dakota. He's married with two kids and a dog. He enjoys camping and boating, cooking, photography, and woodworking.

[13:40] What is camping like now that you don't drink? Alcohol took over his life. Now he feels more present for his kids. He feels his life is more enriched. He enjoys more of nature. He is happy to have quit.

[16:00] When did you first realize that you had a problem with drinking? A while ago. He craved it since he started in high school. It started social, and it gradually progressed. In the military, he went to Korea when he was 21. Being far away from friends and family was difficult and and he drank more. He suffered from “terminal uniqueness”. He felt he was different from the people around him. We lie to ourselves and focus on the differences, further isolating ourselves from the community around us.

[23:55] Did you ever have a rock bottom moment? How much were you drinking? He was drinking a case of tall beers almost every week. His wife had been giving him ultimatums for a while. He started to drive drunk on a regular basis. He was regularly drunk, or if he wasn't, he was experiencing intense anxiety. He would regularly yell at his kids. He was terrified about what he was becoming. His wife turned toward the church and he turned toward alcohol. He and his wife had a blowout over drinking and they separated. He read a few AA books. He moved out to the camper. His faith suffered and he had to see his pastor. His wife explained how much he was hurting her. He went to see a counselor and started to unload his emotions. He eventually found an intensive outpatient program that helped him quit.

[31:38] Will you share a little of what you learned in your outpatient program? Neuroplasticity, how your brain becomes dependent on chemicals. He learned that it wasn't a moral failing, and he felt relief. He started to relate to the other members in the group. His wife filed for divorce, and it helped him apply himself in the program.

[37:15] Where did you get the strength to move forward? The gift of desperation. He didn't know what else to do. He saw that this was an opportunity to change and he applied himself. His faith life had dried up and he became inspired after reading “Bill's Story” from the AA book. He started to get better rest. As he worked the program his feeling of higher power returned. He realized how much he had hurt his wife. He was lucky enough to have counselors and friends in his life that helped him get through it. He started to focus on his actions and not the results with his kids and his wife started to come around. He started to do the work for himself and not for her.

[45:42] What have you learned most about yourself in sobriety? That he's worthy of love. He's worthy of a happy life. Life is worth it.

[46:20] What's on your bucket list in sobriety? To continue. To continue to work on his marriage. To continue to make memories with his family. He wants a future for him and his loved ones. He wants to help other people with recovery.

[47:51] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? The many ways that he hurt his wife and kids. He'll never forget hurting his loved ones.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Last summer when he chose drinking over his wife.
What’s your plan moving forward? To continue to work a program. He likes to keep his sponsor close.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? You don't have to be sober for the rest of your life, today. Take it a day at a time.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just be honest with yourself. Stop lying to yourself. Don't listen to the voice of addiction. Tell someone that you trust. Accountability and community is key.
You might be an alcoholic if... “You go to sleep drunk, and wake up with less eyebrows and more penises drawn on your face.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 174: Addressing Self Loathing With Compassionate Curiosity Jun 18, 2018

Compassionate Curiosity: a way we can get to the root of why we drink. “The problem's not that the truth is harsh, but that liberation from ignorance is as painful as being born. Run after truth until you're breathless. Accept the pain involved in re-creating yourself afresh.” - Naguib Mahfouz One of the biggest root causes of addition is self loathing. Feeling like we are not worthy or that we are in any way less than others is a belief often found at the center of our addictive behavior. The cure for self loathing is self compassion, or self love. Replacing the habit that is self judgment with forgiveness, the mental rigidity with an intention of being open, or the repetitive criticism with positive messages that we can do this are some of the first steps toward distancing ourselves from addictive tendencies. We begin with a process of self examination, wherein we compassionately do so without judgment. “There is no moving forward without breaking through the walls of denial.” -Gabor Maté Kim, with 1½ years since her last drink, shares her story...

SHOW NOTES

[1:30] Paul Introduces Kim. Kim is 37 years old from Arkansas. She's been sober over 1½ years. She's married with 3 kids. She works as a counselor. She enjoys her spending with her family, reading, and Kintsugi.

[6:05] When did you first realize you had a problem with drinking? She experienced complications with her pregnancy. With that came a prescription of pain medication. After she went through the pain meds, she noticed that she couldn't stop drinking.

[9:06] Did you try to put any rules into place? From her work with addiction, she knows that putting rules into place is addictive behavior. She was probably going through a half gallon of vodka per week. She attempted to quit throughout 2017.. nothing really stuck.

[10:35] What were some lessons you learned in your previous attempts to quit? She has a stubborn personality. When she tried to quit using her will power, she failed. It scared her. She started researching different podcasts, and found Recovery Elevator. She was worried that she couldn't do it alone. She began to find other stories and realized that she was on a slippery slope.

[13:20] How were you able to quit successfully? She realized that she needed to remove triggers. She tried to eliminate stress. She hired someone to help her with small duties.

[15:50] How are you able to maintain professional distance in your job working with addicts? When you work in a field where you give to others, you have to make sure that you are ok first. You have to give to others what you can spare, not what you need.

[17:00] Walk us through the early days of your recovery. The first month was difficult. She had lots of cravings. She tried to keep the memory of her difficult year close. She would use the brainspotting technique. She knows people can relapse after years and years. The addiction waits to see where the hole is, and that's where it gets you.

[23:50] Are you able to be open about your own recovery with patients? Reaching out to Paul helped her realize how she was in denial about her addictions. She shares her recovery experience with some patients, and it's been much more helpful.

[24:40] What are the common hangups that your patients have? The biggest struggle is the stagma and the shame. Also, the surrendering to higher power. [27:10] What is the biggest thing you've learned about yourself? She needs to show herself the same compassion that she gives to everyone around her. [27:40] What has been your proudest moment in sobriety? Sharing with her clients. Showing them that she also struggles with different things. [28:28] What are you looking forward to in Peru? Seeing the beauty, and being a part of a recovery community.

[29:10] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Pre-parent: 17yo, on vacation with family in Mexico. Parents lied about her age so she could drink at the resort. She hung out at the bars. On the last night, she was sexually assaulted. As a parent: She used to drank in front of her young child. Her child began to copy her drinking behavior by drinking his water in a small cup with a straw.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
What’s your plan moving forward? She would like to be a voice for recovery with mental health professionals.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Her faith is strong and it helps her in her darkest moments. The Miracle Morning. She does it daily no matter what. Recovery Elevator podcast. She looks forward to listening weekly.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? You can't do this alone. The magic happened when she reached out.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? A quote by Carl Jung.. “What you resist, persists. What you can feel, you can heal.”
You might be an alcoholic if... While listening to someone else's story you think to yourself that you need to remember it in case you relapse.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Audible is offering my listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trail membership. Go to audible.com/elevator and start listening. Or text ELEVATOR to 500-500.

In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts – a book by Gabor Maté When Things Fall Apart – a book by Pema Chodron The Miracle Morning – a book by Hal Elrod Kintsuji – The japanese artform of “golden joinery”. Brainspotting – a theraputic technique Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 173: Burn the Ships Jun 11, 2018

Burn The Ships For many people, the answer of what is it that is holding us back in our lives isn’t exactly obvious. The question of what is blocking us from obtaining that inner peace we deserve can be difficult to answer for some. The good news is that if you’re listening to this podcast, the answer is most likely alcohol is what’s holding you back any it may be time to “burn the ships”. Fran with 16 months since his last drink, shares her story...

SHOW NOTES

[8:00] Paul Introduces Fran. Fran is 43 years old from Indiana, but originally from Cleveland. She's married and a mother of 2. She's a program director and massage therapist. She is an entrepreneur and loves yoga and the outdoors. She also likes to work in her yard. She previously had 3 years of sobriety during her 20's.

[11:15] What made you seek out a sober life initially? She injured herself as an athlete and then got into the restaurant business. Initially it was fun, but then she began drinking on the job. She realized her life was empty and she became depressed again. An ex of hers helped take her to a 12 step meeting. It worked until she stopped actively working on her sobriety.

[14:14] What was your initial attempt at sobriety like? She was able to ground herself in who she was, with a clear mind at a very pivotal time in her development. She met other women in recovery and it felt a bit like a clique. She didn't feel like she fit in. After graduating college sober, she started doing some internet dating. She met her husband and relocated to Indiana. She had her first child, then started drinking shortly after the child was born. She felt dislocated. She transitioned back into semi-regular drinking, which eventually lead to excess.

[20:02] Did you experience a bottom moment? She had many. She would fight with her husband. She blacked out at a baby shower. She fought with her family and her husband's family.

[26:37] What was it like when you first quit drinking? It wasn't easy. It was a process that took time. Initially motivated by weight loss, she felt like she was talking about it all the time. She realized that she could not go a day without drinking. Her husband was suffering from throat cancer and she started taking his pot pills after he recovered. She tried to substitute them for alcohol. She thought pot could get her sober.

[28:49] Did that help? No. The anxiety and depression was worse. She became suicidal. She went back into recovery. She started listening to Recovery Elevator. She hit the gym. She found herself back at AA. She's more committed this time, and this time it's “no matter what”.

[33:26] What is your recovery portfolio like today? She focuses on gratitude. She reads and meditates. She does yoga before work. She realized that other people around her now have permission to focus on their health, as she leads by example. Her marriage has improved a lot.

[37:06] What is it like to be a healer and to help people release tension and bad energy? It's a gift. When she's able to be present, it helps them let go. As a sober person, she now honors and respects her own body and leads her clients and students to the same.

[38:54] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Seeing the despair on her child's face and she witnessed her mother being drunk.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Stopping to buy alcohol on the way home from the gym, and opening the bottles before she got home.
What’s your plan moving forward?
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Her sponsor.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? It's going to get better if we stay away from alcohol.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? It's okay. It's okay to give it a shot to see what it's like. It's not as scary as it seems.
You might be an alcoholic if... “You're so incapacitated by alcohol that your family thinks calling your reverend is the only way to get you to go home.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode is brought to you by Simple Contacts. Visit www.simplecontacts.com/elevator and use the promo code elevator for $30 off your first order.

The Language of Letting Go – a book by Melody Beattie

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 172: Bravery: Ready to Face and Endure Danger or Pain Jun 04, 2018

Bravery: Ready to face and endure danger or pain. Showing Courage. Many times in life we come face to face with our next step. We can see clearly the path ahead that will lead to our next “level up”. We can know everything there is to know about our plight and circumstances. We can possess the very map that will lead us to the next door. But when the time comes, sometimes we hesitate to open it. In sobriety, you have to be willing to fail. People who seek sobriety are a particular kind of brave. They imagine another way to be and actively seek it out, even if it means going against the grain or swimming upstream. It's important to note that being brave and/or courageous does not mean being without fear. Feeling fear is not only normal, but it's an important part of the process. The growth we seek lies not in running from fear, but in embracing it and, if possible, learning from it. Fear can be a profound and necessary teacher. Bring brave and courageous means that instead of avoiding fear, we compassionately face it and move forward with it as an ally in our sobriety portfolio. Individual bravery becomes amplified and much more powerful when supported by the collective bravery of the sobriety community. Beth, with 6 months since her last drink, shares her story...

SHOW NOTES

[8:50] Paul Introduces Beth.

Beth has been sober for just over 6 months. She's 39 years old. She's a mother of 3 from New Jersey. She's a special education teacher. She loves the outdoors, sports, art, and music. She is learning skateboarding from her 9-year-old nephew.

[11:38] When did you realize you had a problem with drinking?

She started drinking heavily in college in an attempt to deal with social situations and have fun. She always felt different from other people, and was also dealing with a recent death in the family. She had easy access to alcohol in school. She moved to New York City right before the attack on the World Trade Center. She used alcohol to deal with stress and difficult emotions.

[16:40] Did you ever try to put any rules into place to moderate? Yes. She would try to regulate the times she could drink. She would try to regulate when she was allowed to drink hard alcohol.

[18:25] How much were you drinking before you quit? She drank nightly. Red wine helped her deal with stress when dealing with her kid's homework.

[20:15] Did you reach a rock bottom? She drank while taking her kids out for Halloween. She drank a lot and experienced a bad hangover. She began to worry about whether or not she was a good mother. She discovered the podcast and began to listen. She decided to become sober and joined Cafe RE.

[26:20] What was it like at first when you quit? She was excited. She told a few close friends and family members. She wanted to get back into running. She felt great. She avoided concerts and other places where she used to drink. She did whatever it took to not drink.

[28:45] Have you changed your mind about AA now that you're sober? It was a complete 180 degree change. She began to feel more connected and she related to them more than before. She is looking forward to expanding her recovery community.

[33:45] How has your perception changed? She knows she's on the right track, but she is starting to fear relapsing. She is trying to break free from her perfectionist mentality. She is facing and processing a lot of shame from her past. She appreciates the benefits from her newly found clarity.

[37:50] What happened when you accidentally posted your sobriety on Facebook? She received some unexpected messages of support from different moms in her social network. She gave others the info for getting help. She believes alcohol is a real gateway drug. [41:24] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Her birthday in NYC. After a night of dinner and drinks, she passed out on the floor next to her apartment door.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? She went to a concert for her daughter's birthday. She needed beer badly. She made her kids wait in line forever so she could get a beer.
What’s your plan moving forward? To continue staying healthy. Be more present with her kids. Get more organized. Find comfort within herself. She's more happy with who she is.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Cafe RE group because it will forward you to other great resources.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If one drink is not enough, then it's time to stop drinking. The poison has already begun to take effect. It's not worth it. Trust your gut.
You might be an alcoholic if... “You're pregnant, and you haven't told anyone. You say you're not drinking to someone, and they assume you're pregnant because you usually will always have a drink.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 171: The Reality of Alcohol and Where it Can Take us May 28, 2018

The path of sobriety is not always easy. Many of us will stumble, fall, relapse and find ourselves back at square one. It's not the end of the world. When we relapse, we have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and, if necessary, reinvent ourselves.

Tamara, with 48 days since her last drink, shares her story...

SHOW NOTES

[3:57] Paul Introduces Tamara. Tamara is 31 years old, from Nashville, Tennessee. For fun, she enjoys cooking, the outdoors, and spending time with loved ones.

[7:00] When did you realize you wanted to quit drinking? Her first drink was on her 21st birthday. She drank through her 20s. She had alcohol abuse in her family. She thought her family was wrong by hiding alcohol from her. She thought it was fun. The progression of her alcoholism snuck up on her. She assumed it was healthy and normal. She went through a big period of change that left her unsatisfied.

[15:30] Did you put any rules into place when you tried to quit drinking? Yes. She would try to limit other bad activities and use drinking as a reward. She tried to abstain for a month with a friend. She convinced herself to keep drinking. Each year the rules would narrow until she stopped trying to do her cleanses. She began to realize that she had a problem but she kept trying to fix other areas of her life, hoping it would fix her drinking. Her ex told her about recovery elevator. After listening she realized that she wasn't alone.

[22:28] After drinking, what was it like without alcohol? Weird. She experienced physical withdrawal symptoms like anxiety. Then she felt great.. experienced a pink cloud.

[24:40] Has everyone in your life been on board with your lifestyle change? No. Her family and coworkers have been supportive but not everyone.

[26:45] What do you think brought on your relapse? What did you take away? She went on a work trip. Everyone else was drinking. She didn't yet have her recovery ingrained enough to handle the environment. She now is working on a more holistic recovery strategy.

[29:23] Walk us through a typical day in your recovery. She tries to work on her recovery daily. She says the prayer of serenity. She meditates. She tries to avoid negative news and media. Her morning routine helps her stay in the right frame of mind to handle anything life can throw at her.

[31:20] What have you learned about yourself in sobriety so far? She learned that she deserves the things that she wants. She sees more of the bigger picture now. She's not afraid to relate to different kinds of people. She focuses more on her values and ignores the noise. She makes more of an effort to show up and work on herself first.

[32:50] What's on your bucket list in sobriety? She wants to work the steps.

[33:30] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking?
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? She started cutting herself to help deal with the deep depression she was experiencing. It helped her feel in control of herself. One night she cut herself too deeply and she had to go to the emergency room.
What’s your plan moving forward? She's going to continue to work it to her best ability. She wants to continue adding tools to her recovery portfolio.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Cafe RE. The community in your online recovery community.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “What is your motivation?” When there is no clear-cut ethical guide, she has to get to the bottom of her own intentions.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? You are not alone. The recovery community is huge and willing to share with you. Share your story. There is no shame.
You might be an alcoholic if... “when discussing oral surgery with your physician, your first concern is how quickly you will be able to drink wine afterwards.” “What's in the water bottle? … vodka.. just kidding! .. it's actually vodka.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 170: Plant Medicine and Ayahuasca May 21, 2018

Please listen with an open heart and open mind.

- Paul

RE 169: Has Addiction Always Been a Problem? May 14, 2018

Has addiction always been a problem? Alcohol has been around for thousands of years, but has alcoholism? In Gabor Maté's book, “In the realm of hungry ghosts” he states: “The precursor to addiction is dislocation... the loss of psychological, social, and economic integration into family and culture.. a sense of exclusion, isolation and powerlessness. Only chronically and severely dislocated people are vulnerable to addiction. The historical correlation to severe dislocation and addiction is strong. Although alcohol consumption and drunkenness on festive occasions was widespread in Europe during the middle ages, only a few people become drunkards or inebriates. So what happened?” Dislocation became more prevalent during the rise of industrial society in the 1800's. As traditional familial or cultural roles weakened, alcoholism became more widespread. The effects of this can be seen not only in the US on both immigrant and native populations, but also in the native aboriginal cultures of New Zealand and the rising number of addicts in China as it struggles during periods of rapid growth. Caroline, with over 1 year since her last drink, shares her story...

SHOW NOTES

[9:50] Paul Introduces Caroline.

Caroline is from New Zealand, 40 years old, married and a mother of three. She enjoys reading, she is the new owner of a pub.

[11:15] When did you first suspect that you had a problem with drinking? She started at 13 or 14. She knew pretty early that she drank more than most. As she got older she used drinking as a coping mechanism. She surrounded herself with other drinkers. Had an epiphany when she came upon the book “Mrs. D is Going Without” by Lotta Dann. It changed her definition of an alcoholic and made her reassess her own drinking.

[14:25] Did you ever try to quit prior to your successful attempt? Did you moderate or put rules into place? She tried it all. She drank heavily in university. As she got older, the hangovers became unbearable and her depression got worse. She began to rethink her drinking in her late 30's. She tried to moderate with restricting the day of the week or the type of drink and it only got worse.

[16:00] Was your drinking tied in with your depression? How were they linked? She would always feel shame and embarrassment the days following a bout of heavy drinking.

[17:17] Did you experience a rock bottom moment? She had many. One that stood out, she was studying and driving into town with a hangover for the 4th week in a row. She realized that she can't moderate and that it was having larger consequences than she liked and she decided to quit. She quit for 100 days, thought she was cured, relapsed and went back to drinking. Then she woke up and realized she had a problem. She wasn't going to wait for something more serious to happen before she quit.

[21:00] How did you quit? What were your first few days like? She thinks drinking stunned her emotional growth. She had to relearn how to deal with stress and emotions. She had to learn how to be kind to herself. She had been previously been through some emotional trauma and the emotions bubbled up when she was sobered up. She finally processed the emotions and did some soul searching and now she feels lighter.

[26:06] Can you think of an example in early sobriety in which you had to try a new coping mechanism? She always thought she wasn't good enough. The night her husband was injured she was pregnant and she almost lost her daughter and husband on the same night. When it bubbled up she cried and released the feelings.

[27:35] Walk us through a typical day in your sobriety. How are you going to get to year 2? She is more kind to herself. She's made some friendship in online communities. She is interested in developing and maintaining real life connections with sober and like-minded people.

[28:45] Why is it important to have those real life connections? She feels she can relax and be herself with no shame or judgment. Everyone supports one another. She laughs with her friends and truly enjoys being sober. [30:20] What have you learned most about yourself in sobriety? That she's okay. Her relationship with herself and her inner world has changed. She is now more content and proud of herself. [31:08] What's on your bucket list going forward in sobriety? To continue to develop real life friendships. To focus on her health and family. To raise her daughters with healthy inner dialogues. To instill awareness in her family that there is another way. To lead by example. [33:50] How did you end up buying a pub? She wasn't looking for a pub specifically, but it was just something she always wanted to do. They're changing it to be more of a family friendly place. [35:33] What will you do if you encounter an alcoholic in your restaurant? At first she was shameful about having a problem with drinking. She met someone with a problem and just reached out to them to let them know they were available.

[37:30] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? The lack of memories. Her imagination would fill the gaps and it wasn't pleasant.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? The hangover after she relapsed after over 100 days sober.
What’s your plan moving forward? To continue to develop sober friendships. Keep pushing herself in positive directions. To keep living life and stay fit and active.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Living Sober, a free online sober community based in New Zealand.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Make the decision. You accept the step to move forward. It turns off the head chatter.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Picture yourself in 5 years time as a drinker. Create a vivid detailed picture.. are you still drinking? What are your relationships like? How do you feel? Now picture your sober future. How are they different? You might be an alcoholic if... you gulp down a first glass of wine before pouring two glasses of wine to bring out to your husband.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts – a book by Gabor Maté Mrs. D is Going Without – a book by Lotta Dann Living Sober – A free online sober community

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 168: Alcohol Impacts More than Just Us May 07, 2018

When we are in the throws of an addiction to alcohol, the effects go beyond just us. They affect our family and those closest to us. After running the podcast for 3 years, Paul has begun to notice patterns emerging. One of the biggest patterns he noticed might be the key to successful sobriety: Accountability. Getting sober can be daunting, and the people around you are owed an explanation. The act of saying it out loud not only makes it real, but makes others aware of what you are trying to achieve. They can help keep you on track when things get difficult, and if your drinking has hurt anyone else in the past, it can be the first step towards forgiveness. Telling the people in your life that you are trying to get and stay sober is probably the most important thing you can do to affect your chances of success.

Amy, with 422 days since her last drink, shares her story...

SHOW NOTES

[9:30] Paul Introduces Amy.

Amy is 33 years old, from Wisconsin, married with 3 kids. She works in human resources in healthcare, but is about to leave her job and focus on her family full time. She likes yoga, and the outdoors.

[12:00] What are your plans now that you are sober? She wants to get more involved in her community.

[13:00] When did you realize it was time to quit drinking? She was having a hard time moderating, was losing control.

[13:33] What rules did you have in place during your moderating phase? She and her husband tried only drinking on weekends, only when at restaurants, only certain kinds of drinks, only on payday, etc. It didn't work.

[16:30] Is your husband supportive of your decision to get sober? Yes. He helps by not drinking around her and by keeping alcohol out of the house.

[17:07] When did you start drinking? In high school. It got out of control in college. She adopted a party girl personality. She was drinking 4 beers a night. It progressed into a problem once she went through her first divorce. She felt hopeless and used alcohol to cope.

[21:57] How did you decide to quit? She was drinking daily, feeling terrible. Some good things began to happen and she felt that it lifted her out of her funk. She got a new job, which enabled her to pay down her debt and she started taking care of herself again. She fell in love. The drinking was still crazy and she couldn't control it. She tried to take a break, but it wouldn't work. She was writing a lot in her journal, then went on an 8-day binge. She woke up from that and had hit rock bottom. She decided to quit on that day.. the difference was that she was ready to accept her situation.

[27:30] What was it like to reach the point of acceptance? It was liberating. Acceptance brought self forgiveness, which enabled her to start moving forward in a new way.

[31:30] How did you do it? How did you quit? She started to binge listen to recovery podcasts, she read This Naked Mind. She focused on being kind to herself. She reached out to sober friends and family. Connecting with close relatives and friends helped boost her confidence. They helped her get through the first few weeks. She began to see the bigger consequences of drinking on her health, career, relationships. Her husband supported her fully. [34:37] At what point did you begin to see the benefits? Day 2. The first few weeks there were headaches, sleep issues, etc. She experienced the pink cloud. She found out she was pregnant the month she quit drinking. She started looking at the bigger picture. She experienced normal activities as a sober person and was amazed at the difference. [39:46] What's on your bucket list? She's excited to be a stay-at-home mother soon. Many of her friends are reaching out to her in support of her sobriety.

[42:33] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Going to a concert and getting drunk, getting into a fight and walking around completely blacked out.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? She woke up one day with a damaged car but didn't remember what caused it.
What’s your plan moving forward? To really stay active in her community. To focus on her family. To meditate more. To exercise. Hang out with the family. Reading in the evening to wind down.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Put your sobriety first. Before kids, marriage, career.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Educate yourself about alcoholism. The truth will give you the confidence to go forward knowing what you have to do. Life is too short to be drunk.
You might be an alcoholic if... You fear being a stay at home because you assume you will be drunk the whole time.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Today's podast episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter and Casper.

Try Zip Recruiter today for free.

Get $50 off select mattresses by visiting Casper and us the promo code Elevator

This Naked Mind – A book by Annie Grace In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts – A book by Gabor Maté Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 167: Now This is Just Plain Wrong Apr 30, 2018

The alcohol industry gives the government funds to prove light drinking is safe. In today's era of information overload, it can be difficult to sort the truth from the strong opinions. As the lines between journalism, science and advertising continue to blur, it can become difficult to know where to stand when one can find a seemingly reputable article or study to support any side of any opinion. The alcohol industry is no stranger to the ways of public relations. The NIAAA (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism) is a government established institution that funds approximately 90% of research on the effects of consuming alcohol in the US. Regarding a recent study on the effects of light drinking, it is no surprise to find out that $67 million was provided by 5 big alcohol companies, most likely to ensure that the results of the study fell in line with their message that alcohol is good for you. Remember that alcohol is still poison, it's still bad for you, and consuming alcohol still has real consequences, despite the what the heavily funded opinions of the alcohol industry would lead you to believe.

Daniel, with 128 days since his last drink, shares his story...

SHOW NOTES

[10:37] Paul Introduces Daniel. Daniel is 43 years old, has a girlfriend and an 8 year old daughter. He works in telecom sales and enjoys biking, running, and reading.

[14:10] When did you first realize that you had a problem with drinking? In his early 20s. Alcoholism runs in his family. He started drinking regularly in high school, then it became excessive in college. In his mid 20's he began drinking in solitude.

[18:15] Talk to us about the 20 years you were drinking. There were phases where he would think he was okay because he was functioning, but he would occasionally binge drink. He drank less after he got married in his late 20s but it eventually ramped up again. When he was binge drinking he wouldn't eat.

[20:28] When did you first attempt to quit? He started going to AA in his mid 20s but he wasn't ready.

[21:10] Did you experience a rock bottom? Did you have a faulty off switch? No, it was gradual. He would drink before work. He slowly lost control as depression and anxiety set in. He finally talked to his family and decided to go to a inpatient detox facility. It was difficult to stop once he started. He started drinking again after 25 days sober, thinking it was different.

[26:30] Tell us about your experience with the incredibly short memory (ISM). He would find himself returning to the hospital after a short time away.

[28:33] What inspired you to quit, most recently? His family. He spent some time away from them and it inspired him to quit. He experienced moments of clarity and made a decision. He found some supportive people to help him.

[32:02] What were your first 30 days like? How did you deal with cravings? He drank a lot of seltzer water and non-alcoholic beer.

[34:10] What is a typical day in your recovery? How have you made it to 128 days? He found a local AA group, and got a sponsor. He reads a lot. 4 or 5 AA meetings a week.

[41:10] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? A horrible physical detox.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? He was drinking at work.
What’s your plan moving forward? He wants to stay accountable, and tell his story. Keep reading and learning.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? The books, podcasts, AA
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Follow your drink to the end. You'll start with one drink but end with a three-day bender.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If you're listening to RE, most likely you're heading down the path.
You might be an alcoholic if... If you go home and drink 8-12 beers, but then hide the cans so no one sees how much you drink, even though you live alone.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

LINK TO STUDY ARTICLE

Recovery – A book by Russell Brand This Naked Mind – a book by Annie Grace The Untethered Soul – by Michael Singer Girl Walks Out of a Bar – by Lisa Smith Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 166: Building Emotional Muscle Apr 23, 2018

A quote from “Drinking: A love Story” by Caroline Knapp sums up the theme for today's podcast: “Early sobriety has the quality of vigorous exercise, as though each repetition of a painful moment gone without a drink serves to build up emotional muscle.” Life will happen. We can't control what challenges life will send our way but we can control how we respond. Each passing trial is an opportunity to build one's sobriety muscles, which get stronger over time as healthy habits and ways of thinking become more deeply ingrained. Quitting drinking is difficult because not only is alcohol physically addicting, but we often turn to alcohol to help us cope with life's many challenges. In sobriety, we find an opportunity to learn new coping skills and rewire our brain to handle difficult times without turning to alcohol for help.

Samantha, with 18 days since her last drink, shares her story...

SHOW NOTES

[7:20] Paul Introduces Samantha.

Samantha is 27 years old, from Louisiana. She has a girlfriend and a cat, works at a lawfirm, likes music, travel, reading and listens to podcasts. She's a geography student, returning to school to finish her degree.

[8:30] When did you first notice that you had a problem with drinking?

In her early 20s. She used alcohol to deal with her anxiety. She thinks alcohol is a big part of society in Louisiana. She has family members that struggle with alcohol. An abusive relationship drove her to drinking more than normal. All of her friends seemed to drink a lot.

[12:35] What did drinking a lot look like for you? Mostly just wine, and eventually whiskey, which became her alcohol of choice.

[13:07] Did you ever put any rules into place to try and control your drinking? Yes, she would buy smaller bottles or only drink on weekends.

[13:50] What was your rock bottom moment? Why did you decide to quit? Sick and tired of being sick and tired mostly. A therapist refused to see her while she was drinking. She was angry. She refused the rehab and kept drinking. A different time she had written in her journal about quitting drinking, only to go out later that night and black out again.

[18:34] What was it like to break that promise to yourself? She woke up and felt terrible, shameful, embarrassed.

[19:55] How has sobriety affected your borderline personality disorder? Her emotions are normally intense and fleeting. Alcohol helped her maintain an even keel. Without alcohol, she's switched to Zoloft. It's difficult to deal with strong emotions without alcohol. She's now optimistic about her future and has decided to go back to school, realizing that alcohol was getting in her way.

[23:40] How has your behavior changed since you've quit? She goes to bars less. She is looking for more things to do at home. She's trying to fill the void left by alcohol with healthy activities.

[24:40] Is your partner trying to get sober? No, she wants to stop but she is continuing. It's difficult to see her continue, not because it makes her want to drink, but because she sees the effect alcohol is having on her. [27:06] What benefits are you getting from quitting? Her skin cleared up. She's lost weight. Her emotions are easier to handle. She's now able to see that one drink may start well but it will lead to a terrible conclusion. [30:27] Have you lost anything to alcohol? She feels like she lost her dignity. Various memories from drinking make her feel shameful or embarrassed. [32:30] What advice would you give to your younger self? Not to smoke or drink ever! She received info about substances while in school, but feels like it had no impact. She would tell herself to love herself. She thinks loving oneself is the root of many of the decisions we make. [35:04] What is your proudest moment so far in sobriety? She was told that she was a great student by an old professor. Also, she went to a bar and didn't have any drinks. [36:30] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? During a flood in 2016, she was caught in a flash flood and had to be rescued while drunk.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Her gf showed her a picture of her sleeping on the ground.
What’s your plan moving forward? She is going to connect with and stay close with sober friends. She will focus on her goals.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Other sober people. Podcasts: Recovery Elevator, The Mental Illness, Happiness Hour, Crazy in Bed, Your own Magic,
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Keep your goals in front of you. You can always go back to drinking.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Any amount of time drinking is a win. If you mess up, don't beat yourself up about it.
You might be an alcoholic if... “You get drunk at 10am at your grandmother's birthday party.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Drinking: A Love Story – By Caroline Knapp The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck – by Mark Manson Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 165: Do I Have a Drinking Problem Assesment Apr 16, 2018

“Do I have a drinking problem?” Part II

The first episode under this particular theme came out back in March of 2015. In “Drinking: A Love Story” by Caroline Knapp, a questionnaire is presented that will help you determine whether or not you have a drinking problem, and if yes, at what stage your drinking problem is. See the questions below:

1. Do you drink heavily when you are disappointed or have had a quarrel with someone? 2. When you have trouble or feel under pressure, do you always drink more heavily than usual?

3. Can you handle more alcohol now than when you first started to drink?

4. Have you ever been unable to remember part of the previous evening, even though your friends say you didn’t pass out?

5. When drinking with other people, do you try to have a few extra drinks when others won’t know about it?

6. Do you sometimes feel uncomfortable if alcohol is not available?

7. Are you more in a hurry to get your first drink of the day than you used to be?

8. Do you sometimes feel a little guilty about your drinking?

9. Has a family member or close friend express concern or complained about your drinking?

10. Have you been having more memory “blackouts” recently?

11. Do you often want to continue drinking after your friends say they’ve had enough?

12. Do you usually have a reason for the occasions when you drink heavily?

13. When you’re sober, do you sometimes regret things you did or said while drinking?

14. Have you tried switching brands or drinks, or following different plans to control your drinking?

15. Have you sometimes failed to keep promises you made to yourself about controlling or cutting down on your drinking?

16. Have you ever tried to control your drinking by changing jobs or moving to a new location?

17. Do you try to avoid family or close friends while you are drinking?

18. Are you having more financial, work, school, and/or family problems as a result of your drinking?

19. Do more people seem to be treating you unfairly, without reason?

20. Do you eat very little or irregularly during the periods when you are drinking?

21. Do you sometimes have the “shakes” in the morning and find that it helps to have a “little” drink, tranquilizer or medication of some kind?

22. Have you recently noticed that you can’t drink as much as you used to?

23. Do you sometimes stay drunk for several days at a time? 24. Do you sometimes feel very depressed and wonder if life is worth living?

25. After periods of drinking do you sometimes see or hear things that aren’t there?

26. Do you get terribly frightened after you have been drinking heavily?

Know that actions often speak louder than words. If you are listening to a recovery podcast, filling out a recovery questionnaire, wondering whether or not you have a problem, then chances are your actions are telling you that you do. That conclusion is an okay place to be, too. Better to realize it earlier than later so you reach out and get help if you need it. Darla, with 3 years since her last drink, shares her story...

SHOW NOTES

[11:00] Paul Introduces Darla.

Lives in Grand Junction, Colorado, 52 years old, mother of two.

[13:00] When did you first realize that you had a problem with drinking? Drinking has been a part of her life for a long time but it never had power over her until her mid 40's. It happened gradually. She tried to control it with rules, but despite her efforts it continued to escalate.

[16:00] How old were you when you put limits on your drinking? Around 45 she drank regularly and 46 it progressed.

[16:54] Was there a specific stressor in your life at the time? The end of her marriage. Her therapist advised her to get a divorce. She had to get a restraining order. It was easy to lean on drinking because she grew up around it.

[19:15] Did anyone in your family history struggle with alcohol? Her father's side. Her grandfather, father and brother. Others have issues with other kinds of addiction.

[22:13] What were the rules you put in place to try to reign in your drinking? She tried to limit the day of the week. Her targets kept moving as she kept breaking her own rules. She felt like it was against her will.

[23:33] Did you ever attempt to quit before this attempt? Not really. Despite a DUI, a court order to stop drinking, and CBT classes she continued to drink. When she quit, she was “white knuckling” it. She had moderate success but then binged at a holiday party, which lead her to another DUI and waking up in jail. The consequences terrified her and scared her enough to quit.

[31:00] How did you end up quitting? She called a family attorney. She went to therapy, both individual and group. She ended up in AA.

[32:45] What do you do when you get cravings? She recognizes the thoughts that lead to relapse. She still feels powerless against alcohol. [34:15] What unpleasant things did you have to do to stay sober? She went to AA. She didn't want to admit that she was an alcoholic. She didn't want to admit that she was afraid. She had to accept the circumstances. [35:35] Has being in recovery helped you at work? It gave her a level of compassion others may not have. She can help guide people toward resources. She's letting people know about it slowly, especially at work. [40:20] Why are you going to attend the Cafe RE trip to Peru? She wants to challenge herself. She wants to seize new opportunities.

[41:22] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Waking up in a jail cell and not remembering how she got there.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Going in to work hungover, knowing that she wasn't able to drive.
What’s your plan moving forward? Keep doing the one day at a time.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Meditation, exercise, activities, service / helping others.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Get out her own head and to help others. Helps with cravings, anxiety.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Examine yourself. Are you willing to do whatever it takes?
You might be an alcoholic if... “you come to in jail, in a suicide suit, and you wonder where the rest of the bottle is.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Drinking: A Love Story – A book by Caroline Knapp Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 164: Do the Medications Work? Apr 09, 2018

Do the medications work? Paul reads messages he received from different podcast listeners about their experiences with some of the various medications often prescribed as quit aids for quitting drinking. Though they are not known to be an effective all-in-one cure for alcoholism, they appear to be a positive piece to the recovery portfolio for some.

Ed, with 11 days since his last drink, shares his story:

SHOW NOTES

[6:20] Paul Introduces Ed.

Sober for 11 days. Has been on Naltrexone for 6 years. 40 years old. Research scientist, molecular biologist. Has two young children. Really enjoying his work. Started to drink more seriously during mid 20's.

[10:13] At what point did Naltrexone enter the picture? During his mid 30's. He was falling down stairs and wetting his bed on the weekends, yet he was still in denial. He sought out a medicine to help with his hangover symptoms, found the Sinclair method on the internet.

[13:05] Did you go straight to Naltrexone or did you try other methods first? He went to his doctor and asked him about Naltrexone. He had tried AA but didn't like it. The doctor was cautious, but gave him the green light.

[15:10] Having used Naltrexone, what is your take on alcoholism being defined as a disease? Alcoholism is definitely a disease. It runs in families, etc. People who don't have the disease don't understand what it's like. People drink for different reasons, but once addicted people are equal.

[17:16] Where is the disconnect between the recovery and medical communities? Not enough research in general, and in recovery methods. The numbers we are working with today probably aren't the whole picture. Not tied into addiction in general. One thing he wants to emphasize is that Naltrexone should not be used by an alcoholic to try and drink like a normal person. It can help someone quit but should only be used for that. If you are already quit, stay quit.

[21:22] If it feels more or less under control at this point, why aim for total abstinence? He isn't getting anything out of it at all anymore. He feels the overall force of alcohol in our lives is destructive. He feels great.

[24:44] Where are you at with cravings? Cravings are decreased with Naltrexone. He likes not closing the door completely because he feels like he can fit in. It's easier to just have a little bit.

[26:08] What about your friends who had a negative experience with Naltrexone? One friend ended up going on Naltrexone. He used it moderately and it had negative effects. Moderate reward can be more addicting than regular reward.

[29:00] Are you tempted to not use the pill? He's tempted but has never broken the rule, which is why he feels he's been successful so far. [30:09] How does your routine work with the pill? He just takes it every day. [31:15] Do you agree that Naltrexone only cures the physical part of alcohol addiction? Yes. It's why it may not work for everyone. It only address the physical part, but doesn't address the mental and spiritual parts of alcohol addiction. [35:20] Do you think it is fear that is keeping you from aiming for complete abstinence? It plays a part. It's difficult to leave behind. He recognizes the fear but knows that he's strong enough to overcome it and move forward with his life in a healthy and positive way.

[36:07] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? On a ski trip, he drank much more than everyone else. He wet the bed in front of all of his friends.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Out with friends, he realized he was the drunk that everyone used to compare themselves to.
What’s your plan moving forward? Keep working on the mental and spiritual aspects of this. Aiming for abstinence.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Online forum: Sinclair method.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Can't do it alone. Hear the stories. Reach out.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Alcoholism is a monster. Don't underestimate it. Try AA, etc. Don't give up.
You might be an alcoholic if... you find yourself in Safeway buying 3 tall cans of Miller high life and behind you is a homeless man in line buying the same thing.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This podcast episode was brought to you by Zip Recruiter. Visit ziprecruiter.com/elevator and try it for free.

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 163: Want to Know Why You Drink? Quit Drinking and You'll Find Out Apr 02, 2018

Why do we drink? When we no longer drink alcohol, the many reasons we used to drink come bubbling to the surface. What may have started out as a fun activity or a social lubricant often morphs into a way to (not) deal with life's problems. The barrage of pro-alcohol messages from media and society has the potential to pull the wool over our eyes as the addictive nature of alcohol quietly gets the better of our innocent intentions. Alcohol promises to help you numb the pain, lower your inhibitions or distance yourself from your problems, but the effect is only temporary. In fact, it often breaks the aforementioned promises and will usually make a bad situation worse. The avoidance of difficult emotions or situations is likely futile. Choosing to face your problems seems daunting when we are used to drinking them away, but gets easier with practice.

Briddick, with 112 days since his last drink, shares his story:

SHOW NOTES

[8:08] Paul Introduces Briddick. Briddick is 33 years old, lives in Bellingham, Washington, works in Real Estate, has a girlfriend and a step-son, plays soccer, plays guitar, travel and the outdoors.

[11:15] What was it like for you being self employed? Heavy drinking was normalized. There was no boss to tell him to stop. Everyone was doing it. He used alcohol to unwind.

[13:00] When did you first start to realize that you might have a problem with drinking? Late 20's. He started in high school, but it gradually escalated until he had difficulty stopping once he started.

[14:50] What was it like to drink before soccer games? For 3 years, he drank before sports. He thought it was normal. He felt terrible physically. He feels lucky that he didn't hurt anyone during sports or driving.

[16:18] Did you attempt to moderate your drinking, and to what success? He would avoid drinking in the morning, and avoid hard alcohol. After 3pm it was free for all.

[17:38] Tell us about your anxiety attacks in your early 30's. Panic attacks are the worst. You feel something is terribly wrong but you don't know what it is and you can't fix it. Right around lunch time he would get panic attacks. The anxiety attacks went away when he quit drinking.

[19:48] What was your reaction to removing alcohol from the situation? Floored. The anxiety went away. The weight stays off. He sleeps better. He feels more emotionally stable.

[21:13] What was the time frame like for you in regards to the anxiety? Within the first week. He had a breakdown that lasted for three days. “A bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul.” There is a normal amount of anxiety in anyone's life. Meditation helps.

[23:59] How did you do it? He knew inside for years that he was an alcoholic but didn't want to admit it. He eventually admitted it and had a breakdown. He took it seriously, and treated it like stage 4 cancer. He went to meetings with a friend. The friend is not his sponsor. On step 4. [27:28] What have you learned most about yourself since you've quit drinking? That he can do it. I can make the choice to not drink today. It's not about willpower. [28:41] What's on your bucket list in sobriety? He started playing guitar again. He's learned that he can only focus on one thing at a time. He wants to run a marathon. He wants to keep traveling. He is finding joy in the little things.

[30:15] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Waking up with shaking hands and realizing that he was powerless. He regrets rude behavior and drunk driving.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
What’s your plan moving forward? Staying close to his sponsor and the steps. Enthusiasm can't be your primary engine.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? The AA community. RE podcast.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (in sobriety)? You don't have to stay sober forever, just stay sober today.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Get off the fence. Admit it if you can't stop and if you can't stop, be serious about it because it will kill you.
You might be an alcoholic if... you find empty wine bottles in your car's glove compartment and side consoles that you don't remember.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 162: Things Your Addiction Will Say in Your Own Voice Mar 26, 2018

“Your addiction will lie to you in your own voice.”

Your addiction will often appear to you as a voice in your head that sounds like your own rational thoughts. It will tell you that it's not really that big of a deal, that you are really in control or, in many cases, will conveniently wipe your memory (the ISM or “incredibly short memory”) so you won't recall what a tough time you had getting through that last hangover. Be on the lookout for justification phrases such as: “But I didn't really have a problem before” “Everyone else drinks like I do” “This next time will be different” “I've quit once, I can quit again” “The only person you're negatively affecting is yourself” “I'm cured! I just went [X amount of time] without drinking!” “Everyone else is having so much fun” “I got this.” Stay vigilant in protecting your subconscious mind from thoughts like these and you will have an easier time avoiding relapse. It's much easier to stay sober than it is to get sober, and staying sober isn't always easy.

Mike, with almost two years since his last drink, shares his story

SHOW NOTES

[8:05] Paul Introduces Mike. Sober over 600 days. 37 years old, from California. A professional musician that has worked in California, Boston and around China, as well. He now lives with his girlfriend in Hong Kong. Mike does for the show notes for each podcast episode.

[11:10] You quit drinking and smoking at the same time? Yes. Smoking was getting in the way of his singing. He read Allen Carr's “Easy Way To Quit Smoking” and at some point he realized that he wouldn't be able to quit smoking without quitting drinking. He committed to 30 days. Felt great so he kept going.

[13:58] When did you realize you were going to have to quit drinking also?

When he moved in with his girlfriend. He realized that his actions were having consequences that were affecting other people, and that if he really cared about this person and himself, he would have to clean up his act.

[15:45] What were the indicators that you had a problem with drinking and/or smoking? He had a therapy session, and the therapist helped him realize that his problem was the drinking, and not what he had thought.

[18:27] At that point, did you attempt to quit or moderate? Yes. Upon advice from his father, he tried to moderate his drinking by only drinking during work hours. It was a form of torture as his whole day became centered around waiting for work to begin. Eventually it lead to him breaking the rule and drinking all day for weeks.

[20:23] So the willpower technique was torture? Yes. While the rules were in place he found himself constantly distracted and thinking about drinking. His brain was hijacked by both tobacco and alcohol.

[22:40] How did you get through those difficult cravings after you quit? He started learning martial arts, and it gave him the tools he had been missing. Previously, he had been using alcohol to relax intense feelings of anxiety or discomfort, but now he was able to use the techniques that he learned at the martial arts classes.

[24:25] Was everyone kung fu fighting? In Hong Kong, not as much, but globally, yes.. more people are practicing Kung Fu now than ever before.

[26:54] What do you do when the uncomfortable feelings or cravings come? He focuses on the physical sensations of the craving. He tries to keep his body from becoming static, and thus paralyzed by the craving. He breathes, moves, walks, gets fresh air, whatever is necessary to keep the craving from tensing him up. [29:19] What is it like to continue working in the nightlife now that you're sober? When you're still drinking, even the thought of trying to quit seems like an insurmountable task, but once you've quit and, inevitably, you change the way you see things, the environment in which you were in before is not what it seemed. [32:30] What's on your sobriety bucket list going forward? He's interested in the physical activities he always turned down while he was drinking and smoking. He wants to travel more and say yes to the things he said no to in the past. [34:05] What is it like to not have the addiction causing you to feel unsolicited fear? It's liberating. There are so many positive experiences to be had in life. Sobriety is an opportunity that begets other opportunities.

[34:53] What is it like to be in recovery in Hong Kong?

He knows someone who has been to AA in Hong Kong but he hasn't been to any meetings himself, yet. He found solace in online resources, and he considers his online communities to be his recovery community. [37:10] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? A really bad hangover in which he could barely function.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? His skype call with the therapist during which she pointed out that his main problem was probably drinking. Before that conversation with her, he had asked his friends about his drinking and they had all reassured him that it was normal. She was the first one to point out that it was probably the cause of his issues.
What’s your plan moving forward? To continue to set my priorities on health, not overdoing it, to take it a day at a time, never say that “I got this”, to stay vigilant and positive.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? The Recovery Elevator podcast, That Sober Guy podcast, Belle's One Minute Message podcast. The Allen Carr books.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (in sobriety)? To begin today. If you are suffering, definitely begin today. Don't be afraid, it's better on the other side.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? To begin, to stay focused and to not beat yourself up.
You might be an alcoholic if... it's ever an absolute emergency that you don't have alcohol, and you find yourself planning accordingly.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Easy Way To Quit Smoking – A quit aid by Allen Carr. 30 Day No Alcohol Challenge – A quit aid by James Swanick Standing at the Water's Edge – A book about creative immersion by Dr. Anne Paris Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 161: Where Does Sobriety Stand on Your Priority List? Mar 19, 2018

If you haven't done so already, make sobriety your number one priority. It may seem selfish to prioritize yourself over other things, but to really be present and of service to our loved ones and the community at large, we must take care of ourselves. When we root ourselves in something real, concrete and bigger than ourselves, our daily struggles and problems often feel small by comparison. “Everything's going to be okay as long as we don't drink.” Ryan, with over two since his last drink, shares his story..

SHOW NOTES

[9:10] Paul Introduces Ryan. Ryan's been sober for over two years. He decided to quit after a trip to the hospital. He's from Dallas, TX. Works for an ad agency. Has a 3-year-old son. Has a dog. Is currently focused on raising his son. He and his wife enjoy scuba diving.

[12:45] When did you first notice that you had a problem with drinking? It began in college. He noticed it affected him differently than other people. He experienced withdrawal symptoms early on after casually drinking. A trip to the doctor put things in perspective for him. The doctor asked him to quit for 30 days, and he realized that he couldn't stop.

[17:41] What age were you when you realized you had a problem? Late 20's.

[18:10] So what happened from late 20's until now? He tried many different things. A therapist diagnosed him as depressed. He was medicated. They assumed the problem was something other than alcohol. He drank while medicated and had a psychotic episode. He cut out the medication but kept drinking. He had a week to himself and he drank the whole time. His anxiety increased dramatically. He started hiding his alcohol from his partner.

[23:20] Did things change when your child was born? Eventually. The morning he found out his wife was pregnant he tried to quit. His drinking got worse. As the due date approached his fear increased. He made sure he had emergency alcohol nearby in case they had to run to the hospital. His worst memory from drinking was being drunk for the birth of his child. He kept drinking after the birth. His wife got involved and tried to help him quit. He continued drinking even while seeing his therapist. Finally went to detox and felt like he was saying goodbye to his best friend. He did an intensive outpatient program. Joined AA. Started working the steps.

[32:05] Talk to us about the time between your treatment and your sobriety date. He relapsed once. He learned that a relapse happens long before your first drink. He thought he just needed time, but he learned that his thoughts lead to his relapse. He began hiding liquor again. It came back in full force. He realized what he had given up by going back to drinking.

[34:35] So how did you end up quitting again? What is your recovery like today? The relapse made him realize that he was powerless over alcohol. He stepped up his commitment to AA. He found sobriety groups to be a part of. His family responsibilities fuel his sobriety.

[37:00] What was it like to include your partner in your sobriety? It was a great decision. It tested the relationship, but they came out stronger. She quit drinking as well.

[39:10] What's on your bucket list in sobriety? I just want to be my best. [39:40] What is your plan in sobriety moving forward? It's all about making the next right decision. Focus on what one can control.

[40:45] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking?
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? During his last relapse, he realized “I don't got this”.
What’s your plan moving forward?
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? His family. This podcast is his favorite.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “KISS”. Keep it simple stupid.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If you can do this, you can do anything.. and you can do this. You're gaining more than you're giving up.
You might be an alcoholic if... you end up in the hospital because you didn't drink.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 160: Made a Searching and Fearless Moral Inventory Mar 12, 2018

Step Four – “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves”

The Recovery Elevator Podcast isn't affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous, but we cover the steps due to listener demand. For easy lookup: episode 142 was Step 1 episode 146 was Step 2 episode 152 was Step 3. The fourth step is probably everyone's least favorite step, as it involves things we don't want to do... face our past, our mistakes, our scary thoughts, emotions and current problems. Though it can be scary, it is still one of the most important steps in recovery. Alcoholism is merely a symptom of underlying inner conflict, delusions and/or flaws in our character that need to be faced, and where possible, overcome.

The key is honesty. While working step four, we get a new perspective on the bigger picture and see ourselves and our behavior in a new way that helps us to move forward without fear and allows us to embrace a healthy self-image. This step is all about bringing unconscious behavior to light. We gradually realize that only we can change, and not change others. This step is meant to be done with your sponsor. Kerry, with 12 days since her last drink, shares her story...

SHOW NOTES

[13:25] Paul Introduces Kerry. Kerry lives in Los Angeles, is 47 years old, is married, has two children and four dogs. She loves reading, the movies, traveling, and book stores.

[17:40] When did you first realize that you had a problem with drinking? In her 40's. She started in her teens, and as an adult, she drank daily. She struggled to stay sober while she was pregnant. Her drinking ramped up after her second child, in her 40's. She thought her drinking was normal, so she found it hard to believe she had a problem.

[22:00] What were some of the rules you put in place? She tried to only have a glass of wine with dinner, but it didn't work. She tried to insert a glass of water between each glass of wine. The rules didn't work, which only made her feel down on herself.

[25:00] When was your first attempt to quit? 2 and ½ years ago. Her friends invited her to AA meetings. She “white knuckled it” about three weeks. Relapsed. This added more shame, which leads to more drinking. She kept trying and has been in and out since then.

[27:20] Was there one moment that changed it for your or was you generally sick and tired? She was sick and tired. She became ashamed when her daughter witnessed her really drunk.

[29:00] What are some of the things in your recovery portfolio and what will you do to make it stick this time? She wakes up early and meditates. She reads a chapter of “Living Sober” every day. She reaches out to sober friends. She goes to meetings occasionally.

[32:49] What benefits do you see with 12 days in sobriety? More energy. Better sleep. No hangovers. Being more aware and present for her kids. Better memory.

[34:41] How are you overcoming the internal dialogue that is trying to convince you to drink? She knows it's her addiction talking and it helps her to compartmentalize the thought. She uses meditation techniques to let it pass.

[36:40] How has it been with your husband? He's been supportive. He also thought she was drinking too much. He's compassionate and helpful.

[40:35] What's on your bucket list in recovery? She loves traveling. She intends to use the money saved by not drinking to fund a trip to Amsterdam. She wishes to be more present for herself and her family. [43:10] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Before she got married, she went to a dinner party and got drunk. She left the party without telling anyone, and she threw up on the subway.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Her husband noticed that she was slurring her words and pulled aside to ask her to stop drinking.
What’s your plan moving forward? Keep up with the morning meditation. More meetings. Find a sponsor and work the steps.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? She likes reading other people's stories. She's reading the books by Caroline Knapp and Sarah Hepola. (See mentioned resources below)
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Follow the drink to the end”. One glass isn't just one glass.. it ends up with her throwing up and a terrible hangover.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just do it. Start today. Don't set a date, just do it today.

You might be an alcoholic if... You open a bottle of wine, pour out two glasses and pour the rest down the drain. Then, after you've had the two glasses, you go out to the liquor store and buy more wine to keep drinking.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions – A book by Russell Brand

Living Sober – an introduction to AA and recovery. Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget – by Sarah Hepola

Drinking: A Love Story – by Caroline Knapp Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 159: I'm Breaking Up With the Word Alcoholic... Again Mar 05, 2018

“Enhanced Dopamine Receptors” or EDR The word “alcoholic” carries such a stigma in today's society and also implies that one's addiction to alcohol is somehow different compared to other addictions. A more accurate way to describe the situation of those struggling with alcohol or any addiction is that they have “enhanced dopamine receptors.” Jim, with 57 days since his last drink, shares his story

SHOW NOTES

[11:00] Paul Introduces Jim. Jim is 47 years old, lives in Waukegan, Illinois. He's a truck driver and a father, with a 12-year-old son. He enjoys reading and working out.

[12:37] When did you realize you had a problem with alcohol? He always knew that he drank more than “normal people.” Started drinking early at 14. In recent years it became a problem. Recently he drank an entire weekend.

[14:30] Are you viewing it as a permanent decision? Yes, and he arrived at that decision because the moderate approach never seemed to work. “It's a hell of a lot easier to stay sober than to get sober.”

[16:10] Did you try to regulate your drinking in any way? Yes, he put rules in place and actually followed them, but suffered the entire time.. and it made him realize that he had a drinking problem.

[19:40] Did you hit rock bottom? He believes he's a high bottom drunk. Most of the conflict was in his head. His bottom was more of an emotional bottom.

[20:55] Were those emotions the reason you quit drinking? His inner dialogue was mostly negative. He drank mostly to silence his thoughts.

[23:04] What were your repeated Day 1's like and how did you break the cycle? He made a commitment to myself, to be honest about it. He decided he wasn't going to let it beat him. He gave himself permission to fail.

[27:04] How did you break the hamster wheel? He went to AA; he joined online groups, he started going to therapy. He made a “relapse prevention kit”. The danger was usually boredom and over analysis.

[28:50] How do you deal with cravings? He differentiates between cravings and urges. He realized that they're temporary. “Don't make a permanent solution to a temporary situation.” The feelings will not last forever. [30:00] What have you learned about yourself in your sobriety? He says he still needs a lot of work. He has to be vigilant to ensure he's pointed in the right direction.

[32:30] What is your proudest moment in sobriety? Staying sober for this long. He intends to keep going. [33:30] What was the retreat like for you? One of the best things he ever did. He enjoyed it thoroughly.

[36:25] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? As a teenager, drank tequila. Got sick, threw up his retainer.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? When he drank all weekend.
What’s your plan moving forward? Just continue on the path. Continue to learn.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Don't judge your insides by someone else's outsides.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Start stacking days. It's easier to stay sober than to get sober. You're not making any sacrifices; you're gaining opportunities.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This podcast episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator to post jobs for free.

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 158: Is Everyone Really Drinking? Feb 26, 2018

“Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting” You can't always believe what you hear. Just because we believe that everybody was kung fu fighting, doesn't mean that everyone was actually kung fu fighting. In fact, upon further research, it turns out that no one was kung fu fighting in the original music videos for this song. The same applies to “Everybody drinks”. When we drink, our beliefs about everyone drinking around us probably don't reflect reality. We feel that we have no choice because, in our minds, we are surrounded by drinking. Studies show that over one third of adults refrain from drinking alcohol and even more drink very moderately. In sobriety, we have an opportunity to redefine “normal”. We are relieved to let go of the trapping idea that we are forced to consume alcohol to fit in. Anna, with over 17 years since her last drink, shares her story..

SHOW NOTES

[10:40] Paul Introduces Anna. Anna is from Marin County. She's a writer. She has a cat, a boyfriend and a recovery podcast/company.

[14:30] What are you working on right now? She realized that the publishing business was not for her. She's now focusing on building her own audience and connecting with them and helping them directly.

[21:25] When did you first realize you had a problem with drinking and/or drugs? She realized she had a problem when she began using drugs in her apartment alone. It got very dark and she didn't want to get sober but she realized that she had no other choice.

[24:15] What kind of role did alcohol play in substance abuse? She never realized she had a problem because she was more focused on cocaine. In rehab they tried to tell her that drinking was connected and she didn't believe them, which lead to relapse.

[27:26] Which drug had more of a grip on you at the time?

It turns out it was both, even though she thought it was only cocaine.

[28:00] Talk to us about alcohol being the gateway drug for you. While under the influence are alcohol, she lost her ability to say no to the other drugs.

[31:15] What have you learned from your long term sobriety? She learned how sensitive she is. She learned that emotions are fleeting and won't last forever. She's learned how to accept people for how they behave.

[33:50] What role does self-loathing or self-love play in sobriety?

She believes that alcoholism is about ego-centrism and the spotlight effect. We assume everything is focused on us. She learned that we can change our behavior and rewire our bad habits. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, and break down the negative thinking.

[39:16] What would you say to someone on day 1? Go to a meeting, connect with a sobriety community. [41:08] How are you continuing to stay sober? She goes to a couple meetings a week. She goes to therapy, she meditates, she exercises. [42:28] What do you still want to accomplish in sobriety going forward? She believes in visualization.

[43:10] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? She accidentally snorted special K thinking it was cocaine.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Nothing special happened that day, but she just acted and got sober.
What’s your plan moving forward?
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? She loves “Blackout” by Sarah Hepolah. “Everything is horrible and wonderful”. Also an accountability group.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Re-frame depression as discomfort. Life is a process of getting comfortable with discomfort. We get what we want out of life when we stop insisting on it.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?
You might be an alcoholic if... You spend more time obsessing over alcohol or drugs.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode was brought to you by Casper. Visit Casper.com/elevator and use the promo code elevator for $50 off select mattresses.

Letting Go – David Hawkins

Light Hustler – Anna's website Blackout, Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget – A book by Sarah Hepolah Everything is Horrible and Wonderful – A book by Stephanie Wachs Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 157: Don't Alcoholics Live Under Bridges? Feb 19, 2018

Many of the stereotypes surrounding alcoholism don't match up with reality. The image of the homeless guy holding the bottle in a brown paper bag and living under a bridge doesn't correctly represent the average alcoholic, despite the image's popularity. Recent data shows that only 3-5% of alcoholics are homeless or on the street. As a group, alcoholics have enhanced dopamine receptors. They tend to be overachievers, over-workers, over-thinkers, and over-creators. They come from many demographics and many age groups. When Paul compiled the data for the RE podcast, he wasn't surprised to find a diverse pool of listeners, both married and single, educated and uneducated, rich and poor. Kim, with less than 1 year since her last drink, shares her story:

SHOW NOTES

[12:42] Paul Introduces Kim. 5 months sober. From Buffalo NY, lives in Chicago, 36yo, works in digital marketing. Loves billiards, volleyball, spa and travel. Currently working towards a masters in digital communication.

[15:00] When did you begin to realize you had a problem with alcohol? She fell ill and ended up in the hospital with a bleeding stomach. The doctor recommended that she quit. She quit briefly but ended up relapsing and found herself back in the hospital again. Second doctor also recommended sobriety.

[18:40] What was it like when the second doctor told you it was life or death? The second doctor gave her lots of attention and encouraged her to get into AA. She was humbled and blown away by the personal touch. The doctor's previous patient was someone in the later stages of alcoholism and he warned her not to follow the same path. She then got 8 months of sobriety after.

[20:27] Did you end up going to your first meeting? She did. She gave it a shot but it didn't feel like a good fit. She didn't connect with the people.

[21:44] How did you come to relapse after the 8 month period? She took a trip to Mexico, and saw everyone around her drinking, which enabled her to justify having a few drinks. She decided she was treating herself.

[22:40] How was the rest of the vacation? She didn't have any problems in Mexico, but she convinced herself that it wasn't a big deal and she opened the door to alcohol coming back in to her life. She gradually slipped back in to her old habits.

[24:25] What happened after you begin to let alcohol back into your life? She spent a lot of time hungover. She spent a lot of money at IV ME

[25:16] Were you sick and tired of being sick and tired? She was feeling run down and depressed. At this point she knew better and she was disappointed in herself.

[26:20] During your Labor Day holiday, were you drinking by yourself? Yes. She felt left out and depressed. She doesn't remember doing her Fantasy Football League draft. [28:33] What was the next day like for you? She called an Uber, but made it turn around because she didn't feel up to it. Later that night she went to her therapist and he helped her see that she was choosing her behavior. [30:00] Were you fully honest with your therapist? Yes, he knew about her behavior. [30:42] Have you figured out why you were drinking? She thinks it's because she wants to fit in and be included. [33:33] What would you consider your rock bottom moment? Definitely in the hospital. Repeating the process, paying the money again even though she knew what the problem was. This time she wanted it to be different. She needed to know her other options. She ended up finding Smart Recovery. She began exploring other options she had never considered. She finally clicked with a sponsor and has even flown out to visit her in person. [36:27] What was the Dallas Cafe RE retreat like for you? She loved it. She found validation. It made her feel more comfortable. She found that there are other people just like her.

[39:30] What are your thoughts on Smart Recovery? It's more science based. It focuses on thinking and behavior, goal setting. It focuses on short term goals. Everyone shares in the meeting. [40:53] What is your proudest moment in sobriety?

Sharing her story to help others. She's blogging and making videos and she's getting feedback. She has a recovery website: Brighter Mornings. [41:49] What was it like to publish for the first time? She planned the release. The accountability was scary for her. She became excited at the thought of reaching people that might be struggling with alcohol. [43:15] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Waking up at an ex's house, not knowing how long she had been there or what she was doing there.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Sitting in the I.V. Me facility, running out of money.
What’s your plan moving forward? To continue to research. Build a community. Keep her sobriety blog and brunch club.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? The Happy Hour. The Naked Mind. Smart Recovery. Recovery Elevator. Meeting new people in person and online from the sober community.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? It's not changing something, it's changing everything.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Don't question it. Just do it. It's not easy, but it's worth it.
You might be an alcoholic if... If you call into your job hungover on day 3.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Brighter Mornings – Kim's recovery website

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 156: Progress Not Perfection Feb 12, 2018

In this episode, Paul vents a little bit of his frustration and anger in recovery about AA and “big alcohol”. Without alcohol in our lives to help us deal with difficult emotions.. anger, resentment, and frustration (to name a few) often rise to the surface. Paul expresses his concern for the abundance of alcohol in society, despite the overwhelming evidence that it is destructive and harmful.

Katie, with 496 days since her last drink, shares her story:

SHOW NOTES

[12:00] Paul Introduces Katie. Katie is 29 years old, originally from New York, but lived in Colorado for a while and now lives in Dallas, Texas. Since quitting drinking and she is now into fitness. She recently ran her first half marathon. [15:45] How did you realize you had a problem and how did you get sober? Katie drank a lot in school. After college, she moved to Denver. She started going out every night, and developed insomnia. Went to the doctor, was prescribed Xanax. The medication eventually stopped working. The insomnia continued. She medicated on both ends of her sleep.

[19:50] When did you realize the core problem wasn't being solved? In Dallas, the doctors tried to taper down her medications.

[23:33] When did rehab enter the picture? She felt alone and stuck. She broke down in her apartment. While moving, she found pills that she was hiding from herself. While her father was helping her move, they went to therapy and had a break down in front her her therapist and her father. Therapist told her she was still young and had a lot of life in front of her.

[27:45] You realized you had a drinking problem while in rehab? Yes. She was in denial about why she was going. Thought it was just for rest. Left sober, but with the intention of using her meds normally, or as prescribed. In rehab, she slept well. She was going to try to use meds to stay sober... realized she was an alcoholic.

[30:35] What was it like after? Returning to Dallas was tough. She had no support structure. Started to make friends through the sober community. Got into fitness. Met a guy who was a big drinker, turns out he had been sober for a while and understood her situation.

[37:00] How did you overcome the desire to relapse? She lost a romantic partner, and it was difficult. She insisted on making it to 1 year, though. She realized that emotions are fleeting.

[38:10] What is your proudest moment in sobriety? She's visiting her best friend from college. They're celebrating sobriety together. She's also found out that many other people are getting sober. [40:26] What is something that you've learned about yourself in sobriety? She's resilient. She's been hitting her fitness goals more easily.

[41:41] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Woke up in a disgusting apartment with bug bites.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? The moment of clarity in rehab.
What’s your plan moving forward? Focus on the positive, and keeping the eye on the prize. Don't mess with the routine.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Her gym. A tough workout, with intention setting.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? It's a lot easier to stay sober than it is to get sober.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just try it. You can always go back to the life with alcohol.
You might be an alcoholic if... You have a parking permit at the liquor store so you can park there without worrying about driving drunk.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Visit Rxbar.com/elevator and use the promo code elevator for 25% off your first order.

The Sober Truth – a book by Lance and Zachary Dodes, debunking recovery programs From Death Do I Part – a book by Amy Lee Coy, her story about overcoming addiction Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 155: Filling the Void Left By Alcohol Feb 05, 2018

“For us to be successful in sobriety, we must fill the void left by alcohol.” -Russel Brand, Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions

Drinking plays a big role in our lives. Many of our social gatherings revolve around it. We use it to relax or to deal with difficult emotions. When we quit drinking, a void is then created that can be felt across many areas of our lives. What do we do with this? Should we fill it? With what?

When the void is present, some try to use willpower to ignore it or to muscle through or around it. Unfortunately, studies show that willpower is a finite resource and can not be solely relied upon to quit successfully. If the void (also known as the emotional and spiritual causes of alcoholism) isn't properly dealt with, one can become what is known as a “dry drunk.” The behaviors, coping mechanisms, and mindsets of the alcoholic are still present; the only difference is the lack of alcohol consumption.

In sobriety, we find ourselves with more... more time, more energy, and more mental clarity. It's important to fill this time and spend this energy in a healthy and productive way so that the reasons for the void's existence begin to disappear as we lay a healthy and solid foundation for living. Find things you like to do, and more importantly, find the communities surrounding those activities and do your best to become a part of them.

Chrissy, with 2 and ½ years, talks about how she married her drinking buddy:

SHOW NOTES

[12:50] Paul Introduces Chrissy.

Chrissy has been sober for 2 and ½ years. She's from Mill Valley, California. 48 years old. District Sales Manager. Mother of two teenage boys. She has two dogs. Married.

[14:42] When did you first realize you had a drinking problem?

She used to be in denial. She married her drinking buddy. Started dabbling to get out of her head. Became a problem when she moved to a town where everyone drank. Started drinking daily. Lead to a health scare.

[17:10] What was it like to find out you had Grade A Liver Cirrhosis?

She lost a lot of weight. She was mistaken for someone who was pregnant. Ignored swelling abdomen and yellow eyes. Eventually couldn't ignore symptoms. The doctor called her an alcoholic. She says the doctor is a good place to go for help.

[20:50] Did you ever attempt to moderate or control your drinking?

She always tried to manage it. She had an idea for a perfect medium buzz. The health scare is what made her consider quitting.

[22:47] What was it like when you first quit?

It took a few weeks for her body to repair itself. She now gets checked up regularly.

[25:30] What did you learn about yourself during this process?

Once the fog was lifted, she began to ponder why she drank. Now she says it isn't important. It's more important to stay sober. Year 1 was “how do I stay sober?” and now year 2 is “how do I manage my emotions?”. Year 3 is now easier and more relaxing.

[27:10] What was it like to cut ties with alcohol completely?

She felt like she was kicking her best friend to the curb. She had to get it out of her immediate surroundings. At first, she felt sad, was white knuckling it. Now she feels that quitting drinking was the one thing that changed her life completely.

[31:17] What does a day in recovery look like for you?

A neighbor took her to a meeting. Found a sponsor. Podcasts. Reading books. Surrounding myself with sobriety. Changed her priorities.. recovery, then family, then work.

[33:25] What was it like to marry your drinking buddy?

She used to blame him a lot for her drinking. She noticed that he drinks less. They did therapy together. She's focusing on herself. She's not sure whether or not her husband is an alcoholic. [36:00] What advice do you have for someone in recovery which is with someone who drinks?

Changed her perspective. Release me from the bondage of “self”. She focuses on herself. She sees her partner more with compassion.

[39:40] What do you have to say to a person who is scared of quitting because they feel they might become depressed?

Reach out and get some help. Any hospital will help you to quit drinking. Get to a safe place... get over the hump, just for a few days.

[42:20] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? After delivering a baby, all she wanted to do was get home and have a drink.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? When a colleague told her that her eyes were yellow.
What’s your plan moving forward?
Continue to stay in the middle of the herd. Continue to work with the sponsor, and keep going.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
Her community in recovery.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “If your ass falls off, pick it up and come to a meeting.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If you're thinking about it, just go for it. If it's not for you, you'll know.
You might be an alcoholic if... A worker at the grocery store mistakes your alcohol purchase as being for a large group of people.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions by Russell Brand

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Alcoholics Anonymous "Big Book" PDF

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down; we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 154: Can Pills Help Control Our Drinking? Jan 29, 2018

“Does anybody have experience with naltrexone, Antabuse (disulfiram), or Campral (acamprosate)?” These drugs are designed to help people deal with the physical side effects of quitting alcohol. While readily available, most 12 step programs will not mention quit aids such as these. In the Radio Lab episode “The Fix”, they mention that a very small percentage of people in the early stages of drinking ever qualify for receiving drugs to help them quit. Many people will seek out an easy way to quit, and though these drugs may seem attractive, the only way to successfully move forward is by putting in the work. Disulfiram - more commonly known as Antabuse, is intended to create negative side effects to break the positive association with drinking. It will not help with the physical cravings of quitting. The United States National Institutes of Health says “...it is unlikely that disulfiram will have any real effect on the drinking pattern of the chronic alcoholic.” Naltrexone – blocks brain opioid receptors. Probably the most popular. It alters the brain's neurochemistry to make alcohol less rewarding. The alcohol molecule is similar to an opioid molecule and is received similarly in the brain. Naltrexone blocks the high one gets from drinking. Acamprosate - more commonly known as Campral, is newer than the other drugs in the US. The complete workings of this drugs are currently unknown, but it appears to disrupt the activity of the gaba and glutamate neurotransmitter systems in the brain, essentially quickening the pace at which a brain affected by alcohol returns to normalcy. Are these drugs a cure for alcoholism? The common experience is no. These pills only address the physical component of the disease, leaving the emotional and spiritual causes unchecked. Some key points from “The Fix” episode by Radio Lab: 1 – Billy's Story – The drugs did what they were supposed to do, in that they helped him get his drinking under control, but they did not cure the underlying causes for his alcoholism. 2 – The separation between the addiction community and the medical community started in the 30s during the tuberculosis epidemic, eventually leading to the medical community relying on medicine and the recovery community relying on a higher power. 3 – According to Anna Rose-Childress, people prone to addiction are the fittest of the fit, evolutionary speaking. They are rewarded from their environment in more subtle ways, which seems to backfire in today's modern environment. Stephen, with 12 days since his last drink, shares his story.

SHOW NOTES

[13:33] Paul Introduces Stephen. How long have you been sober? Who are you? What do you do for fun?

Over 12 days. From Brisbane, Queensland, Australia. 29yo. Works as a graphic and web designer. Recent graduate of Nutritional Medicine. Engaged to be married. Love fitness and reading self-help books.

[15:00] When did you realize that you weren't drinking normally?

Realized he couldn't just have a quiet night. One drink lead to many, which lead to a three day bender, which lead to difficulty stopping drinking.

[16:00] How did your drinking progress?

Tried staying drunk to avoid hangovers.

[18:00] Did you experience a kind of rock bottom?

Not a rock bottom, but a realization that he had no self control as long as there was alcohol in his system.

[18:55] Did you put any rules in place to moderate your drinking?

Tried general strategies. Only drinking at night, etc. They went out the window quite often. Tried using Antabuse but couldn't afford it.

[20:19] What was it like using Antabuse?

Was moderate successful. Quit for 3 months. Doesn't cure the holistic problem.

[22:50] Are you still using medication to help you stay sober?

No. Not working for him in the long run.

[25:00] How did you pick your sobriety date? What strategies are you using?

Figured it was a good year to step it up. Trying to keep busy. Noticed that I have an addictive personality. Figured I'd meditate more and focus on my career.

[28:11] What have you lost to alcohol?

Lost a lot of friends. Made poor choices while drinking. Lost a previous romantic relationship. Lead to positive outcomes.

[30:20] What advice would you give to your younger self in regards to drinking?

“You don't need to go out and hit up the nightclubs to have fun.” I used to drink and play video games. The association is still strong and tough to break.

[31:45] Have you tried AA?

He considered it. This year he may try it out to experience the community.

[34:20] Do you experience cravings? If so, what do you when they arise?

Tried waiting it out. Reaches out to someone at church. Avoids the internal conflict.

[36:30] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking?

Out at a pub, decided to go outside and sit on a bench. Woke up in an ambulance. Needed stitches from passing out and hitting his head.

Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?

Was on a 3 day bender. Went for a drive and because of sleep deprivation was in a car accident.

What’s your plan moving forward?

One day at a time. Keep setting positive goals. Stay fit. Looking up.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

Recovery Elevator is the biggest one. Listen to podcasts, reads books.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?

You're not alone, and you always have a choice.

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?

Think of the long term benefits, especially your health.

You might be an alcoholic if...

get up early on a work day and have a double vodka, even before your decide whether or not you're going to work.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Radiolab – The Fix

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Traker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 153: Do Half Measures Really Avail Us Nothing? Jan 22, 2018

"Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon."

This phrase is commonly heard in 12 step meetings. When it comes to recovery, a half-hearted attempt could have disasterous results. Recovery can be confusing. Half measures might yield mediocre results in other areas of life, but due to the nature of the beast, unfortunatly the truth is that alcoholism can not be defeated while alchol is still being consumed, and thus requires one to quit drinking completely in order to successfully move forward without alcohol.

While this is true in the long run, most of us use half measures at the beginning to try and control our drinking. This is normal and, though half measures in regard to quitting drinking leads to relapse, it may also lead one to the conclusion that they have to quit completely. Sometimes the wrong train will take you to the right destination.

Zoey, with 7 months since her last drink, shares her story.

SHOW NOTES

[9:15] Paul Introduces Zoey. How long have you been sober? Who are you? What do you do for fun?

Over 7 months sober. June 1, 2017 sobriety date. Married. Louisville, KY. 23yo. Works at a freight facility. Still learning what she likes to do for fun. Has 2 dogs. Likes music, reading, cooking.

[9:40] What spurred you into sobriety?

Had a car accident while under the influence that she didn't remember.

[12:00] Did you ever put any rules in place to try and control your drinking?

Yes. Switching types of drinks. Switched from beer to liquor to lower the quantity of drinks she consumed thinking she wouldn't be viewed as an alcoholic. She would also force herself to run a mile for each drink she consumed.

[13:25] Before your accident, were there signs that you were drinking too much?

Many. Husband was afraid to be around her while she drank. Also, she would jokingly mention that she was an alcholic in conversation, surprising herself.

[14:45] Was this your first attempt to quit drinking after the accident?

Yes. She had a meltdown and wound up in a psychiatric hospital, was diagnosed and medicated. She tried to stop because of her medication, but she couldn't last more than 5 days. She also lied to doctors about her drinking.

[17:45] What's it like getting sober at your young age?

Different than others. To her, age didn't matter. She believes she has hurt enough people and has felt enough pain for anyone at any age. Her friends still drink so she had to remove herself from her social connections.

[19:55] How did you determine which friendships to keep and which to end?

She looked at the things they did together, whether or not there was any real connection beyond alcohol. It wasn't difficult because the stakes were high. If she couldn't get sober, her life wouldn't move forward in a healthy way.

[22:28] How did you get sober? Did you go to a clinic?

Both inpatient and outpatient. On her 1st day of sobriety, she checked into a detox program for 6 days. After, she attented a 5 week intensive outpatient program. This was during the first month or so of sobriety.

[23:45] What is outpatient treatment like?

Very beneficial. She says she wasn't an easy patient. The program involved a lot of conversation and teaching, helping the patient decide what is best for the patient.

[24:37] What is your point of view on the disease concept?

She finds it helpful to know that she have a disease that can be treated. It is the answer she has been searching for. Not all decisions about health come from a doctor, one can decide for oneself. Also she isn't alone.

[26:30] What does your recovery portfolio look like now? A day in the life.

Coffee in the morning, then playing with dogs, followed by prayers and meditations. Meditation helps a lot. AA meetings at least every other night. Reach out to support group when she needs help, which is often.

[27:35] How is it important to stay connected?

Incredibly important. There is also pain in sobriety, but more support from a community. Sobriety is only the beginning. Someone can give advice while dealing with problems.

[28:45] How did you deal with your grandmother's passing while sober?

It was difficult. She noticed she was more present with family. She reminded herself that relapse wasn't an option. She didn't want to disappoint her family. "I've got to stay sober so I can handle this and be there for the people that need me." The stakes were high, as she was feeling suicidal. Meetings helped. Reading helped.

[31:50] How have your coping skills improved over the past months?

I no longer jump to conclusions, then run to alcohol. I take a moment to think about and assess each situation when it arises.

[33:15] Have you experienced cravings in your sobriety? If yes, what do you do when they come?

I haven't really had physical cravings. Mental? Yes. She is using the tools that she has been given to stay sober. The challenge for her is mental.

[34:30] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking?

One night became suicidal. Chased husband around with a knife.

Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?

When husband said he was afraid to be around me while I was drinking.

What’s your plan moving forward?

Continue doing what works. Stay in touch with other people and myself. Don't give in and hit the F-it button.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

The Big Book from AA.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?

Whenever times get hard, you can either a) hit the F-it button, b) fight what you're going through head on.

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?

Go with your gut. If you think it's time to quit it is. "You can put your shovel down whenever you want. You don't have to keep digging your hole deeper."

You might be an alcoholic if...

you have a very hard time choosing between a happy and sober life or a painfully alcoholic death.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Retreat in Machu Picchu - Retreat of a lifetime coming up in October. 17 people have signed up so far.

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Traker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 152: Asking For Help With Alcohol: Made a Decision to Turn Our Will and Lives Over Jan 15, 2018

Paul summarizes Step 3 from the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous.

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives

over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

Step three in a nutshell means we are asking for help. A God of our understanding can be anything. We must be convinced that a life run on self will can hardly be a success.

Jenna, with over 3 years since her last drink, shares her story

SHOW NOTES

[8:39] Paul Introduces Jenna. I live in Colorado, I work in IT, and I’m 38 and have a 10-year-old daughter. I love hiking, running, and skiing. I love to cook.

[12:38] Paul- When did you start drinking?

Jenna- I actually didn’t start drinking until I was in college. I didn’t drink in High School. The first time I drank I was 12. I discovered a bottle of alcohol, and poured it into a coke.

[21:25] Paul- What was it that led you to quit drinking?

Jenna- I had several bottoms before September of 2014. I knew alcohol wasn’t working for me, but no one knew that alcohol was the cause of my anxiety and depressing and feeling horrible.

[28:42] Paul- How liberating was it to be in that environment where your mom with nothing to hide?

Jenna- She cooked me lots of healthy food. It took me days to be able to eat. That love and being cared for was huge. She was there for me for whatever I needed.

[34:15] Paul- Talk to me about the timeline, and the patience. What do you have to say on that? It does keep getting better.

Jenna- That first year was amazing and hard at the same time. I had to learn how to do everything without alcohol in a culture where everything revolves around alcohol. Having accountability with my sponsor and my husband was huge in all of those times.

[43:21] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? That would be when we were in Vegas for my Grandma’s 90th birthday party, and I took my daughter to the bathroom, and I got lost. I didn’t know how to get back to the restaurant and I was drunk.

Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Labor Day weekend of 2014. We were going camping. It was always my job to pack up the camper. I decided to drink before doing that, by the time we got out to the campsite 90% of what we needed was not in the camper.
What’s your plan moving forward? I plan to keep growing personally and learning.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? What works for me is going to meetings, and connecting with other people.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Surrender, and ask my higher power for help.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? You can find your bottom at any time, just put down the shovel and quit digging (drinking).
You might be an alcoholic if... when you are going through airport security your Ziploc bags of liquid shampoo bottles are filled with vodka.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Step 3 Pages 34-41

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Opportunity to waive the set up fee.

HIMS Website- Human Intervention Motivation Study

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 151: This Recovery Program Claims an 80% Success Rate Jan 08, 2018

The American Medical Association recognized alcohol dependence as a disease over 55 years ago. Alcohol dependence fits the disease model because it is a dysfunctional state with characteristic form.

Use of some drugs, including alcohol, may cause dependency. The medical term for this dependency, or addiction, is Chemical Dependency. In order for a chemical to be addictive it must possess three properties. It must be: 1) mind altering or mood changing, 2) euphorigenic, and 3) reinforcing, that is taking the chemical stimulates taking more of the chemical.

Kim, with 3 days since her last drink, shares her story

SHOW NOTES

[14:29] Paul Introduces Kim. I am 43 years old, I have 2 kids, I am from Atlanta, I am a self-employed attorney. I like to walk my dog, be out in nature, and exercise. I come from a family of alcoholics.

[19:34] Paul- Did you ever put any rules into place? Like not drinking before 5:00? Tell us more about that.

Kim- I did actually. I switched to wine, I don’t know if that counts as moderating. I did cut back on the heavy stuff. I tried not drinking when I noticed the emotions were flooding. For me it’s been the amount I have been drinking when I did drink.

[32:18] Paul- We are both one of the “lucky ones” How do you feel about that?

Kim- The one thing I have that my family members don’t have is self-awareness. They are in denial. I feel very very lucky that I have been able to recognize what I am doing, and that it is a problem. At the same time it is everywhere. I see it everywhere.

[43:08] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Without a doubt it was that night. It was the lowest I felt in my life. I never want to be there again.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? It was 3 days ago. We were having fun, watching football. The next thing I knew I had a beer in my hand.
What’s your plan moving forward? Accountability is big. Actually calling somebody, I can see where reaching out can help break the cycle.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Without a doubt it is the Café RE recovery group.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? When you are going through hell, don’t stop.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Don’t beat yourself up. It perpetuates in a negative way.
You might be an alcoholic if... you actually enjoy being sick with a cold or the flu because it actually suppresses your desire to get a drink for a while.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This podcast episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator to post jobs for free.

CBS News- Rehab that Puts Alcoholic Pilots Back in the Cockpit

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 150: We Can Do This Jan 01, 2018

It is January 1st, 2018. Today represents the start of a new year. The fact that you are listening to a podcast that is all about bettering your life sets you apart from all the rest. Addicts and alcoholics need altruistic relationships in our lives with others who do not drink.

Tricia, with 1 year since her last drink, shares her story

SHOW NOTES

[8:38] Paul Introduces Tricia. I live in Dallas Texas, I’m 36 years old, I am a Chef by trade. I like to do crafty stuff, and I like to go running.

[15:03] Paul- What was it like hitting that 1-year milestone? What was that feeling?

Tricia- 1-year felt better than my birthday. My soberversary felt so much more important than any birthday I had ever had. Having one year was 10 times that feeling of excitement and accomplishment.

[26:43] Paul- Tell us more about that.

Tricia- I can quickly compare getting sober to starting an exercise routine. Everyone wants a quick fix. That never works. There is no quick fix. You have to do the things that make you uncomfortable and are hard. You have to learn to have discipline. AA is attraction, not promotion. I can take what I want, and leave the rest.

[32:32] Paul- The majority of listeners have yet to step foot into an AA meeting. What are your thoughts on AA? What light can you shed upon the 12-step process?

Tricia- I have a lot of opinions on AA. It’s a place where you can meet people in real life. We all have the same disease. It is neat to meet people who get you. I love that part about AA. There are 2 parts to AA: Going to meetings, and working the 12 steps. If you just go to meetings and you don’t do the steps you are missing out.

[36:42] Paul- Tell us a little about the retreat and what you learned from it.

Tricia- I signed up early for the retreat as an incentive to stay sober. The retreat in Montana was an adult experience kind of like camp. Creating relationships with people who are just like you. Everyone was so vulnerable right away. It was magical. You had to be there to know.

Rapid Fire Round

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Start right now. There is no right time, do it now. It just gets harder the longer you wait. You can’t do this alone, if you could, you would have done it by now.

You might be an alcoholic if...you are always scheduling your day around your drinking. Everything has a hard stop at 4:00 or 5:00 so you gotta start drinking. You know exactly how many ice cubes are in everyone’s glasses because you watched Mad Men drunk.
What’s on your bucket list? I am going to be a speaker at the Dallas Meet-up. I really would like to do more speaking engagements. I am looking forward to the Peru trip.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Gourmaleo - Dallas based Paleo food delivery service

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Opportunity to waive the set up fee.

Recovery Elevator in Dallas January Social

Sobriety Traker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 149: Some Facts About Alcohol Dec 25, 2017

Facts about Alcohol: Less than 20% of people with alcohol abuse disorders actually seek treatment for their disease. Excessive alcohol consumption costs the U.S. economy an estimated 250 billion dollars in lost productivity according to a study from 2010. Alcoholic’s Anonymous success rates vary depending on the source.

Makenzee, with 1 year since her last drink, shares her story

SHOW NOTES

[12:05] Paul Introduces Makenzee. I am from Boise Idaho. I am 23 years old and I work in the emergency department at the hospital. I love crafting, and fitness and nutrition. I got married 9 months ago.

[13:15] Paul- When did you first realize you had a problem with alcohol?

Makenzee- I had a constant build up of sickness and hangovers on my days off. I started to realize that my hobbies didn’t exist anymore. I wasn’t really present in the moment. It was miserable.

[16:57] Paul- 13 days ago, did you have a rock bottom moment? Tell us why you quit drinking.

Makenzee- It was hard to say one specific thing happened. I was excruciatingly hung-over 13 days ago. It lasted about two and half days. I was going through some physical withdrawals.

[25:22] Paul- Let’s back up to Day 1,2, 3, 4, 5, how have you gotten this far?

Makenzee- Days 1,2,3,4,5 were… I’m not going to sugar coat it, absolute hell. My body was physically aching. I had a hard time wrapping my head around the situation. Yesterday was the first day I did not feel miserable. It was very difficult the first few days.

[31:36] Paul- What have you learned most about yourself over these past 13 days?

Makenzee- I’m actually a good person. I beat myself up a lot. I realized everyone is not going to like me. But I like me, and I am comfortable in my own skin.

[36:52] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Blacking out after my husband face timed me from overseas, and not remembering talking to him.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Waking up after our wedding night and not remembering the last half of it.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Café RE, and self-care.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Facing it is the only way to overcome it.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Rip it off like a Band-Aid. It’s terrifying; it hurts like hell, but just do it. Your life will flourish.
You might be an alcoholic if... you buy a plane ticket to Vegas instead of paying for a lawyer for your DUI.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Opportunity to waive the set up fee.

Out of the Wreck I Rise- Neil Steinberg

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 148: The Perfect Storm for Alcoholism Dec 18, 2017

Randy Craig, with 49 days since his last drink, shares his story.

SHOW NOTES

[2:53] Paul Introduces Randy. I was born and raised in Casper Wyoming. I went to school in Colorado, and worked there for a few years. Music has been a part of my life since I was very young. I like to read, play music, take my dog on walks. My passion revolves around my music.

Randy tells his story in detail to Paul, and explains his journey up to this point.

[41:59] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Waking up in that Hospital in ICU.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? My first detox.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Out of the Wreck I Rise” – by Neil Steinberg
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? It starts with you.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If you are even questioning it, odds are you should try to stop it before it gets worse. It is an awful disease.
You might be an alcoholic if... I’m on my deathbed with an expired liver, and still have the energy to go to the bar.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode was brought to you by RX Bar. Visit RXbar.com/elevator and use the promo code elevator for 25% off your first order.

Randy Craig's Website

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Opportunity to waive the set-up fee.

"Beyond the Influence" - Katherine Ketcham

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 147: Is Alcoholism a Disease, a Habit, or Voluntary? Dec 11, 2017

The 3 basic camps of addiction can be broken into the following categories:

The prevailing wisdom today is that addiction is a disease. This is the main line of the medical model of mental disorders with which the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) is aligned: addiction is a chronic and relapsing brain disease in which alcohol use becomes involuntary despite its negative consequences.

The idea here is, roughly, that addiction is a disease because alcohol use changes the brain and, as a result of these changes, alcohol use becomes compulsive, beyond the voluntary control of the user. In other words, drinker has no choice and his behavior is resistant to long term change.

Marc Lewis’ “The Biology of Desire: Why Addiction is Not a Disease”, has stirred controversy among addicts, their families, addiction researchers, and treatment providers. Lewis claims that the scientific facts don’t support the disease model of addiction. Rather, addiction, like romantic love and other emotionally loaded habits, develops through accelerated learning. Combining scientific views with intimate biographies of addicts who recovered, the book also shows how addiction can be overcome, through self-directed change in one’s goals and perspectives.
Drawing on psychiatric epidemiology, addicts’ autobiographies, treatment studies, and advances in behavioral economics, Heyman makes a powerful case that addiction is voluntary. He shows that drug use, like all choices, is influenced by preferences and goals. But just as there are successful dieters, there are successful ex-addicts. In fact, addiction is the psychiatric disorder with the highest rate of recovery. But what ends an addiction?

At the heart of Heyman’s analysis is a startling view of choice and motivation that applies to all choices, not just the choice to use drugs. The conditions that promote quitting a drug addiction include new information, cultural values, and, of course, the costs and benefits of further drug use. Most of us avoid becoming drug dependent, not because we are especially rational, but because we loathe the idea of being an addict.

Greg, with 361 days since his last drink, shares his story

SHOW NOTES

[13:45] Paul Introduces Greg. I’m 54 years old, I live In Las Vegas, I’m an attorney, and working in HR currently. I have been married for 26 years, and have 2 daughters aged 22 and 18. I love being outdoors.

[18:59] Paul- Can you describe your rock bottom moment?

Greg- The summer of 2016 I played on a work Softball League. We won the championship. I had a party at my house to celebrate. I drank way too much, I blacked out, we ended up doing shots of tequila. It was a bad scene. The next morning it was the lowest I had felt in my life. It was ruining my relationships.

[26:43] Paul- When you came out, how liberating was that feeling?

Greg- It was awesome. I felt like I had taken a huge first step. I admitted to myself I had a problem. It was liberating. I have expanded my accountability network.

[37:01] Paul- You look at it like an opportunity and not a sacrifice. Comment more on that.

Greg- It is really a celebration. There were times in the past when I tried to give up drinking. With that mentality it didn’t work. I have gained peace and happiness, and joy and serenity. I really look at recovery as something that I have been given. I am going to make the most of it every single day.

[41:18] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? It was definitely waking up the morning after the softball party. That was the low point from there, I started heading back up.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? There was a time a few years ago when one of my kids had an event during one of my drinking nights. I thought it is kind of twisted thinking for getting upset I was going to have to spend time with my family because it would interfere with my drinking.
What’s your plan moving forward? Doing this podcast has been great. One day at a time. I’m going to continue to go to Celebrate Recovery.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Focus on the similarities, not the differences.

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If you think you might have a problem, reach out to one other person you trust.
You might be an alcoholic if...you are nick named after a drink.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Gene Heyman "Addiction: A Disorder of Choice"

Marc Lewis "Biology Of Desire"

Article: "Is Addiction a Disease?"

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Opportunity to waive the set up fee.

Alcoholics Anonymous "Big Book"

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 146: We Came to Believe Dec 04, 2017

Paul discusses Step 2 from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Mike, with 86 days his last drink, shares his story

SHOW NOTES

[11:31] Paul Introduces Mike. I live in Vermont; I’m 33 years old. I work as a social worker; I hang out with my wife, my 12-year-old son, and play video games.

[16:50] Paul- Describe the progression, coupled with Father time, hangovers are getting worse and worse, talk about that progression.

Mike- Yeah, I would buy those little boxes of wine, then I would just buy the bottle, and the bottle would be gone. It felt like I was in quicksand, when you are running in sand and can’t get any traction.

[20:21] Paul- It’s tough to get 86 days of sobriety, how did you do it?

Mike- Listening to the Recover Elevator was huge. I felt like I was in the contemplation stage. I’ve been thinking about quitting for years. Listening to Recovery Elevator is what really helped motivate me jump right in. I listen to “This Naked Mind” on audio book and really tried to “brainwash” myself, and felt like it worked.

[28:12] Paul- What advice would you give to your younger self? If you could go back to your 16-year-old self, what would you say?

Mike- I would like to go to my 15-year-old self and smack the beer out of my hand. I disagree with the stance that some people can drink normally. Don’t be ashamed that it’s hard.

[35:29] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? The day after St. Patrick’s Day party trying to piece together what happened.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? I had a lot of times, the most recent time I drank, I had the house to myself and just laying there by myself.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery? “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Alcohol is shit. It resonated with my bodies’ reaction to alcohol.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? When we are in the contemplation stage of am I an alcoholic or not. The real problem is alcohol is an addictive poison, and anyone can become addicted to alcohol.
You might be an alcoholic if... you go to St. Patrick’s day party, spill red wine on the rug, you put your arm around another woman, and rub her back while standing with your wife, and you black, the last thing you remember is raising both fists to the sky and yelling “I’m the king of the world”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

RX Bar - Visit www.rxbar.com/elevator for 25% off your first order.

"This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code opportunity to waive the set up fee.

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

Re 145: 4 Strategies to Utilize in Social Situations Nov 27, 2017

These 4 Strategies will help us get through any social situation. Will power can only last us so long.

Accountability
Play the tape forward
Always have an exit strategy
Stop and think. Alcohol is a poison.

Neal, with 20 months since his last drink, shares his story

SHOW NOTES

[8:20] Paul Introduces Neal. I am in my late 50’s. I have 2 boys, 2 grandchildren. I do maintenance work, I like to go camping and spend time with our granddaughter who lives with us.

[11:50] Paul- In 1990, was your wife leaving you what got you sober?

Neal- Yes. I was driving a taxi in Seattle at that time. The AA world convention came to town. It was a huge emotional relief. I cried throughout the whole event.

[16:06] Paul- Let’s back it up to 2008 when you took that first drink after 18 years of sobriety. Can you walk us through that?

Neal- The pressures, and there were times I would tell my wife to bring home a 6 pack of beer. One day she finally did. It took 6 months for me to ramp up to where I was after that.

[25:04] Paul- Curiosity is killing the cat, what was the reason?

Neal- I had to go on Antabuse in November of 2015. I had to go to the pharmacy and take the white pill. Antabuse and alcohol do not mix.

[29:43] Paul- With nearly 20 years of sobriety logged, do you still get cravings, and if you do still get them, what do you do?

Neal- I don’t get any cravings. Like I said, on that day when I read the obsession, the cravings, it was all lifted, it’s gone. I try to remain calm. Step back and take a deep breath. I try to reflect how they affect me.

[33:34] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? I was at a former employers business and I asked my wife to come down to give me a ride home, she came down, and brought somebody else with her and I flew off the handle and was yelling and screaming, and they called the cops. I wouldn’t come out, they couldn’t come in. I finally came out, but it was scary.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? It was the last week of my drinking. I laid in bed, and called in sick everyday.
What’s your plan moving forward? To keep connected with AA. Keep going on, and enjoying my 2 grandchildren.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? I have to say Podcasts. I work alone a lot. I listen to 10’s of 100’s of hours of podcasts.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Go to meetings, stay connected.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? One day at a time.
You might be an alcoholic if... when you are opening that bottle to take a swig, at 1:00, 2:00, 3:00, 4:00, or 5:00 in the morning just to get another 45 minutes or hour of sleep.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code opportunity to waive the set up fee.

"This Naked Mind" - Annie Grace

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 144: Gratitude is Key in Sobriety Nov 20, 2017

“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.” – Cynthia Ozick

What is gratitude, and how can this help us get and stay sober? Service and Gratitude go hand in hand.

Here’s Paul’s Holiday challenge:

Write 10 things you are grateful for 10 days in a row. Be thankful for something you totally have taken for granted your entire life. After 10 days when you have 100 items listed, review the list, and look for reoccurring themes. Email your completed lists to Paul@recoveryelevator.com

Dan, with 66 days since his last drink, shares his story

SHOW NOTES

[8:10] Paul Introduces Dan. I live a town called Guildford, about 30 minutes outside of London, I have 2 boys named Sebastian and Felix who are 4 and 7 years old, I live with my girlfriend, together we have 4 kids under the age of 9. For fun I enjoy working out, going to the gym, swimming, and desperately trying to learn to play guitar. I work in primary schools, and I deliver health and fitness workshops.

[15:58] Paul- 66 days ago, was this your first attempt at quitting drinking?

Dan- In all honesty, this is my very first attempt at stopping drinking. One time 10 years ago, I quit drinking for January and February. I don’t want to spend the money; I don’t want to feel crap. I want to set the example for my children growing up.

[23:00] Paul- Earlier you said you look at sobriety like a challenge, are you looking at this as an incredible opportunity?

Dan- Yeah, I am. After reading Alan Carr’s book, and Annie Grace’s book, it just puts things in perspective. You never used to have to have to have a bottle wine or beer to have fun, or enjoy yourself. The way I sleep the past couple of months. You feel so much better the way you start your day.

[28:02] Paul- What’s on your bucket list in sobriety?

Dan- At this point in time I really want to focus on my business, and my work. I would really love to do something on YouTube, or something that is focused on the positive of giving up alcohol.

[33:43] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Waking up on Christmas morning and clearing up the mess I made outside from getting sick on the way home on Christmas Eve.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? I had 1 beer after playing golf. My cousin asked me if I wanted another, and that moment where I realized I was driving, and knew 1 more beer would put me over the limit.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery? I enjoy reading, and listening to podcasts.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Alcohol is shit, that’s it.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? From day 1 start to focus on it as a challenge, and the benefits of it. Don’t focus on what you are giving up. Don’t focus on how hard anything is going to be. Focus on the benefits of giving it up, and how it’s going to make your life better.
You might be an alcoholic if... you drink for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Not a celebration, not a sporting event, not a birth, not a wedding, if you sit there and drink at night watching crap TV, and you’re drinking a bottle of red wine. You might need to have a little think.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Allen Carr's Easy Way

Sober Grid

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Opportunity to waive set up Fee

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 143: The Reverse Intervention Nov 13, 2017

Paul discusses reverse interventions. They, “normal drinkers” don’t get it. How can we expect normal drinkers to understand what we are going through? What do you need to cover in a reverse intervention? Let them know this isn’t easy for you. Having the real conversation and being vulnerable. Lay out your game plan. Accountability is key.

Amy, with 11 years since her last drink, shares her story

SHOW NOTES

[11:40] Paul Introduces Amy. I’m 54, a Midwestern housewife. I have two grown sons, and husband of 34 years. What I do for fun has changed quite a bit over the years. I enjoy recovery, and spending time with my 4 dogs.

[23:35] Paul- You said when you finally discovered you had alcoholism, you started to recover. What is your definition of alcoholism?

Amy- My last drunk I ended up hospitalized. I didn’t believe you could drink enough to kill yourself. But I came real close. My husband found me, and got me to the hospital, or I would have died from alcohol poisoning. My doctor told me I had alcoholism. They handed me a meeting list, and I immediately started going to 12 step meetings. I finally felt like I landed on the planet I belonged in that I was seeking for 43 years.

[27:02] Paul- What did it feel like when you finally found your herd, you found your tribe?

Amy- It so radically changed my life. My husband calls me his second wife without the paperwork. I didn’t interact with society. I now seek out social situations. I have more friends than I can handle.

[33:25] Paul- Amy you mentioned something earlier you said “Give up the mind fight.” Tell us more what it meant for you to give up the mind fight.

Amy- When I heard a man say two things. I knew it was true. I can drink; I can drink with the best of them. I can’t say I can drink safely. The other one I heard was once I take the first drink; I have no control over my decisions, or where it will take me next.

[43:33] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Driving my children and neighbor kids to Great America and home in a blackout. It is over an hour on major highways from our home.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Second pregnancy, the day I brought him home, I wanted one glass of wine. I got really drunk, and when I woke up, there was a newborn in the house.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery? 12 step meetings, personal relationships, and doing things like this out of my comfort zone.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Just try; cause you can always go back to hell. Hell doesn’t close its door.
What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward? I don’t have a plan. That’s one of the best things about sobriety. I wake up and go OKAY.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? The only thing I can say, is come join us. It’s a wonderful thing. Everything I was trying to get from alcohol I have gotten 10 fold in sobriety. All is 10 times better in sobriety.
You might be an alcoholic if... you wake up five years married thinking, “Did I really do that?”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Brenaim1@yahoo.com (Amy’s email)

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Alcoholics Anonymous- Big Book

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 142: We Were Powerless Over Alcohol Nov 06, 2017

Paul discusses Step One: “ We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.” from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

David, with 46 days since his last drink, shares his story

SHOW NOTES

[10:20] Paul Introduces David. I’m a dad of 2 great boys aged 11, and 7. We live in Atlanta. I work at a software firm. I have been there for quite some time. I’m 42, and divorced. For fun there is a lot of baseball, I help coach basketball. Both my boys are in scouts. I love to play and collect guitars.

[12:52] Paul- When did you realize that perhaps you didn’t drink normal?

David- I have several memories of self-questioning my drinking habits going back a decade. I have milestones in my life I questioned my drinking.

[29:02] Paul- You are identifying yourself as a non-drinker. Have you experienced a different case of the F-its like I have 3 years of sobriety, F-it, I might as well keep moving forward?

David- I love this concept, I have not felt this feeling of you have come this far, you might as well keep going. I feel like that day is going to come. You have to be hopeful for the future. I am doing this. You have to balance that with healthy caution around relapse. I can be proud, I can be hopeful, but I have to be cautious.

[34:28] Paul- I know from the retreat you met a lot of people who have the same life goal, how has that affected you moving forward?

David- I described it when I started this journey. I didn’t have any tools. I had no institutional knowledge of what I was getting myself into. It was through your podcast I was introduced to AA in a meaningful way. What I learned from the retreat is that this is something where community helps.

[39:23] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? You can insert any viscous hangover here. Missing a flight out of Vegas after a night of tearing it up. Head throbbing, and having to rearrange flights and childcare back in Atlanta while my head was throbbing.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? When I figured out that the unit of measure was no longer 2 beers, it was a six-pack. No longer 3 glasses of wine, it was the entire bottle.
What’s your plan moving forward? My number one internal dialogue is that I am no longer like that. I am no longer that person. It is almost a chant I give myself daily. I’m plugging back in with my therapist.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? While you’re working on your sobriety, your addiction is doing pushups.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Your litmus test is if you have you every asked yourself if you have a problem with alcohol, that is the test. I know I did that hundreds of times over a decade. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. The management of chaos we all endure as we introduce chaos into our evening routine.
You might be an alcoholic if your favorite drink is “lots of it”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Anatomy of an Epidemic- By Robert Whitaker

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

Re 141: Alcohol and "Hanxiety" Oct 30, 2017

Anxiety as it relates to drinking is discussed. Alcohol suppresses the nervous system. It is a depressant. If we depress the nerves for long periods through binge drinking, our body reacts once the alcohol is gone by releasing adrenaline to compensate. This gives us severe anxiety in return. Which totally unbearable, and creates a fear that grabs you right in the chest.

Aaron, with 16 days since his last drink, shares his story

SHOW NOTES

[11:12] Paul Introduces Aaron. I’m 38; I live in Albuquerque NM, I work at a print shop. I’m separated, I used to like to fish, and want to get back into that. I like to be out in nature. I have a miniature pincher named Packer.

[13:29] Paul- How is it different this time? Explain that feeling that something clicked.

Aaron- My body was telling me with the anxiety and the insomnia. It wasn’t fun anymore. I was drinking miniatures while I was at work, and tried to hide all the time. Tired of being tired. I’m 38 years old, the party is over already.

[26:13] Paul- Talk about your experience with Opioids.

Aaron- I started off with the pills. Hydrocodone etc. Then I started doing oxy, and for a few years I was doing that. I was going through withdrawals because I couldn’t get them. I started going to the clinic and got on methadone.

[30:28] Paul- 16 days ago you were sick and tired of being sick and tired. What happened, and how did you do it?

Aaron- I started downloading and listening to podcasts. I was trying to figure out what this was, and how to stop. I jumped into it with both feet. I went through the tough first few days of detox. I stopped doing things that were triggering me.

[37:00] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Waking up in a Virginia jail, and couldn’t bond out because I was considered a flight risk.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? The time I was in San Diego and hit that show and ended up in jail in another state.
What’s your plan moving forward? I’m going to hit the podcast circuit. I’m going to create a program that will work for me.

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Stop beating yourself up. Don’t try to think ahead too far.

You might be an alcoholic if get pulled over in your work car going the wrong direction down a one way road and you didn’t know until you read the police report the next day.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Tired of Thinking About Drinking

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 140: Those Uncomfortable Feelings Serve a Purpose Oct 23, 2017

Paul discusses anxiety and depression as interpreted through an episode of the Dharmapunx Podcast.

Heather, with 269 days since her last drink, shares her story

SHOW NOTES

[10:50] Paul Introduces Heather. I’m 37; I live in Los Angeles, CA. I’ve been here for about 7 years. I grew up in south Texas. I work for a small cable network. I love yoga, hiking, going to the movies. I have an identical twin sister.

[16:04] Paul- When did you realize perhaps that you don’t drink normally?

Heather- I think its been varying stages of that. Moving from Texas to New York was an adjustment. I got a job in a bar, and that was my life.

[25:54] Paul- What was the impetus that really forced you to make that jump into sobriety?

Heather- I had been reading “A Happier Hour” and the light bulb went off when I was reading that book. I was also reading a blog from tired of thinking about drinking. I started a 100-day challenge.

[35:02] Paul- When did AA come into the picture?

Heather- I am still going. I am kind of afraid of the steps. Around day 60 or 70 I was feeling lonely about talking about it, and I was afraid to go. I put it out there, and things happened.

[40:28] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? One of my best friends husbands passed away. Her father didn’t want any of us to be drinking, and I drank anyway. I should have not drank, but I had to.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? One of the last conversations I had with my boyfriend when he said it will be okay and we will both stop. But if we break up, I’m fine, and I can continue to drink.
What’s your plan moving forward? When I started the 100-day challenge, I want to keep clarity. I’m going to work the steps, and go to more meetings, and build more of a sober community here.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Recovery Elevator, and a speaker meeting I attend in LA.

What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? What you gain is so much more than you are giving up.
You might be an alcoholic if you know your boyfriend is, and you decided to move in with him after 9 months, and you still don’t think you have a problem.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode was brought to you by RXBAR. Visit RXBAR.com/recovery for 25% off your first order.

Dharmapunx Podcast Link

A Happier Hour- By Rebecca Weller

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Post-Acute Withdrawal (PAWS)

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 139: PAWS - Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms/Syndrome Oct 16, 2017

This week’s topic is PAWS- Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms/Syndrome. Paul explains what PAWS is, how to deal with it, and some of the signs to look for.

Josh, with 15 months since his last drink, shares his story

SHOW NOTES

[8:13] Paul Introduces Josh. I am from Phoenix originally, now living in LA; I am a digital content producer. I am 36 years old. I like hiking and exploring with my miniature golden retriever Diego.

[10:30] Paul- You left AA in recovery determined to find a way to drink normally. How did that go?

Josh- Once you’ve been introduced to recovery and then you go back out, it’s tough because you can’t enjoy drinking the way that you were. I just wanted to learn to drink responsibly. To me it felt like there were people with more serious problems than me.

[19:35] Paul- Why did things start to change after you adopted Diego?

Josh- It took me out of myself. Talking to others about their dogs. Going to the dog park, and meeting other people. I kept myself busy in early sobriety. Having Diego at home with me really helped me more than I can explain.

[27:49] Paul- Talk to me about outpatient treatment, what was that like?

Josh- I didn’t feel connected to the group, it wasn’t a good experience because I wasn’t’ putting the work into it. When I was finally ready in 2016, it was a really good experience. I went 6 days a week for the first month.

[35:07] Paul- Where are you at these days with 12 step programs? Do you go to AA meetings?

Josh- I do. I was anti- AA for a long time. I don’t embrace everything about it. What I admire is that it is organized so well. There is a core connection of people there if you want it. I was going to 5-6 meetings a week the first year. I definitely get something out of it. It is not everything to me. I am working the steps.

[38:31] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? I blacked out in the middle of trying to go to Jack in the Box and moved my roommate’s car out to the street where it got towed. We had to go to the tow yard and get his car.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Too many to mention. One being at my friend’s house and drinking his entire liquor collection. Another one would have been when I almost been fired from my work. I told myself I wouldn’t drink at work anymore, and 6 weeks later I was.
What’s your plan moving forward? My plan is to keep doing what works and stay connected. I count my day’s everyday. I take pride in each day as a separate milestone.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Diego, my dog.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “It’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life that you are proud of, and if you find you are not, I hope you have the strength to start over.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? This has to be the most important thing in your life.
You might be an alcoholic if you are out with friends at a bar, and you go to the bathroom, but you stop at the bar to have a shot by yourself, and then return to the table to resume to drinking.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 138: The Science of Addiction Oct 09, 2017

Paul summarizes an article from National Geographic “The Science of Addiction.” Nearly 1 in 20 adults worldwide are addicted to alcohol. 21 million Americans have a drug or alcohol addiction. Making the disorder more common than cancer. Addiction is a pathological form of learning.

Carey, with 40 days year since her last drink, shares her story

SHOW NOTES

[8:52] Paul Introduces Carey. I am 30 years old; I’m an RN from Rochester New York. I used to say I liked to do a whole lot of things, but I put a lot of it on the back burner when I was drinking.

[14:45] Paul- Did you have a rock bottom moment? What caused you to make this decision to get into sobriety?

Carey- I feel like there are so many situations in which I should have chosen that time. 40 days ago was the time I decided to make the decision for myself. I hated when people told me I should quit drinking.

[19:39] Paul- Before 40 days ago, was that your first time tried to quit drinking?

Carey- Back in the day when I first started noticing issues, I was trying to narrow it down. I went through the whole cycle. After the wedding I had quit drinking for 10 weeks. If I got into nursing school, I was going to celebrate with wine. A few months after starting nursing school I got a DWI.

[35:28] Paul- You were sick and tired of being sick and tired. You used the word excited. How has that shift in mindset?

Carey- I was excited at the fact that I didn’t have to worry anymore. I didn’t have to go out to dinner and worry if my second order of beer would be frowned upon. I am excited about meeting other sober people.

[42:39] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Let me count the ways. One of the worst ones was when I got home from a concert, and drove to my friend’s house because I thought I left my phone in his car.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? I would say my DWI. I also hate to admit that my dog was with me at the time. That scared me for sure.
What’s your plan moving forward? Right now I want to keep learning and getting out of my comfort zone. I love Café RE, which has been amazing. I want to explore the steps.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? The Recovery Elevator Podcast. I am going to be sober today, and plan on being sober tomorrow.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Tell somebody else. Do research, look into sobriety and come up with a game plan. You are not alone.
You might be an alcoholic if you don’t like being called an alcoholic.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 137: The "ISM" or the Incredibly Short Memory Oct 02, 2017

I want to talk about the word Alcoholism, more specifically, the tail end of that word, the ISM- Incredible Short Memory, the painful acute memories are sobriety fuel. We cannot do this alone.

Adam, with 57 days since his last drink, shares his story

SHOW NOTES

[8:50] Paul Introduces Adam. I’m 36; I live in New Hampshire, married with 2 awesome sons and a beautiful wife. I love being outdoors. I began drinking in my early twenties. I was drinking to get away from stress problems. It got to the point where I was drinking everyday.

[15:05] Paul- What was different on July 17th? Was it a shift in mindset? Did you go to an AA meeting?

Adam- It was more of a mindset. Everywhere I looked there was something about recovery. It was my mind putting it out there. I created the accountability, and it made it harder to go back on.

[21:40] Paul- Was there some sense of discomfort before you quit drinking? What was the source of pain?

Adam- It wasn’t anything huge. I called myself a high bottom drunk. There wasn’t anything that set it off. I was sick of relying on it everyday. Waking up every morning sleepier than I should be. It became too much a part of my life, and I didn’t want it there anymore.

[23:56] Paul- What was it like the first 24 hours? The first couple of days, the first week?

Adam- It was not the easiest time in my life. I had a little bit of the shakes, some headaches the first 3-4 days was the worst of it. I remind myself how great I feel now.

[26:53] Paul- What’s on your bucket list in sobriety? What do you want to achieve with this new life you’ve been given?

Adam- I want to spend more time with my family Instead of playing with the kids, the first thing I would do would be to grab a drink. They are 3 and 7 years old right now. Be closer to them. This time of their life I really want to remember.

[29:45] Rapid Fire Round

Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Just realizing that everyday that was the first thing when I got home from work that I wanted to do.
What’s your plan moving forward? Just to keep enjoying life, get to know my kids better, and getting healthy.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? It’s the Recovery Elevator Podcast.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? The accountability. Creating that accountability and making it a real thing.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Suck it up and talk to somebody. It has to be someone that you care about and trust and respect. Once you make it a real thing, you will not want to let them down.
You might be an alcoholic if you lie to your wife when you are sick as a dog, because you know she will say you don’t need that beer tonight.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 136: One in Eight Americans are Alcoholics Sep 25, 2017

New data has revealed that one in eight Americans are now alcoholics due to an alarming rise in alcohol consumption in women, elderly people and ethnic minorities.

Experts at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism say that the rise could constitute a public health crisis that is being overshadowed by the opioid epidemic and marijuana legalization.

During an 11 year gap, the number of people who received a diagnosis of alcoholism shot up by 49 percent, meaning 12.7 percent of the population - or roughly one in eight Americans - are alcoholics.

Megan, with 11 hours since her last drink, shares her story

SHOW NOTES

[5:15] Paul Introduces Megan. I’m from Baltimore, Maryland. I am 38, single, with a live-in boyfriend.

[7:19] Paul- What forced you to reach out to me again, and give us a little background.

Megan- The whole point of what you are doing is when you can relate to other people. I love that you are an advocate for the acceptance part of it. People are ashamed to come out so to speak. I didn’t start drinking until late in college. I liked the way it made me feel. I wasn’t self-conscience. It was never really a problem. One day in my late twenties I realized I was drinking everyday.

[23:49] Paul- Talk to me about your withdrawal symptoms.

Megan- It’s usually worst the second and third day. The shaking and the anxiety is the worse. I can’t shut my brain off.

[26:36] Paul- What’s your plan? How are we going to do this?

Megan- I am going to get through today. One day at a time. Right now it is just getting through today. I know that I want to get sober and stay sober. Am I done yet? I’m not entirely sure. I want to be there, but I don’t know if I am.

[32:36] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Blacking out. I started drinking after a run; I woke up the next day and had no memory of how I got home.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? About a month ago, I got up in the morning and was walking to the grocery store and I couldn’t walk. I inched across the street and went back home.
What’s your plan moving forward?
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? I love podcasts. The HOME Podcast, the Shair Podcast, Recovery 101.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Don’t beat yourself up.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? You are going to feel crappy. Don’t make it worse on yourself by pouring poison into yourself. It’s going to get a little bit better everyday.
You might be an alcoholic if the liquor store on the corner knows exactly who you are, and lines up 4 mini bottles of Fireball everyday at 9:00 in the morning.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

It's a public health crisis: 1 in 8 Americans are now alcoholics By Abigail Miller for Dailymail.com

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 135: Key Tips For Early Sobriety Sep 18, 2017

Paul reads posts from members of Café RE answering the question: “What are some things that helped you in early sobriety?

There are some emerging common themes from these responses. Change, you don’t have to change much, you just have to change everything. Accountability is the key, you can’t do this alone. Alcoholism is a thinking disease. You can’t think your way out of it. Knowledge is not power unless you use it.

Marybeth, with 8 months since her last drink, shares her story

SHOW NOTES

[8:40] Paul Introduces Marybeth. I’m 51; I live in southern New Hampshire. I am married with 4 children, 2 of which have special needs so that takes up some time. I like to visit with friends and family, downhill ski, and exercise.

[13:39] Paul- Tell us about your drinking habits, how much did you drink prior to November 26th, 2016?

Marybeth- I was a big red wine drinker. I did a sugar cleanse, and then I ended up sipping Tequila neat. Then I switched back to wine. I knew I would never be a morning drinker, or drink before 5:00. I typically had 2 glasses of wine a night for years.

[17:45] Paul- Was there a bottom moment, or were you sick and tired of being sick and tired?

Marybeth- I attribute my sobriety to an accident. I broke my ankle while I was walking and texting. It was difficult to be on crutches, and drink at the same time. I came upon the 30-day sober solution while I was in my cast.

[21:48] Paul- How important do you think accountability has been these past 8 months?

Marybeth- It’s been really great. I couldn’t handle my alcohol, and was passing out early. Now I can stay up late and have fun. I was asleep and numbing my self with alcohol. I was snared by it socially, and numbed by it unintentionally. I wasn’t seeking to numb anything.

[29:05] Paul- What does your sobriety portfolio consist of? Walk us through a typical day of sobriety.

Marybeth- I wake up everyday and meditate for 30 minutes. I use the headspace app. It is like exercising a muscle. I connect with friends, and do things, which interest me.

[30:16] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? I was separated from my husband, and got into a car. I put the car in drive instead of reverse and ran over the curb.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? When I broke my ankle. I had a bloody Mary on board when that happened.
What’s your plan moving forward? I am going to continue with meditation, my wellness, helping others, and reading books. Possibly attending an AA meeting.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? The Recovery Elevator Podcast. I love listening in the car on the way to work.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? My dad was a recovering alcoholic. He would always say don’t sweat the small stuff.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just do it. You can always go back to drinking if sobriety doesn’t work for you.
You might an alcoholic if you are at a weight watcher meeting and all you are concerned about is if you have enough points left for wine at the end of the day.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 134: What I Learned at the Recovery Elevator Retreat Sep 11, 2017

Paul summarizes the Retreat, which took place in Bozeman, Montana.

SHOW NOTES

[13:22] Paul Introduces Kristin 238 days sober, Amy 11 years sober, Dave 12 days sober, and John with 18 and ½ years of sobriety.

[15:55] Paul- What did you think the retreat was going to be like?

Dave- I didn’t have any set expectations. It has been sharing, but so much more. I have connected with every single person here.

[16:50] Paul- What surprised you so far on this retreat?

Kristin- I was surprised at how easy it was to talk to everybody here. I am not extremely comfortable around strangers. Since we have been in the online community the past year, it was easy to chat with everyone.

Amy- I enjoyed the camaraderie. It is beautiful here.

[27:30] Paul- Tell us what made you decide to come, and a little about your story?

Kristin- My drinking career didn’t start until 2001. I realized about 5 years ago that I had a problem, and tried to moderate. My bottom was New Years Eve. I have not lost any friends in sobriety. It’s been a wonderful 8 months.

Dave- I grew up in a household of Tea Totalers. I got into a high stress job with expense accounts. The “sick and tired of being sick and tired” resonated with me. There is a new chip on my shoulder.

Amy- I started drinking when I was 13. I had the epiphany that this was the missing link. I didn’t think there would be this much joy in sobriety. You can’t love other people until you love yourself. Everything I wanted alcohol to give me, I got sober.

John- My drinking career began in high school. My mom passed away when she was 47, many family members had alcohol related deaths. I became a daily drinker from college to 40 years old. January 5th of 1999 is when I got sober. My biggest breakthrough was writing a letter to my mother who had passed away. I stay sober due to the people in my community.

This podcast episode was brought to you by Hello Fresh. For $30 off your first week of Hello Fresh visit hellofresh.com and use the promo code recoveryfresh30

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

America's Drinking Problem is Much Worse This Century- By John Tozzi

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 133: America's Drinking Problem Is Much Worse This Century Sep 04, 2017

Paul summarizes the article “America’s Drinking Problem Is Much Worse This Century” by John Tozzi

Alcohol abuse has shot up since 2001, and the number of adults who binge weekly may top the population of Texas. Americans are drinking more than they used to, a troubling trend with potentially dire implications for the country’s future health-care costs.

The number of adults who binge drink at least once a week could be as high as 30 million, greater than the population of every state save California, according to a study published on Wednesday in JAMA Psychiatry. A similar number reported alcohol abuse or dependency.

Between the genders, women showed the larger increase in alcohol abuse, according to the report.

Kristi, with nearly 9 months of sobriety since her last drink, shares her story.

SHOW NOTES

[7:09] Paul Introduces Kristi. I live in northern California near Stanford; I am 44, married and have 2 boys. I worked 25 years in software sales. I have been spending most of my time volunteering.

[16:28] Paul- When did you start realize after your Mom passed away, that this might be going in the wrong direction?

Kristi- Honestly, around 38-39 I started to realize I was drinking differently than I had in the past. I was working full time with 2 young kids, and I had to have 6-7-8 drinks at the end of the day.

[20:23] Paul- What was your first AA meeting like?

Kristi- I was so overwhelmed. It was 9:00 on a Saturday morning, and there were 300 people there. I realized that all meetings weren’t this way. I jumped right in, started going to meetings, got a sponsor, and worked the steps. I was working on will alone. I don’t think I realized the importance of a higher power, and letting go. I managed to stay sober for quite awhile.

[28:43] Paul- You sound like you are a high bottom drunk, and have a lot more to lose, am I correct?

Kristi- I didn’t get the DUI, or drive my kids drunk. But I wasn’t present. I can really sit and appreciate the moment now. I am feeling good; I have a skip in my step. When you live in gratitude, you can’t live in fear and resentment.

[32:07] Paul- What’s on your bucket list in sobriety, what do you want to accomplish in this life?

Kristi- I would like to learn Spanish. I would really like to write a book.

[33:31] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? My husband and I went to San Francisco. I took a small bottle of vodka with me. I got so wasted at the party I don’t remember conversations I had, and I woke up in the hallway.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Repeat times over and over again being drunk on a Tuesday for no reason.
What’s your plan moving forward? Live in the present, and being of service.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? I really like the book “Living Sober” and the Recovery Elevator podcast.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? I don’t have a problem I can’t make worse by picking up a drink.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Do it, you will feel better. You will live in a more honest and peaceful world. Quit poisoning yourself.
You might be an alcoholic if you are hosting a party, and drinking wine with the guests, and sneaking off to have shots of vodka by yourself.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

A.A. Literature Living Sober

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Self-Compassion Dr. Kristin Neff

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 132: Don't Beat Yourself Up - Alcohol Already Does That Aug 28, 2017

Self-Loathing is rampant in addiction, and it needs to be addressed and curtailed if we want to find long-term recovery. Self-trash talk is a double whammy when we judge ourselves harshly. We are both the attacker, and the attacked. Dr. Kristin Neff’s book “Self Compassion” is summarized.

Tori with 16 days since her last drink, shares her story.

SHOW NOTES

[9:25] Paul Introduces Tori. I am from Gainesville Florida; I have lived here since I was 10. I am 24 years old. I am a proud mom to a Chi Wawa named Tucker. I like to craft, and go to the springs.

[14:39] Paul- What was the deciding factor to listen to the RE podcast, and contact the host?

Tori- My DUI was my bottom, the way I portrayed myself to the officer in December of 2015.

[18:35] Paul- I’m going to read one sentence from the email you sent to me. “I don’t drink everyday, I don’t have withdrawals, what I do have is the inability to control myself once I start drinking”. Talk to me more about that.

Tori- During the workweek I like to keep my head on straight. The culture in town is to drink, and to binge drink. I have been doing these bar tours since I was 17.

[24:34] Paul- What has it been like these past 16 days?

Tori- I have been preoccupied with work. I was moving for one of the weekends. The hardest day was when two of my best friends came over and brought wine. I didn’t drink, and they didn’t care. I haven’t had that breakthrough of clarity yet. I kind of feel that I am in limbo.

[32:58] Paul- To this point, what have you lost to alcohol?

Tori- A lot of my dignity, you gain more dignity in sobriety. Other things I have lost are trust with my parents. I have lost my sense of safety. I was taken to the back seat of a car and taken advantage of. I was beaten up, and had a concussion; I lost a ton of money.

[37:01] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? The DUI, it affected many more people than myself. The sexual assault was the worst, but I try not to associate drinking with that.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Every single time I do something dumb. Every time I lose a notch of my dignity.
What’s your plan moving forward? What I have been doing has been working. I like listening to the podcasts. Most of my friends probably all have a drinking problem.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Take it one day at a time; realize that you are better than your addiction.
You might be an alcoholic if spend the night on a chair that is not yours in front of a house that you do not own or rent. Or if you choose to not take the advice of the people that care about you the most, and continue with your bad habits.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Dr. Kristin Neff- CMSC website

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Healing Addiction: De-Conditioning the Hungry Ghosts

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

Re 131: The Hungry Ghosts Aug 21, 2017

Paul summarizes a talk by Tara Brach named “Healing Addiction: De-Conditioning the Hungry Ghosts”

Addiction is addiction, it doesn’t matter what it is, it is applicable. Tara talks about the “hungry ghosts” of addiction. There is a sense that something is missing. A feeling that this moment does not contain enough happiness. How you live today is how you live the rest of your life. When we don’t have basic needs met, we reach out for a substitute. We must find a way to love ourselves.

Peri, with 81 days since her last drink, shares her story.

SHOW NOTES

[11:11] Paul Introduces Peri. I have been sober since May 8, 2016. I am a bartender, I live in Salt Lake City, Utah. I am a poet, and have been writing more in sobriety.

[12:58] Paul- Describe your drinking habits, how much did you used to drink?

Peri- I think by the end I was drinking 20-30 shots of whiskey a day, and 5 beers. I tried all types of rules with most of them meant to be broken. I think I started to derail when I was 17 years old. I knew by the time I was 21, I had a problem.

[16:13] Paul- Talk to us about some of the things you have had to change?

Peri- A big thing for me is friendships. Almost everyone I associated with drank like I did. I had to cut almost everyone out of my life. I had to start fresh like I knew no one in the city.

[20:19] Paul- You quit smoking and drinking at the same time, tell us about that?

Peri- I quit soda at the same time too. 5 aspirin and a large Coke used to get me through the hangovers. I had massive blood clots, so I had to quit both to avoid the health consequences.

[25:11] Paul- What’s on your bucket list in sobriety, what do you hope to accomplish?

Peri- Some days it is One Day at a time, others it is the moon. I am saving up for a truck, I would like to travel more. I would like to get off my blood thinners. Healing my body would be a huge moment for me.

[29:45] Paul- What do you do when you have the cravings?

Peri- I eat a lot of ice cream. Either Pistachio, or Peanut butter ice cream, sometimes Raspberry.

[35:27] Paul- How is it today? How are you on day 81?

Peri- I feel really great, doing an interview right now. Meeting up with my friends, having some dinner. I legitimately haven’t experienced a sober birthday in 10 years. I am looking forward to remembering it. I have been trying the meditation. I have been researching alcoholism. I have been pretty active in Café RE. Occasionally, I will go to AA, but only when I need an extra boost.

[37:30] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? I don’t know, there were a lot. I was hanging out with a shady group of people who had alcohol. I fell, and these people left me on a curb with a big gash on my head.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? My last job I got fired from, because I was taking shots of alcohol in the bathroom before my shift.
What’s your plan moving forward? I’m going to keep digging in; reading, writing, and it will all figure itself out.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Café RE. I listen to the podcasts, but the Facebook group is great to describe what I am feeling, and have the communication with the group.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Nothing worthwhile is ever easy.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Anything in your life that is a toxic influence, get rid of it. It is not conducive to your sobriety.
You might be an alcoholic if you wake up on the sidewalk.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

RE 74: 50 Ways to Stay Sober This Summer

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

Re 130: When Things Fall Apart Aug 14, 2017

Paul summarizes the book “When Things Fall Apart” by Pema Chodron.

How can we live our lives when everything seems to fall apart—when we are continually overcome by fear, anxiety, and pain? The answer, Pema Chödrön suggests, might be just the opposite of what you expect. Here, in her most beloved and acclaimed work, Pema shows that moving toward painful situations and becoming intimate with them can open up our hearts in ways we never before imagined. Drawing from traditional Buddhist wisdom, she offers life-changing tools for transforming suffering and negative patterns into habitual ease and boundless joy.

Tyler, with 137 days since his last drink, shares his story

SHOW NOTES

[7:45] Paul Introduces Tyler. I’m 33, live in Austin, Texas. I am an editor for a national magazine, and I am an HIV pharmacy rep in Texas. I have 2 standard Poodles named Jones and Indy (Counting Crowes reference, not the movies).

[12:57] Paul- When did you realize that maybe your drinking is not normal?

Tyler- I started about 3 years ago evaluating my own behavior. I wanted to look into my own behaviors and recognize that I’m 33, and I am binge drinking 3 nights a week. I took a 30-day sober challenge, and then I was wasted on day 31.

[17:06] Paul- Was it a question in your mind that you were getting worse?

Tyler- I still question whether I was or not (having a problem with alcohol). Let’s just go ahead and say I have a problem with it. My balance is none at all. If I weren’t so exposed to alcoholism, it wouldn’t have showed me what it could do to a person.

[21:21] Paul- It sounds like you woke up one day and said “I have a drinking disorder.” How did that feel when you reached that conclusion?

Tyler- It was terrifying, I was going slowly in the process. I did go to an AA meeting my first month. It is a wonderful program, and I will never close my door to that program. It was organizing my thoughts around what I am, and what I’m not.

[29:19] Paul- Walk us through a typical day for Tyler.

Tyler- I am still figuring out how I do it. I went to a wedding in Mexico at a resort, which had, it struggles. I volunteer a whole bunch; I volunteer at an animal shelter, and at a local clinic. I do meditate quite a bit for 20-30 minutes a day. I am on a kickball team here in Austin. The hardest part about my journey is navigating my same social circles sober.

[32:47] Paul- What have you learned most about yourself in recovery?

Tyler- I’m honestly a very intense person. Alcohol used to water down my intensity. I have to find other ways of chilling out.

[35:23] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? The memory that I lost. The worst memory is having zero memories.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? It boils down to that one last night. It turned into an all night party.
What’s your plan moving forward? To stay sober. We are getting married, and working on adoption. Talking about it publicly, and being an open book for others helps me keep my head on straight.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? A Recovery podcast episode- RE 74: 50 Ways to Stay Sober This Summer.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Alcohol is literally shit, and why are you putting it in your body?
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If you are thinking about getting sober, do it. Lean to the side that says you have a problem, don’t run the other way.
You might be an alcoholic if you wake up with a wig on, and you don’t know how it happened.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Gay, Fabulous, and Drinking Myself to Death

"When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

http-//educateinspirecha#4A112C

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 129: No One Really Believed I Was An Alcoholic, Even When I started Going To AA Aug 07, 2017

Paul comments on a video show on stopdrinkingexpert.com titled “Alcohol will kill you” If we can put “smoking kills” packaging of cigarettes, why can’t we put similar labels on alcohol? This documentary takes place in the UK, but is contemporaneous throughout the globe. They found that 50% of the people tested had elevated liver values. The price of alcohol has become significantly cheaper than it was 30 or 40 years ago. Fear does not harness long term sustainable sobriety. www.stopdrinkingexpert.com [8:26] Paul introduces Randy with a sobriety date of 12/30/2016. I am 39 years old, with 4 kids aged 12, 10, 4, and 2. I am from Indianapolis, IN, and currently relocating to the Denver area. I am a restaurant manager who enjoys hiking, and spending time with my kids. Drinking wasn’t really fun anymore. I found myself drinking alone by myself most of the time. [17:05] Paul- Would you classify yourself as a high bottom drunk? Randy- No one really believed that I was an alcoholic, even when I started going to AA, and getting into recovery. The older I am getting the hangovers became too difficult to deal with. People who aren’t involved in recovery, have a difficult time understanding what we go through. [22:41] Paul- Is AA the main vein for how you got sober? Randy- I hit a streak of RE podcasts where AA wasn’t mentioned at all and I remember being excited that I didn’t have to go to any meetings to get sober. Then I heard a few RE episodes where people started to get traction with their sobriety had success with AA. I went to a few meetings before I found one I really liked and connected with the people there. I found a sponsor, and have been working the steps and making progress. [25:56] Paul- What was it like when you first quit drinking? Randy- I wasn’t sleeping great initially. Sleep is amazing now. The second day without drinking I woke up at 6:00 am, and was binge listening to podcasts and working out. The first few days were rough for sure. Finding those activities and things to do that replace drinking are important. I joined the RE Facebook group within the first 2 weeks. [30:53] Paul- Walk us through a typical day in sobriety now. Randy- I am there for my kids more now. I like to spend time with my sponsor at least once a week. I always check in with the Café RE Facebook group. I am trying to eat a little better, and exercise more. I look forward to so many more things now, instead of trying to get everything accomplished so I can drink. [35:37] Paul- Has it been tough being in the restaurant business through sobriety? Randy- It has it’s challenges, but hasn’t been too bad. Seeing the hangovers on my servers faces keeps me grounded in my recovery, and reminds me of what I don’t miss from drinking. [38:06] Rapid Fire Round What was your worst memory from drinking? We went out with my little brother, and I tried to keep up with his friends. We did shots of Irish car bombs, I was so hungover the next day. We had to get up early and go to a “Fun Fair” at my daughters school. All the parents were happy and engaging, I didn’t want to be there and just wanted to hide. Did you ever have an “oh shit” moment”? I remember coming home from work and finding only 8 beers in the fridge. I was angry because I knew that wasn’t going to be enough. I had to go to the liquor store and get more before I could start drinking. What’s your plan in sobriety? I want to keep moving forward in my sobriety. Meditation is on my list, and I want to continue doing what has worked for me so far. What’s your favorite resource in recovery? “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace What’s the best advice you have received? Find what works for you. Talking to people who are sober have all sorts of different paths, but end up sober. What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners who are thinking of quitting drinking, or in early recovery? If you are thinking about getting sober, then let’s do it! I haven’t regretted a day of sobriety thus far. If my life doesn’t improve, I can always go back to drinking. If I don’t make changes now, I know I will regret them later. You might be an alcoholic if you still pack a cooler to take to parties, but now it is full of La Croix and other sparkling waters.

RE 128: The Spiritual Consequences of Alcohol Consumption Jul 31, 2017

Paul breaks down and discusses the article: “The Spiritual Consequences of Alcohol Consumption” by Zahrah Sita

Although it is mass produced, mass promoted, legal, and ingested by a multitude of people all over the world, most people don’t ever consider or understand the spiritual consequences of drinking alcohol.

Let’s begin by taking a look at the etymology of the Word alcohol. Etymology means the root of the word… where it is derived from.

The word “Alcohol” comes from the Arabic “al-kuhl” which means “BODY EATING SPIRIT”, and gives root origins to the English term for “ghoul”. In Middle Eastern folklore, a “ghoul” is an evil demon thought to eat human bodies, either as stolen corpses or as children.

The words “alembic” and “alcohol”, both metaphors for aqua vitae or “life water” and “spirit”, often refer to a distilled liquid that came from magical explorations in Middle Eastern alchemy.

Odette, with 7 days since her last drink, shares her story.

[5:45] Paul Introduces Odette. I have been sober one week, so still riding the “Pink Cloud”. I am from Guadalajara, Mexico and currently reside in San Diego California. I am 29 years old, I am married and have 2 kids, and I am a wellness and fitness coach. For fun I love going to the beach, cooking, and going to concerts.

[8:00] Paul- Describe your drinking habits over the last 10 years, 5 years.

Odette- I started only drinking on weekends. Then over time it turned into drinking everyday, and heavy drinking on the weekends. I noticed a natural progression of my drinking habits.

[16:02] Paul- When was it you that decided you needed to quit drinking?

Odette- It had been on my mind for months. I am a very optimistic person, and the past few months I was living from a place of fear.

[19:23] Paul- What’s it been like the past week?

Odette- It’s been hard. I have a 3 year old and an 8 month old. Being grounded helps me kick the urge. My number one assignment is to be a mother, a present mother. I really just enjoyed being a mom. Listening to podcasts every single day, exercise and self-care. One day at a time.

[22:40] Paul- Have you ever had a rock bottom moment in regards to alcohol?

Odette- The morning after the Super bowl. I spoke with my dad about not drinking anymore. Pay attention to your own compass. People perceive you differently than you are.

[29:14] Paul- What advice can you give to someone struggling to recognize his or her own addiction struggles?

Odette- I think the best advice I can give is I wish I would have known two concepts. If you know your why, it will help you surrender quicker. Write out your vision.

[33:18] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? That event we talked about, the Super bowl where I didn’t spend a moment looking at the screen.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? I don’t think I had a clear moment; I was tired of listening to the little voice telling me it was time.
What’s your plan moving forward? Accountability for sure. I love listening to personal development.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Melody Beattie’s book: “The Language of Letting Go”. I love the Recovery Elevator podcast, and Café RE.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? You can’t do it alone.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Own your truth, own your story. Do an inventory on yourself. It will help you to surrender.
You might be an alcoholic if you start creating rules for yourself around drinking. Also if you have any parents that have struggled with addiction.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

https://www.eckharttolle.com/books/newearth/

https://www.facebook.com/search/top/?q=the%20harmony%20tribe

http://melodybeattie.com/books/language-letting-go-hazelden-meditation-series/

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 127: Present and in the Moment Without Alcohol Jul 24, 2017

Rule Number One of podcasting is plug in the microphone.

Pete, with 488 days of sobriety shares his story.

SHOW NOTES

[2:19] Paul Introduces Pete. I am 38 years old, and golfing is my favorite leisure activity. I have an 8-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son. I am in construction sales, mostly traveling around Ohio and surrounding states.

[6:07] Paul- When did you realize you had a problem with alcohol Pete?

Pete- I’ve always known, or at least had the fear of having a problem. I could drink a case of beer by myself in High school.

[12:23] Paul- Was this a bottom you experienced, or where you done?

Pete- I hit a spiritual bottom. Things that were important, no longer seemed important. My wife, great job, and truck were all things that weren’t making me happy. I realized that doing these things that I was taught would make me happy weren’t. I was bankrupt spiritually and emotionally. My wife opened the work bench, and the drawer was full of empty and full booze bottles. They were devastated. I realized that suicide wasn’t’ an option. That was the moment that made me change everything.

[17:25] Paul- What was the outpatient therapy like? Walk us through that.

Pete- I went to a state certified program. I attended with several other professionals who learned a great deal about addiction and recovery.

[24:44] Paul- What have you learned most about yourself these past 488 days?

Pete- I have learned that I like peace, calm, and serenity. I accepted chaos because that is what I knew. My life is really good, but I made it really bad by a lot of choices that I made.

[28:18] Paul- Have you had cravings, and how do you overcome cravings them?

Pete- My cravings as of today are more “I would like a drink” but more thoughts than cravings. In the beginning I had physical cravings. I don’t have the impulse to drink now. Alcohol was the medicine that fixed everything for me.

[30:25] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? The experience with my wife and daughter not being able to ride bikes because of my booze hidden in the drawer.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? For me it was when my mother in law died from alcoholism, in the nursing home my biggest thought was how do I get out of here and have a drink without anyone noticing.
What’s your plan moving forward? Continue to present in the moment, and doing, not thinking about things I don’t do, and then regretting them. I just need to do the best I can.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Meditation and Prayer. I’ve used the Headspace app, there is a meditation guru that lives in our village.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Follow direction. Putting faith in a blind process.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? You are feeling the way you are supposed to be feeling at that time. Talk to other people. My feelings are normal; it’s okay to relearn.
You might be an alcoholic if when you walk out of your recovery center, and you see one of your friends that you’ve been partying with forever and he says “Hey Pete, I was surprised to see you here.” Then I thought about it, and It’s really not much of a surprise to see you here.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 126: The Most Effective Way To Do It... Is To Do It Jul 17, 2017

“The most effective way to do it, is to do it.” - Amelia Earhart

Paul discusses his difficulties in quitting smoking, and it’s parallels to quitting drinking. Alcohol is not your friend. Stop drinking cold turkey, and don’t try to a taper off strategy. Rip the Band-Aid off. Get rid of the booze from your house. At this moment, you are not stronger than your addiction. One day at a time. Thinking must be flipped. Quitting drinking is an opportunity to get your life back, not a sacrifice. Write down a list of pros and cons from quitting drinking. Don’t worry about your weight initially. Get through sobriety first. Schedule personal time for exercise. Life happens, and we need to build up our coping skills muscles without alcohol. Accountability is the underlying theme of this entire podcast. Celebrate the milestones, and be happy with your progress.

Leah, with 19 days since her last drink, shares her story.

SHOW NOTES

[11:20] Paul Introduces Leah. My last drink was June 3rd, so my sobriety date is June 4th. I am 34; I have been married since 2010. I have a 6-year-old daughter, and a 2-year-old son. I’m not really sure what I do for fun; I’m still figuring that out.

[13:01] Paul- When did you realize that perhaps you had a drinking problem?

Leah- I grew up with drinkers. My dad will still get wasted and he is in his 70’s. I would watch him pass out at the table at 7:00, and that was normal. It really hit home over the past few years. I would go to bed drunk, and wake up foggy and disconnected from everybody. I didn’t drink to relax; I drank to feel normal again.

[17:35] Paul- With 19 days of sobriety have you noticed an uptick of being mindful and present in the moment?

Leah- Absolutely. I want to give a spin on my story as a mom. It is hard to have moms admit that they are an alcoholic. As a mom, I would watch other moms accomplish so many tasks, and didn’t know when they had time to drink. Now I have all this energy to do things. I took my 2-year-old running.

[20:28] Paul- 19 days ago was something building up? Was there a rock bottom moment?

Leah- I didn’t want to quit drinking. I wanted to change my life to accommodate drinking. For the past 2 years we have had some family issues. I am not the person I wanted to be, and it started to impact my happiness.

[27:58] Paul- What was it like the first 24, 48,72 hours?

Leah- I had thought over the past year that I wasn’t physically addicted. I had a habit, and I had to create a new habit. Now I drink coffee when I get home instead of wine.

[35:08] Paul- If you had an open schedule, would you go to an AA meeting?

Leah- Yes. I am skeptical, but I have gotten to the point where I realized you can get something valuable from whatever is out there. You can make anything work for you if you have that desire.

[39:17] Paul- What’s on your bucket list in sobriety? What do you want to accomplish with this new life.

Leah- Be present, be engaged, and mindful. Get fit, and spend quality time with my family. I would like to wake up earlier, and center myself. Checking in with like-minded people will be important. I would like to add meetings to my resources.

[42:55] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? There was one night where I thought I was losing my mind. Screaming matches with my husband. I was losing the grip on reality.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Waking up with my hands shaking. The times I would stop to get a “juice box” on my way to pick up the kids.

What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Recovery Elevator podcast. Something to hold onto when you need it. Something you can grab when you need a reminder.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Writing a goodbye letter to alcohol. My relationship with alcohol is over. It’s time to break up. If I need to go back, alcohol will be there. I don’t want to go back.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If you’re thinking about quitting, it’s probably something you need to do. You’ll get there on your own time if need be.
You might be an alcoholic if the running joke is you fall asleep on the toilet multiple times.

Resources mentioned in this episode

Thanks to Kathy Von Lintel for doing the show notes the past 6 months!

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

http://www.soberfish.co.uk

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 125: Focus on the Action and Not the Results Jul 10, 2017

Paul discusses the webinar, which took place in Café Re, and focused on why taking action is so hard. It’s much better to focus on the action and not the results. We are definitely in a results oriented society. Focus on the journey and not the destination. Success can follow a flawed effort, and failure can follow a flawless effort.

If your happiness is predicated on your success, and if your success is predicated on a specific outcome, then you are setting yourself up for a high likelihood of frustration and disappointment. If you instead let go the need for any particular outcome, you increase your chances for success and contentment. View each attempt as practice for the next attempt.

Dawn with a sobriety date of November 27th 2016, shares her story.

SHOW NOTES

[8:09] Paul Introduces Dawn. I’m single, 42, and I’m from Poole in the U.K. In the daytime I work in accounts, in the evening I’m generally working on my blog. I love going out to dinner with friends, and walking to work. Set myself a challenge to do 10,000 steps a day.

[10:10] Paul- Tell us more about this experiment to live you life without alcohol.

Dawn- The plan was to give up alcohol for a year. I was struck down with flu, and I gave up alcohol then, instead of waiting until the New Year. I decided to write down my journey, and document it on my blog. It’s been filled with positivity.

[13:35] Paul- The way I’ve made it this far in sobriety, and been successful, is that I looking at it as an opportunity instead of a sacrifice. Is that something that you are experiencing as well? You’re looking at this as an opportunity instead of a sacrifice?

Dawn- Yeah, definitely. I don’t think I realized how unhappy I was drinking. I was more of a binge drinker than a drink everyday, drink in the morning type person. My weekend would be properly drinking from Friday through Sunday. Drinking copious amounts of alcohol to the point that I was sick the next day. I don’t see that as a sacrifice, giving that up that kind of mentality, since it was so much binging and purging.

[14:53] Paul- When did you first realize that perhaps that you wanted to quit drinking? Was it something that happened?

Dawn- I was conscience that I was drinking too much in one sitting, not remembering how I got home, kind of dangerous drinking really. If I drove somewhere I would have nothing, instead of a single glass of wine. Because if I had one, it wouldn’t stay at one. Once I started, it was difficult to stop.

[18:06] Paul- Can you tell me about a time when you started drinking and you found the “off switch” a little difficult to find? Was that progressive for you? Did it become harder and harder to stop?

Dawn- Yeah, I was born without an “off switch”. The first time I really remember getting drunk I was probably about 15 or 16. Early twenties living with friends, drinking was a massive part of our lives together. The men that I met were a massive part of that as well. It didn’t spiral rapidly.

[22:16] Paul- How are you staying sober now?

Dawn- It’s a matter of changing everything. I thought life would carry on the same. Everything has changed. I write a post for my blog at least once a week. Trying to keep other people encouraged to carry on. I used to always have a special drink as a reward for hard work. I no longer do that. I have a drink when I am thirsty.

[26:31] Paul- There’s a quote in recovery- You don’t have to change much, you just gotta change everything. Is that how it went down for you?

Dawn- I still struggle with the social side of things. I was the party animal. It’s difficult to go from that to- it’s dark and I’ve got to get home. I find it hard to socialize without alcohol. I’m not good with big crowds. I’ve come to terms that I won’t be that person again.

[28:40] Paul- What have you learned most about yourself in these past 6 months of sobriety?

Dawn- I’ve never really believed in loving yourself. Now I keep saying to people you have to love yourself. I haven’t loved myself for 40 years. I realized I’m not the person I thought I was. In my previous job I wasn’t really helping people and I didn’t think I could. It’s being confident in myself, rather than what other people think.

[31:31] Paul- How do you feel about alcohol being an addictive substance, and perhaps there is no void?

Dawn- For me, the feeling is what was addictive. I was the crier. Alcohol gave me an emotional release. For me it gave me an emotional release, woe is me! For a window of 15 minutes I would feel amazing, then I would go over the top. Then you’re miserable. I think really it was the way it made me feel for 15 minutes before the crying would start.

[33:27] Paul- What are your goals in sobriety?

Dawn- I’ve always wanted to go to Thailand. Stop waiting around for something to happen. I was too tired, and lazy, and in bed. Now I’m full of energy, and I’m going to make it happen on my own in January.

[35:18] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Getting home, and waking up the next day at 4:00, and not remembering getting home in a taxi.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? I was a drunk texter. Sometimes I couldn’t even touch my phone. They were my worst moments really working out who I had contacted the night before.
What’s your plan moving forward? Keep the blog going beyond being sober. Maybe the hope rehab center in January. Listening to podcasts more than music, listening to other people’s journeys.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? I love the online forums. Club soda, team sober UK, and listening to Podcasts. It is amazing listening to other peoples journeys
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? The best thing to do is go for each day at a time. Breaking it into chunks can work. Un-break the habit.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Never give up. I admire those who never give up. I recommend writing down how you’re feeling. I literally flooded my mind with sobriety.
You might be an alcoholic if you find yourself questioning that you might be an alcoholic, then you probably are.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

dawn@soberfish.co.uk

http://www.hope-rehab-center-thailand.com/

http://www.belvoirfruitfarms.com/

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 124: It Helps To Talk About It Jul 03, 2017

Garrett, with 16 days since his last drink, shares his story

SHOW NOTES

[ 9:15 ] Paul Introduces Garrett. I’ve had stretches of sobriety, I had 14 months, and I’ve had 3 years. I live in Southern California, in Santa Clarita. I work in outside sales, which is a non-structured job perfect for an alcoholic with hangovers. I’m 43, married, like going to Dodger Games. I have 2 kids, 1 in high school, and one in junior high.

[10:45] Paul- What was the impotence behind you quitting alcohol for 3 years, and then for 14 months?

Garrett- The hangovers for me are the body’s way of saying you’ve put a bunch of poison willingly in your body, and this is the result of it. I would be laid out for a full day. Thinking in the moment there is no possible way this could happen again. The feeling in my stomach, I can’t move, or get out of the bed until 4:00 or 5:00 in the evening. One of those times I stopped for 3 years, didn’t go to any program. I lost weight, and started drinking again without any reason. I would romanticize drinking, and once I got the buzz, there was no way I could stop now. I would have to drink to continue with only a short window of feeling good. The cost of that was being completely laid out the entire next day.

[13:35] Paul- What was it like when you first drank after 3 years? Do you remember the first night? Did you pick up right where you left off?

Garrett- No, not really. It was a gradual thing, a slow buildup. My elevator is kind of chaotic; it’s like the elevator at the tower of terror at Disney world. At that point it was gradual. I would wait for people to go to sleep, get a six-pack, and when that was gone, drunk drive to the liquor store and buy some more. I would start with a bottle of wine, then I would go back to the store for tall boys. I don’t know how many I would buy, but I would wake out, the room would start completely shaking, I would close my eyes, and that would be it.

[15:45] Paul- Garrett you mentioned a word earlier that I would like to explore- Fascinating. You would tell yourself I’m only having a couple, but then just game on. Can you tell me more about that fascinating part for you?

Garrett- It was complete and total amnesia every single time. Forgetting the hangovers. The amount of times I would lose not doing the things I wanted to do because I would be hung-over. Because I’m not a bum in the street, I didn’t feel I was a true alcoholic.

[19:30] Paul- Was there a rock bottom moment 16 days ago? How come you quit drinking?

Garrett- It wasn’t a single rock bottom. I have season tickets for the Dodgers. If there was ever a sport made for sitting and drinking beer it is baseball. The beer vendor at the stadium recognized me; I would have to go different vendors because I was embarrassed. The drunk driving home from the games, then going to bars, then drunk driving home again. I dented the garage with my car, and realized with a moment of clarity that this sh#t has got to stop.

[22: 01] Paul- Before I hit the record button you mentioned you felt like you were ping ponging back and forth between: Am I an alcoholic? Do I have a drinking problem? Tell us more about that.

Garrett- It was a stretch of a few days where I would just continually have a few days (of sobriety), and then I would be like “I’m not” because I would have a few days and that proves it. The hangover goes away and I would think I’m not (an alcoholic) again.

[ 24:00] Paul- Is it harder this time around, do you remember?

Garrett- This time I’ve got 16 days. I’m trying to arm myself with some resources. I’m in a Pink Cloud at the moment. History does repeat itself, and I have a plan to address what I know is going to start coming down the road. The key thing is accountability. I never had accountability with another person. I think if I were not anonymous, I wouldn’t have taken that first drink on the New Port Harbor cruise after 14 months of sobriety.

[27:57] Paul- You mentioned you had a bad experience with AA, tell me more about that.

Garrett- I was raised Christian evangelical, about 10 years ago I broke with that, and I am an atheist now. I saw a lot of the judgment, dogma and there was trust that was broken in AA. That combined with the God thing I’m still wrestling with. I need to focus on the positive. I’m ready to explore going back to AA, maybe a different meeting time.

[30:14] Paul- With 16 days of sobriety, what have you learned most about yourself?

Garrett- This time around is more of a sense of inner peace. What I’m realizing now is that I don’t have to keep living the way I was living. There’s no reason I have to pick up a drink again. My life does not have to be how it’s been. I’m choosing not to drink. When cravings strike, I’ve been setting a timer on my apple watch to allow the 20 minutes to pass.

[34:10] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking?

Waking up and having to tell my wife that I was too hung-over to go down to my mom’s house for Easter. Then spending the entire day in a state of despair.

Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Back in college when I just got too hung-over and missed a final. That was the first “oh-shit” moment.
What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward? Accountability. Reaching out and talking to other alcoholics, and seeking ways to help each other.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Podcasts, Recovery Elevator, and the big book on my kindle.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? You don’t ever have to drink again if you don’t want to.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If you were thinking about getting sober… I would say: Do it, you’ll never feel better.
You might be an alcoholic if: Every night after you down many many bottles of beer, that you put those bottles of beer in a trash bag, put them in your trunk, and then the next morning drive them to a dumpster so that your wife doesn’t find out that there were all these empty bottles of beer in the trash can.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 123: The Drunkest Cities in America Jun 26, 2017

Mary, with 3 years since her last drink, shares her story….

We all think that the cities we live in should be on the “Nations Drunkest Cities” list. The state of Wisconsin wins the prize for the largest number of cities on this list. Listed below are a few of the favorites:

Greenbay, WI
O’Clair, WI
Appleton, WI
Fargo, ND
Missoula, MT
Iowa City, IA
Lincoln, NE
Milwaukee, WI

SHOW NOTES

[6:31] Paul Introduces Mary

Mary – I am 3 years sober, live in Louisiana and am married with 5 children. I like to run and bike and am currently raising puppies. I am a college student and am enjoying getting to know my new sober self.

[9:32] Mary tells the story of her younger 13 year old self

Mary – I was 13 years old and baby-sitting an infant. I invited some friends over and we started drinking. I left the baby in her crib and we drove around. I backed the car into a ditch and hit a palm tree. The police ended up bringing me home.

[12:23] Mary describes her drinking habits

Mary – I was a daily beer drinker and would try to abide by my rules of not drinking before 5 pm. This never worked. At night, if I couldn’t sleep, I would have a drink. If I woke up later in the night, I would have another drink. Pretty soon my window of “not drinking” had shrunk.

[14:00] Did you see any signs that you had a problem?

Mary – If I went out, I would immediately have to have a drink and was always looking for the next one. I would start my night with some drinks at home. In my 20’s and 30’s, I surrounded myself with other drinkers so it seemed normal. My drinking really took off in my 40’s. I started noticing I had a problem more when I became a mom.

[17:21] What was the progression like into alcoholism?

Mary – 1 drink was never enough. I started focusing more on when I could have a drink. Alcohol helped me cope with life. I hated myself.

[18:03] Tell me about this self- loathing

Mary – I used to think “this is as good as it gets?” I had accepted that my life was going to suck.

[18:45] Did you have a bottom?

Mary – I had grown sick and tired of drinking. My family called me out as being drunk when I was slurring my speech. A close friend of mine went to rehab. I stopped drinking in order to support him. As each day passed, I could not believe that I was still not drinking. I went to Al-Anon in order to further support my friend.

[21:05] How did you do it?

Mary – I kept going to Al-Anon. When I visited my friend, he took me to a meeting. As I sat there listening, I realized I wanted what they had. I worked the 12 steps. My life has changed to being joyous and free. It is freeing not having any more secrets.

[24:00] Paul and Mary talk about being sober emotionally

Mary – It felt good to get rid of all of my secrets. I listened to other people in the program and did what they said. I wanted to be happy and try to remain teachable.

[27:23] Describe a day in your life

Mary – I pray every morning and evening. I also meditate (U-Tube 11th step guided meditation). I reach out regularly to friends in the program. I listen to AA recordings (Joe and Charlie AA tapes), read The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.

[30:00] What is on your bucket list?

Mary – Continue to share my story, bring hope to others, and be of service to others.

[31:21] What have you learned the most?

Mary – That I am OK just the way that I am. I am trying to have a good life and do the best I can.

[31:57] What are your thoughts on relapse?

Mary – For some people, it is an important part of their recovery. I try to accept just this 1 day that I have and not “future trip.” Relapse can be an important learning tool in recovery.

[33:00 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? leaving that sleeping baby alone when I was 13 and driving around while drinking
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? at my daughter’s 16th birthday party, I was too drunk to drive but did anyway. I hit the curb and flattened my tire.
What’s your plan moving forward? keep going to meetings, keep breaking the stigma
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? keep falling forward, everywhere I go, there I am.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Continue to move forward, talk about it, give voice to your pain
You might be an alcoholic if… you take the computer test “Are you and alcoholic,” and focus on your No answers.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

www.southerrunningmom.wordpress.com

bmjopen.bmj.com (article on how women millennials are catching up to men in their alcoholism)

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 122: Lessons Learned From a Weekend With Drunk People Jun 19, 2017

Becky, with 10 months since her last drink, shares her story…………

What I learned after spending the weekend with 12 other people at a lake house:

People did not care that I was not drinking
People were appreciative to have a designated driver
Drunk people have the memory of a goldfish
Hangovers still suck
Noticed potential problem drinkers
Everyone overshot their mark
Alcohol makes you act like an ass
The yawn game sucks
Snap Chat only exists because of drunk people
Sober check ins are a good idea
You can do sober weekends

SHOW NOTES

[11:30] Paul Introduces Becky.

Becky – I have been sober for 10 months and live in Indiana. I work in the HR industry, am married and have 2 children. I like to garden and cook.

[13:00] Tell me about hearing your friend Lisa on the RE podcast.

Becky – I was starting to listen to a variety of podcasts on sobriety and heard Lisa’s story. I reached out to her via face book and she talked me through the process of AA. I was able to ask her questions. Something was guiding me.

[18:00] When did you realize you had a problem?

Becky – I was a binge drinker in high school but my drinking tapered off during my first marriage. I soon fell into having a glass of wine every night as a reward. I suffered from a major episode of depression and my therapist suggested I stop drinking. After the depression lifted, I continued drinking 1-2 bottles a night. I tried moderating but could not stop. I felt miserable inside.

[20:30] Tell me about your “yets”.

Becky – I would stumble around parking lots and pass out on the sidewalk. Anything could have happened. I would usually drink after a long day at work. I knew my mother was an alcoholic but I had so much shame that I could not stop. I suffered from black outs and self- loathing.

[24:21] How did you get sober?

Becky – I spoke with Lisa and told my husband. During the first week, I went to meetings. The first 30 days were tough both physically and mentally. Shortly after 30 days, I started to feel better.

[27:16] How was your patience during the first 30 days?

Becky – I was anxious and very short on patience during the first 30 days. The more I fought the craving, the worse it got. I allowed the craving to wash over me instead of fighting it. I was able to take a step back and just look at it.

[29:00] Paul and Becky talk about her hesitation with AA because of God

Becky – I was probably an agnostic before AA. I did not know how I was going to bring God into my life. But there were too many coincidences. There had to be a type of HP intervening. I just know that I could not do this by myself. Some people choose G.O.D. (group of drunks)

[31:49] How important is it for you to be surrounded by others in recovery?

Becky – I could not have gotten sober without my local meetings. I stay active in on-line support groups. It is critical for me to be able to connect with others.

[33:41] Describe a day in your life

Becky – I meditate every day and journal. I try and stay balanced between exercise and work. I have also created my own blog for personal accountability (www.my2point0project.com).

[36:26] What have you learned the most about yourself?

Becky – I am more of a type “A” personality than I thought. I want things done a certain way and have to learn to let that go.

[37:47] What is on your bucket list in sobriety?

Becky – I want to continue to wake up feeling good and strong. I want to help others find jobs and help schedule interviews for them.

[38:45] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? not being sober when my father passed away
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? my decline was more slow and pervasive
What’s your plan moving forward? go to bed sober tonight
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? SHAIR and Rich Roll podcasts, book “Being Sober” by Harry Haroutunian
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? I drink but we don’t
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? reach out, this is not a weakness
You might be an alcoholic if…..you schedule your grocery shopping experience to not happen on Sundays – (because your state is dry on Sundays)

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

www.my2point0project.com

Book – Being Sober, author Harry Haroutunian

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 121: Recovery Can be Confusing Jun 12, 2017

Dan, with 27 years since his last drink, shares his story……

The new Café RE Blue has been launched. This face book group will cap @ 200. If you would like to join, go to www.recoveryelevator.com. Enter the promo code 1month to get the first month for free.

Getting sober can be confusing. 14 medical schools only offer 1 class on addiction so it is no wonder doctors do not always “get it.” Just how do we navigate sobriety? Since alcohol is legal and we are bombarded by an estimated 50 alcohol related ads a day, the path is not always clear. We often think we are cured after having some consecutive days of sobriety but achieving emotional sobriety is where the real work happens.

The main point to remember is that recovery can take different paths. What works for one may not work for another. Since this disease tells us that we do not have a disease, we have to be ever mindful of that inner voice and realize that we do not have to have all of the answers. Help is available, but you have to ask.

SHOW NOTES

[9:27] Paul Introduces Dan

Dan – I have been sober for 27 years and am from New Hampshire. I am a professional skier, film producer and love most things outdoors.

[12:06] When did you realize that you had a problem?

Dan – I was always a partier. During high school, I was a daily pot smoker and weekend binge drinker. I always wanted to be around people who were drinking. I had this mental obsession with booze and drinking was a part of my life.

[15:23] Did your drinking progress faster as you continued using?

Dan – I was introduced to cocaine in the 8th grade. My tolerance progressed and drinking and driving was just normal for me.

[17:11] Were you always chasing those euphoric feelings?

Dan – I was always chasing the rush of the party. We would throw huge parties any time that we could.

[18:00] Did you have a rock bottom?

Dan – We got kicked off of a booze cruise after only 45 minutes. I told everyone I was going to stop using but instead I hid it. One of my friend’s mothers was in AA and she could tell that I was not comfortable in my own skin. I went to a meeting and first learned of the term “stinkin thinkin”

[22:35] What finally worked?

Dan – I was involved in a tragic storm accident in Russia that resulting in people losing their lives. There was a lot of fallout from this accident. Anger built up within me and soon I started drinking and using again. I reached out to my friend’s mother and she got me into an outpatient center. I also got into therapy and started going to more meetings. I traveled for my job and got sober going to meetings all over the world.

[29:18] What is your day like?

Dan – I am involved in a large sober community. My Catholic faith continues to grow stronger and helps me every day. I go to 2-4 meetings a month and like to read spiritual readings.

[31:14] What do you value most in recovery?

Dan – my relationships with God, family and friends

[32:00] What advice would you give to someone who is resistant to AA because of God?

Dan – you can attend AA without believing in God. The more you attend the meetings, a light will begin to shine. You will start to find peace and contentment within the AA program. It is a program built on faith and love.

[34:06] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? totaling my mother’s car on Mother’s Day
What’s your plan moving forward? living a full life and not tying myself down with negativity
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? people
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? alcohol is a time bomb just waiting to go off
You might be an alcoholic if…….every time you are in trouble, you’ve been drinking

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 120: Another One Joins Team Sobriety Jun 05, 2017

Jason, with 4 years since his last drink, shares his story…………….

Paul reviews the GQ interview with Brad Pitt. Pitt states that he was boozing too much and learned that either you deny your feelings and stay where you are or you feel the feelings and evolve. He did not want to live that way anymore. Pitt is learning to accept the things about himself that he does not like.

SHOW NOTES

[9:13] Paul Introduces Jason

Jason – I have been sober for 4 years and live in Big Sky, MT. I am a firefighter/paramedic and enjoy outdoor activities.

[11:10] How did you meet your wife?

Jason – I had walked into a bar in the middle of a scuffle. My “soon to be” wife was on the ground and bleeding from her head. I felt the need to come to her rescue. We have been married for 9 years now.

[13:45] When did you realize that you had a problem?

Jason – I did not know I had a problem because all of my family were heavy drinkers. One night I went out with friends and drank very heavily and then drove home. The next morning I had the worst hangover of my life. I really thought I was having a medical emergency, I felt so bad.

[16:46] What were your drinking habits like?

Jason – For the last 10 years, I would get off of work and start drinking. I would spend the last 2 days of my days off sobering up. We had lots of house parties where there was plenty of drinking. My wife and I would also take yearly sailing excursions. They would turn into 2 weeks of binge drinking.

[19:48] How did you get sober?

Jason – I reached out to a family friend who has been sober for 42 years. At first I did not want to go any meetings but I had wanted my wife to stop drinking so we both ended up going to a meeting. The meeting was a total mix of people and completely changed my life.

[23:59] How do you remain sober?

Jason – I go to AA meetings. In early sobriety, I would just show up at meetings and listen. Currently, I stay very involved with my sober community. I also send out daily recovery related e-mails. It helps me stay accountable. If anyone else would like to be added to this e-mail list, send Jason and e-mail (jgras@sailingscubeadventures.com)

[29:52] Paul and Jason discuss being a grateful alcoholic

Jason – I have learned to be grateful and humble. The program has allowed me to change. It has been a journey through self-restoration.

[31:51] Paul and Jason discuss Sober Scuba Sailing Tours

Jason – My wife and I thought it would be a great idea to offer sober sailing excursions. We are organizing a trip in June. For more information on future trips, go to www.sailingscubaadventures.com and send Jason a message.

[39:42] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? that horrible hangover that made me feel like I was having a medical emergency
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? when my hangovers would last for days
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? the Big Book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Tony Robbins “I’m Not Your Guru”
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? make your bed every morning, the miracle will happen
You might be an alcoholic if…..you see a half full cocktail and think, “Now that’s alcohol abuse;” then you finish it yourself

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Jason’s e-mail = jgras@sailingscubaadventures.com

www.sailingscubaadventures.com

Tony Robbins – I am Not Your Guru (available on DVD and Netflix)

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

Hold on tight as we follow Paul’s journey coming off his anti-depression meds. Good luck Paul!

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 119: The 13th Step May 29, 2017

Kari, with 4 years since her last drink, shares her story……………….

Café RE is now on a waitlist to join. Once the list gets to approximately 30-40 people, another group will be formed. To be placed on the waitlist, go to www.recoveryelevator.com and click on the Café RE tab at the top of the page. Enter the promo code RE1month to join.

Paul reviews the video “The 13th Step.” The 13th step (where new comers are “preyed” upon by others in AA) is joked about in and out of the rooms. The fact is that courts are ordering violent sexual predators to AA for a plea deal. AA should not be a punishment but 40-60% of its attendees are court ordered. This movie depicts AA in a negative light. Sure, there are flaws with AA. Every program has negative aspects and positive aspects. I personally dislike movies that bash any recovery program.

SHOW NOTES

[ 8:39 ] Paul Introduces Kari

Kari – I am 4 years sober and live in Montana. I am married and enjoy skiing, hiking, biking and running.

[11:42] What were your drinking habits like?

Kari – I drank through high school but it really ramped up after college. I was a binge and social drinker but would drink until I blacked out. I would often try and regulate my drinking and could do this for a little while. I would track my drinks on a calendar but was miserable when I tried to moderate.

[22:00] Did you have a bottom?

Kari – After my college boyfriend committed suicide, I just didn’t care to keep my drinking in check. Another bottom was when I locked myself out of my truck after a concert. My husband had to come and get me. He was very angry and I came to the realization that my life and marriage would not continue if I was still drinking.

[29:17] How did you get sober?

Kari – I reached out to some friends who were in AA and attended my first meeting. I immediately knew that I belonged. I saw hope in these meetings and a light at the end of the tunnel.

[36:00] Describe what your day is like.

Kari – Every morning I do some type of reading about recovery (Today’s a Gift, Each Day a New Beginning). I enjoy the beauty around me and it helps keep me grounded. I say thank you every night.

[39:30] Paul and Kari discuss her recent sailing trip

Kari – Both my husband and I were nervous that we wouldn’t have fun. We still enjoyed our fruit drinks without alcohol and kept up our tradition of drinking during the sunsets. I was able to remember the entire sailing trip.

[42:40] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? when I was in college and went up to the rooftop thinking it would be a good idea to jump
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? when I realized I couldn’t control my drinking
What’s your plan moving forward? sharing my story as often as possible
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? AA
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? there is nothing that says that you have to figure this all out on your own
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? no matter how bad you feel, you can turn your life around
You might be an alcoholic if….you order 2 drinks and slide the first one to the side because it’s the first one that gets you

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 118: The Black Dog May 22, 2017

Steph, with 6 months since her last drink, shares her story

It is often said that our HP will not give us more than we can handle. For the last 8-10 months, Paul has been suffering from depression. Around this time, he received a link from his brother about the black dog aka depression (www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc). God shout out? The video basically describes how depression creeps up on you whenever it wants to. It is very exhausting trying to keep the symptoms of depression hidden from others. Depression is like losing all of the joy in your life. Your addiction can start talking to you and may say that 1 drink may help. But this is only temporary. Drinking will not help!

SHOW NOTES

[9:00] Paul Introduces Steph.

Steph – I am 6 months sober and feeling great! I am 46 years old, married and have 2 daughters. I currently live in Canada and enjoy cooking and gardening.

[9:25] When did you first realize that you had a problem?

Steph – I have known that I had a drinking problem for the last 25 years. I would drink and drive, blackout, etc. and went to a few AA meetings in my early 20’s. I was sober for 3 years. I do not think that I was ready to give it up entirely yet and started drinking again. My drinking started out slow but steadily got worse. I worked in bars and surrounded myself with other drinkers. After I had my children, I tried to moderate but would still drink to get through the stress of parenting.

[15:53] What was it like to start drinking again after taking some time off?

Steph – After my pregnancies, my drinking very rapidly increased. I reached a point where I was physically addicted and had to drink to keep the symptoms of withdrawal away. If I did not drink, I would get severe anxiety.

[18:35] Did you have a rock bottom moment?

Steph – I tried to quit cold turkey and ended up in the hospital. My children saw me being put into an ambulance. 1 week later, I was drinking again. I felt like I had severely damaged my brain chemistry with all of the alcohol and I could not sleep without sleeping pills. I eventually felt suicidal.

[20:45] How did you get sober 6 months ago?

Steph – I had to start tapering off because I was so physically addicted. My husband helped me by locking up all of the alcohol and only giving me limited amounts each day. I slowly decreased the amount of vodka over 10-12 days. I really wanted to get sober so I did not drive to any liquor stores myself.

[27:22 ] What did you do after those 10-12 days went by?

Steph – I took Kevin O’Hara’s “How to Quit Drinking” course. I would also start my day with recovery books and podcasts. I also got very involved with an on-line community.

[29:00] How has your physical and emotional state evolved since quitting drinking?

Steph – I was on an emotional rollercoaster in the beginning. Now, I have learned to respond rather than react to things.

[29:41] Paul and Steph talk about her U-Tube videos and blog.

Steph – my blog can be found at https://bestirredblog.wordpress.com. Another friend in recovery and I started doing video blogs which can be found on U-Tube, called The Way Back. I also do group skypes with other people in recovery.

[31:20] What have you learned the most?

Steph – I am a lot stronger than I thought.

[31:45] What is on your bucket list in sobriety?

Steph – I would like to help other people get sober.

[32:37] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? all of the non-memories
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? when I tried to stop drinking and couldn’t
What’s your plan moving forward? helping others
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? A Facebook group called “Onwards and Upwards”
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? get out of your comfort zone
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? put the same amount of time and energy into your recovery, that you put into your drinking
If you decide to start a family with hope that it will help you moderate your drinking, you just might be an alcoholic.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 117: Alcohol Does Not Bolster Intelligence May 15, 2017

Ashley, with 16 days since her last drink, shares her story…..

Do not forget the AALRM race in Bozeman MT, on 5/20. This supports recovery. You can also sign up to do a virtual run at www.recoveryelevator.com\run. Enter promo code “recovery” for a discount.

The Café RE private face book group will be capped at 300 members. If you would like to join the original group, now is the time to sign up. Go to www.recoveryelevator.com and enter the promo code RE1 to get your first month free.

Alcohol does not make us more intelligent. We all know that drinking and drinking is not good. When we start drinking, our mind starts to shift and suddenly is seems like a good idea. We only have a short distance to drive, right? The statistics show that we drink and drive 76 times before getting caught. Drinking also causes us to say and do stupid things, like trying to coax a poodle to run across 5 lanes of traffic, or shout out that a girl had a funky looking toe at a bar. It you would like to send an e-mail with the most unintelligent thing you have ever done while drinking, drop a line to info@recoveryelevator.com.

SHOW NOTES

[11:22] Paul Introduces Ashley.

Ashley – I have been sober for 16 days and feel more focused this time. I am from Iowa, 32 years old and have 3 sons. I am trying to find new sober hobbies.

[13:11] When did you first notice that you had a problem?

Ashley – I started drinking at the age of 12. I would party with older people. I was sneaking booze at the age of 14 and my family sent me away to a home. By the time, I was 21, I had 3 children and 2 DUI’s. I still did not think that I had a problem. I later lost my license for 5 years. I was home alone, couldn’t drive and my drinking really took off.

[16:11] Was it hard getting sober at such a young age?

Ashley – It has been really hard since everyone I know drinks. I am trying to distance myself from my drinker friends and find sober friends.

[17:47] You were sober before. What happened to cause you to drink again?

Ashley – I was doing a cleanse to try and lose some weight. But then a concert came around and I drank there. I stopped for a few weeks but went to a funeral where everyone was drinking. I ended up doing a shot and it was game on from there. I drank for 6 days straight after that. I just couldn’t say no whenever someone offered me a drink.

[21:11] Did you ever put any rules in place to try and control your drinking?

Ashley – I’ve tried every rule imaginable; from only drinking on the weekends, to never drinking at home, or only drinking after the children went to bed.

[24:00] How did you get sober this time?

Ashley – I try and go to AA every day and I listen to podcasts.

[25:41] What are you going to do differently this time?

Ashley – I am distancing myself from my drinking friends and trying to make new sober friends. I also am looking for on-line support in order to locate sober people in my area.

[27:54] Do you think you will ever be able to attend shows sober?

Ashley – Right now, no. But I love music so eventually I would like to be able to go. It is going to take some time.

[29:23] Did you ever go to any “dark” places while drinking?

Ashley – I had tons of blackouts and I lost my license for 5 years.

[29:23] Paul and Ashley talk about a time when she felt like drinking but managed to control the urge.

Ashley – I was recently home alone and starting getting those thoughts of drinking. I watched a few videos on U-Tube and thought that if I drank, I would ruin my week again.

[33:05] What is a typical day like for you?

Ashley – I try to keep very busy with work. I also plan what AA meeting I am going to attend and get up and go.

[34:52] What are your thoughts on a HP?

Ashley – I believe in God and would go to church occasionally as a child. I am trying to get back into church.

[35:49] What are you most proud of and how are your relationships now?

Ashley – I am most proud of being there for my children. I am more active with them. My relationship is much better with them. My children see me being active and happy.

[37:33] Do you have anything on your bucket list?

Ashley – I want to be able to truly love myself and my life. I want to be able to do things without booze.

[38:35] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? when I was drunk, I got jumped in an ally way
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? not being able to stop drinking while attending that funeral
What’s your plan moving forward? stay distant from my drinker friends, go to AA, podcasts
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Verbal surgery podcast
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? do not think so far ahead
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? start right now, focus on today
You might be an alcoholic if…… you go to your local gas station and the cashier is questioning why you do not have any beer

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

Check out the upcoming Machu Picchu trip in 2018. Send an e-mail to info@recoverelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 116: Duped by Alcohol May 08, 2017

Laura, with 41 days since her last drink, shares her story…….

Do you ever feel duped by alcohol? Throughout high school, we were all told to “just say no” to drugs but not much was ever said about alcohol. The reality is that only 1 in 10 people with an alcohol problem get treatment. The research shows that the number 1 most addictive drug is alcohol. It kills more people than all other drugs combined.

In 2015, Paul started the RE podcast just to stay accountable for himself. Now, the podcast has gotten so popular because so many people are still struggling. Even though addiction is a chronic disease of the brain, the stigma attached keeps people from getting the help that they need. The challenge for all of us in recovery is to be open about out alcohol use, and get it out in the open.

SHOW NOTES

[13:29] Paul Introduces Laura.

Laura – I am 40 years old and have not had a drink in 41 days. I am married with 2 boys and I live in Michigan. I am a special education teacher and enjoy most outdoor activities.

[16:41] When did you realize that you had a problem?

Laura – I had been drinking pretty heavily since my 20’s. Last summer when I wanted to stop, I could not. During a routine physical, I mentioned to my Dr. that I had some liver issues and that perhaps I should go to rehab. He advised against it stating that there were only drug abusers in there. He suggested I see their social worker but she wouldn’t see me because I was still drinking. I felt like I was going around and around. I even tried Harm reduction which did not work.

[19:46] When you stopped drinking did your health problems go away?

Laura – not entirely but they have gotten better. I exercise more since I am not drinking and that makes me feel better. My rheumatoid arthritis is still there. I thought that once I quit drinking, I would be pain free but that was not the case. After 40 days of not drinking, I am starting to feel some relief from pain. I have started reading “The All Day Energy Diet.”

[23:14] Paul and Laura discuss the Harm Reduction Plan.

Laura – you are supposed to moderate and keep track of how many drinks you have each day. It wasn’t working for me. I found it difficult remaining in contact with the other people in the group. School started and things got crazy so I started drinking again every night. I wanted to stop but just didn’t want to put the work in to do it.

[25:25] How did that feel when you wanted to stop but just wasn’t ready?

Laura – I could get a few days of sobriety under my belt but would always drink on that 3rd day. I was a responsible drinker and would get everything done in my household by 8pm so that I could start drinking.

[30:00] So how did you get 41 days of sobriety?

Laura – I kept myself very busy or would go for a walk just to keep my mind off of it. Every morning I try to exercise and it feels great to not have the guilt about drinking the night before. After work if I get cravings, I will drink a cup of coffee. I also enjoy reading sobriety books and once the summer starts, I would like to check out some AA and SMART meetings.

[32:14] Do you have anything on your sobriety bucket list?

Laura – I would like to run a 5K, travel, and spend more quality time with my children.

[32:59] What advice would you give to your younger sense?

Laura – Stop drinking when you are young. Drinking is not realistic. It is OK to experience your emotions. Do not be afraid to feel them.

[33:03] What are your thoughts on relapse?

Laura – The thought of relapse scares me. I do not want to lose control like that again.

[35:00] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? I mistakenly hid my husband’s iPad instead of my son’s. The next morning I could not remember where I had hidden it.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? I was at a bar with my then boyfriend. I made him so mad that he never spoke to me again and I have no idea what I had done
What’s your plan moving forward? stay connected, trying some AA and SMART meetings and giving back to the community
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? I am reading the 30 Day Sobriety Solution, the RE podcast and the RE Face Book group
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? take it 1 day at a time
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Use the resources that are out there and do not give up.
You might be an alcoholic if….. you order 2 drinks at a time because the bartender is to slow

Interesting fact – India has passed a law that establishments that serve liquor cannot be close to federal highways. They have 400 traffic fatalities a day and a big portion of these are due to alcohol. You might be an alcoholic if you remove federal highway signs and replace them with city signs, so that your business is not affected by this new law.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

Check out the new Recovery Elevator sobriety tracker

AALRM – run for recovery. The link is at recoveryelevator.com/run. Enter the promo code recoveryelevator to receive a discount

Book – The All Day Energy Diet by Yuri Elkaim

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 115: Big Alcohol May 01, 2017

Julie, with 92 days sober, shares her story………

Big alcohol companies like to blame the individual rather than the poison that they sell. The liquor industry spends millions of dollars on advertisements that tell us we should drink responsibly. If we do not drink responsibly, than we are to blame. We should know when to say when, right? The facts show that alcohol kills 85,000 people each year. But to the companies selling the booze, money is the name of the game. These companies make billions while avoiding high taxes because alcohol is not taxed as high as other beverages.

*********************************Don’t be duped by alcohol advertisements*****************************************

SHOW NOTES

[9:21] Paul Introduces Julie

Julie – I have been sober for 92 days and it feels really good. I did not think that I could do it. I am 35 years old and work as a nurse. I enjoy music and going to concerts.

[11:00] When did you realize you had a problem with alcohol?

Julie – I have known for years. I just could never get enough. My first issue was with drugs so I did not focus on my alcohol problem. I went to rehab for drug abuse in 2010 and stayed sober for 18 months after that. The rehab helped with my drug use but then I turned to alcohol. When I tried to quit alcohol, I had hallucinations and ended up spending 4 days in the psych ward.

[14:24] What happened after your 18 months of sobriety?

Julie – I had already started planning to drink. I knew I was going to attend another concert and thought I could drink normally. I ended up drinking so much that I blacked out and continued to drink for 5 more years. I always told myself, “when _______ happens,” I will stop drinking. But I never stopped. I woke up each morning feeling defeated, angry and bitter.

[18:00] Was your rock bottom 92 days ago?

Julie – I did not have a bottom 92 days ago. I was just tired of being sick and tired. I kept wondering when I was going to lose my medical license. I knew it was just a matter of time before this happened. Then, I thought I would try to quit and when it didn’t work, I could at least say that I had tried.

[19:05] Paul asks Julie how she got sober 92 days ago.

Julie – I listened to a lot of podcasts and made it to 30 days. I was feeling really good but still ordered a glass of wine while at lunch with my brother. I did not even enjoy it. I finally admitted to my family that I was done drinking.

[21:23] Paul and Julie discuss accountability.

Julie – My family has been super supportive of my sobriety. I try to take it 1 situation at a time. I still have not been completely honest with them about how much I was consuming but my parents are very encouraging to me.

[25:00] What else did you do?

Julie – My best friend has been sober for over a year and she has been supporting me. I do a lot of reading and am constantly working at changing my mindset.

[27:47] How have your cravings been?

Julie – I try and distract myself by taking my dogs for a walk or keeping busy. I know that the cravings will pass.

[28:34] How did you feel during your first week of sobriety?

Julie – I was pretty apprehensive the first week. I did not think that I could do it. Once 30 days went by, I felt that I had a chance at making it. I am more confident as each day passes.

[29:34] What advice would you give to your younger self?

Julie – You pay a price for everything that you do. You do not know everything when you are young. Drinking is not fun and games anymore.

[30:00] What have you learned in sobriety?

Julie – When I was drinking, I was not living in reality. I was just going through the motions. I have learned that it is possible to live sober and have a clear mind. I did not want to accept that I would be drinking for the rest of my life and possibly losing my career.

[31:00] What are your rules in sobriety?

Julie – Attitude is everything and I am learning as much as I can.

[33:38] Do you have a bucket list?

Julie – I would like to get out of my comfort zone more, try meditation and yoga.

[34:47 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? withdrawing while in the pysch ward
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? every day was an oh shit moment
What’s your plan moving forward? staying active and reading
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? RE podcast and the private FB group
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? do not feel like you have to do it all at once
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? take the first steps and worry about tomorrow when it gets here
You might be an alcoholic if….. you loathe the existence of everyone at the gas station because when they see you, they know that you cannot drink normally

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

Good Reads to Check Out: Blackout, This Naked Mind, Beyond the Influence

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 114: Genetic Predispositions to Alcohol Apr 24, 2017

Coral, with 7 months since her last drink, shares her story……

Do we have to say it again? Let’s drop the stigma regarding addiction. The research shows that alcoholics have a genetic predisposition towards alcohol. It is not a character defect, nor a moral weakness. Yet, even after these results are published, about 20% of the general population, along with many psychiatrists still believe that it is a personal weakness.

Kenneth Bloom conducted early experiments on neurology and molecular genetics. Hundreds of these experiments showed that alcoholism is hereditary. Many adoption studies have also been done and they show that children with at least 1alcoholic biological parent were 3 to 4 times more likely to become an alcoholic, regardless of their non-alcoholic adoptive parents.

When an alcoholic drinks, our neurotransmitters go awry and our bodies break down booze differently than normal drinkers. That’s the facts folks.

SHOW NOTES

[14:08] Paul Introduces Coral.

Coral – I am 32 years old and live in Idaho. I work in an industrial plant. I am married and have a 9 year old son.

[16:08] Did you think you had a problem with drinking?

Coral – My husband and I have been trying to conceive but after our IVF failed, I went on a 2 week bender, full of self- pity. I would grab a beer first thing in the morning. Drinking was not helping anything. Now it just feels surreal to be sober. I did not think that I could do it. Drinking has always been a part of my life. But being in a recovery program keeps me from getting stagnant.

[19:21] When did you realize that you had a problem?

Coral – There were plenty of times I told myself that I should slow down. These slow down plans never worked. I would try to limit hard liquor or not drink during the day. Sometimes I was able to slow down but it never lasted long.

[22:11] Paul and Coral discuss her bottoms.

Coral – One of my worst memories was having some new friends over to my house for a BBQ. I ended up tripping over something in the yard and fell into the fire pit. I was burned over 10% of my body. Even after this, I never looked at myself as having a problem. It took a few months to re-cooperate after this accident. I was on heavy pain medications and still drank while on them. After 3 months, I went to the doctor to get a refill of my pain medication. He would not refill my prescription and I ended up going through withdrawal.

[26:00] How did you quit drinking 7 months ago?

Coral – I started listening to podcastsand going to meetings. I joined the Club Soda club on-line and I also started seeing a therapist.

[30:00] Paul and Coral discuss her relationship with her husband and his drinking.

Coral – My husband was also a drinker and struggles a little bit. He has been very supportive of my recovery. He has his own path in recovery and I have mine.

[31:33] When did your thinking shift from “I can’t do this” to “I can do this?”

Coral – Probably around 90 days. I had been denied a promotion that I thought I had in the bag. I felt like jumping out of my own skin. I decided to get in the car and drove many miles to a meeting. I left the meeting wondering why I hadn’t gone to a meeting in so long. It was so good to be around other people with this same problem. Sobriety is my #1 priority now, otherwise I will lose everything.

[33:33] What have you learned the most about yourself?

Coral – I am still learning about myself. Right now I am in the middle of the 4th step and it has been very eye opening.

[34:34] How have your cravings been?

Coral – I do eat a lot of sugar. I gave up alcohol, caffeine and cigarettes at the same time. So I need my sugar. When a craving hits, I try to meditate, exercise or go to a meeting.

[35:40] How have your relationships changed?

Coral – My husband and I get along much better. Instead of having arguments, we discuss things now. I am also closer to my extended family since they are non-drinkers.

[36:43] What is a typical day like for you?

Coral – I usually say a prayer every morning and then head off to work. I will go to a few meetings each week and enjoy spending time with my family.

[37:00] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? falling into the fire pit
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? I had a major blackout while drinking as a teen. Everyone told me I was running around screaming and I do not remember a thing.
What’s your plan moving forward? working the steps and helping others
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? SHAIR podcast, The Bubble Hour podcast and The Big Book
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? You are the average of the 5 people that you hang around with the most.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If you think you have a problem, than you probably do. You can still have fun without drinking.
You might be an alcoholic if… you fall into a fire pit but still blame it on the misc. objects in your yard

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 113: Healthcare, Alcohol, and Addiction Apr 17, 2017

Michael, with 32 years since his last drink, shares his story.

In a recent CNN interview with Jeremy Broderick, he talks about how the GOP replacement plan for Obamacare makes things worse for the addict. Many treatment plans were covered under Medicaid as well as the Affordable Care Act. Trump-care isn’t what is seems to be and pushes more for accessibility instead of universal coverage. In the meantime, 200 people die a day while the government sorts this out. It is estimated that for every $1.00 spent on treatment, $4.00 is saved on healthcare and for every $1.00 spent on education/prevention, $50.00 is saved on healthcare.

SHOW NOTES

[8:18] Paul Introduces Michael

Michael – I am 60 years old with 32 years of sobriety. I have 2 twin sons and I run health and wellness websites. I like to walk, hike and meet like-minded people.

[10:48] When did you realize that you had a problem?

Michael – it was long before I was 28 years old. I started drinking alcoholically at age 14. I was in an accident and arrested for DUI at the age of 19. My drinking slowed down a little when my uncle died but I picked up smoking weed instead. Cocaine was finally my downfall. I was starting to spend hours in blackouts and was continuously apologizing for things that I had done.

[13:14] What were your drinking habits like?

Michael – During nights’ outs, I could drink 20 bottles of beer. We would go out to the bars starting at midnight and drink until 7am.

[14:08] Did you ever put any rules into place to control your drinking?

Michael – I couldn’t start drinking early in the day because I would keep going. I intentionally started drinking later in the day so that I had a chance to make it home safely.

[15:23] What drug do you think led you to cocaine? Pot or alcohol?

Michael – It was probably the pot. I needed it when I first woke up in the morning just to be able to get to work.

[16:04] How did you do it?

Michael – I started going to meetings and was completely overwhelmed by the love of the community. They enveloped me with their hugs and love. Our motto was hugs, not drugs. I went to 1 sober party after another. There wasn’t any time to do drugs. I learned to be careful who I surrounded myself with. Build your community of sober friends. Community is everything to me. I never feel alone when I surround myself with people who are moving in the same direction. There is no addiction sigma within these sober communities.

[22:29] Did you start with NA or AA?

Michael – I started with NA and we were a small group. We were sponsoring 5-10 people at a time. I received some advice that I should try an AA meeting in order to see what longer term sobriety was. My first AA meeting had some old timers who basically told me to, “sit down and shut up.” They taught us what real time recovery was.

[25:35] What is your advice for finding real recovery?

Michael – You’ve got to tap in to your resources. There are many milestones that are going to happen to you in recovery. Your world can still fall apart at any time. You will always have to deal with emotional experiences.

[27:27] What advice would you give to your younger self?

Michael – When we are drinking, we tend to gravitate towards other drinkers. Most of the rest of the population does not drink like we do. It is OK to be with these normal/non-drinkers. There is an entire world full of incredible people who do not care whether you drink or not.

[30:00] Tell us your thoughts regarding sugar addiction.

Michael – I think that sugar is the real gateway drug. It is so subtle that you do not realize it is even happening. Sugar is a powerful psychoactive drug. You can become physically and mentally addicted to sugar. We crave it when we need a mental break. When we eat sugar, we temporarily feel better about ourselves.

[35:40] What is viral recovery.com?

Michael – It is my website where I advocate to change the stigma of addiction with healthcare. I post what others are doing (such as Paul!) to change the attitudes surrounding addiction.

[36:51] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? I had been in a car accident and a telephone pole was literally sitting in the passenger seat of my car
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? every time I woke up in the morning with wet pants
What’s your plan moving forward? spread the message and stay tight with your sober community
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? On-line recovery tools
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? my sponsor had me look up at the stars and asked me if I thought it was possible that the whole world just might not be about me
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? be kind to yourself, learn to self-care and be aware of not degrading yourself
You might be an alcoholic if…..you look ahead through weeks of weddings, work parties, etc. and it’s exhausting trying to juggle and control your drinking.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

www.viralrecovery.com

www.sugaraddiction.com

www.facingaddiction.org – to sign the petition

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 112: Can I Successfully Cut Down or Control My Drinking? Apr 10, 2017

Heath, with 40 days since his last drink, shares his story…..

*****Please review the RE podcast in iTunes*****

Can we taper off alcohol? It is nearly impossible to cut back on alcohol because it is so addictive. Our own addictive mind lies to us and tells us that we can cut back. In all of the interviews done on the Recovery Elevator podcast, there has not been 1 interviewee who claimed they were able to moderate. If you have, send a message to info@recoveryelevator.com. Paul would love to interview you!

What happens when we try to taper down our alcohol consumption? Each day gets more painful than the last as we try to limit our drinks. We often try to implement rules to control ourselves but these never last. The question to ask yourself is, “Where does alcohol stand on your priority list?”

SHOW NOTES

[10:00] Paul Introduces Heath.

Heath – I am 40 days sober, live in Atlanta and am 41 years old. I enjoy running, working out and spending time with my 9 year old daughter.

[11:14] When did you realize that you had a problem?

Heath – I knew that I had a problem all of my life. The last few years I have been trying to get sober. I finally wanted to get sober for myself.

[12:19] Did you ever put any rules in place?

Heath – I could not drink around my wife so I needed to keep my drinking limited to 9-5. I would occasionally go without drinking for a few weeks. Being self-employed made it difficult to remain sober. I turned to marijuana and Xanax to try and get through the day. Once the Xanax ran out, I went back to drinking.

[16:19] Did you hit a rock bottom?

Heath – I had multiple accidents where I totaled cars but this time nothing big actually happened. I thought to myself that either I have to deal with this now or deal with it later.

[17:31] How did you do it?

Heath – I kept very busy the first week of sobriety. Exercise was super important and I started running every day. I also go to SMART meetings. I want to be prepared once the pink cloud dissipates. When I go to SMART meetings, I try to look for similarities. When I see that someone has relapsed, I immediately think that I do not want that to be me.

[24:23] How have your relationships changed?

Heath – I no longer carry any guilt. My wife is still skeptical that I have quit for good but my daughter is super thrilled that I am sober.

[25:30] How have your cravings been?

Heath – When I first got a craving I raced right to the gym. 45 minutes on the elliptical machine stopped that craving. Exercise releases the endorphins I need.

[27:36] What have you learned about yourself?

Heath – I am not as anxious as I thought I was. Once I got off the booze and Xanax, I was more relaxed than I had been before.

[30:00] What have you accomplished in sobriety?

Heath – I still feel very humble in sobriety. I am looking forward to getting my relationship back with my wife and possibly starting to save some money.

[ ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? seeing the disappointment in my wife’s eyes
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Continuous moments!!
What’s your plan moving forward? SMART meetings, exercise
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? SMART meetings and exercise
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Your drinking problem is never going to go away. You are going to have to deal with it.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? do not give up trying, your chances of recovering go up the more you try
You might be an alcoholic if….you use a sobriety app to keep you sober

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

Annie Grace “This Naked Mind” video course. Find it at www.recoveryelevator.com/annie. Enter promo code elevator50 to receive $50 off

AALRM = Run for recovery in Bozeman, MT on 5/20/17. Sign up link below: https://runsignup.com/Race/MT/Bozeman/AALRMRunforRecovery

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 111: Is Quitting Drinking a Sacrifice? Apr 03, 2017

Lou, with 2 years since his last drink, shares his story…

5/20/17 – Join us for Run for Recovery in Bozeman, MT. Not a runner? Sign up for a virtual run @ RecoveryElevator.Com/Run. Enter promo code recoveryelevator to receive $5.00 off.

Is quitting drinking a sacrifice? We often fear that we are giving up on pleasure if we have to give up alcohol. This is absolutely false. If we are in the right mind set when we quit drinking, there will not be any void. Instead, you will be giving up all of the shitty things that booze does to you. Soberity is not a sacrifice but an opportunity.

SHOW NOTES

[7:46] Paul Introduces Lou.

Lou – I have been sober for 2 years and live in NJ. I am 27 years old and enjoy meditation, yoga and living for a higher purpose. My work is my fun.

[9:17] When was your rock bottom?

Lou – My actual sobriety date was not my bottom. I fell in love with drinking during high school and college. I was arrested for attempted burglary in college because I was trying to get into people’s houses during a blackout. I made some bad decisions that were very shameful. I started seeing where I could have been and comparing it to where I actually was. I had been living for the weekends and the rave parties. In 2014 I heard a whisper that said, “I’ve got to stop this.” I started my journey towards personal development and connected with some young ambitious people. I finally started to see that I had a higher purpose than drugs and alcohol.

[20:46] Paul and Lou discuss meditation.

Lou – I was hiking up in Joshua State Park when I decided to stop and meditate. I started breathing and fell into a loving peace that I had never felt before. I kept thinking, “You are fulfilled.” The next day I started journaling. Again, I felt the spiritual experience. “Do I want what life has to offer?” I decided, at that point, that I needed to quit drinking.

[27:29] How did you quit drinking?

Lou – I wrote in my journal – On this day, I am done drinking. Started with just 1 day at a time. I kept having these spiritual energy experiences. I felt a call for a higher purpose. I quit my job without any notice which was totally out of character for me. My co-workers sent the police to my house. They were afraid that I was going to commit suicide.

[31:00] Did you use AA?

Lou – I did not go to AA. I had such a spiritual shift that I was a completely different person and did not want alcohol at all.

[32:30] What advice would you give to your younger self.

Lou – Look at who you are surrounding yourself with. Life is a natural high. You can live an exciting life without drugs and alcohol.

[33:00] What do you value most in sobriety?

Lou – I am proud of being a non-drinker. I do not feel labeled or an outcast anymore.

[34:07] What is your proudest achievement in sobriety?

Lou – I have written a book that tells my story. “Find Your Truth” can be found on Amazon. I like getting the message out to others that we all have a higher purpose. Once you get addicted to the right things, life is amazing.

[36:32] What does a day in the life of Lou look like?

Lou – I do a lot of journaling, meditation, yoga, and work on my business. I really do not think about booze at all.

[38:00] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? waking up in jail to my mother picking me up
What’s your plan moving forward? spreading the message and being an example to others
What are your favorite books? “Outwitting the Devil,” by Napoleon Hill and “Conservations with God,” by Neale Walsch.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? what you are searching for in the bottle, is there for you in something else.
You might be an alcoholic if……you hide Hennessey bottles, consistently blackout, or are called Liquor Lou.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

www.louredmond.com

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 110: Does Alcohol Give Us Courage? Mar 27, 2017

Chris, with 11 months since his last drink, shares his story……

Does alcohol relieve our fears? Absolutely not. It may initially feel like it does but what booze is really doing is taking away our survival instincts. It removes our ability to face our fear (and fear is there for a reason). We become the turtle hiding away in its’ shell. Or worse yet, alcohol takes away our inhibitions which can put us in dangerous situations. It doesn’t make us courageous. We may feel like Superman after 1-2 drinks but who stops there? Alcohol impairs our judgement and we end up attempting to fly like Superman, but without a cape.

SHOW NOTES

[8:58] Paul Introduces Chris.

Chris – I have been sober for 347 days and it feels great! I am 45 years old and live in Portland Oregon. I am married with a 12 year old daughter. I like to travel, spend time with my family and watch stand-up comedy shows.

[10:27] When did you first realize that you had a problem?

Chris – I started noticing that I drank too much in my early 20’s but for the last 2 years I could not go without alcohol for a week. When my sister got married, I was pretty much in a blackout the entire week. My final bottom came after a vacation in Hawaii. On the last day I went on a total binge and couldn’t even be out in public. The day was entirely wasted and I had to sleep it off. I told my wife that I needed help and could not do it alone.

[14:11] How did your wife react?

Chris – We had both been trying to cut back and since she works in the healthcare field, she knew of some phone numbers I could call. I contacted the support line and was seen by a therapist the following day. I honestly told the therapist how much I had been drinking and he informed me that I was destroying my liver. This was a good thing for me to hear. It made me realize just how bad my drinking had gotten.

[17:53] What type of treatment did you receive?

Chris – I saw a therapist pretty quickly and then told my wife how much I had been consuming. She was surprised when I told her I had been hiding it.

[19:25] What was your first week of sobriety like?

Chris – The first few days were physically rough but after the 1rst month I felt great. Mentally, it is still tough. I still have days that feel fuzzy. Drinking caused me to lose that spiritual light.

[21:33] How are your relationships now?

Chris – my relationship with my daughter is better than ever. I am finding new layers to me by reading and doing self-help work. My wife and I are working on our relationship.

[22:33] What have you learned about yourself?

Chris – I can survive discomfort and unhappy feelings without drinking. It is OK to not feel good sometimes.

[24:45] What does a day in the life of Chris look like?

Chris – I check the RE face book page every morning. I am learning to meditate but at least try and take some time to myself each day. I also go to SMART recovery meetings once a week.

[27:00] What are SMART meetings like?

Chris – the meetings can vary. Some follow the SMART handbook and they help you look at your priorities and choices. Other meetings are more like open discussions. You can talk about anything. The basic premise is that you can control your reactions.

[30:00] Have you had any cravings?

Chris – They are a lot weaker and occur less frequently now. I made changes to my life like not going to bars. I also always have an escape plan if needed. By planning ahead, I do not put myself in any drinking situations if possible. If someone offers me a drink, I simply say “No thanks” or “Drinking isn’t working for me right now.”

[35:11] What are your thoughts on relapse?

Chris – This addiction is tough. I am not sure why I haven’t relapse just that I haven’t for today. I think relapse is more common when you are not fully ready to embrace sobriety.

[37:13] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? getting lost is a parking lot and not being able to find my way out.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? when I promised my daughter that I would quit drinking and then started again
What’s your plan moving forward? stay engaged by listening to other podcasts (The Bubble Hour, That Sober Guy, Mental Illness Happy Hour)
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Be kind to yourself. Don’t drink today, and if you did, don’t drink tomorrow
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? You are not giving up your identity when you quit drinking
You might be an alcoholic if…..you nurse a beer all night so that it covers up your breath from sneaking vodka

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

Book – The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 109: How To Quit Drinking Mar 20, 2017

Mitchell, with 30 days since his last drink, shares his story

How to quit drinking

Do not drink. Replace the beverage in your hand with a Popsicle or a ginger beer
Watch the movie Leaving Las Vegas and then watch it again
Listen to every Third Eye Blind Song ever written
Do not watch the movie Beer Fest
Go to 90 meetings in 90 days
Get a sponsor or an accountability partner
Think about joining Café RE www.recoveryelevator.com/cafere
Have you ever asked yourself, “Do I have a drinking problem?” Well think no more because that’s your answer
Remember that alcohol is pure shit
Affirmations - your unconscious mind is way ahead of you when it comes to viewing alcohol ads and advertisements. You constantly need to affirm to yourself that you will not be drinking.
Change everything: where you get your haircut, the color of your walls, and probably most of the friends you hang out with.
Tell the people closest to you that you will no longer be drinking.
Create accountability = the most important thing on this list.
You cannot quit drinking with willpower because willpower is finite and exhaustible. You might last a week or a month or a year, but eventually you will drink again.
Find a higher power. This higher power could literally be a pigeon sitting on a power cable.
I hate to break it to you, but you cannot do this alone. You are going to need a community of like- minded individuals. Whether this community is online, in person or your next-door neighbor, you are going to have to connect with other like-minded individuals.
Did I mention that alcohol is shit?
If you are just starting this journey, you do not know any answers yet. Please put the cotton in your mouth and start listening.
If you ever say the words to yourself “I think I got this” you’re f@#$%@. Those are the three most dangerous words an alcoholic can say.
Always give yourself an exit strategy. Drive your own car, scooter, skate board or hover board. It is right around that time when your friends start getting tipsy that the danger zone approaches and I’m not talking about the Top Gun soundtrack.
Look at yourself in the mirror. What do you see? Do you like it? Do you want to change what you see?
Ask yourself if you are reaching your full potential in life. Most likely if you are drinking that answer is no. Your dead relatives would not be proud.
If you were thinking about quitting drinking for someone else, you’re f@#$%! You have to quit drinking for yourself.
Do not beat yourself up. In fact, tell yourself that you are a rock star. Sure you might be an average guitar player who will never tour with Aerosmith, but you are worth it, you are damn worth it.
You may find yourself quite bored without alcohol which is why you need to pick up new hobbies such as yoga, jogging, archery, or stamp collecting. Stamp collecting to me sounds extremely boring but you get point.
You need to get outside of your mind and fast. The best way to do this is to help others. For example: Mrs. Jones's lawn across the street is in desperate need of care. That could be the perfect job for you.
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, unfortunately I’ve got bad news for you. Every bottom has a trapdoor that can lead to much greater pain and suffering. The good news is that when you do reach a bottom there is something called a conduit. That is when your higher power is there to help you get sober. Do not put too much emphasis on what this higher power is. It could be the pigeon on the powerline or it could be the wind bristling between the pine trees.
Educate yourself. Knowledge is useless unless you do something with it. There are a tremendous amount of great podcasts out there about recovery.
Read books preferably not while drinking. “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace is one of my favorite books. Also a book called “Beyond the Influence” by Katherine Ketchum is fantastic.
If you think you are alone in your drinking, you are dead wrong. There are millions struggling with alcohol and if you connect with some of them you will find that what you have in common is incredible.
Start to develop a recovery portfolio. Jam pack this recovery portfolio full of books, a list of contacts, AA meeting schedules, etc.
Get out of your comfort zone. I can tell you with 100% certainty that sobriety is not located inside of your comfort zone. Friends that try to convince you that sobriety is located inside your comfort zone are not your friends.
La Croix soda water is your best friend.
Do not beat yourself up because alcohol has done a good job of doing just that.
Get up. Get up again. Get up again. Then get up 15 more times. Eventually this will stick and booze will be something of the past.
Start writing a journal. Start writing about what you’re thankful for. Start writing about what your goals are in life and if your current path is leading you to those goals.
Alcoholics Anonymous. Get outside your comfort zone and go to a meeting. Stop making excuses. No wimps allowed!
The stigma is total BS. In 1956 the American Medical Association classified alcoholism and addiction as a disease. Why we are still talking about this today is a mystery.
Come out of the closet as somebody with a drinking problem. I can guarantee you with 100% satisfaction that more good than harm will be the result.
Keep in mind that alcohol is ethanol with a couple of additives added to it to make it palatable. Alcohol in its purest form tastes like raccoon piss.
Tell yourself that alcohol doesn’t actually help you relax. What it’s doing is slowing down your brain faculties. You are literally thinking slower when drinking alcohol.
Watch the show “The Anonymous People” on Netflix. This is a very powerful documentary.
For one week straight write down any triggers that make you drink alcohol. This is 7 straight days of putting pen to paper.
Acceptance is your best friend. It doesn’t matter if you have been sober for a week or you are drinking while listening to this podcast, you must accept the current circumstances that you are in and find a way to be content in them.
There is no chance of getting sober if you are not honest with yourself and others.
Do not turn recovery into a game of leap frog. You cannot skip the steps to getting sober, but you can speed up the process.
On a piece of paper, write down all of the people that you hold resentments towards. In another column write how you are a part of the problem. Read this to a trusted companion and get ready for major light bulbs to illuminate.
This might seem contradictory to some since the word anonymous is in the word Alcoholics Anonymous, but being silent about your drinking problem only does you harm. You need to tell your loved ones, your friends, your family and any other people you care about in regards to your goal to stay sober
Develop a network of people who also share the same common goal to not drink. I’m not talking about Mr. Rogers on the television.
Alcohol kills more than any other drugs combined – that’s 3 million people each year!

SHOW NOTES

[ 16:57 ] Paul Introduces Mitchell

Mitchell – I have 1 month of sober time and I feel great. I am originally from Michigan, 31 years old and am the lead pastor of my parish. I am married with a 3 year old boy. I enjoy playing music, the outdoors and anything Disney!

[ 20:00 ] When did you realize that you did not drink normally?

Mitchell – I was 22 years old when I had my first drink. I drank through college but stopped for 7 years when I started my pastor role. I started drinking again to alleviate anxiety and depression. When I took an actual inventory of my drinking, I found that I was drinking every day. I never took a day off.

[ 22:49 ] Is there any history of alcoholism in your family?

Mitchell – It is not talked about much but I am sure it is there.

[ 23:00 ] Paul and Mitchell discuss the 7 years he did not drink.

Mitchell – I really did not think about it much at the time. I was busy building my parish. Before I knew it, I was drinking on Fridays and then every day again.

[ 23:49 ] Did you ever put any rules in place to moderate your drinking?

Mitchell – Rules never worked for me. Something situational always came up that gave me the excuse to drink. Alcohol was my “go to” tool.

[ 24:26 ] Did you have a rock bottom?

Mitchell – I didn’t have a severe rock bottom but I would try and a break from drinking. I had to keep drinking more and more in order to get the same effect. The drinking would cause me to make unhealthy choices like eating everything in sight.

[ 26:00 ] How important has your HP been for you?

Mitchell – God gives me hope. My relationships with others, being a lead pastor, and my relationship with God can be just as stressful as it is helpful. Alcohol was my escape from thinking about God, even as I served him.

[ 27:10 ] Have you ever felt let down by God?

Mitchell – It was very challenging leading new community and I would look forward to those drinks at night.

[ 28:05 ] How did you get sober?

Mitchell – I signed up for the RE group on Facebook. This took some initiative. I also went on a diet and this reduced my cravings significantly. I love being helpful to others and surrounding myself with people who “get it.”

[ 31:42 ] Have you had any withdrawals?

Mitchell – nothing really physical, but I have been edgy and irritable.

[ 33:04 ] How are you living life on life terms?

Mitchell – It is OK for life to be nuts. You do not have to escape it. You are strong enough to deal with things that come your way.

[ 34:06 ] How is the best way to pray?

Mitchell – You need to be confident in your God. Just talk openly and honestly to him like you would do with a friend.

[ 35:00 ] What advice would you give to your younger self?

Mitchell – Do not take that first drink. Alcohol is addictive to everyone. It is not safe.

[ 37:28 ] How has your relationships changed?

Mitchell – I am more present for my wife and child. I enjoy being in the moment instead of rushing through things in order to get back to my drinking.

[ 38:07 ] Tell me about a day in the life of Mitchell?

Mitchell – I will continue to reach out to others. I also do a lot of reading in order to consistently remind myself of what alcohol did to me.

[ 39:03 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? my son found an empty beer can and was bopping the family dog with it
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? I was on vacation and took a good look at myself in the mirror. I looked like I was pregnant, my belly was so swollen
What’s your plan moving forward? staying accountable and feeding myself with knowledge
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? you have to do the work, “you don’t got this”
What are your thoughts on relapse? Don’t beat yourself up. Keep going.
What has been your proudest moment in sobriety? making it this far
You might be an alcoholic if…. you have a beer bottle opener that looks like a fake handcuff in your car

*****You are the average of the 5 people you hang out with the most****

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 108: 5 Reasons Why We Drink Alcohol Mar 13, 2017

Amanda, with 19 months since her last drink, shares her story

Why we drink:

Alcohol is everywhere. Drinking appears to be the norm. We are bombarded with alcohol advertisements 67 times a day. Our society has a love affair with booze.
We have a genetic make-up to become addicted to alcohol.
Our environment is flooded with alcohol. We think everything we do should be accompanied by alcohol.
Alcohol is a highly addicted drug.
We have shitty coping skills.

Not on the list of why we drink: a moral failing or a weakness of character

SHOW NOTES

[ 7:45 ] Paul Introduces Amanda. How long have you been sober?

Amanda – I have been sober for 19 months. This is the longest I have ever been sober. I feel very proud of myself.

[ 8:51 ] What is your background?

Amanda – I am from Mississippi but now live in Florida with my 15 year old daughter.

[ 10:27 ] Did you ever try to put rules in place to moderate your drinking?

Amanda – I started drinking when I was 16 so there were no rules in the beginning. I was that sloppy drunk girl in the room. I would start watching the clock for 5:00 which meant it was time to drink.

[ 12:34 ] When did you first realize that you had a problem?

Amanda – In 2010, one bad thing after another happened to me. I was put in jail for domestic violence. I was so ashamed of not being able to control myself with alcohol. I felt that I was a strong person since I had raised my daughter alone. I did not want to appear weak and vulnerable.

[ 14:26 ] Amanda and Paul discuss the stigma of addiction.

Amanda – I had twin cousins who died because of alcohol. Their memory and my daughter were the only reasons why I didn’t commit suicide myself. I felt like no one cared about me so why should I care about myself?

[ 16:01 ] How did you get sober?

Amanda – I did not use AA. I went to a rehab that taught the 12 steps but after I was released, there was no support. No one called or checked on me. My parents had basically just dropped me off at rehab. I still drank for 4 years and then turned to meth. I finally decided that I was either going to die or go back to jail. I moved to another state but was still hanging out with the same type of people. I knew I needed to give up booze so I started looking for something else to do. This led me to find a group of people who were into mud runs. I got into fitness.

[ 21:42 ] Amanda and Paul discuss her days in rehab and her personal development.

Amanda – I did not feel like anything had changed after my 60 days in rehab. Afterward I started looking into motivational development. Someone told me that I was born with a purpose. Everyone has the power to help others. I was under the false assumption that life was going to be a piece of cake. I joined a personal development community (Breather University). The people in this group accepted me and my life has completely changed. I am Amanda and I am amazing! I am not a part of sobriety groups because I hate the alcoholic label. What you say about yourself is what you are.

[ 33:36 ] What is your pump up song?

Paul – Limp Bizkit, “Nookie” (Life is an opportunity, not an obligation).

Amanda – Jason Aldean, “Gonna Know We Were Here” (Self-affirmations are super important to me).

[ 34:08 ] What is your relationship like with your daughter?

Amanda – We have had to rebuild our relationship. She lived with my parents for the last 6 months that I was using. She moved in with me when I went to Florida. There has been a lot of growing and we have had to push through the hard times.

[ 36:50 ] What is a typical day like for you?

Amanda – I say positive affirmations to myself every day. I list 3 things that I am grateful for every day. I try to exercise, read or watch personal development videos every day.

[ 39:09 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? getting knocked out by a big guy I had tried to beat up
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? jail
What’s your plan moving forward? sharing my story to give others hope
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? everything that you go through, isn’t always about you
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? life is beautiful, fill your void with goodness
You might be an alcoholic if….. you duct tape 2 beers to your hands so that you do not lose them

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Recovery Elevator Retreat – (A Personal Recovery Wellness Retreat – non 12 step based)

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

Amanda U-Tube videos – Patched Wangs

Book “Beyond the Influence,” by Katherine Ketcham

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 107: What Is Mindfulness Mar 06, 2017

Paul G with 10 years of sobriety, shares his story……

What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is basically a type of coping strategy. It is being in the moment, paying attention and being present.

Why should we practice mindfulness?

It is good for our bodies It helps boost our immune system
It increases positive thoughts while decreasing negative thoughts
It changes how the brain functions and helps us focus
It enhances our relationships

Unfortunately many alcoholics have terrible coping skills and we can live entirely in our head. Mindfulness training can help us stay in the moment. It is the art of being, not doing.

SHOW NOTES

[ 9:05 ] Paul C Introduces Paul G from Hope Rehab in Thailand. How long have you been sober?

Paul G – over 10 years. My first round of rehab happened when I was 19 years old.

[ 11:00 ] Tell our listeners a little about yourself.

Paul G – I am originally from Ireland but now live in Thailand. I am married and have a 10 year old son

[ 11:30 ] Did you ever try to implement rules to control your drinking?

Paul G – I did not have any rules in place at the beginning of my drinking life. Alcohol gave me comfort. After taking my first drink, I finally liked who I was and where I was. I moved to England and worked in a bar where I was able to drink all day long. A girlfriend convinced me to leave that occupation and I realized I had not gone a day without drinking in many years. I went to rehab for her, not because I wanted to stop drinking.

[ 16:14 ] Paul C and Paul G discuss his first stay in rehab.

Paul G – After I left rehab, I did not stay sober. I knew if I drank, I would lose my girlfriend. I chose booze over the girl. I got back into school and immediately went on a drinking bender. I was having panic attacks and suffered from alcohol induced depression. I was just hoping for someone to get me psychiatric help because I could not even complete the forms to have myself admitted to the hospital.

[ 19:11 ] So you basically drank yourself homeless?

Paul G – Yes, I was walking the streets and wandered in to a recovery house. They sent me to a dry house for 1 year and stated that I did not need psychiatric help. My panic attacks had all been alcohol induced. I stayed sober for 2 years.

[ 20:40 ] What happened after 2 years?

Paul G – I got sick of thinking and talking about recovery. I had been so enthusiastic in early recovery but was starting to feel like I was missing out on something. The mental obsession had returned. Perhaps I had opened that door again. I was going to bars with my sober friends but it was a very slippery slope.

[ 23:00 ] What was your bottom like?

Paul G – I drank for another 10 years because I felt like I had some control in the beginning. I did not end up back in that poor mental state so it gave me a sense of false confidence. Things eventually did go downhill and I moved to Saudi Arabia thinking that because it is a dry country, it would make it easier to stop drinking. My first day on the job, I was shown the bins where all of the illegal alcohol was stored. Booze was readily available and even stronger since it was home brewed. I knew that I would die if I stayed to I moved to Thailand.

[ 28:00 ] How did you get introduced to meditation?

Paul G – I have been into meditation for years. After every relapse I would always go back to meditation. My problem was that I was using meditation to escape reality instead of using in to get “into” reality. I would use meditation to get into a blissful state when it should be used to get grounded.

[ 31:22 ] How is meditation similar to mindfulness?

Paul G – Mindfulness is the ability to objectively observe our thoughts. It allows us to take a backward step and see our thoughts. Mindfulness is a part of meditation.

[ 32:11] What are some things we can do to enter into a mindfulness state?

Paul G – You need to bring your thoughts to a physical sensation. We use feel beads in therapy. With true meditation, you start to see how your mind has been tricked. The craving, which is that voice in our heads, is not always obvious. Mindfulness helps you identify what your brain is doing and the craving loses its’ power. Addiction is like having an allergic reaction to our emotions.

[ 37:35 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Sitting is a bar after learning that my liver was damaged from drinking.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Selling my girlfriend’s music tapes for booze
What’s your plan moving forward? Showing up for life every day
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Inside timer App
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? You will never regret not drinking yesterday
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If you are really willing to change, there is an option for you.
You might be an alcoholic if…… You keep saying you are sorry for things that you are not really sorry for.

******Congratulations to Allison for reaching 1 year of sobriety! You rock!******

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

Inside Timer App (mindfulness app found in iTunes)

Podcast – Hope Rehab Mindful Compassion Show (www.hoperehabcenterthailand.com)

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 106: How Most People Get Sober Feb 27, 2017

Henk, 5 years sober, shares his story…..

How do most people get sober? We all assume that it is through rehab or 12 step programs and that your odds are slim if you try to do it on your own (www.addiction.com). During the 1980’s an idea was promoted that the only way you could get and stay sober was through rehab programs or AA. However, a study that followed problem drinkers from 2001-2005 showed that 85% of these drinkers got sober without any outside help (a phenomenon known as spontaneous or natural remission recovery). It should be noted that the majority of these people still had strong support systems at home and in their community.

SHOW NOTES

[ 7:53 ] How long have you been sober?

Henk – I have been sober since Sept 13, 2010. I am originally from Holland but now live in Thailand where I for work for Hope Rehab. I also love to ride motor bikes.

[ 9:30 ] When did you realize that you had a problem?

Henk – I have been in and out of various treatment facilities since I was 23. At the age of 13, I began drinking and using drugs. This quickly escalated into selling drugs at the age of 15. By the time I turned 30, I had been in 5 long term treatment programs. They did not work because I did not want to stop drinking, I just wanted the problems to stop.

[ 11:15 ] Do you think that alcohol is the gateway drink?

Henk – Yes, when I drank I became a completely different person. We believe that it is more alcohol than marijuana that leads to destructive behavior.

[ 12:29 ] Paul and Henk discuss what lead him to finally seek treatment

Henk – My family did not want anything to do with me anymore. I had racked up high debts and I could not even take care of myself. I was living in dilapidated conditions. I finally realized that you cannot run away from what is in your head. You cannot drink those thoughts away.

[ 13:37 ] What was the biggest difference between your last 2 rehabs?

Henk – I had lost everything and was mentally and physically dying. I decided that I could not go back to that kind of life.

[ 15:00 ] Paul and Henk discuss the “gift” of desperation

Henk – The gift of desperation is very painful but it helped get me clean. It made me realize what I had done to myself.

[ 16:32 ] Paul and Henk discuss the value of a fishing rod

Henk – Right after leaving treatment, I found that I had no hobbies and no friends. I had to find some type of higher power and since I had a love of nature, I decided to buy a fishing pole. Anytime I was bored, angry, and lonely or upset, I would go to the canal and sit with my fishing pole. I would feel the wind and watch the water move. It really helped settle my mind. I also bought a pair of running shoes and began running. It was time to move forward.

[ 21:47 ] Paul and Henk discuss the classroom exercise he observed while visiting Hope Rehab in Thailand

Henk – I try to make the patients understand that work is needed if you want to remain sober. Relapse rates are very high and I try to stress the importance of putting in the effort. You want to remain sober? You’ve got to do the work.

[ 25:20 ] How are you staying sober now?

Henk – My sobriety is still my #1 priority. I have a sponsor and still go to meetings, especially when I travel. Since I work in a rehab facility, I am constantly seeing new comers. It helps remind me that addiction is so painful. When I reached 1 year of sobriety myself, I had tears running down my face because I could not believe that I had done it!

[ 27:50] What are your thoughts on relapse?

Henk – Relapse is a sign of some type of reservation in recovery. As alcoholics, we can think of a million reasons to drink. Nothing that happens to you justifies a relapse. Drinking only makes it worse.

[ 30:39 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Sitting by myself at Christmas one year. My life was a mess, my girlfriend had just left me and no one wanted anything to do with me.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? When I crashed my scooter in front of all of my friends
What’s your plan moving forward? Right now I am feeling very stable and calm in my recovery. It helps that I love where I work.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Intherooms.com, meetings, and the book Living Sober
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Stop being a dick Henk!” and “Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? The best thing you can do for yourself is get sober. I used to think that my life would be over if I could no longer party. Life has only just begun for me since I got sober.
You might be an alcoholic if………you think alcohol is the solution

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Recovery Elevator Retreat
Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
Interested in volunteering for Hope Rehab? – Send a message to Henk@hoperehab.com
Annie Grace – This Naked Mind video course can be found at com/Annie. Enter promo code elevator50 to receive $50 off
On 4/8 in Bozeman MT, Paul will me speaking on a Ted X Talk about how alcohol is duping society

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 105: Does Getting Sober Mean Just Not Drinking? Feb 20, 2017

James, with 79 days sober, shares his story……..

Paul starts the show by recommending Annie Grace’s video course on how to get started in sobriety and how to make lasting changes. www.recoveryelevatory.com/Annie. Enter promo code elevator50 to receive $50 off.

Does getting sober mean simply not drinking? No – not drinking equals a dry drunk. Getting stuck as a dry drunk also means that your life will not be as happy and fulfilling as it should be. This can lead to a slow downhill decline until you pick up drinking again. If giving up alcohol feels like a punishment, than you have entered into dry drunk land (www.alcoholrehab.com). Recovery does not mean returning to the life you had before drinking; it means moving through the challenges of what life throws your way.

Symptoms of a dry drunk:

Low stress tolerance
Picking up other unhealthy choices (lay off the smokes Paul!)
Loneliness
Denial
Refusal to accept what recovery means
Romancing the drink
Self-pity
Being over-prideful

Getting involved in meetings and being engaged in your recovery program can help you recognize these symptoms. If you feel like a dry drunk, you should examine your program to see what is missing.

SHOW NOTES

[ 12:30 ] Paul Introduces James who has been sober for 79 days. James feels lucky that the gifts and goodness of sobriety have come to him already.

[ 13:15 ] James is 29 years old, lives in NJ and sells software. He enjoys going to the gym daily and golfing.

[ 14:53 ] James discusses his drinking history

James – I was your typical teenage binge drinker. When I went to college, I got involved with religion and the Bible and really did not drink much. After college, I ended up taking a job on Wall Street where drinking and drugs were prevalent. Even though I was drinking just like everyone else, I still struggled with my internal beliefs (Why are we all here?). I was making good money on Wall Street but my addictions kept me from making emotional connections.

[19:25 ] James discusses how drugs and alcohol were only the solution. Reality was the real problem.

James – I wanted to be able to look back on my life with pleasure regarding my relationships and the bonds that I had formed. Alcohol and drugs were keeping me from reaching this ultimate goal. I had tried to control my drinking but finally the pain was just too much to take.

[ 21:06 ] James discusses his rock bottom

James – I had been skidding against the rock for quite a while. I would go 3-4 weeks without drinking and then would just tear it up. This behavior went on for 2-3 years. It was like having 2 separate lives. I finally checked myself in to an outpatient rehab. This allowed me to start reconnecting to other people in the program.

[ 25:00 ] What was it like after connecting with these people?

James – I immersed myself in recovery (reading, writing, dialytic behavior therapy). It was hard getting out of my comfort zone but I started communicating better with my girlfriend, I stopped lying and began telling everyone I was done with drinking.

[ 28:30 ] What were the reactions of the people you were telling?

James – I was surprised at the amount of support I was receiving. My friends would joke that I should have gone to outpatient rehab 3 years earlier. I also felt like people respected me more for the work that I was doing in recovery.

[ 30:21 ] What is your plan moving forward?

James – I am taking it 1 day at a time. Not drinking enables me to have the life that I want to have. I am trying new things and keeping recovery fresh.

[ 31:54 ] Paul and James discuss the passing of his father and how he is dealing with those feelings without using alcohol.

James – I feel like I have only scratched the surface of life without alcohol. The full extent of my father’s passing has not hit me yet. I want those feelings to come even if by a freight train.

[ 32:58 ] Which recovery tool is resonating with you right now?

James – Outpatient rehab has been the most helpful so far.

[ 34:12 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? When I was arrested and had to see my family’s faces the next day.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? After my grandfather had passed away, I went out drinking and drugging. The next morning I woke up with the terrible feeling that something wasn’t quite right.
What’s your plan moving forward? Keeping up with my DBT and trying to be of service to others
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? 1 size does not fit all
What is DBT and what is it like? It helps with mindfulness and with staying in the moment. It teaches you how to not be impulsive.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Take a good hard look at yourself and try to find out what your underlying issues are. Get real with yourself.
You might be an alcoholic if….. You continually feel depressed and anxious after a night of drinking.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

May 20th in Bozeman MT is the AALRM (run for recovery). You can sign up for a virtual run at www.recoveryelevator.com/run. Enter promo code recoveryelevator to receive $5.00 off

DBT (dialytic behavior therapy) for people struggling with substance abuse problems, is a way to achieve self-acceptance while simultaneously accepting the need for change. There are four basic aspects to DBT: mindfulness, interpersonal relations, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance.

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

Re 104: What I Learned In Rehab Feb 13, 2017

Jeff, who has been sober since Dec 5, 2016, shares his story……

Paul starts the show recounting his 2 weeks visiting Hope Rehab in Thailand. (www.hope-rehab-center-thailand.com)

What I learned in Rehab

People came for other drugs but quickly realize that alcohol was the real issue
Most people were still in denial of their addiction and will not stay sober
A lot of the clients were just going through the motions
Addiction does not segregate; there were people from 4 continents, lawyers’ doctors, social workers, accountants, etc.
Thailand is hot and wild pythons are a real thing
Alcohol is communal. I have the same story as a guy in Malaysia and we had an instant connection within 5 minutes
We are the lucky ones
Some people are close to hitting the “fuck it” button at all times
If you experience mild depression once, you have a 16% higher chance of experiencing it again.
It takes your body 3 days to recuperate from 20 minutes of stress
The old saying, “It takes 21 days to learn a new habit,” is a myth. It really takes 66 days. Once a habit’s circuity is created it can never be unlearned, but a new habit can be started.
NVC or non-violent communication is the way to solve 99.4% of problems.
Watching TV does not lower cortisol levels, but reading does
Cortisol from stress impairs learning new things and problem solving
The ego lives in the past and future, only the heart can live in the moment
Even though the Recovery Elevator podcast is free and rehab may/may not be free, we’ve all paid a tremendous price with our pain and suffering
The road to and in recovery narrows
The problem is not the problem
We need to find a way to stop the relationship with the chemical alcohol. It boils down to us not being satisfied
I am not powerful and I am not special when it comes to alcohol.
Step 0 = Trying everything to drink like a normal person (moderation, only beer, no hard alcohol, etc.)
To quit drinking, we only need to quit one thing. Everything!
The solution to quitting drinking is to have a spiritual experience without alcohol
You must find a higher power and it cannot be yourself. Your ego is not your amigo!
There is a lot of laughter in rehab
People stop maturing emotionally and spiritually once addiction takes hold
Resentments are offensively dangerous
You do not have a chance at sobriety unless responsibility falls on your own shoulders
Buddhism basically consists of 5 pillars that prevent harm to ourselves and others
There is an AA waltz; 1 step, 2 step, 3 step drink. That damn 4th step.
Addicts and alcoholics are a sensitive group of people. I was a summer camp counselor in 2007 and it felt at times we were dealing with teenagers. Tammy said this, and Roger said that.
Sometimes we will worry over not having anything to worry about. Don’t worry Paul, there will always be something to worry about
We tend to not relapse over divorce, bankruptcy, or a family death. A broken shoelace? Bring on a drink!
A counselor asked a group to do an exercise each night for 1 week. The following week only 20% of the participants had done as the counselor has asked. The counselor then responded with “and that is why only 20% of you will stay sober after rehab, the majority don’t go through the work.”
My addiction told me that I didn’t need to do the rehab work since I have been sober for over 2 years. Nice try Gary (my addiction).

SHOW NOTES

[ 9:28 ] Jeff’s full e-mail to Paul is posted on the Recovery Elevator blog

www.recoveryelevator.com

[ 10:30 ] Tell us a little about yourself and when your last drink was.

Jeff – My last drink was on 12/4/16. I am originally from Denver, married and have a 17 year old son. I am entrepreneur who likes to fish and wakeboard.

[ 11:48 ] Did you ever try to put rules in place in order to control your drinking?

Jeff – I really had not tried to stop until this past fall. I would only spend a specified amount of money on alcohol or only drink on the weekends. This tango dance with booze never worked.

[ 14:08 ] Why do you call yourself a high bottom drinker?

Jeff – It took me a long time to label myself as a problem drinker. I got married young, I owned a small business, and was a normal drinker for a long time. I was able to justify my drinking because my life was good up to a point.

[ 17:57 ] When did you realize that you were not a normal drinker?

Jeff – By my late 20’s, my drinking was really progressing. I was living for the weekend parties with my neighbors. This was normal behavior among all of us. We would also hold church services at the house in which drinking was included.

[ 21:43 ] Walk us through your first DWI.

Jeff – We had gone out with all of the neighbors. Our designated driver had started drinking so I offered to drive us to the next restaurant. When I was pulled over, it was more embarrassing than anything. By 2008-2009, I was suddenly divorced and had primary care of my son. I was full of self-pity and this justified my drinking. Later that year I was out drinking and called my cousin to come pick me up. She had a few cocktails at the bar as well. She was driving us home later and swerved off of the road and we hit a concrete barrier. I still continued to drink after this.

[ 28:47 ] Paul and Jeff discuss how he successfully cut back drinking in 2016

Jeff – I still did not think that I had an alcohol problem. I thought it was more of a relationship problem. My current wife’s child was in the hospital and I suddenly thought that I did not want to end up there because of my drinking. I had a good marriage and a rock star son. I did not want to lose everything that I had.

[ 33:27 ] Tell us more about your obsession with alcohol.

Jeff – I could not get past the first step of admitting that my life was unmanageable. I still think that I can manage my life, just not as well. I finally realized that I couldn’t manage my life if I were dead. I started listening to the RE podcast.

[ 38:42 ] How do you feel now?

Jeff – I feel great on most days. It was hard over the holidays and I’ve had to break old traditions that involved alcohol. My wife keeps me accountable and suggested that we make new traditions. The RE podcast helps remind me of where I was.

[ 41:57 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? I was supposed to be the Officiant at a friend’s wedding. I was feeling really down towards marriage at the time and proceeded to drink all night before the wedding. I was not competent to perform the wedding the following day.
What’s your plan moving forward? Keep listening to podcasts, reading Annie Grace’s book, “This Naked Mind,” and staying open to what my higher power has in store for me
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Listen to RE podcast episode 99. Ask yourself, “Which person do you want to be?”

********If you want to stay sober, you’ve got to do the work********

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

Send us an e-mail if you would like to volunteer at Hope Rehab in Thailand

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 103: Why I Quit Drinking Feb 06, 2017

Shane with 3 days since his last drink, shares his story…..

Paul starts the show off by listing his reasons for quitting drinking:

I wake up eager to start the day
I’m not lying to myself anymore
Because It’s a progressive disease and I know the pain and misery that awaits
I do not have a beer gut anymore
THIQ was being deposited into my brain after every binge drinking episode which made it harder and harder to stop
I do not want to get dumber. I want to get smarter.
Most alcohol tastes like moldy tootsie rolls
I was sick of telling myself “One day we are going to ________”
Alcohol is one of the most dangerous drugs in the world and it kills more people than any other drug combined
I was failing as a dog owner… big time
I do not wonder if I have Alzheimer’s anymore
Because alcohol is shit, total and complete shit
Money is neat, and I have a lot more of it now
I do not black out anymore, I’m only on this planet once and I don’t want to miss a thing
I haven’t had a serious physical injury since stopping drinking. That would be a torn hip flexor doing Limbo in 2012. No joke
No more black eyes
Sometimes I feel “High on Life”
A diet based on calories from alcohol doesn’t work. I’ve tried it
I put an Altoids in my mouth because I like the taste, not to mask the vodka on my breath
No more cavities - In those blackouts, brushing my teeth wasn’t a priority for some reason
My face no longer looks like a swollen pumpkin
I quit because one day I would like to share my life with a very special person. Slim to no chance of that happening before
My standard poodle Ben looked at me to go play on a beautiful summer day in 2014 and I was drunk in bed at 3pm on a sunny afternoon. Those eyes broke my heart. Ben, I am so sorry
Alcohol was my best friend and it turned on me
I couldn’t stop drinking once I started
I found I needed more and more alcohol to obtain the same effect
I quit drinking because I heard the Brave Heart soundtrack for 3 weeks straight - When it wasn’t playing, it was in my head
I wasn’t free
Alcohol determined where I worked, who I hung out with, when I went to bed and when I woke up
Music didn’t look like much of anything
I want to look at myself in the mirror in the morning and say “Hey, I know that guy!”
I do not want to go to rehab, but if I do, I’m going to Thailand
I want to stop living a life of life or death. I would probably commit suicide within 5 years and I’m not really living.
It’s been 8 years since I got a black eye at a bar… by a girl
Girls like me now-well more than when I was talking to them cross eyed and blacked out
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired
My body doesn’t randomly ache anymore
My right elbow hurt when I swam for about 7 years. Not anymore
I can now run a 7:30 mile - three of them in a row actually
I do not want a DUI… okay another one
Alcohol is shit. Did I mention that already?
I saw Guns and Roses in Bolivia and remembered it. I saw 311 at Red Rocks and do not remember any of it. I’d like to remember concerts in the future.
I wanted to stop blaming others for my problems
Ulcers are painful, and I’ve got a several ulcers due to a compromised immune system
I do not want to go to jail… okay go to jail again
Shovels give me blisters, so I decided to quit digging… See what I did there?
I’m AHDH and being in the moment is something I struggle with, now I’ve got a shot
My parents just retired and I can fully be there for their golden years
Alcohol wasn’t cheap. Per the Recovery Elevator tracker app I’ve saved $11,867
I’ve learned to get to it, you need to go through it. Today, I feel uncomfortable feelings at face value and lean into them instead of jam them into a box only to have them explode and an inopportune moment, like my best friends bachelor party
My stomach hurt from laughing 4 times 2016; from 2007-20014 that number was zero
This is going to sound lame but it’s the truth. At about 6 months without a drink, the childhood feeling that I can do anything I put my mind to had returned… and is still here… watch out stigma
I don’t want to kill myself anymore. That’s pretty cool eh?
I watch my favorite episodes on TV instead of being the lead actor in the drunken episodes
I can play 4 Third Eye Blind Songs on the Guitar. Okay, 3.5
Stars. Holy shit. Have they always been there and so bright?
It is liberating to not need a mind altering substance at social functions
Depression and anxiety are unpleasant feelings. They still lurk around at times, but not for nearly as long nor as thick
Turns out I do not suck at kickball or dodgeball. I was too drunk to kick or dodge the ball
Being a business owner overseeing a staff of 22 is easier without a splitting headache
In sobriety, I’m learning that that guy Bob was on to something and everything is gonna be alright – Hey Mon!
Problems pertaining to money have pretty much dissolved
Anxiety = 98% better now
Shirley Temples, I have rediscovered, are the best drink known to mankind
The people that I surround myself with are my true friends, not drinking friends
Binge drinking in airport stalls and then throwing up in the boarding line was miserable.
I want to enjoy 100% of my vacations, instead of around 30-40%
I still get depressed, but no longer than a couple days. Before, it would be for weeks/months.
Because today is the best chance I have at staying sober.

SHOW NOTES

[ 8:58 ] Paul Introduces Shane. When was your last drink?

Shane – My last drink was on Christmas day (which was 3 days ago at the time of this interview). These past 3 days have been tough. I’ve been doing a lot of sweating.

[ 11:00 ] When did you first realize that you had a problem?

Shane – I received my first DWI when I was 18. That was my first time in jail and it was horrible. When I first starting drinking I thought I had found my soul mate.

[ 13:08 ] Tell us a little about yourself.

Shane – I am 32 years old and from California. I like to play tennis, golf and travel. I like to do anything outdoors. Booze took away the fun I used to have in these activities.

[ 14:26 ] Did you ever try to put rules in place in order to control your drinking?

Shane – You name the rule and I have tried it! I tried to limit myself to specific types of alcohol but would always forget the rule once I started drinking. The best rule you should remember is to just not drink.

[ 17:50 ] What is so different now?

Shane – I did not chicken out when I thought of calling Paul. I try to live in the moment and stay busy. I also try not think too far into the future.

[ 19:45 ] What was your bottom?

Shane – 1 bottom was that I was mentally draining my family constantly. Other bottoms were all of the 4 times I ended up in jail. I was basically blacking out my entire life. Alcohol made me feel like I was going crazy.

[ 24:40 ] You have mentioned a few times how bad going to jail was. Whose fault was it that jail was so bad?

Shane – It was my fault that I had ended up in there. But the guards were really harsh. The other inmates were fine.

[ 25:40 ] What have you lost to alcohol?

Shane – I’ve lost many days of my life and plenty of girlfriends.

[ 26:40 ] What happened this past Christmas day that made you want to stop drinking?

Shane – I’ve wanted to stop drinking for years. It had just become too exhausting to continue.

[ 28:50 ] How have you gotten 3 days so far?

Shane – Right now I do not feel like I am white knuckling it. I am not going to AA. I’ve had bad experiences with church in the past and AA has too much religion in it. Praying to a higher power does not work for me.

[ 31:53 ] Rapid Fire Round

What’s your plan moving forward? Staying busy, listening to podcasts and U-Tube videos on recovery
What was your worst memory from drinking? I was punched in the face by a girl
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? The support of family and friends
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? If you are comfortable than you are not growing, do not become stagnant water
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Do not give up on yourself. Be true to yourself. There is hope.
You might be an alcoholic if……. you wake up with pee in your pants and you are not sure if it’s yours!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

www.alcoholmastery.com (by Kevin O’Hara)

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 102: 4 Types of Drinkers, Which One Are You? Jan 30, 2017

Amelia, with 79 days since her last drink, shares her story……

According to the HBO documentary, Risky Drinking, 70% of people drink. Most drinkers fall within the following spectrum: no risk, low risk, mid risk, moderate risk, severe and death. The documentary chronicles 4 people in different stages of alcoholism. If you are drinking to fix the problem that drinking has caused, you may need to watch this program and see where you fall on the spectrum.

SHOW NOTES

[ 10:39 ] Paul Introduces Amelia who’s last drink was on 10/10/16.

[ 11:12 ] Have you had any close calls since you stopped drinking?

Amelia – Not really, although I was pretty irritable during Christmas time. Instead of drinking, I just went to bed.

[ 11:48 ] Tell us a little about yourself.

Amelia – I was born and raised in San Francisco. I am a social worker and work with children in the foster care system. I love to watch baseball games and travel.

[ 13:19 ] When did you realize that you had a problem with alcohol?

Amelia – I started noticing I had a problem approximately 10 years ago, but I was always able to justify my behavior. 79 days ago, I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired!

[ 14:32 ] Did you ever put rules into place to try and moderate your drinking?

Amelia – I would try to drink only at night and on the weekends. After a hard days’ work, I felt like I deserved it. I had not had any bad consequences yet so this helped justify my drinking. Soon I implemented the “it’s 5 o’clock somewhere” mentality.

[ 15:56 ] Did you have a bottom?

Amelia – I was kicked out of the Peace Corp for drinking too much. It was Independence Day in the Caribbean and after drinking all day, I decided that I wanted to go home. I ended up walking 7 miles in the rain back to my apartment with a co-worker. I would also not report to the Peace Corp my location at all times and this was a requirement.

[ 18:42 ] How did you get to 79 days without alcohol?

Amelia – I had a phone call with my parents to wish them a Happy Anniversary. I did not remember the phone call at all the following morning. It was a total blackout. I had asked myself, “Do I really want to be this person?” I called a friend who I trusted and they encouraged me to go to an AA meeting. I felt accountable.

[ 20:21 ] Tell us more about this accountability piece?

Amelia – I had spoken to this same friend about my concerns with alcohol about a year before. I also spoke to my mother. She informed me that she had attended an Al-Anon meeting 1 year ago as well because she too was concerned with my drinking.

[ 22:53 ] What was it like having repeated bottoms?

Amelia – I never thought they were real or deep bottoms. I did not have consequences or anything taken away from me because of my drinking yet.

[ 24:40 ] What do you think would happen if you drink again?

Amelia – It would be just a matter of time before something really bad happened.

[ 26:00 ] What is your plan going forward?

Amelia – So far AA has been working. If I think about drinking, I just follow the drunk all of the way to the end. I am attending the RE Retreat in Montana so that will hold myself accountable. Soon, I would like to start working the steps.

[ 30:12 ] What have you learned most about yourself?

Amelia – that I can be happy and have a better life without drinking.

[ 31:00 ] What advice would you give your younger self?

Amelia – to look at your bottoms and see them for what they really are. I would also listen more to my mother when she told me how alcoholism runs in our family.

[ 33:00 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? getting kicked out of the Peace Corp and hitting a parked car while drunk
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? one of my clients told me I smelled like alcohol and I blamed it on hand sanitizer
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? AA
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? follow the drunk, be gentle with yourself and say the Serenity prayer often
You might be an alcoholic if….. you pee in your bed after a night of drinking

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 101: What Is Alcohol and How Is It Created Jan 23, 2017

Erik, with 67 days since his last drink, shares his story….

What exactly is alcohol and how is it created? According to the book, Beyond the Influence, by Katherine Ketcham, the basic ingredient of alcohol is yeast. Let’s just call it what it is; yeast dung to be exact. The yeast eventually dies off during the fermenting process leaving alcohol in its’ basic form, which is ethanol. That’s right folks! We have been consuming the same ingredient that is used in lacquer and dyes. Once we drink, the alcohol quickly passes through our cell membranes and enters the blood stream. Depending on our age, gender, or whether or not we have eaten, etc., alcohol affects us all differently. Beyond just the physically changes, alcohol also affects our emotional state. It has been known to exacerbate anxiety, stress and fatigue by triggering the body to release adrenaline artificially. No wonder those hang overs are so awful!

SHOW NOTES

[ 10:44 ] Paul Introduces Erik and asks when was his last drink?

Erik – 67 days ago and it feels good on most days

[ 11:13 ] Erik tell us a little about himself.

Erik – I am 31 years old and currently live in Dallas. I play and teach music and also enjoy cooking and exercise.

[ 13:42 ] When did you realize you had a problem with drinking?

Erik – After graduating from college, consequences started happening. I had crashed a few cars and received a few DWI’s.

[ 15:11 ] Did you ever try to implement rules in order to moderate your drinking?

Erik – I was not real great at even putting rules into place. But I had an interlock (breathalyzer) put on my car and would try to moderate so that I could still start the car. One time I blew over the limit 3 times. I was more of a binge drinker. Once I started, I could not stop drinking.

[ 17:24 ] After your probation ended, you started drinking again. What happened?

Erik – When you are on probation, I think mentally you are just waiting for the time to be over. Once it is over, you can drink again. I continued to drink for 2-3 years without suffering any real consequences.

[ 19:00 ] Did your drinking progress or remain the same?

Erik – It progressed and I started driving when I shouldn’t be again. I also started experiencing episodes of anger and rage, which was completely uncharacteristic of me.

[ 20:45 ] Erik shares a recent story of a wedding he attended.

Erik – I was running late for a wedding in which I was a groomsman. My mind made this a much bigger deal than it actually was so when I finally arrived, I headed straight to the bar. I stumbled to the service and was late for the photo shoot. I continued to drink and my mood kept deteriorating. After the wedding was over, I went to the after party and eventually blacked out. When I came to, I was in the middle of a brawl with a friend. I was very disappointed in myself and was worried that I had destroyed some friendships.

[ 27:45 ] How did you get to 67 days without drinking?

Erik – I had worked the AA program many years ago and basically got re-plugged in. I reached out to some previous people that I knew in the program, started going to meetings and got a sponsor.

[ 31:00 ] Paul and Erik discuss the gift of desperation

Erik – My last drinking memory was that wedding I attended. I am not sure if I can fix the damage that I did to some of those relationships. I do not want that last memory to define me.

[ 32:00 ] What is your plan moving forward?

Erik – I will continue to work my program, meditate and go to meetings. I would also like to start my own life now, by moving out of my parent’s house and getting back on track.

[ 33:33 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? wrecking 3 cars, being in jail and having to call my parents
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? One night I was playing a show in Dallas. I knew I should not have driven home but I did it anyway
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? AA meetings, listening to podcasts and reading.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Recovery is a process. Stay busy with projects and fill in that time that you would normally drink with different things to do.
You might be an alcoholic if…. You use a blood alcohol calculator (BAC) in order to get past your car interlock

****Congratulations to our very own Brandy for reaching 1 year of sobriety****

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Books – Beyond the Influence by Katherine Ketcham and Living Sober by AA

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 100: Binge Drinking Is the Problem Jan 16, 2017

Tricia, with 30 days since her last drink, shares her story….

Congratulations Recovery Elevator on 100 episodes! How did we make it to 100 episodes? How else, but one episode (day) at a time.

Problem drinking that becomes severe is often given the medical term alcohol use disorder or AUD. Some interesting studies from the NESARC show that in 2012, 7.2% of the population surveyed had an alcohol use disorder (article found here: www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health/overview-alcohol-consumption/alcohol-use-disorders.)

Europe also has an organization (the ECA) who conducts alcohol related surveys. They found that although people in Southern Europe drank larger amounts of alcohol, they were able to moderate their drinking. In comparison, there were more alcohol related fatalities in Northern Europe. Could this be because of binge drinking? Perhaps the folks from the South can drink 1-2 glasses of wine with their meal while people from the North are drinking larger quantities in one sitting? We will let the ECA draw that conclusion.

SHOW NOTES

[ 8:23 ] Paul Introduces Tricia who’s last drink was approximately 30 days ago

[ 9:00 ] When did you realize you had a problem?

Tricia – I knew I wasn’t a normal drinker even at the age of 23. I always knew that I would have to quit one day. I never drank just for the taste, it was always to get drunk. Once I started drinking, I could not stop.

[ 11:28 ] Did you ever put any rules in place in order to control your drinking?

Tricia – I tried switching to a drink that I did not like. This never worked and I would end up doing shots of something else. My fellow drinker friends thought this was a great idea! I was always into fitness and nutrition so I would make sure my daily caloric intake would allow for booze.

[ 15:41 ] Tell us about yourself?

Tricia – I am 35 year old chef who now owns her own business. I have always been a runner but also enjoy anything in the outdoors, such as skiing and snowboarding. I like to knit and cross stitch Gangsta Rap lyrics into items for friends. My only hobby before was drinking. I would work and drink. That was it.

[ 19:18 ] Did you have a bottom?

Tricia – I was a high functioning alcoholic. My bottom was very high. I would always pretend that I wasn’t drunk or that I didn’t have a hangover. My motto was, “I’ve Got This.” When I went on a 3 day binger, 30 days ago, I was so hung over that I could even fake it. I had to stay in bed all day. That was the first time I experienced the physical withdrawals of sweating, fever and shaking.

[ 22:15 ] How did you reach the conclusion that you did not have control over alcohol?

Tricia – My friends and I were going out one night and rented a party bus. I was terribly anxious for weeks up until this party. I was afraid I would drink too much and black out. The black outs were getting to be very common. I ended up drinking too much and woke up the next day with bruises all over my legs. I did not remember falling down but obviously it had happened.

[ 24:48 ] Did alcohol play a role in your divorce?

Tricia – there were many other factors but both my ex-husband and I drank. When we fought, we had usually both been drinking. I wasn’t supposed to be the drinker of the family. My brother was the center of attention since he had the alcohol/drug problem for years. I was the over achiever who still managed to get to work on time and function normally. Until I could no longer fake it.

[ 26:56 ] How did you get to day 1 without a drink?

Tricia – I had not planned on stopping drinking entirely. It basically snuck up on me. I had that terrible hangover and the physical withdraw symptoms so I called my brother who is now in recovery. He is very supportive. I went on-line and found the RE podcast and starting listening and hearing similar stories.

[ 30:28 ] What does a day in the life of Tricia look like?

Tricia – I started going to AA meetings. I ended up being late to my first AA meeting because I went to the wrong room. The security officer at the church shouted to everyone that the AA meeting was in the other room. Even though I was 10 minutes late for that meeting, I was really 10 years late in trying AA.

[ 34:51 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? the blackouts and everything that I do not remember
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? trying to moderate and being fearful that I would over indulge and put myself in danger
What’s your plan moving forward? Every morning I read the Big Book pp 86-88. I meditate on those pages. I am also reading a book by Tara Brock called Radical Acceptance.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? AA meetings and connecting with other alcoholics
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? keep an open mind and forget everything you think you know. Do not try to do this alone.
- you need alcohol to do simple tasks
- you put vodka in your water bottle to go to the gym
- you think you are an alcoholic
You might be an alcoholic if….

Paul ends the podcast with some questions for the listeners: What type of role does or did alcohol play in your life? Does alcohol dictate your life? Be honest with yourself.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Paul will be speaking at a “This is My Brave” even on 1/22/17. The event is at the Moss Theater @ 4pm. The address is 313 Olympic Blvd, Santa Monica, CA. Tickets can be found here: www.bfrb.org

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

http://theinfluence.org/american-gulag-the-five-ways-hundreds-of-thousands-of-people-are-coerced-into-rehab-and-aa/

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 99: God, Spirituality and a Higher Power: Run For the Hills Jan 09, 2017

Mona, with 2 weeks since her last drink, shares her story…….

Paul starts the show by answering some “fan“ mail questions about God and AA. Many listeners wonder how they can participate in AA without accepting a higher power. When the pain of drinking outweighs everything else, you just may be willing to try anything. Statistics show that alcoholism is on the rise but attendance at AA meetings is stagnant or even on a slight decline. Attendance at AA meetings may be on the decline because it is a religious based program and also because of the stigma involved (don’t be a hater!).

In a recent article found on TheInfluence.org, http://theinfluence.org/american-gulag-the-five-ways-hundreds-of-thousands-of-people-are-coerced-into-rehab-and-aa/ , it is discussed how people are being forced into AA or rehab, either by employers or the Courts. Legally, however, a person cannot be forced into AA because it is considered a religious program. Experience shows us that you will be more successful in a program that you choose voluntarily. So whether it is AA, SMART, Life Ring, or your own personalized plan, find a program that makes you want to live and love life. Work that program as if your life depended on it (because quite frankly, it does!).

SHOW NOTES

[ 10:08 ] Paul Introduces Mona

She currently lives in Chicago. She is 23 years old, loves to read and create playlists. Mona is still figuring out all of the new things she likes to do now that she does not drink.

[ 13:43 ] When did you realize you had a problem?

Mona – it has been about 4 years in the making. When I was 19 years old, I drank way too much and was super hungover. I was totally embarrassed because my parents witnessed this. I quit alcohol for the next 30 days but knew that I was not completely done with it,

[ 16:21 ] Did you ever put any rules in place to try and moderate your drinking?

Mona – for 2 years I tried to manage the amount of drinks I would have in 1 sitting. I set my limit at 4 and after that I would just leave the bar. I realized I had a problem when I was putting so much energy into trying to moderate.

[ 20:13 ] What was your bottom?

Mona – I did not really have a rock bottom. I remember my parents had paid for this great trip to the Grand Canyon and the entire trip I was trying to keep control of my alcohol intake in front of them. The Grand Canyon was so beautiful and it just showed how messy my life had become because of alcohol.

[ 21:57 ] How does it feel to be sober at 23 years old?

Mona – I feel proud but also overwhelmed at the thought of never drinking again.

[ 23:15 ] How did you do it?

Mona – I tried will power at first and I was also seeing a therapist who I was finally honest with. So far the temptation to drink has not been too bad. My holiday work party was slightly difficult and I left early. I also started telling my close friends that I had stopped drinking.

[ 26:30 ] What do you think would happen if you started drinking again?

Mona – nothing productive would happen. I would be totally stagnant in my life and in my job. I would not be happy at all.

[ 28:38 ] What is your plan moving forward?

Mona – I am experimenting with creating my own plan of recovery. I want to explore all of my options.

[ 32:52 ] What do you want to achieve in sobriety?

Mona – I would like to have deeper and more authentic relationships. I want to become connected to who I really am and to go after the jobs that I really want.

[ 35:07 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? After doing drugs and drinking, I had a horrible fight with a guy I was interested in. I ended up stumbling back to my apartment and just feeling totally empty.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Seeing the Grand Canyon and comparing its’ beauty to my “not beautiful” life
What’s your plan moving forward? Creating my recovery plan
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Look for the similarities , not the differences
What is your best advice for the newcomer? If you are continually thinking about alcohol or listening to recovery podcasts, have the courage to try out sobriety
You might be an alcoholic if……you empty a bottle of perfume and fill it with alcohol in order to bring it on the airplane in your carry on

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Book of the Month – The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 98: Non Alcholic Beverages in Sobriety | How To Blend In Jan 02, 2017

Shaun, with 2 months since his last drink, shares his story

One of the most common questions we get asked as alcoholics is, “What do you drink now that you no longer drink alcohol?” Or, “How do I fit in at social functions now?” There are plenty of tasty non-alcoholic drinks to choose from, so when water is just not cutting it, check out the list below:

Shirley Temple (don’t’ forget to double up on the cherries!)

Ginger Beer (Cock N Bull brand)

Sugar Free Red Bull

La Croix (basically flavored soda water)

Soda water with a splash of cranberry

World Market is the place to go if you are looking for a large selection of ginger beer.

SHOW NOTES

[ 11:48 ] Paul Introduces Shaun

Shaun is 30 years old and currently living in Bozeman, MT. In his free time, he plays hockey, snowboards and coaches little league flag football

[ 13:13 ] Paul asks Shaun to describe his bottom

Shaun – I was drinking all day and through the night. I proceeded to drive home after fighting a friend for my keys. I drove down a very dangerous canyon and hit the guard rail with my car. The police eventually pulled me over. I woke up in the hospital and my father was there, looking very disappointed with me.

[ 18:00 ] When did you realize the gravity of your drinking situation?

Shaun – Even though I knew right away how bad it was, it still just seemed surreal. A few weeks went by before I realized this wasn’t a dream. I went about 3 weeks without a drink. I started drinking again at my 30th birthday party and went on a 6 week bender. I then started to just slow down on my own. I was suffering from deep depression, had walked away from my job, and realized that I was not attaining the goals I had set out for myself.

[ 21:54 ] What do you think would happen if you started drinking again?

Shaun – I would be right back to where I was before. I really do not want to know.

[ 23:00 ] What were your drinking habits like? How much did you drink?

Shaun – I was your typical college drinker. When I started drinking, I was ready to party. My drinking escalated when I moved to Bozeman.

[ 25:47 ] What was your depression like while drinking?

Shaun – My depression was usually triggered by the hangovers. I would think to myself, “What could I have done instead of drinking?” I would feel worthless about myself the next day. Alcohol just kept the depression going. Without alcohol, mild depression is still there but overall I feel more even keel and it is easier to deal with.

[ 27:39 ] How about anxiety?

Shaun – My anxiety was also heavily triggered by booze. It is still with me now, but has lessened greatly. Normally after a night of drinking, I would feel totally anxious and would end up with the “screw it’s,” it’s time to drink this away.

[ 29:00 ] How did you get sober?

Shaun – I just took it day by day. I would think that today may suck but tomorrow will be better. I told many of my friends that I had stopped drinking. Some of these friends understood, while others are still waiting for me to start drinking again (they are no longer friends). I also tried to keep focused on my goals and my profession. Alcohol does not fit within my goals anymore.

[ 32:00 ] What is your plan moving forward?

Shaun – I will continue to surround myself with positive peers, see my therapist, and basically build a new friend base that does not revolve around alcohol.

[ 34:00 ] What is it like getting sober at a young age?

Shaun – It is very hard. Beer seems to follow all activities but I am trying to make new sober friends. You have to work through the uncomfortable feelings of being in a situation and not drinking.

[ 39:35 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? After a birthday party, I punched my buddy in the head and he proceeded to throw me down the stairs.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? When I would make jokes about being an alcohol and suddenly stop laughing because I knew it was me.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Hitting the gym
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Just take it day to day. Win the fight for that day.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just start. Start talking to people about your problem.
You might be an alcoholic if……you make jokes about being an alcoholic but stop laughing because you know you are talking about yourself.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

If you are in the LA area on 1/22/17, Paul will be talking at a “This is My Brave” event. The event will be held at the Moss Theater in Santa Monica. Just google the event to search for tickets.

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 97: Cognitive Dissonance | Your Addiction In Your Own Voice Dec 26, 2016

Bubba, with 1 year since his last drink, shares his story.

SHOW NOTES

Cognitive dissonance = the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change. “First they ignore you, than they laugh at you, than they fight you, than you win.” Sobriety is measured one day at a time and if we take it slowly, we will be the winner. Tell your addiction this quote, over and over again. Our minds keep telling us the tricky stories that keep us drinking. This is exhausting. It’s like holding 2 conflicting beliefs. How can we break through these conflicting beliefs? Hang out with people that are on the same path as you. Educate yourself. Read, read, and read some more.

[ 8:51] Paul Introduces Bubba.

Bubba has been sober for 1 year and he’s feeling great. He had been drinking so long that he did not realize just how much it was affecting his life until he quit. He enjoys photography, the outdoors and riding his Harley. He has also lost approximately 46 pounds during this past year.

[12:04] When did you realize you had a problem with alcohol?

Bubba – one of my earliest memories was when I came out as gay at the age of 29. I thought that I wouldn’t drink as much since I no longer had that stress. I thought it would be the magic switch but I still continued to drink. About 4 years ago, I started to try and moderate. This did not work. For the next 2 years I was always telling myself that I could drink that night and stop the following day.

[14:14] What was your bottom?

Bubba – one day I starting drinking at 6am and just kept going. Instead of going to bed, I continued moving from bar to bar and did not make it to work. The next day I woke up and was officially done. My journey had started.

[16:35 ] What were some of the rules you tried to put in place in order to moderate your drinking?

Bubba – I’m not going to drink during the week and this will satisfy my desire to drink. My drinking voice had become so strong that it just over rode any common sense. My conscience mind knew I was doing something wrong, but my un-conscience mind wanted to continue drinking

[17:45 ] What were you feeling that day after your all night drinking bend?

Bubba – I was so hungover it was unbelievable. I had just had enough and couldn’t take it anymore.

[20:00] How did you stay sober during that first month?

Bubba – I listened to RE podcasts back to back. That really kept me going that first week. I kept telling myself to try for another week, and then try again for another week. I had to keep convincing myself that I was not going to drink. I had friends wondering why I wasn’t at the bar. These are no longer my friends. They were just my bar friends.

[21:56] How does it feel to be so open about being gay as well as open about being in recovery?

Bubba – feels fantastic!! Being so open helps me to be accountable. My friends and family all know what I am doing and it helps keep me sober. Defining myself as an alcoholic was surprising to some people since I was just known as a heavy drinker. I knew that I had a problem and that was the important thing.

[25:00 ] Describe your relationship with your grandmother

Bubba – I was self- medicating for the pain that my grandmother made me feel. She was able to make you feel horrible very easily. Constant little digs. I would try to avoid being with her which caused tension among family members. At some point you have to learn to just let it go.

[27:45 ] What are your recovery tools now?

Bubba – keeping myself busy, workout every day, spend quality time with my friends. I also utilize what other Café RE members are doing and saying.

[ 29:57 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Waking up in my lazy boy covered in beer too many times
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Whenever I would wake up the next morning and say to myself, “Oh shit, I drank too much last night.”
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Café RE, I’m trying to also integrate AA meetings into my life
What is your plan moving forward? Continue to do what I do, maybe more charity work, trying to be helpful to others, and just keep moving on
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? You are the only 1 who can force yourself not to drink everyday
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Stick with it, it does get better, things that you do not even know are wrong now will correct themselves
You might be an alcoholic if….. you slam 6 beers before you go to the bar because you do not want to have to wait once you get there.

“Spread your Wings and Fly – Focus on What You Can Do”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Book of the month = The Untethered Soul by Michael A Singer

Connect with Cafe RE

For $12.00 per month, you can unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meetups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code Elevator.

Promo Code: Elevator

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 96: The Relationship Between Food and Alcohol Cravings Dec 19, 2016

Wynn, with 28 years of sobriety, shares his story...

SHOW NOTES

Tis the season to be jolly and sober…..

What are the differences between food cravings and alcohol cravings? Our gut sends signals that tell us to eat. We can only go 14 days without food and 80% of our serotonin is created in our gut. This feeling is very similar when we are craving a drink. The mind starts chirping and gives us false ideas of how good a drink would be. The problem is that when we start drinking, the need is never satiated with only 1 drink and thus the saga continues. The main things to keep in mind is that food keeps us alive. Alcohol is nothing more than a poison in its’ basic form. Food also helps build muscle. Alcohol transforms your body into Barney from The Simpsons. We all needed food to survive from the beginning of our lives. Obviously we can survive without alcohol. Finally, food satiates our hunger cravings. Alcohol cravings are never satisfied until we are beaten to a pulp.

[ 6:20 ] Paul Introduces Wynn.

Wynn is a retired engineer. He has been married 3 times and has a total of 5 children. He currently lives a wonderful life in sobriety, although in his previous life he did many “unlawful” things in which he was never caught.

[ 9:15 ] When did you realize that you had a problem with alcohol?

Wynn – the first time I drank was at 12 years old and it just felt magical. I soon became known as wino Wynn. I came from a good family. Neither of my parents were alcoholics however, the disease was there with my aunts and uncles. Unfortunately my brother was also an alcoholic and his life ended too soon.

[ 14:22 ] Paul asks Wynn, “How do we know when alcohol is trying to convince us that we do not have a problem.”

Wynn – you will know when the change happens. Recognize the pain and do not hide from it. Own your problems. Your HP is showing you what your pain points are.

[ 18:00 ] Wynn discusses an interesting visit with his psychiatrist.

Wynn – my psychiatrist was asking me what I thought was important. I told her that my car, my money, and my house were important to me. She asked if I knew exactly, down to the penny, how much money I had in my account. I could not tell her. She then asked me if I knew how much booze I had at my house. I was able to tell her the amount and type of alcohol, down to the drop, that I currently had in my home. I realized that there was nothing in my life that I kept track of, like I kept track of alcohol.

[ 19:00 ] When was your bottom?

Wynn – I was putting up a new house and borrowed money from some shady characters. I signed a life insurance policy as collateral and walked away with a paper bag full of money. I knew that that bag of money would be my coffin if I did not pay it back. If I drank that money away, I would be dead. Once the house was completed, I paid the money back and tore up the life insurance policy. I started to read The Big Book and found it incredible.

[ 24:00 ] What did you do then?

Wynn – Even though I was talking the talk of AA, I was not walking the walk. I had lost my house, my family and my companies. I was 3 years into AA when I finally got a sponsor.

[ 25:32 ] Paul discusses terminal uniqueness and how dangerous it can be.

Wynn – you have to be trustworthy enough to believe that your HP will take care of you. Everything that happens is exactly how it is supposed to happen. You have to pay attention. I soon realized that my problem with misery was really about myself. I had fear, control and domination issues. We cannot play God. God is willing to be anything we need him to be.

[33:23] Paul asks Wynn if he has every had a close call in 28 years.

Wynn – Yes, I was at the airport and had just been fired. There were no flights outbound and the clerk literally poured me a shot of whiskey. He was handing me my new ticket in 1 hand and the shot of whiskey in the other. I found myself reaching for both when suddenly I heard a voice that told me not to reach for the glass of whiskey. I grabbed the ticket and left.

[ 36:40 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Jail
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Too many times I woke up in the hospital or jail.
What’s your plan moving forward? Keep redoing the 10th step
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? All of my sponsees’ who stay sober and watch them carry on the message
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Stop digging and put down your shovel
You might be an alcoholic if? You know more about the quality and quantity of alcohol at home, than you do anything else.

[ 41:00 ] Paul ends the show with a shout out to Brandy – for hitting her 1 year of sobriety mark. He also shares a story about a recent airplane experience.

A flight from Orlando to Denver reinforces Paul’s conviction to remain alcohol free. It is never fun to have to sit next to 2 drunks on a plane. Even worse is to be escorted from the plane by the police.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

RE Retreat – Bozeman Montana – August 24-27. Check the website for details

Connect with Cafe RE

For $12.00 per month, you can unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meetups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code Elevator.

Promo Code: Elevator

recoveryelevator.com/survey

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 95: I Can't Quit Drinking Because Alcohol is my Identity Dec 12, 2016

Melissa, with 1 month of sobriety, shares her story...

SHOW NOTES

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times….

Many of us believe that we cannot quit drinking. “I am the life of the party, that’s just who I am!” (I bet the crowd around us would beg to differ but that’s besides’ the point.) Life will not be fun if I do not drink. Yeah right- blackouts, hangovers, depression, and anxiety; now that is fun. Paul reviews the time in his life when he owned a bar in Spain. You heard correctly. Paul C = Bar Owner. Seems like an entire lifetime ago. Listed below are the pros and cons of that time period in Spain:

Pro’s - I didn’t die, it accelerated me towards my bottom, I learned to play some fancy Flamenco guitar chords

Con’s – Ambien and booze are not a good combo, missed out on many opportunities/road trips with the senoritas, playing football after being awake for 30 hours straight (the next Peyton Manning? I think not), blackouts, blackouts, and more blackouts, DUI, re-introducing myself to a previous hookup (ouch!), contemplating a 5th floor sky dive

[ 8:38 ] Paul Introduces Melissa. How long have you been sober?

Melissa – 30 days. Melissa explains her background. She is a bartender, married, with 4 children. During her free time, she likes to go to the gym.

Paul asks Melissa what it is like being a bartender. Melissa has been in “The Industry” all of her life (Industry = restaurant, club or bar scene). She felt that bartending would be the way to go early on because of her love of drinking and it seemed fun. Melissa’s family are serious drinkers so she grew up in that environment. She thought normal drinking was boring. Melissa states that when you are in “The Industry” you tend to share similar stories of drinking and it justifies your own behavior.

[ 13:54 ] What is it like bartending with 30 days of sobriety?

Melissa – It’s been easier since I left Las Vegas and now live in Pennsylvania. The environment is also easier. I work in a fine dining establishment instead of a Las Vegas casino. I am used to going through shifts without drinking but would always drink after my shift ended. One of my go to drinks was a kids’ cup filled with ice and straight vodka. Five minutes from home, I would down it.

[ 17:54 ] Staying sober is easy when drunk people are idiots

Paul and Melissa swap stories about working in the industry surrounded by drunk people. Do your local DJ a favor and do not request any more Michael Jackson songs!

[ 18:47 ] What was your bottom?

Melissa – I was attending a birthday party and had brought my 14 year old daughter and her friend. We were staying at a hotel so there were no limits. My daughter and her friend had to come get me from the bar downstairs. She video-taped me while feeding me chicken nuggets. I was a mess and my daughter thought it was hysterical. I didn’t want her thinking that that situation was OK. Our family culture was turning into a dangerous life.

[ 23:55 ] Paul and Melissa discuss the tragic death of her sister

Melissa – she was drinking and driving and attempted to go around the car in front of her. Her car was hit. The accident caused her to break her neck. She was only 21 years old when she was killed. My sister’s story, however, did not stop me from continuing to drink.

Paul – we have all had plenty of “You would have thought (…insert tragic event here…) moments that should have stopped us from drinking. Fear can get you sober but it cannot keep you sober.

Melissa reviews her history of trying AA and remaining alcohol free for 2 years. During that time she picked up a pill addiction. After 2 years she was drinking and taking pills. She weaned herself off of the pills and suffered heavy withdrawal systems. She did not think she was an alcoholic because she was able to stop while pregnant with all of her children. Once the children were born, however, the pressure of motherhood soon had her reaching for the wine bottle.

[ 32:48 ] How have you made it to 30 days?

Melissa – RE podcast, constantly reminding myself of my worst drunk moments and comradery with other recovering alcoholics.

[ 42:35 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Celebrating my 36th birthday and waking up in the hospital not remembering a thing
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Too many CRS (can’t remember shit) moments.
What’s your plan moving forward? To find a local AA meeting and do the 12 steps. Time to locate those weeds and pull them out!
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Listening to the Big Book will driving and listening to various recovery podcasts
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Inside of every alcoholic’s home are 2 doors with different paths. Behind door #1, there is a monkey who is going to kick your ass down a shorter path. Behind door #2, there is simply a longer path. It’s time to choose door #2!
You might be an alcoholic if? You have company over and you are sneaking gulps of vodka in between your glasses of wine.

[ 41:00 ] Paul ends the show discussing 3 main themes

Man in the Mirror – drinking causes us to not want to see ourselves in the mirror. What often reflects back is shame and disgust

False Dreams – drinking brings about the notion of false dreams. The actions needed to make these dreams come true are taken away by booze

Geographical Changes – Paul sells his bar in Spain and moves back to the states, eventually ending up in beautiful Bozeman MT. Recovery is an opportunity to change the course of our lives. It’s time to change everything in order to get there.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE

For $12.00 per month, you can unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meetups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code Elevator.

Promo Code: Elevator

recoveryelevator.com/survey

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 94: Alcohol Abuse Isn't a Character Issue? You Don't Say... Dec 05, 2016

John with 17 years of sobriety and Adrianne with 11 years, share how they did it.

This is their story...

SHOW NOTES

According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM), addiction is a brain disorder, not a behavioral problem. This is nothing new so why are we still talking about it? Probably because even though society is starting to finally believe that addiction is a disease and not a moral failing, the stigma attached to addicts remains the same. Wake up people! The studies have shown that addiction can be defined as a primary disease, not an emotional or psychological problem. Our brains become rewired and our choice to pick up flies right out the window when we are in active addiction. Our real choice happens when we reach out for help. It is never too early to reach out.

[ 8:27 ] Paul Introduces John and Adrianne, authors of The Painting and the Piano.

John, sober since 1/5/99 and Adrienne, sober since 7/11/05 currently live in Florida. For the past 3 years they have been working on their story of survival and love. Their book, The Painting and the Piano is like a divine intervention of how they first met and their lives together through the recovery process. John feels that they were chosen to get sober and to pass this on to others.

[ 17:00 ] What was your bottom?

Adrianne – my daughter had to go to the ER after an accident at school. I stopped home before going to the hospital in order to get my pills. I didn’t know how long I would be at the hospital with her and was afraid I would be sick without my pills. My need for the drugs was more powerful than getting my injured child to the ER.

John – driving out of my driveway and seeing my 2 small children looking through the window at me. I knew I was leaving to get another drink and going to have a possible affair. I left anyway and that memory still haunts me of their faces. Looking at myself in the mirror and seeing an 80 year old man looking back was another bottom. I had 3 DWI’s, was losing my business, my friends and was drinking around the clock without bothering to eat.

[ 20:11 ] Do you feel that you can skip any steps in the recovery process?

Adrianne – No, all of the steps you go through were meant to happen and lead you towards your bottom. This needs to happen.

John – Everyone’s bottom is different and how we get there is also different.

[ 23:00 ] John talks about patience

Take time in your relationships. Advised to wait for 1 year before dating. Patience is super important. Let patience be your virtue. 12 steps should be looked at as an opportunity for personal growth

[ 26:53 ] What is on your bucket list for sobriety?

John and Adrianne – this book, educating others on the steps and the AA culture, doing more podcasts, and helping as many people recover as possible.

Adrianne – I would also love to work in the judicial system. There are so many children that are pulled from dysfunctional homes, only to be placed back in them too soon.

John – I believe that 95% of our issues go back to some type of childhood trauma.

So what happened to privileged Paul C who grew up in Vali Colorado? Hmmm, might have to think that one over a bit.

[ 30:00 ] Adrianne shares about her physical pain

I was born addicted to heroin. Later on after years of back pain, I became addicted to pills. All of the surgeries lead to harder addictions. It was a perfect storm of the emotional “F it’s”

[ 34:14 ] What advice would you give your younger selves?

Adrianne – stay off the pity pot!

John – there is no shame in asking for help. Do it now. Change 1 thing every day.

[ 38:25 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Adrianne – When I stopped home before going taking my daughter to the hospital in order to get my pills. John – the memory of my children’s faces as I drove out of the driveway on my way to drink
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Adrianne – breaking down in front of my counselor and realizing I had a problem. John – drinking in the mornings just to stop the shakes
What’s your plan moving forward? Adrianne – continue to be of service. John – reaching just 1 person, paying it forward.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Adrianne – don’t be afraid to ask for help. John – stick around for the miracle

Resources mentioned in this episode:

www.paintingpiano.com

www.asam.org

Connect with Cafe RE

For $12.00 per month, you can unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meetups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code Elevator.

Promo Code: Elevator

recoveryelevator.com/survey

Sobriety Tracker

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

RE 93: Why Some Descend Faster Than Others Nov 28, 2016

Stephanie has been sober for nearly 5 years... This is her story… Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link: www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/ This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE! SHOW NOTES

Why do some go down the path of alcoholism faster than others? Why do the wheels come off at different times for all of us? Is it an 'addictive personality' disorder? Well, truth is, we can't find real scientific evidence to prove that an 'addictive personality' is a real thing. What we do know is that genetic makeup combined with environmental factors that someone is living with have huge factors in whether or not someone will become addicted to alcohol. For Paul, the wheels came off right around age 21, but there is no way to determine if and when someone will become addicted to alcohol. There are many envrionmental factors that can slow down or speed up this factor...

[ 7:25 ] Paul introduces Stephanie.

Stephanie has been sober for almost 5 years. She got sober December 31st, 2011. She is 33 and from Alabama. Stephanie works in a Bradford treatment center. She loves to run, kayak and hangout with her family.

[ 8:12 ] Do you have a pink cloud?

Stephanie tries to make her own 'pink cloud' every day in that she looks for the positive in everything. She is aware of the things she is grateful for and recognizes where she could be if she didn't have her sobriety.

[ 14:09 ] Stephanie talks about her drinking experience and the associated health problems that she dealt with.

[ 23:04 ] Stephanie's Mom and Dad took her to a treatment center on December 30th, 2011.

[ 24:39 ] Do you think you could've gotten sober without rehab?

"For me, I don't think I could. I had to be removed from my situation, completely removed. I had tried little things here and there, but I didn't know coping mechanisms. I know people can do it, but I just know that I couldn't have done it."

[ 25:35 ] Stephanie talk about her program.

Stephanie was able to relate to the AA program. She has had the same sponsor for almost 4 1/2 years. "It was necessary for me."

[ 26:41 ] Can you pinpoint one rock bottom moment?

"After totalling my car and trying to hide it..." Stephanie was making frequent trips to the liquor store to buys half pints of vodka. When she started drinking in the morning, she realized something had the change.

[ 33:04 ] Walk us through a day in the life of Stephanie.

"Usually I wake up and do a reading from the Hazeldon Foundation and I use an app called 'My Spiritual Toolkit. I also have a page saved on my phone which has a prayer for each step. Then I'll take some quiet time. I'm not very good at meditation." Stephanie takes time to herself in the mornings. She gets up early and tries to go for a run before heading into work. At work, she tries to take 3-4 minutes just to breath and calm down. At the end of the day, Stephanie takes time to reflect on her day, looking for the positive and places where she can do better tomorrow. "I try to get a lot of sleep. I need my 8 hours of sleep and my prayer and meditation time."

[ 36:09 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? "Pancreatitis... That was pretty horrible."
What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward? "To not stay stagnant. To change and grow and try to help others as much as possible."
What's your favorite resource in recovery? "The Big Book, My Spiritual Toolkit and that prayer page."
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? "Continue. Make a continuous effort to put one foot in front of the other."
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? "Do it. Seek treatment if you can. Ask for help and know that you don't have to be alone."

“You Might be an Alcoholic If…”

"...You are waking up drinking vodka a 6am and hiding bottles all throughout your room!"

Resources mentioned in RE 93:

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

Hazeldon Foundation Digital Resources

For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

My Spiritual Toolkit

Podcast Resource Info - 'Addiction now defined as brain disorder, not behavior issue'

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 92: How Alcohol Played a Part in the Presidential Election Nov 21, 2016

Sara, with 5 months and 10 days of sobriety, tells us how she did it.

[9:21] Paul introduces Sara

Sara has been sober for 5 months and 10 days, or a total of 163 days. Sara is feeling better than she has ever felt, which is a common response in early recovery. Sobriety has not been all wonderful colors, tastes, and smells. Sara's experience so far has been overall great, but not without challenges; she has had to overcome some adversity. Which is a very big foundational pillar of life, as nothing comes easy in sobriety, and getting sober is a blind leap of faith. Sara is originally from Louisiana, currently living in New Jersey, she is a psychiatrist who is married with no children. For fun, she does everything she used to do but is learning to do it sober. One of her best sober activities she has enjoyed was attending a Coldplay concert, in which she remembered every single minute. The concert was amazing, as was Sara's first sober football game, feeling every emotion so much more. One not so cool activity in sobriety was joining friends bar hopping after a football game. Sara struggled, but realized she is no longer "that guy" and could drive home sober.

[13:21 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. When did you hit bottom?

Sara made small attempts to stop two years prior to her sobriety date. During that time, she read a book titled "Freedom from Addiction," which inspired her; only until an invite to socialize and drink. She would start again and not be able to stop. Eventually, Sara was at a happy hour followed by dinner with lots of drinking. She thought she was good to drive home. She ended up in an accident after which the entire night was a blur. Realizing that she could lose her life and career, even though there were no legal ramifications involved. Sara realized how lucky she was to come out of that situation safe and not in a legal battle. Paul shares his driving while intoxicated experiences. Sara woke up the next day and through the next week she was dazed and confused her memory was foggy as she was self-blaming herself. Everting in her life was going well other than drinking, she questioned why she was sacrificing everything for drinking.

[16:27] How much did you drink?

Sara drank vodka in airplane size bottles, they were easier to consume, leaving no evidence. She would usually drink a few throughout the day, over time it progressed. Her consumption amounts were often up and down, Sara was never one that could have just one or two at dinner, she would always continue drinking through the night. When she decided to stop drinking, she was up to 6-7 drinks per night, and was starting early in the day. For Sara, her disease progression was more about the time of day she started rather than the amount. Usually a couple glasses of wine and some shots of alcohol. Sara tried to put multiple plans of control in place; only drink on the weekend, only after work, no hard liquor. Paul realizes the question of control is a dumb question. The thought that one day we can drink normal must be dismissed.

[19:38] How did you do it? Walk us through the first day, the first week.

Sara's first week she doesn't remember much, but had a lot of family events and weddings with open bars where she was put to the test. After she got through all the events without a drink, she wondered why she drank when she was loving everything she was doing sober not understanding why she ever started in the first place. Sara's first few months have been filled with new activities; biking, hiking, gym. She has replaced drinking with trying new things.

[21:00] Tell us about your program.

Sara didn't enlist any kind of program. Yet, even before the accident she was listening to sobriety podcasts, as she was contemplating sobriety. Sara then found RE which became her program. While doing her morning routine she has the podcast playing as her preferred recovery resource, along with fitness and other new routines. Paul reminds us that willpower is exhaustible and finite, eventually running out, leading to relapse. We need a daily affirmation to remember why you don’t drink.

[24:07] Sara shares her fears about being "found out" on the podcast: Being a psychiatrist and worried about people learning of her addiction. A lot of friends still don't understand, and see alcoholics as worst case scenario. Images of bums is the picture normal people have. Sara knows that is not alcoholics are like, but struggles with the stigma even though she knows that is ridiculous. Paul sees Sara's alcoholism as an untapped asset in her career. Sara chats with addicts face to face in a hospital setting and listens to their struggles. Many of her patients have been through been recovery. Sara's advice to her patients is to take it one day at a time, she tells them about podcasts as many haven't found a program. She is also able to offer resources that she uses herself. Paul suggests she uses her own experiences. Sara hopes to get to that point. She remembers to focus on the similarities not the differences. She is just not realizing that she has a problem. Paul is curious when she will get there. Sara realizes she needs to get rid of the fear of judgement. Paul shares how he came out as an alcoholic. Everybody knows somebody in recovery. Paul feels within time her superiors will admire her strength. What if she tells her first patient tomorrow? Sara was trained to never put focus on yourself, but you make exceptions to help with the rapport of the patient. How prevalent is addiction in the ER? Most of the ER is filled with intoxicated people, or those who are experiencing withdrawals; mostly in the evenings on weekends, and during the holidays. Paul knows counselors who have succeeded because they are also in recovery. Sara feels like telling Paul was her first big step going out into the digital world. Sara wants to connect with more people, and thinks she is in the right direction to come out of the closet about her sobriety.

[32:02] How do you stay sober today? Sara is awake at 5 AM does yoga, meditation, and plans her day. Sometimes she works out. After work Sara comes home and starts her evening routine: working out, meditation, and/or some planned quality time with friends and family, tennis lessons, or something new. Sara hopes to try out martial arts. She plans to do something new every few months to continue to grow and bring happiness to life.

[33:00] What is on your bucket list at one year? Sara hopes that after one year she is more involved in the sober community; she doesn't have any support right now. Besides Cafe RE. She plans to surround herself with more people like her.

[33:57 ] What have you learned about yourself through sobriety? Sara learned that she doesn't need alcohol to have a good conversation with people, she is OK just being herself. That has been the most intoxicating thing about being sober. Everything is even better without alcohol.

[34:41] What are your plans to stay sober during the holidays?

Sara thought the holidays would be hard, luckily for her she has a lot of family functions that were once her crutch, have become growth experiences. She doesn’t even think about drinking anymore; she auto looks for non-alcoholic beverages. While she misses the one glass of wine once in a while, she is content with beet juice now in a wine glass.

[36:01] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Night of car accident and the day after; blackout
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Sara has had a lot, mostly waking up not remembering what she did
What’s your plan moving forward? Using Recovery Elevator and other podcasts. Paul recommends the Bubble Hour podcast
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Taking it one day at a time
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Stop trying to define if they are an alcoholic or not, wasting too many thoughts. Not drinking makes your life better

“You Might be an Alcoholic If…” Your idea of dieting is doing straight shots instead of mixed drinks.

Paul’s Life Hack: ?

7:10-8:40 PM 11/17/2016 - - - 6:10 - 6:50 AM 11/19/2016

RE 91: 12 Ways to Stay Sober Over the Holidays Nov 14, 2016

Sasha has been sober for just over 5 years... This is her story… Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link: www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/ This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE! SHOW NOTES

12 ways to help you stay sober through the holidays. Last year, in Episode 43, I introduced a long list of ways to stay sober, and now, it's a year later. This holiday season, don't beat yourself up! Maybe you only get 1 day, but shoot for all the days, and if you miss a day, get back on the wagon without beating yourself up... Be kind to yourself. The holidays are about giving, give yourself kindness.

12 Ways to Stay Sober Through the Holidays:

Meditation - All of the following activities have a meditative and creative quality; guitar, piano, painting, woodwork, organizing, stuffing envelopes, whatever it is for you.
- Set a timer and chill-out for 10 minutes
- Headspace App
Water - Hydrate! First thing I do in the morning is drink about 35 oz of lemon water.
Give yourself a Hall Pass! I plan on eating 70% of the pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving Dinner this year
Exercise for 10 min during the first hour of the day. I stretch, do band work, and pushups.
Practice visualization. I practice saying no to drinks and practice making good decisions in my sobriety.
Tell someone no and put yourself first, i.e. "I will not be driving your ass around on NYE."
Shovel snow or push dirt around. Think, "Service, service, service."
Talk to yourself.
Start doing something small and then in two years tell me how much of a difference that has made in your life.
Turtle and not the hare. I'm playing the long game.
Connect with your Community daily - Café RE.
Share!

[ 12:34 ] Paul introduces Sasha.

Sasha's last drink was a couple days before Sept. 2nd, 2011...Sasha is from Washington D.C. She is 31 and has her own coaching business. For fun she likes to hangout at home in her pajamas, being a mega-introvert!

[ 14:38 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. When did you hit bottom?

September of 2011 was the culmination of a long summer of heavy partying. "I was sitting in my therapists office with my head in my hands trying to recap my summer which I couldn't remember. My therapist handed me an AA flyer and slowly I started going to a weekly meeting."

[ 17:01 ] How much did you drink? Talk to us about your drinking habits.

"I was an all or nothing binge drinker. I probably partied one night on, one night off. When I went out, I drank as much as I possibly could. As soon as I had 2 or 3 drinks there was a switch, there was no off button."

[ 27:17 ] How did you do it? Walk us through the first day, the first week.

"I dropped into an AA meeting to listen. I heard stories of human suffering, pain and joy. It was like a humanities class. People were honest and really told the truth about how they were feeling." Sasha talks about how isolating alcohol is and the antidote was really learning to connect and let her walls down. Sasha was going to one 'speaker' meeting a week. She got a sponsor after 10 mos.

[ 30:43 ] Sasha talks about her experience as a 'dry drunk'.

[ 31:07 ] Tell us about your program.

"Principles of recovery flow throughout my day. I like to let things flow. I wake up with a prayer. I have daily readers (an app and a book) that set the tone for my day. I make several 12-step meetings a week and try to meditate for 10 mins. a day." Sasha also does yoga. Yoga has been crucial to her recover journey, connecting mind, body and soul.

[ 40:02 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? "The summer before my freshman year of high school. I drank 2 beers and passed out."
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? "Chronic stress from acting so poorly."
What’s your plan moving forward? "Sit with my self. Sobriety is all about staying with myself."
What is your favorite resource in recover? "The Hazelden App. The books "The Language of Letting Go" and "Journey to the Heart," both by Melody Beattie. Yoga and 12-step meetings."
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? "When in doubt sober is always a better choice. Sobriety never hurt anyone."

“You Might be an Alcoholic If…”

"You spend an inordinate amount of time trying to convince yourself that you're not an alcoholic."

Resources mentioned in RE 91:

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

The Language of Letting Go - by Melody Beattie

For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

Connect with Sasha:

www.sashaptozzi.com

Hazelden App

Journey to the Heart - by Melody Beattie

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 90: Why Being a Dry Drunk and Using Will Power Doesn't Work. Nov 07, 2016

Christine has been sober for 129 days... This is her story… Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link: www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/ This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE! SHOW NOTES

What is a dry drunk? It is someone who just doesn’t drink anymore, who has 'quit' using sheer willpower... ***Spoiler Alert*** Willpower eventually runs out. We need a program, something and someone to fall back on to support us. Your program can look completely unique to yourself and doesn't just have to be AA (although many do recommend it).

When you quit using sheer willpower, sure, you become healthier, physically feeling like you’ve been born again and the memory of passing out in a Cracker Barrel buffet line begins to fade. You'll start to gain confidence in your recent found 'sober' success and you say to yourself, "I did this. I quit. I got this." (Uh-oh, those three little words, think RE #86... Problem right there!) Eventually, we will forget entirely about the Cracker Barrel buffet line, which is a problem because, A – their cornbread is fantastic and, B – that was the reason you quit drinking. That was not a highlight in your life. Studies show that humans have selective memory and we tend to remember the good things (i.e. the Cornbread) and not the bad things (i.e. the Ambulance, the Buffet Line, and the Cracker Barrel experience).

As a dry drunk, when we quit drinking, our genius plan is to simply not drink, thinking that one day we’ll be able to drink normally again. If you have this thought, don’t worry, every alcoholic has, but the dry drunks don’t ever address this or relinquish the thought. The key is to surrender.

This is what I call 'white knuckling it'. I think everyone is white knuckling it when they quit drinking but the dry drunks keep white knuckling it. Right about the time when all the physical healing has taken place (for me, it took over a year), is when the true white knuckling takes place. It’s when Gary (Paul's alter-ego) starts to make an appearance. It’s when 'we' start having the internal dialogue of justification. It’s when our unconscious minds have seen the barrage of alcohol adds on social media, television, and everywhere else our open eyes and ears look. This is when the cognitive dissonance starts to take place... Translation, we need help! We can't do this alone...

[ 08:12 ] Paul introduces Christine.

Christine's last drink was June 13th of 2016, about 129 days ago. She has been sober for just over 4 months. Christine grew up in a small town in central Michigan. She is now studying chemistry at Montana State University and is almost finished with her Ph.D. She loves hunting, fishing, camping and anything else outside...

[ 09:23 ] Paul talks about first meeting Christine in 2011 when he was a dry drunk and how she helped him in 2014 to make a change after hitting his bottom.

Christine remembers that Paul was hurting so badly and she was so glad that Paul gave her a call. There were lots of tears, lots and lots of tears (and it wasn't just the horses and pastures they were passing causing an allergic reaction) as they drove down canyon from Big Sky Ski Resort where Paul was DJ-ing a wedding. Christine urged Paul to call his mom, dad, and brother, to seek support... Christine has been an integral part of Paul's sobriety.

[ 14:03 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. What was your bottom?

"Bottoms are always defined differently... I had decided back in December of 2015 to quit drinking. I stopped drinking for 2 weeks before deciding that I wasn't a 'quitter'! I picked right up where I left off. I wasn't fully committed, I hadn't taken the steps I needed." In June, Christine had a "what am I doing with my life" moment on her way to fishing... She had a couple beers on the road and stopped to let the dog out before getting to the fishing spot, where she realized that her bottle of whiskey had spilled everywhere. "I was horrified, my heart started to flutter and I started to panic..." On the way back from fishing, Christine smacked a deer. This really opened her eyes as so much more could have gone wrong... Christine took this as a sign that it was time to make a change.

[17:51 ] How did you do it? Walk us through the first day, the first week.

"Those first few days were such a blur. I started intensive outpatient therapy (IOP)... I was a wreck. The IOP really helped. I had a friend in West Yellowstone who I relied on heavily during my early days of sobriety. I spent a lot of time on the fishing boat out in the middle of nowhere."

[ 19:36 ] Christine comments on how important it is to get outdoors...

"Fly fishing has just become my absolute passion. To this day, anytime I feel wrong, or off, or I have cravings, I throw whatever I'm doing to the side and head to the river." Since being sober, Christine has not torn any waders or taken any 'accidental' swims in 43 degree weather! Fishing has taught Christine the beauty of being totally present.

[ 22:51 ] How much did you drink? Talk to us about your drinking habits before you quit.

"I was on an exponential curve downwards... That last month of drinking was just sliding... I was finishing almost a bottle of whiskey a day."

"I'd use booze to handle work, to handle stress, to handle literally everything..."

[ 24:31 ] Christine talks about her bipolar diagnosis.

Christine is diagnosed with bipolar II, which is an elevated state of mood... "My doctors and counselors kept telling me that I drank too much... They told me that my moods, the ups and downs, would improve if I stopped drinking. Alcohol would just make the highs higher and the lows lower... I could just drink and drink and drink when I was in a mania state, but when I was depressed, it would drag me down and down and down..."

Christine got honest with herself and those around her...

[ 29:40 ] What changes did you see?

"The biggest part was telling people about it. When I didn't have the strength, I had other people to keep me in line. I don't think anybody can do it alone." Christine lost 25lbs. just from quitting drinking. Going to bed at night is still challenging for Christine, but it's a lot better than pounding shots to blackout. "Some days are still absolute hell, my emotions get the best of me... These are the hardest. Sometimes I head into work at 3am to keep me from drinking."

[ 33:29 ] Walk us through a day in your life and how you stay sober today.

"I don't really have a day to day sobriety plan. I haven't fully gotten on board with AA, but I do go to a Friday and Saturday AA group at 9pm. I have a bunch of friends there. I listen to this podcast and participate in the Facebook Group... So many times I have looked at that and have been so thankful. I see two different counselors, an addiction counselor and a mental health counselor. Honestly, I'm so busy that I just dig my head into what I'm doing and be there and be present."

[ 35:38 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? "I was 16 and I was binge drinking. I pounded 8 shots of UV-Blue and 10 minutes later was puking blue... My mom was not so thrilled."
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? "When I smacked into that deer... I realized it was time."
What’s your plan moving forward? "To keep sober. I consider future events that could be triggering and talk out a plan to stay sober, making sure that I have an out."
What's your favorite resource in recovery? "My group at the Alcohol and Drug Services here in Bozeman, MT."
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? "Get an accountability partner, giving them permission to call you out on your crap!"
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? "Dive in. Do it. Don't give up. It's going to suck at first, but a week from now it'll be better, just keep going."

“You Might be an Alcoholic If…”

"If you try to drink the split whiskey in the bottom of your cooler that's mixed with the water...." (Thanks Paul!)

"If you start selling your fly rods so you can buy another bottle of whiskey." - Christine

Resources mentioned in RE 90:

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 89: Rehab vs No Rehab and Success Rates? Oct 31, 2016

Zach has been sober for 3.5 years... This is his story… Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link: www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/ This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE! SHOW NOTES

"You gotta get through it to get to it..." Open your eyes and start to notice those around you. Often, you'll find others who don't drink. Talk to them, discover why they don't drink... Some of these people quit for religious reasons, some for health, and others for personal reasons. Some are able to just quit on the spot, others not so much. Yeah, not all of us are so lucky to just suddenly decide to quit drinking... These individuals who do own up to their problems and the fortunes in their life. They take ownership. There are tons of studies highlighting different stats on sobriety (check out the links in the show notes below).

[ 10:53 ] Paul introduces Zach.

Zach has twin boys and has been sober for 3.5 years, his last drink was March 9th (4 years ago) at about 3am. Zach is 27, and born and raised in a small city just North of the Atlanta area. He has been married for two years. By day Zach is a marketer and by night he is a self-proclaimed beat-boxer for his kids.

[ 13:28 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. What led up to you quitting drinking?

"I quit 1,000 times in my own head... It's a revolving circle." Zach started drinking when he was about 12 years old, when he had about 3 Budweisers and remembered waking up in the pool. "I remember at that point wanting to make my life all about drinking." Zach continued to drink all through high school... Zach got expelled from school for the last half of his senior year due to drinking. "That's kind of where I kick-started my 'drinking career'." Zach was 19 when he got his second arrest due to drinking and had to spend 30 days in jail. This was the first time when Zach thought, "Ok, this is me, this is alcohol."

[ 18:25 ] What were your drinking habits like?

The second Zach got out of jail he found a Bud Ice in a friend's fridge and was at the bar that night, still underage. Zach usually took Mondays and Tuesdays off... In his early 20s it shifted to needing a drink to feel calm. "I started buying airplane bottles of rum. I was living with my girlfriend at the time and she knew I drank often, but I would drink all day long when she was gone and then pop a beer open when she came home in the evening, acting like it was my first drink."

[ 21:31 ] Did you ever try to moderate?

"I'd kick liquor away and just focus on beer. I'd binge drink real hard on the weekends. Right at the end of 22 I started diving into other substances... I got into meth and then I didn't have to drink. Once I made that leap I felt really defeated." Zach's own father introduced him to meth. (Unfortunately, his dad is still walking that story.) Thankfully, Zach didn't get addicted to meth and was able to back off of that substance, which let the drinking pick back up.

[ 25:02 ] Alcohol is an extremely addictive substance. How do you feel about that?

"I completely agree. It was like relearning to walk and talk (on choosing sobriety). Everything used to spike my interest in drinking... It's so highly addictive."

[ 26:36 ] Zach talks about his father and living with a family of addictive patterns.

[ 28:56 ] How did you do it? Talk to us about how you got sober.

"It was just an ordinary night... I got home at about 3am. I had to crawl through the window because I couldn't find my keys. I slept in 'til about 10am and awoke to missed calls from my girlfriend..." Zach had missed her Crossfit competition, something that was extremely important to her. "It was like the 10th time I had missed something. She was broken... Mentally, I couldn't tell another lie. I was exhausted." When she came home later Zach broke down and asked for help.

Those first few months were tough. "I was trying to fit in, I was not answering any phone calls. I was rationalizing it... I was white-knuckling it for about 2 mos. I was just a dry drunk..." Zach ended up at an AA meeting on his way to the liquor store... He was blown away by the diversity of the room and yet everyone was telling 'his' story. Zach discovered his first glance of hope at this AA meeting. "You can have a better lifestyle, a better life."

[ 35:23 ] Zach talks about getting a sponsor and working his program. Buddy, from RE #67, became Zach's sponsor.

[ 37:53 ] How do you stay sober today?

"I try to get up earlier than my kids so I can read... If I meet with Buddy we go through the step work, the stories or just kick it and drink some coffee... I try to hit 3 meetings a week, it allows me to share. It helps me hold myself accountable. I'm involved in a non-profit, Orphan Aid Liberia. Humility has been a big word in my recovery... Now, I can actually look outward and give back."

[ 41:23 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? "Blue light. Anything to do with a cop."
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? "Woke up one morning, my head was hurting so bad and I couldn't find a bottle opener to open a Corona, so I smashed the bottle on the counter to get a drink."
What’s your plan moving forward? "To do daily amends, doing the next right thing day after day and just trying to give back."
What's your favorite resource in recovery? "Besides Buddy, is having AA to fellowship with."
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? "Let go or get dragged."
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? "There's nothing quite like the experience of sobriety... Sobriety has given me so much more than I ever thought. You deserve this. You deserve to live whatever life you want to."

“You Might be an Alcoholic If…”

"Your job gets in the way of your drinking."

Resources mentioned in RE 89:

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

Recovery & Rehab Links:

Join Recovery Elevator for a Recovery Retreat Summer Camp Style in Bozeman, MT! Stay tuned... More information to come!

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 88: If We Drink Alcohol Again, It's Like We Never Stopped and Why Oct 24, 2016

Val has been sober for 6 months... This is her story… Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link: www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/ This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE! SHOW NOTES

If you drink enough alcohol over time our brains will change due to the response to alcohol. Some of the damage is irreversible, thus proving that you can pick up right where you left off (upon relapse). This is because there is still a dopamine hypersensitivity. Relapse is part of Paul's story… After being sober for 2.5 years, Paul got another 8mos. of drinking under his belt, picking up right where he left off. There was no ramp-up phase because Paul's brain is hyper-sensitive to alcohol. Good news! Even though in the brain there is this environment where dopamine hyper-sensitivity still exists, if you don’t drink then it’s not activated. This change is irreversible, but, if you don’t drink then it doesn’t react… Check out RE 87 for more detailed info on dopamine and our crazy brains.

[ 06:34 ] Paul introduces Val.

Val took her last drink on April 8th, 2016, just about 6 months ago. She is 44, married, and has 3 kids and one grandchild. She is originally from Billings, MT and has lived in the Big Sky area for 20 years. She loves to bake, knit, garden, camp, hike and just be outside.

[ 09:25 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. When did you hit bottom?

“Well, I’ve hit many bottoms in my life, but I finally reached that point where I knew I needed to change or else I was going to lose everything.” This was not Val’s first attempt at quitting drinking. She first tried to quit in her mid-20s when she decided to start having kids. Val quit drinking for 8 years, but was miserable. After owning a restaurant and dealing with the stress of that, Val broke down and started drinking again… After 8 years of sobriety! “That’s just how I dealt with stress. (Drinking) was the only way I knew how."

[ 11:03 ] What is a dry drunk?

“I was not drinking, but my mind was still crazy. I was still trying to control everything around me, I didn’t understand life and I always felt that life was out to get me, that I was the victim.” Val explains her unhappiness as afraid of people, not being comfortable in her own skin, not having a higher power and trying to do everything herself… Now, Val is asking for help. “Before, I felt that I was a failure if I had to ask for help. My expectations that I held were so high and I could never meet them.”

[ 12:57 ] How much did you drink? Talk to us about your drinking habits.

Val was drinking at least a bottle of wine a night, and more like two bottles a night. “Because I was drinking wine, I thought it was not a big deal, that it wasn’t a problem.” Val tried every rule in the book: just on the weekends, or only in the evening... “When I started drinking during the day, that’s when I started having oh-shit moments.” Val always used the stress of work to qualify needing a drink.

[ 14:30 ] Val talks about losing her restaurant and the feelings of failure and stress that accompanied the experience.

[ 15:48 ] How did you do it? Walk us through the first day, the first week.

“The first day was a morning that I was so sick that I couldn’t go to work. I was so sick, sicker than I had ever been. It was a Tuesday night, and I was just sitting at home watching Netflix.” Val was watching Amy (the Amy Winehouse documentary) and discovered that Amy had died from alcohol poisoning… Val had a huge wakeup moment, realizing that the same thing could easily happen to her. Val white-knuckled it for about 30 days before she started drinking again. After connecting with Paul on a webinar, she accepted help and went to her first AA meeting.

[ 18:59 ] Tell us about your program.

“I read in the Big Book everyday if I can, usually before bed. I know a lot of people try to start their day with a reading, but I have a kid to get ready…” Val goes to her home group meeting every week, has a service position, meets with her sponsor every week and she is on a committee. Val chooses to stay involved.

[ 19:49 ] Do you feel more confident with 6mos. of sobriety?

We are all shaky when we step onto new foundations. “It is getting better, but I know I have work to do. I need to keep working on my program. I’m on the 4th step right now… Writing stuff out has been very helpful.” Val shares one of her resentments which is part of the 4th step, taking responsibility for her actions, emotions and experiences. “You need to forgive yourself in order to let the anger out… It feels awesome. I look at the world in a different way.”

[ 24:39 ] What have you learned about yourself through sobriety?

“I’ve been very dishonest with myself throughout life and I don’t want to be that way anymore. I just want to be who I am… I always felt that nobody would want to know the real me, but that’s not true, that’s the disease speaking.”

[ 25:46 ] What are your thoughts on relapse?

“Well, I’m only a drink away from relapse. It can happen so easily. I have to be sure to always call my sponsor if I have that urge to drink. I’m not hiding anymore… I’m interacting and asking for help when I need it.”

[ 26:24 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? “Not having a memory… Blacking out and not remembering what I did.”
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “That morning I woke up so sick that I couldn’t go to work.”
What’s your plan moving forward? “Continue working my program, make the relationship with my higher power stronger (accepting that I have a higher power) and I also think that I need to start worrying about what I think about myself instead of worrying about what others think.”
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “You can’t fix it right away, it’s going to take awhile.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Just do it. Just get yourself to a meeting.”

“You Might be an Alcoholic If…”

“You pass out before the Amy Winehouse movie is over.”

Paul’s Life Hack:

Play the long game…

Resources mentioned in RE 88:

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

The Compound Effect

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 87: Why Alcohol Eventually Stops Working Oct 17, 2016

Kenny has been sober for 1 & 1/2 years... This is his tale... Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link: www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/ This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here! SHOW NOTES

Why did alcohol stop working for me? (***Spoiler Alert*** If it still works for you, IT WILL STOP working.) I needed more and more of it to fill the same effects, a.k.a. the pleasure… We know that alcohol increases cravings in the brain by releasing dopamine… But, dopamine is actually the LEARNING chemical in the brain. Thus, it teaches us where to find pleasure… After we have found pleasure, i.e. tipping a bottle back over and over again, the body will eventually turn down alcohol to protect itself. Our brain is a beautiful system that has kept us alive for millions of years… How does it do this? The brain produces another chemical, which turns down the stimulation. I’ve learned that I have enhanced dopamine receptors. Now, if we lived in the age of saber-toothed tigers and always having to fight for our food, this would have kept me alive, however, not now and no longer! Over time, I needed more and more alcohol to get to the point of stimulation, of pleasure, I even needed it just to feel normal… This is an evolutionary mechanism built inside of us. However, the pleasure that we should be seeking is food, water, shelter, and Cinnamon Pop-Tarts! Not alcohol!!!

[ 06:18 ] Paul Introduces Kenny.

Kenny has been sober since April 3rd, 2015, about one and a half years. Kenny is 27 and grew up in a small farm town in California. He spent some time in Riverside, CA before moving to Montana to attend grad school. He is a PhD student, studying statistics. Kenny loves to work on his truck, build bikes and computers and wander around in nature, getting lost in the wilderness.

[ 07:30 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. What led up to your desire to stop drinking?

“It was a long, slow descent with a lot of bumps towards the bottom.” Kenny’s roommates started to notice and comment on his drinking habits. “Last March I missed classes because I was too drunk to get to class, this had never happened before… I had a BIG eye-opening experience and realized that this wasn’t just about me. I had to take responsibility.”

[ 10:02 ] How much did you drink? Did you ever try to put rules in place?

“It started when I was 21… I realized that it kind of helped me get my Math homework done. I’d have a gin and tonic or two, nightly or whenever I needed to get stuff done and then from there I was drinking like half a ⅕ of brandy in one afternoon.” This gradually progressed to being hungover or still drunk the next morning. Eventually Kenny was blacking out and waking up on a strange couch… “I came up with some schemes. I was supposed to call my best friend to stay accountable, which just led me to lying to her about how much I was drinking, which made me feel worse. My next scheme was that I got a little notebook, thinking that I could be accountable to myself and do it on my own…” This turned into Kenny tearing himself down and feeling guilty.

[ 15:33 ] Kenny talks more about his Elevator...

“I started talking to my new roommate who’s father had turned his life around after connecting with AA. She suggested that I give him a call, which I did. He completely understood the craving and how when I drank it was just never enough…”

[ 17:05 ] Kenny discusses “that feeling in your head.”

[ 18:08 ] What was it like when you quit drinking?

Kenny checked out a few AA meetings after talking to his roommate’s Dad… It took a couple times before he was ready to change his life. Sometime around April 3rd, 2015, there was a party… Kenny went to it having decided that he would try to drink just one drink and then go home. Kenny nursed that one drink for 1 ½ hours and was so proud that he took the opportunity to do shots with a buddy, waking up the next morning on a couch and not remembering anything from the night before… That next morning Kenny decided to give AA a shot.

[ 21:15 ] Kenny talks about his first experience at an AA meeting...

[ 22:00 ] Walk us through a typical day and how you stay sober.

“I usually get up at 4:00 or 4:30 am, I realized I’m a morning person! I make a nice big breakfast, take a shower and then head to school. I ride my bike and get to see the sun come up… In the evenings I try to meditate for 15 minutes or so and play my guitar.” Kenny has been working on mindfulness, trying to clear and calm his mind, becoming more aware of what’s going on inside his body. “I just close my eyes and focus my breath, just acknowledging what kind of breath I’m taking, just trying to pay attention to what’s going on inside.”

[ 35:17 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? “When I was visiting my mom for Christmas and I got a call from my housemates saying that they couldn’t put up with my drinking any longer and that I needed to find a new place…”
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “That morning that I realized I was still drunk and didn’t make it to class, not only letting myself down but other students as well…”
What’s your plan moving forward? “Keep doing what I’ve been doing, fitting in a meeting or two on the weekends and staying involved…”
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Just don’t drink.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Go connect with someone. Find someone else who has struggled with drinking and get to know them.”

“You Might be an Alcoholic If…”

“You’ve almost fallen in a campfire and didn’t know about it until the next morning when your friends tell you about it!”

Paul’s Life Hack:

Making decisions whether big or small is tough, so just eliminate a lot of the small decisions… Examples of stressful small decisions: “Should I drink tonight?” “How many drinks?” “What liquor store do I go to now?” “How do I sneak booze into the movie theater?” “How do I control my f****** drinking?” I no longer have to struggle over these small decisions because “I DON’T DRINK.” Make this one decision and the others are no longer relevant.

Resources mentioned in RE 87:

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

Pop-Tarts Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Toaster Pastries

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

Dr. Wolfram Schultz

Dr. Daniel J. Levitin

Dr. Levitin's Ted Talk

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!” Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 86: I Got This | The Three Most Dangerous Words an Alcoholic Can Say Oct 10, 2016

Jenny has been sober for 13 months... This is her tale... Resources mentioned in RE 86:

For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

SHOW NOTES

Ok, so you’re doing a pretty good job of following your rules, your systems, or you're experimenting with sobriety… Have you ever said the words “I got this”? "I would say these words over and over again while putting these rules, systems, games, etc. in place when trying to get sober on my own…" Paul was sober for over 2 years when those mean little words came back, “You know what Paul, we got this… We’re totally good.” And, DAMN IT! After two years of sobriety, we drank (me and Gary)... “We didn’t got this…” If you ever catch yourself saying, “Hey, you got this…” be very cognizant, very aware, and very, very cautious... "I got this," the three most dangerous words an alcoholic can say.

[ 05:33 ] Paul Introduces Jenny.

Jenny has been sober for just over a year, since August 25th, 2015. “My life is better than it was when I was drinking.” Jenny grew up in Helena, MT and currently lives in Bozeman, MT. She is married to an amazing man and has 4 kids, ages 4-14. She loves to run, workout and go to the gym. “If it involves exercise, I love to do it!”

[ 06:59 ] Jenny speaks about her drinking history.

The alcoholic tendency has always been there for Jenny… “I don’t think that ever in my life I had just one drink. It was always like game-on. In High School I was “the party girl.” Jenny knew she had to stop before she hit the absolute bottom.

[ 10:46 ] What was it like drinking and taking care of 4 kids? (Paul openly admits that he could barely take care of Ben, the Standard Poodle, when he was drinking…)

“When the drinking started to escalate, it was sort of the perfect storm. My husband is a firefighter and started working 24-hr. shifts… Things really started to get out of control. When I was drinking, I felt like I was the best mom in the world… But, I was really checked out. I was selfish. In the back of my mind I was always concerned with refilling my glass.” Saying those words, “Yes, I am an alcoholic,” was the scariest thing Jenny has ever said… "Admitting that I didn’t have all of my shit together…”

[ 14:06 ] Jenny talks about how admitting “I am an alcoholic” is liberating.

“That dirty little secret I had been carrying around... I had been doing all of these things to convince myself that I didn’t have a problem. I was volunteering, doing insane workouts at 5am (sometimes still drunk)... After, a lot of moms came to me and said, “Hey, I think I have the same problem.”

[ 16:43 ] Talk to me about Run for Recovery.

Run for Recovery is a run supporting Alive Again Life Recovery Mission which exists for the purpose of creating a safe Christian environment for individuals of all ages to fellowship, learn and heal from addiction and addiction-related effects. Running and exercising has helped Jenny so much through this process (choosing sobriety).

[ 18:39 ] How did you do it? What was Day 1 like?

“I just did it. I just quit. I went moment by moment, minute by minute. I binge listened to Recovery Elevator. After about a week I got into my crying phase. I was ashamed. I beat myself up over poor choices and poor parenting…”

[ 20:20 ] What other methods besides running do you use?

“Reading a lot, educating myself, and sometimes just forcing myself to sit still. Forcing myself to feel those feelings.” Jenny has found that her athletic performance has increased since being sober. “I feel one million times better than when I was drinking.” Working out is definitely an outlet for Jenny. “It’s definitely better than vodka.”

[ 29:06 ] What’s on your bucket-list?

“Half marathons, Spartan racing, keep volunteering, discover more about myself, and to be a little kinder to myself…”

[ 30:02 ] What have you learned about yourself?

“I’m a type-A, over-achieving, control freak, and working on being a little nicer to myself… We need to be nice to ourselves. We need to talk to ourselves like we talk to a friend. We really beat ourselves up.” Jenny has learned about what triggers her and how to manage cravings (they do come). She finds other things to do, like playing with her kids, going for a run, or just sitting with the craving and letting it pass.

[ 35:17 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? “4 or 5 months before I quit drinking, my husband and I went to Las Vegas. My husband went to bed and I went to the "gift shop," which just meant that I went drinking. I couldn't get the key to work to get back into the room and I ended up passing out just outside of our bedroom. My husband found me at 3am.”
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “That panicky feeling that would come when there were only a couple of drinks left in the vodka bottle, and over-thinking my kids activities because it was going to affect my ability to drink.”
What’s your plan moving forward? “Continue to volunteer and be of service. Get more involved with RE and really staying accountable.”
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? “Cafe RE, the Bubble Hour, going to the gym, getting out of my own head, staying in the moment…”
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “You can do anything, you just can’t do everything.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Set yourself up for success. Cut yourself some slack. Make sure you have a plan.”
“You might be an alcoholic if you go to the liquor store and browse around, ask some questions, yet know full well that you’re going to go to the vodka section and buy something from the bottom shelf.”

Paul’s Life Hack:

Take your ball and go home. You don’t have to put yourself in precarious situations. You don’t have to drink just to appease others. Just take your cell phone and go home. Be kind to yourself. Take your ball and go home. Take your beach toys, your camper, your R.V., your whatever… Take it and go home.

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!” Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 85: Do You Have a Drinking Problem Part II Oct 03, 2016

John has been sober for 5 years... This is his story... Resources mentioned in this episode:

For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

Recovery Elevator Episode #1: Do You Have a Drinking Problem

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

SHOW NOTES

“In Episode 1 of RE, we (the human Paul & the dog Ben) do a test to determine if I am an alcoholic. The results… Blatantly clear. Yes, I am an alcoholic.” Paul found it extremely difficult to stop drinking after having just one drink. For about a decade, he lived in the pickle of “one drink was too much and 1,000 drinks was just not enough.” How the hell do you navigate that? Well, the answer is definitely, “Don’t drink.” Now, at Episode 85, Paul has an even better test to determine if you’ve got a drinking problem.

Preliminary steps before taking this self-assessment:

Make sure you are hydrated. Drink lots of water (if you are already drinking a beer during this portion, then yes, you too are an alcoholic).
Stretch out. Loosen up. Maybe even do some burpees!
Make sure you’ve got enough lead in your pencil and ink in your pen!
Take some deep breaths.

Paul’s Self-Assessment Test:

(***This is going to be the new metric moving forward, I guarantee it! No need to go spend a ton of money on any other tests...This assessment is free and accurate.***)

Have you ever wondered, “Do I have a drinking problem?” YES or NO

***FEEL FREE TO PRESS PAUSE, GRAB A GLASS OF WATER, SHARPEN YOUR PENCIL, ETC., AS THIS IS THE HALF WAY POINT OF THE SELF ASSESSMENT TEST***

Have you ever asked yourself, “Would my life be better without alcohol?” YES or NO

CONGRATULATIONS!!! You have just finished the Recovery Elevator self-assessment!

Answer Key: Listen to Paul on RE 85 @ [ 5:11 ]

"Quitting drinking isn’t easy, but my life is exponentially better since I’ve quit drinking." In the previous 84 podcasts, there's a pretty good roadmap already laid out for you… Not only will your life improve (yes, there will be speed bumps), but the lives of those around you will improve too! In all honesty, these self-assessment tests are this simple. It’s not easy, but it’s better.

[ 10:25 ] Paul Introduces John.

John was born and raised and lives in Wichita, Kansas. He has a 3-year old son. He enjoys working on his car, experimenting with cooking, and comic books… He is engaged to be married to a woman who is also in the program (AA). John’s last drink was August 28th, 2011…

John kept trying to do it (quit drinking) on his own, but time and time again, it just didn’t happen! After telling himself, “I’m just going to have two beers..." 3 or 4 beers, a few mixed drinks, sake for the whole table (they were going to a bar after dinner) and a $400 bar tab later… "I woke up on the floor in my undies, covered in puke (puke in the hallway, puke in the bathroom)... I just felt that someone was telling me to get help.” John realized he just couldn't do this alone.

[ 20:29 ] When did you decide to first quit drinking?

“I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I kept trying to do it myself, but I’d always find a “special” occasion to drink.” This is one of those things (choosing sobriety) where you actually have to do the work!

[ 22:19 ] “I think I got this.” John explains what this means for him...

To John, this phrase means that he’s letting his ego tell him how to run things. “I tried on my own without a program, guidance or a schedule and it just wouldn’t stick. Ever.” When John got his 2nd DUI, he knew something was up… John knew that if he drank again, he would get behind the wheel.

[ 24:15 ] Talk to us about Alcoholics Anonymous.

John was completely blown away by the spectrum of diverse people that made up his first AA meeting, which was quite contrary to what he “knew” AA was going to be!

[ 31:08 ] John discusses weight loss, cooking and what he does with all his booze-FREE time!

[ 32:59 ] What’s your favorite dance move?

Thanks Paul for getting in some humor! In his sobriety, John has really enjoyed running, but he does not prefer the “Running Man,” and claims that the “Robot” is more his style...

[ 35:48 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? “I had the DUI 50-moped (the scooter I rode when I had my license suspended) and I had been drinking. I got on the moped… I just could not stop myself from drinking and driving.”
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “That day that I swore to myself that I’d only have 2 beers at the restaurant and ended up wondering, “How the hell did this happen?”
What’s your plan moving forward? “Keep going to meetings, keep being thankful for my sobriety, keep asking for more sobriety, keep being honest with my sobriety, and keep reaching out to people.”
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? “Right now, it’s the podcasts. I can take them anywhere. I can listen to it and nobody even knows.” John listens to Recovery Elevator, SHAIR Podcast, and the Bubble Hour.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Look for the similarities. We all want to stay sober.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Just do it. You’re going to want to find a reason to not start, to give it one more day. Just do it. Just stop. Today. Right now. Just stop."

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”

Drop us a line: info@recoveryelevator.com

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 84: Lean Into Those Uncomfortable Emotions in Sobriety Sep 26, 2016

Elaine has been sober for 15 days… This is her story... Resources mentioned in this episode:

recoveryelevator.com/survey

For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

Elaine’s podcast: Throttle Podcast

Instagram: @throttlepodcast

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

SHOW NOTES

"Today, I want to talk about feelings…" Feelings. Fun, right? We often hear that “drinking is but a symptom…” But, what the hell does that mean? It means we have feelings, experiences, and other life situations that we don’t want to deal with, so we choose to cover them up with distractions, like drinking… “Two years and one week ago I used to drink all of these emotions away.” Through some serious research, Paul has discovered that dogs (thanks to Ben for being part of this study) can teach us something about these feelings. Ok, so it’s obvious that humans and dogs are different, but dogs can actually teach us how to lean into negative sensations and feelings… Take riding in a car for example, a dog (like Ben) will actually lean into uncomfortable sensations like curvy roads and the blowing wind. We can learn from our four-footed friends.

5 Strategies for Leaning Into Emotions:

When you feel that negative emotion, lean into it.
Don’t categorize emotions as good or bad, just notice that the emotions are here.
Breath and count to 10.
Recognize where these feelings come from and begin to let-go. Let-go of the sensation, let-go of the experience.
Know yourself. Begin to observe yourself from a 3rd-person point of view. Just watch.

[ 09:24 ] Paul Introduces Elaine.

Elaine’s last drink was 15 days ago! Elaine has lived in a number of cities across Canada. She’s in her 40s and does freelance work. She has been happily married for 25 years. She loves practicing karate (green belt), archery and riding her motorcycle. She is an introvert and an atheist. Elaine loves karate because of the mental part. “You really have to be focused and mindful.”

[ 13:44 ] When did you decide to first quit drinking?

“That’s a long road…” This time around, Elaine has joined AA. “My husband came home one day and told me a story about a great friend who was doing AA and it completely changed my view of AA.” Elaine didn’t feel that she had a rock bottom, but really resonated with the group the first time she joined an AA meeting. “I just couldn’t fool myself any longer. It’s a really open and honest group and I am an alcoholic.”

[ 17:31 ] What was it like, your first 24 hours, 72 hours…?

It was a Wednesday, the day before we were leaving for a trip to my husband’s family cottage, typically a long-weekend that involved drinking. “It was a white-knuckle weekend. I wasn’t really sure what to do with myself.” Elaine realized that in prior years the cottage was always an excuse to drink.

[ 21:26 ] Talk to me about depression?

Elaine has lived with depression since her teens. “When you mix alcohol with depression, it’s never a good thing.” During bouts of depression, everything becomes very arduous. Elaine now has the awareness to notice when depression is creeping up on her. “I used to start off with a couple of cocktails, have wine while making dinner and during dinner, and then finish off the night with a few night-caps. I would wake up the next day and feel terrible and would spend the whole next day beating myself up about it (the depression and the drinking). It was a vicious cycle.”

[ 26:44 ] What have you learned about yourself in the last 15 days?

Elaine has learned that it is okay to feel really vulnerable and that it can be really hard to ask for help, but that she is also stronger than she thought and can do this and ask for help often.

[ 27:56 ] What is your plan moving forward?

Elaine plans to continue going to AA meetings where she finds a lot of strength in sharing stories with others and building camaraderie. “I really value their honesty. I find that alcoholism is like depression in a toolkit sense. I make sure that I get enough sleep, and I incorporate meditation and mindfulness. Fortunately, I have built these practices up in dealing with depression.”

[ 29:47 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? “The things that I don’t remember due to blackouts.”
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “So many! Waking up from being asleep and rather than going back to sleep I got up at 3am and made myself a vodka tonic…”
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? “Other alcoholics, the Recovery Elevator podcast, and going to meetings.”
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Stand up and take the 24-hour sobriety chip at the AA meeting.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Get help today. Tomorrow things aren’t going to change. Don’t delay, just go get help today in whatever form that means to you.”

Life Hacks from Paul

You know that voice inside your head? - Change the way it speaks to you.

Replace “I’m an idiot” with “Oops, I made a mistake.”

Take responsibility for your actions. That alone can get you sober.

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”

Drop us a line: info@recoveryelevator.com

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 83: Keeping Expectations Realistic in Sobriety Sep 19, 2016

Kendall has been sober for 130 days… Here’s his story... Resources mentioned in this episode:

recoveryelevator.com/survey

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First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

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SHOW NOTES

Paul on Lowering the bar… “I have a podcast about being okay with the way things are, and I’ll admit, this episode is not perfect, there are some things left out.” Paul has been sober for 730 days. “Life at two years sober is better than life 730 days ago… My anxiety, that has pretty much gone away. But, on day 729, I had a near meltdown… The bar of expectations I had put in place for myself, had slowly risen up over the past 1 ½ years. On day 730, I realized that I needed to be kind to myself, to be patient and to get realistic. 2 years is not a long time, I still have so much more to go. On day 729, self-loathing showed up… again… I was so far out of my comfort zone, but that is where the growth happens, and that is where I have been for the past year and a half. So, I’m lowering the bar, I’m going to take the time to observe what I’ve done, what’s going on around me and enjoy the moment. What’s my plan moving forward? Well, I’m not going to change a darn thing.” Paul is taking this one day at a time… One day at a time…

[ 10:16 ] Paul Introduces Kendall:

Kendall is 28 and has been sober for 130 days. “It feels great, I’m free. I don’t have to carry the weight of being drunk.” Kendall is from Lawrence, Kansas and moved to Montana 5 years ago as a professional painter, in his free time he likes to head up into the mountains.

[ 11:25 ] What made you want to stop?

Kendall surrendered to alcohol on the anniversary of a death of a best friend who died from a drunk driving accident. Kendall reset his sobriety date after smoking a bowl after attending another funeral of a close friend.

[ 13:42 ] What were your drinking habits like?

“I would drink at least a 12-pack if not more. I’d start in the morning just to calm the jitters, then the moment I got off work the fun began.” Kendall used rules like “no hard alcohol,” “just O’Douls,” anything to maintain his sanity. “I got to drinking on the job, anything to keep my mind on alcohol.” After being dismissed from a family Christmas dinner, Kendall knew something was up.

[ 16:28 ] How did you do it? (on choosing sobriety)

Kendall utilized the rules of AA. “They spoke my language, they have a plan and they know how to do it.” Kendall felt connected once he got a sponsor, a home group and started doing service. “It works if you work it.”

[ 17:55 ] “Drinking is but a symptom…” Kendall dives into this idea.

[ 18:32 ] What was it like, your first 24 hours, 72 hours…?

“Oh boy, was that something else!” Kendall’s brain was so hard wired to drink. “The people in the world aren’t the problem, I always played the victim… It was all me. Selfish and self-centered.”

“The moment that you’re able to accept some humility, that’s when the freedom begins.” Now, in sobriety, Kendall feels like the world is brighter and clearer. He can focus, eat and sleep, and do the things we do to be able to take care of ourselves. “It’s crazy how I’m now able to read a chapter and comprehend what I’m reading… It’s a gift.”

[ 23:36 ] What have you lost to alcohol?

“I’d say I lost my job, an education, an opportunity for an education, family, friends, relationships…”

[ 24:50 ] Have cravings come and what do you do to move forward? Kendall will pray and utilize his sponsor. “One time I went to the Wal-Mart parking lot and pushed carts back just to do something, to get out of my head.”

[ 27:34 ] What does your recovery portfolio look like today?

“The moment I wake up, I pray. I have gone through “the big book and the 12 & 12”. The first 30 minutes of my day are all geared towards AA. I use the serenity prayer. The moment I get off work I go to a meeting, come home, cook dinner and go to bed. I like to keep it simple."

[ 28:37 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? “Christmas dinner when I wanted to see my family but I couldn't because I had been dismissed because of my habits.”
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “The morning after I had been fired for drinking on the job and I had to go meet with my boss… I just couldn’t.”
What is your plan in sobriety moving forward? “To serve others and keep going to meetings.”
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? “My sponsor.”
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Keep coming back. It works if you work it.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give to our listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Keep your head out of the clouds and feet on the ground. Go to your local AA meeting.”

QUOTABLES

“Sobriety is just straight up nothing.” - Paul

“Deep down I needed an answer, I needed a solution… Really, I needed to check into reality…” - Kendall

“I’m able to be Kendall, the Kendall that everybody knew that I could be when I put the bottle down.” - Kendall

“What is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular.” - Kendall

“You might be an alcoholic if after your 3rd DUI and losing 2 best friends to alcohol, you think you still don’t have a problem with alcohol.” - Kendall

“You don’t have to hangout with people you don’t like.” - Paul

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”

Drop us a line: info@recoveryelevator.com

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 82: I Nearly Forgot How Scary Addiction Is Sep 12, 2016

Chad, with 37 days of sobriety shares how he is doing it... Resources mentioned in this episode:

Reddit Stop Drinking Forum - /r/stopdrinking

For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

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SMART Recovery

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

SHOW NOTES

Paul Introduces Chad

Chad has been sober for 37 days! Boom! Chad racked up about 2.5 years of sobriety in a previous life... "It doesn't get any easier. The best thing you can do is to get sober and stay sober." Chad is 25 and works in the communications field. He was born and raised in Atlanta and has lived all over the world. Chad is currently single (and recommends staying this way in early sobriety). Chad is really into backpacking... He got totally hooked during his time in rehab.

What were your drinking habits like?

"I avoided drinking and other habits until the summer before I went to college. I was afraid that something would happen to me if I drank. Little did I realize that that would become a self-fulfilling prophecy." Chad joined a fraternity in college and was drinking close to a 750ml of "nasty" Burnett's vodka a day...

Did you ever try to “cut-back” and put rules in place?

"You name it, I did it... But nothing ever worked." Chad went to rehab around age 22/23 to a place in the Pisgah National Forest, where he relearned how to live life -- survival techniques, meditation, etc. Chad attributes the program to his sobriety.

After 2.5 years of sobriety, what was your shoelace? What made you drink again...?

"Oh man, as with so many men in sobriety, it was a lady friend..." Chad was going on a first date with a girl that he perceived to be way out of his league... Chad was so nervous and remembered how embarrassed he would feel if he had to explain on a first date that he doesn't drink... Looking back, Chad now knows that honesty is the answer. "One drink led to two drinks... And three months later I was back to blacking-out..." The girl left Chad after two months when she realized something just wasn't right. Chad believes that he had this experience so that he could add it to the long list of reasons why he doesn't drink.

Chad talks about recovery and his recovery portfolio.

Chad is working with a sponsor (AA) as he feels that he needs to get relief quickly. Chad is working one step every week right now -- it's like a mini 12-week program. AA is working for Chad and he is going to keep doing it... Besides listening to the RE podcast (Chad's favorites are RE 67 with Buddy and any that highlight the newly sober). "These relationships that we form (in recovery) go way beyond the face value of most relationships. People in recovery can relate on such a deeper level."

When your next shoelace comes, when life happens, what do you plan on doing differently?

Chad is now asking for help. "It's admitting that you need help, that I need to reach out for additional resources. I see this as a sign of being a man." It's calling his sponsor, connecting with his recovery groups/contacts, and listening to the RE podcast. It is a courageous thing to be vulnerable and ask for help.

Who's your favorite Atlanta hip-hop star?

Listen in to get an update on ATL stars from Paul & Chad!

Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? "In November of 2015, I got behind the wheel of my car and decided to visit a friend 4 hours away... Short of the long of it, I woke up in jail the next day in Raven Co. I was off by quite a bit..."
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? "37 days ago when a co-worker pulled me aside and asked me if I was drunk in a meeting. It was no longer a personal thing."
What is your plan in sobriety moving forward? "Continue to utilize and build 'that' network. I'm so afraid to ask for help, so if I'm constantly surrounding myself with other alcoholics in recovery I know that I can always reach out for help."
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? "On Reddit - Stop Drinking sub-Reddit, where people can chat in a forum, and SMART recovery."
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? "Footwork. It's what action you're taking in order to stay sober the next day. Putting one foot in front of the other."
What parting piece of guidance can you give to our listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? "Listen to the examples that people have provided, examine the evidence and determine for yourself what you're willing to do to get back on track and to be happy because what you're doing right now clearly isn't working. Take an objective look and take action."

QUOTABLES

"When you make it through a craving, that feeling of accomplishment, that general good feeling... That's the new high that I'm chasing." - Chad

"I'm finally doing it for myself, not for other people." - Chad

"You might be an alcoholic if you get behind the wheel of a car with 2-bottles of vodka and end up floatin' in a canoe in Raven Co. where they filmed Deliverance... You might have a problem." - Chad

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”

Drop us a line: info@recoveryelevator.com

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 81: Famous Musician Alcoholics: Some Made it, Some Didn’t Sep 05, 2016

Julie, with 118 days of sobriety, shares how she does it... Resources mentioned in this episode:

RE needs your input! Follow the link below to fill out a quick survey to determine the future of the RE Podcast! Recovery Elevator Survey

http://www.soberrecovery.com/recovery/12-rock-stars-proud-to-be-sober/#/most-popular

For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meetups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

Join Cafe RE in April for a trip to PERU! Trip details can be found here: http://www.recoveryelevator.com/peru/

Rockstars Who are Sober:

http://www.eonline.com/news/271628/amy-winehouse-s-cause-of-death-accidental-alcohol-poisoning-blood-level-five-times-the-legal-limit

Good reads mentioned by Julie:

Drinking: A Love Story, by Caroline Knapp

Let's Take the Long Way Home: A Memoir of Friendship, by Gail Caldwell

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

SHOW NOTES

Paul Introduces Julie

Julie has been sober for 118 days. Julie is 46, she grew up in Annapolis and Germany. She has been working with the same marketing company for 20 years. Julie is on her 4th year in a relationship with a great guy who is a normal drinker. She loves to stay active and be outside.

What are you going to do differently this time?

Julie was sober for 129 days before relapsing at a wedding. Now, the next thing for her is to get to 130 days. Julie was “white-knuckling” it, doing it all on her own. This time around, the difference is that Julie is reaching out and connecting through Cafe RE, sober friends, and she is holding herself accountable.

Julie speaks on how to tell your friends, “I don’t drink,”

Talk to me about your bottom?

“I let down a friend. I had promised to help a friend at a certain time. I drank. And I passed out… Sleeping through my commitment.” Despite many other signs that somehow didn’t get Julie to quit for very long… this was the final trigger. “I’d have many incidents where I would stop for one to three days, but this last one was it.”

What were your drinking habits like?

“I was a wine drinker. When one (referring to either 'red' or 'white') would present a problem to me, I would switch. Sometimes it was ‘red’ and then it was ‘white.’ I don’t like beer or hard liquor. In High School I felt that my shyness was hurting me, so I started drinking to “loosen-up.” Come college, I’d be the one passed out on the couch. It never occurred to me that I had a problem. In my 30s, it got pretty scary. I started drinking alone. I just took the ball and ran with it.”

Did you ever try to “cut-back” and put rules in place?

Julie played games. The ‘red’ wine, ‘white’ wine game. She wouldn’t keep wine in the house, but would play games where she based her whole lifestyle around the wine shop hours. She used day/time constraints to “control” the drinking… Shockingly, it didn’t work. “I remember standing on my front porch thinking, drinking is my biggest problem ever.” Julie used to drink to calm her anxiety, but what she found was that drinking actually caused anxiety.

Walk me through the start of your sobriety.

“Whatever works for you, grab it and go with it!” Julie does not participate in AA, but sees it as a very valid way to support a sober journey. Julie uses the Cafe RE Facebook group to connect and create sober like-minded friends. Julie reads a lot of books, listens to podcasts, and connects with others.

What does your recovery portfolio look like today?

“In recovery, I have a whole lot more free time.” Julie is very connected to Cafe RE’s Facebook Group (unsearchable and private group).

Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? “I passed out in an Uber and the driver couldn’t wake me up when he got to my house so he called an ambulance.”
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “I had a couple of these… My habit was that I would take my wine to bed. I wanted to be safe, so I’d take my wine to bed… If I woke up at 6am and there was still wine left, I’d finish the bottle.”
What is your plan in sobriety moving forward? “I’m going to stick with Cafe RE, the facebook page, and continue reaching out and connecting and sharing with people.”
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Besides Cafe RE! “Drinking: A Love Story, a book by a woman who has now passed away. She wrote about her drinking story in a way that I was able to connect with.” Julie also mentions, Let’s Take the Long Way Home: A Memoir of Friendship.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Life is better sober.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give to our listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “You can do it. It is absolutely possible. You just can.” Julie recognizes that she is in early sobriety, “But, it is doable!”
What did you lose to alcohol? “I lost a lot of self respect and I lost time. I lost evenings to red wine. But, the good news is as soon as you stop, you get those back.”
What advice would you give to your younger self? “I wish I never started drinking. I was just fine the way I was, I didn’t need to fit it.”
What’s on your bucket list? “My goal is to visit 50 countries by the time I’m 50, including going to the Galapagos and on a safari.”

QUOTABLES

“That’s the thing I didn’t know about our problem, it doesn’t back dial. It just picks up right where you left off.” - Julie

“There is no better time to get sober. If today is the very best day to quit alcohol, do it.” - Paul

“You might be an alcoholic is you shop for the test online that is going to tell you that you aren’t an alcoholic.” - Julie

SOBER & NOT-SO-FORTUNATE MUSICIANS

We can learn from the past. Although some stories are not so bright, we can learn from the successes and the tragedies of others. Some of the musicians below made it and are still able to share their art and creativity with the world... Unfortunately, some were not so lucky and left this world too early.

Sober Musicians

Steven Tyler - The Aerosmith frontman maintained sobriety for 12 years when he became seriously clean in 1988. Though that streak was compromised by a relapse into prescription drug addiction in 2006, Tyler checked himself into the Betty Ford Clinic three years later and has said to be dedicated to his sobriety ever since.

Neil Young - Young finally commented publicly about his sobriety two years ago, stating that he had achieved sobriety in 2011 after decades of alcohol and drug use. According to Young, he wanted to see what his life would look like from a sober perspective and has been going strong, viewing life with a new lens for over three years now.

Eric Clapton - Clapton, who has made a career off of his work with Cream as well as his solo work, has been sober since the late 1980s. He is publicly dedicated to recovery, holding benefit concerts and acting as founder of Crossroads Centre, an addiction treatment center in Antigua.

Elton John - Elton John has been sober for over 20 years. The main source of inspiration for his own sobriety was witnessing the death of Ryan White, an Indiana teenager and poster child for HIV/AIDS. John felt that as a gay man he needed to get his life together to help those suffering from HIV. According to many different sources, John claims that getting sober has been his greatest achievement.

Ringo Starr - The drummer from The Beatles has been sober since the 80s-- a time which he has referred to as an “alcoholic haze.” Today, he exercises three times a week, practices daily meditation and is a vegetarian.

Tom Waits - Known for his booze-drenched voice and persona, Waits has been sober for over 20 years now and credits his wife Kathleen in helping him get there. The singer went to AA and though he’s happy to be in recovery now, says that it was a struggle.

Keith Urban - Keith Urban has battled with drug and alcohol addiction since the 90s and also salutes his wife, Nicole Kidman, for intervening and helping him achieve sobriety--though he also indirectly attributes her to be the cause of his relapse. After being sober for six years in 2004, Urban found himself drinking again after marrying Kidman and having to cope with time apart during her filming obligations. One day, after returning home from a shoot, Kidman staged an intervention. Urban reentered rehab in October 2006 and rededicated himself to sobriety.

Anthony Kiedis - Kiedis, the singer for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, has been sober for years after having grown up alongside an addict (his father) and later becoming one himself. Now, he’s dedicated to fitness and Men’s Fitness has listed him as having one of the best rock star abs.

Chris Martin - Coldplay’s front man openly talks about the days when he used to use, but he is now dedicated to clean and sober living. In fact the musician doesn’t even drink coffee today.

James Hetfield - The Metallica singer entered rehab in 2001 and has been sober ever since. His journey has been documented in the film Some Kind of Monster.

Moby - Moby is known for his straight-edge Christian (though he’s not really Christian) look but this musician had more passed-out drunk moments than revelations in the 90s. After fearing that he was going to lose his memory from all the drug use, he left New York a few years ago to start over in LA and began attending AA meetings.

David Bowie - Bowie spent decades off the wagon due to a heavy cocaine addiction, but finally kicked the habit sometime in his 50s. Now, at the age of 68, he is enjoying a full life in sobriety with model wife Iman.

Not so fortunate Musicians

Amy Winehouse - Honorable British musician Amy Winehouse died of an alcohol addiction in 2011. Known for her eclectic style and deep contralto vocals, Winehouse had much going for her but turned to drugs and alcohol due to stress and her sad life story. ***Tune in to RE81 for a full story on Amy Winehouse, her struggle and ultimate demise from alcohol.***

Whitney Houston - Singer Whitney Houston, cited by the Guinness World Records as the most awarded female act of all time, was repeatedly in and out of rehab. She passed away in 2012, allegedly as a result of her addiction.

Flava Flav - Rapper Flava Flav has had his license suspended as a result of DUIs at least 43 times.

Billie Holiday - Holiday suffered from alcoholism for most of her life. She died of pulmonary edema and heart failure caused by alcohol induced cirrhosis of the liver on July 17,1959. She was 44 years old.

Bon Scott - AC/DC singer Bon Scott died of alcohol poisoning combined with choking on his own vomit after night of heavy drinking on February 19, 1980. He was 33 years old.

Hank Williams (the original) - On January 1, 1953, Hank Williams died as a result of hemorrhages in his heart and neck. His chronic alcohol abuse was believed to be a factor in his death at age 29.

Jim Morrison - On July 3, 1971, Jim Morrison died of a heroin overdose after a night of heavy drinking (accounts are hazy and disputed, but we’re going to allow his inclusion). He was 27 years old.

John Bonham - On September 25 1980, Led Zeppelin drummer John Bonham died after drinking over one liter of vodka. He died choking on his own vomit. He was 32 years old.

Keith Whitley - Country musician Keith Whitley died of alcoholism on May 9, 1989. His blood alcohol level was .47 at the time of his death. Whitley was 34 years old.

Lester Young - On March 15, 1959, Jazz musician Lester Young died from heart failure after years of alcohol abuse. He was 49 years old.

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

Don’t forget to support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 80: Celebrity Alcoholics: Some Made it, Some Didn't Aug 29, 2016

Lo, with 7.5 months of sobriety, shares her story...

FYI! Alcoholism does not segregate. It is straight-up an equal, all around ass-kicker… Alcoholism does not care about your gender, race, social status, height, weight, athletic prowess, economic status or celeb status. Yep, that’s right, this mean celebrities can be alcoholics too! It’s just that you don’t ever hear about the list of celebs that fade away because their drinking habits become too much… They just literally fade away. Adios…

But, what you maybe didn’t know is the list of recovering alcoholics that run the Hollywood gamut. So here it goes, a short list of the Famous & Sober: Stephen King, Ben Affleck (rehab in 2001), Michael J. Fox, Jamie Lee Curtis, Diana Ross, Mel Gibson, Johnny Depp, Mickey Mantle, Eminem, Anthony Hopkins, and Harry Potter (became sober is 2010).

Resources mentioned in this episode:

For $12.00 per month, you can unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meetups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

RE Community Forum

info@recoveryelevator.com

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

SHOW NOTES

[ 08:40 ] Paul Introduces Lo

Lo has been sober for 7.5 months. She is originally from Northern Minnesota with a bad (but proud) habit of moving back to Bozeman, Montana time and time again. “It has been a good place to keep coming back to.” Lo is a massage therapist. She enjoys running, hiking, coffee, theatre, and is rediscovering her passion for art. “There are so many more hours in the day now that I’m practicing sobriety,” comments Lo on making time for creativity and art.

[ 10:52 ] What brought you to the decision to stop drinking?

“I surrendered enough.” It took Lo close to a year to truly decide to get an AA sponsor and stick with the plan. “The previous day I had wanted to drink so bad. The next day it returned, so I drank. It was enough, the shame, the guilt, the wanting to commit suicide the next day. It was enough. My emotional hangovers were just so heavy.”

[ 14:29 ] Did you have any ‘plans’?

“Sometimes I would wake up and feel shitty enough that I didn’t want to drink. My therapist told me to try to have only x amount of drinks per week… I usually hit the mark by Monday or Tuesday. I would tally up the drinks at the end of the week, and I just never could make it…”

[ 17:23 ] How did you do it 7.5 months ago?

“I finally got serious with the program (referring to AA). It took me several months to come to the understanding that I was an alcoholic. It was time to take the program seriously.”

[ 19:45 ] Paul refers to the idea of “breaking up with the word alcoholic.”

Check out RE #75 for more on this!

[ 21:07 ] Lo speaks about her struggles, discovering who she is and what having a higher power means to her.

“I have to learn to trust it. To let go.” Lo finds relief in this technique, knowing that she has relief from her mind and anxiety.

[ 25:39 ] What does your recovery portfolio look like today? Walk me through a day in recovery with Lo.

Lo gets out for a morning run a couple times a week, drinks coffee, meditates, and tries to stay conscious of being connected to her higher power. Lo also stays in contact with people from the program (AA), texting, calling and just connecting.

[ 31:48 ] Lo talks about the ‘Pink Cloud’ that has not shown up yet.

[ 29:00 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? “Last summer when I drank TOO much. I wasn’t planning on drinking that evening and then had a suicide attempt.”
What is your favorite Flow Riders song? “That’s a great band!” Paul is also a comedian...
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “The same night that I had the suicide attempt. My actions were just going down a road that I wasn’t even thinking about.”
What is your plan moving forward? “Keeping up with my friendships, connecting, going to meetings and listening to RE.”
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? “AA Program and the Podcast (RE).”
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “The goal is not to feel better about life, but to stay sober.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give to our listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “It’s worth all the hard work and it will pay off. Don’t quit before the miracle happens.”

QUOTABLES

“Adios alcohol, welcome back hobbies and passions.” - Paul

“If you’re concerned enough about your drinking and you’re at an AA meeting (you’re probably an alcoholic)” - Lo

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

Don’t forget to support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 79: Alcohol and Relaxing | What Really Happens Aug 22, 2016

Randy, with 124 days of sobriety, shares how he did it.

Ponder this. We have been conditioned to think that alcohol is relaxing. Now, cue the visions of a Corona commercial; a couple on the beach, kicking back beer after beer… In fact this notion of “relaxation” has the exact opposite effect on our bodies. Alcohol actually slows down your brain’s function, affecting two neurotransmitters, Glutamate and GABA. Glutamate is an excitatory neurotransmitter that is released by nerve cells in the brain. It is responsible for sending signals between nerve cells, and under normal conditions it plays an important role in learning and memory. When we consume alcohol, Glutamate production slows W-A-Y down, completely bogging down your brain’s neuro-highways. GABA, is an inhibitory neurotransmitter that reduces energy and slows down brain activity. Alcohol increases GABA productions…. Folks, that is just not a good thing. This process starts instantly after just one drink… And stays with you long after you stop drinking…

Resources mentioned in this episode:

For $12.00 per month, you receive unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meetups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.
RE on Facebook
RE on Instagram

Jason Vale’s book : Kick the Drink...Easily!

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link: www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/

SHOW NOTES

[ 07:34 ] Paul Introduces Randy

Randy has been sober for 124 days (using the sobriety tracker). “It feels great, every day is a new experience.” Randy is from the East Coast (grew up in RI) and made his way around the world in the Air Force. Randy found his career through the military. Randy now works in aviation with the FAA in Guam, U.S.A. Randy is a hardcore cyclist, with a renewed passion for pedaling.

[ 11:29 ] What was your elevator like? What was your bottom?

“I’d been a lifelong drinker and never thought that I would have a problem, I thought drinking to some degree was healthy…” Randy made all kinds of "plans"… a 30-day sober binge, operating in moderation, writing, using apps, etc… “IT DID NOT WORK!”… “I have that switch, once you turn it on, it doesn’t really turn itself off…”

In preparation for his daughter’s baby shower, Randy noticed that he went through a 6-pack within an hour… He quickly opened up the next 6-pack and shortly thereafter found himself drinking a bottle of wine… “The next morning I’m completely useless, I wasn’t there, I wasn’t available…” The shower happened and the next day I thought to myself, ”I don’t want to do this anymore, that continuous vicious cycle.”

[ 26:30 ] Randy speaks about his clarity and peace of mind being sober.

[ 26:59 ] What does your recovery portfolio look like today? Walk me through a day in the life of Randy.

“It’s staying engaged with the process and the journey of sobriety. I think about alcohol multiple times throughout the day, and then I just have to let it go…” “Yeah, yeah, there’s the beer (commenting on the coolers full of beer @ Kmart),” says Randy. "Just noticing these thoughts and letting them go, constantly reminding myself why I’m doing this. Cafe RE is the strongest network that I have. I’ve been to one meeting (AA), and it was a candlelight vigil. I just haven’t found myself showing up at meetings, just not yet anyways.”

[ 36:02 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? “The day that I ran my own sailboat on the ground. I haven’t shared this with too many people, I nearly lost my boat that day and it was absolutely alcohol related. I was boating under the influence and couldn’t execute all of the steps necessary to avoid the reef.”
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “Oh many! The sailboat ride where I had my hand in the cooler for 8 hours was one for sure…”
What is your plan moving forward? “More of the same. Reminding myself of all of the positive things that have come from leaving alcohol behind. And, living my life! Just knowing that I don’t have to have a drink to experience things.”
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Listening to yourself. If it doesn’t feel right to you, then it probably isn’t okay.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give to our listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Just to be honest with yourself. If you wake up with that heavy feeling like you’ve gotta take action, do it. Don’t beat yourself up, listen to yourself and take it one day at a time.”
What brand of boat shoes would you recommend? “If you’ve got a boat, you don’t need shoes… unless you’ve got a staff…” You've got listen to really get it!

QUOTABLES

“Enough is enough. I was tired of waking up with that dull, heavy feeling in the mornings.” - Randy

“I’ve got to take this one day at a time.” - Randy

“If you’re a real boater, you don’t need shoes.” - Paul

“Maintain a clean deck.” - Randy

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”

Drop us a line: info@recoveryelevator.com

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 78: What I've learned about the Stigma Surrounding Alcohol Aug 15, 2016

Annie has been sober for 2 years. She never thought twice about her drinking because she didn’t know enough about it. Annie started journaling about her drinking habits as an exploration in March of 2013 which enabled her to stop drinking in December of 2013. Annie is from Colorado and works in marketing. She is married with children and loves the outdoors (hiking, skiing).

[ 02:08 ] When did your Elevator hit its bottom? When did you finally decide to stop drinking?

Annie was living in London when her Elevator hit bottom the first time. Annie and her family were going to the London Eye (an amusement park) and she had decided it was a good idea to bring in two large beers, packed in her purse, to sip on. “I dropped my purse and the beers exploded, spraying beer all over my children and my parents.” "I had a 'What the fuck has happened, what am I doing?' moment right then.” On another trip, Annie was traveling all over the world for work, she comments, “You’d take off on the airplane and get drunk, and then I’d justify having drinks in the lounge… I was pretty much existing on coffee and alcohol. I realized that I had to get back into regular mommy life. I just remember sitting there thinking, Whoa, what is this?'"

[ 04:27 ] Talk to me about your drinking habits?

“The plans are my worst enemy! As soon as you start to try to stop something, it becomes even more tempting. It’s like putting yourself on a diet.” Annie had all sorts of ideas/plans: no drinking until 5pm, only having 2 glasses of wine (but after two she didn’t care how many more she consumed), trying to have a sober day... “I remember finding an excuse every single day to drink. I was driving myself further and further into separateness and defensiveness.”

[ 06:31 ] How did you make the change (into sobriety)?

“I didn’t seek help. I just didn’t know any better. I didn’t know what I didn’t know (referring to all the resources out there). I had a different kind of 'talking-to' with myself one day in the Heathrow airport, I decided to give myself permission to write about this, to explore this in a mindful way." Dr. John Sarno’s work really inspired Annie to dive deeper into understanding her need to drink.

[ 09:59 ] What was it like?

Annie’s research took her on a journey for 8-9 months. “I was still drinking during the research, but by the time I stopped, I had made peace with it. On an emotional level, I felt free.” “It was like being sick to save my life for about a month. There were a lot of tears and a lot of laughter and joy.”

[ 13:23 ] This Naked Mind - Control Alcohol by Annie Grace

Paul lets the Cat out of the Bag (meow!) - Annie Grace wrote, “This Naked Mind - Control Alcohol”. It is a MUST read for recovery.

[ 14:40 ] What was the push back like after writing a book that wasn’t based on AA?

“I questioned the word 'alcoholic' because in my research, any organism can become addicted to something. I took issue with this because we are all built with flesh, blood, bones, and cells… We are all the same. The word 'alcoholic' is really a solace for people.”

[ 20:12 ] Annie talks about the Hedonic Threshold and the fact that alcohol is just plain addictive.

[ 25:17 ] What is the difference between the conscious and the unconscious mind?

Annie speaks wholeheartedly about protecting her unconscious mind and understanding the need to have self-compassion, self-worth and acceptance in this process.

[ 31:15 ] Annie’s Projects

This Naked Mind - Control Alcohol is available on Amazon. She is also working on a second book that focuses on the first few years of her sobriety, highlighting techniques she used to maintain a clean and naked mind and keep the garbage out. Annie is also putting together a video-based course complete with worksheets and exercises that she hopes to launch this Fall (2016).

[ 32:12 ] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? [ 32:20 ] “Not having the memories. I don’t remember moving day and moving days are supposed to be special. I lost that day.”
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? [ 32:52 ] “I had a lot of those. They were all at 3AM when I'd wake up and couldn’t remember how much I’d drank the night before.”
What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward? [ 33:10 ] “Continuously protecting my unconscious mind, continuously asking “why” and “what.”
What is your favorite resource in recovery? [ 33:33 ] “Ten minutes of watching my breath every single day.”
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? [ 34:11 ] “It’s more about living than it is about sobriety. Living alcohol free and living your life.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give to our listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? [ 34:56 ] “Right now, in this moment, FORGIVE YOURSELF. Realize that you’ve been caught in an addictive trap. The sooner you can get to a place of acceptance and love yourself through this, opens the journey to becoming sober.”

QUOTABLES

“There are so many people who are heavy drinkers, who don’t believe they are alcoholics, because we use it (the word ‘alcoholic’) as a shield to defend our addiction.” - Annie Grace

“Shame, guilt and self-loathing just don’t work. We need understanding, acceptance and love.” - Annie Grace

“Acceptance is the answer.” - Paul

“As soon as you start to try to stop something, it becomes even more tempting. It’s like putting yourself on a diet.” - Annie Grace

Resources Mentioned in this Episode

This Naked Mind - Control Alcohol

For $12.00 per month, you can unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via meetups, private-unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code Elevator.

Promo Code: Elevator

Connect with Annie - https://thisnakedmind.com/annie-grace/

Facebook

YouTube

Instagram

Dr. John Sarno’s work

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

Don’t forget to support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 77: I Would Have Missed This Aug 08, 2016

Westin, with over 3 years of sobriety shares how he did it. Some of my best memories are those of camping with my family in Southern Utah. Camping growing up used to consist of fishing, catching lizards and snakes, watching the sunrise and sunsets.

It was a simple and joyous time that I spent with my family. These are fond memories. But, somewhere along the line, my camping experiences diminished, the joy of spending time in nature was replaced with Hot Dogs, Booze and Passing Out.

Last weekend, I was camping with Ben (my partner in crime, my four-footed friend), we had called it a night and crawled into the back of my truck in the woods of Montana. Now, these are real woods, mountain lions, grizzlies, etc. Nature is not to be taken for granted around here. Suddenly, around 2am, I awoke to Ben’s perked ears and sounds of snapping branches. The sounds grew louder as whatever was roaming the woods got closer… I reached for my headlamp… And...

GOATS! Rocky Mountain Goats, a herd of them… Now, if I had been camping with Hot Dogs and Booze I would have been PASSED OUT (probably face down in a pile of biting red ants at that!) and would never have experienced this beauty, this joy. The Goats brought me out of the truck where I was then able to see the expansiveness of the sky and the stars and experience the cooling sensations of the pine trees. Nothing needed to change. I didn’t need to drink a Keystone Light or 50 of them…

I am now getting back my memories and creating new memories that are more than just a party. Memories such as this that fill me up with satisfaction, connection, and awe.

AND NOW… onto the podcast!

SHOW NOTES

Paul Introduces Westin

Westin is from Indianapolis, Indiana. He is 33, has been married for 7 years, and has an amazing little girl who is turning 4 in September. “She is the most important thing in my life alongside my sobriety.” Westin works at an addiction treatment center as a “Recovery Coach.”

How long have you been sober?

Westin has been sober for 2 years and 363 days, he is 2 days away from 3 years of sobriety! “Right now I’m in a place where I have to count days again. I’m in a weird place where I just have to count.” says Westin on his sobriety.

When did you realize it was time to quit drinking?

“My bottom was 3 years ago almost to the date. I woke up face down on my Mom’s couch, not knowing how I got there, and not knowing what happened over the past 24 hours. I was highly addicted to Klonopin and drinking on top of them. I looked up from the couch and just saw this look of utter disappointment on my Mom’s face. It was different. I had unknowingly gone through her medicine cabinet the night before, and found all sorts of pills in my pockets.”

What were your drinking habits?

“I was a blackout drinker from the age of 17. I was never trying to control it, I thought it was normal. I was proud of the amount of alcohol I could consume…” “But, I was physically addicted to it… Always struggling with anxiety and shaking. I couldn’t function without that first drink, and then the pills took over.”

What does it mean, when you’re back to counting the days?

In the early days of sobriety Westin was counting: 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, 1-year sober… Getting those next tokens, proving to himself that he could do this. “I needed the external motivation. From 2-years sober to just now I didn’t count, I didn’t need to, but now, I’m back to counting the individual days. I’ve been referencing my sobriety tracker, and just trying to get through each day. It’s not a comfortable feeling.”

The whole ‘God’ word in AA. That one word kept you from getting sober… Expand on that.

Westin discusses his “religious” philosophy and how he made AA work as an agnostic. Westin had been agnostic (without knowledge, an individual who does not claim to say whether God exists or does not exist) most of his life. AA taught Westin to own his agnosticism, his belief system. “I’m now more comfortable being honest and open with who I am, and AA taught me this. I found a way to make my beliefs, or lack thereof, work within the framework of AA.” The gift of desperation allowed Westin to take what works and leave the rest…

How did you do it? (on getting sober)

Westin went to a treatment center, Fairbanks Hospital in Indianapolis. “I looked at my wife and said, I think I need some help with this.”… “We tried to do a walk in, but like a good addict I had just finished the rest of my klonopin refill (half of the prescription), so I had to wait. I went through a 7-day long detox and then a 6-week intensive outpatient treatment.”

What emotions did you feel?

“I had anxiety through the roof. Drinking brought about terrible, terrible anxiety… But now, I didn’t have my self medicating procedures in place. I had to face it. My anxiety was peaked out for 6 months. Drinking was not an option.” “That was my first time going into treatment, I had been looking for a solution, and I just kept doing all the things that were recommended to me. I still struggle with social anxiety. I still can’t attend a basketball game or a big social event…”

What is your recovery portfolio like today?

“My recovery is inspired by my work, surrounded by people who are on this same journey. I don’t want to be that guy who is physically in shambles and I get to see that every day. I attend a minimum of 2-3 meetings a week. If I’m struggling, I hit the meetings hard.” Westin takes a holistic approach that includes: AA and the 12 steps, eating better, daily physical exercise, and alone time…

Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? “Waking up with the shakes, just yelling out in pain with the convulsion I was feeling in my body.”
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “In retrospect, yes. I was drinking at my Mom’s house, everyone else had gone to bed and I’m up taking shots by myself… She comes downstairs and gives me that look like, “What is wrong with you?!” I was past the point of control.”
What is your plan moving forward? “Continue moving forward one day at a time, continue being teachable, and sharing my experiences with others.”
What’s your favorite resource in recovery? “Meetings are really, really important along with interactions with recovery podcasts - Recovered Podcast & Beyond Belief - and the recovery community.”
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Take what works and leave the rest.”
What parting piece of guidance can you give to our listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “If I can find a way to make this work, then literally anybody can. Anybody can find a way to make it for them.”

QUOTABLES

“I need to get plugged-in, connected back to my recovery network.” - Paul (on being in a recovery rut)

“Take what works, and leave the rest.” - Westin

You might be an alcoholic if…

“You continue to drink once everybody else has been asleep for hours.”

“If you are still thirsty at 2am in the morning.”

Resources Mentioned in this Episode

Cafe RE Meetup in Chicago Oct. 14-16 - If you’d like to join us, head over to Cafe RE!
For $12.00 per month, you can unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via meetups, private-unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
First month FREE with Promo Code Elevator.

Promo Code: Elevator

Recovered Podcast

Beyond Belief Podcast

Fairbanks Hospital

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”

Don’t forget to support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 76: The Conscious and Unconscious Mind Aug 01, 2016

Simon, with 15 years of sobriety, shares how he did. Three years ago, Simon started the Hope Rehab Center in Thailand and has been helping people change transform their lives.

The Conscious and the unconscious mind. I recently read the book "This Naked Mind - Control Alcohol" by Annie Grace and the chapter covering the how the brain worked was fascinating.

Conscious: Aware of something, knowing that something exists or is happening.

Unconscious: The part of the mind a person is not aware of but is a powerful force in controlling behavior.

Consciousness: Being aware of something within oneself. The upper level of mental life that a person is aware of as contrasted with unconscious process.

Warning: This may blow your mind...

The unconscious mind is responsible for desires
Studies show, we have two separate thinking systems. The conscious mind, and the unconscious mind
When we want something to change in our life, we usually make a conscious decision. However, drinking is no longer a conscious decision.
The unconscious mind doesn’t get the memo
Unconscious learning happens automatically and unintentionally
We are conditioned to think drinking enhances our lives and makes us happy
This is why when we want to drink less, our unconscious mind tells us to drink more. Insert major dilemma here.
We have been conditioned to believe in alcohol. To believe that me and some random captain would make it happen.
The unconscious mind is not logical. It’s comprised of feelings, observations. It’s the source of love, jealousy, fear, kindness and sadness.
When a person makes a decision to quit drinking alcohol, their unconscious mind is never in on that conversation. Gary, pull up a chair.
Studies dating back to the 1970’s indicate our unconscious mind makes 1/3 of a second fast than our conscious mind.
The unconscious mind controls the emotions. When someone tells yourself to stop having a bad day, that never works. But over time, this positive reinforcement can work.
Liminal thinking, which we will get to in later podcast episodes, is how will cover how to converse with the unconscious mind.
The unconscious mind is formed by beliefs, conclusions, assumptions, experiences and observations. Often time, it is far separated from reality which is where the conscious mind lives.
Our culture of drinking makes everything better has been ingrained into our unconscious mind without us ever knowing. One easy way to challenge this, which we often never do, is look for external validity. For example, the bud light makes you a better beach volleyball player. Go to a beach and try to find a real life example if this. It won’t happen.
We let the unconscious mind determine our thinking because we like certainty. In the conscious mind, there is so much unknown and that is always scary. The unconscious mind is a bubble of safety where we feel comfortable.
Why did I find it so hard to quit drinking? Well, I knew I wouldn’t have a good time at a social event sober, I knew I wasn’t funny, I knew I wouldn’t be able to chat with girls. I never stood a chance at quitting drinking unless a pain point was strong enough, aka, the bottom.
We can address this by bringing unconscious experiences, observations, assumptions and conclusions, into conscious thought. We do this through knowledge.
Before we drank alcohol, we were happy joyous and free, we didn’t miss it.
The Author Terry Pratchett says, we need to be able to at any time, accept that fact that we all could be absolute and utterly wrong.

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RE 75: I'm Breaking Up With The Word Alcoholic Jul 25, 2016

Paul, with 18.5 months of sobriety, shares how he did it. That's right, I'm breaking up with the word alcoholic and opting for a simpler less defining answer of I don't drink.

I got the idea for this podcast after reading the following article and I hope you like the show notes. As you can probably tell, I've had some recent help with show notes since mine leave much to still be desired.

COUNT ME OUT OF “RECOVERY NATION” - NEGATIVE SELF-IDENTITY IS THE CRUELEST STIGMA

(Stanton Peele: July 7th, 2016)

The labels “alcoholic”, “addicts”, and “in recovery” dehumanizes people, both for the person

themselves and their children.

-Influence contributor, Meghan Ralston, wrote in her article (I'm Breaking Up With the Word

Addict),

Agree - “Even in a chaotic stage of drug use, we are not “other.” We are women, we are someone's daughter, we continue to laugh, we continue to like jazz and cheeseburgers and comfy pajamas. We cry, we get so lonely, we hate sitting in traffic. Addiction can be wretched, no question, but we do not ever stop being human beings, even during the times in our lives when we are dependent on drugs.”

Disagree - “For many people, myself included, the word “addict” is incredibly harmful and offensive. You do not have my permission to call me an addict. You can of course refer to yourself as an addict, if you wish.”[1]

Don't refer to yourself as an “addict.”

-It's depressing

-No one should highlight/define themselves by their worst trait or period in

their life.

These concepts arose in conversation between Dr. Peele and Talk Recovery Radio:

“Dr. Stanton Peele was today’s thought provoking live guest on Talk Recovery.… our show is meant to be a platform where all pathways to recovery are welcomed to be discussed… But today, that almost didn’t happen. There was an 'us and them' feel to the show… Why do people feel the word addict is stigmatizing?”[2]

-Peele explains that the host seemed to feel that he was part of a movement

that set people recovering apart from everyone else.

-Culture seems to encourage this separation.

-public policies

-celebrities' confessionals

-treatment circles

-recovery high schools

-etc.

-Show host ironically wonders why there's a stigma towards addicts while he himself labels

himself as one.

Peele refuses to label himself by marching with Recovery Nation, a group that lets themselves be lead

by their labels.

-”Thinking of yourself as an alcoholic causes you to behave the way you think alcoholics

behave.”

-To quote Peele and Ilse Thompson,

“You are not your addiction; you are a valuable human being whose qualities endure and exceed your addiction. … It’s impossible to expect a person to achieve wellness by focusing on his or her faults and mistakes. Perhaps this is why conventional recovery asserts that people must remain 'in recovery' forever and continue to identify themselves as addicts, no matter how long they are sober.”[3]

-Today people seem to expect labeling. Peele states,

“Imagine a child with a learning difficulty looking at you and saying, 'I am retarded,' or 'I am stupid.' We would cry and hug them and tell them that wasn’t true!”

-Peele goes on to pose the question of why it is that people always discourage each other from

identifying themselves by their problems or illnesses, except when it comes to addiction.

-While debating former head of treatment at Hazelden, Peele asked how he short-circuited his family

heritage.

-While the clinician had a cynically humorous answer, Peele gave his answer for the man to the

radio show hosts. The method to preventing his children from taking on addictive traits was to

raise them in emotionally and financially stable home, encourage them, provide for them, and

allow them to be who they want to be.

-What doesn't help children, is to burden them with the “destiny” that they would most likely be

an alcoholic.

-The “tough love” approach often comes in too late, Peele says.

-Before a child can misbehave during drug use, you ought to instill him with morals of

responsibility to themselves and others.

-Peele is reframing addiction in an opposite direction from the “disease” mindset. He puts it like this:

“Addiction is not a consequence of taking drugs and drinking. Rather, it arises from the way in which these and other compelling activities fit into people’s lives and meanings.”

-To end the interview, Peele asked how the show host quit smoking cigarettes.

-His response was that his recovery program didn't allow it, but also that it didn't allow him to

call himself a cigarette addict. Rather, they insisted on the generic term addict.

-He then was able to quit smoking (one of the hardest substance addictions) without patches.

This was because it didn't address smoking, or label them as cigarette smokers.

FOR COPYRIGHT PURPOSES

All content read here has been cited appropriately. The content is based majorly from the article written by Doctor Stanton Peele: Count Me Out of “Recovery Nation” - Negative Self-Identity Is the Cruelest Stigma of All. For original sources, please consult the bibliography located below.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Peele, Stanton Dr. “Count Me Out of 'Recovery Nation': Negative Self-Identity Is the Cruelest Stigma of All.” The Influence (blog), July 7, 2016. Accessed July 14, 2016.http://theinfluence.org/count-me-out-of-recovery-nation-negative-self-identity-is-the-cruelest-stigma-of-all/.

Peele, Stanton. Recover! An Empowering Program to Help You Stop Thinking Like an Addict and Reclaim Your Life. Boston, MA: Da Capo Press, 2015.

Talk Recovery. “Interview with Doctor Stanton Peele (Facebook Post).” World Addiction Treatment Expert Dr. Stanton Peele | Last Door(blog), June 30, 2016. Accessed July 14, 2016.https://www.lastdoor.org/world-addiction-treatment-expert-dr-stanton-peele/.

4.Ralston, Meghan. “I'm Breaking up with the Word 'addict' and i Hope You'll Do the Same.” The Huffington Post (March 25, 2014): 1. Accessed July 14, 2016.http://www.huffingtonpost.com/meghan-ralston/breaking-up-with-the-word-addict_b_5028999.html.

[1] Meghan Ralston, “I'm Breaking up with the Word 'addict' and I Hope You'll Do the Same,” The Huffington Post (March 25, 2014): 1, accessed July 14, 2016,http://www.huffingtonpost.com/meghan-ralston/breaking-up-with-the-word-addict_b_5028999.html.

[2] Talk Recovery, “Interview with Doctor Stanton Peele (Facebook Post),” World Addiction Treatment Expert Dr. Stanton Peele | Last Door (blog), June 30, 2016, accessed July 14, 2016, https://www.lastdoor.org/world-addiction-treatment-expert-dr-stanton-peele/.

[3] Stanton Peele, Recover! An Empowering Program to Help You Stop Thinking Like an Addict and Reclaim Your Life (Boston, MA: Da Capo Press, 2015).

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RE 74: 50 Ways To Stay Sober This Summer Jul 18, 2016

Ronnie, with 25 years of sobriety shares how he did it. We also discuss 50 ways to stay sober this summer.

Ronnie Marmo

Ronnie got sober a few times throughout his life, once at age 17 and again at age 20. At age 20, he found himself smoking crack on the sidewalk after 3 years of sobriety… One drink of alcohol was his gateway drug.

Ronnie’s background:

Lives in L.A. and works as an actor and director, running two theater companies. Check out 68 Theatre Company. Ronnie is 45 and married with a dear family… For more information on Ronnie and his work - ronniemarmo.com.

Take us back to age 20...

Was that your bottom?

For me, “I was out of control ever since I started drinking. I always drank and got high in the same way. I was never a social drinker, I had no interest in drinking socially.”

It went something like this - one gallon of vodka, one quart of Yukon Jack, and then I found myself waking up at a sober picnic. My sponsor asked me if I was humble enough… I said yes, and went back to rehab for the 3rd time.

What is it like being sober in your industry?

It’s like anything, many people are sober, once you start talking “our” language. Those who do drink and get high, it’s never an issue, but I tend to gravitate towards people who are sober.

Let’s talk rules: Did you ever try to put rules into place?

“I thought alcohol was a problem, but I didn’t think it was my biggest problem. I constantly negotiated with myself. Normal people don’t hide bottles. Normal people don’t wake up needing a drink.”

People have gone on retreats and think that anxiety is the issue, or depression is the issues, when underneath it is really the alcohol.

Literally, every day of my life I spent my day trying to figure out how to get more booze.

Do you remember your first intensive rehab?

“I hadn’t even seen the STEPS on the wall!”

Now, I have a healthy fear of booze.

Talk to me more about this healthy fear, I’m terrified of this stuff…

When I look at it, it’s rare that I glorify a drink. When I see booze, I get nervous. If I ever take a second to glorify it. I immediately think I could destroy my life. It happens quickly.

That thought is so fleeting, it’s not even an option.

Bill W. and Dr. Bob:

http://theatre68.com/

Playing in north Hollywood, CA

Soon to star in the movie, Back in the Day.

Walk me through a day in your sobriety:

I don’t go to as many meetings as I should, but I never miss my Wednesday home meeting.

If I do these things daily:

Give thanks

Reach out to a newcomer

Walk with love and grace

Attend a meeting

If I don’t do these things, life is just harder...

What are your thoughts on relapse:

It’s a weird disease because you have to self-diagnose it. It’s 2:30 in L.A. right now, if I had a drink right now, I’d be smoking crack by 7:30pm… Relapse doesn’t have to happen, but if it does, hopefully you can choose sobriety again quickly.

What would you say to your younger Ronnie:

“The sooner you can get past being so dependent on the drink or the drug the sooner you can get on with your life, doing what you really want to do.”

“No matter where you go or what you do, drink a lot of water and walk slow.”

What’s still on your bucketlist:

Doing what I love
Helping others
Shoot a movie in Italy for a summer...

All these items are attainable with sobriety.

Rapid Fire Round:

1.What was your worst memory from drinking?

Stealing my mother’s pocket book.

2.Did you ever have an oh-shit moment?

I had a spiritual awakening in the courtroom, asking the judge for help. The things that came out of my mouth were nothing that I had intended to say when I walked in.

3.What is your plan for sobriety moving forward?

Keep showing up and trying to be graceful, reaching out to others, and trying my best on a daily basis to stay with a formula that works. Keeping it super simple!

Favorite resources?

Meetings

Best advice you’ve ever received?

Drink a lot of water and walk slow

What parting piece of guidance can you give?

If you are thinking about it (getting sober) and it’s on your mind, there’s a really good chance that you should be doing it. Give it a really strong 90 days.

“You might be an alcoholic if…”

You might be an alcoholic if you steal from someone you love just to get a drink or a drug.

You might be an alcoholic if after 2 years of sobriety you take a drink and later you end up smoking crack.

Connect with Ronnie:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ronnie.marmo

Twitter: @Ronniemo22

50 Ways to stay sober this summer

Wear sun screen – Lots of sunscreen
La Croix Soda water. Drink lots of soda water
Enjoy time in a hot tub / spring or sauna
Beach trip: The small stream behind your neighbor’s house even has a beach
Movie Day: The Anonymous People
Scroll through your phone contacts and call someone you did wrong in the past. Don’t tell them what they did wrong, but what you did wrong
Binge watch old TV episodes: Prefably not Mad Men, they drink like fish
Yoga / Meditation
Create a new sober drink concoction. Watermelon and milk is one I stumbled upon
Do that fitness thing: Biking, swimming, whiffle ball, golf etc.
Join a Book Club that actually reads the book
Adopt-A-Pet, dog, cat, gecko
Think of the most pressing issue in your life right now… and then write down what your part of it is.
Go to a museum
Pinterest - find new recipes or a DIY project on Diypete.com
Google Mindfulness and what that really means
Buy a new car; one that you have never drank in
Learn how to shoot a bow and arrow
Find something like Jolly Ranchers to subside cravings
Build a pergola or Sauna at your house
Gauge your emotional sobriety (in the future) by purposefully removing the staples out of your stapler
Volunteer – be of service (This is a big one)
Acceptance is the answer - period
Take a look in the mirror and observe what you see. Get REal with yourself
New Hobbies- Painting / Coloring
Travel - take photos of you wearing your RE shirt
Fundraise for the Recovery Elevator trip to Peru in April 2017
Go to an outing wearing a shirt that says something like “sober as shit” so no one offers you a drink
Listen to the RE Podcast episode 52 – one of my favorites
Play a good natured joke someone
Pay for the person’s order behind you – Regardless of what line you find yourself in
Attend a 12 step meeting on the other side of town that speaks a different language
Enjoy NA Drinks such as a virgin a piña colada
Announce to the world you’re an Alcoholic via facebook and become accountable – the results will pleasantly surprise you
Read page 471 in the big blue book: daily
Once again, tell yourself acceptance is the answer
Put your forehead on a baseball bat, spin around 15 times, and give the person closest to you a hug
Google CBT - Charlie Beta Typhoid
Jump rope – I’ve never heard of a relapse while jump roping
We all know someone who should probably think about giving the bottle a rest. Invite them to Dairy Queen for their lunch specials from 11:30pm - 2pm and then take them to an AA meeting. They will most likely thank you later
Water balloon fight - freezing balloons the night before is optional
Watch the movie dodgeball with Ben Stiller, and then watch it again
Third Eye Blind – All of it - #bestbandever
Check out your local events calendar and go to an event you’re not interested in attending
Laser Tag
Take a sober road trip with another sober buddy of at least 100 miles each way. On your way, stop and say hello to me in Bozeman MT
Get flowers or a gift card for someone you absolutely cannot stand to be around
Ask yourself if you’re where you want to be in life at this very moment. If the answer is now, ask yourself if you’re willing to something about it
Sunscreen – wear Lots of sunscreen
Go get a natural high – sky diving, jump off the high dive at the local pool, go carts etc.
Don’t Drink

Let me know at info@recoveryelevator.com how many of these you tried this summer!

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RE73: The Drunken Founding Fathers Jul 11, 2016

Barb, with 15 days of sobriety, shares her journey.

I got the idea for today's podcast from an article sent to me from a dear friend that was in the Lush. Fitting publication eh?

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This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE 72: Helping Others is the Key To Getting Sober Jul 04, 2016

Ty, sober since March 2008, shares how she implements service into her life to stay sober.

I want to give a huge personal thank you to Ty for helping me with the Recovery Elevator podcast. I can't do any of this alone. Thank you Ty.

Also in this episode I interview Jesse from My Sober Roommate.

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RE71: Alcoholism and Addiction is a Disease and I Shouldn't Still be Talking About it. Jun 27, 2016

Kevin, in remission for 13 years, shares his story and why he created We Face it Together.

RE70: Kellie, at 8 months sobriety, Realized She Didn't Know Who She Was, and She Was Fine With That. Jun 20, 2016

Kellie, with 2 years of sobriety, shares how she has been successful in sobriety.

Kellie has been part of the Recovery Elevator podcast since the beginning. She was written blog posts, helped line up interviewees and helps with social media.

Don’t forget to support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!

RE69: How Many of Us Have Stayed Sober? Jun 13, 2016

Stephen, with 32 years of sobriety, explains how he's made it this far.

I often get asked if any of the interviewees on this show have relapsed and the answer is yes. Sure, some of them have relapsed, but how many. When I really got to thinking about this, my optimism wavered and when I dug deeper into the question, I realized it was more than just a few had relapsed; it was a lot.

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